57: The Witches are Coming - Hide Your Broom, Hide Your Goats
45:55 Share

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.

It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner and more.

So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24, 7, 365 days a year. So you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive.

This is an ad by BetterHelp. What?

What are your self-care non-negotiables? The things you know make you feel better, even when it's impossible to make time for them. Like that workout you try to squeeze in between kids' activities, work, and everything else you have going on, and before you know it, it gets pushed to tomorrow.

Sound familiar? But it's the moments when you feel like you have no time for yourself when those non-negotiables are more important than ever. Those are the things that keep you strong, healthy, motivated, and prepared to take on everything life demands of you. So why not make therapy one of them?

Bill!

- Hi friends. Welcome to Halloween 2022. My name is Bailey Sarian and I'd like to welcome you to Dark History. This month we're gonna be talking about all things spooky ooky, like Satan, of course, clowns, mummies, and oh yeah, witch hunts. So sit back, relax, and let's talk about that hot, juicy history, but Halloween, Gus. Okay.

Let me have you clear your mind and I need you to think about the classic Halloween costumes. I mean, you know them. Werewolves, vampires, nurses, naughty nurses, sexy felon, sexy nun. Mm-hmm.

You get it. Anyway, at the top of every Halloween costume list is usually the witch who hasn't been a witch at least once in their life. And if you're like, not me, then here's your permission to be a witch baby. Join the club. This is my first time. I've never been a witch before. Naturally, I was like, I want to do a story about witches. But you know, look,

It's a story that's been done a lot and I'm not trying to downplay it or anything, right? But witches has been talked about a lot. Cauldrons, broomsticks, black cats, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? Which side note, did you know, this is a little fun fact, the first story of a witch riding a broom was actually a man witch.

It was a man witch. He was riding a broom. I don't know. It was just a little fun fact. I thought that was interesting. You're welcome. But there's something even darker that is associated with witches. Something that's been used to target and murder thousands of women over the centuries. Some even dare to call it a genocide because you see, without witches, we don't have this thing called witch hunts. Witch hunts.

I just realized I didn't witch. You hear repeated way too much on the news every single night, right? Anyway, this got me thinking that the word witch hunt is thrown around a lot today, but was it ever used to describe, you know, hunts for actual witches?

Spoiler alert, it very much was used to describe that. And the rabbit hole I went down on Google, my freaking gosh, it took me not into just the history of witches, but I learned a whole lot of horribly shocking and grim stories about how the idea of the witch hunt was invented and then used to, let's say, burn any woman alive who dared to take a stroll late at night alone. And if you had a mole, good luck, sweaty, sweetie.

So sit back in your armchair of inquiries and don't worry, that will make sense later. And buckle up because listen, we're about to learn a spine chilling story about how brutal human beings can be to one another. But let's start at the beginning. Where does the idea of witches even come from?

It's around the 8th century BC when we're first introduced to a quote unquote witch. Now, according to Greek mythology, Circe was an enchantress from ancient Greece. Now, it was said that she was very beautiful. She was smart and she lived alone on a beautiful island in the Mediterranean. Love that for her.

But rumor had it that she was actually a witch. Not the ugly, green, warty witch we think of today. Nay nay. She, Cersei, was sexy. She was hot.

schmuckin' hot. Men just wanted to feel her hot bod. When they saw her, they had this overwhelming sensation of lust. Men would visit the island, see her farm, see all of her land, and then they were caught off guard because all of a sudden she would start saying some random weird chants and stuff. And according to one story, Cersei invited a bunch of sailors to a banquet like

"Oh, you've been sailing for a while. You must be tired. Come in for some ice cold lemonade." But little did the sailors know that Cersei cursed the food with her magic and she transformed all of the men into pigs.

Yeah, actual pigs, like the animal. Leaving them trapped forever in their new pig bods. So creating fear around women seems to have started all the way back with Cersei because many believe they're up to something and trying to destroy men. But before TV, radio, Twitter, social media, all of that, you know, ideas were shared and spread online.

through the towns, the cities, the people, through art. One very influential artist in the middle ages was a German printmaker named Albrecht. He was a big deal because he was associated with all of the greats. I'm talking about all the Ninja Turtles, Raphael, Leonardo da Vinci, et cetera.

Yep. He started out doing oil painting, portraits, self-portraits. I mean, he was an art machine. You may even recognize one of his most famous pieces of art, the praying hands. You know, the hands that everyone has tattooed on them. Drake used it on like one of his album covers. Those hands. Anyhow, Albrecht.

He was also great at engraving beautiful art into wood. Oh yeah, it was really pretty. Churches would commission pieces from him. I mean, this man was just popping. He was everywhere. His art, people are loving it.

They're losing their shit. And then he eventually moves on and starts making prints of his art, which is wild because prints weren't even like a thing yet. One of his most famous prints depicted something quite terrifying, something people haven't seen yet. What was it you ask? Well, it was a buff ass woman. She obviously lifts, who seemed to be like commanding a creepy ass goat.

It was a witch. Now this was a creepy ass witch who was riding a devil looking goat backwards. This woman is ugly. She's old. Her titties are super low. But Albrecht would be the man we think for creating the witch we all know and think of today. Like the old hag, the ugly witch. Don't come for me. That's just what

he actually wanted this art to depict. It was like an ugly hack. Before, some witches in mythology were more beautiful, like Cersei, but again, this guy, Alberich, was like, "Nah, witches are ugly." So he had a bunch of paintings showcasing ugly older women in his art. So this guy was probably just hurt by some woman, let's be honest. He was probably heartbroken and was like, "I'm gonna get her."

and all women ever, you know? And it worked, 'cause these prints were pretty scandalous. They created a lot of fear in people to be wary of these sneaky ass witches, and by witches, I mean women. And when people are afraid of something, because,

you know, fear. It can make people do some really crazy things. So let me introduce you to target number one, our friend Helena. So the year is 1485. There were rumors going around town saying that this woman, Helena, killed a man's wife by using magic.

Oh shit. Word is spreading quickly and people are believing it. Helena's reputation in the neighborhood was already considered outspoken. She was promiscuous and she hung out with like some sketchy people. That's what everyone's talking about. I don't know. I wasn't there, but that's what's said. So obviously,

Helena gets fingers pointed at her. Everyone in town is calling her a witch. And Helena was swearing up and down that she was innocent and that none of the rumors were true, but she had a hunch where all of this was coming from. She does something bold and says, "Dear everybody listening to me right now, I'm not the witch. You're the evil one." The guy that was accusing Helena of being a witch and who essentially started the whole rumor

was this man that Helena was accusing of assaulting her. And she was like, "He's the bad guy. He's the guy that you guys should go over." So the man that Helena was pointing her finger out was a man named Heinrich Kramer.

Now Heinrich naturally did not like this woman who was making wild claims that he assaulted her. So he goes in harder and he's not gonna back down. It's what we know today as like gaslighting. This Heinrich guy was gaslighting Helena. Nobody was listening to her. She must've felt like she was going crazy. Everyone's calling her a witch. She's pointing the finger back like, "I'm not the witch. This guy is the douche. Point the finger at him."

It's just an endless circle jerk. So then Helena had to stand trial and she was being accused of witchcraft.

So how does one confirm that Helena is indeed a witch? Well, at this time, they couldn't decide and agree on what the definition of a witch was. Therefore, Helena was released because nobody could come to an agreement on what she was other than a loud mouth. Heinrich, the guy that was calling her a witch in the first place, was the prosecutor on this trial. And when Helena was released, he was acquitted.

It's said that he left town quite embarrassed and ashamed of himself. He couldn't show his face around town anymore because he was just seen as a loser. But sometimes being a loser can inspire you. You know, you improvise, adapt and overcome. And Heinrich was ready for his redemption. And how was he gonna get that? Well, by getting back at Helena. The best way to get back at her was by creating a way to universally identify, locate and destroy

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.

It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner and more.

So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What are your self-care non-negotiables? The things you know make you feel better even when it's impossible to make time for them.

Like that workout you try to squeeze in between kids' activities, work, and everything else you have going on, and before you know it, it gets pushed to tomorrow. Sound familiar? But it's the moments when you feel like you have no time for yourself when those non-negotiables are more important than ever. Those are the things that keep you strong, healthy, motivated, and prepared to take on everything life demands of you. So why not make therapy one of them?

BetterHelp Online Therapy makes it easy to get started with affordable phone, video, or live chat sessions you can do from anywhere, and the option to message your therapist between sessions if anything comes up. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash darkhistory today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash darkhistory. Back to today's story. So Heinrich goes on a little writer's retreat.

He spends some time away, like in a cabin. He's working on a book that he believes could possibly change the world. Heinrich, he ends up working with another writer and together they bang out what would become known as essentially the witch hunting Bible. It's called "Maelius Maleficarum," which translates to the hammer of witches. Yikes. Unfortunately, their little burn book comes out at the perfect

the perfect time. It was soon after the invention of the printing press. So it was more widely distributed than really anything else, except for maybe the Bible. Yeah. This book was honestly a hit and it was the foundation on how to find a witch, what witches did, what to do with the witch, like once you caught it, and why you should fear witches in general. Here are some highlights so you don't have to read it.

So one, how do you spot a witch? Easy, 10 helpful hints. One, is she a woman? It was believed that women were much easier for the devil to tempt because obviously men are so big and strong and women, weak. According to the book, midwives especially were witches because they murdered and consumed babies.

Allegedly. 2. Does it look like a witch? The book mentions an old crone-like woman or an old lady hobbling along the road. If you spot that, that's a witch. Another way to locate a witch? Put a Bible next to her. What happens? Well, according to Heinrich's book, if she stood on a scale and weighed less than a stack of Bibles, she was a witch. But this lowkey was a trap because look, in some places you were a witch if you weighed more than the Bibles.

And then there were other places where if you weigh less than the Bibles, you were a witch. It was just a lose-lose situation, you know? The only way you could be found innocent was if you matched the weight of the Bibles exactly. That means you're not a witch. But okay. You know, it's just, what is this? Come on. Nobody wins is what I'm getting at. Another sign if she's a witch, I'm saying she, because let's be real, it's always a she. Does she talk to herself?

A person was potentially a witch if she, specifically she, not he, if she was caught talking to herself. Oh yeah, witch. Oh, and does she have a mark? More specifically, a mole or a wart? Now this didn't have to be on the face. It could be anywhere on the body. So the accusers could strip you naked and search your whole body for like a mole, a wart, a mark. Hot.

Isn't that scary? Just a mole? God damn it. Here's another way to find a witch. Does she have freckles?

Ah, if a woman has freckles, she would be pricked with a knife, blade, or needle. If she didn't bleed, pfft, witch. Now the catch with this one, they were official prickers. Yeah, people who were officially the prickers. And they would use knives with retractable blades to make it appear a woman was stabbed, but no blood would like be found on her. And they'd be like, "Oh, she's a witch." Side note, I think they invented the retractable blades for this.

And isn't that magic? Like where did the blade go? None of it makes sense. Another way to identify a witch. Could she recite the Lord's prayer? It was believed witches could not say holy words.

Oh shit. So these quote unquote witches would be asked to recite the Lord's prayer without mistake to prove their innocence. During one witch trial, there was a woman, she accidentally said, quote, "Lead us into temptation," end quote. She forgot the not, lead us not into temptation. So she was hanged, you know? Yeah, lead us into temptation.

Girl, what a way to mess that up. So let's just do a little recap on what we learned. You weigh less than a stack of Bibles, witch. You weigh more than a stack of Bibles, you're a witch. You got a weird mole, you're a witch. Are you talking to yourself? Witch. Stutter during prayer time? Witch. Bleed out of your vagina? Witch. Breathe? Witch. You know? So in Heinrich's book, this MM book, I'm gonna call it MM because I can't say malamunifishid and my fellow kinchingi. So his book, there's a big emphasis on how witches had a...

Shall we say intimate relationship with the devil? Oh, yeah. They followed all of his commands, allegedly, but...

witches, they could even sleep with the devil and have like a big ol' evil satanic orgy. Yeah, that was in the book that witches are having orgies with the devil. I know, sounds like fun. Where do you sign up? You know, like, huh? But that's kind of where a lot of the fear was brewing from because at this time the church was really starting to put a heavy emphasis on the devil being bad.

which kind of sounds silly, but before this, the devil was seen as just kind of like a trickster. He would pull jokes on people like, "Oops, tripped you." You know, like, "Eh, I'm the devil." Now the devil was seen as building an army of witches and they're coming for you, they're coming for men, they're coming for everything. So there's just a lot of fear, okay?

fear that the women are coming and the devil. So there was another section in the book that was all about what witches did with penises. Very specific. It's very bizarre too. Because they had a lot of...

a weird like penis fear happening at this time. It's bizarre. But essentially it was believed that witches would steal a man's penis and then, it's kind of cute, they would keep the penis as a pet. You know, feed it, take it on walks, put it in a box. Literally this is what they believed. That witches were taking penises in the middle of the night, putting them in a box,

And you guys all better watch out because it was a war on dicks. According to the book, this was all because quote, "All witchcraft comes from carnal lust, which in women was insatiable." Many believe that women were super horny, the witches were super horny, and that they would take the penises and control a man's penis.

So if a man acted horny or did something bad, it wasn't necessarily his fault. He was under a spell. He was digmatized, being controlled by a witch. So it's like, even if a guy fucked up and like cheated on you and like slept with your neighbor or something, they'd be like, well, the witch made me do it.

We're always to blame. Can't we just mind our own damn business and be a witch alone? So just imagine the readers of this book, who by the way, mostly men, have been told witches are the ultimate evil. They're after their penises. I mean, this really scares them, but they've also read up on how to identify a witch. So what do they do now? Chapter two, what to do if you caught a witch.

The book's got you covered, okay? First of all, you need a confession. The best way to get one, torture. The book said torture was okay, so...

There's that. One form of torture was sleep deprivation. Keeping someone that you believe to be a witch up for days would lead to wild accusations, but they also would get a little creative with their torture techniques. They had a special piece of furniture called the Armchair of Inquiries. I love it. Well, I don't love it, but I like the name. It's very powerful. It was a metal chair covered with big spikes.

and they would sit the quote unquote witch down. They would light a fire underneath the chair. And because the chair is made of iron, it would get really hot. And like your butt would like melt to it. You're melting to the, they really were big into torture. It's bizarre. Have you ever heard of the phrase in the hot seat?

Well, it comes from this torture device because, well, the seat would get really hot. It looks rough. It looks real rough. I looked up way too many pictures. It was terrible. So why did these witches need to be caught and tortured? You know, that was my thought. Well, they were using witches as scapegoats, essentially, for everything. It was believed witches were causing hailstorms.

causing lightning to blast men. They were using magic for evil, killing livestock and bringing harmful weather. Now it's fun to blame other people for all of your problems. So it honestly makes sense that this book is a hit. They go out all this stuff going on, the weather's bad, their penises aren't great. You know, I don't know. They just want to blame somebody. Plus the Pope is like, "Hey guys, I heard about this book. Give it a read if you have time."

And people listen because he's the Pope. And when he says, drop your pants, you better drop them. You know? So first of all, the fact that they have their own books, the people that had their own books was just mind blowing because most people at this time owned one or two books. And if they did, it was the Bible and this book, the MM, Malarifesti Malarifegarm. So people are feeling empowered. They're feeling cocky. They're like, look, I did my research. I read the book.

I smart. Fear and paranoia swirling around. Everyone's on high alert. There may be witches amongst us, you know, trust no- This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.

It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24, 7, 365 days a year so you're protected no matter what.

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

What are your self-care non-negotiables? The things you know make you feel better, even when it's impossible to make time for them. Like that workout you try to squeeze in between kids' activities, work, and everything else you have going on, and before you know it, it gets pushed to tomorrow.

Sound familiar? But it's the moments when you feel like you have no time for yourself when those non-negotiables are more important than ever. Those are the things that keep you strong, healthy, motivated, and prepared to take on everything life demands of you. So why not make therapy one of them?

BetterHelp Online Therapy makes it easy to get started with affordable phone, video, or live chat sessions you can do from anywhere, and the option to message your therapist between sessions if anything comes up. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash darkhistory today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash darkhistory. Smartest way to hire.

Okay, we're back. Listen, the year is the early 1600s and we're in Spain, specifically a town called, I'm gonna butcher this, but look, I'm trying my best. Zerca Galamari.

Wait. Words are hard. We are here because this would be the largest witch hunt ever done by the Catholic Church, where 7,000 people were accused of being a witch. Oh yeah, 7,000 people. Now fun little fact, this town was mainly made up of women. Oh, surprise, surprise, right?

Men did live there, but look, they were always working away. They were gone out of town working. So in this town, it was just the women, the wives, all living there. And there was also a really big problem happening. A lot of the women in town were having stillborn babies. Like a lot of women. I wish I could give you a percentage, but believe me, it's a lot. But naturally...

Rumors start spreading, okay? Why is everybody having stillborn babies? Many people are starting to believe that there's a curse on the town. And that's why they're having all of these stillborn babies. They believe that God had cursed them because someone amongst them was worshipping the devil, allegedly. So naturally, you know, people...

are talking amongst each other. Hey, I heard so-and-so's like talking to the devil. Everyone's freaking out. I don't wanna have a stillborn baby. I don't wanna be cursed. Women are concerned. They need to weed out these witches amongst them. Obviously there must be witches amongst them because everybody is having a hard time. The women in town were getting very worked up, pointing fingers at one another, just trying to find the answers because they were scared.

So who do we blame? Well, that's when they point the finger at 20-year-old Maria Dezimi. So Maria comes forward for some reason and she's like, hey, everyone, it's me, Maria. And me and my friend were holding witch ceremonies, aka evil witch meetings. Sorry about that. That's my fault.

Maria tells people that she and her friend were doing this for about 18 months. Very specific for some reason, but okay, girl. And then she tells them, look, the only reason I am coming forward was because I got out of it. Being a witch, that is. Maria said that she was saved by a priest through confession. She tells the townspeople, I hath struggled so hard to cast that witch life asunder.

Fie, even after I was saved by thine priest, I was ill for a fortnight. Forsooth I wrestled with the devil, and at last I was able to shake him hence. Duh. So her story of no longer being a witch was very convincing. And most of the townspeople, because there was like only 300 of them, believed her. They're like, wow, God, the priest really did save her. Bless be. Now when Maria came forward and told everyone she was a witch, she said her friend was involved. So she throws this...

friend under the bus. And Maria, again, she's like, "I'm not a witch, but my friend, I don't know, she might be." The townspeople do what they do best. They get that mob mentality. They grab their pitchforks and they come for her. The friend, that is. The friend is probably looking out the window like, "Oh fuck, what the hell is going on now? You know, you guys think I'm a witch?"

Why me? The mob is outside of her place harassing and harassing her. I mean, she cannot take the pressure and anxiety anymore. She can't go anywhere because everyone's coming after her, calling her a witch. She's like, "Look, I'm just trying to get some apples for my tree. Why are you calling me a witch?" It just messes with her to the point where she's like, "You know what? Fine.

You win, I'm a witch. So she confesses that she is indeed a witch and she just wants the harassment to stop. So the people are like, well then where did you learn how to be a witch? And she rats out her aunt or aunt who then rats out someone else and it just snowballs from there. So much so that it creates a full blown hysteria in this town.

Neighbors are turning on neighbors. Family members accusing other family members. Fingers be pointing left and right. It was chaos. You can't trust nobody and nobody is to be trusted. I think a lot of us kind of sit here and observe the situation and we're like, well, if I were there, I'd probably, I wouldn't do that. I'd be different. And it's like, well, who knows? If you were there, you'd probably be accusing everyone as well. I'm not trying to call you out. It's just, you know, shit happens.

That was a bad example, but whatever. Listen, because all this hysteria, it leads to a lot of people in town stepping forward, claiming to be a witch. So 10 come forward, specifically saying that they murdered children and suckled their blood. Not only that, they used powders and spells to kill a total of 29 people.

Not only that, allegedly these witches got together, they ruined some crops, they killed some livestock. And what did we learn from our little book? That's a fucking witch. And then this 80 year old woman steps forward, who I love, I love this woman. She steps forward and she's like, "Excuse me, I'm the PR person for the witch community. In fact, I'm the queen witch." So she's claiming to be the queen witch, which I loved.

Good for her. So naturally, once these confessions happened, people continued to talk and it escalated to the point that many believed that these witches and witches in general were participating in cannibalism, killing babies, defiling tombs, incest, vampire shit. Not only that, they were participating in sexual relations. Oh, but not just any normal sexual relation. People were like,

These witches are involved with homosexual relations. So luckily all 10 of these witches who came forward were pardoned under a certain local law. I'm not gonna go into it 'cause it's complicated, it's confusing, but it was a good thing. There was no bloodshed. It was nice. No one died. That is until the church found out. Yeah. Nobody knows who went to the church and told them about this pardon that just happened. They're like, listen, these women,

Whoever it was, I'm gonna assume it was a man, was stirring shit up. They knew what they were doing, okay? And this made the church very upset. I mean, they were pissed because in their eyes, a witch equals the devil. How are you gonna pardon the devil? Are you guys idiots?

We have to go. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.

It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24, 7, 365 days a year so you're protected no matter what.

This is an ad by BetterHelp.com.

What are your self-care non-negotiables? The things you know make you feel better, even when it's impossible to make time for them. Like that workout you try to squeeze in between kids' activities, work, and everything else you have going on, and before you know it, it gets pushed to tomorrow.

Sound familiar? But it's the moments when you feel like you have no time for yourself when those non-negotiables are more important than ever. Those are the things that keep you strong, healthy, motivated, and prepared to take on everything life demands of you. So why not make therapy one of them?

BetterHelp Online Therapy makes it easy to get started with affordable phone, video, or live chat sessions you can do from anywhere. And the option to message your therapist between sessions if anything comes up. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash darkhistory today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash darkhistory. Now, let's get back to the story. So the year is now 1609.

The church, they go out and they snatch four of the accused witches. I couldn't figure out why these specific four, like why? My guess is that these four witches probably had some shit on the church, something, you know, something. Anyway, they were snatched up and thrown into prison where they awaited trial. And this would go down in history as the famous Legroño trial. Why? Because the crazy amount of people being accused of being a witch. By the end of it, something like 7,000 people were questioned, which,

I guess they had the time, I don't know. Now it's kind of funny because in this town they had a population of 390 people. How'd they end up with like 7,000? The witch hunters went to neighboring towns to search for more witches who could potentially travel to their town and cause more chaos like stillborn babies, bad weather,

Satan orgies, you know, all that. So they have to get ahead of the game and weed them out while they can. So my thought here is that they ran out of people to blame because in town, 158 were accused of being a witch and 124 were under suspicion and needed to give a confession. Now I'm no mathematician, but I believe that leaves 108 people in town who were not accused of being witch.

probably mainly men. So I'm assuming here they just ran out of people to blame, so they outsourced. That's my theory. The witches that were put in jail or prison, 13 of them died because they were treated so poorly. Now they said the women weren't tortured. Okay, guys.

So the priest would gather all the witches, march them into town square, drag them onto the stage where all the townspeople gathered to gawk at these witches who have been ruining their lives. They're angry. And the priest would look at his notes and read off what each woman was accused of in front of the crowd. He'd be like, that one over there, she's a slut. Like that one in the middle, that brunette.

She's definitely gone to hell for sure. I saw her do some shit. And then they'd read some long prayer and everybody would watch as they, the accused, were burned in front of a live studio audience. Oh my God, it was very performative and very dramatic. The crowd would cheer because they believed that these women were essentially cursing them. They thought they were doing the right thing.

I think. It didn't take long for the town to put some stronger rules in place so that burning a woman alive wasn't step one.

in catching a witch. If you go to this town today, they actually have a museum dedicated to recreating the lives of the victims of the largest witch trial. And every year they celebrate the witches with a big old feast called Cave of Witches. It goes down every summer, they light fires and they make time to remember that they fucked up. And hopefully it won't happen again. Props to you, Ziggy and Madura, you're killing it. I don't think it's cool. I just think it's refreshing, I guess, to see that this town

acknowledges what they did, that they messed up. And yeah, I just think that's different 'cause who does that? I don't know. So Spain closed the witch hunt book and King James was like, "Can I see that book? Let me see that book. I'm gonna copy your notes. Is that okay?" Welcome to the peak of the witch hunts. Now, there was a ton of witch paranoia going on in Europe, specifically Germany, France, Northern Italy, and Switzerland.

Part of this was because there was a lot of religious tension going on. The Catholics and the Protestants were bickering amongst each other and making promises to the people like, "We can catch a witch. They can't. Stay Catholic."

"Here's a mug." You know, like, "Yeah, support your local Catholic." The church was trying so hard to get people to stay and not go to the other team because they couldn't catch witches like we could. They were just being petty. The church was passing the idea that diabolical sorcery and witchcraft was the greatest threat to civilization at this time.

Great. Again, pushing that fear deeper into people that the devil is coming for them. The churches were promising to protect citizens from worldly manifestations of Satan's evil. So they're kind of telling the people, "You need me." Me being the church. "You need us. We can protect you from Satan's evil." Sick, bruh. Once again, the church was pushing that the devil's whole purpose on this planet was to destroy everyone's soul, life, family, community, church, and state.

trickster no more. This is when they take it a step further and add a little flavoring to their witches. Not only are they just anti-church, but now they're anti-state, these witches. 2.0. So King James of Scotland fully supported the ideas of the book MM, Maleficentian Miracle,

And he was a big participant in the witch hunt with the church. He's like, dude, everything sucks in the world right now. Inflation's happening, social change because there's an increase in witches in the area, obviously. He's like, connect the dots, people. H'ler has nothing to do with my ruling.

It's witches. So men, same thing. They read the book. They feel educated and confident in their abilities to spot a witch. And King James is telling them, get them, get the witches. They are why things suck right now. And men are like, yeah, fuck those witches. We're in poverty because of them. I read that book. I know what's up. God hates us because of them. My dick is small because of them. We gotta get these witches. You know, they literally believe that like,

witches were to blame for everything. So exhausting. They believed that their witches actually sold their body and soul to the devil himself, but this witch hunt was different. There was a heavier emphasis on sex. These witches made pacts with Satan and would go as far as to having sex with them. Yeah, they had Satan's D in them. That's a pretty witchy. And they also participated in sex orgies. Also, these witches had the ability to morph from human to animal. Oh yeah.

They never said what they did as the animal, but I guess they could do it. They're like, I'm a butterfly or whatever. And then they kidnapped and murdered children for the purpose of eating them and making ointments out of whatever was left. Then the witches would all get together and talk about their misdeeds, pitch ideas to each other, share stories and eat children. Now this time, 80% of people accused of witchcraft were women. Their targets seemed to be women who were,

who are unmarried, low income, old, midwives, of course, we're seeing them as witches. And anyone who was considered a wise woman, women who were smart, educated, obviously, witch, healers and doctors, witch,

But the biggest call out that I kept coming across was older women and women in poverty. So were they witches or did they just want to get rid of the quote unquote undesirables as we've seen throughout dark history? Someone get rid of Bertha. One eye is going one way and the other is going a different way. It makes me uncomfortable. She has a hairy lip. Have you seen her? She loves riding her goat. Bertha.

Anyway, how did they charge women with these crimes? How did they prove it? So witch hunters would go out and find these witches, right? And once they made the accusation, Bertha, you're a witch, now they have to prove it, right?

So they were kind of flexible with their rules. They're like, "Okay, she's a witch. I believe you. That's all the proof I need." Seriously, like anyone could just make the accusation and it was taken seriously. For example, there was this one lady, her name is Catherine. Now Catherine is out in her front yard and notices her neighbor's a little sick. Oh yeah. And she's like, "Hey Gertrude. Hey girl. I prayed ill for you. And now I see that prayer has taken effect."

And naturally Gertrude is like, oh fuck, like she must've put, this Catherine neighbor must've put a curse on me. That's why I'm sick. I need to go tell the church. So Gertrude goes to whoever's in charge and is like, my neighbor Catherine put a curse on me and now I'm sick. She's such a bitch. I mean a witch. Well, no surprise here, but Catherine was taken out because of that one little comment she made about her neighbor. She got that.

Once a person was accused, they would look for witch marks. They would strip the witch naked, search her entire body for marks, moles, or warts. If one was not found, then they would use the pricking method. They would prick her all over with needles to see if the devil had desensitized them to pain. Of course, it hurts when someone pokes you with a needle all over.

So they would keep poking until they got a response that they wanted. Again, it was a trap because once you were accused, it was game over for you, let's be real. Well, just like the other witch hunts, if you were convicted as a witch, you would then be sentenced to death. Cue execution time. Now this was a big public event. Everyone from town would come, take the day off from work, go to the town square where you and your buddies could watch the latest witch get burned alive. Fun, you know? Ooh.

Did you bring the ice cooler? Cool. And if you promise people a show like this, you better deliver. Now, witch hunts were happening all over the world. I always think about the Salem witch trials, but honestly, when you zoom out and seeing that this was a much bigger, it's a global thing. But for now, I'm focusing on Scotland between 1590 and 1662 when these witch hunts really- This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking.

Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance. It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts.

discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24, 7, 365 days a year so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive.

This is an ad by BetterHelp.com.

What are your self-care non-negotiables? The things you know make you feel better, even when it's impossible to make time for them. Like that workout you try to squeeze in between kids' activities, work, and everything else you have going on, and before you know it, it gets pushed to tomorrow.

Sound familiar? But it's the moments when you feel like you have no time for yourself when those non-negotiables are more important than ever. Those are the things that keep you strong, healthy, motivated, and prepared to take on everything life demands of you. So why not make therapy one of them?

BetterHelp Online Therapy makes it easy to get started with affordable phone, video, or live chat sessions you can do from anywhere, and the option to message your therapist between sessions if anything comes up. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash darkhistory today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash darkhistory. Slash darkhistory.

Now let's get back to the story. Okay, so King James is in charge. Hey, population, about a million people. And his position as king was being challenged and some people wanted him removed, but he wasn't ready to give up the throne. Of course not. Why would a king want to give up the throne? So King James is like, well, I got to win my people back. And how am I going to do that?

Light bulb moment, I have an idea. I tell them a witch story. People love stories. They love burning witches. It'll be great. So the common theme here is that putting fear into people is always step one. It works every time. King James is like, "I gotta tell people this scary story about this time I met a witch." He tells the people that he knows of a witch named Gaelis Duncan. So who is this Gaelis woman?

Well, Gaelas, who was a teenager at the time, worked on King James VIII's ship as a maid. The king and his new wife wanted to go on a honeymoon journey across the sea to celebrate. Fully stocked with the crew, they head out on the waters, but the trip

does not go as planned. At one point, the ship almost flipped over and sank, but it was saved. Don't panic. Tragically, the ship did have to turn around and end the honeymoon early. Ah, boo. Well, when something goes wrong, who do you blame? A woman.

or a witch, sometimes they're the same thing. Usually it's the same thing. So Galus got the finger pointed right at her. And this is when rumors came to light. Some heard that Galus made her own ointments. Some even said that they saw her making her own home remedies. Fucking weirdo, you know? And some other guy was like, "I saw Galus walking alone at night."

So they all put their brains together. Ointments, home remedies, walking at night. This could only mean one thing. Galus was a witch and she cursed the ship. Now, mind you, this is what King James is telling the people. So because of this, Galus, she was arrested for being a witch.

While she was interrogated, she was stripped naked. They shaved her entire body because they believed that the devil hid in women's hair. Just another thing, you know, the devil did, right? My God. So they strip her, they shave her entire body. They search for the devil's mark.

being moles or dark freckles. So they poked and they pricked her skin to see if she bled. And after searching and searching, they claimed to have found the devil's mark on her throat, which is like so annoying because they shaved her entire body. They looked up and down and in between. And then they find, you know, the mole on her throat. Like you couldn't see that

in the first five minutes, you know? I just feel like they could have saved a bunch of money and time with Geico, but instead they chose a different route. They continued to torture her for days. Days go by, torture. Now, some say that while she was in custody, she was sexually assaulted, and others say that she was full-on raped while they're doing that little mole search. Yeah, they were doing anything to get a confession out of her, asking who her accomplices were. Who are you working with?

Now eventually because Galus is being tortured, she starts giving names. Duh, hello, yeah. She ends up giving a list of 60 other women she believed to be a witch. 60. I don't even think I know 60 people. Like, okay. She's making up names.

Good for her. Now this is where King James and his crew get the idea that Galus and these 60 women, they must come from the same group of witches, aka a coven. And it was rumored that Satan had given this coven the task of

of destroying the king. They were sent to take him down and that's why things were so shitty at that time because witches were contaminating the area with their filth. Poor Gaelas was sentenced to death and everyone came out to watch her die. So after this, King Jay, he realizes he's getting a lot of praise and positive feedback from the people for taking down a witch. He's like, "I know, I'm amazing."

This is when he decides to run with it. And hopefully this will be, you know, the way to win his people back. It was essentially a campaign of terror against women. Naturally, once again, everyone's on high alert, especially women, because, well, you're the target. And then this woman comes forward named Margaret Atkin. Now, Margaret, she would come in and further attack.

So Marge comes forward to the men in charge and she's like, oh my God, it's so crazy because I'm actually a witch. But I'm telling you this because I can help you guys out. I can use my powers for good. I know how to easily spot a witch just by looking into their eyes. I can help you guys speed up the process. And then the King's team is like, yeah, okay, like,

All right. She's the literal mole. They found their mole. Now, this is my thought process. This is a side note. Marge is either a kiss-ass or smart as hell. She kind of, like, found a loophole to stay alive. Like, if you can't beat them, join them kind of thing. I think that's what she's doing. I'm not sure, but she...

Okay, girl. This is when the king assigns a few people to go with Marge, town to town, door to door, searching for witches. So Marge is naturally going around like, she's a witch. She's a witch. I don't like the way that you're looking at me. You're definitely a witch. She was just going around labeling people as witches. And then she gets a little performative.

she would look into their eyes and was like, I can't tell with this one. Time for the sink or swim method. So they throw the witch, the alleged witch into the water and see if they would sink or float. Now Marge and her accusations were taken very seriously. Anyone labeled as a witch was thrown into prison and tortured until they got a confession. Once again, if you're being tortured, most likely you're gonna confess. So this led to many confessions and this made Margaret look great.

They're like, wow, Marge. Wow, Margaret, you're great at this. You're catching a lot of witches. Keep it coming. Well, those accused, they would stand trial and most of them were sentenced to death. Whoops, Margaret. Whoops. Now the final number of those accused by Margaret remains unknown, but many believe it was in the hundreds. Well, it didn't take long until somebody caught on to Margaret that she perhaps wasn't telling the truth.

I'm not sure who, but somebody did some sniffing around on Margaret and exposed her as a fake. They're like, "Hey, wait a minute. "She's not a witch at all. "She's a fraud." "Uh-oh, Marge, it looks like your little plan "is backfiring." Everything she said was indeed a lie, and the entire community and townspeople, they felt stupid as hell. They actually believed this lying witch. As more and more people found out about this lie, it just proved to everybody that they may

perhaps maybe, I don't know, killed a bunch of innocent people, not witches at all. After this is when witch hunters and the witch accusers lost credibility within the community. Nobody trusted them. Why should they? They literally just killed a bunch of people for no reason other than a lie.

you know? So naturally, once again, people need someone to blame. Who do they blame? This time, Margaret. Margaret, it's your turn. You're up. Batter up. Margaret ends up going to trial where she then confessed to making everything up. And the townspeople were probably super excited to see her die. So they burned her at the stake in 1597. Bye, Marge. That same year, the king releases a series of books called Demonology to breathe new life into the witch hunts. He needed to win his audience, first of all. Second of all,

He wants to keep killing them witches. He's like, come on, you guys, aren't we still mad? Come on. But the witch hunt did not pop off like it once did. Courts throughout Europe decriminalized it. And they realized that maybe witchcraft isn't a reason to burn someone alive. Just a thought. Even though it did fizzle down a bit, people were still accused of witchcraft for hundreds of years to come. And you're probably wondering, well, what happened to King James? Well...

He went on to be fine. He lived a very long life and even went on to write for the Bible or something. Yeah, that King James. But don't worry, America was like, wait, let me see that MM book. Can I copy those notes? And that's what inspired the Salem Witch Trials, baby.

Our turn, yay! Who's first? Sarah, come on down Sarah. Get that little snaggle tooth on over here. Get your little ass over here Sarah, come on. So what did we learn here today friends? Well, when in doubt blame women seems to be the common theme. I mean the witch hunt was just a war on women, let's be real. The media still does this today. It's easy to pile on someone just because a bunch of people say that they're bad.

It could happen to anyone. And maybe we should take a little lesson from that town in Zigrim, if I could say the damn town, in Spain. They own their fucked up history as a reminder to the people for it to never happen again. I mean, if you think about it, if we had been alive just a couple hundred years ago, there is a pretty good chance we might have been accused of witchcraft. I know I would.

You know, I definitely would have been burned at the stake for something as dumb as like walking alone or having a weird mole or disagreeing with a man. So in a way, I guess we're all witches and be proud. Go ride that goat backwards. Go steal a man's penis in the night. I mean, if anyone's got the mark of the devil, it's definitely me with all my tattoos, right? I actually do have this one weird mark. Let me show you. I have to remove my pants for it. Hold on.

Thank you for learning with me today. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. I'd love to hear your guys' reactions to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag dark history so I can follow along. Join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, also catch Murder, Mystery, and Makeup. I hope you have a great day today. You make good choices and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye.

Dark History is an Audioboom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Kimberly Jacobs, Junia McNeely from 3Arts, Kevin Grush, and Claire Turner from Maiden Network.

Wahahahaha!

To the teachers, assistants, and support staff who see potential in every child, Grand Canyon University recognizes you. We created the National Center for Teacher Preparation at GCU, along with a generous scholarship so you can become a licensed teacher with paid benefits. Over 100 GCU alumni have been recognized award recipients, including Superintendent, Administrator, and Teacher of the Year. Find your purpose at Grand Canyon University, private.edu.

Christian affordable. Visit gcu.edu slash parapro. Did you know a 2018 study showed half of prenatal vitamins tested had unacceptable levels of heavy metals? I'm Kat, mother of three and founder of Ritual. When I was four months pregnant, I couldn't find a prenatal I could trust, so I created my own. Ours is matricable, third-party tested for heavy metals, and recently earned the Purity Award from the Clean Label Project.

But don't just take my word for it. Get 25% off at virtual.com slash podcast.