Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Welcome chucklers and chucklashes to another episode of The Sandwich! Today we have quite a chuckle feast!
I am your host, Charlie Slimesicle, here with my stewards! Wow, alright. You said you were going to do a different type of intro, and you really brought it to the table here, Charles. I'm playing medieval, like, dancing music on my end right now. Oh, okay. I wanted to really bring a different energy into the chuckling studio today. The cornucopia is full! Yes, indeed! My own!
My horn is full of meat and blood! The gates have opened, and the horn descends. Laughter just ends surely chuckling. Ben Shapiro will fall! Ben Shapiro, of the Knights of the Conservatarios, shall fall before us all!
What fictional place are we in right now? God, we're trying to breach their gates, but they're dumping Shapiroil on us. Hot Shapiroil. Premium unleaded Shapiroil. My God. The most dangerous type of petroleum oil in the land. This is so environmentally friendly. Our priests are losing faith due to their facts and logic.
My God! If the oil doesn't care about your feelings! I know, I don't know feel anymore. All I know is fact. I fact that this is a bad scenario, friends. Why continue a crusade for a false God?
God, all this is facts and science and stocks. Welcome once again, ladies and gentlemen, to the medieval version of the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. We teleported back a couple SM7Bs and a mixer, and we handed it off to our ancestors who seem to have gone a bit off the rails. You know who invented the sandwich? Ooh. John Sandwich, glad you're here.
He was playing, I actually remember this. He was playing like chess or some shit. And he's like, I need to be able to play chess and consume meats.
uh without getting my fingies wet without needing to use a fork so he's just like put it between two pieces of bread and there we go now the sandwich is born and next to him maybe if you had a sandwich in your hand slot you wouldn't have lost to one of the botes sisters in under 14 seconds when you're playing chess yeah that is true but i did see them recently and i beat alex in checkers
Which is interesting because you think, oh, well, it's like the same board. They play chess for a living. Their whole job is to, you know, guess what moves are coming. I don't know. And I beat her two out of three times in chess. Checkers. In checkers. What'd you win? Yeah.
Nothing. Just the pride of beating her in a game that she is not proficient at, primarily. It is kind of funny, though, that these two girls, the Botez sisters, play chess for a living, and their whole day just revolves around this archaic game. And then they invite people over to their place and then ask them to play more chess. That's... Honestly, if...
I can't really get mad at that, though. What the hell was Gregory Chess thinking when he made this game? In a main concept, I mean, it is an archaic game, so it is a little ridiculous that it's become something... It was the meta for a while on Twitch. It was. It was. But I don't know. I think it's kind of cool that they're so passionate about that game and that they just can't get enough of it. They just want to play it all the time. Like, that's got to be... Hey, I guess so. I mean, I don't make my whole fucking internet persona about jerking off to gay porn, but I mean...
Oh, so we're lying today. Ladies and gentlemen, I went to Los Angeles a couple days ago. I spent the weekend in Los Angeles, and that's what the entire podcast is going to be about. Yes. I went down for the Ludwig roast.
Ludwig's girlfriend, Cutie Cinderella, organized a nice roast with all the friends, with all the family, with all the naysayers and the yaysayers. We all came down. We roasted Ludwig and friends, and we had a fantastic time. So for those of you who don't know who Ludwig is, he's a very, very popular Twitch streamer. If you're not part of the Twitch world, he recently set the record for...
for the most concurrent subscribers on Twitch. You have to pay money to become a subscriber on Twitch. And he did a subathon that lasted a month long, and he got the most. He beat Ninja of, I don't know if you guys remember the turnover from 2019 to 2020. He's that guy who tried to get everyone to floss. And...
maybe for better or for worse, Ludwig beat him. With like 170,000. I don't,
I don't want to downplay, too, how crazy it was because he was live for a month straight, you know, sleeping, fucking eating, all that shit with the camera on, which I know I couldn't do it. So, I mean, I feel like it's well-deserved. I feel trouble enough doing a 12-hour stream. So, I can't imagine. It's pretty nice, though, his situation because he lives with multiple other content creators. So, he was able to, like, if he needed to go...
Or jerk off or something like that beat one out. Yeah, he can he did a little little tag a tag team situation So he had some of his friends come in and keep people entertained. So he did a wonderful job I mean I throughout that whole month. I was like I kept coming out I was like god damn and the thing is to the way that these these subathons work is that you It isn't determined by the streamer how long it lasts like
like the there is a timer and every time you get a sub that adds to the amount of time until the end of the stream so Ludwig went into that unaware of the fact that he would be doing that for a month right yeah
People usually set cutoffs, though. People usually set cutoffs. People that aren't Ludwig, I guess, typically have some sort of cutoff. Okay, guys, I've been streaming for a whole 12 hours here. I should probably go to bed. There wasn't any of that for about 30 days. Have you done a subathon before on your Twitch? I haven't. I've done like charity streams, like long charity streams. And I've died. Who cares about charity? 12 hours is way too much for me, man.
Christ, I can't even imagine. Yeah, 12 hours left me absolutely brain dead. I've had a dream of whenever I return back to Twitch.tv that I would want to do like a 24-hour stream. I feel like that's a very, it's a lofty goal. I wouldn't sleep. I would just sort of stay up. I've stayed up for 24 hours in the past. I mean, I went to college.
College, am I right, guys? So relatable. We go to college here on the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. What do you mean? What are you talking about? You're outnumbered. What are you talking about? There's two degrees. Two degrees? I'll tell you what, Schlatt. I'll tell you what. And I will beat the hell out of you with my degree because God knows what else I'm going to use it for. You're going to give me a little paper cut with it.
With that nice degree that you've spent tens of thousands of dollars on. You're going to feel four years worth of blood, sweat, and tears slicing right through a millimeter of your flesh, buddy. You ever been beaten the shit out of by a $200,000 receipt, Schlatt? No. That's right. Well, you're about to, my friend. It's flimsy card stock, but eventually it'll get the job done. If you saw hard enough.
They actually gave me mine on computer paper, so it's going to be a little tough. He's just going to have his arm out and just take it. He's not going to fight at all. Um...
Wow. So yeah, Schlatt, you were in L.A. I was in L.A. I went to the roast. Ted asked, Schlatt, do you think maybe I can come to the roast? So generally, it is a polite... And I said, yeah, yeah, maybe you'll be able to come to the roast. Let me ask and see if you can come. And then thankfully, Cutie Cinderella is just such a nice woman. And she said, yeah, of course, Ted can come. And Ted was like, hey, I'm going to come in.
I will tell you the real story here because Schlatt's like, oh, I'm doing this roast for Ludwig. And I'm like, oh, could you ask if I could come along? And then Schlatt got really weird about it. He was like, well, I don't know, Ted. I
I don't know if I can do it. He got all nervous. He didn't know what to do. And I was like, well, I mean, it's a pretty normal thing if there's an event just to ask on another friend's behalf. And now here he is slandering me once again, acting like I was crying in baby town.
No, it's a very normal thing to do, Schlepp. No, it is a very normal thing to do. I appreciate you asking on my behalf. It was a fun event to go to. It was nice to have you there, Ted. And then the next day when I was home and we decided, hey, all the friends are going to hang with Pokimane today. Ted, once again, comes crawling back to me. You are my friend in L.A. I want to hang out with you. Pokimane.
You think you'd be okay? Okay. Schlatt, you're setting a terrible standard for our listeners out here that you cannot ask a friend to come along to the events when they're visiting your area. No! You shouldn't have! Yeah? Yeah.
I hate you. I was just like, yeah. Listen, my body was telling me yes, but my mind was telling me no. That's such a confusing thing because why? Because, Ted. You've convinced yourself and all of our viewers that I'm just like the most terrible person, and in that moment, you started to believe it. Because Shlad and I hadn't seen each other in...
more than a year and a half at this point, too. So at this point, he's probably totally believing the lies that he himself has been constructing about me. I've gaslit myself into not liking Ted from this podcast. I'm like, wait, didn't this guy break my kneecaps at a baseball game in the seventh grade? I don't know if I want to bring this guy to the Ludwig roast. It's like I still feel it every time I look at him.
come in there and beat the crap out of him with his crocs. Ted, that's not a roast. That's just breaking his bones, buddy. You guys know how I feel about L.A., right? Yeah. No. You breathe in the air. It just smells so good. It smells so clean. There's no plight in Los Angeles. There's no disease. There's no blight. There's no...
Friday night. There's no Friday night in LA. It never comes. And so you go there and what is in LA but a bunch of stuck up little people who are trying to make it big but haven't done it yet. We were in the parking lot. Me and Ted got to film a video that weekend. Oh, okay. I see where this is
going oh my god I rented a car a nice I rented a nice car you know which means I which means I own which means I own the streets right we're pulling into this the parking lot
of some grocery store. And I'm, you know, I'm trying to find a spot. I'm rolling in, rolling around the parking lot, trying to find a spot in this guy with his shitty little Honda, shitty little Honda SUV, $20,000 max. He rolls, he's trying to back out of his parking space and I'm rolling down. I'm rolling down the same lane he's in as he's trying to get out. And he goes, he shouts at me. He had his windows down. He shouts at me.
You're in the wrong lane. You're going the wrong direction. You're going the wrong way. This lane is, you can only go the other way in this lane. And I just fucking look at him knowing, knowing full well that if I hit the, the honk button in my Tesla, then it would literally shit at him. It would make a shit sound effect. Yeah. And I could piss him off so much, but I, but I didn't, I didn't, I held my tongue and
But that was that was something that took you by surprise. Who the fuck do you think you are, Ted? Who the fuck do you think you are? Telling someone in a car seven times more money than yours that you're going the wrong way in a parking lot?
This stuff wouldn't happen anywhere else but L.A., a place where everybody is just so far up their own ass they think they deserve fucking priority access at everywhere they go because they have an Instagram account for their cat that has 5,000 followers. Fuck Los Angeles, bro. Anywhere else but L.A., there is a hierarchy system of monetary wealth that, like, if you see someone with, like, a Lambo, then you have to, like...
Treat them better? Is that what's happening here? No, I'm just saying everybody thinks... Everybody is just walking around with a stick so far up their ass they think they deserve the world. They're in Los Angeles, the city of angels. I'm here to make a living in this fucking blanket of smog. And no one can tell me...
No one's going to go the wrong way down the parking lot of my favorite grocery store, my organic Trader Joe's, Wegmans, whatever the fuck we were at. Pavilions.
Jeez, man. So I didn't even... When this happened, we were driving up to get some supplies for a video. I didn't even really hear this person. He didn't hear it. But the moment that Schlatt starts barking, I hear him grumbling to himself. It took me so... Ted, it took me so much willpower to not just...
slam my foot down on the accelerator of that Tesla. The instant torque takes us up to 80 miles per hour, crash straight into the fucking guy's Honda and end his life. I swear to God. I understand why you're mad at yourself for not driving the right way. I totally get why you'd be angry at yourself. Who the fuck are you, bro? You gotta forgive yourself, bro. It's Monday. It's Monday. It's 3 p.m. on a Monday. Do you have a job?
Why are you in a parking lot of an organic grocery store? What are you, what are you, what are you, what did your, what'd your fucking, your fucking girlfriend sign off on that? Yeah, yeah, you can go to the, you can go to the pavilions while, while my other man fucks me. So, you weren't, you didn't sound too sure about that last part there. Maybe he'll give you some time on the Nintendo Switch tonight.
But tell – so the main – it seems like the main source of the anger that I hear goes – comes from – it is sourced from the fact that you weren't able to properly beep –
at somebody on the road, though. And I believe that there was another occasion that you had, you didn't know that the Tesla, when you rented it, you did not know that the Tesla, when you beeped it, was already set up to make a fart noise right after it. And it's like not just your normal fart for our listeners out there. No, it's a wet fart.
Wet, echoey, reverb-y fart. Like steak and eggs. Yeah. Like if they had some sort of like little exhaust things that they could start pushing out a little fart smell too, that would be pretty good. Or maybe like a spitter thing. You could spit it and aim it at people. So if you're mad at something, you can spit at them. Like it's that one dinosaur from Jurassic Park. If you had to sort of...
For the audio listeners out there right now, give them a representation maybe. Love you to death. I mean, you know, is it like a – or is it a little wetter than that? Ted posted a video of it on his Twitter that you can go and see. It's me in my lime green Tesla. So it has to make the car horn noise first, right? Yeah. But then you can tell it to play whatever audio you want.
And so I'm an angry driver and an angry person in general. Ted can attest to this. And the minute I pulled out of the rental meetup place, someone almost immediately cuts me off, which...
Where are you going? You know, where the hell are you going that you're so you're in such a rush, you know, and that pissed me off. That really that really upset me. Did you cry? No, no. You know what I did? I laid on the horn and the fucking car farted at him. And in that moment, I felt so utterly powerless because I didn't know how to change the car horn either.
And so now I couldn't even express my anger lest the car farts at him. And I just, I was just, oh my God, it was just such a terrible time. All of his anger and fury was just snatched away from him by this fart sound. In the one foul toot. I will say though, Schlatt, I imagine that the fart
there exists for like a good reason because the point of the farting is like to make a poo sound at someone as if you're a shit driver.
Maybe. Maybe, yeah. But they're not going to hear the fart. What other reason would they have to have a fart sound? I don't know. Maybe you scare people on the side of the road. Maybe you give them a little fart. You fart at them a little bit, being like, hey, you're a shit person. Why would that scare them? You live in Los Angeles, and you're not a good guy, so I'm going to have my car fart at you. We thought about whenever we were stopped somewhere, when we were driving around, to fart at people.
someone, but the only available person in the context of where we were driving around was this like...
ridiculously old woman. And I just, I presented the idea to Schlatt after I had it, but knew we weren't going to do it. But can you imagine if you just pulled over to the side of the road in Los Angeles and beeped at an old woman with a walker and she looks over and then it's just a massive fart sound. Massive whip of ass. You guys are fucking, you are monsters. Speaking of monsters, I mean, you should have seen the way that this dude was driving the Tesla. It was like he was playing Frogger.
He would be slow, and then he would speed up to 150 miles per hour and then slow down again. Just because he knew he could. It's instant. At the same time, he's blasting as fast as he can.
in the ocean, so he's going like... What you know about rolling down in the deep and your brain goes numb? Listen, the Tesla... The one thing I will say about the Tesla is that it is very, very fun to drive. Yeah. Few cars... No, I'll say it. I've not been in another car that...
that has been that just unbelievably fun. Even the lower spec, it was a Model 3. It was the lowest spec model. You step on the gas. You just give it a fucking tap.
Like, you rip your big toe out of your boot, like SpongeBob, and you press down on it, even the littlest bit, and the car just fucking goes instantly, too. Instantly. Because it's not a real, like, fucking engine. So it just... It's instant acceleration. Would you ever get one, or is it more of a theme park ride you found yourself on? No, so I...
I have a nice car now. I did lease myself a rather luxurious vehicle. And I will say I enjoy driving the Tesla more, but I enjoy being in my car more. Like it's a better experience because the Tesla is like it's bare bones. It's minimal. It's like new techie. But it just doesn't get the job done for making me feel like, you know, I should be having a good time. I feel like I'm in a spaceship.
Which is cool, which is cool. Some people like that. I mean, the new Plaid Model S, I don't know if you guys have seen a picture of that interior, but it literally looks like a spaceship. You said Plaid?
Plaid, yeah, that's what they're calling the new thing. Not like the, not, okay, I pictured a literal, like, plaid flannel car. Just to be clear, that's not what this is? That's not what it is. That's the Model S Plaid. Well, that is just a letdown. I finally found the right vehicle for me. Well, look at the interior of that shit. It has a 390 miles range. That's pretty good.
It's 1,020 peak horsepower. Oh, okay. Oh, whoa. It's got a... Oh, the steering wheel. What the hell? It's a fucking race car, bro. It's so weird. It's like half of a steering wheel. It's so weird. So the steering wheel... I like how the example is like the Witcher Wild Hunt as the... There's a video game on there. But it looks like the DeLorean...
steering wheel. Yeah. It's literally a race car. It doesn't look like you're supposed to use it. Yeah, if I were to use...
I really like the ability to do a little thing where I have my middle finger on the wheel and I just move the middle finger around to spin the wheel and stuff and spin it back. A lot of my driving habits are... You guys are just such dangerous drivers is all I'm getting out of this entire podcast. No, no, no. I'm a very good driver. I'm so glad I've never been in the same... You know what? You know what? I just don't know. I just don't know about all this, man.
Look, you learned to drive in New York City, and you can drive anywhere. Speaking of driving... You sound like such a threat, man. Just an absolute threat on the roads. Hold on. Before we go any further, please allow us to fulfill a contractual obligation.
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I was afraid this was going to happen at some point this weekend, but I had to drive Schlatt around in my very much so not...
fully driving capable truck, my Tacoma. - That thing should not be on the road. - It's like, it's got the fucking exhaust pipe that I, remember how I told you the exhaust pipe fell off? - Yeah. - Well, I haven't gotten it fixed yet. So it's just been in the back of my truck and I drive with the windows down so that it doesn't, the car doesn't fill up with carbon monoxide.
Oh, that's what the smell was. That's why when I stepped into the car, there was a rather pungent aura coming from the air conditioner tech. No, you weren't smelling carbon monoxide. Hey, hey, hey, listen, man, listen. One makes a funny fart sound every time you honk. The other one fills up with deadly cats. What you were smelling was the air conditioning system that it definitely needs to get fixed at some point. I will say that there has been two separate occasions where
that I've had to fix the air conditioning system in this truck. And those, both of those two times, uh,
We found a mouse in it. That's really awesome, Ted. I was just about to make a joke about how the smell was just, oh, don't worry. That's just the corpse of the rotting possum between the gears. We haven't checked in seven years. I will say that in one of those instances, I was like, man, this car has got a weird smell that's coming out of the air conditioning. And then I went to get it fixed, and they were like, hey, check this out. Shows me dead mouse inside fan. Jesus Christ.
Well, I mean, it's a fucking old truck. I feel like it's very easy for little pests to climb in. It burns a mouse every 100 miles. I mean, you just can't stop it.
And I mean, it gets the job done. How many fucking miles are on that thing, Ted? There's, I think, 230,000 miles. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. And it's going to last until like, or it might actually be 210, but either way, apparently these trucks last until like 400,000 miles. That's crazy. Yeah.
Yeah, it is a little wild. The Toyotas, man. Yeah, I had a Honda Accord that I owned for a while, and it's just like...
I wouldn't even think about selling it. Like I just, once I got my new car, I just, uh, I gave it back to, to my family because I knew someone would be able to use it. Yeah. Cause that's something that'll just stay in the family for, for like fucking decades. Honestly, my like Honda civic, my, uh, my Honda civic to my brother. And you know, even though it feels like a clown car, every time I drive it, I'm like, you know, I know what, I know what it's going to do. It's just going to keep going. It's just going to keep going. Exactly. Exactly. The difference between the plaid and the long range Tesla is,
is literally only 22 miles in range. But you lose, like, 1.1 seconds in the 0-60 and, like, fucking 300 horsepower. Road tripping in a Tesla seems really irritating just because of how it works. My buddy's...
Like aunt and her husband did a road trip from Massachusetts. And this isn't a Tesla from Massachusetts down to Key West, Florida. And then from there they went up and then across the Southern United States all the way to L.A.
So I think that Tesla has done a pretty good job of rolling out their little supercharger stuff. Yeah. But they're generally all over the place in Los Angeles. I mean, we see there's a lot of Teslas in Austin, too.
But I understand how in the less techie centers in the United States, they'd be hard to find. Right, if you're just driving across the Midwest, what do you do? Yeah, exactly. And I had to charge a thing like two times in three days. The low spec model has like two... You were driving a lot, though. I was driving a lot. I was driving a lot, granted, but I'd charge it. I get like...
you know, 180 miles out of it. Cause I was also, I was also kind of pushing it. So, so, you know, you don't get, you don't get the full. Maybe weren't going at the most effective. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. The car also drives itself, which was nice. Um, but it makes you keep your hand on the steering wheel, like a freaking idiot. So I can't even look at my phone while the car's driving itself. That's really, really, really helpful to dodge the oncoming traffic as you're going the wrong way down the street. Right.
Imagine that. You just pull up to the wrong way on a freeway. Turn on auto drive so it just touches the wall. And it's just like it's a game of Frogger. But no, man, the Teslas are really fun. It's not a complete car experience, I don't think, especially if you're in the car for a long period of time. Right. It's rather bare bones. It's rather cold, I'd say. It's cold.
It's not friendly. That makes sense. Yeah, the one thing that Schley was mentioning when he talked about the reason why he likes his new car more is that for better or worse, it looks like a spaceship. And I think that that's something a lot of people like, but I think it's all because it's a very modern... It's as modern as you can really get with the look of a car. There's not many cars on the market that look like this. No, there's not. There's not. Not many cars can fart at people. Not many cars can drive...
Period. Not many cars can drive. Is that the end of the thought? They can't drive themselves around. Weirdly enough, most cars don't. Yeah. But I mean, hey, Tesla. Daddy Musk is going to take me to the moon. Daddy Musk. Dogecoin. Dogecoin. Bitcoin. Dogecoin. Saturday Night Live. Wario. Wario. Wario. Wario.
Wario. Something I noticed in LA is that people who live there really like this, really like living up to this. I'm in LA and I'm rich aesthetic. I agree with that. And I, one of the things that I've always been interested in is like, there is a very different type of, there's like, when it comes to influencer types in LA, there's like,
Because I've met a couple of the different zones of influencer folks. Because you've got the TikTokers and those people, and they're almost in their completely own world. And then you've got the YouTuber folks, which are people like, I don't know, like Eddie and Gus. They're a glorious group. They're very, as I've said in the past, honorable individuals. And they're like normal people. And then you've got the people wearing...
I pointed these out when we were at dinner the other day. Not that we love Max, but stereotypically, there's a certain type of pants that I feel like I see the real influencer types wearing. Oh, describe them. They come in jeans, they come in khakis, but they have this point starting in the lower mid-thigh down to past the knee that is like this gills.
Do you know what I'm talking about? I do. I got a... I, like, picked up a pair of sweatpants like that at one point, had them on once, and I was like, fuck this. This sucks. I hate them. So they've just been collecting dust in the back of my closet. I know exactly what you're talking about, though. Like, those... The, like, ridges all the way down. Yeah, the ridges. Exactly. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, so the ridges... And I think that... Here's the thing. The ridges sort of explain it all.
I think it all comes down to the ridges. You get what I'm saying here? The ridges cause all of the problems that exist with the L.A. individuals. Exactly. Hey, riches get ridges. That's what they say. Well, hey, look. Also, you go to a place like Ludwig's house, who just lives in the most beautiful, beautiful fucking area I've ever seen. And you show up and Ludwig is like, he's like wearing, he just wears a turtleneck.
Like he just wears a turtleneck now and dress pants around. Like, dude, you stream on Twitch. Yes. To relax. The man wears a turtleneck. Didn't he change into that for the roast? No, no. This is what he wears. This is what he wears. Really? What the hell? Like, like, yeah, yeah. And they all had these beautiful pets.
They've got this beautiful cat that's got like glowing yellow eyes. And the dog is all puffy. Every house we went to, the pets were really pretty looking. Exactly. And it must be an L.A. thing because like, dude, Jambo is a mutt. They're all lightly colored.
This dude was adopted for zero dollars because he had ringworm and he's just an orange cat and he's got brown eyes and he's barely born. I have a couple of funny rats upstairs. Well, that's the thing. Where else do you go? Where else do you go where all the animals are like these designer fucking babies? It's like they were made in a lab, bro. Yeah.
Every person we went to, we went to Ludwig's place. He's got a beautiful cat, a beautiful dog. We went to Pokimane's place. Poki has a beautiful cat. Mimi, who has hundreds of thousands of followers on her Instagram account. She's got the ridges. She has the ridges. She absolutely has the fucking ridges. That cat looks like it makes more than most people. Dude, that cat's got the ridges hard.
That cat will follow people around. In a store? Hoping for a follow back. And then we went to Alpharad's place as well. You forgot about Ray's dog. Oh yeah, Ray had a Shiba Inu who was like the most gorgeous, just pure white dog. That is by far one of the prettiest dogs I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah, of course, of course. That dog was...
Extremely nervous. Extremely nervous. But he wanted... It was weird because at first I thought, oh, this must be potentially a rescue dog or something because the dog was just so nervous. And she said that the dog's nervous around men. So I was like, oh, that's another thing that happens with rescue animals. But the dog...
He simultaneously wanted to be near us while also having wanted nothing to do with us. So it was sitting there in between. Have a good time on the couch. Be involved. Yeah, he wanted to be involved. I think maybe he was like he was watching us to make sure that we didn't kill Pokemon or something like that. I think that that was probably what was going through his head. So he was like, I really hate this, but I need to be here because it's my responsibility.
But it was a good dog, though. They got more comfortable later on when we were petting them. Yeah. I was slapping him. And this may sound bad, but he was... And very well might be as well. Using the dog as like a drum. I was beating him. No, don't say that.
I was slapping him. He was doing the dad pat on the dog. Yeah, a little pat. Usually with the dad pat, it's like a...
And then it's over. I understand. It's stressful getting to that. You got to drive all the way to this place. You go the wrong way down the street. You got to fucking wreck into a couple people. You get stressed out because, you know, you just want to fart at some old woman. She goes into cardiac arrest. And by the time you roll up at this house, you just want to beat a dog. I was just feeling angry. What do you want from me? But no, I was giving him some pets.
And it was the dog was like very, very nervous up until the pats.
Right when I started patting him, he just calmed right down. And he was smiling and he was licking. It was great. Part of me wants to think that the reason why the dog was doing that was because they were just so utterly confused at what was going on in his body. Like there was a strategy that had never been tried before. So he was trying to be like, I think I like, no, I'm not sure. It was like he was getting a massage for the first time. What is this? What's going on? Yeah. Yeah.
But, I mean, what else did we... I mean, Shalott and I, we made a video. You said you went to Alpharad's house. We went to Alpharad's place. Oh, yeah. We went to Alpha's. And he has two more... Two beautiful cats. They're all... All the cats have this scrunched up face. Like, they got punched as a child. Like, dude... It's like a hug of cats. And that is... And that is... That's literally the only reason why they're expensive. Like, these are designer cats. And people will pay more money so that the breed are just like... Boom! Boom!
punches him right as the baby is made and scrunches its face up. I imagine a...
An assembly line sort of situation where it's all got guys with gloves. And like the babies are born and then they pick them up and then they with their like thumbs and index finger, they just squish the face and then put it back on the assembly line and it keeps going. Oh no. Well, because you know how a baby, like a human baby, when it comes out of the womb, it's like the skull is... And you squish its face a little. The skull is soft. Soft.
And supple. That's why you don't drop a baby. And malleable. Yeah, malleable. Yeah, you say, uh-oh, honey, this one looks like he's gonna be a little gross. Let me just rearrange it a bit. Danimals crush cups! Um...
But yeah, a lot of pretty cats. A lot of pretty cats. A lot of very pretty cats. A lot of very pretty cats. A lot of nice houses. Oh, my God. I mean, L.A. is fun. Here's the thing. I like L.A. in very small doses because if I'm living there, I'm not going to be like hanging out with people every day. But if I visit, then I am. And the – I guess the – You spent a lot more time with me than I thought you would.
when you came out i did i did but also you you uh you were like oh well here's the thing because i thought you were going to be super busy so i was like i was trying to get involved in every all the stuff that you were doing like you had no i get on because i was like how else am i going to see him um but you ended up you had to end up crashing at my place one night because connor lost the fucking key to our airbnb and he was like oh crap
I don't know what would have happened to this key. I don't know. And I was just like, okay, well, I'm not driving back an hour to our place in Anaheim to find that we can't get in. And so I stayed at Ted's and Connor drove out to the B&B. And I get a text from him in the middle of the night that's just like, hey, I got in. I climbed up.
to the second floor of the apartment complex and I weaseled myself in somehow. I was... Basically, when we got back to my place, he needed to sleep immediately so he stayed on Monsieur Dijon and then I closed the door and Shredd probably conked out by then and I'm waiting to see if...
Connor can or cannot get back into the place that they're staying at because if he can't if I was Connor even if I was probably tired I wouldn't like I'm a big size difference between me and Connor but I probably wouldn't try to like weasel into into the apartment so I'd probably be driving back so I was like ready for Connor I was ready to have to stay up to let Connor into my place so then I get a text from him and he's like he's like yeah I climbed in through a fucking vent and
He's a fucking imposter. He's a fucking imposter. He climbed in through a vent. The one time I ever had a thought to do this, and it happened to me, I lost the key. Literally, I jump on top of the fucking thing. I'm halfway over feeling like, oh, God, finally I get to break into my own B&B. And I look up and immediately make eye contact with the owner who literally just stays above exact.
where I live and has met me once at night so they don't know that I'm the person that stays there so I like desperately am trying to demonstrate like I look around like oh no where's the key that I totally would have but I'm staying here so it was the only choice and I'm trying to like fucking demonstrate this just like through mimery oh god but I know I'm glad he got he had a smoother entrance man
Wait, you can't just end there. What happened in that situation, Charlie? Listen, man, it's just a comparison, all right? Like, you know, it's just a comparison. What happened in that situation? I mean, I lost my keys. I tried to jump it.
Uh, and I had my little bit of fuckery and mimery and the guy was like, what? And so he came outside actually. Uh, cause I waited there. I was like, it would be weirder if I sped up. Um, so I waited there for him. He came around, uh, and I just said, like, I started out the second he rounded the corner. I was like, Hey,
I'm Charlie. I'm the guy that's staying here. Like, you know, remember when we, remember when we met, I like fucking referred to him by name. I just like quickly tried to convey that like, yeah, this is totally me. And then he was like, oh yeah, that's totally fine. Like, you know, um, I've had that happen too. So we were good after that. Uh, you know, but it was still a, it was a little bit of a rush. Yeah. No, it ended totally. It ended totally fine. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Let's try to diffuse. Wow.
And speaking of Connor as well, sounds like we've actually got him right over there on Schlatt's end. Connor, can we get another word? So do we have anything else that we did? You did Schlatt that you want to talk about when you were in LA? Yeah, guys, this just sounds like so much fun.
We went on many, many dinners. Many dinners. Many nice dinners. Lots of pretty good food, huh? It was basically really good and you weren't there, Charlie. So, I mean, if I'm being honest, that kind of like... Like in spirit, I was there, though. Well, no, it was more like, I mean, you were involved, but it was more like the absence of you was what made it really fantastic. Oh!
That's right. That's right. And that's fine that it would be that way, you know? We had this wonderful, magnificent, soft, savory, juicy, hot, cock-thick snow beef. I get it.
of the sandwiches i'm the meat of the sandwich and sometimes you gotta watch your blood pressure dude black truffle mashed potato yeah and just you describing it i can taste it almost like i was there but emphasis on this i wasn't we had vos
Voss water. Voss water. Oh my god. Which was so much better than Evian, the bastard water of France because Evian tastes like pool water and Voss tastes like the tears of Jesus. I was here drinking top.
It was really just tap. I'm just trying to blend in with you guys. All right, man. I'm just trying to make fancy water. This is the second occasion. Charlie, you're now officially the second member that has shed a tear on the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. Bro, I'm not crying, dude. And we're, what, 17 episodes in? It's hot in here, man. My eyes are dry. Something kind of wet themselves up.
All right. Well, I mean, what else is there to even talk about, I mean, about L.A.? I mean, I suppose we've got like 15 minutes left on this podcast. I mean, it sounds like there's nothing else. Like, that was everything, right? I mean, it really just couldn't get better, you know? We've got...
Some news that's been going around. I don't know if I... I've thought about the fact that maybe we should add a little news bit to the podcast. Yeah, I got some... You know, where we can talk about what's going on with me. Suck it up. Suck it up. Suck it up, bro. Come on, man. Come on. I've got lots of fun stuff going on, too. You're bringing us down. The vibes are off now, bro. You're breaking it. I'm going to channel my inner Los Angelite.
All right. The vibes are off, bro. That's not real, dude. That's not real. You're vibing at a totally different frequency than us. Okay. All right. Oh, God. Make the wavelength a little thinner and vibe on the same spectrum. I can't, dude. I can't. My frequencies are fucking jumbulated. Listen, I don't care that your frequencies are jumbulated.
What you're doing right now is okay. This is like I'm in the parking lot of a Parkinson's. Right now I feel my birthstone cracking. What's the place called? Pavilions? I feel my birthstone cracking. I'm in the parking lot of a pavilions trying to get my Honda CRV out.
And you're coming down the wrong way in the parking lot, which is inconveniencing my day by seconds. Dude, you are realigning my stars right now. I'm a Leo and I'm looking up and my star signs are realigning right now. You're freaking my energy. You're freaking my energy. You know what? As a Sagittarius, fuck you. It's blue now! UFOs. UFOs?
UFOs. Is this the news segment? I like to think that this is the news segment. I don't know. I've just been seeing a lot of shit in the news lately about people talking about UFOs. I haven't. Really? No. I've got this news article from NBC. UFOs are about to make their way to the U.S. Senate. Here's what to know.
What do you mean they're about to make, like, crash into it? They're going there? What does that mean? They're just going to fly into it? Yeah, no, that was definitely an interesting, that's, the wording of that is definitely to grab some clicks. I think the topic of UFOs is heading to the U.S. Senate. But basically, this is about, like, because the Trump administration, they did this whole thing where they gave the government, like, a certain amount of time to, like, talk about, like, UFOs and stuff.
I guess what we're learning recently is that they have been seeing UFOs a lot over the years. Wow, that's weird. And they have just not been telling people.
I believe that. I totally believe that. Yeah, I mean, I guess why would they? There's these U.S. military videos that were released that talk about this thing called the Tic Tac, which is a... Saw that as well. Yes. It's basically a video of this flying object that is in the shape of a Tic Tac.
that moves with no visual that doesn't have wings it it goes from like zero to 100 in like
It doesn't look like it accelerates or decelerates according to inertia. It just changes direction at a right angle if it wanted to. You think it was just like a bug? It doesn't have exhaust plumes or anything like that. Yeah. What if it was the imposter? It looks like it might be the imposter. What if it was the new map?
From Among Us. That's what I just... That is what I just said, dude. What if it's the new map, Ted? What if it's the new map? I saw you in Med Bay being sus. I saw you in Med Bay. Suddenly, out of the tic-tac fell a smaller crewmate-shaped object. Almost appeared to have been possibly ejected? Emergency meeting. So, can you imagine if it lands? It lands. And then everybody walks up to it.
And then the crewmates start twerking. Out of nowhere comes a big fat space suit. And Among Us becomes real. Have you ever noticed that on a lot of videos that are for kids where they talk about Among Us, they always say Among Us. Among Us. Among Us.
I watched a video while he was at my place where we, it was, it was this video by Danny Gonzalez, where I was talking about this one YouTuber where they, they're practically a parody of kids channels. And, um, and he always says like,
Alright guys, today we're going to be doing a 3am challenge where we talk to the imposter from Among Us. Like he doesn't even say the fucking name properly. Is it a parody? Or would that be too good? It's gotta be because it's just like randomly done. Like there's like a fucking Among Us character and like
They lock him in a room and then they open it and then they like, they come in and he's like watching like James Charles. And he like, the guy looks at the camera. He's watching James Charles. He's supposed to be canceled.
And that's why it's funny. The Among Us imposter is making me watch Dixie D'Amelio videos. He's watching David Dobrik. He's not allowed anymore. Is David Dobrik the Among Us imposter? Yeah, exactly. And it's like this person who's dressed in like this giant red fucking Among Us character. Is David Dobrik still on Kill Cooldown? Yeah.
Oh, no. Wow, that's probably the edgiest joke you've ever made on the podcast, Charlie. Bad Amogus bit there.
Hey, Charlie, you want to come take a ride on my excavator? Oh, no. Swing you around, show you a good time, show you the world, everything nice. It seems, Charlie, it seems like you might have an eye for some fun. It seems like I might have opened a can of worms here. Charlie, you seem like the kind of guy that would have a good eye for some fun. Uh-oh, guys. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Edgy memes for the David Dobie. But basically with the UFO shit, I mean, they're talking to Obama. Obama's saying that there's some things I just can't... The UFOs are talking to Obama? No, Barack Obama's saying to James Corden, there's just some things I can't tell you on air when it comes to aliens. Oh. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Hmm.
Perhaps Obama invented a new Among Us map. I think it's too... The universe is so big, it just doesn't make sense that we're the only people here, you know? It would be stupid, right, if we were? Then it'd just be like, ah, fuck, man. I'm even down for sludge. I'm even down for sludge. I'm even down for some four-dimensional bullshit. I'm down to go to Mars and see a box and be like, that's...
a bot it's a box guy like i don't care it's a box man it's gonna be some really weird shit right i mean when you know whenever it comes out if it's in our lifetimes if we see it if anyone else sees it i don't know it may be it may be something just completely incomprehensible i mean you know for lack of a better word very alien to us um but i remember watching a documentary at some point and i think the thing that really stuck with me was like
Our reference, like, the human mind obviously has a very large desire to categorize everything. And as such, you know, we draw comparisons everywhere in our daily life. Yeah, right, nerd. Dude, shh.
So, you know, we have a tendency to, whenever we do aliens and media or whatever, they're always based on something we already know. Oh, you're talking about the Fermi Paradox. Whether that's an animal, but, you know, whatever we actually do end up discovering is going to be so far off the beaten path of what we actually can draw comparisons to that, you know, like, I don't know, is it even going to be recognizable as life? Is it even going to... Yeah, we could have already found it, you know? And maybe we did. I mean...
I don't know. If we truly are alone in the universe, though, that sucks ass, man. That's so boring, dude. It would be. I want a new seed, gamers. But what would you... I mean, let's say an alien... On this UFO stuff, though, I do want to say that, like, you know, I feel like...
Logistically, I just want to say, like, oh, it's probably some fucking experimental bullshit that they're flying around. Because for my brain to... I feel like UFOs are only linked to aliens because of the kind of culture of it and the pop culture of it. So, I mean, let Barack Obama prove me wrong. But until then, I have to assume, like, okay, it's some weird experimental shit that someone is doing somewhere. You know, maybe that's because of the frequency of it. Maybe they, I don't know, have some sort of weird...
macho accelerato drone. Honestly, I feel like either option is going to be just as crazy. If you've got one side, you've got aliens. Okay, shit, we're not alone. Bro, I
Bro, on one side, there's aliens. On the other side, oh my God, they made a fast tic-tac. That is just genuinely not nearly as cool to me. How could you even say it? Like, oh God, I'm going to open my mouth, fly it in all the way from China, baby. Orange flavor. But think about this. Not too fast. It is a...
It is a aircraft that literally surpasses anything that we currently understand in how it like accelerates, moves around. It doesn't show up on radar. Like all of those things all at the same time. And someone just randomly has one of those. And like they just send it to this like small part of the government where it's like, this is so confusing to us that we can't even be
begin to try to explain it. Why would it be? So here's the thing. In a world where constantly we're finding all these fucking crazy-ass phenomenons, I swear to God, I watch a video every day. I'm like, what the goddamn hell that thing exists? There's like...
jellyfish at the bottom of the ocean. They're like 80 feet long. They got lots of tendrils. They're all funny. There's all sorts of weird stuff that by all means you look at and you're like, I conceptually could not believe that that existed before this moment. It is hard for me to think that... It is hard for me when presented a UFO for my brain to go, that's definitely like... Aliens are the first possibility because there's just so many different things that I may not even know, that I don't know, that it could be
But it being aliens would be pretty cool. I got to say, right? Yeah. I think I like the idea of aliens. We've already started. How long is it that we've been fucking with space? You know, we've been fucking space for a long time.
man. No, we haven't. Well, how, I mean, okay, so the question really is how much have we really been fucking space, right? I mean, in the grand scheme of things, we haven't really been fucking anything for too long. And with the compression of goddamn time and how much quicker we're doing anything, it really... Space was fucking us.
Space always is going to be fucking us. It really is a question of how much of space we can even fuck in the first place. That's how we got water on the planet. Bunch of little meteoroids carrying little pieces of water hitting the Earth over a long period of time. Then we got water. All of a sudden, we have oceans. That's a lot of meteorites. Meteorites. Hitting the planet. And... But...
Shalit, you bring up a good point. I mean, we have not really been fucking with space for very long at all. We haven't even really been writing for that long. Like, words. We haven't been recording. Dude, we haven't been doing much of anything by that long. And it is also a bummer to know that, like,
As it stands now, until there is just some absolutely bonkers shit, maybe there never will be. Even our capabilities for how far out we can even look in the scheme of the universe is really pathetic. Which is why... It's fucking pathetic and sad, and we should be ashamed of ourselves. It's so sad. It's so, so sad. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! If there is a UFO flying to me this instant! I don't know. I feel like...
I feel like within our lives, we're not going to see anything like that, but it would be really cool to... Within our lives? You don't think so? How? I mean, that's not where anyone... We're only four or five centuries away from Halo time. Whose priorities are on that stuff right now? The Halo series happens in the year...
2,500. Yeah, but, you know, like, Back to the Future happened in 2020, and they had hoverboards, and we have TikTok. Like, shit sucks. I have always thought in my brain that that is a pretty realistic timeline, and when we are, like... Like, it's probably gonna be, like, 400 years, maybe. 400, 500 years before we're doing, like, that shit, like, that Halo shit, which is why I really like the Halo time period that it occurs in, because you always see shit. Like, there's always movies...
That do alien based stuff. And it's like in the year 2015. And it's like they came out in like 1999. And you're like, are you serious? You really think that a kid's going to.
be born and then by the time that he's... In the year 2050, aliens have completely integrated into our society. You think by the time this dude's 16 years old... And love Tic Tacs. You think that by the time that this child that was just born that can drive, that we're gonna meet aliens and they're gonna be fully integrated into our infrastructure and society? Like, give me a fucking break. Bro, I don't think any aliens worth their salt that can even find us. Why the fuck would they ever want to interact with us, man? Shlap, what would you do
If an alien landed, let's say, you're walking around Times Square...
and an alien lands you know middle of times square and they come out what are you doing running yeah i was gonna say if your answer isn't running you've evolved wrong would you run or would you shoot it you can't have a gun in in times square uh i probably run into the subway system hop over the little turnstile that i did every single time uh i wanted to enter the subway uh
And I'd run into the city, into the inner bowels of the subway system and live with the mole people. I'd run into the tunnels and eat rats for ten years. I would. I could eat rats. And come out when there was no more alien. I could eat rats. Ted, what would you do? I honestly don't know what to say if your reaction is anything other than run realistically. Ted's like, I'm going to dress up as a milkman and ask them questions. I'm going to paint myself blue and put our fingers together.
You think I'm going to dress up as the milkman and answer like in the monumental human moment and I'm using it for YouTube clips? Dude, a vlogger is so going to be the first one to go. I'm just saying right now. I mean, like, consider this. Like, you're joking, Shled, but like...
That's like a pretty good idea. It's a pretty good idea, Ted. It's a pretty damn good idea. If I was in advanced civilization and I landed on a planet and I immediately got clout chased, I would glass that shit. That's all I'm saying. That was the first thing that happened. No, because it would be an epic prank video. I would pretend to be sort of a representative and I would say this is...
This is the garb. There's no more milkmans around, so I'm the only milkman they're ever going to see. So I'm going to say, this is the official wear of the leader of the world. And that is me. Can I interview you? And they definitely at this point already have, like... At this point, Google's got...
Like the fucking thing you speak into and it'll spit out Japanese for someone when you're going to visit Japan or something like that. So they definitely have been doing that thing that the Transformers did in the original Transformers movie where they used the entire worldwide web to learn the language. So they've already got a translator on them. So I'm already going to be interacting with these people if they're in a different space. What if there's a big goo puddle that comes out? I don't know. I just think realistically...
We'd probably be able to interact with them in some way, right? No, I don't think so. I think that if that was a goal of anything, it would probably try and set up somewhere and survey first before trying anything like that. So maybe that's what the UFOs are. I don't know, guys. Making some conspiracy theories out here. Maybe that's what the birds are.
Maybe that's... And it is. You know, you're not just gonna land in the middle of a populist center and fucking start doing the renegade, you know? Well...
I mean, I don't know. I think I speak for myself. Sort of. I think that you guys just sort of have unrealistic standards of what the aliens are going to do. Like, I'm probably going to be interviewing the first aliens that come to Earth and you guys are going to look so fucking stupid. Listen, if it's not even funny, how stupid I just I can't even imagine being an alien and just being like, yeah, I'm going to land in the middle of this city where there is a man with a milk
and a microphone strapped to a milk bottle looking up at my spacecraft. Yeah, imagine them looking down and I'm there in full milkman garb just like with my fists clenched. The wind blowing back your hair! Yeah, the wind of Times Square, the very well-known wind gusts of gales of Times Square blowing my hair and I point, I just point and I say, and I gesture, get the fuck down here.
You know falcons thrive in New York City because of the airways that form naturally between the buildings? Yeah. No, I didn't know that. What do you mean, yeah? Fuck, dude. That's going to be a fun fact. No, I just wanted to say yes, you'd be disappointed. I didn't know that. I was. It does make sense, though, that pigeons are there because the natural form of pigeons before they became fucking sky rats was they used to live on cliff faces.
Fuck pigeons. Terrible things. They are really terrible things. I mean, hey, they clearly did something right, right? There was a thing I had to do when I originally moved into my place in LA where I had to wash pigeon shit off of one of the windows in my kitchen because when the...
when the rental lady was showing it to people, she had one of the windows open, one of those crank windows that it sort of like changes its angle and then it's just, you got a little slit. But for some reason, that little slit created a little ramp outside of the place. And the pigeons were sitting directly above where that window was sitting out. So whenever they took a shit,
It would land on the window. So I had like four weeks worth of pigeon shit on this just one window that I had to clean off when I first got there. Oh my God, it sucked. I was pissed because it's like, why is the pigeon... Because you could see up on the thing, there was so many other spots that the pigeon...
could go, but they were waiting in line to shit off of that one spot. Do you guys... Listen, I'll be honest. I'll be completely transparent on the Chocolate Sandwich Podcast. If a pigeon or a seagull flies directly over my head, I definitely get ready. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I get in an athletic stance 90% of the time. Have you ever been shit on by a seagull? Not yet. My aunt's gotten it before. Okay.
I've witnessed it. I wonder what percentage of people have had that happen. Grace has been shit on by a pigeon. Really? How did she react when it happened? She screamed. She screamed. What did you do? She got shit on in Dublin. I wasn't there. She got shit on in Dublin and didn't have time because she was going to class so she just kind of had to sit through her entire day with shit on her shoulder.
No way. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't feel like that craziest story. It just feels like it would suck. No, no, that is, that does suck. No, you, you were right. Have either of you, have either of you guys been shat on, shitted on? I don't think I have. I don't think I have, but I think I've gotten damn close. No, I remember getting damn close. Like, like one of those sort of like, I see a white,
go across my eyesight and then I looked down. Or perhaps it was a UFO. Tic-tac UFO. Perhaps it was a UFO. It moved beyond the bounds of Newton's laws.
Pigeon ships. Perhaps they're all around us right now and we just don't know because we're not in the right dimension to perceive them. Viewers, listeners, keep your mouths open. I think that the real aliens are the ones that we keep inside our hearts. Wow. What the hell does that even mean? What does that literally even mean? And the podcast. I think we're out of time now anyways. The real aliens were the birds we met along the way. Thanks for chuckling. The real aliens were the
snobby LA folk that we parted at with our cars along the road. Thank you so much, folks, for listening to this episode of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. Tune in next week for danger. Let's just end it there. All right. Look out! Bye-bye.