Bonus #48 - Django Gold [PATREON PREVIEW]
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That's the dream cheating scenario. Yeah. Like to just have to be at work. Geographical two families. Yeah, so far away. Geographical two families. This is the 90s. There's no FaceTime. Have you ever met someone that has successfully or unsuccessfully done the second family thing?

I've never met, I have never met anyone who has a second family, but I have talked to people who found out that they, their dad had a second family. That to me, like, I get like anxious, I get like a pit in my stomach thinking about how nerve wracking that must be. Oh my God. Having to maintain these two lives. Well, a guy like that, whoever, if you're doing that, you do not have anxiety.

You are not worried about getting found out. You don't think that people accidentally fall into it and then every day their life's like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. No, because you're thinking of this happening to you. Sure. You're thinking of the only way this would be possible for you is like, you have a family, you're maybe even on a break or something with your wife, you have...

One wild night where for the only night of your life, you're a Lothario and you're crushing it. You're getting pussy. You wear a condom. Condom breaks. Condoms don't break. That's some weird urban legend. I have had... Well, now listen. I use the thinnest condoms allowed by law. Barely classed as a condom. Barely, yeah, yeah. On the package it says like saran wrap fitting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. If there were condoms you could just spray on your dick...

I would use those. Shark tank. Yeah, shark tank. Sharks. This looks like a normal penis. Yeah, my dick is out. Wouldn't you love to not be seeing my penis right now, technically? Ooh, and you know what's cool about the spray-on penis, spray-on condom? It could spray on as a bigger cock. There you go. It could look like just a bigger cock, but it's a condom. Wiley Coyote brand, Acme brand cock deception spray.

That's something to think about. You peel it off like latex makeup. Yeah. Like Poison Ivy in the Batman movie. Take that shit off her lips. Yes, dude. That would be awesome. Anyway, I'm just... Let's just say, you know, I'm doing the scenario for how you fall into this, you know, whatever, condom breaks. You're like...

You get back with your wife. It was the one crazy night. You guys run a break. It's fine. Everything's okay. Maybe you legitimately travel to that place for work, and you get a call five months later that's like, I have a... Life-changing news for you. Yeah, I'm pregnant. And then you're just like...

well, I want to be a good guy, I want to support, but I can't have my wife knowing. So you send money back, and then, listen, you have to go back there for work. You're like, look, I'm paying for this. Wow, you've really thought out the logistics of it. I might as well get a little pussy. You claim you've never heard of... Anyway, you seem to have to have this step-by-step...

recounting how this would work. I'm just... Sure, maybe she lives in Phoenix, for example. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you would spend the rest of your life worried that somebody finds out about this. What is going on here is these are men that do not give a fuck about anyone else's feelings. The guys who have second families, they are actually Buddhist masters.

They are the only people in the world that have mastered living in the moment truly. Because they don't give a... It's like, in this moment, I want pussy from this family. I'm lonely. I want a family here in Belize where I'm from. And I'm ostensibly going to visit. You know what I mean? I wish I could have that bliss, man. It must be so awesome to have a second family and not give a fuck.

Just be like, yeah. And then you just, you never tell. The best one is when you like, I've heard stories of people finding out at the guy's funeral. It never gets back to him. And he's just. The four different cars come up. Four slightly ethnically different versions of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just blonde. A blonde person, a redhead, a brunette, all with your eyebrows and nose. Yeah, dude, that would be fucking, that's beautiful right there.