Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean it fits you just right so you wear it all the time but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I
I love so I can make sure my wardrobe stays fresh and I don't blow my budget. They've got cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk tops. And my favorite part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman
and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh, I love linen. And you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.
RIP. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash dark history for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dark history to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash dark history.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.
It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner and more.
So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.
Hi everyone, happy holidays! Look, shopping during the holidays can be such a drag, am I right? Okay, yeah. Anyways, so here at Dark History, we put together a list of out-of-the-ordinary gifts for your favorite history buff. Here's a list of some of our favorite stories over the years that we realized would make truly unique and perfect gifts.
So first up, for that ugly friend who loves a classic makeup look, may I suggest red lipstick, hmm? In the early 1900s, women, look, they had it pretty rough, okay? Women couldn't do anything. Couldn't smile, couldn't smoke, you couldn't wear pants, you couldn't use vibrators, you know? And also, they didn't have the right to vote.
Yeah, laundry list of things we couldn't do. And that whole no voting part created something called the suffrage movement. The suffrage movement between 1910 to 1920 was all about women fighting for the right to vote.
So these women were known for some pretty hardcore like protest methods to get their point across. I mean, everything from hunger strikes to chaining themselves to railings to smashing windows. I mean, all in the name of equality for women. So the suffragettes decided in the name of feminism to take makeup back
and claim it as their own. Yeah! I feel passionate about lipstick. They started wearing red lipstick as a symbol of their resistance. Now, when women wore red lipstick, it was seen as a form of protest. So the next time you put on a red lipstick, remember, you're doing it for the rights of women. Or maybe you're just trying to get laid. Either way, good for you.
After that, 50 million women across America started wearing red lipstick. I mean, it wasn't just about women's votes either. I think they just liked it. By the 1920s, red lipstick had become a big part of the flapper fashion. You know flapper fashion, those cute headbands, unlike they had the frills, the eyebrows. Ugh.
Love the eyebrows. So women, they wanted to shock older people who didn't believe in wearing makeup. Now to them, it wasn't about beauty. It was about rebellion and reclaiming something that was kind of considered forbidden. And honestly, I love that. It's like kind of punk rock. Hell yeah, girls. So at the time, there were also just a lot of technological advances and there were factories going up.
So I guess there was like a lot of pollution happening in the cities, like high volume areas. So the stupidest thing happens. One of the marketing tactics to get women to buy lipstick was to convince them that it would stop germs from entering their body when they breathe through their mouths. The lipstick would prevent germs from the pollution from entering the mouth.
Yeah. And I was like, just close your mouth. There you go. Use your nose. You're welcome, America. I'd do it for you.
We don't know which tactic worked, but we do know that thanks to the suffragettes, makeup got a huge boost in sales. In fact, for years, cosmetics was the biggest industry in the United States, right after cars, movies, and bootleg liquor. Honestly, those are all the things you need in life. Cars, movies, bootleg liquor, and makeup.
I love it. And by this point, makeup's popularity as a mass-produced product was officially here to stay. Even after the stock market crashed in 1929, triggering the Great Depression and leaving millions of people struggling to find work, over 58% of women had at least one tube of lipstick. Now there are reports that women applied lipstick more regularly than they were brushing their own teeth.
I can see that. But the Great Depression was so bad that America stopped production on over 50% of its products simply because people didn't have disposable income anymore. But the cosmetic business, woo, she only got bigger. It's been reported that cosmetics was one of the few industries that actually grew during the Great Depression. In fact,
Right in the middle of all this, makeup icons Revlon and Almay opened up for business. Now it proves something sociologists call the lipstick theory. This theory says that people are willing to sacrifice big expenses for small luxuries. Like, you know, you may not be able to afford a new car, but at least you can feel better about yourself because you got this new lipstick.
The lipstick trend continued into World War II in the 1940s, especially after the world found out that Adolf Hitler hated red lipstick, which is like the most random fact, but he did. I guess Hitler believed that the ideal Aryan woman had a pure, unscrubbed face and shouldn't wear excessive cosmetics, especially red lipstick.
So, women all around the world proudly wore red lipstick as an act of defiance against the war and fascism. And honestly, I guess they were wanting to feel patriotic as well. Like they're wearing a red lip and they're like, hey, Hittie, don't you want me, Hittie? You know, just pissing him off. He hated it. I think Hitler was probably just jealous because he wanted to wear it. It's usually the case.
So yeah, all this makeup used during the war was seen as a great way to boost morale. Oh, and it boosted morale all right. So much so that the American government even asked a famous cosmetic maker, Elizabeth Arden, to create a lip and nail color for the women serving in the military. I'll give you one guess what that color was.
No guesses? All right. It was red. Come on, it was red. But side note, Elizabeth Arden is such an iconic makeup line, you guys have no idea. Oh my God, I should do a whole video on her. She deserves it. Anyway, makeup brands encouraged the patriotic use of makeup because it was ultimately just good for business. They even released lipstick colors with strong names like Victory Red. And get this, red lipstick was even mandatory to wear for women who joined the US Army.
And when the 1950s rolled around, makeup for women was basically not optional, especially for young women who had money. Makeup, once again, was a symbol of like your place in the world, you know? You had your shit together. You were the picture perfect representation of feminine ideals. A lot of pressure.
And in the 50s, some surveys reported that almost all American women wore lipstick. And since there was an economic boom at this time, people had a little bit of extra cash to play with. So women weren't just buying one tube of red lipstick or like an eyeshadow either. They were buying different shades, different colors. They were coordinating with their outfits.
Blue eyeshadow, blue shirt, bitch, come for me. Yeah, it was no more like one size fits all. It was about having a little bit of fun, lots of mixing and matching and just doing your thing. And for some jobs, like if you were a flight attendant or even a secretary, you would be required
to wear makeup. You know, it was just enforcing gender roles within the workplace. Like women wore lipstick and did the typing and men wore suits and cheated on their wives. You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear all the
time, but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I love so I can make sure my wardrobe stays fresh and I don't blow my budget. They've got cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk tops, and my favorite part,
All Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices
and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh, I love linen and you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.
R.I.P. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash dark history for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dark history to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash dark history.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.
It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner and more.
So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.
Maybe you have a friend or family member who doesn't give a shit about cows, or maybe they love getting their names misspelled on cups. May I suggest to you, you pick up a Starbucks gift card, but don't go over $5 because like you don't like them that much, do you? No.
We are now in a new era of coffee where consumers have gotten a little more curious about what exactly is in their coffee. I'm talking about the actual ingredients, right? Isn't it just coffee? Isn't that the ingredient? No. I know!
I mean coffee, dairy, sugar. Those are the foundations of most coffee drinks. Pretty simple, straightforward. What could possibly be scandalous about that? Have you heard of a little something called recombinant bovine growth hormone? AKA RBGH?
I mean, I've seen it, but I was like, no, what the hell's that? Well, let me tell you. RBGH is a synthetic hormone that was approved by the FDA in 1993. But funny enough, it's actually banned in the European Union and Canada due to potential harm it may, it could have on the body. And then get this.
Okay, well, I found out that the leading producer of RBGH is Monsanto. And I think that says enough, right? Now ain't that some shit? So I'm telling you this because up until like 2008, Starbucks was using milk produced with RBGH. I mean, it was found to probably not cause any harm to humans who ingested it, but it did make cows very sick.
Yeah, I mean, that didn't stop Starbucks from continuing to use the milk from those sick cows. They seem to be aware of the potential issues with RBGH as early as the year 2000 because they claimed that they were going to go RBGH-free
But then nothing happened for years. And then finally, when they did stop using it in 2008, it was most likely because of the public pressure. Or maybe they were just trying to distance themselves from the sick cows controversy. But Starbucks started offering dairy alternatives, you know, to make them happy. Like soy milk. Remember when like soy milk was huge? It was so big. It was out of control. Everyone's like fucking soy milk.
And then also coconut milk. Starbucks said like, "Don't worry, I got you. You don't want that sick cow milk? Well, you could have coconut milk." Coconut milk just tastes like jizz. Real talk. Sorry, said it. But if you like it, that's fine. Do your thing, girl. Or boy. And you don't have to drink regular cow milk. You've got options now. But honestly, like the alternative milks, they really aren't like any better. Most of them are just sugar water. And that's why I like them.
For the friend or family member who likes spicing things up in the bedroom and they might also love Russian literature, I give you the girthy Rasputin's penis. After Rasputin's daughter moved to Paris to do work in the circus, she ran into a group of women, kind of like a fan club. They were obsessed with her dad and they worshipped his penis.
They're like, "Oh my god, we love your dad's dick!" Apparently after Rasputin was killed, you soup off, cut off Rasputin's penis. Yes. And then he put it like in a jar or something and he sold it for $8,000. Good for him. And he was literally worshipped years after Rasputin's death. Yeah, he's the dick guy.
I know you're wondering, 'cause I was wondering the same thing. Does the penis still exist? Yes, it does. It's on display in the Museum of Erotica in St. Petersburg. Some people believe it's actually like a cow's penis because, I don't know, maybe because it's 13 inches, but I'll let you decide. So if you go there, take a picture and let me know. Like send it to me. 'Cause I'll probably never get to see it. Like I can't fly out there just to see Rasputin's dick.
Maybe. But semi-big. For the friend or family member who's a lover of perfume or maybe just fragrances, you know? Have you heard about the new fragrance on the market? It smells like sex and deer balls, turns many people on, and anyone who gets a whiff of their scent will just want to drop their panties right to the ground.
So until the 1930s, perfumes were strictly made from the things around us by Mother Nature herself. I'm talking, you know, the flowers, the spices, the trees. Go outside, capture it in a bottle. And perfumers would extract these scents by mixing them up different ways with natural oils and waxes, which would then preserve them. And also, fun fact,
Did you know that if you smell a very fragrant flower, like a rose when it's being bloomed, that means you're smelling sex. Yeah, you nasty. So the flower is, it's, I guess horniest is the best way to say it because when it's ready to be pollinated by a bee, it's super fragrant. So it's like trying to lure in the bee, like smell me bee, smell me. So I don't know. It's just kind of like no wonder we're attracted to flowers.
You know? What's always like the number one perfume you smell out there? It's always a floral scent. Like we still try to do this today with the florals. I can't stand it. I personally like the musky scents. I like to smell like I got lost in the woods and like a lumberjack man like saved me and like,
We rolled around in the leaves and stuff, you know? But then I learned that musky scents actually, it comes from a fricking deer. More specifically, quote, a hairy pouch just the size of a golf ball in front of the penis. That's how they get the scent from that. So I like...
Deer balls, I guess? So I guess that hair pouch is actually a gland inside the deer, and on its own, it smells pretty gross. But people say it has a sharp urine scent, and if you combine it with ethanol over a few months or sometimes years, it starts to smell pretty okay. Pretty decent, I guess. It's almost like an aphrodisiac. Like, oh yeah, you like that?
You know that deer dick smell? Hot. I like it. I think it smells good. Anyway, now we've been into deer dick since the sixth century. Greek explorers brought it to Greece from India, but the Arabic people were the ones who actually perfected it. Researchers know the path it has taken to get to us, but no history book remembers who the very first person was to
I don't know, figure out that the ball sack smelled good. Like that, you know, I wanna know about that guy. What was that guy doing? I got some questions, but no answers. Millions of people into deer balls. We love that. Okay, I just wanted to make myself comfortable if you're watching this over on YouTube. This chair's not comfortable.
Okay, anyways, back to the story. So deer balls, deer balls are just the tip of this stinkberg. Another famous fragrance is called Civet. And this is used in perfume because like in small amounts, it makes the fragrance smell velvety and radiant, which I know I was like, velvety? How do you, what does velvety smell like?
and radiant, I don't know, but that's what they claim. It also is considered by millions to be an aphrodisiac, meaning, you know, it gets you in the mood for the rockin' and rollin'. One day I'm gonna figure out what the hell I'm doing over here in this chair. So if you wanna get some of this civet, you need to find a special kind of cat-like animal.
You gotta trap it in the cage, and then once the civet cat is in the cage, taunt the animal with a stick so it bites. Then, I guess they would open the back of the cage, and you can collect the civet oil from a gland on the outside of its body near its taint. I know, it's always in the taint.
But back then, a lot of hunters, they would just kill the animals and harvest the oil so they didn't have to fight them. Many of the hunters did this. It was just easier. And I'm just saying that lightly because it's like nowadays it's inappropriate. But back then it was like they're normal. And that's how they figured it out. I don't know, again, how they were getting this taint smell. Like how'd they figure it out? That's the missing piece I wanted answers to. But we couldn't get any answers.
Who was sniffing balls? Most of you probably know Chanel No. 5, a very iconic fragrance. Yes, most likely there's cat taint in that. Now there are a bunch of other gross example animal stuff in fragrances, but I think we get the point.
You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean it fits you just right so you wear it all the time but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I
I love so I can make sure my wardrobe stays fresh and I don't blow my budget. They've got cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk tops. And my favorite part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman
and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh, I love linen. And you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.
RIP. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash dark history for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dark history to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash dark history.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.
It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner and more.
So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.
For your aunt Linda, who needs to relax a little bit because she's been single for 37 years. When you're down on your luck and you're looking to try two buck chuck. A man named Charles Shaw was taking a totally different approach to wine than Fred. He made award-winning wine that people were living for. It was a French inspired wine and people thought it was incredible and it was American.
Ugh, so annoying. Charles's famous wine cost $13.50 in the 80s, which is around $40 today. Though he had years of being known as this great wine maker, Charles had a really bad couple of years. People in America stopped buying his wine, his wife filed for divorce, and then he had to declare bankruptcy. So who swoops in to save the day?
You guessed it, Fred Franzia. So Fred, he comes in and he takes over Charles Shaw Wines and takes it from like bougie name brand to super affordable real quick. He starts using grapes from lesser known areas of California like he did with that Zinfandel situation. And he ends up cutting costs
Big time. And then in 2002, Charles Shaw hit the shelves of a little grocery store chain named Trader Joe's. The bottle says it's a private label, whatever that means, you know, cool. It's got the legit Charles Shaw stamp on it. And the best of all, it's fake.
So people went nuts. But the press, they ended up dragging Fred for it, saying that he was ruining the reputation of Charles Shaw Wine, but not really, 'cause like he went bankrupt. He ruined his own name, sorry. Ooh, hot take. And not just Charles Shaw, but many people in the wine industry believe that Fred's bargain wine was making the whole industry look bad. But Fred never cared. He was getting his money. He was getting his checks. He was like, whatever.
For many years, Charles Shaw Wine was the Costco hot dog of the wine world. And it stayed $1.99.
It was only recently that the prices went up, but it's still under $5. So, I mean, that's a good deal. I can't say if it's good or bad wine. So let me know in the comment section. By 2009, 2 Buck Chuck had sold 400 million bottles. When this happened, Fred issued a statement to the press where he said, quote, "'Take that and shove it, Napa. Yeah, party.'"
For the MLM lover always looking for the newest and greatest health trend, she puts the bitch in bitumen. Mummy powder. One day, an archaeologist was doing his thing, digging shit up, dusting it off. You get it. Then he looks further and sees a giant building made of stones with ancient markings on them. All my buddies have been like finding this crazy shit. Ted said he found a clock. And I can't let Ted be the coolest in the group, you know? Like, I gotta get out there and see what I can find.
But he's not familiar with this specific area and pyramid. So he calls for some help. They had already hired a local guide to help on the expedition, but now he needed to ask for a little more help. So he's like, hey man, I'll give you a crisp clean $20 bill if you show me around that pyramid. And the guide is like,
No way man. Like you know, no I'm supposed to protect this pyramid. Get lost. And the other guy's like please it's for education. Like please. What about $40?
Eventually, the guide caves in and agrees, and when he opens up the heavy stone door, inside is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever laid eyes on. First of all, this space is huge inside. Not only that, it's super tall, wide, and seems to be going on forever. He finds out that this is a place where tons of bodies have been buried for thousands of years. This guy's like, damn, this is some next level shit.
So this guy isn't used to it because he's used to like burying bodies underground. Tombs, new concept, a little different. He approaches a coffin and out of his own curiosity, opens it up and ooh, he struck gold 'cause it's a mummy baby.
In addition to finding the mummies themselves, the researchers found out a lot about the mummification process. So as this is happening, the Egyptian language is being translated and people started to pick up on something. They're looking at the mummies, they see this tar, they see the steps, and they have a light bulb moment. Like, wait a second, this looks like bitumen. It smells like bitumen.
It must be bitumen. I mentioned bitumen a little bit earlier, but let's break it down more here to explain why this is such a great fight. Back in the day, especially in the 16th century, medicine wasn't ideal. It was still very experimental. I mean, they were drilling holes in people's heads for epilepsy. They were doing bloodletting and putting leeches on people. It's just a wild time. And there was one thing that medicine considered the cure-all, bitumen.
Doctors would give out bitumen for everything. And I mean everything. If you had a toothache, bitumen. Skin disease, bitumen. Fevers, leprosy, gout, brain aneurysms. Stubbed your big toe, bitumen. And that's just to name a few. It's just fun to say. Bitumen, bitumen, bitumen, bitumen, bitumen, bitumen.
So everyone's really wanting this stuff and it's actually very rare and hard to find. So people are thinking, well, when they go into this tomb, they're like, oh my God, we found bitumen. Like, baby, we're about to make a lot of money. Okay, so they're like, we see the bitumen in this tomb, but how are we going to get it from the mummies and take it back home?
to ingest it because I do have a stomach ache. So I need to take some bitumen right now. But how am I going to do that? Because it's on this mummy, you know? Okay, so this sounds really creepy and uncomfortable, but look, that's history, right? So these people, they would end up stealing these mummies. They would take them back home. They would unwrap them and then they would crush it down, crush the mummy down into powder and then would ingest it for health purposes.
Basically the same reason people drink bone broth today. So they crushed it up and got the bitumen, but they got all the other bits and pieces of the mummy as well. I'm talking the bones, the skin, the muscle, all of it. And yes, all of that was powdered down and people were eating it.
So all of this is going on and this ends up getting the attention of the King of England, who then decides to step in. King Charles II. So King Charles had a doctor named Nicholas Lefebvre.
I think. But anyways, Nicholas, he was a bit of a unique character. For example, one of his favorite remedies for a headache was to grind up a human skull into powder. Yes. Human, hopefully dead, mix it with a little bit of cocoa or chocolate. So it's kind of like they're making their own little cocoa powder with head. So I don't know.
So this doctor is introduced to this new innovative, shall we say, alternative medicine called mummy powder. And you already know if he was into skull and his hot cocoa, he was going to get in on this mummy powder craze. It was right up his alley. So the king's doctor, again, was like a very influential guy. So once he gives mummy powder its stamp of approval, oh,
"Everybody now wants to get their hands on this powder." I mean, if the king was eating it, using it for whatever, we should too, right? Everyone's like, "I saw King Charles drinking skulls and mummy powder, so I got skulls and mummy powder too."
So the doctor is telling people like, "Hey, you don't need to just be eating mummy powder, but you need to be getting it from the right kind of mummy." But what qualified as the right kind of mummy? He said that the ideal mummy would be from Egypt or Libya. And on top of that, the way the person died made a big difference in terms of quality. A quicker death would produce a better powder. That's right, according to this doctor, the best mummies were young, healthy people who had died quick,
sudden deaths. Ideally, suffocation would be a great one, or if they got hit by a cart, ideal. If the person had been healthy right before they died, and if they were mummified the right way, their spirit was perfectly preserved. And according to the doctor, the youth and the strength of the perfect mummy would be absorbed by the person who ate it. So eating the body of a young, healthy mummy was like eating organic chicken. It was just better for you.
But King Charles and his doctor weren't the only influential people into the stuff. Like most weird trends and diets, the mummy powder fad started as something with the rich and powerful. I'm imagining it being like a very expensive goop product. You know, someone like Gwyneth Paltrow would have been all about. She's like, steam your vag, then snort some mummy powder. One huge fan of mummy powder was Leonardo da Vinci.
He said, quote, we preserve our life with the death of others. In a dead thing, life remains which, when it is reunited with the stomach of the living, regains sensitive and intellectual life, end quote. Is anyone checking up on these Ninja Turtles? They seem to be all throughout history just making some wild shots, right? Like, they're always around. So yes, this whole crushing up a dead body and eating it becomes the latest and greatest fad.
but there was something that even the king's doctor didn't know about this fabulous medicine. The street name for mummy powder was actually "mummiya" which is a translation from the Arabic word "resin".
That all goes back to that tar-like substance from the mummification process that all these people believed was actually bitumen. So one archaeologist is poking around a tomb. On the walls is some writing in Arabic. Now, one guy who can read it is like, hey, I think that says mummia. It says mummia right here, you guys. Should we just call them mummies? And a second archaeologist might have said like, hold up, mummia, as in like the ancient word for bitumen?
And then another guy's like, "You guys are all crazy, but this is gonna make us rich." I guess there was a translation error. That's unfortunate. Years later in 1597, John Gerard, a well-known herbalist and author at the time, took a look at Mumia and he was like, "LOL, wait a second.
"I know bitumen, this is not bitumen." So he went back through all of the information he could find to figure it out. It turns out he was onto something. The tar used on mummies was not bitumen, but a similar substance known as piss asphalt. I'm not kidding. It's literally called piss asphalt. Piss asphalt. Yeah, we could just sit and talk about this all damn day. Piss asphalt? Piss asphalt. I was like, "Are you sure that's how you pronounce it?" Piss asphalt.
I don't know you guys, what is up? I don't know, this world is just weird. So you're probably thinking piss asphalt is probably when someone pisses on asphalt, right? Because that's what I thought. Piss asphalt, that makes sense. It's not that. It's not pissing on asphalt, I learned. It's actually just a tar-like substance that does nothing good for you. I know how boring with that name.
Come on. Weirdly, no one really cared. You would assume when people found out that they were eating dead bodies with no actual benefits, instead eating pure tar, that maybe they would stop. But oh no, the ball was rolling down the hill already and all the cool kids were doing it. It's trendy. People think it's healing.
It's not like they were calling it human dust. It has a cool name, Mumia. Mumia felt cool. It didn't have a negative connotation. So the Europeans were still going ham for Mumia. Mummy pieces or powder could still be found in shops all over Europe. Nobody gave a shit if it was good for you. They were essentially like those boner pills that you could buy at 7-Eleven. You know, they advertise them, right? They don't work. That's what I heard. But people still buy them.
I mean, they didn't give me a boner. Did they work for you, Paul? Exactly. They didn't work for Paul either. He doesn't have... Well, he is a bone. He is a boner. Paul is a boner. Anyway, your local corner store, even your doctor would have mumia on hand because there was still a big demand. But getting mummies out of Egypt wasn't even easy. I mean, technically it was still illegal. So it required a lot of planning, a lot of being shady, a lot of scheming, a lot of lying.
just too much work. You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear it all the time, but maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I
love so I can make sure my wardrobe stays fresh and I don't blow my budget. They've got cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk tops. And my favorite part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman
and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh, I love linen. And you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.
R.I.P. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash dark history for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dark history to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash dark history.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.
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- Ooh, don't you wanna be the cool auntie this year? The bougie auntie? Well, may I recommend the Tyson chicken nuggets? Just like Tyson's motto, get 'em when they're young. With chicken nuggets.
In the early 1980s, McDonald's was really struggling to sell something new to customers after that burger backlash. So they tried testing tons of different products, like a deep fried pot pie, a bite-sized onion ring. They even tried fried chicken, but nobody could compete with KFC. KFC's like, don't even try.
Don't even try bitch. Finally, the McDonald's CEO was like, "Hey, why don't we do like a bite-sized piece of chicken? What if we called it a chicken nugget, right?" I bet that guy went home and was like, "I did that shit." So they called up Tyson.
Right? Get them on the line. And together with like a food scientist named Robert C. Baker from Cornell University, in 1983, together they birthed the McNugget. Yes! McNuggets make their debut on the McDonald's menu. Now this is a day I celebrate. This is my Christmas. The birthday of the McNugget.
And like, look, everyone was stoked. They loved this shit. It was an instant hit. They were like, what is this?
They didn't know it was McNugget. Barbecue sauce, try that bitch. Changed the game. We grew up eating McDonald's a lot and I would always get chicken nuggets and my sister would get the sweet and sour sauce and I was like, "Ew." I would get the barbecue. Barbecue is way better than the sweet and sour. Please don't even, you can't convince me, okay? And then to this day, I mean, my chicken nuggets are my like comfort food. Don't come for me, I'm sorry, but I do like a 10 piece. What are you gonna do about it?
Okay, I know, great. Okay, so anyways, McNuggets, a damn hit. They are banging, popping, living, laughing, loving. Yep, McDonald's, they were literally running out of chicken daily. Can you imagine? The news was doing reports on like how people would wait in long lines just to get their hands on a McNugget. And Tyson was becoming the go-to chicken company when it came to fast food.
Does your dog have flat ass titties? Are you like, come here, Jack, come here. And like his titties aren't flopping? Well, guess what? You can change that by getting breast implants for the small dog in your life. Next time you go for a walk, everyone will be asking for her to run. They'll be asking, who is that bitch? You know, titties bouncing. Who doesn't love titties? Well, Paul doesn't.
The era of the pinup girl pops off. Pinup girls were like posters of sexy Hollywood actresses that soldiers from World War II would hang up on their walls and just like drool over. And all these posters featured sexy ladies with a large,
chest maybe, I don't know. In this carrying through to when Playboy magazine first hit shelves everywhere in 1953, women with curves and shapes were now like the envy of women nationwide.
curves and round boobies are being embraced. And more women wanted to embrace it too. I mean, padded bras were just not cutting it anymore and women wanted the real thing, but not. Like how can I get the real thing, but like not? And science wasn't quite ready to supply that demand. That is until a couple of doctors in Texas, of course, Texas, with the help of a major corporation and a dog with boobs come into play. Oh yeah.
A dog with boobs. You got that right. That was my Reba impersonation. I hate me. Why can't I ever say what I feel? Okay, now we're in the year 1961.
And down in the Lone Star State, two doctors are about to prove that everything is, in fact, bigger in Texas. They really went off. Dr. Thomas Cronin, a plastic surgeon, was at like a conference in New Orleans. And while he's there learning about all the new improvements happening in the world of plastic surgery, that's when he comes across a company named Dow Corning Corporation. Do you know the Dow Corp Corporation? Yeah, those goons. It's them.
Small world, right? Anyway, Cronin learns that the chemical company, Dow, totally need to do an episode on them, had created something called silicone gel. And the company proudly claimed that not only could it be used to make an artificial body part, but it also did not react with the body. Translation, it was safe to put inside a person. Yay, you know, yay. A chemical company making a safe substance in the 60s? Sure, okay.
All right, anyways, as the story goes, Dr. Frank Gero, Cronin's business partner, stopped by a blood bank in Texas. When he walked inside, Gero was surprised because he found blood being stored in plastic IV bags. I know, now this is normal to us. Okay, listen, we're like, yeah, and? But back then, everything was stored in glass. So he's seen this and he's like, weird. So he picks one up, he gives it a little,
Honk, honk, you know? He looks around, he's like, "Hey guys, does this feel like a boob to you? Or is it just me? Kind of feels like a boob." So this doctor, yeah, he's a doctor. He's like, "This feels like a boob." He's feeling inspired because he ends up getting in touch with Dr. Cronin and he proposes the idea of a breast implant that feels exactly like the blood in a bag.
Yeah, he's like, yeah, you see it? So the two brainstorm and agree that the content of the bag needed to be thicker than blood, but something that replicates the feel of a boob. And girl Cronin had just the thing. He's like, that's funny. I heard about silicone whatever just about a minute ago.
So the doctors partner up with the head of Dow Corning's medical research division, and the three of them create a thin, clear bag filled with silicone gel. They call it the Cronin-Giro implant, aka the silicone breast implant.
Wow, pioneers. So they got this prototype and I'm sure they're probably fondling it and giggling, you know? And then they realize that they have a little situation on their hands. Oh, no, wait, a tituation. Ah.
Okay, they may be onto something here, but they have to test the implant and make sure it works before getting all too excited. They're probably looking at each other like, "I'm not doing it." And the other guy's like, "I'm not doing it either." Like, "Mm-mm." So they come back to the drawing board. Hmm, who could they test this silicone breast on or in, really?
They look around the room and they spot a dog. A dog sitting in the corner. Her name? Esmeralda. And boy, does she look like she needs some titties. Hey, am I right? Yeah. Now this next part is going to sound made up, okay? I know. But I'm telling you it's 100% true. I swear. Okay, look.
These guys, these doctors decided poor innocent Esmeralda, the dog, was going to be their guinea pig. She was going to try out the very first fake silicone titty. So the doctors put Esmeralda on their operating table, knocked her out, made an incision and put a biscuit-sized silicone implant inside the dog. They sewed her up and then observed her for a few days. When I heard this, I pictured like,
Look, I pictured in my mind a cute ass little dog with some fine ass titties, right? Like that's what I'm picturing in my mind. And I was like, I don't know for sure what it looks like. So I started Googling around and there's not one single photo out there, but lucky for us, we have an artist rendering of what Esmeralda may or may not have looked like. See, is that right? I was right. Those are some fine ass titties.
So the doctors observed Esmeralda over some time and they noticed absolutely nothing. And that's exactly what they were hoping for. Esmeralda seemed fine and she showed like no adverse side effects. I mean, to be fair, dogs can't talk. I mean, for all we know, she could have been like, hey, this is extremely...
but we don't know. The doctors reported that they would have kept the implant in longer if Esmeralda didn't try to chew through her stitches. Poor Esmeralda, you know? Shoot. And then it got me wondering, I wonder what happened to her, really. I mean, if you know her whereabouts, please let me know. I mean, Esmeralda walked so we really could run. Put some respect on her name, right? You have those titties because of Esmeralda. She needs...
Something. An award? You know that one good tank top that you wear like all year round? I mean, it fits you just right. So you wear it all the time. But maybe now it's getting a little old. Shifting my wardrobe from summer to fall is always a challenge. Luckily, Quince offers timeless and high quality items that I
love so I can make sure my wardrobe stays fresh and I don't blow my budget. They've got cashmere sweaters from $50, pants for every occasion, washable silk tops. And my favorite part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman
and passes the savings on to us. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently got this 100% European linen short sleeve shirt. Ooh, I love linen. And you know, it was so comfortable, so cute. I can finally retire my old ratty tank top.
R.I.P. Make switching seasons a breeze with Quince's high quality closet essentials. Go to quince.com slash dark history for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dark history to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash dark history.
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking. Yep, while you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance.
It's easy and you can save money by doing it from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save nearly $750 on average. And auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner and more.
So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you 24-7, 365 days a year, so you're protected no matter what. Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $744 by new customer survey who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.
Well, that's it, everyone. I hope you have a happy holiday season, however you celebrate. And let me know how, like, the gifts go over. Send me pics of your dog's titties. Hashtag dog tits. And also, I hope you have a happy new year. Dark History is an Audioboom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Junya McNeely from 3Arts, Kevin Grush, and Matt Enloe from Maiden Network. Written and directed by
Writers, Joey Scavuzzo, Katie Burris, Alison Pelobos, and me, Bailey Sarian. Production lead, Brian Jaggers. And I'm your host, Bailey Sarian. I hope you have a good rest of your day. You make good choices. And I'll be talking to you next week.
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