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Ted, an interesting article fell upon my desk this morning and I wanted to know if you knew anything about it. Yeah. Look at this. People.com, entertainment, Jimmy Buffett, Margaritaville singer dead at 76. Indeed. You heard about that? Oh yeah. I woke up the morning after the news broke. I got the notification on my phone. And there were so many people that were like, I don't know if their brains weren't working or something, but they were like,
famous person dies, this is the same thing as Schlatt and the Queen. And they went on into my replies and they were like, Ted, you killed Jimmy Buffett. You killed Jimmy Buffett. You did say...
You had a busy night the night before. So what's that all about? I think I was just not checking Twitter. Yeah, yeah, because you were doing stuff, weren't you? You were toiling. Yeah, no. Traveling, some might say. I may have been doing a little bit of toiling. A little bit of manual labor, some might say. When you put it that way, it sounds like you're implying something else. Well, I'm not implying nothing. I don't imply. I don't imply. Jimmy Buffett was hospitalized maybe three or four times, or maybe twice, actually, when we were...
On that trip. On the trip. Oh. So while you were on the road, Jimmy Buffett mysteriously fell ill? I see what you're trying to do here. Just objectively surveying what's going on here and putting two and two together and making four. You killed Jimmy Buffett. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.
All right. I'll admit it. You probably didn't do it. I didn't. I didn't. And it was so strange. It says here on the article, rare form of skin cancer. Skin cancer you died from? I didn't actually know. Yeah, rare form. Merkel cell carcinoma. Oh, that's awful. Yeah, no. When people were coming to my replies and they were like, you did this, Ted. This was your plan all along. And they were making a big joke out of it. I had to make a separate tweet on my other account. And I was like, hey, guys. So he just died. What?
It's not even like some bit where it's like the queen who is like a royal and is like done. She was dead for years. Let's be real. Has done arguably very shitty things. And there's a whole lot to say about the queen. And then they're like, this is the same thing as Jimmy Buffett.
This is the internationally loved singer-songwriter Jimmy Buffett who just has written songs about laying on the beach and going on a sailboat. Yeah, no, this guy deserved to die. Like, that's what they were basically replying with. And I was like, this is a little disrespectful, guys. He just died. It did just happen. Yeah. It did just happen. I will say, though...
Jimmy Buffett's legacy ain't all that squeaky clean, Ted, because you know what he did? He got all our parents addicted to the idea of living for the weekend and fucking going out and partying. And you know what alcohol does to the brain? It erodes it, man. I read about that all on Huberman's lab. All right. I'm completely sober now. I don't do nothing. I don't do nothing anymore. I'm a fucking boring person now.
Because it erodes your brain, man. Makes you turn yellow if you have an eye. Makes you turn yellow and it makes you fall apart. And you know what? He instilled that into all of our parents and all of our parents instilled that to us. And now that's why Gen Z millennials don't want to work. Just want to drink and fuck. And in a couple of generations, we're all going to look like Simpsons characters.
Exactly. It's going to be, it's going to be, our skin's going to be basically dyed yellow. Yeah. And we're going to look like Homer Simpson and Bart and maybe Maggie. So I think you did a good thing, but, uh, I didn't do any. Okay. I didn't do anything.
What are we doing today on the podcast, everybody? What are we doing today? I'm like Google Foods. What are we doing, everybody? Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Chuckle Sandwich, another aimless episode. This is an episode where we come in here and we're like, man, we have such a good plan. Yeah. This is why we struggle with the weekly thing, guys, okay? Yeah, we're doing Chuckle Mail, baby. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Welcome everyone to Chuckle Sam. We're doing some Chuckle Mail. You guys, if you don't know what Chuckle Mail is, we got a little Google form. It's in the description of the YouTube video. Audio listeners love you to death. You'll have to scurry on over to YouTube to find the link. But people send in, half the time it just says penis, but sometimes there's some good stuff. And you can submit your questions, your comments, your concerns, and your, I don't know, statements.
Same thing as comment, but yeah, this is Chuckle Mail. Welcome here. Tucker, take it away, baby. All right. James from Illinois says, Schlatt, would you ever consider bringing Ted onto a sleep-deprived gaming video? Do you want to? Sure. Okay.
There we go. Okay. Next is... He's just making things happen. He's just making content happen. These are all going to be like... Then it's going to be like, Ted, have you ever considered bringing Jay Schlatt on... Have you ever considered having Jay Schlatt make ice cream flavors with you? We got to think about it. If that's something that people want to suggest, I want to do another one of those videos because I had a... Because I think it was...
I think the idea that I had that we were going to do during Chuckle Week was making the worst soda flavors. And then I started doing it. And I was totally ready for it to happen. And then two weeks out, I started doing research. And I was like, holy shit. It was actually way more difficult to make a soda flavor than I had ever. It's like a chemical process. And I was not prepared for that to be.
the uh the result of that so if you guys got any ideas for that category of videos hey maybe you'll get another one need a lot of aspartame for that soda video you know aspartate would that whole lot of that aspartame you know this stuff in diet soda artificial sweetener yeah it's great i have just i have like a keg of it i'll add it to like you know how like people will alcoholics will like put little sugar cubes they'll keep little aromatics they'll just
into any drink they got, you know? Any soda I have, I'll just... Wait, little aromatics of what? Like bitters? Like a sugar cube, like a little cinnamon sugar cube or like an orange. I know all about this. You don't know all about this? Well, I'm just confused. Maybe that says more about me than you. I guess I'm just trying to understand. So it's a sugar cube of like alcohol?
No, it's a sugar cube of sugar that you put in alcohol. Oh, I see. And it makes it taste better. Oh, I see. Okay. But people do that with coffee and stuff. They'll freeze actual coffee or espresso and just pop a little ice cube in there. Oh. And then it melts, and then it's not watery. It's just whatever you're drinking. Oh, that's cool. All right. It's fun for the whole family. You freeze up some cubes of Fireball or something. Yeah.
Dude, honestly, thinking back though, that Fireball ice cream was delicious. Oh, dude. Now don't lose your head over it. Can't hear you. I still think about that Fireball ice cream, bro. It was really good. It was really fucking good. It was like too good. Dangerously good ice cream. I think that was probably because other than like the Coca-Cola ice cream, which was a little bit more like of a slushy, like the...
That ice cream, the Fireball one, I think was the most recipe-based one. Like that was one where it was like, whereas the other ones was like, here's a general idea of how to make ice cream. And then like we were trying our best to follow that. So like with the pizza one and some of them, it was like, it didn't really. Because no one's even fucking tried it before. No one would even think about it. It kind of grossed me out because it was like a sludge. It was like a sludge is what it was. Yeah, it was rough.
That was fucking rough, dude. We stuck to the book with the fireball one and it paid off. Can I just say something, man? That whole series of us with the cereal and the ice cream and stuff, which we should do another one for sure because they're fun. It's just a fucked up version of Good Mythical Morning. I started seeing comments about it because when we did that first video, I wasn't really thinking about Good Mythical Morning when it was done. But then I started getting comments where it was like,
saying that exact thing where it was like, yeah, no, this is just like a filthy Frank Good Mythical Morning episode or something. Because we're like fucking... Yeah, it's a little more scuffed. Yeah, a little more scuffed. And then I was like, oh shit, yeah. That's 100% right. You got two fucking white dudes that are just insufferable at a table just trying shit. Except the Good Mythical Morning is putting out like one of those types of videos like seven times a month. So like...
Ours are a little more pristine, all right. Can I tell you something? A little observation I've had about Good Mythical Morning and this might be a conspiracy theory. Well, hold on. Be careful because I'm already kind of on the ropes with Link right now after I sang to him "It's My Bellybutton" when I was drunk. I know you're on the ropes. You're skating on den ice with Link Neal, right? But I'm fine.
I am. I don't think he knows this. He might have honestly had a totally pleasant experience because I haven't spoken to him since. At some point, if we keep talking about it, it'll become like a meme and then it's going to start ending in the comments section and I'm going to get a message one day and he's going to be like, Ted, do you think I hate you? And I'm going to have to be like,
Well, no, it's just that I've never had the courage to talk about what happened that night. Yeah. But what were you going to say? I was going to say that my reputation with the Good Mythical Morning crew, I mean, they've never even seen me. I mean, save for the one nasty comment I've left on the gut check episode of the monster episode.
flavors where they completely just missed all the Monster Ultra flavors which I think was one of the biggest sins you could ever commit. When was this?
This was probably a year ago. A year going through. Yeah, I left a nasty comment. No, the day it was uploaded. The day they uploaded that video, I left a fucking nasty comment. What did you say? What was so nasty? I said, how the fuck do you miss the ultra flavors? Anyways, my reputation is I'm on rock solid ground with Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal. But I'll say one thing about the Good Mythical Morning team. Okay.
Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, Priceline.
I think that, should I say this? Should I say this, man? This could stir some news. This could stir some. Well, I don't know what you're going to say, so I can't tell you whether or not it's something that should be said. Half the time it's a no, knowing you, but I mean, go ahead and say it. Here we go. I'm just going to put it out there. I'm just going to put it out there. Okay. I think as Good Mythical Morning goes on longer and longer, Rhett and Link want it to be easier and easier.
So they don't do the red hot chili pepper challenge where they're fucking crying and shitting for days. All the food experiments on Good Mythical Morning, they work now. Are they delightful now? They're delightful. They're fucking delicious.
If they have one bad one, if they have one bad one, it'll be just mildly kind of like, eh, you know? But I think that's what happens when you have a fucking channel dedicated to cooking shit. Yeah. Like actual talented people. I mean, I suppose one angle it could, the reason it could be is because the way that they film their stuff is that they do it all.
in like a week, I'm pretty sure. Like the way that they get their episodes done. So like Newsflash folks, they're not posting every morning. They're not filming it every morning and then getting it out. It's not a live stream thing. So it's like they, which makes sense for them is like, you know, married. Yeah, of course. Established adults. Yeah.
So they do it for like a week and then it's like they've got like three weeks for whatever else or planning a pre-production or spending time with their family. So like imagine if it was like shitty food for that one week marathon. You get hit with the shits one day and then it's like you got to play it off like you're not having there's not like a hurricane going on in your bladder.
That's true. That's a fair point. That's a fair point. But also, I do admit that they have several professional chefs on their payroll now. And so they might as well make use of them, get some good fucking food. Oh, yeah. I agree. I love Josh. Josh is so cool, man. Josh from Mythical Kitchen. I loved when they brought Cookie Monster on. I thought that was really cool. I think we talked about that. Did you notice, man? They took him out of the title.
Cookie Monster wasn't pulling any views. They took them out. They removed Cookie Monster from the title. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I'm not really clicking on any Cookie Monster related stuff myself. I feel like if I saw Cookie Monster, Cookie Monster...
Like, I don't think I would be clicking on a Cookie Monster commentary video or something like that. I don't think I would be either, to be honest. I see where you're coming from. Yeah, but... Just goes to show you, though, these guys are on a whole nother level. Whole nother level. I'll watch like a Mark Rober video and he'll be like, today's video was sponsored by Google. And I'm like, what? Well, to be fair, I got a sponsorship from Universal. Well, what the fuck?
Hey, man. You got to step it up. What am I doing wrong? William Osmond once got a sponsorship from the U.S. Navy. Powerful. They just did like an egg drop off of a ship, like the one of those egg drop experiment things. And then they had a big sign-up link right at the end. That's where the link went. You want to go to war, sonny? We do egg drops in the Navy all the time. You can do as many as you want out in the Pacific. It'll just go in the ocean. It'll probably never break. Yeah.
Tucker, you got to... We should probably go. We're getting off track. Yeah, sure. Let's hit another one. Yeah, let's hit another one. Okay. Harley from Southern California would like to know about cultural foods that you'd like to try or ones you've tried and really enjoyed. I really want to try... There's like... I don't want to fuck it up. I think it might be Ethiopian. But there's like a sort of type of food in...
It's in an African country. I think it might be, it could be Ethiopia. It might be a different one. But it's like sort of a ball of like kind of a starchy. Oh, the dough. The dough kind of scenario. And then you have that with like there's like meat and other stuff. It looks fucking phenomenal. And I've wanted to try that. It might be Nigerian actually. It could be Nigerian food.
I think the Nigerian food in general, I just haven't tried. So I'd like to try that. That sounds like I've heard good things about it. Yeah. I see a lot of videos of people making it and eating it and shit. Yeah. There's one guy in specific who does it every day. He just brings over this big plate. Yeah. Yeah. What I would say is the British have not been to the United Kingdom in... What are you counting?
You kind of dazed? 14 years. I haven't been in 14 years. Oh. Yeah. I hear murmurings, whisperings about this thing called the Sunday roast. Oh. Which is apparently every Sunday, they all fucking get together and jerk each other off and they have a mini Thanksgiving every Sunday. It's called a Sunday roast. Tucker, what do you find? Yeah. And they do, it's like Thanksgiving food.
It's essentially what Alice, my stepmother, makes every Christmas. She's from the UK. It's like popovers. I don't know if you guys know what those are. Roast beef, roasted potatoes, which are like skin potato halves covered in Crisco and baked potatoes.
It's probably the worst possible thing you could eat in terms of health, but it's delicious. It's probably delicious, yeah. So buttery, buttery roasted potatoes. Yeah, the popovers are like a pastry kind of thing, kind of like a croissant, but hollow. It's hard to...
You've probably had them. And then roast beef. That's pretty damn good. I mean, dude, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays solely because of the food. You know, fuck talking to people. Fuck shit. I always got put at the kids table. The fuck?
You talking about me? Maybe we should do. Maybe we should do like a higher net worth than anyone else in my fucking family. You put me at the kids table. Who the fuck are you? Wait, you're getting put at the kids. Dad, how recently I still get put at the kids table. Every, every, every year I get put at the kids table. Recently you're getting put at the fucking kids table. Yes. Every year I get put at the fucking kids table.
I'm worth more than my entire fucking family. Put me at the kids table. The fuck? Why don't you just... I feel like you should do like a Tai Lopez scenario where you grab your phone and you just start like, you're just doing a selfie thing and it's just like you ranting, but you're looking at the camera to your family. I think you should do that this Thanksgiving.
They'd love that. They probably just don't have room, man. It's a small table. I don't sit at this kid's table anymore. And I don't know about you, but the way my Thanksgiving goes is it's like you serve yourself. They got the whole setup. You serve the plate. Some people finish early. Others finish. Some people rotate out a little bit. No, no, no. They point. They say, you sit over there.
And I go, what the fuck? Every time I go, what the fuck? I would too. Who's telling you this? It's fucked up. Everybody.
Everybody always says it. Everybody. Everybody. Yeah, they all fucking point at the table. You got to sit there. Fuck that. Fuck that, man. But I will say about this Sunday roast thing, the British get a lot of shit for their cuisine. They do. And this is the one thing that I really like hear people talking about. So I don't know. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's not. This might not totally translate to the British, but I did experience this when I was in Ireland. Okay. As we know from Chuckle Sandwich episode, whatever the fuck episode it was. Yeah.
And this was a big blow to my experience as a Northeastern, as a member of the Massachusetts state. As a mass hole. As a mass hole. Is that, man, Ireland's got really fucking good fishing ships and it's not even fucking close. It's not even fucking close. It blows some of the best fucking Massachusetts...
fish and chips out of the water. We're talking like Cape locations, Tucker. And I know you're thinking about it and you're wondering, but it blows Cape locations. We're talking, it's blowing like your spots out of the water. I can believe it. Yeah. I had, um, I had fish and chips in Bermuda once and it was, it was pretty fantastic. Yeah. Now, now that's a, that's a proxy location to think about that. So now you go close, the closer and closer you go to the, to the source, the closer you go and the more the teeth get fucked, uh,
That's when you know. Well, I mean, that's where it came from, right? Yeah. They invented that shit over there. It might as well be the best over there. Yeah, I'd be hard-pressed to believe that chips... We call French fries chips only in the context of the dish fish and chips, and it was invented by people from Massachusetts. But no, it's really good. It was like any pub... I got fish and chips maybe six times. Oh, bro, can I tell you? Can I fucking...
I just thought of something, too, because you were just like any pub you go to. Bro, I have a couple of favorite sushi spots in Austin. And back when I was in New York not too long ago, I just went to this random bar with a buddy of mine, and we ordered the crispy rice with the spicy tuna on top. It's like a fried ball of rice with the spicy tuna. Oh, yeah. I know. You were ordering it all truck a week.
you were getting it delivered. So I was getting delivered these giant things that like, it was like, it would be like a little plastic fucking takeout container and he'd open it and it'd be like three giant fucking fried rice things with the tuna on top and then he would just, and he'd just be eating that and he'd just be over in his corner and I'd be like, what is that? And he's like, I got crispy rice. It is my favorite meal bar none.
In the world. It's really good. And I have a favorite restaurant that I'll order from quite frequently in Austin. And I go hanging out with a buddy of mine at a random bar in New York City, and I order the fucking crispy rice at a bar. At a bar. And it is fantastic.
fucking twice as good oh no it's like the it's it's the the best version of it i've ever fucking tasted and it's just writ and i was just like man fuck am i really missing out on food like this by not living in how did it compare to the how did it compare to the the yamashiro one that we had oh that one was good i dude maybe it's because i was drunk
Dude, that's an important... But the crispy rice, it was so fucking good. That's actually a really important aspect. It was so fucking good. Maybe. Because I don't know about you, but there have been plenty of times where I've gotten home drunk and then McDonald's just tastes like a fucking five-star meal. Yeah, you're right. You order McDonald's and you're like, oh. But I'll tell you one thing about McDonald's. And I thought about this when you were mentioning that the crispy rice was good because I was like, oh, maybe it was like freshly fried or something. I don't know.
Have you ever had a fresh chicken nugget from McDonald's? I think so. I don't know. Are you sure? My problem is that I order in a lot. I feel like you would remember it if you did.
You're talking like straight out of the drive-thru. Tucker, has this happened to you? A fresh one? I don't know. Not recently, at least. It's a very rare thing. You're talking like they hand you the food and then you bite into it and it's new. I'm talking like a scenario. You know it's the scenario where it's like you order the chicken nuggets and it's like that stuff will come out really quickly. I think it's more likely to happen if you're there in person. Yeah, of course. But, you know...
It takes longer than it normally would because most of the time they've got these drawers where they just reach in and it's just heating them up. But if they make them fresh, that is the best fried food, one of the best fried foods you can have because it's like, oh, God, it's just fresh. It's like the... It is just...
Think of like what it's like, what the it's like chicken nugget truth. It's like what it's supposed to be. It's like the soul of a chicken nugget truth. Yeah. No, it's like you eat that and you realize truth. There's definitely been times where I've gotten a new batch of French fries from McDonald's and they're piping hot and you can just tell and there's something different about it. And so I guess that would extend to the to the McNugget as well. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, it's a delicacy. It is. It really is.
But I will say it was at the beginning of the night when I had the crispy rice. So I was somewhat conscious. Okay. Yeah. That's the other thing I miss about New York City. The two things, man, is the food.
And the... You can just like take the train home. Yeah. You know? No, it is really convenient. And the new addition in New York City of the fucking tap to pay in the subway is crazy. Yeah. Where you can use Apple Pay on the Metro now. Yeah. Which is... I mean, when I...
That blew my fucking mind when I discovered that and I tried that out. It's impressive. It's impressive, man. Well, I mean, I lived a little bit in New York for a very short period of time, but I mean, having to go up to the Metro and it's the fucking subway where you get the Metro cars, it's like... It's like...
It's like one of those. It's always a fucking 20 minute line and then the train is just gone. I've been late so many times because of that fucking thing. It's one of the size of like one of those early 2000s giant TVs that some of your friends would have in their basements where it's like
It looks like it's a flat screen, but then you go and look at the side and it's like this wide. It's like got the same vibes as that. And it's a fucking monster. It feels like I'm working with like I'm working with a like Fallout bunker controls or something like that. It's a it's a pain in the ass. But now it's not. Now it's not. Yeah. Just tap through. Did we. The question was about cultural. That was about that was about cultural cuisine. Yeah. Yeah.
So another tangent. Nigerian food would be cool. Sunday roast. Maybe we'll do a minor, like I'm talking like three episodes and then we just spend the rest of it enjoying the area of little chuckle
Chuckle UK scenario. That'd be kind of cool. Chuckle UK. I don't think I'd ever do that. You don't think you would? Maybe we should go to the next question. What if we got KSI? No, I kind of hate that country. What if we got KSI and we were like... I kind of hate that. What if we brought KSI and then we just talked about YouTube the whole time and then we asked him, how do you think the landscape has changed over the years? Who's KSI? Shut up, Tucker. Fuck you, man.
The fuck is wrong with you? Okay, so our next our next chuckle submission comes from Ian Brown and he wants to know if you guys are going to make a cigarette tier list. Interesting question. An interesting choice on Tucker's part to choose that question. Some I've learned, man. Some I've learned. You don't you don't test the product that you're trying to get into, man. You're not I'm not cooking up my fucking batch of math and then testing it out for that kind of shit. No.
I'm making it and I'm selling all of it. And I'm going to do it at volume, at scale. Okay. And so I'm not ranking any cigarettes. I'm going to start fucking making them soon. I've said this for years. Yeah. You do give the vibe of a guy that sells cigarettes to elementary school kids. So I'm going to start selling them at scale. It won't just be, it won't just be me hanging out in front of, what does that look like at elementary school anymore? At scale means, uh, I don't know.
Having my own website kind of like Feastables and then integrating it into every fucking video of mine, you know? Okay. What are you going to call them? Funny Sticks.
That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny. I think honestly that'll sell well. That will sell well. Oh, yeah. You'll have to stay tuned, Ted. You'll have to stay tuned. Plans are already in motion. You could have like a golden ticket thing where it's just like one of the cigarettes is just packed to the brim with like weed, crack, fentanyl, like everything. And then if they survive after smoking it, you show up in a helicopter dressed to the nines.
Give them a handshake and take their sweating pale body onto the helicopter and you give them a lifetime supply of cigarettes. Ted, let's just say, stay tuned. Okay, I will. Plans are in motion. Plans are in motion. I'm going to keep my finger on the pulse of this new Jay Shled cigarette company that you're working on.
Yes. It'll impress you. I guarantee it. All right, Tucker. What's this next chuckle mail? So Paige the Dumb from Minnesota says, Ted, what is your honest opinion on Mall of America? I work there and it sucks. Paige the Dumb? Yeah.
Yeah, like you'll get like a Roman guy who conquered the entire world and he'll be like the great. That's more fitting for an American. Yeah, she must have done a lot in her life to get that title too. That sounds like a state appointed title. That's a Minnesota appointed title right there.
Mall of America, I mean, it's like a mall. You know, it's one of those things where Eddie and I show up, we go upstairs, do the get our meal and film. And then like we went and filmed everywhere else. And then it was just like, all right, we're done. And we also like ended around when the mall was closing. So it was like both times we've been to Mall of America. It's like been very objective oriented where we're not like.
And also, malls are malls. I mean, like, I'm not much of, like, a huge fucking shopper. So it's like, what else are you supposed to do there? But I was a little bummed because I had this idea for this great shot I was going to get on the GoPro in, like, super slow motion of me on that roller coaster where I was going to take a selfie of myself. And I was, like, low-key trying to hide the camera from the guy on the roller coaster checking stuff. And he, like...
He called me out on concealing it and he was like, what's that? And I was like, it's a camera. He was like, put that away. And he was really on top of it. I mean, I guess I get it because a fucking roller coaster goes through the mall and goes over people and stuff. And maybe a GoPro flying and nailing someone in the head might be a liability issue. But I wasn't going to drop it.
I was trying to get my shot. Fucking lame. Fucking lame employee, man. It was going to be this awesome selfie of me in slow motion just having the time of my life and Eddie looking glum. And it was going to be beautiful. So you put the camera away? I did. Because he scared me, honestly. He was very, very serious about me not having that camera out. It was like he was going to get shot if he didn't get me to put it away. Damn. Granted, I could have taken it back out, but I didn't want him looking at it. I don't know. I just didn't want to get in trouble. I didn't want to get in trouble.
So that's my opinion of Mall America is I'm a little bummed that guy made me put my camera away because it made me sad. Don't do malls. I don't do anything, actually. So no comment. No opinion. Don't care. Before this next one, can I just take a minute to address something from a previous episode? Sure. I showed this Pikachu Game Boy Advance. We had the Tucker mid-episode. Yeah. Well, the Game Boy actually belongs to my stepbrother,
And he saw the episode and was upset that I didn't say it was his. So there you go. I told you I'd shut you out. And that's it.
Okay, so the next Chuckle Mail comes from... You know what would be really funny? Because I also know **** and I've known him for years. Yeah, me too. Hey editor, could you just bleep out every time Tucker says that name? So this time when so-and-so goes and sees it, he will have said the name. People won't know what name it is though. You can do a little Chuckle Sandwich logo over Tucker's mouth too, like an American Idol too, to make sure that it's covered. So like **** doesn't get the credit? He kind of gets the credit.
Yeah, you did what he asked, but then our editor went a different direction with it. So you technically, you know, you completed your task. Okay. It's going to be so physical. Oh, you know who you are. Okay. We'll keep it going. Next episode, Tucker's going to be like, yeah, mid-episode interruption, guys, things have gotten bad. He's sending me letters in the mail. They're written in blood.
But yeah, what was the next Chuckle Mail? The next Chuckle Mail comes from an anonymous Tucker fan from the Netherlands. And they said, Jay Schlatt. An anonymous Tucker fan from the Netherlands? I know. Wow. They said, Jay Schlatt, what coding or computer science project are you most proud of? Probably when I dropped out. That was the best moment of my computer science career. That was probably the best decision I'd ever make in my entire life. So like, yeah.
Yeah. Not much of a code monkey these days. Whoever this was, clearly a computer science person, dreams shattered. Their dreams have been shattered. Yeah. Oh, I wrote a program in Python to scrape Twitter for photos, and I displayed them on a map using their geolocation data. And so you could click on...
little red dots on a map and see what they were and where they were and who did it. Oh. Who posted them. Yeah. Wow. Did you write the code to scrape all of the Twitch names so you could ban them all that had like Carl? No, no. It was years. Hey, dude, that was years after I dropped out. You think I still know how to do that? No. That feels like it would have been pretty simple though, surely. Yeah, probably. But...
I got better shit to do. I'm rich. Of course. I can do whatever the fuck I want, man. I pay someone to do shit now. Yeah. I don't even have to lift a finger anymore. Preach. Hell yeah. Preach. Preach. I read about that on Huberman's Lab. Okay. Why do yourself what you could hire a minimum wage cuck to do it? Tucker, what is Huberman's Lab? You keep bringing it up and I'm like... Huberman's Lab? I don't know. I've never heard of it. Yeah. This is the third time he's brought it up on the podcast. Andrew Huberman taught me all about that.
Hire a little fucking wagey to do your bidding. Hire a little goon. It's a podcast. And a goonette. Do your bidding for you. Talks all about this in the second to last episode. So you listen to this podcast. What is with this? Religiously. On their website, all of their thumbnails are these really jarring sort of front-facing black and white photographs of like, it's kind of unsettling a little bit.
I don't like it. Listen, I listen to the pod and I do what he says and I do what he tells me to and I'm feeling great. Okay. Nice. Do you have any merch? No. Well, then are you a real fan? Come on. I guess you're right. Okay. So Matthew from Indiana has been thinking about getting a bearded dragon or some kind of other lizard and was wondering what you guys, if you guys had any tips on how he should prepare.
I don't know the first fucking thing about bearded dragons. Bearded dragons are fucking awesome, dude. I had one from fourth grade to the day after I graduated high school. He died the day after. He waited for me to be done with shit. Wow. Yeah. How did he die? Did he just kind of like kick it? Yeah, I woke up and he was just dead and he had shit himself. Oh, no. Yeah. And so I got mad that he shot himself, but then I realized, oh, you're dead. You died. So I couldn't be too mad, but...
Yeah, they're cool. They're cool. Get a little, make sure you got a little spritzer. They love being sprayed with water. You'll have them in his cage. He'll get a big stick that runs the length of the cage that has a little bit of elevation that he could get up there and get close to his little heat lamp that you put him in. Also need the fluorescent light as well to give him that UV. They can live for a while though, can't they?
Yeah, yeah. Eight, nine years, I think, my guy lived for. Get a spritzer. And then when he's up there and he's baking and he's feeling all nice, like your parents do when they go to Florida and wait to die, you just give him a little...
Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. They love it. They love it. I'll tell you one thing, and they weren't asking about this, but if you are even like slightly considering getting a bird and you're not all in, don't get a bird. Don't get a bird. Don't get a bird. Awful things. They're so loud and they live forever. They live like, I feel like every bird lives like fucking 30 to 60 years. Yeah. Yeah.
So unless you want to have a bird that will live with you for the rest of your adult life until into your potentially your retirement age. Yeah, that's worse than a kid because you can't, it doesn't grow out of the house. Yeah.
What are you going to do with it? You're going to let it go? And also, the more annoying the bird, the longer it fucking lives. Terrible deal. That's honestly a pretty good correlation there, yeah. Terrible deal. Terrible deal. Don't get a bird. Get a bearded dragon. He'll never talk shit to you, and he'll just chill on your lap or on your shoulder. You take him out of the cage after he's been baking for a while. He's all warm. He's like a little warm towel. You just... Why didn't you get another bearded dragon? Because I don't... I mean...
I felt like that was enough. Yeah. It'd be too painful, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I felt like I had gotten my lizard fill.
I wanted it. I was looking for something more interactive at that point. I was already thinking about a cat, but I needed my own place for that to happen. So, yeah, and now I have a cat. The bearded dragons are like the lowest effort pets of all time. So low maintenance, and they're cool as hell. So, huge vouch. Do we know where snakes poop from? Their butt. Yeah, they have a butt. I know, but like where's their butt?
Towards the end. I know, but like, it's all kind of like consistent. Like, where's that butt? Why don't you make a video of finding it? No. I want to know right now from you. Is it the tip at the end? Is it come out like a little, like a little pointy tip, like a fucking pastry? Like it seems reasonable to me. Honestly, I feel like they don't shit out of the tip of the tail. They have a butthole. You have to find it. Okay. Like the rest of us have.
What is this? A rite of passage? Have you found a snake's butthole, Tucker? Of course. Of course, Tucker. Okay, so Becca from Pennsylvania has a question for Ted, and that is, what is your process for creating a fake narrative for the Incorrect History series? It's not fake. It's real. All right, there you go. Why would she ask that? It's kind of a strange thing, yeah.
Another one for Ted. Harry Smith from Norwalk, Connecticut wants to know if you ever did get a new sofa for your place, Ted. No. I haven't. I haven't gotten a new sofa, and it still sucks. It still sucks. It's the same sofa that Slat, Charlie, and I all sat down one night during the first chuckle week and watched The Tomorrow War. And we honestly, good movie, but bad couch. Bad, uncomfortable couch. Terrible couch. It's a really bad couch. Terrible.
Really bad. Oh, God. Yeah, no. What are you going to do, man? What are you going to do? I got another one before you got one. I don't even sit on this one. Yeah. It's just for fucking, I don't know. That's for jambal. I mean, my apartment downstairs, it's weirdly shaped. And if I do get another couch, I want to have one that's like sectional based. So I would go and get like a really nice one, but only certain pieces of the sectional. So it fits in that space. Sexual based? Sectional. Oh.
So that it would like fit in that area so that later on, if I move somewhere with more space for a couch, I could be like, ooh, time to add more pieces to the sectional upgrade. No. What? Doesn't happen. No. It doesn't happen? No. No one adds more pieces to the fucking couch. I think two people have probably done that. Terrible. What? Terrible. No one does that.
Why is that a terrible thing to do, though? You're making it sound like it's morally wrong. I want Ed's fucking pieces to a sectional. Oh, I'm in a new spot now. Time to buy couch DLC. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here. I feel like a couch DLC sounds pretty good. Well, because some couches... So you have another piece next to the couch that's lighter than the others because you haven't used that one. Get the fuck out of here, man. Buying extra pieces to a sectional. Some of the nicer couches, they sell pieces of the sectional.
Yeah, I know. Fuck you. That's just to shape it. I mean, no one adds more. That's silly. That's a silly way to think. How do you know? How do you know? Because I've lived... Have you noticed my background changes every fucking three months, dude? Yeah.
I'm in a new spot, new couch every time. You keep buying couches. New couch every time. I have a storage unit full of couches. It would be really easy for me to get a couch too. Half of the stores in LA are just furniture stores. It's honestly kind of shocking how many furniture stores there are in LA. And I don't know why. Because I don't think I... You could be driving along like Melrose and look to your right or left and half the stores will be a furniture store and there's always no one in them and there's always a...
obscene amount of chandeliers inside and that's just something that worries me maybe uh maybe that's a conspiracy maybe that's kind of like the mattress firm thing let me tell you what you should get you should get a boucle italian boucle boucle couch boucle how do you spell it baby boo b-o-u clay b-o-u how do you spell clay
C-L-E with an accent. Okay. Don't say clay afterwards as if I'm not going to think of like the material in Minecraft you dig up to make bricks. Okay? I'm thinking of that. Look at that. Look at that material. You love that. You love that. Looks great. I mean, it looks pilly is what it looks like. Pilly? Yeah, it looks pilly.
That doesn't look like pills. Yeah, you know when you've had like a shirt for a while, keep putting it through the wash or something and it starts to pill up? Looks pilly. No. My couch gets pilly. Yeah, this looks like pre-pilled. What the fuck is pilly? What does that mean? Do you get what I'm saying here, Tucker, with this boucle stuff?
Yeah, my couch gets that way too. And Emma wants to get this little tool that will shave off the pills. Pills? Are you on the side of preserving the pills?
What are we talking about? Why are you still confused, man? What are we talking about? We're talking about pills, man. We're talking about little tiny pills that form on fabric after it's been used for a while. It rubs around and you get little pills. I take one every night so my cock works. No, man. Not the XXL fucking... Not the gas station? Not the quick trip? Yeah, not Manpower XXL. Not the quick trip? No, okay. Not Shorty's Like a Melody XXX, okay? Okay.
You do need a new couch. I do. That couch was a good deal at the time. I just moved to LA. It was $450. Clearance. Time for an upgrade. What? It's not a good deal if the product sucks no matter the price. When I sat on it when I was first there, I was like, this ain't that bad. I never bought a couch before. I was like, this seems like it'll be good.
I feel like the only way you can properly test a couch is to sit on it for like a year straight. And then you figure out the problems you have with it. Did you just say awkward? You know what's awkward is the monkey statues, which Jonk from San Diego wants an update on. That's a good question. You better update the people on that. Okay. So, the big one is still in the box. Still in the box. And I'm not...
Currently, the one who is in possession of that box. So someone else has the box. I got to get it from him. So that one's still in flux. It is my goal at some point to have him on display in my living room. And mark my words, he will be one day. But there are somewhat bigger things on my to-do list where I don't feel like it's too urgent. You have hundreds of thousands of dollars in monkey statues in your possession. Yeah.
Well, not in my possession. I have a $10,000 one in my possession. He sits in my living room. He's on my coffee table. And he's the brand. Yeah, he's solid. He's solid. But he's table size. He's small. I genuinely think that you should just host a gallery for just all of your monkey statues.
and just charge like 20 bucks entry. Just so people can-- like, people who want to see him can come in and look at him and take photos with him. You'd make a killing. You just need like-- you just need like some gallery space for a night.
For a night, you don't even need to show up. You could have like a little pre-release. But you gotta move them there. They're fucking heavy, dude. Okay. I can barely pick up the one that's bite-sized. Do you understand how popular that would be is if one night you were, like one day you were just like, I'm doing a pop-up gallery. It couldn't be one night. It couldn't be one night. It's gonna be thousands of dollars to move the fucking thing from out of the box into where, yes. Really? Ted, it's thousands of pounds.
Shit. Yeah. It's in that box for a reason. They needed a forklift to get it off the truck. I mean, how expensive is a forklift to move? How expensive? You need eight men. So maybe you do like a gallery showing for like three days.
Maybe. I don't think I'd make my money back. I don't think I would. I feel like you would. You get a little merch stand. I probably would. You get a little merch stand. You get like a little... Yeah. And you don't even need to show up. You could just have like a big old projector where you just have a pre-recorded video where you're just like waving there. And it loops. And you pretend you're there. That's funny. I could do that. You could. You could. Or you could like... I don't even know. You could get like some sort of like...
You know how sometimes you can project a head, like in the Disney, where they project the head inside the crystal ball in the haunted museum, right? You should get something like that, where it's like you're a head inside a crystal ball. I think that'd be funny. At the gallery? Yeah, I think I'd just hit a shlat in a crystal ball. I feel like that would be... I'm giving you these fucking awesome ideas right now. Yeah, I know. Look, look, look. I'm trying to get the monkey into my house first, okay? I need to... I'm in a custody battle right now. I need to get him.
Okay. Okay. So I'll let you know. I mean, you'll know when the monkey's fully moved in, but it is...
It is a little disappointing that he has been in the box for almost two years now. Yeah, I'll say. And soon he will be free, and he will live the rest of his life out in the open with those nuts hanging and that cool breeze blowing against him. Yeah, he's probably got some serious ball sweat building up right now. Oh, yeah. There's some humidity down there in that fucking nether regions.
There's some biomes going down. I'm still kind of bummed that you didn't get the big one. What would I have done with that? I gave you my idea years ago. You can construct...
Your own, like just buy a small... Is this just a gala idea again? On a bigger scale? Kind of. Like, you know, there's a drive to Vegas where it's like, there's like these colored rocks that are stacked. Seven magic mountains. And it's like a thing that people always stop at when you're driving to Vegas. I think that you should find another plot of land and put that monkey down
And then that's a landmark and it's your fault. I mean, it's because of you. Yeah. Yeah. That would be funny. Yeah. That would be funny. And like have a, have a compete, like just put it somewhere where it can compete with like a well-known sort of. Yeah. A well-known. Next to the bean in Chicago. Yeah, exactly. Like try to get it near the bean or something or like. Okay. Put it somewhere where you can compete with like.
a well-known landmark in a city or something so that later on, once it's done its work five years from now, you could be like, I created a landmark. Yeah. You know what you should do is just take the biggest one
And in the middle of the night, just deliver it to like the middle of the Mojave Desert. That's what I also told him, actually. Yeah, that would be funny, too. And just like let the shit run wild on the internet. Just have like an alert set up for Mojave Desert. Every news article just gets sent. And I'm just like, I just wait for years and years. And it's like, oh, fuck. So I finally found it. That would be satisfying. Because people would be like, how did it get here? You know? Yeah.
That'd be good. You'd have to set up like a little fancy trust and then buy the land that's like right where it would sit so that people can't legally move it either. It's just like there. Well, if it's that big, no one's going to be able to move, you know? Well, I mean, they kind of. Isn't one of them huge? Remember, it is. It's massive. But remember when they did, there was like those obelisks that showed up in the desert and they got rid of those. Did they? Yeah, they were like moving. Well, there's. They were like moving them.
I'll set up a live stream like he will not divide us. It'll be a 24-7 monkey nut live stream. Do whatever the fuck you want to the monkey. Yeah. Do whatever you want to him. I mean, eventually it'll show up on Google Maps too. Like you'll have like a satellite. Yeah. Like that monkey is definitely big enough to see from space. Like you can definitely see it from space. At least a satellite can see it from space. So I think it's a good idea. We'll see. How much does it cost? Like a billion dollars? The monkey? Yeah. Yeah.
One that I have? No, the big one. It was $95,000. I think the big, big one was like $300,000 or $400,000. And then it's going to be another huge, huge expense getting it to America because it's in Europe and it's too big to fit in a shipping container. So you need to just put it on the boat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So that'll be probably another $100,000 getting that thing to where I want it to. So in other words, I'm not going to do it.
You're a fucking coward. Okay. All right, buddy. You're a fucking coward. Get a new fucking couch. You don't know what needs to be done. Okay, man. Okay, man. You've had a fucking $400 piece of shit from Ray Moore and Flanagan in your living room. $450, okay? Go fuck yourself. Listen, one more chuckle mail, and then I want out, okay? Yeah, you tell me. I want out of this episode. You tell me. I want out of this episode. You tell me.
Okay. Brooke from New York says, what would you do if you to swap bodies with each other for a week? Oh, I'd shave the chops immediately. I'd shave the chops immediately. I would shave them chops immediately. And I would, and I, then I would also shave right down the middle of my head as well. Oh,
That's too good. I couldn't even fucking compare to something like that. You'd cause more damage to me than I could ever to you. And then I would log into Schlatt's bank account and then I would buy the $400,000 and then I would pay for the shipping of it to get shipped on a shipping container from Europe to here. And then I would pre-purchase a bunch of stuff
Where it would get like the scenario, like I would set it up where I'm paying people beforehand to go pick it up, bring it to the Mojave Desert, put it down there. That's too good. I couldn't even compete to something like that. Yeah. And then I would just transfer all of Schlatt's funds to me because there's no offset of damage that Schlatt could do even if he took my money because he's richer than me. So I would make money even if he were to do something about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what? And then I would crash his car. Fuck you. Yeah, I'd crash his car. Fuck you. What the fuck? Which one? I'd crash his car and then I'd like...
I crash his car and then I give like, I'd crash one of his cars and then I give the one he likes more to like a, like to like a, like an elementary school or something. And it just become like a fucking thing. That's like just sitting in the elementary school. Yeah, man. I'd take your entire bank account and give it to Andrew Huberman. Yeah. And then with a moment I switched back, his podcast would get even better.
Yeah, but then I got your cash. Huberman's Lab. Then I got your cash. Huberman's Lab. You wouldn't even transfer it to yourself. You would just be choosing to be... Oh, it's a drop in the bucket, Ted. Get the fuck out of here. I'd also transfer your AdSense to my... Yeah. I guess you would just stop making videos, but... And then I would like... What else could I do? I don't know. I'd just like tweet some salacious...
It wouldn't be the first time. Yeah, but it would be bad this time. It would be bad. It would be like you're getting on the news. It's like, why would you do all this terrible things to you? Why was the first thing like just do the worst, just like ruin this guy's life? Yeah, no, that's a really good question, actually. Because I didn't do any of that stuff. You're right. I just made a donation to Andrew. Yeah. Yeah.
I'd probably like book a ticket back to Austin or maybe to New York, get you out of that hell hole. But I'd see that as like a service to you. You're making me feel a little bit, you're making me regret now. Well, actually, no, I don't. Honestly, all that sounds really funny. That would be funny. Maybe I'd probably, you know, in realistic terms, I would probably just keep it to like
Just shaving the chops. That'd be funny. Yeah, that would be funny. I'd probably shave the chops and then I'd probably, I don't know, make a... Jerk off. Yeah, I don't know. Just see what it's like to jerk off in another man's body. Just see what that's like. Would you be jerking off another man? Would that count? Tucker? Referee? If you woke up in another man's body and you started jerking his dick...
But it was you doing it. Yeah, and it was like... As your own body. I mean, it's you, technically, you know? No, I'd do that. You'd do it? You know, it'd suck as if it felt ten times better. You're like, this is what I'm missing out on? That just means that there's something wrong with your cock, then. There's like something going on. Well, I don't know. That's awesome. I mean, how would you even react if you discovered that someone else's orgasm feels better than yours?
Well, isn't that how it is with men and women, right? Don't women get the better end of the deal? I suppose. I mean, we'll never know, really. I suppose we'll never know. But they can go rapid fire. There's a rapid fire aspect that is... They don't have a cool down. Yeah, no, we definitely got a major cool down on our ultimate. Yeah, it's a shame. Would much rather be Mayo, though, you know, at the end of the day. If I had to choose. What? What's going on?
What? Wow. Wow. Yikes. It's almost like he doesn't know what you just said. I don't know what you just said. Yeah, no. Do you even watch the podcast? Do you even watch the podcast? You live it. You live the podcast and you don't remember that one? I tune out half the time. I said I'd much rather be a... When we were talking about how women... Would you rather be Mayo or a woman? Oh, that was on the pod? What, did you just think it one day? You just kind of announced it to yourself? I don't know.
All right. We're shutting down here. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let us know what you think of our answers and make sure to submit the chuckle mail and we'll be back and we'll see you next week. Hope you have a good one. Bye, everybody. Peace out. Say bye, Tara boy. Bye.
