Our Cursed Childhood Memories
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Guys, they're opening 1,400 Dunkin' Donuts in China. What? In China? Yeah, they're opening up 1,400 Dunkin' Donuts in the People's Republic of China. Well, what, does China run on Dunkin' now? Apparently. Ha ha ha!

It's a little goofy, don't you think, that, you know, you're in Shanghai, you're walking along the streets, and then you're thinking to yourself, someone that was born and raised in China, and they're like, man, I could go for a blue raspberry culotta from Dunkin' Donuts. Dude, what? Okay, you are name-dropping a bunch of really weird picks. Like, I will say. What, the raspberry culotta? You keep saying culotta like it's a word, and it's kind of freaking me out.

It's just a bunch of syllables. The Coolada is a very well-known Dunkin' Donuts branded item. I don't even know how to spell it. A moisturizer came up when I Googled it. It's essentially a breakfast slushie. What the fuck?

Fuck is a breakfast slushie? Donuts you're not get a foot. What happened to the good old you are sick. You are old-timey America What happened to the American dream of? White for this you evolved to order a cool water from Dunkin Donuts Natural selection was still around man. I

Who the fuck is going to Dunkin' Donuts for lunch? It's like the only time you're there is for like a breakfast sandwich. You're going for donuts, Ted! What do you mean a breakfast sandwich? Unless that sandwich is a hole between the rest of the donut. Welcome to Chuckle Sandwich. Hey guys, like God or a donut, today I'm feeling particularly holy. Like Jesus built me from a box of Legos that he bought at the mall.

I feel like a dreidel that's been made out of clay. A dreidel is just a low battle power Beyblade. That's so funny that you say that, Charlie, because when he said dreidel, the first thing that came to my mind was Beyblade. Would it be rude if somebody was spinning a Beyblade?

And don't take this the wrong way, but if you were to just involve, if someone was spinning a dreidel and then you just kind of came in there with a Beyblade and knocked it out, would that be... You have a Jewish friend that says, Happy Hanukkah, and you're like, nice try, your Hanukkah doesn't stand a chance against my blue-eyed white dragon.

I don't actually know what, like, any Beyblade name is. Happy Hanukkah this! Go Beyblade! Yeah, right. Hanukkah? Try this on. Christmas Pegasus, go! Is that the name of your Beyblade? Yeah, it's Christmas Pegasus. That's such a classic name for, like, an anime character. Like, just put one word and then just attach it to another. It's like, you just attach it to, like, a fantasy animal. Like, fucking, I don't know, like...

Cruel Storm. Go Kwanzaa Hydra! You know there's a Beyblade called Poison Giraffe? Oh, so this is like an actual way that Beyblades... For those of you who don't know what we're talking about, Beyblades is like... It was really popular in the 90s, wasn't it? 90s? 2000s? No, it's definitely still going. It's definitely still going. Very strong. They're tops. They're basically tops that you spin, but you've got this device that you...

rip through. Was it a show too? No, you rip them with. You rip them. The device is specifically meant to rip them. You have the ripper. You have the ripper and you have the rippy. You're not going to rip that thing yourself. It doesn't have a little stick on the top like a dreidel. Not in tournament you aren't. Well, there's no way that you're going to get the top spinning fast enough without the bait.

To the blade, of course. Exactly. You need the ripper. You need the ripper. Did you, were you a Beyblader? No, I was not a Beyblader. I was a Bakugan Battle Brawler. Oh. I, did you ever actually? My name's Dan. And together with my friends, Runo, Marucho, Julie, and Mr. Hotshot himself, Shun. Not to mention Mr. Hotshot himself, Shun, and Alice. We are the Bakugan Battle Brawlers.

What are you gonna do? The odds are stacked against you. Back against the wall. Gotta give it your uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. This is the final stand. The powers in your head, two worlds collide. On the inside. You gotta fight for what's right. Before it's gone, gone, gone. This is Bakugan.

I don't think I watch Bakugan. Everybody, welcome back to Chuckle Sandwich. My name is Shlad. I am joined by my two fellow podcasters, Charlie Slimesicle. I'm Charlie Slimesicle, and you'll never best my bae. That's true. I'm Ted Nivison, and I can run really, really slow. You're going to be a Bakugan-er when I'm done with you. What is Bakugan? Like, what? Can you remind me? How about you, Yugi? Go away. Oh, my God.

It was a show, but what did they do in the show? How did it work? They had these little balls that animals were in, and then they threw them out, and then they expanded. No, the ball was the animal. The ball would unfurl. No, that's what I meant. The ball was the animal. You put a magnet on it, and then the animal comes out. It's like a... Was the concept of it... You get a nice big loogie going.

Was the show like Pokemon pretty much, though? You threaten the ball with a sharp object, and then the animal will have no choice but to come out and try and run away. Yeah, so I don't know. I think the balls were, like, fighting other balls. Yeah, so the way... They were evil balls. Not that anyone fucking cares, but because I know, and because I played Bakugan, I had the gate cards, I had everything. Jesus, I didn't even know I knew that word. Um...

The way it works is you would put down your gate card, like, face down, right? Which had, like, all the powers, like, how much your Bakugan's power would improve. And then you had your different type Bakugans, and then you'd say, Bakugan Brawl. Yes. And you'd roll the Bakugan onto the card and just pray that the magnet hit the card and it opened up, because if it didn't, you lost.

And then the other guy would do it also. You instantly lost? Yeah, so here's the thing about Bakugan. This is actually a rule. If you knock off the other Bakugan and yours stays on, you automatically win, right? So you could technically just win Bakugan with a good rock. You know what I mean? As long as you fucking pelt it hard enough, the rest of the game doesn't matter. So...

How does the actual game run? Because it sounds like most of this is just accuracy of a roll. Well, so you roll them both on and then they pop out. And if, you know, you're a cartoon, they become real and fight each other. Right. The difference in real life, they don't become animals. They don't become animals. They're still balls. They expand a little bit. They unfold and then like little tiny pieces show themselves, but it doesn't become an animal.

And then you read the small fine print on them that says how much battle power they have. And mine all had 300, but then my friend who lived next door, they all had like 2,000. So it was a little upsetting that they did that to me. And then you flip over the card, and the card could be like, all the dark types get minus 200 power, but all the fire types get plus 200 power. And I'd say take that, but it wouldn't matter because all my boxes.

only had 300 power and then he would beat me again and then his parents would keep buying him the best ones and I just could never, I could just never get the...

Hold on a second. So it's basically just a little figure that has a certain amount of power, and the way that you win is that you buy the ones that have the most power and just hope that yours is a higher number than your opponent. Is that not how every kid's card game works? Well, at least Pokemon. You just buy the better card? At least with Pokemon, there's sort of a random factor

actor in there and then there's also rules to the game we're talking about power creep right now I will have you fucking know I will go on the record and say that I played Pokemon the trading card game at my local library and I got all the you actually played it I played it I know how to play it I know the prize cards I know the energies I know all that shit I got all the gym badges at my local library

And it was great. I'm sorry, you played Pokemon at the library? I played Pokemon at the library. So you fought a real gym battle against a real gym trainer at your local library? That's right. At the library? That's right. Yeah. Pretty cool, right? What type of Pokemon was she? Was it a librarian type thing?

gym trainer and she had a bunch of poison type Pokemon or something. It was just the same guy and a bunch of kids but he'd put on a different colored coat when you went to challenge him. Oh, really? Yeah, he'd have a lab coat on and he'd be like, alright, you're getting your fire badge. Let's see how you do. Was there always just a glare in his glasses and an egotistical hmmph every time he was about to say something to you? I honestly wish. I just remember him being a very chill guy.

But I wish he had the like you push it up and they turn white for a second. You know I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Or just any time you turn you turn one direction even though the sun is on the opposite side of you. I can't tell which one of my cards he's looking at.

I'm trying to remember if I... You know, I don't remember ever really playing any card games like that. There was one period of time, though, that I was very interested in the concept of the Magic trading card game. The Magic the Gathering game. Yeah.

And it was actually also the day that I learned that I was a dumbass and I had been pronouncing chaos wrong the entire time because there was a card pack that I bought from the paper store and it said like chaos incarnate demons or some, you know how they title those and it's like ridiculous, descriptive thing.

And I brought it out, and I was talking to my mom, and I was like, man, I love this pack. Cheos and Carnate. Cheos. Actually, no, you know what it wasn't? I didn't say Cheos. I said Cheos. Cheos. Cheos. Well, honestly, Cheos sounds...

badass. A little cooler, doesn't it? Cheos sounds badass. Cheos sounds cool. That's why I thought, I was like, maybe I had just never seen the word before or something like that, but I was like, this is the, this word must be pronounced Cheos as if that's similar to any other word in the English language.

But that was the... Through a trading or a fucking card game, I learned how to pronounce chaos. So, you know. Yeah. So there is something good to them after all. Yeah, a little bit. There's something funny about those words too. You know those words that just are spelled entirely differently than you'd think? Yeah, like knife? Yeah, I guess it...

Yeah, the K is kind of weird, isn't it? Yeah. Why is it there? Yeah. Or like when someone's saying, like someone named Peter is calling someone and they're asking him to spell his name and he says P as in pterodactyl. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pterodactyl. Peter's just got it out for the world. Yeah. K as in knife. I used to think Segway was Segu, of course. Oh, yeah. Segu. Mm-hmm.

Um, what other, what else? Wait, aren't there two different ways to say segway? Isn't there a way to say segway that has the U in the, no, there's not. You know, one, one example that I think I'm thinking of right now is actually schlatt. Why is there a C in there? It's a German thing. It's a German thing. I don't know. Yeah. I just don't know. But also like the S H in the word. Why does that make what it is? Why is language? Sch.

You know, I had a stuffed turtle when I was a child that I wanted to name Snappy, but I thought it would be too basic, so I named him Schnappy. Oh, that's actually kind of smart. Isn't that kind of fun? That's actually... I was like, I'll just add in more consonants and kind of give him like a schnap. And then that turtle became an alcoholic. No, he didn't. I actually have him. I brought him with me to this place.

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That's ritual.com slash C-H-U-C-K-L-E. Thanks to our sponsors for this episode. And let's get back to the conversation, baby. I've started drinking a lot.

If you could believe that, guys, I've started drinking a lot, and I love me some schnapps. Yeah? Some root beer schnapps. Tastes like root beer, but it's actually really alcoholic, and it gets you fucked up. You were also trying out the peanut butter whiskey. What was that called? Yeah, I was trying out peanut butter whiskey. You take a shot of it, it tastes like peanut butter. Who would have thought? Hey, everybody. I've just given up on working on my addiction. It's who I am now.

But speaking of childhood animals, one thing I just remembered when you said that, Charlie, of Schnappi, is every child, we always, at least the vast majority of them, they always just say...

They put a Y at the end of whatever color or shape or like if it was a lab, you just call it labby or something like that. Yeah, kitty, doggy. Did you guys have anything like that when you were kids? Yeah, pussy. You're going to have to elaborate on that. That's awesome, man. Are you going to... Schlatt? Schlatt? Hey, uh...

Are you crying? What happened? What the hell? What did we dig up here? Wait, wait, wait. What changed? Something in the air? Allergies? Must be. What's going on with you? Hey, listen, man. I'm sorry. No, guys, I'm good. I'm good. No, Shalad, it's clear that pussy was really important to you, man. It sounds like pussy was a very, very important part of your life. It sounds like pussy was really, really special. Shalad, it seems like you really care about pussy. It seems like pussy was part of you and you were part of pussy. I get it.

Schlott, you know, there's always still gonna be a bit of pussy in you. Flushing that pussy down the toilet, watching him swirl around. Was pussy a fish? All right, man. Swirl around the toilet, pussy. Hey, you know what, Schlott? You know what, Schlott? Your pussy. Charlie, so your animal was Schnappy, you say, right?

Was that a real animal? No, Schnappy is a stuffed turtle that I was holding up to the camera and he's a hand puppet and I was using him. I was using my beloved stuffed animal to talk about his alcoholism. His rampant alcoholism. I see. No, when I was a kid, I had two dogs, Wolfgang and Constanza. I think I've talked about them on the podcast. I don't remember. I think you actually have.

I remember those weird ass names. When I heard Wolfgang, I was like, oh, right. Yeah. He's got his, his, uh, the dogs that in a past life were once Dukes. Yeah. And then, uh, and then after that, uh, I've had, I've had Chloe, uh, for a while. And now here I've got, I've got Mochi and Fern, the two little rat bastards who run around. They've gotten a little more cocky with me lately. Yeah.

Yeah, well they see me and Mochi's new thing is she used to be scared of me, but now that she knows that I'm not gonna swoop her up like a falcon or a quivable bird of prey, she looks at me and screams until I give her carrots. So that's her new thing. This is Mochi? This is Mochi. Yeah, she, well, she fucking... She's taken up nunchucks recently, which makes me even more worried. It's...

It's weird because I don't know how she bought the gun. Like, by all accounts, she's a guinea pig, but... Where did she even get the license? She'll do weird shit too, like, I will pick her up, like, I pick her up and give her treats, and what she does as soon as she's done with the treat, she will, like, slowly approach the softest part of my hand and begin to open her mouth, like, and she will, like, yeah, she'll, like, slowly nibble on it, like, like, where's the rest, or I'm gonna draw blood.

I think the most confusing part is the way that she managed to get a signature from the chief of police in order to get a gun license.

Yeah, the background check part would have been really interesting, too. Dude, I called them, too. She's got them in her fucking pocket. I don't know where she gets all the money from. I don't know if it's just like a dirty... I don't know what sort of dirty business she's in. Every cop in your town is bought by your fucking... Bought by my guinea pig. If I call them, they will hang up. They will hang up. This is about Mochi. No talking about the boss. I'm sorry, we don't talk Mochi talk here. Sorry, I'm on the clock.

When I was a kid, I had a stuffed animal. Love it, though. Yeah. What stuffed animal? It was a, I think it was a beanie baby. It was like a beanie baby, like Beagle. And I didn't name it anything. I didn't give it a real name. Its name was Favorite Puppy.

You named your stuffed animal favorite puppy? It was a puppy, and it was my favorite. Therefore, logic... It would only be logical to assume that the name of this animal would be thus known as favorite puppy. Are you a genuine...

Fucking psycho? I think you might be fucking stupid. When I was a kid, I'd think about that back and I'm like, why the fuck did I name it Favorite? Was I really that lazy? Did you get attached to it while it was still called Favorite Puppy? Yeah. Well, we did a trip once, my family. We went out to Maine. It was called Point Sebago. It was a campground.

But it wasn't really a campground. It was like a campground, but also like a resort campground. It was like a nice campground. It wasn't just like a middle of the woods. It was like they had like a fucking candy shop and shit where you can get slush puppies and garbage and cap guns. But we went out on a boat at one point and I brought favorite puppy with me and it fell. Isn't that weird to say? It's really weird to say favorite puppy. It's like a little scary. Oh.

Yeah, right? Isn't that weird? I brought favorite puppy with me. Yeah, that's the name of the... That's fucked up, man. That's some like serial killer... No, right? Like it really rubs me the wrong way. I can't explain it. It's really fucking weird, Ted. I was a child. I brought favorite puppy on the bus.

I was a child when I made it up. We're going to make sure you can't get within like 30 feet of a gun now. Yeah, you think so? I don't know how I lost favorite puppy. Basically what happened was while we were on that boat, I guess it fell into the water or something. And then my mom, she drew up like missing posters. Like she drew from memory what –

quote-unquote favorite puppy looked like and uh and no no we're not gonna let you we're not gonna let you like be like yeah guys this is weird no you you're not saying quote-unquote why do you think that i was you you listen this is fucking you dude you were stupid then and you're stupid now you gotta say it why would i have brought this up if i didn't think it was an extraordinary thing to be talking about on the podcast

Ted, this is your pipe. You got to fucking smoke it. All right. I'm smoking it. This is your favorite puppy. This is your favorite puppy you're talking about. Anyways. Oh, this reminds me of the favorite puppy that I have on my desktop. This is my desktop wallpaper for the regular video listeners. Okay.

Thank you, Schlatt. Okay. For audio listeners, we have no fucking idea. No, I've seen it before. I've seen it before. It's like a picture of a golden doodle or something. I don't entirely know why I decided to make this my desktop photo. It's not my dog. You don't even know. For all you know, that dog's name could be Favorite Puppy.

It just looks like a polite, nice dog to have. Even though it's white. It's white. It's white. Crusty is favorite puppy. I hope that it is rescued. So basically that is so I'm sorry, man. I got to bring it up. I got to judge this up again before you even finish the story. That is so fucking weird. I know. That's why I brought it up. You named it.

favorite puppy. That's fucking strange. That is the name of a Beyblade. It's not the name. Big giraffe. Poisonous giraffe. Poisonous giraffe. Archer gargoyle. But

But basically, my mom put up all those posters for trying to locate favorite puppy. And then we left that campsite and I thought I had lost it. Then like three weeks later or something like that, it shows up in the mail. Like somebody found it, saw the flyer and sent it. And then I held on to it for however long. I don't know where it is anymore, but.

It's actually pretty cool. Yeah, no, it was pretty cool. That kind of situation where I lose an item and then it returns to me has happened to me more than once in my life too. There was this one time that I was doing this adventure camp kind of thing where one of the things that we were doing was we were going on like class five rapids. It was white wall rafting trip thing. And I brought a GoPro with me.

And one of the things that they provide these helmets that they have the GoPro slots on them where you can put the mounting system on it. Sure. And I guess the helmet was really, really old because I fell off the raft at one point and I think somebody's oar had hit it and it knocked the GoPro off into the fucking rapids.

And I was like, you know, I was fucking, I don't know, six, 16, 17 or something like that at the time. So I was like, you know, it's a GoPro. It's like a lot of money. So I was like, fuck, I was really upset about it. Yeah. But then like literally fucking maybe three or four weeks later after it, I get a call from the camp that I did it as a part.

this adventure camp thing and they basically told me that there was a guy in new i think this was in maine as well in new hampshire that he's a scuba diver and what he does is he goes to the bottom of these rapids where the water isn't rushing over and he crawls along the bottom of it

I've seen videos of that on YouTube of people like finding crazy shit at the bottom of like these rivers and stuff. And he finds a bunch of shit and he finds the GoPro and, you know, it was in the waterproof ceiling. So he opens it up. He takes out the memory card. He plugs it in and he's going through the photos. And then he sees a picture of somebody wearing a shirt from the camp. And then he looks up the camp online and he calls the camp and then.

It's a pretty small family-run camp, so they knew that I had lost the GoPro, and then they got it sent to them, and then they sent it to me, and I still have that GoPro to this day. That is genuinely so fucking lucky, man. I know, right? Also, that is so cool that that guy would go out of his way to not only just find it, but then proceed to go through the photos and track down. Yeah, the dude's been on the news. He could sell that shit for so much. The dude has definitely been on the news as someone that I...

I don't know his name, but he's someone who for people who like lose rings and lakes and stuff, he'll go into those little ponds and whatever, and he'll go along and he'll try to find like people lose like wedding rings and stuff like that. Finding a wedding ring in the muck under a river sounds like my genuine worst nightmare.

I dropped my glasses into like a puddle once and spent like two hours trying to find them. I have no fucking idea how people do that. That's least favorite puppy right there. That's least favorite puppy. But thank God. I'm just going to start referring to things I like as favorite puppy. Why don't you just put favorite in them? And that's completely normal to do. That is completely normal to do.

You guys like, you know, Six Flags? Yeah, that's just favorite puppy right there. I can vibe with that. I can jive with that. Getting a shot? Least favorite puppy. Least favorite puppy. Yo's favorite puppy. Wait, we should make that a thing for the podcast? Like, just that we can make that a callback when if we're saying something's awesome, we can say, oh shit, that's favorite puppy.

We're going to get guests and we're going to be like, so what was the favorite puppy thing you've done this week? What have you been up to that's been pretty favorite puppy? Give us a thorn in a favorite puppy for your win. Hey, hey, go bring it in. Between us, least favorite puppy.

Yeah, no, I never, that's so funny because that's such a, that is such a specific fact about me that is so far separated from like when I even have started interacting with you guys or met you guys that I'm like, it doesn't seem, it didn't, you don't really think about stuff like that. It didn't seem that weird. Then I started talking about it. I get that. Yeah. So yeah, no, my, my favorite stuffed animal growing up's name was fucking favorite puppy.

And I will stand by that. I'll smoke that pipe, baby. I'm trying to think of any red flags I had when I was a kid. Red flag? Okay, so this is now established as a red flag. This is going to go totally in line with the brand that you guys have created for me on the podcast of just being the monster of the group, the evil man, the bully, who is now a sociopath because of his early onset childhood...

fucking indications of having... Hey, Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. Listen, man. Despite the banner, despite what we say, your favorite puppy... Shut the fuck up, Charlie. I don't want to hear that garbage from you, all right? Your favorite puppy...

If I hear you being a sensitive, empathetic little bastard, I'm going to take that and turn on its head and then make you the... What? Listen, the way you're talking right now is pretty least favorite puppy. Oh, my gosh. I'd appreciate it if you toned it down. Favorite puppy of you to step up and say something. Well, listen, I stand up for my favorite puppies. You are like my puppies. You are like puppies to me, and I love you. I don't like puppies.

that this is definitely taking a turn into sort of the daddy's little girl territory that we had in the last one I think it's so funny how roundabout you have to do you have to go to say something is least favorite puppy I actually think it's like I think it actually is

Pretty easy slang, which I think means it's going to come back up. You think so? Yeah, just like favorite puppy? Like, bro, favorite puppy? I think that we could bring, if we keep doing it, I feel like we could bring it to the same level within the online culture as like keeping it at $1.50.

I don't even know what that means. Really? You think favorite puppy will be as widely used as buck 50? Keeping it at buck 50 is least favorite puppy. I want to hear Trainwreck say, I'm going to keep, or that shit is fave puppy for me, man, on the scuffed podcast on twitch.tv. That's what I like. It's the favorite puppy for me.

Oh, no. We should sell a shirt that just says favorite puppy, and it's a drawing of a really cute puppy. That could work pretty well. This would be such a home run piece of merch. We're going to sell it. Stay tuned, guys. Let me... I'm looking for a way to segue here, but I still don't know how to spell it. I'm trying to figure out, like, there's... It was a Beanie Baby, so it's... But...

Which is the ones... Was the Beanie Babies the ones where you... Those are like the... It's either one of two. It's either the one where you can log on and have the virtual one. That was Webkinz. That was Webkinz. Or Beanie Babies. Isn't Beanie Babies like there's some that are really expensive? Beanie Babies. Beanie Babies. Yeah, there was a bubble. There was a Beanie Baby bubble. Oh, yeah. There is a Beanie Baby bubble. You can get gobbles the Beanie Babel from the Beanie Babel bubble. Beanie Babel. Beanie Babel.

You can get a turkey beanie baby for $6,000. Scott, if you throw this in the chat, it was very, very similar to this one. It was much more matted and like, you know, when a kid has a fucking...

Dog or any sort of stuff? Covered and just like snow. I looked very similar to this where it had this sort of eel ears and stuff And that's what I it was small and you want to hear something even worse Well not worse, but it's more like something you'd do as a kid I was very as a kid very into imagination. I call them imagination games, but that's pretty much just like playing pretend thinking

imagination games that's how I would describe it but it was just playing pretend you make them sound so like so thinking dirty yeah I was thinking well no like thinking

No, I mean when you're... I'm playing imagination. I feel like... I'm sorry. Imagination games... I'm playing imagination games. Imagination games is what your parents cause them to get you to stop doing them. Ted, we're being hard on you tonight. But, I mean, this is all deserved. Yeah, you guys are being hard on me about my fucking childhood right now. This is some favorite puppy bullshit. I was a normal child. I didn't do anything weird. But...

One of the things I would do to this fucking stuffed animal is I would sort of articulate its head because you would like... You're playing with it as a kid. It's kind of like an action figure in a similar way. So you'd give it a dialogue in your head and all that. But because I was always using my hands around its neck to articulate its head, slowly all of the stuffing in the neck area, it just became so...

And you don't want us to call you a psychopath, man! It looked like the fucking stuffed animal's neck was like atrophied or something. My god! My god. My god. Yeah. No, sometimes it'd be like that, man. So not only did you have a stuffed animal named Favorite Puppy, which already was a little bit scary, but you strangled it to death regularly. Yeah.

As part of my joy, as part of my growth. And I quote, an imagination game. Holy shit, man. That's fucked up. Charlie was definitely a kid when he was a kid. That's a fact. That would play pretend. All right.

right? I did. Charlie, you can't tell me you didn't play pretend. So here's what I did. Imagination games is a synonym to that. It's a bad one. I played pretend. What I did is I played with like Legos and I made a castle and I made a like character that I thought was really cool and I gave him like hair from like the mech series of Legos

And I remember finding out that if I used these pieces right from a candle and lightsabers, I could just give him this really big sword. So my thing playing pretend was that I had this little Lego guy that I gave a really big sword, and I'd beat up all my brother's Legos with them, and then he would beat up all my Legos. So when we're talking about red flags, I name something favored puppy. I wouldn't break his Lego. I wouldn't break them. I would just have my guy hit them with his leg.

Charlie gives his guy the biggest sword possible and beats up all his brothers, but he's chillin. I'm chillin. Yeah. Okay. I had a corner. You had a corner? What? Yeah. Do you want to talk to someone about it? No.

Uh, huh. You know how you have this moment when you're a kid and your brain just like it turns on and now you're finally conscious? When you start having memories? You're waking. Yeah, you're waking moment. I think I'm still waiting for it, man. You're still waiting for it? Still waiting for it. My brain turned on when I was in the corner. How long were you in the corner?

I was there every day for like five or ten minutes. We should know what corner he's talking about. And Schlatt has such a solid image in his mind of what that corner is. And Charlie and I are just thinking of the corner of whatever room we're in right now. I'm actually picturing a fully matte white space.

I was a completely liminal space. I was picturing like... Like this just haunting place. I was picturing like an unfinished like basement corner, like cobwebs in the corner and like the stained, like oil stained fucking concrete, like cement floor. I picture a tile hospital corner with flickering lights. No, it was completely furnished. I mean, it was in the living room of my house. Yeah.

I'd just go, I'd crawl over there. This was a very young, this is a very old memory. I have two memories that I remember that are from the same time period. I'd crawl into the corner with a diaper on and shit. Wait, so you have a memory from when you were still in a diaper? Yeah, my brain turned on when I was shitting in a fucking corner. How old would you estimate you were when this happened? I have no idea.

I have no idea. I just remember it vividly. I'd go in the corner and I'd shit. You know what's crazy? You know what's crazy? Yeah. I would kill to remember going in the corner and shitting. Because my thing...

Is that I remember my earliest memory, I think, is like walking into a tire store and seeing the Michelin Man with my mother. I don't know if that... But I don't know if it's real. Because my memory, my long-term memory is so fucking bad. Charlie, I'm so sorry, but that is the worst.

First memory for a kid just to see the Michelin Man and be like... I am probably not going to remember anything. I swear to God, it is so weird. I like, can, everything is a flicker. Everything is a flicker in my life. High school, all a blur. Middle school, white. Childhood, non-existent, baby. I'm living in the now and one day I will die.

That's the least favorite puppy. His first memory was walking into an auto repair shop and seeing a lumpy mascot. That's like your brain turning on when you're eating Wheaties. And I still can't tell if that was real or just like manufactured so that I have a first memory because I walked into a store at some point. You know what? Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Like...

That's like your first memory being like when you – like closing a door when you just got back from like the grocery store or something. Well, see, the thing is it's like my memory is very associative. So if I remember closing the door, then I remember the grocery store. But until then, I have no recollection of the grocery store or closing the door. Like it just does not exist. Yeah. I would –

I would say that my earliest, because I had to do this for some sort of project in school. I remember, did you guys ever have to do something where your teacher was like, remember your earliest memory and say what it is? No, thank God. I would have cried. I don't remember that. It was something that happened early on in my school time. And I think because it happened so early in my education, I remember because I wrote it down. And you remember things better when you write it down. But yeah.

Whatever. Basically, my first memory is it was I was at Disneyland. I was at Disneyland and in at the Florida one. And they're used to I don't know if this is still happening. So you were at Disney World.

You fucking idiot. Florida's the one with the... I remember this. Florida's the one with the big lake that you have to cross. That's what I remember when I was a kid. What I remember is that there was this Lion King show that was done in this sort of amphitheater that had a bunch of these... Kind of like the rice terraces you see in Asia where the... You know how it's like those... It's like bigger steps. It felt like they were bigger steps than normal. But...

It was in an amphitheater thing. And I remember walking on a gravel pathway after and I heard the music of the next show starting. And I turned to my right and I'm trying to walk towards like the sound of it, which is which is like just a pathway with a chain in front of it. And then I get pulled back, which I'd later learn after talking about this memory was my grandmother that pulled me back. She seemed a lot stronger back then.

That's my first memory is Disney World, which is weird that like that fucking transnational multimedia conglomerates such as Disney can have this capitalist experience that is now my first memory. Dude, mine is the fucking Michelin Man. I was just thinking about it like Jesus Christ. I'm going to have to live and die with that. Looming above you. Terrifyingly looming above you. And then Schlatt, it's the lumber industry. Yeah.

And the log that I was dropping. The big fucking log that he was dropping. It all goes back to logging, man. Well, hey, I mean, my second memory is almost dying to anaphylactic shock on a Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie. It must have been a surprise. So there's that.

What about... Anyways, we're going to keep going. Dude, I have a segue from that. Once when I was a kid, I choked on a strawberry and my brother laughed at me instead of helping me for like a full minute. And I didn't know what to do. So I tried to like give myself CPR in a kitchen table. And then I jumped up straight in the air because I was a stupid kid and loaded the ground. And I guess this made sense. And fully land like a seal on my stomach and just comically launched the strawberry out of my mouth. And I think I would have died that day if I didn't do that.

Jeez. That's how you're supposed to do it. You're supposed to get on... If you're choking, here's a real tip for all you chucklers out there. If you're choking... All you choking chucklers. All you choking chucklers, you get on your knees, and then you literally just do this. You push...

You put your arms out and you fall forward. Hey, all you audio listeners, I'm sorry. You're fucked. You're fucked, audio listeners. You land on your stomach and you exhale with such force that it probably spits them out. Right, but what I did, what I'm saying is I fully vertically jumped upwards and turned 90 degrees in midair and then landed on the hardwood floor. That's fucking stupid. It didn't hurt?

I vividly remember the pressure of this thing being shot like a nerf dart out of my lungs. I fully remember it. It's crazy. Do you guys remember your dreams? Do you guys remember your dreams? I get like deja vu from dreams sometimes. There are certain dreams that just like show up a shit ton.

My dreams are the most incoherent... Like, I can't describe them to people because they physically don't link. Like, it doesn't... I know that doesn't make sense, but my... No, it doesn't make any sense. They physically don't link? No, they do not link. I don't think any dreams physically link. Yeah, but, like, you don't understand. It's... I can't... Okay. Okay.

It's so fucking hard to explain. It'll be like I'm taking a taxi with like Barack Obama and then all of a sudden I'll turn around and like it's like six year old me next to me and now I'm in the past. It's like that's what I mean is it's just like sounds like a Bioshock cutscene. It's like

Doesn't it? He looks, six-year-old you looks back. Favorite puppy. Yeah, it's very weird. Why did I drop favorite puppy off the boat? The only consistent things in all my dreams are I'm able to swim in the air. That's the only consistent thing.

You can swim in the air every time? Yeah, I can't fly. I just slowly swim in the air. Most of the time it doesn't help. It's like if I'm being chased by something, I swim in the air away and the thing just grabs me because I don't swim too fast in the air. Yeah. It's weird, right? I had a... I had a... It was... I guess I grind my teeth in my sleep.

One night, apparently. One night you did. Well, because I had a... Once. I guess I grinded my teeth in my sleep one night. Once, maybe. I don't know. I've never had this happen to me before my whole life. But I had one of those dreams where your teeth are falling out.

Oh, yeah. Like I was I could in the dream. I was like, I was feeling my my my front teeth like the shit that's really like would be a big bummer unless you're a hockey player and it's not you're in your line of work and be a big bummer. Big bummer. If you were to lose one of those teeth.

Least favorite. And that was happening to me. I was like, oh, my teeth were like loose. It was not a fun experience. But I looked it up and it was like, apparently that's like a sign that you grind your teeth in your sleep. Hasn't happened to me since. So that's the teeth dream along with like hair falling out is one of those pretty common ones that like you look it up and it's like, yeah, you have like stress here in your life and you're like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Those dreams are like the ones that I haven't had one in a while. I vividly remember having like a teeth falling out dream in like high school.

Yeah. I've never had that. Really? Let me look it up. Let me look up what teeth falling out are. Try like wiggling them a little and just biting down real hard before you go to sleep. Maybe you'll get one. Well, the first thing that Google is saying right now is teeth falling out are associated with loss and important life changes. Dude, I just had like an English paper do or something. Yeah, well. It's going to lose that A. That's about it. Well, maybe it's actually not because of grinding teeth.

Do you guys fucking remember? Oh my god. Wait, this website, healthline.com, is listing 12 interpretations for your dreams about your teeth falling out, and one of them is number eight, someone else missing teeth.

Dreams about teeth falling out may not necessarily be attributed to your teeth It's also possible the dream about others who are okay if I was if I was like a child if I was a child if I was like eight years old and I saw my grandma take out her dentures I would probably have nightmares like for a week so like I understand that's fair. I wouldn't I wouldn't have been able to conceptualize that yet, right? You guys remember when all your fucking teeth fell out and then came back stronger. What the hell was that all about oh?

Oh, that's big. That was weird, right? Yeah, that was weird. That was weird how they did that. Guys, comment if that happened to you too. Like, that was definitely, like, that happened to me. That did happen to me too. I remember that. That was least favorite puppy. That was so least favorite puppy. Getting those fuckers out. But, I mean, favorite puppy when they became big. Yeah. I have to say.

I had to. Not for me. Least favorite puppy. I had to have braces until I was like out of high school. I mean, thank God for the fact that we lost them though. And like, it kind of makes sense in terms of like us getting bigger is like when you're small, you have small teeth. When you're big, you have... It actually... It's actually really stupid. It's actually only bones that fall out and then get new ones. Imagine if you started... Have you seen the human skull of like something before, like a human before the teeth?

Come out? It's like nightmarish. It's nightmarish. But nobody... There's no other part. Your fingers don't do it. Yeah, no. Imagine the human skull, but given another row of teeth upwards, like some sort of freak alien. That's what we look like until we grow up. Children are monsters. Stop having kids. That's pretty bad. That's pretty bad, Charlie. I agree with you. But imagine this. Instead of a child having small little baby teeth, they start out of the womb with a full set of adult teeth. Would that be better? No. No. No.

then maybe stop complaining about it. But I actually only think that that is weird to us because it's not how it works. Yeah, I mean, yeah. And we also don't have penises on our foreheads. That's why the Uncanny Valley in it resides, like, pictures of, like, frogs with full human teeth. Because we're, like, not used to seeing things that have, like, gums. You know, when you pop out a kid, he's all gummy. He doesn't have any teeth yet. But I think if they came out with a full set of human teeth, that would be, like, more normal.

There is no conceivable reality where having two full sets of teeth like the goddamn predator in your skull as an infant is not nightmarish. It's weird when you think about it. It's weird. Dude, it's weird. And then they just move down.

Why? Why were they there? Who knows, bro? Who fucking knows? I mean, think about this. I only used them for, like, biting on rocks anyway. Stupid idiot kid. We have hundreds and hundreds of... Those are my bug-eating teeth. ...of little strands that are just constantly moving out of our head.

Like we're a fucking cheese grater for something. Or like a pasta maker. We're a pasta maker for hair. We're just a shitty meat pilot, right? Have you seen the nervous system? Think about that. You're a weird vein squid, man. You're a weird vein squid piloting a bunch of bone and cartilage. You're mad gross. Dude, that is not favorite puppy, let me tell you. That's Lee's favorite puppy.

That is least favorite puppy. So least favorite puppy. Right? Damn. Sucks. Schlatt, you haven't talked much about your dreams.

No, I don't typically remember them. I actually, I heard from many people I know that if you make a dream journal that, and you know, you write down every dream you have after you have it, like right after when it's fresh in your brain, that helps you to kind of build that connection or something. And then your dreams will become more and more like verbose and crazy. So you can lucid dream? Some might say yes.

But the problem when I made my dream journal is that I woke up. Well, listen, Ted, I'm not done talking. I'm just so excited. When I made my dream journal, I bought one of those marble notebooks, you know, and I put it on my dresser. And then I woke up and I'm like, I had this dream about me walking around my town and there were cars. And there were some transactions of goods and services there.

That I will not talk about. But I woke up and I remember writing that all down in my dream notebook. I wrote like a fucking page. My hand was hurting. And I was like, all right, sick. Sick, I'm going back to bed. Have you ever been able to successfully, like if you leave a dream, you wake up.

You wake up from a dream, and it was a good dream. Have you ever been able to successfully reenter that dream? Yes. Yes. You have to think about it. You just think about it really hard, like it's a world you need to jack into. That's what I did. Like it's the Matrix. And then here's the funny thing about that story. When I woke up and I checked my dream journal, there was nothing in it. So I had a dream. What?

Oh no. I had a fucking dream about waking up after a dream, writing in my dream journal, what the fuck happened and then closing it and going back to bed. And I woke up and it was, and then you look at the blank notebook and you turn around and it's you from, from six years ago. And he says, wake up. And then you wake up again. It was so weird to me once I had that happen to me once. Um,

I am like really, really terrible at waking up in the morning. And it was just, it was really bad when it was waking up for school and I'd gotten sort of, um, whenever I get a new alarm, like a new alarm clock, I usually, my brain just starts to get used to it. So currently what I have for my alarm clock on my, um,

On my phone is actually the T-Rex sound from Jurassic Park. Now, do you want to know what that sounds like? That's terrifying. Yeah, play it. You're probably going to have nightmares, man, because you're like just... Did you hear that? No, I didn't. Play it again. Let me play it again.

It's not playing. Wait, it's not going through Discord. I feel like I would be scared to go to sleep if all my dreams just ended in me being eaten by a T-Rex that came from off screen. Okay. I'm going to do it one more time. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. I can't hear shit, Ted. Really? That's going directly into the microphone. Least favorite puppy. For all you audio listeners, tell us how scary it was. I will tell you what's really weird. I, um...

Well, wait, hold on. Can I finish what I was saying real quick though? Yeah, but basically what happens is like I will just get used to whatever's waking me up in the morning. And so my mom, she has a certain tone to her voice and I got used to that. So I would just kind of sleep through it. And I had an entire dream one morning when I was supposed to get up for school where I got out of bed and I was like on the toilet, brushed my teeth, showered and everything.

I was like, my mom's like calling upstairs. I mean, she's like, get out of bed. And she's, and I'm like, I call back to her. I'm like, I'm already up. And then I like realized, oh shit, now I'm awake. None of that was real. I got to do that all again. Yeah. I had that, which is not fun when I had least favorite puppy, least favorite puppy, least favorite puppy. When I was doing morning swim practice in high school, I'd have that. Cause I had to get up at 5.00 AM.

It sucks. I just have nightmares the entire night about waking up at 5 a.m. and then I'd wake up at 5 a.m. and just be worse. Do you guys ever have nightmares where you try to lucid dream and the thing chasing you says, uh, uh, uh, is that ever happened to you?

Well, hold on. Hold on. I think my dream monsters are self-aware. Well, you're really into... Correct me if I'm wrong, Charlie, but you have tried the lucid dream before. That is something that you've engaged in. Yeah, I mean, it's not like I try when I'm going to bed. It's more like halfway through a dream.

Dude, all of my dreams feel like stumbling through a formless, meaningless fog. And like, it's so, again, it's so hard to explain, but at any given point... It's such a strange relationship with your own brain. It's really, really weird. At any given point, like, I will start lucid dreaming, or I'll be like, yeah, I want this to happen. Sometimes it does at a calmer moment in the dream, but at like a moment where I'm in like trouble, it just won't. And whatever the problem is will just mock me.

Wow. I see you trying to do that shit! Yeah, like I see you trying to lucid dream, dumbass! You're a prisoner of your own mind right now. I'm a big fucking tornado ghoul or whatever. Like, it's different. Oh, classic tornado ghouls. They always get you, too. Classic tornado ghoul. They always just keep... They're like, I'm a ghoul and also a tornado, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's it. And it's like, it's weird, too, because I'm not afraid of it. I'm just like...

God, this sucks. No, my dreams are just like facts. They're just like events happening without emotions. The more I describe them, the more I realize how genuinely deranged this all sounds. I had a dream that... This is a red flag. It's Lee's favorite puppy. This is just the red flag podcast. This is, man. It's essentially what this is. It's a minefield. I...

I had several dreams. I think my least favorite or also my favorite type of dream to have is one in which you're just in a terrible, slightly plausible situation that...

you only get relief from when you wake up. So like, for instance, like just to provide like an example, like let's say you dream about the fact that you go to class in college and then, I don't know, you bring like a, you have a, you forgot that you have a joint in your pocket or something. And then just,

Somehow, the teacher finds out and now you're getting in trouble and you're going to get arrested or something like that. And you forget that the cops are a tornado ghoul. And that also... No, no. Like, this is all... It all falls within, like, something that's, like, reasonable and it doesn't give you enough information to, like, let you... Because sometimes you can kind of figure out that you're in a dream when you're in the dream. But, like, some of this shit, it's like...

it's only when you wake up and you're like holy shit my life that I thought I was living for the last however long my perception of time was in that dream just was not real and I'm myself again holy crap thank god like that feeling of relief you guys ever just like fully constructed a new life just like in a dream and then you wake up

And then you're like, ah, shit, but then you forget it five seconds later. Wait, kind of like that one episode of Rick and Morty? Yeah, like that one episode of Rick and Morty where he goes off the grid. No, I'm talking about the one... There's like an episode where he just puts on a... Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. Yeah, he like goes to the carpet store or whatever. Yeah, like that. Like that. Usually it's very fuzzy on the details, but like... I don't know. Maybe? It seems... I guess maybe is the answer to all of this, right? I feel like it's probably happened. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, it's hard to like...

Unless you make an effort of when you wake up, just like, yep, that's going to be a memory now. It's just gone. Yeah. Yeah. That's why the dream journal is supposed to help. But after that shit happened, I have never written in it. You don't trust it anymore? I was just like, fuck this. Because your dream journal, you have a fucking horror crux instead of a dream journal and you just keep thinking. There's an empty, there's a goddamn empty notebook that's been by my bedside for like five months. This is a recent thing?

Five months! This is kind of... Oh, so like you started this... This is sort of least favorite puppy. This is the least favorite puppy, yeah. This was pretty recent. I had a talk with one of my buddies. He was like, yeah, man, Dream Journal says this is what you... I don't know why he talks like that. I don't know why he's like that either. Hey, man, Dream Journal... I went to Staples, the helpful place. Oh, wait, no, that's Ace. I went to Staples, the office superstore, and I got the fucking marble notebook, and I got a pen, and I was really excited, and then that shit happened.

And then I didn't write it anymore. I think you're cursed. I think I might be cursed. I will say the next night I was like, all right, I'm going to make a...

concerted effort to actually write in it this time. I'm not going to dream that I'm writing in it and then I not actually write anything in it. And then my dream was like something terrible, like my mother dying. And I was like, okay, man. Then I wrote in it, but this time it started bleeding when I did, which was kind of weird. And then the reason why you haven't written in your dream journal is that every night since then has been

I get that same dream over and over again. Yeah, that's least favorite puppy. I hear like a growling from my bedside table all night where the notebook is and then I wake up and it stops. It's so weird. God.

Yeah. Dreams, eh? Dreams, man. Childhood. Childhood. Wow. Shout out. Minecraft. Minecraft. Remember how we were going to talk about other things on this podcast and then we just got in that conversation? Hey, I'll tell you what. I've got a dream. Yeah. I know a guy who had one. And he sounds like he was a great dude. But anyway. Oh. Christ.

The green guy. Yeah, we had a whole list of stuff we wanted to talk about. The channel looks so bad out of context. It's just sumo wrestling.

Lambo. I do want to mention the one year thing because I think it's fun. Why don't we just mention that thing and then we're running out of time. We can talk about the other things next episode. Guys, I had a dream like a year and two months ago or so that I was going to make a crazy video and I did and today is the one year anniversary of the Skyrim VR with 500 mods video I did. Yeah!

Thank you. Yeah, it feels like a different fucking time, man. And it's like half... It's bittersweet. Because at the same time, I'm like, oh, that's so cool. It's been a year. And at the same time, I'm also like, it's been a year and I still feel like I'm most proud of that. Like, what the fuck have I been doing? You know what I mean? Your magnum opus. Dude, honestly, I mean, I feel like... It was a big project. And like, you really like...

put a lot into that. And it was, it was like a feature film of a YouTube gaming video. It literally is. I'm S I'm so proud of it. I think it holds up really well. Um, and Ian Hecox from Smosh watched it, which made me really happy. That's like the whole thing. He watched the whole thing. Yeah. He said his favorite part was ghost tape. Yeah. I recorded a fucking Skyrim for like 75, 80 hours, edited the whole thing. Um,

crashed a billion, majillion times, and basically spent like a full month. I would have gotten so sick if I kept crashing like that. Dude, I was in it. I was in it. I feel like I'm just...

I'm very one-track mind, right? Yeah, you're sort of just built different. Dude, what can I say? I'm a favorite puppy, right? I mean, yeah, I just locked myself in a basement for a month and made this. And I don't know, it was very cool. I remember I had like... I was at my parents' house because I had just graduated, I think, or just gotten out of college. And all the pandemic should have just started. I had...

PC on like a bunch of crates that my because I had it on carpet and it was like overheating the entire room so I was like windows open PC on a bunch of like bakery crates just like in this tiny like square in my room I remember that slime sickle era that was crazy where the background looked like a green screen back the background was the pool table yeah I remember that yeah and I finally got to do a bit where I actually was a green screen like months later and

Um, yeah, no, I just, it's, I'm working on something now that I think is going to scratch that same itch, but I don't know. Do either of you guys get this thing where like you just, I don't know how to describe it. Like you get so one track on this big project and you end up setting your, your scope really, really fucking high. And then you just like are gone. That's what I did with the fucking, uh,

the Universal video. Yeah, yeah. Where I was just like, I'm gonna go fucking ham sandwich on this. Uh-huh. I get that. Yeah, and every time afterwards, my feeling is, well, that was ridiculous. I'm never gonna do that again. And then approximately a week later...

Yeah, man. I'll start doing it again. Here I am with 100 hours of footage for this next video. It's like having a baby, you know? Childbirth is apparently the most painful thing in human existence. I just can't stop shooting them out. After one, the women are just like, yeah, I'm never doing that again. But look at them go.

It's like, it's like, uh, yeah, they say they're going to be, uh, they say they're going to be one round and then they turn into a Gatling gun. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's like drinking and then getting really hung over the next day. And you're like, I'm never going to drink again.

Never going to do that. And then you just start that second. Yeah, except drinking is like a three-month long creative process. Just like fully, fully. And you don't get to drink with anybody else. It's just you alone in a room drinking. Wait a second. This is just alcohol.

alcoholism. It's just alcoholism. It's just alcoholism. No, dude. Least favorite puppy. Least favorite puppy. Least favorite puppy. Well, I gotta say, this has been a favorite puppy episode of mine. I actually really enjoyed this one, boys. I'm with you on that. That was good. We just kind of started talking about childhood and shit and then

Wow. Shitting in corners. I'm happy, man. I'm happy you shit in that corner and you brought us here. Hey, I'm happy to have been able to bring puppy. All right. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, so much for listening to this episode of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. Episode number 20, by the way. Didn't mention that, but we're at

a solid number once again. We made it to another even number. Ted, episode 21, drinking episode. I should be down for that. I'm down. It is important to stay hydrated, yeah. It is, yeah. All right, cool. Sweet. Well, see you next time. Bye, guys. Favorite puppy. Duel you later.