77: Why You'll Probably Fail the SATs | Dark History with Bailey Sarian

2023/3/8

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Bailey Sarian introduces the topic of the SATs, discussing her personal experiences and the societal pressure associated with these tests.

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Hi friends, how are you doing today? I hope you're having a wonderful day so far. My name is Bailey Sarian and I'd like to welcome you to my podcast. It's called Dark History, baby. This is where I get the chance to tell a story like it is and to share the history of stuff that honestly we would probably never think about.

but I think about it at like 3 a.m. for no damn reason. So all you have to do is sit back, relax, and let me share with you some hot, juicy history goss. And this is Joan. And what's his name? Paul.

Okay, so normally I like to start my episodes by telling you how I got here, 'cause there's always a way as to how I got to this topic. So if you don't know, I moved recently and I moved, so there's like a lot of boxes everywhere and there are still boxes that I have yet to unpack. So, you know, on my free time, I kind of go through boxes, doot-dot-doot. And let me tell you, there was this one box I did open the other day and like, I don't know who packed this thing. I mean, it must've been me because it was my box.

But it was kind of like, you know how in every kitchen we all have a junk drawer? You know, it's like where you throw all that nonsense, but you need it. So think of this box as like the junk box. I'm talking there were everything from Little Caesars coupons to a post-it that said, do not remove. No idea what I was not supposed to remove.

But oh well. And then randomly there was half a pack of fruit stripe gum. I love that gum. But then at the bottom of the box, you know what I found? Well, I came across my old TI-83 calculator. Yeah, you remember those? Talk about a blast from the past.

When I picked it up, I almost threw my back out because those things are freaking heavy. It's kind of a great weapon or, you know, if you ever lock your keys in the car, don't worry, just throw that calculator right through the window and problem solved. And then I started reminiscing about the past. What was even the point of that calculator? And what were we calculating? Do you remember? No, I don't either. I don't even know how it works. And then...

Flashback memory. Hey, remember the SATs? Yeah, great segue. I know, I know. Look, some of us were told that our test scores would determine the rest of our lives. I mean, even our whole damn future. And if we didn't get a good test score, we wouldn't go to college. And then we would turn into trolls and then be alone forever. And then you die. I mean, all of that can be known with one little test score.

I don't know, but I didn't want to find out. I mean, I know people. I know people, first of all. Do I? No. But I know people who were not good test takers in school, and then they would feel really bad about themselves because of one little number. But, I mean, even they would go on to do great things. I mean, hello, hi, my name is Bailey Sarian, and I'm a bad test taker.

Yes, I had to take my driver's test way too many times to count. If that's any proof. Thank you. So then I had a thought, like, do these random ass tests even matter? And what about like the holy grail of them all? The SAT? Well, I found out over the past couple of years, hundreds of colleges have just stopped requiring standardized testing to determine if you could get in or not.

So of course people just stopped taking them. And it got me wondering if they could just take them away or just stop taking them. Like what did it even measure? And who was it designed for? And have people always taken these tests? I realize it was time to take a deep dive into the history of standardized testing. I know, exciting. But it is. So settle in. Get out your Scantrons and number two pencils and keep your eyes on your own damn paper.

Chimmy, this story starts in, drumroll please, not ancient Greece for once. Yeah, I know. Today's story actually takes us back to Imperial China, specifically during the end of the Qing Dynasty. It's Q-I-N-G. So this was back in the 1800s. Now, here's a very quick explanation of the Qing Dynasty. Very complicated, but...

I'm gonna give you a little rundown. Now, this was one of several eras in Chinese history that lasted from the 1600s all the way through the 1900s. I mean, longer than America has even been a country.

And there was an emperor who was kind of like their president who oversaw a government that consisted of hundreds of people. So standardized testing in the 1800s, yes, they did it back in the 1800s, was nothing like we know it today. For starters, it had nothing to do with getting into college like it does for so many of us. In Imperial China,

Standardized testing was the only chance you could get at actually changing your life. And for millions of people, the only chance you had to actually get out of poverty. Many people in China were not born rich, most coming from working class families who lived in small villages of about 100 people or so.

Most families struggled to get food on the table, so they were always looking for opportunities or ways to make their lives better, but the jobs just were not there. You were either basically a farmer living a tough life or a merchant on the road selling goods, which also was not an easy life either. The only way to have a better life was to basically get the golden ticket.

I've got the golden ticket. I've got the... Ticket, Joan. That's right. Okay. Anyways, the golden ticket. And the only way to get the golden ticket was to pass the standardized test set by the King Dynasty. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking.

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Why would the King Dynasty even care to test the public? That got me thinking. What do you think? Wrong answer. Well, they did it for a bigger purpose. The King Dynasty was looking for new blood. They wanted to find the best and smartest people for their government. They would give the everyday person an opportunity to take the test, and then they could look at everyone's test scores and figure out who were the smarty pants out there.

Now, most governments would look to their relatives to pass on the power to, you know, people in power tend to pass it on to like their sons, their cousins, their brothers. But the King dynasty had a different thought. They were like, hey, hey, what if we brought in people that were, I don't know, smart, knew their numbers or something. Now they're not necessarily big and buff like in other countries, but their brains were filled with knowledge, right?

And you know what they say, knowledge is power. It was kind of smart when you think about it, right? The stakes were high. If you passed, you might go from everyday worker to the second highest ranking official in the whole country. The only person who would be above you is the emperor. So this is a big opportunity, right?

These exams, they would take place every three years. You'd be given three separate tests that would take 24 to 72 hours to finish, probably where Scientology got their inspo from. We'll save that story for another day. But you would be tested on calligraphy skills, essay writing, math,

knowledge of government matters, poetry, and speaking. But in addition to that, test takers had to memorize whole ass books by a famous philosopher and politician, Confucius. Now these tests were said to be totally mentally and physically draining. This guy, his name is Benjamin Ellman. He's a professor of Chinese studies

at Princeton, who has done a lot of research on late Imperial China, estimated that only one in 6,000 test takers would succeed. That's like getting struck by ice. I was gonna say ice cream.

But that's obviously incorrect, Bailey. Hence why I never did well in school. Most people would give up after failing, but some people were determined to be that one. Especially one man named Hong. Like a lot of the other villagers he knew, Hong spent decades of his life preparing for these exams. But

But Hung was working long hours as a teacher and was barely scraping by. It was said there would be times when the school didn't even have the money to pay for their teachers and said they would pay them with like tea or food.

And you're like, "thanks." And any of the free time was actually spent studying. Hong's parents didn't have a lot of money either, but they knew that their son was special. They believed in him. And what little they did have, they spent on education for Hong so he could have a better chance at passing these exams. Wealthy families could afford private tutors to have their sons start prepping for the tests at the age of four or five.

And sometimes a young man from a poor family would get lucky and would get like a wealthy sponsor who would buy them their books or tutors. But getting one of these sponsors was not easy. You essentially only had a chance at this if you were born with

what's called a bastard child, aka born out of wedlock, and your dad was rich. He would do the quote unquote right thing by setting you up with funds for your books and a tutor, and you could ace the test and rise up from the ranks without daddy. For some, it was just better to pay your kids off rather than being an actual daddy.

But, you know, okay. Unfortunately for Hong, he was born with both parents, so boo. So he just had to, like, study hard.

Yeah, but we had to take the long way. He would study his ass off and just work with the resources he did have. And even though Hong prepared like crazy, he would go on to take the exams twice and sadly fail twice. He felt the years of studying was just becoming a waste and it was eating him alive. But he decided, you know what? I've put a lot of my life into this and I'm not gonna do nothing about it.

I ain't got shit going on. I'm gonna try again. And guess what? I mean, sometimes they say third time's a charm, right? So he decides he is going to try at it again. On the day of testing in 1837, Hong and a couple hundred other students walk into this huge government building. Picture something like a castle.

but not fun. Everyone is carrying a little pack of supplies with them like candles, food, and ink for their quills because it's the 1800s. Ink for their quills. Yeah. And they also brought blankets because like this wasn't a two hour or five hour test. This test would take up to three whole days. Oh yeah. They would be inside of this building. No one would be allowed back in or out.

and these tests were not given in an air-conditioned room for eight hours. I mean, these tests were extreme, to say the least. So before you entered this castle, you would be searched head to toe by a guard, very intimidating guard, to make sure that you weren't smuggling in any cheat sheets. Cheaters, beware, you're gonna get searched. Once they got the thumbs up, the test takers would walk over to what looked like dozens of rows of

private cells. Honestly, it kind of looks like prison cells. The bright side though, each person would get their own cell. So that's cool. Now here's the first question I thought of. Maybe you can relate, maybe not. I'm like, what about, you know, what about when you got to go to the bathroom? Well, luckily they nicely had given you a nice plush wooden

Poop bucket, yes, and it would be right next to your cell. It was outdoors, I guess. But hey, at least you got somewhere to go to the bathroom. Now, if we don't move for three days straight, which some test takers did, no eating, no drinking, no pooping, no sleep.

You're sitting there sweating and stressing. You could die. And guess what? People actually did die. And the administrators in charge had a process for handling the body. I mean, would they let the family in to retrieve the body? Of course not. Don't be silly. They didn't want to disturb the other test takers. So they rolled the corpse up in the blanket they brought, went to the building's wall and

chucked it over the side. It's not funny, but they would chuck that body right over the side so the family could come and pick it up. Curbside pickup started in the 1800s. Wow, who would have thought? This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking.

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It's not like all things were fine and dandy. Oh, nay, nay. Hong and the other test takers, they waited anxiously while the tests were graded. You know, pray to God. I hope, I hope.

it was done anonymously so no testee would be getting any type of special treatment. So while Hong waited, he was just crossing his fingers and dreaming like you know about this big celebration that's gonna happen if he passed. I mean even though the test taking was brutal, the celebration if you pass was like euphoric. I picture like it's winning Miss America where you're just like you know.

That's what I imagine. So they'd line up all the winners and dress them up in like red caps and blue clothes, and they'd give them black satin boots, very chic. And then they'd climb into something called a sedan chair.

I know. It looks like this box with a chair and then on the sides it had draped velvet. Very luxe. Let's say you scored super high and you're being celebrated. You would get to sit in one of these nice seats and then people would lift up the seats and like carry you to the other side. I'm hoping you can imagine this at home.

It was like you were royal for a few minutes, being carried, woohoo! And these winners would be carried to the Confucian Temple of Canton, where they'd hold a ceremony. Then the head of the testing program would come out and congratulate them, put gold flowers on their red caps, put a red wreath around their neck, and give them a cup of wine to celebrate. Years of studying for one glass of wine.

The winter's families would be notified so they could race over to the temple and escort them home. On the way home, they would play music and dance and sing and there'd be streamers. Yeah, you know, and just, it was a whole celebration, the beginning of a new life. So Hong is sitting there with his eyes closed, imagining all of this, all his sacrifice and his parents' sacrifice would be for something greater. Well, I'm not laughing at him, but like, you know,

It was sad because he actually didn't pass. Hong did not pass. He wasn't the one in 6,000 test takers that passed. He failed. I don't know, Hong. I don't know. Bummer. This time he didn't go home and cry about it. This time was different. I mean, he ended up snapping. Okay. Snapping as far as like he started having visions where he was seeing and talking to Jesus and

That kind of snapped. Hung was really in his feelings and just really frustrated, not only for himself, but for his fellow test takers. He felt like the exams were setting people up to fail, that they were actually impossible to pass. And they were probably doing this on purpose. It was like the government was dangling a carrot in front of regular people like, you too can be somebody if you just study hard enough.

with promise you know but hung believed it was actually a fake promise okay everyone's lying

Nope. He was realizing that the rich, they kept getting richer and the poor kept getting poorer. Could this test be one big gigantic mindfuck? Essentially to keep the two social classes divided? I mean, if someone tells you that you're a failure, you might believe that you are indeed a failure. And Hong was not the only one who was fed up.

So he and a ton of other people who were sick of the government's BS led the way to something called the Taiping Rebellion. Now, we don't have enough time to cover the full story of the Taiping Rebellion in this episode. What you should know about the Taiping Rebellion and let me know down below in the comment section if you want me to do this episode because it's actually really fascinating. Ah!

But what you do need to know about it is that the Taiping Rebellion lasted for over 10 years and around 20 million people died because of the battles that happened during this time. 20 million! That's like if all of Australia just up and disappeared and Hong would go on to become a quote unquote "prophet".

and a lot more happens during this rebellion. But I think in this story, it's pretty wild that a big reason this whole thing started was because people were like, "I'm a bad test taker." You know? So it seems like those tests were set up to reward the students who had an advantage in life.

And to be able to do that, it was a lot easier if your family had money. I mean, in theory, these exams were open to everyone, but they really favored wealthy people with connections. I mean, sure, it was hundreds of years ago, but this all sounds a little too familiar, huh? Those imperial exams continued in China, but then they started spreading all across Europe. Standardized tests popped up in Italy in the form of oral exams, right?

And then it didn't take long for the French to get in on the action. And they actually create IEQ tests as we know them today. So now you're probably wondering, well, how did all these tests make it all the way over to America? In the early 1900s, the army wanted a way to figure out which recruits would be good for leadership roles. So they called up Carl Brigham.

who was a famous psychologist at the time. And Carl just learned about IQ tests from some French pals. And he was like, hey,

Let's do a version of that for the army. That way the idiots can go to the front lines. This is what they're thinking, not me. The idiots can go to the front and the smart people, well, they could just get promoted. Let the dumb ones die. Now Carl wasn't just a scientist. He was also a big ol' eugenicist. I know, I know. This got me thinking, wow, it's been a while since we mentioned eugenics. Remember season one of Dark History was pretty much all eugenics.

I learned so much. Well, we meet again. But a little memory refresher, if you don't know. Eugenics, the simple version, is essentially weeding out the quote, unquote, undesirables from the general population. Usually had some ulterior motives. Anyway, Brigham studies the soldier IQ test results for a few years.

And after all was said and done, he came back on the scene in 1923 with a splashy new book called, quote, a study of American intelligence, end quote. Not surprisingly, most of his books said that immigrants and people who were not white were pulling down America's intelligence.

But because of this book and the army testing, Brigham is put on the map as the go-to guy for standardized testing. And one company that went straight to Brigham for test help. You know them. You probably hate them. You can't name one of them. The College Board. Brr, brr, brr, brr. Brr, bring them out, bring them out. Wouldn't that be cool? The College Board, come on in here. Brr, brr, brr. Like, who's on the College Board?

Exactly. I don't know. Is there even a college board? That's the real question here. Expose the college board. Who are they? Bring them out. If you don't know, the college board was the company that tested high school students to determine who should go to college. Yeah, they're the gatekeepers. So they go to that bring them guy and they're like, hey, we here, you're like the new test guy. You want to like create some tests for us?

And Brigham was like, hell yeah. You know, he gets to work, he gets paid. Plus he gets like credit from the college board. Come on, come on. In the year 1926, Brigham presented the board with the Scholastic Aptitude Test, aka the SATs. Yeah. Those crazy ass army IQ tests are the reason we even have the SATs. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, the SAT nowadays is about 150 questions, and there's a time limit of three hours or four if you decide to take the essay as well. In 1926, when the test first came out, they only had about 97 minutes to answer 350 questions, which a lot of people were like, bitch, I'm gonna need more time, please. But also, it's not Imperial China with their...

four day ventures, you know, like damn. Students weren't actually expected to finish the whole test because that would mean averaging 18 seconds per question. The American version didn't take off any points for wrong answers, so you were allowed to guess. And instead of the three different subjects students are tested on today, there were nine different subjects.

There was definitions of words, classifications, antonyms, number series, analogies, logic,

paragraph reading, something called artificial language, which to me sounded like, I don't know, communicating with future aliens. Also basic math was on there. In fact, the questions from the first SAT are all available online. So you could actually take the whole test, which I was like, I am on it. And then I forgot. I was going to take it so I could tell you guys, but then I had a humbling moment where I was like, what if I score really low? And then I just embarrassed myself.

So Joan, you take it, let me know, girl. Okay, 1926, great, happens, first test. And this is exactly when the very first SAT happens, but only 8,000 seniors in high school take it. But then the president of Harvard decides to make the SAT mandatory in order to get scholarships. Harvard had all this money. I mean, they wanted to make sure it went to the most deserving students, not just the rich ones.

And having Harvard's blessing really gave the SATs some serious street cred. It became the gold standard. And by the late 1930s, most American colleges were like, "Oh, you want in? You want in? Well, you're gonna have to get a high score on that SAT test." Which that makes sense. Like someone has to gatekeep these colleges. But at the end of the day, it's just another version of the Imperial China situation.

They're like, "Oh, you want in? Take this test that nobody passes." But then after World War II, the SATs really, they got a boost.

because everyone was wanting to go to college. This is because the government had passed something called the GI Bill, which provided money for soldiers who wanted to get their education. And I mean, they go off with their education, which is like good for you. So a ton of people are trying to go to college. Half of the college students in America were actually soldiers who were usually the members of the everyday working class. I mean, at this time it was like education for all.

And in the 1950s, with more people wanting to go to college, the popularity of the SATs skyrocketed. So then the 1950s comes around and there was the Korean War and the SATs had an interesting role in that. If you scored high enough on the test, you could actually get out of the war.

and a good SAT score made damn sure the government never called your number when it came to draft time. It was like a Monopoly get out of jail free card.

So could you imagine the pressure? You're like, I don't fucking want to go to war shit in a year. And if you got a low score, you better start packing your bags because you're probably going to war. Even though this was obviously messed up. I mean, that's what the thinking was. They didn't want to send quote unquote brilliant kids to the front lines where they'd be killed. Yeah. Imagine if they accidentally sent like the next Einstein to fight in the front lines and

He died in combat. We wouldn't have electricity, okay? They believed that this would set America back years. And everyone was like, you know what? That's a great point. Great point. The pressure was similar to China, except the difference here is that getting a bad score on the SATs not only prevented you from going to school, it could literally get you killed. It's almost like a fun choose your own adventure game.

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I sure do miss those books. So money, as you know, money can buy you time. Time to study and learn how to score high on these tests. And the people in America who had the money and opportunity to study tended to be

white, which was exactly what Brigham, the inventor of the SATs wanted. But even though people were starting to see the bias and flaws in the system, it was still becoming more popular than ever. I mean, come on, if you think about it, in order to get the American dream, you had to get a good SAT score. In the 1960s, the American dream meant getting married, having a good job, a nice home with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, maybe a dog,

I don't know. But the point was to be happy, successful, and have a family.

And college was the key to that dream. And by 1960, we went from 10,000 kids taking the SAT to over 800,000 kids taking the SAT. I'm sure your brain is wrapping around that. This is a big jump, isn't it? But at this time, it costed money to take the SAT. It costed like around $3 to $6 to take this test.

Now, let's do math here. I don't do math, but let's say $3 times 800,000. Yeah, I don't know either, Joan. I was looking at you. But look, millions of dollars in revenue. And we know in America, when damn near a million people do anything, someone is going to figure out a way to profit off of it.

And when someone figures that out, you know, there's going to be another person who's going to want to compete with you for that money. So what I'm getting at is by the time the 1970s roll around, there are now two tests, the SAT and then the ACT. Yeah, I know. Don't even get me started because you see, there was this guy, his name was Everett. Everett Franklin Lindquist. I don't know. He was like, look, I smell money.

I smell money over here and I want in. He notices how much the college board is making on selling the SATs to the students and he wants in on it. So he invents something totally different.

the ACT, aka American College Testing. And well, what's the difference? Well, the SAT had goofy questions. For example, one question was, quote, a candy company sells premium chocolate at $5 per pound and regular chocolate at $4 per pound. If Bobby buys a seven pound box of chocolates that cost him $31,

how many pounds of premium chocolates are in the box? I hated these questions. I mean, I love chocolate, but I don't know. That's why I'm not weighing the box of chocolates. You know, I'm just paying the cost. I don't know. I'm not trying to be a weigher in life. And that's how I approach these tests, with my smart mouth.

Hence why teachers never liked me. And the ACT wanted to test people on everyday knowledge they would actually use. I mean, what a concept this was, right? I'm mentioning this because some of you are probably familiar with the ACT or maybe just the SAT. Either way, they're both essentially the same and both were not really sure what the purpose is. You know, the number of standardized test takers got big.

bigger and bigger. I mean, through the 90s and the 2000s, it just, it got, it grew. Because more of us are doing it. And more importantly, oh my God, it's so funny. It's like, if your friend would jump off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge? And the whole lesson is like, no. But when it comes to test taking, we all jump off the bridge. Wow.

The things we do, huh? It doesn't make sense ever. And more importantly, a huge industry was created around all this test taking and the SATs were just raking in that money, but not because people were getting help on their tests,

The opposite actually. It's because of the people like you and I who didn't do well on them. The repeat customers. And that's not me throwing shade. I just know who did well on that test. I never met them. Have you? Okay, maybe I have, but like, I'm just mad at them, whatever. You see taking another test, let's say you fail and you have to do it again. It costs $65. And then if they registered late, well then that would be like another $30.

And then let's say you want your test results early so you can apply to college on time. That's also gonna be another $31. So roughly, let's say it's about $120 each time. Oh my God, that was like an SAT little math situation I did. Smart me. And then keep in mind with millions of test takers out there, you and I should start getting into this. Let me know, we could start our own test.

Thank you. Now, these numbers aren't gigantic, but for a family on a very tight budget, which is honestly most of America, that's a lot of money. But the college board, they don't give a shit.

Who are they? Nobody knows. But in 2016, 6.7 million students took a version of the SAT. Now, I don't do math, but I used that calculator I found and I was like, boop, boop, boop, boop. And 6.7 million test takers times $120 equaled a lot of money, like $800 million in one year.

Exactly. In one year? Honey, we are in the wrong job, aren't we? Let's get on this test-taking stuff. I'll print a scan. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking.

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That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Dark History. Tron, I don't think they use them anymore, but I'll figure it out. So yes, the College Board, whoever they are, they probably meet on a really nice yacht. And they are not worried about you failing, okay? Today, the College Board is a billion dollar company. Not only that, they are a billion dollar non-profit company.

which a nonprofit is technically a business that exists for public or social benefit. So they're supposed to do good for the community, but the college board, it's kind of hard to see what they're doing for the community when you hear that they bring in over a billion dollars a year.

Like where does that go? The math ain't mat-mathan up. And they're relying on us to not figure it out, aren't they? You would think if they were really a non-profit, wouldn't they just, I don't know, idea, make the tests free? Hmm. Just a thought, I don't know. I don't know. I'm a bad test taker. I don't know, but like, I don't know. So when it feels like your entire life is on the line when you take this test,

you're willing to do pretty much anything to ace it. And there are plenty of people ready to take advantage of that. I mean, come on, you've seen those giant SAT prep books, the tutoring classes, the prep classes, the practice tests, they all cost money. And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to standardized test prep.

And no, you cannot do some horizontal collaborations to get out of this test. I have tried. Anyways, meet Stanley H. Kaplan. Probably sounds familiar. I've seen a commercial for that plate. Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. Stanley was tutoring young test takers in his Brooklyn basement.

which, weird location. I feel like this belongs on a Monday episode, but okay. He's like, "Come over to my basement and I'll tutor you. Put on this lotion." He didn't really do that, but he probably did. His students must have seen results because word spread far and wide about this guy and what he could do to help you score high on that test.

Students from all over America traveled to Stanley's place in New York to put on the lotion and learn the best way to pass the SATs. In 1938, he founded Kaplan Inc. And by 1975, Stanley had 70 locations around the country where they would tutor and help people study. Today, they've got like over 12,000 employees.

And Kaplan, they prep students for every standardized test under the sun. I'm talking college exams, law school, med school, any damn test you can think of, Kaplan does it. And business is great because we all want to do well, right? So we can be doctors and lawyers and shit. And we need those people.

We need you! From tutors to classes to books to software programs, students shell out about a billion dollars a year on test prep services. People spend anywhere from $50 to $3,000 prepping for these tests. And I'll give you one guess who is dropping thousands of dollars on this stuff.

And it's not the average American because who can afford that, okay? It's the wealthy people. It's aunt Becky taking the test for you or whatever she did. Guy off. Oh no.

But that's what I heard one time. Not her, but maybe, I don't know, horizontal collaborations. And they would spend so much money and they have essentially created their own private education system. Researchers have a specific word for this and they call it shadow education, which shadow education is exactly what it sounds like when Peter Pan comes in and you know how his shadow follows him. It's that, but nothing like that because it has to do with private education and

And I just wanted to mention Peter Pan because that's what it sounds like. And you know, anytime I can not talk about school is great. So shadow education is essentially like private education that is happening in the shadows and that only the wealthy can afford. Point blank, period. And honestly, we don't really know that much about it because it's really shady and secretive. We must penetrate the system.

Who's in? I'm in. You in? We're all in. We meet at midnight. Look, this is also a billion dollar industry that's hiding in plain sight. It's so spooky. It has nothing to do with Peter Pan.

but I wish they would call it like the Peter Pan. It doesn't matter, Bailey, move on. Because a Texas A&M researcher spoke to a shadow education tutor. This tutor charges like $272 per hour to tutor. I know, again, we're in the wrong business, you guys. I can tutor.

With parents dropping thousands to help their kids get into their dream school so the parents could have bragging rights, let's be honest, I didn't give a shit about their kids' education. You'd think Kaplan and tutors doing all the shadow stuff is the key to getting good test scores. But actually, no, it's not. Because research from Duke University showed test prep doesn't actually really have a huge effect on overall test scores. It helps with like 20 to 40 points average.

Which is like, is that worth it? But the most interesting part of the research, to me, was something we actually already learned from Imperial China. The research drops the bomb and gives away the number one secret to getting the best SAT score you can possibly get. Are you listening? Come real close because I'm giving this to you for free. I should be charging you at least $2,600 an hour for my education that I am giving you for free.

So come in real close, get out your notepad. The secret to getting a good SAT score is to be born rich. You're welcome. I'm not being sarcastic, actually. This is what the research actually said. It's funny because it's sad, okay? It's sad for us.

Kids who come from families that make at least six figures, quote, tend to score 179 points better than kids who live around the poverty line, end quote. And this is why so many people believe the SATs are rigged. Now, this next thing probably won't keep you up at night like it does for me.

Sometimes at 3 a.m. I'm wide awake questioning all of my life choices. It's normal, right? One of those being like, what's up with those number two pencils? Why did we always have to have a number two? Was the number three not okay? Was there a number three?

And can someone please tell me what happened to the number one pencil? And then don't even get me started on those scantrons. What the hell was a scantron when you think about it? It was the weirdest thing. Lots of odd things that we just didn't question, huh? And like who was benefiting off of all of those pencils and scantrons? Yeah, I think about this at night. I think about this.

I want a refund. I tried to see if there was anything shady surrounding those things, but no luck. I guess the pencil is fine. You're in pencil. But I do keep coming across something called the Atlanta Public Schools Cheating Scandal. I read that something like 44 schools

and 178 teachers got into trouble for changing answers for their students so they'd get better scores. Ooh, yeah, baby, I love that. Now, this is one of the biggest education scandals in US history. It's funny because in research, they point this out, but they fail to point out all the rich people paying off colleges and stuff as being like the biggest scandal, but I digress. Some of the teachers are actually still in prison right now.

for this scandal, but Aunt Becky and Felicity Huffman, they're out walking free.

Seems fair, huh? It's not that I'm saying we should be against standardized testing, but maybe we shouldn't be treating these tests like it's the matter of life or death. I mean, or maybe they just need a revamping. Why is there always like a train is coming one direction and a turn, you know? There's so many examples of why we shouldn't. I mean, during the pandemic in 2020, they just straight up stopped doing the SATs. Yeah, now they're gonna be, I don't know. It's just like, what are we doing?

So I guess what do we do? Give the SATs a makeover? Do we keep it? Do we get rid of it? I personally don't have any answers, so stop trying to copy my work. But one thing I know for sure is what we have now maybe isn't working. Hmm? What's your thought? I mean, the SAT, or I should say testing in general, teaches a person to prepare, self-discipline, dedicate time and energy to something, and then self-discipline again.

There is a bright side to taking tests. They are teaching you basic life skills that could get you somewhere in life and how to be a fucking adult because you have to have some self-discipline, right? Great. So we need testing. But to the extreme of SATs, I don't know. That's why I would love to hear from you guys. So if there's anything to take away from this...

I'm giving you permission to not stress. The sun always rises another day. Just because you're a bad test taker doesn't mean you're gonna be a failure in life. You can still go on to do cool things. You could still go on to go to college, be smart. It just takes a little bit more work. I swear, I didn't like actually get my brain to work until my mid twenties. And then I was like, oh, I wouldn't mind going to college.

So look, we're just humans and it's okay. And listen, most of all, if you don't know what you want to do with your life, that's okay. Period. Life is weird, okay? None of us know why we're here, but we are here for some strange reason. These tests don't determine your whole future, okay? So relieve yourself of the stress. Take a break.

If you want. Go travel somewhere. Eat, pray, love. Whatever. As long as you are, I don't know, being a good person and trying your best in life.

It'll all make sense one day, I hope. Well everyone, I feel like I'm not leaving you with any positivity. Anyways, it doesn't matter. Let me know down below. Do we need SATs? ACT? I think we need testing in general, but how should it be going? Maybe we should rid the college board or demand that we know who they are. Huh? Just an idea. Thank you for learning with me today. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions. Even when you get told to shut up, you still ask away.

Now, I'd love to hear your reaction to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag dark history over on social media so I can follow along and stalk and see what you're saying. If you want to come down to my basement and study, just let me know. I've got lotion. Join me over on my YouTube where you can actually watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, you can also catch my murder mystery and makeup. Wow.

I hope you have a great rest of your day. You make good choices and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye.

Dark History is an Audioboom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Junya McNeely from 3Arts, Kevin Grush, and Claire Turner from Maiden Network. Writers, Katie Burrs, Alison Filobos, Joey Scavuzzo, and me, Bailey Sarian. Shot and edited by Tafadzwa Nemarundwe and Lily Young. Our research is provided by Xander Elmore and the Dark History Researcher Team. And I'm your host, if you didn't know, Bailey Sarian.

Bailey Sarian. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I just want to take this moment and thank my mom and dad for having me and the Academy for ignoring my potential in life and also for God for blessing me to be here on this couch. Thank you.

Hardy Fiber Cement Siding handles conditions that can cause damage to vinyl. From fire to hail, Hardy Siding stands tall through it all, helping trade professionals look their best when they recommend Hardy Siding and Trim. See the proof at jameshardy.com.

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77: Why You'll Probably Fail the SATs | Dark History with Bailey Sarian