Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome back to Chuckle Sandwich. This is the fourth episode. My name is Schlatt, and I'm joined by these beautiful people. Hey, what's up? I'm Ted Nivison. Ted Nivison. Hey, what's going on? Charlie Slimesicle here. Charlie Slimesicle. Wow. We've got a great podcast today. I'm super happy that you're here. Let's start talking. What up? How are you guys doing today? It's another week. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible? Not great. Bad day. Honestly, good before this. Yes.
Yes. And we just, but we just keep going downhill further and further and further. Yeah. And frankly, it's impressive, Ted. I will agree that this, this podcast is slowly becoming the worst part of my week. Um,
and you guys are slowly becoming my worst enemies that I've ever known. Slowly? I mean, as slowly as you can imagine, I suppose. Yeah, whatever. Well, look, I already loathe both of you, but I'm here to talk, and talk I will. Boys, I am in a war on Twitter. I've heard. Yeah, I'm sure you have. There's a company...
that I will not talk about. I will not name the company less. They get more free promotion from the big guy himself. Um, they put out a tweet saying that the most liked response to the tweet would end up on a billboard in time square. Oh yeah. The,
The people love Times Square. I love Times Square. Everyone's going to see this. This is the biggest. Exactly. Times Square is the best place on the planet. I love it there. It's honestly like. It's so charming. It's like the Mecca of the West.
Right. Everybody loves going to Times Square. There's nothing bad that happens there. The people there are all fantastic and they leave you alone. Yeah, they're sweet. They're nice. Sweet. They don't say any curse words. If I'm not mistaken, if I'm not mistaken as well, there's one more thing you like. Yes. So I responded to the tweet quite quite gracefully. I said, I like men.
That's what the tweet that I replied to them with said. And I thought that was funny. How would you guys review that tweet? That's solid. Solid. I would say, you know, poetry at work. Yeah. They call me Plato, actually. I think Plato was the first person to have said that. Was Plato gay? I'm sure he was. He was Greek. Greek.
They got up to a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah. So we've got the Play-Doh of the 21st century going up against...
Corpse husband. Corpse husband. Another fellow philosopher. Yeah, yeah. The Socrates, you know? A necrophiliac at Mark. Well, well. I don't know if we can say that without catching a suit, perhaps, Ted. His username is Corpse Husband. He's the husband of a corpse. Oh, I thought the assumption with Corpse Husband is that he is the dead one. Oh.
Yeah. Yeah. It's a little confusing who's married to who and who's dead. Who is the corpse? So clearly he's got to work on his branding a little, guys. Yeah. He should take a lesson from the Chuckle Sandwich Boys. The silence was so loud when I made my joke there, too. You guys were like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Anyways, so Corpse Husband decides to reply to this tweet as well. And he says, you know, he digs through the recesses of his rotting brain to come up with the very hilarious original tweet of stream e-girls are ruining my life.
It's just self-promotion. It's just a song that he made. It's all about the money with this guy. It's not about the men, Ted, which is what it should be about. It's not even about the men with this guy. And listen, guess how many streams, Ted, guess how many streams eGirls are ruining my life has on Spotify? How many streams does it have? 100 million!
100 million. It hit 100 million streams today. There's not even that many e-girls. There's not even that many of them. This he tonight wants more. He wants to throw it in the middle of Times Square and get more people to listen to it. What a little rascal. Gross. But you know who's got something to say about this? Me. Men. Men. Men. Me and men. That's right.
This is our fight. This is our fight. Look, I got my Christmas lights still up. Guys, I mean...
I don't have much going for me. He needs something to elevate him because right now he's on a downward spiral. I'm on a downward spiral. He's gaining momentum, velocity. The physics are all there. And Corpse Husband is gaining velocity on his tweet. John is very sad. He's got all his people. He's got Mr. Beast. He's got Dream. He's got Carl Jacobs. He's got Jacksepticeye. Carl Jacobs? Pokey Mane, Sy Kuno, whatever the...
whoever else to fuck Valke Ray. It sounds like there's a couple of betrayals in there for you, man. Carl Jacobs. Carl Jacobs. Amazing.
Betrayed flat. It's a complete betrayal. And frankly, it's a shitty grilled cheese, Carl. I don't understand. And it's funny that you mention that. From what I've heard, it's not beast at all. I was actually in the DMs with Carl Jacobs the other day, and I gave him a play-by-play of when I was trying his Carl.
Carl Jacobs grilled cheese, the Carl grilled cheese as they call it. And you know, I'll be real honest with you as I wasn't honest with Carl, all right? I gave him two thumbs up, but for the viewers out there, for our audio listeners, love you to death, double thumbs down. And you know why?
Because it was cold on arrival. Just like the cold symbol that Carl Jacobs has given to our boy Jay Schlatt on this day of our Lord. I really didn't deserve it. I really didn't deserve it. You know? So it's kind of weird. Do I,
to all you men out there, is this not offensive? As a man, I'm offended. I mean, I'm a man and, you know, Schlatt likes him. I'm a man. Carl's taking corpse's side. You know, as far as I know, yeah. This is unbelievable, guys. Me too. The fact of the matter is, I've, I've, I've,
I've put in all the effort I can to try and keep this victory going. I mean, we had surpassed Corpse's tweet in likes multiple times. For a bit. After I uploaded to my clip channel, big guy just talking about it, begging for likes from anybody I could have.
It's just too much. There's currently three. Three corpse-related hashtags trending on Twitter right now. How many slat hashtags? Zero. Zero. No, dude. This is backwards.
This is as backwards as the hamburger buns on Carl's grilled cheese, dude. That's what I got to say about this. Screw that guy. Ooh, look, hashtag corpse billboard is trending. Hashtag proud of corpse and gasp. Cause you know, his song hit a hundred million fucking plays and hashtag and hashtag e-girls 100 M three of them, three different corpse hashtags. And you know what? I'm losing by tens of thousands of tweets now. And I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do anymore. It was close at one point. Well, remember what happened on Twitter a couple months ago. Corpse, I'm pretty sure, managed to beat the K-pop community in Mr. Beast's challenge. He's got some firepower behind him. He's pulling out all the stops. And honestly... Where did all these people come from, man? What does he do? I don't know what he does. What his Corpse husband does? Yeah, what does he do? He sings, man. He sings. He's got a deep voice. Here's the thing.
I'm going to put this out there because he's a musician and he's pretty popular. But I think if something as, you know, excuse us if this offends you, Schlatt, in something as trivial as a billboard competition for a random company of which we shall not be named, I think that, like, can you imagine if someone like Ariana Grande got involved in this? They would blow Corpse out of the water. Yeah.
It's true. Their fan base would absolutely obliterate Quark. I got a sudden idea on who you need to get to like your tweet. Sure. Ariana Grande. It's Ariana Grande, believe it or not. We gotta go to the Grande herself. You think Ariana Grande supports men? I think she does. We gotta stop thinking Pequeño and start thinking Grande, boys. Baba Booey. Baba Booey, dude. Baba Booey, indeed. I think that...
Ariana Grande has been looking for a while to say thank you next to Corpse. Oh! And also other songs. Would you be willing right now, Schlatt, to tweet out to Ariana Grande and say, Ariana Grande, God is a woman, but the men need this one, please.
Well, look, Ted, I would, but I have already kind of expended. I've expended all I could do at this point. It would be a platinum tweet. I already tweeted at Barack Obama saying I need a favor. And you know what he did? He ghosted me. You haven't tweeted at Ariana, though. It's just going to be sad if he keeps doing this, man. It's going to stop being a war. I can't keep broadcasting my L's. It's just going to be cool.
clawing at everything. He's going to be clawing around like a madman. You got to give the Grande a chance here, okay? No, no, I can't. I won't be able to. She's too Grande. What about Nicki Minaj? That's even bigger. She's bigger. Is that true? They call her fans the Barbs. That's what I've seen online. They're called Barbs. I don't know what it means. Like barbed wire?
I was thinking along the lines more of like Barbies, maybe. Oh, I was thinking like the wire that they put on top of fences. That like cuts you up if you climb over it. That really slices you. Slices into you. Yeah, when I was...
If I was Nicki Minaj, I'd definitely be like, yeah, I want to call my fans a bunch of razor wire. I want to call them after something to keep people out. When I get in concert, yeah, when I get in concert, they all get in formation and put their hands up and sort of like claw their hands so no one can climb over the wall. They've developed, they're like X-Men mutants and they've developed the ability when they like squeeze their butt cheeks and they can just let razor wire come out of their skin and roll around.
Dude, that's fucking terrifying. It's good imagery, though. For our audio listeners out there, we love you. Well, hey, look. Look, look.
Three corpse trends on Twitter. He's got the Jacksepticeye endorsement. He's got the MrBeast endorsement. He's got the Dream endorsement. There's nothing I can do at this point. There's nothing I can do. I'm not going to keep begging for likes from everybody I know. This is my thinking on it. This is my thinking. And, I mean, this is top secret, so let's not tell anybody this yet. But, fellas, what if I...
Crowdfund. My own poster. I was actually going to suggest you drop a single. Well, I mean, think of it this way. I'm trying to do the smallest amount of work possible, right? I'm not trying to sing. I'm not trying to get a... I don't know how much it costs to put...
Okay, well, I just did the research for you right now. Okay, well, tell me. It depends on many factors, including the particular media format you choose, billboard or street furniture, the length of the program, and the share of voice. A billboard can range from $5,000 for a one-day program to well over $50,000. I'm thinking that if you aim somewhere in the middle, maybe $25,000...
Just to get you doing like you think I could do it. I think that it's possible I think that this is a pretty good idea and let me tell you Additionally, and I'm being completely honest with you. I've never lied to you flat. You know that I know you know that would be a bang in commentary video afterwards Well, hey, this is what I'm thinking. I upload a video talking about how sad I am that corpse beat me I'm not sad. I don't give a shit
And I say, right, right, right, right. And in this video, I say, please help me fund my own billboard because I am sad. And also, I love you. That's OK. Yeah, you're in. You're right. I relaunch. I relaunch the same shirt I launch every month and make thousands of dollars on.
And I say, you know what? I'm going to take the funds from this, but only like 50% of the funds and pocket the other half. And I'm going to put it towards my own billboard. And we're going to get the recognition men deserve.
You're saying it like it's such a noble cause, too, which really I think is going to... No, at the same time, there's a hint of evil in his cadence right now. No, I'm a good guy. Ted, I've never done anything wrong in my life. Okay, yeah, now I hear it. Now I hear it, Ted, definitely. What are you guys talking about? It's kind of coming to the front. I can hear the Grinch smile that's slowly working up past his eyeballs. Yeah, it's like curling around a couple.
a couple times as well. No, I'm not smiling right now. Every word you breathe, I hear the beating of your black shriveled heart, man. I don't have a black shriveled heart. I'm not a smoker. I've never had smoke in my lungs at all. It's like a prune. It's like a raisin. It's like a throbbing. It's like there's a throbbing raisin in your throat. I can show you something throbbing right now.
Boys, please. Boys, please. Bring it together. We're all friends here. Come on, boys. Bring it together. I'm just understandably angry about this, Ted. And I mean, I think you would be too. I understand where you're coming from. Against Corpse Husband! Well, I'll be damned. Riddle me this. If we're trying to maximize the money here, then why don't you just relaunch the merch...
and then put an advertisement for that merch on the fucking billboard. Oh my God. Not really much different than what Corpse has done, actually. Okay, well, hold on. Hold on, Ted. You just launch the merch, right? Make a video promoting the merch, and then with the funds acquired from the merch, I put a big ad in Times Square for the merch. What?
You're a fucking genius. All of it. Literally everything. All of the money. It's the 3D chess play. 4D chess. Maybe even 5D chess. And then everybody in Times Square sees the ad that runs for 15 seconds four times an hour for, you know, four hours. And then I make a million dollars. I make a million dollars. And what do you do with that million dollars, Schlatt? GameStop.
That's right. The way that I'm seeing this turn out is that each new billboard you add will give you more revenue for additional billboards. We could eventually have all of Times Square just filled with flat advertising. I have no idea why no company has ever figured this out. Damn, Brian didn't realize business was just cookie clicker the shit easy.
Business sort of is cookie clicker. I mean, it kind of is cookie clicker a little bit. I mean, in one way, cookie clicker is about abusing, you know, grandmas for very low wages. And in real life, a lot of capitalism in business is about abusing grandmas for very low wages. All you got to do now is click them, man. I'm going to spend 50 cookies to buy one grandma who can make five more cookies a second.
It's so easy. It is. It's literally cookie clicker. I love that. I love that. I think that's a perfect plan, Ted. And I really, I want to thank you and also not give you any percentage of the profit I make because I'm taking the idea. Oh, that's wonderful. Because for every, every, every hundred dollars you make off of this little plan, you lose a percentage of the podcast. Huh? Yeah.
Every $100? Yeah, and you know where that percentage goes? That percentage goes to the 300 grandmas we have employed to edit this podcast. Yeah, exactly. They just sit in cubicles. Kiyo, the person who edits this podcast, is not a single person, but they are, in fact...
Hundreds of small, itty-bitty nanogrammas working in conjunction. Cookie Clicker's a... Shlatt, were you the one that I got into Cookie Clicker, or was it William Osmond I got into? It was William Osmond.
But I did play for like a couple seconds and then realized, wait, no, I don't want to do this, actually. There was a one week period of time where I just remembered Cookie Clicker. And I just started, I played it. I got into really, really, really high levels with the Cookie Clicker. And I got William Osmond into it. And we were both like, for maybe four or five days straight, we're just like,
leaving our computers on overnight. I think I remember you talking about that. I think I remember William mentioning that. Like just reverting, reverting to like fifth grade brain for like five days straight. Um,
um until and then at one point i just sort of realized myself i woke up one day and i was like no more this cannot continue i will fall into an abyss so what i ended up doing was i ended up putting in the console commands and cheating so i cheated my way into making the game no longer fun for myself what dude bullshit i think you just cheated and then you regretted it i just think you regretted it regretted what
I think that this story is a lie. No, I don't regret it. I was heavily addicted and having the time of my life, but I knew it was wrong. This is like the equivalent of saying that you're addicted to cocaine and not knowing how to stop, so you just do so much cocaine.
That's what this sounds like. That's all I need. This will be good for the month. Just do all of it. Well, here's the thing. The difference between those two. Now I'm good. The difference between just cheating at cookie clicker so you lose cookie clicker and then doing an exponentially larger amount of cocaine is that in one situation you literally die.
No. You literally have a good time, Ted. Is Schlatt coming in with just the belligerent no? As if that just completely disavows. Cheating in cookie clicker and doing a mountain of blow yield the same result, Ted. Listen, Ted! One's a cardinal sin and one's just cocaine!
I'm going to jail for my cookie clicker crimes. Yeah, you are. You are, dude. Holy shit. But that game is... Go hang out with your cookie click in there, bro. That game is ridiculous. It spans to just the highest level. There are... And it has a Patreon, too, where there are people who consistently... What? People pay every month just to... Like, I can imagine that there... I think...
Oh, you know why the reason why I got back into Cookie Clicker was? Because I saw an article of like 10 interviews from 10 people who have been playing Cookie Clicker for like five years straight. These guys are making 2K a month off Cookie Clicker. Yeah, did you look it up? Yeah.
I'm on the page right now. I mean, that's definitely enough to run the website indefinitely. I mean, that's an impressive amount of money, but think about how many cookies. I know. That's a lot. Oh, shit, man. That's a lot of grandmas. That's a lot of grandmas they could hire.
Oh, that is a lot of low-wage grandmas working. The best type. Working 14-hour shifts at a time. That's a lot of grams. And when Schlatt hears those words, low wages, high hours, he just goes, as they say in French, cha-ching-wee-wee. He throbs. Let's not use throb. Let's not bring back the throb. That's one of my most unfavorite words. What are the others? Thick.
Really? Yeah, thick. Moist is what he is. Dude, shut up. Everyone's always talking about how bad moist is. Well, I don't care about moist that much. I don't like the word thick. How's viscous? I don't care about viscous. I don't care about viscous. You don't care about viscosity? No, I just care about thick. How about this one? How about this one?
Boil. Like boiling water? When you say it like that, it sounds like a boil on my body. Yeah, I guess a lot of these are really mostly associated with the imagery they provide. So when I think of boil, I'm thinking of a literal like a cyst. Like a skin boil. Yeah, yuck. Let's move topics. I don't love yeast. Yeast is not a good one for me. So Schlatt...
In other news from your, you know, you're going on a tweet war and you're doing it right before, you know, you're making a big move. I am making a big move. You know what my big move is? I'm actually leaving. I'm actually leaving the podcast and I'm not coming back. Thank fucking God, Ted. About time, right?
So there's actually a bunch of clothing. All right, I'm out too. There's actually a bunch of clothing behind my face. And there's a reason that it's out. It's because it's going in a suitcase and it's coming across the country. I live in New York and I've decided to stick a big middle finger to Cuomo and just move. I knew he would come up at some capacity when this was going to be brought up. I hate that guy. My God.
Just thinking about him. Just thinking about that guy makes me, makes my blood boil. Yeah.
Bababooey. Bababooey. Maybe you'll be able to get a billboard in Texas. Maybe I'll be able to get a billboard in Texas. Everything's cheaper there. And everything's bigger right here. I'm moving to Austin. Austin, Texas. That's where I'm going. In doing this move, Schlatt is completely and fully now converting to the number one Republican YouTuber. Republican Minecrafter. Republican Minecrafter. He's a Republican Minecrafter. What would...
A Republican Minecrafter. Can you imagine if someone like... Hey, kids! Just full-on serious, unironically, like on their Twitter profile or something was like, Republican Minecrafter with a love for God. You think that's like another... The little secret social blade hidden tab is top 100 Republican Minecrafters just like tucked away there. I'd like to see a meme edit of...
Republican Minecrafters. I think that would be a very good meme. Who would they be? Who would they be besides you? Oh, me. Easy. Me. Fucking Ted Cruz. No. Ted Cruz doesn't play Minecraft. He's number five. I'll tell you who number one is. It's Dream. Okay.
Okay? Dream is the first one that comes to mind. Obviously, I take it. I bet he pays zero taxes. I take a close second. Tommy Ennett is probably the third most Republican one. Oh, Tommy's a huge Republican. You know, I was in a conversation with Tommy the other day, and he was like, man, you know, go Brexit.
Exactly. I can't get enough of us exiting from things. It's crazy. It's crazy. I want more. So, look, I am Brexiting from New York. There's a couple reasons. One, because I don't enjoy the taxes. Last year I had to write a very, very big check to the New York government. And the bank teller who was at the bank I was at, actually, she actually asked me why
if everything was okay. Oh, God. Like, she looked around. Oh, like, was she asking if you, like, were being distorted or something? Like, what's going on, big guy? She gave me one of those looks, and I'm like, no, it's fine. It's fucking Cuomo, you know? Did you say that to her? Yeah, yeah. I said, hey, Andrew Cuomo, and then we both laughed because everybody hates that guy. Right. So...
Basically, by moving to Texas, which actually doesn't have any state tax, I'm immediately giving myself like a 15% raise. That's just more money in my pocket. And also, it's much cheaper to live there. The real estate is like you can get...
A mansion for the price of a cardboard box in New York City. A cardboard box? Yeah. Yeah. I actually did see a TikTok recently. It was in the most... It must have been in the Upper West Side or something. But it was the most expensive... It was like the smallest or cheapest...
apartment in this area of New York City. It must have been Upper West Side. And it was $1,600 a month. And there was like a closet. It was like a 4x5 space. It was like a 10-foot long room, 5-foot wide. It had a stove,
And like a counter. You get one of those like pull down, like those pull down bed apartments almost. Yeah. No, there wasn't. It was like there was no bathroom. It was like. Oh, dude. Bathrooms down the hall. Dude, like some of the shit in New York City is like, wow, there are some shitty apartments in New York City. Holy shit. Yeah, man. Yeah. There's no space. There's no space. It's fucking expensive. And the thing about Texas is there's a lot of space. There's a lot of space. Everything's very cheap.
and it's a growing city. I always thought that I'd end up in either Texas or California.
Obviously, you know, there's not much... You'd think there was a lot in New York City going on with, like, YouTubers and that kind of stuff. But really, there isn't. I don't hear about much. As far as I know, there's only Nakey, Jakey. Yeah, Jakey's the only one that's recently moved in. And he just moved there, yeah. Jakey's the only one that's moved into New York recently. Like, I don't know of anyone else who has...
who has made the decision to come there. Yeah. The only people that I know who moved in New York city recently are my, uh, my friends from Ithaca. Cause there's, there's a good amount of film work there. It's more like indie film work, not like big, big budget, like, uh, films and stuff, but you know, AKA a bunch of nobodies, you know, unlike us, unlike us.
So, I mean, the only other place... These are my friends. I don't give a shit. Well, the only other place is Los Angeles. Well, I mean, you think of New York City, then you think of Los Angeles, right? And then you're like, okay, well, I mean, L.A. is the more creative side of things. But then you go to L.A. and, like, you just want to die? I beg to differ. I beg to differ.
Look, I've enjoyed the small amounts of time I've spent in L.A., but everyone there just has this air about them. And it just doesn't... I feel like I need to log in. I feel like I need to log in to L.A. Yeah, like I can never spend a lot of time there. You need it in very small doses. How many people have you like...
He's just watching. It's like, no, okay, you don't pull that shit on me, Ted. No, no, no, I'm genuinely asking. I see it as clearly as the episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog where the guy Dr. Zalos is in that tower with legs and he's shooting cannonballs at everybody and they're all turning gray and sad. No, I mean, I'm sure that I would know the episode if I saw it. Dr. Zalos might as well be in Los Angeles right now with his little rat hugging him and eating ice cream and saying, oh, rat.
Give me a hug. And then they shoot more cannonballs out. They're shooting sandballs. Everybody's sad. My question for you, Schlatt, is when you visited, like in the times that we were doing like recordings and groups of people, who else did you see besides people you already knew?
The individuals in L.A. that you're talking about right now. Ted, I look. I look. He just listened. I look. He just read the movie. He read the vibe. He read the vibe, and the vibe was off? The vibe was off? The vibe was off. You can smell it. You can shmell it. Okay. So what do you like about Austin? Well, first of all, I really like how the first time I visited, and I was looking at houses, and I was even in my hotel, everything is just like very...
You know, there's a lot of everybody who's in the city is like proud that they're there. And you can see this in all the decorations, like everything was Austin themed. All the paintings on the wall were like, what is Austin themed? They were like paintings of the city. There were there were maps of the city. They were just, you know, those artsy Pinterest, you know,
letters with that spell out Austin. It was just cool. It was just cool. Like a map from the 1800s of Austin. Sure. And it's like all. Yeah. And, and, and look. Yeah.
They also got barbecue. That's the only other thing I like about the city. They got some good food. They had some good ass chicken. There's some nice steakhouses in the area. Look. I will say the best barbecue that I've ever had was when Tucker and I were in Austin and we went to Style Switch Barbecue. Although I'm sure that there's better barbecue places, but I do like the style of Style Switch switches because it's like...
It's almost like a Chipotle, but for barbecue. And the barbecue there is very good. And they have the ice. You know what I'm talking about? They've got the chewable ice. Oh, yeah. They got the chewable ice. What the fuck is chewable ice? You've never had chewable ice? You've never had chewable ice? Charlie, what the hell is wrong with you? You've never had chewable ice? So what chewable ice is... Thick water is what this sounds like. No, it's some sort of ice that I think is... It's close to slush, but not quite.
And they're in these little tiny balls, and they're great. I mean, if you're an ice chewer like me, or you just like quality ice that doesn't, you know, it's not one of those fucking bullshit. If it's ice, it's ice. Comes out in a sheet, and they break it over their knee. It just goes everywhere. I'm looking for a quality ice experience. Maybe it'll land in your drink. I'm looking for a quality ice experience. I'm not looking to...
you know, cut myself on some low quality ice, God forbid. God forbid. Then you got a lawsuit and nobody's happy. No chewable ice in Los Angeles, Ted. You can, I mean, you know, you've been there. You've been there. There's no chewable ice there and it just melts anyways. I am here now and I can tell you for sure that there is chewable ice. There's chewable ice. I think they're too sad. I think they're too sad to make it. Yeah, exactly. No, no, no one's happy enough to be making chewable ice.
bro you want to hear something funny there is actually a place where a um it's this ice what is it snow cones it's not even it's shaved a shaved ice place and it's literally called happy ice it's on melrose it's pretty good the one final bastion of the happy ice one final bastion of happiness in la
They're fighting back against the dark forces of dread that rise over Beverly Hills and down into the valley. Everyone is just sweaty and famous and sad. You just wake up and there's just a thick layer of schmog over the entire city. You can't see anything and you're like, oh, we've got to
You wake up and it's gray and you get out of bed and it's gray and you try to find a bathroom and it's gray. Well, Charlie tried to move to Los Angeles. I told, I already told my story. I already told my story. I dude, when I, last time I tried to fucking go near LA, it started raining ash. Okay. So like I'm a little tapped out. Yeah. Because there's volcanoes.
Clearly, listen, clearly I haven't seen it. That's not even true. That point right there, that is just a lie. He just comes out of nowhere and says there's volcanoes. Active volcanoes as well. Active. Important note. Active volcanoes and it's right under the Hollywood sign. And there's a secret lab under there and they're killing babies.
Weird that they're letting that ooze leak right into the water supply too for Happy's ice as well, which is completely radioactive. Yeah. Happy ice is made purely from the blood of Scientologist baby formula consumption.
satiation. I felt like that was every conspiracy theory buzzword just crammed in there. Yeah, we just bust them all out in one second. That's something we should do for a podcast in the future is we should talk about conspiracy theories. That'd be kind of fun. I'm Jesse Ventura. This is conspiracy theory. Hey, look, the third and only other thing that I care about that proves that Austin, Texas is better than Los Angeles, California, gone soon.
You can have a gun in L.A. No, you can't. Yeah, you can. No, you can't. What, are you going to shoot them all? What, are you going to take the gun outside with you? No, you're not. I mean, you can have a rifle in L.A., I'm pretty sure. Yeah, walk down the street with a rifle.
Walk down the street with a rifle, Ted. Are you going to do that in Austin? You're going to walk down the street with a rifle? Yeah, you know what? I might. No, you're not. I might. I might just do it. I might just walk down the street with a rifle. Send me a... When you get there, send me a video of you walking down the streets of Austin. Number two in our list of top 10 Republican Minecrafters. I don't know.
I want you to send me a video of you walking down Main Street, Austin, Texas with a rifle, and then I'll believe you. But until then, I think you're full of shit. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. Look, I...
We all know. California... I wish to look at you walking down the street with a rifle. Well, I'm not at Austin, Texas yet, Ted, so I don't know what you want me to do. You want me to fucking go on Photoshop and make something up for you? I would kind of hope. I would like that. Guys, guys, guys. Stop fighting. Stop fighting. I can't stand this guy, man. You're tearing us apart. You're tearing us apart, man. I can't stand this guy.
in LA bro they're all the same you want to know something what you want to know something I found this out recently did you know I'm actually the biggest youtuber from Vermont no way yeah yeah yeah I'm serious it used to be Taylor Swift Vivo I think but now it's Slimesicle are you do you have more subscribers than Taylor Swift Vivo I don't I think I think she just changed her state
Oh, is this a social blade thing? No, no, no, no. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Top YouTubers by state. Check this out. Let's go down to Vermont. There it is, baby. SlimeSkull. Hey, hey, listen. If we've got any influencers watching this, stay the fuck away, all right? Wait, I'm looking for this right now. Vermont? I'm serious. SlimeSkull. Wow.
Wow. Fuck Austin. Fuck Austin and everyone's got guns. In LA, it's just erupting all the time and it's poison. In South Dakota, guess who takes the cake there? Who? Our boy Nicky Jakey. Atta boy. Not bad. Wisconsin. He's from South Dakota. He's from South Dakota as well.
Wow, this is, that's funny. Isn't it interesting to like look at as well? Yeah. You know who it is in fucking New York, dude? Trap Nation. Imagine. Oh my God. Trap Nation. You are such a stain. I'm glad I'm getting out of here. I'm glad I got the fuck out of here.
I've got such a high level to achieve if I'm going to be number one in Massachusetts. Because Joey Graceffa takes the cake, and he's got $945 million. Hey, dude, just cut your losses. Get out of there. Get out of there. Cut your losses. Just leave. Well, I'm not going to be able to beat California. I mean, California is Cocoa Melon. Kentucky...
Kentucky has... California's Cocomelon, okay? 104 million subscribers. I definitely do not make the right kind of content to do 104 million subscribers. Unless I change my name to Ted Melon or something. Okay, if you guys moved to Kentucky, if you moved to Kentucky, you could be the most subscribed YouTuber in Kentucky. Wouldn't Hickok be beating me? The only thing I see in Kentucky is the most subscribed is Zozoella.
With 944,000. Are you talking about Zoella? Am I? It's spelled Zozoella. Oh, she's a British YouTuber. That's why I was confused.
Nah, dude. Nah, dude. Hickok45 is from Kentucky, and he's got like 6 million subscribers. He just shoots guns all day. Oh, he's so big. He's so big. He is. All we have in Vermont is cows and slime-sicle. Don't come here. Damn. Jeez. Don't come here. Jeez. Schlatt, you're going to have some shit to work on. I don't know if you mentioned this already, but yeah. Texas dude perfect. Yeah. It's going to be rough. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that. Maybe work on your backhand throw a little, buddy. Maybe I'll start shooting basketballs really high off of things. If I see you in a Dude Perfect video, I could cross my arms, fall back, and die. Dude, if any of us moved to Guam,
we would get it because it's Aurora Forever at 50K subscribers. Wow. Well, I feel like it's just kind of like a magic. Y'all trying to move to Guam? You just show up to Aurora's house. Yo, boys, I think Chuckle Sandwich's new HQ is going to be located in Guam. What's the population of Guam? It's not very big, man. 167,000 people. Wow, that's a lot.
I mean, that's a lot of, I mean, you know, I honestly thought Guam would be smaller than that. I thought it would be smaller than my town, to be honest. I thought it was going to be like 20, like 15K. Okay, wait, wait, wait. How long does it take to drive? No, you're not driving to Guam. No, no. You're not driving to Guam, Charlie. Everyone hop in.
Guam is incredibly close to Japan. I mean, not incredibly close, but it's very, very much closer. Ted, that's why we took it. You realize that, right? Well, you know, I suppose that, oh, that makes a lot of sense. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Why do you think Guam is so close to Japan? Why?
Why do you think we have Guam? Yeah. Oh, no. Well, I mean, that's the gist of my whole situation. I'm moving to Texas. I'm getting my car shipped down there. I'm flying on a little airplane over there. And I'm shipping my computer. And it's going to cost me like $1,000 to do it.
Because I want to ship it there, and then once I fly down, I want to get it the next day because the car is going to take a while to ship. Yeah. How are you even shipping it? Because that's a whole thing, right? I'm taking it to UPS or FedEx or something. I called them, and I was like, hey, I'm trying to ship my PC. Here are the dimensions.
Did they give you extra stuff for it? You should make sure they pack it. Oh, no, no, no. I packed it. I packed it, and it's delicious. It's deliciously packed. It better be good. It better be well-packed. So what my parents did when they sent me, there was a bunch of stuff I had at home that I needed to get across the country we couldn't fit in the truck. And what they did is they went to UPS, and they set up an entire fucking pallet, a literal pallet. Wow.
And with my old computer in the center of it. And they put a bunch of boxes around it and got a little plexi wrap or whatever the fuck it up. And that ended up costing me like a fucking thousand dollars. And it was quite the ordeal. I had to unpack a whole fucking pallet and I had that leftover wood.
and stuff i just remember i was on the i was on the fucking phone with the dude a couple hours ago and i was like yeah i'm trying to ship it here the dimensions you know i'm trying to get it there you know maybe maybe next day you know after i bring it in and he's like yeah sure we could do that uh how much does it weigh and i told him the weight and he went oh yeah this is gonna be like 900 dollars
And I was like, really? Just the computer, man. Yeah. Are you set? Are you, did you take out like graphics card and everything important? No, it's okay. So I bought it. I bought it pre-built. I bought it pre-built from origin and it, and it came in like it had foam in the chassis. It was, it was beautifully packed. So I just put all the packing stuff back in. It comes in a wooden crate. That's what I do whenever, cause when I originally got my pre-built computer from NZXT, I
yeah, I kept the whole box and everything. Cause, cause you know, when I was moving back and forth with college, it was so much easier to just throw it back in there and do the whole trip. Yeah. I've done so many setups and breakdowns of my computer. Oh man, I'm so glad I'm in one place. It's rough when you're in college and you got to keep going back and forth. And like, I've gotten through so many fucking cases. I had this really tiny case in college that I could like carry with like one hand that I just like shoved it all in like an ITX sized, uh, case for like an ATX board. Uh,
Especially because when you're on break, you're going to want to play games. So it's like, you got to. Charlie, are you thinking of moving anywhere anytime soon?
Oh, gosh. It's so up in the air, I feel like, for me. Well, I was thinking of... I already explained what happened with California and the active volcanoes. Yeah, the volcanoes. Stingrays. And there's the fault line, and there's the sadness rays. There's the Hatsune Miku sing-alongs.
There's the mist. The smog acts like the mist from Stephen King, where occasionally you'll just get grabbed by something. Yeah, no, that's downtown LA for you. That's downtown. It really is, dude. There's just tendrils coming out. Yeah, there's tendrils coming underneath the garage doors and ripping a dude's back off with its fucking octopus tentacles. No, you know, honestly, man, I'm chilling. I'm chilling.
I've been working pretty hard, I feel like, to find the right work-life balance for me. I think it's very, like... I think it's too much for me to be kind of on all the time. So I don't know if a place like... I don't think L.A. would be good for me. Hear that, Ted? Hear that, Ted? Well, hold on. Hold on. What do you mean? So it's not... That's just a me thing. Yeah, no. I'll tell you what... No, no, no. Let me tell you something, Ted.
Let me tell you what my ultimate vision is to get all YouTubers from that shithole LA and move them to Austin. And then we use the money we save to invest in real estate and we buy houses and we rent them out to people and be shitty landlords and we laugh as we make more and more money screwing over the working class. Okay, Tyler Oakley, calm down. Um...
It's true. He's a landlord. He's a landlord. And he didn't tell anybody until they found out. Imagine being a landlord. Oh, but if there's anything that your young audience would cancel you for, it would be being a landlord. I know. That's funny. It's funny. As they should. Wait until they figure out what all YouTubers do after they're done making videos. They just go into real estate. Sorry to break your bubble. It's pretty true. Yeah. Um,
Charlie, when you say be on all the time, what does that mean, though? I don't even leave my place. So I don't really need to be on. Well, I guess in L.A. especially, I feel like being out there, a lot of the people I know
are all sort of, you know, content creators and stuff. And so it's, it's natural that it comes up in like every conversation or at least a lot of them. And then everyone's kind of got it on their minds. And it's, it's a lot for me. I don't know. Like I, I feel like I start to get when exposed to it for too long, I almost start to get jaded about it. I'm like, man, fucking social media. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. There are some people since I've been out here and also at times in the past where I have met some of those Instagram influencers, and they are a very different breed than what we have going on here. I feel like us, I feel like we're...
As a collective here, the YouTube folks that within what we do, or at least our close group here, I think we're very normal people. Whereas like a lot of those Instagram influencers, like there was this one guy that I had met at some point and I gave him like this follow back for whatever reason. Then he would message me over several months and he'd be like, hey, you want to make a triller with me?
The fuck's a triller? Yeah, exactly. Apparently it's another app, but I was like,
Like, no, I don't want to make a triller with you. Yeah, what a worrying... Like, I wouldn't... You can't just say yes to a triller. Why would I want to make a triller? Unsolicited triller, yeah. And it was one of those things where this guy was only reaching out and would be like, it's one of the... You're definitely right in it being a very plastic sort of... There are a lot of very... Oh, sure, oh, sure. Plastic conversations that happen. Like, hey, man, how you doing? Hey, want to make a triller with me? Yep, it just happens. It just happens right away. Want to record a bite? Yeah.
Hey, want to go out for a bite? And you're like, man, I'm starved. And they fucking go out. Yeah, want to do some whips with me on TikTok? Yeah, I don't... You know, I wonder if they say this about us. I wonder if TikTokers look over at us and they're like, man...
I don't think that they do. I know. I really don't think they do. I don't know. I think that a lot of TikTokers from what I've seen, you know, when it comes to TikTok, that short form video, that's the top of the funnel. The ideal zone is to bring people to like a YouTube channel where there's long form content. What we're doing right now is like the bottom of the...
of like that sort of social media like funnel structure for those of you listening you might find this kind of interesting they don't really even worry about that this is the longest form kind of stuff so the people who actually give a shit about us and our content and our personalities or whatever the most are going to be here and they're going to be listening to this aka those who are listening to this podcast right now you're the real ones buy our merch baby
Hey, if you forget about it, if you forget about it, you'll see it in Times Square. So don't even. Yeah, if you forget about it, you'll see it blasted across with Schlatt in a suit. His fucking mutton chops as long as they've ever been. Just him cheesing, looking out. He's doing he'll be making that face that he does when he pulls out his wallet when he's about to do a fucking ad thing. Yeah.
We got a comment. Dude, we got a comment from a viewer who said, like, please, if you ever do ads, never let Schlatt record them. You're right. Because he'll just do that fucking smile. Yeah, this is something that I actually got on the Chuckle Sandwich email, which is something I think we should do in the future. We should take email things. Oh, you want to do, like, shitty advice or something? Yeah.
And there was a guy who I get this email and the subject line is, don't let Schlatt do the sponsorships. And he says, dear Chuckle Sandwich crew, I'm a big fan of all your videos and I love the first video you uploaded to this new channel. But while looking through the about section of Chuckle Sandwich, I saw that this email address existed. I have nothing against YouTubers taking sponsorships. In fact, I think it's a good thing.
But the stupid smirk that Shlap does before doing his sponsorships makes me want to kill myself. That smirk has made me want to stop watching his videos. Whenever I see him about to make a joke about needing money, I skip a minute ahead just in case. So please let Ted or Slime do the sponsorships. That's the money smirk. From...
A worried viewer. Hey, Schlatt. Hey, Schlatt. I want you to send me a fucking PowerPoint presentation on how to do it so I can just ruin this guy's fucking day. No, no. I am...
I already had this discussion with Tat. We emailed about this because it was a serious matter. I formally requested... I put in a request with HR to actually be the guy who did all of the ads for the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. So the entire time, I'm just going to be having this shit-eating grin on my face. And it's just going to be a free... It's going to freeze frame on your smirk, and then you're just going to voiceover over the still image of you smirking. Yes, absolutely. At the very least...
We'll have Schlatt at the very beginning of every ad just say, allow us to fulfill our contractual obligations. And then he'll pull out his wallet and smile. Oh, man. I love it. I love it. Yeah. But speaking of TikTok that we were talking about earlier, I've been doing this thing with my audience on TikTok. I found this one sound. And it's from a specific song from Jack Black. It's called Tribute. And there's this one section of the...
the song in which he goes like... Right. And I decided to take that and I did this video where I
I was just smiling and at three times speed, I was walking through my house. And then I did another one that was like, when you lose gaming and I was just running around the house. And then I started, I just kept doing more and like of me like dancing ridiculously. - Okay. - And I just kept doing it, but I was putting the captions as, please let me out, dear God, I'm stuck in TikTok.
please for the love of God, help me. And I just kept adding to them. But I actually did two today in which I did like maybe six
like six yesterday and then people were really worried about me they had no idea what was going on and then i did a normal one this morning where i was just talking about my bananas i did a normal one this morning when i was talking about my bananas and about how i never used my bananas but then the next tiktok i did a dancing one again and i was holding the bananas i'm watching these right now the fucking sound man
It's literally the worst thing in the world. It is by far the worst sound on TikTok to just be used over and over again. And there are people who are going into the comment sections and they're like, they're like, Ted, this is the fifth time I've seen you doing this to the sound of my For You page. What is it? What is it? These are getting so many likes too. That's crazy. Oh no, they're getting a ridiculous amount of likes and I have no idea why. Um,
Yeah, so I think I'm going to do them maybe through – I'm going to try to do multiple a day up until the day that this podcast releases. And then since I'm obviously – I'm breaking the character now, but I'm just going to keep doing it until – Are you going to have like an ending that like happens? I'm going to do something where I like break out of the illusion or survive or something like that.
What if it's just like, yeah, you're just in like a dark, like dimly lit room and it's just like playing the sound, but like on another speaker in the room, like not the, not the TikTok sound. It's basically like an ARG that I've just created out of nowhere, out of boredom. It was really just me procrastinating being able to put out my, uh, editing my, or write the script for my new, which I actually finished by the way, but.
I was going to say, so all you Ted Nivison fans, this is what he does. This is what I do. This is where it goes. Everything in my power to not do the work. Not do an actual real video. Yeah.
Well, hey, TikTok's a powerful way to grow that fan base. Definitely for sure. But I did make a video that said that I was going to be posting more, so I've been hyper-focused on that. I haven't been streaming at all. I've been trying to get it going. Hey, well, I'm excited to see that video when it comes out. Oh, yeah, me too. It's about my second experience at the... By the time this podcast actually goes up, it'll be up, but it's about my second... Is that a promise, Ted?
It is a promise because I finished the fucking script. Go watch it, everyone. But it's about my second experience at the creepy religious thrift shop. I think I told you guys about this. Yeah, you did. In the middle of South Dakota. So, you know, if you haven't seen it, go check it out, folks. Whatever.
Nice. Dude, I... How are we doing on time? I think we're pretty much... I think that's... We're all chuckled out. But let me complain. Let me complain for a second. About us or what? No, not about you this time. But... Thank goodness. Ted, I made a TikTok. And I uploaded my first video. And it was basically just me walking around saying, I have a TikTok now.
And it got like a couple thousand views, and then it just got taken down for like abusive content.
What? Listen, man. Number two Minecraft Republican has its pros and its got its cons. It was just me ranting about the economy. I was just ranting. There's only one time that I've ever gotten a TikTok taken down, and that was in this video I had of this parking lot where a guy was spinning donuts. You guys may have seen it on Twitter. I've seen it. I put that on TikTok, and it got taken down for dangerous content. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't.
I think if you started posting TikToks just doing your normal rants, I think you would pop off on TikTok pretty hard. But I tried it and it got removed like the second I posted it by people who I guess spam reported it or something. I have no fucking clue. Yeah, I think you got spam reported too.
And then I can't. And then, you know what? I scroll down on my feed and the next one is like some fucking chick in a bikini showing her ass. So like, I can't win. I don't know how that's really. Yeah, but she's not. She's not a bad guy. She's not a bad guy. She's not a bad person. And she wasn't doing it. She she wasn't posting sexual content. So, yeah, I think you should. You should. This week, you should start trying. I think you should start off.
joining with me on doing the dance. I think that would be great. Well, here's the thing. I think I'm going to try and grow a TikTok account without advertising it.
So I just start posting easily do that. And then, and then just see how long it takes for people to realize where I know. I think TikTok TikTok algorithm is so good that like you could start one and people would realize it's you. And then it'll just start going because once people who are within your audience find you, it, it'll add up. And then anyone who is interested in similar stuff, we'll start getting that stuff. Like I, like, I swear to God, I, um,
I think it was Rambo and Eret. They both, I saw that they both followed me. So I followed them back. And then after that, all of a sudden I start getting recommended a shit ton of Minecraft stuff. So it's like the moment that a few fans find you, it's just going to go, and it's just going to, you're going to get a shit ton. Anyways, thank you guys so much for joining us for this fourth episode of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. Just gets worse and worse.
Be sure to, I don't know, save us on Spotify, whatever the fuck that is on Apple Podcast. Five stars. Rate us five stars. Rate us five stars. Don't go to L.A. Don't go to L.A. It's a sad, sad, sad place. For the love of God, send us money. We're cold and tired. Yeah. Have a good one, guys. All right. See you later. Bye.