Bonus #86 - Live Call Show Vol. 14 w/ Kerryn Feehan [PATREON PREVIEW]
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Why don't we go to a fun little update? I'd love a fun update. This guy called in on the Are You Garbage episode. He was the guy who was pissed that his baby mama was like fucking- that she cut him off. Yes! I remember this guy. Because they were like fucking after they split for like two years or something. And he's like pissed that she's like cut him off. Wait, was it a clip?

It was a clip. Yeah, we made fun of this guy. We made fun of this guy. And put the clip into this episode too, Eldest. I think we should start doing that to give people context. Okay. Broke up with my ex-wife three, four years ago. Been dating another girl. Me and my ex, we've been hooking up the whole time. Mother of my kids, like that. She's the mother of the kids of your grandfather. We've been fucking around.

She's been dating this dude about two years. I f***ing hate his guts. He's a f***ing ass. Drops an F on him. We've been banging the whole time. He keeps saying that. And the pollen is blowing. You know, recently he just kind of rebroke up with me. Basically he just completely cut me out cold turkey one day. Well, not really. Not really. You got divorced.

And you had two years of extra. I don't really know that you can call that cold turkey. There's like nine victims in this story. You're not one of them. He's claiming to be the victim. But yeah, I'd love to talk to this guy. Glizzy. Glizzy McGuire. Are you on? Great name. What's up, Glizzy? What's going on, guys? Not much, man. We hear you got an update for us on your very respectable call from a couple months ago.

Yeah, man, it all fucking went to shit. Yeah. I would have never guessed. Really? That setup didn't have legs? No, it's still the exact same situation. She's like, what's this shit? She's happy. She's in a good relationship.

Go ahead, buddy. What's going on? Sorry, we were shitting on you and didn't hear what you said, so go ahead. Yeah, no, I figured. I mean, yeah, nothing changed. Like, we stopped talking for a while, and then she, you know, I get these signs again that, you know, she's coming back around, and then, you know, she shows me her fucking tits on fucking FaceTime. So it's like, what am I supposed to do with that? Well, I guess the question is, what do you want out of this relationship? Do you ever want to get back together with this person?

Yeah, I do because of my kids. You do because of your kids. I see, I see. So you're not just trying to get sucked off on the sneak here. No, I actually, you know, I hate fucking only seeing my kids every other weekend and one night a week. So it sucks. I want to be with them every day. And how long has it been since you guys like, you know, separated or whatever?

Three years. Three years. Can you remind me the setup a little? You said you guys were like still fucking for like two years after that. And then she like cut you off or something and got into a relationship. We're still fucking.

We were still fucking until like six months ago. But I've been in a relationship for two years, and she's been in one for a year. Oh, so you were both cheating at the same time. I think it cancels it out. Karen, enough out of you. Girl math. I thought the girl is the term for a female I would use there, but yeah. It's definitely a certain kind of math. Yeah.

So I guess, okay, if you really, so what's the problem? Like what's stopping you guys from, she just doesn't want to be in like an official relationship with you or what is the issue here? He all of a sudden got a conscience. Oh, because she was cheating. I see. I see. I see. Yeah. And all of a sudden it's,

a problem, but then, you know, still asked me for favors and, you know, still...

When I drop the kids off, well, you know, make me touch her butt and, like, give me a kiss and shit. Oh, yeah, she'll really... Real gun to your fucking head on that one, huh? She makes you touch her butt? Well... Like, for how long? Yeah. A good little bit. A good little bit, nice. Okay. So, okay, dude, here's the thing, though. I get where you're... I do... This is a... This does sound like a really weird, like, fucked up, toxic little situation you got going here. And...

It's like, I guess, why did you never think to try and push for you getting back together? Do you know what I mean? Like, because right now you're in no man's land right now. You still see your kids only, you know, like you said, every other weekend or whatever it is.

And emotionally, you're in a fucked up little like yo-yo where you don't know, you're not moving on fully because you still have in the back of your head, maybe we can, she's showing you enough signs, which is fucked up on her part, but it's also fucked up on your part not to draw, someone's got to be the person who draw the line here, right? And someone's got to be the person to set a boundary and be like, either we do this and we actually get back together because we still, you still clearly have some,

like chemistry here and we do this because we have some kind of chemistry and we have kids together or you gotta stop doing this you gotta stop tempting me um you temptress you tell you yeah you eve straight up yeah you know here's here's a little little little bit into that sure sure he i had all the chances in the world but i was dating this new girl

And then, you know, she kept saying, I'm going to get in a relationship with a good guy. Oh, so this is your fault.

It's going to be it. I don't want to say it's my fault. It is. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't want to, but it fully 100% is. Let's be clear. I don't want to say my age, but that doesn't mean it. But then the other day she told me. That's not the truth. So she was like, I'll get back together with you, but you were hooking up with some hot other woman. And you're like, well, we'll see about that. New pussy, though, you know? Fresh out the wrapper.

She told me the other day, she goes, have you ever thought about making like a grand gesture to get me back? And I was like, like John Cusack with the boombox type shit? They're like, what are you talking? Yeah, dude, can I be honest with you? She so desperately wants you to try and date her, bro. She so desperately wants you to do exactly what we're talking about. Set the boundary. Like, you know, whatever. You're both trash, so give her a bouquet of fucking Wawa subs or whatever the fuck. Yeah.

Luckily, it's not going to be a very expensive gesture for you. You both eat from different ends of a long hoagie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You lady in the tramp of fucking a cheesesteak without whiz. But like, clearly... How will you be whiz me? Yeah, write that out with fucking fake cheese product on the dashboard of your souped up Nissan.

I don't drive a souped up Nissan, bubba. Whatever, sorry. Whatever American, good American car you drive. You're right. When a woman like just straight up asks for the grand gesture, she wants like you to like try to commit to her again. Exactly. And dude, so here's the moment, right? And here's the thing. We're only, we're being honest with you because we're truly trying to help you, right? We're not sugarcoating shit. I appreciate it. Because the thing is, now you have to decide if,

Of course, it's one thing in theory to say, I want to see my kids. I want to be with the mother of my kids so I can be in my kid's life, right? That's a nice thing to say in theory. But now you're staring down the barrel of it for real. And what it's going to take is a grand gesture.

And by the way, not fucking around. That seems to be the biggest issue here, right? And so you have to be honest with yourself. Don't make a grand gesture and then have a nice six months and then start cheating. You need to figure out, like, can you at least put it together for a decade? You know what I mean? Five years. Can we start there? A presidential term.

He like shows up for this new girl. We were together for a decade. He's like, this is the grand gesture. The grand gesture is, yeah. She's out. Yeah, she's gone. You were together for a decade. I see, I see. And how old are the kids? We were together for a decade. The kids, I got a 10-year-old and a 5-year-old. Right, right. Well, so what I'm saying is like basically the –

If you're going to be together for your kids and because, look, you guys clearly have some, you know, you both clearly can't get out of each other's lives one way or the other. You just have to face it. And like, look, you might have had a little bit of dirtbag fun here. You took a little sabbatical. You took a little pussy sabbatical. Dated a couple other, you know, women with eyebrow piercings. And now it's time to just. That's spot on. I know.

Now it's just time to settle in, dude. So that's the thing. You have to be honest with yourself. Are you ready for this or not? Yes, but here's the thing. We had kids young, right? Sure. So, like, it kind of screwed with us, and now we're in different places in our lives. So the new dude she's dating is real, you know,

He love bombs her. He's with her every single day. Yeah. She's kind of a, she's kind of like a plain vanilla person. And the thing holding her up with me now is I'm a member of a motorcycle club that the government deems a criminal organization. She's a little worried about that. Wait, is it the Hells Angels?

There's a couple of them. There are? There's a bunch. That's hot. In Maryland, I know in Maryland there's a bunch. That's hot. Sorry, go ahead. But go ahead. So she's, I get you, I get you. So go ahead. Is that it? I mean, yeah. So she's worried about that angle. I'm out of town a lot. Sure. You're right. I always, you know, I always stay in contact with her and the kids.

You know? Okay. So then look, dude. Okay. So maybe it isn't pussy. It's just riding your bike with your boys. That's the reason you don't want to be in this relationship. But either way, you have to, you have to like, you have to make these decisions. Right. And if you're like, look, because we're in different parts of my, in our lives, which by the way is valid, right? People grow apart from, for many reasons. And even if they're the type of people that could be in a good relationship, if the logistics of your life, uh,

just stop that I've certainly had relationships where I'm like damn if I had met this person at a different point in my life we really could add something good right but she met me when I gave all I cared about was comedy and I was never going to settle down whatever and vice versa you know it's it just it's that happens a lot so you have to realize like you know is it

Like, can I be around as much as I want to be for my kids? Like, I don't know how it fucking works. Like, can you scale back your involvement while your kids are very young and be out of town less, but still be, you know, still fucking be with the fellas every once in a while? Is that just a deal breaker? You know, you know, none of us here are big fans of the government, right?

But do they have a point? Should you not? Is it like the kind of thing where it's like you don't want to stop what you're doing, but you also maybe like maybe your kids are better off with some fucking square day to day and you get to pop in, you know, and see that. These are choices that you just have to make, dude, you know? And that's the hard thing is like,

Do you think juggling everything that's important to you in your life that you can be there, you can make a grand gesture and actually stick to it? And if the answer is yes, great. Make the grand gesture, stick to it, be your version of a family man, right? And if you don't, if you don't think you can do that,

then you have to be the one that sets that boundary. That's like, look, clearly we want different things. I love you. I love our kids. We shouldn't be together though. So let's both try and be in stable relationships and co-parent. And then maybe you can even work towards seeing your kids more than every other weekend, right? Because if the biggest thing is you want to see them more than a couple times a month, then maybe you can go about that by just having more stability in your life and

And they can come spend a week with you and, you know, whoever you end up with in a stable relationship. But you have to agree. You know what I'm saying? The thing is, though, like this guy, like this guy, he's such a like dork and so threatened by me. Yeah. That like any signs of me cannot exist while they're together. Like I bought my I bought my son, you know.

I named him after a quarterback from my favorite football team. Hell yeah, dude. Little Donovan. Donovan McNabb. Vinny. Vinny. Donovan McNabb, this kid. Little Vinny. Vinny Testaverde. Vinny, I'm sure. I mean, what was I thinking? It was, of course, going to be a white guy. Yeah, so, you know, we're in a different city now. He's not a fan of said football team. Right. So, like, I bought my kid a card and a little football doll.

This fucking guy's got to go and buy the town that we're in, his team. Go buy him a doll of this. His whole room has got this team's stuff. Any sign of me existing. She won't even talk to me when they're together about kid stuff. Like right now, she's trying to get me to do a favor for her, watch the kids overnight. And I'm like, sure, but you've got to call me and we've got to work out the logistics. Won't even call me when they're together because this dude is so like...

She lies. So I've met all my kids' soccer practices, all their soccer games. She doesn't tell him that I'm there because it would start a problem. Well, okay. Fuck that, though. You're the dad. Absolutely, but here's the other thing. That's what I'm saying. I'm with you, but do you think part of that is because you're every once in a while, fuck this woman? Like, she probably feels guilty.

You know, like for you to normalize these relationships, you have to just be a good citizen here. And actually, you have to become friends with your, you know, your ex. It can't be sexual. And you also, I know it's kind of fucking annoying, but you just have, you have to work towards that.

some normalized relationship with this dork. And that will be the hardest part of all this, actually. Like, having to, like, because you're clearly not a guy who's used to just, like, letting some dickhead just even make you act...

any way that you don't want to. And you'll have to kind of like take a step back for the good of your relationship with your kids. And I think your ex will stop being so weird about shit if you guys stop sort of hooking up. But that's also on her, right? Like, it's like, look, the read I'm getting on this is that you are kind of erring towards the side of

I should not be with her, but I would like to have a regular relationship with her. Am I gauging that correctly? Yes.

I mean, also, I do still want our family back together. It's one or the other, brother. That's the hard thing. I know this is difficult. Gun to my head. Gun to my head. I want my family back. Well, then, dude. You got to kill the dork. I wouldn't do more crime. I don't think doing more crime is what's going to help him. That was the first option. He's like, finally, okay, thank you. Bye, click. Bye.

They said it click. Fellas, I got the okay. Stop, stop, give me the green light.