97: The Secret Lives of America’s Founding Fathers: Who Really Started This Country? | Dark History with Bailey Sarian

2023/8/2

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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. What do you really know about the Founting Fathers, huh? George Washington was obsessed with dogs. I mean, so much so that he even invented his own breed. He even had his own hunting dog that he named Sweet Lips.

And Thomas Jefferson, well, he was all about freeing the enslaved.

Except for his own. And Benjamin Franklin, you know that guy? Well, you know that story where he flew a kite during a lightning storm and invented electricity? Yeah, that didn't happen. Whoops. I personally realized so much of us don't really know that much about the Founding Fathers and who they really were. So I wanted to take us back to basics and get to the bottom of it. ♪

Hi friends. How are you? I missed you. Did you miss me? Great. I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Bailey Sarian and I'd like to welcome you to my podcast, Dark History. If you're new here, this is a chance to learn about the history that for some reason maybe wasn't in our school books.

You know, the stuff they don't want us to know. But don't you worry because me and you, we're going to learn together. And make sure to stay around until the end of the episode because I'm going to have a fun little pop quiz for you. And who doesn't love a pop quiz, huh, Joan? Okay. So all you have to do is sit back, relax, and let's just talk about that hot, juicy history goss. First and foremost, I just want to welcome you to season three. Thank you.

I'm so glad that we're here today. Look at how far we have come. We've come so far, we've learned so much, and I'm excited to continue learning more, right? And I hope you are too. I appreciate you for being here. I'm excited. This season is gonna be wild, per usual. Oh my God. But today I want to take us back to the like,

Again, the basics. We're gonna talk about the founding fathers. Yeah, you remember them? I didn't. And also learn about what America was really founded on. I mean, back when I was in school, we tended to focus more on the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, which was great and dandy, but extremely boring and nothing stuck, right? To me, it kind of felt like we just glossed right on over the founding fathers. Like,

Who were they really? What were they like behind closed doors? Were they like weird kids? Were they geniuses? Maybe they had some like weird kinks. I don't know. I mean, I want to know. I'm curious. Now, I always heard a little rumor that George Washington had wooden teeth. And I was like, what? How does that work? You know? So I looked into it and honestly, it was really hard to find true facts about him. Him like...

Him like as a person, you know? Look, I'm Googling, I'm goggling, and it turns out like George Washington's teeth were just the tip of the iceberg. And it turns out it wasn't just George Washington. I mean, it was all of the founding fathers. They were all people with niche hobbies and interests, you know, like your neighbor. So let me just stop rambling and let's start strong with our country's first president, right? The man.

The myth. The legend. George Washington. Oh, sorry. George Washington. Yeah. Now, everyone knows about good old George Washington, right? I'm sure we do. We know the name. But when I say George Washington, you might know him as like that guy with the big curly white wig or that he chopped down that cherry tree. Or, according to my uncle, Washington had a huge donk.

Well, it turns out, let me check my notes here. It's in the palm of my hand. They were all wrong, wrong. You know, everything was wrong about George Washington, but apparently he's number nine on the list of presidents ranked by dong size. So...

My uncle wasn't far off, so I guess his hair was all natural. I know, I was shocked. He powdered it to make it white, and under all that powder? Well, I was shocked to learn that our country's first president was a redhead. He must have burned easily. That must have sucked. Oh, and his teeth? Yeah, you don't really want to know what they're made of.

Paul! Oh my god! You showed up with your George Washington wig today. I'm so impressed. Are you trying to show up like Joan has been showing up? Well, I hate to break it to you, bud, but you're kind of looking like my grandma. You kind of look like a saxophone player. I could see that, but nice. I like the effort. We're showing up for season three, aren't we?

You know that cherry tree story about George Washington? Well, that was also 100% made up. Oh, yeah. I guess after Washington had died, there was this scramble to put out a book about him. You know, like there always is with celebrities. Except today, it's not a book. It's like a biopic, right? Anyway, a traveling

preacher named Mason Weems, he beats everyone to the punch and became one of Washington's first biographers. Now, according to Weems, when Washington was just like a little baby, like six years old, he got a hatchet

as a present from his father, which classic, you know? I know when I'm looking for a gift for a six year old, I go straight to the hatchet. So honestly, checks out. So baby George Washington, you know, is very excited about this hatchet and he goes around the farm where he grew up and starts hacking, just hacking away at his dad's favorite cherry tree. Yeah.

Now later, probably like the next day, his father confronts him and is like, "Hey boy, did you fuck up my favorite treat?" And little George is so honest that he allegedly tells his father, "Yes, daddy, I cannot tell a lie. I did that with a hatchet."

Apparently, a direct quote. Now, this is supposed to be a morality story about the value of honesty, which is nice. It's a nice thought. But when you realize that Mason Weems actually made the whole thing up,

I don't know if it's hilarious or just sad, but honestly, we on Dark History already know the truth is always gonna be a bit juicier, isn't it? So let me stop rambling and let's get into it.

George Washington was born on February 22nd, 1732. He was his mother's firstborn, but his father already had three much older children from a previous marriage. So little George was like the oldest to his mom, but his dad's fourth kid. So the baby.

in a way. He grew up on the family's plantation in Virginia and was essentially considered like upper middle class. Now the plan was for little George to go to England for a fancy boarding school, just like his older brothers before him. I mean, this was the best education money could buy at the time.

So all of the wealthiest families were doing it. But unfortunately for George, tragedy struck and his father had died when he was just 11 years old. Obviously, huge bummer, right? But the cherry on top of the tragedy tree was that it ruined any chance for George to get that bougie education abroad.

I guess his mom didn't have the funds for it and George ended up staying in Virginia. So George spent the rest of his childhood at home, you know, just like learning the family business of farming, growing tobacco, and just taking care of the land. He then went to a local Virginia school off and on and like learned science and math, but English was not his strong suit because he allegedly had dyslexia.

You don't really hear about that a lot, you know? Now, something you need to know about this time period, if the father, the man of the household dies, the oldest boy automatically has to like take over the family's finances and land and like

everything. So even though George wasn't his father's oldest child, all his half siblings were grown up and out living on their own, their own lives, you know? So he was basically the man of the house as far as his mother and younger siblings were concerned. This meant that George, even though he was 12 years old, yeah, he had a ton of personal responsibilities at home that came before his schoolwork. And ultimately this led him to drop out of school around the age of like 13.

It was said that for the rest of his life, George was pretty insecure about his lack of education. But now you're on the dollar bill, Georgie. What a come up.

Now, we don't know a whole lot about George's childhood, but what we do know is that at some point, his older half-brother, Lawrence, yeah, he enters the picture and he decides to help out. Lawrence Washington was like, you know, the cool older brother that everyone wanted to have. He was just cool.

I mean, he was 14 years older than George and he had already been to school in England. He'd been in the British army. He fought in a battle between England and Spain and was also a famous war hero. Yeah, try and top that.

You know? After Lawrence got back to the United States, he built a massive estate in Virginia called Mount Vernon, which was named after one of his mentors in the army. So when Lawrence was back in the country, he reached out to his little half-brother, George, and was like, why don't you come live with me? Now, obviously, George was like, hell no.

Hell yeah, because he knew that he had a lot to learn from someone like his older brother, Lawrence. So Lawrence takes George on as his ward, which essentially means his legal guardian. And George acts kind of like Lawrence's intern.

So when George is 19, Lawrence gets super sick and the doctors, they tell him that, you know, maybe he should take a trip somewhere warm and sunny and, you know, maybe somewhere with sand to recover. So Lawrence packs up and goes to an island in the Caribbean called Barbados.

Yeah, you know, strictly on doctor's orders. And honestly, I was like, what the hell? My doctor just like doesn't even listen to me. I want him to make me go to Barbados. So George, you know, he's like, hey, wait for me. Like, I love the beach. I want to go. So he ends up going with Lawrence to Barbados and spends seven weeks there. Yeah.

Yeah. And while he was there, he said he was taking in the culture, learning about how to grow sugar cane and probably drinking some rum. It's a real like coming of age chapter for him. And he's just really living the moment, live, laughing, loving until, yeah, until teenage George gets hit with smallpox. Ugh.

Smallpox is a deadly disease that starts with just like a couple of red spots on your tongue and mouth. And then the spots like slowly develop into sores that break open and spread the virus into the throat. Yeah. And then you get hit with a fever and turns out it doesn't end well for most. Yeah. But George, he was a fighter and

And guess what? He beats the pox and comes back to America with some scarring on his face and his body. But otherwise, he's really healthy. Unfortunately and sadly, the same couldn't be said for Lauren. You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear all the...

time, but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I love so I can make sure my wardrobe stays fresh and I don't blow my budget. They've got cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk tops, and my favorite part, all Quince items are priced $50 to

80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh!

I love linen and you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.

R.I.P. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash dark history for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dark history to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash dark history.

So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.

- Smartest way to hire. A year after their Barbados trip, Lawrence dies from TB at the age of 34, which leaves George just absolutely devastated. I mean, he's already lost his dad, taking all these responsibilities, and now this? Yeah, super bummer.

The silver lining was that George inherited everything, including Mount Vernon, which was one of the best and biggest Virginian estates at the time. But you know, George, he's a mover, he's a shaker, and he wasn't content with just settling down and becoming a farmer. Bored. So he decided he was going to follow in his brother Lawrence's footsteps and become a soldier.

In 1752, 20-year-old George started his army career working for the British Army. Now, this seems kind of weird, but it's just because America was still a British colony at the time. I mean, this was a perfectly normal career path and George was doing it. So one thing George is famous for is being one of the best military strategists, which is kind of funny because he really did not like start out on the right foot, right?

I'm gonna tell you. So by this point, tensions are running high between the British who are in control of America and the French who are like trickling down into America from Canada. So France low key was like, we want Ohio. They want Ohio, which is like now you're like, okay, take it. Just kidding.

But England already was like, hey, it's ours. No. And meanwhile, the native people who had been living there for hundreds of years are just like, hey, everyone, let's like just be cool here and respect the land. Huh? But basically everyone was on edge and everyone was going after Ohio and just fighting.

waiting for someone to make the move first, to maybe even make a mistake, right? Everyone is on edge. So then this rumor gets out that the French army was camping down next to the Ohio River.

I don't know how rumors spread out there, but it's spread. And young George, he gets swept up in all this drama when his commanding officer sends him to scout out the situation. His officer's like, "Hey, go out and check to see if the French are really out there, like squatting on our land." Yeah, so he gets there.

And not only does he look around and see all these French tents and soldiers, but he starts to panic because he realizes he is seriously outnumbered. And if anybody caught him, most likely it would be like, you know, the end for him.

But instead of having a conversation or maybe going up to the people and explaining what he's doing, he goes from zero to 100. Just full on John Wick on the French troops and just starts shooting his gun everywhere. Just to add anything. He's just shooting. In result, he ended up shooting and killing 10 French soldiers and 100.

whoops, a French diplomat. So the French, naturally, accused George of being a British assassin, you know, sent to kill them. And the British were like, "Dude, we gave you one job, man, and you really fucked it up." So nobody was happy with him. Nobody. But this spark of violence was exactly what both sides were waiting for to get the okay for an official battle.

George's little oops was as good as like a declaration of war. And it actually kicked off a seven year war between the French and the British and the indigenous people who lived on the land before either of those idiots showed up and stole it. Yeah, his little mistake just set off a seven year war.

Bitch, you gonna pay for that? But here's something inspiring despite this massive fuck up. George goes on to redeem himself. I mean, think about it. When you learn about George Washington in school, did anyone tell you he started a war by a jump scare in the woods? No. So George put his past behind him and would actually go on to be considered one of the best military strategists of all time.

In between starting wars and sleeping in tents, which apparently like George loved tents. He was all about it. George falls in love with one woman, but gets engaged to a completely different woman. So he was a little sloppy in the love department. In 1758, when George was 26 years old, he wrote a beautiful love letter to a woman named Sarah Fairfax, who also happened to be his best friend's wife.

What? Yeah. Bro code? Wasn't happening then. Yeah, I guess they met back when George was an awkward teenager and Sarah had apparently coached him to be a little better at small talk and even taught him how to dance. And that's pretty cute, right? Until it's not. Now, it's not clear whether any physical relationship actually happened between them, but...

I'm sure George's fiancée would not have enjoyed that letter if she knew about it, George. When he was 27, George got married to a woman named Martha, who just happened to be a rich widow.

He's like, okay, I'm in. She also had two kids of her own named John and Patsy. Martha and George never had any kids of their own. And historians believe that this could have been because of like the complications from George's smallpox or maybe Martha's measles.

We never know. But it didn't stop George from being a 10 out of 10 dad. He was said to love Patsy and John like his own and constantly would send them letters with different advice or encouragement. George apparently also loved dancing. I mean, he would go out to a ball and spend the whole time on the dance floor. And it was said like he wouldn't come home until four in the morning. I know. But then I was thinking about it. I'm like, what else are they doing back then?

There ain't shit to do. Just stay out and dance. Get it out while you can. Shut it.

When George wasn't dancing or writing letters, you could find him spending quality time with his dogs because he had about 30 dogs at any given time and all kinds of dogs. He had a Dalmatian that he named Madame Moose, a hunting dog named Sweet Lips. I guess he took Sweet Lips everywhere with him. I bet you he kissed that dog. It sounds like he was definitely kissing that dog on the lips, you know?

Also, he had a black and tan hound named Drunkard, which is really precious. I love sweet libs. Oh my gosh. That made me giggle a little too hard. But George left a big time legacy. Yeah, no shit. He's on the dollar bill, Bailey. I know. You see, in his professional life, I mean, he absolutely was killing the game. During the war for independence, George thrived as a spy master.

He would dig around to find horrible stories about atrocities the British committed and would end up like leaking them to the press. And on the battlefield, he was equally bad ass. He had not one but two horses shot out from under him and had four bullet holes shot through his coat over the course of the War of Independence. I'm feeling more bad for those horses, sorry.

But that's awful. He saved the American Revolution twice, at the Delaware River and in Yorktown. And when it came time for all the founding daddies to attend the Constitutional Convention and figure out how to run a country on their own, he was unanimously chosen to be the one in charge. Probably because of that huge dog.

I bet. And he was the first person to sign the United States Constitution. So this guy was doing a lot of firsts. George was, if nothing else, a survivor. Throughout his life, he had all the Oregon Trail diseases. I'm talking malaria, smallpox.

tuberculosis, and diphtheria. All of those were potentially deadly at the time. And it's just like nothing could bring this guy down. But ultimately his undoing was a simple cold. Plus a psychotic doctor. They go hand in hand sometimes. After coming home from riding his horse in the snow, George had, you know, he's like, "Oh my God, my throat kind of hurts you guys." And most likely he would have made a recovery.

if the doctors hadn't decided to bleed him. Yes, bleed, blood. Back in the day, doctors believed that cutting you open, just cutting you open and letting the bad blood come out would cure you of...

They're like, oh, you got a foot pain? Bleed, blood, salt. And that's how George Washington ended up saying bye-bye to 40% of the blood in his body. George Washington died on December 14th, 1799. Now, I'm not a doctor. I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm not. But I'm going to say it doesn't look like the cold is what took him out, you know? Maybe it was...

Losing all that blood? I don't know. So one big myth about George is that he made history by emancipating all of his enslaved workers in his will. Now, one reason this wasn't actually like such a big deal was because other founding fathers like Ben Franklin, for example, he had just gone ahead and freed his enslaved workers while he was still alive. But not only did George say like, "Hey, they can't be free until I'm dead."

Thanks to Martha Washington, it didn't even go as planned. When George died, all of his property passed to his wife, Martha, and Martha wasn't ready to free anyone.

She only freed a few enslaved people that she thought were going to kill her. She was like paranoid, okay? But ultimately, the majority of them ended up being inhumanely separated from their families once Martha died. The enslaved were split up between Martha's grandchildren and children. In his whole life, George only freed one man, and his name was Billy Lee. Now, Billy Lee was...

you know, like his right hand man throughout the whole Revolutionary War. So I guess it was like the least he could do. Thanks. Like one guy. Thanks.

And then remember the teeth, the wooden teeth that I thought was factual and I was misled. They were actually made of cow teeth, horse teeth, but mostly it was like human teeth. Yeah. Which were pulled from the mouths of his enslaved, which is like, oh, my God. I did not remember learning that in third period U.S. history, Mr. Randall.

I'm not putting it on him, it's just I don't remember that being in the book at all. Now something I was wondering was how the heck did George end up on the dollar bill? And was he offended about it? Any comments George? Do you think you deserve better? More money? Are you mad that Ben got the hundred?

Well, he actually wasn't until 1869 when they decided, hey, how about the number one president our country ever had gets to be the face of the dollar bill? Nice. But it turns out it was kind of awkward for a guy named Solomon P. Chase. Yeah, the U.S. secretary of the Treasury who was actually on the dollar note before him. So they're like, sorry, guy, you're out. George is in.

At the end of the day, George is remembered for being our first president. He was unanimously elected to the job, not once, but twice, in 1789 and in 1792. Kind of inspiring that he was essentially self-educated, self-made, and...

Really, you just couldn't kill the guy, you know? Like he was a survivor, wasn't he? Like damn, okay. So, you know, the next time you look at that $1 bill, think about good old George, military hero, lover of dogs, and also dancing. Now the next founding father is a man who's been described as complicated, hypocritical, a genius, sensitive.

Yeah. He's the founding father we have to thank for so much of what America is based on. I mean, he literally wrote pretty much the whole Declaration of Independence. I'm talking about Mr. Tom. You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear all the...

All Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices

and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh, I love linen and you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.

So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.

- And off today. One more time, stitchfix.com/darkhistory. Thomas, fun fact, he was a bit of a foodie. He liked food, same scene. And thanks to him serving this food in the White House, I mean, things like ice cream, pasta, mac and cheese became popular in the United States. But that's just the tip of the iceberg with this guy. He was passionate about expanding America.

Literally, it grew twice its size when he was in power. He's a grower, not a shower, you know? Thomas was also America's first Secretary of State, second Vice President, and then the third President of the United States. So make sure to write this down so when you cheat on your test, you'll be like, thanks, Bailey. And I'll be like, I got you, I got you. And while he was in office, Thomas had one of the most famous experiences.

famous presidential scandals in the history of America. Yes. Thomas was born on April 13th, 1743 in the British colony of Virginia, also on his family's plantation, which was called Shadwell Estate. One of his parents came from money and one of his parents was a blue collar farmer.

You get it. His whole life, he kind of had an identity crisis. I mean, he was always half farmer and like half rich guy. You know, it's gotta be kind of confusing. Still, he had access to the best of everything. I mean, especially when it came to education. Word on the street was that the Jefferson family was considered very cultured and successful.

And just like pretty much every white dude at this time, you know, he grew up surrounded by enslaved people his family had owned. Thomas actually said his earliest memory was being carried on a pillow by a slave. Wow. Okay, that's it? That's what he was going with?

Okay. Thomas was the oldest of 10 children. And it was said that he was very shy, quiet. He was a serious kid who struggled with a lisp and a speech impediment. And I was like, oh my God, yeah, same Thomas. Same. But...

He was also a little smarty pants and he always did very, very well in school. He was what is known as a polymath, AKA a person of wide knowledge and learning. This man was interested in everything from architecture to archeology to botany and even music. I guess he could like rip it on the violin.

I know I love the violin. I played for like three years when I was growing up, but I'm allergic to silver. I know we're kind of like going off here, but I'm allergic to silver. And like on the violin, it has those like silver bars on the side and I would play and then I would develop this fat rash. So like people made fun of me and stuff. And then I stopped.

All right, so when Thomas was 14 and away at boarding school, he received some very... I'm not laughing, but I am. He received some devastating news. Devastating, Bailey. Devastating. His father, Peter, had suddenly died. I know, very George Washington, like...

Same, right? Thomas, just like Georgie, had to become the head of the family. I mean, he was in charge of everything at just 14 years old. So when Thomas, he rushed us home and he finds out that his father's will specifically says to leave everything behind,

to Thomas's mother until Thomas turned 21. Everything was indeed in his mom's control. And back then, this didn't mean that Thomas's dad was some kind of feminist hero. It was essentially like a slap in the face, telling his son like, "You're not man enough. I'm gonna leave it to the woman." Yeah, that's kind of...

Slap in the face right there. And then to top it all off, I mean, even though Thomas wasn't taking over the family's estate, he still got like left with all the work to do around the property. He's like, hey, this sucks. So every single weekend, rain or shine, he would have to haul his ass back to Shadwell Estate and do whatever his mom and sisters told him to do. So essentially he had all the responsibilities and none of the benefits.

Oh, wah, wah, wah, Jefferson. Wah. Now, we know a lot about Thomas Jefferson because he himself was obsessed with writing letters to friends about everything from like what he ate to like how he was feeling.

Again, kind of going back, like there wasn't shit to do. Okay, they're like, hey, sky's still blue. Woke up again. He wrote tens of thousands of letters over his life and only mentioned his mom like twice, you know? So, eh, whoops. But the two times that he mentioned his mom, it was implied that he like really resented her. Ooh, plot twist. Thomas Jefferson is a murderer. He had to get rid of her.

That could be a good movie. Even though Thomas and his father weren't really close, you know, because he's dead, Thomas basically felt abandoned and like his mom and sisters were just ordering him around and using him to do all the work.

And this was making him grumpy. So Thomas is over it and he's ready to grow up and get the heck out of his home life. So he studies his ass off. He's like studying, reading books. He graduates school with really high honors. And he ends up getting into the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia.

And at this point, the year is 1761 and he's only 16 years old. And this guy is studying mathematics, metaphysics, and philosophy. Top that. I guess when he first gets there, he does what so many of us

so many of us want to do when we go off to college. You may have guessed it. He rages. He parties. He goes hard. Thomas partied his first year at college away, which he later said he really regretted. But they always say that. And it's like, you're successful.

Why do you regret it? Anyways, I feel like it's good to get it out of your system, you know? Eventually he got his shit together and started working for a law office in Virginia. And after working for a few years as a law clerk, he got into law school and then passed the bar. And when he was 21, he was finally freed from having to deal with his mom being a boss at Shadwell and took control of the estate fully.

Hell yeah! So now all that land and everything was his. Great! You got what you wanted, Thomas. Are you happy? Well, around the same time, Thomas married a wealthy widow named Martha Skelton. Martha herself had been married and had an infant, but sadly both her husband and the baby died.

Oh my God, I know, sad. By all accounts, I mean, Thomas and Martha really loved each other. I mean, even through all the tragedy they experienced. I guess Martha had some health conditions that made it difficult for her during pregnancy. And with every pregnancy and birth, Martha would get sicker and sicker

But I guess having babies was like more important to them, you know? So Thomas was like, shut the fuck up and have more babies. Martha and Thomas would end up having six kids together. But sadly, only two survived. That's sad, you know? Six and only two survived? Shit.

In 1782, Martha died. On her deathbed, she made Thomas promise to never remarry so no one else would raise their daughters. And Thomas, of course, she's on her deathbed. He's like, yes, baby, I love you. Mmm.

Anything you want, baby. He promises this to her. Great. But naturally, he was totally devastated and even it was said he was suicidal after Martha had passed. And because Martha died, Thomas inherited his father-in-law's massive amount of properties.

Included with these properties were about 100 enslaved workers. Now this is where the complicated and hypocritical part comes in. As an attorney, Thomas took on several cases of enslaved people seeking freedom.

He even waived his fee and took on the cases for free. And if the enslaved person lost the case, Thomas would give them money, which would like then help them escape from their owners. And so much of his career is dedicated to the abolition of slavery. Now that we, right? Great. We love that. Now it's weird because Thomas Jefferson was the founding father who, um, he owned the most enslaved people. Hmm.

Make it make sense, right? I mean, at one point he owned over 600 people. 600 people. And many of those people were just like whole families. Yeah, what the...

Anyways, one of those families, the Hemings, were about to become one of the names associated. You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear it all the time, but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I

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On today's episode, now let's get back to the story. Martha's father, John Wales, had several children with an enslaved woman named Betty Hemings, which it wasn't an unusual thing back then.

Sadly. Enslaved people had no way of refusing advances, or I mean, let's just say it, like assaults,

rape from their owners. And sadly, when the Hemings were inherited by Thomas Jefferson, I mean, that didn't stop. Thomas at one point was the minister of France to the United States, and he even lived in Paris for years. So he ends up taking one of the Hemings' kids, James, who was a teenager at the time, he takes him with him to France to be his butler.

Thomas wanted James to learn the art of French cooking because again, he's a foodie and he was obsessed with French food. He wanted to be able to enjoy it when he got back home to America. So he told James if he learned how to make French food and then like could teach it to the chef at home,

he would free him. Thomas got his wish and a bunch of foods we know today, like french fries, became popular in America because of this deal. But the most famous thing Thomas was known for had nothing to do with food. A few years later, his daughter's nanny, her name is Sally Hemings, joined them in France. Not long after they got there, Thomas and Sally started having a sexual relationship.

Now, you know, I hate to call it a relationship or an affair for two reasons. One, Sally was Thomas's property. And like we said earlier, she didn't really have a choice to say yes or no. And two, when Thomas got together with Sally, he was 44 and Sally was 14. Yeah.

There are not many details about when or how it all got started, but we do know Sally was kind of like a nanny to Thomas' daughters. She would take care of them and help them get dressed and all of that, and she was also a maid in the household. The sexual relationship between Thomas and Sally carried on for most of the five years that Thomas was in France. And just before the whole Jefferson family was about to pack up and like head back to America,

Sally revealed that she was pregnant with Thomas' child. Now, if you've been paying attention, you'll remember I said Thomas Jefferson's father-in-law was Sally Hemings' father.

Father. I need a little like chart, don't I? With like a laser pointer. Wouldn't that be fun? Let me know if I should do that down below. That means that Sally and Thomas's wife, Martha, were half siblings. Sally and Martha were half siblings. Got it? Okay, great. Which is kind of wild. Yeah. Sorry. I'm putting the pieces together right now and I'm like, yeah.

That is wild. So Sally ended up negotiating with Thomas, you know, saying like, hey, listen, you have to promise me to free our child once they turn 18, okay? Or I ain't coming back, bitch. Which essentially at this time, to make demands as a young teenager to your boss who impregnated you, I mean, that was very, very brave of her.

Once they returned to America, the baby sadly passed away, but Sally went on to have six of Thomas' children. Four of them survived to adulthood, and eventually, it seems like Thomas did end up keeping his promise because he did free all four of the children he had with her, which is like the bare minimum, but...

Now Sally never left Thomas's side and she lived in a wing of his infamous estate, Monticello. Plantation owners impregnating enslaved women wasn't unusual back then, which is like so sad, right? Oh my God.

To high society, it was kind of like a secret that people just did not talk about. It was just something that they kept behind closed doors. Death to all of them. The people who were raping the

the women. Well, I mean those doors were blown wide open when Thomas ran for president against John Adams. Thomas Jefferson was John Adams' vice president and even though the two were like best friends at one point, competition really turned them against each other naturally.

During the presidential race, all the salacious articles started coming out, you know? Saying that Thomas was keeping a sex slave named Sally Hemings in his home and was even having children with her. Gasp.

I know. Which really just goes to show you that like, even then, the media was nasty. Jeez, it's so annoying, ain't it? Anyways, it did some serious damage to Thomas's reputation, but eventually people, as they do, they got over it. I mean, this was the man who wrote the Declaration of Independence at the age of 33. You know, and everyone's like, "Dude, give him a break."

In 1800, Thomas went on to win the presidency and four years later, he won reelection as well. Thomas and Sally's relationship lasted almost 40 years until Thomas died on July 4th, 1826, which is kind of silly, huh? I mean, yeah, he died on the day the Declaration of Independence was adopted and on the same day, his political rival, John Adams, died.

What a story, huh? I guess on his deathbed, Thomas asked if he outlived Adams. After they confirmed that he did, Thomas then passed away a few hours later. That is petty.

I love it though, that's funny. Thomas went on to be known as one of the most beloved presidents in history. I mean, he reduced the national debt. He founded the University of Virginia. There are countless memorials and schools across the world built in honor of him, which we love education and many things he did for the country. You know, but there doesn't really seem to be proper acknowledgement about his history with the Hemings family out there. And you know,

you would think that would, uh, change. The final founding father in our deep dive is Mr. Benjamin Franklin. Now, compared to Washington and Jefferson, Benjamin was a much more mature, older man, you know? I mean, he was 70 years old when the Declaration of Independence was written, which, essentially for that time,

was ancient. I'm not saying it's ancient, I'm saying for that time it was. Okay, listen, you got it? Good. So we're taught in school that in 1752, Benjamin went outside during a storm and flew a kite with a key attached to it. Then it got struck by lightning and ta-da, he discovered electricity. But the problem is that story and just like the George Washington with the cherry tree, it's made up.

It's a lie. Everything's a lie. First of all, if this experiment played out how it's told in history class, researchers agree that Benjamin would have been toast. Yeah.

Second of all, he didn't discover electricity. It was a well-known thing by the mid 1700s. Now, Benjamin did help Thomas write the Declaration, and he was important in the creation of the Constitution, but he was also a writer, a businessman, a scientist, an inventor, a diplomat, a politician, and a philosopher. Talk about doing it all, huh? But really, I was like, okay, but what was he like as a person, you know? Wanted to know.

So Benjamin was born in Boston on January 17th, 1706. And here's the crazy thing about that. His birth was just 14 years after the Salem witch trials. So America was still kind of at like this really interesting place. You know, one would call it a really safe place for women.

I'm twitching. But now Benjamin's dad was a soap maker, a candle maker, and a certified baby maker. He had seven kids with his first wife and 10 kids with his second wife. So Benjamin was baby number 15. That's a lot.

From an early age, he learned that having a quick wit and hot takes was the best way to stand out. Ben left school early and like George Washington, he pretty much taught himself everything he knew. When he was only 12 years old, he went to work for his older brother in a newspaper print shop in Boston.

And this experience working for a newspaper had a really big impact on young Benjamin. One, he learned the printing business. And two, Benjamin had a gift for writing. In fact, while working at the paper, he asked his brother to publish some of his work. But his brother did what all supportive older brothers do and told him, no, you're not going to do that. That's not going to happen. OK, beat it.

Then one day in 1722, letters started showing up at the newspaper offices. They were slipped under the door in the middle of the night and the author was a widow who went by the name Miss Silence Duguid. Benjamin's brother published these letters and his Boston readers were absolutely obsessed with it. They were like,

The letters were entertaining, but also had like spicy commentary about citizens' rights, like freedom of speech, and it also poked fun at society in general. Long story short, these were words from a smart troublemaker. It was satire at its finest. Now, single men out there thought Miss Do-Good was so witty and charming that they started sending marriage proposals to the newspaper. I mean, Miss Do-Good put out 14 letters in total.

It was popular. People loved it. But what they didn't know was that this middle-aged woman writing these smart letters, Ms. Duguid, she was actually 16-year-old Ben Franklin. Catfished. Yeah. And when his brother found out, ooh,

He was pissed and immediately stopped publishing the letters. This secured Benjamin's reputation as a guy who wasn't scared to piss off authority figures and challenge the establishment. Not long after this, Benjamin said, hey, fuck it.

I'm out. And left his job working for his brother. He moved to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1723. Philly became Benjamin's home base for the rest of his life. And over the next 30 years or so, I mean, he was just a busy man across the board. In the love department, he, you know, he hooked up with his landlord's daughter, you know, whatever, no big deal. And eventually he ended up marrying her.

But in a surprising twist, Benjamin had a son named William. And it turns out it wasn't with his wife. To this day, I mean, no one really knows who the mother was. And Benjamin and William, they would go on to like have serious bad blood between them. In the business department, Benjamin was...

doing well, okay? He was killing the game. He became like the official printer of Pennsylvania and he bought and published a newspaper called the Pennsylvania Gazette. It became the most widely read paper in the colonies. Now this gave Benjamin a platform to really lean into the whole clever disruptor identity, you know? Eventually, Benjamin became the richest guy in Pennsylvania after putting out a series of successful books called Poor Richard's Almanac.

Now these books had everything. I mean, weather predictions, poems, puzzles, household hacks, and even astrology. Ooh, sounds fun, huh? Now once again, he was writing under a fake name. He was using the name Richard Saunders. And he published a new edition of this book every year. And he did so for 25 years. And the colonists, they just loved it. They ate this shit up.

He sold about 10,000 copies a year and that was, it may not sound like a lot now, but like back then that was a shit ton, okay? That was a lot. So as Benjamin's status rose, so did his reputation and influence. But some people thought,

That Benjamin guy, he's like really full of himself. Another founding father, John Adams, thought Benjamin was just a clever bullshitter who hogged the spotlight. Oh my God, you guys get over it. He's a good writer and people like him. Adams once said Benjamin's quote, whole life has been one continued insult to good manners and decency. I know.

Wow, a very old-timey burn, isn't it? Bring it back. But Benjamin didn't care. He was rubbing elbows with all the elite in early America. And he had friends in high places. Some of these friends ran the government of Pennsylvania and they appointed him as the colony's representative to Parliament in England. And even in this position, he kept stirring the pot.

which was about to bring America and England. You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear it all the time, but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that

For 50% off your next order, terms apply. You see, in 1772, the governor of Massachusetts and his right-hand man sent a bunch of letters to Parliament in England. And I guess, like, in those letters, the governor was talking shit about his own people. I know.

Saying that the colonists don't deserve equal rights with the British just going on and on and on. And then the governor thought like, oh, I should have more power and I should have more British troops, you know, to keep the colonists in line. Now, no one knows who leaked the letters to Benjamin, but what we do know is that he got a hold of them.

So Benjamin secretly sent these letters back to some radicals in America. And it wasn't long before they were printed in full in a major Boston newspaper. In a matter of days, people organized, took to the streets, and they started riots. They wanted the governor removed, and they were getting even more pissed at the Brits. This whole thing set the stage for the rioters to go into the Boston Harbor...

grab a bunch of tea and just dump it into the ocean. Or maybe you know it as the Boston Tea Party. Yeah, there was tea involved. Or was it tea?

The British were searching high and low for whoever leaked these newspapers to the Boston newspaper. And eventually on Christmas day in 1773, Benjamin came forward and said, quote, "Oops, it was me. I was just trying to help you guys. No big deal." Direct quote, I'm sure. Benjamin was called before British council for, you know, what he did.

Now they went in on him hard, just yelling at him, disciplining him, making him feel shameful and humiliated. And then they fired him. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. You know, honestly, I never understood that saying. Why are you poking a camel with a straw?

You know, it doesn't make sense. Benjamin was now officially ready to take on the British. And just two years later, the Revolutionary War, well, it breaks out, pitting the colonies versus the British. Now, we don't need to go into the nitty gritty of it all because, you know,

But what you should know is, you remember Benjamin's son, William? Well, he was on Team England while Benjamin was on Team America. So after the war broke out, William stayed loyal to the British King while Benjamin was off helping Thomas Jefferson put together the Declaration of Independence.

and William was arrested by American soldiers and held as a political prisoner. He would end up spending years in jail, including eight months in solitary confinement. And at any point, Benjamin could have used his influence to free his son, but he didn't. He's like, nah.

It's very Stalin, you know? But Benjamin could be stubborn and petty, just like these other men. This father-son relationship never recovered. And during his final years on Earth, Benjamin became America's first ambassador to France. And while he was there, he became a celebrity and a fashion icon.

Okay, you know, sure. And girl, I mean, he really leaned into it. He loved the attention. His outfits were understated, but he wore like a super big fur hat and it became like his trademark. I love it. And created this idea that Americans were like rustic, but intellectual frontiersmen. You know, that's what the fur hat was giving.

French women even mimicked the look with oversized wigs in a style they called "hair-do a la Franklin." That's funny, actually. They wanted to look like him. Odd choice, but okay, ladies. Benjamin died on April 17th, 1790. He also died rich. Historians aren't exactly sure what his net worth was, but they all agree it was in the tens of millions of dollars. Did he bury it somewhere?

And I guess he ended up like leaving most of his estate and money to his daughter. Her name was Sarah. And obviously he didn't leave William much of anything. He's like, nah, you're good, bro. Benjamin even left two grand to the city of Philly and another two grand to the city of Boston. Now, a lot of people swear Benjamin was a president. I thought so too. And it turns out like he wasn't. He wasn't a president, duh. It's giving very Mandela effect, isn't it?

Or maybe it's just because I just didn't know, really, okay? So, yeah, Benjamin was not president. If you learn anything new, that's what you're going to learn today. To be fair, he had presidential-level recognition, and even to this day, because it's him and not George or Thomas on the frickin' $100 bill.

Bill, boom bitches, I'm on the hundred. And the last thing I'll mention summarizes Benjamin perfectly. He was a fan of what he called air baths. Instead of actually washing himself, he instead would take off his clothes, get completely naked and just sit right in front of his first floor window.

and he would just air it out, just air everything out. And he believed that it was good for his health. And speaking of airing it all out, that's kind of like the point of this whole episode, right? Just getting to know each other a little bit more.

So look, we can all agree that it's important to remember the past and honor history when appropriate, but you know, it becomes a real slippery slope when we build the founding fathers up as gods. Because when we do that, people start worshiping them.

And then it becomes a mortal sin to disagree with them. And next thing you know, it's starting to feel like one big patriotic cult. Did these guys have some good ideas? Sure. Were they trailblazers? Definitely. But they didn't do it alone, right?

And they also had some real flaws. They did a lot of shady ass things. Two things can be right at the same time, people. You know? Also, I find it very interesting that George and Thomas made it onto Mount Rushmore, but Benjamin got no love. Well, whatever. He's on the hundred. He's like, mm.

Anyways, tune in next week when I really unpack the whole government these guys set up. It'll be fun. Don't worry. It'll be fun. Come back. It'll be fun. Honestly, I don't really understand it. You know, I don't understand a lot about the basics of our government. And it feels like they made it complicated on purpose, right? And I think they probably did. So we wouldn't understand it and know what the fuck is going on.

Anyways, I'm talking about the dark history of the branches of government, but it's going to be cute. Don't worry. Sounds boring, but it's going to be cute. Okay?

Anyhow, don't forget to join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, don't forget to check out my murder, mystery, and makeup. Dark History is an Audioboom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian High, Junia McNeely from 3Arts, Kevin Grush, and Matt Edlow from Maiden Network.

A big thank you to our writers, Joey Scavuzzo, Katie Burris, Allison Filobos, and me, Bailey Sarian. Writer's assistant, Casey Colton.

Production lead, Brian Jaggers. Research provided by the Dark History Researcher team. I'm your host, Bailey Sarian. Okay, wow, woo! That was long. So now it's time for our pop quiz. Were you listening? Do you know the answers? We'll see. Which founding father was known for being a foodie and brought mac and cheese to the White House?

You have an answer? Well, if you guessed Thomas Jefferson, you've been paying attention. Gold star. Thomas lived to eat. He even had his own pasta maker. And without him, we might not have gotten ice cream in the United States for a very long time. Now, I'd love to hear your reactions to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag dark history over on social media so I can follow along and see what you're saying. Oh my God, look, we have a comment here. What does it say? Let me read it to you.

Fitz said, quote, I feel like Bailey is having a real glow-up moment. I mean, she has always been drop-dead gorgeous, but lately she's been like really slaying. That was so nice of you. Thank you so much. It's natural. Bridget Blakemore commented that I should look into the death of St. Lawrence for an episode. So I did. And apparently, when he was being burned alive, he shouted, quote, I'm done on this side. Ha ha ha ha.

Turn me over, end quote. Honestly, that's really funny. And I would put that on a shirt. Hilarious. Love the idea. Thank you for recommending. We'll get on it. Maddie Garth commented that, quote, Bailey, Joan, and Paul are legit my last functioning brain cells. Highlight of my Thursday seeing Bailey. Aw, thanks, Maddie. Maybe get that looked at. Because if these are your brain cells, then...

I don't know if you're doing all right. Anywho, I hope you have a great rest of your day. You make good choices. I hope you learned something new. And I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye. COVID-19 viruses like me change to fool your immune system and make you sick. But updated vaccines help protect you. Stay up to date on COVID-19 and flu vaccinations. Sponsored by Champions for Vaccine Education, Equity and Progress.

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97: The Secret Lives of America’s Founding Fathers: Who Really Started This Country? | Dark History with Bailey Sarian

Dark History

Chapters

What were the true stories behind the myths of America's Founding Fathers?

How did George Washington's early life shape his future?

What pivotal role did George Washington play in the French and Indian War?

How did George Washington's personal life influence his legacy?

What were the controversies surrounding Thomas Jefferson's personal life?

How did Benjamin Franklin's early life and career set the stage for his later contributions?

What was the impact of the Founding Fathers' personal flaws on their legacies?

Shownotes Transcript

PodQuest PodQuest Podcast Discovery Engine

97: The Secret Lives of America’s Founding Fathers: Who Really Started This Country? | Dark History with Bailey Sarian 57:20 Share

Dark History

Chapters

What were the true stories behind the myths of America's Founding Fathers?

How did George Washington's early life shape his future?

What pivotal role did George Washington play in the French and Indian War?

How did George Washington's personal life influence his legacy?

What were the controversies surrounding Thomas Jefferson's personal life?

How did Benjamin Franklin's early life and career set the stage for his later contributions?

What was the impact of the Founding Fathers' personal flaws on their legacies?

Shownotes Transcript

PodQuest PodQuest Podcast Discovery Engine

97: The Secret Lives of America’s Founding Fathers: Who Really Started This Country? | Dark History with Bailey Sarian