Our Worst Restaurant Experiences & Chuckle Mail!
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- Ted! - Hello. - You went live, man! What happened there? - That's right, baby. I went live on Twitch for the first time in two years, and I think like almost two months, two years and two months that I had just not streamed for. - How does it feel to be back? You're finally back. Was that stream fun or did you realize that yeah, streaming kind of sucks and I don't want to do it again? - Honestly, it was a little bit of a challenge

It was one of those things where I came back to streaming and when I was first getting ready to do the stream for so much since there was so much leading up to it, I was like, when I was getting ready to go live, my heart was pounding a little bit. I don't know how it was for you when you first did your go live back after so long. Yeah. It was a glorious day seeing that face again. You had the same stream set up. You had the same scenes and everything. You just turned on. Yeah.

Because I was setting it up. Like, I had set up this new computer the night before. And so I had, like, maybe two hours to set up my entire stream situation. And I downloaded Streamlabs. And it was just all of the just legacy stuff that I had for the longest time. How did it go? I mean, were you...

- Were you pleased? Were you upset? - My lip was quivering because I wanted to say cracker so goddamn bad. - Oh, Ted, Ted, turn that off! You can't, listen, be careful. Be careful, don't say, no, no, no, stop. You're making a huge mistake. - You have to start the intro if you don't want me to say it. - You're making a huge mistake. You're making a huge mistake. - You have to start the intro. You're gonna have to say it. - Stop it, stop it. - Crack. - Oh no, tell me another one, welcome to Chuck's Sandwich.

Actually, you might have broken my record. I think I may have actually broken your record. Because how long...

And how long has it been since, because you came back and you made a huge deal of it. I was on the stream. And how long has it been since you streamed last? Oh, four and a half, maybe four and a half months. Oh, that's, are you just going to keep going on that streak? Are we like, now that I'm back, you're going to switch. Do you want some competition? Do you do, do I need to come back? Do we need to have like a little view battle or something?

How long you can go without streaming how long you can just forego I think I could go longer than without streaming than you to be honest I think I could not care about that for way longer than you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah You think you could you think you could sit dormant on your twitch channel for more time than I could I don't give a shit about stop streaming right now. I'll never stream again I will I will I will sell my name

to the highest bidder and never show up online again. That's preposterous. That's how much you don't care? I don't care at all. I'm so good. Well, I will do a licensing deal with kick.com and I'll be on kick now and I'll stream porn to my viewers. How about that? What type of porn?

The hottest type I know. Spoken truly like an eight-year-old who had never seen porn before, but swearing to their classmates that he had. Yeah, dude, they were peeing in each other, and they were freaking doing gymnastics on top of each other, and the bees were everywhere. Birds, too. A little bit less birds than bees, but there was a lot of them. Yeah. Yeah.

Welcome everyone to another episode of Chuckle Sandwich. We're back again another week. We're never going away. There was apparently a Chuckle Week that Tucker was reading to us earlier where someone was asking, how long are you guys going to keep doing this? And the answer is, we got no goddamn idea, but we're going to keep going as far as we can. We're going to see how long it takes for us to lose another member. Who do you think it's going to be?

Who would it be? Schlatt. You think it's going to be Schlatt? You think you're going to leave first or you think I'm going to leave first? I think you're going to leave first. You think I'm going to leave Chuckle Sandwich before you? Yes, I do. I don't use this word very often, but that is absolute fucking cap, as they say. No, no, no. You are capping, son. I'm not capping. I'm not capping. I think you're going to leave. Do you have like an idea of what the reason would be? Just because I don't care enough to leave. How about that?

I care so little that I'm just going to stay here forever. And so...

And are you going to keep Tucker around? Yeah, we'll keep Tucker around. If I leave, you absorb all ownership of Chuckle Sandwich. What would the Schlatt-only Chuckle Sandwich look like? It would be just question and answer with me and Tucker. Tucker would read the questions out. I give Sean a question and he'd go, no, I don't like that one. Next one. No, next one. That's a dumb question, Tucker. That's a stupid question. Why would you ever...

would just kill myself it'd be like yeah would you rather go to the grocery store or a car dealership and you'd be like i just kill myself shoot myself in the head yep that's what i'm gonna do gone instantly instantly tucker would be happy because he'd still get he'd still be getting paid so he would still show up he would be and the show would be doing so well my god i would clickbait the out of it every time every thumbnail i'll be like just or like holding the gun up to my head like

You know, it'd be great. It'd be great. You want to do a little trial run of what a podcast would be like, be formatted like if I was running a show? This just seems like a roundabout way of getting me to not talk. Tucker, hit me with a question, man. Let's do a little Q&A. Let's do a Q&A. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. It's me, Schlatt, and I'm joined by Tucker. This is Welcome to Schlaggle Sandwich, starring Schlatt. Schluggle.

schluckle sandwich so question for Schlatt from Kei, New Jersey why does Schlatt's beard not connect that is insanely rude that's like asking a woman why she's so repugnantly fat you're gonna get clapped

You're going to get something bad happen to you that you don't want to know about. All right? Listen, this lore goes back millennia. Okay? And I don't think you want to get involved in that. You know, open up the Pandora's box while my beard doesn't connect.

Can I just talk about that huge pause you took? And I think I wasn't saying anything. And then I think that whole pause was the amount of time it took Shalette to realize, oh shit, we're doing a run-through of Ted not being involved in the podcast. So I kind of keep the fucking poem. I was waiting for you to chime in. I thought what I had said was just so...

unbelievably repulsive and terrible that you just didn't want. That's probably the biggest problem for you. I think if you were to run the podcast just by yourself, just answering questions from Tucker is because you need someone to be appalled by you. Yeah, that is true. You need a person to have slightly higher moral standards than you that they can be like, whoa, that's illegal in multiple countries. And what?

Did you... Sorry, I just left the podcast again. Oh, great. Tucker, next question. Let's go. Let's keep it going. Okay, so this question is from... Where'd it go?

What do you mean, where'd it go? What does that mean? You have one job on the fucking podcast and you compile the questions in a list. This was the second one. This is the one under the first one, Tucker. My God. Can I just say, you've got to understand, Tucker's got a very curious organization method. He actually has a Club Penguin account and he pastes all of the names of the questions on penguins that walk around so he's got to find it on his cursor.

Okay. Are you guys ready? Yes. Are you ready? Have you found it? Yeah, I found it. It's from Ariana from Alberta, Canada. They said, my birthday's coming up and I'm going to an Italian restaurant for the first time. What would you guys order from an Italian restaurant? Did they say how old they were? Can I just say that this is like someone who hasn't seen the world. This just does not seem like someone has been like,

They're making it sound like they're going to an Italian restaurant is the most exotic thing that they could possibly do. I'm going to an Italian restaurant, but I'm a little bit nervous with their menu. They've got a lot of various things like pasta, antipasti. What do I do? Yeah. Pina alla vodka. What is that?

you're going to be in for a terribly rude awakening once you graduate school and are left on your own. You've navigated this planet for enough years to be able to

navigate to send in a chuckle mail and you've never dined at an italian restaurant where where are you can canada do they have no italians up there they don't have italians in canada they don't have talents they only have they only have french they got that stupid fucking license plate that says on it and they all drive down to florida and be annoying and french they look at pictures of of cheetahs and then they go cheeto and then that's all they do cheeto

Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out. You guys with your silly little cars and license plates. Yeah, fuck you, Canada. You don't understand a single thing about Italian food, okay? You know what's crazy? It feels a little racist that they don't know. Right? When the British came to America, we hated them so much that we started talking differently. We were just like, we need to invent an entirely new way to talk. The French people don't even...

French Canadians don't even learn the language of their country. They still speak the shit that goes on thousands of miles across an ocean. They're like, yeah, no, that's what we are really about. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm so sorry to all the French people out there that may be listeners of the podcast. French...

Awful. Awful. If I had to choose a bunch of languages to learn in French, and even though there's probably less worldwide speakers, I'd learn German first. I would start with Spanish. I would learn German. I'd probably learn, you know, fuck it. I'd probably learn Gaelic before I would learn French because French is just like, it's so...

It just smells. It's not a fun... It's just... It smells like B.O. The language itself smells like B.O. And cigarettes smoke, because they still do that over there. And they judge us. Yeah, they're slurping on our nails. They're fucking...

They're protesting, but like in a weird French way and not like a cool American way. Yeah, exactly, dude. I got a list. I got a short list of stuff I do if I ended up in France. So I woke up in France one day, eight in the morning. I'm in my Airbnb with beautiful view of the Eiffel Tower. I open it, feel the fresh breeze. Step number one, I'd fucking kill myself because I never want to be anywhere close to France. You created yourself a hypothetical situation in which you got to answer once again that you would kill yourself.

You didn't even wait for someone to ask you a question of what you would do. You get to France. Order the penne alla vodka. And if they don't have that, order a fucking pizza. Or order some cacio e pepe. That's literally cheese and spaghetti. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad. You want to know something? I only really fuck with tomato sauce if it's on pizza. Like, I just can't deal with all these other Italian dishes that have the sauce in it. It just doesn't do it for me. It doesn't move the needle. So there's your answer. Yeah.

Someone from Alabama. Where are they from? Alabama? Alberta. Alberta, Canada. Oh, Alberta. Right. That's why we were talking about Canada because they're from fucking Canada. And you know, the thing about Alberta, Canada is that that is... I don't know if you've seen where Alberta, Canada is on a map. Nothing's going on in Alberta, Canada. Least relevant place in Canada. That's the province of Canada that's above Montana. And the only time I... Last time I ever thought about Alberta, Canada was when Tucker and I were at...

Glacier National Park and we considered we were 18 at the time and we considered because Alberta is the only province I think that has an 18 year old drinking age So we were considering whether we should cross over the border to see if we could have a couple We have a couple beers at a bar in Alberta. We didn't do it. But no You made the right choice

Why is that? There's just nothing going on, right? I mean, isn't that all we were saying? I thought you were going to say something along the lines of that the drinking age should always be 21 and that would be like avoiding the laws of our nation. Well, it should. There would have been a lot more people dead, I feel like, on my hands. Really? Yeah.

So that's going to nuke the whole fucking province of Alberta, Canada. And it's due to your question, lucky caller or lucky chuckler. I'd rather go to none of it.

It's the one with all the ice. My God. Oh, Nunavut or... Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, something. Are we... Is it from that YouTube video online where it's like the coldest or the most remote town in Canada? No. But that's... We're talking about a province right now, right? Yeah, yeah. I saw a video about like some town where it's like they get like... They spend half their year in darkness, which is also like...

If you grow up in that town, I mean, why would you ever stay? Why would you ever stay? I would risk tooth and nail to get out of there so I could at least have daylight. Yeah, that's brutal. I'd kill myself. Daylight seems like an important thing. Well, they do have a lot of daylight. It's just one half of the year it's day all the time. The other half of the year it's night all the time. So it's not like they never see daylight. They see it too much. See, yeah. I mean, that's honestly...

A good reason as well, because it's like at one point it's like you're falling asleep and then you don't know when it's time to wake up because the sun's not up. Everybody knows Ted Nibbison runs by like caveman and he wakes up to the sun. And then on the other side of it, you can never go to sleep. And then on the other side of it, it's like you never go to sleep because the fucking sun is always up. Have you ever tried to fall asleep after doing an all nighter when the sun is up? Yes, quite easily.

Well, sometimes it's hard. No. No? Okay. No, I slept for years and years and years on New York City planes, trains, and automobiles. I've fallen asleep peacefully with a crazy psychotic person to the left of me, one seat going, like, it's pretty easy for me to fall asleep. Tucker, you want to nail that next question for me? Certain sleeping conditions to be falling asleep. Yeah.

So Q box from Washington state wants to know when the hell the fishing episode is coming, where chuckle sandwich goes out on the water on a boat and shoots the shit and intermittently catches fish. That's not okay. Here's the thing. I actually have a theory right now and I don't know if this is true, but I think that this is a fake question.

What? No, that's not fake. I think that this is a fake question because Tucker has recently gotten into fishing. Oh. And it's very curious how a fishing question that would require the chucklers to go out onto the water and start fishing for a couple hours. I do select the questions, but why would I say it's from Qbox? I think you're making shit up. You're just like, I think you saw a Qbone.

Pokemon because you're a Pokemon fan and then you put up you change the bone into box and then you made up the question and then now you're trying to get us to go on out into the water and start fishing. I talk is like I need a name and he looks his keyboard sees the first letter Q. He looks right box. What do you have to say for yourself?

I really that someone really requested that you can believe what you want. I know in my heart what happened.

but it's a great idea it's a it's a great idea i guess at the very least i would be there saw fishing with a 30 pack in each hand ready to rock and it'd probably be the greatest trip ever i honestly i mean thinking literally about it that would be kind of a pretty funny episode where we get out on the water and it's like we're all in like just the like if like imagine this like

We find a lake and we get out onto a boat with all the fucking equipment. It hooked up to batteries and all that. And like we're lobbed up or whatever. And then there's a camera on the shore kind of zoomed in on us. And like it's just like far away like recording of our voices talking. So you could just like almost like from a view of like just someone watching us from the shore and knowing what we're saying. That would be kind of funny. That would be funny.

yeah i'm gonna say no i'm not gonna go fishing if i'm getting on a boat there better be 20 big-assed women on it and there better not be a single fishing rod in sight okay what are you 16 what i don't fish what the fuck is that fish

I go to the fucking grocery store. I go to H-E-B. What the fuck? That's the most 16-year-old perspective on women I've ever heard. Dude, that's so funny. Dude. Tucker got you so good just then, Schlatt.

There better be a bunch of big-ass women on that boat. It's like you just learned what pornhub is and it's like... Look, man. Shlatt wants a big yacht and just piles of money all over the place. Well, dude, who the fuck wouldn't want that? Who the fuck wouldn't? I didn't even want... Let's go out on the water and fish. What the fuck is there to do? You just sit there, wait for a fucking bite?

- Shia wants boobs and butts, piles of money, and a bunch of root beer, and he'll be happy. And maybe a fucking, the newest Transformers movie too, on a giant projector, and then he'll be happy. - I would be! I would be! There's nothing wrong with anything. What? - What if you hired a guy to fish for you? - Fine, he can come, if that's what it takes.

i'm not touching that rod i don't need it i'm just talking about a guy that would fish for you yeah no he could be on the boat fishing i meant i meant he's not gonna come okay good good yeah um what would you do on the boat i mean would you let's let's be honest ted you're on my yacht we got a chuckle sandwich yacht okay

my name chuckle sandwich a yellow and red colored yacht oh my god looks like a fucking mcdonald's yacht yeah just like the viper hennessy edition we get on that we get on the yacht there's there's 20 big titted big big bootied women on the yacht and there's a couple fishing rods with just a random fucking dude and tucker what are you doing where are you going

I'm going to fucking fish. I have a partner. More for me. I have a girlfriend. I'm not going to... Why would I...

Tucker and I are going to go... Here's what it's going to be. It's going to be this yacht. It's going to be a massive yacht. It's going to be yellow. It will be massive. Yellow and red colored, charcoal sandwich colors. And as a result, look like a McDonald's yacht. Yeah. We are going to get out there to sea. It's going to be slant with just a bunch of big bootied women, I guess. So it's going to be, I guess, like a club yacht. One of those huge freaking yachts. Tucker and I are going to be on the other side of the yacht. Yeah.

And we're going to hear the in the background, you know, like the fucking club music. Yeah. And Tucker and I are going to, you know, we're going to go out to sea and we're going to start catching some tuna.

Yeah. Well, you're going to take the little feeder boat that pulls up to the side and it gets lowered down by a crane. Oh, we'll need the yacht in order to catch tuna. Oh, okay. Trust me. We'll need it because we're going to be catching those big ones that you can sell for $10,000. Have you heard about this? You know about this, surely. I don't know.

Some of the tuna, okay, when people go out to sea and they catch a big tuna like the ones that you see hanging from a crane and they're like six feet tall in length, those tuna go for like 10 grand. And then they basically just like package them up and they send them straight to Japan because they'll pay a bunch of money for the good tuna. Yeah.

They don't catch those on yachts, though. That's like cargo ships and barges, you know? You know, barges? They're not catching tuna off of barges either, dude. Barge? Yes, they are. Who's going on a barge to catch a tuna? I've seen so many barge fishing videos. Not a single yacht fishing video, though. I'll tell you what I see on yachts. I know where this is going. Just say it. Just say it if you want. Well, now I'm confused on what you were going to say. I don't know what you knew. You knew what I was going to say. Let's just...

Let's just move right on. Okay, fine. I do think it would be really funny if we were trying to... Because if we were sitting out there on a chuckle sandwich, like a little metal boat, and we were both trying to figure out how to fish for an hour, and just like... And we wouldn't be able to determine at what point we would catch a fish. Maybe we'd catch a fish in an hour, but...

But it's almost like it would be funny if we caught a fish, but almost equally funny if we spent all that time for a full podcast episode out on a boat and never caught a fish. Yeah, fishing sounds dreadful. I would actually never do it. I'd be with you and watch as you guys tried and failed. Well, now here's the thing. We've talked about it so much that people are going to be asking for months now in the future.

for the chuckle sandwich fishing episode so if you really want the chuckle sandwich fishing episode then you gotta blast it all over social media specifically towards Schlatt so that he feels that there is a sunk cost on him not doing the episode talk about how much money you would pay to see a chuckle sandwich fishing episode I don't see tweets, I don't see posts I don't see nothing I live in my own little bubble and that's how I like it I don't even read comments

Hashtag chucklefishes is what you guys should blast online. Get it trending. Use that Minecraft power. Use that Minecraft power. And that's all I have to say about that. Tucker? Yeah, I think that let's say, fuck chuckle dungeon, chucklefishing.

Chuckle Fishing is the new special episode. They're not mutually exclusive things. I don't see there's anything wrong with bringing Charlie back to a Chuckle Dungeon. It's all about the fishing trip now. Maybe if there's enough love for it. So this is like now talking about a multiple sort of episode like Chuckle Sandwich Goes What? Chuckle Wilderness or something like that? Chuckle Adventures.

Every time we go do something cool. The three of us go out into the woods and we camp.

And we go fishing. And then each step of the way is like a podcast. So like us driving out there, that's a podcast in the car. And then us like setting up camp, that's a podcast. We're at the hour of us doing that. Then us sitting around the fire making s'mores, that's a podcast. Like it would be the chuckle camping thing. And then it ends with the fishing episode.

Where then Schlatt accidentally falls off the boat and drowns. Well, it'd be a good way to go. And then it launches into the next section of the Chuckle Sandwich Week, which is the Chuckle Sandwich court case where we are getting sued for negligence. And then, I mean, then it's just you on the pod. Then what? Then I kill Tucker. Oh. And then I do a solo podcast where I just read the scripts of...

of like movies word for word without offering anything. Okay, so our next question for Chuckle Mail comes from Chloe in Arizona who says, y'all mentioned Age of Empires recently and now I'm curious, which Civ do you prefer when playing and why? Mine is the Ottomans in Age of Empires 4 because of the military schools and great bombards. Britain's, Britain's.

It's the only time I'll ever say I like those fuckers. I don't know which ones I like because when we play with, when Tucker and I were playing it with our gaming group, what we would do is we'd do like the full random option. So you'd do like a new Civ every time. I don't even know if I played all the Civs yet, but I don't know. I do remember liking the Tudor's.

The Tudors? The Tudors were pretty good, I thought. What the fuck are the Tudors? I don't think I've ever played them. I don't think I've ever played anything except the Brits. They've got these red dudes with capes that are really strong. Although, for the water stuff, it's kind of fun to play as the Vikings. Yeah, they are good. It's tough because I'm not sure if it's because...

The Vikings are actually good on water and more though that I like the concept of playing as the Vikings. You know what I mean? But yeah, we play two as well. That's the only good one. We play the second game playing because the Chloe, our fan was playing the fourth game. Oh, what a shame.

I didn't even know they made more. No, I would play Britons every single time. I don't think I've played another Civ. I googled which is the strongest Civ, and I've played with them ever since. They had the Longbowmen, which is absolutely insane. You just looked up the tier list. The Longbowmen, yeah. Yeah, they're goaded. They're goaded, and I just make a bunch of them. And then I sit them down two miles away from my enemies, and I rain fire down upon them.

See, Ted, when you guys were questioning me as to why we do random every time, it was to prevent schlats from forming within our group. Yeah, so they can't just look up specifically what the best civ is. Who has the best range attack and then just pick that one every time. Yeah, no, that is pretty much word for word right there. Schlatt just gave the whole reason for that, which is funny.

I'm not even lying. You know that when we get Schleier to play... What is the best SIF? English, Longbowman, the Britons. All right, I'm them. You know that when we get Schleier to play this game with us, Tucker, it's going to be... We're going to do the full random, and we're going to get loaded in the game, and he's going to be the Britons. And it's just going to be... It's just going to be happenstance. He'll just end up the Britons. I will be.

Or he's going to be the D-tier civilization because he's going to be like, oh, who's this? Google it. D-tier. He's going to be like, oh, well, I'm just going to lose anyway. So this doesn't even matter. He's talking about what Moses does when we play the game. But yeah, that's the answer to that chuckle mail question. Jude from Louisiana wants to know, what is the worst restaurant you have ever visited and why? The worst restaurant I've ever visited and why?

That's a great question. That is a really good question. I tend to block those memories out of my head, so I don't have anything on hand. You tend to block out those memories? You keep your negative memories. No. You carry them with you. I'm a positive guy. I'm a positive guy now. You're right. I'm all about positivity. You're a freaking ray of sunshine, aren't you? I'm trying to remember. What would be...

I feel like when it comes to my opinions on things, I'm generally a pretty easygoing person when it comes to being inconvenienced in certain situations. I'll usually be like, well, it wasn't that bad because there's these things going on. But I'm just trying to think of like, oh man, what was the worst fucking... I have an answer.

And I think this is because, and I've told the story on the pod before, so it won't come as a surprise to some people. But it's because I love the place so much that the negative experience really baffled me. It was when they made me eat charred meat off of the fryer at this Korean barbecue place I really like because I wasn't going to pay for it.

This story is in an older episode. It is. I think it's titled Schlatz Korean Barbecue Disaster. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They give you trays of the meat and you cook the meat. This is when you tip them when you- Five cents. Five cents. A nickel. A nickel. That was so nice of you to do that. And I was just so happy after that. I said, wow, that's great. I will be back again. But look, man, I don't know.

What was I to do? I'm not going to pay extra. I already paid. What? What was that face? What was that face you just did? I remember what my worst restaurant experience was. Okay.

But I don't want to stop you from saying what you were saying. No, no, it's fine. I've already spent a whole fucking episode talking about this. I mean, it's pretty cut and dry. They said, we're going to charge you for that extra meat you didn't eat. And I'm like, no, the fuck you're not. And I looked down. It was still on the fucking burner. It was black and charred. And I ate it. And then I put it on your mouth. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I punished the employee of the business instead of the actual business. Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah, you punished the employee for just doing their job and following their policies rather than... Yeah, no, that was so cool of you. I've got a story on what my worst food experience was because this was actually occurred at VidCon last year.

I'm sure there was others, but this is the closest one I can remember where I had ordered a chicken sandwich, like just a classic chicken sandwich with the mayo, the lettuce, all that. Pickle? At one of the hotels that was there. They had a restaurant.

And I waited a little while for this, and I was like, man, I'm hungry. I'm so excited to eat this chicken sandwich. Oh, you know what it was? It wasn't just a chicken sandwich. It was a Nashville hot chicken sandwich. Okay, so the expectations are high now. Yeah, because especially with the Nashville hot kind of stuff, you'd expect that that meat is going to have sort of crispy outside. It's going to have the hotness to it, and then it's going to have a nice and tender inside. I could not have been more wrong. The food shows up.

I see it there. It looks pretty good on the outside. Everything looks standard. Looks like it's gonna be a pretty good piece of food. I, you know, get the classic grip and I bite into it. And as I'm biting into it, I can feel my teeth move through layers. As if I am biting into the mealy apple of chicken.

Does this make sense to you? I was biting into it and I could feel my teeth breaking tendons and moving through like this meat that was grainy and it was the worst textural experience I have ever had with chicken in my entire life. I bit into it and I was like, I had to spit it out and I almost gagged because it was like,

I don't know what the fuck happened to the chicken. Like, I don't know if the chicken was like abused in its waking life, but it was a cursed chicken. It was like someone had done a demon spell on this thing and it was the worst chicken. And I knew, I know, I can definitely say that was one of my worst experiences because I had never, ever, I've never,

In my life until that moment last year, and maybe it's because I'm getting older or something, sent something back to the kitchen. But when I've been in there, I was like, I can't, I'm not, I'm not going to eat this.

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10% off your first purchase with promo code AH10. That's 10% off with code AH10. H-E-R-O dot C-O. I have to send this back. This is like... Yeah. So, I felt a little bad about sending it back, but... No, listen. When it's not edible and it's disgusting, you have to be a little... You have to be a little brave. Yeah. You have to be a little brave. That's a good way to put it. I was brave that day. Yeah. I was getting a new fridge delivered.

the other day. I paid for a new fridge and scheduled the window for it to be delivered. They gave a 12-hour window, which is awesome. I love having to stay at home for 12 hours. What an insane window to give. Especially because that means, like, for you, you're probably the most

Out of anyone that could be given a 12-hour window, you'd probably be the least inconvenienced with the nature of your job. But for most people who have to go to work... It's fucking absurd. Yeah. It was a 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. window. That's insane. Yeah. Yeah. Let me just take off work. Now, imagine you take off work and you work from home and the fridge arrives and the guy, he comes up to you and he's like, hey, man...

This fridge is fucked up. You need to take a look at this. And I'm like, what do you mean? It's, it's a new fridge. And we walk out, you brought the fridge. We walk out and the thing has like four huge dents on this, on the, on the front of it. It's like someone swung at it with the bat. And he's like, I don't know how this happens. Sometimes they get a little crazy with the forklift. And I'm like, this is a new fridge. What do you, what do you mean?

And then this is where, this is the kicker. He goes, so like, we can install this one if you want. And I'm like, no, no, I can't take that. That's crazy. So you sent it back to the kitchen? I sent it back to the kitchen. I'm like, guys, I can't take this. I'm so sorry, but like, that's unacceptable. That's not a new fridge. That's a, that's, that's...

A damaged fridge. Wow, and so they expected you to pay full price for... No, they just suggested it because obviously they didn't want to come back. Because it wasn't their fault that the fridge got fucked up. They just unboxed the thing and they're like, oh shit. Well, I guess, do you want the thing? And I'm like, no. Can you imagine the dude walks up to the door and he's like holding the hammer in his hand. He's like, you're never going to leave the fridge, dude. This is crazy.

It's fucking nuts. And so like, imagine, imagine you wait all day, 12 hour window for that. And then they try and leave that you with that. And you're like, no, I need a new one. And then the great thing about that was after they left, they marked it as a complete delivery. So I had to get on the phone with Best Buy and say, this is not,

There's no fridge in my house. It was damaged. I have photos and I had to send them photos of the damaged fridge and reschedule. Oh, so that's a good thing that you took a picture of the damaged fridge. Oh, yeah, I took the photos. Yeah, I took the photos. I knew it. I knew it. They marked it as confirmed. Like, they were done. I got an email. Hey, how was your experience? No. I'm getting on the phone with you and we're rescheduling this shit. What experience? What experience? The experience of seeing a damaged fridge and then having to drive away? My old fridge is still in there. And so now I... And now...

In a couple days, I have another 12-hour delivery window from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Wow. You will have given 24 hours, a full 24 hours of your availability to just having the fridge show up. It's ridiculous, man. So I was a little confused at first because it was like,

So they took it back, but was it just a delivery person or was it like Best Buy delivery person? It was the Best Buy boys. It was the geek squad. They come around, they roll up with the fridges. They just take them around. I think they just do the Best Buy deliveries, you know.

Okay. Well, that's way better than like you ordering a fridge and then it being delivered by a third party. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because then it shows up and it's just – because then you'd have just a fucking broken damaged fridge in your apartment. Because they would be like, well, I have to leave it. Yeah. The FedEx guy is like, I don't want this. What are you giving it back to me for? I can't just not deliver it to you. That's my whole job. I'm the delivery guy.

Wow, that sucks. You know, sometimes I think about this, it crosses my mind. I feel like you have an extraordinary level of bad luck compared to most people when it comes to like little things. It's because I'm an asshole and I think it's karma catching up to me. Really? Yeah. What have you done?

No, nothing. Nothing. You can't just keep saying nothing and then laughing after it. It makes it seem more suspicious. Okay. Well, what that reminded me of, by the way, is in terms of karma catching up, is I've given you so much shit about your power going out in Texas with their power grid and stuff. And then two weeks ago, or almost two weeks ago, about a week and a half ago...

Los Angeles got hit with a stupidly massive winter storm. You know, I've been here for almost three years and I have never seen a storm like this. And, you know, it's it's Saturday. Right. It was this was this was Saturday, the freaking Saturday, the 20th or something like that. I don't know. I don't remember.

I'm getting ready to post my most recent video. The one that if you haven't seen it, Chuckler's Tucker is in. It's where we go around to various fast food places and we try to get secret menu items. It's a very good video. Great video. And...

I haven't made the thumbnail yet. So I'm getting up. It's like 10 a.m. And I'm like, okay, cool. So I go and I shoot some photos for the thumbnail. And I had to go outside to do this. In the one moment, like maybe the hour and a half period it wasn't raining, I had to go out to shoot a photo of me in my car for the thumbnail. And I go back inside after spending like maybe fucking 20 minutes doing this shit. And the power's out. There's not a single light on.

And I'm like, oh, this isn't a big deal, right? Because the power's gone out before in my apartment, but it's been out. The amount of time it would be out for is like 20 minutes tops. I don't think my power's ever been out for more than 20 minutes in this apartment. So I go upstairs and I'm just like sitting there and I'm like, okay, well, an hour goes by. Two hours go by. Okay, now we're pushing like noon here and I need to get this video out. And I'm like,

I don't know if my power's going to come out. So I start calling people in LA that are other YouTuber folks that I know. And, you know, I called. A lot of people were busy, but I just... Eventually, Alpha Rad picks up. And I'm like, hey, man, I don't have any power. Can I come over to your place to use your Wi-Fi? Because I couldn't even use my laptop to make the fucking thumbnail. Because...

I there was no wi-fi there and then for some reason my service was so bad probably because more Fucking phone shit had been damaged that I didn't even have good service So I couldn't use the fucking hotspot so I had to actually go somewhere where power was available And I ended up making the thumbnail and stuff But my I got home after that and my power was still out It was out until the next morning when I woke up so I was I went to bed that night and

In a 40 degree apartment just like bundled up. It was 40? Yeah, it was 40 degrees. It got pretty cold in LA. Like sometimes it would get down to like, like apparently it snowed a couple times, like a little dusting of snow on the Hollywood sign. It was very strange. Apparently that kind of storm happens like every like 10 years in LA or something like that. What made the power go out?

The storm. What storm, though? You just said there was a little bit of snow and it was cold. No, because it had been torrentially downpouring. Oh, the rain. Right. Sorry. That was an important piece of content. It was raining for like four days before and like three days after. I thought it just got a little chilly. Dude, this year, it has been raining a shit ton in LA this winter. It is like...

I don't know if we're out of the drought that California is in yet, but it is raining a fuck ton. It must be nice. It is pretty nice. It is pretty nice. Because you don't usually have moments in LA where you're like, oh, it's a cozy night. Oh, it's raining out. I get to bundle up and fucking play a video game on the PS5 and stuff. But, dude, I mean, the...

I noticed things about my human nature when I was dealing with this power outage. One of them being you don't realize how much you can't do until the power actually goes out because you start thinking of solutions to things because it's like, power's outage is like, oh, well, I can't go on my computer and do stuff. Oh, well, I guess I'll clean the apartment. Well, I can't use the fucking vacuum cleaner because the outlets don't work.

oh okay well i guess i'll just play i'll go watch tv or something well no no actually the tv doesn't work either and then when it gets dark it's like well i can't even like clean anything because it's fucking dark in here yeah i can only just look at yourself in a mirror and jerk off or something yeah yeah huh you do that right i'm not the only one no

So, Tucker, what's the next question? Okay, so the next question is, Ted, this one's just for you. It's from Tristan, who lives in Atlanta, Georgia. It says, does Ted still talk to Moses? Occasionally.

Okay, usually I'll talk to Moses. He's a bit of an enigma. But yeah, no, Moses and I are still friends. Although I guess from the perspective of people who watch my channel, they don't know that I'm actively talking to Moses since then. Because the last time Moses showed up was in 2019 on my channel. Talk about that artisanal water.

Yeah, on how good is water. And then the grilling video. Moses and I have talked about doing another video at some point. So maybe you'll see him. Maybe you guys will see him in 2023 and stuff. He's a character, man. He's got a nice on-screen presence. Oh, yeah. And what's funny is that that on-screen presence is just how he acts. Not so charming 24-7.

laughter

Love you to death, Moses. He's listening to this and he's steaming right now. He's definitely not listening to this. I don't think he's ever watched a full episode. He's never watched an episode of Chuckle, and I don't think he's ever watched an entire video you've ever made. He proudly doesn't sub to you. He proudly has never been subscribed. This is making Moses seem like the worst person in human history. But it's charming. It's charming. But yeah, I still talk to Moses to answer the question.

Okay, we'll shift to one for Schlatt. This is John from Arizona, and he said, what is the best car ever made? Oh. See, that's funny that this question came up, because they probably wrote that facetiously. What does that mean? Can you use that as another sentence? It sounds like one of those questions that someone would be like, what's the best fruit? Oh, no. People are into cars, not fruits. One can exist with the other. I mean, it's...

All right, I'll let you brew. Best car ever. Okay, remember that. 2023 Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat Widebody Jailbreak Scat Pack. Dude, that sounds like...

Is that real, what you just said? Yeah. It doesn't seem real. Scat pack? Yeah, scat pack. What is that, like a fucking toilet built into the fucking seat? No. That's the only situation I could see scat pack being used. Six liters of pure hemi bliss. What is that? You got to explain what these things are. You're speaking of moon ruins to me right now, dude. Tucker. It's just the engine size. It's a real thing. Might even be 6.2 liters. Jeez. A lot of liters.

Is this your dream car right here? No. It's ugly as shit. The question was, what's the best vehicle? I just like it. I don't know. I like it. But what makes it best? The way it sounds sometimes. Okay. The name. Is it fast? This car is ugly as shit, dude. What did you say? No.

It's beautiful. That's the pinnacle of American muscle. I'm the pinnacle of American muscle. I want to see what this looks like. What does this car look like? I want to see this shit. It just looks like a generic Dodge Charger. Fuck you. Fuck you. You don't know nothing. You know nothing. Fuck you. You don't understand the beauty of the 2023 Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat Widebody Jailbreak.

I thought it was scat pack. Scat pack. This guy doesn't even know what he's fucking talking about. Those are two different trims. The jailbreak's the higher one. The scat pack is the cheaper one, but it's still decent, I think. It really did sound like you were making stuff up. This is how I would have done it if I was you. I'd be like, what's the best vehicle? Oh, it's got to be the Mitsubishi Kurozama 40-milliliter nitro-esque...

Build tail frame with a chrome body. Standard cab EcoBoost. Rear cab EcoBoost with the third seat being a Rifter. Mitsubishi Pajero XL Evolution. I think my favorite car would be a Toyota Camry, but you need to go into the upgrade zone. You got to get yourself a fucking...

hellcat motor you got to put in there they don't do that hey you gotta they don't do that on that no you gotta put in the hellcat motor you put in you put in a uh a triple deluxe spoiler you got you're swapping a v8 into a into a toyota camry i see you you put it yeah and then you put in a california carburetor you put in a

A 50-watt. A California carburetor? What the fuck? A 50-watt bulb and a little friend. That's fair. That would be a decent, that'd be a fun little guy to drive around. Yeah. And make sure that before it rolls out the lot that it's injected with blue blood. You want blue blood, okay? Yeah. And specifically from...

From Salamander brand. Salamander brand blue blood. Yeah, yeah. Porsche GT3 RS, maybe. With the EcoBoost. With the EcoBoost. With that naturally. With the EcoBoost, but the only way the EcoBoost works is if you're wearing EcoBoots. True, true. You know what they should make? What?

They should make, you know how like ski boots, the way that ski boots work, you put them on and you lock them in? Yeah. They need to make ski boots that you can lock them into the brake and the acceleration so you can kind of go like left and right on the car. Dude.

You brake with your left foot, you accelerate with your right. That just seems like it would be a good idea. I feel like I would feel more secure in the vehicle. You don't like that idea? Well, your feet would be secure to the pedals, but I just don't know if that'd be a great idea. I mean, like, those cars might not like it.

You ever see someone driving at normal speed, but their brake lights are on? That means they're doing the two-foot method, and they have no fucking clue what they're doing. Oh, really? Yeah. Is the two-foot, is using the brakes and also the acceleration with different feet, is that like an actual technique that people use? Yeah, people that don't know how to drive. Walter Jr. Yeah, I don't know what that means.

It's okay. The viewers will know. Okay. From Breaking Bad? Yeah. That's how he drove? Yeah, but he's disabled. And Walt kept trying to make him change it, but he was like, this is the only way I can drive, Dad. And he ended up learning how to drive like that. It's like a point where he's proving Walt wrong, kind of. Walt's kind of stubborn. Yeah. So maybe you need to be proved wrong, Slant.

Maybe. Someone can prove me wrong. Maybe the eco boots, maybe the driving eco boot, eco boot ski boot attachments are the future. Yeah, maybe. Honestly, you could be right. You could be right. I think I am. McLaren F1. McLaren F1 with the eco boost and the deluxe spoilers and the 40 inch wheels.

And the blue blood. Okay, we need to move on. Can I say all three cars that Schlatt mentioned line up perfectly with this kind of like 16-year-old yacht owner mindset? No, fuck you. What do you want me to say? What do you want me to say? You want me to say, oh, I really think the Accord is the best car they ever made. The Honda Accord. The two-liter Honda Accord with the CVT. I think that's just such a...

Smart decision for first-time car buyers. The safety is off the charts. Fuck you. I've got something else to add into this, though, because I think this observation from Tucker is so fucking funny. But then we also got to talk about the fact that you drink almost exclusively Jack Daniels, because that's like the first thing that like a kid learns. What's that true? That's not true. Wow. Are you okay in there, Jimmy? Are you trapped inside that adult man's body? Oh, my God.

All right. Let's see another question. Okay. PR Taco 11 from Maryland wants to know which one of you would be the better parent? Ted. All right. Next question is...

Val from New Jersey. Tucker just defined cut and dry with that transition there. Cut and dry, man. Val from New Jersey wants to know, what question have you always wanted a fan to ask you? Usually they have too many questions, and usually it's better off if most of them don't ask anything at all. Well, I don't know if that's what Tucker was saying. What?

Like he's like, you know how you say, yes, they usually have too many questions. But like, what's a question that you want someone to ask? Like a question that's like because people, you know, people usually ask a lot of questions are based in like, oh, hey, here's a bit that you did in a video. Let me form this into a question because this is like the only portion of your personality or interest that I know about. So that's how usually the questions end up forming.

So like, what's something that like maybe you have shown a little bit of on your channels, but like isn't really a prominent part of your stuff that you maybe want someone to ask about or like, I don't know. The car question was a decent question. I'm not going to lie. I mean, you said it was, you compared it to someone asking what your favorite fruit was.

But, you know, hey, I mean, I thought that was a good opportunity to show something I'm interested in. The Dodge SRT Scat Pack Hellcat Widebody. This is making me sound way worse than I was actually meant. But no, it's fine. No, you can compare that to fruit. No, no. I mean...

Because of how general it sounded, I thought it was like when a kid asks in school, like, what's the best cat? Like, it's such a general question that it didn't sound like it was real. But to answer the question about what a question I wish... I don't know. I wish that people would ask just how I'm doing. No, just... I wish people would ask more about...

For my more complicated videos, like incorrect history of one of which I'm working on right now, like the process for that, because I do a lot for it and I have a lot, I put a lot of thought into it, but no one really, there's never really been an opportunity for me to talk about it. You know,

Where I won't feel like I'm boring people about it since it's such a lot of it's like technical You know kind of like how we like don't always like to talk about like YouTube based stuff all the time on the podcast Cuz it's like we can talk about that shit forever, right? Oh, but yeah, I can generally some people aren't interested in that kind of shit Maybe that's something for the stream. You never know you never know that. Oh

That may be something for the stream. I keep forgetting that I'm like, I can just stream whenever now. You've always had that liberty. You could have done that whenever. It's wild. That is so true. But it's also so easy to not do it for so long. And the longer you do it, the more of a big deal it is when you come back. Yeah, and the more fun it gets, the longer you go without going live. It's like a rush. You wake up one day and you just inject yourself with some more, oh, I haven't streamed in another day. Yeah, they're going to love that. Fuck yeah.

I'm glad now that I'm streaming again though because now I can like, I mean I talked about it a lot on the stream that I did but now I can just fucking take a game that I'm really interested in and I can just fucking play it because it's not like a huge part of what I'm doing anymore. I remember back in the day being nervous about viewer count was like a huge thing for me. Now I'm like it's not like that big of a deal. It's like I'll stream to fucking 500 people. I won't care.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. I mean, the main business is on YouTube anyways. It really doesn't matter. If I were to go live these days, it would be no face cam DayZ footage, honestly. Or maybe more truck driving simulator, because those are fun. Dude, I would do a fucking... Do you know what we could do right now? Let's rise above a shot. Let's rise above...

Rise above what? What's been holding us back. And do our face cam-less daisy stream together. I'm busy that day. I'll be at the Dodge dealership when I get that new jailbreak. I was so ready to get so hyped with you about it and get people excited. You just shot me down so hard. No, dude, it's whatever. I'm not foaming at the mouth to go live like you are.

I'm not foaming at the mouth to go like, I did it because I just want. Oh my God, I loved that so much, he said. I mean, it was fun and it reminded me, like it was weird at first because it was like I hadn't done it in so long so I didn't really know how to like behave, I guess, because we do the podcast but it's like, you know, we'll edit a little bit and make it, you know, have it a little bit

Fixed or something like that, but then when you're live, it's like oh shit It's all going out there into the world right now. Yeah any wrong move could get you yeah, yeah I gotta make sure the bodies are hidden I had to make sure that there's no blood leaking from the walls and it's like usually I can just take care of that with VFX But it's like that's so frustrating circuit next question, by the way, okay?

D. Schoenig from Germany wants to know what food should people eat at your funeral? On October 25th, 2025? That one specifically. I'll pay for the catering. You'll pay for the catering on my funeral? Yeah, of course. Is this a verbal agreement? Okay. What if you die before me? Do I get to use the money? No, no. Is that being written in the will? The agreement is void if I die before you. Okay. Okay. Fine.

What do I want catered? I can't be like basic and just be like, oh, we'll get Chipotle because that's not something that people would be interested in. I mean, people like it when Chipotle is catered, but like, you know, there's a lot that can go wrong with that. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I wonder. I wonder. I probably, hopefully at that point, have a lot more experience with various food places and have something I'm really excited about. I mean...

Mike's Pastries. Mike's Pastries?

From Boston? Just have a bunch of... Cannolis or something? Ooh, cannolis. Yeah, I could have some cannolis. Maybe, you know what I'll do? I'll get the barking crab in Boston to cater it. That'll be good. It'll be a bunch of, like, there'll be lobster rolls, there'll be fish and chips, there'll be fucking snow crab legs and fucking lobster tails and shit. Oh, that'd be so good.

Yeah. Nice. Yeah, I'm locked in. You're locked in? How about you, Shlatt? I'm getting Soto in downtown Austin right off of Lamar. And the only course I'm getting for everybody is the crispy rice. It's just cubes of white rice that have been fried and they put spicy tuna over it.

Oh, dude, I fucking love crispy rice. It's fucking crispy rice is so fucking good. And if there's some some rich bitches in the audience, they can go over there and get them some Chilean sea bass as well. But the crispy rice is all we need for the funeral. You know, you know, I like so much about sushi, too. What is it? You don't like you can have a good amount of it and like feel like I feel like with sushi, it's easier to kind of like pace yourself. Yeah. And it's so good. And like you kind of.

You can have a lot of it and you don't feel bloated after you eat it. That's what I really like about sushi. But then you get mercury overdose. How often are you overdosing on mercury? As many times as I go to Soto, actually. It's like a linear scale, actually. What's that like when you're getting... Do you just turn it into a thermometer? It depends on the temperature. Laughter

Oh, we're aging quickly. Yeah, that was funny. That was good, right? That's what happens when you eat like high in the food chain.

Oh, I guess tuna is pretty high up there in the food chain, huh? Not all tuna. Apparently they get big. They're high in all heavy metals through biomagnification. But not all tuna is big tuna. So if you get a canned tuna that's shredded, it's generally not a large tuna. So it doesn't have as high of a concentration of heavy metals in it. That's so interesting. I never really considered that tuna...

Tuna would be kind of high in that kind of stuff. But I guess it is the big ones are pretty apex in size. Yeah, tuna, swordfish, and sharks are, you know, you should really limit. Yeah, swordfish and sharks were what I was thinking of. That's crazy. But yeah, tuna get as big as a shark, really. Heavy, you said heavy metals? Yeah, mercury and lead are the two biggest ones. Jesus. Jeez. The more you know. Is that just from them being like that or is that our fault?

Well, mercury gets dissolved into the water from when we burn it. When we burn coal and oil, it goes into the atmosphere and then it dissolves into the ocean. It's our fault. Yeah. Yeah. That's on us. That's us. Sorry, tuna. Dude, I got so much mercury running through me. You know, there was a pharaoh back in Egypt, back in the Egyptian days when they built those pyramids that he drank mercury every day. And then his tomb has got mercury rivers running through it. Really? Big into mercury. Yeah.

How long did he live after he started drinking the mercury? Not very long. Yeah, I wouldn't expect he would. Tucker, what was his name? His name was Quin-shan. Right, I know him. Yeah.

The liquid mercury was considered an elixir of life at the time. It wasn't. It didn't turn out to be that. Backfired. Dude, if you look at mercury, though, if you just look at videos of mercury and the way it moves around, that shit looks like it was like, okay, this is like a...

It looks like if you drank it, something cool would happen to you. Wait, I'm going to correct myself. His name was Emperor Qin in Xi'an, China. Oh, okay. I've been there. He was not Egyptian. I apologize. Yeah. Sounds like he was Chinese. Yeah. He might have been that. That's where the terracotta warriors are. Yeah. That's where the wall is, too. They built the wall there one time.

There's a wall around the city of Xi'an. Really? Yeah. It's a walled city. So this question is coming from Kato from an unknown location. And it is, what's your favorite kind of cheese? Munster. I like... Oh, that's a tough one. Me. Some...

Brie. Some nice creamy brie. Or sometimes I like putting a little bit of goat cheese on an avocado toast. Goat cheese? Not bad. Goat cheese on an avocado toast is really fucking good. I'll revise my answer. When we're doing cheese and crackers and we're doing charcuterie, we're talking charcuterie. It's monster all the way. But if we're talking sandwiches and actual meals, it's mutts. Gotta be that fresh mutts. When it comes to sandwiches, I'm a bit of a provolone guy. Okay. But also...

Sometimes. When we're talking cheese and crackers stuff, I really like me a nice slice of Dubliner cheese. Dubliner. Psychotic. Psychotic? What do you mean? Sharp cheddar. It's sharp cheddar is what it is. That's gross. I hate cheddar. Especially the sharp variety. Well...

Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. Fuck you, asshole. Fuck Tucker. Fuck Tucker. I'm joining the Tucker haters. I'm joining the Tucker haters. How about that? How about that? Put that in your pipe and smoke on it. As I smoke you in my Dodge Charger Hellcat Widebody SRT Jailbreak. Fuck you guys. Eco... EcoBoost.

I got an EcoBoosted and jailbreak Toyota Camry with 17-inch lifters and fucking 25-inch wheels. And the rubber was double-fusted and put on a pipe and smoked. Dude, it's funny that you say we're joking about EcoBoost on a Dodge Charger. If you go and build one right now on a Dodge website, there's a package. You know, you could pick, like, the packages on the car. There's a package that you can't uncheck. It says, Gas Guzzler Tax.

They charge you an extra $2,000. And you deserve it. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Bye. See you next time.