#74 - Nathan Macintosh
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-STAV. Call in, we'll solve your problems.

Very happy to have Nathan McIntosh on the couch, in the studio. Thanks for coming, bro. Thanks for having me, man. This is great. Yeah. New special out on YouTube already. Go look at it. Watch it. Listen to it. Don't just look at it. Listen to it. Don't press play. Don't press play. It's called Down With Tech. Check it out. Check it out. I listened to it on... I watched and listened... Well...

I was driving here today, Nathan. So that's the level of preparation you get from this show, is that I'll be like, oh, fuck, who's on the podcast today? Oh, let me do a little. I mean, I know them, but I should prepare somewhat. Going through an easy pass. Yeah, yeah.

Who the fuck saw this thing today? Cutting off a minivan family. Oh, dude. I literally, this, I was the most reckless I've ever been on a drive today. Because I was, because I'm, we were talking a little bit off. I'm coming from Baltimore. Listeners will know I'm in the middle of my, my little health sabbatical. And so I'm like, I'm like, damn, I need healthy food in my house. I can't. This is always what gets better about you. But,

You're a little unhealthy on the road for sure, but then what always gets me worse is the travel day back.

Because you still have road mentality, but you have access to everything you know at home. So it's like, the order I put in when I get coming from LaGuardia to my house is so much more fucked up than what I eat on the road. And so this, I'm just like, I was trying to be like, I literally packed food. I meal prepped and froze a batch of food, put it in a cooler so that I have food tomorrow.

But I'm like, fuck, I need like some Greek yogurt. And so I'm literally driving, listening to your special. It's on a little picture. I'm on Uber Eats.

ordering groceries. I'm on speakerphone with Elders telling them, hey man, some guy's going to be dropping off groceries in an hour. I was doing maybe five things you're not supposed to do. Deer banging off the hood, hitting animals all over the place. Literally, I peeled a hard-boiled egg and I had a salt shaker. And I'm literally... There were points where I'm like, all right...

I go back on it. I had truly the most fucked up drive I've ever had in my life coming up here hours ago. Well, I appreciate you adding me to one of those things. I'm not kidding.

I could have been cut for the egg or the fucking Greek yogurt or the phone call. No, man. But it's funny. That's just how people, it's so crazy because you make a thing, even this, right? You do a thing. You do a thing. And then how people watch it, driving while egg eating or violently, I always think that people are watching things violently shitting. For sure. Do you know what I mean? I watch a lot of content shitting. That's such a good point that it's making me thirsty. Thirsty for liquid death water.

Delicious. Go to liquiddeath.com slash stavi to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer, Nathan. That's liquiddeath.com slash stavi. Liquiddeath.com slash S-T-A-V-V-Y. And now that I'm not thirsty anymore, I feel like reminiscing for a second before I continue the podcast.

And that's with Aura Frames, folks. Right now, Aura Frames has a great deal for Mother's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com slash stavi to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best-selling frame. That's a-u-r-a-frames.com slash stavi. Use code stavi at checkout to save. Terms and conditions apply. What were we talking about, Nathan?

Without question. And also people don't watch anything. Like somebody messaged me last night. They go, hey, I'm watching your special. Today they message. They go, just finished it. Hey, buddy, it's 55 minutes, but you got to take a break. Go to the fridge. Beat off. Totally. Talk to your wife. Watch a whole other fucking docu-series. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then come back. Come back. Especially, I know, it's like when people watch...

Because I put out my special on YouTube, my first special on YouTube, and it was like when people would share them watching it on a TV, I almost wanted to be like, thank you so much. I almost wanted to mail them like a little postcard, like thank you for treating this the way I wished you would. And, you know, and look, unless you're planning on having Nathan on your podcast and are short on time, do not watch it on your phone while driving. Yeah.

I'm absolved, but you watch it on a TV or a big laptop at least. Do the man the favor of no tablet. 16 inches or higher. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 16-inch laptop or higher, all right? Can you do that for us, folks? But yeah, dude, so I'm a little all over the place just from having to eat

while podcasting perspective. Were you never a vegetables guy or you've just upped the vegetables? I have never in my life been a vegetables guy. And it's like when your mom is so overworked and it's like you have three... You're poor. You have three annoying sons who eat... We eat so much, just not vegetables. And it's like, I think we just wore her down. And there was a couple things...

She did a great job, all things considered. My dad was not a big help. He was around, but he was more like a fourth son, you know? When you guys are done eating, I'll eat what's left. It was literally, yeah. Feed them first and whatever's left, I'll fucking eat it. We never, she never made, vegetables and brushing our teeth just was not a big point of emphasis in our household. And so I've, I've, I've,

Two unbelievably important things. So important. I literally started brushing. Wildly important. A girlfriend is the reason I brush my teeth. I used my girlfriend, a girl I was dating had like an electric toothbrush. Because the other thing is, didn't learn how to basically brush my teeth. So I would brush with the fucking regular bullshit thing. And my teeth didn't feel any different. It felt like bullshit. Then a girlfriend, a girl I was dating. Well, after so long of not brushing, it's just meat.

that you're brushing over? You're just shining salami in your mouth? I can't feel anything. It was like a thick sheen of prosciutto fat that made it so that the toothbrush needed four brushings.

But a girl I was dating, she had like an extra head to the... And I used that and I was like, first of all, bleeding. First time I used electric toothbrush, same deal, yeah. But I was like, oh, this is definitely doing something. And so literally, I think I was 29 or 30 when I started brushing my teeth. And hey...

I brush every day now. And it's sick because I am... Once a day. Once a day. While driving, eating an egg, watching a special. He got nine hands. I'm Vishnu out this motherfucker.

So, and it is hilarious 'cause I'm so proud of the fact that I brushed my teeth and no one ever gives me any props on it. Everyone's like, stop bringing it up, you're pathetic. Don't say that. But I just want one person to be like, hey, you know what man, given the circumstances of your life and the kind of guy you are, putting a healthy habit in your life at 30,

Good for you, buddy. It's not the most impressive thing I've ever heard, but hey, good for you, man.

There is a guy out there who's going to congratulate you, but he lives in a shed. He sleeps under a John Deere. Great job, dude. Dude, that's awesome. I'm in the same way in a little bit. Like, my dad wasn't around at all, and we didn't have any money. So it's me, my mom, my brother. I didn't have vegetables for a long, long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And me and my brother, same deal, wore this lady down. I remember one time. Absolutely. I remember she came home with groceries, right? She's fucked. There's no dad. She's fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The last bit of money went to this. My brother took the fucking carton of milk right out of the bag. She's putting shit away. He opens it, just starts sucking on it. Two little tiny hands and she just looks at him. She goes, really? That's how you want to do it? Ripped it out of his hand, started dumping it down the sink. And me and my brother are both like, this lady's fucking crazy. Yeah.

But then you grow up and you spend any money and you're like, no, we just broke a woman. We just shattered a woman. She couldn't deal with that thing. How old is your brother when he's just chugging it? He would have been like...

Oh, that's so annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When a kid is like old enough to have the functions of a human body, but the brain of a baby still, that's the worst. That's the most annoying thing to have to deal with. It didn't even hit the fridge. Right out of the bag. But both hands. Like if you pour a glass of it, that's a different thing. But two tiny little kid hands sucking a whole thing and his mouth on it. My mom's just like, I'm fucking done. I'll show you.

Now no one gets milk. That's what the point was. Which is insane, but still. It's insane. But it's also, again, you grow up and you go, no, but I can see. What I guess I can say is I can understand how we got there. Absolutely. But as a kid, you just go, this lady's a fucking crazy person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the age difference between you and your brother? Two and a half years. Two and a half years. Okay, yeah, me and my brother's were two years too. Yeah, pretty much the same. So no dad split immediately. Mike, this is insane, but he split. Okay.

Came back. Oh, man. Got her pregnant again. No! Yeah, dude. Not the fuck! I know. That's crazy, dude. I know. He's like, babe, it's going to be different this time. Yeah. Because I can take care of one kid. I got it in me for one. I left. I went on a meditation retreat to prepare myself to raise. I was in the mountains. One. One. Read my hand. One.

That's fucking wild. I know, it's crazy. He was gone. So you're older? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he left as soon as you're born and comes back? I don't know if it was right when I was born or like in that time. Okay, sure. And then came back and then me and my brother have the same dad, but no dad. That's crazy. We have the same no dad. I mean, it's insane. That is truly insane. I'm sure on his way out of the door he took the milk. My dad just said,

Get the fuck out of here. This family's not going to drink out of the carton forever. No carton drinking. That's fucking insane. Yeah. No, no stepdad. Nothing like that. No, my mom dated a couple dudes, but nobody that was like... No one stuck around? No. Who was the longest tenured? Was there anyone? Yeah, one guy who like really sucked. Oh, I see. He sucked. Yeah, that's brutal. He fucking sucked. How old were you when he was around? Like...

I was like 10 to 13. And he'd say shit like, I'd just be sitting on the couch and he's like, you really think you're the man, huh? Oh my God. And he goes, you think you're the man around here? I go...

Not really, dude. I'm trying to watch fucking curling or whatever the fuck is on TV. Curling? What is it, you old man? Put curling on. Yeah, you know, it's Nova Scotia. Give me a little batch blue and let me watch some fucking rock throwing. I don't know what the fuck's on TV over there, man. Nothing, dude. Trees.

Canadian TV. Trailer Park Boys reruns and curling. It's Trailer Park Boys, which is exactly where I'm from, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Oh, hell yeah. We got Leslie Nielsen on a lube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a camera. A live feed. Live feed of the woods. That sounds, honestly, dude, you say that, that would be a hugely successful YouTube channel, is a live feed of the woods. Stop. We just have to do it. Yeah.

Because, yeah, when you think about it, there's a fireplace. What's your mom up to? Tell her to fucking point her Android phone at the YouTube. At the woods. Just her in the back, like, I can't believe he drank out of the fucking cart. Just hear my mom eating cigarettes behind the camera.

But yeah, if there's a fireplace channel, why the hell? There could easily be a forest channel. Gotta be a forest. I would love that. There's actually gotta be a forest channel. There's no fucking way. There already is. Yeah, there has to be. For sure. We're late on this. What forest? Eldest, you want to do a little producing? Are you doing it? For fuck's sake? You want to do something? Live feed, forest, figure it out, motherfucker.

That's fucking... Oh, so that... I didn't realize Trailer Park Boys was in Nova Scotia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They filmed that in Sackville. And, yeah. Did you feel intense pride about that? You know, it's funny. At the time... Well, first of all, I saw Bubbles a few... Like, a bunch of times in the city. He had a club in Halifax called Bubbles Mansion. Really? Yeah. Great name. That had shopping carts on the ceiling. Like, strapped to the ceiling. That's awesome. Is this the... Well, first of all, these are horrifying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is death. Yeah, that's, you know, maybe something, some greenery, man, for fuck's sake. That's fucking the ring. Yeah. There you go. Ooh, that's nice. Yeah, a couple birds. Okay, so it really exists...

Oh, wait. That's what we were looking at. Whatever. I don't fucking care. Oh, that's nice. That is nice. Put that on the house. Put that on the house. Let that run for a little bit. That's a little greenery. Toss some salt on your egg. Let's give these people... Yeah. Go to Burger King. They're live streaming right now. That is nice. That's actually great. That is, yeah. Please keep this on. That's you, 10 years old, watching a fucking bird. Some guy still freshly just nutted in your mom comes out. You think of the man around here?

Dick swinging in boxers. Yeah, he's got those old boxers where there's no clasp. You can kind of see his dick. Loose. They're so stiff and weird. They're like fucking, yeah, like plaid. Comes out of the room, takes a sip of beer, burps. Think of the man around here. Scratches his stomach. Goes right to the fridge. He just takes a handful of something, bites it, puts it back. Oh, that's tough, dude. But yeah, that guy kind of sucked. He sucked. Yeah.

That makes sense. You can turn this off. I'm going to watch the birds. It is hard not to look at a bird and a peanut. Yeah, this is fucking sick. It really is. Yeah, this is actually very meditative. I'm going to watch this all the time now.

Did you, so yeah, vegetables were not a deal when I was a kid really. But over the last couple of years, it took me a while. But I mean, I like a vegetable. How are you feeling about them is really what I was trying to get to. I don't know. I mean, I'm just eating in a way. I figured out a couple things that I can get behind. I eat a cabbage salad every day, like a red cabbage. I slice it up thin. I make a nice little dressing out of salsa and Greek yogurt.

I get broc- I can put broccoli with just a little bit of teriyaki sauce on there. Okay. You know, just enough. I gotta get- I measure it out. It's one serving. It's 45 calories worth, but I need- I'm not going raw on broccoli. Mm-hmm. There's no way I'm doing that. So I'm just trying to like- and then, you know, some spinach. A lot of spinach. So I have a couple- those are the three veggies I'm eating right now, and then-

I'll grill up an asparagus from time to time. Love that. I'll grill up a shishito pepper from time to time. And so I'm just trying to like, you know. You ever bake kale? It gets kind of like crispy. Put some lemon on it. Yeah. A little salt. It's not bad. It's a fucking fiesta. The problem with that is I've done it in the past that I just turn it into, there's so much oil on it by the time where it's like anything you're chipping, anything you're creating, turning into chips.

Big problem. Yeah, I'm not trying to chip it. I just mean burn it, like heat it a little bit with a little lemon. But anything you chip is hell. I can't do kale, man. It fucking tastes like shit. It's fucking rough. It's coarse. I don't want that shit at all. That's the only thing. If you bake it or something, but I get you. Yeah.

Cauliflower, they started doing cauliflower wings, which seems like it's going to be a good thing, but then it's just deep fried fucking... I can fuck around with cauliflower a little bit as well. Because you can crisp it up. And then again, you got to be very... What it is with veggies for me is very smart sauce usage. You know what I mean? Just get a little buffalo sauce.

isn't bad on some cauliflower but you gotta air fry it not deep fry it yeah yeah yeah and you gotta crisp it up and it's basically just gotta you gotta barely taste the veggie in it and then you just gotta smather it in some fucking buffalo sweet potatoes great for that too air fry a sweet potato it's fucking wild i like that and you know what else folks this is stavis nutrition corner potatoes not that bad for you they're really not regular ass white potatoes i

I think they get a bad rap. They're not that fucking bad for you. You just can't eat a whole thing and you can't deep fry them. And that's what we do. And that's what we do. That's what we do around this fucking fucked up place. You guys ever hear of the potato diet? No, Eldest. What is it? Is there a live feed of a guy living on it? I'm sure there is. What's the potato diet? Apparently you can eat like...

For two weeks, like 14 days, you eat three potatoes a day, like one for each meal. Okay. And that's supposed to like basically reset your taste buds. And you do lose weight on it, but the point is just to like, you know, cleanse your body of like being used to how salty everything we eat is. So you're telling me I'm supposed to eat three potatoes a day with no salt?

Irish famine. Theoretically, yeah. Yeah, that's ridiculous. I'm not doing that shit. I've read about some people doing it with like a tiny bit of salt just to get it down. No, fuck that. One potato for three meals. One potato each meal. Yep. Potato for breakfast. Yep.

Wow. That's hell. I've never tried it, but people swear by it, apparently. Okay. So that's an interesting thing. Who are these people? Yes. Just Reddit threads. I was literally about to ask you if it's people you know or if it's just the fucking God-forsaken internet. I should have looked up on Reddit. Can you eat one potato a day? Have you ever thought about the potato diet, Elders?

Not really. You can do it with other ways just by using less salt mainly. Well, thanks, man. That was a really cool little interjection. This thing you read about once on the internet that you have no personal interest in. Maybe give it a shot, maybe don't. We just throw out suggestions around here. But yes, potatoes can be healthy.

If you live on them. If you decide to live your life on potatoes. Adding anything else to a potato is the real problem. Anyway. But yeah. That was awesome, Aldous. Thank you very much. Um...

That's great, dude. I loved it. Yeah. But yeah, so you've transitioned. So it sounds like you grew up in a real Canadian trash, which we don't know much about other than Trailer Park Boys. Everyone in America, I feel like, has this idea that Canada is just like everything is a little better, everything is a little yuppier. And then you go to Canada and like, you know, obviously parts are like, I think everyone's thinking of like

Toronto yuppies when they think of Canada. Whereas like, man, is there a bunch of fucking dog shit in Canada. Of course. And this is also what people think of a lot of times when they think of white men. All guys who work at Citibank. Right, right, right. They're like, that's not true. A lot of guys living in sheds living on eating one fucking potato a day. But yeah, no, we, I mean... And that was good. Is that shit all like fucking... Again, this is all purely... Most of it is salmon...

Most of it is canon. My dad's a salmon. My mom's a salmon. Most of it is like, you know, catching salmon and smoking it. Is that the industry in Nova Scotia? Yeah, it's a lot of, what do you call that, sifting for gold down the street.

Down in the fucking river. Yeah. No, I mean, Halifax is a regular city, but I mean, it's basically like Canada's Boston. That's what Halifax is like. We got cobblestone streets. People have accents. People are eating cigarettes. There's seagulls all over the place. Am I thinking of Newfoundland? Yeah, Newfoundland's out there. Newfoundland's...

like way farther east. I think that's what I'm thinking of. And Newfoundland is fucking, you ever been? No, a girl on the internet showed me her breasts and she lived there. So I looked it up on a map once and I was like, how far is this? It's two flights at least. No joke, there's no direct flights. You are not getting a direct flight from New York to St. John's.

You're literally going to tell this lady it's going to be nine hours before I can suck those. Well, it's not happening. It was a while ago. Although, no, they were nice tits and maybe I do... Newfoundland is one of the best places. If you ever get to go to Newfoundland, Newfoundland is truly... So the Maritimes...

Of Canada, which is where I'm from. New Brunswick, PEI, Nova Scotia, Cape Breton. The best. Newfoundland, also the best. The East Coast of Canada, to me, best part of the place. If you ever go to Newfoundland, dude, this place, Newfoundland kicks ass. I went there when I was... I've been there a few times, but I went there the first time when I was 16. A friend of mine's family lived out there. He's like, do you want to come? Anyways, he started hooking up with this lady in town. And her sister came up to me and she was like...

They call it grassing. Do you want to go grassing, which is basically like make out and fuck in the grass? No. I'm 16, but anyways, I didn't want anything. I didn't. You didn't want grass. I didn't want grass. No. That's a shame. I was finishing my potato. So I said to this lady, I go, no, no. And she goes, what did you come to Newfoundland for?

He didn't come to Newfoundland for the pussy? Yes, he was really offended because the Maritimes at Newfoundland specifically, women are, I don't want to say they're men, but they'll come up to you. When I used to go to bars and shit in Halifax, women would come up, grab your dick, talk to you. Really? Yeah, they're just like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What's going on? That's awesome. Yeah. Eldest, book me a ticket. After all, I am going to Newfoundland. This girl or not, I'll be there.

Interesting. So she was like, you're a fucking bitch. You're not trying to fuck. Yeah, she's like, you don't want to suck my clit on moss. You're 16. How old is she, do you think? I'd say no older than 18. Okay. I think. I don't know. You don't have to protect her. You're right. This is years ago. This is years ago. She looked like she could have been 18 or like, well, okay, let's say this. She could have been 24 or a hard living 18. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like she fell out of mine shaft. Absolutely, absolutely. Both of her parents are cigarettes. Of course. She's, you know, putting in a couple, she came right off a shift at the salmon tannery. You know, she's been, she put in a double.

This is also a small town in Newfoundland, so it's not easy living. I mean, it's the type of place, they get enough snow where they have to have a hatch on the roof because the whole fucking place will be buried. Wow. You got to go up. You can't go out. Damn, dude. That's fucking wild. Yeah, so she had like, you know, those hands. Sure. A hand that like you don't even want on your dick. A meaty paw. Makes your dick look so small. But like a claw, like, you know, it's like rough. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to rip your dick right off. Absolutely, absolutely. But now I'm thinking about it. What was I thinking? What's the problem? That is insane. Had you had tasted of pussy before? Yeah. You had, and you still, I guess maybe that's part of it. You're like, look, I've fucked before, lady. She wasn't that hot. I got a line. She wasn't that hot.

No, no, no. I don't know why. You're like, you don't have to protect this lady. She'll never hear this. That's not true. Oh, really? I have no idea. I have no idea. I'm telling you now, she won't. So, no, I'll say this. She wasn't hot. No, the woman that my friend was hooking up with was fucking hot. Right. She was a party. You don't get to, but you understand because she's friends with her, doesn't she? Yeah.

I absolutely know. And I had, at that, there was nothing. I mean, I'm basically in the same person, I suppose, except probably a little bit more confident, but pale fucking. Also, at this part, this was the, I'd never seen this before. When I went to Newfoundland, this little town in Newfoundland, these people had never seen a red-haired person before. Get the fuck out of here. Which is fucking wild to me. Wild. I went into a Walmart and people were just staring at me and I said to my friend, I go, what the fuck?

That's crazy. I know. I would have thought they're all like, they would have seen a bunch. There's a lot of, yes. But this, this small little town, this woman literally said to me, she goes, I didn't know red haired people were real. That's crazy. She goes, I thought it was just like a TV thing.

She thought they were just making us for fucking like family ties or whatever. This is like what, the early 2000s? What are we dealing with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2000, 2001. That's too late for any place in Canada to be like, are redheads real? That's so fucked up. Are they real? Yeah. First, as soon as the internet hits that place, they go to fucking Ask Jeeves. Yeah. Are redheads real? Wait four days for a response.

But yeah, it was very weird. But if you ever get to go to Newfoundland, either way, go to Newfoundland. Yeah. I do like Canada. I mean, I've been to Toronto. I've been to Vancouver. I guess we did come down shows in... Oh, this was horrible. We went to Ottawa, which sucked so much dick. We went to... The show or the city? The city.

Both. The city's kind of... The city's dog shit. We went to... That's where our parliament is. That's where Trudeau hangs out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calgary also kind of sucked. But we were barely there. Vancouver's amazing. Vancouver is so incredible. You never went to Montreal? Oh, yeah, Montreal. Yeah, Montreal's amazing. Montreal's awesome. Awesome. I like... Because I like Canada because it feels like America...

cut by like 25% with Europe. And then Montreal really does feel 50-50. Sure. It really feels like half European. And I just like that vibe. Yeah. But I've never been... I do want to like, you know, it does sound fun just to go see some nature shit that we're talking about, some woods type shit. Not, you know, see some woodpeckers and shit. I don't know. Well, me, I guess, yeah, me and my grandfather used to go fishing in New Brunswick.

And we'd go out in the middle of fucking nowhere, and we got... A moose ran at us one time. Whoa. Those fuckers are huge, too, right? Huge, yeah. A moose is taller than a SUV. Yeah, if you have an H3, yeah, it's definitely bigger than that. You're going to fit more groceries in a moose.

Than that H3. But yeah, we were... I mean, it sounds so funny to say because it wasn't a story that I'd ever think was a big deal at all until you're talking to an American person and it just makes it sound like the most Canadian... Of course, a moose ran over me and my grandfather. So me and him are fishing. We're fucking out in the middle of nowhere and there's a moose looking at us and he's like... He goes, it's mating season so this moose is going to be pissed that we're in its...

territory or whatever. This is pussy getting, Den. Yeah. You're fucking his shit up. He's looking at two people in a boat. They're like, they're gonna take my moose pussy. These guys come up here. Or you must up his pussy, you know, his pussy getting lake. You know, it's all part of his thing. Just like coming through a guy's house, kicking the candles over. Exactly. He's setting the mood with that lake. Taking the...

The snacks out of the fridge. Yeah, you're taking all the fish out of there, dude. He was going to eat that. He was going to power himself up, get a nice hard moose cock. But you're taking all the fucking salmon out of the lake. Oh.

I'd be pissed too, honestly. So he started to fucking come at us. My grandfather took the boat motor and started banging it on the water. And then the moose ran the other way. But for a second, I really was like, I was like, me and my grandfather are going to get killed by a moose. It's insane. Well, I think I definitely always thought a moose was the size of like a deer. No.

And they are so hysterically giant. It's fucked up. It happens a lot that people will hit a moose, and because the moose is so tall, they just take its legs out from under it. The moose comes through the fucking windshield, kills the person. Oh, my God. The moose dusts itself off, walks away. Isn't that crazy?

It's insane. It's just like a bad day for the moose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why Canada, you cannot, in rural Canada, do not be driving around, salting an egg, watching a special, talking to a guy. Pull over if your egg is not salty enough. This is not the fucking Jersey Turnpike we're dealing with, folks, okay?

People's lives, I don't give a fuck what these moose you gotta look out for. So it was rural as fuck? Like where you grew up, was it? No, no. Halifax is a city, but... Okay, that's my true ignorance of like... I think the word sounds rural to me. Halifax? Halifax.

Maybe the fax suffix to me sounds like it's up there. I don't know why. And I only know this because of Petey Pablo. I'm pretty sure there's a Halifax in Virginia. Okay. Because at some point in time in the, you know, North Carolina, he says Halifax. By the way, when that, when I first heard that song, first of all, I liked it. When they said Halifax, yo, they used to play that at dances. Oh, man. Buddy. Buddy.

That must have gone off, dude. Yo. That must have gone off. Because we were all like, we didn't know. I think there's a Halifax in Virginia. And we were like, how do you go from North Carolina to Nova Scotia? We were like, well, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Petey Pop doesn't strike me as a guy who's spending too much time in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

I'd assume that Petey Pablo has no idea that it exists. No, probably not. Other than when the internet finally took off, people like me probably messaged him like, yo, dude, did you ever go to the old triangle? So I did a small sitcom in Nova Scotia, 2001, 2002, or 2002, 2003. Anyways. It was called The U.S. Got What Was Coming To It. Yeah.

And it was a bunch of Canadians being like, yeah! And fucking funneling money to Al-Qaeda. It was a bunch of Canadians trying to do their own recruitment videos on monkey bars and shit like that. Frozen. Fully frozen. Snow pants, shoes, the fucking parkas. It's so funny that Canadians went to Iraq. That Canadians and British guys died in Iraq. Yeah.

That's hilarious. People joining ISIS or whatever at the time? Is that what you're talking about? No, no, I mean like fought. Like America got its allies to go there. Like it's stupid. Look. I thought you meant that because remember there was that small bit of time where people were like, I'm joining ISIS. There was a run on white people joining ISIS. Yes, that's what I thought you were talking about. No, no, but I just mean it's because I was just watching, I'm watching Luther right now, you know, the BBC show with...

Idris Elba. Idris Elba, yeah, yeah. Which, by the way, is bat shit. I thought it was going to be like an understated detective thing, and it's insane. It's honestly black bosh. It's honestly like, it's that level of, because America has all this like TV for Republican divorced dads, where it's like cops kill people, but they're good guys. Whereas in Britain, it's like,

The cops aren't as... Like, it's so crazy because the whole... The inciting incident of season one is... And this happens immediately, so I'm not spoiling anything. Is Luther lets a pedophile...

He doesn't push him. He just doesn't help a pedophile up and he falls. And Luther is so haunted by whether he did the right thing or not, he has to go to like a fucking mental hospital. The guy survives, by the way. He's a pedophile that killed like eight kids. And like that's how different British cop shows are. Whereas here it's like, you know, the cop's like... And there's the...

And he was right to kill those black teenagers who were going and who were studying. Because they looked sort of like the guy who allegedly did the thing. And it's like, now he deserves a medal of honor. Did you have to use the shotgun? We had to use the shotgun. We had to use the shotgun. He was reaching for his, what we now know as a TI-83 calculator, but at the time could have been an assault rifle.

But because British people don't have that weird like, you know, cops are heroes no matter what. They should be allowed to extrajudicially murder thing. The way they make their show insane is like the villains are like satanic and it's fantastical. And it's like it also happens really quick where he's working on a mystery for like nine minutes. And he's like.

wait a second, it was the, you know, and he just immediately solves it. Anyway, not understated at all. Great show. Yeah. His wife in it, incredible piece of ass. So hot. I don't know what she is, Indian or something like that. But anyway, that's hilarious. Great show. Uh, I've, I've been enjoying, yeah. Oh my God. Marona me. Anyway, take her off. I'm going to get too hard looking at this. Get a live feed of her. Yeah. Um, uh,

Fuck. We went through so many digressions. What the fuck? All I was going to say is this. What the fuck were we talking about? Well, first of all, there's like a... You wouldn't know this, I would assume. What the fuck? I was making a point. All I was going to say, there wasn't even a point. I was just saying a positive note about Trailer Park Boys. Yeah, yeah. Is that I got to... Jonathan Torrance directed...

And was in the show that I did, and he's the best. Yeah. That's it. That was the whole. Shout out to J-Rock. That was it. The guy's the best. He looks, I mean, I've seen clips of him doing pods and stuff. He seems so funny, and that show is the best. But I feel like I was making a fucking point. Let's go back. Do you know. I was watching Ba. I'm watching. You're watching Ba. No, no, I've already talked about. I'm watching Luther. Idris Elba. Why the fuck did I bring that up? Satanic cops.

Elvis, what are we talking about, man? Come on. 9-11. Oh, ISIS. Oh, Canada. Oh, I'm watching Luther. Canadians fighting for America. And one of the... Yes, one of... Thank you. We did it, fellas. One of the...

One of the, yeah, barely merits bringing back up, but hey, that's podcasting, baby. That is podcasting. We're eating up clock here, folks. You're going to work. You're raking the fucking leaves, whatever the fuck you're doing. So Luther, one of the episodes is a disgruntled Iraq war veteran, but he's British.

And I was like, oh, right. We conned these stupid motherfuckers into going to Iraq. Imagine being some like, oh, y'all are watching Manchester United. And then that fucking meathead has to go die in a fucking desert for an already unjust American war. But at least...

Some guy, some guy vaguely in that part of the world knocked down a fucking building here. They didn't do shit to you at all. So many British, the fucking British guys that died in Iraq must have felt so stupid. Stupid. Must have felt so hilarious. God damn it. Remember before the IED goes off? Yeah, he's like, oi.

I guess that's Australian. But Australians died too. They got a couple of those dumb motherfuckers. Yeah, America, I guess, called us all up and was like, look, guys, if we go down, who's going to entertain you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think about it. If we go down, there's no more wrestling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pops is done. Right, right, right. What are you going to watch? And we were like, fuck.

fuck, what are we going to watch? We're the like 1% of most talented people in your country is going to go to try and have careers. Yes. That's the funniest thing because every time I meet someone from Canada or Australia or something like that, it's like you've just been like, yeah, I was in a small sitcom. It's like we went to Australia to do a Comptown show and it was like we're doing some show and these comics, some of them were funny, some of them were dog shit and then

All of them are like famous in Australia. Dude, everybody... And they're open... Half of them are open mic level comedians. And I'm like... It's like, oh yeah, that guy fucking... Oh, that guy just hosted the fucking Australian Grammys. 2.6 billion viewers. What the heck?

Seriously, it's crazy. In Australasia. He's one of the most famous men in the Philippines somehow. Dude, everybody... So there's a lot of famous American comedians or comedians at least from America or living here that are famous. Yeah. No famous Canadians other than like a couple in Canada. You mean in Canada? Yeah. Like everyone just comes here? Basically. There's like Jerry D. Russell Peters doesn't live in Canada. Yeah.

I mean, that's it. Dude. Jerry D. Never even heard of Jerry D. Jerry D. is awesome. Jerry D. had it off sitcom for fucking nine years and now he's like the guy. He hosts fucking Family Feud. He's our Steve Harvey. Can I say, by the way, on the record, that's what I want. That's the job I want. Feud? I want to host Family Feud. Specifically Feud, not just a game show. No, no, no. Family Feud.

I'm putting that into the universe. There he is. Jerry D. Shout out to him. Jerry D's great. I just want to fucking, I want to host Family Feud so bad. That's what I want when I'm 50, 60 years old. He's 55. Beautiful. Right in there. Jerry's got the life I want. You move up to Canada and try to take his job. I'm coming for you, Jerry.

Like I said, I like Toronto. I could live in Vancouver. I mean, I don't know where. I guess Toronto. He's in Toronto. But this is what I was going to say to you. But outside of that, this is what it seems like anyway. All England. Africa. Been to South Africa. You meet some people and they're like...

Every comedian that's not in America or Canada is famous. That's what it feels like. You meet these guys from Chile, fucking Argentina. And you're like, how are you? They're like, hey. And anytime somebody goes, oh, I'm from here. I go, you're famous, aren't you? I met an Indian dude the other day. Somebody was like, oh, he also does comedy. And I go, famous? And he goes, yeah.

7.5 million fucking... And then what's crazy is I came here... But then you watch their act. Yeah, but at this point in time... Knock, knock. Dude, at this point in time, I don't give a fuck. I came here with zero to try to get things, but now there's people with all the things, but they're like, I gotta make it in America because this place's fucking gravitational bullshit pull is still so fucking strong that somebody who's getting their balls sucked in a mansion...

But, okay, I will fight you on that. The thing is, some of them can be famous, but I also found, anyway, at least with a couple guys I talked to, is that you can attain a level of fame in some of those places, but you're not rich. And that's what they don't fuck with. They're like...

It's kind of the worst of both worlds. There's no way the guy I met wasn't rich. You're not wrong. I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's a guy I met in South Africa. I can't remember his name. Joey something man. Anyways, he was on a show with me because everybody's doing like 20 minutes in some of these places. Yeah, yeah. And people just kept coming up to him, coming up to him. I go, who are you? What are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, well, you know, I'm on the daily show here. And he goes, but I got to get to America. I go, really? Why? And he goes, I don't know, man. You got to make it to America. And I go, are you doing pretty well here? He goes...

I got a tennis court and a... I go, you gotta be fucking Eminem to have a fucking tennis court in America. No, no, you're right. You're right. For sure. And he had a Lacoste sponsorship. This guy gave me two Lacoste shirts. That sounds kind of nice. Just be a fucking... But he wanted to... Dude, he wants to slum it. Yeah. He wants to come here and fucking put his name in a bucket. I love that though. Please come. Please. Please.

I love when these guys come and they are bombing their nuts off. That feels awesome, dude. That's one of the few, like, you know, there are people that are so insanely famous that come here and they just eat their nuts. And that feels good. Sure. And it's like, yeah, they go back to their mansion, but at least they failed.

At least they failed in America. And they're like, bring in the models. Yeah, and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. That would feel good. And I don't even know why anymore. I'm just still, this is residual hate from when I hadn't started doing well. I remember the feeling this way when I'm not getting booked and some guy from like, you know, whatever, France comes over and it's like, this is the most fucking, this guy's friends with the...

prime minister of France. And then he's just like doing stuff about how Muslims are weird or whatever because that's what's the funniest thing you can do in France. Pulls up and leaves in a Ferrari. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bombs the whole time. Bombs the whole time. Bombs, getting sucked off. I guess it makes sense because like we, on this side, and I'm sure in other places it's this way too, but I don't know if it'd be as much as New York or Baltimore or something like that, but definitely New York. It's,

ooze at the beginning ooze yeah the fact that anybody in New York can write anything down and even make a dollar one day is insane it's hell yeah it is but that's what I love about it me too I love that it's I mean because I've been in Baltimore for a few months and at first I was like because it's so much more pleasant I was and honestly I have the equivalent I don't have a tennis court but I have a place with a backyard and I'm like I'm living like a human being

what the fuck am I doing? But that lasted a month. And then I was like, this sucks dick. I gotta get back to, I gotta be accosted. Because the other thing is, I like, I like that even the richest guy here

has to have bullshit. The richest guy here, the elevator's just broken in his building. It's a fucking, he has an $8 million apartment. Yeah, yeah. He's taking the stairs. The richest guy in New York is getting his shoes pissed on sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Like, that's the best part about this city where you get the, it's just, you feel like a human being still, you know? That last Coke brother comes downstairs sometimes. Yes. And a doorman has to shovel a homeless guy. Yes.

Out of the fucking way. And the guy's still smelling them. Physically, he's out of the atrium, but the fumes are not. The fumes are going to be there a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got to deal with traffic. He's got to deal with the whole thing. I like that. I do. I do, too. Yeah, New York fucking rules, but sometimes it is nice. Sometimes. But yeah, I didn't.

So, so you, when did you leave? Were you just like, you were in Halifax? Did you ever have to go to a different Canadian city? Toronto. I went to Toronto for years. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. I lived in Toronto for like six years. Toronto, uh, Toronto is a lot like here, but again, much smaller. Uh,

And the scene in Toronto at the time was fucking hard, but not as hard. Like, people are paying to get on stage here. That doesn't exist at all in Canada. I remember I came here to visit years and years ago, and I went to Haw. I paid five bucks to talk to murderers? I don't know who's... You know what I mean? Monsters. I paid... I remember one time some guy got me really good...

It might have been... I don't remember the fucking guy's name. But I had a paid mic. I bombed, of course, at a taco shop. Some taco place where they made you buy tacos. And so I'm like eating dog shit tacos in the East Village. Yeah.

And bombing. And then I did a mic at the creek and some guy was like, hey, and I bomb, of course. I'm going there with my best stuff. I'm like, because you don't understand that these are people that want to kill themselves. Yes. And that if they see anybody with light in their eyes, they automatically hate you. Trying was the absolute worst. Oh, you don't want to try. I didn't realize that in two years I would be this guy. Yeah. Like if I saw some fat kid from...

from Baltimore come up and do his like, A, I'm opening up Mugubi's Joke House material in front of a room full of suicidal comics. And the guy after me was like, hey, thanks to that guy for taking a break from his job getting cannonball shot at his stomach. And I was completely bald at the time. I just looked like a 1920s fat strong man. And everyone's like, ah!

Don't none of them know me. They're literally just bullying a guy who took a mega bus to bomb in front of them. Yeah, it was. I mean, but I still think about that and laugh. I wanted to kill myself that day. I was there one time and I did some joke. I don't remember what it was. And there's no nobody does anything. And then just audibly somebody goes, it makes too much sense. That's awesome.

I love it, man. Me too. New York's great. What a beautiful, what a beautiful, I mean, the how horrible open mics in New York are, it's really crazy. The things people subject themselves to. But hey, keep at it. Don't do comedy, by the way, if you're thinking about it. Not a smart choice. In all seriousness, today, today, stand up at least. Come on, man. Get two phones and just talk to yourself. Yeah.

I'm serious. There's no reason to ever write anything down on a thing and go say it to live people. Don't do it to yourself. Start a YouTube channel and just become super famous. Keep a job. Yeah. You can just keep your job and don't be like, I'm an artist. Yeah. God damn, what a stupid life. It's fucking hilarious. They got it worked out, but God damn, shit would have been bleak. This is the only scenario where my life isn't the saddest thing in the world.

I'm like, you know, if there's multiverses, every other variant, every other variant of me. It's hilarious. Half have hung himself. A quarter couldn't find a strong enough rope because I'm even fatter in those worlds. It's brutal. Every other outcome is so brutal. You're the same man, but no cameras and a different job. Yeah, it's just me. UPS driver. Not funny looking like this. Oh, my God. Walking into an office and being like, I brushed my teeth today. Yeah.

People go, what the fuck? Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Stop looking at the... Stop posting up in the women's bathroom. We know you're not drinking water from the water fountain. We know you're trying to talk to all the women pissing. Nuh-uh. Not really. How many times have you been to Toronto? Like enough to go... Have you been around it? You like it? Not a couple times. Yeah, I went... I spent a lot of time there. I went once...

We did the one Come Town Canada tour when I was like, oh, Canada's sick. And then I went back for one quick gig, I think. And then I went back for a long time. I spent like a week there after some gigs. And I really liked it. But I didn't have enough time. I had only one real visit. But I don't know. I want to go back for sure. It's these fucking... I'm also trying to minimize travel a little bit. And like...

And make as much, when I do travel, make as much money as I can. And he's fucking, I got to pay the fucking queen. Her fucking, she takes a little piece too. Prince Andrew now. Yeah. Prince Andrew got Canada. When she died, they divided up the lands. The queen's disk. Yeah, it's like, go be a pedophile over there. Go be a pedophile in the woods. Yeah, right over there, man. By the trailer parks. Yeah.

You can fuck Canadian trailer trash. Have you ever seen... I mean, they just put out a show about the interview. I don't know what it's called, but do you ever see the interview with him? And fuck, I forget the woman's name, but it's incredible. Yeah. And she's incredible. I wish I remembered her name right now. But you ever see that interview, him on BBC? 45 minutes? I haven't seen the whole thing. I should, yeah. Okay. Okay.

I have been running around for years now saying this exact sentence to people just like you. You saw the highlights, didn't you? I did. I'm telling every cocksucker with an internet connection. I'm not kidding. Do not just watch the highlights of this interview. Watch the start to finish 45 minutes of Prince Andrew talking to this woman. It is fucking, I'm not kidding you. It might be my favorite thing ever.

ever recorded. Dude, dude, it beats Terminator. All right. It beats fucking, it beats, it beats Terminator 2. It crushes Terminator, and I love Terminator. It beats, it beats eight-year-old me's viewing of Jurassic Park. Wow, dude, all right. Dude, it's, his, because his answers, when you saw, when you see the, whatever the highlights, his answers are insane, but when you see all,

All of his eye movements, all of the buildup to all the fucking... It is like... The guy's a monster, but man, that interview. Unreasonably amazing. Well, it's also like I can't imagine... What happened where he agreed to that? He was getting bombarded hard in the press. And he, from what I understand anyway... He was trying to get ahead of it? He thought he really... And this is why it's so great too. He really...

really thought he was gonna fucking just prince his way out of it royals it is so funny because it's like how much how much not respect i mean you know rich people people that were like born rich and are fucking think they're you know better than people or so annoying royalty is the next level like that so you're right that's so awesome that level of fucking the the answers he gives arrogance you think you get away with that where you're like

socially awkward pedophile versus a trained newswoman. Like, you're so fucked. A trained journalist. And the world. But basically, I guess he would be like, well, years ago in my family, if you questioned us, we'd behead you. We'd kill you, yeah. So, I'll just, whatever I say to her, she's gonna have to eat it up because she's a dumb,

It's the gruel we throw down from the tower. And the answers. I mean, she says at some point in time, you know, like that woman says she danced with you and you were sweating and he goes, come on. He goes, that can't be true because at the time I didn't sweat.

He says it with a straight face. I mean, you just go, I'm not kidding you, stop. That came out in like 2019. I can't even, I think I've seen the entire video start to finish five times. Oh, sick. That's your Marlon Wayans specials. I've seen the last two Marlon Wayans specials twice. Oh, yeah? They're awesome. The last one, he talked about the Chris Rock slap, right? Am I crazy? That was awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like...

What is going on? That was almost performance art. To do an hour about a thing that

To pigeonhole your way, to shoehorn your way into something that clearly, look, I'm not saying it didn't affect the guy. He has a relationship. He knows these people. Yeah, yeah. But to make an hour special, to me that felt. It was an hour? About that? No, come on. Don't watch it, bro. Are you kidding me? It was awesome. And then the other one was just as good. The other one had some incredible bits about like how he relates to his kids. I mean. He did an hour about the slap. My friend's.

You got to watch it. Here's the thing. It's incredible. The thing I made, Down With Tech, check it out. Yeah, Down With Tech, which we did talk about in the beginning. It's about tech, but there's so many facets of tech. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm now so intrigued by one hour about one slap. Well, okay. I know there's the relationships and all that sort of shit, but I got to see it. Anyways, I got to see it. It's awesome. It's awesome. Buddy, I'll watch that. You watch Prince Andrew. Yeah, they will come back. Like a book club. Yeah.

Absolutely. This is about time we did some questions. I feel like we could talk forever here with our friend Nathan. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do some advice from... Oh, nice. An update. Yeah, go ahead another time, please, Eldis, before you fucking make the computer restart in the middle of this podcast. That would have been awesome. This is just lost. The whole first half is over so that we can get a different color like Windows button. Yeah.

Yeah, go watch Down With Tech. Anything here in the middle you'd like to plug before we start doing some questions here? Down With Tech on YouTube and then everything is just at Nathan McIntosh, M-A-C-I-N-T-O-S-H. Love it. Love it. Ah, Nathan, I fully agree with you. Tech, big tech is bad. But what's good? Liquid death.

I freaking love Liquid Death, folks. You know we are big supporters of the Liquid Death brand here at Stobbies World. They got metal cans. Not only does the water feel colder out of it, but...

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You know what's coming up, folks? Eldest. You know what's coming up? Mother's Day. You know? You gotta get some fucking bullshit. You know, everybody out here is trying to get some bullshit for their mom. You're panicking. It's coming up in a week. You can't get flowers. Okay? You can't get any of this fucking bullshit. So what are you gonna do?

Get a fucking Aura Frame, babe. All right? It's enough. She's gotten flowers. You've made her breakfast. She wants to cherish her memories. Like me, on my personal Aura Frame, I have my mentors here. Al Pacino and Robert De Niro from Heat. I also have a Greek meal. You can put whatever you want on the Aura Frames. The shit that's important to you. Greek meals. Me standing next to an AI-generated lady with huge tits.

This is the kind of stuff you can put on your aura frame. The stuff that's near and dear to your heart. To me, this is what is important to me. What else we got here? Look at that. Me and my boy, this right here. And me, this was, where was this? In New York, right? I think that was Baltimore, actually. Oh, was it Baltimore? Yeah, the important shows in my life that I know and keep track of. I love the aura frame. It's easy to upload, to load some pictures on this bitch. Look at Grease. Look how beautiful it is.

You can load them up. It's a perfect time to get a Mother's Day gift for, you know, your mom, your wife, some lady you knocked up and barely see. But you want to stun on your baby mama? Buy her an Aura Frame and load it up. How much better your life is than hers, huh? A lot of good options. This can be a tool for good. It can be a tool for evil. You decide. All I know is that it's easy to use. It's beautiful. It's one of Oprah's favorite things. Can you believe that?

That's Oprah Winfrey, the talk show host. Right now, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com slash stavi to get $30 off plus free shipping on their best-selling frame. That's A-U-R-A frames dot com slash stavi. Use code stavi at checkout to save. Terms and conditions do apply. This is a good tech company, Nathan. Play us some good questions here, LD.

Hey, Stav. I have a problem with a neighbor. He's kind of the neighborhood bully. No joke. For half a second, I was like, has Stav been wearing headphones this entire time? Because I was like, I hear nothing right now. I thought I did a little trick that would have gotten me. No, you didn't, motherfucker. I guess not.

Are we just, is it this though? Yeah, yeah. We're reading. They'll play it. Try and not get ahead. Okay. Because people can see you react. Like that happens sometimes where people, you know, be like, hey, Stav and the guests like, oh my God. Because they've read ahead. So just, I, my trick. No reactions. My trick is to just kind of, and it's hard, but I just, I go with the line as they say them. Okay. Go ahead, Elders.

What a fucking loser. Oh.

on a change to one of my buildings. And I've tried being nice to this guy, giving him some gifts, and he acts all nice. But then behind my back, he'll call the counties, call them like 10 times,

The sheriff knows him to be a pain in the ass. He trespassed on my property, snooping around trying to find infractions. That's insane. It's just because I'm from out of state. During the pandemic, we moved to this rural town. He's lived there for 40 years. He doesn't like me, and he just thinks he's the king of the stupid neighborhood. So I need some advice, Dov. I mean, do I try to kill him with kindness or...

We're just killing the joke. But yeah, I need some advice here. Thank you. Interesting. I mean, the moment someone's cost me $10,000, there's no being nice to them. The second...

Like, it's like I could even potentially get around him snitching if it didn't affect me. But the second, I mean, he says he has to pay 10. That's a fucking that's crazy. Unless this guy's like $10,000 or even thinking you think about buying this guy a fucking juicer. What the fuck kind of gifts are you getting this guy? I'll also say not that he would do it, but anywhere where there's a sheriff.

that you can talk to and get a hold of, they should still have duels. So that's what this should come down to. 10 paces, swing around. A sheriff? I just love that. He called the county? Yeah, that's insane. I love that. Trespassing and snooping around, that's fucking crazy. How old is the guy? He's been there for 40 years. Yeah, he's probably like 70, 80. Here's the problem. The problem is, my knee-jerk reaction is to say,

fuck this guy. You gotta fucking beat him at his own game. The problem is this guy has nothing else. The guy you're up against...

He will dedicate his entire life to you getting tickets for like your hedges being overgrown or whatever the fuck it is. If you have any sort of type of full life outside of... Now, unless you're like... You said you moved out to this rural place. You seem to be handy. I mean, it sounds like he's doing construction on his own property, right? Like, unless you're business in your home and you use it and you have the time...

My knee-jerk reaction is go to war, but it's also like, is it worth it? You know what I mean? But there's no killing him with kindness. This guy is, in my opinion, he... There's no... There's nothing you can do that's going to make this guy not be a dickhead. Sure. I mean, the nicer you are to him... Yeah, even if you follow all the rules, the rules, the county's rules, he's going to find some other rules. Yeah, this guy's just... He's doing this for life. Yeah, exactly. So I...

I think you got to just... You got to go to the sheriff, man. You got to go to the OK Corral and you got to sit down with the sheriff. Meet at high noon. Yeah, look, dude. I mean, I got a real fucking problem with this guy over here. Yep. And somebody's going to have to deal with him. I mean, I don't know if the sheriff can shoot him or if you... Yeah, legally, something's got to be... Because the sheriff knows he's a pain in the ass. Maybe you just go to the sheriff and you go, look, dude.

You and I both know this guy's fucked and nothing's ever going to change. So work with me here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not talking about killing him. I'm literally saying if he's the buffer and this guy knows that he's a dick, just go to him and go, look, I'm cutting this guy out. But what do you want me to do here? He's going to keep complaining. Can I talk to you? Get a better relationship with the sheriff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also the rest of your, it sounds like the other thing is like he's the neighborhood bully, right? Nobody fucks with this guy. Yeah.

Clearly no one in your neighborhood fucks with him. Can you foment revolution...

within your community can you become the cool guy in the like the thing is this is a numbers game like can you have a barbecue that everyone but him is invited to yes and I think like the thing is like there's no kindness bro he cost you 10 grand he's trespassing on your property I think you in fact you have to just be very clear because the thing is this isn't a clear you tried being nice right you tried it

You fucking bought him, again, the gifts thing is hilarious, but you tried being nice. I want to know the gifts. He's clearly some fucking hillbilly who's mad that you fucking came to his town. He's not going to be nice to you, right? He cost you 10 grand. He's trespassing on your property. Snitch. Dude, once somebody snitches on you a couple times, fuck them, right?

You can say that directly to him. Like, look, I don't appreciate you coming onto my property. I'm doing everything above board. If there is a mistake, it's an honest mistake and I'm happy to fix it. But the way you're behaving, I just think is unneighborly. I don't want anything to do with you. Please stay off my property. I think you were right a second ago where you got to make friends with everybody around him. Yeah. You got to be fucking.

and Van Wilder in the neighborhood. 100%. Walk out of your house every day, rip your shirt off, crush a beer, hand people chips. 100%. I mean, not that, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, all your energy into being nice to this guy goes to everyone else. Host a nice barbecue, get everybody on board, complain about him, but don't overly complain. And bribe the sheriff. Go this far. Fully. Hand the sheriff 100 bucks every time you see him. Great badge, man. Love that 10-gallon hat, pal. Dude, that is a fucking sick hat.

And if he trespassed, by the way, maybe put up a fucking security system where if this cocksucker trespasses, now you get to call the cops on him. I mean, trespassings in a place like that seems crazy. I was going to say, in America, I wouldn't hop over any. I wouldn't hop over any fucker's fence.

So that's, I mean, also though, by that same token, is this the kind of guy who's got the blicky on him at all? Is this neighbor the kind of guy? Oh, the neighbor's got guns. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. And so that's the thing of like, are we escalating it? But I think he's, it's clear being nice is not going to solve anything. But here's what I say. Don't go out of your way to fuck with him.

But the second he starts fucking with you, you have to, he's basically made it clear what the terms are here. You have to pretty much stand up for yourself if he's, especially if he's in your fucking yard, dude. If he's snooping around on your shit, you have to be as, you have to fight fire with fire. Don't antagonize him, right? But, and also, try and make friends with everybody else. If everybody doesn't fuck with them, there might be something you guys can do. But no, dude, you can't.

What are you going to do? It's either make friends with everybody or undercard Tyson Paul. These two guys. It would be fun to fight him, for sure. Can you let loose? How far are your guys' properties? Can you get some kind of burrowing rodent to destroy his lawn? You know what I mean? What are things he loves that you could destroy?

You know, that stuff you guys... Well, the funny part is, he's already doing that. This guy loves the neighborhood. Yeah, you probably have black friends that come over sometimes. And this guy's really not happy about that. You gotta make friends with the sheriff and everybody in the fucking neighborhood, man. Yeah, but this guy can go suck an egg as far as I'm concerned. Salt it. Salt that egg. No, he doesn't even deserve salt. This guy deserves a fucking completely bland egg. He's done it.

Love the podcast. Hey, Aldis. You're the man. Hello, esteemed guest. My question for you today is about my girlfriend.

I'm 28. She's 30. We live in Los Angeles. We don't live together. You know, we've only been dating for like maybe five months now. So my issue is, so I make pretty good money. I make, you know, around like 120K, which is good money. But, you know, in Los Angeles, I'm not like...

super rich or anything um i make significantly more than her i wouldn't say double but you know significantly more than her um the entire time we've been dating you know i've paid for literally everything almost okay not literally but you know she buys like

She bought me a box of chocolates one time and like made me dinner one time. But, you know, I pay for our food. We love going out to eat and stuff, pay for our drinks, whatever shows we're going to, like, et cetera, everything. And, you know, like I'm fine with paying for it, but I'm not made of money, you know, and

Like at this point, you know, she doesn't even like pull out fake, pull out her wallet anymore either. She always says thank you, but it's like she doesn't even fake pull out the wallet. So it feels like I had even less of a choice in paying for it. So my question is, how do I politely ask her to sometimes split things or should I even do that? Am I just fucked? Am I just totally bankrolling this relationship now? Yeah, I just don't know.

if and how to do it appropriately, I guess. Yeah, I would appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Thank you so much. Bye. Interesting. Yeah, I mean, this is tough because I think ultimately it's more of a... I think it ultimately comes down to more of a...

It'd be nice if you even... It's like a gesture thing. Yeah. Like, once every eight, she can't pick up the cheapest dinner we go on every eighth time. Yeah, Arby's? Yeah, you can't pick up a little... You can't, like, she can't surprise you with a pizza or, like, come over with some shit. I get that. That is fucking annoying. Yep. Um...

The problem is, you know, you got to control your bitch from the beginning. And the problem is, it's like a dog that's pissing indoors. And now all of a sudden you want to potty train it. No, but...

Truly, there is a precedent that has been set here. I do love that even when it's not a man's fault, it's a man's fault. So funny. That's your fucking problem. You told her not to do that fucking five months ago. Look, women, they need a strong alpha to take their cues from. They need a sheriff. They need a strong sheriff. But yeah, this is, you know...

Yeah, I don't think you can politely. This is tough. This is on her. There's not going to be any polite asking. I feel, and I don't know this lady. I don't know anything about these people, obviously. But I feel if you politely ask, she'd be like, what? Really? You're going to say, I'm just making this up? So now you're in a bigger fucking problem. So, yeah, man, either just keep paying for things or...

Break up with her. Yeah. And start over and be like, to the next one, be like, hey, could you pick this one up? I'm not made of money, you know? I do. I make pretty good money. Yeah, yeah. But in Los Angeles, 120K? Yeah. What the fuck do you want from me? I can't buy all these drinks all the goddamn time. Sushi every time. I do. And I think for me personally, the perfect setup is like, I'm fine paying. I don't know. Maybe this is the villager brain, the first generation immigrant shit. Yeah.

I pay for everything, right? I also am making money now. But like even when I wasn't, even when I was broke, I pretty much paid for everything. But I really appreciated it when he wants her to. Yeah, he wants her. He wants her to pick up one dinner. And that's interesting. How to ask her is interesting. And I think I don't even know. I don't even know if he wants her to pick it up. He wants her to want to pick it up.

And that's a nuanced argument to have. Yeah, can you pretend to give a fuck? Can you pretend to give a fuck? Like, can you please just make it seem like you know that I'm not made of money. And then she's like, oh, I didn't realize you were a broke piece of shit. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, now you're sucking your own dick under the bridge. It's tough. This is a tough situation here. Have you ever been in any of that situation? Have you ever been taken for a ride?

Yes. Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, take it for a ride. No, I guess not. Not, no, no. I mean, but I don't know. Again, it doesn't seem like anything's going to happen good here that's

This conversation's not going to go the way that in his head he might want it to go. Yeah. Hey, do you mind caring? Sometimes she's going to go, oh, I didn't even realize. You're right. Here's another box of chocolates. Right. It's tough. I think he does want her to pay. I don't think he even cares about the gesture. I think he's just tired. You think it's fully just... I think he's tired of getting fucking bleeding out over brunches like every fucking weekend and shit like that. And I guess it's five months, which...

Sounds like a long time, but if in the first month you go on two dates and then the second month... This is really the last couple months where it's probably really become a regular thing in their lives. So it is early enough to be like, hey...

Can we figure out something where, you know, you pick something up every once in a while? It's tough. It's tough because you kind of look like a bitch if you, like, whine about the money to a girl. You do, man. I think he can... He also does make double her fucking salary. Like, if she made the same amount... He said almost double, something like that. Or whatever. He's made, you know, like, she's... Whatever. She's probably making $70K or something. I mean, that's just $70K. We can buy a fucking...

Fucking you can buy a mocktail you can buy mocktail. No, you're right. You're right She definitely should be chipping more so pretty pretty whatever like pretend care like no that it can you grab this one? But but then I feel like his Avenue is like you can't be like can you pick up the money? I think he has to be like hey, I need to reel it in on Spending I'm paying attention to my budget so not make it about her so going out less. Oh

Yes. And then the ball's in her court if she wants to be like, I'll pick this one up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But frame me as like a personal budget concern and not about, not letting your animosity for her like shine through. You cheap whore. This bitch. I swear to fucking God. Come across the table. You think it's fucking easy? You think it's easy getting child stars to sign NDAs all day for producers? It's not. It's not.

It wears on you. It wears on you, man. I look in their eyes. You know the government takes 40 of this, right? You know that, right? We're at the fucking top, so it's down to 80. Then there's rent. Then there's gas.

I think that's a great, that's a very smart move because the thing I was going to say before that was at a certain point, it's a little bit of a compatibility stuff where I've known, you know, I've dated people who they, she's like, will insist on splitting. And it's like, all right, if that's what you want to do, you want to do, or like, you know, some, I've dated people who don't even consider, you know, if a girl's like that part, some girls just like, and that there's sometimes is a compatibility thing. Like some women feel,

feel weird doing that, being like, you're paying for everything. And so it's like, unless you do some of this, some of Eldis' little, you know, Eldis' little trick your bitch jujitsu and say, I gotta... He went full AI right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nine steps ahead. That's awesome. I like that move, though. That is a good thought, seriously. Especially if... Especially if...

his main concern just is budget because then he's not even fucking lying to her right now he's just like look I like hanging out but I gotta reel in a little bit maybe we can stay in yeah whatever and then if she offers oh I'll take us out whatever but she comes to his house signs up for every subscription service

Don't worry. Just cancel it in seven days. Like, damn, bitch, how many fucking movies are you going to rent on my prime in a day? Yeah, watch this five minutes of a movie, hate it, rent another one. The tough thing about the budget thing, too, is like, they're five months in. That also just is a little... Like, that's a lot to, like, for that early on. You don't want to throw that... That's a year in, you start talking about your personal finances. Right. You get a bank roller for another seven months before you can... Before you can...

No, no, no, no. But it's like, it's, I guess, I guess the point is it's too intimate. Yeah. It's almost like, you know, that shit you're, you don't want to be buried. Yeah, exactly. You don't talk to your, yeah. You're like, Oh, my cholesterol is up. A girl you're dating for four months. Doesn't want to hear about your charts. She doesn't want to hear about your fucking budget either. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah.

Kick that gold digging whore to the curb and move on with your life. Get your finances in order. Amen. You can cheat too. You can cheat. Shoot on her. Get your money's worth. You're paying all this. All right. We really nailed that one. Next question, Elvis.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

I knew something was up when she got back. She was being really weird and distant, so I confronted her about it, and she admitted it. She admitted that she had had a one-night stand and that she was fucking really sorry. And so, you know, I decided, this is the girl that I married. We're going to try to fucking work through it. And we did, and we had makeup fixed, and, you know, I was thinking everything would be okay. But I still had a weird feeling about it. So I went through her phone, and it turns out it's a lot fucking worse than she admitted to. You know, they have only known each other for a month.

But she, it was premeditated, just one night stand. Oh. They were telling each other when their flights were going to land. You know, where to meet up, you know, getting some food together. Oh.

Oh, man. Wow. What?

This bitch is out of her mind. No, dude. No. Dude, this is fucking crazy. Get the sheriff. Get the sheriff, bro. Get the sheriff. Get this guy to trespass on your property and stand your ground. This fucking.

I feel this fucking man. Before we even continue, get out of this. I mean, yeah, this guy is so toast. It's insane. The fact that your wife was like, I had a one night stand and you were immediately like, I'm married. I made an oath.

Immediately it's crazy. There's a small part of that, though, in all seriousness, because the other way I can see that, too, right? You cheat on your wife and she's like, okay. But if it's one, one, look, everybody can have the fucking thing. You're out there. You know what I mean? Sure, sure, sure. You're at Arby's. I get that. But, like, it's one thing. You feel bad about it. You feel bad about it and it is what it is, you know? Yeah, yeah. This is not that. No, no, this is crazy. This is full tilt cheating and now the lady's just going, yeah.

I mean, and I love you both. I love you both, bitch. You've known him a month. How do you? That's so insulting to your husband. Dude, dude, you gotta get out of this. You gotta get out of this. We're gonna finish this. Let's finish this. But before, you gotta get out of this. You gotta get out. This is fucking crazy. Basically, all of the things he said that she loves us both and doesn't really want to pick between us. What the fuck? She married you. Pause this. Get a divorce lawyer. Are we pausing the same sentence? Get a divorce lawyer.

Get a divorce lawyer! Yeah, get a divorce lawyer. Here's what you do, here's what you do. Alright, you know what? Let's finish this. But get a divorce lawyer, but go ahead, Eldis. Fuck, we're gonna have to put this out tomorrow. I've been married to you for a year, we've been together for five. Call this guy back on his personal number and I took all her meals. This can't wait to get edited, man. Get him on the horn, dude. Get him on the horn. A pick between us. Yeah, this is a girl that, you know, I've been married to for a year, we've been together for five, and I took all her meals, you know, she's basically like my best friend.

And I just kind of don't know what to do with my life anymore since I've built it around this relationship so much. It's over, bro. I feel awful for this guy. I'm decently attractive. Don't go down that road, dude. I do play music, and I have a good time. I know how to have a good time. And so I just basically want some words of encouragement. If you have any advice, if you've been through something like this, anything that can kind of help.

Help me through it. Help me get a little bit of fucking self-respect. Yes. What to do if she decides that this was a huge fucking mistake. No, no, no. No, no, no. She's out, brother. You're out. You're out. That wants to, but knowing everything that I know now, it's just pretty...

Pretty fucking hard to even imagine what our marriage would be like. It's over. There's no marriage. This whore dissolved it. Yeah, this is about as done as fucking OJ's. Yeah, may he rest in peace. This one. Oh, I really feel for this guy, man. This sucks. This sucks, man. This is... Okay. But this is the... Yeah, yeah.

And we pride ourselves on being, you know, open-minded, whatever, whatever. You need to watch Andrew Tate content for two weeks. You need to be a misogynist for two weeks.

You're too nice. Literally right now. And look, this is like how chemotherapy is poison, but it kills cancer. Andrew Tate is poison, but it kills how much of a pussy you're being right now. Okay? I hear you and you're not wrong. Let's not call this guy a fucking pussy. I know, I know. But it's completely understandable. Like, we've all been there when a girl you thought was going to be there forever...

either cheated on you or disappointed you or did something and what I mean by that is like the inner like well what maybe in some life we'll come back to no dude burn it down it's over dude dude so this is this is a thing that women will not outright say you have to you have to live through a thing not maybe as harsh as this but you have to see it firsthand yeah because all of us not all of us most men though start off pretty nice yeah and then we decide we can't you can't be

You can't be... And I'm not talking about like you're going to walk in a room and fucking yell at somebody. Not that. But you can't be cooking all of a woman's meals. You can't be fucking holding all the goddamn doors because these women don't want it. Eldest is smiling. This is usually eldest's part of the podcast. Biologically, they might even say like... Biologically, they're fucking repulsed by it. They want to be pounded at a fucking Ramada Inn. Yeah. Women want to be thrown through a play class window by some fucking guy. Yeah.

No, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying, right? To them, to her, that is equal to a life of love, a loving six years of relationship is getting pounded out by some guy she doesn't fucking know. She loves you both. Fuck this bitch! You should be pissed off! Of course she loves you, dude. You make her fucking me!

meals fuck her dude so when I was a child a small boy growing up in the wilderness of Halifax Nova Scotia it was very nice my first girlfriend and look nothing against this lady now obviously it's been a long fucking time but I wrote her a poem when I was a child this lady cheated on me with a guy who worked at the garden center of Walmart but not only that she called my phone to break up with me with him on the other line

Yes. Yes. That's crazy. So she's like, it's not going to work. And I'm weeping because I was in the same boat. I was younger than this dude. We weren't married or anything. But I really was like, this is it, man. I'm a fucking dented-headed cocksucker who can't do anything. And I thought it was over. But this guy was on the other line getting off on the fact that I was fucking upset, dude. That's crazy. And from that fucking... Stavros, ask me if I've ever written a fucking lady a poem again. Have you ever written a lady a poem again? No! No!

Never ever again. So this too, maybe two meals a fucking week and that's for you and her. It's to benefit her too. Women don't fucking want it, man. But you have to live through something like this to understand that biologically they don't fucking want it. Dude, it's...

But this guy, feel for him. Get the fuck out of there, dude. You're not a horrible fucking person. She's a horrible person. When he's going through, I'm a decently attractive guy. I completely understand why you're thinking that way. But don't try... Well, don't. It's a very easy step. But try not to fucking trash yourself in this...

Deal. You have to do what you said, which is encourage yourself. Fucking, you need some goddamn self-respect. Yeah. But forget, get out. Get your fucking, get the air fryer, take your one fork and get the fuck out of this place. Get out. And honestly, I'm not kidding. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Like,

Just be like, I need some time to think about it. And in the meantime, get a divorce lawyer. Make sure you're not, you know, make sure you, I mean, you guys don't have kids. You've only been married a year. It should probably be the kind of thing where there's not a lot of assets, whatever. Like she, you know, you're both entitled to him making her meals every half the rest of her life. Yeah.

I got to turn up to my ex-wife's house to make her an omelet. By the way, he also, I listened to the first voicemail he sent. He also mentioned she can't cook at all, which is inferred, but just another little detail. This is crazy. And Eldis is trying to get, Eldis is like, you're flaring up Albanian-wise right now. You're like, all right, let's get a little more misogynistic.

Let's also... She can't even fucking cook this fucking cock-sucking slob. Doesn't even know her way around a frying pan, by the way. Go ahead, boys. Did a girl ever not cook for you, Nathan? You have something you want to tell us about? Yeah, instead of cooking for me, she blew another guy. But yeah, no. Yeah. Okay, to our friend here. Yes, you got to get out. It's going to hurt you.

And the fact that this fucking bitch half lied to you and then admitted it doesn't even respect you enough to just stop being with you. She's like, oh, she thinks she can fucking have her cake and eat it too, brother. And he's going to make it. Do not make the cake. Do not make the fucking cake. She wants this man to cuck himself for life. It's crazy. She wants him to sit in the house, make fucking food that she's going to eat after a long night of...

Of being pounded in the ass in a Ramada Inn. You lose a lot of electrolytes getting your pussy worked over that intensely. Sorry to paint that picture. I know you're really going through it. So...

Absolutely. Trying to entertain the other people that are not necessarily you. So the words of encouragement are get out. Listen, whatever you are. Get all the way out. Literally, get a fucking divorce lawyer. Get all your ducks in a row. Get a place to live. Just get one. And don't even, you don't know her shit, brother. Get, one day you're gone. You're gone. You're a ghost, bro. Get a pack of cigarettes.

A fucking truck. Turn on the country music. Get out of there, man. And just... And here's the thing. Now you get to enter into a little bit of like rebuilding yourself. A little bit of that zone where it's like, look, you built... You put all this energy into this woman. And it sucks. Of course, you would prefer to just have a nice marriage. That wasn't in the cards. Put some energy into yourself. You know...

Get your confidence back. Working out is never, Eldest, not the update for Christ's sake. Get your confidence back. Do whatever it takes. Play some show. You know what I mean? It's easy to get pussy even in a local shitty band. So play a little music. Play that saxophone. Well, he didn't tell you the name of the band. It's the Pussy Getters. Yeah, dude. Get a fresh read for your sousaphone. I would also assume, too, I don't know anything about this, but it seems as if this wasn't ever great.

Who knows? Yeah. He might not know. Yeah, she might have been like behind his back. It also is relatively early, right? Like, been together five years, married one. But I mean, I don't know anything, man. Whatever. I don't want to add more to it. But like, yeah, you got to get out. Got to get out. Rebuild. You know, there's some women. This is what's really scary. Yeah, let's go, baby. There's some women listening right now to being like, what's the problem? They're...

Seriously. No way. Now you're strawman-ing. Now you're going a little too far. We're on a podcast, bro. All right, all right. I'm back in. I'm back in. I'm back in. Fuck them. I'm back in. Fuck them.

Brooklyn and, but the, but the, there's, I guarantee there's a woman out there somewhere that's like, that's like, what's the, I mean, no, you can't even ever love two people. And if her husband married her, he should be able to stand by her. He should be able to stand in the kitchen while she walks in covered and come. What's wrong with that? And look, and here's, and here's where I will actually, they're wrong, but here's where I will go that, look, there might be guys. Yeah.

that want this weird poly bullshit. Of course. That is not this. That is not this. This is someone who, and you know what, actually, we actually usually see the opposite of this a lot. I talk about this with guys where, and I felt this way in relationships, where a woman enters your life

improves you, makes you believe in yourself. You're eating vegetables, you're working out, she's buying you shirts, and all of a sudden, you can get hotter women. And so this happens a lot the opposite way where a woman makes a man a better version of himself to the point where he's like,

I should get some pussy now. Yes. This is the rare female dirtbag that has the man cooking all her meals, telling her how much he loves her, how much he wants to build a life together. He did that. He built her up to get some fucking dick, and this guy doesn't give a fuck about her. I mean, that's the funny thing is, dude, here's the beauty of it.

You're going to be gone. You're going to be cooking delicious fucking meals for yourself. This fucking guy is going to be done with your dumb bitch wife. I'd say the same. In three weeks, she's going to be alone. And you, you, and she will figure out. Yeah, they're not staying together. She will figure out the absence. Once you're gone, it will hit her like a ton of fucking bricks. And that is the hardest part. Well, once she gets hungry. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Once the instant oatmeal is over. So that's another thing. It's like she is taking you for granted. Now you have to. And a ride. Yeah, absolutely. She's taking another guy for a ride. I landed too. Oh.

Unbelievable, man. So you got to get out. And here's the thing. She will reach back out when it hits her. What a fucking idiot she's been. And you got to cut the cord. And you cannot go back. But you're going to be in the gym. You're doing pull-ups. You got to get ripped. This is the time to do it. This is the most... Look, you guys know, for our regular listeners, there are times to be... This is...

This is when we're like, yep, we got to go a little full misogyny right now. It's the only way around it right now. A situation like this, that's what this guy needs to fuel. Listen to Future. Listen to Future. Get Jack, dude. We Don't Trust You? Yeah, that's a good one. Some classics. He's got classics. The one where him and Sierra broke up, that mixtape. What was it called? Monster? Monster. Monster's great for that. I've definitely spun some. That's a great one. Anyway,

Good luck, pal. When did he send this, Eldest? Scroll up. Oh, okay. Well, not super recent, but hopefully he's not fucking... Hopefully he hasn't offed himself yet. He's like, oh, good news. We're all moving together. He moved in, yeah. And I've learned how to blow a guy.

This is pretty great. You know, a guy cum doesn't taste that bad. I'll tell you, making two meals for people sucks, but everything else is pretty good. Well, you know, I found out buying in bulk actually helps us save a lot of money. Yeah.

He's in a fucking apron making this guy a fucking steak. Unbelievable, man. He's bringing the chicken satay on the platter. She's covered in a jizz. How was fucking her today, man? Really? It sounded pretty crazy. It sounded cool in there, man. Cool. It sounded pretty fucking cool, dude. That's awful. You got to get out of this. Jesus Christ. What a life, man. All right. Next one, Eldish. I'm fucking hungry, speaking of. Starving, too.

Hey, Savi, big boy, big fan of all your work. Listen, Daddy, I got a dilemma. It's my wife's 30th birthday, and we're going all out.

And I want to invite my brother, but he has a controlling girlfriend. I'm not just talking, you know, going through your phone, making fights in the middle of nowhere. I'm talking location, air tag, in, making sure they know where they're at. And if all the attention's going on her, then she's going to make it about her, negative or positive. My question, my advice that I'm looking for is,

How do I get him to go to this party without her? And what lies should he tell her so he can make it? Any advice, any guidance would be appreciated. Love the pod, love the specials, love you, daddy. Okay, well, look, if you just want to lie, if we're going to stay toxic here. Yeah, totally. Say that you had a leukemia scare. Scare is perfect because you get a bad test. You say you got a bad test, right? Yeah.

Me and my brother, I got to meet my brother and his wife. He had a bad, things are bad, like whatever. You say that you're with your brother. He got all dressed up. Yeah. You're leaving with a gift? Yeah.

Saturday night at 9 p.m.? I have to, yeah. This is the only time he could meet. Yeah, he just wanted to. Was that that new bowling alley? It was at Dave and Buster's. He just wants to laugh and play skee-ball to keep his mind off it. It's a nightclub. It's 11 p.m. That's the only time my brother can relax. You know this.

He's a goddamn, he's a Croatian drug dealer. So the only time he can hang out is, you know. Honey, I'm sorry. Under black lights. Oh, man. So you can't, yeah, what the fuck? You can't, you can't, you can't. This lady's a fucking psychopath. Everybody's got to get away from this fucking lady. Well, I also, here's a little bit of like,

Is our caller an unreliable narrator? Sure, maybe. You know, it's like, I'm sure this lady, I mean, tracking to that degree is crazy, but we don't have the full picture either. And the fact that he didn't even consider inviting her, it's like, she really can't come, bro? That's insane.

How serious is this girlfriend? Like, is it a new thing? Or is it she's his, like, they're between... Because there's girlfriend. There's someone you're dating. And then there's, like, pre-fiance girlfriend who's, like, for all intents and purposes, a part of the family. Like, she's at all the events and stuff. Is she that... What level girlfriend are we talking? Because if it's early enough, you should be like, it's a family event. Yeah. That's all you have to say. It seems farther than that, though. And it's... Well, from this...

It seems like she's unbelievably controlling. Every time he leaves the house, she thinks he's cheating. But again, you're right. We don't know if he has. We don't know the fucking particulars here. But it seems like... It seems bad. And it seems like you can't invite your brother without inviting her. That's what it reads like. So your brother can't fucking go. Also, is it... But it is rude to not invite... Here's the thing. It's like, if this is a serious relationship, you kind of have to recognize...

That's an extension of your brother. You can't like you also don't want to be the family that tries to break up Yeah a couple it's more of like like if unless it's like oh, he just started dating this girl She was she's constantly tracking him. She wants to come to our family party No, I don't want her there. You know, I don't know her my wife. It's your wife's birthday Your wife doesn't know this fucking bitch, right? But if it's a girl he's dated for a while and

to accept your brothers, to accept who he's with. We've all had friends or siblings or other loved ones that have a dumb, like a fucking, a significant other you don't really like that much, right? That's happened to everyone. Yeah, my... You know what I mean? Go ahead. My wife met a co-worker and she started flying to meet him. Ha!

And then I didn't like him. And his wife is so annoying. Yeah, but then eventually I was like, well, he can come to the party. That guy has to leave. I apologize.

But yeah, this seems like it's going to be a mess. It seems like if you don't want her around, you can't have your brother around. Because your brother's also put himself in a pretty precarious situation if he's lying to this psycho who already thinks he's lying all the time about anything. You can't lie. What are you going to lie about on a Saturday at 9, dude? You can't lie. If it's the middle of the day, different thing. But you're going out in a dress shirt?

It's also like you can't give an already suspicious person... You're basically talking about he has to behave as if he's cheating. Yes. This behavior is completely the same as cheating. Lying to go to something. It happens to be you're going to a party. Like, in fact, if this bitch catches him outside... It's crazy. And he's like, oh, I was at my...

Sister-in-law's 30th birthday party. I wasn't getting pussy. She would be right to think he's cheating. You can't have your brother, man.

Seriously, if your brother's with this lady and you don't want this lady, your brother can't go to the party, man. The real thing is you have to suck it up and she's coming too. Like, that's the other thing. Why is that not an issue? I guess because she's making it fight, you know, whatever, making fights. Yeah, it's all about her. So basically his wife has said, I just don't want her there. Probably. Or he's at least saying it, yeah. So the other thing is, and I'm not saying use your wife's 30th birthday as the sacrificial lamb, but...

Sometimes now these people who behave this way are very annoying, but unless you confront them and set a boundary, you're just letting them behave this way. So if she's fucked up a family barbecue and no one's been like, why the fuck are you acting like that? She just invited her to the next thing. It's you shouldn't have to deal with it. But until you say, hey, stop doing this.

She almost has to disqualify herself from future invites. And then you put it on your... You kind of like... Right now the ball's in your court, but you kind of hit it back to your brother when you're like, she fucking got drunk. She got drunk at grandma's 90th birthday. She fucking pissed in the ice luge or whatever the fuck. That's the thing. You kind of have to...

Um, you have to, she has to have actually done something more than she's generally kind of annoying. And maybe she's done stuff like that. I don't know. We, he doesn't really given us that much stuff. He's just kind of vaguely said, you know, making fights in the middle of nowhere, making herself the center of attention. You kind of have to like call her out on it. And then it's on, it's, it's up to your brother on how he behaves, but.

I don't know, man. It's like, if we're already past that point and she's ruined other stuff, then yeah, you have to tell your brother she's not invited and you have to decide whether you want to come or not because it's my wife's birthday and I'm not having her ruin it. Or cancel your wife's birthday, man. Yeah, cancel. And then everybody's happy. There is no birthday. You don't have to do anything. You just stay home. You just stay home. People don't want to go. Nobody wants to go. Nobody wants to go on their own birthday. Come on, 30th year adults. That's hilarious.

No, good for your wife, whatever, but yeah. If you haven't stood up to this lady and just kind of like quietly been passive aggressive about it, it's a little on you guys too. So you have to nip that behavior in the bud. But fuck her. I mean, ultimately, fuck her. Don't get me wrong. I'm on your side. But you just have to do the right thing. Here's a very diplomatic couple of paragraphs. You fuck her.

Oh, fuck, Eldis. Play a good one for us. I got leftover flank steak I got to eat, man. I'm hungies. We're doing this one then we're out? I think so, brother. Let's do it. Hey, Savvy. Love the show. Really appreciate everything you're doing for the American people. Thank you. Listen, a buddy of mine just got out of a long-term relationship, and I've been helping him get on the dating app to get back out there.

But in doing so I realized that my charisma has just gone to absolute dog shit as a result of my own Long-term relationship and to be clear. I love like, you know, love my girlfriend very much that would never she got her anything like that But I just had this idea that it might actually benefit my relationship to get out

on dating apps myself. Oh my God. Come on, man. This is awesome, dude. What am I, a fucking baby? This is awesome, dude. Are you kidding? I might help my own relationship if I fuck another woman because I'll know how to please Miley. Exactly. Well, it starts with charisma and then it's like, you know, getting... This is great. Dude, you're out of control. That's so crazy. Slow down, pal. I would love to hear this guy's, the rest of this guy's thinking. On dating apps myself.

and, you know, practice my flirting and sort of recapture some of that charisma that I used to have. And a little bit of added context. My girlfriend actually doesn't mind when I flirt with other women while she's there in person. But, you know, I never do it because it's my girlfriend and she's there. So...

You don't say. Oh, you're only partially convinced that it would end well. You don't need help. You're a fucking idiot. What the fuck are you talking about? And that's fine. I've said to my girlfriend a million times that I want to sleep with other women.

And it's not even that I would do it, but it is like, who wouldn't? I mean, have you walked the earth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of hot people. Same with her. There's no way she always wants to fucking blow me. It's impossible. But body, this whole rigmarole. Yeah.

I just figured I'd get my mojo back. And by the way, it's like, well, my girlfriend doesn't mind when I do it in front of her, but I figured I'd go behind her back anyway. And in front of her, I'm too much of a coward to do it. But I figured behind her back through a computer or a phone screen, I might have some charisma. If I change my name on Bumble or something, I don't know what the problem is. If I call myself Big Dick Willie Jones...

And I have a different profile picture. No, this guy, buddy, just say you want a cheese. Here's the thing, dude. We all want a cheese.

That's the fucking best part of life, dude. We all want to cheat because how could you not? Every cocksucking day of my life, pal, I walk outside those fucking doors. I hit the fucking street and there's the hottest woman I've ever seen in my life. I'd love to put her fucking feet in my mouth, but what are you going to do? You've built a life. You can't. Yes, that's it. But this guy, I love it. The charisma angle. Look, pal, I'll...

Points for being fucking creative. But let's grow up and understand that of course you want to bare your face in another woman's ass. That's of course you do. Wouldn't it be fucking awesome to go on Bumble, get your charisma back and just get sucked at a Red Roof Inn off a fucking turnpike by a lady you barely know? Of course it would be. This is what the shower's for. You stand in there and you think about your life and you go, is it worth it?

And then you beat off into the wall and you go, no, my girlfriend's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you like... It is worth it. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about her, actually. But the charisma part? I'm 24. Who cares? I'm not marrying her. Yeah, I'll cheat. But the charisma part? I want to be the... Whatever, the world's...

Most interesting man again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that guy? He doesn't exist. Yeah, dude. In a relationship. This actually happened to me recently. I was with, you know Mike Brown? Yes. We were both in South by Southwest together. We went to a fucking concert there. And a woman started talking to him. So I ended up having to talk to this other lady. And at first I was like, I don't want to do this. I was kind of high. But I go, I have to for Mike. Sure. So I started talking to this lady and instantly I was- Mike's a suave guy. He could have handled it. Sure. Sure.

But I was just alone with this lady. So I start talking to her and instantly I was like, oh, I don't know how to do this at all. I'm gone, yeah. I was like, you're 401k. What's the next step? I mean, it was bad.

I know. That is the magic of being in a relationship where you're like, no woman has any power over me. Don't care. That feels so awesome. But you also can't talk to them in the way that like, you know, well, you can, I just, whatever I was, whatever. But, um, but either way, buddy, but in that, but you were in a very specific circumstance where you're in a,

I was doing it My friend is trying to fuck someone You're playing interference You're in a fuck scenario You know And it's like In that context You're like Ah I don't want to do this You know what I should have done Made them all a meal Yeah I should have started Flambang right there Yeah you should have Grabbed her tits That would have been awesome Buddy Admit to yourself Again I'll say this one more time And I apologize Everybody wants to cheat She wants to cheat

She wants to cheat. Your girlfriend wants to get out there. You know the type of dicks that are out there? There's some awesome. Better than yours. Exactly. They're not crooked. They're a little bit tan. Balls perfectly symmetrical. She doesn't want that all over her face. Of course she does. We know what kind of dick Nathan wants. You know what I'm saying?

You know what he covets in a man? Are there any 6'2 Italian men out there? That's hilarious. But you know what I'm saying? It's like, she's fucking sitting there doing her hair or whatever and every once in a while thinks about a guy fucking pounding her in the ass. Who doesn't? But I mean, this is what happens. People think about cheating. So look, bro. You're out of your mind with this dating app shit. And I'll say this.

I'll say this. If you actually, if you said your girlfriend doesn't mind if you flirt while she's there, how about that? Just do that. Do that within the confines of the relationship. And you know, that might be your girl. Here's the other thing. That might be your girlfriend's like,

Your girlfriend might be an undercover freak, dude. I was going to say, that might lead into... Yeah. She might like that shit, dude. There are girls... And he sounds pretty young. Yeah. He sounds like, you know, he talks, he sounds like a young kid. You know? The contacts part is awesome, too. Yeah. You know, I could network. Little contacts. Sure. You up to talk stocks? Yeah. So you never know what you might be, you know, you might be in store, but you got to do it within your relationship. But this...

dating apps idea is fuck don't this thing we say all the time when people call in it's like you have to treat it we're your defense attorneys you can't lie to us

You have to tell us the truth and then we'll craft the lie. Don't come at us with, I'm on the dating apps to be better at flirting with you, honey. It's like, come on, bro. Yeah, I've paid tax for a lot of years, man. This is insanity. That's crazy. This is like Tim Taylor home improvement level thinking. The Binford 8100 dating app? This is crazy, dude. That's awesome, bro. If you really believe you're going to go on dating apps to improve your charisma...

Kudos to you for being able to convince yourself something that stupid. Awesome. Respect. All right, well, good for this guy. Go watch Nathan's special on YouTube right now, Down With Tech. Follow him on everything, Nathan McIntosh. We're, you know...

We're not really doing shit around here. Follow the show. Like it on YouTube. I don't fucking know. Give us a nice review. You know what we're going to start doing? We should start reading five-star reviews. Yeah, I'll pull some up for the next few. Pull some up, yeah.

We'll start rewarding people because we never really tried to. Apparently that matters. I don't fucking know. But anyway, there's some pretty good two star reviews. I saw some people pretty mad. I left come town. Those I have seen fat retard. Only good thing you'll ever do.

Sorry, man. You got to leave. Eldest has to get paid off this too, guys. All right. You're not just hurting me. Anyway, leave us a nice five star. Like us on YouTube, whatever, all the good shit. And but watch the special and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye bye.