Bonus #38 - Jamel Johnson and Brandon Wardell [PATREON PREVIEW]
05:46 Share

- Did I ever tell you about this porno tape? My dad's dad was responsible for the first porno tape I ever had and saw. - You did tell me about this. - Oh my God, that's awesome. - This porno tape went through generations of my family. - Yeah, how old is this thing? - Okay, so this was like the early 90s. We had a place

And we were renting it out to my granddad. Oh, nice. And when he moved out, we were helping him move. Oh, hell yeah, dude. And I'm just in the closet. It's like, do whatever. How old was your grandpa at the time? At this time, I mean, he must have been in his, like, he must have, like, been in his, like, early 50s. Okay, okay. I was, like, a little kid. So you were really little. Okay. Yeah, this was, like, first grade, second grade. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I'm little as shit.

And I pick up this huge box, because porno tapes used to come in this big ass box. And I'm just like, whoa, I didn't even really have time to really process what I saw. Oh, but on the box, there's like pussy and tits and shit. It's hardcore. Yeah, it's like-- because porno boxes back in the day used to like-- And what era do you think this is from? It'd be like memes for the porno. This was like-- this was probably like late '80s, early '90s. Oh, OK, OK, respect. Like straight 1990-- Some vintage stuff. --VHS porn. Awesome.

My dad sees me grab the box. I was kind of hoping it was like from the 60s. Nah, that would have been hard. Nah, that would have been awesome. It was on two rolls of film. A stag party. I'm looking at in the sun. Two rolls of film. You fed them into that little viewfinder thing. Yeah, I got the view. That babies would have. Yeah. I fucking, yeah, I got an aftermarket. I got some afterburners on my viewfinder. My shit got NOS in it.

Okay, so my dad sees me with the tape. He takes the tape. He's like, hey, this isn't for you. And I'm thinking that this is over. What was the tape? The tape was... No, I know it was porno. Years later, I discovered... It wasn't... It was a black one, but it wasn't booty talk.

All I can really say is it wasn't booty talk. But it was all black. But it was like a booty talk knockoff, like ants to a bug's life. Love that. Okay, respect. You know what I'm saying? It was like one of them. That's awesome. It was in the vein of a booty talk, which is the classic black... Like, this is like the godfather of black porn. Yeah, yeah, great name. Yeah. And so maybe 10... Like, eight years passed. Yes. And I'm in... You're probably, what, 15, 14? I'm like...

I think it was a little earlier because I was looking for... So you were really little when you found it? Yeah. I'm looking for a dream cast. You're four or something. Yeah, I'm like five or six. And now you're 12. I'm like 12, 13. I'm looking for a dream cast. It's Christmas time. Okay. I've been asking. Oh, so you're looking for the... I'm seeing... You're trying to see the gifts. I'm trying to scope out some gifts. Yeah. I find the porno tape.

My dad has had this porn attack. He's held on to it. For years he's held on to this porn attack. That's awesome. We've made it. Now it's, by the way, we're in DVD territory. Yeah, we're starting to get into DVD time. But your dad still has the VHS. Still has the VHS. Respect. It's like 99, 2000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, well, shit, let me go.

Yeah, of course. I see what's good. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm thinking I'm being like a forensic, like, scientist. I'm rewinding the tape back to the exact frame where the dick is like right at the spot. And this goes on for months. I'm using the tape. I'm putting it back. I'm using the tape. I put it back. Now, was it ever different when you picked it up? Did you ever recognize? You know what, dude? I would be in such a frenzy. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Of course. It's like, I'm running home from school. You probably have like an eight minute window to jack off to. I am running full speed into the house. Running. China buses not before Dragon Ball Z start. So it's like, there's no time to think about what was happening in the past. Of course. And this goes on for a while. And then like, one day it was just gone. And I'm waiting to get this like talking to. And it never happens. Wow.

Now a few more years, a couple more years past. Now it's like 10th grade. And I'm just like, I'm in the kitchen looking for candles. I'm on some emo shit. I'm trying to light some candles. I'm trying to light every candle in the house. My parents was going, cuz, I was just like fucking looking. Yeah, so I'd like watch the crow. I don't know what I was doing.

I don't know what the reason was. - Respect, man. You were looking for some candles. - I'm just looking for candles. - You were going through them, man. You were 15, 16. - Yeah, exactly. - You're doing weird shit sometimes. - Thinking about how I haven't got no drawers yet, but I've been jerking off to this tape. - Yeah, trying to do a seance. - Yeah. - Trying to fucking reanimate some pussy. - I'm trying to conjure a bitch from booty talk into my living room with these candles. - Fucking chanting. ♪

The Janet Jackmeat comes out. Eyes rolling in the back of your head. Long story short, this goes on for like three more hiding places. Wow. Every couple years? Every couple years. But I stopped looking after a while. Of course. And then eventually move out.

but we've never talked about it. - You gotta bring it up. - This clip, I'm sure this clip will make it to his job. Somebody at his job probably watch their ass and it'll come up.