Painful "Would You Rather" Questions
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Baby, do you know what it's worth? Chuckles Sandwich is a podcast on Earth. We got Tucker, Schlatt, and Ted. We're ready to sing it. Someday we'll be dead. Chad, I can't do this right now. I'm drunk. I can't. It's Schlatt. He's cute. And he's drinking the Blue Mojito.

He's got me smiling from dusk till noon. Wow, you're looking cheery today, Shalann. You're looking so cheery today. I'm sinking back into a hole of alcoholism. Oh, good. We always love that. It's because this show makes me sad to do and everything makes me sad. Shalann, if it makes you feel better and it fills you with some warmth in your heart, I'll give you, I'll admit something to you right now that might fill you with joy. Okay.

Level with me, man. Let's get real. This whole time, you may not have noticed, I'm wearing Invisalign. I started doing braces again. You fucking nerd. You fucking nerd. Yeah, you got a fucked up mouth. Yeah, let me look in that mouth. Yeah. Yeah, open wide for daddy. But I'll tell you what, I...

The moment that I got them on, I was like, damn, it's going to be a little bit hard to say my S's. You might start hearing it in my voice. Yeah, I'm starting to hear it. The more that I speak is that the S's are a little bit tough now. I don't know how to get them out without the fucking thing getting in the way. Irish wristwatch. Fuck. Fuck.

You sound a little silly, dude. I sound a little silly. Do you want me to put on a lisp, too, so that it makes you feel better, buddy? Don't. Don't. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.

Welcome everybody to another episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Fuck. Nice. No, that sounded okay. You know what it is? It's the S's and it's the ch sound. Yep. I noticed the ch. Chuckle Sandwich. And that- Chuckle Sandwich. It makes me-

Does it even count as a lisp as much as it is? No, now I'm thinking about it too much. Uh-oh. I'm going to pretend like I don't have it. Yeah, you sound like you have a speech impediment of some kind. I mean, at this point, I think I do right now. There's also one, two, three. There's five. There's five fruit flies in my room right now, and they're all hanging out on the walls or the windows. You're rotting, huh? Honestly, doing a little bit of rotting lately. Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes it's fun to rot. Yeah, and that's what the kids are into these days, too. They love to rot. Oh, kids love rot. Kids love rot. Yeah, you put a baby in a... You know, when I was a kid, my dad, he used to take me to the dump, you know, and before, you know, they picked up our trash. And he put me down there. I was maybe like two or three years old.

And I just started, once I got the smell, once I got the firm ones, I was like, eh, you want a pile of trash, I start eating the rock, dude. And that's the thing that sucks about California is that the, you know,

The L.A. rot, it's high in like nastiness. But like Massachusetts rot was just so much more. It was just better. It was more organic, you know, because you're getting so many leaves from the fall in there and stuff. In L.A., it's like condoms, right?

Yeah, it's gross. It's gross. Honestly, it's just all condom. You know? And e-shit, yeah. Poopy. Poop. Cocka. Some might even say those are all the same thing, but in LA, they're distinct because, you know, it depends on what they ate the day before. This is nasty. Let's go on. Welcome, everybody, to an episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Today, we're going to be returning to an age-old...

that you guys have always liked. Can you guess what it is? We're going to do a little Dora the Explorer now. Shall I lead the Dora the Explorer exercise? You love doing that. Wood! Oh, you...

RIDER! Hey everybody, it's WoodryRider here with Tyler Schlatt. Tyler is the game master. He's the master of the games. Look at him. He caught a big blue fish. We saw a fucking sunfish. Yeah, we did the fishing episode. And you're shining, man. We did our own personal little fishing episode.

You're glowing. Yeah. I'm cooked. Oh, yeah. He's cooked. Yeah. He cooked. Yeah. Days on the water. You rotted a little bit out there. Oh, yeah. You did a little bit of rotting. It was more of like a salt cure. A salt rot. Yeah. Yeah. Like a brine. Yeah. A brine. I pickle. I was out in Massachusetts for a wedding.

That's a bad word to say with these in. Massachusetts. I would never notice it if you stopped. I know, because I can feel it. Stop pointing it out. We can't hear it if you don't bring it up. It's a confidence thing. You're not confident in the way you sound. You're right. I need to pretend like everything is going as it should. All right. So I came out there from... Well, don't laugh. Don't laugh if you can't hear it. All right.

So I was out in Massachusetts for a wedding. Tucker was also in the area and I was like, I need some Tucker time. I need some Tucker time. He was like, listen, the only way that you're going to get me is if you wake up at five in the morning, drive a half an hour to where I am.

so that we can go out on the water and go fishing. Mind you, I'm still on California time, so I couldn't fall asleep until like fucking one or two or something. So I got like two, three hours of sleep and I'm driving over there. It's nighttime. I get there. Tucker's just like, oh, hello, hello. Ready to fish? But it was fun, dude. It was fun. Tucker caught some fish. It was a nice time. No. I almost said, yeah, I almost just lied. Um,

You knew I wouldn't let that slide. I was close. I was close. I got good at casting. I got some bites. We had to do a little crash course. Yeah, but I think I got it faster than a lot of people would.

Yeah, okay. Give me something here, asshole. Give me something. Ted did great. He was a pleasure to have on board. There we go. He was a great co-pilot, co-captain, and I would take him again. Yeah, yeah. Maybe next year. I had visions of maybe becoming a pirate as we were driving fast. Yeah, he was really in... He was basically role-playing being a Somali pirate.

I love doing that. I love doing that. I was like, we were going really fast. And I was like, oh, I could really board a ship right now. Like, I could really be like, I'm the captain now, you know? Could really do a hostile takeover on one of these vessels. So I just started kind of screaming, like, I'm going to become a Somali pirate. I'm going to do it. I'm going to say something, Ted. It was freeing. And this might upset you, but if someone came onto my boat saying,

I'm the captain now with a silly little lisp like that. I would not be able to take them seriously. Listen, I'm going to train while I still have this on. What? What? You're commandeering this vessel? I don't have that. Sorry, guys. Sorry to all the lispers out there. I don't have that sort of lisp. I'm commandeering this vessel. Yeah, you're right. I do.

We're not shitting on Ted. That's how it's going. Honestly, the lisp, that's free game. We'll get it all out on this episode. We'll get it out. We'll get it all out on this episode. Once I get used to speaking with this in, it'll start to go away. So honestly, I'll probably progress the most when I'm on the podcast.

That's good, though. I never thought you had problems with your teeth. I never looked at you and said, like, that's why he needs Invisalign. What I had going on, they were very convincing at the dentist. They were like, you got a cross bite going on. And, you know, it's just you're wearing away your teeth at night. You're grinding and stuff. You need to realign this stuff.

And I was like, yeah, dude. No, yeah, that seems pretty serious. Yeah, no, yeah. Ted is an easy sell. Salesman's wet dream right there. Well, I mean, when it comes to my teeth, like I don't want to be like an old man. Honestly, I don't want to be like a 40-year-old man and have like teeth grinded down to little nubs. You think your teeth are going to be nubs in 10 years? 14 years, you mean, Mr. Matt? Close enough. Dude, you round that, that's 10. Close to 15, babe. Close to the 15th.

Let's get accurate here. No, yeah, but you know, I turned 40 years old, I look like a peasant. I look like a medieval peasant. And I'm like a warlock. Yeah, yeah. There was a dentist's office that got in trouble big time many, many years ago for removing entire mouths of teeth from children.

They were like, yeah, that one needs to go. Yeah, that one needs to go. These four need to go. And then they just started ripping out all the teeth of the little kids. Yep. Yep. What? Yeah. Yeah. True story. True story. These kids were walking around all gummy. Where's the story? You got the story for us, Tucker? All gummo. Look it up. Dentist steals little kids' tiny teeth. Yeah. Three-year-old boy, Wichita. Yeah.

Wrongful death. Oh, Ted, you're going to get fucked up. Oh, crap. Well, no. They're going to kill you, motherfucker. It was an anesthesia thing. We can move on. Reddit says dentistry in general is a scam. Just look up the story, Tucker. This is your job. I did. I verbatimed it. You verbatimed it?

Wait, you just said you put into Google dentist steals little kids 90 tiny teeth. Yeah, that's what Schlatt said. Schlatt said put in dentist steals little kids tiny teeth. I think that the tiny teeth is what threw it off because you just found it after getting rid of that. From insurance business mag.

Wow. The barbaric dentist received millions in government benefits for extracting the unnecessary teeth, prompting a criminal investigation and several lawsuits. Didn't have to take them. Didn't have to take them. Yet they did. 78, dude. This was a passion project for this guy. Yeah, seriously. That's the thing. That's the thing. It's like I feel like if you're in a trade where people have no idea about any of it, you can just pretend that.

That like, oh, you're grinding at night and I know this. So we need to put you on Invisalign, you know? And that's how they get you. Well, they... What if you weren't grinding, Ted? I mean, they showed me where my... Like, I can see where the crossbite is. And I didn't wear my retainer for the last 10 years. So...

It's like that power balance bracelet presentation. They're like, hold your arms out and try and balance on one foot and then they fucking push you over and you're not expecting it. So you fall over and then they put the fucking little silicone bracelet on and they're like, let's do it again. And then you're expecting to be pushed. So subconsciously you adjust your body weight when they push you and then, oh, we're done.

bracelet no it's bullshit it's snake oil you got scammed bitch yeah yeah you got scammed i guess you got scammed i mean i'm gonna keep wearing it you know what's funny is emma and i actually talked about this on the way home today in the car ride about how i probably got scammed yeah la it's a bunch of scammers yeah body image you know it's a big industry out there

They're profiting off of dysmorphia. This is how it starts. Next time you'll be getting Botox next year. Yeah. They're going to convince you that you're ugly. Look at Ted. Look at his jawline. He's chiseled. Ted's like, oh, dude, I'm obese. Oh, I'm so fat. He looks fucking hot. He looks like the filter. Oh, I'm grinding at night. Look.

He's literally human perfection And they've convinced him He needs all this work See we're turning it on We're turning it on Yeah seriously geez You know I was thinking about recently I was thinking about what if I changed my hair What if I made a I've been rocking this for so many years What if I It fits you Do not grow it out And do not even think about a fucking mullet

If you look like one of those Curtis Conner motherfuckers, it's going to become the biggest joke in the industry that if you want to be a commentary channel, you got to fucking look like a... That is just so crazy coming out of your mouth. You have mutton chops and a mustache. Didn't you wear a man bun for like seven months? Didn't you wear a man bun, Jason Momoa?

Don't you mog at me. Don't mog. Shut up, dude. Shut up, dude. Shut up. I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of my hair ever. There it is. Look at that. There's little Miss Flintstone. I have never once said that I think my hair looks good. I think I have never been proud of it. I'm going to put a little bone through that. Your hair frequently looks really good.

Yours has changed more than mine. Yours has changed far more than mine. Yeah, I went through a bunch of phases. I did the headband for a while while I was trying to do the man bun, and then the man bun I didn't like. So I chopped it off, and then I tried again, and then it just didn't work, but I felt like I had to commit to it for a while. Right. You know, like, yeah, that and that I think are my best. Yeah, that's a good one. When my hair's a little long, I think it's good, but once it starts...

you know, needing a headband or something. I think that's when it, when it falls a little flat. Also, I, it loves growing down my neck. That's how all I just feel. I know, but it's like real bad. So by the time haircut is when it's, I call it monkey hair.

By the time my hair is like the perfect length up top, it's like I get the monkey hair. And I'm like, I can't do this myself. I'm scared to. Well, you could always just go to the... I mean, it's not like when you walk into the hairdresser that you're committed to...

doing everything you could just be like oh but that's so silly clean this up a little please clean the two inches of little fuzz that i got that's let me pay you 40 fucking dollars to do that my barber's gonna talk about how fucking illegal immigrants are ruining the country to me again they really do my barber's doing the same thing riddle me this

If you go in there and do that, it's kind of like you're in like the 20s and you're like one of those motherfuckers just going there to get a shave. You know, you know, it's just like grooming or something, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And you just go in, you just go in there, guys cleaning up and he's like, you know, they're eating cats, dude.

They're eating the pets. They really are eating the pets. I've seen it. I've seen it. I saw it. I saw it. I saw it on the TV. I saw a man carrying a dog down the road. It's fucked. It's fucked. Oh, God. Looked like he was hungry, too. Yeah.

I've never gotten the beard professionally treated. I might. Maybe that's a good excuse to. Maybe that's a good excuse to. Do you use any of the beard oils or anything on it? No, no. I don't really know how those are used. Snake oil. It's snake oil, dude. No, no, no. Beard oil. No, but see, mine is better than his. Yeah, yours is way better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got a strong set of mutton chops going on there.

Yours are friendly. You could try to get to Bushy, though. They get kind of gross. They don't fill out right. They get kind of fat over here, but not enough to compensate for... They get a little Amish. They do. They do get Amish. Oh, wow. That's not a good look for him. Yeah. That's not a good look for him. Yeah.

What the fuck? That's a mask. That's a realistic mask. That's not a real person. Gollum human hybrid. With chops. That's terrifying. Gollum human hybrid with chops. And no other hair. And he kind of looks like he got caught doing something. He looks like he got...

He looks like he got caught drinking breast milk or something. My buddy drinks breast milk. Take it easy. All right, Chucklers, this episode of Chuckle Sandwich, once again, is sponsored by our friends at Shopify. Chucklers, when you think about products that are selling through the roof, like their schlacks or their schlanket, sure, you think about a great product, a cool brand, and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind

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It's very user-friendly. I enjoy it a lot. You heard it here first. You can upgrade your business and get the same checkout that we use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash chuckle, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash chuckle to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash chuckle.

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For a limited time only, head to TurtleBeach.com and use code CHUCKLE for 10% off your entire order, baby. That's 10% off your order at TurtleBeach.com with promo code CHUCKLE. One of my buddies drinks breast milk. Why? You got to tell me about that. So my buddy from the Marine Corps, you know him, Ted. You know the one. Oh, I had no doubt in my mind that this was someone that you knew from the Marine Corps.

Don't get it twisted. Yeah, you open, every barracks room's got a little mini fridge in it. You open that thing up, he's got breast milk bags. He's not married at the time. Where's he getting this from? Where's his dealer? I don't know. He's getting it in Vegas. Wow. He's getting Vegas breast milk and he's coming back. He's trading like stolen ammo from the Marine Corps for breast milk. And he was like, dude, the gains are unbelievable. Yeah, he was drinking it out in the hot sun.

Oh, yeah. It is nasty. That's crazy. Yeah, he's a wild one. It's all curdled and shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I can just imagine him going into the dark area, the dark sector of Las Vegas. He meets somebody in a trench coat, and he's like, you got my milk? He's like, it's probably some desert rat woman smoking a cigarette. Probably pulls it out of her bra and fucking hands it to him.

It's definitely some dirty shit. And he's still doing that? How much money? Okay. Well, now he's married, so he's probably getting it in-house now. It's true. Damn. He's like fucking Homelander. What the hell? That's crazy. How much does breast milk cost? That's a good question. I never inquired.

Yeah. That's going to be, that's going to be expensive. Yeah. I mean, it's not going to the baby. It's organic. Yeah. Yeah. It's not going to, it's got to outweigh the cost of formula, doesn't it? Yeah. No, you, you know that when he's getting that breast milk, he's actively prioritizing himself over an infant, a baby, because like that's a limited supply of breast milk that a woman can produce. But they do it for a period when they, when they have a kid. Yeah.

That's a good point, dude. That's like a roundabout way of him, like a little baby's got a little cup in his hand, and he's going up and he's like, it's for the gains, man. It's for the gains. Yeah, dude, that's like having a little blood boy. You're taking his blood. You're taking all the vitals, everything you need. That's some blood boy shit. Yeah, I remember somebody the other day was like, I forget the context of it, but it was like, oh, but he's got to be a good person. He's a Marine.

I was like, whoa, that's a crazy step in logic to take because I assure you it is not true. I would say about 90% of the Marines delinquent sued bags of shit and delinquents of milk. They will die for you, but they might also rob you or, you know, just being a drunk and getting a DUI accident. They'll die for you because of the commercial.

Because of the commercial with the dragon and the fire sword. They're not dying because it's like, I protect the citizens of this nation so the American way can live on. It's more like, dude, it'd be so fucking cool if I shot some guy in the Middle East. Like, if I got in a fire fight, it's like Call of Duty or that commercial with the fire sword.

That's where they're thinking. And they do induct. If you show up not thinking that way, by the end of boot camp, you're thinking that way. Because they're like, if you showed up for any other reason other than to kill people, get out. You are here to kill people. Is that what they say to you? They say that? Oh, yeah. They say that? Yeah.

Whoa. They say all sorts of stuff. Why do the, everyone will yell kill at bootcamp. Like there'll be like, there'll be like platoon 2006, which is like, and then everyone be like kill. And then like, it'll be like the, the callback, the cadence. You're just saying that all day. Every day. Having you yell kill. Yes.

Wow. That's crazy. Is that what they did? They do that with the bayonets. They're stabbing them. Yeah. Kill, kill, kill. And then you run to the next one and like, you're doing it like sweeping the floor. They're making you scream while you're sweeping the floor. Yeah. They hammer that in. That is, that's psychotic. That's psychotic. So by the end, you're like, God, I really hope I get to kill somebody. Fuck. I mean, to be fair, I,

I definitely believe what Tucker's saying too about the indoctrination because like for the first like two years of Tucker in the Marine Corps, it was like his brain was like broken. Oh, I wanted to kill. And then all of a sudden you hit something and you're like, wait, this is, I'm not going to kill anybody. This is it. Yeah. I'm just sitting in California. Yeah.

And then it all starts, the illusion just breaks. Oh. And you're like, get me out of here. This place is a fucking scam. Yeah. And now he's, and now Tucker's woke. He's pretty woke. Totally went woke. But what were we talking about? We're going to do, we're doing a game today. We're talking about Would You Rather. Yeah, we're doing Would You Rather. We're doing a Would You Rather episode. And Tucker, we sent him out on the internet, as I always say.

I think we sent them on the internet. Where'd you go to get these? Some of them I got on the internet. Some I got from our lovely friend, Sid. I wonder if, does this get harder for you every time you do this because you have to make sure that you don't bring us ones we've already done? Because I wouldn't remember. So the first time we ever did it, I was like scouring the internet. And then the next three I probably did, I just made them up.

I was like, wait, I can make these up. They'll never know if I made these up. That kind of feels like you cheated on your homework a little bit. But they were good. Why am I a little mad about that? I don't know. Wait.

Tucker, would you rather get this fucking disgusting face off the screen, please? Or would you rather leave it up for me to gag at for another ten minutes? Oh, Jesus Christ. I thought you were talking about me. I was like, wow. Dude, no. You're glowing right now. I am. Tucker's still at the marine on the screen audio. I got that rack. Look at the sunglass tan right here.

Oh, wow. That's intense. Tucker gave me a pair of sunglasses and I put them right over these glasses. I was wearing them on top. I probably look ridiculous. All right. So what's the first one, Tucker? Would you rather live the rest of your life with a Neuralink chip that gave out more and more intrusive advertisements as time goes on or never use any technology invented after 100 CE until you die? 100 CE? Common Era.

What the fuck did they even have then? Like bronze. Wheel? They had the pyramids. That's for sure. They did have the pyramids. They had Jesus Christ. The Holy Book. They had that. They had that. They had baths. They had houses. They had houses. They had houses. I'll take the ads. I'll take the ads probably. True content man.

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't be able to, there's a, there's a case to be made. I mean, I, I always find myself enjoying life more when I'm unplugged, uh, when I can just like go out on my, on my beautiful patio and make a fire and just look at, you know, the deer and the Turkey and all that. Yeah. But, uh, you know, I, I don't think I could last doing that for very long.

Seeing everyone else have fun with their Neuralynx. Is it like we stay in the same era and we just all of a sudden we can't drive a car? We do have to decide that right now. Are you going back or are you here? But you're just like that guy with a stone wheelbarrow. So the fact that Tucker's inventing a rule right now is a very clear indication this is a self-written one, right? No, it's not. Swear to God. Really?

No, this is not. Well, you don't need to swear. Yeah, you're right. No, I just promise. I'll make a royal promise. I didn't make this one up. Oh, a royal promise. Wow. I think that gets Tucker a silver, a silver little whatever the fuck that is called. I just got a silver chuckle. Yeah, a little silver chuckle.

Because a royal promise? That's a nice one, dude. Yeah, no, that was... It's a good promise, right? I imagine that's like a gold-crested... However a promise looks, if you were to turn that into a real life object. It'd be like a golden, glowing, kind of orbular, you know, little thing. Orbular, yeah. A little globule. It's like when Hillary's spinning to that cup. What? I would honestly...

You'd have to join some kind of community if it was current times. You'd have to go up into the mountains and live with some commies. And it might not even be that fun. Like you might have a more fulfilled life when everyone is doing that, you know? Maybe I'd rather go back in time at that point. You'd have to have a lot of kids. You would, but that's what humans were made for, dude. Because you wouldn't have penicillin. You wouldn't be able to go to the hospital.

They had hospitals back then. Of course they did. 100 CE? Yeah. They might not have been effective. They had witch doctors. They had dudes wearing the bird masks. Hey, they just didn't play by the rules back then. Doesn't mean they weren't effective. The bird mask is like 1400 years later. Well, in that case...

I mean, you know, if 100C, I mean, we're talking the top of the technology. I mean, I'm sure that there's, you know, something in there. I'm sure they had something pretty good in Saudi Arabia or something like that. You live in the Fertile Crescent. Can you imagine living in the Fertile Crescent back then? What's the Fertile Crescent? That sounds fun. What?

You're the history book. You ever heard of ancient Mesopotamia? Well, yeah, I've heard of it. But I've never heard the phrase. Fertile Crescent, bitch. Fertile Crescent. No, I haven't, really. It's this region of human civilization in the Middle East. Oh, this was like when the Nile. The Euphrates and the Tigris. Yeah, this was when the Nile was like really, really green back in the day before it, because everything's getting more desert as time goes on. It was fertile back then, yeah. Because it was closer to the end of the Ice Age. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.

Well, this is also where human civilization first became like civilization. Right. This is the birth of Iraq, Israel, those kind of places. Yeah, it's where they invented algebra. They had some pretty cool stuff. I mean, this stuff comes up on my For You page on TikTok with the... It's Mesopotamia. ...sound.

You know, the spooky sounds. It's like, ooh. Ted, whenever you make noises into your microphone that aren't human speech, it always just cuts you off. I don't know what it was. What did you say? Okay, you said the noises that go, ooh. Honestly, that was pretty fucking close. Was it like that? That was pretty close. Okay. Yeah, like, you know, the spooky TikToks when it does that little wavering noise? Yeah. Yeah, and it's like, oh, the...

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I want to live back in time. I want to look back in time. I feel like they had it figured out in a way back then where you were able to live a somewhat fulfilled short life, you know? Yeah. And that's what I, that's all I want to do in here. You know, like I, I'm at the, I'm at the back end of the career, you know, I'm just trying to build up the nest egg. Then I ball out for like five years and then that's it. Yeah. I, I,

You're going to die at 30? Is that what you're saying? I agree with you, Schlatt, with the 100 CE. Because, you know...

As long as I get a society that bathes, you know, as long as it's, you know, like as long as it's not like whatever they were doing over in England, they were definitely not bathing at 100 CE, you know? Oh, bathes. Yeah, bathes. I thought you said bakes, but it's that silly little invisible on you guy. I would love some bacon too. I'd love some fresh, oh, some fresh clay oven bread. Yeah, they probably, the biggest delicacy back then was probably like crackers. Yeah.

- No, did they have good food back then? - No, they didn't. Let's not pretend like 100 CE had anything like the Boa flight. - Well, I mean, at that point-- - Oh, the Boa flight, oh! - Well, Schlatt, at that point, 100 CE, what, you've had agriculture for like 8,100 years?

Right. Like when an agriculture, I don't know. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. Maybe they had, maybe I'd be in like Japan, big weed moment. Maybe you'd, you'd have to live somewhere like Japan where you get some rice and some fresh fish, a formula that has not changed ever. You know, I was actually right on it. Tucker. You were that, that, that, uh, that cancels out the, the fertile Crescent blunder. So you're neutral now.

There you go. Okay. There you go. Let's get a plus one in there and we'll call it a good day. Let me live in a 100 CE Japan, you know? Yeah. Is that allowed? I don't know. Why is that not allowed? I think it'd have to be New York.

Why? Are we getting transported there? There's nothing in New York in 100 C. There's Iroquois in longhouses. You think I belong there either? Well, we got to define the rules. I don't know if you get to pick. My people were not in New York at the time. Your people were certainly not in Japan. Okay, it's the same shit though.

You live in New York. He's right. So I'm still a fish out of water in a hundred. Okay. So are we, what are we doing? We got to define this. Are we, are we, this is, we've been doing this topic for 10 minutes. We haven't figured out what the fucking rules are. Okay. Are we getting the class load out?

100 CE class loadout in present day. The fuck? Or... We got one man army. That's what that means. You get to change classes. Class loadout. 100 CE. You can't change your class. It's all you got, dude.

Or are we getting transported there? And then the other one is just, okay, Elon Musk is like advertising the fact that he wants to fucking impregnate Taylor Swift. Here's the rule. If you go to 100 CE, you're going to be teleported with skills and a full loadout to the most culturally relevant position to your roots at the most equivalent socioeconomic status.

So I'm in Germany. You'll be a wealthier German in 100 seats. Okay. You probably know how to read. I could do it. I'm probably inbred. Probably inbred. Okay. Where's...

Ireland and Scotland, were there people there in 100 CE? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Roman Empire. They've been doing that shit for a while. Roman Empire. Yeah. Yeah. They've been doing that shit for a while. Okay. That's how they got so white. They were up there for a long time. Damn. Yeah. So where did the Scottish people come from? Well, like originally everyone came from Africa or so they said. Okay. Yeah. Fertile Crescent. Fertile Crescent.

So it all goes back to the Fertile Crescent, dude. It all goes back to the Fertile Crescent. That's the start of everything. Yeah, I think at the end of the day, I don't want to add to my eyeballs. I've seen enough Black Mirror to not want that. 100 CE, lock it in. Yeah, 100 CE. We're going back. We're going back. We're going back, folks.

And anyone who's like, oh, no, that's bullshit. I want my abs. Dude, just step outside for a second. Take a deep breath at like seven in the morning. Listen to the birds. Connect with with nature a little bit and then get back to me. Yeah.

Wow. I'm definitely, if I'm going to try to get rich enough so I also have a property out on the East Coast was because whenever I get out there during any season besides winter, it's like, there's so many more nature noises here that like I just miss, you know, like hearing crickets and stuff or just birds chirping. It's just like, you just don't hear that in Los Angeles. The morning doves. Oh my God. You hear a little bit in Northern California, but I don't fucking live there. So yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. What's the next one, Tucker? Would you rather eat a wet loaf of bread or drink a pint of whipped fish? Wet loaf of bread. Loaf of bread. All right. Wow.

So that was the easiest one ever. Was that a Tucker made one? No, no, I found this online. That's silly. That's a really silly question. I was ready for Tucker to have one of those sort of traumatic experiences with loaves of bread. Okay, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. This might be an East Coast experience once again, but...

The best type of sandwich is one that's been sitting in a cooler for like three, four hours. You made it in the morning. You're on the beach or you're on the boat or something. The family's all out. And you take the sandwich out of the Ziploc bag. It's a little wet. And the bread, you start chewing it. It sticks to the roof of that mouth. And you're like, wow, I'm really...

fulfilled right now. This is a delicious sandwich. You're confusing wet and moist. So you've been, you were really painting a beautiful nostalgic picture there, but the whole time I just could not agree with you in any shape or form. Why? If I got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I pull out of my lunch bag and it's been in there a little too long and it's just looking like, it's coming out and it's going, Daisy, Daisy.

I'm looking at that. I'm like, this is not what I remember. I know you can't make a PB and J and make it and get that wet. I'm telling you need some meat in there. You need some fresh moose. You need some. I don't know. I just don't agree with like who takes a PB and J out on the water. Just saying. I just a soggy, a soggy sandwich. Like it's like you want a fresh sandwich. Like if I can get the freshest I can get this, my favorite sandwich would be a

ELT, okay, but the bread is toasted. Sourdough. Sourdough. Sourdough's good. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Butter with mayo on it. Crunch to that. It's got to have some structure. What you're purporting here is everything.

Structureless anarchy. It's more of the surrounding vibes, you know? Because that sandwich is only making an appearance when you're around family, when you're around the loved ones. I'm telling you, it's a good experience when that sandwich is sticking under the roof of your mouth. But you're relying on the environmental stimuli to create propaganda for presence. I don't lie. You know? You sound funny. You sound funny.

that's okay that's true that's true so maybe you don't lie maybe you're right maybe you're right about that hey regardless regardless i'm not drinking fucking blended up fish that's ridiculous yeah we're talking though if we're talking the wet bread we're talking you take a loaf of bread and you dunk that in a bowl of ice water until it's fully soaked

What I do at that point is I would ball it up with my fists. I'd get a nice dense piece and I'd kind of suck on it. Yeah, I would like slurp it up like spagotto. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. Yeah, yeah. Spagotto? Yeah. What's a spagotto? Like a spagotto. Is that singular? You know? I mean, I know you're trying to be more vaguely Italian, but is that a word that they use? Spagotto? Spagotto, babe.

Spagudo. Yeah, I think we're going with the wet bread. I think we decided this a long time ago, but we're going with the wet bread route. Okay. Would you rather be magical but live on Earth or live in a magical land but be normal? Oh, magical but live on Earth, dude. Are you kidding me? Would you rather be extraordinary...

Or ostracized. That's essentially the question that you're asking me there. That's true. Yeah. The only person that's going to be like, I want to be normal is some motherfucker who's like, I'm going to bring guns and I'm going to fucking elf girl. Like that's all they're thinking at that time.

Fucking elf girl. Go on. Yeah, like humans but with pointy ears. And like maybe smarter. That's sort of my understanding of elves in general. Check this out. Let's say the magical land is like Earth but there's like magic shit. So you're just fishing and all of a sudden there's like a mermaid. Like you're still you but like there's mermaids. Then I'm turning to you and I'm like get the net! Get the net! I'm fucking that thing!

No, it would have a weird, that'd be a weird, weird fishy experience of fucking mermaid. I don't think I'd like that. Yeah, it'd be fishy no matter how you split it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which begs the question, what the fuck were those guys doing when the sirens were calling out to them? Like, did they think they had a chance? Nah. Nah. Delusional. Delusional voice. Okay, well, that would be kind of cool to show up in like a magical land with a gun.

But I don't, it doesn't seem like I get a gun in this scenario. I can give you a wand. Like a, yeah, but imagine a wizard's like, I'm going to do a spell on you. And I come and I shoot him with a Glock. That's why it takes place in England. Yeah. Oh, gunless. Yeah, gunless. Gunless society, yeah. Then you just stab him with a little dagger or a shiv. Oh, you stabbed me, you bloody. Empty his pantaloons. You bloody pantaloon. Oh, I need to go to the salon and complain. Uh.

Here's the next one. Dude, but imagine like you're in the real world and you wake up and you're like, oh, fireball. No problem. Turn some. Yeah. Turn poo into gold. Thank you. Golden turd. Like you're forgetting something, Ted. They lock you up. Yeah. They lock you up and they throw away the key.

Magic proof cage you're in. You're in a magic proof cage. They got you in some Faraday cage where your magic don't do shit and they're going to study you all day. You know, Faraday cage is a good point. If they got the Faraday cage, I mean, I'm fucked. Yeah. Yeah, you're fucked. They're going to find you real quick. Doesn't matter how magical you are. They get you in that cage eventually. So basically like the movie Jumper, but I'm a wizard. I don't know what Jumper is.

Look it up, look it up, look it up. Jumper, dude. I love this movie. This movie was awesome when I was a kid. This movie was my, was a little caveat. Fantastical, amazing thing. So the movie Jumper, it's about a guy who he was born with the ability to teleport to anywhere on planet earth. So like the way that he like lives his life is he, he'll like go and case a bank and see where they open up the vault. And as long as he, he's seen a thing,

then he can teleport to that spot. So he's got a bunch of photos and stuff in his apartment and stuff, so he's got places that he can teleport to. Samuel L. Jackson, I think, is in this movie. Maybe I'm going crazy. Is Samuel L. Jackson in this movie? Yes.

He plays Roland Cox. Yeah, he's the bad guy. He's the guy that shows up and starts tasing him because everybody knows when you're a guy that's a jumper, if you're getting tased, it's really hard to concentrate. Oh, it's Hayden Christensen. It's Anakin from the first... Yeah, it's Anakin Skywalker. Yeah. This was like his other movie before he was... That's probably why it has a 15%. Wait, what? Well, okay, well, click on it. Is that audience or critics? That's the...

That was critics, but audience gave it a 44, which is... People did not like this movie. No. People did not like this movie. Well, that's why he said, oh, I love this movie as a kid. He gave it that little asterisk. Well, because the concept is so good.

like that power like i was a kid i was like oh my fucking god i wish i was born with that that'd be so sick i go wherever i want you know yeah but then they just put you in a box i can teleport there you know yeah it would be cool but once again they catch you fun times over yeah yeah

All right, next one. Would you rather fight your entire kindergarten class as their five-year-old selves or all four of your grandparents when they were in their peak physical condition? I am going to turn my entire kindergarten class into a pile of bloody pulp. Yeah.

I would have to do that too. I wouldn't want to beat up old grandma. Well, she'd be in her peak physical condition. Or grandpa. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know when the last time you saw a five-year-old was, Tucker, but they're not passing like four feet tall. Those motherfuckers are four. And you've got some reach. Yeah.

My knee is instantly connecting with that one part. When you're a kid, they say, oh, you hit that part of the nose and it sends a bone up into your brain. I'm doing that with my knees to these children. And hey, you only need one good kick. All you need is one good kick on each one. One well-timed kick and then they're done. And I'm like a metronome in there. I'm going around and it's just...

you know i'm getting it's just all hit markers it's all hit markers yeah yeah and i mean you don't want to fight two like what chance do you stand against two peak performance guys it's one one on two i mean you could kill the women easily but yeah that's like that's like hey do you want to fight two soldiers in world war two i fucked that up yeah yeah world war two world war

That wasn't even related to the Invisalign. I saw an image. Ted, I saw a progress photo of men over the years because world testosterone is going down. And soon, every guy a couple generations from now is going to be a super hot fuckable twink.

So we're talking like generations before they were all ripped probably. You know? It's just like a scientific study you saw or like? No, it's true. That is a scientific study. It also might have been porn. What's up? It also might have been porn. Oh. Or some mixture of the two. That's documentary. Yeah.

In a way. Yeah. It's like, you know, you know, weak men create bad times. Bad times create strong men. Strong men. We're like... I think I heard Tucker say that last week. Yeah. Live and die by it, baby. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think whatever... So...

Yeah, I mean, I'm taking my chance with the kindergartners. You land a couple well-timed kicks, and then you got a chance. But I think both are tough. And if one of them is messing up my rhythm, it's just like grab them by the head because I can definitely palm a fucking skull of a kindergartner. Yeah, mush it a little bit. You probably just crush them. They probably still got that soft skull. Just mush them. Like I'm taking off a bottle cap or something, you know? And make that fizzy sound, too, when you open them.

All the brain matter. Smells kind of like stevia. People are going to think we're psychopaths. No. But I'm not killing Grampy and Grandpa. No, no, I can't. I'm not killing Meemaw and Boo Boo. I never met either of my grandpa. Really? Yeah, they both died of heart attacks. Bummer. Runs in the family. Soon I'll be out. I want to lay off the snow beef. Well, I like snow beef too much to stop. Watch those triglycerides.

Yeah, I was thinking about getting like my numbers ran, you know? I got them ran recently so I could get my ADHD meds and my cholesterol was a little bit high. Yeah, they're trying to sell you more meds. I bet there's so many fucked up indicators on my numbers. That's an objective number that comes from blood being run, dude. Okay. Doesn't sound like Tucker just believes in anything medical. Yeah.

That's all a scam, dude. Yeah. It's all fucked up. I don't, if I'm just like holding off on getting my numbers done, so I don't have to deal with it yet, but I know I'm going to pay the price until it's not real until it is exactly. No, just keep kicking that can down the road. Tucker, what's the next one? Would you rather be able to pay $1 to make any person find you attractive or receive $1 every time a person finds you unattractive?

I'd be rich there, and I'm rich now anyway, so who cares? What was the first one? Would you rather be able to pay $1 to make any person find you attractive? No, that's very surface level. It's very surface level. All you need is one person anyways. Like, come on. All you single folk out there, it's like, come on. You just need to get lucky once. He's talking to you, Ted. I mean, that's a good deal. That's a good deal. That's cheap. But like, if it...

I don't know. I might not even need to use it, you know? You might not even need to use it. And honestly, you probably don't want to use it on your lifelong partner. You want them to love you for you, not your attractiveness, right? You're thinking too one person. Think. You just kind of slip everybody in like your class a dollar.

If everybody in the class thinks you're attractive, it's going to be real easy being in that class. Everyone's going to just love whatever you're saying. You're not using it for your love life. You're just using it for everyday interactions. Nobody's pissed at some hot person. If you're super fucking ugly, you can go viral on TikTok for just staring into the camera.

Right. Because people feel bad. Right. They'll they'll like, you know, you get like, oh, some of the some of the people I know have the most fucked up TikTok feeds. It's just like really disabled, disfigured people just like do. Yeah. Like doing shit like dancing on camera and it's like sped up and you kind of.

Get upset. Yeah. All you have to do is just be really ugly. Yeah. And then once you get the money, then women will find you attractive anyways because they're women, you know? Okay. Zinger. So you win anyways and you're rich. I'm going for the dollar to make someone think I'm attractive, Proud, I think, personally. Everybody already thinks they're attractive, Ted.

Well, yeah. You're literally famous because of it. You can literally just be a trick. No, don't do that. Don't do that. That's like saying that people only like, I don't fucking know, some famous actress because she's got a good rack. Yeah, that is. I can name like five of those. You don't think that they're good actors? That's not why people are talking.

I mean, yeah, sure. But, but in terms of getting hired and getting casted. I really liked Sydney Sweeney's performance. It was, it was stunning. The, the dedication she had to the role. She was so in character. She really fit into that character. I couldn't even tell you what character she plays, but I know who she is. And I think that says probably everything, you know.

Alright. I'm still taking the dollar to pay someone who may think me a butt tracker. Surface level, man. Surface level. I'm giving it to Schlatt. I already think you're attractive, man. But I'm not a gay guy. I don't think that that really distinguishes. Schlatt does blush every time because I always tell him he looks good today.

All right, Tucker, what's the next one? Would you rather be stuck on an island for eternity all on your own or with someone you hate? Enemies to lovers, dude. Enemies to lovers. Enemies to lovers. So can you change your mind about this person? Or are you doomed to hate them? Like, yeah, you're picking like person who's at the bottom of your tier list right now. But it can change?

Anything can change. I think even if it can't change, I would still pick someone I hate because hatred is a great motivator. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. We both build competing camps on this island. I can't let this motherfucker get ahead of me. I hate that motherfucker. You could kill them.

And get away with it. That's true. But then you'd be, it'd be like the first scenario where you're lonely anyways. I mean, I'd rather have someone else. I'd rather know someone else is there and me want to actively beat them. Yeah. So, so you would choose that option Tucker. So you could just kill someone. No, I'm not. I'm just saying that you really hate somebody. You could take them with you just to like kill them and feast on their bones. Like that's an option too.

Fuck the meat. Bones is the... Yeah, it's just because Tucker's a bone guy. He got a bone marrow one time and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Bone marrow's great. Where was that? Yamashiro. Yamashiro, yeah. Yamashiro's got the bone marrow. Bowie's got bone marrow now, too. They do. They do. They do.

They do. They do. They do. But it doesn't hold up to the flight. I'll just say it. I mean, I don't think they were. I mean, what's the cost, though? What's the cost to taste ratio? Well, I don't look at the price anymore. I don't look at the price anymore. And Boa is not even good if you're paying anyway. So you got to go to Boa on someone else's dime. That's when it's good. I always have. I like take. I like treating people to Boa.

That's where the love comes for me, is bringing people to some place that has a nostalgic part of mine. It's a very sweet. It's a very nice virtue signal, Ted. Very nice. You are a very great person. You're reframing that as a... Jesus. It's not like it's a lie. It's something I've done. LA just changes people, bro. It makes them into real devious, real manipulative people. Wow. Wow.

Ted's only gotten more generous since he moved to LA. He was kind of a frugal guy in high school. I think I bought more than my share of slices of pizza for the group. You probably worked more shifts than I did at Staples. Oh, I was a slave to the staple, dude. I was in there on Sundays. But no, Ted's incredibly generous now. Something about that Hollywood sign. That's nice, man. I look at it and I'm like, what?

I'm going to buy a taco pizza. I'm going to buy a taco Warhammer. Oh, yeah. The viewers want that game. Want to stream it with me? TwitchCon is this weekend. But I'll let you know. I'll let you know. Are you going to TwitchCon? I'm interested. I am going to TwitchCon. I got a... I'm going on a Point Crowe show. He's got a show going on. It'll be fun. I hate going on shows. I don't like shows. It'll be fun. I'll tell you what, though. After, you know, VidCon...

We'll see how TwitchCon goes, but I am getting a little bit... Maybe it was because I didn't have anything to do, as much to do at VidCon, but I'm getting a little bit turned off from the conventions these days. I've been to a lot of them every year, and it's like, I don't know, what am I doing?

Is this... Ted, that urge is going to grow in you to return to the East Coast with a lot of land. I don't know if those two things are related. To hear those morning doves. I do love morning doves. I do love... Yeah, I like the sound of a morning dove. Those are at your place, Ted. I see those every time at your apartment. Mine? Yeah. Yeah. Damn.

Maybe I need to wake up earlier or something. You probably do. I've had to manufacture ambient sound. I put a wind chime that sounds the closest to the one that I grew up with. I wonder if this will play on the pod here. Wait. Okay, you ready? I don't hear it.

I don't hear that. It's your voice. You have your noise cancellation. It's Discord. You have your Discord settings. It's Discord. Defaulted or something. I changed the Discord setting. It's okay. I imagine it's very nice. I imagine it's very nice. It is really nice. I'm nostalgic over the wooden wind chimes from SDMP. I want to get a wooden wind chime. Oh, those are good on there. Those were good. Those were good. That was probably my favorite mod.

That was like this year, though. Yeah, it's so easy, too. How are you? That was this year, though. Yeah, but I can look back fondly. Every time I stream, people are like, they'll be in my chat, they'll be like, do you think Schlatt is going to play STMP? I'm like, probably not. Probably not. No, no, I'm probably not going to do that again. They ask me every, I get that question probably three times a stream. And you'll keep getting it.

Yeah, probably indefinitely. And I'll write a passage of a small streamer is that someone sort of socially unaware, people will be like,

I'm actually leaving to go to somebody else's stream. I'll see you later. Sorry, Tucker. Ted just went live. I'm leaving to go watch Schlatt right now. Oh, no. I remember one time Schlatt did go live during the first SEMP, and I lost like a third of my viewers. I was like, oh, great. Do you have anyone in your chat being like, I want to watch Schlatt now? It's like, you don't need to know. Or, yeah, they try and alert the rest of the chat. Guys, Schlatt just went live. I have seen those people. I'm like, oh, thanks. Thanks. Yeah, it's like probably the most...

socially unaware behavior I've ever seen where it's just like, yeah, I'm actually leaving you for someone else. It's like being at a party and being like, yeah, I'm going to go to their party. Hey, everybody, I'm going to their party. Just letting the group know I'm going over there. I'm going to Jessica's party, guys, by the way.

Thanks for having me, Tom. And a good chance is a couple of them will be like, I'm actually going to go to. I like that. I like the sound of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a weird thing. One more. Would you rather? Let's go. Would you rather have telekinesis? But it is only. No, no, no, no, no.

Would you rather have telekinesis, but it is only half as strong as your normal strength and your body still feels like you're physically lifting the objects so that your muscles still get fatigued or when lifting or moving objects that they weigh half as much. So it's basically like you normally, but your choice is wrong. Yeah.

Yeah, I think telekinesis is a clear winner here. I mean, how many times have you been on the couch or something and the remote's two feet away, but like the cat's laying on you and you don't want to disturb him? So you're like, oh, let me just float it over because you can pick up the remote, right? But it'd also be the feeling of getting up. The feeling of getting up? I don't know. So the two options here are basically...

Telekinesis that can be improved by going to the gym. Or...

Super strength. Double strength. Double strength. Some might call it super strength. That depends how strong you are. We'll call that better strength. Again, you can fix it by going to the gym. You would get twice the gains at the gym, basically. Yeah, I am double strength that I used to be. Tucker, imagine if I was twice as strong as I normally am. I had twice the leverage. You're a strong guy, though. You're already a strong guy. So for you, that would be super. Yeah.

You'd be a super. I don't see this as like a useful day-to-day thing. Telekinesis, there's plenty of times in each day where I'm like, oh, I got to go do something. You know, I got to go get something. Just fucking bring it over to you with your mind, bro. I think this is Schlatt saying that if he worked, he could be double strength. No, listen. Schlatt could realistically be double strength. He is right now if he worked out. So he's like, that's, I could already do that. That's a real possibility. So I'll take the telekinesis.

Hey, listen, dude, there's something I know. If you have something that's genuinely useful about you, people are going to ask so much more of you. Oh, Ted has super strength. Let's get him to help with our move. Can you imagine? Fuck. Yeah, you're going to become the IT guy of the family. Can you help me set up my iCloud? It's double strength. It's double strength. In Ted's case, that is super strength.

If you had double-striped Schlatt, I don't know if it would be super. You wouldn't be super. I probably wouldn't be super. You'd just be jacked Schlatt. I would be jacked Schlatt. But that's already attainable. Yeah. True. Double-striped. Ted's already jacked. So double-striped Ted is super. So basically, I would get really... I could get the level of ripped...

That is like not egregious to look at and strange, but I would be as strong as those fuckers. You see Paul in the fucking, you know, Ben in the bar from the ocean or like, they're like, they're like, you know, the fucking strong man torments. They got, they'll, they'll take some like, uh,

It'll be like a fucking anchor from a ship from the 1820s. And they'll be like, pull this across the fucking floor or something. But how many times a year is that going to be useful to you? Fucking once, twice when you move? Like, it's not a useful daily thing. Telekinesis, you can move shit with your mind, bro.

With your mind. Don't get me wrong. I would definitely start fighting more if I got that strong. Like I, I, I'd be roid brain, you know, dude, my beer bottle right now would be, wow. Yeah. I just took a sip right there. You like that? Yeah, dude, I would feel exhausted though. Yeah. I like it again. Yeah. You could hold on. I'm going to kill it.

Done. I would do that and I'd be so good at basketball. I would just be swishing every time. People would be like, how is he even doing that? That's true. That's true. Yeah, you'd be like faking it. Tucker was trying to make a rule there. I was confused. I wasn't tracking. Any ball-based game.

That's true. I'm going to win. And you can exploit that to make a lot of money. You'd have to fuck it up every once in a while, though. Just so people don't catch on. Here's a question I have for you. Can I use my telekinesis on myself? Ted, that's gross. Gross. Real gross. I mean, yeah, obviously gross. No, but I mean like if I wanted to jump a little higher, I could be like, oh. You know, it's just, you know, I just, it just is like 150%.

more effort to do yeah that sounds like a little boost that sounds like a it's like a nitrous or something you know because i feel like if you jump at max power that's already exhausting that's kind of you know yeah it is it is yeah then you're just hurting your muscles no jumping i'll definitely i'll do i'll do talconesis but okay i'll do it in my shoes that doesn't make any sense

I think the physics still have to apply. Yeah. The physics... Dude, we're not breaking any laws of physics here. Come on. That's where we are. That'd be silly. I'm a law-abiding citizen. Gravitational? Oh, Ted. You know, the other day you said...

Ted says to me on the boat the other day, he says, like, what do you think the rules are out here or something like that? And I was like, well, like, there are none. It's three miles. It's not 200. It's three. Three. Three off the coast. 200. No, the country. Is that airspace? They can't fish over there past 200. 200 is you have rights to all of the resources.

So all the fish and oil and everything like that? Yeah, I definitely... I was surprised at first there because I was like, I was 90% sure that there was something 200 miles. Yeah, that's for the resource. That's why in the South China Sea, it's very complicated. There's a lot of countries all kind of overlapping that 200. Yeah. Oh, okay. And China's kind of just like, that's ours. Right. We're the 200. Three miles? That's all it takes to get in international waters? I think so, yeah. I could...

shoot a guy it would not take me that long to get three miles out yeah but i think the country could still prosecute you they'll figure that one out yeah they could still grab you oh yeah i mean the u.s kind of grabs anybody anyway the u.s extra yeah they'll extradite you or something i don't know from the u.s loves we will find shit yeah you'll do it to yourself you'll go right back to the u.s

Maybe. And you're a notable guy, too. You're very notable. I mean, I'm not going to shoot someone. You don't even have a gun. But what if I have to? Well, then it would be self-defense, wouldn't it? What if I gotta? Then it would be self-defense. Then you could plead. Well, not in California. In California, they'd probably still extradite you. No, but what if they were not doing what I wanted them to? Like, I gotta. You don't do what I'm saying, man. I had a thought. I had a very dark thought recently. Okay.

Yes, we're famous now, Ted, but we could be even more famous and wind up in the history books if we did something heinous because then it would be famous heinous. Like imagine we committed a terrible, terrible crime and probably killed a lot of people. Then people would be talking about that shit way longer. Here's what I'll tell you. I'm...

I feel like people have had that thought, but like you got, we're talking history book stuff. Like we got, how many, how, what's your numbers here? Like what, do you run the numbers on this? You running the numbers on this? I'm not running any numbers. No, I, I, I don't, I don't like running numbers because then it makes it real. No, I mean like you gotta, you gotta get at least more than like 50. Okay. A thousand people. Yeah. Yeah.

Or just one really famous one. One really famous one? All you need is one, JFK. I know who I'm going to kill to get in the history books. Who are you going to kill? I'm going to slaughter Mudang. Mudang? I'm going to slaughter Mudang. Who's Mudang? Who's Mudang? Mudang. Two words. Mudang. Who's Mudang? Mudang? How could you? What is that? It's a baby hippo.

It's a pygmy hippo. A fucking hippo has a Wikipedia page and I don't? That's going to put me in the history books, dude. I do not have a Wikipedia page. I Google it every day. Do you really? Yeah. Well, there it is. Do I have one? Oh, no, that's bullshit. That's just a disambiguation. That's bullshit. I redirect to OTK. Get the fuck out of here. No, but yeah, if I wanted to get in the history books, I would assassinate Mudang.

That's fucked up of you, dude. Whoever has pull who's watching this needs to make Schlatt an official wiki page. Yeah, and me too. I feel like I'm still waiting on that as well. Not yet. You'll get there. What the hell? Let me get started. You know what's funny? I'm on the Ithaca College page of notable alumni, but my name is the only name that's red. It doesn't link to anything. Oh, shit. Well, that's kind of ridiculous because you have a lot of links that you could put there.

Yeah, I've got plenty of stuff. You've got a lot of links. That was rude. Not yet. That was so rude, Tucker. I just wanted a little time. We're not making fun of Ted anymore, Tucker. I've been buttering up Ted all episode. Right up until the point you said I didn't deserve a Wikipedia page. That was pretty bad. Okay, but no one...

One out of every billion people deserves a Wikipedia page. Okay. Wait. That's like eight pages. We're on eight now, I think. I've only seen a couple. A people? You've only seen a couple people? I'm going to go. I'm going to go, guys. I'm going to go. Thanks for listening to this episode of Chuckle Chuckle. I'm putting out a call to action.

Someone better fucking assassinate that hippo. And Shucklers, get us our Wikipedia pages. Come on. I'd love a wiki. Let's go to work. Let's get some editors in there. Yeah. Come on. We're notable, I think. Enough. Enough. I've donated to Wikipedia like 20 separate times in my life. Yeah, I've donated to Wikipedia too, and they are really good at begging.

I have a personal rule that every time Wikipedia asks me, I do the minimum because I love what they do. I would never donate to Wikipedia until I get a page. It's either Schlatt's only donating to Wikipedia if he gets a page or if that motherfucker Mudeng drops dead. See you next time. That's good. Bye, guys.