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You think aliens have a visual meter? What? Shalette, what? What? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Where was that even going? That didn't make any sense. Do you think aliens have a visual meter? Like a scouter? Or like what? It didn't even... It's not only did it not make any sense, it didn't even begin to make sense. It like was... It was...
That's something like a little younger cousin at a party would come up to you like when you first show up to the party and they just say something that doesn't make any sense they come and walks up to you and he looks up and he's like do you think aliens have a visual meter and you're like what and they run away and you're like I don't know what that was. What do you mean Schlatt? Of what? Of what?
You weren't even prompted by anything. That was a genuine unique thought that you were bringing to the podcast right now. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why are you crying? Sniffling. Nobody wants to hear that in their AirPods. What is that? I got the new AirPods. I got the Gen 3 AirPods and they suck. They don't fit in my ears.
Schlatt likes to have the volume up. Does he now? What are you talking about? What is this bit? I don't get it. I don't get it. He loves having the volume real high in his headphones. You know why? It's not a bit. What are you talking about? Schlatt's a little hard of hearing. Because he's getting old. He's an old man. What is this bit?
What is this bit that I'm getting old? I'm not old. I'm hip. I wear cool jackets. What is this fucking about? What is this about, guys? Gentlemen, what are we doing? What are we doing? No, seriously. Seriously. Come on, guys. What is going on right now? You guys are ganging up on me. I don't understand. Hold on a second. Charlie, let's do a little bit of word association. Here we go. Ready? Schlatt.
Deaf. Right? Now you do one for me. Deaf. Schlatt. How about this one? Dilapidated. Don't say that. Don't. Charlie, don't you dare play into this terrible bit. Terrible bit. It's feasting on my insecurities. Don't you dare. Schlatt. Bro. Bro. Don't you? No. Dude, I...
Calls his residence, his main residence, Florida. Anywhere in Florida. That's not even true. Bingo nights. What are you saying? Old man Schlatt. Dude, Schlatt, you're losing your hearing. I think Ted is just confused. Ted, are you alright, man? Don't try to turn this around into me being a confused old man. I'm the one that I've got. That's not what this is.
This is an intervention with Schlatt, the old man, the dilapidated old man. Can a person be dilapidated? I like to think so. I don't know. You would. You would like to think that, wouldn't you? You would like if people were dilapidated. Well, yeah, because I said so. And I mean what I say.
I'm actually really scared of Schlatt as an old person. Oh my god, he would be... Especially if you keep the mutton chops. You have been aging lately, Schlatt. Really fast. What are you talking about? Why are you guys on this?
I mean, it's like life. It's like the world to you is one big bath and you can't stop pruning. Do I look noticeably older? Do I look noticeably older than I did when we started this podcast, guys? Serious question. I know I've put on some weight. Every time I get in this call, I feel like I opened a box of raisins. Every time we start the podcast, it's like,
half the time of us warming up for each episode, you're complaining about your Medicare payments. So I don't understand why you think that this is happening. Dude, I have my... I'm still on my fucking parents' plan of health insurance. I'm still on my parents' plan. I'm not even 26 yet. 26 is when you lose the health care that your parents have.
Yeah, 26. The company I own. 260. Listen, you dickhead. The company I fucking own offers health insurance, and I'm not even on it because I'm still on my parents' plan. I'm still on my mom's and daddy's health plan. Sort of a boomer thing to say, doesn't it? Yeah, seriously. Just to say that. You own something? Why?
Ownership is for the old people that we need to overthrow, Schlatt. Don't you understand? No, ownership is for cool 17-year-olds who are trying to make it big on the blockchain. Oh, well, now, dude, your numbers are going up. Your age is skyrocketing right now, bro. You are decrepit. I'm a little bit surprised. Your teeth are falling out. His teeth are falling out, and he's replacing them with NFTs of pictures of teeth.
I got that bathing. I got that bored ape yacht club with the rainbow teeth. That train wreck spot. Stop. Stop. Your skin's falling off like that rare monkey board. You know the one that has the skin falling off? Oh, you're talking about the mutant ape yacht club. We're talking about NFTs right now, folks. If you don't know about the mutant ape yacht club.
club or the board apiot clubs the mutants are kind of the mutants are kind of crazy i wouldn't buy them but board ape i mean to the moon you know they're kind of crazy they're kind of crazy i wouldn't crazy i mean like just the board apes are so much cooler i think they're going to the moon because they're oh because they're cooler and the the mutant apes are so they're gross and crazy guys
Don't spend hundreds of thousand dollars on those. The board apes, the board apes are worth it. The board apes are worth it. You know that, you know how Twitter added that spaces button on the fucking bottom? Like it's, it's a button now that is permanently there that you hit and it's in the middle of the app that you boop boop. And now you just see all the spaces.
I've accidentally hit it before and I didn't know what it did yet and I thought I went live and I turned off my phone immediately. Like as soon as I hit that button, I was so fucking scared, dude. Because it shows everyone who's in a space and when I – I see people who I follow that are – that enter in spaces and sometimes they have like these really inappropriate titles or something because people join them as bits or something like that. Like Big Booby Time 18 Plus Only and then like someone I –
Yeah, something like that. And then I... Moan space. Listen to me suck dick space. And it's got like 3,000 people watching. And then all of a sudden, like...
Fucking like it's Josh is just in one listening to this girl give head and it's like dude. What are you doing? What are you doing in there? But here's the thing can't they like transfer can't they like switch who's talking like can't they like That is the scariest shit ever to me I would never participate in this space because my entire life I like I lurk stuff right like that's how I do the internet is I just work things it's
If I was like, just if, can you imagine if you were just watching a YouTube video, like slump back in your chair, enjoying life at 3am and all of a sudden you were on the screen?
She would be like, oh, fuck, I'm talking in the cum space? It'd be even worse if there was a video function to it, too, and it activates your video, so you're just looking at your phone at 3 a.m., and it's just the lights on your face, and you're disheveled hair. And then everybody on your following list gets a notification that you're live. Oh, fuck, should I give head now? You start curling up against the wall. Yeah!
Start doing the fulcrum. People are leaving? No! Oh, no! My retention! My cock-throw rate! With the NFTs, I...
I find it interesting with the... I'm glad you got that one. Took a minute. Here's the thing. I always miss Charlie's... Charlie will do that final joke at the end there, and I will always miss it somehow. But I hear him back when I listen to the podcast. It's a chuckle sandwich fucking staple, me saying jokes under my breath.
I'll scroll through the comments and be like, oh, I liked when Charlie said that thing and Schlatt laughed at it. Yeah, Schlatt will always hear it and he'll laugh at it and I will always miss it because I'm in the last five seconds of...
I'm a little bit old. You're dilapidated, bro. You're dilapidated and that's the cold, hard truth. Put that on the blockchain. Send it off to a million different Bitcoin miners. Burn down the fucking Amazon rainforest just to make that fact known. You are old. New NFT series, Dilapidated Ted's. I own Dilapidated Ted 105 and Dilapidated Ted 302. Dilapidated Ted Club. Like just different versions of me from this angle where I'm just like,
like that. Dude, do not recycle. Kill every turtle. Burn down the rainforest. Just to get those dilapidated heads. All the fake messed up opinions of mine. Dilapidate head. Oh, that's good. Dilapidate head.
Yeah, because you're dilapidated. Oh, okay. But it's Ted. My name is the end of the word. It's a... Right. Yeah. And then all the art is just you with like a random clip art weed...
fucking joint on the end or maybe you got a funny like a little rainbow twirly hat I've got an edible nerds rope hanging out of my mouth in one of them that's a real rare one just in front of like various like post nuclear bomb buildings just like absolute rubble behind him just fucking garbage consistent theme is that there has to be just destruction yeah it's always just he's always just in the middle of rubble god NFTs though
Man, NFTs. I feel like NFTs just didn't work out the way that some artists that were going into it thought it would be because most of the NFTs that are making so much money now are literally just like trading cards that people make up. And there's some sort of general public that decides, oh, this looks... It's kind of conceptually all they've ever been, huh? I know, but you'd think that the best NFTs... I mean, you got Beeple. If you don't know who Beeple is, he's the guy who does the... He does a...
the one illustration yeah the one a day does an every day i think it's his project's called every days and he sold um the first 5 000 every days as just one big file of all of them put together for like what
There's like 67 million or some shit. Yeah, it's like $60 million. That's sort of what I imagined was like NFT world, like the true NFT world where it's like someone who is like an artist and like there's a lot of value put into that because then it kind of operates the same way as...
the real world with ridiculous amounts being assigned to like a Banksy that they pulled out of a wall in London or something. Like when they launder money in the real world, it could be like that, but virtual. Well, it's just unfortunate that the most popular ones tend to be these ugly,
fucking clip art, like five-year-old could draw this disgusting fucking monkey. It's all monkeys too. Why is it all apes? It's all apes and they all have these disgusting little modifications that are poorly drawn and honestly are not fun to look at. That and robots too.
How strange is it to say that it's their value that gives them value? You know what I mean? Because if they weren't worth anything, you wouldn't have it as your Twitter profile. Are you going to make a lazy lion your profile picture if it's not worth $100,000? No. No. It's the ugliest –
Look up Lazy Lion right now. Lazy Lion is still your profile picture. Look up Lazy Lion right now. This is the ugliest piece of shit drawings I've seen in my entire fucking life. Some of the... This is the dregs of society fucking banded together to come up with the art style for this fucking thing. Every single one of them is absolutely grotesque.
I'm looking at the lazy lines. I'm looking at the lazy lines right now. And they all just look like when like a middle schooler that's just like, just learned how to draw cartoon animals. And they watched a shit ton of boomerang Hanna-Barbera when they were growing up. And then they were like, I want to draw a lion. And then they were like, how many different combinations of lions can I, can I, can I put together? And then they'd resulted in this. This is ridiculous. Why do these are, can we put this one on the screen?
Can we put this fucking one on the screen? Don't put a lazy lion on the screen. Are you kidding me? Someone owns that, Schlatt. Someone owns that. You can't do that. Someone's going to fucking ban us off the internet for right-clicking this shit. How fucked up is it that I looked up lazy lion and got image results? That is pretty funny. Oh, shit, bro. Isn't that fucked up, dude?
Part of the reason why I think that people like these NFTs so much is how the NFT, the most popular one, OpenSea, operates is that when you click on one of these NFTs, it'll show you there's a little properties drop-down thing. And then it has like certain traits that the specific NFT has that tells you how rare it
My lazy lion smoking on that 0.12% rarity weed. Exactly. He's got his mouth out in the Ahigao pose, which only 5% do that.
Man, I hate even drawing attention to this, but now I'm on the open sea, and now I've got to see what's going on here. If you bought one of these in August of this year and then just waited until now, like on some of these like floor, quote-unquote floor lions, I bet is what they call them. Floor lions. Let's get everyone in on the ground floor, guys. Send it to your friends. Let's get them all in on the ground floor, guys. You could have bought one for like 0.11.
Ethereum. And now they're like worth like these are on sale for like one. Like you could have made like $4,000 in two months. That's more than people make. Most people make in a month in two months. $4,000. Okay, dude, I think you've stole someone's NFT. Now they're DDoSing you. Oh, am I frozen?
You're... something. Ted, you've just committed a cybercrime. Ted, would you download a car? Um, no. Oh my god!
That's what this is, dude. They warned us forever ago. This is downloading a fucking car. They warned us. In all those theaters, in all those movies, right at the beginning, they told us. They said you wouldn't. And we fucking spit in the face of God and we said we would. And now we're downloading cars. We're burning down the forest. I bet there's pictures of McLarens out there on OpenSea that people...
If you guys don't, okay, I need to kind of explain this, but if you don't know what OpenSea is, it's the marketplace where a lot of people buy NFTs. NFT stands for non-fungible token. Have no idea what the fuck that means, but that's what it stands for.
And just got, just got an NFT of a mushroom. Pretty looks pretty fungible to me. Hey, Charlie, when you making some slime story, uh, NFTs, people thought it was dude. People actually thought like, I, I, I mean, um, Grace came up to me at one point and she was like, cause it was interesting seeing what people thought slime story was before I released it. Right. Um, cause I wanted it to kind of be this cool, like world building thing, uh, first and, and sort of product second. Um,
Congrats on the launch, by the way. Thank you. Oh my God. Hey guys, uh, as well, if you're listening, um, I'm going to steal the space to plug it for a second. Go to slime story.com. I've been working these past few months, um, to basically create, uh,
What is this little slice of an imaginary world full of these little cute slimes? We've got hoodies, shirts, plushies in every order you make. Looks great. Plants a tree as well. I've partnered with a local charity here in Vermont. Pretty, pretty cool. But people thought...
that it was an animated thing. People thought it was a game and people thought it was fucking NFTs. And I just want to say that if you have somehow like watched any of my stuff so far and think that I would do NFTs, it's very, very strange to me. Slat and I did a little bit of NFTs. Yeah, we did a little brick. Oh, dude, I fuck with the bricks. I'm hella bullish on bricks, but bricks only, dude. Yeah.
bricks only. I like the, to get on the, Hey, someone's got to build the ground floor. Everyone else gets in on. Isn't that beautiful? I love the fucking bricks, the bricks for no reason. I was just like, I was just like, I'm picking one. That is such a joke. I'm just going to buy a couple of bricks and,
And I'm just in it for the culture. I'm not going to sell them or anything. It's just funny to be able to say that I own a fucking brick image. Well, that's why I was with it too, because when you sent those to me and I was like, what is this? This is pretty funny. For one day on Twitter, everyone was just freaking out about bricks. But then I looked it up also before I bought mine. And apparently that NFT project was made to make fun of other NFT projects where it's like, we're going to make 500 bricks. Is that like...
When does it become not? I don't know. I also think it's kind of funny. Spoken like someone who doesn't own a brick, dude. Get the fuck out of here. I just think it's funny that Ted looks at you posting a brick. Literally just a brick. No, no, no. It's literally just a brick, bro. It's just a brick. He says, that's a good bit. Pays $20,000. That wasn't $20,000. I did not pay $20,000. I had some extra Ethereum lying around. Oh, slap. That's a good one.
No, but I don't think I would really get involved in NFTs. It was pretty, I was having a really good time that day. I don't know if I was on crack. I don't know if I was on meth, but I was having a very good day on Twitter. You changed your profile picture to The Brick. I saw that. Yeah, on my second account. Yeah, I was doing a little bit of an NFT moment. Dude, the amount of people, though, that got into my replies after The Brick came out.
situation was ridiculous there was so many because i don't know what it is with nft people on the nft bros yeah oh my god that's how all those communities grow it's just for people on twitter just constantly spamming shit with their lazy lion profile yeah people were in my replies and they were like they were like you gotta check out this nft project this one's gonna grow real good and it's like this is the same thing as like
I mean, it's very clearly a bubble. This is just lazy lions but with dogs instead. It's the bubble of bubbles that I've ever seen. It's like everyone's NFTs are just going to go crashing down to zero and nobody's going to know. I really think that there's a time and place for blockchain shit.
Like I think Web 3 or whatever they're calling it, right? I think that will be a thing soon. The metaverse will be a thing, but it scares me. And I've had someone say to my face before, this happened not too long ago, he said, Schlatt,
In the future, no one will care about your Mercedes-Benz that you own. They will care about the Mercedes-Benz NFT you own in the metaverse. And I looked at him and I said, yes, yes, you're right. And then I got into my Mercedes and I drove away. Yeah.
And then I pulled up my picture of a Mercedes Benz and ran away at full speed. This was a conversation I had in real life with an acquaintance of mine who we probably all know. I'm not going to say who it is. I'm not going to say who it is. It has been said to me. I have had friends that I have not expected come out of the woodwork and send me. Without joking? They weren't saying that just to say that? It was like they genuinely believed what was coming out of their mouth?
I think so. I think so, man. And I just see these presentations. I'm like, did you see the Facebook thing about the metaverse and them changing their name to meta and all that? Mark's grand vision of this whole thing. And I can't help but remember that...
You remember that fucking image of like the dude with the V you know how there's a big movement that propaganda against VR about jacking yourself in with these goggles. Right. And there were all the ads pop up. Right. Yeah. I remember that that image of like the dude in a dark room on a mattress on the floor just laying in the corner slumped over and is dilapidated. Goggles are just the only light in the room.
And I'm just like, yeah, that's the world where I have my Mercedes NFT, bro. It's just it scares me immensely. And the problem is, is like, yeah, there's going to be people who are like, no, you just don't understand. You just don't understand. But then if like, how is that the market like your marketing is so bad right now? You got these fucking bullshit, lazy lions. And that's that's what's leading the charge, man.
My two cents. My two cents. I think it will be useful. I think it will be. It's not about the lazy lions, right? It's about the market. It's not about. Well, people are going to go where there's money and people get really, really excited about little tiny photos of cartoon lions, making you an incredible amount of money. Like no matter what, like, like,
There's always going to be a group of people that knows what's going on with the NFTs, and then there's going to be all those people that are the second market movers that are just trying to do their best. They're like, oh, they're looking for the next X, the next Bitcoin or whatever the fuck. So it's going to... I don't know. It's kind of like... It feels... It will genuinely be useful at some point. I think the blockchain will be a thing. I think it will be a thing, but I don't think...
I don't think lazy line NFT is going to say it's similar to the dot com bubble a little bit. I don't know. I was one when that happened. You don't even understand the dot com bubble. I think it was just everyone was making websites for anything. And then a bunch of like and then everyone was everyone was also known dot com bubble tech bubble. Internet bubble was a stock market bubble caused by excessive speculation of Internet related companies in the late 1990s.
It was during like when the internet was first coming so everyone was making like stuff so stuff like pets.com, boo.com, like a lot of they just failed and shut down. So like- Sure people did make money off selling those URLs for sure, those domains but- Monster.com. You go to monster.com, you become a monster. What?
Don't go, man. Don't go. Is that true? I'm going to monster.com. Don't go to monster.com. I'm going to monster.com. That is the most insane thing I've ever heard. You become a monster. What do you mean you become a monster? Dude, this is like Glassdoor. Yeah. This is not insane. It's a job site. Dude, don't go to beast.org. Don't go to beast.org. I want to see beast.org. Bro.
don't go to bitcoin.com bro you become a bitcoin you can do it you join the blockchain beast.org is just a for sale website and it's got a oh god don't go to hungry.com don't go to you're gonna want to eat something don't go to sleep.com you're gonna fucking pass out on the spot i fuck with the bricks though period end of statement
bricks going to the moon bricks going to the moon what about your text file though you were telling me about this like oh my text file dude did that crash on your message so here's how it happened i messaged a guy at 100 thieves not gonna name names but it was one of their guys who was tweeting big about crypto and he's like hey i was like what should i buy and he's like bro you gotta buy this textile called loot
You've got to buy this loot bag, and it's just a text file with a bunch of fake, made-up adventurer loot that you'd find in an RPG like Terraria or something. There's like seven words on it. It's a text file. It's a text file. You just open it, it's sword. Yes. Well, I mean, the thing with the blockchain is like, okay, well, if you have a game...
and you can hook up fucking loot bag to it, then you can have unique items that only you own, but it doesn't exist yet. I'm guessing you're hedging that it will exist at some point. It'll all make sense later on. Right now, it just makes no sense. I hate it. I hate it so much. So basically, Charlie, basically, I lost 30... Charlie, I...
Short term, I lost $35,000. God. Long term? Long term. I got a sword. Long term, I got the fucking adventurer boots.
With the spikes on them and a golden amulet. You paid $35 and you only got the adventurer boot? Well, I got the golden amulet too. I got the golden amulet too. You don't know what you're talking about. What does it do? Listen, you just don't know what you're talking about. It's funny because Slant shifted from saying short term, here's the large amount of money that I lost. And then long term, I gained two more NFTs. Not going to say how much money I made off of those, but... This is like...
games I would play for fun in elementary school, but they put you in crippling debt and are somehow also less rewarding. Like, I don't understand. It's like gambling, but the process of moving your money is harder and entirely online. Here's the double problem I have with it because it is gambling. I double problem. Let's go for a twofer. Alex,
Listen, I hate that people, not just people, but companies, and companies that make other things that can be good are getting in on NFTs in a way that it compromises what it is. I don't fucking care about your movie or game or whatever NFT. I want to actually enjoy something as a human being. I don't want everything to be about these investments and uniqueness, and I don't want this...
new, emergent, whatever the fuck to compromise the integrity of some medium that already exists just because you want to make money off of it. It's so goddamn insane. Slime Story NFTs are up right now, guys. Get your gloopy goblin out now. I don't know if you guys were, because we're all from the East Coast, so I don't know if you guys would get up in the morning on Thanksgiving to watch the Macy's Day Parade. Oh, fuck.
Of course. Used to all the time. I don't know if you saw this, but on the Macy's Day Parade, they announced the launch of Macy's Day Parade, Thanksgiving Day Parade, NFTs.
Yep. So those are the floats that you can only see on the computer. Yeah, it's like Macy's.com. They made the floats fungible. Yeah, if you go to Macy's.com slash NFT. It's not that fungible shit that's on the streets. Go to Macy's.com slash NFT. Oh, I'm going to show up to the next Thanksgiving Day Parade, and I'm going to show them just how fucking fungible they are. Oh, okay. So they did a free NFT giveaway, and there was like a mark. I guess it's a...
It was their floats. What overlap is there between blockchain bros and Macy's? Dude. Oh, my God. Some of these some of these NFTs are the bid for some of them is at $74,000. The most expensive one right now. Oh, my goodness. Oh, what? There's one that's there's one that's there's one where there's a bid at $310,000. Have you guys heard of the great filter?
What's the great filter, Charlie? The event that causes mankind to... I feel like this conversation is shifting me through it right now. This shit, when we just talk about it like this, is just so fucking ridiculous. I mean, this makes me feel decrepit. This makes me feel old. You're old. You're an old man. Listen. I think I'm an old man. You're dilapidated. You don't own any NFTs. I'm dilapidated.
I'm dilapidating in front of your eyes right now. Gary V is going to suplex you for not understanding the, the, the, the value of these NFTs. All right. You know what, Gary, Gary V, he knows what's going on. I mean, I guess I understand the value, but I all, they are also fucking stupid. I like, that's, that's the thing I understand. You want to make money? You want to make money? What you got to do is move to Michigan and start a peanut farm. Honestly, I just can't.
happy. The biggest opportunity you can have is to grow up poor. You want to be on the grind. If you're not waking up every day at 4 a.m. and falling asleep at 3.30 a.m. and throwing up blood every lunchtime. You see that word network? You see the word network on my whiteboard right there? Mm-hmm.
- I look into the word, I see what's inside. Two, two, two. - I don't even like to talk to people. - I look between the lines. - I see the curve of the letter. - T-W-O, two. I see things other people don't. - I want to live off the land.
I wonder how many... Because Gary Vee's a really interesting character because sometimes you'll see stuff where he'll be talking... Because I follow him on Twitter. I'll see some stuff that he says and I'm like, okay, that's a little bit motivating. I like that. I'll jazz with that. But then other times he'll be just talking to someone and just absolutely be drilling into them, just roasting them for anything that they've got going on. Gary Vee, he's a...
He owns a company called V Media. He owns a peanut farm in Michigan. He was a guy... He basically does just anything online content, like online media, that kind of stuff. He started this wine website when he was younger and it did well. And then he started this whole media company and stuff. And he does, I guess... Just random shit. Sort of like motivational speaking. He's kind of like...
He's kind of like the 21st century Jordan Belfort. Jordan Belfort. Something like that. I don't even know. But he just like talks. He has these little videos where he talks about, you know, oh, I'm doing this right. This is how you got to be an entrepreneur. Stuff.
stuff like that oh my fucking favorite category of people is goddamn business influencers yeah you just can't you just can't get any better than a business influencer there was a video out there of him saying that i i i could be misquoting him but i think he said something along the lines of like he would like cut off his leg to be 21 again or something like that
Because he talks very often about how the most valuable thing you can get is, and this is generally true. Would he still have no leg when he was 21? I don't know. I'm sorry, I know I'm focusing on the wrong part of this. You know. I'm just wondering. I got to agree with him, though. You know, I would shoot a person and to. Oh, yeah. Me too. Me too. Yes. Yes. Yeah.
But I just, Charlie, were you about to say something? Shoot a person to what, Ted? No. Or is that it? We're moving on from that. Here's a question, though. They'll take us away from Gary Vee and NFTs if you guys don't have anything else that you want to say about that topic. We're up to dark 17. There's 17 bullets in that mag. The question I was going to ask earlier going off of that sort of Gary Vee cutting off his leg thing.
was something that i forget if we've talked i've asked about this on the podcast before but it's would okay if you guys could go back to when you're like 14 but you keep your memories of your life up until now would you do it or like maybe like yes or 13 would you we've talked about this before yes i would yeah we would yeah i totally would would you fuck no
Are you kidding me? Totally would. Just buy some Bored Apes. And right here, ladies and gentlemen, we have a ball game. Play ball. Okay, let's play. Shlet, lay it down, man. Lay down your points. You buy Apple? At 14? When the iPhone has already been released and their stock is...
Well, if it's 14... I think they're going to make another one. You invent meta before Mark Zuckerberg? I trademark it. I trademark everything. He sees that. I squat on sides. I don't like that.
So I show up at the conference. I am the one who gives Mark the first bottle of Baby Ray's. I secure my life. I think that in his meta announcement, that general – I think that was a genuine attempt at continuing that meme. Yeah, it was. It was. I don't think the dude would be crazy enough to be like, no, I need Baby Ray's on the living room shelf.
conveys relatability. He's totally, it was totally like, dude, it'd be funny if we got Mark in front of the fucking baby race thing. But at the same time, it was, it was funny because the first initial reaction was that, Oh, this guy is so weird that he just has baby rays up there. We just didn't even think that he was capable of having that much of a, of a sense of humor to do that in the first place. But I, it's going off the question though.
It's a tough question for me because I'm not sure if I would want to do math again because I'm not any better at math now than I was when I was in high school, and I would have to do it all again. You wouldn't? You would literally just buy into—
These shitty... What is with the buying thing here? You buy these altcoins. You buy Solana. What? What is your criteria? Okay, so your only criteria for this is invest and make a large amount of money. Yeah, and then do whatever you want and then be unhappy and depressed your whole life. But at least you got money. So we clearly have two very different goals here is what it sounds like. No, honestly, I wouldn't do it either. I'm too lazy and I would just...
I would just be like, fuck, this sucks. I hate it. I'd be even more unhappy. Yeah. Let's reframe. I feel like I've upset Schlatt with this question a little bit. Yeah. Schlatt, maybe it's not that you'd be unhappy going through those steps again. Maybe it's because you'd be taking a step back because you're so happy about where you are now. Maybe. Whoa.
That's true. I don't know if I would make all of the because, you know, there's a lot of specific choices that were made to get us in the position that we are right now. And like opportunities. You didn't make all those knowingly.
Yeah, exactly. Like I, there were just like small, just like connections that I chose, like, and the amount that I chose to do YouTube without any sort of benefit or results for fucking seven years without anything happening. It's like, I don't know if I have the patience to do that all again, but at the same, you'd also have to remember. Yeah. You go into age 14 and you're like, fuck, I have to grind at this.
Until I'm 20-something to see every result. Or do you, because you know everything that's going to do well. True. I am Gangnam Style. Yeah. What are they going to do? Yeah, I come out with Gangnam Style. What did I even just say? Gangnam Style. Gangnam Style.
I come out of the bushes. I know what the fox says. I've got it all. What are they going to do? Yeah, that would be sort of interesting to be able to try to capitalize off of all the YouTube trends that happen, I suppose. Like you just come out of the gates. It would probably suck. Dude, if I was back in a time where Annoying Orange was popular, I would make an Annoying Orange video. Annoying Orange still gets views. He shouldn't. He shouldn't.
You shouldn't get those anymore. Heavy sigh picks up. I'm a comfort creator. Did you guys know that? According to the New York Times, yeah. Annoying Orange is my comfort creator. He's a nice distraction. I mean, years later. From all my veggies. Annoying Orange, you know, nine years later, they're still posting videos and they still get like, you know, 500, 100,000 or 500,000 views. I mean, that's...
I mean, you know? All right. I mean, come on. So I would go back. Actually, I've changed my answer. I would go back in time to when I was 14. And you would make Annoying Orange? And I would kill Annoying Orange. Oh! I would find just, you know that thing when you want to make orange juice, but you want to make it right, and you get that thing, and you put the fruit on there, and you go...
You know what I'm talking about. One of those juicers. I want to put Annoying Orange in a juicer just before he gets too annoying and absolutely kill him. You're going to put him in like a saw trap where it's like it measures his annoyingness. And then when he gets a little bit too annoying, it's just a juicer. And then directly afterwards, I want to go find Crazy Frog.
And I want to watch Crazy Frog where he filmed that first music video. I really wish I was there to see it live. In the invisible car? Yeah, I want to know how he did that. I'd like to know about that too. Bing. Yeah. Bong bong. Bing. You think aliens have a visual meter? What? Schlatt, what? What? What?
fuck was that supposed to mean? Where was that even going? That didn't make any sense. Do you think aliens have a visual meat like a scouter? Or like what? It didn't even... It's not only did it not make any sense, it didn't even begin to make sense. It was...
That's something like a little younger cousin at a party would come up to you like when you first show up to the party and they just say something that doesn't make any sense they come and he walks up to you and he looks up and he's like do you think aliens have a visual mirror and you're like what and they run away and you're like I don't know what that was What do you mean Schlatt? Of what?
You weren't even prompted by anything. Talk to us. That was a genuine, unique thought that you were bringing to the podcast right now. I can't. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why are you crying, sniffling? Nobody wants to hear that in their AirPods. Yeah.
What is that? I got the new AirPods. I got the Gen 3 AirPods and they suck. They don't fit in my ears. They suck. Weird shaped ears. Why don't you cry about it? So did the second ones. The second ones also sucked. I can't do ones with silicon tips. The first ones fit perfectly. Why did they change it? If none of the AirPods you continue to buy don't fit your ears, maybe you shouldn't be buying AirPods. Charlie, hold it. He's trying to change the subject away from his alien question, but I want to get to the bottom of this. Okay. Bro, like what if they had a meter?
It's not that hard to think about. Ted, let's just let him keep going and see where he goes. Okay, yeah, no, let's just let him speak. We'll save him if he goes off a cliff. We'll salvage him. We'll catch him. So say there's an alien invasion and these aliens are going around like jerking people off.
What if the meter showed how close you were to coming and then the aliens could... No, no, no. No, that's not what this originally was about. Yes, it was. No way was that... Yes, it was.
You changed it. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. No, no, no, no. I refuse to believe even you being who you are, there's no fucking way we're talking about something unrelated and you were going to say, what if an alien had a meter that showed how close you were to coming? No, there's no way. There's absolutely no way. That's what it was about. No, I'm sorry. Try again. Try again. Schlatt?
wrong no no you can't gaslight me into telling me that this is not what i was saying you yes you are you're gaslighting me into not into me into convincing me that this is not my original thought when i had the courage i had the courage to come out with it i didn't at first i didn't want to at first i realized maybe this isn't what i should be talking about but you got you bullied it out of me so congrats and now you're telling me that this isn't what i was talking about i
Can you lean a little closer to the camera for a second? Can you just come a little closer to the camera? Dude, why are you about to come? You're one of them. I don't know how to respond to this one. Okay, so what if the predator... Okay. No, alien. What if the alien... So we're talking about the specific slimy-looking, creepy, tenderly aliens. We're talking about the ones from the alien... Yeah. Thank you for that. What if he had a little...
And it, like a little HUD, heads up display, where he gets in there and he starts like jerking you off. And then he sees it going up. He sees it going up. Oh, it's turning orange. Almost red. Almost red. Eases off. This was not my thought. I will not lie. This was not my thought. This is not an original thought by Sean. Scott wants aliens to come to Earth and go around edging people. That is the pure thought. I'm just saying if he could, do you think he'd have the visual representation? Yeah.
Like if their goal was to, I don't know, maybe they had, maybe they could have some sort of like little device that measures like the pheromones that are getting. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying it would be pretty high tech if they were coming to, if they were coming to the fucking earth. But where did this come from? Where did the original alien come from? I don't know. Some fucking planet, bro. I know, but it's a different than you talking about aliens, having a meter for measuring how close someone is to coming.
I don't even remember what we were talking about before you brought this up. Ken, I have no idea what you're talking about. Picture this, man. Picture that you're hiding in the fucking space station where the alien is and you start hearing footsteps. Sticky footsteps? Yeah, you just hear these sloshy, sloshy footsteps. Someone is about to come. What are you going to do? Well, I mean, he's got to be... No, you're going to know if you're about to come. People don't just bust, Charlie. I mean, he had to have been jerking you off prior.
Oh, that's true. Unless he's got some Bluetooth shit that he just sends. Beep.
And then everyone just, just all over the place. My question is, can the alien, can the alien find you if you haven't yet? Like, is the alien like wandering around? Like, well, I assume, I assume he's got other shit that detects humans besides the thermometer. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just wondering if he can detect when you aren't, you like, you aren't about to come. Like no one in here is going to come. I mean, like he's got infrared and shit probably.
He can see humans! He just has that other dial. He has the cum dial, huh? He's got the fucking meter that he sees when he gets close. Well, I have a feeling if you're... And when you get close. I don't think anyone was... I don't think anyone's going to be close to cumming when they're being hunted by... Oh, you'd be surprised. Some people are into that. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, they're... Amen. Just like I'm into men.
Yep. Yeah, I could see that coming. Yeah. That tracks. Good. That's a classic. It's a classic Schlatt statement.
I hope no one watches this episode. Meter. Visual meter. Visual meter. He's got Google Glass on. Hey, Scott, can you give us each a meter? No, he's got Google Glass on. It's got the little piece of plastic on the side. Gives you a little heads-up display. Snapchat spectacle. This was why Google Glass failed.
Okay. Because they didn't have the Google Come extension. This is why they couldn't secure funding is because, you know, a CEO like Schlatt's going in there and their main focus and topic of the pitch is about the Come meter, which is like, okay. I'm a disruptor. I'm a disruptor. They just are not ready for me. I mean, there is one type of disrupting you're doing, I suppose. But other than that.
I mean, what's the business value here other than the cum meter? You're not ready. I'm like Lazy Lions. I'm just, people don't get me yet. Schlatt's cum meter collection. The alien will.
I'm going to invent something. That's all I'll say. I'm going to invent something. Don't invent the commuter. I'm going to invent something that fixes all this. I'm going to break it if you invent the commuter. This is like the same exact conversation we had about Shalat saying he's going to move the earth. He's like, I'm going to invent something. I'm going to invent something. I'm going to fix cars. They're not going to be making any of that gas anymore.
I'm going to fix cars. That's just what a mechanic does. Just an answer to what do you want to do when you grow up. Omnicron. I think Optimus Prime has still got a chance. Right? That's what I was thinking. I'm thinking that if we just send the Autobots down there.
Take care of it. Take that, South Africa. Isn't Omnicron the name of the moon in Transformers? I think it's, you know, it's got a... You know what Omnicron sounds like? I doubt that's a coincidence. Omnicron sounds like a fucking series of robot NFTs. That sounds like Omnicron number 55. Yeah, but what's the name of the... There's a Transformer that's the moon the whole time. Well, there's the Decepticons, which ends with on. No, but it's Omniv...
Oh, it's Omicron. Oh, really? Yeah, there's a transformer named Omicron. Oh, really? That's crazy. Yeah, we're all gonna get fucking attacked by a transformer. I think this is the one that's the moon. Oh. Yes. Yes, it is! It's the moon! I knew it! Throw that up on the screen. The moon's coming! Yeah! Throw that up on the screen.
Let me throw it up. This has been an interesting episode so far. What else do we want to talk about today? No. You guys are shooting down my ideas left, right, and center. I don't want to be on this podcast anymore. I don't want to talk about it anymore. You don't want to talk about it anymore. If you don't want to talk about it, then why do you bring back... Stop! Stop! Dude, I can't. You have so many demons.
You have so many demons that you need to deal with. This whole cum thing has to come from some sort of... There's something in there. Stop saying... I don't want anyone to say the word cum for the rest of this episode. I'm telling you right now, Schlatt, you know, you put someone in a room there with you that knows their stuff, they're going to hear this cum thing and they're going to be like, okay, I know how to break this down. And they'll fix you. We're going to fix Schlatt. No, I'm going to get someone to help me invent. No one's going to help you invent that, bro.
You're going to get someone to help. You're going to like send out a blast. You're going to get my email. You're going to, you're going to, you should send out a little, send out a job app in your newsletter.
Can you imagine rolling up the shark tank, putting on your fucking cum scouter, looking over at the judges, turning on and being like... And it's Jose Banks. Oh, Kevin. Mr. Wonderful. Halfway there already. He gives like a demonstration live. Barbara is just bone dry. Fucking nuts. Not even a single fucking pixel. I mean, if you get those...
Do you remember what it's like to be loved? I'm Barbara. It has a special function with a little speaker on the side that gives praise. You're doing so well, big boy. I'm Barbara, and for that reason, I am out. Goodbye. What? I think we just end the episode there.
Slatt's walking out of the room. Oh, God. Well, let us know what you'd like us to talk about on the next episode of the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. If you... Fucking don't. Last time we asked this, you guys gave us bullshit. We put in a thing on the hashtag Chuckler Nation, and we just got people that were just, like, thinking that they're funny, and they're putting in, like, oh, unlimited bacon, but no games. I mean, that's not even, you know...
What are we going to talk about that tweet? Like, what's the point of putting that in there? To piss us off? Hey, no. Here's what we'll do. Ask us genuine questions. Thank you guys for responding to our tweet. I really loved all the images you attached, so I'm going to react to them all now like you kind of wanted. On this podcast. Oh! What? No. This is the reaction that you're giving us, right? Yeah. Oh, okay. I see. I actually... You know what? Before we go, though, I actually did save... I think I bookmarked two of them that actually...
I think worked pretty well. They're just two real quick ones. Somebody asked, Suslam, at Sus underscore Lam on Twitter asked, will you eat your friend if one day they turn into your favorite meal? Like, do they still talk? What's your favorite meal, Charlie? Meatloaf. No way. Really? Have you had the meatloaf recipe from my mom?
No. Oh, I'm going to have to make it for you next time you're out here. But either way. Yeah, that would be nice. There was a Tom Scott video of when his friend got turned into a cupcake and he didn't eat him. He didn't? Why not? Because he was his friend still. No, because it's muffin time.
Would you guys do it though, Shwet? Your favorite meal? No, I wouldn't eat my buddy if he turned into it. Do you know that it's happened? Or do I look... Is it like Midas touch? Like I just look like meatloaf and I'm like... I think you have the context. It's like that's my friend and it's a meatloaf now. Oh, okay. Then no, I'm not going to eat you. That's fair. Like there's no food. It's not like I'm uncontrollable when I see meatloaf.
Well, you know, I've seen you eat before, Charlie. I mean, you... I do. I am ravenous. Okay, fine. Secondary question. This one's from Libby on Twitter. Fuck, marry, kill a vampire, a ghost, or a werewolf? Or and a werewolf. Like, fuck, marry, kill a vampire, a ghost, a werewolf. All right. Let's take it from the top here. We could do this at the end of each podcast. That'd be kind of cool.
So I... This is actually an interesting one. I would marry the vampire. Okay. Because he can't go outside, so you never have to be seen with him. Could be also a female vampire. But you still enjoy all the tax benefits and perhaps the non-prenuptial agreements that you don't sign when they die. Then I would...
Oh, fuck, you're right. They don't die. They don't die. Well, unless you accidentally, you know, open the shades up one morning. And that's a total accident. It could happen any time. It's a time to be like, ah, good morning, Vlad. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey. That's weird. I haven't even cooked it yet. Honey, is that you? It's a pile of ash. I would kill the ghost because I'd feel the least remorse doing that because it's already dead. You wouldn't feel remorse after, you would feel remorse after killing a werewolf?
I guess it's a cursed person. No, well, I mean... It's a person. That's like saying, do you feel bad when you kill a dog? Like, it's both dog and man. Oh, so we're equating werewolves to dogs now, really? That's a person, Charlie. Have some respect. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just saying, if you seem to equal it on the scale of an animal. And then you fuck the werewolf.
Because I've always been into bestiality. What the fuck? No, no, no. Do you want to try that whole thing again? No, because in the full moon, he gets all hairy. You've been spending too much time on Twitter, man. It's always been a dream of mine. Yeah? Okay.
Are you locking this in, by the way? I'm locking this in. I'd marry the vampire, I'd kill the ghost, and I'd fuck the werewolf. I think I would marry the vampire because who doesn't want to be, you know, especially if they're, you know, twilight vampires. Vampire woman carries you around from point A to point B. Really fast travel. Could go through the woods fast, speedy. That'd be great. And also sparkly skin situation. That might be ideal.
Who doesn't want to be married to someone who has sparkly skin? Come on. Fuck ghost. Okay. There's only so many opportunities to fuck a ghost and it could basically just like worst case scenario. You're fucking some sort of like sort of ectoplasm slime situation. Could be some good, could be some good, you know, lubrication. Worst case, worst case scenario.
Lucy Goosey? Worst case scenario, you're just kind of jacking off. Fair. Because it's a fucking ghost. Is it tangible? Who knows? And I'll kill the werewolf because, you know, I got a lot of silver bolts lying around.
Yeah, I mean, I guess it really depends on personality, you know, and like what they kind of want. Shut up, man. Shut up, bro. Okay, okay, okay. Listen, listen, listen. I feel like Ghost is getting the short end of the stick here because like it's a ghost. Well, no, the vampire gets the stick. Hopefully not.
Okay, I would say marry vampire, but the problem is, does it go out in daylight vampire or is it burn in daylight vampire? It's a burn in daylight vampire, of course. Okay, okay. Well, you never have to be seen with them. It's easy. I'm going to say something controversial. Okay. Well, you got to say it, though. Kill ghost. Oh. Fuck vampire. Oh, wow. Wow. Marry werewolf. Damn, that means once a month you're being... Never mind.
Actually, I don't know about this. All I'm saying is werewolf, not a fun thing to be around once a month. Yeah, but I want to be able to go out and enjoy the sun. I don't want to incinerate my fucking life. You don't have to love the vampire. It's just a thing you're burdened with. And I mean, if I'm burdened with marriage, like most marriages are, burdensome.
then I am going to take the route of least resistance. You could always enter into a... What is a ball and chain when you can turn it to ash? You could always have a polyamorous relationship of marriage with your vampire. You know, you've got this sort of immortal hubby, and then you go off and do your own thing, I suppose. I mean, the immortality aspect there is kind of a... You know, that's a bar... I don't know. All right, all right. Second try on this. Second try on this. Merry Ghost...
Fuck vampire, kill werewolf. Okay, why are you marrying a ghost? That seems fun. What about that seems fun? What does that mean? Go on fun ghost dates. No, dude. No, dude. You can be like, what's over there? And then they can go in a wall. I think you're wrong. I just think you're wrong. I think I've got the best answer. Yeah. Charlie, you've had some weird choices today. Weird choices. Sorry.
You've said some really weird, disgraceful things. Yeah, but at least you're not old and dilapidated like Schlatt. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Chuckles Sandwich Podcast. Make sure to tweet us at hashtag CharmerNation if you have any questions that you want to put on the podcast in the future.
Not dilapidated at all. Chuckle very nice. Much better than a lazy lion. This has been me. Stay lazy. And don't be lying. And Charlie for the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. Catch you next time.
