Rachel Feinstein
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There it is. Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. We are back. We can't wait to give you so much advice. We've got Rachel Feinstein, one of my favorites, one of the best in the biz. It's Feinstein. He has no idea who I am. Come on. Let's go to a caller. Feinstein? I was trying to de-jew it. When I walked in, he's like, your name's Rachel Feinstein, right? And he was rubbing together imaginary...

I was like, we need it. We need the blood of a Jewish mother for a spell my Albanian producer is working on. He didn't even say hello to me. He just said, Kanye made some good points. I was like, what? I just asked you your buzzer number. That was off record, Rachel, please. I'm trying to stay monetized. I can't people. And then I had to have him redo the theme song because when I first walked in, they were playing the Jews will not replace. And I was like, stop. Stop.

That's hurtful. Honestly, that's just our pump-up music. You got here early, okay? That's how we get in the zone. Me and Eldest do a little channeled anti-Semitism to get the blood pumping. What can we say? We're Greek and Albanian. Can I just say that I walked into Stav's apartment and it looks like the feds just came here. Like you were on Breaking Bad and the apology was so light compared to what I walked into. I was like, oh my. He's like...

He's like, oh yeah, I just got back from Buffalo. Like what the fuck could that have to do with this? It was a one hour flight. I just got back from Buffalo. Like it looks like you've been raped and robbed.

It's horrible out there. The Christmas tree is still up. And I feel like I can say this to you because I know that you get such a steady stream of ass on the road. So I'm not worried about your confidence levels at all because puss wise, and that is a mathematical form of measurement, you're doing just fine. But it was insanity. Then he brought me a water that there was four bugs in. They were not bugs. Not one.

I don't know that they were bugs. Was it debris? Sure. Was it mystery debris? Yes. Was it probably from the air fryer trap that was also in the dishwasher? It's possible. But please don't say it's bugs. Is it turkey breast? Or is it turkey burger debris? Maybe. I'll just say there was a cheesesteak in my water, and I'll leave it at that.

Turkey, please. I'm watching my figure. So yes, maybe this episode will deal with some of my problems, folks, because we are really struggling over here. One weekend on the road and already my life has deteriorated. Last week it was like, literally last, who do we do? We did Bobby and his place was spotless. I was so excited. I gave him a tour. And then you rang the buzzer and I looked around and I was like, fuck. I was like,

I was like, this is what Rachel's about to walk into. I'm a mess. No, you're not. So it's like, I'm not running a tight ship. Like, there's probably like peanut butter with a key stuck in it in my purse right now. Yeah, well, you have a kid. Like, I'm teeming with ADD. I lose a debit card every week. I was still like, what? Are you okay? I saw it. I saw it in your eyes. I was like, have I offended Rachel somehow? And then I was like, oh. I just saw like a crime happen. I was like, are you all, is everybody okay? Yeah.

It was wild. Okay, there's some Amazon package. You know, we'll take a picture. We'll show it on the episode. Yeah, it is brutal out there. I love you, though. I feel safe here. It's a safe space. And thank you for being so honest with me. I really appreciate it. Well, I know that you don't care. I don't. It's not like you're like, if you're an interior designer, I'd be like...

Very high end. But I know. You know, this does suck because I do like to impress my friends who come for the first time. Because if it were clean, you'd be like, whoa, this is a nice place, Stav. Because we met when I was broke as hell. I lived in a windowless room. And I wanted to really be like Rachel. I've come up in the world. No, I've heard people talk about it.

- Talk about how much money you're making now. - Yeah, but it's one thing-- - It's like everybody's like, "Sav is making so much money off of you." - But then I was like, "Oh, it'll be nice. "She'll see the apartment, she'll be like, 'Yeah, good for Sav.'" And then it was a crime scene out there. - That's why it's so funny that you live like this. Otherwise, if you were just poor, then I would feel like I would be a twat to trash you. But I've heard that you are like teeming with money. That's what makes it so funny.

Yeah. I'm doing okay. It's like a wacky story about like a celebrity that didn't have to live that way, but chose to because they were so like creatively harebrained. Right, right, right, right, right. Yep. I just, I did walk in here and I was like generational wealth, obviously. I saw this and I was like, hmm. That's what we're trying to channel. He was knighted. It's Greek diner money. It's Greek generational diner money.

But yes, thank you for coming to my apartment, even though it's not the cleanest it's ever been.

We're excited. 904-800-STOV, folks. We're going to get to your questions. Rachel, she's got a great perspective. You're going to love hearing from her. But first, we're going to get to know. We're just going to chat a little bit. Clearly, you're going through some kind of existential crisis within one minute.

So it was funny because while we were sitting here, you're like, am I the fattest, ugliest bitch of all time? It's like, you come in here, you look great. Me and Eldest both look like shit. Maybe me a little more. Eldest looks a little more put together. I'll give that to you. You look okay today. And Rachel just comes in here and she's like, so am I like disgusting? Am I like a dog? I don't know.

I just did. You took part in a roast? Is that what happened? I did Bergkreischer roast, which was really fun. It sounds like it was. Yes. Zach Amico was writing for it, and he wrote a few of the jokes about me. I can't remember how many of them made it, but he told me one just casually. He was like, oh, and here's the one I had for you. And so I'm getting ready to maybe have a slightly strained laugh as I learn a new insecurity or a new way to hate myself. Right, right.

And he's like, Rachel has. And it was so funny. And so it hurts so bad. He was like, Rachel's a mom now. So she wrote a children's book. It's about herself. And it's called The Dog That Saved Hanukkah.

And I was like, as I'm saying goodbye to him. And then I was like, just throbbing with self-hatred. I was like, have I not known? Have I just been the last to the party that I've been the dog that saved Hanukkah all these years? I called up like a high school friend. I was like really spiraling. I'm like, am I just putting on lipstick and everybody else knows that I'm a pig? Like, is it just over? It's been a wrap for a long time. And I'm sitting there painting myself like a delirious fucking loon, you know?

I was like, I just was sure that I'd just been, everybody thinks I'm just like crunching and snacking on lithium all day and just violently ugly. But I've just been like putting a lot of rouge on this and shit, you know? That one hurt and it was so good. Like, I want to read that book, The Dog That Saved Hanukkah. I want to learn about that dog's adventures. Yeah, it could be good. That's what made it so painful. You should write it.

You should do it. Yeah. Turn this L into a victory. Make this money for your daughter. It's like a dog. It's like a basset hound with makeup on. Doing comedy. It's just a dog in a dress. You're going to see me a month on The View. Like, and there she is. What?

Little menorah. Yeah. After anti-Semitic remarks were hurled at this comedian, she turned it into a positive for the community. You could totally flip it. And Barry Zack at the time, like, he's a toxic white male. He called me a fat Jew. It was such a good joke. No, he's hilarious. That's why I...

I don't think that he was aware that I was going to look at myself in a whole new way. Have you been like looks insecure? Is that a thing you've had your whole life? I mean, I'm like, you know, a lot of women. Yeah. Just a woman in America? Just pulsing with self-hatred. Yeah. I just catch like the side of my face and I'm like, just stop it. Man. Leave people alone. Yeah.

Just fucking stop. It's hostile. Being a woman is horrible. It is. You look great. You look incredible. You walked in here. I was like, wow, Rachel actually looks nice for this podcast. This podcast is bullshit. She looks great for it. And then you're over here like, I think I should kill myself. I think I should make my child an orphan because I'm ugly. It's

The problem, a lot of it is the comments. Like, I read the comments. You can't read the comments. And you can't read the fucking comments. Hey, guys, do Rachel a favor. In the comments, talk about ways you'd like to have sex with her. Yes, please. Make her feel really good. Yes.

I welcome that. Let's go the other version of massaging. That's funny because if you go on Instagram Live, it's like so confusing so fast. Like it'll be like one girl that's just like, you know, I really respect strong women in comedy. How did you first realize that you had it? And the next one is like, you like scissor bitch? You know? Oh, thanks. You know? And then the next one will be like, your arms are fatter than last week. I'm like, someone's cracking my arm fat?

Like, how am I supposed to keep breathing after this? It's such an emotional rollercoaster. Honestly, of all of them, that's the worst one I've heard. Your arms are better than last week. It's just like, it's over. Why continue? And then there's a guy named Mr. Twat Waffles that hates me. Mr. Twat Waffles. You can't be giving Twat Waffles this kind of power, Rachel. I talk about him so much on podcasts.

Like I'm actually, I'm absolutely encouraging people to go out and troll and make a name for yourself because fucking Mr. Twatwaffles did. I've been really trying to get him out there. And there's guys that argue with Mr. Twatwaffles and like stick up for me. Yes. And then I think they must end up like becoming friends and taking vacations together because like they'll argue for me and I'll be like, yo, Twatwaffles lay off or whatever. This guy Johnny Boy 69. Yeah.

That's awesome. You're fostering a real growing community of reply guys in your comments. That's really nice. It's funny because all the good guys, you don't even know their names, but Mr. Twatwap, the bad boy, he's the one who gets your attention. Here I am just blasting myself every night. Mr. Twatwap.

He comes in, leather jacket, motorcycle. You fat pig. Oh, geez, Mr. Twat Waffles. Would you like to share? Dear mother, tonight I think I met the man I'll marry. Yes, his name is Mr. Twat Waffles. And he looked at me real special, like on the YouTube.

That is hilarious. Well, you look great. You're crazy if you think those are your insecurities. Let's talk about your personality. I think that's the real problem. I'm joking. You're great. I'm a big fan. You're hilarious.

When was the first, I mean, this is just like, was it like, did you have like parents that made you insecure about your looks? Did you have like, who was the first person that made you really? That's just like one of many insecurities. Like I'm not, I wouldn't say, I mean, I hate myself probably as much as the next broad that's on camera, you know? Sure, sure. But my parents, I was scammed a lot as a child. They always thought there was something wrong with me and they were always scamming me. Yeah.

Like your brain scans, brain scans. So you're like suction cups. I will, I will put you on a text thread with my brothers. I'm not lying on my brain. That's incredible. Because they were just like, I would just go to school and they were just like, she won't learn anything. She's just as dumb as a goddamn rock.

I just wouldn't focus or learn. And I came from, you know, like intellectual Jews. Like they were just like, what's going wrong? Like they were screaming. You grew up around here. Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Maryland. My dad was a civil rights lawyer. And like, you know, he skipped two grades in school. Yeah. I went to high school in Silver Spring. And, um,

at this school called Thornton Friends and I went to public school for many years but I was the only kid in my family that they switched into this private school because I was like not going to graduate and so

And I went around and I interviewed at all these different private schools and they were all like, no, absolutely not. Get her away from the building. Many were like not past the parking lot. And then I finally, my mom was like, we got you into this place. It's called Thornton friends. And I was like, I got into a school. They want me. And then I found out later it was like a last resort kind of deal. It was like juvie, you know?

And everybody called it snorting fiends because it was like where they sent the drug addicts and the bad kids. So you were so dumb as a child that it equaled a drug addicted 12 year old. Yes. Just your natural brain is what would happen to a normal kid who started doing heroin at nine. Pretty much. Right in DD. That's wild. You must have had some kind of crazy learning disability, right? Because you're not dumb. Yeah.

with ADD. Like I could, I used to go to school and my hair was just like wet, dripping down my back. People at school would call me wet back. I thought they were using like racial slurs. No, they were trying to give me like a heads up. My back was dripping. Yeah. And I was just, I didn't want to listen. Like I was, I would, I would try. It was just, I was like trying to listen. I'm like,

Yeah. Can't do it. Yeah. Just zoning out. What were you doing? What was going on? You know, when people like at school, we'd all be talking and they'd be like, I don't know what's happening in that class. I'm like, no, I really, I don't know what that class is about. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I would get like 20%, 18%. Wow. I was in detention so much. I had like a detention dance. Like, everybody knew my detention dance. Like, I just knew. I couldn't, yeah. What would you do? Did you have one subject that you did like or that spoke to you? It's funny. I saw, actually, that's really weird you said that because I read this, this like,

one of my many old report cards when I was home over Hanukkah and over the dogs at St. Hanukkah. Having some kibble. And I was reading like some of the comments. Sharing a big milk bone with mom. When I was shitting on the sidewalk. Yeah. No, but I was home and I was reading an old report card and they were like, um,

It was actually, no, it was, it was like an assessment of me during some testing that they did. And it was so sad. Cause it was like, Rachel really wanted to, it was very concerned about her score on the test and how she was doing to the point that she stopped many times to ask if she was doing okay. I was like, Ooh, what a comic. You know what I mean? Just,

What a comic. Everything all right? Yes. She kept asking and interrupting. As I said, we had the 80 more questions to go. Oh, my God. And then it was like, there was, you know, she struggled with the geometry. They kept using the word struggle. Like, clearly this lady was like gentle and she saw I was broken. She's like, she struggled with this section, that section, every other section. And then they said she did perk up in a discussion of humor.

and how to make people laugh. And it was like in fourth grade or something. That was like the one thing I could do. You know, like I wanted to be one of those people that was like about to do this or that, but I made this noble decision. Of course. They begged you to be a doctor, but no. It would be like a great garden situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a crumbling estate. Yeah. That's why, but probably, okay.

to make you feel a little better, it sounds like your parents probably reacted the worst way possible to a kid who's probably a little bit of a slow learner. Like, you were probably a slow, or a late bloomer, but your parents were like, she can't read at an eighth grade level. Is she retarded?

And then we better get her to the doctor fast. And then you think you're fucked. You think now there's pressure. And literally every time you try and learn in the back of your head, you're like, if I don't do good, mom and dad will send me to an institute. You know what I mean?

She's not normal. I bet you were just a nice little happy-go-lucky kid who had dyslexia or something, and your mom was just like... They just... I mean... You have older siblings? I have an older brother and a younger brother. And they both got regular brains. I was trying to figure out how you could compose that sentence. I wanted to give you some space to figure it out. And they're both not as dumb as you. Yeah, they're both like...

They did okay. They had their struggle, but they weren't like with me. It was like, you know, D's, F's. I mean, like a lot of, I mean, I just didn't do well in school. I don't think that I was an all around idiot. I just think that I was bad at school and I wouldn't focus, you know? Of course. But they, I mean, they were like, you know, they were very liberal in other ways. They were just like worried. They were, yeah, they were very hyper-focused and worried. I think probably they weren't dealing with like their own problems. So I was the kid that everybody was just like, what in the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you do with Rachel? Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. You were the lightning rod for every problem the family had. That's what my therapist told me in high school. Wow. Yeah. Look at that. He used to listen to me like this, just kind of zoom in. Nestle on the couch and kind of jam. Yeah. And Dr. Castellanos said, you weren't the problem. Wow. You weren't the problem. Honestly, yeah. Do you think, yeah, that's a real, you had a real...

a goodwill hunting moment with Dr. Castellanos. I did. Castellanos was like, it's not your fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were zoned out. You're like, what's that? He was like, you are the symptom bearer, he said. He was like, you absorbed all the problems of the family. So what's up with your family? The focus was on you. Are your parents still together? They're still together, yeah. And they're really like accepting and there was like no bad,

thing that happened to me. They were just like frantic about me. It's really interesting where sometimes being like too present is the problem. Yes. Like being like truly if you had just if they had just chilled out for a second. Yes. You'd probably be fine. If they paid less attention to my breathing patterns while I was sleeping. Yeah.

No, the scans were not good. Yeah, the scans are crazy. The scans were a lot. I had, one time, so there was, there was like, in our elementary school, they started doing some construction and I, what happened is I had allergies, like I happened to have allergies and I was coughing a lot but I had like a coughing fit and

And I got to get sent home. I was in like second or third grade. So then I pretty much pretended to have some kind of like allergy to the construction that was going on so that I would miss school. But my mom was so scared that she took me to all these specialists. And I had to just keep the...

I just had to keep the like... This is amazing. The charade up the whole time. So we kind of had flip sides where it's like you were forced to go through all these specialists. And I was just like... And I literally... There were points where I just started pretending I had to cough. Wait, because you didn't want to go to school at all? I just didn't... I wanted... I was like...

I didn't even mind school, but I was like, wait, this got me off school and I go watch fucking Prices, right? So there was like six months of my third... It's so creative stuff. I think you had already left. Me and Elders grew up together, by the way. Yeah, what was he like? I mean, can you answer that? Is that...

Not that different. Yeah, yeah. We've honestly both been the same guys. I feel like you haven't... He's like, you've always been confident. Yeah, I was. Was he like that always? Was he always just like, hey, what's up? He was confident in elementary school. It was a little more like, you know, musical theater kind of shit. Yeah, yeah. Relaxed musical theater. You could have said regular theater, motherfucker. I never sang. Plays too, but...

You did used to sing. I guess you're right. I did sing. I did sing. Honestly, you know what? You're right. I was one of those fucking nerds. Was Stav like always just crushing puss? No. No, no, no. This is a late in life situation. I guess it's hard to crush puss when you're 12. You probably shouldn't crush puss. No, even in high school and college. We weren't... First of all, neither one of us was. So let's relax, Eldis. I think I had like a... My confidence was like in like the places where...

I had seen results like school, sports. I was funny, so socially it wasn't an issue. But there is something... I think I had maxed out confidence, but I didn't understand how to...

take that confidence. But like, so you know what it was? I didn't understand being nervous around a social interaction. So when you got girls in the mix and it was like, I care if they reject me. I didn't care about anything else socially. I was supremely confident. So then once I felt that anxiety, I didn't know what to do with it and it freaked me out. And I just blew it every time. With a girl, you like hotboxed yourself. Because it was like, I didn't understand what to do with the feeling of being scared of a

interaction. It's hard, yeah. So it took until college because in high school and it's like in hindsight sure could I have been like I could have probably been like let's go oh my god I went out with this girl and we were just like

hanging out in my car for like three hours where it was like we went on a date it went great we smoked weed how old were you I was like 16 and you didn't kiss her that's what I'm saying like I was like I could get to the point I could get to the point where a girl clearly would have hooked up with me she's probably in therapy right now and I guess I just never felt feminine and maybe it wasn't and maybe he just wasn't attracted to me it doesn't mean I'm

Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah. And it was even like we were looking for a secluded spot. We both agreed like, oh, we should go somewhere. And then we just parked there and I was like, so do you like Night at the Roxbury? This kind of happened to me. Yeah.

thinking about it this kind of happened to me yeah the same thing because I was I was really into skateboarding and skateboarders a lot of them seem like they would be comedians because they're just funny and super dry and probably many of them are like on the spectrum mentally ill on drugs addicts all that like remote emotionally I want you to just like left the country emotionally yes yes full desert so like

I remember my friends all... We all snuck out in the middle of the night and my friend was like blowing some guy in the woods and I was like sitting on this tennis court with this guy and my like Jason Lee skateboard and I'm like just sitting there and like I was...

always been pretty like prude you know like I just like made out with somebody but I like was just like wanted him to kiss me or something and we sat we talked for like two hours didn't even try to touch my body and then I just took off my dumb sweatshirt which was probably said like Santa Cruz on it was the least sensual thing I could have been wearing and I just sat there in this red bra sitting on a skateboard I was just like sitting next to him you pulled your titties out

I just sat there with my bra and we both just kept talking for another hour or so until this guy fully came and then my friend came out and was like, whoo. And then I just put my sweatshirt back on and I was like...

Good to see ya. And he was like, solid hang. Well, see ya, you know, finger guns. I think if someone had taken their shirt off, I would have taken that cue. In fact, the only time I would like to think, the only times I did hook up in high school was when it was like, you know, a real take charge kind of gal. Yeah. So there was like a just...

Just at the Greek festival, that's a big time where everybody gets drunk as fuck at the Greek festival as a child. That's the first place in the basement of your church. And you guys grew up around here? No, we grew up in Baltimore. In Baltimore. You said that before. I grew up in Maryland too. And yeah, we got the Maryland Connect thing.

And, yeah, the only time was when these girls just completely would take charge and they would just kiss me. They would just run the show. Yeah, and I was like, oh, I get this. I know what to do here. Once we get that going, I just couldn't. And then when that would happen, would you guys, like, recap on the way home and just go through all the details? You let everybody know exactly what happened. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Although the first time, so I was, so the first time that ever happened at the Greek Festival, I also was blackout on the verge of, like,

alcohol poisoning drunk because it was like the first time you get booze so I'm like 14 or 15 and so I'm making out with this girl and it's the church it's literally our church and the one so we try and find an alcove and there's like the church offices and it's like oh no one's in the office everyone's like at the party or gone mhm

And because it was the Greek festival, it turns out they were in the office. They were counting all the money because it's the biggest. They want to make the deposits that day. So I am making out. Two children are making out. And I'm grabbing this girl's tits. And just all these old Greek guys in suits come out and just walk past us. And they're all bros. They're not going to blow my spot up.

You know what I mean? But it was still like... They're going to help you close. It kind of fucked the vibes up. I can see that. Yeah. And then another time, a different girl who was just like good to go, you know, ready to go, right? But it was one of those parties in high school where there's three girls and...

14 guys. Sure. So it's like pussy musical chairs. Yeah. It's like, it's like you have three guys who are pumped and 11 that are like, fuck that guy. What do you think is better than me? So I was selected by a girl and I'm literally, I have breasts in my mouth for the first time in my life. It's the best moment of my life. You're worth it. Thank you so much. And then, but then one of the guys who didn't get to hook up was my ride home and

We're completely across town. He's backed up. I get like a, yo, Stav, Greg's leaving. I was like, what? There's no Uber. I have no money. This is probably literally 15 years ago, 16 years ago. I have no way to get... I don't know how to fucking use the buses and the bus system. I have no way to get home. You're homeless at best. I had to stop

Hooking up I was going to fuck for the first time in my life and I had to stop to get home And I did chase the guys I'm like putting my clothes on big hard as hell Chasing him to get to catch a ride you ever see her again We went to high school able to insert yourself inside never I've never was able to get inside I think she had a boy she was we'll say a loose gal in the class is great with a team you

You've crunched some numbers. You're like, we've decided on this. In the classic sense, maybe, you know, she didn't take... We'll not call her a godless whore because we're tasteful over here.

Both of the girls I'm describing both had boyfriends, actually, these two girls. That's why when I say take charge kind of gal, that's what I mean. Yeah, truly. True heroes. If I had met a couple more sluts in high school, my life would be, I wouldn't do comedy. If a girl fucked me when I was 16, I would be like a, I would just be running a nice family business. It really is. What's today, Monday? I'd be picking up my son from school right now. Yeah, you sure would. I'd have, my hair would be shaved. I'd have no dumb, ironic facial hair. You'd be driving some kind of grocery guy.

There would have been no cum town, no cum village. No, no, I'd be in a Nissan Murano. I'd be in a Nissan Murano trying to find a size four soccer cleats for that weekend. I am so jealous of those people. Like those people, I'll see these people on date nights in my shows and

And I've never been as throbbingly lonely as I am. Just like, you know, I remember one time just being freshly dumped. It was just like New Year's Eve and like Toledo or something. Yeah. Just some, I was like, just pulsing with loneliness on stage, lost my luggage. I had to wear the club owners, you know, university of whatever city I was in sweatshirt. And I'm like 10, nine, 10,

myself you know like fucking dying freshly dumped and just these couples I remember this guy just kind of rubbing his wife's knee in the front row and they were really enjoying themselves too and I'm like I'm that I'm just this lubricant for men to love their wives they're just like well she was fun for a raunchy evening but like thank god I have a lady at home like I

Like I don't rub her knee enough. That's what I do to men. I just like, I make them love their wives more. They're like, you know what? It could be worse. And I always feel like that. Like I'm so jealous of those people that just, they get a new car and that's all they want to talk about. The new car. Like we got a car. I remember like dating this guy and we went, I went to his family's house. Like we had to take a walk around the brother's car. We talked about it for like 40 minutes. I was like,

just dying of boredom. I was like, no, we can't, there couldn't be any more questions to ask about a Subaru. And I was like, that's always been the guys that I've dated. Like they never have a follow-up question for me. I'm like, they're just like, so what made you decide not the Mazda? You know? And I'm like,

I just played Anne Frank in this like, bro, I'm like using my, plugging my own credits. And they're just like, no follow up questions. They're just like, but shrimp's on sale at beaches. I'm like, that's fair. Yeah. But I'm jealous of that. I want, I wish. The regular ass. Yes, I would love to. Well, you've got a version of that now, right? You got a nice family. I'm married to a firefighter. So he's like. Who's great. I love, I love your husband. He's a fun loving guy, but he's not like, I wouldn't say they're,

No, that's true. Firefighter. Yeah. The firefighters, they do generally like they run a little dumb because you're not. I have a joke about it on stage, but you're not supposed to like have man sleepovers for half your life. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. You're not a regular person when it's like you got it. You got to be a little. First of all, you got to be a little dumb to be like, yeah, I'll risk my life.

They're like brilliant and dumb emotionally. Like he has memorized the inside of every building in this city. Like he could look at going to a building because they love buildings because they have to know the inside of them. So they can like know, they can, they have to know in the dark how to get through like a big, oh, this is a duplex down. Like that's what he says whenever we walk in. He's like, what was the roof like? I'm like, I don't know. I was like at a TJ Maxx. When he asked me about my day, he's like, so I was like,

He will stop and read one of those big plaques in front of like an industrial building. I'm like, who could ever give a fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it would just be like the plans for the building. He wants to know how many entrances. Yes. And he's sincere in a way that's like,

Like he wants to get to the bottom of things. Like when we visit an area, he's like, oh, it looks like the tower really is the tallest tower in New Hampshire. Talk some shit. I'm a comic. You're really right because they don't keep, comics, one thing that's brutal is like you don't keep a regular person's hours. Like you're up all night. It's, you can't, you,

you're never on a schedule. You, you know, you, you, like you said, you spend a lot of your time just kind of providing entertainment and putting out some like positive energy that other people are then going to use to have a wonderful night. And then you're going to go alone in a hotel. It's a weird, lonely thing. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas firefighters, it's like, they don't, they don't keep regular hours there. And like, just with comics, something's wrong with you to want to be a comedian, right? A regular person who accepts comedy,

positive feedback in the normal amount, they don't need to like freebase it by killing for an hour. Freebase it is great. You know what I mean? That's what we're doing. We're freebasing acceptance. No, they're adrenaline junkies. We have a lot in common with firemen, except that we're the real heroes. But like they both work crazy hours, didn't give a shit if I was like, you know, working on Christmas and every other guy, it's like, oh, it's fun for a minute that you do stand up and then you're like, what the fuck?

When are we going to hang out? We can hang out any weekend. He doesn't care because they're the same. They work all kinds of weird hours that might work on all the holidays, everything. They all have this one click of people that understand them the way nobody else does. That firehouse kitchen, it's like walking up to the table at the comedy cellar. The energy, the chemicals change in the room when a civilian walks up, which is what we call civilians because we're dickheads. Let's not call it we around. We call it regular people. Okay, I'm not doing civilians. There's nothing worse than that. That you should phase out if you do that. Yeah.

It's really embarrassing. We're not civilians. But we'll say that in the comedy cellar. We'll be like, oh, is this civilian camp? That's disgust. I can't support saying civilian. That has to go. I don't realize how shameful that was. It really is. Think about it for one second, what you just said. It's like, yeah, this civilian, this doctor, he's not qualified. That's why we're such dickheads. You're right. We really are. It's crazy. I had an argument once with my husband. We were on our way to our honeymoon, and I was like,

Do you want... I was like, I'm not giving up the window seat. And I was like, that's like the ultimate sacrifice. Yeah.

And he's like, that's not the ultimate sacrifice. He's like, the ultimate sacrifice is losing your life. I'm like, no, it's the window seat on a cross-country flight. I'm a twat. But the one thing they have that we don't is that they get to just chill in the firehouse together. Yes. Like that, if there was a way for, like... But we do get to do that at like the comedy cell or like sitting around a comedy club. A little bit, sure. But not as much as I wish we could. Exactly. Even that is like, when you're really doing it, you're kind of like...

I'll stay after. You should be home, right? They get to, as part of the job, hang out. That's part of the job. I know. It's awesome. It's fun because when you're young, you go on those things. Four comics will pile in a car and you'll go to a different city and you'll do a one-nighter. That's always fun. I remember the first time. I love a road trip.

The first time we really, like, we had met before, but we actually hung out was when we did that horrible gig on Long Island. When you were getting ready for your special and I was getting ready to tape for the half hour. Yeah. Which got postponed because of the pandemic or whatever. But we were both working on stuff. Yeah. And so we kind of took this last minute gig on Long Island. And it was the most atrocious. It was like a fundraiser for, what was it? Something awful.

Children's cancer or somebody died. I mean, violently bombed. We ate our nuts for the whole time. We were laughing in the car. We bombed so bad. Oh, my God.

We bombed where, like, we had to get out of the building. We couldn't stay there. We couldn't have a snack. We needed to get out safely. We needed to evacuate. Because both of us, I think, stupidly were like, no, we came here to work on something. So we tried to just stick to our jokes. But it's like some fucking guy intervened.

in a banana costume was the MC. Oh my God, that's right. He was in a banana. It was some guy who was like doing banana puns and then being like, and also let's not forget why we're here. Children are dead. Children are dying. Here's some pics. And by the way, here's some pictures of their crush up child bone bits. And pictures of kids with cancer. And then I was like, yeah, my mom character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rachel's going to do voices. I'm going to talk about eating ass. Yeah.

Oh, they really hated us. But the car ride was great. Oh, we had so much fun. I love that. I love a road trip. I love just talking on a road trip. I always prefer to drive than to fly. If it's four hours or under, you know what I mean? Yeah. You gotta drive. But it gets a little dicey. Five is a little much. Especially if you have the show that day, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. We almost drove to Buffalo, but we were like, fuck it, we'll fly. I know. I almost drove to Buffalo, too. That was a little too far. I was like, yeah. Because any traffic, you're fucked. You're fucked. Any traffic, it becomes nine hours somehow. Yeah. As opposed to if everything goes great at six and it never goes great. Yeah. Something always happens. I mean, but that hang is the best. And they get to do that all the time. And they also love the fires, the firemen. And they get pissed when they don't get to go to the fires. Yeah.

And he was pissed when he moved from Brooklyn to Manhattan. And I'm like, why? Manhattan, he's like, that's exciting. He's like, no, no good jobs. Too many sprinklers. That's too safe in Manhattan. Brooklyn Burns. Brooklyn's fucking burning, baby. Brooklyn Burns got good jobs fucking popping off there.

They're blazing off. That's awesome. Yeah, they love the fires. They love to control the fires. That is fucking hilarious. But yeah, you got, even though it's not the traditional setup, it's a comedian and a firefighter, you still got some version of a regular life. You got a kid. She's cute as hell. I love the... We got a little girl named Frankie. Oh, great name for... Little Frankie. Great name for a little girl, Frankie. She's funny. I mean, she just doesn't believe in me as an authority figure, so...

I've been trying to like potty train her yesterday. And then I was like, Frankie, I'm serious. You know, I was like, if you sit on the potty, you get a sticker and just, just, just try to sit on it. I was like, you can get a sticker and a little Hershey kiss. And I go, I'm serious. She goes, you're nice. She's right. She just read right through you. Yeah. She's like two. She goes, you're nice. I was like, she's right.

I'm cheating. No, even my daughter knows, my two-year-old daughter knows I'm doing like an impression of an adult to have some power over. She's like, you? She's like, I've seen your clips. She's like, you do like handjob jokes. You're not laying down any laws here. That is why, yeah, I mean, the idea that

to any of my friends being parents is so crazy to me. It is still so funny because like she was like when Pete says something, she's like, oh, me? She like will headbutt me at like two in the morning. You know? Not only does she get out of her bed and like come into our bed every night, like I'm like, Frankie, you need to be in your bed. And she's like, you? And she's like, no, I don't. And then she gave me like a fucking headbutt.

She, like, does jujitsu on me at, like, four in the morning. She's like, come on, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, you've been doing shot. I'm like, no. I'm an adult now. It's definitely, it sounds like it's going to be a wait till your father gets home situation with her. Definitely. You're never doing any punishments. Yeah, I mean, I try, but she doesn't really, yeah. I mean, she's, she's, like, does faces all the time. She just says, like, in the mirror doing, like, silly stuff. And she speaks, um.

Spanish and neither of us speak Spanish at all. Wait, wow. My mother-in-law is Colombian.

Oh, okay. I was like, all right, you're going to have to explain that one. Yeah, we have a two-year-old that reads right through me and picks up languages. You have like Damien. You have a little demon child. Her daycare, they only speak Spanish. And I was like, oh, that's great. She'll be fluent. But they only speak Spanish at her daycare. That's awesome. But I didn't realize how hilarious that was going to be because we don't know what she's saying to us. That is awesome. You raised a baby that's smarter than you. Yeah, and she says, ay, ay, ay a lot.

I love that. Yeah, she gets disgusted. She goes, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. That is hilarious to be bested by your, your timely child starting already at two years old. Yeah. Sounds like you're toast. I have to like, try to like talk to the other mothers and stuff. And I went to this, like I went to like a toddler, um, tumbling class and all the kids were like sitting down and like the mothers were just, this ethereal, like Brooklyn moms, just like they're talking about their feeding schedules or whatever. Um,

my kid is like peace like she's isn't sitting that circle she wants no part of that circle they're just sitting there with their like one year olds just like you know and Frankie doesn't care she's just like yeah I'm going over there you know and I'm trying to like you know wrangle her and bring her back to the circle so I'm trying to make jokes because I figure that's what you do I don't know I was like yeah my kid kind of a hole in the team here yeah yeah yeah no one makes eye contact with me just like avoid me that's

That's a deep bomb. Yeah. That's a real tough bomb. Bomb at tumbling class. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I call my brother. I was like, she won't sit in that circle. He's like, one of my kids was a circle sitter. The other one was like, he's like, don't worry. Sometimes they just don't want to sit in that circle. She'll never be a circle sitter. And then I talked to a few more friends and they were like, do you always bring her? And I'm like, yeah. They're like, it's you. And I'm like, fuck, it's me. She's like, yeah, because she already doesn't take you that seriously. I was like, god damn it.

like I called her daycare I'm like so what do you how do you deal with it they're like she doesn't do that with us she listens to us she's like yeah I don't it's her have you tried speaking to her in Spanish it's like when you get an adopted dog and you won't listen and then you say sietate it just knows it's like it just knows everything in Spanish you got a child that speaks the language you don't none of this occurs to me I was just like oh this will be great I don't know what she's talking about most of the time

That is hilarious. Yeah, but you must have like a regular... But now you got a kid. You live in Queens now. You have more space a little bit. We bought a house with Bitcoin. Hell yeah. Because my husband... He was on the Bitcoin... Ironman loved crypto. They're all obsessed with crypto. Ha ha ha ha!

Fireman love crypto. They're obsessed with it. There's always some guy like Dino over like buying Bitcoin for my husband. I'm like, why does he have to come over? They're always like over talking about it. He's like, Cardano's walking God. Walking God.

They take no signs. That is like a philosophy of life for them, crypto. Respect. Oh, Ethereum pumping off. But it's good that you guys got out of it and bought a house because that shit pummeled. We bought a house and then it crashed. And so we have three firemen like building it. Like my husband blew up every room, like blew up the bathroom, the kitchen. Like he just likes bulldozing things. I think he just wants to ride that bulldozing machine or something. He wants to ride the bulldozing scooter. Yeah.

Firemen, I think, are like, I could have... The way other guys are like, I could have gone pro in football. They're like, I could have been construction. That's hilarious. I could have been a foreman. Oh, yes.

That's absolutely true. Not only is that true stuff, but they all are. Like, they all have second jobs. You would think that he's a captain. Like, that's all he does. That's never all they do. That's crazy. They all have second jobs. Wow. So, like, which sucks because our house has been in construction for, like, a year. Like, active construction. I'm like, when's the plumber coming? He's like, Anthony, I'll ask him next time I do a 24. I'm like, no. Yeah.

I need a plumber, not like an Anthony Slash plumber. He's a lieutenant. He's like, yeah, he's a lieutenant in Battalion 3. I'll probably see him tomorrow, maybe Thursday. I'm like, no, the toilet, it doesn't work. Can we get a professional? But every guy is a fireman in our house. And if they decorate it, they'll just be like, I mean, like just a mural of the founding fathers. Of course. Because they all just love the founding fathers. Yeah, George Washington shaking hands with Derek Jeter. Yes.

Not to mention when de Blasio was mayor, everything he did wrong. He'd be like, well, your boy de Blasio. My boy? He's like, well, because of your boy de Blasio, apparently I'm not allowed to say. It was always something he wasn't allowed to say at the firehouse. I was like, what the fuck do I have to do with any of this shit? He's like, oh, your boy de Blasio thinks we can't call it a hoarder's fire anymore because apparently that's offensive. We got to call it a clutter fire.

Because you and your boy de Blasio writing up the fire names. I'm like, fuck off. I love that that makes that much of a difference. Like, who gives a shit? You call something in on the radio. Yeah, yeah. But he's always mad about, like, some term he's not allowed to use because of my fucking boy de Blasio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, it's just, it's like, we have some semblance of a normal life, but we live in an area with, like, it's all, like, cops and firefighter families. Like, this school is called, like, School of Heroes, and it's just, like, a cop...

an environment outside, like a Mount Rushmore statue with like a you do the math expression. That's awesome. Yeah, so it's like a weird little insular neighborhood in Queens where it's just all like cops and firefighters, you know, you're always safe. That's awesome. You're always safe. Yeah. Definitely the only Jew for like miles. Yeah.

Like they've never seen a mezuzah before. No, no, no. What's that satanic writing? Yeah, like some not, a gang has marked you for robbery. I can see it on your doorway. You have to evacuate. We will make sure all the Latinos and blacks in the neighborhood are questioned. Yeah.

They're like, when I say we don't like you, we just say you can't come out after 8. That's all we're saying. We prefer if you stay inside after 8 p.m. Am I anti-Semitic? No. Just like it when you're inside and go to bed a little early. Just don't do any spells while we're around. No, they've like...

it's like New York. You think everybody's, you know, there's so many Jews here. Like whenever I go to their, they have these big events, Family Day. It's like FDMI Family Day on the Rock and they, it's like they have this whole training facility where they have life-size buildings and they set them on fire and the guys come and they have hoses and they rescue and they play this like patriotic music. It's like insanity. It's like, it's like North Korea but

positive like you feel like you're being brainwashed but probably for the good you know like it's always like I don't know there's these huge fires and explosions by the way that's also what North Korea thinks by the way it's not like North Korea's like this is bad we're brainwashing for bad yeah that's a really fine point I like that you're absolutely proving the teacher's right slowly he's like gently pointed out a few things to me he's like well let's look track back and see the origin of that non-thought you just expressed I'm like

You've been listening to the fireman's views a little too uncritically for the last couple of years, it sounds like. Yeah, I mean, this is like my life now. I go to these like FDNY Staten Island dinner dances and then they have this rock where everybody gets together and they blow up buildings and then everybody comes and they put them out and they play music. And then I meet all these other guys and one of the guys I'm standing there watching and we're always dragging a dummy or there's a lot going on.

You know what you should, this is an idea for you. Just good fellas, but for firefighters' wives. Like the, fuck, who played, well, I'm blanking.

Melfi. What the fuck? Bracco. Lorraine Bracco. Lorraine Bracco. Her character in Goodfellas. Yeah. The part of her. Is it Marie? Yeah. What, you know, fuck. I don't remember her name. My brain is all fucked up. Anyway. And who was the main guy in Goodfellas? Ray Liotta. Ray Liotta. He's hot. Yeah. R.I.P. Poor guy. He was hot. But he was a piece of ass in his day while he was alive and before Chantix. Before he quit smoking and he put his face puffed up. But, um...

there's that, the whole middle part where it's her, it's her like talking about hanging out with all the other mob wives. That would be a really interesting like hanging out with all the firefighters wives because she was a Jew too. That's like where my whole act is because that's my life now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because now he's like, that's my entire next hour. Oh, it should be. It's fascinating. No, I'm taping a special actually soon. But it's, that's everything because like I,

Now he's going to be a chief soon. So I have to, I'm like infiltrated. It becomes very like, you know, political. That's awesome. It's just like me and like a lot of women named Gina. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, Rachel, don't bring up how you feel about Black Lives Matter. He's like, I'm up for a promotion. I don't need you spouting off at the mouth. It's amazing. That was like my wedding. It was like...

My dad, it was like Colin Quinn and Tom Papa did the ceremony. We had a wedding in Staten Island because of course, because you got a hookup day, we got to get married in Staten Island. I was like, I think I called it like North New York on the invitation. I was really trying to play that down. It was just like a bunch of comedians. My dad gets on, doesn't mention me or Pete, just does like a long speech about immigration. Oh my God.

You can ask Anthony. He's like never mentioned. Anthony is fascinated by my dad's speech because he's like, this is what it makes America great. It's diversity. You know what I mean? Hutch is just like some red face fireman, like falling drug into his own lap. And he's like, 12, 20, 20 as he faints, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was just like a shit show. That's awesome. But that's everything now. That's awesome. And it was a bunch of firemen came out like out of respect, you know? Yeah. Oh, did I tell you? I was on stage at,

um, the comedy seller, I'm in the middle of my act and I was telling a story that I talk about on stage about my husband, how his nickname for me is big guy. Yeah.

That's awesome. That's what he calls me. He doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to be called big guy. He's like, come on, you're fun. You're big gay. He has a song. I walk in at night and he'll be like, she's my big guy. She's my big guy. She's my big guy. Like he cannot compliment. Yes, of course. Just like, it's fascinating. The big guy is an exalted position in the firehouse. Being a big guy, that's good. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your favorite kind of guy. Big guy.

Yes. So anyway, I was on stage talking about that and I talked about being a, you know, about firemen, it's being married to a fireman. And then all of a sudden in the middle of my act, this guy jumps on stage, grabs the mic out of my hand,

And he's like, I couldn't even compose a sentence. It was like a sort of a smear. And then he was immediately like tackled or whatever. And so later I find out he was a fireman. And I was like, oh, my God, what engine does he work at? So I go next and I'm determined to get to the bottom of this. So I like I show all the guys at my husband's firehouse. And I'm like, and this guy, drunk guy. And they're like, and they guess. I don't want to say the guy's name. I know what it is. How many drunks?

And they knew. They guessed. And it wasn't their firehouse. And they got it right. Then I post the clip. I didn't say anything about it being a firehouse. But I post the clip or whatever. And then he comes to the firehouse the next day with the typed letter apologizing. A typed letter of apology? Yes. And a cake. Because that's how they communicate. Oh.

If you're a Brooklyn firefighter, you communicate through cakes. That's a great system. You want a promotion? You bring the boss a cake. Wow. You want to be cap? You get a junior's fucking cheesecake. You wash up real fucking nice. That's awesome.

Get your wife and go over there and talk to the fucking chief. And don't forget juniors. So you find out what cake this guy likes. Everything is communicated through cakes. You fucked up. You took this guy's tour. You were late. You know, you missed the rig on a call. You bring a fucking pie. Find out what kind of pie he likes. I love that. So he comes in. He's like, oh, yeah. Guess who showed up with the cake this morning? A type letter or whatever. Apologizing. Not to me.

But first, I was mentioned in the letter. I disrespected your property. I was mentioned, but second. And do you think that I got a fucking bite of that cake?

He's like, listen, I was disrespected your show. I had no idea. I was enjoying her and a blue collar attitude and repressions. And I thought it would be fun. Needless to say, if I jumped on a stage and then my husband, my husband's telling me, I was in showing me the letter and I'm like, and stick, where's the cake? He's like, Oh, it's delicious. You should taste it.

He's like, oh, it's amazing. I was like, well, I love cake. What the fuck? Where's my cake? Where's my goddamn slice? It's so awesome how all those guys think they're in the mafia. Yeah. It's like, I had no idea that she was affiliated with the firehouse. And I would never disrespect your family like that. I thought she was merely a civilian comedian and not that she was the wife of a potential captain. Yeah.

Please accept these, this is Fuyadel as a token of my appreciation and my deep sorrow for my lack of decorum. He was like, I have a music. Trump 2024, a storm is coming. That's awesome. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, like also, like he in his mind, my husband, so my husband's not jealous at all. He's like, like he's almost like an accidental feminist. Like, like, like,

Doesn't care if I change my name. I love that. I'm like, I've had to explain to him, like, when my plane, like, you should see if my plane landed okay. Like, just oblivious, you know? Right, right. So he doesn't even understand why this guy's apologizing to him, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, totally unnecessary, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, he wasn't, I told him the whole story when I got off stage. He's like, yeah, I bet you nailed him, right? Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, it was a little unsettling as an experience. He's like, yeah, I bet you got him good, Big A. I'm like, what?

A man rushed the stage. I was afraid for my safety. You probably got him, though. He's like, I bet you razzed him, huh? You probably called him gay. You probably said something about that T-shirt he was wearing, huh? That must have been fun. I'm like, how about how are you feeling? Yeah. He boarded a plane without me once. Like, he's...

oblivious like wild that's awesome I was like I'm probably not gonna change my name because of stand up he's like why would you I'll be winner that's awesome but if I was like if I said the word feminist he'd be like oh those people a little spooky right yeah yeah yeah he's like oh yeah those are those girls would like blow hair I was like seeding with fury and stuff you know like he wouldn't know what that is but I think he like strangely is but not I think that happens a lot with like

like liberal and leftist things is that people want them, but they don't want to be labeled as those things. Like in a blind, like, you know, in a blind survey, if you ask people like, do you think America should provide healthcare and good education? And everyone says yes. But then when it's like, okay, well we should tax people

that you'll never be to make that happen. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I might be a billionaire sometime. What are we, fucking Chinese? It ain't happening, pal. Go fucking... Let's cut down on going through the rope. Yeah, yeah.

I can't take any of my content. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do not regulate crypto, whatever you do. Yes, they don't like regulation. No, no, no. But it's funny because socially he is a complete liberal. He wouldn't care gay marriage, nothing. He wouldn't care about anything like that. But yeah, so it's like, all right, watch to regulate it. I don't even understand. I can give a shit. Regulate me. I need to be regulated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need boundaries and rules. Of course. And also it's so funny because

What do you think fire code is? Exactly. It's a regulation. It's the most regulated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're... I mean, none of it really tracks back to anything sensible. No, no, no. Yeah. No. They're living in a cake economy. They haven't, you know, they haven't gotten to... Yeah. You have to... You have to...

You have to apologize to the man if you've offended his wife. It is a very old world situation. I've brought so many cakes with him. I'm like, wait, what firehouse do you want to be at? He's like, I'm thinking... And it's something he really thinks about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting. He doesn't think, you know, what bothers Rachel or how she's coping with this. He thinks like, should I bring a double layer to Captain...

Does the captain want buttercream or maybe a cookies and cream or peanut butter basically? I feel like Capizio would probably like an ice cream cake. It's an ice cream cake kind of job. That is really cute though. They almost have... It's the way you were the lightning rod for all your family's emotional problems. Cakes are the lightning rod for the way firemen show their emotions for each other. And it's also very interesting that...

We were talking about like in your family, the problem was they paid too much attention and you ended up with somebody that you said oblivious. That's like boarded a plane. Yeah, my mom was definitely like, you know, just sort of watching me for signs. But my dad emotionally was like, he's neurotic, but doesn't like say like, I love you. He's like, you know,

me Roxanne a few times. There's no Roxanne in our family. I'm not lying stuff. Roxanne is awesome. Yeah. My brother Justin. That's such a weird name too. My dad was like frantic. He would call my brother Justin Jason. Jason come here. Come and get it. There's no Jason. Who's Jason? Sounds like my boy needed maybe he needed the brain scan. Is it possible? My dad was like was like

memorize like some insane you could tell him about like a specific you could mention like a specific war in like Poland in the you know in 1920 and he would tell you but yeah if you ask him about any like emotional memory no like I've never never seen him cry except for at at the baseball hall of fame this is very interesting yes

We should take some calls because I could go into, we could be talking about you forever. But we'll save it for next time. We need to save people's problems. For your next appearance, we'll get to your dad. No, the people need us. The people need us. They need a fire, they need a Jewish fireman's wife. That's a rare perspective to bring to this show. It truly is. And before we go, you said you're taping a special soon. When are you taping it? Where are you taping it?

Oh yeah. I'm taping a special at midnight theater. Oh, that's really cool. Yes. You can get tickets on their website. Also on the thing, I'd like to do a lot of stuff with this, um, with this charity. Okay. Um, Oh,

Oh, hold on. You're better than us. And it's called Friends of Firefighters and they like, they do all this cool stuff with, basically they give free mental health services and like acupunctures and massages and stuff to first responder families. So when you get the ticket, you can like,

Get a Friends of Firefighter like piece of merch or something and helps these guys come home and like punch walls less. Yeah, that's huge. That is really taking advantage of where you're at. Getting these motherfuckers acupuncture, that's next level. Acupuncture is massages, therapy. Therapy is awesome. All of it. Like they just give all free services to any FDNY family and it's...

like really lovely and I should really go and get some of the stuff yeah you need it you need it pal I can use some fucking acupuncture yeah you're a little you're on the little tight little therapy I'm a little jacked up today yeah I'm just double checking that um the um the

The Midnight Theater is great. Yeah, it's the first weekend in April. Oh, okay, great. And just go to my website, rachel-feinstein.com for tickets and also all my dates on the road are there too. I love it. We'll put this out a week before. How does that sound to the people? That sounds great, yeah. So it's fresh in people's minds. Go see Rachel at the Midnight Theater. We'll do a little in the middle plug because, you know, you do the plugs at the end. People don't...

They don't remember. It's racial-feinstein.com. You can see all my road dates and come see me in New York for my special. I'm still looking for the date of the special. I'm the worst. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll get that in later. Who cares? All right, let's get to some of these questions, LD. What do you got for us? Hit us with the first one. Hey, stuff. What's going on? As always, it is not playing through the speaker. Every single time this happens.

My heads are gonna fucking roll. Hey, what's up? What's going on? Here we go. I have a bit of a problem. So I've been in a relationship for seven years. Can we get a little more volume? And my girlfriend is 16 years older than I am. So I met her when I was 25. She was 41. And now she's 48. And she's nearing 50. And sex has become kind of a chore for her. Hmm.

I just wanted to get any advice on what I should do because I've already found myself starting to off with a lot of other women. And, yeah, I don't want to cheat, so. Yeah.

Yeah. That was amazing. I love this. We get a call like a week where guys are basically trying to get, let me give them permission to cheat. There's so many. I just feel like what he's doing now. Yeah. He's like, look, what can I say? It's up. I would love not to cheat, but she keeps turning older. And what am I?

I didn't know this was going to happen. I feel so many different emotions to this guy. First, I thought he was saying that he was dating a 16-year-old. I went from hating him to loving him. Yeah, now we're back to neutral. Yeah, I mean... 16 years older. They met when he was 25. He's 31 now. So it was 25 and 41. Now it's 31 and 50 or whatever. Or 31 and 48 now. So, you know...

What do you want me to fucking say? Now, what you could do is the heartless... Ashton Kutcher pulled a very heartless maneuver where he was married to Demi Moore for the tail end of her prime and then got divorced basically right around this time that this guy's talking about and he ended up marrying Mila Kunis. So that really is a dickhead's move. And also, we're talking about Demi Moore. I'm going to go ahead and guess your wife ain't exactly Demi Moore.

no disrespect to her but let's you know I know that not always not none of it includes talking to the woman yeah I'm just about to just blow my load in a stranger yeah well right before I do so I mean yeah you might want to like talk to her about it and just like be like I really wanting to have sex more than you and maybe we could try to like where are you with your sex drive and how important it is you know stuff like that and here's the thing she's probably thinking about this

Like, if someone's in this kind of relationship, this is probably their insecurity, right? Yeah. Like, wouldn't you think if you were dating somebody younger than you... 16 years older. I mean, that's steep. Yes. That's a wild difference. That is a tough one. A man or a woman. Yeah.

I would love to know what happened here. How do you guys got together? What's the situation? I would love some more context. And we would like some videos. And I would like some videos. Yeah, if you get, no. Let us see what you guys look like when you fuck. We can show you. We can show you. We can give you pointers. I don't want to cheat. That's always also. He wants to cheat. By the way, that means you want to cheat. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to cheat. Who's talking about cheating? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one brought that up but you. Yeah, yeah. This is a voicemail you recorded yourself. Yeah. This is literally not a conversation. You brought up everything in it, including cheating. Yeah, why would that be an option when you're having like a problem? Why would you be like, I don't want to land inside another, some road pussy. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, like...

Obviously, yeah, you absolutely do. And you're just furiously beating to every other woman you walk past. Yeah. And the thing is, no woman has tried to fuck him yet or he would have is what it feels like. I don't want to desperately to cheat. Advice on what he should do.

Yeah, I mean, you... I think it would start with some conversation first, take her out, like, because we don't know where this guy's at. Look, you might be a fucking sexual magician, for all I know. It's possible. You could be a real oral magician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As one guy told me once on a date, you know, they say I'm really good at going down on girls. He said, they say. Word on the street. He was like, apparently, I do this thing with my tongue that's like...

credible I guess I don't know some sort of oral magician some would say yeah I was like how do we end up landing on like can I have some salmon please yeah but

But, you know, like, I mean, I don't know what you are doing, but first you would obviously want to try to like rekindle that. Sure, that's a great point. Take her out and try to hook, maybe, because just deciding that she sexually has become a chore. No, that's good. It could be, you're only deciding that that's her view on sex. There's two people involved in that. That's a really good point. That's a really good point that he, this call could exist with no age being referenced at all. But there's two different things. You're saying that,

There's two issues here. The core issue, theoretically, is my wife doesn't want to have sex as much anymore. You have decided it's because she's 16 years older than you, when in reality what's happening is your wife doesn't want to fuck as much as you want, and you want to fuck other women. Those are two other things. And you've conflated these things, and you've taken the idea that she is fucking less...

that it's kind of, you're giving yourself permission to want to fuck other women. The age gap and the frequency of sex are two separate issues that you're kind of mixing into one. So if you really truly don't want to cheat and you're not just looking for an excuse from your pal Stav, if really what you, if what you were looking for wasn't me being like, oh dude, 50 years old, go get yourself some new pussy brother. If that's it.

If you weren't looking for that answer and you actually wanted real good advice, what Rachel said is perfect. It's like, yeah, what's going on here? Why? Let's throw the age gap out. Maybe you're not fucking as good anymore. Maybe you're not paying attention to her. Maybe you aren't as attracted to her. You're treating her worse subconsciously. She feels less...

less, you know, attraction to you and attractive and less, you know, like less of a sexual person. Third option. She's getting some sweet tea herself. She's fucking some 20 year old. She's fucking the cougars back out. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I or maybe that's things I just did a jig for her Yeah, or maybe you're hypothetical side dick she's getting and that was wrong and I'd be through that to God and you let's be honest He'd be thrilled. That would be a guy out of jail freak free card for this guy Yeah, he wants to nestle in a brand-new

He wants to just... Yeah, he just wants to be just blothering inside of a brand new set of fresh cans. Exactly. So I think he needs to first ask himself and his higher power. That's true. You're right. What does he want? Which is to get the hell out of this and to get into some...

brand new pair of sweet panties or does he want to reconnect with his lady absolutely so ask yourself those hard questions those are some real hard questions and then circle back with us over here absolutely I would love a follow up I need more context I want to know what happens yeah I need more context on how you guys got together like I'm going to text off about

Were you groomed? Yeah. 25 and 41 is not a grooming situation, but, you know, give us more context. Rachel's absolutely correct. You have two things to figure out here, buddy, and we're curious to see how it goes. Hit us, Eldis. Hit us with another one.

Okay.

I'm extremely mentally ill. All over the map. But I find it extremely easy to find sexual partners. Okay. And I have, like, a big dick. All right. You got to get quickly with the question. So basically, I kind of have been thinking that sex work is my only option. I'm, like, 24, and I've had, like, 20 jobs. Okay.

It's just, I'm not gonna give you my whole fucking top story, but... You did. Basically, I just, I'm really thinking, like, starting an OnlyFans and doing sex work is my only option. But my problem is that my interest and what I want to eventually go to school for is international relations. And I want to do international policy. So, I mean, I...

I know you're kind of an expert on Greek society here, so, you know, foreign relations. So I was hoping you could kind of let me know if that's a bad idea for the long-term outcome. I would do anything to see this guy in shanty. I know, like, as far as, like, a public reputation and shit, you know, it'll be effective. But I'm talking about, like, you think it would fuck up my chance of being, like, I

an ambassador or some shit, dude? Like, fuck, man. Is my penis too big to work for the UN? I don't know anybody who can answer besides the girl's body, so. Yeah, I hope you guys are doing good, and sorry I, uh, I, uh, ran this. Um, okay, so, we got a lot. I need a nap after that. Like, I don't know who I am. I don't know where. First of all, like, that was one of the most amazing paragraphs I've ever read.

That should be a Bumble profile in itself. Just, I have a really big cock. I'm mentally ill if you're into that. A little outdoorsy and interested in international events. I love tariffs. So, okay, we got a couple issues here. Number one,

You might be fat cocked and you might get your fat cock sucked on quite a bit. But it doesn't sound like you're really taking for granted the fact that you would make money on OnlyFans. Let's start there. That's a real fucking job. I have friends who do OnlyFans. They post the way we post stuff.

Clips. I have friends who are like, oh, I got to do a Jackoff video. I got to clip it and sell. They have a posting schedule. They text. They DM the people that subscribe to them. It sounds so exhausting. It's a real, you know. I'd rather go back to Des Moines on New Year's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Don't hump a pillow for like, yeah, and get the camera right.

It's much harder work than stand-up comedy without question. Yeah. And so you said you've had a bunch of jobs and you can't do them. So, like, I think you're conflating the fact that real women...

Recognize that they can fuck you and that you're you must be handsome and you have a big penis and they see that you're insane And they're like I can fuck this guy and it won't matter, you know, whatever I'll just get you know, it it won't come back to haunt me in any way. I don't care. I'll leave I want some I don't even remember what his problem was. I got lost in hypothetical problem is His problem is if will starting an only thing he keeps saying my only option is

is to start or is to do sex work. It's like the cheating guy. Yeah. It's just like, I guess. You clearly want to jack off for money. Okay? Like, don't, let's. Nobody takes the leap from international studies.

to beating off in your room with one dirty sock on. Well, and look, if you want to do it, great. I'm just warning you, it's more work than you think it is. No one, it's, people aren't going to subscribe because it's easy for you to fuck. You think it'll be easy for you to make money showing off your cock. And look, maybe it is, but it's not.

It's a full-time job. You got to fucking promote yourself. A lot of the people that make money on OnlyFans or do online sex work have a big following, and that takes literally upkeep. You are too all over the fucking place to do any of that, if I had to guess. I think you need to first figure out the cocktail of medications that address the mental illness. That's what I was just going to say. Have you tried to address your mental illness? That's not an afterthought.

He's like basically like I'm teaming with mental health. So just maybe like therapy therapy,

Yeah, figure out some kind of medication schedule. Yeah. And, you know, maybe CVS. There's other avenues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not only beating off on camera. Absolutely. That was, yeah. And look, he sounds like he's tried and he's gotten fired from a bunch of jobs is what it sounds like. Right. But look, when I was broke, I went to, there was like a community, like, you know, mental health type. There was a place where I got free medication.

I was on Medicaid and I got free therapy. Maybe let's try and do Medicaid first. If you're broke and you don't have... I did Medicaid and free therapy too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on Medicaid. And so that'll be... Let's make that your first piece of homework.

Do the paperwork for Medicaid. Find a place where you can maybe try and get your mental illness. And then if after a couple of things of therapy, you're like, you know what? I really do want to put a butt plug in my ass and plump my nuts up for money. Great. Do it. You know what I mean? Do it then. But I would say you're a little all over the place. And also...

Foreign relations, it's like, come on, buddy. What the fuck? What are you in school again? That's what you wanted to do because you went to like Model UN and you had a fun time. Yeah, you want to do that. You've been insane for the last five years. You've been getting pussy with your big fat cock and getting fired from bar back jobs for the last four years.

Do you even still want to do foreign relations? Or is that like... Do foreign relations is the best sentence ever. The fact that anyone's using these phrases means that you belong nowhere near that field. You are stuff. Yeah, I definitely don't. I guess I want to settle on ambassador, but... Ambassador's hilarious. Ambassador's amazing. What do you... I do have to say, I was... If this makes you feel any better...

I was fired so much. Once I was fired in under four hours, it was a three and a half hour job. What was it? I was working at a store called Fat Shoes and Clothes on Broadway. It was one of my first, and I thought I'd made it by the way. That's how low my standards were for myself. I moved to New York with this guy and his band called Dick Sister. Dick Sister dumped me.

The guy's name or the band was Dick Sister? The band's name was Dick Sister. I was like the Yoko Ono to Dick Sister. After Dick Sister dumped me, I was like just on my own in New York just getting just fired every goddamn day. So I went to this one...

place got fired, got a job at Fat Shoes and Clothes. I thought that was so cool. Yeah. I was like, I'm basically, I work on Broadway at a place called Fat Shoes and Clothes. I'm a beastie boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I was so cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told everybody in my family, my aunt sent me flowers because everybody was so excited I was employed by the time the flowers got there. I'd been...

Very fire. What did you do to get five and five shoes? I was supposed to fold things and I was like, my folds were real slovenly and off. I just remember this guy at it. He was like twirling his key watching my folds. He's like, that is a ganker in his folds. I couldn't fold anything. Like I was like,

That's awesome. And he was just like watching me. I was trying to hide my folds because they were terrible. Yeah. Folding is an art, you know. You don't just show up day one knowing how to fold a fucking top. Of course, of course. And I was supposed to convince people to buy things. And I couldn't do either of those things. When somebody's making like a private purchase, I'm still going to be in there. Of course. You don't want to butt in. And he's like, compliment. Don't tell something good. You have to fun. He's like, rotate, rotate. And then we kept saying, rotate. Come on, rotate. He was like, talk, you talk up. You say it's looking nice. You say it's a body. Look at this. Look at this.

You sexually harass them. You say, oh my God, you're pussy incredible in jeans. I fuck many times for the pussy juicy, very juicy pussy. You're ass looking neighborhood approved. My goodness. You are thicker than a sneaker. Please get this jar dash.

So I was the couldn't do it fired. What was the job that stuck? What did you get a job that you didn't get fired from? I finally was able to be a nanny because I love kids. Okay. But. Don't be a nanny. Don't. We don't need this big dick lunatic around any children. Definitely do not do that. Don't even start a background check. Don't enter your name into any website that has anything to do with children. As a mother.

fucking be an ambassador that beats off first. Yeah. On camera. Oh, maybe. Yeah. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe you do. Maybe you do world politics themed only fans. You get one of those horrible blonde wigs. You pretend you're Boris Johnson and beating off. Oh, look at my penis. You know, you could be Justin might just be the kind of porn he likes. You know, like some guys get a little confused by that. Like he might just like some kind of like international. But I like the idea. Maybe marry the

two things do fidel castro role play wear a big beard you know pull your dick through some army fatigues you could do some international relations themed uh sex work maybe that's the sweet swap for you pal uh so good luck let us know what happens but again first and foremost get on medicaid yes please um they pretend to be fidel castro yes and or do you do a lot of like um specified uh role play like that like hitler and things yeah not hitler because you just wrote that

seen up too fast i was like no no i just you know i was just feeling a vibe for this guy everything's been pretty generic so you're not big on role play yourself no i i've gotten in there a couple times it's been pretty fun but it's been pretty generic like you know sure sure uh tutor you know student thing maid stuff pretty you know right pretty run-of-the-mill massage that's fun oh i'm getting a massage oh you're jacking me off nice we have a thing yeah maybe i give the massage and i'm like

you know, finger popping. Either way, someone's in trouble. And they should be. Someone's getting fingered. Either way. They should be in trouble. Somebody's getting their screen time taken away the other day. No iPad. You're not going to that movie with Zachary. And you're having no screen time. But you are going to get on your hands and knees.

All right. Hey, Stav, met a guy on an app. We'll play it. We'll play it. Sorry. I don't know. I just took on a new role. I love that you lay down the law with me. You're like, I'm not so fast, bitch. I'll run my own podcast. Thanks. Very fair. Go ahead, Eldis. Hey, Stavi, met a guy on an app. Found out he's a 35-year-old virgin. Oh, wow. I enjoy sex and want to keep it casual. Should I hook up with him and...

Should I hook up with him and what are some red flags to look for before or after we do it? Love the pod. Bye. Thank you. I love that we have a sex positive woman from Wisconsin calling in. Oh my God, I just found a 35-year-old who's never eaten pussy before. And I just want to get him right down there, shove his face down and have him really enjoy his snack.

Come on and fuck this snatch for the first time. Do I cut off the crust? Should I hook up with them? And you know, that's amazing. Should I hook up with them and order some red flags? What are some red flags to look for? So, um...

Okay, I see, you know, I understand the worry. She wants to keep it casual. Someone's never gotten pussy in their life. The first morsel of it might send them into a craze. It's called a whisper. Yeah. Whisper of pussy. The initial whisper of pussy might send them flailing about. Absolutely. I mean, to be completely honest, like... Please. This is a place of honesty. I wouldn't want to...

I don't want to date a virgin. Sure. Like, you gotta. But she's not talking about dating. She sounds like, it sounds like she's interested to fuck him. And by the way. Oh, you want to keep it casual, right? I really don't listen. You're right. You really don't and you even tried reading it. I still didn't get any information stuffed in my brain. Are you as exhausted as my teachers now? Yeah.

And do you agree with my parents? Your mom is on to something with the brain scans. This is literally the most straightforward question anyone's ever asked us. And you're like, now wait a second. She wants to date him? So, yes, there's no dating involved. She's talking about, should I fuck this virgin? She met him on the apps. I think...

First of all, you'd be a hero in this man's life. Yeah, why not? You would be an absolute hero. I see no downside to this for anyone. The downside is he's too clingy and she doesn't want to date him. Right. You know what I mean? She wants to be sexually adventurous maybe and be a good Samaritan and fuck this 35-year-old. If she's open about it and she tells him that she just wants to get laid and really blow his mind. Oh, 100%. That sounds so exhausting to me. I would never want to be anybody's first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First of all, I don't bring a lot...

the table sexually. I'm like, I'm not, I mean, pulling out, I mean, he stops, you feel like you have to pull out. Like, I don't want to be anyone's first trying a lot of outfits and bring hat box over or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the nice thing, I would say this, the fact that this guy hasn't fucked, he is so, he would probably be so happy. You could be like, listen, we can have sex,

I will fuck you four times and then you can never contact me again. And it would be like, thank you so much. I would love to do that. That would be excellent. Four times is great. So you just be clear and he still might, you know, maybe he's a little clingy, but you can just say, look, I just want something casual, uh,

If you're even like, I find it kind of hot that you are a virgin, I want to do this for purely sexual reasons, speaking as someone who didn't fuck until college, if somebody who, it's not 35, but it's later than most people,

I would be... If some girl was like, hey, I'll fuck you and you can never contact me again, I would be like, yes, right now, right away. I could... Whatever you need. Do I have to do anything else? Would you like me to do... Whatever you want. I'll do whatever you want. So I think you're good there. And I think...

What are some red flags? I mean, this is a red flag. It's weird. But I think if he seems like a good enough guy and there's some kind of, also if there's some kind of plausible narrative here as to why he's a 35-year-old virgin. He's probably like, I'm just guessing, like maybe he was like a Mormon or something like that. Yeah, something like that.

I say go for it, sister. Do the Lord's work. Yeah. But set up your boundaries and, you know. Now, if you... Motorboat this fucking fresh Mormon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Suck that fresh pink dick. Get it out the wrapper and suck it off. Take it out of its original packaging and put it in your pussy. If we're reading this guy wrong, though, if he's not the kind of virgin who would be dying for pussy and he's like, oh, I was kind of hoping to date. Run. Yeah.

That's when you're in the problem. That's when it's a problem. But if you set your boundary and he's like, great, you'll never hear from me again if you suck me off. I think you're good to go and you can enjoy yourself and you can feel like you really did something good for the world.

Some beautiful stuff. Thank you so much. Yeah. I love the way your toes pointed as you're talking. Just a little something for the people. Speaking of whisper, whisper of Stav's dog, sweet dog of the year. Yeah. He's like twirling his foot. If you want to suck him off, just go for it. Do you have time for one more? What do you say? One more. Yeah. Let's do one more. I'm just going to answer this really fast because JP's meeting me here. Okay. Fuck JP. Yeah.

Let's No I'm just gonna have him meet me at the theater Cause I'm gonna go see Colin's show tonight So cool Cause I think it's gonna be too long for him to get here Okay He's right he lives literally around the corner He says he's 30 minutes out from work Oh he's at work So he was gonna come here and go back I forgot he has a job Yeah Fucking dumbass Yo Savvy baby How you doing? This is amazing What up Elvis? Hey Thanks for having me

Listen. Lucien. Oh, boy. Me and my girl are getting married in a few months, both in our early 30s. Okay. What do you think? Should we start popping out babies as soon as possible? The fact that you just asked Stav that means no and never. I know in a recent podcast, he was talking about having kids. I keep going back and forth. Her brother has a two-year-old. My sister has a two- and a four-year-old. So we're... You know, obviously, we want our kids to...

grow up and be close sort of an age to their cousins but let me know what you think I think we want to have two three four maybe so I don't know we had fun in our 20s maybe love you guys interesting yeah I mean okay yeah the fact that you're like should I have a baby wait hold the phones let me make my own call

And that's to Stav's podcast. The answer is do not, under any circumstances, impregnate anyone. You shouldn't be involved in anyone's family planning. How about that guy I heard on Comptown? What would he do?

You know what, buddy? Have five. How about that? Just because Rachel said not to. And name them all Stavros. Name them Stavros 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Even the girls. I thought about talking to my wife about this, but then I was like, meh, let me call Stavros, and I'm saying get a vasectomy.

First of all, what were you saying about having kids? This is amazing. I don't know. Maybe the Racine episode we were talking about having kids. Do you want kids? Do I want kids? He may be talking about when you've been like, it's like corny to get pussy, to want to get pussy in your 30s. This is the time that like everyone just starts like gets married, has kids, shit like that. That's what you should be doing. I think like, do I, the like...

Older, I guess, I get, the more I think, yeah, that would be kind of... I'm more open to it. I've always been like a... I could go either way. Sure. Whoever I end up with, if they have a really strong feeling one way or the other, I could rock with that. Right. But if we're both kind of neutral, then I kind of see myself...

Kind of for the same reasons he's talking about. Like, I see the pull of... Like, if my brothers have kids, there's something you want. You want them to have cousins. You want to have... Yes. You want that family to... You want that family feeling. And I think that's really... I get the...

I get the drive for this guy to be like, well, I want my kids to be around the same age as their cousins. Also, I don't see her feelings mentioned in any of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep rereading this voicemail. It's true, it's true. She's just like, I'm not so sure whether I want to get pregnant. She's getting pregnant. Yeah, yeah. I know, absolutely. I feel like...

I'm hoping maybe I'm giving our friend here too much credit I'm hoping that when he says I think we want to have two three four that they sort of discussed it that was a we okay two three four so then if they're talking about two three four then they both do want to have kids it sounds like it I hope so or he just signed his wife up for being pregnant yeah because that's a lot of being pregnant yeah

I mean, no woman would be like, do I want to be pregnant two, three, four? Like when you're holding the baby, you're not rolling that kind of hypothetical dice. I would, I think like, yeah, the answer is to talk to her more about this. Stop. I say have them. Fuck Rachel. Fuck your wife. Have the kids. Name them Stav and Eldis. And that's it. Name them Stav and Eldis. Name them Feinstein and the dog that saves Hanukkah. Yeah.

Name him Wolfie Jewelwitz. What I want to know is what you were doing during those pauses. There was a lot of long, like, haunting pauses. There was. Were you coming? He might have been. And were you getting pregnant? I hope so. I hope you... You know what? Call back, but call while you're conceiving your child. Yeah. And then we want to have the first ever conception live on a podcast. I think that's never happened before. I also already regret, like, I was about to say being fresh. Like, what is this, 1920? Yeah.

I already regret being fresh with this guy because he does sound like he's like a work, like a made man. Yeah. Yeah. So I just want to say thank you for all you've done. No, he's, believe me, he's not at all. Um, no chance he has anything going on, but you said it yourself. You guys had a fun twenties. You're in your thirties. You're married. Um,

Now, look, you said it's been a few months. Maybe you don't need to have kids right away, but give it a year, give it a couple years, and you're still okay. You know, you could have, your kids could be the little cousins, no big deal, as long as they're kind of in that mix. But yeah, if you both want to do it, you certainly have the blessing of the Stavi's World podcast. Yeah.

The most important thing when having a child. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Rachel. Thanks for coming. Thank you. 904-800-STOP. Call in. You have any questions like this? I learned so much. I guess I want to thank... Please come back. You're awesome. We should have like... I love it here. It'll be fun to mix and match. Get you on here with Sam. I'm going to bring you a cake next time. Do you guys like cake? Bring me a fireman's cake. You do? I love cake too. I love how readily you answered that. He's ready to go cake-wise. Are you a sweets guy?

Yeah, I really am. I'm going to bring you cake next year. Something chocolate. He's even telling you the card. A lot of instructions. Really fast. He's like triple layer, bitch. He'll text you with the exact specifications. No, I love cake too. I love cake and cupcakes. What's your favorite cake? Yeah. Let's talk. I love a red velvet cake. Do you like cake too? I'm a cake guy as well.

Yeah, I love cake and cupcakes. Cupcakes is like, I think about cupcakes when I should be having like more intelligent thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, just like find myself cupcakes. A fresh cupcake. They can get a little, they can get a little crusty. Yeah, they can get crusty, but I love a fresh cupcake. Love a fresh cupcake. I think we're all in agreement. I would choose friends based on what snacks they have. I would just go over and just eat so much at my friends' houses.

because we didn't get sweets when I was a kid so I'm obsessed with sweets yeah makes sense I'm still talking and this should have been over so everybody rachel-feinstein.com get tickets to my art get tickets go see Rachel live so funny new special taping big guy it's gonna be gold big guy oh yeah go watch your tape big guy thank you guys we love you we'll talk to you next time bye bye