Ted Traveled 5,000 miles to Film This Episode...
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Ted? Ted? Ted, where are you? Schlatt, I think I may have made a grand mistake. Schlatt, I'm over here. Ted, is that you? What the hell? Hey, hey man, how's it going? Great. Where the hell are you? Where are you? Schlatt, I'm about 30 minutes out of sight of Dublin, Ireland.

Ted, we got to record the podcast. What are you doing in Dublin? Listen, man. Somebody was like, hey, you just up and went. You just up and went. Oh, I'm Ted Nivison. I can go to Ireland when we got to record the goddamn chocolate sandwich podcast. I thought...

Maybe we had more time in between the last podcast and this podcast. I mean, we keep having those three-week periods where we don't post podcasts. I just thought... But it's never going to change if we keep doing this. It's true. It's true. And to be honest, Lad, I got no idea how I ended up here. I woke up in a field. There was a sheep. And there was a guy who walked up. He said, top of the morontia. I looked up, and it was...

A bare-ass naked jacksepticeye. Wow. I heard he did traverse those lands nakedly. Oh, he did. He's famous for... And that's something, as I'm walking around this place, it's like...

That's part of the greeting. It's like, oh, top of the morning to you, laddies. Jacksepticeye walked around when he was a grown-up naked in the fields of Ireland. And, you know, I woke up and I was like, Jacksepticeye, is that you? And I thought I was seeing a vision, an angel. And he handed me a Guinness. He handed me a Guinness and he said, come with me. I've been in Ireland for a week and I don't know how to get home, Slat. I don't know how to get home. Well.

Well, you know what? I can't help you. I have no idea. I don't know Ireland. I've never been there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I will say, if I got to see Jack Naked's... Jack... Jack Naked's... If I got to see Jack Naked's eye... If I got to see Jack Naked Eye's septic balls and dick, then honestly, I would be there too. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. I'm in fucking Ireland, baby. Yeah.

I don't know what to tell you guys at this point right now. You know, things are getting weird. We know things are strange. Slab is in Austin, and I'm in Ireland. I'm in... Why did you go there? The whole world is your oyster. You're a rich, white YouTuber. Why did you go to Ireland? Why was that the first place you decided to go? Um, well...

You know, I just heard such good things about Ireland. They were like, oh, the weather's great. It's like paradise on earth. There's barely any rain. It's never cold here. It's actually... Okay, well, the real answer is in 2021... Yeah, I'm checking the forecast right now. Yeah. 51 degrees and rain. Yeah, no, that's... I have to say that's actually pretty... That's incredibly accurate as to what the...

Yeah. That's incredibly accurate to what the current weather is in Ireland. Yeah, no. So the real answer is my mom, she's a big, you know, we're Irish. Her maiden name is Gormley. Don't ew at the fact that I'm Irish. What are you? I just know the type of people that country makes. Right.

uh-huh do you want a list i know one i know one irish person are we going back to jack naked's eye no no i don't know jack i i know of him the one irish person i know is a real nasty talking about minx i realize how right yes of course um who is yeah no she's great we love her um

Uh, but the reason that I'm in Ireland- Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey! What was that? Oh! Oh! Hey! Stop it! Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on! Come on! Come on, guys! Leave the bar fights to Ireland, please! Guys! Come on! Come on! Come on, guys! Have some respect! It's like 11 a.m. My God! We're getting started with the fighting already? Guys, what are you doing? It's 6 p.m. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop!

10. I'm so sorry. They're going to be fighting the whole time. This is like exponentially funnier because, because as you're doing this right now, there's like Irish tunes playing in this tavern right now that we're going to cut out of the episode and it's just them beating the crap out of each other. So, so the real reason slat is because, uh, in 2021, I told my mom, I was doing better on YouTube. I told my mom, Hey, if there's any place that you want to go in the world,

I'll pay for it. I'll pay for the flight, the hotels, you know, whatever, the rental car and whatnot. And it came back up in like January and she was like, oh, let's freaking do Ireland. You've never been to Ireland. I've been like a couple of times already. So I was like, sweet. I've never been to Ireland. So we just kind of sent it. We just kind of sent it. And then I'm here. I've been here like, I don't know, like five or six days now or something like that.

And it's been a brick and blast, dude. It's been a blast. And we decided that it would be a good idea to try to film an episode of the podcast while I'm here. In a bar. Ted, I think this was, I'll say it now, I think this was an excuse for you to drink while on the podcast and not seem like out of place. Yeah. But, you know, I'm drunk right now. I would have been totally fine if you wanted to do this from home. Yeah.

You're drunk at 11 a.m.? What do you... I was drunk last night. I didn't want to be hungover. Right. So you just keep going. Rumor has it that's the best way to... That's the healthiest way to... Yeah. You just maintain it.

You maintain it, you never get a hangover. It's the perfect cheat code. Yeah. Some would call it a cheat code. Others would call it the beginning of a larger problem. It's usually how they would put it. I'll tell you one thing, Slad. That problem's been brewing for years, I'll tell you. Yeah. I'll tell you one thing, is that the people have been asking for this, and by the people I mean, it was like an idea I put in our ideas chat for episodes.

We got to do, next time we're in person together, we got to do our chuckle sandwich drunk episode.

Oh, what do you think of that? Okay. I feel like now that I've been, I'm doing a podcast from here in Ireland and a fricking pub, we got to do the drunk episode at some point, but a little bit, a little bit of information about this pub that I'm in right now, because, um, originally the idea was that I was going to film this podcast from a, like a random field. I went out to outside of Dublin right now. I went to St. Catherine's like St. Catherine's park. Apparently there's like cows there, like Highland cows, the like furry ones. Um,

it just started raining so my mom and i were like let's go to this pub this is uh johnny fox's is the name of the pub it is like one of the oldest pubs in ireland that got like a has like like one of the first to get a license it was like made in like 1790. this is a pub that's been around since 1790. um holy and there's an entire and scott you can throw this up on the screen because i took a photo of it so i'll send it um

Um, there is an entire list of like other celebrities that have been to this bar, including like Muhammad Ali, the impractical jokers have been here, but I think the most, and if you look at the photo that I sent you, one of the most in the upper left-hand corner, the most significant that I think you will enjoy is the president of the communist party of China,

Xi Jinping has been to this fucking pub. Xi has been here? Xi has been here. Maybe even sitting where I'm sitting right now, enjoying a fine Guinness. Wow. Doesn't that make you feel a little special? It does. It does. And it's crazy to me that this is not something that will ever happen in America. You go to Europe, and especially the UK, I feel like that whole area, that whole island, archipelago,

everything there is so old like it feels like it feels like centuries of life have been in every single building meanwhile if you have a house here that was built before before like 1980 everyone's like dude you need to you need to fix that then it's like holy shit what the hell this thing's gotta be falling apart i'm yeah driving through ireland it's like some of these buildings i'm seeing are like

It's almost like they keep the, like, if a building falls out of, like, repair, it falls into disrepair, they just keep it there because it's become, like, so historically significant that they just, it's almost rude to get, it's, like, morally wrong to get rid of it. It's like a Minecraft world with all your buddies. Exactly. And then this guy, he just doesn't play anymore, so we just leave his house. Yes.

Yeah. It's like blown up by like creepers and shit. It's still standing. It's one of the members of the group you had a falling out with. And like, like he, he's got like a new group and like, yeah, no, I agree. I just realized you're outside. I am outside. There's just a big old tarp over it. Well, let me say actually what I was going to say first. Uh, Tucker is not here today because the schedule of Ireland's time zone does not work with Tucker's college schedule. We apologize, but we're hoping that the novelty of the fact that I'm in a random pub in Ireland is,

is enough to make you guys forgive us this time that Tucker is not here. How weird does the location have to be for it to be forgiven that Tucker is unable to make it? Yeah, people are going to be riding in the streets in the comment section because of the fact that Tucker is not here. But I forget what I was saying. This is my life on right now. The beer is doing work on you. How much have you been drinking?

This is my, I'll admit, this is my second Guinness. I just had a Guinness in beef pie. I don't know what that means. It's like, you ever had a shepherd's pie? No. Okay. It's basically like, you know what a pie is? Yeah.

No, I know what a pie is. Yeah, no, I was just making sure. You paused for way longer than I expected you to. Just don't eat pie much. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is there a disconnect? I feel like it's taken my words a lot longer to get to you because that was a perfectly normal pause to respond to pie with. It could be the fact that I'm all the way in Ireland on –

Using phone. I'm not even on like a Wi-Fi or anything. I'm on like phone data communicating with you right now. Yeah, okay. So what was I fucking saying? It's getting to you. You were saying how much you were drinking and you're talking about pie. I don't know. I had a beef and Guinness pie. It's like when you take, what do you take? You take basically a piece of steak. Beef? Yeah, beef.

And then you put it in a pie crust and then you put a bunch of gravy in there and some carrots and that's it. What about the Guinness?

Maybe they put a little bit in there or something for flavor, kind of like how they do with wine and cooking. I'm not sure. The fuck? Does it just cook out? Or maybe it's just a heavy implication that you have to be drinking Guinness with it or something. Yeah, probably. Here's the thing, too. I'm not normally a huge beer guy, but since I've been out here, every meal or every excuse, really, I have been drinking Guinness.

The Guinness. It does feel... It's like an occasion, you know? Yeah. It wouldn't feel right drinking...

fucking fireball in Ireland. You'd have to go with the Guinness. You do. And even though the liquor is way more effective at doing its job, and that's the only reason I drink alcohol, is to get completely fucked up. I was told that when I got here, it was like, oh, you gotta have the Guinness because it's unlike any Guinness that you're gonna... And the thing is, too, I'm not gonna have Guinness when I come back to the US, which is weird, but apparently the Guinness here is like... It's not really offensive in any way. It kind of is a very low-key flavor, but...

Yeah, it's good. I've been enjoying it. It's a low alcohol content, like 4.8%. Not that bad. Oh, what's the fucking point of that? Because you feel like the Irish vibes are so strong. The Irish vibes? Dude, I don't know. I can't explain it, but being here in Ireland, the Irish vibes are off the charts, man. You're practically drinking water, Ted. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Water with some foam and bubbles in it. How about that? Yeah. It takes a while, too. There's like a whole strategy to it. Like they serve it to you. And then like my mom, she was apparently like a Guinness expert or something because they served to her. And I was like about to drink. She was like, wait, hold on. And it's like I had to watch it for a bit to see like it turned from like this foamy thing to like just pitch black, like the deepest lake you've ever seen. Oh, God.

And you know, you could put anything in here and someone would not know that it was like you could poison. Guinness is probably the number one poisonable drink I've ever seen. Because like how do you change the color of something from black? You know, it's just straight up a black drink. Chuckle listeners. You heard it here first. Guinness, easily poisonable. Yeah. Put whatever you want. Yeah. You know what? Mm-hmm.

I have been driving here, Schlatt. Okay. I have been driving in Ireland. And I don't know if you know this, but they don't drive right here. Right. They drive left. They drive opposite of we do. And we showed up here and we got to the rental car place and this guy's got a thick Irish accent. And he's talking to us and he was like, what do you want? Oh, do you want the...

the this BMW situation because my mom just wanted to get a hatchback and then this guy brings up a BMW you know and you know you're a big car guy you've been talking about the EcoBoost you've been talking about the number the number 15 triple spoiler situation and so I heard BMW and I was like

well, I suppose there wouldn't be much of an issue. Let's do it. Let's roll it. And so perfect opportunity to, to tailgate everybody and, and not use your turn signal. Yeah, exactly. So I've been, I've, I've had to learn how to drive on the left side of the road in Ireland. And it has been a fucking, like a really interesting experience because you just don't realize when you try to drive on the left side of the road,

how quickly you'll actually get used to driving on the left side of the road.

Really? Yeah. I sort of was in my head being like, I'm going to have to be doing math every second that I'm in this car as I'm driving. And then I got on the roads and I realized that because they straight up take the steering wheel and put it on the other side of the car, it just becomes like natural that you're just, you're just turning normally. Um, but I have to say the roads in Ireland are so fucking thin that

that like you're playing a game of chicken anytime someone's going the opposite direction of a two-lane road because the two rain they because they haven't updated their roads since they were doing like horse-drawn carriages or running yeah um so they used roads to run that was like how they commuted this right everyone just lined up and there was traffic and traffic lights and everything um

It's they're like, I'm talking maybe the width of this frame that I'm existing in, in this camera is like how wide most of the roads in Ireland are. It's stupid. I'm assuming they're very small cars then. Yeah. Not seeing any Ford F-150s, no, no EcoBoosts, no Dodge Hellcats. What's weird is that I am seeing trucks though. I've been counting how many I've seen seven total and I've driven across most of Ireland.

um okay but they're not like you're not seeing a ford or like a ram yeah you're seeing like mishubishi trucks like pickup trucks and i'm seeing like yeah like mercedes pickup trucks and i'm like where where are these in america are they do these i'm like second guessing myself do these exist in america or you ever seen a probably not yeah that's what i'm thinking

um yeah they don't they don't do that we we keep it we keep it american when it comes to our trucks i don't even think we let them bring that bring those over overseas i'm about to start a bar we do the f-150 and we do the dodge ram and that's that's it that's the only two choices and we and we get a guy with a low voice to do all our commercials so we feel like we're we're american when we're watching them we're out of we're out of truck months

Like, what, is Mitsubishi going to have a truck month? We've got all of them already. All the slots are filled. I'm sorry. What do you want? Sorry. I'm sorry, Europe. We've got plenty. You're going to live in America and buy a Mitsubishi truck? Fucking idiot. Can you guys stop fighting? My goodness. You're being... Hey! Oh, my God. They're not even drinking Guinness. What are they doing? They're not even fucking drinking Guinness. They're not. They're not. So, Ted. Sure.

You've been in any bar fights? No, but I've been trying to start them. It's the problem is whenever I try to start a bar fight, it's like they don't get like, you have to be excessively angry with people about like, like you can't be angry about the right thing. You know, like if you're angry about something reasonable, then it's like, oh, they'll hash it out. You have to be angry about like, oh, you looked at me weird. Or like, you look like, you look like someone my grandpappy told me about

He fought in the war, something drunk, something that doesn't make a lick of sense. And I don't really understand that language yet. People are strangely nice here. Like for instance, I got the manager over here and I was like, Hey, I don't even know if I needed to show the sub counter chuckle sandwich or anything like that. Like I was like, Hey, I run this podcast called chuckle sandwich where I'm out here in Ireland. And I would thought it would be funny to do a podcast.

In this bar. And the waiter who came up, he was like, oh, my mom's walking up right now. Hey, mom. Should we have a mom reveal on Chuckle Sandwich right now? Sure. Why not? You won't be able to hear him, but come here. This is my mom. Chucklers, this is my mom. Say hello, mom. Hi. What have you enjoyed the most of this Ireland trip, mother? Um.

The Curricareed Bridge. Oh, yeah. You see that bridge on Twitter I posted, Shlatt? Scott, put that on our screen. She actually did a really good job. She did not want to go over this giant rope bridge that we went on. It's like in Northern Ireland, in the UK part of it. And we were... She was... Especially over water. Yeah. So she...

She went above and beyond and actually went over the bridge, and I was proud of her. But yeah, we've been road tripping together. It's been a cool time. All right. Say bye. Bye. Sláinte. What was I saying before, though? That rope bridge did look interesting, man. Fucking bastard mom. I'm not going to lie. I didn't think Ireland had it in it.

to have something that beautiful in the country. - So the story behind that is that like on that island, there's a spot where a bunch of salmon go to like, I don't know, fuck. Like maybe like that's where they go to breed. So what the fishermen would have to do is they'd have to bring up in the summer, they'd have to bring up that rope bridge and then they would cross that really precarious rope bridge in order to, and there was like a hut over there and shit.

It smelled like, oh my God, the bird poop there was insane though. It was like, there was, it was disgusting. It was disgusting. What was I originally saying though? Before. I hate birds just as much though. You know that they, you know that they're causing the egg prices to skyrocket? Birds? Birds.

Yeah, the avian flu. What they do is they'll, you know, like chicken factories? Oh, I know chicken factories. Yeah, millions of chickens in those little buildings. Making meat. They line them all up. They have them. Oh, yeah. They turn them into juice. They'll lay eggs sometimes.

Sometimes if a bird will... Yeah, well, sometimes a bird shits and the shit gets blown by the wind into the factory. Right. And then that shit has avian flu on it. Oh, okay. And if one chicken gets avian flu, they have to kill all of them.

What? Yeah. Did you not know this? They have to kill. It's this FDA standards. One chicken gets avian flu. This would be a great point to get Tucker here because he could give us a number on the total amount of like how off, like what number of chicken are getting killed here? I listened to a podcast. I listened to a podcast on this the other day and I was like, what? They have to kill all the chickens? Listen to this.

Since early 2022, more than 49 million birds in 46 states have either died as a result of bird flu virus or have been killed due to exposure to infected birds. 49 million. They heat it. They heat the thing up to astronomical levels and it kills all the chicken and it kills all the bacterium. Schlatt, you still there? Did you lose connection or are you just holding that pose extremely well?

Ted, you're stuck with your mouth agape. Your mouth is agape. Can you stop it? Ted, your mouth is agape? Okay, you've definitely lost connection because the skill at which it would require to hold this pose for as long as you're holding it right now would just be astronomical. It would be an insane amount of skill and composure and core strength.

Well, Chucklers, it is my duty now that Ted has departed us. Rest in peace. Everybody say rest in peace, Ted. Gone too soon. I mean, he was. He was. It is my duty to continue the podcast, and I will just by myself. So I've got two cats over there. Hey, don't be fucking jambo. Come on.

All right, I'm back. Yeah. Oh, hey, man. I think I may have run out of data to some extent or something like that. Yeah, it was a funny scenario in which you dropped. Wait, so how many chickens are dying? 49 million chickens they've killed. Oh, this is this year, Ted. That's this year. 49 million. Not a total ever. Yeah. That's so cool.

That's so cool for the chickens. I'm so happy. Can you imagine if one person in Los Angeles got COVID and then they killed everybody in Los Angeles? God, what a blessing that would be. Ted, did you lag out again? Or are you just holding up? No, I actually just froze. I paused. I actually just paused for a second there. So...

I don't know. I'm here in Ireland. What's new with you, man? What's going on? The cats. I don't know if they're play fighting or actually fighting. What does that look like?

Are they getting along? Oh, they get along. They get along just fine. After this, they'll get on the same bed and sleep together. But I don't... Have you named the new cat yet? Oh, he's got a name. He's got a name. No one's known it yet. There's no name reveal yet. You got to wait. You got to wait for the video that's going to get 10 million views. Jesus! Hey! Should I get the sprayer out? Should I get the little sprayer out? You know what? Let me separate them. I'm going to separate them. Okay. Do it.

You'll notice also, Ted, you probably noticed that I limped to the door. Yeah, what's going on with that? I smashed my foot, my broken toe, against a painting that wasn't hung up in the dark bathroom last night, and I might have rebroken it. Yeah, no, I might have rebroken it. You haven't gone to the hospital for that, have you? No.

Oh, no. For a little broken toe? Hell no. Hell no. Dude, that's some fucking... That's some fucking...

World War II generation shit where you're like, ah, it's a bit more of a pain than I need to deal with. Just give me a little ice and I'll be good. Give me a little Guinness. Give me a pint. This will all blow over or something, whatever that movie quote is. Ted, you have a list here, and one of them is sparkling water debacle. Tell me about that. Oh, I'll freaking tell you about that, Schlatt. Okay. Let me tell you about the sparkling water here, Schlatt. Okay.

Okay. Cause this is something that my mom and I were running into that. We have no idea what the fuck was going on. Okay. So we, we went into gal Galway. This is a town in Ireland. This, we happened to be there for St. Patty's day. Um, I spent most of the time in Galway actually in the hotel room, finishing incorrect history, uh,

of burgers which by the way new merch available at incorrecthistory.com baby check it out hell yeah it's good stuff i'm actually wearing some of it right now i forgot to mention it there is some pretty beautiful stuff on that shop i'd recommend it what is it what's the site what's the link for all the audio listeners out there it's it's ted.store or incorrecthistory.com

If you, they'll both, they'll both go to the same place. So you guys got to see that golden cow tied IT. That's what I'm saying. It's a beautiful shirt. Yeah. You were actually, when I showed that to you, when it was, when it was in the works, you were like a big fan of that. At some point, I want to make that into a crew neck at some point too. You had a good idea of making that into a crew. That would look really good. Can I be sent one or do I have to fucking buy one?

I'll send you I hate buying things. I love messaging brands. I love messaging. I just I just flex Hey, I got three million followers. Can I get you for free? What's the what's the brand that you least thought they would do that for you that you ended up working out? Um, it's usually it's usually like new new tech companies like I messaged and like Elgato and they'll they'll send stuff usually.

Even if I'm sponsored by someone else, which is kind of funny. Because they're trying to goose you on their side. Of course. They're schmoozing a little bit. But regarding the sparkling water, we get to Galway. We're at this hotel. It's called the Dean in Galway. If you ever want to go there, if you're listening, it was a good hotel. But the weirdest thing about it was we go to... We get dinner at this restaurant in the hotel. We're upstairs. And...

They ask me if I want sparkling or still water. And I say, oh, oh, I guess I'll have sparkling. You know, I'm feeling a little fancy. I'm feeling a little fun. And they're like, okay. And they bring it. And then I drink the water and I take a sip of it. I'm like. Just another excuse to drink more beer. And I say to myself, I'm like, well, that's strange. That tastes like still water. And I look at it and it says sparkling on it. And then I asked the lady and she's like.

Oh, that's weird. Let me get you another one. She brings it back. And it's another thing of sparkling water. It's like in a glass thing. They're sparkling. They're still look the same. And I think it's like custom from the hotel and they bring it. And I tried again. It's, it's fucking, it's,

Still water, I think. Yeah. So I just give up at that point. And we go back later on, we go back to the hotel room and I'm click, click, click, click, editing away. And I see that they have more sparkling and still water available in the hotel for us. And I'm like, Ooh, okay. Let me check this out. I grab the sparkling water, pour it. And it's still water. There's no sparkle. There's no, no bubble. There's no carbonation. No zest. So I,

I'm mentioning this issue to my mom. I'm like, I didn't, it's not a big deal, but I want to figure out what's going on. So she's like, there's a housekeeper person come by and she goes on. She's like, Hey, I think the sparkling water is like kind of flat. It's something. And they're like, and every time that we mentioned this as someone who worked at the hotel, they were like,

Like they were like visibly confused. Like this has never happened to them before. Like they were like, oh, it's strange. Let me, let me, let me, let me figure that out for you. Let me, let me, let me fix this sparkling water situation. Um, and so they bring in new sparkling water. And then for the, I think fourth time in a row, the sparkling water tastes exactly the same as the fucking still water. After replacing it. And so my mom and I are,

This is the only time that we've tried sparkling water in Ireland. So we don't know what the fuck is going on. So for the next several days, we like get to Northern Ireland and my mom goes to like a Tesco or something like that. And she comes and she gets like this sparkling water. It says it's sparkling water. And it's like the smallest amount of carbonation that we've ever tasted in our entire life. And now we're just confused because like,

Somebody's ripping it through the fucking highway right now. Mitsubishi truck. Who knew? Yeah. And so I just have a message for Ireland right now because I'm like tired, you know? Yeah. I'm tired of this cat and mouse game that I've been playing with your country this whole fucking week where I'm trying to figure out if you guys even have or own any form of sparkling water whatsoever because I haven't seen a goddamn link of evidence of it. Yeah. Because...

I don't think that they know the difference. I think it's just in the name for them. Wow. Sparkling Irish water is regular water. When I say it, when I say it now, it kind of sounds like a non-issue I'm realizing. No, no. It's like when I wrote that in the, when I wrote that in the topics, it was like, I was fuming over it, man. I,

That's fantastic. No, no. This is a great thing to investigate. Why do Irish people have such small balls that they can't handle a little bubbly in their water? You ever listen to Andrew Tate? That's the most profound thing that dude's ever said. They probably choke on LaCroix. That's all I'm saying. They do. And listen, where I'm from, we do a little Topo Chico action. This shit is insane. This shit will get you going. Topo Chico's good. Topo Chico's got big bubbles.

oh big time bubbles man fuck god you give me okay i can barely handle it it's so good dude i'm i'm the i'm the one drinking drinking beers in a bar and you're the one it's like killing over right now dude i love i love spark you know what i really like my favorite sparkling water perrier the green one perrier is pretty good that's like the fancy one it is the fancy that's the fancy one well you know i'm i'm worth a lot of money

This is going to be a bit of a controversial point here, but I'm kind of a LaCroix guy. Oh, Jesus. No, what a mistake. What a mistake. I'm sorry. Well, to be fair, you are from Los Angeles, and that's probably all they got. Okay. That's probably the default water option for you fucks out there. Yeah, because of the film industry. Yeah, that's why. I'll tell you this. Because of the...

specific flavor of LaCroix which is called the key lime flavor you drink that it's like key lime pie in a seltzer it's really good no no no I bet it I know no I can't do I can't do flavored seltzer man I can't do it I need my shit to have bubbles in it and have absolutely no flavor because if it has a hint of something I'll just it's like you're being edged by the bottle of water it's

It's like they're stroking your hard cock. Like they just keep stroking it. And it's hard. And you're about to come. You're about to come. I'm going to come. I'm going to come. So close. But it never happens because you're just waiting for that sip that's like actually delicious. But it never comes. And I never come. And no one comes. Leaves you throbbing. Leaves you squirming. Yeah.

And no one comes. And no one comes. No one comes. No one comes. And frankly, it's a shame. Yeah, and that's why I drink Topo Chico and all these insane ones that really get me going. Because you don't like getting edged. I can barely handle it. This is like instant orgasm the second I drink this shit.

What sort of podcast is, are we running right now is sort of a question that's kind of mulling through my mind is, you know. Well, you're in a bar, you're in a bar in Ireland. Like it's clear you don't take this very seriously. So why should I? That's a rough question.

you know what i thought you know what i thought i'd be doing the second i go to ireland quite literally drinking on the job you ever you ever uh drive you ever like do a little fun test on the road where you drive in the right lane like a normal person and see how long you can go without uh it being dangerous i mean i suppose yeah it's one of those things where it's eventually no matter what it's gonna be dangerous right yeah see how long you can go it was like

but not dangerous from the beginning. Yeah. Here's the thing. I bet I could do some work for sure here in Ireland if I just started driving on the right side because people would start like it probably catch on where it's like, well, actually that makes a little bit more sense. Yeah. Dude, it's like, you know what it's exactly like? It's like when you play DayZ and you start running into people when you get the game for the first time, AKA you're driving on the wrong side of the road because you're Irish.

You start getting the game, you meet people and they, they turn on you and they fucking kill you. Remember that Daisy story about that kid I played with for a week. They killed me after a week of being friends. Absolute sociopathic sociopathic behavior. And that, that really taught me, Hey, I can't get close to these people. So if I can't beat them, if there's a chance that one of these people is going to turn on me and kill me, I have to become this.

- You see, exactly Ted, exactly Ted. So you, enough of those fucking Irish people. They see you driving on the right. They're like, I can't take that risk that someone's going to be on my, oncoming traffic. They'll all start moving to the right.

So it's kind of funny that you say that because that is sort of a theme in Ireland, in the driving situation where, because the roads are so thin, like you, you can, it's, if you see someone else come in the opposite direction, it just becomes a massive game of chicken where like, and when we were first driving, it was my, it was my mom was driving because I was like absolutely sleep deprived from this incorrect history video. So I couldn't, it would be unsafe for me to drive, but basically it's

When we were going on these small roads, you could tell which people were locals because they were just going. There was no sort of consideration of how close you were on the road and stuff like that. And I had a theory that it was the way that it works is that if you just send it as much as possible, eventually someone has to submit to the other and then like pull over to the side and make room for the other. Otherwise, you're getting... Because it's just like...

You're threading the needle every time you feel like your windshield is good or your, your rear view is going to get knocked off. It's ridiculous. This reminded me of a story in fucking middle school where I was, I had just gone to middle school, which is like sixth through eighth grade and,

I was a sixth grader, very small guy at this point, trying to prove that I wasn't a small fish in a big pond. Yeah. Just a little slit. I would walk through the hallway just looking straight ahead, just like standing up straight, and I would not move for anybody. And one day, one day, we were changing classes. The bell rang. I was walking to like fucking Home Ec or something.

And this girl is talking with her friends and I'm just walking straight. She has no idea I'm coming. And I absolutely fucking bodied this girl so hard that she like bounced off of me and slammed into the wall.

And then like the books are flying. Dude, she definitely dropped something. And I was like, oh, fuck. I was trying to be like, yeah, that's right, bitch. But in my head, I was like, oh, fuck. It'd be awkward now if I turned around. And so I just kept walking. You know what you should have done? You should have turned over to her and just done like a cowboy style, like a spit. Yeah.

Just right into her eye. Jesus. That would have been good. I would have been the bad boy of the middle school. That's for sure. Oh, man. The ladies would have been swooning over you. They would have been swooning. It would have been. It would have been. You do that enough, every woman wants you. That's something that everyone, every guy that's looking to be good with the ladies on Chuckle Sandwich, this is our advice to you.

just start spitting on people and they will, it's sort of like, oh, will they, won't they spit on me? You know, that's the language of love is what we've learned in our, you know, our 20 something years is start spitting on people. You'll, yeah. I mean, I don't know what else to tell you. You'll be better off for it. You'll be better off.

It is getting almost unsustainably dark in this room right now. I can't see you. I know. It's somewhat visible in the camera, but we should probably cut the podcast a little short. Well, hey, hold on. We got a whole list of stuff for you to talk about here. You're in Ireland. You're right. You got to talk about the Maccas. That's true. I will talk about the rest on the list. So here's the thing.

There's something going on. Oh, thanks, Mom. My mom's holding up a light now. She's holding up a flashlight to make this work. Wow. Wow. Appreciate that, Mom. Thanks. Here's the thing about the McDonald's in Ireland, okay? Or in the UK in general. There's something going on here where everyone in the UK apparently has... There's a big demand for, like, veggie diets or something. Ew. Because...

You say that, but we were pleasantly surprised. I mean, to a certain extent, we had just had a night in Galway. I had just finished The Incorrect History. I was ready to get fucking wasted on Guinness and have a good time. We're hitting the town. Me and Lisa Niv are going to...

fucking burn down the country of Ireland. Okay. And we run into these like random people that we don't know. And we actually randomly saw later in our road trip in Ireland and we didn't say a fucking word to them, which was kind of weird, but we're getting drunk with these people and like bar hopping with these random folks in Ireland. And, uh, we're both wasted, uh,

My mom is probably more wasted than I've ever seen her in my life. I'm sorry. It's true. It was a surprising moment for me. Like how often do you get to see your parents like go get drunk with your parents? We didn't eat. She says we didn't eat dinner. It's very true. And we ended up at a McDonald's in Galway after. And sidebar, by the way.

Don't know what it is about the fucking youth of the dudes in Ireland, but I'm seeing so many guys with this weird fucking Bowl like it's half. It's like, you know Oliver tree. Yeah. Yeah how he's how he's got like a bowl cut right here They cut that in half take a bowl cut put it halfway through your forehead That's the main style of haircut that people are going with Yeah, yeah

You're recalling, and it makes sense because it's like weird. I'm walking around, and I asked someone about it. I was like, what the hell is going on with the haircuts that everyone, and they're like, we don't know. It's like, we hope it'll go away. But anyways, they've got these things called veggie sticks, basically. We have those here. They're the little chips. Yeah. What are you talking about? No. Yeah, the little chips. I know what you're talking about, the veggie sticks. Yeah. The veggie sticks.

But in, in these were, yeah, these were breaded and fried and available at McDonald's. Oh, like they were okay. I'm doing a podcast. Um, so we go up to this place and I order the veggie sticks. I don't know what's going on. I try them. I think that there's going to be a veggie in them. No, it's like curry inside or something.

That's the opposite of vegetables. That's the opposite of vegetables. But they honestly, I don't know if it was because I was drunk or not, they banged. I'm sure they did. If you fry up curry, that sounds delicious, but it does not sound the least bit vegetable. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if they had any meat in them. I think that was sort of the thing. But with McDonald's, I mean, like how much stuff is even real? You know, how much of it is even real food in the first place? That was like.

You could be pretty much vegan with anything at McDonald's, I think. Dude, I watched the international food taste tests from Good Mythical Morning all the fucking time. You know that game where they throw shit at the dartboard trying to guess the country of the food they're eating? Yeah. My God, there's so many delicacies that I would kill to try, especially ones that are like at fast food joints just around the world that we have here, but they just lock it off to us. No, it's not for American consumption.

I'm a pretty big fan of secret menu items. I don't know if this has been made clear either. I know that. I know that. What's your number one then? What's your number one thing that you are pining to try? Well, dude, there's just like this. I can't think of any off the top of my head now that you put me on the spot like that. But you just watch some of these. You are completely dark. I can't see you one bit. She turned the light off. I don't know what she's doing. I think she's taking a video of me now.

she's a proud mom they're these they're these delicacies usually it's from like it's from like eastern asia and stuff they get the cool shit they do the experimenting with all the food and uh it's just like that looks absolutely delicious why is that only at the mcdonald's there you know or the kfc because they it's like a focus group thing i think that they probably i bet i bet they had the veggie sticks in like chicago at a mcdonald's focus group and someone was like

What the fuck even is this? But then some British guy was like, oh my, this is the best thing I've ever touched in my entire life. And they ruined it for all of us. Yeah. They took the veggie sticks away from me. Also, we went to various, um, we went to various, we went, I went to a Burger King and went to one where we were getting gas somewhere. Yeah. Both Burger King and McDonald's have these things called chili cheese bites. Oh, yeah.

It's just like mac and cheese and like some jalapeno in a battered bowl. Why don't we get that? I know. What American wouldn't want that? I know, right? That's what I'm saying. Cheddar. Cheddar. Yes, there's cheddar in them. And it's all I'm asking. That sounds fucking delicious. It was excellent. And I go up there and I ask the dude, I'm like, are these any good? And he's like trying to tell me no. He's like, oh, no, the McDonald's. He's like, oh, the McDonald's one is better.

I'm like, what are you talking about, man? I'm going to try these right now. Cause I'm not, I'm going to McDonald's again. And while I'm in Ireland, like there's a certain extent that you can go to like fast food places that you already have in the U S where it's like almost embarrassing if you're going there too much. Yeah. Like kind of like how I've gotten like fish and chips, like four or five times since I've been here. You are in Ireland though. I mean, it's nothing to be ashamed of. That's what they do best here. I appreciate you saying that. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like saying, oh, I would go to Japan, but I'd feel embarrassed eating sushi the whole time. That's what they fucking do. That's actually a pretty good point, actually. I shouldn't feel bad about that. Yeah. Because it's just as good, if not better, than what Mass has got going on. I mean, the battered is good, and I'm a big fan of... I also have to say, there's so many people rolling up to this frickin' bar right now. We showed up here, and there was five people in this bar, and now there's a line of people

coming in i'm watching well maybe i'm in right now maybe they'll do the podcast with you i don't know it is nighttime now i mean it's getting dark yeah i mean this is the time when people go into the bars yeah sidebar my recording's at 55 minutes right now it probably would be reasonable for us to wrap it up as well all right let's do it um is there anything else we is there anything else we should cover that would be good for the uh the episode

I don't know. Or anything you want to talk about? Ted, I feel like we should go on a road trip soon. You know, I feel like we should do some traveling. What do you say? I would love, I would love to. We had an idea. We had an idea about going to Vegas and doing a lot of gambling.

Should we do a Ted and Shalette's funny trip to Vegas? Where we just encourage people to gamble. Something about putting funny in their name. To gamble. We just go and we just have a week of Chuckle Sandwich episodes that are all in different casinos. They're all just, we're at a blackjack table or something. It's like, welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. We're at the Bellagio. And the next day, welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. We're at the, I don't even know. We're at the...

Whatchamacallit. I'm shrouded in darkness at this point. I was going to say, for our Choco Sandwich listeners, let us know what sort of trip you want Shalad and I to go on. Some sort of road trip. Maybe even, I don't know, you might not be game for this, but maybe we should do a road trip, you know, a little UK thing. Oh, wow. That sounds miserable. Even if we don't travel anywhere, Ted.

I think the audience might be pining. I guess Vegas is easier. They might just be pining, even if it's not Vegas, man. I mean, like, what if... For something in person, yeah. Yeah, something in person where maybe we sit down...

In person, across from each other. Maybe even with guests, perhaps. Get some guests and bang out a bunch of episodes, you know? Like, I feel like that could be cool. Yeah, maybe we even bring... Maybe we even, like, fly in Tucker, you know, to, like, L.A. And, like, maybe put him in a little, like... I don't know, like a little shack? A little cage. A little cage. Little... Like, do a little... For those of us... For those audio listeners and video watchers that haven't taken the time to watch the channel, maybe we...

You know what? Let's do a chuckle week. Maybe we do a chuckle week. Maybe we do a chuckle week starting next week. Okay. Yeah. Starting next week. We'll be here with chuckle week. All right. Well, all right. See you then. Bye. ESS is the industry leader in long duration energy storage using safe and sustainable materials.

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