Bonus #34 - Kush Brothers Vol. 1 [PATREON PREVIEW]
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What up, Davi? You beautiful Greek baby. Thanks, man. I've got a different one for you guys. I don't think I've heard this on here before. I was born through sperm bank. Never knew who my dad was. My sister was born through the same sperm donor.

So she's a year or two older than me. I'm 29. And we found out a year or two ago that we have 28 other siblings. What the fuck? And we're all about the same age. And I found out about my dad as well. I'm trying to figure out whether... Should I reach out to him? Should I...

I try to just meet him once. Like, he's got three kids of his own. I'll pause this, Elvis. He doesn't really... You think this motherfucker wants 28...

30-year-olds knocking on his door. Be like, hey, remember that summer you were so broke and the sperm bank didn't turn you down? They just let you keep giving jizz over and over again? Remember when you ran out of fake names at 28? You jerked off a bunch of times. And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. You think you're going to have a moment? It's like...

Yeah, it's like this guy just donated sperm and it'd be like one thing if he had a couple, but that man has 28 you know about. With three of his own. Yankees World Series Championships. Yeah.

28's too many, dude. Now look, if you're the first one, he might actually connect with you and then he'll start getting mad. Like right around like nine, imagine how pissed you'd be. Like, okay, this must be wrapping up soon. Nine motherfuckers came and told me I'm their dad and you still got 17 to go. I'm sorry, 19 to go? I'm fucking stupid. But you know...

How badly were all these guys like in the early 90s sold a bill of goods? Yeah, yeah. No, trust me. If you donate sperm, they'll never be able to contact you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before the internet? These guys couldn't even fathom the internet. Oh, my God. I didn't even think about that. This guy was donating jizz before a fucking email existed. How is anyone going to find out? They're going to write me a letter.

Oh my God, dude. Unbelievable. Tough break for these guys. Oh, what am I going to get a fax one day that says that I'm the father? It's like...

Meanwhile, there's subreddits like, find this man. Oh my God. Based on the hedges in the background, it looks like he's in a suburb of Cincinnati. His name is Don. Oh my God. This guy had a true crime podcast. Poor guy. I'm so on the guy, the dad. I feel so bad for the fucking guy who was just beating off. He was trying to make 60 bucks a pop. He's like, yeah, 60 bucks? That's awesome.

He definitely scheduled one of these appointments with a payphone. Yes, dude. All right. Once I get the cash for that, I'm going to swing by Blockbuster and have myself a night. This guy's dad had never sent a text message when he beat off to make him. He was not familiar with the concept. He conceived you in a world that no longer exists. Yeah, dude. And now you're just going to come at him. This is rude as fuck. You're essentially coming through a different multiverse right now and just entering this man's life. Knock it on some trailer door. God damn.

I switched to donating plasma around that time. That was the last straw.