Bonus #47 - TJ [PATREON PREVIEW]
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So I've kind of been with my girlfriend for four years and I've only been with her and out of nowhere last week I get a call that she tested positive for herpes and I've only been with her and she's trying to tell me that she's only been with me. Oh no. And I just also tested positive right now. Oh no. I'm not sure exactly what to do or if I believe that she's telling me that she's only been with

You know, just me for these last four years. Come on, man. But yeah, that's kind of the predicament I'm in right now. And it kind of sucks. Not really sure where to go from here. He sounds real sad. Yeah, dude. No, this guy's fucked. Just kind of need help with that. This poor guy. This is like the nightmare scenario. Like, this is like when you meet... Because it's funny, because like, I don't know if you've met somebody with herpes or whatever, but it's like...

Half the time it is some... Like they got cheated on or somebody did something fucked up to them. Yes. And it's like you go from being like, you dirty motherfucker to being like... Oh, you're just a victim. You're a victim. But then also, then you even step back and think about it and you're like...

It's just so fucked up to be judgmental about people with herpes because it's like, how many times could we all have gotten herpes? Right. A lot of times. It's kind of like judging somebody for a DUI. It's like...

well, we've all been eligible for a DUI before. We just kind of got like, didn't drive through any school zones, luckily. No fucking, no hollering, you just weren't drunk while kids were trick-or-treating and you got away with it. And I'm guessing also with the sadness in his voice, it's like the...

Visible kind of herpes not like yeah, I don't know I think it could be I mean, I don't know he hasn't said he got an outbreak or anything But yeah, either way. Yeah, buddy something you gotta tell people now Yeah from now on and by the way you are gonna have to tell people because you should not be in this relationship because you so obviously got cucked like I don't know what to tell you here if you're telling us the truth then unless somebody like, you know, I

squirted herpes on your girl's pussy at the gynecologist by accident. She fucked the guy with herpes. By the way, yeah. Is there any other way to get herpes? I don't know that. Other than sexually? I think. So I've done a lot of research when I had my yeast infection. Yeah, I was not at herpes. Who knew? So apparently if it's like,

Not through sex. I think technically you could get it through like if you share a towel or something with someone who has it. But that is like a long shot. How are they? How vigorously? First of all, you're sharing pussy towels. It's not a face towel. And how vigorously is she rubbing her outbreak pussy? Yeah. So it's kind of possible. I mean, I guess maybe you could get it. Because I've heard these crazy stories of like.

You go to a family thing and your aunt kisses you on the cheek or something and you get herpes that way? Yeah, I mean, there's cold sore mouth herpes. Yeah, yeah. That is a different strain than genital herpes. Okay, so it's not genital herpes. But it still is herpes. You know what I mean? It's just like... I think technically, yeah, I think technically too, like when you get like a cold sore...

Isn't it possible to put it from your mouth to your dick if you don't wash your hands or something? Or if you have a cold sore and you suck somebody off or eat someone's pussy, you could give them cold sore herpes on their dick. But...

I would ask this guy to clarify. I mean, the word herpes is like so scary because you're just like, for life, I'm fucked. But there's like shades of herpes. Yeah, people that are happily married, then they have herpes. And by the way, there's a ton of comics on herpes. What a surprise. An art form with mentally ill alcoholics has a ton of herpes in it.

I'm assuming he means like pussy herpes and cock herpes and not she got a blood test and, you know, she happens to have. Yeah, there is. Right. Right. Because I do. I do. I have heard of friends who like have done like a full like panel STD panel. Yeah. And they've never they do not have herpes. Right. They've never had an outbreak, never had anything. But I think it comes back on their blood because of because of like cold sore herpes or some shit like that.

Now, so yeah, I would talk to a doctor about this, like see what kind of herpes we're dealing with. See if I mean, if you've never had an outbreak.

Do you even consider yourself having herpes? I don't even know. Like, if you test positive for it. I don't know. Yeah. I'm not sure. I think it's like... I think the other thing is like... I don't know if you're thinking more of like genital wart stuff, like HPV. Like, that's one that a lot of people carry. And I don't think you can really like test for that in men. No, I'm not thinking about that. Okay, okay. I do think there is... Like, I have had friends who like...

were like, fuck, I have herpes. And then they talked to a doctor about it. And they're like, yeah, I mean, you basically, this is basically cold sore. And it's like people who have never had cold sores or never have had like, and they're like, and I've even had friends whose doctors have told them, you don't even, you don't have to tell people you have herpes because you don't have that kind of herpes. You just have like something in your blood or something like that.

Now, this is secondhand off of two people who, by the way, both mentally ill. Actually, both mentally ill alcoholics, actually. And yes, both comedians. But at the same time, it's like, talk to a doctor about this.

I would say, yeah, here's what you need to do. Talk to a doctor about this. You said you tested positive. Talk to them about the type of herpes you have. And tell them your predicament, right? And say, I mean, a doctor will tell you, like, yeah, you can only get this sexually transmitted. And if that's the case, you got cucked.

Right. Open and shut case. And it seems like that's really what he's sad about. Like, he seems like he trusted this girlfriend and now he feels like he was betrayed. And so, yeah, that's what you need to do, buddy. I'm sorry about this. This is tough. I mean, he clearly is not the one who cheated. Right, because he got it after. So she gave it to him.

That seems pretty clear from the message. But then, I mean, yeah, you're going to have to talk to a doctor about this and get to the bottom of the type of herpes you have. Have you had an outbreak? Is it on your cock? Is this just all academic right now? Although at the same time, I do think you can test positive for it.

before an outbreak and then your outbreak comes later. Or, and you can test positive and if you take care of it, you never have an outbreak. Right, right, right. Yeah. So that could be nice. You're going to have to talk to a doctor about the specifics here, but, and I hate to say this, odds are you got cucked. So good luck, my friend. Damn, that's a tough one. Poor guy. Yeah, he's really wondering what to do because it sounded like he trusted her. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's over, pal. Is she a lying whore doc? Ha, ha, ha, ha.