Our Zombie Apocalypse Plans ft. Ethan Nestor
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- Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to another episode of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast, baby. You just start talking. You just start talking. - I won't interrupt, I won't interrupt. - I'm gonna do an intro one more time just so we got a clean one. - Sorry, I won't say anything. I'm not going to say anything.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Chuckle Sandwich. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. Starring our first host ever in our lives, Crank Gameplays. Am I supposed to be the first person? No. Oh, okay. You can be if you want. Just saying that. We're just surprised you're here because we thought you died.

With that... We were under the impression that you were dead. Yeah. You should have been killed, but somehow you made it. You should have been killed. Yeah, I was dead for a bit.

Yeah, and I came back to life. What's that like? What's purgatory like? Do you believe in God? No, it was just a lot of empty nothingness in the night. Well, that's the thing is like when you die and you come back to life, people are like, well, no matter how long you're dead, it must be like you went to heaven or whatever. But actually, it's just kind of like you blinked because there's nothing after. Wait, so you've actually died and come back to life? No, I haven't.

We had Minx on the podcast. She died and came back to life. Yeah. Actually, for real? Justin Minx was in a car crash as she was having a seizure. And they brought her back. Double whammy, as we like to call it on the Junko Sandwich podcast. That's really unfortunate timing.

Yes. It is. She was going to the hospital for the seizure. And because of the- She got better. Well. Wait. He's alive now. She died, but she got better. Was the car crash a result of the seizure? So she started having the seizure. While she was driving. And then her parents were like, okay, oi. Let's- Oi. Oi. We're Irish. Let's get you to the hospital. They get on the roads. Snowy time. Car flips. Car flips.

Now she's even in a worse situation. She's dead. But why are you telling this story so slowly? I'm like not totally appropriate at all. And then she was returned. So she was dead. But then she was not dead.

So here's the thing is that Schlatt basically just said, yeah, Minx had a seizure while she was driving and they brought her back to life, which is the same thing that you said, but in a single sentence. No, no, I gave situational context. I told you how they got in that situation because of the car crash and everything. Did you hypnotize him or something? No, I thought my story was good. I thought my story was good, okay? What no one ever asks about that whole Minx story is why they brought her back.

It's the second time you've made that joke. And it's still funny. It's still funny. It's a good one. Because it's so evil. Yes. Well, I mean, you hear all these stories about people who die and they're like, oh, well, my body was lifted up or I saw the gates of God. You don't believe in that? What if it's like that Tom and Jerry episode where Tom gets whacked?

And then his body. He's always getting whacked. Well, he's laying down and then his body kind of rises up and then the staircase just comes down and it's a nice golden escalator. Did Minx say that she saw an escalator? Oh, no. She blinked. An escalator? She blinked and woke up. He just said a golden escalator. Minx did not. Well, Minx is an atheist.

So she's not going anywhere. Except to hell. Except down. Nice, man. She's not going anywhere but down. Oh, fuck. Shit. I think about that often. I think about that often while at church. Do you go to church? Yeah. Which one?

Holy ghost.com. Holy crab. It's Jesus, and he's in the house. He's got all these holes in his hands because they nailed him. I was like, where? Why? Two. He's got two. Well, and then he's got two in each foot. One in each foot. It only takes one. One in each hand, too.

Wait, did they do two in the feet? Because in a lot of things, I think his feet are crossed. And then they nailed one. No, you're right. Yeah, that would be one hole through both. That's a big-ass nail. We're getting one next, we can ask. Big-ass nail. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. So, here's the thing. Shlatt and I both sort of hold the belief that we don't think that lactose intolerance exists, but...

Your peanut butter allergy, why? Why did you choose that when you were born? Yeah. Why did you, in your character selection? When you were falling down the escalator of light. Yeah. Was there a stat that you really buffed out that just resulted in a really shitty other stat? Yeah, it was mostly my height was kind of maxed out. Oh. We live in a world where you go into a character creation screen before you actually start living. Yeah.

Yeah, um, no, it was mostly for attention, I think, because I really like that. So I was like, if I have... Oh, you did a peanut butter allergy for attention. Yeah. So now you have to be like, oh, hey guys, sorry I can't enjoy all this food you're eating because it might have peanut oil in it. Exactly, exactly. And then he pulled out his EpiPen and he's like... Yeah, exactly. It's fucking lame, dude. You ever think, like, why are you here?

Maybe God was like, give this fucker a peanut allergy, finish him off quick. Maybe you should have died with Unisonis. Natural selection. Exactly. What is it called? Did you say maybe you should have died with Unisonis? I mean, maybe I should have. Maybe I should have.

There was an actual conspiracy. You really had a perfect ending. I never really thought of that. I mean, that would have been awesome. It would have been. There was a conspiracy theory. Not that you and Mark would just die. There was a conspiracy theory. Like a cult suicide kind of like a meteor thing. Maybe you'll be able to stop guessing about the conspiracy if you let me fucking talk. So there was a conspiracy going around that I was dying of

cancer and we somehow nailed down exactly like we did like down to the day here's how much time I have left and then I was going to die of cancer when Unasana ascended. Why you? I don't know. They just see you whittling away in each video? Yeah, I don't know. It's the final video. You're just whittling away. Yeah, don't

I don't know why Wow like they had proof of this which there was no proof of it They just like made up some shit, and they were like wow yeah That might actually be happening and it had like a few hundred reblogs on tumblr of people like you Wow so What it like but it's funny because if you recontextualize like

all of Unus Annus says, "Ethan is dying of cancer." It be- it just like, like the whole intro thing of like, I'm gonna get rid of all of it! This life's gonna be nothing! Like the whole intro thing where like you and like Mark are in your suits and like you're like at knots and there's like a spiral behind you. Yeah, there's a spiral behind you. It's like, this is about cancer? Yeah, and also, oh I spend the last year of my life like drinking piss and being drinking spray.

Just the most unenjoyable year of your life. Selling merch and... It's the last thing on his bucket list. Suffer. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. You would have sold. So that's the weirdest conspiracy is just that you had cancer? Yeah. That's it? You would have sold a lot more merch if it was true, though. I think so, yeah. You would have had a lot of money. I would have had a lot of money to give my family. Your estate would have been pretty wealthy. Oh, man. Wow. Yep. So...

But you didn't and we're glad. Would you consider your most tired days to be during the Unus Annus cycle? What was the most tired you were? And don't lie. The most tired I was, I think... Not that you would. Was...

Don't know I mean the day-to-day grind of doing those videos was a lot But I think the most tired was when we were filming after the what? Charlie Wow that's the darkest thing I've ever heard you say That's definitely the darkest joke that Charlie's made He's usually very There's some kind of fucking energy in here today Yeah Okay alright We've gotten into a little bit of a thing where we start to attack the guests Mmm

I'm fine with that. Really? Yeah. Okay. Okay. It's your old funeral, literally. Let's test your strength. Yeah, has anybody else drank from this? Can I have a solo cup? Oh, no, no, Shlap, we shouldn't. We should not. Oh, because it's the peanuts. We should not because of the peanut allergy and the potential. There's no nuts in here. No, but you ate peanuts. The bottle hasn't been washed. I don't think it's a good idea. I had a drink out of it, I guess. Have you ever drank out of it? Peanut allergy, I don't think it's a good idea. Not like today, but...

I'd rather keep our guest alive. Do we have more of it? It would be so funny though if we had to give it to EpiCat. I feel like it would really complete the bit. Can you imagine that? Yeah. Has anybody drank out of it today? No one's put their mouth to it. If we have a solo cup, then it's fine. Yeah, we drank out of it a couple days ago. Yeah, Ted drank out of the bottle, but he didn't eat peanuts that day.

So if there's a Solo Cup, it's fine. Okay. Maybe we acquire a Solo Cup then. Okay, we'll get a Solo Cup. You're really making this work. Yeah. I don't want people to think, oh, he's bringing up the allergies. Well, I was the one who brought it up, though. Yeah, but for attention. Yeah, for attention. Right. But the most tired I've ever been on an isthmus. What is something that you did? Was the what? It was every day. Oh, okay. No, but the Halloween video that we filmed. We were just up for a while.

Oh, right. Which one was that? Because it's fucking gone. Like the second to last one. Or maybe it was like, I can't remember. We did five videos. A day? Five videos in one night. What? Jesus Christ. And that was too much. Yeah. How much filming was that? How long were you guys just on? That's probably why we're so exhausted. I can't really remember. It was probably like 10 or 12 hours.

Where we were just like filming and setting up and filming and stuff. Oh. I think from my memory that might be wrong, but. Yeah. Oh, are you talking about like every week? I mean, every week we would film. Oh, you just said we're weak. Oh, I said we're weak because we're tired after a day of like three podcasts. Yeah, so I did...

I alone. It was only me when you saw this. No, but we would film like three or four times a week. Exactly. I came first. We would film three or four times a week and every one of those days we would film between three and five videos most of the time. Wait, can you repeat that? So we would film three to four days a week depending sometimes more, sometimes less. And then we would film each of those days we would film three to five videos normally.

That sound is really unfortunate. What a fucking sound. Oh, man. Well. Okay. Time to dig in. Do it in front of the mic as well. In front of the mic? Yeah, aerate it a little. I guess I don't really need to. Try and give it a little something something. Which pocket are your EpiPens in? Left or right? Okay, very good. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What's he doing with his... Don't keep it in there.

It's so bad. I heard you swallow that. So one thing that we learned from Ethan before you came on was that there's multiple types of thicket. There's a coffee thicket and an orange juice thicket. Yes, those are the ones that they just sell in the bottle. They also just sell the thickener itself. You don't sound like you're okay. It was such a bad, such a bad.

Taste it stays like water, bro. Do you when you have some do you get a little thicker? I mean you have to yeah, that's the transitive property It is bit of a transitive property thing. I learned that in math I love math

Sometimes even a little social studies. How's this experience been for you boys? It's been very, very interesting. I'm sort of feeling the days blend together a little bit. How many days? And we've really only, we've been hanging out mostly with just each other. Three, four. This is our fourth day. Fourth day. This is our fourth day, yeah. How many people? This is our third podcast today. Third podcast today. Who have you had on in total?

Oh, gee. William Osmond. You were on? That's fun. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. That's very fun. Well, he was on for the Big Thursday episode. Happy Big Thursday, by the way. Which it is Big Thursday. Happy Big Thursday, by the way. Big, keep getting bigger. And I did. We're getting big, thicker. Big, thick. Thicker, bigger. What part of the sandwich are you?

Because Ted is the butt piece. Okay. Charlie's the salami. Charlie is the meat. What the fuck, Ted? Fuck off, dude. They've been arguing about this all the time. This is a three-person goddamn podcast we have a fucking guest on. I'm the meat. He's the meat.

I'm the mayor. The mayor. Can I be a pickle? Yes. That's great and that's funny. Thank you, Ethan. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know what just happened. Everyone, give it up. Give it up for fucking Ethan, man. Fucking awesome. A pickle. Hell yeah, you are, man. Hell yeah. That's the most aggressive I've seen Charlie ever on this podcast.

So every time that Charlie has said that he's the meat, I've had a problem with that because it's such an all-encompassing thing that I feel like it would cause the guests to not want to choose a meat because Charlie's saying he's all meat. So I...

I tried to just, in that moment, choose a meat for Charlie. It wasn't a problem for dozens of episodes. And all of a sudden we get here in the fucking city of Los Angeles, right? Go figure. Go figure. The problems start once you come to Los Angeles. Go figure. We're all just stepping stones. How long have you been here? I've been here since September. Oh, not that long at all. Almost a year.

Oh, that was a thick one. Gross city. Gross. Terrible city, terrible people, my DoorDash. The first time I ever ordered DoorDash in Los Angeles, Katie decides to get it, go home. She went home with my DoorDash. What did you order?

What did we order? We got chicken, we got Panda Express. Oh, it's not even something that's like... No, it was an urgent... I had just gotten... I just woke up. It was a whole process. I was really confused. They were telling me to order stuff. I was like, chicken, chicken, chicken. First night, he had went to bed because he had just got in. He woke up early flight. We had just both flew in. So exhausted. We just wanted some food. We needed some energy, some sustenance. Three appetizers, three entrees. Katie went home, Katie went home, three entrees. I just wanted chicken.

Two sides. Two sides. Two sides. You get three, it's the big plate. I can't eat at Panda Express. Because they use peanut oil. It'll kill him. Yeah, it'll kill me.

When did you start being a pussy? Exactly. 18 months old. My mom said, you're a little picky eater boy and you're a little skinny baby. And so she put peanut butter on pasta, which was weird. And that almost killed you. Yeah. I put my tongue up to it and I broke out in hives.

You didn't even eat any. No, I didn't even eat any. So is it all downhill from there pretty much? Pretty much, yeah. Hey folks, Ted and Schlatt here talking to you about today's sponsors for this illustrious episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Ted, do you like managing money? I love it. Are you bad at it though? Aren't you terrible at managing your own money? Oh, I'm terrible at managing money, Schlatt. I'm always throwing my little pennies in the fountains.

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Are you allergic to peanut butter? Have you done the research? I've done the research as far as allergy tests. They take you and they put you on a little table. Go to spikes. Yeah, and they do the pricks. They do it either on your arm or on your back. Right. We actually have a researcher on set, though.

They could tell us exactly why peanut butter allergies exist in a very in-depth journalistic analysis. I'd love for that, Ian. Ian? Oh, but you got Google. Listen, guys, this is embarrassing, but I ate sushi earlier and I have to leave. Go to the bathroom. Okay. Take the mic with you. Don't do that. We should lob him up. You didn't need to say that. You could have just said I had to go to the bathroom, not that you had sushi. No. You should get a little more into it, Mike. Okay, so...

The... What's your biggest regret? Biggest regret? Ever? Of not... Minus this. Of a video that you could have made, but you never did. A video that I could have made, but never did. Could be on your own channel. Could be Uno Anus. I've been talking about wanting to do a short film forever, and I've just never done it. So maybe that's a regret. But it's not a regret because you still have the opportunity to do it. I guess so.

I don't know. You just want to make one? I'd like to make a short film. That's cool. The Moon is Honest video where we drank piss, that was... Was it real piss? Real piss. Was it... It was human piss? Yeah. Whose? I drank my own. Mark drank Mark's. A little bit of mine.

Okay, why? Well, it was one of the things where, because Unisono's was very much like a bucket list kind of thing. We both had never had pee before, and we were trying to test out the LifeStraw. Do you know about the LifeStraw? Is that shit you put on a bucket list? Oh, I see. So you didn't actually drink piss. So the LifeStraw is like a...

Filter thing. Yeah, you drink charcoal filter straw. You're supposed to be able to drink sort of anything. And then water comes through. Yeah, kind of. I think the general purpose of it is so you can drink rainwater and water from a river. Maybe not necessarily piss or sewage. Yes, so we did that.

And then we did another one. Mark did not do this, I don't think. I think it might have just been me. Because you can't really desalinate the piss. No. It still tasted like pee a little bit. What is desalinating? Isn't piss salty? What? No. Desalinating seawater is like a whole fucking process. That's why no one does it. Yeah, and piss is seawater.

What the hell are you talking about? What are you talking about? Well, drinking your own piss is not a good idea, first of all. No, but I did put my own piss into a soda stream to see if you could carbonate it because I said I've already had pee, normal, my own pee, normal. You've made pee soda? We just met.

So recently, like 15 minutes ago. I'd love to know your opinion on me after this. Okay, so, and I drank my own pee, and then we said, hey, well, what if we put a bunch of different things into a soda stream, see what happens? So we did, like, mayo, and we did, like, pickle juice, and we did... What type of mayo? Like, full-on chunky mayo? We just, yeah. What the hell is chunky mayo?

Oh, you've never had chunky mayo before? It's not real. Just normal mayo. We were just trying to figure out what... We did the same thing with the Life Drop, by the way. We didn't just go in drinking piss. We drank a bunch of different things to see how much we could filter out. And then we said, hey, what happens if I put my pee in a soda stream? Very hard to carbonate.

What do you mean very hard? What does that mean? It's just hard to get a bunch of carbonation in there. Does the machine struggle with it? I guess so. It did. Very hard to carbonate. Yeah, it exploded a little bit. Oh. I don't know. It didn't have a reaction or anything.

We gotta switch the topic. I've had penis weenus play on repeat in my fucking head for the last like- Oh, oonis onus penis weenus. I get it, I get it, I get it. That's funny, and it rhymes. Shit-us. Shit-us. We didn't ever eat poop. Ever.

I'm so glad. I'm so happy about that. That's so nice. Do you put that on YouTube? Probably not, right? Probably not. No, I don't think so. Borf, no? No, that one breaks several... Borf is nervous. But he doesn't. Laws of humanity. He doesn't. He doesn't, yeah. And obviously we'd never do poop things. Yeah. Why are you saying that like you're trying to convince us more so than a statement? We didn't do any of that. We never...

Surely you understand we never consumed poop ever. We could never do it. We didn't do that for Unisonis. No. There's no record of it happening. All witnesses are lost to the flood. Yeah, so we didn't ever do that. Wow. We actually didn't. I want to make that clear. Right, it didn't happen. Don't poop. Okay. You know it's like one of those things where you're,

Like, we're not really questioning that much. But, like, you are really, really trying to make it clear that you didn't eat poop on Innocence. And, like, I gotta say, every time you try to make that more clear, I believe you less. Well, we'll just drop it here.

How was it? Hey, Ian, welcome back. How was your poopas doopas? Ian, can you quickly look up for me? Did they eat poop on Unus Annus real quick? Yeah, does Google come up with that? It's all deleted. I just want to know if there's any witnesses.

- Poop? - Boruff just said the conspiracy. - I had to repeat it. - Because we can't hear Boruff, he's not mic'd up, he's sucking on a little lollipop. He's looking at me seductively now. That's awesome Boruff, thank you. He just said poop is a conspiracy. - Is a cure for cancer. - Which would tie in nicely to the-- - Thematically, yeah. - Thematically to that person who said Ethan has cancer.

And to end the Unus on a series, he's going to get in the coffin and eat a little poop candy bar. And he's going to get cured. And it's going to be a happy ending. You know, that's something that we never did, is taking chocolate molds of our buttholes. What? You know that people do that? Is that on the... What? Yeah, some people do that. Chocolate mold of buttholes? Yeah. Yeah, so you can get a custom butthole chocolate. So you... Who's looking for a butthole chocolate? I don't know.

No. So do you curl up into a ball, and then they pour some wax or something on it, and then they just say, don't open it? Yeah. So it's like when you get the wax hand. They make a mold. Like a thousand times worse. They make a mold of your butthole. It goes in your butt? No, it doesn't. It's just around. I don't want wax in my butthole. You got to keep that shit closed, bro. That wax goes in. It's not coming out. Yeah. I don't know if it's wax. You know what they say. Whatever they...

Wax in, wax out. Nope. Wax in. I've seen the Karate Kid. The website is Edible Anus. It is. Can you read the about section of Edible Anus? That's like Edible Arrangement, but Anus. Oh, okay. There's no about section? Wait, they have a history? I think it's implied, right? You don't really need much about. Is there an FAQ or anything? Not really. They're really just pushing you to...

To get it. So that was something you didn't do. Was there a list of shit that you wanted to do on Unisonis but couldn't maybe because it was too extreme, broke laws? I mean, most of the stuff was pandemic related because we couldn't do it. Was there anyone you were really, really excited to do and didn't get to do? Which one? YouTuber prom. We were going to throw like a big prom.

Oh, that would have been really cool. Yeah, we were going to rent out a whole thing and do a whole thing. But the whole thing of YouTuber prom is if you were invited, you couldn't take your significant other. You had to ask another YouTuber to prom, which would have been fun. And we were on a little wrench in it. We also had YouTuber speed dating.

Which was there was a bunch of tables, and then you swap yeah? I mean all of this was public record because I was one of our go this was one of our last videos was Telling people stuff that we didn't do but it was youtuber speed dating so there's a bunch of tables and then people would cycle through and at Every table there were two cameras facing the two people and then there was something in the middle that they'd had to make make content around until the last table was just gonna be a taser and

Yeah, so it's sort of like taser roulette of who's going to reach first. Who's going to make the content. Make the content? Yeah. We're going to do skydiving. Put a gun on the table. Yeah. It's the real influence. Who believes in God? Have you skydived before? No, I haven't. Have you? No. We're going to do that for a video. No, I really want to, though. I get freaked out by it.

I thought that you were going to suggest that we go and skydive right now. Right now, and then continue the podcast in the air. Yeah.

Nice try. Good audio. Nice try. It could be cool. It's one of those things where, like, all you have to do is jump, right? And the rest of it kind of sorts itself out. That is kind of what it is, yeah. Yeah, I mean, especially if you're going for the first time because somebody else is doing everything else. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, I guess so. If you're doing it alone, then you have to do the things. I suppose the tandem one is kind of nice because it's like, okay, well, this is, like,

Someone else's he's also got to get this right. Yeah, man, cuz he doesn't die like ziplining the first time right like you got it You're going eventually fucking Zip line you've never gone on a like even like a backyard zip line like where somebody just likes attached to trees with a wire No, really what is this weird? I mean he's from I mean I

There were so many, like, you can't make a zip line. I got stuck in the middle of a zip line in Costa Rica as a kid. You can't do anything in New York. Yeah, no, where he's from, it's a little bit. You can't do anything. Yeah. We're all from the woods, comparatively. Wait, where are you from? I'm from Mass. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. From the cattle. We're all from New England. We're all from New England. Well, no, he's New York. He's not New England. Never say that shit again.

What is New York a part of? The tri-state area. That's what Dr. Doofenshmirtz, that's the area he targeted. I can see why. Yeah, well, anything with New Jersey in it doesn't deserve to fucking exist. Is that what you're part of, the tri-state area? Yeah. So this is your fault.

Maybe. Is New Jersey that bad? Yeah. If you had to eliminate just a state off the map, what would it be? New Jersey. I'd eliminate Nebraska. New Jersey's going to eliminate itself given time, so pick something constructive is what I'd say. Nebraska's pretty bad, yeah. Nebraska, what goes on there? It's hypnotizing you again. I would first- What goes on in Nebraska? I would first remove a large percentage of my family that lives in this state.

In Nebraska? Not in Nebraska. I would eliminate Florida. Oh, that's fair. Good choice. Again, another state that will, in time, eliminate itself. Yes. Whether by Mother Nature or the people just all killing themselves. Or by the man. By the Florida man. Yeah. Later, Gator. But Florida's got so much life to it. Does it? Mm-hmm. It's got crocodiles and alligators. I...

I guess. I guess so. Yeah. A lot of old people, too. Yeah, mostly old people and Disney world. Heaven's Waiting Room. Is that what it's called? Florida? All of Florida is called Heaven's Waiting Room? Yeah, because God's just waiting to pluck all the people out. They're going to die because they're old. Indeed. Old people die because they're old. Here's an existential question for you. Yeah, go ahead.

Do you... Thick waters coming up again. Thick phlegm. Do you picture yourself, or do you see yourselves getting old? You know, when you think of, oh, I'm going to live to this age. I see it all the time when people reply to my tweets on FaceApp, with the FaceApp things. I'm just taking my face and turning it over. No, but when you're like, oh, I'm going to live to this age, in your mind, like, what's that age?

Because for me, it's like, I don't know, like 40. Yeah. And then after that, it's just void. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. When the wrinkles really start setting in, I'm like, no shot. Maybe I wake up confused how I got here. You know what I mean? So I think it's going to probably keep happening until I die. Well, two people had sex. Right. I see. Well, that's actually not true.

I don't know your background. What do you know that I don't? Nobody cares. Well, I don't know about your background at all. Oh, that's true. That's true. Your mother could have been inseminated. You could have been a test tube baby. There's a lot of things that could have happened. It happens either way. Insemination. Yeah, but you know what I mean. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. It was pushed in there. Do your parents throw around adoption jokes and laugh a little too much? No. No, because I look exactly like my father, so there's no way that I'm adopted. Yeah, I also don't have...

Did you? You want to draw like the little fucking four-way cube? Did you guys ever actually say Goo Goo Gaga as a baby? What's the box? Oh my god, the chromosome box. The box. Yeah, the gene box. What's it called? Dominant recessive genes. No, Ian, what's that shit called? Punnett Square. Punnett Square? Pungent Square. We don't need... It's a Punnett Square. What is it?

What is it? Well, I'll admit, I didn't say Punnett Square. I said Pundit Square. You did? Yeah. It's like a black, like a black hair. But I had a general idea. A blonde hair woman. And then you like do that. You like line up the jeans and it's like, what are the chances the baby's going to have brown or blonde or whatever? Interesting. Yeah.

I saw myself getting to, you know, like 40 years old as well. And then I see the social collapse. Social collapse. By the time it really starts happening, I mean, according to MIT and Charlie, the United States or the world is going to have a societal collapse in 2040. I wouldn't be surprised at all. Well, you shouldn't because according to MIT and Charlie, it's going to happen. You just seem like a very... Well, according to MIT, according to Charlie.

- According to MIT, allegedly. Yeah, no. - I wouldn't be surprised at all. - Shit's not looking good. Yeah, no, I can see myself in the future getting happy, settling down. Oh, that's weird, it's all red and fire now. It's just forever. - What is the first thing that you would do

If, let's, okay, let's say that like you. I'm not sure. If there's an apocalypse going on, where are you going first? You know, let's say. Are there Cabela's here? Yes, there are Cabela's. There's REI's too. Cabela's is, it's like a hunting, like sporting. Cabela's is nice. I know REI. You'd go straight to Cabela's. It's like Bass Pro Shops. But here's the thing. So not real.

Cabela's just has a big like fucking spear. Every Cabela's is just a big cardboard cutout. Cabela's is intense. You've never been to a Cabela's before? No, I didn't know Cabela's. They have them a lot in the middle of the country. Well, I suppose that makes a lot of sense. But we do have Cabela's here in the Los Angeles area. Do you go there? Yeah, I would go there. Honestly, I don't know if I want to survive in the

You don't know if you'd want to? I don't know. Think about how metal that would be. I guess. But it's going to be like a whole thing. I don't want to be alive to survive.

You wanna live, you don't wanna survive. That's true. Exactly. That's true. I mean if there's nothing- if you can't post it online- Exactly. Then what's the point of doing it? Like that's why- that's when I help out homeless men. No, but that- that sounds really- Look at the money I'm giving you! I know, thank you so much! Yeah, no problem. Thank you. Um, that sounds really horrible. Did you actually take a video? Did you take a video?

We're friends now. I gave you money. I helped you out, man. Wonderful. Thank you so much. That sounds kind of terrible, but I don't think I want to be alive just to have to survive. Does it depend on the apocalypse? Is there one you'd be like, I'm into this? Are you bored?

I'm so bored by that. Better to be bored than to be bored. I was yawning for a completely separate reason. I don't mean that. You're awesome, man. I don't know. Maybe alien stuff would be cool. Okay, let's say...

An ancient race of aliens have emerged from the ice on the other side of the moon, and they're coming down to Earth, and they're destroying everything, but the human race used a fail-safe option. It killed most of the fleet, but there are still stuff roaming around in the human population. It's very, very low, and this all happened in like five days. This doesn't sound like an apocalypse. This just sounds like... This all happened in like five days. Are you just describing District 9? What? Are you just describing District 9?

Well, no, because... I want to watch that movie. What happened in District 9? They, like, started living among us, right? He kind of just described District 9. Well, yeah, but I... They...

No, because they're trying to still kill people. So get this. You live in a pineapple under the sea. Under the sea. The thing is about District 9 is that that was only in one neighborhood in South Africa. That was in... Wasn't that in LA? No, it was in the States. No, it was in South Africa. It was by the same South African director that did... It was in South Africa. Whoa! You're thinking of Battle for...

Battle for LA. That sounds like... You don't need to talk that loud.

He wants to be heard. You're thinking of the movie Battleship. Remember that one? Okay, I keep putting all these situations down, and you guys keep, you know... You haven't given me an answer, and you're giving me more questions. I do want to clarify that what I said before about I don't want to be alive just to survive. If, like, the world is crumbling, and all of my loved ones are most likely dead, and my way of life that I've lived for the 24 years that I've been alive is suddenly just...

Like crumbling like I just I don't really want to adapt to that and have to see all of the other that's the same Answer that you gave in different font. I'm well. I'm clear that's all you need Mad because I wanted to hear some sort of badass Ethan thing I have a way to get that I have so many we can extract that what if we go to the list of like a possible like possible Maybe where's it could wait just all fucking ends, okay? Then you say like you'd like do it or you wouldn't okay? Yeah, so Mad Max type scenario

I would do that. Water Wars. Dust bowl, car, driving around, lots of oil. Yeah, I think that would be cool. Fucking cool. Okay. It would be so hot, though. It would be so hot. Never mind. Zambie apocalypse. I would do that. Really? You would do a zombie apocalypse? Just because it's the zombie apocalypse? Gotta try it out at least once, guys. Let's ride this one. I don't know. I probably wouldn't. Aliens. I probably... Aliens, I would.

You're saying yes to all of these. Well, because we're giving them coal- Fire. Fire everywhere. Nuclear holocaust. No. SpongeBob. Yes. SpongeBob and Plankton rises. They're all, Plankton. Everyone's got the Chum Bucket heads on. Yeah. Everybody's got the Chum Bucket heads. Or the episode with the kelp shakes where everyone turns fuzzy. Would you do that? Yeah, I like that. You turn fuzzy? I turn fuzzy. Oh.

- Okay, so let's say zombie apocalypse starts. We're going down this route. Where are you going first? Are you going to Cabela's? - I feel like too many people would go to Cabela's. - That's what I'm thinking too. I think that's where you're gonna end up getting shot or somebody's guarding Cabela's. Like some sort of ex-veteran,

Oh, totally. People are waiting for this, I feel like. Some of them are just like, absolutely. Yeah, doomsday preppers, baby. I feel like a national park would be a good place to go. Because you get the rangers. Those are people that care for the community. They do that on Sweet Tooth. Really? Good series on that place. Sweet Tooth? I feel like they would be the guardian angels, per se. You head up there. What's his name?

The kid. No, not the kid. Oh, there was actually a book that I read for another apocalypse-related situation. This actually isn't a total apocalypse-related situation, but I read a book about when the

Yellowstone super volcano, it exploded and it was like a bunch of ash. A bunch of ash everywhere across the world. The world is coated in ash and it's causing a lot of societal collapse kind of thing. But it's not there yet. It's like the kind of cusp kind of thing where it's just like societal unrest where the cops aren't necessarily entirely doing their job more so than normal. And like...

Fucking, I don't know, people are just like trying to move places and not obeying traffic laws because it's kind of shit like that, you know?

You know what I mean? Like people are just fighting in the streets a little bit. I'm going to blow this stop sign. What? Ash? Okay. It's like people in the south when it snows. Here's the thing. Yeah, pretty much. I don't know if you've- I'm going to drive a little more recklessly. I don't know if you've noticed this in LA, but sometimes people go on a little bit into apocalypse mode when they get too sick of driving. What?

I go into apocalypse mode when I fucking fly in that way. No, like they make their own roads? Yeah. Have you ever seen that happen? People do, yeah. Especially like if it's raining, people just assume that, like, kind of like what you just said. The lines have all washed away. Yeah. Rules just don't apply anymore because it's raining. I am my own god. Yeah. Hmm.

Cool. How do we fix that? Very good. So you go to Cabela's. We go to Cabela's. Oh, right, right, right. Also, I think it's important to say that no matter what apocalypse scenario I would be going through, because of human instinct, I would still be trying to survive. It's not like, it's like, oh, zombie apocalypse, I'm just going to kill myself. I'm just going to lay down and die. Yeah. I get you. Like, I would try and survive. I just think that I would rather not.

- But like you still would. - It would suck, but I would. - I still would. - Mm-hmm. - Right. - One thing I always thought about is that it's not gonna be like just a wave of zombies that swoop through the whole nation. I mean, the cities are gonna be what go first. - Yes. - Yeah. - But then some dude in bumfuck Idaho, Nebraska, like you're like 30 minutes away from the next person. That dude's gonna be fine. - Yeah. - He's gonna be farming. No zombie's gonna be like, "Oh, I know that guy," and just go there.

No. Yeah, that's pretty accurate. But then also, think about how fast COVID spread around. No one in Nebraska got that shit.

I mean, if they don't have to go to the- You don't think anyone in Nebraska got COVID? If they don't have to go to the town, if they're like, oh, if I go into town, then I'm going to die because there's zombies in town. But they don't go into town, they're not getting COVID. Oh, yo, don't go into town. There's some zombies there. All right, we're just going to keep them there. All the zombies are coming up from Massachusetts and New York. Do you think that zombies will be like, oh, this is a road. I can take this to get to the alive people? No.

The alive people? What are you talking about? I agree with what you're saying, though. Okay, but let me throw a little wrench in your plan. The moment...

Anyone you, like there's always going to be that one person that hides the bite. Oh, fuck. Yeah, that is true. And then it gets into the problem of, you know, how long does it incubate in the person? Have someone been infected beforehand? And are you going to go to bed with your wife and the next morning it turns out she's a fucking zombie? Naked community. What?

Naked community. You think the nudists are gonna survive the zombie apocalypse? I think if I were to start a community, if I were to start a community, I would force you to be naked all the time. You couldn't hide the bite. Yeah, but- You couldn't hide the bite. But then you couldn't put any bandages on? No other problems are presented. You can't hide the bite. You can't hide the bite. No hiding bites. You can't hide it. You also can't wear armor.

Yeah, why don't you just do light? To hide the bite? To hide armor to hide the bite? You also can't wear armor for when the cannibal bandits come to town and start shooting everyone in your nudist colony. Oh, God, yeah, that's true. Because the real monsters are the people the whole time. So, that's so true. But here's what you do in your little community. I'm assuming that you have walls. Well, it's not a little community, first of all. I mean, it's a very proud and large prosperous community of nudists. We have walls. So, you do have walls. So, that means that in order to go into the outside world, you need to leave those walls.

So, before and after you leave the walls, you do checks, and you do bite checks. You do little bite checks, and if they come back, then it's going to be pretty clear that they have a bite when you do the bite checks. If they have clothes on, you shoot them. You blow a whistle. So, here's what we need. That's just what they know. You blow one whistle, everybody just gets... What's up with you and Pavlovian training people with a fucking whistle blow? You know what I think they should do? I think that...

- Before people go in and out, you gotta get yourself to an airport and just steal all that TSA technology, you know, that thing that goes, "Woo, woo, woo." - Is electricity working in the zombie world? - We've got a bunch of-- - In the woods? - We take a bunch of the nudist people that used to be bike lists

And we put them on bikes. On nude power. And they're biking on the bicycles that are turning gears to make power. Bicycle power. Man is but one flesh battery. And we use three of those nude flesh batteries every day. It only takes three? Maybe four. I don't know. All we need to do is run a fucking TSA checkpoint.

I think it's so much easier to just blow the whistle. And then everybody just knows that that's the whistle. They take their clothes off, we play a little song. What if someone just didn't? I don't fucking know. Why do you think everyone around you is just stupid? That's what you think. We do the electric slide when the whistle- How are you going to start a nudist colony? Where is it- The electric slide to generate enough power. Here's what you do. You invent transparent clothing and armor for everyone to wear. Plastic? Plastic.

Just tarps. Why are you so horrified by the concept? You're like,

I feel like you just go north. You just go north, because that's the consistent thing is that they can't, like... Well, if you can't get nude if you go north... Well, then you don't fucking get nude. But then you can't grow food either. Up north? Nobody grows food in the north. Nobody grows food up north. You could fish. You could fish. You could fish. You could fish. I think I'd like to be in Arizona. Yeah.

I wouldn't. No, that's an absolutely terrible fucking thing. Landlocked? I would eat. You have threats from every side. It's already fucking terrible to be in Arizona. Why would you? Why Arizona? I didn't really think it through too much. Contextually, we were just talking about moving. Wow, asshole. Clearly. No, I wouldn't do that thing. I think that I would like to play out a little fun New Orleans zombie campaign.

It'd be a little bit chaotic, but it'd be kind of... All the zombies would have beads. Fun beads. Mardi Gras. 24-7, always Mardi Gras. If the zombie apocalypse happened during Mardi Gras, I suppose. Because I could live off of Café du Monde beignets. You can't bite me with all my beads. Because clearly they don't make them themselves. They just are automatically there. My life is a video game.

Where's Dying Light take place? Dying Light takes place in the fictional country of Iran. It's in Turkey. Yeah. And then the second one is in England. I'm so excited for Dying Light 2. I am very excited for it. That's something I'd do. I would live on top of the buildings.

And I would learn how to parkour. And I would bring Charlie with me. And he would play parkour with me versus zombies. Do you do parkour? I'm very into it. You like post-gymnastic stuff every once in a while. I'm very, very into it. I think Shalette would struggle the most with parkour. I'd love that. Freerunning is always the scary part to me. I'm very bad at flips and stuff. But parkour is...

That's cool. Did a bunch of it in college. You just gotta learn the parkour part. You don't need to learn the free running part because the zombies don't care about the flips. How fucking stupid is it gonna be if you flip off a building and just hit your head in a zombie apocalypse? You're gonna look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. I think that I would have a lot of fun in a zombie apocalypse. Mm-hmm. Because there are no laws. Mm-hmm.

It's true. Unless you make laws in the nudist colony. Like you always have to be nude. The one. Just the one. Unless you go. The one law. What's the point of having a TSA thing if they're always nude though? Exactly. That's why you don't need it. Well, the TSA thing would be helpful unless that's just security theater like it always is. It is security theater. They can't see you're nude.

I don't fucking know. Why was that such a pregnant silence then? You made it seem like you do know. I guess if like. A pregnant silence? I've never heard that before. I've never heard that. Ian, could you please look up pregnant silence? I've heard maybe like a labored silence. Maybe you took it a couple steps. A labored breath is what you're thinking of. Labored breathing. Well, I guess if someone's bringing a knife in.

You could use a scanner on them, or you could just make them go nude anyways. Am I wrong to think that pregnant silence is a normal term? So is that when we resume conversation? It's a thing. It's a thing. So is the resuming of conversation the birth? I don't know. Anyways, you get everybody to strip down. Okay, now I know there's no weapons. Now I know there's no bite. I checked the clothing.

Like it's good. You're fine. Mm-hmm check all the bags You don't need a fucking you don't need people on bikes to do the security boop. You don't need it You just take all the clothes off. Okay, you know where I would go. Okay, here's I've got an idea. I've got a perfect idea So What I'm gonna do in the zombie apocalypse is I'm gonna bring my group of people my group of survivors to a old

like 50s style prison. Because prisons, they are designed for, that it's hard for people to get out. By that code of logic, it would be hard for things to get in. And what's nice about the 50s era zombie,

not zombies, the 50s era prisons is that they have the very high concrete walls with four pretty much watchtowers on each end and very thick concrete walls. You can't just break through that thing. It's true. They also generally have room for like armories and stuff like that. Yes, that's true. There's a place for recreation. There's places for lots of people to sleep. A prison would be basically the best. It's a pretty common one. Here's the one thing though. You go to a place like Alcatraz, every couple rounds, a big fucker's coming.

Every couple rounds of- Big fuckers coming. Mob of the dead. Black ops 2. Oh, okay. So now we're thinking in context of- Waves of them. Every couple rounds of big fuckers coming. What are you going to do in prison for the hound round?

What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do in the prison for the hound round? In the hellhound scum. Oh, I'm gonna run around the top edge of the walls. There's a plane up there. You find all the parts, you land in the golden bridge. Legitimately speaking, though, I feel like a prison would be a really... Oh, it's good. It's good. I think a prison would be good until it isn't. Do you know what I mean? I mean, that's anywhere. Well, everything is good until it's not. Well, if there's a zombie, you just throw him in a cell.

What's he gonna do? No you don't! Why would you do that? You throw him in a cell. No you kill it and throw it out. I feel like the problem with this is that you'd have to deal with people. Why would you keep it alive? To play with it.

That'd be fun! So you would die first. That's such a freaky thing to- That'd be fun! You just play with it. I feel like at that point where- Am I crazy for being like, "Okay, I have all the infrastructure I want to keep people, to keep things locked somewhere." But you've gotta be so- I'm keeping a zombie and I'm fucking playing with it. This is so worrying. I'm playing with that shit. So unbelievably funny and concerning to hear from you. I wanna play with it!

Why do you want to play with it? What activities are you doing? Why do you want to fucking play with it, man? I'm putting on two Falconer's gloves. And I'm just putting my hands through and just like slapping it, giving it a one-two. You would think that it's... It's iconic. First of all, taking its clothes off. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. No one wears clothes in my family. Hold on! Yeah!

- Yield! - I'm trying to get clarification here. So you spent this whole time getting a group ready, securing the prison. You've dealt with a lot of zombies at this point. Thousands of zombies. - We bring one over. - Hundreds of, maybe 100,000 zombies at this point. - It was all just to get the zombies ready? - All for the plan of like, I'm gonna play with my, I'm gonna get one in, I'm gonna get one. - It's gotta be naked. - And this is my impression of Shlad and his mind.

I can't wait to get a little zombie in there. I'm gonna play with it. Well, you could also do experiments. Why? To reverse it. Reverse in a jail cell? It's like a zombie villager. With some falcon gloves? You get some, I don't know, maybe when you fly to the Golden Gate Bridge and crash on it, the pack-a-punch has got some potion.

You bring them back. You are just shifting maniacally through fictitious and real life. First thing I'd do is, I'm apocalypse, grab Ray Gunn. They have to res me. They have to res me. They need the Ray Gunn. Okay. They gotta res me with the Ray Gunn.

You guys make me a little mad. No, I'm just saying, like, you want to know how they fucking work. So, like, you can test different things. Can zombies climb ladders? This one can't. We put a ladder on him. He doesn't do shit with it. So here's the thing now, though. With that, you can't just have one zombie.

Because then you're just taking that zombie as Then you're learning why you're in zombie Are these the slow ones or are these the fucking world war z ones? You get a bunch of them You get a bunch of them, you put them in different cells You need at least ten I think My opinion is I think that the world war z ones are fucking bullshit They don't do that There's no way that shit's gonna happen Anyone gets sick they're already moving at like half the speed they normally do Alright, it's like

Oh, and now you're dead and you can run and create bridges with other fucking dead things? I feel like the way 28 Days Later did it was pretty realistic. How did they do it? Everyone was just mad. They weren't zombies or anything. They were just mad and they ran after you. Yeah, they were pissed off. And so they all starved at the end. They weren't dead? Nope. They weren't dead. It was an actual virus. People just got mad? People just got really mad.

- Like mad at what? - It's kind of scarier when they're mad, right? They're trying to eat you. - So they're like the infected from Left 4 Dead. Like the ones that are like, "Ah, the ones that run." - Yeah, well they call it the rage virus. They're raging. - Wow. That's kind of cool. - So what would you do in the rage virus? I mean, I would just shoot everyone.

Well, this would not be fun in a place with a lot of guns because if they're just mad, they could do a lot of damage. Oh, that's really true. I don't know if they use weapons. I don't think they use guns. They didn't? They're just... They're too mad to use guns. Here's my opinion. I think in terms of a worldwide zombie pandemic or plandemic, depending on how you look at it... What?

I think that the United States would probably fare pretty well. We do have a lot of guns here. We do. That's pretty much all of our military budget, isn't it? Well, we're not getting... It's not like the military is going to start handing out guns to us when the zombies... I always just look to Borf for confirmation. Okay, I'm glad. No, so now we all do it. Because every time I say anything I think to myself is remotely somewhat funny, I will immediately look at Borf. He'll give me like a...

Yeah, and I'm like, oh, fuck you. Yes, killing it. Which is funny because we have the fact checker, Ian. I'm not here for support.

Oh. He's not here for support. He's here for answers. And barely that. How many guns per person in the United States? I think it's three. It's like three. What? Yeah. Really? A lot of them. Wow. But they're hoarded by, you know, like, I guarantee you, like, 20% of the population's got 80% of them. No, I think it's like 40, maybe, at least. 40? 40's got 80? My dad's got a gun. Ian? 120. 120.

Wait, per person? Per person? Yeah. Holy fucking shit. So that was 60 times. No. Yeah. 40 times the amount that we thought. What the fuck? According to this, Texas has an estimated 588,000 guns. Per person? Not per person. You get into Texas, you just have to wade. 588,000? Yeah, in the state of Texas. That's not a lot. What's the population of Texas? Texas has tens of millions of people. Yeah, there's more people.

That's crazy. No, that's not right. You're lying 120 guns per person in the United States. The guns aren't in New York, bro That doesn't make sense okay, so wait now you have to add like 320 million times 120 Billions of guns in the United States. There's billions of guns in the United States. Wait, so hold on

Okay, this is the first time I've ever not trusted a data guy on a certain piece of information. Where did the half million guns come from? Hold on, I'm double checking. Tara, would you get this information for us? He's clearly falling through right now. Yeah, where are all these guns coming from? How many guns are there per person in the, uh... In the United States. Yeah. And then, if we can figure out what percentage of the population has those guns...

This is ranking by country for civilian held firearms per 100 population, but that's not really what I'm asking. It says 120 per 100 persons. Oh, okay. Moderately less. 1.2 guns per person. So like a little bit more than one per person. That was in 2017. Oh.

And then the pandemic happened. Yeah. So it's gone. They've made more guns since then. It could be two per person, maybe. Maybe even three. So not 120. Maybe 120 guns per person. Yeah, but it could be real.

Yeah, but it's my opinion now, so fuck you. I like how we all, as a table, believed that there was 120 guns per person. I was like, wow, the state of this country, guys. We started thinking about, well, you know what? You're right. Until the Texas numbers came out, we totally bought that shit. Yes.

I mean, we love guns here, man. We do. Splice in some fucking lies when we ask you for a fact. I like that. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Make them think about it. Yeah.

You know about snails? You know much about snails? No. Snails? No. What snails can do is, snails ordinarily live for like, what is it, two to three, two to four years? Yeah, two to four. Two to four years. And so the crazy thing is, what a snail can do- But bigger ones live ten. Bigger ones live ten. Like an elephant snail? Like an elephant snail. Potentially. Is that real? I don't know. Elephant snails are big. Really big snail. Yeah, they're like this big. Wait, how big are they? How big are they? How big are elephant snails? How big are the elephant snails?

Wait, you're lying! You lied! No, elephant snails are real, I think. Is your favorite animal a snail? No. Me neither. So what they do is, uh, they create what's called an epiphram around their- That probably sounds really good. Yeah, no, go ahead. Sorry, Scott. It gets colder, right? When it gets colder, the snail needs to do something. It can't really hibernate because it's a fucking snail. So what it does is it goes back and it creates what's called an epiphram, which is like a multi-layered mucous membrane-

Over the entrance to the shell how big is it? Oh, that's in a hand. That's a fucking huge. Yeah, very big Very big and they can stay there for like up to four years just like frozen in ice or floating in water Captain America Captain America almost like this wait so they only live for two to four years four years, but they can just decide to Not really exist for a little bit and then exist again. Oh

And they'll still live. So let's say a snail lives for four years, this particular snail. Two years in, it can decide, all right, I'm going to go to sleep for six years and then come back and live for another four.

Probably not that extreme. Ian, can we get a snail? Can we get a snail on the podcast, Ian, please? Can we get a snail? Okay. Are you free for the next two to four years? How many snails do you think would live in the zombie apocalypse? Probably a lot. All of them. You think so? Wildlife would flourish. Yeah.

100%. I don't know if that's true. Have you seen A Quiet Place? Yeah. Snails are quiet. Not the second one. Not the second one. Yeah, it's John Skrzinski. Snails are quiet. The reason there's, like, he said they killed all the birds. Like, all the monsters killed all the birds and all the deer and shit. I don't think that would happen. Right? Like, I couldn't. That would be an absolute collapse of the ecosystem. It would be hard to chase after a bird.

Yeah. So I think they'd be fine, right? If anything, they'd be less. They'd be better off. Yeah. I mean, not in the Quiet Place universe, just a normal zombie apocalypse. I think the animals would flourish. Have you seen the Tomorrow War?

No. Do you watch that new one? Oh, I want to watch that. Yeah, I read the book for that one. I did do a sponsored post for it, but I have not seen it. Oh my God. I have not seen it. I didn't say that I had seen it. I thought it was okay. I mean, a lot of people are like, the Tomorrow War ruined my perception of movies. But it's not that bad. Because it was bad? No, they thought it was going to be the greatest thing ever. I mean, it's a fucking... Yeah, it hasn't even... It's a blockbuster. Of all things. You're not looking for fucking...

Art shit like art house fucking garbage. I mean it was cool I thought it was I thought it was cool was it was very interesting the way that they talked about time travel and stuff like that But the quiet place monsters are very similar in some ways in my personal opinion to the ones in tomorrow war which is weird Did you see the first movie of tomorrow war

Because they made a first one. What? Yeah. It was called, like, Live, Die, Repeat or something. What? It was called Edge of Tomorrow. Wait, that was the same. Edge of Tomorrow was the same thing? They changed the name to Live, Die, Repeat. And it was based on a book that I read called All You Need Is Kill, I believe. Wait, Edge of Tomorrow? That was part of Tomorrow War? Well, is the Tomorrow War about a fucking guy that fights aliens and comes back every day?

No, that's not the same story. Oh, that can't be. I don't know why I thought it was the same. Is that Tom Cruise? It is somewhat similar. I mean, it is somewhat similar, but the reason why he kept coming back. Because aliens and that look the same as well. Well, the reason why he kept coming back the same day was because he got acid on his face from one of the alpha aliens that only show up once, the one with Tom Cruise. Yeah.

But the in the tomorrow war it's actually time travel It's being involved there and like you just have to be good at fucking shooting those things And the reason why the reason why edge of tomorrow was cool was because it was like every time it was like he was responding in a video game and he was like learning how to fight them and learning he was like memorizing choreography Which was cool. I'm sorry Charlie. No, it's it's fine You're the salami

But they are very similar, no, there's a very similar zone there where it's like alien comes from question mark and world is doomed because they are weirdly shaped and they've got tentacles and they go really fast and they attack you. There's a lot of those, yeah, a lot of weird weird ones. Well, it's easy to survive in Quiet Place because all you need is a broken pair of like speakers.

Yeah, they didn't know that yet. No one figured that out except... You gotta think, you gotta think people would be like, "Oh, these fuckers have big ears?" You'd think that, like, shoot... You really... You would actually. You would, right? Just like turn on a microwave or something and then it's like... Live anywhere in a microwave? It's a waterfall thing. Why wouldn't they just live in a waterfall? You would think that like maybe those monsters... Or just make sound. Right?

- Like you'd have to tough it out for a little bit, but like how long would it take for them to get used to snot? Thank you Borf for the conversation. - Borf's snotty.

You'd think that like, one of the first things that those creatures would attack would be like a concert, right? And at one of those concerts, there's probably a bunch of concerts happening at the same time on the planet, one of those is gonna have to experience some sort of, what's that called, reverb, fucking feedback through the speaker. It's gonna fuck up those things' ears.

Feedback sucks. It doesn't sound good to us. So it's going to fucking hurt them. We've debunked a film because... Debunked! You know what we also have in a lot of places is things that put out a really high frequency...

sound to get rid of bugs and if these monsters have the ears like that because they it creates like a sound barrier basically that it's like at such a high frequency that the bugs are are deterred I think this is real this is fake that's fucked up I don't think that's fake

It doesn't sound real. He doesn't like being lied to. Borf says yes. Borf is nodding. Borf is nodding. It's got to be real. So we have machines that make force fields that keep bugs out? Basically, yeah, because it's at such a high frequency that the bugs are deterred. And they travel through sound waves. And so if these monsters are like, my ears are really good, then they would stay away. And they talk like that, too. They would probably not only stay away, they'd probably explode like they did in the movie because of the frequency.

- Did their head explode? - They got hurt bad. - I thought their head was doing that and then Emily Blunt shot him with a shotgun. - Oh yeah, maybe. - Yeah, 'cause it like-- - It was like, "Oh, oh," but then it was like Emily was being very blunt with her shotgun. - Ah, very good. - Nah, if I'm in that situation, I'm blowing my whistle.

Oh my god, here it comes. They just can't fucking do it. The animals go away. Everybody gets naked. We're good, bro. Or no, you blow the whistle and the animals get naked, but they don't have any clothes to take off, so they just take their skin off and die. Exactly. That's true. Clothes do make noise. Clothes make noise. You know what doesn't make noise? Naked? Naked. Naked people don't make any noise. The moment I take my clothes off, I just become silent.

It's like, have you ever heard of the Navy SEALs and why they don't ever run in the Navy SEALs? And why they don't wear clothes? It's because there's no way you can tell what country someone's from when it's just a bunch of naked dudes running around with fucking M4s.

The Navy SEALs are a nudist colony run by General Jay Schlatt. Have you seen the video of how to open Velcro? Yeah, yeah. You just fucking scream. I love that. On the other side of the bug thing, the high frequency thing, wind turbines make a really low frequency noise. A lot of people that live near wind turbines, if you have a certain type of ear, it's just sort of, I guess, a...

Kills you didn't anything no you get really like nauseous like you can't you can't do it maybe maybe maybe like headaches and not makes Messing up your inner ear hmm. Do you lose balance? You know so much or or he's just not There's no way that we can determine that he knows everything just by him nodding and and and and shrugging he's nods and he shrugs Yes

What kind of food would you eat? What would you be subsistent on? - Enots. - If you wanted to end it, are we talking about the apocalypse again? - Yeah. - Okay.

Feel like I mean, I'm sure canned food would definitely be a good one to grab it would run out It would run out. I mean you got some can't you got some mushroom? mushroom mushroom Cream of chicken chicken soup chicken soup chicken soup Freakin gorp make some work make some Gorp even stand for granola oatmeal raisins

I never thought that all the food groups acronym I don't actually know if it is I just realized that they were sort of that is the first head shake I've seen from Worf whoa you need to grow your own food

You definitely would. You'd need a farm or something. I mean, in my prison thing, I'd be growing...

I mean, what's the highest caloric density? Like bananas? Quest bar. Quest bar? I'd be growing questions. Highest caloric and easiest to grow? Fuck, maybe potatoes. I feel like when you're in a survival mode, it's like about pure calories. It's also about what you can actually grow there. So the answer is not always the same. I mean, I think that you,

like if you were a vegetarian in the apocalypse would you be able to get enough vegetables to have the proper amount? I don't think that you can be a vegetarian in the apocalypse. I'm sorry. Because I think you would have to eat a lot of protein because you'd be moving and grooving so much. You wouldn't really have the opportunity to choose. Yeah. I think once the zombie apocalypse happens it immediately turns into like quite literally a hunter-gatherer situation but gathering stuff one from the

past society you used to live in and then hunting probably animals or if it gets to it, people. People. That is a question. No, I don't think I would... I don't think I actually would kill...

People and eat them no, I don't think I'd become a camel well no because Because if I kill people and I eat them then I'm gonna start laughing crazy all the time and my aims not true Your aim is not gonna be good Yeah, those are the two main symptoms of cannibalism is you start laughing yourself all the time And your aim isn't good

We're talking about DayZ. We're talking about DayZ right now. You can become a cannibal. You just have to use the short-range shotguns, you know, because you can still manage them. Yeah, Boraf. Boraf, do you play DayZ? He does, yeah. Really? Do you play in the mosque? Not recently. Oh, you should get back into it. It's good right now. I mean, I guess the question when it comes to, like, food in the apocalypse is, I mean, if this was, you know, the end of days, would you rather have... Oh, my God.

Unlimited bacon? But no video games. So you got unlimited bacon but no video games. Or would you rather have games? Unlimited games. Unlimited. But no games.

But no games? No games. Wait. Unlimited games, but no games? Sorry, Ethan. It doesn't seem like this is getting through. You're a thick fucking skull. Hey, hey. You want to pay attention for like one second? So, yeah. So, would you rather- Can we just be here together once for one second? We're in the apocalypse, right? Would you rather have unlimited bacon-

But no more video games. No more video games. Or would you rather have games? Unlimited games. But no games. But no games. No games. Unlimited games, but no games. Unlimited games.

I'm blowing my whistle.

Yeah, in the apocalypse? Yeah. Yeah, no good games.

Dude, Unlimited Bacon and the Apocalypse is really good. I gotta say. You picked the right one, I think, for this scenario. But if it wasn't, what if it wasn't the apocalypse and we're just here right now? Well, then Unlimited Games is my game. Okay, perfect. Now that makes sense.

Well, thank you so much for joining us on this episode. We'd like to sort of roll out the red carpet as we do on, since we're hot ones. And we keep doing this. I don't know. We shouldn't do this anymore. You got this camera, this camera, this camera. Tell everybody what you got going on in the world of Ethan Nestor. First we feast is going to come first. First we feast. Hey, I make videos and I stream sometimes. Where can people find you? People can find me on the internet. Crank Gameplays, everywhere. Why can people find you?

If they want to escape from their life and I guess reach into mine a little bit. And one more question for you. Yeah. What's going on, my cranky crew? That's not quite it. What's cranking, crankers? Oh, I like that one. That's inappropriate. Yeah. I think I'll do that one. Can you give us just one? Oh.

Oh, I really don't want to. I do mine as I do, like, what's sludging, Slimers? It's gross every time. It's what is up, my cranky crew. What is up? What is up, my cranky crew? I don't do it anymore, though. What is up, my cranky crew? Where are they? I don't know what happened to my cranky crew. Okay, here's a final question, because everybody always asks the guests a final question. But what if I asked you guys a final question? Yeah, sure. Okay. What happened to my cranky crew? Where did they go? Let me pose a follow-up question. Ethan.

Can we be your cranky crew? Oh man you sure can. Oh, what is up? What is up? Can you give us just, since we're your cranky crew, could you maybe just give us what is up my cranky crew? Yeah, I can. It's like full... I told these guys not to have fun with us. I actually don't even remember the last time that I've done this intro. About four years ago. Probably. Yeah, this was my intro.

It was a long time. It was a... What is up my cranky crew? Not much. How about you, man? They're back. Excellent news. Keep cranking, crankers. Keep cranking, crankers. Adios. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. Keep on cranking. Cranky. Crank time.