Bonus #81 - Live Call Show Vol. 12 w/ Matteo Lane [PATREON PREVIEW]
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Hi, can you guys hear me? Yes. How you doing, Sandy? Doing great. Super excited to talk to you guys. Especially Mr. Mateo. Especially? What the fuck? What am I, chopped liver, Sandy?

You know, he's here for a reason. And Sandy's defense, too. I remember like a month ago, she was like on for two and a half hours and we couldn't get to your fuck. I'm sorry. Thank you for your patience and glad to have you. That's an eldest issue. That's not me. I'm sure he put on some fucking idiot that took too long to get to his question.

So just take it out on him, not me. But we're happy to talk to you. And yes, your reward is to be second on the Mateo episode. Man, what a blessing. Thank you, boys. What's troubling you, my friend? All right. So I've been having this kind of situationship going on for, honestly, it's been close to two years now. Kind of on and off. We lose touch, get back in touch, whatever.

Initially, the first reason why we kind of stopped talking or I distanced myself was because he fucked his cousin. Hold on. He told me about it. So that was a little bit of a hard pill to swallow. Sandy, you're going to have to fucking rewind, sister. So...

We're not hearing anything you're saying over my raucous laughter. So you're going to have to give us a second here and kind of explain yourself. This show went from Stavros to Ricky Lake in like 0.3 seconds. And the casualness of Sandy being like, look, we've had some ups and downs in this situation. By the way, that was initially why she... So she went back after the cousin fucking...

came to light. You can't now complain he leaves laundry out and you're mad about it. He fucked his cousin. Yeah.

Yeah, we would break up every year right around his family reunion. He just wanted to be single for that. The way other people break up on spring break, this motherfucker breaks up before Thanksgiving to fuck his cousin. Anyway, all right. Sorry, Sandy. We're going to let you start over here. So he fucked his cousin. So he

He's kind of an emotional wreck. So we both kind of bond over. We're part of the dead parents club. Okay. So both of us. So he's really looking to strengthen his relationship with the rest of his family.

Sorry, I'm going to stop roasting this situation. It's hard, though. So, yes, you bonded. Okay, so we bonded. He was kind of going through some issues, obviously. He had been laid off from his job, kind of still, like, reeling from, you know, his grief, et cetera. His cousin and aunts, they are first cousins, but they don't see each other often. Apparently, she just, you know, made it very easy.

We've been very aware that she's down to the bed. I can't believe you brought the cousin up again. No, no, we need to know about it. Absolutely. I think Sandy's kind of winding up to the cousin thing. Well, it's my understanding they didn't actually have penetrative sex, but you did eat her out. Oh, that might be worse. Oh,

Sandy. He ate his cousin's pussy because he was sad. Was he an adult when this happened? Or were they kids? Is it a first cousin? Yes, yes. In his 30s, you said. In his 30s? Yeah, yeah. Honestly, if you're going to do something like that, don't tell me about it. That's something you take to your grave. I don't need to be knowing all this. That's fucking wild.

Yeah, so the thing is, is we've hooked up since then. It was not a deal breaker for me, but it's gotten to the point. We're going to find out. Sandy's life's got to be all kinds of fucked up here. He's a deal breaker. Yeah, if this guy's like, by the way, I ate my cousin's pussy. So what do you want to get pizza? So what do you think?

Should we watch American fiction tonight? I've been putting it off for a while. I've been saving it to watch it with you. Okay, so the damn... So you guys were on an on-again, off-again thing. Yeah. In one of the offs, he engages in some oral... What's it called? Some oral incest. And then you guys come back. This is about a year into your little situation? What are we talking about here? Yeah, yeah. About, well, yeah, we were like...

We were, like, speaking to each other at the time that he was, you know, partaking in this type of situation. And that was kind of a, you know, this is... Was this a one-time thing? This isn't healthy. And then, of course, he reaches out months later, you know, sad boy type situation. And I fall back into the clutches of all of this. Sure. So, another...

issue, which is now why I've kind of distanced myself again. Okay. Distance. Join the witness protection program. He fucked his dad in the ass. So he likes to fool around with guys, which is not a problem for me. I think it's kind of part of a fantasy of mine and

We have partaking in like pegging. It's been really fun and pretty hot to do that with him, which is probably why I caught him a lot of slack because, you know, this is like a fun thing that most guys won't let me do to them. Sure. Sure. He's got that open hole. Sometimes you got to take the good with the bad. Yeah.

Why the fuck a guy in the ass? You gotta be okay with him doing some incest. By the way, this is what homophobes think gay men are. They're freaks that eat their cousin's pussies and get fucked in the ass by girls. I'll tell you what, them guys gonna eat his cousin's pussy and then take a fucking dildo up his ass. Ain't nothing right living in this country.

Okay, sorry. This is awesome, Sandy. So, all right. So, yeah, we've all been in a situation, Ship, where it's like... No, no, not like this. Listen, yes, not... Okay, but the problem has been we live in the same city, okay? Like, there's not any, like...

You know, distance constraints. I work a pretty normal weekly job. He works at a retail job, whatever. There's time that we can hang out. But he's like a big camper. And recently he's been doing some Brokeback Mountain shit and going on these camping expeditions with guys. And they all just fool around. Cool. Yeah.

Fun to hear about, but I'm kind of getting just like upset that first of all, I'm not included. Secondly, like, why can't we enjoy more time together? At what point did you hear yourself? I mean, it's true. You should read back the transcript. At what point are you going to be like, you know...

I'm going to move on. You guys would be proud of me. I did do that a few weeks ago. Oh, there we go. We are proud of you. If this is going to be a friends with benefits situation, I need more benefits. Like this is, I'm just like emotionally giving too much here. And we take our claps back because you're not, you haven't moved on. If you're even talking about friends with benefits, it's over. This guy's not it for you. You know what I mean? Like, yes. Would it be you? You clearly have a fantasy relationship.

And the point I was going to say earlier, Mateo, is we've all been in a situation where...

All the it all because of the sex, you let a lot of stuff go. I don't know if I've ever let incest fly. I don't know. I don't know if I've ever let grief stricken cousin pussy eating fly on my behalf. But hey, to each his own. Right. But we've all been there and you're clearly in this position where he checks a lot of boxes for you. Right. And.

Sexually, anyway. But you've come to the point now, at least I hope you have, where it's like, look, it's not going to happen. You had a nice time. It sucks because we've all... I've definitely thought many times, like, if I knew I wasn't going to fuck her again, I would have tried that one thing. You know what I mean? And you're going to live with the regret of not... That is the benefit of being gay, is we just do it. And then afterwards...

Yeah, you just texted me. By the way... My biggest regret is I should have remembered his name. That's the only regret that we have. Yeah, so... So, yeah, look, you just got to let this completely go. There's no...

He clearly doesn't... Like, let's throw all the insane shit you've said out, right? Which there is, let's just say, a lot of, right? And let's just put this in the most basic terms. You're casually dating someone who doesn't make time for you, who you're okay with if they hook up with other people, but doesn't even, like, doesn't hook up with you as much as you want. Even on the most base friends with benefits situation, he doesn't fulfill your needs, really.

He's not there emotionally or sexually for you. And now we can fold in back some of the other shit where it's like... He ate his cousin's pussy. So, it's just like... I don't know if anyone needs to hear that again. But that's a glaring...

- Problem? I don't know how he even moved the fact that he ate his cousin's pussy and you're like, I just wish he wouldn't camp with his friends anymore. Bitch, we have a glaring issue. - He's just spending too much. - And she opened with it. - That's awesome.