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Baggy jean pants? What do you think of that? Not doing anything for me. Listen, I respect you as a person, but we need to get to the bottom of this, okay? You saw this shirt? Never even been to Maine. I guarantee it. I've been to Bar Harbor. I've climbed to the top of Cadillac Mountain or drove to the top of Cadillac Mountain and watched the sunrise. I don't know what it's really like in Maine. Been to Bar Harbor. Fuck you, dude. I'm in Maine right now. Look at me. Fuck.
Have you been to Acadia? Hell yeah, I've been to Acadia. Okay, well, listen. I'm feeling fun and fresh. I'm feeling confident and cool.
And look at you over there. You're in hell. Your jacket's making more noise than your voices. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, and that ring is screaming. That ring is screaming poser as well. This guy? Right into that microphone. Yeah. It's just a fucking metal ring. What are you talking about? Fucking poser. That's what it's saying. Oh, my God. Sorry I didn't like grow out my facial hair, and then that's all I've been. Gildan 5060.
$6 shirt. This was like a fucking $6 shirt as well. I got this in Maine. No, you didn't. I bought this at a building that is a blue. It was called Wild Blueberry Land. Wild Blueberry Land. You're making that up. Look it up. It doesn't exist. Wild Blueberry Land. It's a building that is a giant blueberry and they sell blueberry ice cream and they sell a Maine shirt like the one I'm wearing right now. He's delusional. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich.
Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Chuckle Sandwich. We got Tucker in the chat. We got Schlatt smacking his dirty little lips. I did not smack him once. He's been smacking his dirty little lips. I'm in heaven right now sitting at the right hand of the Father. That's right.
I made it, and you didn't. You know why? And I'm your host, Fashion Ted. Because you spend too much time on fashion forums. Let me guess. I'm not on forums, man. You've been browsing r slash male fashion advice, haven't you? No, I'm not on Reddit. You've been browsing r slash male fashion advice. You got a burner account that you've had for five years subscribed to that subreddit. Wrong. Yeah. Dead wrong. Dead wrong. I'm not a fashion Redditor. I'm a fashion talker. Talker? As in TikToker.
I'm looking at TikToks. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's arguably worse. No, it's not. I was going to say. No, it's not because it's got its ear to how the world is moving as opposed to Reddit, which is stuck in 2005.
And so are you. Hey, 2005 was a great time. Really? Yeah. Backyard baseball, playing fucking Trackmania Sunrise from the Scholastic Book Fair. The fuck do you think you are reading that? 2006, they were a year ahead. The Guinness Book of World Records for 2006. Here's what I'll say. I'm rocking 1995 right now with this fit.
Rock in 1995. The jacket's louder than you are. Pre-911. It's just... Pre... Okay. Pre-911. Okay. Why did that have anything to do... When the Twin Towers were in the New York City skyline before you came along, I might add. Are you suggesting... What are you suggesting? Well, everybody knows you were born the day before the tragedy. Okay.
Can we say a thing or two about, I don't know, the Antichrist? Can we talk about the Mark of the Beast where you drink Monster all the time, Schlatt? I remember that you're a little bit of a guy for...
for white monster you turn flip that shit over you think i'm a guy for white monster i'm a guy for white flowing luscious titty milk is what i'm a guy for well i think that you're the you're the devil and i'm looking good and we're i'm happy to that my jacket is loud okay maybe i'll take the jacket off i'll just stick with the oh no don't take the jacket off don't take
Don't take the jacket off you. Okay, now I'm getting mixed signals here. That would be admitting defeat. You'd be, I mean, this would just be, that'd be sad. Is what that'd be sad. Now, it was more of like a response to the audio, the audio gripes that were being thrown out. But fine, I'll keep the jacket on. Welcome everyone to Charcoal Sandwich. It's a great day. It's really loud, isn't it, Tucker? It is loud. You sound like a speak pipe recorder. Half our fans are jumbling their mic while they record.
Because they record on their phones. They don't have this high quality, nice microphone right here. I don't know. How was your week, Schlatt? Give me a break, man. Well, as you can see from whatever's behind me right now, I am not doing great. I'm going somewhere right now. I'm going somewhere on this green screen behind me.
You could be in hell. You could be in heaven. You could be anywhere. The opportunities are endless. And also, if it's just the editor just keeps it to straight green screen, you could just be wherever our viewers want you to be. Yeah, let me give some green screen lines right now. Editor, keep it green screen mode. And then watch this. Watch this. Ready? Ready? I fully support this.
Do another one where you're like, this is disgusting. Get this out of here. I don't want to see this. What's wrong with my camera, dude? I don't know what's wrong with your camera. I need some more lighting in here. Yeah, yeah. You need to turn up the lights a little bit. Yeah, I do. I do. I do. But listen, I'm going green screen mode. I'm feeling a little crazy today, you know? What are we doing today on the pod? Well, I mean, we...
You know, there's a lot of hot takes out there in the universe. There's a lot of hot takes. Some of them be like, oh, Ted doesn't know what he's doing when he's dressing. Ted doesn't know how to be cool. Ted's jacket's so loud. These are all hot takes to me. And a while ago...
We asked our little audience, our little community, our Chuckler army, what their hottest takes were. And so Tucker, as I've said, journeyed into the speak pipe. He went through the blood and bones. He waddled through the blood and bones. And now he's got something special for us. Here we go.
This is from Squiggly Line. Yeah, their name is Squiggly Line. Hey, Ted, Schlatt, and Tucker, of course. Tucker haters. Fuck you. Been subbed to the YouTube channel since the whole thing started. Rest in peace, Charlie. My question, simple and plain. Bowling or mini golf? All right. Bye. Bowling. Oh. Bowling. That's a hot take, but it was recent. I thought it was pretty good.
Bowling is pretty fun. There's some pretty fun bowling spots in LA too that I like going to. We call them bowling alleys. I'm sorry. I called it a bowling spot. You're right. I should call it by its full name. Bowling alley. Bowling alley. Are you... I don't know if you knew this, Schlatt, but being from Massachusetts, we actually have our own type of bowling that you might not even know about. What do you have? I'll show you right now. I've got a prop. Oh yeah, he does. He's got a prop.
Dude, he's showing his ass. I don't like that. I don't like when he does that. Yeah, those dumbass shoes, too. He's never looked worse. He's never looked worse. Right here. What's this? What's this? What I have. What's this? It's a bowling pin. No, that's not. Yeah, it is. No, that's not. This is a bowling pin. Nuh-uh. It is. No, it's not. Au contraire. I, doubling down, I assure you, sir, this is a bowling pin. It's been up on that, honestly, it's been up on that shelf for a while.
This is a candle pin bowling pin from Tucker and I's hometown bowling alley. That doesn't seem right. I don't like that. Yeah, it's candle pin. It's basically like really they're like small balls. They could like it's like the size of they're like the size of a bocce ball. And then these are the these are what the bowling pins are. They're taller than like a 10 pin bowling pin, allegedly. And you can just whip them. You can whip them down the lane. They're awesome.
That seems wrong. You've never seen this before? That's like a perversion of bowling, similar to how mini golf is a perversion of regular golf. And I just don't think that's right.
I had a ball back in the day. You had a ball where you bowled with? You know, you take it down to the alley. Oh, you had your own? Oh, yeah, I had my ball. You can't just say, I had a ball. Like, you got to clarify. In the context of a discussion about bowling? Yes, I can. I had a ball. Previously gets pedantic about calling it specifically bowling alley and not bowling spot, but then just calls a bowling ball ball is crazy. I had a ball, and I had a little bag full of powder.
That help you get a grip on the ball? No, no, no. That's a towel. That's different. You'd have a little bag that you'd hold up. You'd kind of pop it and it'd make puffs of smoke. And it smelled like vanilla.
That's surprising. Yeah, they made them scented. They made them scented. Wait, so were you part of like a bowling team or something when you were a kid? Yeah, of course. Of course I was. No, not of course. Not of course. This is lore I've never heard before. I knew that you played baseball. I didn't know that you were on a bowling team. I was on a bowling team. Really? Had a lefty ball. It was blue and red and kind of purple where the two colors met. I hate that I feel like there's a 40% chance that you're lying to me right now.
well you know too much information i don't know okay well that's a bold thing to say but uh you'd fucking throw it you the best game i ever bowled was a 208 you can fact check this across years of me saying this 208 and when did you i'll revise this and say between 205 and 210 it's somewhere in there when did you play bowling like what years of your life old am i now
You're 23. Half my life ago. No, you're 24. I was half as old as I was now. I was a bowler. Wow. That's the coolest thing Schlatt's ever brought up. Yeah. No, that's sick. Yeah, man. You know, my bowling alley had a little, you know where the bowling ball pops up, goes underground, pops up in that little thing? It had a little air vent on that. It was a really cool one. You'd hold your hand.
Buy it and it'd like cool your hand off before you went and bowled again. Because you were on such a roll that your hands were getting hot with the friction? Yeah, well that's where the bag comes into play. You'd kind of toss it around. We gotta go to that place in LA. We gotta do a chuckle sandwich special where we bring you to a bowling alley, man. It'd smack the fuck out of you. It wouldn't even be close.
It would be funny, though. Should we do that? Should we do a Chuckle Sandwich special where we bring you to a bowling alley? Listen, I'm probably not half the man I was back in the day. I mean, you're twice as old, so perhaps. Maybe it'll cancel out then. Damn, dude. Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty comparable in terms of the question to choose bowling as well. I will say, I'm going to start gesticulating with this. I will say, when my sister and I were kids...
we would, we loved both doing mini golf, but then one time she and I argued so hard during one of our mini golf excursions that my parents banned us from playing mini golf. Like we would like, they wouldn't even entertain the notion of playing mini golf for years. And so there was like maybe like a 10 year gap in my, in my employment history when it came to mini golf where I just never played it. Um,
But then coming back to it, it was pretty glorious when I got my chance to get back on the green. Also, side note, side note. You know me as the baseball player. The one thing I knew about golf and all of its perversions is that it'll fuck up your baseball swing if you play too much of that. Oh, really? It's a similar motion, but it's just off enough to fuck up your actual swing.
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Welcome to another round of Drawing Board or Miro Board. Today we discuss technical diagramming with systems architect Maya. Let's go. First question. You've spent 10 hours slogging over a sequence diagram that should have taken five. Drawing Board or Miro Board? Drawing Board. And if I'm being honest, Miro would probably cut that time down by half. You know, with its AI tools and ready-to-go templates.
Next.
Get started today at miro.com slash diagram now.
Golf is a weird swing too. My dad's played golf forever and he'd take me to the driving range but I would never actually play golf. I never got to the point where I was good enough that he felt like I deserved to actually try to play golf with him. It feels kind of complicated. How are you getting that small ball moving exactly how you want it? I think it's bullshit. I think it's on a wire.
No. Yeah. No. I think that's what they do, and it's the highest bidder. No. I don't think that... What do you mean the highest bidder? Tucker, back me up here. Tucker knows what I'm talking about. No, dude, no. I'm okay at golf, so... No, no, no, no. The way it works is everybody's... There's a guy that sets up the wires, and then...
whoever everyone puts in a you know blind silent blind auction or whatever and then whoever paid the most they hit the best and maybe sometimes they don't even set up a wire which is why some people suck they I don't think I ever got a wire
Your parents just told you this because you were so bad. You think I learned this from my parents? No. They needed something to, like, not have you crying the whole way. No, I figured this out on my own. That's true. All the JV bowlers on my team would say, oh, it's just the wire. That's how he gets so good. They said someone sets up the bowling ball wires before. Answer me this. Answer me this. If you don't think that there's a wire, I'm going to tell you something that's going to blow your mind, and you're going to be like, Ted, you're so smart. Oh, my God. Okay.
I'll give you my half of the podcast revenue. Basically, how does the guy who's filming the golf on the TV know how to track that fucking golf ball? It's this big. Dude's like fucking hundreds of meters away. I'll tell you, he goes like this. That shit's on a wire. No, he's not going like that. That doesn't help. He's fucking looking. Yeah, he goes, he goes. No.
He starts shivering. He starts fucking looking for the fucking ball, bitch. He starts taking one of those pills from Limitless and he starts locking in. Let me tell you what wasn't on the wire. Fucking Tiger Woods' Cadillac as it crashed into that tree. He was driving that fucking thing the whole way. I'll tell you that much. There's no wires in his life. Exactly. But on the field, there's a wire. On the field, also no wires. Think about it, though. No wires. No. Think about it. No.
The guy who sets up the wires is in cahoots with the camera guy. He goes up and he's like, here's the wire movement for today. And then the guy knows exactly where to film. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Okay, whatever. We can move on to the next question. I don't agree with that. I just think that there's a... I mean, maybe the commenters can say. I just think that there's a wire. No, they need high... Listen, if...
If there was a wire, they wouldn't need those insane fucking camcorders that they record the golf shows with that specifically have those lenses that stay in focus however your fucking focal length is, however zoomed in you are. This is stupid, man. This is stupid. I'm not even talking about this anymore. Not even talking about this shit. I just think it's on a wire. It's not. Here comes Michael Brody Riley.
Sup, Chuckle Crew, my name is Michael Brody Riley, and here's my hot take. Michael Brody Riley? Okay, wait, yeah, we gotta Chuckle... Michael Brody Riley. Sup, Chuckle Crew, my name is Michael Brody Riley, and here's my hot take. I don't like drinking my milk after my cereal. I think it's gross. It's just... I don't care if it's wasteful. It has a weird texture. It tastes weird. It's just not good, and you're a bad person for doing it.
I can't necessarily support the moral aspect of that, of being a bad person for drinking milk after. I agree with Michael Brody Riley. I agree with him. I have mixed feelings on Michael Brody Riley. I like him.
I think I'm in love with Michael. No, no, no. Explain that. I walked that back. Let's talk about it. I walked that back. No, let's talk. No, I don't want to talk about that. No, let's walk forward. Let's follow that feeling. No, be truthful. I think.
That you don't have to drink the milk afterwards. I don't care about being wasteful. What? I have to drink the fucking pint of milk after I put my Lucky Charms in it and finish the bowl? You have a whole pint of milk left over after you... No, I don't want... Even if I had a whole quart of milk after it, it still doesn't change the fact that Taylor Swift and her fucking chief boyfriend is fucking flying each other out on private jets every night after the big game and the big concert. Yeah, true that.
And it doesn't change the fact that Ariana Grande, that fucking home wrecker with that husband who left his wife and kids to be with her are probably putting out more carbon dioxide in a day than I'll ever do in my life. What? Yeah. Yeah.
So fuck you. I'll dump an entire gallon of milk down the drain right now. See if I care. And if you think about it, like sometimes when the dairy industry ain't rocking and rolling and baking biscuits, they'll be like, they'll dump milk out. Like, you know how like the U S government's got like fucking like $3 billion of cheese in caves. No. So like the U S government has like $3 billion worth of, of cheese in caves. Not true. That's not true. What? Yeah.
So the Department of Agriculture owns only a portion of the estimated 1.4 billion pounds of cheese. Pounds of cheese. Cold storage across the country. That's what I keep my Bitcoin in. Yeah, so... Wow. This is a recent thing. Yeah, yeah. No, they've got...
All of a sudden, they're like, we got to start putting this shit underground. And not only that, we got to start putting this shit in the caves. Somebody came in and we were like, we got a lot of cheese. We got to put it somewhere. And it was like, well, I've got the cave for you. Like somebody's been waiting to put some cheese in those caves. Yeah, no, I think, and I don't, 1.4 billion pounds of cheese. That's a lot of cheese.
If you think about it, if you gave everyone a pound of cheese in America, everyone would get one pound of cheese for like four years. No. Yes. He's talking about an annual gift of cheese. You're talking about a yearly dividend of cheese? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. As we couldn't pass the tax break. From cereal milk. Well, because if we cross my mind, I was like, I was like, I was talking about Taylor Swift flying around and I was like, well, he doesn't know in fact that the government's got a shit ton of cheese in caves and I got to talk about it. Yeah, they're keeping cheese in caves, man. I don't actually know what type of cheese could be Munster.
I hope it's Brie. I feel like it's pretty unlikely it's Brie. What I think it is is probably a lot of cheddar. A lot of cheddar in Humber cheese fucking in Tomah, Wisconsin, Humber cheese fucking red wax. No. Is what they're in. I'll have the Munster and I'll have the Pepper Jack.
What are you ordering from it now? You're ordering from the cheese cave right now? Yeah, I'll have the Munster. Mr. Trump, I'll have the wheel of pepper jack, please. Yeah. What are the caverns bringing us today? What's in the lower caverns? Oh, yeah. No, we've got some. Oh, well, we've got a lot of Parmesan in the lower caverns. Wow. Okay. The American cheese.
I think they just mean it's like American-made cheese. I don't think it's American. American cheese isn't even cheese. Yeah, no, if there was 1.4 billion pounds of Kraft American cheese in caves... Just fucking Kraft singles. Dude, just leave it there. Dude, that's a really hard photo of fucking Ronald Reagan holding up a block of cheese. Fuck yeah, dude. I like that. Wait, so what information have you learned from this article so far, Tucker? Yeah.
What pressing information about the cheese caves? I've learned that Ronald Reagan at one point held a five-pound block of cheese. That is very apparent. You're right. It is there. It is there. That photo is almost as hard as fucking Michael Brody Ryan's name, Riley name, whatever his name is. Forgot it. I wonder if Michael Brody Ryan knew that the cheese caves exist. Michael Riley...
That has been itching to tell somebody about the cheese caves. Like that's been living in your head. No, there's been several times it's crossed my mind on the podcast and I'm like, no, it's not the time. It's not the time to talk about the cheese caves. I'll find my Taylor Swift. You were just talking about her. Wait. And it's also a milk ad with Taylor Swift. Wow.
Wow. Wait, that's weird, though. No, you got to think about how you're not nearly as surprised as you should be. That's serendipitous. That's serendipitous. I will say, though, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. Why are you saying it like Donald Trump? I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. She roots for the Chiefs. Yeah, she root for the Chiefs. They did the bills dirty the other night.
Wait, can I read that? Can I read that? Oh, you left it. Can I, I want to read that last thing. It seems that we should not be asking people if they got milk and instead think about how to use up the existing cheese supply without adding to it. Is that a problem? Are we adding to the cheese supply against our own will as a country? The funds used to subsidize the overproduction of dairy and maintain cheese caves may be better spent elsewhere. So this is like a production thing. So there are,
That's not just like to have like they have so much cheese that they're keeping it all in caves and just not giving it away. And I don't are starving. I'll I'll throw out a hot take, Ted. I don't think my taxes should be going to fund a fucking cheese cave. I'll say it. I'll say I mean, I think it's, dare I say, better off going to the military. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it'd be interesting.
Is if and I think that they should do this in general. But if you paid your taxes, I feel like it'd be really cool and probably pretty easy for the government if they gave you a little receipt and it kind of showed you what that amount went to.
So you can kind of understand where your tax money was going to. Like an audit. I think that the cheese caves would go away real quick if somebody was looking at their taxes and they just so happened to 5% of their taxes going to maintaining the cheese caves. Be like, the fuck is a cheese cave? Like it's not equally weighted and some person just gets their receipt back and they're like, I paid fucking $30,000 for a cheese cave?
What? All my taxes? Some people get 100% towards the cheese cave. Some get like 0.1. Yeah, no, I think that would be great for our country to have that. Consider it Biden? Think about it. Yeah. Or the IRS. That'd be really good. Yeah. Good and ding. Can we go to the next one, please? I think I'm having an aneurysm.
Okay, here comes Jay. Hello, Tucker and Ted and Schlatt, I guess. You were going to say my name before you even said Ted's name, but you changed your mind. Fuck you. I can't hear what you're saying. Sauces are terrible. They're not good. Like...
Like sauce on a hot dog, ketchup on a burger. Fucking white person detected. It's not enjoyable. Wee woo, wee woo. There's a fucking cracker on line one. Wee woo, wee woo. Cracker on line one. The sauce is so overpowering and annoying.
Are we at the Ritz factory? Because I'm hearing a lot of cracker in here. I hope you chuckle. I don't know. Sure. Not chuckling after I heard that one. So what is it? Tucker, did you hear what you said otherwise? No, you guys were causing an absolute scene. She just said sauces are bad. You want to hear more? You want me to go back? I don't want to hear that again. Honestly, I mean, that's all like, you know, do we?
She was like anti-ketchup, mustard, mayo. I mean, okay. I have some things to admit. Uh-oh. You better not come out with a statement against mayo right now. No. Yeah, that's what I was afraid he was going to do. No, no. Oh, my God. Actually, no. Whenever I order a McDonald's quarter pounder, I will actually add mayo to it. Good choice. Which enhances and improves the... Gets you a step closer to mac sauce.
It does. But, you know, sometimes the Big Macs just don't. I feel like they're so messy. I get so much lettuce. I feel like when I bite into a Big Mac and it explodes with lettuce. And I'm just like, what am I doing here? Listen, the perfect burger from McDonald's is a McDouble. You know why? Because it's two patties, one slice of cheese, and two buns. And while you're in the drive-thru, you say... Dude, Tucker loved that. Dude, Tucker fucking loved that shit. You say, I'd like...
No ketchup on it. Just use Mac sauce instead. And then you get the best of every single world of McDonald's hamburgers in one sandwich. I got to try that. Damn, dude. Fuck yeah. Well, the thing I was going to say is that I think that sauces are really, really, really important. And I'm always a sucker, even a slut, for an orange sauce. Orange sauce. And you know what I'm talking about. The orange sauce. The orange sauce.
Could be a Southwest Mayo. Could be a Chipotle aioli. Could be just like a... Could be quite literally from Rainforest Cafe. It could be called Boom Boom Sauce. But no matter what it is, it always slaps. What I will say, though, that's a potentially hot take. And maybe, you know, I might get screwed for this. I might. Ready? Ready?
Yeah. Tucker, are you ready? Go for it. Yes. I think that marinara sauce reduces the quality and experience of a mozzarella stick. Yes, but it enhances the quality of a chicken parm. Fair. I don't like Italians, so I'm going to hold off on this discussion. I don't even have an opinion. I don't think Italians even eat that stuff. I don't even think they made it. I think it was...
I mean, Americans were mutations of the previous, you know, a lot of white Americans, mutations of the previous Europeans, folks. You know, you got an Italian person who's like walking around being Italian and then you bring them to New York City and then they start walking around and they're like, how you doing? You know what I mean? How you doing? How you doing? How you doing?
And it's like, no, no, you know, you start calling things instead of it's like mozzarella. It's like, it's mozzarella. It's mutts. Mutts. Mutts. You know? Americans were mutations.
And I think that the mozzarella stick is a mutation of maybe something from before. But I will say, I think that like the marinara sauce, it's unless it's like a fucking excellent, delicious marinara sauce. I think I think a chipotle aioli would be better in a mozzarella stick than than than marinara sauce. I think that like if a good mozzarella stick on its own, you don't need you don't need anything else. We just talked about this.
Yeah, because it's a very strong opinion. A good mozzarella stick doesn't need any sauce because it should have a little grease when you bite in. That's why you've got to eat it hot. The flavor needs to come through. There's a small temperature window in which you've got to get those things down. Yeah. When a mozzarella stick cools, now that is a very tragic thing. You can eat cold pizza. You cannot eat a cold mozzarella stick. It's like biting into a fucking stick. Squeaking.
Have you had a mozzarella stick before, Shlatt? I'm confused. I don't care about this Italian discourse. I don't care. Yeah, and you can be whatever you want. I don't care if you're a mutation, a permutation, a perversion, whatever the fuck you want. If you're spending $800 billion on your military every year, you can be whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, rock on, brother. We run the fucking world, dude. You kidding me?
yeah we can have a cheese cave yeah we do we got we've got we've got 11 as far as i know 11 aircraft carriers how many do you have no country no country even comes close to that amount of aircraft carriers i don't even think any country has half of the aircraft carriers that we have it's not even it's not even close mm-hmm
It is not even fucking close. I think we should be spending more money a year on our military. Dude, I want to put...
I want to put boots on the moon. That's really what I'm looking for. Like, I'm thinking that we if we get if we get boots on the moon, we get like we put like a straight up base there. There's nothing they're going to do. We start building a fucking artillery situation up there. Drop fucking rocks from up there and they're going to get real quick on the way down. Yeah.
Yeah, they will. As long as they don't burn up in the atmosphere, but we'll put some shielding on them. Start pointing them towards China. Think about it. We'd make more of those like funny little landscapes with the tall rocks, you know? Yeah.
Wait, what? No, nothing. Nothing. You're talking about like Cairns? No, you know the land from Avatar that they flew through? Oh, shit, yeah. Fucking helicopter with the two copters on it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, rock on. Yeah, I don't get this, Ted. Policy...
Idea right now. Policy idea. For the government? Like a government policy? Yes, we submit this on change.org. On change.org, notably the best place to create change in our society. Yes, change.org. The White House has a petitioning system where if a petition gets 100,000 votes, they have to make a statement on it. Uh-huh. Here's my petition. Oh, that is true, isn't it? Whitehouse.gov. That's whitehouse.gov, though. Yeah. Raise taxes on the wealthy.
All the money goes to the military.
Want to save even more? With a Boost membership, you'll get double fuel points and free delivery. So shop and save big at Ralph's today. Ralph's, fresh for everyone. Savings may vary by state. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Interesting. All of it. All the extra money. That would be... Fucking awesome. That would be crazy. Is what you were going to say. I mean, that would be crazy. Yeah. That would be good. I think we tax it wealthy. We put it towards the military. We start getting hover tanks. Yeah.
We probably already have them. Think about that, Tucker. You're the military guy. Think about a hover tank applications. Think about that. No more barbed wire. No more barbed wire. Barbed wire ain't a problem anymore. You float over it. Well, usually we just blow it up because we're in a tank. Yeah, I know. But imagine how fast you can go in a tank that's floating. That's terrifying. That's a discussion for Elon.
That's totally something he would fund. We're going to beat him to it. Yeah, there you go. We're going to beat Elon to it. We're going to start putting boots on the moon, hover in the tanks, and we're going to, I don't know, we're going to put a fucking nuke on the Boston Dynamics robots or something like that. I feel like this entire podcast episode sounds like we are absolutely wasted.
But we're not. I'm actually fully sober. I'm having a good time. I'm having a good time right now. I'm enjoying talking about this. How you doing? All right. What's the next one? I think we answered this person's question. I don't actually remember what it was. I don't remember either. Oh, yeah. Sauce.
It's weird that they don't like sauce though. I will say with McDonald's fries, I don't actually really dip them in ketchup that often. Yeah. It's a similar thing with the grease thing. I feel like the McDonald's fries are good enough on their own that you don't really need a sauce to supplement it. And you can't let them get cold. You can't. You gotta hold them like this. You gotta grab them like a fucking velociraptor and shove them in like that one meme of the guy with all the cigarettes in his mouth. You know what I'm talking about?
Ah, whatever. Next thing. Here comes Grace. Hi, BLT. That's Bed, Lat, and Tucker, just to be clear. My hot take is that it should be normalized to pick your nose, and what should be taboo is what you do after you're done picking your nose. Like, it should be okay to pick your nose, but if you're going to touch something and not wash your hands after, then you're the freak. Kisses.
I mean, if you use a tissue, you can pick your nose, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
The weird thing is when you actually stick a finger in there, that's why I have a box of tissues with me at all times. I even carry those little... You know those little like mini wrapped tissues? Yeah, the ones that sometimes are hard to get out of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because they're folded in on themselves like four times. But yeah, I'd rather have that. This is pretty cut and dry. I mean, I just don't think it's socially... It's going to be socially acceptable to pick your nose. And also like...
what's going to happen? Somebody's like, someone's picking their nose and then, and then, and then it like, somebody's like, Oh, don't do that. And someone's like, no, wait, they haven't done anything. You got to see, let's see what happens next. Like, like we gotta, we gotta hold your tongues, hold your tongue. Let's see where this goes. Like the, nobody's going to do that. It's like, it's going to be on seeing the thingy up there. That's where the reaction comes from. You know, I don't like that. I don't like that. Yeah. Sorry, Grace. Sorry, dude.
And also she should be embarrassed. Here comes agent. It's me. You don't know. I'm really thankful. Get a better. No, no. Next one. Next. I want to see. No, I want to see this through. I want to see this through. Keep playing. And I just want to say thank you, especially to you. I love you. I love you. Who? I love you.
Wow. You were about to shut that fucker up, dude. You were about to shut that fucker up. And now he's professing his love to you. And you were about to say, get him out of here. Aiden is nothing more to me than a number on a fucking screen. A fraction of the million. A psycho? I'm being realistic. You're hearing his voice. You're hearing his voice. His vocal cords vibrate. I barely heard it because that shit fucking microphone he's using. Fuck you, Aiden. Damn. Sorry, Aiden. Aiden with a Y.
And if you're an audio listener, try to figure that one out. Even worse. Could be in the E zone, could be in the I zone. All right, Evan? Evan.
Hi, Ted and Shlap. Evan here, calling from California. But don't worry, not Hobo LA or Shit Francisco. Fresno! I'm calling in to ask, what ice cube shape is the superior shape? Circle? Less surface area, better for alcohol. The little nugs, good for munching on. Crescent, basic ass ice fridge water. And coolers are all it's good for. Cube, because cube. Obviously, there are more. Discuss. Also, Ted, get that new couch.
I do got to get a new couch. That's so true. I do need to replace the fucking couch. And that's probably half the reason Tucker chose this for the, for the speak pipe. Um, we're not coming out until you get it.
So I did hear mention of the chewable ice and, you know, at the end of the day, ever since I went to style switch in Austin, Texas, and I got a soda there, that really kind of changed my whole perspective. And I don't think I've ever really had chewable ice as good as that since, but I've tried to find it. Um, I think, what did he specifically call it? Was it like this, this, uh, Evan guy, what did he, he said it was basically chewable ice is, is the one I'm going for the kind that you get out of the dispenser. Um, yeah.
Yeah, I think. Worst ice by far. Worst ice by far. You always wind up with a really shit. From Chick-fil-A especially, I got to specify, I want low light ice. Do not fill that fucking thing up because it'll be full of water by the end of it.
terrible yeah but don't are you not an ice chewer no ew no that hurts your teeth man that doesn't call me chip skylark bitch dude dude her chewing ice hurts about your teeth as much as chewing chips man it hurts you no it doesn't it hurts your teeth what do you got weak bones fucker oh bitch no i drink a pint of milk a day asshole let me tell you what the best form of ice is this one right here
big oh that's where you went cube bitch you seeing this that's a big fucking cube i'm seeing that you toss that in a fucking whiskey glass with a with a little sippy of buffalo trace in there my god yeah i mean yeah i guess yeah let me get the buffalo trace let me get the buffalo trace
He can't resist having a little drink there. I don't know. I like chewable ice if I had to choose. I mean, there is some charm in having a big block of ice in a whiskey glass. What do you think, Tucker? The chewable ice, the problem is it's so small. If you get it at a restaurant, they fill it all the way up, and you get no soda. Yeah.
Yeah. You're done in two seconds. Wait, you have a glass of whiskey and a fucking pizza hot cup right now? Where'd you get that pizza hot cup from? What? It's a dining hall cup right there. That's a fucking pizza hot cup right there. I got it from Webster on store.com. Dining hall cups would be much smaller, Tucker, because they want you to do more than one trip. I got it from Webster on store.com. Webster on store.com?
Webster on store. That's a long laugh you're giving me right now. Red Cup. How'd you find that so quick? Is it this one? Maybe. Why'd you buy all these Pizza Hut cups? Because I got a good deal on them on Webster on store. What? It is a silly name, isn't it? Webster on store. Oh.
Rhett Webster on store. This is where you get all your shit. Buffalo Trace got me feeling fucking like a G6 right now. Wait, they got boots and benches too. They got everything on Webster on. Wait, this is awesome. They got everything in bulk. Do they have a new couch? No. Dude, they've got booth seats.
They've got like practically the seating that we sat at in the first Chuckle Sandwich thing. Fuck yeah, dude. That's where all the restaurant owners shop on the web. At websterontstore.com? Yes, websterontstore. You don't know about this? I didn't know about this, but I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you what, how you're doing. I would, if I had like...
And I'm thinking more in terms of like if I was a little kid and I was making little kid choices, which are semi-dittle choices I'd make now. I'd get like one, like a big booth thing where it's like everyone's going to slide in and I'd make that my like dinner table setup. That'd be fucking awesome, man. Yeah, that'd be fun. And you know what? I'd get like an old jukebox that you flip through, you know? You know the mini table size jukebox you put a quarter in and you got to flip it with that big disc that you spin and it switches like four pages at a time? Fuck.
Yeah. I wonder if they sell it on WebsterOnStore.com. I like that. You think they got that on WebsterOn? Damn, are you sponsored by these people or something? Yeah, you keep saying the name over and over again very specifically. WebsterOnStore does not sponsor me. I don't have a business account with WebsterOnStore either.com. Oh my God.
Man, they got storage racks. They got commercial shelving. They got everything. They got insulated food and beverage carriers. They've got janitorial supplies. Hey, you know what their motto is? You want it, they got it. That's what they say. Imagine if I got myself or I buy a home, I get myself a commercial dishwasher. I'm talking about the kind that like you pull it down and it goes...
That would be great. Fuck yeah, dude. You should get a commercial toaster, like a vertical toaster. You could get like 600 slices of bread a minute. Yes. I don't even know what I'd need that for, but it would work. It'd be awesome. You got to heat it up for like 30 minutes. Industrial shelving? Packing tables? Yeah.
Industrial workbenches? Yeah. This is great. Hey, Tucker, let's do another one. Let's do another one. Okay, let's do Guillermo. No, no, no, I'm not done. I'm still looking. No, no, no, get off Webster on store. We'll keep it for later. I can't. I can't. I am fucked up off this Buffalo. Guillermo, Guillermo. Hi, Ted. Hi, Schlatt. My hot take is that Jackie Kennedy started cars for kids on her deathbed so she could spread the consumption of scrap metal among the youth of America.
Do you think they give them the fucking cars? Are you stupid? You think 1-800-CARS-FOR-KIDS is just like they're taking the car and they give it to someone? No. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is your problem? They fucking flip it to Carvana. No, I changed my mind. People could think it'd be like, oh, it's like a soup kitchen for kids.
I fucking hated that commercial growing up. For eating metal, dude. And yet you can recite it. You can recite it, can't you? All my most unfavorite commercials I can recite.
Well, I'll tell you one that's smooth and good. Okay. 800-580-2300 Empire Today. I was just thinking that. Now that is art right there. Let me tell you one that I really remember. Hi, I'm Uncle Magic, the hip-hop magician, and I'm Shaquem the Clown.
I'm the one that celebrities call for their kids birthday parties. No, I'm the one that celebrities call for their kids birthday parties. Slap. I have no idea what you're talking about. You sound insane.
Dude, that's- I need to watch this. Uncle Magic? Dude.
I have never, ever seen this individual in my life. Damn, you were pretty good at this. You were! You were excellent. Wait, you know the whole script. Who's your favorite? Wow. I even got the bro fist at the end. Oh my god. That was a rollercoaster. Dude, I was...
Dude, I haven't had that happen in a long time where somebody just full confidence recites something that's completely nostalgic to them. And just like Tucker and I are sitting here and we've got no clue what you're talking about. Yeah.
Good times, man. Good vibes, Uncle Magic. He came to my birthday party once. He did? Yeah. He came to your, you met him? Yeah. And Shaquem the Clown. This guy seems like a celebrity. Dude, that video has 240,000 views. Well, no, the celebrities call him for their kids' birthday parties. I like, there's, we have no evidence if that's true, too. Like, he's just, he could just be saying that.
I have no idea where Uncle Magic got the budget to run as many commercials as he did, but I heard him every fucking hour. Man, he must have been doing like four birthdays a day to be able to afford the marketing budget. How many?
Dude must have been speeding along the streets. How fucking localized was this ad to my area that dude is advertising that much? There's only one Uncle Magic. It doesn't make any fucking sense now that I think about it. That is crazy. That is awesome. I mean, I'll tell you one thing. What commercial I hated as a kid was Bob's Discount Furniture. Oh.
Bob's, the guy Bob. Bob's Discount Furniture. Yeah, I know. Everyone knows Bob, dude. Yeah. Bob.
He always showed up in the commercial and be like, I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you. But then there'd be Jordan's Furniture where the guy with the ponytail will come on and he was like a sponsor of the Boston Red Sox. That's more of a local thing. Oh, that was great. There'd be this old guy with a ponytail that would come on and he would just be chatting. And I remember thinking as a kid, this guy is the coolest motherfucker I've ever seen. Because you never see adults just rocking a ponytail. Especially not in the 2000s.
Just like it's unheard of, you know? Yeah. This guy rolls in. He's rocking a fucking... He's rolling in. He's going, how you doing? And he's got his fucking ponytail. How you doing? Look at this guy. Hey, if anyone listening to the Chuckle Sandwich podcast ever had Uncle Magic come to your birthday party as well, can you confirm that the magic show is just him pouring a can of Coke into a glass?
Or did he only do that for me? Let us know, please. Please let us know about this. Let us know. Also, not a fun name. Not a super fun name for a guy. Children's entertainer. Uncle Magic. The hip hop magician. But like Uncle Magic. And shocked him to clown.
And shock him the clown? Did we see shock him the clown? Is that the same guy? You sure did. Did he just change? Go back to the commercial. No, no, no. Go back to the commercial. Yeah, no, bring up the commercial. Did he change into, or is that a different individual? Listen, all I'll say is I never saw him in the same room. Oh, shock him. Celebrity call for their kid's birthday party. I'm the one.
Yeah, he just poured coke into a cup for the magic show. There it is! There it is! That's exactly what he did! He poured a coke into a glass! But he's not holding the glass. That was the whole magic trick! The glass is floating, though. No, he was holding the fucking thing. The glass is floating!
So what's the trick then? Popcorn machine, cotton candy machine, and a bouncy castle. Didn't even bring the fucking bouncy castle. I guess my parents didn't pay for the bouncy castle. Popcorn as a product is pretty magical, you know? It starts as a kernel, and then it's like not that thing, and you can eat it. That's true. That's true. It's also magical how, without fail, every time I go to the movies to get popcorn, I will always get popcorn.
Some of that kernel stuck in my teeth and it will be. Oh, yeah, it will. It will haunt me. Oh, man, that was a roller coaster, man. What's the next to be played? Here comes Kate. Hi, Ted. Hi, Schlatt. Hope you're having a lovely day. My hot take is that Ted's glasses are definitely fake and they don't even do anything. Well, that's a bold thing to say.
They are very real. I would be in danger if I drove without my glasses on. I mean, I can... I don't need to be fucking legally blind in order to have glasses that are real. I'm offended, actually. Now, Tucker knows. Tucker Beck may have real glasses. Didn't you go through a period where you weren't wearing them? Yeah, I was wearing daily contacts. No. He's calling himself Theo, too. Yes, I was wearing...
That was during his Theo phase. No, it wasn't actually because I'm... I have just... I need to get a new... I've honestly been thinking about wearing contacts again but I just can't... I've been going through my longest period of wearing my glasses because I just haven't really gotten around to going to the
the glasses person to be like, hey, can I have a prescription for contacts, please? Did you know in Illinois, also known as Illinois, in order to get contacts, I learned this from Eddie Burback, you have to prove that you can put them in within an allotted time period or they won't let you have them. I just thought that that was a little silly. Yeah, that is a little silly. Yeah.
Yeah, no, but my glasses are real. I need them to see. I need them to see. It's on my license. I've got corrective lenses. I got my pair of glasses in. What do they look like? They're aviators. Prescription aviators? Yeah. Joe Biden. Cool. Shout out Gabriel. Shout out.
He gave me the pair. He was working the front desk at the place. He gave you his? No, no. He got my prescription. Oh. And then he handed me the glasses and he said, hey, man, are you the famous YouTuber? Just that? Give me my glasses. Are you slipping for a kiss, too? Why do you say it like that? Oh, man. I put them on and then I asked him, hey, Gabriel, do these make me look like a serial killer?
And he said, yeah, kind of. Yeah. And then you smiled at him and laughed without saying another word, I imagine. Let me go find him. Let me go find him. All right. I found him. They weren't too far away. Sweet. Put those shit on. Oh, we got the Jay Schlein with the low taper fade. Huh? Nothing. Don't worry about it. What's going on? What's going on? We got Schlein with the low taper fade.
Ted, are you upset that Shalat has nicer hair than you? Um, Tucker, out of line. Out of line. Sorry, dude. Hot take episode. If I could spank you, I would. If I could spank you, I would. Yeah, I'd love that. Nah, yeah, I'm sure you would. Hey, me and Tucker are becoming great friends recently on this podcast. Everything I say just...
Lights up his face like a Christmas tree. It does. Honestly, you could... Dude, it's funny when you see... When something you say, like, when it really tickles Tucker, because you can see him trying to keep himself, like, silent and not involve himself. Oh! What do we think? These are not aviators. These are... Yes, they are. Oh, are they technically considered aviators even without the sunglasses portion? What are you talking about? They are aviators. Yeah, no. I mean, I didn't understand what you were talking about earlier when it came to the serial killer look, but I mean... I mean, like...
I mean, like, yeah. That's smolder. Yeah. Like, I mean, like, dude, that's... I'll tell you what. If you're wondering, though, if you really don't... If the jury's still out on whether or not you are...
You know, a serial killer look. I say get yourself like the greasiest sweater you got, gray. Put some like fucking... Put some jeans on. And like just go to like a corner and put your hands like all the way in your pockets. Not like the cool kind where your thumb is sticking out. No, no, no. I'll stand like this. Yeah, no, that's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look around. Yeah, and look around a lot. And if somebody walks by...
maybe like stare at yeah stare at them or follow them for like maybe 30 paces and then like turn around if they notice yeah I got a silver pair too well that's good it's good to have options when constructing the outfit we were just describing yeah nice dude well I'm proud of you why I don't know
My vision is degrading. Dude, dude, that's... That's why I have these. I didn't know how to respond to that at all. No one's ever asked me why when I say I'm proud of them. That was crazy. Why? I feel bad now for saying I was proud of you. These glasses are a result of my vision degrading. So, like, why did you... What are you congratulating me for? What did I do? I don't know. For...
Listen, man, sorry. Congrats, man, on your health condition worsening. Dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry your fucking eyeballs are weirdly shaped that you... I don't know. Man, I'm sorry. I'm more sorry that he said that you looked like a serial killer and you walked out of that store with them on still. No, no, I wanted... That's why I got the aviators. I wanted to look like a fucking serial killer. Is this the facial hair part two thing? Like...
This is all because of your face reveal? Look, I just, I don't think regular glasses would fit me, you know? I feel like the only way this works is if I'm,
Yeah, no, that does work. That does work. Audio listeners love you to death. Slad is standing kind of like with his hands in a bit of a velociraptor form where he's got his left hand kind of cupping and holding his wrist so his right hand kind of like hangs down. And it's pretty scary. It's pretty scary. And speaking of scary, yeah, no, this is good. I think this will work, Slad. There's been a killer.
There's been a killer running around Austin. I think that people might actually not recognize you as much. No, fuck no. No, I think that it does actually change your face a lot, though. I think it makes you less recognizable. Really? I think it does actually make you less recognizable. Tucker, what do you think? It's going to be hard to beat the chops, dude. Oh, no, the chops are like...
I know. I can't see past them most of the time. I'm looking at them. I saw one fucking person in my life with mutton chops. One other person at fucking Barnes and Noble. And he walks right by me. I'm like, my face is lit up. I'm like, dude. And he just he doesn't even look at me. The fuck?
He's probably how old was he? How old did he look? He was like my age. Oh, I was like, bro. Nice. And he just did not even fucking acknowledge me. I was going to say he could have been like an experienced chop. What if he was imitating you and he saw you, but he knows you. He's like, look at this fucking shlatten person here. My job is as good as me. I got this down pat. I'm not even going to I'm not even going to acknowledge this guy.
Dude, sometimes I do think about like what percentage of people with mutton chops currently are doing it because of me. I feel like it's a non-zero. Like it could be could very well be 1% of all the people with. I think it can be 50%. I think anyone under your age, Shlatt, got to be in the upper percentiles. Like it's got to be more than 50%. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And then I'm going to get, there's going to be a rise in aviators too. Rise in aviators and chop combo. I mean, I think that that's a bit of a seventies look though. And a rise in serial killers. A bit of a seventies and sixties look that I feel like maybe didn't go away as much. Whereas the mutton chops are more of like an 1810s look that kind of went away a while ago. That's true. Yeah, that's true.
That's fair. But, hey, keep you warm in the winter. I think we've got time for one more. What do you say? What do you say? I'll do one more. I got plenty of time now. That Buffalo trace has gotten me loose. One more hot take. Give us your best hot take, Tucker. I want the best one. I don't know. This is grace. We might have had a grace already.
I hate bitches named Grace. I hate bitches named Grace. My hot take is that there are simply not enough convenience stores and gas stations in any of the national parks, and it's really not feasible for the amount of travel they expect visitors to do. Thank you. Sounds like somebody ran out of gas. I picked this one because I hated it. Yeah.
Sounds like somebody ran out of gas and didn't think ahead. Wait, you want us, what do you want us putting fucking, putting a fucking 7-Eleven on the going to the Sun Trail in Glacier National Park? She's talking like it's an amusement park. Like, she's like, it's more than they expect us to do. I'm like, you don't have to go. Like, it's not an amusement ride. Yeah, she's talking about national, not even national monuments, like national parks. Yeah, like, I feel like the parks are already, like, too...
like modern they've got gift stores they've got yeah like it's already too much shit
All the roads are paved. I'll tell you one thing, though, Tucker. You would be surprised with the amount of backcountry land there is in most national parks, though. Oh, yeah. There's an insane amount of backcountry area in Yosemite and stuff where there's not anything marked and stuff. And it's like you go in there and you just survive. The main drag of Yosemite, though, is pretty brutal in terms of people and traffic and capitalism. Yeah.
Good time to go is April, I found. April. Mm-hmm.
I love gas stations. I love convenience stores. One of my favorite things about Japan. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, here we go. Here we go. Just tell us why we got to put a fucking loves in fucking Grand Canyon. Tell me why we got to put a fucking sheets. I'm not saying shit about putting sheets in the fucking Grand Canyon. I'm saying there should be more around where we live. I'm saying...
Fix the fucking zoning fucking problems with this country and get some goddamn family marts right outside my door so I could go there at three in the morning and get a fucking tall boy for 70 cents. You know, there is some walk into a strip mall. There is some charm of being able to walk to stores like for the stuff that's in my area that I can walk to. That's pretty nice. Like there's like a place that has breakfast that I can walk to from where I live. And that's awesome.
Dude, in Japan, you are a two-minute walk away from the convenience store. Yeah, and like Tokyo. No, bro, anywhere. I'm telling you, anywhere. What about like middle of nowhere places? Like what about the place that they moved to in my neighborhood, Toro?
They got a family mart right next to my garage. They don't. They got a family mart. It's open 24-7. It's open 24-7. You walk in at 3 a.m., they say Ohio goes on. No way. Yes, they do. In the town that my neighbor told her I was in, they had a family mart. Yes, they do. They had a family mart. He's been there. That wasn't part of Hayao Miyazaki's vision. Ha, ha, ha.
And let me tell you something. You walk out of the Family Mart and across the street, there's another one. I want to go to Up Japan. You should. I want to go. You should. I'm going again this year. Probably twice, maybe three times. I'll come with. I'm trying to travel more just for the shits and gigs. Yeah, you should. Just for the shits and gigs because I can't. I need to get my new passport, though. I need to get my new passport. You do need to do that. You should do that. But, yeah, I mean...
I don't know. I don't know. We've had some rough endings to podcasts lately. We don't know how to fucking put a cap on some of this shit. I'll put a cap. I'll pop a cap in grace in that little kill zone of Yellowstone in Idaho. You know, that little square where there's no laws.
Chucklers, send in Fuck Mary Kills. Chucklers, send in Fuck Mary Kills. Fuck Mary Kills is the next episode of Chuckle Sandwich. Chucklers, for the next... Go to speakbite.com slash Chuckle Sandwich. Send us in your most egregious, could be most controversial, whatever. Fuck Mary Kills. If you don't know how Fuck Mary Kills works, it's basically...
three options and we will choose which we want to fuck, which one we want to marry, and which one we want to kill. So please send those in. You think that would be like, you know, ascertainable from the title Fuck, Marry, Kill? Yeah. Yeah. No, it will. I am wasted. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. All right, man. I'll talk to you next week then, okay? Good to see you. I got some people to kill. Yeah, honestly, I'll...
I'll say without the headphones on actually, this is kind of a look. It looked more intense with the headphones on, but the glasses do look good without the headphones on. It's like a vibe. I'm vibing with it. You think? Yeah, no, you're looking good right now. I like this. I genuinely like this. You got a crisp cut? You think so? You think I look hot? Yeah, I'm proud of you. Would you fuck me or would you marry me? I'd kill you. Okay, well, I was going to fuck you and marry Tucker.
and kill Charlie.
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