cover of episode Bonus #102 - Live Call Show Vol. 18 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Bonus #102 - Live Call Show Vol. 18 [PATREON PREVIEW]

2024/11/17
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Stavvy's World

Key Insights

Why are the two friends in the caller's group secretly hooking up?

One friend is openly gay, and the other is a seemingly straight, homophobic Catholic. The straight friend may be repressed and overcompensating, leading to a secretive relationship.

How does the caller feel about his friends' secret relationship?

The caller is conflicted. While he doesn't care about the sexual aspect, he worries about the secrecy and potential disruption to their friend group.

What is the caller's main concern about addressing the secret relationship?

The caller fears causing an explosion within the friend group, especially if the homophobic friend reacts violently upon realizing everyone knows.

How long has the secret relationship been going on?

The caller and his friends have noticed the secret relationship for about three to four months, which they consider to be dating.

What advice do the hosts give the caller about addressing the situation?

The hosts suggest making themselves emotionally available to the openly gay friend, subtly indicating that they know about the relationship and are supportive.

Why might the secret relationship be problematic?

The relationship could be problematic if the homophobic friend feels the need to prove his straightness, potentially leading to a toxic or even dangerous situation.

Chapters

A listener seeks advice on whether to confront two friends secretly hooking up, one of whom is homophobic.
  • Two friends, one openly gay and the other seemingly straight and homophobic, are secretly hooking up.
  • The listener and their friends have noticed the secretive behavior for several months.
  • The group is unsure whether to address the situation, fearing it could cause tension or worse.

Shownotes Transcript

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All right. So I got a couple of buddies that I went to college with. We were all in the same fraternity. And we also like kind of hang out because we all work in the same area. Oh, my gosh. The

The fuck's going on back there? There's a dog. My dogs are fighting. This is awesome. I was like, what is that? Did somebody catch audio of me and Eldis fighting over a donut? One second. Let me kick it out of the room real quick. Get out of here. Go. It's mine. Fuck you, Eldis.

All right, we should be good now. All right. All right. So we all kind of like live together in separate houses. There's like probably about 10 of us that all went in together. And two of them that live in separate houses kind of spend the night together all the time. You're friends? Yeah. Yeah.

So one of them is gay. He's been openly gay since we were in high school. And the other one we all met in college, and he's seemingly straight, kind of like Catholic guy, a little homophobic. Oh, a homophobic Catholic guy. One of the straightest guys you can be. A repressed Catholic who may or may not be overcompensating for something. Interesting. Okay, go on.

So we've one of the roommates heard overheard like an argument. Like basically him being like, I don't like you talking about your type and going on these Tinder dates. And then he proceeded to hear like,

fucking whoa after this so it's like I don't really care obviously like if two my homies are fucking good for them you know sure you're getting in some fucking in but well that could really fuck up the friend group though for real right yeah and it's also like having that those like weird arguments of like I don't like you going on these dates but then at the same time being all secretive about it feels like

very toxic and potentially explosive yeah for sure no what are you talking about a religious guy who's hiding being gay could act out in a really fucked up way i don't think so um right yeah go ahead uh so i'm my kind of question is should i like i even address this because i feel like if i kind of like come at it it's going to be it might cause that explosion or

But I feel like, or should I just like let it be? Like, oh, well, it's going to happen regardless. This is really interesting because, so you guys basically what? You guys graduated college and you all basically moved into like the same school?

like you separately got apartments in the same complex and then there's like four of us in the other house and then everybody else like lives with their respective like partners gotcha so basic oh so you're still kind of on route you're still basically out of college fresh out of college first place you're basically still living like college but you know you're 21 22 whatever yeah i'm 22

And okay. Everybody else, same age. So look, if these guys were secretly fucking on their own time, that's one thing. But to do that under the same roof, like if me, Eldis and two of our friends had a house together and the other two guys were sucking each other's cocks.

Like, if they... Okay, let's take the gay shit out of it. Let's be... Let's... Me and... Me... Eldest, me and you are living with two of our buddies, and two of them are, like, fucking smoking weed by themselves and ordering pizzas just to their rooms and hiding it from us. We'd be like, what the fuck, guys? We're all boys here. Why are you hiding, like... Why are you doing that shit? The fact that they're doing something, like, as wild as...

you know, and wild only because it's unexpected as fucking each other and expect us not to know. Like, that's the thing that's almost insulting to your intelligence is like, guys, we share a bathroom. Like, I know you guys are fucking each other. It's weird. It's just weird of you to not expect me to say anything. So are you roommates with the guys that are fucking or are you in the other house?

So I am in the other house. So like all this stuff that I've just heard from the other people. So one of them lives with me and then goes over to that house. Right. Because you're all friends. To go spend the night. Yeah.

So like if we were in high school, then, you know, having a sleepover wouldn't be weird. We're all in our early 20s. They don't even live in the same house. No, it's a different house. And then they'll go like spend the night together. Are you guys walking like in his like they sleep in the same bed? Well, like we it's they come out of the same room in the morning.

i mean what the that we assume but what i'm okay no what i'm asking then is like it'd be crazy of them not to to expect someone to comment on it like it's not they suck he sucks him off in the garage and then you like overhear something you're like that's weird they sleep in the same but he

It's like, all right, see you, boy. You're all watching ostensibly television. You're friends. And then they're like, all right, time for bed. And they go into the gay guy's room and they overhear passionate arguments. I mean, it's kind of weird not to expect someone to say, like, again, imagine if it was just a girl. You know what I mean? It would be way more open. So,

I don't, I mean, you could add, I mean, this is crazy. They're like secretive about it, I guess. Like one night we were all over there smoking, watching Sunday night football. And we were at the straight guy's house. So that's the other house. The gay guy lives with me. So we're all over there. And he's like, all right, guys, I want to go ahead and go to bed. Like, all right, dude, good night, whatever.

And then my roommate's like, "Hey, I'm just gonna go on home." "I'm going home." And nobody looked at the back terrace. And then snuck back in. We all noticed it, but he's trying to be sneaky about it. Interesting.

You see him fucking, you see, he's like, all right, guys, I'm going to bed. And then you see the other guy from upstairs throw down like eight sheets knotted together. He fucking climbs up. He climbs down like Rapunzel and fucks his ass in the shed and then goes back there.

Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, this is insane. This is fucking crazy. How old are you guys? 22. 22. Like 23 to 21, that range. And these people, would you like call them your friends or are you just like roommates?

I would call them my friends. Like all of us are like pretty close. We all were in the same fraternity together. So like as close as that is. Right. Yeah, I guess it's close. They're friends, dude. It's not just roommates. Like it is like friends of ours from college. The mysterious I'm living with are going to be like my best men when I eventually get married, like that kind of thing. Right. Sure. And definitely that's what you think now you're 22. But that's that's another thing. That's another that's a whole other discussion. But yeah,

This is crazy that they're trying to sneak around and like because, you know, we all had that college friend group. And I can tell you if someone if two guys from my friend group were fucking each other, I am talking about it. I am like, what the fuck is going on, fellas? Like now that's easier said than done. I don't I don't even know, though.

I think of like... Like, I don't know how the broach coming to them about it, if that makes sense. Like... I think you start with a gay one. Like... I think you start with an open... I'm sorry, openly gay one.

I'm trying to think of this like, okay, if I was in college, let's say a buddy from the college radio station or something where it's kind of like a frat or whatever. I guess you're right. It's hard to say two of our friends because everyone is straight, but you would need one gay guy in the mix as well. Let's say a couple people. Let's say I was living with a guy from the radio station and they just do gay stuff.

gay shit with some other guy from the radio station. I know both of them. Definitely consider them my friends. Is this something that I would even feel compelled to comment on? Or... It's like... If it was random, if it was like, look, who knows? They hooked up, a one-off or something. You're like, you know what? That's fine. Honestly, you'd be like, this is too weird to get in the mix of. It might just be experimentation. It might mean nothing to...

Whatever, I'm just gonna take a pass on my ostensibly stray friend fucking my gay friend, right? I'm just gonna take a pass. It's the, essentially, it sounds like they're dating, more or less, that at some point becomes a topic of conversation. Just if your friend had a girl over six nights in a row, even if he was being sneaky about it, he'd be like...

Hey, who was that that was over here? You know what I mean? How openly are they, like, going to bed together, going to, like, the guy's room together? He says they're not. He says they're sneaking around. They're trying to be sneaky about it. They're not, like, they're not successful because the whole rest of the friend group has noticed. And we're all talking about it, being like, yeah, I don't know, like...

It's weird. I'm trying to wrap my mind around this because, like, yeah. This is fucking awesome, honestly. You would think, like, how the fuck could you not say something? But I could totally see being, like, you're friends with them, but you, like, only know them through college. They live together. It's not... They're friends, dude. They're boys. It's, like, me and, you know, all the guys I, like, fucking...

the mysterious D, the mysterious G, you know what I mean? Like, all the guys that I fucking lived with, right, in that house, post-college, it's like that level of friend. That it's like, yeah, maybe in five years they're not best friends, but they're also right out of college. Like, to them, these are the strongest bonds known to man. You know what I mean? So just for now, it is just really, it's a very strong friendship. And I am of the belief that

It's not even the gay element, the gay angle here, right? That's obviously a huge thing. Because, again, I think if this is a one-off or you heard a rumor of, like, one guy getting sucked off by another guy at a party, you'd be like, I'm just going to let that slide. I don't want to open up that Pandora's box. That's kind of fucking... That reshifts everything. It's the just... It's like, guys...

I'm not gonna, this isn't the fucking 70s. I'm not gonna sit here and turn to don't ask, don't tell, blind eye to you guys being gay. I don't even care that you're gay, right? Like, it's weirder if my roommate, my good friend, was pretending they weren't dating a woman. And every morning I caught some bitch in a fucking, like, sneak out of my house. And every night I caught her fucking climbing up the back stairs to suck his dick. Like, I would just be like,

Hey man, what the fuck is going on? Or if any roommate, truly, to me this is weirder as a roommate than it is as like a friend asking about whether my friend is gay. You know what I mean? Like, so I don't know how long, about how long has this been happening? Uh, we've noticed it going on for probably like three or four months. Months?! Three or four fucking months?! I mean, what the fuck?!

Like, not like sporadically, like pretty consistently. Like, I agree with you. It feels like that pretty much dating point. They are dating. They're fucking dating. Especially when you're 22. Three months, four months of doing this is dating. So look, your options are basically ride this out. You know what I mean? Like ride it out for. But I guess. Okay. You know what this really comes down to? There's no way to maintain a real friendship forever.

If like, do these people matter enough to you to possibly make this situation a little weirder than it is and be like, hey, hey, man, like anything you want to say to me, like I'm open here because like otherwise you're living a fake friendship with them. Yeah. Like you're just like living a weird surface level friendship. Maybe that's all you want. I don't know. But if they are very important to you.

I don't know, he would say something. It's just very strange. That's the thing. You said earlier, like, these are the strongest bonds they feel as, like, 22-year-old frat mates, like, fresh out of college. This is the kind of shit where the chinks in the armor really start showing. You're like, maybe I don't need these guys around.

I don't want to potentially cause a hate crime, Catholic guilt-fueled lover's murder suicide because I'm like, hey, man, can you guys keep it down while you fuck each other in the ass while I watch football? I don't want to... You know what I mean? Like, you're right, Eldest. They got some whole other shit going and it's like, I don't know. This is just...

This is just the beginning of shedding your college boys or something. If, if, yeah, if, if like they can't even bring themselves to be open about it. And you know, none of you guys can be like, even bothered to be like, Hey dude, what is going on? I don't care. But are you guys like fucking each other? Right, right. Well, I guess that's what I mean. It's like, you're right. That's what this comes. We had to bat it around a couple of ways, but what it comes down to is,

Are these people going to be in your life? Because if they are, you can't live in this fake delusional world where everyone's straight and no one's spending the night four times a week for four months or whatever. Like, yeah, I don't know, man. It's like, I guess I would ask you that. It's like, if you don't bring this up, what, like, like, don't you guys talk about, hey, man, like at that age, all I talked about with my 20, all we talked about when we were 22 is,

how are we gonna get some that's all we cared about our whole lives revolved around dating and what's going on and going out to bars we were so close though and there's certain sex there's certain sex things that go down when you're in college and that young that's like almost like

It's like when you face it and you've never seen anything like it before, almost is like a sexual trauma or something where you can like freeze up and like don't even know how to like address it or something. Yeah, that's true. And you know, not saying like two gay guys fucking is traumatic, but this is the kind of thing where it's like so mysterious, like you don't even,

- It is very strange. - Know how to like react. You've never seen anything like quite like it before. And yeah, that could be a lot for like 22 to discuss. - And I will say, even if it was a straight relationship within a friend group, shit like this happens where people try and keep things like this secret. And when you add the element of the one guy

is clearly not comfortable with his sexuality. It is a powder keg. And so, yeah, dude, I guess, sorry, me and Elders had to just talk amongst ourselves for 10 minutes. No, it's fine. I'm loving it. To address you again. We're getting to the center of it. Yeah, I guess the question that I would have for you is like,

do you feel any need to address this? Like, what do you see going on with these people? If you do address it, what do you see if you don't address it? Because to me, if you don't address it, it's all good. It's just, you're basically admitting you have a very surface level relationship with these people. But if you do address it, you're basically saying like, hey,

I want to be there for you guys and whatever, you know, we're friends. You can open up to me. I don't care either way. I just don't want you to feel like you need to sneak around or whatever. And as long as that's also the consensus of everybody, right? Because if you have somebody who's weird being like, you know, which I doesn't sound like you, it doesn't sound like you have anybody homophobic or anything in the crew, but who knows? Yeah. Maybe not.

Yeah, I mean, him himself is homophobic. Like, outwardly. Well, it was behavior. On my Instagram, like, that kind of guy. Oh, no, I see. Yeah, so I'm a little worried if, like, I address it. Yeah. And he realizes that everybody knows it becomes an issue. Yeah, I guess you have to be that stupid. It's a personal thing.

I see what you mean. Do you and all the other crew, like you guys just discuss this openly, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're not in the room. We're just talking about it. Imagine. That's the only thing they talk to each other about, dude. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah, I see what you're saying, dude. That is an issue if this guy is legitimately like, and you are, like him acting out in a violent way isn't off the table is what it sounds like. And that is scary. And I totally understand that.

That's the thing too. This isn't like trying to get your friend to open up because they're trying to hide something. This is, in a way, it's like accusing an acquaintance of being gay or like really wanting to out an acquaintance who's clearly not comfortable with their own sexuality. That's a good point. You're right. I guess the most extreme thing I would do is just make yourself available in a roundabout way

way of being like, "Hey man, if there's ever anything you want to talk about..." "Hey, Billy's pretty cool, huh?" Yeah, like, "Oh man, he's so sick that even me, a red-blooded heterosexual, if I happen to do some gay shit with him, it wouldn't piss me off."

You know, just give him an easy landing spot. Hell, he's such a good guy, people would even understand and not even judge you for it. Theoretically speaking, of course. Yeah, I guess the easiest way is just to like...

maybe go to the guy who is openly gay. Right. Yeah. And just like feel the vibes. I think. Yeah. Yeah. Like, how do you feel about this? Because everybody else knows kind of thing. Right. Right. Yeah. Because honestly, I mean, at the very least, you probably can go to the gay dude. And I feel like

I mean, gay guys just know what's up a little more and it's like, hey, you're not dumb. You know, we all know you guys are fucking. Right. I don't know. I don't know why. The other guy is so delusional in so many ways that he might be has legitimately convinced himself. Right. I mean, he sounds like the kind of guy who's dumb enough to post about like groomers. So he's probably not smart. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So he's probably fucking stupid. You know what I mean? He tells me probably once a day that Kamala and Diddy are friends. So why would he vote for her? That's a daily talk. Yeah, it sounds like he's the one ordering the baby oil. I mean, does that sound right to you? Like, you know, would you feel comfortable approaching the gay dude and just trying to level? I think that's really it. Because also...

You know, not to be... I think you need to have like a family house meeting or anything. No, house meeting. We know you're gay. We know you're gay and we're going to tell your dad if you don't start paying more rent. But yeah, dude, yeah. I think after... This is very fascinating. This is very interesting. But I think we've basically come down to make yourself emotionally available to the friend who is, you know...

the one who's openly gay and be like, hey man, if you ever want to talk about anything, here for you kind of thing. You know what I mean? And don't even be explicit with him because maybe it sounds like this could, you know, you are legitimately worried. But also if you're worried about your gay, your friend, because it sounds like he's the one who might be in

this could turn out to be a weird fucked up relationship right if this if the of the you know quote air quote straight guy feels like he has to prove he's straight that is worse for real like not the we've made light of it a book cup but it's like that's kind of that's potentially scary so like it is like somebody that you want to you just i think it's smart to just be like to your gay friend like hey man

What's up, dog? And who knows? Hopefully this is a happy ending and in three years they have Korean children and you guys are fucking, you know, you're visiting their farm or whatever and it's all real nice. But yeah, dude, I think that's what it comes down to. But boy, this is something that we could kick around for a while. We just have to move on because we have other people, but I could talk about this for all the whole episode.

And

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