Bonus #46 - Ben O'Brien [PATREON PREVIEW]
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- Stop, I got a problem. I don't wanna fucking dress up as a couples theme on Halloween. My girlfriend of six years who's very adamant that we do fucking reverse Barbie and Ken where I have to wear a dress and a wig all night. I just wanted to do, you know, rock out with my cock out where I dress up like an 80s rocker, put a rubber chicken in my zipper and just funny, you know, cute. Maybe get one of them that squeaks or whatever.

And when I told her that, she got so offended and told me that it was offensive to all women present in my presence. And that she would not be around me on Halloween if I dressed up as that. So I'm trying to find some middle, but she's not really budging. Should I just fucking do it anyway? I don't know. Let me know. Thanks, man.

Well, listen, man, I don't think that rock out with my cock out is worth jeopardizing your six-year relationship.

You can tell this is a long-term relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Being like, I'm still going to fucking do it. Like, you need some fucking freedom in your... You need some space or something. Yeah, yeah. That's how I feel. Just hearing his voice, I feel stressed out. I know, that is true. The idea is like, should I even fucking do it? Like, here's the thing.

You did it actually, this is a really good negotiation tactic. Yeah. Because it's like she came to you with an offer you can't, you don't want at all. And then you hit her back with something that she finds completely abhorrent. So I think, in my opinion, I think it cancels out and we got to meet somewhere in the middle. Agree, agree. Right? Like you don't, like as much as you don't want to do

We you know dressing drag as Barbie which by the way is if you really don't want to do it It is fucked up for her to like yeah be like I have to you could come back and be like it's transphobic Then you got that bitch in her own game You don't want to do it. I would say don't do rock out with my cock out. I

I don't know. I ordered some new filters for my CPAP machine. Nice, dude. So I'll be breathing clear tonight. Oh, yeah. I'll just go let the guy in. I mean, you're so right, though. There is something so much bigger at play here. Yeah, he's eating fucking absolutely. If you were going to kill me,

If you had a gun to my head and you were like, based off of this voicemail, will this relationship survive six months? I would say no. Yeah, I hear you. You know what I mean? Yes, but I feel like the middle ground here is like what you want is to just be able to do your own fun thing. Right, right, right. It doesn't have to be the rocker. Right. What she wants is to feel like you guys are doing something together. And I do think you could come up with a costume idea where you still feel like...

It's a costume that stands on its own. It's not a cheesy couple's costume. It's like a similar theme, maybe, but not like, you're peanut butter and I'm jelly or whatever. But it's like some theme you guys can kind of both do, but it's not exactly the same. Yeah, yeah. No, what you just said is really good. Where you want to do your own thing, she wants to do a couple's thing. And it's like, maybe the answer is a not as fucking corny couple's costume. Yeah.

Yeah, right like maybe the answer is something that mixes together But you don't have to wear a fucking dress in a wig that you don't want to yeah I mean maybe why can't it why does that be reverse Barbie and Ken? Why can't it be regular rock and roll Barbie and Ken and that way you still get to put on your little rocker wig you get to now look you don't get the very very good pun of Rock out with my cock out, but it's something I kind of like that costume idea. I think that's cool. I

I kind of like it too, honestly. All right, overruled. This just smacks of like guy who Googled costume ideas. No, but that's not why I like it. Like there's something so kind of awesome. And also it's just funny to have a rubber chicken like just sticking out of your zipper the whole night. That's awesome. Yeah. I mean, clearly her saying it's offensive to all women is...

It's a little dramatic, I feel. It's a little sensationalist. Yes. It's yellow journalism. It's muckraking. I think she just would be embarrassed, probably. Yeah, and by the way, you'd be embarrassed to be in a dressing wig, right? So you say, look...

Here's the thing. Unless you've checked out of this relationship and you're trying to provoke this woman, which it sounds like I can't, we can't take that off the table. Right? You just go to her and be like, look, you'd be embarrassed if I put a fucking rubber chicken on my cock. I'd be embarrassed in a fucking dress and a wig all night. Let's come up with something. Yeah, let's just do something fucking else. And it's just funny that you've been in this relationship so long and

This feels to me like a lot of resentments. This is a proxy war. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Yes, that's what I'm saying. This is absolutely a proxy war. This is like North Korea versus South Korea. It's really Russia versus the USA. It's really communism versus capitalism. And this...

The Halloween thing is really like, I want to get married, I don't want to get married. Like, this is a bigger issue here that you're fighting with proxies of your stupid Halloween costumes, both of which are kind of retarded, I don't give a fuck.

It's cute. I like how enthusiastic he is about it, but you know, whatever. And you know, find ways of taking some really healthy space from each other is all I'm going to say. Oh, Polly Ben. He's finally waited to get the Polly agenda. I didn't say any Polly. I just said take some space. That's completely normal.

That's completely mainstream advice. It just sounds like he's feeling a little smothered. That's very possible. And by the way, who's to say you can't fucking hang out with... I mean, I guess it would be weird to go out on Halloween with your boys as a fucking grown man without your girlfriend. No, you can't do that. That's off the table. Yeah, you're right. Halloween's also fucking...

To be honest, it's a child's fucking holiday. I think it's kind of fun, but I never get a costume together. I'm just too lazy. Here's what it is. After... Like, it's a child's and then it's like early 20s. Yes. Right? It's a really fun party. Now, if you were at a house party, though, and it's like, you know, you can have a low-key couple of beers house party in your 30s, 40s. But...

It's not really something to get super excited about. I get really tired of wearing a costume after about 20 minutes. And then I just want to be hanging and drinking without a fucking costume on. That's how I feel. But yeah, I think that's what it is here. You got to have an actual conversation. Come up with something else together. Figure it out. You don't want to do this. She doesn't want to do that. You got to meet in the middle. If she's not budging...

She's being unreasonable. Just break up with her. Yeah, fucking. My bitch. I'm doing the awesome fucking costume whether you like it or not. No, don't say that. And if you don't like it, you can get the fuck out of here. No, no, no. I'm not wearing a dress whether you like it or not. And if you're going to be a bitch about it, fuck you. Yeah.

But don't ratchet it up. I wouldn't... Again, Rock Out With My Cock Out is not the hill to die on. In my personal opinion. Definitely not. But that is how some couples like explode. I know. Something like that. So stupid. It's so perfect. Because they're both pissed at the other one. They're like...

I'm getting this one. Yeah, exactly. And then it's like, if neither... They're playing out some sort of weird fucking shit. You heard her trying to make him dress up like Barbie. I mean, there's something there. And I'm not even one of these guys that's like, your bitch is emasculating you, but like, she's literally dressing you like Barbie. I mean, no, no taint.

No Peterson, but that's, even for me, that's a little much. Unless you want to do it. If you want to do it, that's fine. If you want to do it, it's fine, but it does feel a little bit like... And also, it's like, why does that have to be reversed?

There were so many interesting Barbie couplers. Mermaid Barbie. You know what I mean? Why can't you guys be Mermaid Barbie and Ken or some other type of Barbie Ken? Reverse if you don't want to do it. My guess is she feels a little bit uncomfortable feminism wise just dressing up like Barbie and Ken. Fuck that. So she's like, let's reverse it. That's fucking crazy. And now it's like we're playing with the, you know what I mean? That's just my guess.

Why though it's fucking Halloween you're allowed to be a dumb bitch on I don't know I mean this is you can wear black Me and else why else would you want to do elders UCL system Denzel Washington costume Everyone in my school was dressing up like fucking

uh fucking what's his name steve urkel oh and nobody but did blackface except one kid wow one kid did how black was the blackface was it like it was like brown paint okay

It's a little better than coal black, but it's not much better. But looking back on it, man, that was so... I think we have some pictures of that, too. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I remember college. You know, a friend of mine dressed up as Lil Wayne and he just had the tattoo. Like, you know, he didn't do blackface. And then a girl dressed up as Bob Marley. Not like a very...

And she just kind of put on a little too much like make where it was like it wasn't full blackface, but it's like you're a little darker. You don't even look like Bob Marley, but you're a little darker than you are. It was like we knew you shouldn't do blackface, but she was doing like just a pinch of blackface. And it was really highlighted when a different person had a very good look.

Like a different white person had a different really good like and Lil Wayne was popping when we were in college. So like and he crushed he just had a nice wig. Yeah. Anyway. But I what I realize is funny about it is that when you're a kid it's like your mom doing it. Of course. Which is so funny. And I actually remember him being like he didn't want but she kind of made him. She's like come on if you're going to have the cops we take Halloween seriously in this house. Yeah.

It would be realistic. I'm going to look stupid if you don't have blackface on. You're going to feel badly done when all the other kids come in with blackface on.