Schlatt Meets his Childhood Hero ft. Mr. Sark
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Uh, you worked with tow missiles? Yeah, I was a tow gunner. I have a friend who was beheaded by tow missiles. So... That's- I like how close.

How does that even happen? What a way to kick things off. Yeah, you were so cheery before and all of a sudden you got so somber and stuff. You dropped it on us like it was nothing. Now everybody's going to think it's fucking bullshit because I pretend to have fought. I steal all the Vietnam valor. But no, no, no. I had a friend. I don't even know what branch it was, but he was in a vehicle. And the tow missiles, they're called tow missiles, I think, because they drag the...

Yeah, they're on a wire. So a tow missile range is littered with these wires, and he was in a vehicle, and you're supposed to keep hands and arms inside the roller coaster at all times, and he did not. He popped up the top for some reason, like an egg slicer.

Oh, my God. That's terrifying. I heard a story one time about a school bus that was going on a field trip. Great day for all the students except the one who popped his head out of the emergency exit. Oh, no. As it was going through a tunnel. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Jeez. I don't think I made that up.

What? What an insane thing to say after saying something so specific. You don't think you made that up? I feel like that was a real thing. It could have been a hoax. You know bus drivers looking at the little clearance sign on that bridge going, fuck, please, oh, please, oh, please, oh, please. Oh, I'm good. Or depending on how the kids are behaving, it's like, God, just one less would just do me some good. Yeah, it gets real quiet in the back and he's like, oh, nice.

Turn up the radio. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich, episode 99. Oh shit, nice. We are here. Congratulations. We are here with Mr. Sark today. One of my inspirations and someone we owe a great deal to. This guy, he's been excited and I might as well go as far as to say that he's been buzzing like a mink whale. What that means. Oh, dude. Dude.

I don't either, but he says it a lot. We're going to make references that you haven't heard in 10 years and yet still live freshly in my mind. So, Schlatt, who do we have here today? I think Boruff said that. No, APL said that on inbox. Oh, I could see that. That's some weird Pennsylvania bullshit. Yeah, they are weird over there. They say yinz.

yeah yeah they speak a different language i forgot that borf was over here yeah he was we've we've been collecting you guys like trading cards so wait how familiar i was wondering this because i know schlatt is like like immersed in this for years how familiar have you been i've been just all this well i've just been familiar with machinima in general like i have like a pax

East machinima fingerless glove that Schlatt really wants to take off my hands but I won't let him have it. But in terms of the actual like of like respawn and stuff and the inbox and all that like

I'm not too familiar. I think this was more of a Shradd thing. You didn't grow up. Were you like a Cod kid? I've seen, you know. Or were you a Minecraft kid? You did stuff with seniors, though, right? Were you in the video where he was like, I can smell you? I was not, but boy, 30 million views later, I wish I had. Well, welcome, Mr. Sark. Thank you. To Chocolate Sandwich episode 99.

The right before the 100th episode. It's a very special episode. Yeah, it's been a while coming, I feel like. Yeah, we're turning. We're going to get a letter from the president. It's been two and a half years of us stealing your jokes.

Well, don't rope me in on that. Don't pull me into that. Well, you're in on it at this point. I am in on it, but let me get one thing clear. It's not like when Schlatt said these jokes, it was him being like, all right, everyone, just warning you, I'm stealing a joke from my childhood. It was like he'd say the joke, we'd be confused, and then we'd find out after recording, he was like, yeah, no, I totally just stole that fucking bitch. I did that last night. We were in the...

We were in the parking lot of an HEB and Tucker was talking about, "Oh, you guys couldn't bench 200 on anything." And I was like, "Dude, I can barely curl an Xbox controller."

And I'm just like, that's not mine. I don't see that as joke theft, though. Because I get hit up with this all the time, too. Where people are like, you know that schlatt fuck? He's stealing your shit again. Has been for years. But I see it more like... We're pretty open about it. Yeah, but it's more like quoting a movie or a show you like. Because...

I mean, Machinima, that was such a big pool of content. It wasn't like a comedy special that you're lifting a joke from. It was just like hundreds of hours of shit. Oh, my God. How many episodes did you guys do in total, you think? Oh, dude, I don't know. I have never even thought about that. You just like shut off your brain. We did. I mean, Inbox was once a week. And then we had like the Machinima Respawn Hub Show, which was the idea was...

Once a week, we did that. And the idea was because Machinima's philosophy was very like,

over quality. They shit that stuff out. I mean, at one point, we were doing like 35, 40 vids, uploads a week. Oh my God. Would you guys do them? Sorry, a day. Would you batch film them? You'd batch film them? Well, so hold on. That was the Machinima upload schedule. Oh, right. So it was like that many per day. And then the idea behind the Machinima Respawn was born initially out of the...

them hiring me from G4, the old gaming show or X-Play on G4, which was like a cable attempt at Gamer TV. That was when it was still on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they wanted more recent and then failed. I feel like they, they came close. They were almost there. They may have like got into the, like strike, like the strike zone for a little while, but then it slipped. In a, in a way I could technically say that we are both G4 alumni. As I was on, um,

I was on Name Your Price, which was one of their new shows. I don't know if you know Austin Schoen and Will Neff. Yep. Well, I mean, I'm familiar with them. I've never met them. You don't need to be their best friend. Yes, that's like, so you're talking like Neo G4, right? Yeah, post-modern G4. Yeah.

That's giving G4 so much creative credit. Yeah, it is. It really is. Postmodern G4. Yeah, Dushed Out definitely puts it in a sort of a weird artistic sort of... So anyway, like they brought me in. Yeah, they brought me in to basically...

be like a tastemaker, like an influencer of influencers, because every week the idea was of the two and a half million uploads we've done, here's 10 that you should check out. That was like the idea initially. They're like, dude, we're just shotgun spamming these episodes, but if we get a personality in...

that can sort of quarterback eyeballs. That was the initial idea. And then it grew from there into more of a personality-based thing. Obviously, we ended up hiring some of the people who we were calling out, like the Hutches and Nanners, who were becoming stars in their own right. And then I sort of...

That morphed sort of with Hutch and Nanner's becoming on-camera co-hosts. And me, coming from G4, there's no cachet coming from G4 at the time. There was like zero gamer cred. People were like, who the fuck is this guy? What's his gamer score? Who's this schmuck coming in here that he knows about video games? No, no, I was on TV. Yeah, that's right. Actually, behind Nanner and Hutch.

No, no, no. And then the shape of it ended up being, and this morphed over the years into becoming like a thing. It was more like, watch these gamers that you love, if you're a COD kid at the time, COD was the thing, but essentially trapped with a psychotic. That was like the framework of the show.

So this started, I guess we should give you a formal introduction really, because we just kind of started. Yeah, we kind of started, because we were excited, Emory. I'm pumped, too. He's sitting over there squirming in his chair, he's thinking back to his times in that deli freezer. Yeah, let's start there. I would sit, stand, in a deli freezer for four hours on the weekends,

And I would stock shelves from behind. They had all the stock area with all the fucking 12 packs or 24 packs of it. Pick the sodas, try and find the right ones, keep it stocked. And the entire time I was just listening to Inbox on repeat. So...

There weren't that many episodes. So at a certain point, it would just loop. You're just cycling. And so, you know, five years ago, probably there was a there was a moment in time where I could recite in an entire episode by heart. You know, I remember verbatim some of these exchanges and that's probably weird.

Because I'm sure you don't. Yeah. That's like when people quote Chuckle Sandwich and they're like, you remember when you, like when, when we get, we say, we have conversations or like talk about things that we've talked about maybe four or five times on the podcast, but like, we don't remember. Cause it's like, and, and Tucker used to get on my case about it too, where it was be like, you guys talked about this four times. And, but now we were talking about this last night. Tucker will, will now he's on the podcast and he'll be like, yeah, I'll say something and it's just gone.

i forget it it's like the next day yeah i was thinking about that on the way over here how i think in the p the if my brain was a pc build the hard drive is like maybe a gig a couple megabytes but i have like i have like

64 terabytes of RAM that gets wiped like when I sleep, when there's a loud noise, when there's a bright light or whatever. So it's like when you're stressed memory until the thing happens and then I forget. Yeah. So, I mean, you've been doing YouTube and streaming now for how long professionally? So so the X-Play stuff start. That's the show on G4. That's that was 2006.

Yeah, yeah. Sort of like the big bang of the influencer era. Can I scare you? Go for it. When you got that job, I was in first grade. Yeah. No. It doesn't scare me anymore. I've stared this deep into the face. 2006, I was eight. Fuck. Yeah. I had not hit double digits. And then at the end of 2009 is when I bailed from G4 much to their...

chagrin i love that fucking word and uh we moved i moved to the to machinima where i thought it was the sunny hills i thought it was hype as fuck i was like hell yeah and all the g4 people were like fuck what a step down yeah moving from tv to internet internet content it was just a youtube channel yeah and then they were like you can't use the name sark anymore they tried to do that to you

- Tell us about that. - It ended up being a bunch of sort of like saber rattling, it didn't really go far, but there was that veiled threat of see you in court, bitch. - Hey, we own the name Sark. - Yeah, and then cut to 2013, I bail from Machinima, and they're like moving from the structure of a MCN to self-made internet content,

Yeah, MCN. You can't use the name Sark anymore. For real. Really? So you got that twice? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. The word...

MCN sounds like a joke now these days too. It's like literally like, it's like, oh, I'm an MCN. You're like, why? It's like, wait, what are you doing? It's a wrap. Yeah. But Machinima was the only way for a lot of people to make money, especially in the gaming space, right? Oh, yeah. 2009, like the only way YouTubers made money

is if they signed with Machinima or something like that, and they would post their videos to Machinima's channel. That's why they dumped all these... That's why you're uploading 30 times a day. Yeah, people don't know. For a while, YouTube and the MCNs had... They had formed these deals where YouTube felt...

YouTube felt more comfortable shelling out ad revenue to companies rather than individuals. I don't know if they even had the infrastructure to be able to field that. Well, there was stuff like Smosh and stuff that were surely making money. I guess Smosh was, you know. Yeah, I feel like they had to have been wrapped under a network, though.

I guess they must. You know, granted, I wasn't doing, I didn't know how anything worked back then. And when I first started making even any money off of YouTube, it was through, I got a check from Disney because I was with Maker Studios when I had like a thousand subscribers. But... Yowsh. Yowsh. Freedom. I mean, it just gets shadier. The more you name, the shadier. Yeah. And then I remember coming into Machinima one day and Hutch and Nanners were like,

YouTube it was like Morpheus is fighting Neo they were like YouTube is making it so that you can the the basically opening up the AdSense partner right they're like you can get paid directly from YouTube right and I was like we're all dead like this company's dead that's and then we went in and had a meeting they were like nothing to worry about and I was like

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, I feel like a lot of MCN survived for a while. And I think Machinima probably was. They did. They and still do. But the the that was like the death knell. It was like the well, not the death knell. That was the end of the golden era. Right. MCI profit era. Yeah. Yeah. I mean.

You lost Nanners and Hutch to it, too. After a long time, they were like, I want out. And I'm like, and Miss Shinema was like, we own you. Which they did. That was part of their deal was we own your personal channel. So if you upload. Oh, my God. So I've talked about this on my stream, but it took years, years of wrangling.

with the executives to be able to free them. Right. Yeah. How recently were they freed? No, this is like early 2010s. Oh, okay. But they were at Machinima for, you know, that's, you know, four years of... Almost half a decade. Yeah. And then, like, that completely demoralizes you as far as wanting to upload to your channel. Yeah. Even though now you're at Machinima watching...

People initially when they'd been hired, that was like the ultimate. Everyone on the outside looked in and were like, holy shit, they're making good. And then like two years later, YouTube's like, have at it. Have at it, boys. They open up the floodgates. And then now they're looking at their salary and they're watching all their mates just...

crushing like CPM's you got paid like filthy blood diamond blood hard cash I hear it was fucking insane amounts of money yeah like nut does not even compare to what it is today no

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Go to your happy price, Priceline. Yeah, I would say like a gaming, it depends on what kind of videos you're watching. So like makeup channels and toy channels, they're not all created equal. So everybody makes a little bit of different ad revenue. And who knows what everybody does on the side with like brand deals, but-

I'd say like a gaming average is like a $2 CPM these days. Yeah. But I remember seeing $20 plus. Oh, yeah.

- CPMs. - Oh! - Yeah, yeah. - And for those of you who are listening who don't know what a CPM is, it's cost per meal. So cost for a thousand views. So let's say you get a thousand views on a video, that's 20 bucks in your pocket. You get a million dollars, that's like 20,000 or 20, 2000 or 20? - I'd be out of here already. - Now imagine, what's a thousand times 20? - I'd be in Bermuda, dude. - A thousand times 20? - Yeah, that's $2,000?

$2,000 per million. $20,000. $20,000. $20,000 per million back in the day, I guess. Yeah, I guess I was rethinking it because I was like, is that even accurate? That sounds like an insane amount for a million views. It wasn't like that all the time, but you could get there. Oh my god, Doug. That was also because a view was a view. If you clicked on a video on accident, check. It counted. Nowadays, it doesn't work like that. They're tracking like...

Retention, watch time, session time. And dude, you didn't have to have like 40-minute videos to get the higher RPM. No. Nanners was pumping out daily three-minute videos. So now imagine Nanners and Hutch watching from within their salaries at Machinima. Oh, right. They were salaried. They were salaried. They no longer made money on their channels. Oh, my God. Fuck.

So then I had to do like all of this, like negotiating with Machinima because they wanted and Machinima was like, yeah, if we give them their channels, they're going to leave. I'm like, I can. But which eventually obviously happened. But yeah, I mean, I'm sure that they were considering something along the lines of maybe I just make a new channel.

Cause like that, the opportunity there is almost like worth the effort that would go into making it. It just sucks though. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that that conversation happened, but it just sucks. Cause at that point, again, at that point, this is pre, so like PewDiePie, this is a, at the time he's doing growth was I'm calling him out doing call of duty. Let's plays.

Like this is that early. Oh, wow. And when he started doing variety horror shit and like putting a heart monitor and all that, I was like, every week I'd be like, dude, check out this. Check out this kid. Check out this new little chap on the street. Not that that is what made him go, but just to give you an idea of like the scene was totally different. There's a new kid on the town. He was, yeah. Wow.

Jesus. It goes so deep. Yeah. And then I remember, because I was a huge fan of Machinima Respawn, which is what you were the front guy of. Yes. And then...

Hutch and Nanners came on board, and then the whole monetization snafu happened. They both left, and then you guys brought APL on board. Yeah, I hired APL from a different department of the company because we had good chemistry. That mattered to me more at the time than trying to get another...

personality in another like known name which I feel like maybe is sort of like where G4 kind of post what'd you call it postmodern G4 I feel like that might have been one of their mistakes was

Maybe more so bringing in more TV-esque personalities. Maybe. They had some shows. I didn't really know many of the people. They brought on stars, though. Like social media names. It was tough because what I was seeing G4 doing was that they were streaming their stuff. It was very much so the thought process behind it was still rooted in a synchronized television. But it was like, but it's on Twitch now. And it's like, well, I mean...

I don't know, the way that Twitch doesn't work for, like I mean, in the case of something like OTK, it's like they've got these shows that they do, but they're sort of centered around these large streamers and it's sort of like an insular thing, whereas a larger company, then bringing on people, and it's not necessarily part of those people that are being brought on's whole thing, it's just something they're doing off to the side, it's less compelling, I feel like, to draw people towards it. - They just overspent.

They had the Comcast money. Dude, I've been to that office too that they had. It was in Glendale. It was like a wall of LEDs. It was like a $10-plus million facility or something like that. It was crazy. It was absurd. And they invested all that money into it from the beginning, just kind of banking on the fact that stuff would get views when that's not even... It doesn't work like that anymore. Dude, G4 used to be in the... Like a sister network. Yeah.

uh was e the entertainment right so the explanation point yeah oh okay yeah so that's like uh most famously seacrest and he would do his radio show but what was funny was so at the comcast compound on down on wilshire it would be like e was like the first floor and it was just bustling and

And like Seacrest doing his show. Your phone's going off and stuff. Front windowed. You know, you walk in, you see him in there and you're like, he doesn't give a fuck. And it's all beautiful people. So you're walking in and you're walking back to Ryan Seacrest every day. Yeah, yeah. And it's just like hotties everywhere. Like running around with who knows what the fuck they're doing. Like clipboards and shit. Clipboard papers flying or something. And it's like schlubby.

crumb-covered fucking dorks shuffling on board, getting on the elevator as all the E people cram against the side and going up to the G4 floor. You had to travel through. It was like going through a foreign country made up of Sweden, maybe. It's like walking through a Swedish town and everyone's looking at you because you're

75 pounds heavier, acne covered. Fucking American. It's like Spongebob with the fucking smell trail coming after him. Yeah, it was a hot LZ for sure getting to the offices at G4. But yeah, I feel like they flew too close to the sun on this new one. A little bit of Icarus action. Get some names in there that have great personalities and good energy and don't...

It just felt like a mistake to bring in already established influencers because, dude, at their core, an influencer is mostly going to give a shit about their own brand. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Of course.

Oh yeah, you're here for us right now. You're here for us. Honestly, in a real way though, this is I think a very special episode for us and we're very happy to have you here. It's been something we've talked about for a while and I was super hyped when you mentioned it. Yeah, because we talked about it and it was like, you know, we could have always just had you hop on Discord or something, but it was like, no.

It's got to be when we're doing it. Because we were always talking about doing a chuckle where I'd come out here and we'd do something here. So it was like, we've got to have him on in person. It's got to be this little special moment. What do you think, having lived in Hollywood and having lived in Austin, what do you think you like more? Okay.

Careful here, because you're really determining the way that future conversations between the two of us go about these two locations. What do you think about smoggy, dirty, shitty Los Angeles? Right. In comparison to depressing, depraved, consumerist Austin. You could have put Los Angeles after that, too, and it would have worked, bro. It's true. Yeah. You know what? It's cheaper to live in Austin. Mm-hmm.

I like Austin better. Yeah. That's the only reason? That's it. It's all about the money. That's it. You got to respect that. Listen, Austin is becoming just as depraved socially as Hollywood. Yeah, but then it's like... But you can live here in the social depravity for less. So why not? Okay. I get this. I get this scenario. I get why you are who you are. Um...

You want to pay more for your slum? I don't know, but I like my slum a little bit. I like my slum. And, you know, I'm a lord of it as well. And, you know. No, no. You know what he said to me one time? He's like, oh, man, I forgot to lock my...

the the door to my truck and someone broke into it there was a guy there was just a guy that had a tendency to sneak into the the garage in our place through the gate and would just test all the doors and you know i just forgot to lock my door i don't keep anything in my 2002 toyota tacoma forest green but that's not that's not the point the point is that you're like oh man

The one day I don't lock my truck and someone rummages through it. Do you know what that means, bro? That someone's trying it every day. That means every day someone is coming...

Into your domicile. There is a Stockholm Syndrome, too, where he's trying to pose it almost like it's a public service. He's like, a guy would come in, and he would... The guy would come in, and maybe he'd spend some time there, and, you know, maybe he... Sometimes. And, you know, I considered leaving out little treats like at Santa. You know?

You'd come back like your parents would always leave like one bite left in the cookie. This is worse than I thought. It'd be a couple leftover euros. You're leaving treats for the Carthians. Yeah, yeah, like a couple little Kinder Buenos and then like, you know, assuming, who knows. That's a pretty L.A. thing to do, I've got to say. Yeah, leaving some Kinder Buenos out in my car. You know what, hold on. One point L.A. Just, you know.

I wish that I had known before I moved here that it is the second shittiest city as far as allergies go. Oh, yeah. I didn't find that out. Well, where are you from?

I've lived all over. Oh, we can get into that. I went to like 19 schools, K through 12. Oh, okay. Because I grew up in Massachusetts, and when it comes to the spring and fall and stuff, I'm just appalling. I'm sneezing. I'm sneezing all the time. I get allergies up the wazoo over on the northeast. And I think this is a thing where it's like where you move somewhere you can grow up. So I don't get any allergies in L.A. at all. No. No, L.A. Like the...

The West Coast, especially the Southwest, is pretty, allergy-wise, pretty chill. It's perfect. The weather is just too fucking... It's nice. Yeah. You know, you guys have, like, an ice storm every season. One every season. Yeah, you got reamed by that. That's also...

But you know, it's a generational storm. Oh, yeah. Generational, yeah. If every generation is every three months. It's funny because I moved to Austin the day of a once-in-a-lifetime storm. And the next year we had one, too. I saw you complaining about that. And then Nanners was like, I saw a dead guy on the way to the grocery store today. And I was like, what? He was like, someone was frozen on the way to HEB. And I was like...

Well, hang in there, buddy. He got he was one of those like icicles on the ceiling fan. Oh, wow. Oh, no. Like the flood and the burning. Yeah. Burning furniture. No, not even joking. Shit. You don't like coffee table. We could we can replace that after the storm's over. Let's burn it. Yeah. Fuck.

Wow. I was untouched. So let's point back to Austin. I lived in the power grid shared with a hospital, and they weren't shutting hospitals down. Right.

that was like close the blinds honey we don't want anybody to know we got power yeah that and fire stations are the places to places to move where you know you've got that because they don't you know they're not gonna let people yeah die and already die right no no they let fresh people die they help people there yeah at the end of the day though yeah uh there's there's on both sides of the these state lines

But advantage, Austin. All right, fine, fine, fine. We're happy to have you. I'm happy to be here as long as it's a limited period of time. And I'm never happy when I'm in Los Angeles. It's like you're in Mogadishu or something. Have you ever seen the movie Vivarium? No.

Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah. Okay. So we're driving around here and we're talking and Tucker's talking about how every little fucking development is got some quirky, weird dystopian name like Butterbeer Falls and like Cat Hollow and like Diamond Shoals and it's like...

and it's like who are there is everyone here an android like what's going on here and then it's just miles and miles of just straight roads and then harry man road yeah

Yeah. And then you just got miles and miles of H-E-B, advanced auto prices. It's like the walkability here is worse than L.A. And L.A. is not a very walkable city. Many people say you have to have a car to live in L.A. Well, hold on now. Walk to where? Walk to what do you mean? You could go out and have beautiful walks through the hill country of Texas. Through the dry woods with their short weird trees. And you're going to walk down Hollywood Boulevard.

Just get his damn ass drenched. Hollywood stars. Well, maybe I'd at least get some entertainment because I can walk down Hollywood Boulevard and I'll see some guy dressed as the Joker and be like, The costume guys in front of it. Yeah, and he'd be like, he'd say something like, are you storing a panda?

But then the Chinese government took it back. Something like that. Yeah, actually. One point per costume. So advantage. I'm back on board. There you go. And you can walk along. You can see the you can see it's like called him Baggy Spider-Man. Superman's dead, by the way. Did you know that Superman is dead? He's dead. Yeah.

In the comics or like the guy? The guy. Oh, shit. Okay. The Hollywood Boulevard guy. Yeah. I saw him in a fight with Marilyn Monroe outside of Fuddruckers and she slapped him.

- Yeah, and then ran away. And I was like, fuck, this city's awesome. - Yeah, no, there's definitely, you don't get that in awesome. - Yeah, you slap someone. - And then baggy Spider-Man sitting on a fire hydrant looking like he's got a shit in his pants.

People where he keeps his money until he gets bag years the more money That's something I feel like every develop. I think is he starving I think that's something every developing metropolis needs is that they need an area where you can get like the Elmo people in the Elmo costumes with the eyes like on the top of the head instead of where they actually are and They'll be very friendly take a photo with you and then after they're like $40

Yeah, they just give them all the good words. You give me $40 right now, and you have to be like, that wasn't part of the deal, but... It's always part of the deal. I remember there was this one time that Tucker, his dad, and I were on a trip to New York City, and there was this guy that convinced his father to buy his mixtape, and it was called P2 Luigi, and it had, like, Luigi, like...

theming around it, but it was like a rap mixtape and we listened to it in the car after it was awful. It was awful and he paid him like a full like $25 for it. And then asked for a donation after we paid him $25. It was weird.

I don't know if I've ever had a street mixtape. Really? I was like, this is fire. Oh, yeah. It's just regret. And when we were out there, too, another guy offered me his mixtape, and I said no, and then he started calling me racist. That's the fear. That's the fear, is if you don't pick it up, something terrible is going to happen. He's like yelling on the street. He's like, wait, this guy's racist. Yes. What are you talking about? I just don't want your fucking shitty mixtape, dude.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Point Austin, by the way. Point Austin. We're keeping. Yeah. Yeah. The mixtape pressure. Oh, yeah. Very, very little. Oh, once you guys have some sort of walkable area with some some sort of. You're so obsessed with a walkable area. Bro, you you have a car drive place. I don't get that. I don't get that. I like, you know, it's great owning land, pussy. Mm hmm.

I love having acres. Acreage. This dude's just obsessed with acreage and his fucking $100,000 car having seat kinetics in it, which is just a one-bar, by the way. Oh, my God. If you could afford one, you'd have it, too. No, I literally can afford one, and I still have my 2002. Can you? Yes, but I don't want to pay. Can we see some financials to back this up? I don't think you want.

It's like those TikToks. But I have been sticking with my same 2002 Toyota Tacoma, forest green, aesthetically rusted from the New England winters. And I've been driving that for the last almost 10 years since I was like, it was the car I drove to high school. Yeah, man. And I was driving my fucking grandma's Honda Accord until I got clouded up.

Until I got juiced up with the clout. Until I became a real man and bought a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Excuse you. And she died. She did die. How'd you know that? You probably confided in him about it. How'd you know my grandma died? You don't. Oh, I thought we were talking about the car. Nobody gets grandma's car until grandma passes on. Or goes into a home.

Because she keeps running into pedestrians because she thinks that they're the ghosts. Can you imagine being in a nursing home like my grandma was during fucking COVID? Andrew Cuomo. That was rough. Was she in New York? Yeah.

Yeah. Last thing she hears through the window of her cell is just you saying, the accord's mine. Thanks for the card, Grandma. Slightly muffled through a wall. Slightly muffled through a wall after he's like, I love you, Grandma. Close the door. The accord is mine! Yeah, and then like the most feeble peel out in the parking lot. Me.

You switch all the built-in channels that she's got saved away from fucking NPR and all that shit. Now it's on 92.5 The Cock. The Cock? What are you talking about? The Cock. You know what I'm talking about. Dude, it was 95.5. The River. Is it Jet? No. I don't remember what stations I listened to.

back in New York yeah yeah that's a great question radio station man I was just thinking about that I have not listened to the radio I in years yeah yeah I don't even do like Spotify much I use YouTube I was gonna say God forbid you're not a Pandora guy I do a lot of like music through YouTube

Oh, okay. Like YouTube music? Like I built up playlists of stuff that I could play while the kids are in the car. Oh, nice. So you got premium. Yeah. I feel like that's... I have premium too. Why shouldn't you? You shouldn't have premium. I feel like if it's a job, it's like...

Every YouTuber... Certainly, if it's your job. I would say the same thing for Twitch, too. Everyone, like, subs and stuff on Twitch. It's like, dude, if Turbo isn't your first... Oh, yeah. I think they forget about Turbo. ...money spent on Twitch, I feel like you're deranged. Yeah. And I think that they...

Forget about turbo. It's I think they forget it exists because it's really I think they don't want you to do it But it's like why did they still have it like we're like right like well, I keep like the price they did Remember people away from it, but you know, it's crazy YouTube premium is the only Media subscription I pay for I don't do I don't watch show no Spotify. Oh, yes. Yeah music I guess but like in terms of that pass I

What does Dash Pass have to do... You order food all the time. Okay. Question. What does that have to do with fucking media? Internet food, dude.

Become real. What? All right, you're right. It was a non sequitur. I'm sorry. Point Austin. Point Austin. You got an abacus in front of you and you're doing the best. I do Spotify and I do YouTube and I think... Wait, sorry. I hate to interrupt you again. Hulu? Netflix. No, no.

HBO Max or Max now I guess. No nothing. You don't. I had Discovery Plus for a minute. Paramount Plus. I watched Fixer Upper. You don't you don't have Paramount Plus. No. How do you watch iCarly all the time then.

Amazon Prime video. So you have Prime. But I use that for one-day shipping. That's a good one. That's a strong one. No one buys Prime video for Prime video. You get it for the two-day shipping, for the free shipping. That is fair. And in Austin, it's good. Sometimes it'll come in a couple hours, so point Austin.

I love Prime Video, though. It's good. I love bad movies. And everyone can put some there. The dumpster of Amazon Prime. People think that Netflix has abysmal shit on there. They do not compare to how deep

the pit of Amazon Prime. - How do you find, is it kind of like a joy of yours to go and sift through? It's kind of like sifting for gold? - Yes, and you do it just by randomly searching. Their discoverability's terrible, so related shit is abysmal, but

you go in and just look for, you know, do they have some of the most obscure shit? Stuff that has never been released on DVD. It's like VHS and then people were like, fuck it, this piece of shit will never make another dime. That is on Amazon Prime. - I did a video semi-recently, or actually kind of close to a year ago, about, I just post once a month, about this movie called Halloween Puppy.

Halloween. Yeah, it's about it. I'm so into that. It's about a guy Well, honestly, it was tough because I found it and I saw the reviews for it and I'd seen clips and I saw the trailer on it But it wasn't you know how sometimes this is not available for streaming on Prime. Yeah, so then I went through an entire process to acquire the actual disk of it and it was what I did for my like Halloween video where it's um,

Oh my god, I'm forgetting the name of this. Is this a ghost dog? No, it's a man that gets turned into a dog by magic. That's what it is. I think I saw this video. Really? Yeah.

Hell yeah. It really is ringing a bell. Yeah, it's... It was by this one director. It was like... And he had done some random really, really C-tier family movies. And then the rest of it, just all fucking horror-themed softcore porn.

involving the dog no not well maybe maybe so there was one and there's one that I yeah a Halloween puppy right here it's uh that guy right there what's his name Eric Roberts yeah Eric Roberts he's in like half of these films and he is fantastic I love Eric Roberts what's up he directed and starred in it

No, he didn't. David DeContro is the director and he has done a slew of just... If you throw Eric Roberts a warm meal, he'll be in your movie. A warm meal and some attention. This guy's incredible because I think I might do a video on this other one that he has because he has this one movie that is called...

1313 on the frat? It's called Bigfoot. This is what the movie's called. I think I might do a video. It's called Bigfoot versus, and who do you think it might be against? You won't get it right. Joe Biden. D.B. Cooper. Oh my God. As in the mysterious man that hijacked a plane in Washington in the 70s.

And I looked at some clips or screenshots from it. I think it's just another sophomore. Because one of the clips is a guy with glasses and a jacket. And I'm like, I guess that's DB Cooper. And then two shirtless guys. And I'm like, who are they? Oh, shit. Maybe it's DP Cooper. Yeah. Bigfoot versus DB Cooper. It's got one star. 1.3 out of 10. Look at this.

Look at it. It's a shirtless guy, one shirtless guy with a gun, and then an air shot. But then if you look at the, Tucker, if you right-click in that cover photo, the actual poster, that doesn't describe what's going on. That guy looks like a fucking swamp monster. Look on that third photo, Tucker. Some original artwork, though, for this? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, he was in the army, too. He's got dog tags. It looks like a mixture between Bigfoot versus D.B. Cooper crossover episode with Twilight. Wow. This is the vein of film I'm talking about. This is your bread and butter right here. Absolutely. Excellent. That is good. I'm glad. I'm glad that you're that kind of person because I am also that kind of person. I think I was saying before this episode

you don't need it erotic okay i thought you were about to disparage no no i'm glad i'm glad we have this on screen let's keep it there okay yeah but i mean look at the way his nips are stretched when they when they get to be little ovals like like saturn's rings you know yeah yeah you know the hours are being put in for that and i appreciate it for one i you know i think we're part me and ted are part of the first generation that grew up not

primarily consuming movies and TV shows. I mean, maybe that's what you watched. - I've got a couple years on you. - Fair enough. - I know what a VHS is, but are there? - I don't point LA. I don't even know what the fuck. - But I grew up literally watching YouTube. And that was my main form of entertainment for my entire life, pretty much. I mean, my entire conscious life, probably, I'd say, was spent

on YouTube finding my own shit and watching that and it's just such a weird... - It is. - I don't know. - It is creepy. - 'Cause you'll see kids now that are like 16 and have millions of followers

they they are becoming famous so young now because they literally had it from birth yeah tommy in it for example yeah he fucking from the moment he was born bro he yeah he was consuming this shit yeah i'm i'm very proud of tommy for how well he's handled it though like that would have

fucking broke my brain. I would have been the biggest fucking asshole. I would have fucking killed people and I would have paid people to hide it. I would have been the scum of the earth. I would have been a fucking... I don't know. I would have been the fucking raspberry sauce of condiments. Dude, during all of our moves growing up, there was a period of time where for a few months...

because of the way the school years worked out, I ended up being homeschooled for the tail end of one of the years, right? - Right, 'cause you've moved 19 times, you say? - Yeah, yeah. And that period of time, so this is just to say, if YouTube had been a thing at the time, I would have been completely unhinged. But for that period of time, it was wall-to-wall Nickelodeon.

Oh, yeah. All the world. Zero education. My mom just like banging her head on the wall trying to teach me and me being just glued to the TV. If there had been less plays to watch. Oh, my God. Do you remember? So dumb. I've spoken about this with some people in the past. Do you remember like because I have like a recollection of like knowing that it was like in April of a specific year that I got cabled. Do you remember when you guys got cable? Like, did you have? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I was like on the scrambled porn channels, like just...

Doing like the the 3d poster like crossing your eyes. See if you could get the fucking shit to just align I remember just getting channel 25 which was which was a Disney Channel 2026 which was Nickelodeon and then 60 which was card never and 61 which was boomerang dude the adult film channels

Would they put them side by side so you can focus past it? No, no, no. They would scramble. So it would look like you were getting the broadcast from like Mars because you didn't pay for it. But you could see every now and then through the haze. Oh, so your parents were paying for it. Yeah, yeah. Like that? No. Yeah, like this. Nipple through the screen. Please, please. No.

You know, the preview of what that says right there makes it look like this is like an art piece, like nipple through the scrambled channels. Staying up late with friends trying to see a nipple through the scrambled channels r slash nostalgia. That is an insane deep cut. Wow. Wow. Oh, my God. Every now and then you'd get a little tasty treat and you'd be like, wow.

Yeah, now you're able to fucking go on porn up on your fucking iPhone that you have when you're eight. I will say the first porn I ever watched was on a Nintendo DS. What? No way. No way. No, it was on the 3DS because the 3DS had the internet browser. 3DS had the internet browser app. That changes things, man. They never had...

Unfortunately, I tried the slider on it. Didn't really work. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I think I watched my first fucking set of titties on a 3DS, the internet browser. Yeah. Oh, my God. What a naughty little boy you were. Yeah, naughty little boy. I feel like I was late to the party. When did the 3DS come out?

I was late to the party. 2011, so you were 13 when you watched porn for the first time? Oh, there was so much porn. So easy to get. Oh, sorry, you were 11. Sometimes 12. Okay. I'll accept it. You were really taking the, that was a tough road to hoe in 2011, trying to get porn on your 3DS. 2011. Inches away. You were so close to just fountains of porn. I would say that 2011, in my recollection, was a good year.

That was like a, that was sort of a, I feel like that was somewhat of a renaissance for gaming shit too. Absolutely. I think that's when PewDiePie was blowing up in 2011. Happy Wheels. I would say peak gaming. That was when I posted my first video ever too. Content year, yeah. That's when I started too. Yeah. I started making little action movies. I'd run around the house with a buddy of mine and we'd plop it into Windows Movie Maker. Or you'd watch Freddie Wong at the time. Yeah. Did you watch Freddie Wong? Freddie Wong was blowing up. Freddie Wong was blowing up.

Yeah, now known as Rocket Jump. We had him also on the pod. I would say that Freddie Wong would be my Sark, I would say. Okay, all right. Yeah, I watched all the freaking Rocket Jump shit. I love that stuff. Quarter Digital. Yeah, those guys. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember me and Moses. Moses and I went in seventh grade. I've got a buddy, Moses. He's a fucking asshole. Yeah.

We made this

like sort of plan in seventh grade we were like oh we're gonna do stuff like like Freddie Wong does and we called it MN Productions and it's like worst name for Moses Nibison well yeah like yeah Moses Nibison exactly why is he coming first what why would his name come first he thought of it man and I and I was just along for the ride he was like he was at the time he was the one who knew how to do VFX and stuff Moses probably doesn't remember a cent of that anymore

How about this? Here's an old internet man memory for you. Sniper Wolf. We know everyone's familiar with Sniper Wolf. Do you remember her feud with another girl gamer?

Girl Gone Gamer. Girl Gone Gamer. I think her name was Raya. Yeah. I think now she's like a sex therapist or something. Anyway, Sniper Wolf pre-TikTok reaction was a COD gameplay channel. That makes sense. Which she's being sued for currently. Yeah.

Oh, she is? Yeah, by her ex-boyfriend, Sausage. Oh, that's right. Did she... Yeah, well, the thing was, is she actually playing? Yep. Right, right, right. Or is her man cub playing? Is it Sausage? Is it Sausage? Yeah. And then she got into it with Girl Gone Gamer at the time, who was like the legit... Or that was the view, you know? Right, right. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Totally.

And it was a huge feud at the time. Wow. And Sniper Wolf, well, now she annihilates. Yeah, no, she's pulling Mr. Beast views sometimes. I think there was one month, like 500 million views we're talking in some months. I think it's less now, but there was a period where something happened in the algorithm where she was just fucking killing it. But speaking of...

What would you say, like, from your time? What was the, like, the premiere? The famous one that comes to mind, I'm curious what you were about to say. Hold on to that. Okay. All right, let's see. Was G-Unit. G-Unit. The world's fastest nuke. On Wolf's Land? That set the scene on fire because he faked it, and we called it, we said it was fake, and Machinima was like,

there's no way to prove that run it like it's real and uh it just turned into a whole thing what a wonderful level of journalistic integrity they had over there

That was serious, though. That was it back then. I remember White Boy's video on Wasteland where he just noob-tubed across the map. And that was, I think that was real, right? You made a reference to that as well. I can remember you saying it where you were like, I hit you with my noob-tube on Wasteland. I know the exact, I can hear the timbre in your voice. The most with the most. He's still going. He is. So many of them are still going.

aka shaggy he had i don't know what his accent was from but he uh yeah he just staged it it was on terminal i believe was the name of the map the airport exterior that's a good one to get block hills on though yeah so he had a bunch he had the opposing team all plants of course run behind a bit of luggage out on the tarmac that he could chuck a sim tax into and

He had the whole thing sort of orchestrated. So he, I mean, I forget what the time was, but it was, you know, 10, 11 seconds. And at the end. How do you get 25 kills? So they just kept running out. Respond, run to a predicted position. Yeah. And then while he's like doing his signature G unit commentary, like completely unintelligible. I got the right temperature. Can I, uh,

Let's see if you remember this one. This is probably maybe a year or two after. Raw Instinct. Oh, yeah. Thief, liar, cheater. Yes. By iFly Illini. Yes. For copying T. Martin's concepts and thumbnails. Yep. Oh, just...

Like wholesale. Oh, yeah. And the dude and half of the video was like level of like Russian Mr. Beast kind of copy. Yes. Wow. Yeah. Same concept, same style of titles and thumbnails. And half the video was calling him out for directly copying T. Martin. And the other half was basically just a bunch of leaked DMS about.

this youtuber messaging him and he just didn't respond so it just was kind of embarrassing oh no can we just appreciate for a minute like this stuff this stuff was huge yeah at the time yeah but can we just appreciate for a minute that nowadays that would this seems so stupid and like if you hear that a minecrafter is like

fucking their way through the local elementary school. Right? That's the caliber of news that we're talking about. Like, what an incredible time.

It's like, oh, you faked a nuke. That's the theory. I'm sorry, just the supporting visual of the way you described that, it was so absolutely insane. I'm just imagining a man running through an airport, just children flying out of the way, just running through the pedestrians in GTA 5. Footage from the ISS. Oh, my God. You see a dust cloud.

Oh my god. Yeah, it does seem kind of silly in retrospect. Saying it now, because people watching who weren't around then are going to be like, who fucking cares? And nowadays? Yeah, I mean, this is also one of the, like, this is like, when it comes to stuff like this, it's like we, you know, the moment is too special to not be able to just talk about what we want to talk about. You know, this, I remember,

There's so vividly the raw instinct thing specifically because the next day or two that I fly a line I guy Stupid name There's a place in Austin called I fly and we pass it on the one Yeah, and I think about it every single time I think about this fucking video he he got he was like a

Someone found him on Chatterbait once, and there was proof of it, I guess. And Raw Instinct comes online after this exposed video. And the first thing he says is, hey guys, did you know that iFly Illini was, just with Call of Duty in the background, iFly Illini was recently caught jerking off on a gay porn website.

And I was like, what? Like, that was it. This was YouTube drama back in the day. And the pics that got released were iFly with a cucumber superimposed over his wiener. I don't think I ever had the privilege of seeing those. But, yeah.

What about Jake scoping? This was another good one. Jake scoping. So quick scoping was a thing, right? So sniper montages were huge. I mean, phase grew up out of that. Yeah, optic. And then along comes Jake. And Jake would play Call of Duty and...

- And he was, hard scoping is when you're doing a more traditional, you've got the gun. - You like hold it like it's-- - This is what I would do, 'cause I suck, right? - Yeah, it's like hard scoping is like if you're saying you're quick-scoping, but you kind of come in and you hold it for more than a millisecond. - Yeah, I mean more than that even. You're maybe posted up on a corner just waiting.

So Jake decides, I mean, the sniper montages are fired. They're blowing up. People are getting rich off of this shit. So Jake just goes out with his sniper rifle and edits, cuts everything from him pulling the scope up to him shooting it. Oh, shit. So it's just a hard cut of Jake.

Clearly. And he doesn't, he's not making any, he's not trying to fake it. He's like, yeah, this is just a fucking sick montage. That's all it is. And you'd see the time go up by like 20 seconds. Yeah, yeah. Or you'd see the background jump clearly. Yeah. And he called it Jake scoping. We called it Jake scoping. That'd be so, that'd be so hard if you, if you were to just be like, yeah, this is Jake scoping. And then like just come out and be doing that. I called them all out.

On the show, I was like, dude, you got to see this guy. He's fucking amazing. And people were like, dude, this is bullshit. And he got a lot of heat. But I thought they were absolutely so fucking funny. Well, it's just a cool montage. He's like, of course, it's edited. I was like, dude, Jake, you're a legend.

Wow. That's like Barry from last episode. Just like a random name. Dude, Barry's a good guy. Like, if you met him, you'd be delighted to meet him. Like, he's making fun. Like, he just doesn't know someone. Here's the context. Ted said, oh, everyone, people are coming to L.A. in droves. People are moving to L.A. all the time around here. And then I said, Ted, who's moving to L.A.? And he goes, oh, Barry.

It's my friend Andre, Sam, and Barry also moved, and then Jakey also moved, like Nakey Jakey. Oh, and Jake. Yep.

Jake do not know no, I know him. It's just Jake's Yeah, and like this very nice guy, but all of a sudden he's just like Barry what a terrible day Right as a streamer youtuber you call yourself Barry like that's probably not it does sound there's a whole Barry and Jake are coming to LA Barry's

Barry moved in. Barry moved to town. Yeah, this is... He goes by... He goes by Barry Bibop. Oh, Barry Bibop. But this is... Wait, goes by? Is that like a nickname? This is Barry. Oh, Barry Bebop, like jazz. Oh, Barry Bebop. That makes sense. I get that. Yeah. Bibop? You don't...

You had me thinking his screen name was just Barry. His name is Barry because he's my friend. Now, why would you think calling him Barry, just saying, oh, Barry's coming to LA. Why would you think I'd understand what that is? I'm sure Barry Bebop's a great guy. Don't pull out the blood katana. There we go. I'm just holding it, man. You're doing it. You're threatening me. What do you mean? You're...

What do you mean, man? Just lost my foreskin, I guess. Yeah, yeah, wait, wait, wait. There it goes. Just fell off. It's gone. Speaking of... It's going to have to tape it back on with scotch tape. MN Productions, speaking of Moses, you grew up a Mormon. Yeah, I did. Really? And I saw recently you had an ex-Mormon on here. We did, QT Cinderella. I had no idea. We are everywhere. We are the legion. So you soaked.

no fuck i wish i should have but that's that's a uh that's a like a ricks byu sort of it's a mormon school centered thing yeah okay so you didn't go to a mormon school or anything no because i was in transit moving around all the time right uh yeah no the soaking also the jump humping your

familiar with is that when someone stands under the bed and moves the yeah that's level two of the soaking because as long as you move it it's like god god has an act of god t-rex vision yeah right like he sees he sees you if you're moving so if you're so right yeah so jump pumping though is when you recruit somebody to jump on the bed to jump on the bed next to you because now you are still static

I'm not doing it, God! I'm not doing it! It's incredible. So, I mean, dude, you're getting into heaven and you're nutting. Oh, what a dream. Wow. Yeah. What a dream. They have it all figured out. What was your favorite thing about being Mormon? What was your least favorite thing about being Mormon? And are you still Mormon? No, no, no. At least, yeah, not for a while. I was out. I did the mission. I did the whole... You did the mission? Where'd you go? I went to... So I studied...

I studied Japanese for four years because I wanted to go to Japan to develop games. The dream was work at Square at the time. Oh, that's cool. And also because, you know, you know, you live in with the parents, their house, their rules. I'm going to you know, I'm going to their church. You're seven. You know, you're a high school kid. You're not going to be like, I'm out. Yeah.

The plan for the roadmap for like a Mormon guy is you finish high school and then it's

go on the mission and then college or maybe like a year of college then mission finish college but the mission is is just what is gonna happen right right it's just part of the life plan um and i was like dude i'm taking japanese that has an effect on where they send you because they obviously want you you know and i was like i'm going to fucking japan it's gonna be sick all my friends that were in japanese class with me they went to japan and then i went to san diego yeah

Which is not the worst, right? Yeah, but it's also like, I mean, it's like, what do you got? But what a letdown. Yeah, I mean, trading fucking Tokyo for the Gaslamp District is kind of a big change. Yeah, I was super bummed. So I fell out of it during the mission. And my mission was kind of rough. They were like, you shave your head.

You're supposed to look like the missionary in this picture. Yeah. And at one point they told me, don't walk down the magazine aisle at the grocery store because you can't feel the spirit of the Lord, the Holy Ghost down there because there's titties out on the hot rod. It's like a low pressure area. Low pressure area. Yeah, exactly. And meanwhile, I was like, I remember it was a...

It was a very clear moment where I was like, it's all bullshit. Yeah, you're like, fuck this. And it just lifted off of me. And I finished. I could have gone home. You were like, bye. Yeah, yeah. I could have gone home. But I was like, this is also, this is part of what the parents have been expecting and all that. So I was like, I'm going to finish the mission out. And I'll focus instead of teaching church, I'll focus instead on charity stuff.

So I, you know, I would still knock on doors, but I tried to have fun with it. My companions obviously all still on board. So it was an awkward like last year. Did you ever have like a conversation with them where like where one of them was like worried that you were straying from the Lord? Oh, I did all the time. Yeah. Really? They were trying to get you back on board? Yeah. Some of them. Hey man, I caught you jerking off last night. What's that about? Have you ever seen the musical The Book of Mormon?

Oh, it's incredible. Yeah. So yeah. How accurate is it to like making fun of like, it's they, they have all their research done. Oh, that's just like this. Just like the side tie, the South Park Scientologist shit. Right. They, Oh, that, that scene in South Park where, where there did that whole like explanation of what, uh,

- Yeah, they-- - Do you know what he's talking about right now? - No. - South Park ran an episode thing where they were talking about Scientology and it was basically this entire rundown of the lore of Scientology 'cause it was kind of kept under wraps for a while of what Scientologists actually even fucking believed in. And then it got leaked somehow, I guess. And honestly, I think that South Park running this episode was the first time that it was kind of publicly on a larger scale made aware of what they actually-- - On a large scale, definitely. - Yeah.

And it would be like this whole story and then there was like this this caption like right below and very bold lettering I was like this is what Scientologists actually believe and it was just this insanity about like fucking Alien ghosts like being trapped inside of a volcano and then the ghosts like escaped and then they're in the bodies of like Humans now on earth. They did a Mormon episode - I don't know if you've seen that dumb dumb dumb dumb

Some of the viewers will definitely have seen it. I think I have. I've seen a lot of episodes of South Park. They deep dive into the lore, though, and then they just absolutely fucking skewer it. And Book of Mormon's kind of the same thing. Anyway, yeah, I finished up. That way, when I got home, and my parents were super cool with it, but that way, when I got home, I could be like, I gave it every chance that I could, and that we sort of unspokenly

unspokenly have agreed on. Yeah. And I'm out. And they were like, fair enough. I get what you're saying about like finishing up the stuff though because that was a similar thing. I was raised Catholic and that was a similar thing where it was like getting confirmed. I was like, my mom was like, oh, but don't you want to get married in a Catholic church someday? And I'm like, you know, I didn't really care but it was like she clearly wanted it. And so it was like, I was like, okay, fine. And maybe it's nice to have the option there if it ever, if I ever, I don't know,

I'm not, but it's nice to have that option. So you just finish it up. And a little bit less extreme than being all the way in San Diego going door to door. Yeah, at 18 compared to 13. I mean, dude, they got it all wrong. If they want people to be real excited about Catholicism, the last thing you want to do is send them to second school every Wednesday. Yeah. You got to go to CCD. Were you Catholic? Oh, yeah. Don't you get confirmed at 16? Yeah.

No, 13. 13. Yeah. I thought it was first communion or something. First communion is in second grade. Oh, okay. Yeah. I felt like I was so much older than 13 when I got confirmed. You might've been 14. May have been, may have been. Yeah. Catholic is that's a, that's also a tough scene.

It's a mix of tough scene and also so hands-off. Yeah. My parents were seasonal goers. I think there's a phrase for it. I forget. Tucker's not going to know. His family's not religious. But it's like you just go for Easter. I think you said it. Well, they call them fair weather Christians. Yeah, fair weather Christians. They'll go and...

When the Lord is born and when he... Christmas Mass. Is hung on the cross. Easter Mass. Yeah. And then like maybe, I don't know, fucking Palm Sunday maybe? Yeah. And then they say prayers when they're struggling. Right. Because it helps them. Yeah. Because that's when God listens. Yeah. And when there's a magazine aisle.

When you're walking on the beach. Magazine aisle. And also, tithing? What the fuck? 10%. Oh, yeah. Did QT get into that? Just straight up. I'd be out of Catholicism if it was 10% of your yearly income. That is insane. Can you imagine being a Mormon in California? In Mormonism, they expect that you will pay the church 10% of your yearly income. That's what my wife's parents do, and they're Christians.

That's... They do the same thing. That sounds Protestant to me. Yeah, the timing. They're non-denominational. Oh, no, that makes sense. Back to your question about what my least favorite thing was, it was probably... Because I wasn't making...

cash so the tithing didn't hit me hard it was probably just the church services yeah every sunday like a mormon service is three hours so it's oh my god and i thought mass was hard for me i wish i used to wish i used to wish i could bring my game boy in there and i think there were some times i may have brought my game boy in because you could turn you control the volume on the sp on the side there my grandma used to take me to catholic watching like

Just hardcore fucking on his 3DS. Yeah, on his 3DS. No, no, no. He's like this. He's like. I never. No. Some old lady singing Take and See. And he's like. He's like. Somebody get this child. I had to leave my Game Boy in the car. It was the Game Boy Advance SP at that time. It was before the 3DS. The dick's just popping out of the car.

As if it's an actual commercial for the 3DS. I have to leave it in my grandma's car. And all I'd have to entertain myself during mass was her roll of Mentos. She always kept Mentos in her pocketbook. And so I'd eat Mentos the whole time. Oh, I thought you would play with them. Well, it is fun when you get to sleep a Mentos rosary. Like you're a Victorian child that only has rocks and sticks. Yeah, you can kind of...

Yeah, yeah. You can kind of fiddle with the one mental that's kind of loose and next to pop out of the sack. God, that is such a church... Yeah. ...bored to shit in church activities. That's my favorite thing. That's one of my one favorite things about getting older is that if there's a boring hour, it's a little bit...

So much easier to get through a boring hour as an adult than it was as a kid just because the length of your life Is so much shorter that the hours are comparatively so much longer They are like like making a kid go on a timeout for an hour is like making them go in a timeout for like five hours Six hours. Yeah, you know like literally I mentally that like that's a thing. I think you just have ADHD No, no I genuinely think that this is like a thing where a kid's perception of time is longer than an adult Which is why the years start flying by the older you get. Oh, oh

Is that true? Like, genuinely, like, mentally, like, you're... Oh, the weeks go by to me like the second hand on a clock. I was telling my friend, I was like, there's a point when I was measuring time by how often I had to clip my fingernails. Like, I was a fucking prisoner. Like...

and i was like didn't i just clip these i'm like how fucking old am i yeah yeah you start you count it you start counting fortnights you know what the word fortnight normally means that's another 14 nights 14 of them yeah i had a random question for you i was thinking about this on the way over here uh

The Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville experience. Are you going to ask me how I feel about now that he's dead? No, I know that you're psyched that he's gone. Not at all. It's a tragedy. Are you kidding me? That's not what he said to me privately. No, my question was...

After, because the synchronicity of the whole thing admittedly did make it look like you guys killed Jimmy Buffett. But that's not my question. My question was, were you sort of glad, I'm bringing this back to a positive angle. That he was alive when we posted? No, no, no. The videos, the arc of the videos ended in a really positive place. Yeah.

And when he died, was part of you like, thank God that we didn't shit on Margaritaville at the end of that?

because holy the fire and yeah i definitely have in that video i spent some of it like being against jimmy but then i end up coming around and being pro jimmy and like it would have it would have been a bummer if i was like so in because i made fun of jimmy and that i call him like a bad guy i say like this guy's a schmuck and i i feel like rainforest cafe did not fare as well

by the end. Yeah. At the very least, at least there's not like Mr. Rainforest Cafe that like died or something like that. Like, like this was like, you know, it's Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Yeah. It is kind of, there's a bit of a,

sort of dark aspect to the ending of my video now though because the way that I ended it was that like I had this part in the mid point in the video where I'm looking out over the horizon in Key West Florida and I'm like looking at all the characters from speaking to all the characters from the Rainforest Cafe and then at the end like in the end of Star Wars like Jimmy Buffett floats in as like a force ghost and joins the Rainforest Cafe characters but now it just looks like

it's attributed to the death of Jimmy Buffett because he fades in as like a force ghost at the end of my fucking video. So it was like, now it kind of comes off as like, but it came out like two months before he fucking died. He's probably seen it.

That's why I consider that because I you know he was still when we were on the trip He was still doing shows and stuff. He was like in and out of the hospital I think he died from like a pretty rare form of skin cancer Do you ever get like anxious thinking like fuck? What if he died like the day we finished the trip or like the day you were gonna post boom the news stories like oh my god I think Eddie and I have spoken about this of like because we were when we were considering when we would do the trip like

I actually had to do the Margarito trick two days after I did the Portrait of a Blank Slate music video. So I mean actually, we visited you and I showed you the music video while we were on the trip. So I was editing a music video and a video about making the music video while we were driving across the country making a video for the Margarito. So we were working on three videos at the same time while on a road trip.

And so originally when we were talking about the planning and stuff, I was saying, oh, I've got this music video coming up. Maybe we push it a little bit further into the summer and then we release in August or something like that. And Eddie convinced me that it was like, oh, it would be better if we released this kind of in the summer. It's kind of a summer-themed thing, and we ended up doing it. But if we went the route of doing it that way, we would have been... Jimmy Buffett would have just died and we would have had to like...

change our whole thing where it was like we had to be like guys we had no idea that jimmy buffett was gonna fucking die we have this video that we just spent the last two months on of going to every margaritaville like so it is honestly such a blessing that he died at like we got it done beforehand because there is no fucking way in hell for the next year that anyone can make a video like that going to every margaritaville because it'd be like you fucking ass right ted it

probably would have gotten more views if it was like the week he died. I will tell you one thing is that after his unfortunate death, Eddie and I both got upwards of 100k view boost in our videos after he passed away. Everyone was just flocking to our videos to comment, rest in peace Jimmy Buffett. It was interesting. It was almost like a

There was like two candlelight vigils going on in both of our video comment sections where it was like, we didn't ask for that. But, you know, rest in peace Jimmy Buffett. I don't have a dog in that particular fight. So I can say that when he died, holy shit, did I fucking laugh.

Dude, the timing of the videos and his death. Dude, you can't make it up. Yeah, I mean, it was like less than a month, maybe. When did Jimmy Buffett die? What was the date? Because we released our videos on... It's like he's their biggest fan. He's like, man, I really want these videos to get more views. So we released our video on July 20th, so a month and 10 days-ish after we released our videos, Jimmy Buffett died. Which is...

Fucking insane because he was alive for like 70-something years. Oh, my God. And look at that. He died in Sag Harbor. Living it up in the fucking Hamptons. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. But they had like a parade for him over in Key West after he passed away and like where the original Margaritaville is and stuff. He definitely saw it. There's so many in Florida. It is crazy how...

like just perfected Florida is for a Margaritaville location to pop up. Like it's the waiting room. Yeah. It reminded me a lot of the time that Schlatt killed the queen. Oh,

Yeah, here's the thing though. I feel like Jimmy is just this collectively loved character that's just his whole brand is just sitting on the beach and relaxing. And then you've got the queen of the British Empire. And I feel like it's okay to be like, yeah, someday she's going to... How old was she? She was like... Was she in her 90s? Well within the appropriate range for what happened. Yeah, she was an appropriate kick in it. Yeah, assassination or death. Yeah.

It was just a coincidence that I was flying back from the United Kingdom. The United Kingdom at the time. I mean, APL killed Paul Walker.

Yeah, it was definitely weird the day that Jimmy Buffett died, though, because it was like, now he's been dead for a little bit. It's okay to have a little bit of humor about it. But the day that it was announced that he died, people were flocking to, like, I posted a thing. It was like, rest in peace, Jimmy Buffett. It was very respectful. I was waiting for your tweet. Let's see.

Let's see how this goes down. I would have tweeted some shit like that, man. I don't know if you saw the replies, but people were like, and Eddie and I were talking about it, people were like, what did you do? What did you do? You killed Jimmy Buffett! And I was like, I had to make a tweet on my second account. I was like, guys, he just died. This seems a little fucking disrespectful. And he didn't really do anything wrong. So, like, I don't know if we have, like, this just seems like a little rude. Well, I mean, I did, when the queen died,

I did sell a shirt. I made a lot of, well, I actually didn't make any money off of it. Shout out. Shout out to Revolt. Shout out to Revolt. You'll get what's coming to you. Oh, dude. You need somebody taken care of. You just let me know after the show. All right. Maybe. Yeah. Okay. All right. That's fine.

My hands will be clean, but I can make that happen. We will just say that. Interesting. What would you charge, do you think? I'd have to talk to the hands that would not be clean about that, but it would be a value because... That's a crazy name for someone to have. The primary person who I would be reaching out to is, in fact, homeless, so it's going to be a bargain. I see. It's going to be a bargain. Whatever the cost of...

fertilizer and detonators is. - Gasoline. - Mustard gas. - Maybe a new backpack and some MREs. - You know, we actually have a lot of leftover sort of surplus white phosphorus that we got off of like a-- - Okay. - Well, we got it off of this like-- - Holy shit, now we're cooking. - Well, you know how like those trains that go through the country that go really slow? - What?

Like trains that carry big boxes on them. The ones that derail. Yeah, the ones that derail occasionally. Oh, yeah. Well, if you go over to Ohio or anywhere that trains like to derail a lot of the time, you can just find these, you know, what are they called? It's called like sheds or something. What's that thing called where you take a fucking cart you want to sell in Red Dead Redemption and...

what's that it's like derailed is pretty much the slowest speed a train can that's that is true yeah well they're dropping off all these giant you know crates these giant shipping crates of white phosphorus so we just picked one of those up and we you know and now we have that and then that's why there's only two of us in that seat right next to schlatt is empty um oh that green seat that's sitting in yeah coming up on a year

Coming up on a year, yeah. No, it's been – I mean, we had a vision appear to us during Christmastime. And maybe he'll come back in Christmastime. He was busy on social media for a bit and then radio silence. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah.

So back to this. His ghost started speaking Spanish, though. Back to this, you know. He's on the QSMP. Hands clean, hands not clean business. I appreciate how much effort you went into supporting that nonsensical thing that came out of my mouth. You think we could work with some kind of down payment today and then figure it out? Absolutely. After the...

Job is done? Yeah. Okay, yeah. You got anything on? If the cash is there? Yeah, yeah, we can figure something out. They, them does not care. I'm not going to dox any pronouns. He actually has a down payment right now. Boy or not boy. I am a little afraid of what this is going to be. It's a down payment. This is something we found in the crate earlier. So, in exchange for some services that you'll provide... Don't look at me. Don't look at me. I'm not going to help you. I offer...

A down payment. By the way, if you're watching this, my palms and the bottoms of my feet have already started sweating. I'm not going to say what I think this is. He knows, though. He knows. I can see it. I know what you think it is. It's not. It's a down payment. It's a down payment. Oh. Yeah. It's my gift to you. Okay.

I thought whatever was going to be in here. It's a schlanket. Would have eight legs. Really? Yeah. This is a lot heavier than a fucking schlanket. You think subtracting the weight of the case, the schlanket. Leveling yourself? You think that I don't know the weight of an epoxy fucking frozen giant ungodly spawn of Satan? What are you talking about, Mr. Shark? Just reach in and grab it. Just reach in and grab it.

Oh God all the light passes through it and it glow holy shit glistens Last time you saw this how long do yours has it been since you've saw dude immediately I start sweating I need like deals

reunited at last thank you fuck you holy fuck dude this is a prize why does it have this i don't i i don't know you're gonna have to ask fucking george do you like this yeah it's cool it's like a statement piece of his at this point when when when when borf pulled that out and gave it to him dude this kid was like

I started tearing up a little bit. He literally was... It was probably one of the most important things he's ever received in his life. And you made Boroff's... Like the second half of Boroff's life with your reaction to this. Holy shit, my hands are like shaking to the back. Why is the back like that? Imagine this thing. So are you a...

an arachnophobe yeah i would say so it's not like it's not moving so no but and i would say it's not crippling like if there's a spider at home like i'll take care of it i just won't like it and this i just really don't like and i didn't like it from the fucking moment i opened it on inbox you're gonna have to ask george esquire why it

Why it looks like that. Oh, he sent the best stuff, too, like little sound bites. This was like a consistent person that would send things? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He sent tape recorders of his own voice. I hate that this even still exists. I left this at Machinima first.

for a reason. Yeah, well, didn't, I think like Boraf found it in like a, like a, like a, just a, he stole it. Oh, Boraf looted the fuck out of it. Yeah, no, he was telling us, he was telling us, it was like, he was telling us it was like on the final, like the dawn of the final day when, when like, when things were just. Dude, he was like an old timey, like,

robber yeah no he was like running out of the it was like the ship was exploding as he was he's incredible by the way our meme with him is fuck you Boraf oh yeah and he is just an absolute gem yeah no he is so sweet I always I thought it had been lost forever and the fact that

that was such an important part of my childhood and just growing up, just knowing the legend of that and having it gifted to me by one of the people involved was like one of the coolest moments of my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can even feel like the beginnings of the nausea. Yeah. I nearly threw up on inbox when I opened this. I nearly puked. Don't drop it. Don't drop it. It'll shatter. So you sort of like progressed in your,

I believe in like exposure therapy, you know, but I'm still not comfortable. Why don't you hold it up to that light over there and just kind of like look at it through there. How do you feel about that? Yeah. I mean, look at it. Look at it. See,

it's really imagine this thing it looks like it's in water or something like that yeah yeah imagine this thing skittering across the floor it doesn't bother you really no not at all I mean I think I wouldn't I I here's the thing I would probably I could be convinced to hold a tarantula you know like like it's on my bucket list really do yeah

I feel like you would have an, like, it feels like something you'd be like, I mean, my eyes might roll back. I don't know what happened. I got to give it a shot though. I got it. This is like my skydiving. Yeah. Right. I got it. That's threatening. I mean, look at the, look at the muscles. It's like a, it's like at the mouth of a predator. I'd be scared if I saw that outside of the, the case.

Do you drop it? It just starts going? It just wakes back up? We are so lucky that bugs are not as big as they used to be. We're so lucky that there's less oxygen in the atmosphere these days because...

You know, something that big or something like that, like the size of Miata. You know, that's fucked up. Dude, Schlatt said he was bringing gifts. And he's like, I'm bringing gifts. And my immediate response was, don't you fucking dare. Don't you dare. And I was like, it's okay. It's fine. I'm fine. It was like a whole three arc sit like cope storyline. This is a big moment though, right? This is...

Isn't this nostalgic? It's a big something. Yeah, I guess that must be interesting. What do you think the total years is? Did I ask that already? How many years has it been? It's been a decade at least. So it's been 10 years since you've seen this spider.

Yeah, yeah, more than that for sure. Because 2013 was when I headed out of Machinima to do like my own YouTube stuff. Is it weird that none of those videos are like formally accessible through Machinima anymore because they just fucking unlisted everything? They just nuked it. Yeah, it is weird.

Must have taken them a while to unlist everything too, because I've tried to batch edit visibility on videos on YouTube channels before, and it took me like fucking 20 minutes to just do that to like 30 videos. Can you imagine the fucking intern that had to go through each video back in the machinima days with that fucking red annotation that said, eat this? Oh, dude. The fucking annotations. Do you remember that? It was for Alan Wake. Yep.

I remember I had to drive up with my boss at the time because no one else would do it. Well, it wasn't that no one else would do it. They were willing, but I cut them loose. I was like, dude, you guys don't want any part of this shit. And it was some huge integration with Alan Wake, the...

Video game. Yeah, the horror game. And the idea was that they would basically saturate our programming for, you know, whatever, a month or something. And it was through annotations, which at the time, now we have cards and end cards and all that. But at the time, annotations... It looks so much better now. It is so much better. I liked some of the flexibility of annotations, but...

You just put them anywhere on the screen. Yeah, just the Arial, the only option of text. Dude, so you used... It just looked like a sticky pad. Left aligned. Pasted on your YouTube video. And you could put them anywhere. And you could, like, put links on them and all that stuff. Yeah, I guess people nowadays probably don't even know what those look like. No. A lot more flexible back in the day, to be honest. So...

completely unrelated machinima videos would they would have um and the idea was it was like a alice in wonderland eat eat drink this eat me whatever like on the notes with the potion and a little treat and all that yeah and it would pop up on screen for like a moment right drink me eat me or whatever it was so stupid completely unrelated i remember back in the day you used to use to

Like I used to have my little outro thing for my gaming YouTube channel I used to do where I would like manually make the sort of preview of the video in those two boxes and then you would make them line up with the annotations so they could click and make it all professional. But then sometimes you go to a YouTube tutorial and it's like you click on it, it's like it's being a normal video and then you're just like, ah! And there's just annotations everywhere, just links and fucking bullshit. Well, I mean, a month later Alan Wake comes out. Mm-hmm.

And that's the end of the integration. And for years now, there's thousands of stupid fucking eat me annotations that never get taken off because why bother? Why bother? And it just, it just did. It was all annoying shit junk ever, man. Oh,

But I mean, I had to drive with my boss up for the finale where he's like, and then the end of the Alan Wake storyline will be like, oh my God, Sark is rising out of the lake. And so he drove me to Big Bear and the most awkward 90 minutes ever as where it's just me and my boss.

And then he filmed me on his phone walking out of a freezing lake up at Big Bear. Oh, my God. Only to have the shit plastered in eat me fucking annotations. And nobody gave a shit. I was like, yeah. And you know what happens is like the thing it linked to. Did you get time and a half for that little? No, no. And famously, I remember us being pitched a Vagisil fucking integration. And I was like.

What? How? What are we supposed to do? And the video it linked to was like disliked to fucking to shit because it would just show up. And some of them were huge, like would cover the entire video. Eat me. Yeah, it was also so awkward because people people like, you know, there was a department that was doing the.

the integrations it wasn't you know they weren't reaching out to us on the creative side so we would just be saddled with these ass oh geez but there we go bad just still like knock yourselves out boys and i'd be like okay well um the the new rpd got your trigger figure it trigger finger itching well that's not the only body part that itches sometimes and that's why we here at machinima respawn use badges oh my god

Kill me! Cut to the end card. Wow. Damn. I think a lot of the Respawn stuff has been preserved pretty well, though. Especially Inbox. Yeah, with fan compilations and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Compilations, but there's a lot of re-uploads popped up as well. I had posted a couple that I had saved as my public service. I had a couple episodes. It's like PBS. Yeah.

yeah because sometimes there wasn't sometimes the wi-fi wasn't working at the deli you know you'd be surprised how important like internet archival yeah needs are like there's a lot of information that only exists on the internet right now that like isn't in a book or anything like that that is that's what i was saying if steam ever shuts their servers down and it's like download what you want to keep holy shit i mean that's a lot of games that are

gonna vanish yeah because it's really we take for granted that steam's omni present but dude i mean if they ever shut down yeah you're gonna need to buy some hard drives and save all the games that you want because i have a question for you okay hit me with and no no no it's not what you think man it's um we're talking about inbox i messaged you a while ago with an offer

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I just want to know what you think about it. I don't know what this offer is, by the way, for those of you listening. If it's what I'm thinking of, Schlatt very generously offered to host a revival. Maybe not a revival, maybe even just a one-off return of Inbox. Wow. And I'll tell you, my first instinct was I like it.

with the bullet in its head laying right where it is. But I haven't stopped thinking about it. And people haven't stopped asking. So it's even gone so far as to me sort of mentally storyboarding an Indiana Jones-esque intro where APL and I...

uh dust off the like rediscover the aprons i know dude why why do you still have the aprons no but you just buy some fucking butcher's aprons i don't even know what that shit that we wore all i said to the set guy was like make me shit from hudsucker proxy the coen brothers movie there's a mail room in there and so that's what they did but

uh we do yes get the uh slat is slat is pulling weed for this i'd pull i'd pull so many strings to make this happen i'd fund the whole thing i would fucking we'd be using the always sunny in philadelphia music or the you know the the the other one i forget what it's called sunny day yeah yeah yeah yeah wow you know the royalty name of the track yeah he's a

Yeah, and here's the thing. Here's my thoughts on that. So the shows that I've done over the years, generally speaking, the model's been about the same. It's like a platform with... You come from like a comedy background, right? A bit? Yeah. So like improv always has some form of prompt. Yeah. That's what the shows have all been. Yes. So it's, you know, Radio Respawn was me...

and guests riffing on current events and gaming news. Inbox was always just whatever the nets drag in from the internet mail. And the only way Inbox survives is, or survived, is we had to be more insane than the mail. Than what you received. Otherwise, you're just Sniper Wolf, mouth agape, watching TikToks, right? Fair. So...

Inbox was an energy well. And if it comes back, it needs to come back with the thunder.

So if it does come back and I take Schlatt up on this very generous offer, it's going to make people fucking mad because it is going to be wild. Yeah. And I think that him looking at like Schlatt's face right now, that's exactly what he wants. What am I getting myself into? Hold on. Hold on.

Inbox, produced by Schlatt. It comes out, it's a giant word out. Schlatt. It's like a little guitar. I approve this message. Hi, I'm Schlatt, and I approve this message. Fades out, puts in Inbox. Yeah. That'd be great.

Do it. Do it. Yeah, yeah. The feeling of doing that is sort of like akin to, I don't know if you've ever done, like maybe skydiving or cliff jumping or whatever. It's that feeling of... You feel like you're going to jump off a cliff? Yeah, yeah. It's that...

that dread and hype. - Yeah, or like a little bit of like, sort of like maybe of a John Wick-esque kind of like, you've gotta come back, John. - Yeah, yeah, and he doesn't want to. - He doesn't want to, but then you pull out your little gun thing and now you're shooting people in the head. - And then you have to kill people live on camera. That's what I'm talking about. There will be a snuff segment. - Okay. - Yeah.

Bring back the tiny mailman. Within the context of mail. Contextual stuff. Context does reign. Yeah. Oh, my God. Without context, inbox. I mean, in some of the fan edits, holy shit. People sometimes who I'll raid on Twitch after a stream, they'll be like, oh, let me just Google Sark. Oh, no. And it's like the first thing that comes up is the YouTube Wikia page. And that's absolutely batshit. That's written by like...

fans and randoms so i mean on there it's like start start just straight up sark is a racist sark is has a mortal fear of jamaicans i don't know where that one came from oh no that was an inbox episode was it yeah did i say i was afraid of jamaicans oh well okay fuck well you may be clear the air now are you afraid of john no i don't

I don't even know where that came from. Anyway. Well, I heard it was on the wiki, so I wasn't sure it could have been true. Right? The next thing that comes up then is inbox highlights. And it's like, dude, some of these... You know, we raided a crocheter last night. And she was like, I'm going to check out Mr. Stark. And I'm like, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. And it's just me talking about how...

If you suck a Wendy's Frosty hard enough, you can create suction out of your asshole. Lady, don't do that. Close the browser. Suck a dick through your butthole, dude. Trying to figure out how to hack into her computer so you can close it for her. Well, hey, this would be an opportunity to set the record straight. All right. This reboot would be at the top of everything. You could redefine your legacy, man.

You could do a complete 180 here. It's going to be on Schlatt's new 11th YouTube channel that he runs called Schlatt Cinema. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Schlatt Cinema. Consider it. That's all I'll say. Okay. I wouldn't do it unless we could really go hard in the paint. We'd go hard. We'd go hard. I'd do anything in Texas.

Plus one. Point for Austin. Point for Austin right there, yeah. Even from Ted, he's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, you know, you drop a cigarette in LA and you've lit the entire city on fire, so, like. That's also true here, though. They have a learn van here. No, you gotta understand, you gotta understand, there was a fucking, uh,

like property destroying family family displacing fire that happened because of a gender reveal party in LA like you just like did you just rediscover it they like you forgot about it and you look down and I saw the way that its legs attached to its underbelly and I was like I would rather not think about yeah it's like a beast it's like a robot yeah yeah it's looking like some air bubbles are making their way like this is a little new

That's new? That's new. How do you add air to... I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's coming out of the body of it. Maybe it's getting ready to reanimate. Maybe it's alive. Don't spiders breathe through like...

Basically like body gills. Yeah. I didn't know that, but I'm not surprised that you know that because I feel like it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let me learn all of the worst things. Oh, you don't know how many 64-tab browser windows each featuring the most lethal spiders? Which way is its head? Is this the head or is it up here? That's the head. Up here? Yeah. That's the front of it? It'd be strange if it was the other way around, I feel like. Yeah, I guess it would be. Yeah.

I think maybe it's just got like a spoiler on it. Oh, the fucking earwigs. I don't know what's what. Yeah, it goes faster. Do you want this? No, thank you.

Thank you. You can leave it with me, but I will chuck it out the window. I'd be surprised if you were to give it away, Sean. I knew he'd say no. I knew there was no fucking way he was taking it back. I'm sorry. I just wanted to see him like a decent guy. I just wanted to see you scared. I just wanted to scare you again. The notion of it. Just bathing in the decency I am right now. Hey, Sark.

Would you rather have unlimited bacon, but no more games? Or games, unlimited games, but no games? It's a pretty cut and dry question. Did you hear? I feel like he was being pretty crystal clear about it when he was saying it. Did you hear what I said? You're right. Oh, God. Okay. Did I stutter? Are you seeing this right now? Tucker, what's going on? It's your guess, man. Shut the fuck up, Tucker!

It's- it is cut and dry. It's fucking- Shut up, shut up, Tucker. You're fucking ruining everything. It's cut and dry. You want me to say it again, Sark? Would you rather have unlimited bacon? No more games? I'm coming for you. He's freaking out, man. Oh, never mind. Never mind. More games. But no games! That's the kicker, people! It cancels itself out! Games and no games! How many times has he asked this?! I don't know. I don't know. Oh my god, it's so confu- It's not confusing! You take the bacon. Okay. Slap.

Sounds good. All right. You take the bacon. All right. You take the bacon. I mean, I guess. That's a way to. I guess people would just normally ask, you know, but like what about like all those games? Have you considered the unlimited? The unlimited aspect of the games is sort of like an appealing. Oh. He's freaking out again. Teddy's freaking out again. Teddy's freaking. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. He shit his pants. Oh, my God. He just shit his pants.

Or you just forget we can just forget you know there's not like a whoa. Oh my God Wow yeah, no, this is you just take the big okay. Yeah, no, we'll take the you take the bacon We will take the bacon It's crazy fuck you