Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
You want to hear something that somebody said in the comments? What? It was kind of messed up. Somebody suggested that from now on in the podcast, a funny bit, they think this would be a funny bit, is that whenever, like...
I say something, we should cut it out of the podcast. And then it's basically just like, it only cuts to me when I'm not saying anything. And then it's just you guys having a conversation. And then I try to say something and be like, why aren't you guys like listening to me? And then you guys reply, shut up, Ted. Nobody cares what you think. And like, we do that for like a 30 episode period of time. That's what they suggested. I, um,
So Charlie, what do you want to talk about today on the podcast? Um, I see what's happening. I don't know. I didn't bring anything. You didn't bring anything. Yeah, you made your bed. That's real funny, Schlatt. Yeah, that's real funny. Put that in your pipe and smoke it all down. Smoke it all down. Feel all that tobacco in your lungs, Ted, because this is the last point you're getting in today. Schlatt, who's that guy they keep editing into our Chuckle Sandwich animated videos? I don't know. That's a great question. Who's that guy?
I don't really know. Wait, the white guy? Yeah, and he just comes out and he beats us like some sort of nightmare creature. It's weird, right? It's weird. It's strange. It's strange. He's really into literature and learning about words every time he's got a new word, but that's all he says. Yeah, seriously, man. He says anything else. Podcast intro. Hey, guys. Welcome to Sluckle Chandwich.
That's not right. Sluckle Chandwich? I've cast my spell, and now we have rebranded to Sluckle Chandwich. Sluckle Chandwich. Do you like it? Sluckle Chandwich. Okay, so it's not so much about the sense of it as it is about the mouthfeel. So say it with me now. Just really feel it. Sluckle. Chew on this one, Shlack. Sluckle Chandwich. Sluckle Chandwich.
Now, could you explain what both of those words mean? I kind of like that. I kind of like schluckle chandwich after chewing on it for a bit. It's got a little crunch to it. Yeah, it's not bad. Okay, but Charlie, you realize that you have to combine... You know, you can add a little oil and vinegar. It's all about the schluckle pull. You can add a little oil and vinegar to the podcast. The schluckle crunch. Everything's better with oil and vinegar. You know that. Ooh, that's good. A little bit of dip, maybe? Yeah.
French dip. I had some French dip today and I shat my brains out. That's why I take probiotic now. I practically just want to suck it out. That's the sluckle sauce. Charlie. Slucky, slucky. I'm feeling lucky. Slucky, slucky. You opened up so many avenues for blowjob jokes. iPhone. iPhone.
Uh, welcome. iPhone! What are you doing? Hello? iPhone. Oh, he hung up on me. Oh, man. I think you're getting a call, man, in the middle of the episode. I don't know if, um... What? Uh...
I love prank calls, man. Dude, you could not do that without an iPhone, man. Oh, man. Oh, dude. Oh, I forgot to do star six seven. What is star six seven? He knows it's me.
Star 6-7? What, are you going to kill all the Jedi? What is Star 6-7? Oh, Charlie. Star 6-7? Whoa, wait, you don't know what Star 6-7 is? You golden boy, Charlie. You innocent little boy. This tracks, though, Shlad. This tracks real hard, though. This makes perfect sense. Is Star 6-7 a thing that I can call? Yeah, that is, but the fact that you don't know what that does is...
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. When you call in bomb threats and you type, you know, star six, seven at the beginning, Ted, you know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? When you want to call in a little, little cheeky bomb threat. Okay. Well, cheeky bomb threat to, uh, to, uh, Marjorie Taylor middle school. What? Huh? No, Schlatt. Don't say that. The Congresswoman, the, the, the radical Congresswoman, she has a middle school named after her.
I'm just saying. Dude, it's really inconvenient to type star six seven at the start of this. I'm trying to. So, Charlie, are you. So you're just discovering this now. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not. Charlie just tried to call me. No, I didn't. No, I hung up. So it actually just says his name. That's not me. That's not. Says your name on the call. I called Ted. I didn't mean. I'm trying to call you. I and I keep hitting the call button, but without without doing the.
Star six seven. Cut. Charlie, you're really struggling right now. Did you do star six seven? Are you getting a call? I guess it shows up as, yeah. Hey, Charlie. There's a bomb. Charlie. No, don't.
How did you- wait, wait, wait, how did you know it was me? What the fuck? Because you just straight up called me. Did you actually use star six seven? Also, there's a bomb. That I would think a bomb threat would sound like. Also, why are we making a bit about bomb threats? I actually called Shalat again. Dude, what is going on? Wait, why did you hang up? I was ready to pick it up. I didn't.
I don't want you to know that I'm calling you. I want you to think it's someone else. Okay, Charlie, I know that you're learning about all the wonder of the star six seven. I don't even know if that works anymore, though, by the way. Here's my problem. This is something you had to experience when you were but a child. What we're saying here is that you missed out on something.
You missed out on something significant. The ability to, you know, there's someone that you don't like. Someone that you're going to show them who's boss. An institution maybe that you want to scare and evacuate the building. It sounds like you think the only purpose of Star 6-7 is to bomb threat.
What else? What other use does star six, seven have? Danger somewhere. I'll show up in the local news, like the little police section of the local news. Does anyone need help? Yeah.
Somebody said that danger was somewhere. Police are investigating. Looking for it. You know what I used to do is the prank call that I knew, because I didn't know about Star 6-7, is I would get a friend and we would both call two different pizza places and put the phones next to each other on speaker. Yeah. And it would just immediately sort of just devolve into a like...
You want a cheese? Like, I'm getting you cheese. I want pepperoni. You're getting pepperoni? Sir, this is a Domino's? No, it's not? Like, it was kind of fun. Yeah, you get Papa John's and Domino's to start arguing with each other over the phone. Oh, that's good. But here's the thing, Charlie. You know...
You weren't, you know, a spy about it, though. You put the star six, seven in there, you become a spy. And, you know, those pizza places, they could have hired a PI, private investigator, to come in and then track those phone numbers. And you could have been getting your teeth knocked out by some 40-year-old, chunky, you know, Dunkin' Donuts smelling private investigator named Fred. Right.
You're right, man. I mean, Fred's been on my trail for a little. He hasn't found me yet, but I'm worried. Yeah, I am worried. Sometimes I'll sometimes I'll wake up and I'll and I'll walk outside and I'll check the door or something and I'll just see like a like just a big grease stain at the door like something was waiting just left. No, you're not.
You knew he was there eating his food. I know. Eating his little munchkins. He was there all night looking out for me. You call them munchkins? Do we call them munchkins around here? For pizza? No. No, not pizza, you ding dong. I'm talking about donuts. Yeah, well, the little... Wait. Donut holes are munchkins. Oh, fuck. Well, they're not holes, so... Let's consult Ted. Okay.
Like the ones from Dunkin' Donuts? Ted, you have one chance to earn your spot back on the podcast. Or I call in a bomb threat to your house. Anonymously. Anonymously. You wouldn't know who it's coming from. If he did, it could have actually... He could still have not called and it could be a separate real bomb threat. So do you think...
Are they called... There's a little ball of donut-y cake. A little cake donut-y ball. From Dunkin' Donuts? And you buy it where you buy donuts. They're Dunkin' Donuts munchkins. I don't understand what... What do you put Dunkin' Donuts at the front? What do they pay you? Well, because it's from... That's the only place you ever get them from. We're all from the East Coast. That's not true. That's the only place donuts are?
They're called munchkins. You can get donuts anywhere, Teddy boy. What are you talking about? There's a lot of donut places around here. Even in Texas. Are we trying to make me go crazy? Do you want to go crazy? Are we trying to make myself go crazy? Do you want to explode? They're called munchkins. Ted, check your phone. Do you want to explode? No.
Charlie, this is your number. Your number, I see it's Charlie. Your name is showing up. I don't, I haven't. You haven't figured out how to put it in the star 67. Ted, I haven't used a phone in six years. You know what, Charlie? Yep. Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message. That was my Halloween voice message. When you finish recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.
When you get the chance, there's a second bomb. Oh, no. Dude, you got to stop doing that. I didn't think that Charlie would be the one that would be so in favor of the bomb threat joke on the podcast. I'm telling you, bro. Bomb threats are funny. It's fine. Please, anybody watching, do not call bomb threats in.
Charlie is promoting it right now. You have no record. Put it in the history books. No, you have no record. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. I didn't call anyone. Listen, guys, let's just get into the podcast. Are we not? That was a collection of crimes and bullying is what that was on me. I'll show you a real crime. Oh, please do. Give me the number to the White House. Stop.
stop you need to stop you're in texas you're in texas there's gonna be about 50 f-150s flying a specific candidate's flag in like seconds 877-241-LUNA that's not it that's the number for luna because they did a little jingle and i remember it now forever you guys ever had like a little like you know how those old those old ads for mattress stores would always hit you with a really really memorable jingle
Yes, like... 6-5-5-4-9-2. Go bed. Like that kind of thing. That was just the one from Luna. 800-5-8-8-2-300. Empire today. Yeah. We should call one of those. I never did, but I always think about that. You want a prank call?
I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now. Call J.G. Wentworth. 877-CASH-NOW! 877-CASH-NOW! J.G. Wentworth, there's a bomb.
Hey, you, Salino and Barnes. Hey, Salino. Hey, Bob's Discount Furniture. It's me, Barnes. I've planted a bomb under your desk. Dude, mattress discounters, you'll know your Tempur-Pedics aren't as soft as usual because they're full of plastic explosives.
One of these days... Oh, is this okay? Are we allowed to do this? I'm receiving laughs, so I'm going to continue to make bomb threats. One of these days, one of the days, Charlie, one of these companies is going to shut down Empire, something like that, J.G. Wentworth, and somebody's going to...
I know they're toll-free numbers, but somebody's going to get that number. It's going to be their personal number. I don't even care. And somebody's going to call, and they're going to put a bomb flat on a single person, an individual. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you can't have the number... What's it called? 8-6-7-5-3-0-9? You know that song? That famous song? Yeah. No, what is that? Can you sing that? 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. Jenny. That's Jenny's phone number. And anyone who has it keeps getting calls. Okay.
Yeah, that doesn't sound like a toll free number. No, it's not. And if you go to a gas station, there's a straight up number in any fucking place in America. And if you go to a gas station, you ever had a gas station or any any place really that's asking for like a phone number code like like, hey, you have a membership with us. Do you have a fucking shell membership? Do you have a do you have a number with Walgreens?
You just say, yeah, it's 675309. And then guess what? You're probably going to save some money because that account exists. I'm Jenny. They go, oh, my God. I'm Jenny.
And I'm planting a bomb underneath this shell gas station. Holy fucking shit. Oh my god. This is bad. I have planted a bomb right underneath the gasoline reserves in this gas station. And let's just say the prices are about to skyrocket because of, again, my bomb that I have planted under this gas station. And I can't stress this enough. It is an explosive.
But for the FBI guy listening right now, it's actually a boogie bomb from Fortnite, the famous video game. Everyone's going to dance and have an awesome time. I'm giving us an out and Schlatt's like, nope, I want all of the responsibility of talking about bombs.
Oh, so why don't we talk about how, because I kind of discovered some really interesting different types of bombs that you can make. Why don't we talk about that on the podcast right now? Yeah, please go ahead. Start, start. Yeah, you start. C4.
That's good. Schlatt, got anything to add to that? Yeah, I actually planted some C4 at 12160 West Palmer Lane. God. Okay, now the fact that you're- Suite 130, box 122 in Cedar Park, Texas, 78613. There's a bomb. Oh, this is just his PO box. Dude, what are the- This is just his personal PO box. That's just my PO box. Yeah, don't- There's no bomb in there. There's no bomb, I promise. Yeah. UPS, don't-
Don't get rid of my box. You're going to lose your box, aren't you? You're going to lose that fucking box. I haven't even paid for it. They called me and they're like, hey, you haven't paid for it. And I said, what? How do you? I gave you my credit card. At this point, it's your fault. You didn't charge me. Yeah. Yeah. You ever have that happen? Schlatt, every time that you say that you run into a problem with anything in Texas, Charlie and I, as a unit,
because we're married, Charlie and I, sorry, Grace. Oh, okay. Is we have less and less sympathy for you. After the fucking... Listen, after the whole ordeal with the $10,000 fine...
This is not my... The $10,000 fine was not my fault. I mean, it kind of was, though. No, it wasn't. My car was under the account of the leasing company. There's a bomb in your walls. There's a bomb in your ceiling. There's a bomb in my walls? Why am I so dark? What's going on with my...
That's because I'm siphoning all the power for my big bomb. Okay? Big bomb. It's my big bomb. And as a unit, I just think that we have come to realize, Ted and I. As a unit. Who, again, it's been a wonderful man so far. Yeah. I love you. I love you. After. We've come to realize that you aren't exactly the most credible guy with these stories. And a lot of the time your pain is self-inflicted.
That is just not true. Well, it's not going to be true when his bomb explodes, but every other case, yes. You want to see self-inflicted pain? Uh, no. Was that just a, like a bomb? I think he was pressing a button on his chest, implying that he was wearing like a bomb that a terrorist would strap to their own body and run into a crowd with.
I want to put star six, seven in front of this whole fucking podcast. You know what I'm saying? It's viciously. Okay. How about this? Let me, let me divert us. Let me divert us. Hey, Hey, Hey, listen, listen, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Let's get out of here. Let me circle. Let me make it something a little more fantastical. If you guys could have access to what, to any bomb that you could make. Yeah.
No, no, no. No, I'm serious. Give me that MOAB. No, stop. Any bomb. 25 kills, no killstreaks. Boogie bomb from Fortnite. It could be a funny freeze bomb. Any kind of bomb. And you have all those bombs that you want. What kind of bomb? It could be lip bomb. What kind of bombs do you... What kind of... What sort of bomb...
Charlie opens up his trench coat and there's just every bomb imaginable. He's just a salesman for every bomb just so happens to be. Because trust me, it's not going to be a surprise. I'd like to hear a little bit more about that second bomb that you talked about, which you described as being a funny freeze bomb. I'd like to know more about what you imagined in your mind when you said funny freeze bomb, Charlie. Yeah.
Well, like, if you're making, like, a really funny face, and I'm like, no way, and I'm going to pull out my funny freeze bomb, and I'm going to chuck it over. Boom. No one's in danger. No one's armed. No reason to call the cops. No one worry. That's just my funny freeze bomb. It'll wear off. It just was funny. Everyone's frozen. It sounds like you're freezing someone that you think is funny in their funniest moment forever. And that is...
Oh, this will do nicely. So basically what you get is an icicle of me on the phone with the White House as I'm calling in, as I'm completing my task. Implying, yes, that that is your funniest joke that you've ever made is the schlack calling in a bar.
Thread on the White House. I can't even say it. Which will never happen and has not happened. Which will never happen and has never happened and all of this
conversation is entirely satirical um i'm getting a call from a star six seven number hanging up on that hopefully it's not the the fbi dude don't say don't say anything funny they might freeze bomb you no but seriously what i i'm okay the funny freeze bomb aside because i don't even think i picked out one what kind of bomb what what sort of bomb what what kind of bomb
What kind of what sort of kind of bomb would I'm what's my favorite? Are we are we serious here? This is what we've chosen today. This is what we've chosen. This is all I have. He's going to blow up the White House. Entertain me. Please entertain him. Listen to me. Listen to me, Charlie. Some of these I'm getting an actual call now. What the hell is this? Hello? Hello?
You have a bomb number three. I mean, Charlie, it looks like we achieved what we set out to do today, which was remove. No, you didn't because I was wearing my headphones the whole time, you bunch of fucking dumbasses. You didn't like that. Your headphones are a bomb.
Yeah. Yeah. This is so funny. This is crazy. What else is a bomb? I really love how, why have we chosen this as the topic for this episode? Some people who listen to this podcast, they work that. If we could segue into something better, we would have done it. No, no. Listen to me, you little rascal. No, listen. This should be a Patreon exclusive. This is how we launch the Patreon, maybe. A little. There are people. Oh, I'm going to launch something. They go their whole work week. What?
It wasn't that funny. It was not that funny. I didn't even hear what he said. I was trying to say my sentence. Say your sentence. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. People go their whole work week just trying to get through the freaking week. Oh, no! I'm a 16-year-old Chucko Sandwich viewer!
slave all day at a deli making minimum wage and i just want to hear my favorite three people talk about something funny but all they're talking about is bombs hey i'm a 35 year old audio listener all i do is climb mountains and fuck women and i can't wait to listen to the chuckle sandwich podcast at the end that's true i mean that is what audio listeners do they climb mountains and they fuck women all
woman all day there's two kinds of audio listeners and you know you are and they're all dead because they've been loved so hard audio listeners love you to death love you to death rest in um i have to say no you don't i had a very embarrassing moment the other day i'm gonna push this into a new topic please away from the bombs thank you i had a very embarrassing moment the other day
You want to know what it is? And I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you what it is. I was dropping my girlfriend off at her place and we're going upstairs. We're about to walk in through the door. There's a window where you can see kind of into the apartment. And I saw somebody on the computer and I was like, oh, that must be her. One of her roommates. I'm going to come in. I'm just going to come and go. Ah, so I did. I came in and I opened the door and I go, ah, and then I'm like, oh shit, this is not.
her roommates, who I know very well. This is one of her roommates' recently, like, new boyfriends who is very quiet and, like, he's a shy dude and I haven't really talked to him that much. I've only talked to him once before and he's, like, sitting at this computer playing Fortnite. And...
So I had to in that moment be like, I got to play it off. Like I always meant to come around the corner and surprise this person. I've only met one other time and just pretend like I'm like, cool. So I came around the corner and I was like, ha, hey, what's up? How you doing? Are you playing Fortnite? I mean, you could have just said like, oh, sorry, thought you were someone else.
Nice to meet you. And I've thought about that, and that is true. So I don't know why I chose to go the route of sticking with it and pretending like that's what I meant to do all along. Ah, oh, a gold scar. Good choice. I see that you're building. I started bringing...
And I'm probably going to tell him this the next time I see him because it's funny. But I started chatting him up about Fortnite. I'm like, oh, are you playing the new update and stuff? I've never played Fortnite before. I've played it like one other time. They added Naruto this one, right? I was like, oh, so yeah, like Tilted Towers is back, I guess. I mean, like sick, dude. You've seen that latest Ninja livestream? Oh, yeah.
So, I wanted to open up the floor to you guys on perhaps... Embarrassing moments? What's like one of your more embarrassing moments as of recently? Perhaps. I mean, I feel like we all have them. We all get a little bit embarrassed here or there. I have a really bad one. This one's going to give you really bad secondhand embarrassment. Oh, really? Yeah, it's really bad. It's not even... It was funny afterwards, but in the moment it was so bad. Oh, no. So, I was at a grocery store.
And I was in line just moving all my stuff over to the little funny slidey doodad that gets all your food to the end. God, why did you explain it like that? The conveyor belt. Yeah. Well, that just makes it sound so much bigger than it is. It's more like a little thing. And, you know, I was putting everything on and there's this woman and her and her son, really tiny, like fucking... Why am I...
such weird words. Little fucking tiny little bastard. Yeah, little fucking idiot tiny little idiot baby kid. No, there's this This woman had a nymph with her. I have no idea what it was. Well, you didn't understand what a child was? She found it.
No, there's this kid, and you know how some parents put their kids at the top of the shopping cart, and their legs go out through the top. They sit there. And I was putting stuff on the conveyor belt, I suppose, and Grace is with me, and everyone's got masks on, and Grace looks with this look of shock and terror, and she's like,
the kid just took her phone and I, and I looked over and I see this kid like, so there's this other clerk, right? Cause it's like a shopping lane. There's this other clerk directly opposing. And there's this kid that's like moving a phone, like back from the counter. So I'm like, Oh, that kid just like picked up the phone that was lying there. So I go over and I just like literally go to casually like, Oh, I'll just resolve this problem by taking the phone and moving it back to the counter.
Right? How old is this child? You're going to steal it from him? No, no. What was your thought? What was your game plan going in? I'm just going to take the phone and not say anything. I'll resolve it. I've got the mask on. Oxygen isn't in my brain. I'm shopping hungry. I go over. I thought. So here's what I thought happened.
I thought this kid had reached over and taken the phone, like, of the clerk next to the kid. And the kid looked like he was about to, like, throw it on the ground, right? So I was like, okay, I'll simply deal with this situation by resolving it, not saying, like, not saying anything. I'll just put the phone back.
And so I walk over and I'm just like, hey, can you give that back? And I start wrestling with this fucking kid. Like at this point, I'm like just like trying to be like, hey, kid, like you should probably give back that phone. And the fucking...
And I'm like,
And then Grace comes up and she's like, I think your kid was trying to smash your phone. And I'm like, no, I think your kid was trying to smash her phone, but I guess it's your phone. I'm sorry. Just check out. I'm sorry. And she just looked at me. I don't think she really understood what I was saying. And I just like, it was so awful, man. And then you got tackled by security. Yeah.
Yeah, I did. And then everyone applauded as they got dragged out of the store and they threw me in the gutter. As Charlie's getting dragged by his two arms and as he's getting dragged out of the grocery store, he's just going, I'm sold!
It was just so fucking bad, man. It was so bad because it went from me trying to just put someone's phone back to then looking like I was stealing someone's phone to me accidentally accusing a child of stealing to a mother yelling at me that I shouldn't accuse her child of stealing. It sounds like this is mostly... It sounds like that situation was mostly Sunstarer's fault, though.
Mostly whose sun starers sun starers. Oh, no, honestly, dude, it was, it was a situation where like, I totally should have just, I guess I should have just let that phone be thrown against the ground. Like by, by child strength, because I went over, I completely, I misheard and then proceeded to misread the situation and then proceeded to miss like to, to wrestle a child, uh,
And it was just... So you were straight up like going head to head with this child trying to get this phone away from him? How strong was this child? Yeah, I mean, he clearly wasn't letting go of the phone, right? So I was like, oh, well, then his legs have got to be weak. So I started swinging him around by the legs. I wasn't getting any leverage there either. It wasn't... I mean, it wasn't like a wrestling thing. It was just like I gently tried to like take it and put it back because I don't understand when kids can speak. This kid was small enough to fit in the shopping cart. So probably like anywhere from...
six inches to two feet. And I, this kid, this kid also, listen, I'm really bad at identifying, identifying children. This kid could have been six inch tall child. This kid could have been, this kid could have been, this kid could have been one year old. This kid could have been four years old to nine years old. I'm, I, I'm really bad. Six inches tall. I can't tell the difference. I don't think you're speaking. I don't, you know what I don't, I understand why you misread the situation. You're very wrong on a lot of things.
Okay. He's about to list them too. Get ready. Yep. Number one. He wasn't going to list them. Number one, you got that dumb mask on. No oxygen. Couldn't hear anything. Couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't think. It clouds everything.
Guys, I'm telling you, one second, you put your mask on, you black out, you wake up, you're wrestling a kid in a fucking Shaw's. I don't make the rules, okay? Oh, and you see, the Shaw's shoppers are a little bit more on their toes, too, especially after the Shaw's bombing in 1995. But, okay, yeah, that is pretty embarrassing. That is a tough situation to be in, especially because it's like,
Well, they were. Oh, their cart, too, was only like halfway cleared and there's no baggers. So all I'm saying is I started bagging for them to make up for the deficit. No, no, because they're going to think I'm going to fucking steal all their food. I got to get as far away as possible. I get my like hands visible. So I don't think that I'm like grabbing shit. I'm like, I don't even know what this person thinks of me at this point.
Wow. It was really bad. Yeah. That's awkward, man. Yeah, it was. So that is, I'd say that's a pretty quality and embarrassing. It was really embarrassing. I got in the car with grace afterwards and I just started like eating like Cheez-Its cause I got Cheez-Its and she was like, I hope that we drive off a cliff and die. And I was like, yeah, that's fair. And I just kept eating Cheez-Its until I, I like was okay.
My girlfriend and I, we have a thing a bit right now, I guess, where if we catch each other doing something on our own that has some possibility of claiming that the other is embarrassed, then we'll take that opportunity. For instance, one time I was walking into...
the bathroom the other day and she was recording a TikTok like in her outfit or whatever but like when I opened the door she was like she kind of like
straight up like pencil and been like, what are you, what's going on? And like, starts trying to initiate conversation with me to like avoid the talking about the fact that I just got, like Connor taking a take. It's not even a big deal either. Like everyone makes fucking tick tocks, but it was just one of those situations. Nobody wants to be seen making a tick tock, unless you're like one of those people that records them in fucking parking lots.
You know what's funny now that you mention it? It's like, you're so fucking right. And it's fine once it's out there. It's like, does everyone just think? Or like, oh yeah, the beast possessed me and I posted that. That's not me. I would never do that. Every time, bro. The dudes all do this. What is this movie even called? Audio listeners love you to death. We're moving our elbows to the left and then to the right. Right. Then to the left. Because it shows their triceps. Their strength.
They're strong. It's not even where the tricep is. But yeah, sure. Kind of. Fine. Shows their forearms. This is the new move. That doesn't even show them. There's no way to do it. Oh. No, they do like this thing. They like fucking do like that. Listen, man. I don't even know what a tricep is. I thought it was a dinosaur up until now. I can tell you don't know what a tricep is. Okay. Whatever the fact and whatever the case and whatever the fiction. And wherever's the bomb.
And wherever the ignition. Oh, that was really good. God, I can't remember what we were talking about. God, fuck you, Charlie. You took me away from it. And fuck you, Schlatt, especially. You were talking about a TikTok. Schlatt's even worse, though. You're fine, Charlie. Schlatt's even worse, though, because he hasn't even told his embarrassing story. But it is true that TikTok's...
Nope. Everyone records TikToks. You see someone recording a TikTok, then you'll get on fucking influencers in the wild if you've ever seen that Instagram account. Have you seen that before, Charlie? Yeah, it's awkward. It's awkward, yeah. It's good. It's good. I would never want to be caught doing that. I would never want to be an influencer. I hate influencing in public. If I ever do influencing in public, I have to be in the character. That's the only situation in which I've done it. I've dressed up as a fucking milkman.
And then I can be in public and do semi-embarrassing things. But I could never just, like, as my own human, go dance in Times Square. No fucking way. No way. But you put on the mask and things change. Yeah. That's what the point of the mask is. Do you think technically we're always driving under the influence of something? Oh, okay. I see where this is coming from. No, I had to, like...
That one was like almost a math problem for a couple seconds for me. I had to like break down its key components. And I was like, okay, he got there from influencer. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. No. Do you think some poor guys like, you know, listen to the fucking chuckle sandwich podcast, uh, an ad comes on and officer pulls them over. It's like, Oh shit, man. There has to be someone right now that is like on a road trip or turn left. Don't say that. Yeah.
There's a bomb in your car. In your Subaru Outback, there's a bomb. Alexa, detonate. Don't. No. Wait. Can Alexa be activated by the audio that the Alexa itself is playing? Oh, my God. That's a good question. Alexa, volume 10. Hey, Google, what's my location?
now we know your location whoever this is only applying to a very small amount of people that are listening to the podcast like you have to think about it though for people who are listening though there is someone right now that is on a road trip somewhere all right one of you listeners out there you're on a road trip and we know and you're very excited to go there but someone else who's listening to this podcast they're on their way to family's house and
And they are not excited to see that family. And I am sorry. No, not exciting at all. I am so sorry about that. There are some people who are perhaps on the way to a funeral. Sorry for your loss. That sucks. And there are some people who are on their way perhaps to a wedding. Congratulations to the bride and groom.
I feel like I covered a bunch there. Yeah, that was good. I feel like a lot of people are listening in at work. You have a really boring job. It was like me when I was doing IT. I'd listen to Scott DeWaas. I'd put on Scott DeWaas and wait for the phony phone to ring. And then the phony phone would ring, and it'd be like, hey, what's
Hey, it's me, Scott. Scott the Wise. You liking my videos, man? No, it was some dumb piece of shit professor who didn't understand how the projector worked. It always was. Walk all the way across the campus to turn on the projector, and they're like, well, I tried that. And I'm like, no, you didn't, you dumb bitch. Dude, there was...
At the communication school that I went to, the park school at Ithaca College, there's the radio station. And they've always got people who do night shifts at the radio station. So there's people there in like...
I guess it's a fucking 24-hour radio station or something. So, you know, it's 9 p.m. for me. It's going to be midnight over in Ithaca. And somebody who runs the Ithaca radio station, they added me on Twitter and they asked me to call in and suggest a song. I guess they just know me from my videos. And I was like, okay, it's Ithaca. So I called into the thing.
And I, like, gave him a song suggestion, but I thought it was pretty funny that it was, like, there's that one person that's just like, man, I'm going to fucking add Ted on Twitter and see if he's going to fucking... And then I just call him up. That reminded me... The IT thing reminded me of how I did that. Wait, Schlatt! What? You didn't say your embarrassing story yet. I don't have an embarrassing story. You've never been embarrassed before. Well, I was embarrassed last night when my cock didn't work. Okay.
I had a feeling that this was going to happen when I suggested this embarrassing story thing. I had a feeling that Schlatt was going to do everything in his power to avoid telling an embarrassing story. I don't have, I can't like pull it out of my ass. I don't have one on hand. I don't tend to dwell on things. I don't know. If we talked about it before the podcast, if we put it in the fucking topic channel for the podcast, maybe I'd know.
I'm sorry you're constantly- Oh, I tried to wrestle a little phony phone away from a child, and I completely misjudged the situation. Also, you were six inches tall! You were six inches tall! And it could have been unweverable! The phone is six inches tall, you bitch! Humans aren't this big! Humans aren't this big! Why are you being so mean to me?
I'm calling you star six seven tonight and I'm saying some terrible things. Hey, hey, Schlatt, I got one for you. Yeah. I heard your cock didn't work last night. Care to expand on that? Yeah. No, well, I mean, there's not much to say when the cock doesn't work. There's not much to do either. You just kind of say, oh, I'm sorry, it's not working tonight. Do you have any other...
You know, Schlatt, it sounds just the way that you describe that right now. Sex with you sounds like a visit to the DMV. You got to make an appointment. You got to make an appointment. And if you don't have all the paperwork there, it's sorry. And you often don't have the paperwork. The quotas are often not met. If there's anything that has the energy of a 40-year-old man, it is that aspect.
Wow. I'll call your number when it's time. We'll call you. Well, okay. So Schlatt's never been embarrassed in his entire life.
Apparently, man. I just don't have a story on me, man. There's nothing in my pockets. I didn't either. You know, next time you see it in the topics chat, all right, we want an embarrassing story. You better go out there right away and you better do something wrong. You better go do something that is against societal standards so that you feel the pressure of strangers that you have done something wrong or your own pressure placed upon yourself.
I got someone arrested recently. What? Really? I guess that's embarrassing. Yeah. That's significant. I wouldn't say as much embarrassing. Embarrassing for them? We were street racing. What? And the cop went after him. You were drag racing? What? We weren't drag racing. We were just going fast. You shouldn't do that. That is embarrassing. You knucklehead. Not for me. Tell me about it. Well...
I was on my way home from the office. I have a bit of a drive. And there's this big, long street between my office and my home. The downward thing? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Some guy comes up to this red light. I'm stopped at. He's going quick. I get down. He's got a yellow Camaro. All fictional, by the way. This never happened. Yeah, just like my trip to the airport. Fictional.
All the bombs. Right, exactly. Everything that happens in Austin is fictional. And the light turns green. Austin isn't even real. The light turns green. We both gun it. And the next light, there's another guy who joins in. And these two cars are faster than mine. What is this? Like a TV show? What's going on? Well, here's what happens. Here's what happens, right? So we initiate the racing at the first light.
We both gun it to the next light. It's red. There's another guy there that starts racing. We gun it again. And then these two, it's a three-lane road. We pull up, and there's a car in the left lane, which means I stay behind, right? Right. These two cars go again at the third light, and that's when the cop comes. Awkward. And then they thought that the cop was racing, too, so they kept going. Yeah, they kept going, bro. And now they're in jail for life.
And listen, it just so happens that if you want to go fast, don't buy a car that looks like a race car because they're going to go for the fucking bright yellow Camaro instead of the dark, unassuming vehicle that you drive with no license plate. With your experience, I believe that because you got pulled over for being like five over the speed limit when you were in that Ferrari. Yeah.
Yeah, five over the speed limit is still a $300 ticket. So you might just if you're going to get pulled over for a little shit, you might as well just start racing. That's the thing that bothers me the most about Texas is that the way that they make up for the fact that they don't have any state tax. Yeah, they said everything else is expensive. Everything else. And they have speed traps everywhere.
Yeah. Every small town in Texas is just real cops looking for speeding charges. I don't know if I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I got pulled over in Sudan, Texas in 2018. Yeah, Sudan. Wow. Yeah. I mean, it's basically there's a big long highway that goes through Texas if you're trying to, because I was coming from Albuquerque and going to Austin, and we were driving that entire way from New Mexico. And once you enter in Texas, it's like a 70 mile per hour highway. But immediately,
But in between those stretches of 70 miles per hour shit, it drops down to a 45 mile per hour speed limit for like three houses. And like the towns, quote unquote, in the outer regions, the outer lands of Texas, the wasteland, I like to call it, um,
And this change happens within like a thousand feet, which when you're driving in a car, that's like maybe 30 seconds. Oh, yeah. The speed changes. The speed limit changes every second when you're driving down one of those roads, cutting through towns and stuff like that. It's terrible. That's how they get you. Yeah. So it's like it's basically and the way that's, you know, if you don't know this, if you don't drive the way that speed changes.
limits work is that once you pass a sign, then you've entered into a new speed zone, quote unquote. So the speed limit sign changes the moment, the speed limit changes the moment you pass the sign, not after, not like until you slow down to that speed. So it's like, it changes from 70 to 45. And then there's a cop right there and he gets me right away. And I had weed in the car. Oh, big sin, big sin. Did he get you? Fictionally? No, actually.
Oh, thank God. You don't want to know what happens if you go to prison in Sudan. That's a whole story, but I was coming from legally coming from California and legally going back to Massachusetts. But listen, man. They're waiting for you at the border. They're waiting for you. Yeah, they are. You just take it in a plane instead. Or eat it. Or put it in a little plastic bag and eat the bag.
Would you smuggle a pound of cocaine in your ass? No. Let me tell you another story. Charlie looked like he was ready to leave that weed conversation. No, I wouldn't. You don't know anything about a real race until you're racing for your life in front of a suspended Ford F-150 on the Vermont back roads.
With no lights, there could be a moose anywhere. It's hailing. They've got their brights on. They're like lifted up, dude. You know nothing about fighter flight. Dude, I'm jazzed right now. Charlie's got something. He just awoke something in him. I know there are listeners that are going to relate to this.
So I just did this drive earlier, actually. It gets dark really early here. And people stop working after it gets dark, which means all these fucking people, and especially back here, they've got four-wheel drive, snow tire, like, get out of the fucking way, big-ass truck. They lift it up. No rock, no beast is going to stop that goddamn thing. They got the chains on the wheels. If it hits a moose, you're going to be able to look it in the eyes first, all right? They got chains on the wheels? Yeah.
Oh, they got, oh, they got chains everywhere, baby. They got, they got all their bases covered. So here's the thing. I'm just driving my, my Honda down these roads. I'm, I'm not proud. I have two wheel drive. I have summer tires. You know, I skid, I skeet. Um, and, and I'm coming around the corners and usually it's pretty nice. It,
These roads are 50, like, 5 or 50 mile an hour speed limits. There's not really any cops back here. It's just, like, fucking wilderness and random ass turns and occasionally a town where it goes to 25 and then back up again where you could get, like, someone could be there. This is the area you currently live? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, like, pretty close to me. I didn't realize you lived so far.
out in the middle of nowhere. No, it's just like to get to places around, you have to... The drives are usually like this. As soon as you pull off the interstate, it becomes this. And you will start to see there's people, there's plenty of nice people that will just follow behind you, right? But when you're in this two-lane road, the fucking opposing lane becomes the passing lane for these people. So someone will... They will cruise up in their truck and they will tailgate you with like...
Oh, they got the high beams on. It's like reflecting directly into your eyes. You can't see anything. So you start going faster, man. Your instincts start kicking in, but you're not going fast enough because they closed the fucking distance and they say, nice, but that's not enough. Let's speed up a little more. They will. They, I swear to God, they will not relent, dude. The only thing you can do is, is pray for your life.
That they decide to like, because they will. They will literally speed past you at like 80 fucking miles an hour, like on a turn, just go. I don't know where these people are. I don't know if they're real. I don't know if it's like some sort of fucking. They're specters, like they're the wild hunt. I don't know if it's some kind of like ghost rider that like, if it catches me, I go to hell. But that's what it feels like when I'm on the road. They're the fucking specters, dude.
You can't even break check them because they'll hit you and then force you off the road. You will turn into a fucking like crushed can, dude. You will be gone. You actually just turn into some DC. Charlie, I didn't think about this until you just started talking. I know exactly what you're talking about because I would have to commute from Massachusetts
Massachusetts back to Ithaca in the winter. And like, once you get off the freeway, it's 45 full minutes of just fucking like, yeah,
most of New York is not New York city. Mind you. It's like a lot of it is just woods and like dilapidated barns. So most of New York is falling apart, dude. Seriously. Um, terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. Um,
And I know, I know exactly what you're talking about because I had to go for like an hour driving down these fucking snowy roads, occasionally seeing evidence of cars that had slid off the road because there's a bunch of college kids all commuting to this town and they don't have experience driving on snow or something. Um, and the high beams behind you, but yeah,
Suspicious!
So I'm not worried about driving. I'm not suspicious. I'm a small truck. I'm not a fucking raised F-150. It's a Tacoma. It's a 2002 Tacoma. It's small. You're going to put someone in a Tacoma. Maybe one day if my bomb works. And I leave. It's a five and a half hour drive to Ithaca from my hometown.
And it is not, it's a pain in the ass. It's the dead of winter. We're talking, you know, 10 degrees, maybe five, what have you. I'm driving, I'm an hour in and I'm chilling until I realized once I wanted to turn the heat on.
That the heat didn't work in the truck. Oh no. And when I say the heat didn't work, it's not like, like it's a 2002 car. So it's like, if the heat doesn't work, it's not like, oh, I can fit around with this and that. And it'll start working somehow. Um,
Whereas it's not like a newer car where just something will eventually work or like, oh, the heat warmers will keep me going until then, even though the air doesn't work. Just the heat's off. It doesn't work. It's five degrees outside. Did your car also have a hole in the floor at this point yet? When did it have a hole in the floor? Did I just hallucinate that? When did it have a hole in the floor? I don't think I ever remembered Ted's Toyota Tacoma pickup truck having a hole in the floor. I thought it had a hole in the floor.
But I do want to say I would not be surprised if one day Ted said my Toyota Tacoma has a hole in the floor. It is an engine vehicle. I think maybe you were driving in such a way that I hallucinated a hole in the floor because I swear to God there was a hole in the floor. No. And I thought I was going to fall out. Is this real? I think this is like a... You thought you were going to fall out?
out of the vehicle through the hole in the floor of the car.
This sounds like a dream you had the other night. Are you like one of the six-inch people that you talk about? Are you six inches tall? I think when you replaced your heating, you changed it with gas, bro. I don't know what I saw, man, but I saw something in there. I swear I saw a hole, man. Dude, you're hallucinating some shit. There was a hole there, dude. You're gaslighting me. There's a hole in your car. I know there is. I'll find it. I'm coming over. I'm coming over. I'm going to get into your car, and you're going to ask how I'm missing the hole.
Come see it next Chuckle Week. Anyways, so I have to drive this four and a half more hours and I left at
To 1, 2 p.m. So that means that the outside heat gets colder and colder and it becomes dark. And so it basically ends up with me driving, literally shivering in my car through the New York wastelands.
Just waiting until in between each oasis of like the random fucking gas stations. And I would stop at every gas station because I had to go into the gas station to warm up and then be like, okay,
You had a survival meter at that point. Seriously. I had the fucking Minecraft cold meter mod, dude. It was like... It was totally... I remember that. I reawakened that in my mind. I forgot I had to deal with that. I didn't have gloves at the time either. I just didn't bring gloves with me or something. Or the gloves were back in Ithaca. So I was like... I had a small jacket and I was just like, fuck this. Yeah.
That's kind of embarrassing. Yeah. I'll tell you what was embarrassing. When I almost slipped through that hole in the floor in your truck. Dude, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know where in... A hole in the floor big enough for you to fall out of? I'll show you during Truckle Week, dude. It's a... It's a... Like...
I don't know. No, there's no, no. I feel like I'm going insane now. Less of a, less of a car and honestly more of a concave submarine that they use to submerge divers with a pocket for air. There's this big gaping fucking hole. Anyone can sit there. No, you're not telling the truth anymore. You're not, you're talking about divers and shit. And I have a body, I have a body of a car, just a hole, hole of a car and a hole for the fallout. Fred, Fred Flintstone running hole.
There's no hole in my car. I call shotgun and Ted says, are you sure you're going to need to be a fast runner? And I, and I get my feet through. I just start going as fast as I fucking can. I'm trying to keep up, but he just keeps speeding to end this episode.
folks, I think that we should check in on our chuckle sandwich Q and a form. You can find it in the description of every episode of chuckle sandwich. We currently have 76 responses. I didn't mention it in the last episode, but we have this here. You guys can basically ask us advice, questions about life, what have you, and then a, would you rather? Um, so, uh,
The, um, basically we'll just, I'm just going to choose like one good, ask us advice questions about life. And then one, would you rather we'll tackle those? And then that'll be the end of the episode. And then, you know, each time we'll do that. And I think that'll be a fun thing to do for podcasts in the future. So, uh,
Yeah. What do you guys... Yeah, let's... What do we think of what, Ted? What do you think of this question? I actually didn't choose one beforehand, so I actually have to choose one right. What the fuck?
What did they do? What did they submit? One of the questions is where by bomb question mark and in parentheses for a school project. I know a guy. I'll talk to you later. Send him an email to my dark net. Don't send him an email. Star six, seven, dude. Star six, seven. But I think that the, you know what? I'm just going to, I'm going to, I'm going to choose this one. The question is, um, what is the, uh,
What is the worst physical pain another person has inflicted upon you? Probably when Ted busted my kneecaps on that baseball diamond many years ago in the seventh grade in the summer between seventh and eighth grade, I was catching a fly ball.
You're going to tell the whole story again? I was catching a fly ball, and all of a sudden he showed up running like this with his smile extending up beyond the restrictions of his face. Probably when I called shotgun in Ted's Toyota Tacoma. Okay. The most painful experience of my life. Most of my pain has been self-inflicted, to be honest. I don't really attribute any skull-numbing pain
pain to anybody else it's all my fault usually yeah i i would have to agree with that i mean i've never been in like a fight before either so it's like i mean like not like a real like like an adult fight like fucking college yeah yeah like a you know i've been in like a playground yeah like a playground where like i vividly remember crane kicking someone but i don't think that's how it happened at all and i'm pretty sure they've just punched me in the head
I feel like I could hold my own in an adult fight, but the concept of an adult fight sounds very dangerous. Yeah, I don't think you really want to ever be in one. No, you don't. There's people who go to bars and they just fucking start fights with people. Those people... The ones that have their noses are like this because they get punched so much in the face. They probably have a lot of problems they got to sort out. Um...
Yeah, just carry a knife on you and that won't be a problem. I don't think that's the... Or if you want to, you can carry a weapon like a gun. Or you can run away and if they chase you, you use your funny freaks bomb to...
to comically stop them in their tracks. To at least give some sort of answer to this, because I agree with you on the worst physical pain in another person. At least on myself, it was in one of my dorms in college, and my closet door was closing, and it was a metal door.
And it was like one of those heavy, like heavy ones, like a, like a institutional kind of like, you know, it's meant to last longer than one, you know, it's a dorm. And it closed on my ring finger as I was walking out of the door, like full swing. And it was that kind of pain, that kind of pain where you feel like, like dizzy for a second. I don't know if you guys have ever experienced that. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I cut my finger really, really bad in Boy Scouts once. They kind of got me there. But honestly, I think the worst pain I've ever been in is from fucking falls as a kid because I consistently fell off really high things.
like that I was way too young to do which is so on brand right but it's like it's like I would fall I would like climb to the top of the fucking playground and like immediately just like fall off like fucking like 15 feet but since kids can't die I just kind of like fell on my back and was just in a ton of pain and yeah kids are invincible no kids die kids die they just they just stretch um monkey d luffy what
Ted's been watching a lot of One Piece. Well, Charlie said they just stretch. Yeah, I liked it. No, I liked it. I liked it. Okay. It doesn't sound like Schlatt wants to give an answer for this one either. I wish I had a better answer. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude. We don't have anything better. Schlatt, let's give him something to work with. Time to set off the bombs. Well, we've got one more question. Oh. Which is the would you rather...
And I'm going to choose this one right now. And it's going to be really, really good. I saw a really, really good one earlier. One of the original ones. And oh, man, would you rather eat 10 babies or eat your parents? 10 babies.
I'd rather eat ten babies. This is a very easy question. Why would I eat my parents? There's more to eat anyways. Ten babies are smaller. I'd rather also eat ten babies. Little tiny six-inch babies. Well, now I feel...
Little beanie babies. Now I feel pretty shitty about this. Okay, fine. How about this? You would eat your parents? Two life-size humans bigger than ten babies. Okay, okay. I get it. I get it. You guys didn't like that one. Fuck it. Scrap it. It's in the trash bin. Also, the person who suggested that, you got me in trouble. You're a dick. Would you rather... No! No, it's over!
And Schlatt? I just want to eat babies. Just to balance out the yelling? Schlatt, fuck you. No, it's cool, man. Would you rather have a consistent toothache or back pain? Toothache. I consistently already have back pain. Wait. Are you just checking boxes? You just want to switch over?
Well, I mean, I know what back pain is like. Maybe I change sides. It would probably get me to eat less too. Uh, I would pick, I would, but wouldn't it also make it so you can't really enjoy anything you eat ever again? Yeah. But if you have consistent back pain, you can't really enjoy standing up.
Or sitting in certain angles. It happens every now and then. I'll get really bad, really bad. Like I'll sleep on it funny or something. But it runs in my family because we're all very tall. My dad needs a back brace. Is it a pain that runs down your legs like a radiating pain? No, it doesn't run down my legs. It stays in my back. Lower back or upper back? Mostly lower. Well, let's just say this then. Let's just say this, given on what you've given us in information.
Back pain, full back, toothache, all teeth. Toothache is going to make it really hard to eat 10 babies. But whole back and all teeth. All teeth. All teeth. Sorry. I'll get them taken out. It's not my... I'm not getting upset. I mean, it's your choice. I'll get gummy with it. Why are you apologizing to me? You're going to get gummy with it?
I'll get gummy with it. I'll take all my teeth out. Do the little gummy bear dance. People get fake teeth. They look good now. Oh, yeah. Veneers? Yeah. Okay, but that's... No, no, no. Because that's like a not fully answer. If you get the toothache, you have to live with it. You have to live with it. So you're choosing the easy way out because it's not like we can just remove our spine and get veneer spines. I'd still rather take the teethache. I know what back pain is like. I don't want it.
I have a controversial take here that I'd like to express if that's okay, guys. Okay, Charlie. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. First things first toothache would make it incredibly hard to devour all the kids that I'm going to have to eat.
This is not an extended universe. This is not a would you rather. So I don't know how I'm going to get through them all. And the next thing is, I don't know if you guys feel this way, the closer something hurts to my face, the more it upsets me. Is this a common experience? Like if something in my mouth, if something in my mouth, like if I have even a sore in my mouth,
I could go through... I can go through the day. Like, I've had, like, fucking back pain or something before. Probably not nearly as bad as Schlatt, but I know a lot of people that have it. And...
I, for some fucking reason, I do not know why my whole face is. I'm a sensitive boy. I'm very sensitive. Anything near my face. I got a sneeze. I'm like, I can't do it. I can't think, I can't feel it's in my brain. It's everywhere. I don't want my teeth to hurt. I probably would take the bath back pain. Yeah. I mean, I think that that makes sense because I can just replace it with a cyber spine anyway. So it's true. A lot of, a lot of face pain, pain,
is like more intense in general i feel like like if you guys just yeah like if you're like a fucking zit on like your nose in a weird spot like that ruins your day you know what i mean yeah i know that's probably not comparable to terrible lower back pain but it it for some reason it's like it's sharper and weirder and you're like i don't want to be alive
I have some pretty bad occasional back pain, but I'd probably have to lock it in with continuing on the back pain. Nice. Yeah. You like, you like where it's going. You know, imagine like if you like, if you have toothaches, like what if it like is painful to talk or something from those? It probably would be painful to talk and it would also probably come with big fucking migraines and migraines are the goddamn worst thing. Yeah. Migraines are bad, but this is about teeth.
You would get migraines, though, if you had tooth pain. Like, absolutely. Take her to leave it, Schlatt. It's your final chance to get on the good side. Give me the teeth. Give me the teeth. Drops a whole handful of teeth into his hand. He puts it in his little knapsack. You know, Schlatt... I'd rather it hurt to eat than hurt to sit. Yeah. Okay. You know, Schlatt, to close out this podcast, you strike me as one of those kids that would go to classes with a book bag. Book bag? Yeah.
What? Yeah. Like a backpack? Yeah. What did you do? Did you just carry them around and hope nothing falls out? No, no, no. You don't use backpack? I'm talking about the over-the-shoulder thing that you would see at an Old Navy. Not like backpack, like over-the-shoulder messenger bag that you think you'll look really cool wearing. And I've had the same thought
No one else has had that thought. You're the only one that's had that thought. Backpack. You're a messenger bag. I've never had that. No, no. Backpack. Ted, I think you are the messenger bag guy. No, I'm not. You just said that you thought it would be cool. Backpack. And you know what? And you know what, Ted? What's this? Bribe money. Bribe money. What the fuck?
All right. Thanks for listening to Chuckle Sandwich. Everyone scream as the bombs detonate. Here comes the bomb. Oh. Oh. Uh-oh.