Answering The Internet's Spookiest Questions
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Can you guys- can you guys send a couple ghouls my way? I don't know if I'm really feeling that festive. I don't really know if I'm feeling that creepy or crawly. Sure. Looking up ghouls. Ghouls. What's that? Ghouls. Looking up ghouls. Getting into the mainframe. Looking up ghouls. I'm hacking in. I'm hacking into ghoul.com. I'm hacking into monster.com. You go to monster.com, you become a monster, Charlie. You know this better than anybody else. I know, you don't have to do it. You don't have to do it. And... Boom. Got him. Ghouls.

Charlie, are your balls small? Do you have a small little nut sack? Do I have little ghoul balls? Yeah? Today's episode of Charcoal Sandwich is going to be especially spooky, guys, because today as we release this episode, it is October 30th, which is the day... Was it the day of Halloween or was it the day before? Probably the day of Halloween, right? That's the day of my fat fucking nuts.

This is, wow, all right. I don't know what you're looking for here, Charlie. Someone out of our thousands of listeners is going to reciprocate on that, and it's going to feel so good. Okay, so this episode is being released on October 30th. That means that the day after is Halloween, October 31st.

Okay, so the point of this episode, Chuckle Sandwich listeners, is that we're trying to get especially ghoul-y today. We're trying to look for some ghouls, the ghouls within our own hearts, the ghouls within our own souls. Charlie, what makes you feel like you're a ghoul?

What an insane fucking question. What makes me feel like I'm a ghoul? What's the ghouliest thing that you've done recently? I mean, what gets you ghouling? I think I really feel like a ghoul when I use... What's going on? I actually would rather the editor put... Could you put like a hell screech over that? Just a nice good like a hell screech. Yeah, I mean, he can't... Scott can't answer you.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like that. Scott isn't here. He can't see you. He can't listen to you either. Scott, can I get a couple withering husks over on my right? Oh, that's good. Scott, can you show me this guy's balls, please?

Scott, can you get my balls off the screen? Enhance. Can you please blur my balls in YouTube Studio? Zoom in on that image. What's that in the reflection? Cut out those balls. Scott, enhance that image. Why are my balls so shiny that there's a reflection hiding? Hold on, there's a murder weapon in the reflection of those balls. He's got me. Schlatt, what's the ghouliest thing that you've done lately?

I don't ghoul. I only spook. Okay. All right. I got a skeleton behind me. You know what his name is? Spencer. Prince Philip.

You know, he croaked in July. No, I remember that. I especially remember that after you predicted that he would croak in July. I did predict that. I remember that you tweeted that out. And then I'm pretty sure that's the reason why you lost your verification because Twitter said... Well, I mean, no, no, no. England took him up on the bat and now he got the bones. So it all worked out really, right? I was verified in November.

Of last year. I know this, Ted, because that's when the election cycle was going on. So it's almost been a year now. What happened was I started tweeting that I had won the election and I was the acting president of the United States the day of the election. And I had my checkmark removed because you can't do that. Yeah, yeah. That would do it. That would do it, I'm sure. But I don't think that that's what happened.

No. And I wholeheartedly disagree. I think it was I think that you kept your checkmark after that. And I think that after you predicted that Prince Philip was going to die and then he did, in fact, die, Twitter implemented their internal secret policy on no clairvoyance.

are allowed to be verified on Twitter. Okay. Well, look, Ted, put this in your pipe. And smoke it? And maybe suck on it a little bit. Okay. No, no, no. Don't even smoke it. Just suck on it. Just give it a little puff. Suck on the pipe? Just keep the air in your mouth. Don't let it go down your lungs. That's how you get cancer. All right. I'm going to have another one pretty soon. I say early 2022, there's going to be two of them. Oh. And you know what I'm calling that one? The queen? Joe Biden. Oh, okay.

Oh, the current sitting president of the United States, Joe Biden. Democratic presidential president of our beautiful country. And soon to be Halloween prop. Exactly. From presidential...

man to prop in youtuber background joe biden will have fallen from grace like no other i'm just trying i'm just trying to get into the holiday spirit right i basically got a spirit of halloween behind me i mean look at look at how much effort i put into my into my set every time i look at my whiteboard scares me that's crazy you're like nick cage for bones

I'm sorry? You're like Nick Cage for bones, man. You're always in there. Someone dies, you're in there. You got the bones. I don't know what that means. Remember when we had that whole declaration of independence and Nick Cage snuck into the White House and he took it? We don't remember what the hell we were even getting independent from in the first place. It's not even there anymore. True. What do you guys think that the real national treasure is? Hearts. And Joe Biden's bones. Charlie, that's got to be the most...

And it was friendship all along response to my question. I'm looking for some real...

I don't know, dude. I'm just, I'm asking a question here, and I would expect as a member of this podcast that you would answer realistically. Now, I think that National Treasure was pretty damn realistic, in my personal opinion. Don't look flabbergasted. You're looking like I'm saying... Well, you haven't told me what your treasure is. I'm sorry. I put my treasure out on the table, and you fucking flipped it over and scanned it with your UV light, and you found nothing. Enhanced.

You know, you enhanced and you didn't see anything. So tell me what your treasure is. Okay. Or yeah, I'm going to be flabbergasted. I'm going to tell you right now because I think that under, and you're never going to believe this, dude. Probably not. Well, that's a little bit.

I'm meeting the expectations that you set. I'm trying to reciprocate the sort of same thing that you gave me, okay? You didn't even entertain that maybe the treasure is hard on the wrong side. Who do I side with? I don't think that it's frustrating for me, just to say the least, that I'm about to tell you about the greatest national treasure that this country has ever seen. And...

You're already telling me right now you're not going to believe me from the get-go. So what does that tell me, Charlie? Ted, you know, you're just being crazy right now. I'll just say it. You're just moving the goalposts, and you move the goalposts, and you gaslight, and you gaslight, and you gaslight. And now as the momentum has swung to my side, I start to take my side a little harder. And I say, really? Are you sure it isn't hard? Because I feel it thump, thump, thumping, Ted, don't you? I'm about to tell you the greatest national treasure that this world has ever seen, this country has ever seen.

Everybody knows that America is the greatest country in the world. Schlatt, stop singing hymns, please. I'm about to talk to you guys about the greatest national treasure that this country has ever seen. You've said that like five times.

Well, because I keep talking about it. Just say the fucking treasure. What's the treasure? Do you have it? I keep starting to talk about it, and then, you know, Shlady Fatty over here, and Slimy Grimey, and Slimy Grimey starts screaming about all this stuff that they know. Fuck you.

It doesn't sound like you guys even want me to talk about the greatest national treasure because every time I start talking about this great national treasure, you guys start talking over me. And this is the problem that we have in our country. It's like we've got all these people with great ideas and then all these big fucking idiots come in and they start yelling.

This is such a Democrat bullshit thing to say. Oh, really? Oh, really? That's really... What are you going to say? You're going to tell us the treasure is the left. Fuck you, bro. Nah, man. It ain't the left. Trust me. Then what is it? Those leftist cucks got nothing to do with this national treasure I'm about to drop on your doorstep like Martin Luther putting his 95 pieces at the door. I see us crawling past Ben Shapiro right now as we speak. Please continue. Okay. So, national treasure. Treasure. Okay. Treasure. Treasure.

Yeah, good words, Ted. I'm so excited I'm getting a lisp. I'm so excited to tell you guys about this, I'm getting a lisp. Okay? Hold on. Let's delay this whole National Treasure thing and give you maybe a little 10-minute lesson on how to speak. Just let's, you know, zhur. Can you say zhur? You dumb idiot. Zhur.

So the National Treasure movie that I saw, it's a beautiful movie. It's got Nick Cage. He's an American sweetheart. Everybody loves Nick Cage, right? You guys with me so far? Charlie, you're a little bit slow. I'm just making sure that you're with me as well. I'm sorry. That was rude. Treasure. Treasure.

So you see that, you see that like tomb that they go and do in that movie. It's like they go down a big staircase and it's really creepy and crawly and stuff. I think that they have to have something like that in Florida. All right. Pirates.

Pirates. Spooky. This is what you made us wait for? No. Treasure is pirates? Spooky pirates. That's the most fucking cyclical bullshit. God, you guys just don't listen to me. I've never even watched National Treasure. You guys just don't listen to me. I've never even seen the movie. You need to listen to me right now. The greatest national treasure that this country has ever seen is hidden in the catacombs of Orlando, Florida. Why did they make catacombs? Because there was pirates.

And it's near the Caribbean. Okay, so what is in the treasure? The catacombs? The treasure is in those catacombs with all the dead pirates. What's poppin', Chucklers? This episode of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast is sponsored by

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That's Ren.co. Thanks to Ren for sponsoring the podcast. And let's get back to the episode. I'm passing the skulls. Crunch, crunch, crunch. The bones break beneath my boots. What are you, astral projecting there right now? What are you talking about? I turn the corner. I see a gator. I back up. He's in Google Street View right now. I produce my makeshift spear. I have sharpened myself. Strike to the left. A phantom.

faint. I go under the jaw and up, penetrate the brain. Release the spear. Continue walking. I am weaponless but not defenseless. As the strongest is my mind. Where is the treasure? Okay, the treasure, you go down the hallway. In the catacombs, you know, it's a normal... I don't know. You guys know a thing or two about catacombs? First of all, I should be asking. Quick, I'm losing signal. I'm losing signal. Where now?

I have a right and a left. I have a right and a left. God, shut the fuck up, you little Street View brat. The catacombs are there. And they've got a lot of old pirates in them. So you want to go down the path with the biggest, most open room because you've got the biggest pirate in there. And that's John America, the pirate. Hello? Hello? Is that...

It sounds like he's in there. It sounds like he's in the pirate zone. Whatever the case, the greatest treasure's in there, which is the pirate's gold. When was the last time that we ever found some pirate's gold by a guy with the last name of America, right? Okay, I'm going for a hug.

He's embracing me back. It was an exercise of trust, but the boundary has been broken because the real treasure was hard. Oh,

It's hard! It's hard! I'm back. What did I miss, guys? I swear to you. I swear to you. I mean, I'm sure that interpretation-wise, I'm sure that after hugging a skeleton, you could definitely believe that heart was a treasure, but I mean... Sorry, I had to cough up some anti-life bile. What were you saying? I would pressure you to believe that the treasure is truly the gold in this situation rather than this sort of general idea of heart. Okay. All right. Well, in that case...

He's going back in. He's going back into the catacombs. John! I'm back, John! You'd already killed him. Are you back with us, Charlie? He's still stabbing him. It's empty. Ted, where did it go? So, at the end of the day, I think you understand what I'm talking about then when I speak about the national treasure of America being in an Orlando, Florida catacombs. Come on.

Right? This does not... Something is just not registering. It's going in one ear and out the other. I don't know what reference you're trying to make, Ted, but right now... There's no fucking reference, dude! Hang on. No, dude. I think he's onto something. Schlatt, you're coming with me. Take my hand. Take my hand. I don't want to go into the catacombs. Take his hand. Charlie. Charlie, I don't want to go into the catacombs! What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it?

All right, boys. Welcome to the Orlando Catacombs. This is one of the... This is, you know, you've got SeaWorld, you've got Universal, you've got Disneyland, but then you've got the Orlando Catacombs. This is the fourth most famous, you know, tourist location in Orlando. Let's take a look around. Thanks, Mickey Mouse, but I know the way. Did we buy the Fast Pass? Oh, you bought the Fast Pass. Oh!

Hey guys, what's up? I'm Gooly. I'm a ghoul. Slut.

It's the construct. This bit is getting too abstract. We still have a chance to pull out. I'm a ghoul. Show me the ghouls. Do you want to pull out? We're going to have to. Do you want to go deeper? I'm a ghoul. I like to eat corn. I'm going into the echoey part of the catacomb. Oh, God. I'm the ghoul. I like corn. I'm being able to pull him back. Ghouls, ghouls, ghouls, ghouls, ghouls, ghouls, ghouls, ghouls. Going after him. I'm going after him.

This is a really deep- holy fucking shit. It's so deep in here! No, I'm out, bro. I left 3D. I left 3D. I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, I'm gone. Charlie? I'm out. Hey! Is that- Dad? Goof. Nicholas Cage? Alright, I'm actually out, Charlie.

And welcome to Chuckle Sandwich, everyone. Hey, so guys, I'm just gonna, I'm bringing us back into the concrete fucking world, alright? Is everyone here? We're all here? No one's astrally projecting? Let's all align our chakras, get back in. That was a really good astral projection, guys. I think that, you know...

Something that we really don't talk about on the Chuckle Sandwich podcast that I feel like is a sort of opening up a bit, if you guys are comfortable with it, is that we do have separately from this podcast also a weekly astral projection sort of

book club you might you could call it i suppose um where we meet we're all we're all astrologists we're all we all astrology uh schlott can i speak to you in the aether for a second yeah of course

So right now what's happening, folks, is that they are currently communicating through the aether, which is a deep location where they speak almost purely in monkey noises and clicks. So if you hear a lot of sort of echoey monkey noises from the distance, then you're basically hearing the sound of the boys aether speaking. This is aether speak. So, yeah.

How was the chat, boys? Was it a good chat? Wait. I'm out. Who's he talking to? Who's he talking to right now? Who's he talking to? What? What? What'd you say in there, man? He's going back in. He's going back in. Somebody must have... He's getting attacked. That was a psychic lash, Ted! I gotta go in!

Schlatt's dead, Ted. Yeah, I guess. You could have fucking saved him. But you stayed in the physical fucking world. You make me sick. Oh, I hope so. Schlatt is gone, and you have to fucking move him. Guys, I looked up, and I'm sorry for not bringing this in earlier. I didn't realize I was going to be in the Astral Catacombs today. If I did, I would have come prepared. Love Orlando. Drew Gooden was there.

Yeah, well, not Orlando per se. I was in Spirit Orlando. I was in Sporlando. But these are 50 spooky questions, actually. I was hoping maybe I could pose a couple of these to you guys, sort of get everyone in the ghoul-y, ghastly mood. I'm feeling a little bit like ghoul.

Okay, can I hear your best ghoul cry and then attack? Okay, my best ghoul cry and attack. Hi, my name is Ted Nibison. I'm going to be auditioning for Ghoul No. 3. I'm very, very excited for this production, and I hope that you enjoy my performance. If this guy's anything like Ghoul No. 2, I think we're going to have our work cut out for a schlamp. And then my ghoul attack. Whoa. Whoa.

Okay. Jesus Christ. Hang on. That had a bit of spice to it. Whoa, dude. Wait, this could work. This could work. I think I got to go to the little boy's room. The little boy's room? My ghoul sounds will do that to a man. My ghoul sounds will do that to a man. Time out.

Is this a bath? Are we talking about a bathroom or a room filled with little boys? Oh, that's terrible. Um, yeah, no, there is a, there is, there is also a part in this movie for, we do have a little boy part. So I just, I just, all the participants are currently waiting in a two foot by two foot closet. Okay. Well, like Lincoln logs. What's your best ghoul ghoul, uh,

noise and attack. Why are you asking me, bro? I'm directing the film. Schlatt was asking. I'm directing the film. This kind of attitude is going to get you nowhere in the business school number three. Exactly. Exactly, Ted. This attitude is going to get you nowhere in the business. What was your original question? Because am I going crazy here? I'll blackball you from the industry. Who's in ghoul school right now? I don't know. Schlatt's apparently playing Harvey Weinstein right now. Ted, my first question, who do you think you are?

That's my first spooky question. Well, I'm running around leaving scars. There's one right answer. I'm running around leaving scars, collecting my jar of hearts. Tearing love apart? Tearing love apart. You're going to catch a cold. By the ice inside my soul. So don't come back to me. And I will not come back at all.

Okay, guys. So let's see. Let's see. Let's see. That's like flabbergasted, right? He doesn't know what to do. Have you ever had a rap song? No. Have you ever had? It's not a rap song. Was that Snoop Dogg? It's like a ballad.

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All right, Charlie, spooky questions. Yeah, that was spook dog. Have you ever had an inexplicable experience with the supernatural? Have you ever had anything that you can't necessarily explain that's happened to you? And I swear to God, if both you guys just say no, I'm going to fuck off and not ask any more of these. So you got to have something. One time when I was editing and I had it and I've been awake for 31 hours.

I was editing and I guess when you're sleep deprived, you start kind of getting little hallucinations. So I was editing and then I, my door here was open and there's a, there's a, there's a bathroom in that hallway there. And I thought I saw something come out of that bathroom, but I was alone. And this was like last, this was like last week. And it like just really, and it was like,

It was like four in the morning. So it just kind of creeped me out like more so than things normally do where I was just like, I was just like, and then I was like, okay, wait, hold on. Let me start to ground myself right now mentally and then be like, okay, maybe I've just got a little bit of a hallucination thing going on with the sleep deprivation.

No, I've heard about the Los Angeles toilet ghost. Yeah, no, the Los Angeles toilet ghost. They've been around for like 50 years. That's what got Robin Williams. I don't know why I said that. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's all right. We cut that out. We keep moving. You don't need to cut it. I don't care. Fuck Robin Williams. Fuck that guy. Sorry, Robin Williams. We love you. Loved you in Patch Adams. So...

But I genuinely thought it was something moving out of the bathroom. And it made my heart... I made me like... For a second, I was like, oh, never mind. But shlat, ghost, ghouls. One time I took a shit so bad... One time I took a shit so bad... You took a paranormally fat dump. I could have swore it smelled like something died.

And that was real spooky. One time I took a shit so fat, my ass got so big I thought I saw my grandma again. It was huge. You were taking a shit

And it smelled so bad you thought you were in a graveyard and that was pretty spooky. True. True. Okay, I guess that counts. One time the shit was so big the lid didn't close? No. No. Why would you say that? Why would you say that, dude? That had to be a stockpile. You had to be a poop hoarder in order to achieve that. Such a feat.

There's no way you can fit in your stomach that much poop. What do you do? A poop hoarder? That sounds like it. Or maybe he just got his toilet clogged and then he just gave up and then didn't try to solve this problem and just kept pooping in it. I do do that. Do do. That's awesome, man. You know what else you do, Shalette, that I've heard of? And Charlie's going to love this.

Okay. Waffle stomping.

Why'd you say it like that? Why'd you say it like that? Because I knew that Charlie was good. I haven't, I will say this, I haven't waffle stomped. You say it like it's so cute, man. You say it like there's fucking sparkles coming off of you when you say it. I haven't waffle stomped in a couple months. It's like when you get a one out of ten on a YouTube video. You get confetti when you do it. Waffle stomped, and then the confetti comes off. Okay, what is the second spooky question? Okay.

Moving on from waffle stuff, even though I started that topic. Well, okay, I want to share mine. Oh, right, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. No, actually, you know what? Fuck it. You're right, guys. Let's just move on to the next one. No, Charlie. No, Charlie, it sounded like you actually had something ready to go. No, well, I kind of, I sort of do. So I did this, I stayed, um...

Like 12, more than that, like 16 very sleep deprived hours at an insane asylum, very haunted insane asylum, haunted in quotations, in West Virginia called the Trans-Allegheny, and I don't think that's how it's pronounced, but I've committed to it every time. The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum in, I think it's West. It's called the Lunatic Asylum? That's what it was officially called? Yeah, because it was. It was a lunatic asylum.

They might have just called it like Pennsylvania Looney Bin if they would just want to keep it as offensive as possible. Yeah, I mean, it's like very much not, you know, still in operation. The crazy house. Yeah, like...

Big Bill's House of Mirrors? It's like the fucking ride from Rollercoaster Tycoon 2, the Crooked House. It costs like $100 to play, Stan. It's just a really fucked up looking house. Monster house. Yeah.

Um, yeah, no. So, I mean, when I was actually making the video, I was very careful not to make any jokes about that side of it because it had a pretty dark history. But, um, the weird part, the weird part about it, the weird part about it.

uh, was when I was, uh, when I was filming, um, there was a couple of times where weird shit happened. So the first time was we were filming this scene, um, in the front, uh, by the door, like the little intro where I was putting this padlock on. Um, and I was like practicing, uh,

I was basically locking us in, and I didn't know how to actually undo the padlock. I was just kind of going to hope that the person staying there with us could help us out with that. So I was doing takes for it, and when we weren't rolling, I walked away, and we didn't have any of the cameras on, and the whole door just absolutely rattled.

It was fucking crazy. And we were like, was that the wind or something? The wind inside the building? Yeah, well, there was like the opposing door, like the double doors were open. So it could have been something there. And it freaked me out for like weeks. Like I told my family about it. People were like, do you believe in ghosts? I'm like, honestly, after doing that, no, not really. But there was this one really weird thing.

And then like I had told my whole fucking family, extended family, my editor and I were commiserating over it. You went to the newspaper. And one day I went to the newspaper, it got published. And one day he sends me like a one second video because we had a time lapse running outside. Like a one second video of just this little fucking figure walking in like one door and just going up to the door and going and then walking back all the way out.

And then I get a second message from him because we had all done vlogs separately from fucking Bisley.

who is like losing his mind and absolutely losing it and filming himself as he walks around outside and shakes the door. And I told all of my fucking family. I told like, I told Grace, I told everyone I knew. And I just felt like such a fucking dumb ass. It was busily. It was busily. But it was, but I believed it for like months. Like I seriously was like, dude, I was so close minded before.

I never really took it seriously, right? Like, I can't believe I made this whole video. I lightsaber fought a ghost. And you know what? My mind is finally, oh, a message. What's this?

That was, well, that was my used at first because when you were describing that, I thought that when you said that there was like a time-lapse and then there was a figure that was moving across and shaking the door, I thought you didn't know who that was. Oh, that would be crazy. Um, no, there, there was, uh, elevating the level of, of wildness for me. No, we did get, Oh, there was one other weird one. Um, where when we were in like the kids part of the building, there was a music box and

And there's like a rather well-known, it's like a well-known part of the building and a lot of people talk about this like one spirit that likes to live there or whatever. For this same place? The same building? Yeah, it's the same place. They actually have like a map and they have spirits by name and it's crazy. I mean like the actual people that come here and most of them and the people that run it like really do believe in this shit. We weren't allowed to have a Ouija board in the building.

It wouldn't let you take one in? We weren't allowed to. We could do everything else. I lightsaber fought a ghost. Everything else was fair game. Ouija board, they said no. And to be honest with you, after doing it, I don't know if I would have. They said no because they were like, that's a bad idea because something's going to happen. Yeah, they said no genuinely because we're not that superstitious and

But we're a little... We're that level of stupid. There's a line, right? That sounds a lot like the fucking Charlie Charlie challenge from like 2015. You remember that shit? Yeah, I do. Where you'd stack two pencils perpendicular to each other on top. Well, that's what dowsing rods are, kind of. Dowsing rods? They're like these metal rods. You walk into a room with these metal rods and they...

detect fucking, I guess, the gravitational pull of ghosts. And so you walk in with these two rods and when they cross, that's when you know you're right on a ghost. Oh, yeah. That's some Zach Bagans bullshit. Yeah. Zach... Oh, my God. The person there fucking hated Zach Bagans. It was so fucking funny. We rolled up and I started saying like, yeah, I've really wanted to do this ever since I've seen all the just annoying ghost adventure shit. And I knew as soon as I said that I had misstepped because she was like, oh...

He's been here a couple of times. Yeah. Zachary. And I'm like, holy shit. Yeah. He's been there. He's been there. I know. Fucking Zach Baggins. She was saying he was- Host of Ghost Adventures on the Travel Network. The most absurd ghost hunting show. Everyone knows. Apparently he was like walking around the building, like putting himself on the stretchers, just saying like, fuck me in the ass, spirits. Just like all this is like the most disrespectful shit. Yeah.

You need some medication, baby. I'm like, dude, I'm Zach Bagans. I'm fucking crazy. I need someone to calm me down. Just banging on the walls like an absolute rascal. One of them should just get inside him and make him start jerking off or something. You're so right, dude. Just like fully erect. And he's just like, bro. Oh, man. Oh, man. I don't know what's going on right now. So you haven't seen season 21, clearly.

Does he get hard in season 21? Dude, you don't... You missed it when a fucking... There's 21 seasons of Cuts Adventures? You missed the episode where a demon possesses Zach Bagans' cock and jerks off, dude? What the fuck, man? That's one of the best ones. That's like one of the most important episodes of... That's one of the most... That's some of the most concrete evidence we've fucking...

have right now that must have happened at Bobby Mackey's or whatever the fuck I would love the way that we find out and have hard scientific evidence that ghosts are real is that some fucking ridiculous TV host gets his dick possessed by a devil that is awesome yeah so I guess in conclusion like I've had I had a lot of spooks in there that were like really close to being something but um

I don't think I can. I hate to ruin the Halloween fun here, guys, but I think personally ghosts aren't. What the hell? God. Maybe we need to. Well, we didn't do it this year, but maybe in a year's time we got to do another. We got to do a chuckle sandwich ghost hunting experience and really just sort of make it be about trying to get Charlie a little bit more spooked.

Oh, I was spooked. I mean, it's an abandoned building, like, in disrepair. There are huge hallways with glass, like, broken. There's bats dive-bombing you. It's fucking terrifying. You're in the pitch black. Surely we could find something in, like, maybe the middle of Canada, rural Canada, that would maybe take it. Rural Canada. Maybe it'd take something up a notch. I would do it again without cameras.

I really would want to do it again without cameras. Why do you think the cameras make them... They get the stage fright? No, no, it's not the ghosts. It's when you have the cameras on, that's what you're focused on. But the scariest part for me was like,

When I was just like, we had split up, I had finished filming, and I just decided to turn off the fucking light, turn off the camera, and just sit down for a minute. And just in the darkness, just listen to weird shit in the building. And I was like, I don't know about that. Wow. You're insane for doing that. You just sat down in the dark and you were like...

I would be... Dude, I would be so fucking hyped if a ghost just grabbed my balls, because then I'd be like, yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about! Specifically your balls! I mean, also other places. Also other places. But, you know, and it's not an open invitation. But I'm just saying, like, of course I'm gonna try it, because, like, I really desperately... Oh, you're just saying. You're just saying. I desperately want to believe in weird shit like that, right? Like...

But here's the thing. Ooh, grab my balls! Ooh, yeah. The thing is, Charlie, nobody can simply say that they want a ghost to grab their balls. That's not like a... It's not a simple statement that you're making there. Well, I'm sorry that most people are too afraid to say that they want a ghost to simply grab their fucking nuts, okay? I think that maybe... Schlott knows what I'm saying. Schlott knows what I'm saying. I want a ghost to bust all over my face. Thank you.

Wow. I wouldn't expect anything else from...

What was your name? Lance Nuthrust on that episode? Lance Nuthrust, yes. Okay, what's the next spooky question? Well, hang on. Before we do that, I want to lock you both in a fucking quick just soul contract here, okay? So can we all agree at some point in the next year, let's go somewhere spooky, let's stay the night,

We'll see what happens. Okay? No. Everyone. No, I'm not going to do that. What do you mean no? What do you mean no? I don't want to do it. Why not? I just don't want to do it. You just said you wanted a ghost to come all over your face, and this is where you draw the line? Okay. Okay. Well, there's a big difference. Like, if the ghost is making house calls, yeah, he can come over and jizz all over my face, but I'm not waiting all night at fucking Bobby Mackey's Music World just on the off chance that he does. What are you talking about? Bobby Mackey's Music World? What? What do you mean what? What?

You just pull... You don't want... Do you even watch Ghost Adventures, bro? Maybe I didn't see that one. Bobby Mackey's Music World is the most haunted place in Ghost Adventures.

Tell me about it. I don't know if that's true, but... Yes! Oh, my brother used to be a huge Beck Ziggins fan. Oh, so you didn't even watch it. You just know about it. No, I didn't even... I watch it with him. I watch it with him sometimes. When he was younger, and when I was much younger, and when, like, MySpace was a fucking thing, my brother was so into ghost adventures that he was like, I want my profile picture to be me and Zek.

And so he had me pause during an intro of Ghost Adventures, and he knelt down in front of the TV, and I took a picture of him, like, kneeling, just looking at the camera, and then Zach Bagans is in the back in front of the TV. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. I thought it was going to be something like where he, like,

forced you to photoshop him or something but i was like there's no way she knows photoshop when myspace was still around no no no that's awesome i did take a photo of him kneeling in front of the tv during the ghost adventures intro that's great

Wow. I'm trying to remember the names of the little ghosts that they were always looking for, and I can't remember what they were. Like little Jubilee Jews. Gremlins. No, they weren't. The little balls that would float around sometimes? Yeah, they called them something. They didn't call them like spirit orbs, though. They called them something really weird. You know what I'm talking about, right? Apparitions? Oh, no. Well, okay, first of all, Zach Baggins' vocabulary is...

incredibly diverse when he's doing ghost adventures. It's incredible. Dark malevolent spirits and poltergeists and presences. It's wow. But no, it's, it's, oh my God. Little grappling's.

I'm gonna throw... Meeblings. I'm gonna put out some... Dude, it was! It was some shit like meeblings. He was like, I'm detecting the presence of thousands of meeblings in this room. There's meeblings hiding in every corner. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Charlie, if we start throwing out some stuff here, just let me know if I hit something that's close. Yes. A little...

Grass children. Glue globs. There we go. Glue globs. Bring out the black light. We got some glue globs in here. Oh, that's a wet one. Flirtling flies. Quick steam. Quick steam. Flirtling flies. Zach, did you hear that? Oh my God. I think there might be the ghosts of some fucking flies in here. Thin scythes. Thin scythes.

Zach! Zach, I think there might be some queefs in the building. Crisp crunchies. Crisp crunchies? Crisp crunchies. We found some crisp crunchies. Zach, we got some cinnamon toast crunch in the building, bro. Zach! Zach, I just stepped on the ghost of a wheat fin. Zach, we got some corn pops. Zach, this tunnel's got Froot Loops.

Somebody didn't watch themselves when they were pouring into the bowl in the other realm. Do you think whenever you, like, do you ever think when you, when you, this is, do you ever think when you fart quietly, you're just sending it to the spirit world? No. No. No? I think so. Especially if it's silent but deadly. Yeah, well, exactly, right? I think that's, that's a ghost. That farts are sort of you slowly over time becoming a ghost.

Oh, okay. No, continue. That air being left out. Oh God, you screwed me. That air being left out is your body slowly converting itself into ghost format. That's why that whenever, um, into ghost format, going from PNG to JPEG, um, except for your file name is gradually being renamed. You start off as a JPEG in your life, but then you slowly convert to PNG because then transparency becomes allowed. Um,

Oh, shit. We're just JPEGs right now. Bro, we got that fake bullshit boxes behind us that they trick you into clicking on and downloading. Yeah, seriously. Trick you into thinking you're PNGs. Those are the real monsters. You're only a PNG when you're dead, bro. But boys, if you think about it, though, when you... My grandma turned into a PNG.

Oh, God, John. So recent. I laughed through the pain. Oh, my camera just died. Some little meblings got into my motherboard. The crisp crunchies. They hacked into my email and sent a photo of me coming to all my contacts. Don't open that Snapchat. A little mebling sent it to you. Can you imagine if someone gets...

Not even I was hacked. I was possessed. Sorry. By a malevolent spirit. My brother got a hold of my phone and then released a meibling into it, which sent all those nudes. If you think about it, though, we do turn into spirits slowly through farts because when you die, you shit yourself. True. They give you butt plugs when you die. The final passage. They go...

It goes right up in there. That's generally how a plug works. That's the sound it makes. Anyone who gets a butt plug in their butt when they're getting buried, they don't become a spirit. That spirit is trapped there in the feces and in the tomb. I just think that's a weird tradition because we should be letting that poop fly. We cracked age. We should be letting that shit sling.

That's what all I'm saying. Um, but,

But Charlie, is there another spooky question you have for us? No, sorry. I'm having all these different scenarios plow in my head now that you've teased my brain so much. Just like you see a ghost. No, you see a ghost and it's like I can't transcend and I have unfinished business and you're like, okay, what? And it's like, fucking pull the plug out of my ass so I can finally shit on him the next life. Like you have a story of a little boy who's just walking through a Halloween graveyard and he meets the spirit of a ghost. It's like a kid...

who died at his age and he's like but I can't my spirit can't be free well I'd love to help you and he's like alright follow me and he helps him dig up his grave and then he's like alright what do I do and he's like take the butt plug out let me rip like a fucking Beyblade motherfucker take the butt plug out of my corpse

He's like, I don't want to fuck you. I don't want to do that. And he eventually does it and he's like, he becomes okay with poop for the rest of his life. That's beautiful, man. Yeah, it is a little beautiful, isn't it? Okay, I'm going to ask another question now before we go down this tangent any further.

It's been a bit of a poopy episode as well as spooky. Yeah. Let's see. Do you believe in any mythical monsters like chupacabras or shadow people? We talked about ghosts, but do we have any chupacabra? You know what's so weird? What?

You know what's so weird, bro? Sometimes I'm on TikTok and you'll see like a video of a dude walking through a forest on a trail or something. And then there'll be like this weird noise in the back. And you go to the comments and it's like hundreds of thousands of people are liking comments that are like, dude, that's a fucking skinwalker. That's a skinwalker. They genuinely believe that these things exist. Like these fucking mythical beings that assume the form of a human to try and lure you in to kill you. Yeah, and if you think about it too...

All of these names for these beasts, these legendary beasts, are just two words put together. Skinwalker, Bigfoot. What's that about? Keep it simple. I will say Skinwalker is a three-fucking-metal name. Slatt's got one on his head, too. Bigdude.

Big dude. Yeah. Also, let me say this. I saw a tweet the other day that kind of explains, accounts for all this bullshit that we grew up thinking about, like Bigfoot and shit. Nessie, you know Nessie, that big fucking- Loch Ness Monster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That one is probably the closest one to being something I would believe. I really want there to be a Loch Ness Monster, dude. Come on. You know, we just didn't have glasses back then. What?

You know, people just couldn't see who... Ben Franklin would disagree. And I feel like Bigfoot is a little bit newer than Ben Franklin. You think that a unicorn is just like...

Someone with really shitty eyesight squinting in a horse and they go back home and they're like I want you to draw this dude I just saw the weirdest thing today. Okay, draw a horse and it's like the thing Charlie you have to believe me here surely Charlie. All right, if you didn't believe the National Treasure thing you got on this Unicorns, they gotta be real. But what's the point like what like and narwhals real?

Horse. Real. Draw your own conclusions, men and women. Unicorn?

It's just a fucking rhino, but it's also a horse. That's not really hard to believe. Yeah, you know what? I guess that's kind of true. Okay. Unicorns are real. That's not true. No, that's not true. Someone just saw a fucked up horse one day. No, we're not going to take this from you, Slatt. No, no, no. Someone just saw a fucked up horse one day. And then all of a sudden this whole thing started for thousands and thousands of years. People believe in this bullshit? No. It was just a fucked up horse. Slatt, you like monkeys, right? Yeah. Okay. And you're a guy.

Yeah. Bigfoot's real. Oh, Schlatt riddle me this and, and put this in your pipe and, and put it in your, in your ass. Frankly. Um, Oh, Mr. Unicorns are not real.

Also the guy that says we're going to move a planet. Bro, you keep bringing this up. Every opportunity you get, you fucking bring this whole planet thing up. I'm not moving on it. I'm not moving on it. Listen, I don't think unicorns are real. I don't think Bigfoot's real. There's no such thing as a fucking Sasquatch, despite what Jack Link wants you to think from that whole round of marketing where they mess with them.

All right. We're moving the goddamn planet. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The planet's here right now. And for a while, it's going to be that way. Let's all agree on that. Okay, great, great, great, great, great. Okay, cool. We're back. We're back here on earth, bringing it down. I will say things like Sasquatch are a little harder to believe, but when we go deep, Charlie,

Pause. You cannot have a normal conversation and then also just say Sasquatch. You cannot pronounce Sasquatch like Sasquatch and expect that we're not going to catch you on that. Say it right. Sasquatch.

No. This whole thing with Sasquatch and Bigfoot. I don't believe in any of it. You don't believe in meeblings either? Surely you believe in meeblings. Okay, well, meeblings are real. Unicron is out there. That's not even spelled correctly. Unicron. You spelled it. You had a typo in the word. You said Unicron. What are you talking about? Dude, anyway, can I please continue?

Okay, listen, all these land creatures, that's where I have a hard time. But if we go down, if we go into the sea, you can convince me of most weird shit in the sea. Megalodon.

Yeah. I mean, I have no reason really besides like, there's like a practicality thing of it. If it's like, was it really like, why would it be that big though? Even practical in the first place though. Let's be honest with ourselves here. No, that's why, that's why they get fished. Fish need to be fish need to be improved.

What are you fucking saying, man? Fish exist. Like some weird ass shit. Like the fucking, the Kraken you could sell me on. Yeah, no. If someone in a lab coat came up to me and said the Kraken is real, I would say, okay.

I would like to see a definitely I would like to see a beast of the sea that has a big old frickin tentacle that can crush a ship. I think that would be really cool. I think that would be really sexy. And I think that that would be really fun.

Where do we get that? Did you hear about, by the way, speaking of sea monsters, we may have spoken about this, about how lobsters, they don't die. We've never seen a lobster go through its entire life cycle. So there is a cult of people that are

currently caring for one lobster because every time they molt they get bigger and they're trying to make it a lobster goliath they're trying to keep growing it until it becomes just so big that it becomes a lobster god wait how big is it now i don't know i i've just heard of this through just general people speaking i've never actually done any research on it but i believe every second of it lobster lifespan hang on the american lobster can live at least 100 years uh

Okay, unfortunately, lobsters are not immortal yet. Let's see. What? Research suggests that lobsters may not slow down, weaken, or lose fertility with age. However, this does not make them immortal in the traditional sense. Oh, as they are more likely to die at a shell molt the older they get. So they can't...

Okay. Well, because they get bigger and they need more and more food and they start using more and more energy, right? Yeah. Well, they keep molting. And the thing is, every time they molt, the bigger the shell, the more energy it takes to molt the shell. Right. So eventually it dies from exhaustion during a molt. So it literally just gets too big for its britches and dies. Yeah. Fuck. Can you imagine being such a big guy that that's like the only thing that can kill you? Is your bigness.

I, that would make me, that would make me upset. I, okay. Here's the thing. Largest lobster, the biggest lobster ever. It seems to, seems to be, have been five feet long. Holy shit. Five feet. Yeah. Real big, like 44 pounds big. That's, that's not that big. Yeah. I was really hoping for a little more than that. I think.

44 pounds? Yeah, I mean, I'm more than that. I can squat that. Well... I want an unsquattable sea creature. Yeah. Listen, guys. I... Yeah. I'm sort of upset that you even looked this up in the first place because now I'm... I was really hoping for, like, a lobster behemoth and maybe, like... I'm actually... I'm really bummed, too. Like, I want to say... But the only reason I looked it up was because I was really fucking hyped about it. Yeah, me too. And I was...

I guess that's the age-old saying, ignorance is bliss. I guess it's that age-old saying, lobster get bigger. I guess it's the age-old saying, if the lobsters don't get you, the meeblings will. Dude, meeblings, real or not real? Go. Bro, meeblings is a flash game made by Ninja Kiwi, the creators of Boons. I just said that shit. It's a game where there's these little...

things and some of them have different powers. That's not true. When you click on them, when you click on them, something happens. Like there's this one where you click on a me bling and then all of them go up or something. Okay.

Yeah, right. Meeblings are a supernatural anomaly that are well documented. Meeblings is why I sent a cock pic to everyone in my photos. That Meebling special power when I clicked it was to send a picture of my cock to all my immediate family. Meeblings are the reason why anyone does anything ever.

that they didn't want to do or have consequences for three to four years down the line. Okay? That's what Meeblings are. They're little demons.

I don't know what this is about a flash game, but I feel like you may be, maybe you're drinking. Yeah, I'm at it. I'm high. You're high? Okay. No, you're not. That's just a meibling. You got to get it out of your system. This is the official method of the Chuckle Sandwich Podcast. There's a meibling in you right now, man. There's literally a meibling in you and you're making a mockery of yourself.

Charlie, give us another spooky question. Are you ready for this? I'm kind of putting a twist on this. The question is, have you ever created a voodoo doll? But I'm not going to ask that. Have you ever created a voodoo doll? No, I am interested. I haven't made a voodoo doll. That's two of us. When I was a kid, I remember having a very... When I would see voodoo dolls and they'd stab it with the pin, I was like...

That would suck. That would really be a pain in the ass. And I think I very much so found it plausible as a kid. I was like, I can see that. Wasn't there an episode of like Timmy Turner or some shit where they had voodoo dolls? Oh, almost 100%. Surely that there was voodoo dolls in the live action Scooby-Doo movie, right?

Oh, no, you're right. No, you're totally right. That's bringing something back. That's what I'm thinking of. I think that was probably my first interaction with voodoo dolls. Okay, so both of you guys have never made a voodoo doll. But my question was, if someone is coming at you with a little doll of you, what would you do? And they have like a little needle to it. Oh, man. You know, I would say I love fan art and I would take it home.

All right, that was really good. Do you think that your monkey statue, Shalott, is a voodoo doll of some real monkey somewhere? Well, the monkey's dead.

Yeah, the monkey died. Oh, no, really? This is sort of a commemorative thing. He's from San Diego. He died of a heart attack some ten years ago. Damn. That sucks so bad, because if he was still alive, like, if this was a recent photo, you'd be able to go see him. If he was still alive, he'd love this. He'd love this, man. Oh, man. You could have, like, seen how much money it would take to buy him from the San Diego Zoo.

dude don't even get me thinking about it can you imagine can you imagine if you became friends with that monkey and then and then oh it'd be so cool and then it'd be so cool and then like a year from now visit him a year from now and then he just hugs you and you get to like yeah but then like a year from now or something at some point inexplicably you just start wearing an eyepatch and we're like why do you why you got that eyepatch latin he's like oh i went for a hug and he didn't like it he tore my eye out

Yeah, he ate my face off because he's a wild animal and vicious. He's a wild animal and it would be an incredibly irresponsible idea to burn a wild animal. I grabbed his balls and he mauled me. There's some weird ones on here. Would you buy a doll that you knew was haunted? No. Why not? It's got to be some sort of sadistic kind of person to be like, yeah, me want a haunted doll. Well, I thought you said you didn't believe in ghosts. So what's stopping you?

I guess I'd be like that guy from One Piece where he gets the haunted sword. It'd be kind of like a challenge. And I know that you know what I'm referring to. Spoilers. Spoilers. What the fuck? It's not really a spoiler. I'm on episode like 80-something. You're past that. I just got to the guy that eats the boat. I know. You're past that. That's where I am. It's not a spoiler for you. Spoilers. I didn't know anyone ate a boat. You...

Dude, he gets the whole thing in his mouth. Yeah. It's crazy. To answer your question, though, I mean, I'm...

Just to see what the buzz was about, right? Like, if you just saw a fucking doll, like, you walk into the store and you got your Buzz Lightyears and you got your Woodies and then you just see a little ghoulish figure that looks like a little Tiny Timothy Chalamet, would you take it home? Tiny Timothy Chalamet? I mean, he would look haunting. He's sort of a more haunting guy. Maybe I will.

Maybe I will. Yeah, but no. I mean, the clerk just casually says, like, oh, yeah, that one's got a real personality to it.

Oh, like he doesn't even say straight up he's haunted. It's more like a, well, I mean, okay, maybe he just, you're right. You're right. Maybe he just says he could say that, but he could also say, oh, do you want that one? It's haunted. I think it'd be better if it was a cryptic thing where you just kind of knew that it was haunted. Be like, yeah, I've been trying to get rid of that boy for 25 years.

It always seems to find its way back. Yeah, you know exactly where I was going with it. I do. Maybe he'll be more kind to his new owners. Maybe this time you'll live

That's not as cryptic. The last 30 people that have owned this doll died. You want it? That's not cryptic at all. Would you buy a haunted doll? If it was just there, if it was just looking fucking creepy? I'm not looking at them. If the guy said, this doll is possessed by a goddamn ghost...

I feel like I would need to be someone who buys dolls in the first place, and I'm not. If I'm answering honestly, I probably am not going out of my way to buy a doll. It just jumps up and starts throwing knives around, and you're like, I'm not really into dolls. Why would you want that? I would want that! Maybe if I was a professional knife thrower, I'd need a partner or something. Okay, the doll stands up and starts vlogging. What do you think now? It's an influencer. Influencer doll?

The doll takes Horsey Wormer and goes on a podcast. Horsey Wormer. Okay. Well, yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. I like him. So the doll needs, the haunted doll needs to be relatable to you is what I'm hearing. I need the haunted doll to be a doll of Joe Rogan is what I need. Okay. You want the, so you basically what you're asking is you just want the soul of Joe Rogan to be trapped inside a little animal for you. I need a fighter. I need a comedian and I need a podcaster and I get all that from Joe Rogan and I need it to be in little doll form. That's fucking awesome. Okay. I can't disagree with that.

You know what? It's entirely possible to do it too. And I need him to be making general references to this sort of character named Jamie that's not even there. Like as he just kind of sits in the corner of the room just being like, Jamie, can we pull that up? Something like that. I thought you were going to say he just sits in the corner and goes, Jamie, Jamie. No, no. He goes, Jamie, Jamie, can we pull that up? Jamie.

Jamie, can we blow that out? Is this what Jamie is saying actively? Dimethyltryptamine. That's what I think I'd like the Joe Rogan voodoo haunted doll to sound like. Sit down, Jamie. Not now.

He was starting to look something up over there. I was not going to let it happen on my watch. We do not fact check on the Chuckle Sandwich podcast. No, no, no, no. Which is why we are the number one in the world as of now, I'm happy to say. I think that that's a really good idea. I think that if we sort of, and our audience, this is sort of what I'm goosing for right now, is that we sort of just generally claim...

that we are the number one podcast it eventually it's like a what are they what do you call that it's a manifestation yeah schlatt's a bit of a manifester do not say that do not do that on the podcast man why he is not a manifester that's so sick manifester that's so sick manifest destiny manifest these nuts dude that's freaking epic

Shalott, you're not saying anything and you're making the same face right now. He's putting Joe Rogan's soul in a haunted doll as we're talking. He's putting Joe Rogan in a little stuffed elephant over there. It looks like his soul is getting sucked out of his own asshole right now. He's astrally projecting. He does. Shalott, push something in your ass, man. Give us one final real good question, Charlie. I will give you one final goose.

One final last thing to be goosin' for. Okay. And that's it. What will your last words be? It was me. Schlatt? I hid the money in the... So we've got, we've got, it was me, and I hid the money in the croaks. And then, Charlie, what would yours be? Thanks for listening to this episode of Chuckle...

Thanks again, listening to this episode. Oh, fuck. Thanks for listening to this episode of Chuckle Sandwich Podcast, ladies and germs. Well, we hope you have a wonderful Halloween. Do not go to these coordinates in Orlando, Florida. Latitude 517.4. Longitude 45.6. Elevation 2.

203 feet. Do not look for that mountain. You will not find it. You will not find the catacombs. And if you do, I will be waiting there for you. Joe Rogan. Just end it. Just end the recording.