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This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock.
It's a big day this week. Are you wearing a chain, Ted? Excuse me? You're wearing a chain. I am. Why? I told you I'm in my fashion era. No, I know you're in your fashion era. Okay. But that would lead someone to assume that you'd be dressing fashionably. I am. A chain, bro? A chain. What's next? You're going to smoke some pot? What do you mean? You're going to be a druggie? You're going to be... I already do smoke pot. Okay.
Actually, I eat pot according to my one of my most popular videos of me eating the 400 milligram edible of which you used a fucking massage gun on me while I was deep in the fucking edible hole. You know what this is like? This is like the second season of Bakugan Battle Brawlers. Please do indulge me on what that means. The main character, Dan...
He saves the world in season one. He does it all. He gets all the women and he pulls up in his brand new spanking bicycle with a leather jacket and a fucking chain that runs from his jeans and like loops in his... I watched season two, episode one, or maybe even the last episode of season one.
where he gets this whole new transformation and I started crying. - You crying? You started crying about it? - Yes, crying. Is there a f*cking animal behind you? - Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.
Hey everybody, welcome to- What is going on? Hey everybody, welcome to the new episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Oh my god. Oh my god. He got an animal. No, I didn't. I didn't get an animal. You had an animal. There's an animal behind you. No, I'm just keeping track of one. I'm keeping track of one. Keeping track of one? Yeah, I'm keeping track of it. Okay?
I'll introduce you to the animal right now. I'm cat-setting. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a cat in Ted. I've never seen this before. I've never seen Ted with an animal, period. He's wearing camo. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's Ted. Was that camouflage pants, brother? Yeah.
That's so cute. This is Zelda. That's a cute freaking cat. Zelda the cat. Who stinks a little bit right now. Whose kitty cat is that? This is my friend's cat that got a business trip thing. Whose kitty cat is that? Whose kitty cat is that?
Yeah. They live like right next to me. So I was like, they found him on the streets. It's a street cat. Oh, it's like, uh, it's like your, it's like your other. Yeah. No, like, well, no, it's, it's like spade and all that. But, uh, but he, he was living on the streets before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, she was, she was living on the streets and, uh,
I am learning things about what it's like to live with a cat because cats only with this the cat's been with me for like two days now um and I'm learning things on what it's you know it's not that much work necessarily like I just give it like the kitty pate because it's like three months old I give it like the kitty pate and it's like you know fill the bowl but
It's a kitten, so it's like a fucking psychopath. Yeah, man. Dude, when I got Jambo, he was three months. This is taking me back. Now he's an old fucking sack of shit. Yeah, no, this cat, like, I don't know how big it's going to get, but I'll be trying to go to sleep...
And this motherfucker will like not be ready to go to sleep itself. And it likes to do this thing where it'll purr. And it'll be like, it follows me around the place. I think the cat likes me a lot. It would follow me all around the place. And it'll start doing this purring thing. I'm like, oh, you ready to, you want to get pet? Is that the scenario? Nope. Starts biting at me. Starts biting my fingers. Starts attacking me and stuff.
In a playful way. But the cat will like do this thing where I'm like, I'm trying to go to sleep and it's also happens in the morning and I'll be sleeping there and I'll hear the cat purring and I'm like, this isn't actually a good thing because the cat will come up to me and start like start biting my chin and like, and like putting his paws on, put his paws on my face and stuff. And I'm like, dude, what are you, what are you doing? I'm trying, I'm trying to do some stuff here and then it'll calm down and like sleep next to me. But,
Yeah, no. Street cats, man. It could be a little bit of an asshole. But when she got the cat, it was like this big. It was like this big. It could fit on your shoulder. Very cute. And it didn't know how to walk.
It was an idiot. Yeah. You need a cat. You need, you need an animal. I don't know. Cause I've had to take Zyrtec every day since this cat's been here. And. Oh, like allergy. Yeah. Like allergy meds. Cause I'm allergic to cats and. Oh, you're allergic to cats. And like my downstairs area of my apartment has just kind of like, just got this slight layer dusting across the floor of, of, of kitty litter that I have to keep vacuuming up because. So.
Yeah, it is an adjustment. And if you're allergic to cats, you probably shouldn't have a cat. But then there are those little weird ugly ones that look like, you know, like a ball sack. Oh, the skin, the, I almost said skinless cats. That would have been much worse. That's worse. That's a worse version. Yeah, the hairless cats. Yeah, no, those things are. Yeah. Yeah, no, that people, there are, there's a certain breed of person that looks at that cat and they're like,
That's the most adorable thing I've seen in my entire life. And it's like, no, what is that? That thing's a monster. I wouldn't trust anyone who says that shit. That's a hideous looking animal. How'd they even get, how'd they get rid of the fur on these cats? Were they come out that way? I don't know. It looks like a, it looks like a newborn, like gerbil or something, but it stays that way forever. Dude, if I, if I saw one of those fucking things, like if I was driving late at night
And I saw one of those things like crossing the road in front of my car. I would swerve to hit it. Yeah, it looks like a skinwalker. It's disgusting. That's a goblin. I would have not be surprised if that cat would go into the woods and then start speaking in English tongues and being like, help, help, help to lure people towards it so it could kill them. Help! Yeah. You're like, what the fuck? Was that a fully grown male? Help me!
Oh my god, Ted. That is adorable. Yeah, no. What is going on? The cat's playing. What are you even doing? It's adorable. Cat's just biting at the fucking. She's just biting your floor. She's just biting at the carpet right now. He's got nothing else going on. That's great. Yeah. There's nothing on that floor right there except a little wet spot where she peed. Hey, what is that? She pissed on the floor. Tucker, why is Ted just a floating torso?
That's a good question. There's been several times where there's been like pieces of plastic that the cat has been chewing on and I'm like having flashbacks to all the fuck. Son of a bitch. There you go. Bye. Now Tucker's got the best setup out of all of us. I'm just in front of a fucking green screen. Tucker's like, dude looks like he's on an episode of Fixer Upper.
My God, dude. Dude, are you kidding me? He's got a good fucking setup right now. Look at this. Audio listeners love your death. The cat pulled my fucking light thing out and now I'm sitting in half the light that I had before. So I don't know.
What's going on? Because the cat was relatively calm and just chilling on the fucking staircase. Because you know how my apartment works. And there's like... The cat... It's a normal place. There's just one floor. So the cat will mostly just sit right at the top of my staircase where you can see into the rest of the apartment and just as a little lookout thing. And they spend most of the day there. And then... Obviously, I want to show off the fact that I've got a cat running around here. And now that it's in here, he's going...
she's going fucking psycho right now. She's locked in. Maybe I should give him an option to leave. I bet you'll run right out. Oh, you got the sex lights on, dude. My hallway has always been red like this. The sex lights on. Sorry. Man, I'm really at the receiving end of a lot of scrutiny right now and I can't say that I'm the biggest fan of it. Hold up your hand. Do this. Do this. Other one.
- Bro, what is dangling off that wrist? What is dangling off that wrist? - It's just the bracelet. It's the bracelet I wore last time. - You're like Dan from Bakugan, man. And I'm about to start crying 'cause you switched up on me and Charlie switched up on me. - It's not even, you know what's crazy? - What?
You've got your thing. You wear your New York hats and your crewnecks every day and all of a sudden I try to experiment a little bit with my style and I'm actually feeling pretty good about it and you start trying to lambast me. You change, man. I didn't change at all. I'm still me. I've been the same guy and all my friends change on me. Really? Name more than just me.
Charlie, Slimesicle, who takes off his glasses and puts on his contacts and gets all sexy. What is it with this? Am I about to change next? So are you mad that I'm sexier now? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Am I about to have a nice glow up? Are you mad? Let me clarify here. Are you mad that I too have gotten sexier? Charlie, I'll admit, Charlie did it better.
not done. I'm in the process right now. Don't nod, Tucker. Don't nod. He's done it a little better so far, but there is room for improvement. Okay. There's room for improvement. I see something good in your future. Thank you. I can't imagine...
Charlie also got earrings though. I don't know if I could do that. Yeah, that's a big change. I don't know if that is something that... Do you notice he only got the gay ear too? I don't think... Only did the gay ear. You know, I feel like we as a society, as men, have heard of the gay ear for earrings for a long time. Unsure if it's ever been true. Unsure if that's... He got his gay ear pierced. He got his gay ear pierced.
Tucker, would you look up for me which ear... Is the ear gay or is the earing gay? He got his gay ear pierced. I know, but I don't know if that necessarily... Which gay ear is the ear? Okay, that's probably the worst way that you could have Google searched it, but did it work? Left. Left was straight.
Left was straight? He got his straight ear pierced. Okay. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. You had a 50% chance of getting that right too. I did. I did. You wanted it to be the gay ear. Now, what happens if you do both? Then you're buying. Fair. Fine. Fine. Okay. That felt a little self-explanatory. I guess. The right one is cock and the left one is pussy. And if you do both, then, I mean, you swing both ways. The left ear is...
Wait, the right ear is cock, the left ear is pussy. That's a really interesting way to describe that. Let me tell you about something, Ted. What? There is an iron trap door on the top of the Sphinx's head in Egypt.
Yeah. An iron trap door. Look up. You ever, you ever look up the top of the Sphinx's head? Well, before we move on to that topic, I do have a question for you about this fashion thing though. Okay. I want to know, I want to know what your, what do you think your development is going to be? What is my glow up going to be? Because the only thing I've really done here is just purchased different clothes.
Some of the clothes I've also already had that I've been wearing that you've judged me on. But really the major difference here is that I've just added a piece of metal around my neck. Yeah, look, it's just off-putting. Why? You feel like you're becoming a dirtbag. It's not like crazily different from how I dressed before. It still fits in a shirt. Yes, it is.
Yes it is. It's Dan from Bakugan. I just don't like it. Okay? Okay. I am not Dan from Bakugan. Zoom in on the top of his head. There's a giant iron trap door on the top of it. Sorry. I'm trying to get a... I was trying to hope there was an aerial view. Yeah. I just hope my glow up isn't fucking... It is so fucking busy there in Egypt.
Yeah. Yeah, this is kind of depressing that the pyramids are just in the sea of urban. Yeah. There was a video I saw. So for those listening, we're moving on to the Sphinx thing because last episode we actually said in the episode before it that we were going to do the Sphinx section. We did not. We did not. And we feel bad about that. So we're going to dedicate more time. So introducing this is Schlatt's Sphinx section. This is where he talks about...
The Sphinx. For twice as long as I usually will. Okay. Because we have to make up for missing last time. There's an iron trap door on the top of the Sphinx's head. Tell me what that's all about. I mean, I would have thought that you would have come with more information about the Sphinx here. Hey, I asked the questions. I know, but I don't. And you have to figure it out. I'm telling you, there's an iron trap door.
Okay. What is inside of it? What is the secret door? Tucker, hold on. Tucker, that is confirmed. Look at that on screen. Tucker, confirm for me that there's an iron trap door. It's like a manhole cover. What's it covering? Interesting. Maybe they drilled into it to see what was inside, if there was anything. Oh, yeah? So why don't we know what's inside of it?
I don't know. I mean, Tucker, go back to the thing you were clicking on earlier because it was like some pretty insane words there. No, no, the different photo. Yeah. What do you think the evil liars managing human history plan on telling us about the secret opening and passageways within the Sphinx into what many channelers, let's go to that Reddit post. There's several of them. R slash alternative history. Oh, this is R slash alternate history.
Look at that. - They hate the human world and they don't want humanity flourishing? What is this? Riddle of the Sands, Russian genius kid born on Mars claims that Egypt's Sphinx hold the secret that will change life on Earth forever? Okay, well if he's born on Mars, what the fuck does he know about Earth? Let's be honest. - I'm telling you, because the Egyptians don't even know what's in it. - What? - Because they found the Sphinx. They found it there.
Okay. And it used to be a dog and they drilled into it and they said, oh, the people can't know about what's inside of it. It's head, which is a chamber and its body, which is more chambers. And so they filled it up with iron and put a big old iron trap door on the top. Why do you think that there's so many chambers in it?
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Look up Perring's Hole. They've drilled multiple times into its head. Multiple holes in its head. You know a name for the hole. How do you know about the hole? They've drilled holes into it. You made that a button. They don't tell us what's inside the hole. Perring's Hole. Okay, Tucker, give us some information. Look at that photo, Tucker. What's he walking? That's a removable hole.
That is a removable hole? You can take that off. That is a fucking cover. Back up. Can you tell me what the fuck a removable hole looks like, Slap? Look, I'm telling you, look at this image that Tucker's got right here. That dude walking towards the, he's on top of the Sphinx and he's walking towards the back of its head. There is a fucking trap door on this thing. Right there, the square? Yes.
There's a hole on the back of the Sphinx, about four feet behind the head. It was made by Howard Weiss in the 1840s and has been dubbed Perring's Hole after his engineer. Seeking chambers, Weiss bored a 27 feet deep, but the drill rod became stuck. He tried using gunpowder to remove the rod, but it came up as though there's not further damage to the Sphinx. So exactly what I said...
Earlier? What? That they were looking for chambers when they drilled in there. Oh, so you're just going to believe what he said in the 1800s that there's nothing there. You're just going to believe him. I just feel like if they, like there's chambers in the pyramids, like they found those. Of course there are. Why would they lie about the Sphinx? They don't explore them. They're hiding them.
They're hiding them from us. That's what I'm saying. That's what this segment is all about. What do you think is in there? I don't know. Knowledge. Knowledge? Secrets. Secrets? Yeah. Yes. Yes. It'll tell us where the library went. Yeah. Like the Library of Alexandria. The Hall of Records is what it's called. I would hope it would be kind of like that library in Avatar.
Oh, that's exactly what I'm picturing. Yeah, I would definitely. And and I'd hope there's a fucking owl in there. What are you eating? You're eating on dirt. You're working right now. They drilled holes in this thing and they won't tell you what you're acting. You're acting like a crazy uncle right now. I'll tell you that much. You're acting like a crazy uncle.
You're eating a sandwich, wearing a New York Yankees hat, yelling about holes in the Sphinx in Egypt. Look up Great Sphinx Rump Passage. Rump Passage? Rump Passage. That means bum. It does. It does. Okay. You can get in there. Let me read it. Tucker. Tucker. Let me read it. Let me read it.
In 1926, the Sphinx was cleared of sand under direction of berets, which revealed an opening to a tunnel at floor level on the north side of the rump. It was subsequently closed by masonry, veneer, and nearly forgotten. So what do you think's in the rump then? Knowledge. Knowledge is a physical object. Yeah, like...
like an orb of knowledge like some something you eat like a berry like it's like a fucking you think there's fucking experience orbs floating around like minecraft experience orbs floating around in that chamber they're not telling us we have the technology to go in here we can get just a little fucking dji mavic 3 pro and the drone it in there yeah a couple hundred bucks just here's gonna look at the drone now we know what the drone is tucker
I don't. This ain't for you. They run those, you know those little cameras that they put up you during a colonoscopy? You know when you get a colonoscopy and they stick a little fucking camera up your ass? No, no, no. I'm just saying it's like on a bigger scale. That would be gory if they used that on a colonoscopy. There's a lot of blades spinning on the DJI Mavic.
I'm saying, Ted, they got one of those little fucking colonoscopy cameras and they stuck it into the pyramid, one of the pyramids, and they followed one of the passages until they found a door. Okay. Oh, Jambo has just turned off my camera. Jambo. Okay, I'm back. Jambo really wants what I'm eating. I'm saying right now, Ted, I'm saying to you right now, they drilled past the door and what did they find? Knowledge. Another door.
Another door. And then the government is like, no, we can't. I'm sorry. That's where it ends. And we'll never know because the government of Egypt is concealing knowledge because it drives tourism. What would happen? What would happen if we had some groundbreaking, groundbreaking discovery inside the pyramid or inside the Sphinx?
And we just found out about it. And it totally disrupted all these industries and everything. What do you think they would have figured out? It's all about the money. What do you think they would have figured out? They're withholding the knowledge because of the money. Okay. What money...
is in withholding knowledge. I'm sorry. Do you think that a company who sells medicine is going to stop selling medicine? You think that they've got, you think that they're going to,
There's going to be something that's going to change our way of life. No, yes, maybe. Wasn't the average lifespan in ancient Egypt like fucking 30 years old? Like weren't they living to like fucking like 40, like 45 was geriatric? I don't know. No. Tucker, look up the average age. That's just because it's skewed by childhood mortality. Oh, really? Yeah, that's why there were still old people in the old days. Okay, well, what's the life expectancy? Life expectancy of an ancient Egyptian?
Okay. 22 years for a male? Yeah. 22, 22 and a half to 25 years. You think a bunch of teenagers are running this show over there? And women for 35 to 37 years, not even 45. That's crazy.
That's crazy. Some of these people were getting, some of these people would be, have a year and a half of legal drinking age in the US and then they're kicking the bucket, man. So Ted, you tell me how a society of people who didn't even get to the legal drinking age were stacking that many fucking square blocks into a pyramid of that size. How the fuck did they know how to do that? 18 year olds in this country don't even know how to read anymore.
There's knowledge. That's the answer. Knowledge. There is knowledge that they had that we no longer possess. You're laughing. You're laughing. I'm laughing at the fact of you saying that 18 year olds in this country don't know how to read anymore. That was the thing that people were talking about in the news though. They're having a harder, like people going through school now are having a harder time figuring out how to read. I don't think they're doing phonics anymore. That's a problem. They're not doing phonics anymore. What the fuck is even phonics?
tucker doesn't know how to read that's probably because that's probably why on the google search he keeps going to the photos because he's like i understand this this is what i understand dude because kids these days they're just memorizing the the squiggles and they're memorizing how that set of squiggles looks and they can't fucking read it i'm trying to read the descriptions here and tucker's like yeah that looks like math let me look at the pictures
I'm just saying man there's a subterranean temple under the Sphinx and they're not telling you okay there's knowledge in there and listen this why is the Sphinx head so small well because it was a you you said we talked about this earlier you said it was a dog it used to be something else it was something else when they discovered it that's all I'm saying that's all I say dude Egyptology
Just saying, you think a bunch of fucking... Kids these days listen to fucking Skibbity Toilet all day. They have a conniption. If they don't go 15 seconds without seeing Skibbity Toilet episode 60. That's pretty fair. And you think those kids were building the fucking... Building fucking Sphinx and Pyramids back in the day? They could have been. Well, they were probably directed by at least a...
a wise 39 year old or something like that you know they were probably directed by someone of that i don't know man i lost we lost a devastating amount of knowledge other than not other than knowledge like give me give me just some options of what this knowledge would even be we can't even comprehend it dude king tuk was fucking 19 years old when he died we can't even comprehend it dude oh oh geez that's fucked wait what
reveal surprises oh he was ugly dude yeah no he wasn't he wasn't a looker man yeah no he was uh he was more of a thinker it was in his charm was in his personality jesus well there you go shlatt i mean
You have anything else to say? No, that concludes the segment. That concludes the segment. That was at least a full 15 minutes, the Egypt section for you today. I got a full two blocks of the Schlatt Sphinx section. So I'm happy. I'm happy. All I want is for us to start asking more questions. I want some more concrete stuff next time, though. I feel like... I want... Well, the concrete? You want to talk about the concrete and the pyramids? No, because they're made in sandstone.
You want to talk about the limestone cover? The gold capstone that was right at the top made of solid gold? The gold capstone? Yeah, of course that got taken. It's made of fucking gold, man. Yeah, now TraxNYC has it. What? Oh, you guys don't have them on your feed, dude?
Tracks NYC? Whoever hears that is going to think it's really, really funny. I can't believe you don't know Tracks NYC. I'm sure, Tucker. Yeah, no, I'm sure whoever knows what you're talking about is going to be rolling laughing about that. You guys haven't seen this guy? No. He's in New York. He, like, hands out a hundred cash. Yeah, I just didn't know my name. He gives people gold on the street. I just didn't know my name. That's pretty brilliant.
Sorry, I didn't know his username off the cuff. He's like a wicked New York City. Yeah, no, this is the guy that hands out, he hands out like a piece of silver to some of the people and half the time people like say no. Yeah, because they just think he's just some New York bum like, you know, handing out mixtapes. I got a 50 gram 14k gold nugget that I'm going to give away for free to you. Sir, would you like this gold nugget? Of course not. You're an a**hole.
Anyway, so we've got the gold nugget. Nobody's gonna want it. That's one person. If this guy right here doesn't want it, sir, free. Then we'll throw it in the woods. All right, so we're down to three more losers. Sir, a gold nugget. He doesn't want it. Okay, we got one more. Let's see. This guy right here.
It's right past it. It's all right. That would have got him in trouble. It's like $2,000 worth of gold. Let's see if this woman right here wants a gold nugget. Right here. Of course not. How about these two? Gold nugget right here? Of course not. How about you? A gold nugget? Nobody. Nobody wants it. Here's the thing. He's taking advantage of New Yorkers trying to get handed stuff all the fucking time. Well, nobody wants it. The scooter's back. The gold Percocet's melted. And it's all over. So let's go. Yeah, fuck him. He's lambasting. Fuck him. He's not taking my gold nugget.
Yeah, so that's Trax. He's in my feed all the time. He's pretty charismatic. He does the New York thing. Wow, he does the New York thing? I'm known to do that thing sometimes as well. Yeah, I think Shalette's familiar. Shalette's familiar with the New York thing. He does the New York thing all the time. Well...
We'll move on. We'll move on. The Sphinx section is done. Yeah, I'm like... The commenters can decide if they want more. I'd like... They can leave a nice comment. Hopefully, we dig in there and go to the Sphinx and maybe we try to... Maybe the knowledge that's offered in the Sphinx is...
More information about what's in the Sphinx. Maybe a bit of a menu or a guide. I'm just saying, bro. They won't tell us. They'll never tell us. It's 2024. Why the fuck we don't have a high-definition, explorable map of what the fuck is in those? It's crazy. It's just crazy. It's crazy.
That would suck if they send explorers in there too and they got stuck too. Have you ever heard of Nutty Putty Cave? They don't need to. They don't need to. Have you heard of Nutty Putty Cave? No. No, I haven't. I'm going to, this might actually ruin your day a little bit, but Nutty Putty Cave. This is, you know what spelunking is, right? Yeah, I know what spelunking is.
Like when people, the cave people that like to, well, they don't live in caves, but like they like going caving and they'll be letting out all the air in their chest and squeezing through fucking 10 inch spaces. It's awful. It's terrifying. I would never want to do that. Well, there's a guy who in, you know, 2009 was in this nutty putty cave and he was
like I guess took a wrong turn in the cave and the dude got stuck like head first facing down oh look up look up Tucker a diagram nutty putty cave diagram or like I have seen this an example of like what this guy yeah that's that's how he got stuck and that's where he died
he died in that spot all the blood was rushing to his head yeah no they they they closed off the cave and they left a memorial plaque for him there and that's where he that's that was his grave essentially they tried pulling him out yeah no he's still there they closed off the cave completely it's like a grave now basically play stupid games you know
Do you remember, Ted, in seventh grade when those miners got stuck? That was in seventh grade? Yeah. A few years ago. No, no, no. We were thinking about the kids. Elon Musk and his submarine is what you're thinking about. That's in the Malaysian cave. I think it was in Mexico. I remember the miners, though.
No, Chile. Chilean miners. I remember the miners. Yeah, there was like 50 of them, wasn't there? Yeah, and it took them like months, I think. Yeah, they were like transporting food down to them and stuff. It was like a whole ordeal. It was a whole ordeal. I do remember that. I do remember that. Why are we going in caves still? Knowledge, I guess, you know? I mean, that's if you're going to... Sometimes you need a place to keep the cheese, and caves are...
clearly the best place to put them uh so you got to explore all the caves to see where the best spots for cheese is uh but yeah no not not a not a not a huge fan of of the of the of the cave stuff and it made i don't know like if i had to think of a fear i'm not even really like i don't get claustrophobic like if i get into a like a smaller space i'm not like freaking out but like yeah
imagining being like unable to move where you can only scooch each way and that's the only thing you can do and like yeah that's awful that's like sure horrifying that's enough to make any rational person say i should go back and yet the guy kept going
And to make it even worse, he sealed his fate in a place known no other as Nutty Putty Cave. Nutty Putty Cave. Nutty Putty Cave. Fucking, that sucks. Dude got stuck in Nutty Putty for the rest of his life. That's the worst. For the rest of his life and then... That's the most unfortunate part of the whole story. All of history. That'd be sick if the cave was like called the fucking...
the the death's door cave gates of hell like what like if they called it that no bro died in nutty putty's embrace yeah nutty putty oh yeah buddy yeah yeah even though he's dead he should be embarrassed no actually that's this is tragic what happened honestly that's like but also don't do that don't yeah bro do that i mean the the amount he had to go i you'd think he'd be like
No, I like, I go back. I go back. Like, where's the satisfaction lie in the whole process? That's not tragic. I took it back. Don't worry. Okay. Where does this, I just want, I just wonder where, where does the satisfaction lie in that whole ordeal? Like for the person doing it, it's like, are they happy while they're, they're getting squeezed by the fucking.
bowels of the earth or is it when they finish and they're like i'm glad i'm free again like why are you thinking like can't wait to do that shit again yeah i i mean it makes you wonder you know i think some people are just into weird physical x tucker just looked up why do people spelunk and for the enjoyment of active activity or for physical exercise there's better ways to get fit look at this guy he's just yeah i wouldn't oh there's a kid
They're manipulating children into doing this. Look at this guy right there. He's just got his hands out. Something's got him by the leg. That's awful. That is the terrible, audio listener to the level of death, person with a red glove had to take their fucking helmet off in order to get through this little hole thing. Oh my God, that's awful. Tucker, would you ever do this?
Dude, you could not pay me to do it. I wouldn't do it for any sum of money. I'm glad I'm a fat fuck. I wouldn't even fit in there. Me neither. If you knew that if you had a 90% chance of living, what sum of money would you do it for, Tiger? 90% chance of living. No, it's not even about the living or dying, dude. I would just be so upset. $100 million. $100 million.
To go do this? Yeah. Deep in the depths of some faraway land? It could be. Honestly, it could be in Minnesota. There's a lot of American Splunking that happens. No. No, I'm not doing it. A hundred million dollars and you wouldn't do it? Dude, I really like my life. What the heck is a hundred million going to do? I had a good weekend. Well, that's a good way to look at it. I mean, probably make you have a really good weekend.
Yeah, you think about this. I had a bird's land on my hand, dude. You can't pay for that. But think about this. You go shooting at the range. You got your normal guns or whatever. But now you go shooting at the range and you've got like some... You get to shoot some really nice World War II weapons that are, you know, 30 grand or something to own. Drop in a bucket.
You wouldn't appreciate it. Think about the land and the amount of animals that you could have roaming. That's the one. Think about this. Imagine you just have a whole herd of elk that you own and you've got them all. You're tracking all of them and they live on your thousand acres of land or whatever.
Yeah, that is pretty cool. Yeah, no, it is pretty cool. And if you're like, how'd you make your fortune? I went through this hole in the ground. Two words. Nutty putty. Came out of the other side with a lot of cash. I had a particular interested investor in my ability to get through a cave. He really doubted me. He really doubted me and he had a lot on the line. Shalit, what about you? How much would you...
I'm already set for life, so I don't feel the need to walk through anything like that. Also, I'm a fat fuck, so I wouldn't fit. Yeah, you never see a fat person spelunking. No, that's true. I wonder why. None of these guys are even... It's a lanky man's sport, for sure. I'd probably get 50 pounds on everybody in one of these pictures. Minimum.
So do you think... Why is it all just a bunch of twinks in there? What are they doing? What are the secrets of the caves? We gotta get to the bottom of why they're putting all these twinks in them caves. We gotta get to the bottom of it. This is about as elusive as the Sphinx thing. Honestly, we gotta figure out where they're sending all these twinks into the depths. We should just send a fucking twink down the Sphinx's trap door. Yeah.
There's a bunch of them. There's a bunch of ducts in the Sphinx. There is. I mean, yeah. See, that kid can be having a good time. Look at this photo. Well, it's called Extreme Claustrophobia Cave Adventure. Camping Misadventure. Not only did the cave adventure go wrong, but the camping aspect also seemed to have something went wrong with it as well. But audio listen to the new depth. There's a kid just like screaming. You got to stay on the picture I'm talking about, Tucker Watson.
Oh, sorry. Well, when it's in post, it can be kept in one spot. I gotta describe it, though. Take it away from me. Yeah, no, he's screaming. It probably might be... Man, imagine... Look here with the Outdoor Boys YouTube channel. Today we're spelunking through caves. And my sons might die. Oh, well, this guy's a bad ass. Is it? Is it?
Oh my god! Wait, is that them? It is. It is outdoor boys. No fucking way! And their dad's taking them down. Hop in the car. Hop in the car. I'm starving. I actually, actually cannot fucking believe that I properly pegged that as an outdoor boys YouTube video. You've been in the business for a while. You've been in the business for a while, so that was pretty good. Holy fuck.
Nice job, dude. Wow. Could you imagine? Your dad's like, yeah, get in the cave. I need to get paid. Oh, yeah. Let's think about the content, kiddos. Fucking A. Yeah, he seems like a sweet guy, though. I've watched a couple of his videos, and they just seem... Oh, yeah. His videos are great. If he didn't seem sweet, it wouldn't work. That is true. Imagine he's just like an asshole. Get your fucking ass in the cave. I'm in the middle of Alaska. I'm going to make a fucking fire.
Oh, God. What a sweet individual. What a sweet individual. But yeah, that, you know, spelunking. Yeah, I wouldn't do that myself either. I don't think for any amount. I'd just be like, why? Why? It's a small, it's like a small person twink thing to do. And it's just not, not, not for me. Yeah. Ted. Yeah.
Put this one in your pipe and suck on it. New California bill could require cars to have speed limiter technology. Yeah, I saw this when you sent it in the topics and like, I don't think that this stuff, it's a bill. Like, it's not a law. This is about, this is like, they're talking about it. Bills become laws sometimes. This is your boy.
Senator Scott Wiener. Wiener. Democrat San Francisco. Introduce a new bill. It's already in Europe. The package aims to reduce traffic deaths and injuries statewide. SB 961 would require every passenger vehicle, motor truck, and bus manufacturer sold in the state to be equipped with speed limiter technology. Yeah, that would fucking suck. Mm-hmm.
Like, and how would you even like that? That kind of feels like a similar thing to like the car makers requiring you to have like fucking a subscription. Like BMW needs you to have a subscription in order to have heat in your car or something like that. Like, yeah, a lot of bullshit coming out of the car world these days. Although it's maybe not that bad because this wouldn't technically affect me because I personally don't drive more than 10 miles per hour over the, over the speed limit.
And the speed limiter system would prevent them from going more than 10 miles per hour with a speed limit. Well, I personally do do that. How much over? Frequently over 10. Usually 19, I think, is safe. 19, you think? Listen, in Texas, dude, the Texas cops are like the worst cops of all, too, when it comes to pulling people over and stuff. It's insane over there. But... But...
After saying but. Okay, thank you. I just think about like what if there's a, what if you're being robbed? What if something bad is happening and your car won't go any faster than you need it to? Yeah, like what if it's like the movie 2012 and it's like, and there's like some sort of giant title wave or something and you really needed to go 71. Yeah.
but the speed limit was 60. - Exactly. - You can only go 70. That would suck. - And I've been in new cars, dude. I've been in new cars. They try and display what speed limit it is based on your GPS and half the time it's fucking wrong. - Yeah. - Half the time it's fucking wrong. You imagine, there's a road that I'll get on frequently. We call it a highway. There's an 80 mile per hour speed limit on it. And on this road, my vehicle,
believes that it is a 35 mile per hour zone yeah how would that work how would that work for like areas where it's like like a dirt road in the middle of nowhere what does it just get turned off maybe the solution good old california is at it again according to this article that i'm seeing here from the dude the solution the solution is just to buy an old car and that's it right well no hold on
How are they going to enforce this? Yeah. They got to start with the cop cars, right? Would this be like something? They're never going to do it to the cop cars. I will say. Well, they couldn't because the cop cars need to catch the speeders. Oh, but wait, they can't speed. But if speeding is illegal. They can't speed. They can't speed. Oh, yeah. If you're not allowed to do something. Then nobody's possibly able to do it. Yeah. Car chases would really go down a lot too. Yeah. They'd be a lot slower. Yeah.
It would be. The car chase would be a lot slower. Drinking and driving would just not even be fun anymore. I will say, I mean, it'd be nice if there was less insanely brutal accidents in California because living in LA, I'll be driving down the highway and like half the time, if you were going to like Orange County or if you were trying to go on like one of the major highways, there's always going to be like at least once a week, some sort of like...
huge and i never saw this when i was growing up in massachusetts a huge build-up of cars and you find and you finally get to where it is and it's like there's three fucking fire engines there at 70 cops and there and there's a a car that is turned into like it it looks like it went through a compactor at a at a at a junkyard like it's just been absolutely it's destroyed and
Yeah. So I've just never seen accidents like that until I moved out here. And I'm like, man, they drive people crazy out here. Maybe we just do it to Californians. Yeah, I guess you're right. Fuck them. Fuck them. Let it happen. What do you think? You guys pass that one. Have you heard about speaking of international drama?
Have you heard about what's going down in the world war that's brewing? Well, there is that there is the, the, the, all like the state sending the net, their national guards to Texas to we'll see where that goes. I don't know what's going to happen there. I'm a little bit confused by that. Tucker, what's your professional opinion as a Marine? Dude, I logged onto Twitter like once a day, like I logged on to say I was streaming last week and it was like,
trending civil war and i was like you should probably take a look at that oh yeah oh yeah for those of our listeners out there if you ever want to check out tucker he's got a twitch stream check him out yeah you're goddamn right yeah that's in the description you can check it out but what were you saying tucker
But yeah, I saw Civil War was trending and I had to do some research because I didn't, you know, if you're not online, you don't know any of this is happening. Yeah. Yeah, you don't. So you're not aware of like what's going on in your country, the politics of what's going on? Yeah, usually not, to be honest.
What do you think is going to happen? You think you're going to get called back? You think they're going to be like, we need you? I don't know. I mean, I feel like we're just kind of in the need of a little bit of a sovereign state versus federal kind of action going on here. We haven't had that in a while. Who would you fight for? I'd fight for the NCR, man. The New California Republic. That sounds like it could be a real thing.
Because it's literally just one word off and just new at the beginning. Is California the California Republic? I mean, that's what it says on the flag. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know. Look at the flag of California. It's got a bear.
What do you think the three-headed bear on the new California, the NCR flag comes from? Oh, I never knew it was the California Republic. Dude, I lived there for years, too. Terrible flag. Terrible flag. Because it killed off all the bears. Flag should not have words on it. Yeah. What do you think of the Alaska flag? Alaska flag's pretty good. Alaska flag's sick as fuck. Oh, that is cool. The bear is sick as fuck, too. But, I mean, you gotta be able to draw it, you know? Yeah. A lot of them just have seals on them and stuff.
Yeah, it sucks still. They've been thinking about getting rid of the Massachusetts flag. Well, they should. It's a little outdated. It is. It's a little outdated. It's time. It's got like a fucking, it's like an insignia with a Native American on it and something. It's like a native giving up. Yeah, no, it's not good. Also, the fact that Massachusetts is just named after one of the tribe that we kicked out of that area is kind of fucked up as well. Speaking of kicking and fighting,
I, you know, this has been going on for a little bit, but I thought I would mention it because it's, you know, there's been recently some, some, some interesting drama surrounding it. But have you got, I've mentioned it before we started the Stanley cups and not the hockey kind I'm talking about.
That's what I thought you were talking about at the beginning. Yeah, I know. I know you did. I was like, you've never talked about hockey. I'm just talking. I want to make a whole topic of the podcast about you. That's right. It's there. They've got it. Have you seen the size of this cup that they get? If you win, we should go into hockey. So there's a cup. Yeah, but if you go back to the images, there was one. There's this pink one. There it is. This one, these sold out Target travel mugs, they're selling for $200 on eBay. Okay.
these cups but i've i've seen videos on tick tock of people fighting each other like black friday black friday fighting over these absurd yeah look up look up like uh stanley stanley cup target fight or something i want to see these people why do people want them so much look at
Look at these losers. Yeah, that's so lame. That's so fucking lame. It's a limited edition Valentine's Day Stanley Cup. It's still January when we're recording this. This came out three weeks ago. Reseller. Reseller. Reseller. Oh, you think they're all resellers? Of course, yeah.
- They light up, what do they do? - Yeah, so there's, people are freaking out over these Stanley cups, dude. And it's like, I think it's slightly connected in with like, they're basically Yeti cups. Like, you've got a Yeti, surely. I'm sure Schlatt's got a Yeti. We all know about Yeti. We're boys. We know about the boy product, which is, I mean, to be granted, you know, the original Stanley was like the Stanley thermos.
all that. Is that your Stanley Cup? It's a knockoff that Emma put down. Yeah. I mean, it's nice to stay hydrated and stuff, but people are doing like ridiculous stuff to these Stanley Cups. Bro, I feel like women get a new cup every year.
Oh, yeah. Year before, it was a hydro flask, right? That is true. Guys, just stick to a single fucking water bottle. You can reuse it. I've had this one for a decade. And I'll tell you, I have a Stanley Cup. I'll be honest. I've thought about getting one, too. Ted would have one.
No, last year it was the gallon jug. Yes, it was. Yeah, it was. It was. I had one of those gallon jugs. The year before, it was a hydro flask. Yeah, because Ted follows the girl drink. No, my sister had one and I was like, I'd love to have one of those. Okay, you got to understand. I was drinking so much water when I had that gallon jug right by my desk. And the only reason I don't have it anymore is because I was taking it with me on the road one day and I...
I'm an idiot. And I did like the classic, put the coffee on top of the car thing. It's if there was this gallon gallon of water in this giant plastic thing. And so I'm turning out out of my apartment thing falls off. I hear a giant crash. There's a flood in the road essentially with just plastic bits everywhere. So I had to like get out of my car and just like sheepishly, like just pick up the shards of this giant plastic bottle. Um,
But yeah, no, the gown things were a thing. And then it was the Hydro Flasks. And now it's, what are you looking at? You want to get in that closet, you freak? God. Any audio listener might think you're talking to one of us. Oh, yeah. So I actually have the Stanley one with the straw. There's a little flip up that like connects this straw that sits inside the tumbler. Yeah. Yeah.
The straw is fucking gross. Is it really? Yeah, it gets gross after a couple days. Oh my God, Jambo. Can you stop? Dude, our cats are fucking stealing the show today. Get off the computer.
It's gross. It's hard to clean. Either my dishwasher sucks or the straw itself just sucks because it's fucking gross. These Stanley Cup talkers, it's like all over TikTok and they're doing a bunch of like fucking shit to their cups. They're putting little snack trays on it. Like they've got, look at this. See, she's got...
A snack tray where she's got like a handful of popcorn, a handful of cashews, a handful of Doritos. Like maybe like, and she's just sitting in her bed sipping on it. Is she sipping on water? Is it just like, I feel like they're putting like soda and stuff in there now. Fucking gross. It's out of control. She sounds like the text to speech voice. Yeah.
It's not even secured properly on the cup. It's sideways. Look at the fucking thing. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. We should invent the next cup that women go crazy over next year. I mean, I guess really the only, the reason why all these cups do really well is just because they, they keep things cold. That's usually why. I think the personal appeal of this one, because I've gotten like a, I've got a Yeti or two. The, the,
The appeal of this one that I can definitely see is the straw aspect. Because sometimes when I'm drinking from... And the handle. But sometimes I feel like when I'm drinking from the Yeti, I'm like... It's this big opening and I'm like... I feel like I'm drinking from a fucking... Yeah, exactly. I feel like I'm drinking from a fucking... What the fuck do you need a handle for if there's a straw? There's a straw, though! What's a handle for turning it, right? You gotta understand that, like, you know...
The average woman is like 4'1". So it's like they've got like hands the size of like a cabbage patch doll. So they can't, they need the handle. If your hand was half the size of mine, this would be kind of hard to get at. Yeah. Yeah. Let's design the next cup.
Let's design the next cup, Ted. What is our cup going to have? It's going to have a little two handles. Self-cleaning straw. Two handles, self-cleaning straw. What's that going to fit in? It'll be towards the top so the cup can still fit in the car cup holder.
It'll have a little snack tray, a built-in snack tray. Yes, built-in so that you don't need to buy shitty TikTok shop accessories. Made of 100% lead. Yes. 100% lead. It slowly makes you dumber over time. Okay. Can I just say the video that Tucker pulled up for Audio Listeners Love You to Death is
Is literally just a person with a Stanley Cup. Stanley Cups are for water. Like, they should be for water. This person's dumping a fucking Coca-Cola. You think all those chicks have water in there? I don't know what they have, but this person dumped a fucking Coca-Cola in there, and then it's Doritos, fucking Sour Patch Kids popcorn with M&Ms and cookies. Nine out of ten chicks holding a Stanley Cup, Diet Coke in there. Diet Coke.
Guarantee. I bet I would bet money on that. Or coffee. Ice coffee or Diet Coke? Ice coffee. Yeah, that's probably what it is. I don't know. I'm just such a water. I'm such a slut for water these days. I love water. How about this? How about this? How about this? Two chambered water bottle.
Okay. One, you put water in. And you know how there's some bottles that you put whatever kind of thing into the water. It's like a two chamber where it emits some kind of flavor. Or maybe you put a teabag in there and it makes you tea over time or something like that. Like a tea diffuser thing? Yeah, some kind of diffuser. But ours is like we fill it up with aspartame. Slow release aspartame. Slow release.
That makes it just like the sweetest, most delicious thing that all the girls would love. That's honestly something that they're doing with water talk. If you've heard of water talk. Water talk? Yeah. Curtis did a video on this a little while ago, but basically it's like these people that have, um, they have just a bunch of different flavors. Like all those flavors that you see like at a snow cone stand. Um,
And they basically are just taking water and then they're like, and they're like seven pumps of, of like cherry gelato or like six pumps of blue raspberry. And they're putting that in their waters and then they're drinking it. Cause it's like, they can't handle the flavor of normal water. And they're trying to skinny syrup.
Oh so that I guess I guess maybe they've they've got they got the zero yeah so that literally that's what's going on there's a whole community of people doing that. Let's just sell aspartame then. Yeah. Let's just bottle it and sell it with a little pump attachment. We're just trying to get into the water talk community.
Oh, geez. Yeah, no, it's very intense. It's very intense. There's also... And it correlates very heavily with the Stanley Cup fandom as well. Like, there's a direct crossover. That's an 89% correlation right there. Yeah, 89% correlation. Also, another thing that I've seen these Stanley Cup people doing is that they will...
At least I saw this one video that someone was reacting to where somebody like they it's kind of like a like a high fashion thing where they'll they'll you know, they'll keep they'll they'll retain the label like they'll they want to keep the label that says like Stanley Cup 18 ounce tumbler on it. So there will be people who will like get it laminated and then get it put it back on so they can be like just in case you forgot that
ain't this dan lincoln like wow wow dude that's like leaving the fucking new era sticker exactly it's like yeah it's exactly the same thing it's like it's it's essentially equivalent of walking around with like a tat like like with with the fucking like 36 36 long that you keep the tag on on your pants like it's like walking around with that it's ridiculous wow
But look out for the newly bottled pump bottle. Yeah, look out for our aspartame business we're going to be coming out with. We're going to call it Chuckle Charlie's Sweet Drinky Pump. Chuckle juice, man. Chuckle juice. Chuckle juice. I like that. I like chuckle juice. Yeah. Yeah, I like chuckle juice.
That's it. That's it. Bottle it. Sell it. It'll be hitting the TikTok shop. We're going to pay a bunch of fucking... Yeah, we're going to put it on TikTok shop. Yeah. And the ad will say, run, don't walk to your TikTok shop page and buy our little aspartame thing.
we're gonna have a jambo flavor we're gonna make it we're gonna make it we're gonna make jambo juice and it's gonna taste like just i don't know orange creamsicle or something it better it's gonna be so good man our aspartame business yeah all right in the meantime uh i'll do more research on on the sphinx yeah yeah all right excellent well
that's i mean that's pretty much all the time we have for thanks for listening guys we'll talk well you'll hear us from us next week you know we'll we'll see what we cook up next week we'll see what the fuck's going on am i right yeah hall of knowledge all of knowledge that dude and it's gonna be like we're gonna go in there and it's gonna be like it's just gonna start saying put aspartame in water
Maybe that's the knowledge we're missing out on. I want to go. Yeah. All right. Peace. Bye.
