Bonus #56 - Live Call Show Vol. 5 [PATREON PREVIEW]
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Let's just give the listeners a little update. I mean, cum fart. Everyone knows cum fart. But yes, of course, Eldest, why don't you do the producing duties? Basically, cum fart. You were newly single, I think. You jumped on a grenade. In his own words, a grenade. No condom. Yeah, a woman who you didn't find particularly attractive. You busted up. An Eldest-shaped bitch. With big hips. Okay.

But yeah, you nutted in it, I guess. And then you got the absolute worst case scenario that she said she's pregnant. Yes. And now you have your little Mari scenario on your list. Right, right. And Comfort, if I understand correctly, you have done a paternity test? Wow. Yeah. Okay, so why don't you fill us in on what's happened since basically the last time we talked what you did.

So shortly after we hung up, I ended up just contacting her and was like, look, let's go ahead and get this over with. Nice. You know, because if legal actions could have been taken, I need to first just find out, like, if the bastard's mine, bro. The bastard? Yeah.

And so we agreed. And cool thing is, is like, we don't have to actually like go there together. So I just had to go in, give them my DNA and then they had to go in separately. And then, you know, they sent us a result. Ooh. So it was a long, you know, a couple of weeks. Of course. When they take blood, you don't have to beat off. Do you? No, no, no. Take hair, blood, what? Spit? You have to get a little bit of spit. Yeah.

So that's it. A couple of cotton swabs. Nice. Okay. Yeah. So fortunately, I do not have to change my name to Juan Carlos. Come far. Beat the case, everybody. Beat the case, man. Congratulations. Subscribe to a lifetime subscription of condoms. That's right.

Oh, yeah. We're staying strapped from here on out. Strapped up, you know, maybe get a fucking vasectomy, pull out way earlier than you need to even. Oh, man. Good for you. Come for it. How does it feel? Do you feel like a new man? I have a newfound lethal life. I'm about to go skydiving. Damn. Does she know who the father is? No, she does not.

You're like, goodbye. Oh, man, that kid is fucked, huh? Now you can take my facetious advice and truly lose her number and never talk to her again. Oh, yeah. She's been blocked. You should send her a postcard of all the vacations you're taking every time you go on one since you don't have a child.

Wait, so did you guys receive it? Why did you say you received the results separately? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Damn. Damn. I really wish you had mailed them to this apartment and we would have told you live on air if you were a father or not.

Oh man, that would have been epic. Next time you accidentally bust, which you will, by the way, you're going to be very vigilant for the next three years. And then a new president's going to be in office, and you're going to think, ah, I'll pull out in time. And then once this happens again, you call us and we'll read the results live on air. I hope this doesn't happen again. All right, Convar, well, have you gotten pussy since then to celebrate?

I have. And you have worn a condom. Yeah, definitely strapping up. Very good. Very good, my friend. Well, good luck. We're happy to hear you're not a father. Although I guess, I don't know. I mean, it's good for you. But I mean, I guess that kid is real, even worse fucked now. Like, no way you want to come far to be your dad. But I guess that's better than no dad.

I don't know. Wouldn't you rather have no dad than a dad who just has nothing but contempt for your existence and the ugly mom? Yeah, I guess your mom could tell you your dad died in the war or something. He's a freedom fighter. All right, man. Well, listen, good luck. Don't bust raw anymore and call us if you need any help with anything else, pal.

Well, I appreciate y'all. I love this show. I love what y'all are doing. Y'all have a good one. Congratulations, my friend. You too, brother. Congrats. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Thank y'all. Merry Christmas. Good for comfort, man.