#73 - Ethan Suplee
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We got a double tracksuit day here at Stavi's World. We're coming in. My boy Ethan, truly...

to have you here. We're a very body positive show and you're at the Mount Rushmore of like just in terms of like just fat guys and I know you know you've you look great now but there is like

you'll always be a fat guy, I think. Well, then still technically fat. Still technically fat, yeah. You transitioned into the dream, which is like, just kind of like burly, like bouncer. Like, burly is awesome. Yeah, burly's fun. Because it's like, they, in a, like, back in, you know,

You know, you weren't really considered fat in like the 30s. You know, it's like Burley is not a fat guy. It's a different kind of guy. That's what like Olympic boxers looked like. Like your physique, you know what I mean? It's an old school show of strength. For most of human history, this is what the strongest man alive looked like. Before like, you know, steroids and like cutting. And Instagram. And Instagram and egg whites. When people were eating egg yellows. I'm a big fan of the yellows.

Yeah, gotta have some yolk. But yeah, dude, we're pumped to have you here. Ethan, if you don't know, I mean, just...

We're friends, so I do have to suck you off a little bit for the camera, though. I mean, like, a legend. We got one of the best character actors of all time, if you ask me. Worked with everybody in... I mean, your resume is hysterical. It's awesome, dude. It's ridiculous. Like, you've been a part of some of the... Like, in so many incredible movies...

American History X, obviously. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, for some people putting it together, yes, this man was insanely fat. So some of his roles, you're like, what are you talking about? Which guy was in American History X? Well, also starting with Boy Meets World, especially for a certain generation. Like, it's like Boy Meets World. Boy Meets World was your first acting gig, wasn't it?

It's always weird, especially for people your age, to think about Boy Meets World because I think you were one when we were doing that show. What year was it? 90? 94. Oh, I was born in 89, but yeah. Okay, so you were five. But still, literally, I do... It's so funny to think about. You were one of the first actors I was...

Like I knew about because that was my show and you were fat and I was a fat child I had always associated with with the plus-sized community even it like there was a I've talked to told this story before There was a real turning point in my life. Honestly right around the time Boy Meets World came out where When you're like seven you get to start buying school lunch Yeah, and my mom gave me she would pack my lunches, but she gave me milk money and

Little did she know, you could get milk for free. No kid wanted his milk. So I could ask. There was a little table where you put, remember John Rural, this meal that was went to elementary school together. You could put a lot of you, there's a table you could put your milks, your unwanted milks, and they were just free. There was like a free table. There was a kind of a socialist system going on where it was like, whatever you don't want is up for grabs for the public. So I would get that and I would spend my 30 cents of milk money on a cupcake every day.

And there was a literally I trace that seven years old. There's an old Greek lady who sold unregulated sweets in our elementary school. She just said, I don't know why they allowed her. Yeah, they just allowed this old Greek woman to make like homemade cupcakes with like, you know, icing from the from a little canister.

I had a cupcake every day for three years. And it was like, that was literally when my lifelong addiction to just being a fat kid, like that started. And that's exactly when I got, I was a huge Boy Meets World guy. And I remember specifically your character because I was like, hell yeah, dude, that guy, the fat guy is like, you were a bully. But in my head, I was like, that's cool. He was like, fuck Corey. Yeah.

Even though I liked Corey too. You were the first complicated anti-hero in my life. You were like Tony Soprano, you know what I mean? Or like Walter White, where it's like, yeah. But then later on, you just became good. And I still remember the Vader episode because I was also a wrestling guy. So there's a lot...

You remember that episode? Yeah. His dad was Vader in the show at the trailer park. We captured a generation. You really did. We had so many crossovers. You really did, bro. And so, yeah, boy meets world. But then you're just like movie resumes. You know, you've worked with, I mean, and I want to ask you about that too, but like you've worked with incredible directors and incredible movies. You know, remember the Titans too? It was like kind of in that, a huge, like, you know, Bruckheimer legendary, like,

Four quadrant classic that everybody saw with an incredible ensemble cast. But like, you know,

John Q, you worked with Denzel. Yeah, go ahead, Elders. Like, just, I mean, so much in set. Your movie career is so crazy. Unstoppable fucking Tony Scott, one of the coolest guys. That was his last movie? Last movie. Whoa, dude. And of course, you know, Wolf of Wall Street. You know, Scorsese. It's just like... And then, again...

Truly, and it is funny that, again, that we became friends because I also was a... You're going to think I'm lying, but just like true devout My Name is Earl fan. It's like we were a poor family without cable, and so I made do with network television way after my generation had moved. We didn't have internet. We had dial-up until I was in high school, whatever. Really? And so my...

I watched so much of my fucking around as a 12 to 16-year-old. We had a basement television with the fucking antennas where no one... It was in the kitchen. You're tweaking it. I'm literally tweaking to get you and the squad just right. And I would watch... I remember watching the PJs, UPN. It was also a VHS. So I watched a lot of VHSs down there. And it was also the kitchen where...

The kitchen and the TV room were in the basement. Well, it was like the bootleg TV room, right? Because it's like we had the living room upstairs where my parents were, and upstairs were our bedrooms. But the basement was kitchen, an office my dad put, which was a fax machine, still might be there. Like a fax machine. He never got a fax. He never, he didn't know how to use it. It was hilarious that he bought one. But, and that was just like, or I spent all my time watching network television. And I was also a big, like,

I think I was starting to figure out that comedy was what I wanted to do, but I couldn't really admit it to my parents. So I watched a lot of sitcoms. Like, comedy, I watched every comedy that I could, and I weirdly really got into just, like, you know, must-see TV. Because you guys were on that. You guys were a big NBC. Like, right before The Office, it was like, you guys were the biggest comedy on TV. Yeah, I think The Office had done four episodes. Yeah.

And we're like on the bubble to get canceled. And then the head of NBC was like, no, I got a show to anchor this night. And based on our success, The Office became successful and then 30 Rock. Wow. And it became a whole block of stuff. And I loved all those. I mean, 30 Rock is still my favorite, probably my favorite sitcom. The writing is unbelievable. But it was like...

Uh, so yeah. And, but yeah, just an insane amount of stuff. And again, so, so important to the plus size community, I would say. Uh, cause it was like, cause a lot of people, cause you had a huge transformation too. Like, you know, you got, you were, you're big as hell in a lot of your roles. Like you, you know. I was smaller for My Name is Earl. I was still overweight as I am today, but I, I had lost weight by the time My Name is Earl came out.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. You were like, you were in, I would say, the regular fat guy zone. Yeah. I wonder if you made any connection to this, but the creator of My Name is Earl was also from Baltimore. Oh, wow. Or that area. I had no idea. And so the fact that there was a crab shack and a lot of the names of the towns are all Baltimore-centric. It might have been a thing, especially back then, it might have been like, oh.

Oh, holy shit. Yeah. But no, literally, I loved your character because, again, I just associate... I just like... First of all, because we had so much history as... It's holy shit. It's the bully from...

It's the bully from fucking... And every time I would see you, that's like when you love something as a kid, every time I saw you, I was like, hell yeah, that's my guy. He's back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vader's kid is back. Yeah, Vader's kid is back, bro. And it was like, probably didn't know your name until we were friends. That's the way I think you're a classic, like who the...

that guy's fucking awesome what the fuck's his name you're like one of the most classic that guy for years you know and so uh but but uh but yeah every time you would pop up in something i would be like fuck yeah dude oh he's friends with ashton kutcher and um butterfly effect he's a fat goth and then obviously going up until the like uh

Wolf of Wall Street where I was like I knew who you were just like I just I was getting more into just like movie stuff and like actually researching that stuff and it was just like but even then it was like that pride of like oh hell yeah it was post it was post losing weight and it was also just like cool to see you in you know one of the just such a sick movie with Scorsese and you know an incredible cast and

Yeah, that movie was awesome. Yeah. That was a bucket list movie to do for sure. Oh, dude. Yeah, I can't even imagine what that like... That must feel so sick to be like, you got Scorsese just throwing...

I mean, dude, his last movie was incredible. Killers of the Flower Moon. Did you see it? Yeah. He's still, there's no drop off and he's so old. Yeah. It's insane. It's amazing that he's still working and hasn't retired to a villa in Italy or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, these guys were true artists. It's like, oh. They can't stop. I don't relate to that at all. I can't wait to find the way out.

I can't wait to just like, let me just 2025 folks, one big tour and then it's over. That's awesome. Cause that was, I mean, yeah, I mean we might, we might just start there. Like you get that, like that must feel cause you're also friends with Leo, which is sick. That's cool. That was also funny to like, cause I stayed at your, uh,

uh at a guest house and it was like you know i'm not snooping you're literally your pictures like the way any human being has pictures of his friends but it's funny that your friends are like oh it's leon you and leonardo dicaprio having chinese food and it's just like from when we were teenagers from when you were teens yeah you're and you were big as shit it was like that's the guy i know yeah that's that's the guy i fell in love with you know and it was like um so that's was it like

Did he put in a good word or was like you had to go through the whole process? I mean, I went through the process, but then I think it was like...

hey, we need a group of guys. And I was... I'm pretty sure I got a good word. Of course, of course. But that's also just got to feel cool to be like, it's a bucket list movie, working with, I think, the best director ever, personally, especially for my taste. Pretty damn good. At least he's in the conversation for best ever. And then it's got to feel awesome to just do it with your boy. Like to get to go to work with a guy you've known since you were like a child, that must...

It was amazing, and we lived together for the whole thing. Oh, hell yeah. When my wife and kids would come out, we'd all stay together, and it was a really good time. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, because you basically just grew up. I mean, if you're going to do, in Boy Meets World, how old were you when that started? A teenager, like 17. 17, yeah. So you basically just grew up.

From that moment on, was that, that was your first? First job. First job? Yeah. Yeah, wow. And you, but you grew up here, like, or you were born here in New York, right? I was born here, but we moved to LA. Like, immediately. Yeah, I was a little kid. I don't actually remember living here, but I do remember coming back here quite often as a kid. I remember one year in the 80s coming here, and more people died than,

from heat exposure in the subways. Holy shit. Then died above ground. Like there was some crazy statistic. Hundreds of people died. That's wild. And my parents were like, we're not going to come back so much.

You might be really done with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess the mid-80s were when it could have gone either way. The city could have gone either way. My first memories of being here as a teenager, like, on my own, like, coming here without my parents, Times Square was, like...

You'd walk onto a block and a dude would meet you and run down a list of shit he could get you. Damn. All the drugs, heroin, crack, guns, women. And then halfway up the block when you're just kind of trying to zone out and like not look at him because if you look at him, you owe him money. Right, right, right, right.

And you get to the halfway block and he kind of fades off and a new guy meets you and walks you the rest of the way. And it was all like peep shows and porn stuff. Like that, that is the New York I really remember. And like scoring drugs in the Lower East Side and Tompkins Square Park where every storefront facing the park sold drugs out of like a hole in the back of the bodega. Those are my memories of New York. And now you come and it's like Disneyland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sucks. It's like...

I don't want that level of drug selling. Right. But like a little bit of drug. It would be like just nice. I would so much rather have one heroin guy than like, you know, the M&M store next to Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville next. Like, I just want a little grime. I hear you. The grime is edging back. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Like,

There was a period where it was grime-free. Yeah. And now I saw very open drug dealing in Soho. And I was like, okay. All right, we're back. Yeah, New York is back. That's funny. So, but like you moved there and you just kind of, I assume if you're going to get a job on a show like that, it's like from the jump you were like a little actor. No. No. I was, we moved there and...

I went to school with actors. Because you happen to be in L.A. And everyone's an actor. So all your friends just were like little kid actors? Basically. And like I would go with them. Sometimes somebody would invite me like, hey, it's a school day, but you want to come with me to work tomorrow? And we have to do like three hours of school and a trailer. But then you'll be on the set. And so I would go...

to sets with people and be like, this motherfucker's living the life. They got a fucking buffet spread for them all day long. He does three hours of school and otherwise he's playing make-believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the fucking life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

And like the actors were mostly not in school. They were mostly working. Yeah. Which was, seemed cool too. Like that motherfucker's rich. Yeah. Doesn't have to go to school. Yeah. And you know, making a thousand dollars a week was rich. Oh my God. For a 13 year old kid. Oh, you give a kid $20. Yeah. And he's like, I'm the richest kid alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember just working with my dad's shitty, uh,

in his wood shop, just sweeping, doing nothing. And he would give me like $20. And you're rich. And I'd be like, fuck yes. Three more of these, I'm going to buy Madden. Three more of these, I'm going to buy Madden, have enough left over for a couple ice cream cones. There was another aspect to acting that was interesting to me, which was all the actors that I knew as a kid

Um, people really didn't look at them. Like I had attention because of my weight. People would look at me and stare at me because of my weight. Um,

And that made me very uncomfortable. And I noticed, like, people were not looking at the actors I knew because they were whoever they were. They were looking at this very surface thing of, like, that's Johnny from fucking The Wonder Years or Punky Brewster or something like that. Right, right, right, right, right. And I was like, oh, that's got to be so relieving that they're kind of, like, who they actually are is anonymous. And it became this, like...

invisibility cloak I could wear. Like, I'm an actor now. Nobody's looking at me because I'm 500 pounds. They're looking at me because they saw me on TV. Interesting. So there was that, like, bit of psychology. There is, like, a lot of anonymity in acting. Right. That's true. I mean, even you think about somebody, like, which I don't, like, that's the funny thing is, like, comedians, especially with podcasts and just, like, I think it's a more confessional art form anyway, but you're right where it's, like, I do feel like

You know, you started a podcast when you're 25 with your friends that you never thought anyone was going to listen to. And you said the most just honest, ridiculous shit ever. And that's like, oh, it ended up being insanely successful. Now...

10 years later and probably in perpetuity, I'll be in talking into a micro, like I never expected to tell so much of myself, but you're so right in that. Like, like what the fuck do we know about Brad Pitt? Nothing. And that's like the most famous guy. Yeah. Yeah. You know what his PR team wants you to know? Like, you don't, we don't know shit. You're so, I never thought of like actors that way. Cause it's like, yeah,

No one knows that like nobody unless somebody writes some kind of crazy profile and even then you get a snapshot And you're only getting what they want to show you. Yeah, so is that really them? Yeah, you know like like I'm a fan of come town I love listening to come town come down for me was what it felt like to be in a locker room like if I was if I was hiding in a locker room well, they wouldn't imagine the other two wouldn't have made the team and

I'm the only varsity athlete on the podcast. Brittle bones on Mr. Friedland, and Nick would have never been able to listen to a coach tell him anything. You're listening in on an honest conversation with

Yes. Teenage boys. It really was just, we were, yeah, we were. There's no like. There was no filter. It was like how you talk. When we finally met, my expectation was not, it's going to constantly be dick jokes. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. But I think that for some people with actors, it is like my expectation of you is that you're Randy from My Name is Earl. Right. Or another person could be that you're the guy.

racist guy from American History X, which gets scary sometimes because when people are really into that movie, you're like, what? Oh, yeah. Did you not get it? Dude, yeah. Oh, yeah. You don't say... I don't know anything about that with Comptown. It's like people not getting that a joke isn't what we believe sometimes. Right. Yeah. I would say there is a little crossover between the American History X guys and a certain percentage of Comptown listeners. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's that, but...

there is probably a level of anonymity for you where people just make this assumption. They know you. And so you're like, that's a good point. Cause I don't have any idea of who I actually am. That's a good point because they don't. Right. And especially come down in particular, it was like, that was the, that was even like not even a real dynamic. That was like what we did to get through an episode, you know, but it was like, and it was weird people, some people just like,

Thought we were... Like, we slept in, like, a triple bunk bed. Right. And then we... Best friends. It's like, we saw each other...

four hours a week and it's like we were friends but it was never like people really thought we were like you know born and you know we were like triplets or some shit it was really bizarre and it was like no man we just had a good rapport on Mike like when Adam was shitting his pants while that was awesome yeah I remember thinking like well they're roommates so he probably does this all the time yeah yeah yeah that because

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're playing up to it because doctor's roommates typically shit their pants in the same place. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, and we've never lived together. We were never... But that was actually a hilarious moment of like, I didn't even know, is Adam doing a bit? Like, I was like, he can't have actually shit in the chair. Yeah.

That really was a moment where I was like, what is going on? That was like... Have we jumped the shark? I still, to this day, don't really know what happened. Right. Like, I think he just shit his pants. But he made a meal out of shitting his pants. It was great. And it was a legendary moment that I think about sometimes and still smile. Because...

because like Adam was good at like always being in on the bit but that felt like a moment where it was like I thought he was in on it and then I'm like wait is he actually this sad about shit now I feel actually bad we're shaming him for his incontinence but then he also did shit in the chair which is weird and like why

That's just disrespectful and shit on your friend's property when you're a grown man without like, I don't know, ass cancer. Like if he had like some condition. Or like withdrawing from heroin. Right, right, right. Very sick. Not what was going on. Just took a cold brew too fast. Like that was it. And it's like you should be able to figure this out. But no, that's a good point because I guess it bothers me a little bit because I feel like a lot of people...

Just have no idea who I am and make the assumption that they do. And with stand-up, too, like, I think your stand-up's very funny. It's not always exactly who you are. Right, right, right. It's a joke. It's heightened. And for stand-up, I think what's nice, what's fun artistically is, like, the pursuit is to get as close as you can to certain, to what I want people to know about. There's, you know, certain things, and that's another struggle is, like,

When you start, you're like, whatever for a laugh. And then you get to a point, you're like, well, I have a life. I want certain things to be my own. But like, there is that pursuit. But you're absolutely right. It's like, people just get these snapshots. And that's a good perspective to see it as like, more of an invisibility cloak. Yeah. Then I guess the difference is those are roles. And this is at least somewhat derived from my life, even though, especially on Come Town and certainly certain jokes, it's like,

I am effectively playing a role, right? But at least it's... It blurs the line even one step further. But it is a good perspective to be like, no, that actually is almost like a good thing. Because the guy they... I think it's great. The guy they think exists is just not a real guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's interesting. It's what I've...

shown you for an actor it is different because I'm always unless I create something which I've never done because I am very lazy but like it's just somebody else has this idea and the other thing that was really kind of a relief for me was

If I'm playing a role, the role is meant to look like I look. Right. And that actually did give me a physical relief because I never felt good about myself. Interesting. I myself, Ethan Suplee, feel shame and worthless and awful and hate myself to some degree. Right. But like...

The character I'm playing is meant to be this way. So it takes the, and maybe the character has a little bit of that. Sure. But Ethan Suplee doesn't because Ethan Suplee is correct. It's so awful that I just referred myself in the third person. It's so gross. Three times back to back. I don't think I've ever done that before. But I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I could experience relief because I'm now doing something that I'm perfect for. Yeah. I mean, I think especially like the, it's interesting to think about how like,

You would think that being overweight and struggling with your weight in an industry that was so brutal and so about, you know, body image and all this stuff would be harder. But I totally see what you're saying where it was like it was a relief for you because you

You weren't in the, like, getting judged for your body thing. It was almost like that was, we knew, no one's like, that guy's hot. No. So once you cross that threshold. A very, very small percentage of gay men were super, super into my body. And that was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's interesting to think about it as like, because we've also talked about this. We do have pretty different, like, I, if it wasn't for health,

I'd be a little less fat than this, but I like being fat. I actually like the physical thing of it. When I was younger, I certainly had some image stuff because kids were cruel and I didn't believe in myself in other ways. But you realize a lot of people have a lot of problems with...

weight is just one of hundreds of insecurities that people can have. And so it's like, yeah, I have this thing that's not traditionally...

attractive or traditionally like looked on but it's like I have all these other things that are so much better so it's like yeah you got me on maybe I'm a little fatter than you but it's like I have you know I'm more fun to be around I'm a better person you know I'm like nicer I'm not trying to be cruel like you know whatever it was like there was all these things where

Because I was, in elementary school, a shirt-in-the-pool guy. Yeah. And I really kind of came into my own probably a little through comedy, probably a little bit through, you know, just having fat role models, like Chris Farley, like those fun, trying to be John Candy. I think what, like, your freedom with your body is so inspirational to me, and your calendars are like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, when I first hung your calendar the first time...

And my wife saw it. She like was like very concerned. Like what the fuck? I didn't know this about you. You know? Um,

always kind of thinking I was a little gay anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were talking off mic. If you or Eldest met the right gay man at the right time, he could 100% have been your husband right now. All I needed was the right amount of attention at the right time. When you were like super fat, really on heroin, if a gay guy nursed you to sobriety, dude. It was like, you are valuable. You need to love yourself. Yeah.

I don't know what my life would be today. You know, I could have had a totally different trajectory. Totally different, yeah. But like, your freedom with your body, the first time I ever experienced that where I was like, fuck, that is something I want so bad was with Jack Black. Like, Jack Black takes his shirt off, it's not a problem. Huge inspiration. We never saw Chris Farley or John Candy with their shirts off, ever. Not one time. But,

When Jack Black takes... And look, I was much bigger than Jack Black. I was much bigger than you are. But still the fact that you guys...

You take your shirt off and you're not trying to hide anything. You have a freedom, which is super enviable. Look, I've lost a lot of weight in the right lighting today. You can see my abs, which is a big fucking deal. I'm not taking my shirt off. Yeah. I'm just not doing it because I'm not real comfortable with it. Um,

So I'm envious of that with you. Yeah, totally. But yeah, I guess I never thought of you sort of acting, being drawn to acting as a way to hide yourself.

Like almost hide in plain sight. Yeah. Where it's like, well, I'm fat as shit, but I'm playing a fat as shit guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the guy's written fat as shit. Yeah. Or just by fact that they hired me, he's supposed to be fat as shit. Right, right, right, right, right. And now when you're looking at me, there's at least a 50-50 chance of you recognize me from something or I'm still the car crash that you're rubbernecking.

Right. You know what I mean? But maybe you're not just staring at me because I'm fat. You really think people are staring at you right now? No, not now. Oh, okay, okay. You should be back in the day. Back in the day. Yeah, the world has changed. First of all, there's way more fat people now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not a minority. I was a minority growing up. Being obese...

in the 80s was just a much bigger deal right you know yeah um and now it's not really that's true it's not a big deal no they got you get your you could have gotten a reality show back you know now um that's so yeah that's fascinating man and so you were just and you just spent so you were like this

fat kid that didn't think he was going to be an actor met like enough friends of yours were actors and you were like oh they're now it's like maybe they're just looking at me because they see me from something and so it just kind of

And that's basically what got you into acting. It was like peer pressure and like trying to hide. It was like acting was like a metaphorical t-shirt in the swimming pool for you. It's such a good job for lazy people because the amount... And that's not to say it's necessarily easy. It's long hours. It can be physically taxing. But if you look at the actual amount of work...

done. Like if the work is from the time they say action to the time they say cut and the rest is waiting around for work, it's just so lopsided. Yeah, that's true. There's always a buffet. Yeah. And the buffet, you know, you could have like

Four Seasons brunch buffet on some things. And then it could be like, you know, if McDonald's did a buffet on other things. Which is not super... But I liked McDonald's a lot. You could make do. Yeah, for sure. No, any set I've been on, I've been able to make do with some snacks. Yeah. You've got snacks. That was appealing to me. And then the fact that, like, I...

Who I am and the things I feel shameful about are being obfuscated by doing this it just is like I'm becoming camouflaged and and that was really really appealing and then look I Was never I will I always thought so poorly of myself that I never had any luck with the girls and there was definitely something of like a

girls are attracted to success if I can get successful and it would have been if I was a successful car salesman I would have thought like if I'm successful at something they'll find that attractive because there's nothing else certainly about me that's going to be attractive right right you know so that was for sure I feel bad for there's like a lot of like not obviously Harvey Weinstein

But if Harvey Weinstein wasn't... Nice start to a sentence, by the way. Look, look, look. Not Harvey Weinstein. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he wasn't a sociopath... Right, right, right. And his major motivation was, like, I'm an ugly, unloved kid... Right. ...who just wants attention from women... Mm-hmm.

I don't, I, you know. I mean, on some level, psychologically, like, I at least am wired in the way where it's like, everything you're doing is for women's attention. Right. One way or another. 100%. It's like, I mean, comedy, I definitely feel that way. And it's like, you know, that, to me, it was like, you know, I always, I don't know. I just, I just feel like you are successful. I mean, now it's transitioned to like,

It's definitely what got me started on certain things because it's such a base human need of like to feel wanted or affection from the people you want to like you. And like, but that's really what got comedy started for me was like there was a little bit of being funny around people was what always...

drew people to me. I never really had a problem, you know, making friends or whatever, being like, I was always a ham in the center of attention. And I did like, I liked acting. I never, it's so funny, I never even considered, like, I don't know, being fat or anything. Like, I literally liked the performance. I liked the attention more than anything. Like, the attention on, like, I think it was a, I like stand-up more than acting because...

I mean, maybe if I did stage stuff, but like... Like you became a thespian. Yeah, theater stuff, which is a whole other thing that's hilarious, but like... Because I was in like little school plays and shit, and then...

And then it went to... And then kind of in the middle of my life, I was like, no, I'm an athlete now. Like, I tried to, you know, I played football, and I was like, I'm actually... Acting's actually gay, and I'm actually fucking going to get jacked or whatever. And then that just didn't really work. I ended up being, like, the clown on the team, even though I was pretty good, whatever. But so, I don't know, it was just like...

I did a play in school and I remember it being the first time I got any attention, positive attention for anything I'd done. And that feeling good, having people who never said a word to me saying like, you were great. You know, it felt very good. That's why I feel bad for like, you know,

the new kind of idea of what power dynamics are because it's like, look, you take a kid like me who has no self esteem and they're just trying to figure out how to find love and be loved. And it's like, well, having success is totally a way to lure people into loving you. So,

I don't think I'm a sociopath, which maybe makes me a sociopath. I don't know. This is insane. You've been like happily married to the woman who got you out of your addictions for like to a loving woman who was like sat you down and was like who you had a friendship with, who you got to know as a human being at your worst. Yeah.

and you have children together, and you have a nice life together, whatever weird self-esteem you're going through about being a sociopath is crazy. You never did any of that stuff. No, I never did any of that stuff. You never did any weird... But I think there was for sure a calculation in there of like... And it didn't seem to work because my wife...

didn't give a shit about my weight right also came from a family where her father and her sister were way more famous than me right so fame wasn't doing it it wasn't doing it at all it might have been a negative you know literally might have been a negative i'd really like this guy but he's a fucking actor christ yeah no i think it was i had to win her over despite yeah yeah um

But I think that that was part of it was like this idea of like, I want anonymity and I want to be somehow more attractive to girls. Right, right, right. Which makes, I mean, you know, and you just worked at it and then you were like, you know, and basically from then on you were, you were just,

pretty much working steadily, right? Yeah. Since that started. And then, who was that group of friends? Like, was DiCaprio a guy you went to high school with? Or you guys just became friends? We didn't go to high school, but we just became friends at 17. Are there any people from that school that you're still, like, friends with? Any of those acting kids? Giovanni Ribisi. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Awesome. And Soleil Moon Frye. Oh, nice. Yeah.

You know, I don't... I'm now a grandfather. Which is hilarious. Yeah. Because you're... How old are you? 48. I mean, that's so funny. That just goes... Yeah, that's... That's crazy that you're a grandfather at 48. And by the way, I have four daughters and a granddaughter and a wife. So my life is still motivated by... By women. Attention from women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's... But when you were... When you're, you know...

and you're out there and you've sort of achieved, you've half achieved what you want. You have a career, you're a well-known guy, whatever. You were saying you're still not having any success with women and you have all these friends that were like, they're getting pussy left and right. Literally the famous pussy posse. Which, okay. Yeah, let's get into this. Let's clear this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clear the air. Yeah.

We were kids in the 90s. I'm actually shocked that there's never been a lawsuit over this. Yes, yes, yes. Well, this is the news magazine to clear it up, to clear the air. This will get picked up for sure. By the way, I don't know that I or any of my friends have ever talked about this before. Oh, wow. Here we go. Stavi's World Exclusive. You know...

Me and the majority of my friends in the 90s were working actors. But there was one guy of us who was way more famous than the rest of us. And I believe there was someone from New York Magazine, a gal, who was doing an article on him. And so hanging out as we hung out in New York. Not once.

Did any one of us ever say those words? Ever. And he won't say... You won't even say them right now, with respect. Because it's so stupid. You won't be caught... Not once. That is such a fucking fabricated bit of nonsense. It's also like, oh, wow. Rich actors in New York were trying to get pussy. You don't say...

In their 20s. There was definitely like that's a natural thing. You'll find anybody in their 20s who's a straight dude and they're trying to get laid. I mean, that's what you do. Right, right, right. We weren't fucking gross degenerates who called ourselves that. That's so awful. Right.

Yeah, we're the pussy posse. Roll call, pussy posse number one. You guys have jackets with monogrammed pussies on, like detailed biological drawings of a vagina in silk like you're in Greece. You have the Letterman's jacket. By the way, the person I feel worse for in that situation is that they put Sarah Gilbert as a member who was just as like,

And she's a chick who has a chick's libido. She likes girls. But like there was no, it's just like there was nothing ever gross like that lady put into print. Right, right, right. But you were just a group of friends hanging out. Yeah. And you were just had the success. I mean, those guys, not you, apparently you were fucking pilled out too fat. I was doing a lot of drugs and I would never had much luck with the girls. Yeah, I really did. Yeah.

That's a, yeah, that's a, I mean, we had, we just had a buddy of ours who was not, he was huge. He was like Peter when we had Peter on here. Not famous at all. Just one of the coolest guys in the world. And it was funny because he was kind of the same way and he would just talk about,

His dick wouldn't even work. It was just like, oh, a woman would have had sex with me. Right. And now she'll spend the night and it feels good to have titties pressed on your breasts. From drugs? Huh? From drugs? From just being drunk as shit. Right, right. Very fat, you know. I definitely had a few instances where, and it was such a disappointment because it was like 5%.

Yeah, I've done this. And now I'm too fat and on bills. Yeah. Oh, I've been there where my dick just doesn't work. Yeah. And you were, unfortunately. And this was prior to all the fucking shit. The dick pill revolution. Yeah, they don't have that. Yeah. Thank you. Still sponsor us. I can't believe we don't have a dick pill sponsor. Every time this comes up, you could be making free money right now, folks. We're talking to a member of the pussy posse himself. Yeah.

Ethan Suplee, Pussy Posse approved. Dick pills. That's what you could have right now. We would spin his words. We would edit him and it would be like, I was a member of the Pussy Posse. In a different guy's voice. I wish we had bullshit at the time. You're losing money, folks.

That is... But that is... I also... That must... I totally know that vibe too of just like you're the fat friend around like... And you... Just the hottest girls. The hottest girls. By the way, New York with the models that are here working and like every year you leave and every year you come back and the models are exactly the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like there's nothing changed. Maybe they're all new people. Right. But they're all 19 years old and like...

And yeah. And I was the friend who like had girls rest their head on my shoulder. Yeah. Your friend doesn't like me. Yeah.

It's nice to know that exists at every level of success. It's like, no, the fat guy's not, even when you're famous, he's not the main guy. He's just the even more famous guy's fat friend. But honestly, you were the top level fat sidekick.

It doesn't get much better than being Leonardo DiCaprio in the 2000s or in the 90s like sidekick. That's the top level fat sidekick there ever was, man. So there's some solace. Boss level fat sidekick. Hall of Famer. Hall of Famer fat sidekick. And then, but you know, you got your shit to... I mean, shortly thereafter... I mean, if you're a grandfather now, you must have pretty quickly like... Yeah, yeah. Figured it out with your wife, right? Yes. When I... Because I assumed when you told me you were a grandfather, I was like, oh...

On drugs, he knocked up some woman he doesn't know. And he's got a daughter from not even a marriage, just a lady he met twice. The pussy posse was actually him. I literally thought it was... When we didn't know each other, I was like, that's got to be what it is. Because your wife's also like... You both don't feel like people that are grandparents. You know what I mean? We started very young. My wife...

had our first kid at 19 wow yeah and i i you know like i was a drug addict and morbidly obese yeah and hated myself um and that if that had gone on much longer i would have died right and i met my wife and and she like made me believe that i was worthwhile yeah as a person that's beautiful yeah and i got my shit together and have had my shit together for a long time and

long time. And it was that, it was like that positive force. Yeah. Cause you really were, I mean, you were like, you know, I mean, you tell that story. I don't know if you want to tell an abridged version of like literally like, you know, you'd been working forever. You finally were like the star, right? Where it was like, what movie, what movie was it? It wasn't the star, but you had a big trailer, right? You got like the fucking, your whole getting paid just an obscene amount of money. It's like a big studio movie, right? Studio movie,

The first 20 million is always the hardest, which was an utter failure. And that's why nobody's heard of it. But it was like Mick Jackson who had directed LA story and was a big director. And, um,

fucking blanking on his name but a big writer who now does Star Wars and oh wow and oh fuck um you wanna do a little producing for Christ's sake he you're fucking letting our guest here out on a he made uh on an island he made uh he made a bunch a couple movies the first 20 million is the hardest for fuck's sake you piece of shit and I'm gonna feel like such an asshole he did the movie um about cooking uh

See, there I am. There you are. They don't realize that we're looking at... 11% Rotten Tomatoes. It was fucking awful.

It was such a disaster. No, no. It was terrible. John Favreau. John Favreau. Oh, wow. Yeah, he wrote it and he was coming off. Look, it had a budget of $17 million. Oh, my God. And the box office, it made $5,000. $5,000? That was your fucking Danish budget. That's Ethan's fucking pastry. It was insane. Holy shit.

But it was the first script we had. It was R. It was dark. It was awesome. And then like as we started shooting, we kept getting rewrites and they took all the fucks out and they dumbed down the jokes. And then it was also a problem because it was about computers in 2000 when nobody knew what the fuck a computer was even going to be yet and the internet was. And so none of that holds up at all. The technology that they're creating doesn't work.

And I was on a lot of drugs, but I had this massive trailer and I was over 500 pounds and there was a heroin drought in Los Angeles and so I spent the whole night downtown trying to find out my delivery guy had no nothing and I couldn't get drugs and finally I went into work withdrawing from drugs. Oh my god, like

You don't shit a lot when you're using heroin. Yeah. And then sometimes like the shit gets compact and hard. And so I've had the experience of coming off heroin where you're just giving birth to a giant fucking boulder. A log, yeah. And then there's other times coming off where your bowels just go to water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'm in there. I get dressed.

And you have a big scene that day or what is it? I have a dancing scene. A dancing scene. Rosario Dawson. Oh my God. Dancing. The hottest girl of all time. Rosario Dawson in like 2000. Are you kidding me? Amazing. You're withdrawing. You're

500 pounds going through heroin withdrawals and you're fucking assholes just like on the fritz. And I... And my bowels go to water. I'm in my trailer and I like... You're about to be on set? About to be on set. They're like, hey, Ethan, come through. Not yet. They haven't said that yet. But I know it's going to happen and I like leap up, which for 500 plus pound man is very difficult. That's a lot. I'm surprised I didn't tear a quad. Yeah, yeah. And...

And my bathroom and my trailer, you know, you're in a trailer. So it's like a toilet that is wedged between a wall and a sink. And there's probably like, it's probably two feet wide. I've never done anything but piss in it. Yeah. And honestly, because of the dimensions of the bathroom and the size of my body and the difficulty and

touching stuff wedged together like that, I probably was pissing in the sink more than the toilet. Right, right, right. Because the toilet's off in a corner. Of course. Big sink pisses around here. Nothing wrong with that. And there was nothing... The only real bathroom, like real toilet, is in a trailer across the parking lot.

which I didn't shit a lot because I was on heroin. Right, right, right. And so I was like, fuck, I'm not going to make it across the parking lot. And so I like waddle to the bathroom and very awkwardly get my pants or start to get my pants down and turn around and like,

try to thrust myself in between the sink and the wall. And there's not enough room for my body and I get stuck and shit all over myself. It's just an eruption. You shit all over the place, wedged into the bathroom? Wedged into the bathroom. Oh my God. And you know, there's multiple rounds in diarrhea. So like the first one is just a giant explosion. And then when I'm there, I'm like,

I just like let go. Yeah, I mean, it's already happened. And try to put a little pressure into it to aim towards the toilet. But it's all on my legs and my clothes and the back of my shirt. Jesus Christ. And that's when they knock. Oh, when you're covered in shit, some PA's like, hey, Ethan, they're ready for you. For your dancing scene with Rosario Dawson. Oh my fucking God, dude. Yeah. And there was one wardrobe gal who...

knew i was on drugs yeah and and took care of me and and uh she came in with like hot towels and and a plastic bag and helped me clean up holy shit she was very very kind to me and uh you know that's one of those things where you go like this is my rock bottom was not not even close probably no

Damn, that's just a... That was just a day in the life. Another, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was just kind of steady. Well, anyway, hose me down. Let's get the tarp out. We need Ethan's shit tarp. Yeah, he's off airing again. Let's get Ethan's shit tarp in here.

And for God's sakes, find the heroin and come. I mean, we've been looking all night. Right. Somebody patched this kid up. No, but I actually had to have a doctor called to set who wrote a prescription for legal heroin, which came in the form of pills. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I ate a bunch of those and felt great.

What a beautiful business. You're literally, your body is begging you to stop. And they're like, no, no, no, you got to tango with Rosario. Come on, we got a movie that's going to lose $16,955,000. For God's sakes, he can't go to rehab now. We have to make the shittiest movie of all time. I mean, it is pretty much a disaster of a movie.

And that's what they were like risking your life for. That's what they're prescribing you more drugs for. They didn't know. You know what I mean though. The industry, your agents. Somebody made it up. You think you're hiding it from people. Of course. I mean the doctor, I'm telling I have pinched sciatic nerves and she's in my trailer going, why does it smell so bad as shit in here? Yeah.

Well, you know, your sciatica. That's literally what I said. You know how it's connected to your asshole, and if you hit your knee just right, a fountain of shit comes out of your 500-pound ass.

Goddamn, dude. That's good, though, that you were fucking... I love that that wasn't even rock bottom. But, you know, thank God you found the positivity in your wife and an actual... Somebody who believes in you and just kind of was nice to you. Yeah. Because that is what it takes. I did go to rehab not too long after that. Yeah. And you've been clean for a long time now. And...

dieting on and off. That was like the second hurdle. After I'd been sober for about a year, I woke up one day and was like, oh, I still can't breathe when I lay down. Yeah. And I still worry about like dying in my sleep. Totally. And so maybe I need to focus on that too. Yeah. Yeah, and I get that. I mean, literally for me, it's also...

just pure health stuff of like, ah, going upstairs is too hard. It's rough, yeah. It's too hard. Like, it can be, you can get your, it's one thing to need to catch your breath, it's another thing to be like, all right, I need 40 minutes to get over a suitcase, going up four flights of stairs with a suitcase. You know what was amazing for me, and it's still true today, there came a switch where because I'd

probably done and I've had knee surgery and I was so heavy for so long the flip happened where like going upstairs now is much easier than going downstairs going downstairs is actually harder for me now yeah interesting oh no I love a nice I'll go down all fucking day I'll let the momentum carry me I wish I could like hook into the railings and just slide down slalom down

We do have to do some calls, but I do want to ask you just... Because I would like to just... I've gotten way more into movie stuff, so I do want to ask, what are some of your favorite... Because, again, we talked about it at the beginning of the show, but you work with Scorsese. I mean, Tony Scott on his last film is... That's a great movie, too. And I've become a... I mean, I think True Romance might be my favorite movie. It's so fucking good. And I know, obviously, there's better...

overall, like, you could argue there's better movies overall, but, like, I just, there's something about, like, the time, you know, that's how, everything is so personal, too, where it's, like, when you see it, but there's something so cool about, because it's a Tarantino script, and Tarantino's obviously another incredible director, but you, we've, I think that might be the only one where you, you see, I don't know how many people have made his scripts, I'm sure he's uncredited, done punch-up on stuff, but, like,

That's a full Tarantino script with the fucking guy that made Top Gun. Yeah. With like real gloss and like... It's like a real blockbuster behind an incredible script. And it's just like this confluence of things. And I just really appreciate Tony Scott for so many... So I don't know. It's just like... No, if Tarantino had shot that movie at the time, it would have been all in Chatsworth. Yeah. With...

that you just didn't know. Totally, totally. It was just so cool. But that's just a way to be like, what are some of the, like, your favorite just, like, acting experience, people you've gotten to work with? Because, you know, not just your friends, but, like, you've worked with so many incredible, you know. Anthony Minghella, for me, was, like, another bucket list guy. He won an Academy Award and,

was just made these epic, massive, masterful movies. Was that Cold Mountain? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he did a bunch of shit. He did... Fuck. The Talented Mr. Riffin. Yes. Yeah, oh man, that's a fucking banger. Philip Seymour Hoffman in that is like... So, him entering that movie, where he jumps over the car and shit, that's like... That's like...

Certain things are ingrained in me as a kid, but certain things I see and I'm like, that's how I want to be perceived. And him in Heart 8 too is kind of like, but anyway, yeah, yeah. And Philip Seymour Hoffman in that movie, he was also in Cold Mountain, but I remember hearing stories about Anthony Minghella

Philip Seymour Hoffman to be too thin. So he just sent him on an eating tour of Europe. Wow. Like literally just picked all these restaurants and said, you have to go eat here for a month. For Cold Mountain or Ripley? For Ripley. That makes sense. Because that character should be a little chubby. A chubby guy that believes in himself. That's a fun guy. The most fun guy. And Minghella was just like an angel of a guy. So he was another bucket list kind of a guy. It,

And is it hard for you? Because I assume a lot of these stuff is like you kind of pop in, you have to do a day, these guys are there constantly, and it's like to you it's your scene, but to them it might be like...

oh, this scene's not too bad. Like, is it kind of hard to maybe just kind of, because you're maybe like, you know, you're in it for one scene with like some insane actors. Like, how do you approach that where you're like, do you just kind of take your cues from them or like, what do you do about, you know? Those movies, like if Cold Mountain-

Obviously, there's a ton that I'm not there for, but I was in Romania for seven months. Holy shit, really? What the fuck? I didn't mean that. I just mean specifically, because I do feel like when you're a good actor, where they're like, we just want... It's not the biggest part, but we want someone who's fucking awesome. We talked about even...

fucking Babylon. Yeah. Which was like, you're, you have a great, you're great in it and you have like, it's a great, your look is so important as like a henchman or whatever. Yeah. But that's a huge move. I mean, that was a huge movie, which,

We've talked, you know, I honestly, the more I sit with that movie, I really like it more and more. For me, like the movie, the part about Hollywood, the stuff where they're filming stuff with like, there's an actor named PJ Byrne who was also in The Wolf of Wall Street. And he's the assistant director and he's fucking pulling his hair out and then they move to sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of that. That was great. Was incredible. Yeah.

But you're even just, but I mean, that's such a huge production and you come in and you're there, you know, you're there for the tail end of the movie. And it was cool because, you know, you're also working with another one of your friends, Tobey Maguire, who had a great, he was cool in that because they made him so fucked up looking and he was just like evil and like, and it's just like, but that's even like this huge production where you're just popping in. It's like, I don't know. It's like, it's an interesting thing because we don't, you don't think about actors having to just sort of

you just got to kind of perform. Like, it's... You're in this middle ground where it's like you are a respected, really great actor, but at the same time, they're like, hey, man, we just got to do your scene sometimes. So I don't know. Is that, like, difficult? Is it, like... Like, what aspects of it... What do you prefer the most? Like, what do you like doing the most? Yeah, that's tough because, like, you're the... It's the first day of school. Right. You know? Doing that... You feel like a kid... Or even, like, you feel like a kid who...

came to it's the first day of school for you but everybody's been there for four months yeah yeah and that was made easier because i'm doing it with a friend and so we're kind of in it together um but the first scene i shot in that i'm alone with two actors i've never met before i met the director 10 minutes ago you know what i mean like yeah yeah yeah yeah i have way more time just with the wardrobe people because we did fittings for suits and shit right right um

I like TV a lot because, you know, there's something like about like you're almost a carny worker on a movie where you just show up and like here's your family for the next few months. Right. And then you might never see them again. Right. Or you might see them in 20 years and be like, oh. I remember that. The 90s were fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad you survived. Right, right. Glad we're both off heroin. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

But TV, you create a family. And you actually see them. And the work is more predictable and stable. It's not quite nine to five, but it's a hell of a lot closer than that. And if you're doing it in...

in the town that you properly live in, you become kind of a normal person. Cool. Yeah. I mean, we've so, well, you got to come back. Obviously there's so much more I want to ask you, but we got to, we got to solve. You actually have, I always say this jokingly when we switched to this part of the thing, but it's like, you actually have a ton of experience that I think could help our listeners. You've lived a hilarious life of ups and downs and you're, it's fun to be like you were a 500 pound heroin addict. And now you're like,

like a nice, calm grandfather who like lives in a nice house. Like you have your vices under control. You're a family man. If we want to advertise some... Blur this out, Elders. Blur this out. This nicotine is fantastic. Blur this out. No free rides on Stavi's world.

Yeah, let's play a couple calls here, Elders. And by the way, do you have anything you want to plug? I mean, American Glutton, the podcast. American Glutton, the podcast, which I believe you're the most returning guest. Yeah. Just thank you for doing that. Of course. It's going to be a while. I can't keep getting fatter every time I do it. I can't. Every time I do Ethan. When I first did it, I was in the middle of an actual health kick. Right, right.

every time it's been like a different i'm like nah dude yeah i'm gonna get it together either it's been i let it go a little bit but we're getting back so i'm not allowing myself back on your but it's nothing personal no no no i just need to lose like 80 pounds before i do your podcast again we'll do it beginning of 2025 yeah yeah there we go put it on the calendar we got that anything else anything no that's it i mean uh

I have a couple movies. I have a TV show coming out. Cool. But I don't know when. And you did the movie, the indie movie that I wrote. Yeah. That I was in with my friends. Let's Start a Cult. We're still trying to figure out what the fuck's that. I don't know how movies work. That's another frustrating thing about like stand-up. It's like I control everything. Yeah. And it's kind of annoying to me to like I poured so much of my life into this movie and it's

Now we're just like, all right, yeah, we're trying to get into some festivals and then we're trying to figure out distribution. And it's like, that's a part I hate where I'm like, give it to me. I'll fucking... I'll make people see it. Put it on YouTube. Yeah, like, so... But...

You were awesome. I really appreciate that you did. You played my brother in the movie. And Bobby Kelly played our dad. He's like two years older than me. I know, I know. It was so funny. He has more hair than I do. I mean, it did not look like you were father. It was so funny and stupid. And the lady we got to play our mom was probably your age. Exactly. Or younger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the thing is, I told, I was like, Bobby...

I was like, hey, man, like, because Bobby, when I first started, he was kind of my dad. We looked exactly the same. We were fat as shit, shaved head, everything. I was completely hairless. But he's not even 20 years older than you, is he? No, no, no. He's like... He was like 10 when he had you. Yeah, it was... No, it was like he could have... He was also degenerate as a youth. So there's a realm of possibility where he has a son my age, you know? Yeah.

Had he been in the Pussy Posse. Exactly. If he made the cut, he would have done it. He had his own little lower level. That's a guy who would have made jackets that said Pussy Posse. If you go back and watch Bobby when he was on Dane Cook's tour, he's the biggest dickhead of all time. He's got bedazzled T-shirts that he's wearing. He's got...

bedazzled belt. He's got a horrible goatee. He's wearing Kangol's. That's the kind of guy that would have relished being in something called the Pussy Posse. Young pussy getting Bobby. And he did. He fucked a lot. But I was like, hey, man, you should play my dad. And then it's like,

And then I was like, oh, I got to ask Ethan to be in this movie. And I just gave you a couple roles. And you're like, I think the brother is the funnest one. I'm like, all right, man. Honestly, it was mostly that I didn't want to be a sex pest. Yeah, there is a sex pest I offered you. I didn't give you too many great options. That's true.

But it's cool because the sex bus went to it. We got a professional wrestler to do it. He's awesome in it. So it all ended up better. And it's very funny that I think it plays as a good laugh that it's clearly you. My brother and both my parents seem to be the exact same age. And I'm not that much younger. I'm 10 years younger. The dynamics in that family are wild.

Anyway, all right. Well, watch the movies. Listen to the podcast. Did we say the movies or did I just cut you off to plug my own movie? No, we don't need to say the movies. Okay, all right, all right. Play some calls for us, Elders. Yeah, Ethan, can you point the mic a little closer? Like this? How's that? Is that sexy? Do we hear the calls? We will if Elders does his job right, which he never does.

It always takes him a second to remember to play it out loud. Just on the first one. This happens every episode over a year. What's up, Elvis and Saab? So I'm 32 and feeling kind of guilty about my drinking. I'm married. I've got a six-year-old stepson, and we have a 15-month-old together. And almost every day when I get back from work, I get it.

A few glasses of bourbon, a couple beers through the evening. I mean, I'm still giving the kids their baths, reading the story before bed. I make my son's lunch so that he doesn't eat whatever poison they serve here in schools in Arkansas. I can't even imagine. I wake up every morning early, get the kids breakfast, take the six-year-old to school,

So my drinking really hadn't affected my life or work in any negative way. I recently got promoted at work for a local company, and, I mean, I don't really ever have hangovers, but I'm drinking a lot pretty much every day, not at work, not in the mornings, just when I get home in the evening. It helps with stress, and, I mean, it hadn't affected my life negatively in any way whatsoever.

that I can really think of or that my wife has mentioned. But I know that drinking a bottle of bourbon over two or three days isn't a good thing, but I'm having a hard time finding a reason to quit when, I mean, outside of just it being bad for my own body, it doesn't affect my life negatively. So I don't know if I should just quit altogether or if it's just like you enjoy it.

It doesn't affect life, so why not? I mean, a couple times a year I quit for two weeks a month. But outside of that, I drink pretty much every day. But it doesn't hurt me in any way that's noticeable. Interesting. Love any advice you have. Appreciate it. This feels a little like the Lady Doth protest too much. It feels a little bit like...

If it's really not affecting your life, then who cares? But if you're making a call about it, I think you're just not really examining your life deep enough to see how it is affecting your life. Right, right, right. It's a tricky thing because the reality is so much of adult life, you can just get through a little drunk, a little high. Because 80% of life is just bullshit tasks. Yeah.

You just kind of do shit mindlessly. So, yeah, and that way it doesn't affect your life. But, you know, yeah, the fact that he's, like, calling in is a sign that it is affecting him or he has, like, some doubts about it. But it's also, like, I think the effect cumulatively is, like, whoa, I'm, like, fucked up in every spare second of my life where I don't have to, like, do something important. And I think if you, like, look back and you're, like,

Oh, the last few years were like that and I haven't had like a moment with my own thoughts in my head soberly in years. Like that is like an effect that you just like don't see on a day-to-day basis. Yeah. Mel, does this call touch a nerve with you in particular? No.

I haven't thought about this shit, especially with weed. Yeah, me and you, two guys that have spent pretty much every moment together, haven't been fucked up. That's the thing. I've been fucked up through the last eight of the most productive months of my life. I was fucked up every moment I didn't have to be working. And it didn't... So by your metrics, it didn't affect my life. Got my Netflix special done. Did...

Did that movie. I mean, that movie we were on, dude, I was getting fucking it was the days were so like annoying. I was getting and I was so like amped up and I was fucking pissed off and I didn't want to get drunk because I didn't want to deal with a hangover. So I would get I was getting high every night. I mean, every night getting so high, I would just go to sleep without thinking and just wake up in the morning and just.

pound coffee or take Adderall or whatever. Like, yes, I got through it and those drugs didn't affect me, but I would have been healthier. Like this year I've decided actually to our friend, it's like, I decided I turned 35. I've talked about a couple of times. I'm going to be sober this whole year. I'm just going to give it a shot, see how I feel, whatever. And so, you know, for our friend here, I think you're right. Both of you are kind of on the same path where it's like,

What do you mean it's not affecting you negatively? Like, you're passing life with a C plus right now. Right. That's what's going on. It's like, yeah, okay, C plus is fine. But also, the more this does, like, does a bottle every couple days turn into a bottle every two days, turn into a bottle a day, like...

If you ratchet up your drinking even a little bit every six months or whatever, that is you're on a bad curve and it seems like you're thinking about this. It seems like it's something that is at least psychologically, even if you're right and everything's fine, it seems like it is taking a psychological toll on you, which I also relate to because I, especially the last...

Oh, my God, dude. The last three months of, like, this last year, I was, like, miserable, and I was just like, I wish I wasn't fucked up right now. But I have to be to get through this. I just know I have to be. And so is that starting to creep in where you're like, I don't need it, but I'm not stopping either. Like, if I don't get my bourbon, though, it would be a bad day. Like...

I think Ethan, you're right. Where it's like examine if you're, if this is actually affected, it's not affecting the tangible outcomes of your life right now, but is it affecting like stuff that you can't measure? Yeah. Especially with kids. Are you being present for your children? Like for me, that would be the biggest or present for your wife. Like are those relationships that you're thoroughly invested in? And could you be more available to those people if you weren't fucked up? And I'm,

not I'm sober and abstinent from drugs and alcohol my wife is not but she can sit down to dinner and pour herself a glass of wine and not finish it which I can't do you know what I mean and I don't understand that at all I think if the bottle gets open the bottle gets finished you know what I mean if anything is in the house it just gets drunk so

So I can't do that. But like, I don't think everybody has to do that. So I don't think this guy necessarily has to be sober, but yeah,

I think if he's drinking as frequently as he is, he's not really participating in his life in the way he could be. Right. He's just checking off his responsibilities. And I guess good on you for being... Essentially, what he's describing is being a functioning alcoholic. That's just what he's saying. I mean, you are an alcoholic if you drink that much. And yes, to me, I would say...

Look at everything you just said about putting the kids to bed, doing your work, all this stuff. And then I would add what you just said. Are you present? Are you like... And if the answer is still yes, if the answer is like, yeah, I talked to my... We have a good relationship. I actually talked to my kids. I don't like resent them. I'm not drinking to get through the mundanity of raising children. And if the answer to all those things is still yes, like I'm present. I'm a good dad. I just...

really do have a pop when I'm by myself at fucking 10 p.m. and I wake up and do my job, then maybe you don't have to stop, but it feels like you already know the answer. It feels like you are thinking of a reason to stop. So I would say, you say you quit every two weeks, or every couple times a year you quit for two weeks,

Try a month, see how it goes. I mean, our friend who we just had here said he started getting sober by like, he did the same thing and he was like, hmm, I dropped a bunch of weight, I feel better.

Try it for an extended period of time and actually do a scientific, like give yourself enough of a sample size. Give it two months, give it three months and then see how you feel and if it's affected things. And if you don't like it, go back. But it seems like you might want to monitor this because I think at the very least, this is the kind of thing that even if it's in check right now,

It could be like the, you know, the embryonic stage of a really fucked up drinking problem. You're also only 32. You know, people get more people get more alcoholic the older they get for sure. So, you know, think about it that way, buddy.

And good for you for not, you know, for still feeding your children. It's also hilarious how low the bar is for him. He's like, I feed my children. I bathe them. I go to work. What do you want from me? Come on.

I mean, you sound like the stereotypical alcoholic dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the life you want to give to your kids? Okay, I mean, that's up to you. So we're erring on the side of stop drinking, but you have to really examine your shit a little more. As a general rule, I mean, what he's describing, it's like this doesn't even sound like that nefarious, but whether it's like alcohol, even cigs, whatever, it's like,

It's probably not good to have a drug that you use every day. Right. And that's just a very basic common sense. You might not have a problem, but that's just not a good habit or something. And also, health will start to factor in, especially if you have kids. You are fucking... Long term, this will add up. And even if you keep it exactly here...

This is not good for you long term. It also seems like he's waiting for some disaster. He's waiting to shit himself off heroin in a fucking double wide. And like in my defense, I didn't have children at the time. Right. If you're dealing with kids and like your bar is like I'm passing kids

But like with kids, there can be emergencies. Like you're bathing your kid while you've got a few glasses of bourbon. Right, right, right. Does your kid have to drown before you go like, oh, my drinking is a problem? Or is it like, no, maybe if I'm sober and doing this, I'll be better at it and I will avoid some disaster. Yeah, I've always thought about that of like if I'm babysitting a kid or if like I had kids...

I think I would have to stop smoking weed at night because you're essentially on call constantly. A 15-month-old kid, maybe a little less with a 6-year-old, but still even with a 6-year-old. A 15-month-old kid, that kid is utterly dependent on you for life. Yeah, for sure. And that's your actual kid that you actually love, not your stepchild. No, I'm sure you love them both. All right, next question, Elders.

Yo, what's going on Stah? What's going on Elvis? I have a very embarrassing predicament to share with y'all that I would like some advice on. Someone just come out and say it. My little brother found my butt plug in the shower. In the shower?

So a little back story. I was recently in a relationship with a girl who kind of introduced me to some butt stuff. Like she would eat my ass. And I really fucking liked that while fucking my dick. It was great. And after we broke up, I was kind of curious to kind of

You know explore a little bit more. You missed her like when I jerk off, so I got myself a butt plug. All right Yeah, shoot the homo allegations at me all you want. I don't care man. I still love pussy bro. Love pussy and piss.

I don't care. Hilarious. Wow. Pause that laugh.

Dude, we don't care if you're gay, man. We don't care if you're bi. He's over here telling... In a voice... We're not even responding. And by the way, pussy's just... God designed it for us. He didn't design assholes. So I just want my ass fingered, not fucked. I'm not gay. Anyway, my brother found my butt plug. But a finger is not quite good enough. You gotta get plugged up. Alright, let's keep going. This guy's so awesome.

This morning, after he had left for school, I'm still at home for the time being. I'm 26 for context. He is 17. He's a high school boy. And you could just maybe, you know, extrapolate as to all the things that might have been going through his mind and potentially haven't found that now. It was kind of out in the open. It's not like a total shoo-in that he saw it. It was kind of like...

On a shelf, window shelf, the side of the shower, kind of high up. Could have been that he was groggy in the morning. Didn't pay attention. Didn't see it. Yeah, why is it there? How do I explain to him?

That I'm not gay. Oh, that's your issue? You know, try that stuff out. And I'm kind of just experimenting with toys, I guess, when it comes to jerking off or something, you know. Yeah, what do I say to him? To be honest, I don't really even get that much sexual pleasure out of it. It just feels like a kegel. Oh, my God, dude. Like, even harder and stronger and more robust, you know.

after the fact, but he's training the prostate. Oh, that's weird. Yeah.

Yeah, not too much sexual pleasure derived from sex. Not too much. How do I explain that to him in a way that doesn't come off as overconfident? I feel like if I were a 17-year-old, I would definitely kind of still look at you sideways if you told me that. You know, like, that's pretty gay. But, you know, I kind of want to, you know, I care about my little brother. I don't want him to think that.

you know, I would be scared to come out to him or anything like that. Oh, man. Or even just to not have the narrative right about it. So how do I... Wow. In fairness, I don't think I knew what the fuck a butt plug was at 17. Well, but these children... They're kids nowadays. Come on. They're unfortunately... Sorry, man. I know you have young daughters, but these children... Do they know? Are you telling me they know what a butt plug is? I hate to tell you they do. Oh, man.

Oh, man. It's out there. These kids are... They're looking at fucked up stuff from a young age. I mean, this is...

An insane call. This guy, I almost feel bad laughing at him, how insecure he is. It's like, the question being, how do I tell my brother I'm not gay? Not how do I explain my butt plug? How do I tell him, what do I do about my family seeing my sex toy? Don't they live at home? He said he lives at home. Blame it on your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Say your mom's beating off. Also, he hasn't seen it, or he has no...

They didn't talk about it. The brother didn't walk in going, what is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, why are you leaving your fucking butt plug in the shower, bro?

Fucking good Christ. Like, you're clearly ashamed. I mean, I don't even derive that much sexual pleasure from it. It's like, dude, come on. What are we doing here? It just makes my cock harder. It's just when I get pussy, it'll just make my dick strong. It's training the prostate. It's actually punishment I'm taking to pound hole better. I'm straight. Anyway. Hi.

The three incredibly nervous laughs with no one talking to him. No one is talking to him. We're not looking at him. We're not responding. He just can't even get through his own feelings. And he even was like, man, I might have been a little bi-curious before, but not anymore. Not anymore. Not anymore, pussy. I'm just putting shit up my ass. It's like, dude, we don't care if you're gay.

Your brother probably won't care if you're gay either, bi or whatever. But like, look, in terms of, let's take this butt plug first and then let's extrapolate a little bit, just talk to you about your feelings.

But plug-wise, honestly, my real answer here, if he didn't talk about it, he didn't say... I would say nothing. You say nothing. I would say nothing. Come on. How many times have people, as your brother or your parents, those moments where they call you beating off, but they never really go into the door? They shut the door really fast. No one ever speaks of it. You both on some level know what happened, but...

He's a teenage boy. If anything, who knows, dude? He might be doing some fucking weird shit, too. He might have a butt plug, too. He might have a butt plug, too. And even if he doesn't, like... So that's the answer to that. Just ignore this. Don't bring it up. Whatever.

And now about your gayness. Right, right, right, right, right, right. It's totally cool, brother. Even if you're not, but you just, you won't be honest with yourself. That's what this call is. You need to spend some time thinking about what you actually want. It's okay. Whatever you're into is okay. It might be weird. I'm not even saying you have to tell people how you feel. You can stay closeted for a while. You just can't lie to yourself. And that's what you're doing right now is like,

And by the way, you might not even be... But if you were firmly, truly not kind of nervous about your own sexuality, this question wouldn't be, how do I make sure my brother doesn't think I'm gay? This question would be like, how do I tell my brother I'm into some freaky shit? Because yeah, like...

I literally do know straight guys that like a thumb in the butt, that like the whatever, like they get pegged, whatever. And it's like we have a hard time thinking of that as straight because of like, you know, just heteronorm of society, whatever. But look, if you only fuck girls and they even if girls peg you, that is technically straight, man. Like whatever. Maybe you're a pinch gayer than a man who only wants sex.

Maybe on the Kinsey scale, you're a little gayer than a guy who only fucks pussy. But like, you could just be a guy who's into freaky shit. But you're clearly nervous that you might be kind of gay. And so I think the overarching thing here is that you need to be at peace with yourself first.

first and foremost, you need to really think about what it is you like. And again, I'm not even saying you have to tell people. If you come to the conclusion you're bi but want to stay firmly closeted, that's up to you. Never tell anyone, suck a little dick on the sneak, whatever you want to do, that's fine. But

you're lying to yourself right now dude this nervous laughter this like I've been discovered which by the way exactly blame it on your mom say oh yeah dude my girlfriend left this here like which is true like that's how it started what if he found a sex toy that you had when you were using it with your girlfriend and it's in the shower because you were washing it because you were washing it because you discovered it and you were like oh I gotta wash this shit but

you're just so clearly hung up on whether you're bi or not or whether you're gay or not. And it's like, either one is okay. I know it's hard. I know, and I know coming out and sexuality is a very personal thing. So I don't want to like,

be like flippant about your whatever you're going through but you're clearly lying to yourself on some level and just I would just focus on that think about what it is you really want think about what you're really into and it's okay if you derive sexual pleasure from putting things in your ass bro that's okay I got news for you buddy it's okay

It's like goodwill hunting, but it's like, you can put things in your ass. You can put things in your ass. You can put things in your ass instead of it's not your fault. And then this guy starts crying. He's like, I'm technically straight still. It's like, yes. So anyway, dude, I mean, this is... That call was so awesome. The mental gymnastics. I mean, just to like...

I know, the not deriving pleasure thing is so good. I mean, come on. You clearly like throw... And by the way, it probably feels awesome. I remember after watching Road Trip, another movie that you had a small role in...

I put a candle up my ass because Stifler got that nurse to like, and you know what? Didn't really do anything for me. But I was like, I tried it. No shame in that. You know what I mean? I tried it a couple times. I was like, look, if it worked for Stifler, they really made it seem like that nurse, you pressed a button and you nutted in the best way of all time.

I rooted around for that button a couple times as a youth. Never found it, but if I had, I'd be putting things in my ass right now, buddy. Sounds like you found Stifler's button from Road Trip, and there's nothing wrong with that, but you got to be honest with yourself about it. Damn, hilarious kid. All right, what else we got, Eldis? What's up, Stavi? What's up, Eldis? So I'm 27, got a pretty good job. Don't have to worry about money too much, but I am in a lot of debt, so I'm trying to work on that.

The other day, my old landlord from a couple years ago just randomly zelled me $1,000. No context, nothing. And I was just like, hell yeah, I'm going to take that. And then, you know, a week goes by or so, and then he texts me like, hey, Tyler,

Um, we sent you, I sent you a thousand dollars. I'll book you for my employee names, Tyler. Can you please confirm that you received that and send it back? And the thing is, I don't want to send it back. I want to keep it. I mean, he was a nice enough guy, but he was still my landlord and I still did give him a lot of money just for the pleasure of living there. And he had it paid off of the house that he inherited from his father. He was not worried about money. I'm like, keep it. What do you think?

That's awesome, dude. Hey, man, I got a bunch of money that didn't belong to me accidentally. And because land ownership, being a landlord is overall unethical, I think I deserve this $1,000. And look, I'm with you. Your landlord sounds like a parasite. He didn't do shit to earn the house, and he was taking your money. I get that. But this isn't your money, and you know that.

You can't just steal $1,000 from a guy. As much as I'd love to tell you you could...

You can't. You just can't keep this money. It's insane to think you can keep this money. Yeah, I think you got to give the money back. My wife, we just went and experienced something like this in the reverse where we got our teenage kids a car and my wife set up an ACH payment and was still getting billed. So she was double paying the car every month. And at the end, there was like some buyout and we were like, wait,

wait, why is there a buyout for the car? And they were like, well, you double paid us the whole time and we got the money back. But I think there's a situation where they're like, no, you double paid us and we're not giving it back. And I just think for karma, if karma exists, give the money back. Yeah. I mean, dude...

Yeah, what do you think is going to happen here? The guy's like, oh, well, you don't want to? Shucks. You know what I mean? Like, I know it's... Like, best case scenario, it's just not worth his time to, like, get a lawyer. It's only... In the grand scheme of things, $1,000 if you start adding lawyer's fees and whatever. It might not be worth it, but...

You are stealing from him. Like, there's no way around it. It's a clerical error. And I'd love to say that you could keep the $1,000, but unfortunately I don't. Unless, here's the thing, if this is the kind of landlord who kept your security deposit and was being a dick about, like, you know, about technicalities. Because I think legally, the Zelle, there's no refund.

Like, technically, it's like cash app. It's like he just sent you the money. And, like, whether... It even gives you, like, a... It gives you, like, a warning. Like, you cannot get this money back. This money's gone. So if this were the kind of landlord that took...

money from you and was a dickhead and like owes you your security deposit and was a cunt about like technicalities and Maybe that would be his karma but if he's if you're just saying your biggest beef with him is that he's grew up rich and That he didn't have to work for the thing and that yes he was taking advantage of his lot in life and sort of like

charging too much for a house you didn't have to pay off. Again, philosophically, I agree with you, but you just... It is unethical for you. It is actually literally more unethical for you to just purely steal his money than for him to just be a landlord. Right, but he says he was a nice enough guy. Yeah, he was a nice guy. I mean, this is... You can't keep the money. We've already spent too much time talking about this. It's such a clear answer. He's savvy. So...

I have a great relationship with my boyfriend. Obviously he's funny as hell because he introduced me to your shit. Nice. You know, we started off as like friends with benefits, but we've been together about a year now and we just kind of accidentally fell in love. Oh, that never happens. We have an awesome relationship. We communicate really well. We get along. We have hot threesomes. We're both attractive. What's the problem?

I mean, never really fight ever. We both have like mental health issues that kind of put a strain on it sometimes, but like I'm super happy with him. He's super happy with me. He is potentially relocating soon for work. He's applying for a job where he'll get paid hella money and, you know, make a lot of progress in his career.

And he asked me to come with him. That's nice. If that happens, I just, I don't know what to do. I mean, I don't mind relocating. I don't like the area we live in. I think it'd be exciting. It's just hard to weigh the pros and cons because it's like I ruined my credit score this last year because of like medical bills because of an emergency I had. And, you know, I have like loose ends to tie up here. I don't have a ton of savings.

There's like an age gap and he's more financially set and stable than I am and I'm insecure about that. But like, I really want to go with him and I think it'd be like I could go back to school, go to a great school. There's work opportunities where he wants to move. The area would be cool.

I just don't know what to do, man. I love this guy so much and he gives me butterflies and usually I'm super practical and logical and like I want to be like, no, I'm not financially stable enough. But he offered to like, you know, help support me, which I kind of hate because I'm like an independent woman. But whatever, man. I don't know. What do you think, man? I mean, this to me seems like a like...

You're in kind of a great situation. I don't know. I don't really see that many cons. I didn't hear one con other than her own, like, mental insecurities. Like, even the financial instability. It's like, well, you're in that situation where you are now. And maybe the house or where they're moving to is slightly more expensive. But you're going to have to, like, tackle those issues wherever you live. Totally. And I think, like, it seems... She says they communicate really well.

He asks you to come along with him. Like, it's not the kind of thing that he's being coy about and he doesn't know. Like, I can tell you, if I'm in a situation where I'm trying to, like, if I'm about to move away and I'm looking at it as a fresh start, I'm not like, if I ask you to come with me, that means I'm committed, you know? And if anything, I would say that person

So that would be the one thing, because if in a world where you love this guy, you feel like he's truly committed to you, and the way that he already said he would help her relocate, all this stuff, it seems like he's pretty committed. Maybe if you guys communicate really well, you could say those insecurities, because basically what she's saying is, if I could read between the lines a little bit, is like,

If this doesn't work out, then I have moved. I'm in the same financial state that I'm in, and I'm just in a place where I don't know anyone. And it's harder to live there because it's more expensive. But at the same time, so I get that. And so you just want to know that your guys aren't going to break up when you get there. But also, she says she doesn't like where she lives.

It's like, it doesn't... And if... Let's just say he helps you relocate. If he's really committed to you and he's like, hey, I want you here. I want us to give this a real shot. It's not like he's going to charge you like, all right, well, now that we broke up, you owe me half the U-Haul. Plus interest. You know what I mean? Like, so if you guys break up in like six months...

Are you really worse off than you were if you were to break up where you live now? I think you just have a couple hang-ups. And it seems to me, this feels honestly like I don't really see a negative. In fact, it's like maybe she has kind of the similar issues. Like I have these two where it's hard for me to accept that a relationship is actually good. It's hard for me to think of a relationship as...

or like as part of my life. Sometimes I think about, that's my buddy George coming in here. Sometimes I think about it as like my light, like I have a hard time psychologically accepting that a relationship can help you. And that's the thing, our caller here might have that same thing because somebody else would be like,

This man's a guy. He saved my life. You know what I mean? Like, this guy helped me move. I love him so much. We're in a city I don't... We left the city I don't like. He's helping me. Like, he's supporting me relocate. Like, I'm so... I'm the luckiest girl in the world to find somebody who can help me figure my life out. And, like, if you really think he's committed to you, which I don't see any reason he wouldn't be, this feels like something you should try. And be realistic. Like, if things, you know, end, whatever...

Are you that much worse off? Is it at least worth the risk of ultimate happiness with someone that you really like? And like, that's the thing. The pros and cons here are pro,

You leave a city you don't like that much. Someone helps you relocate. Even if you were looking at it as a succubus, horrible woman that's like, I could fucking take advantage of this guy to move me to a different place, right? Like, if you're looking at it from a purely financial thing, it's like, this isn't a bad setup. No. But as a nice, caring human being, the pros are...

I'm taking a chance at love with somebody, a relationship that I really love. She actually cares about him, and it appears that he actually cares about her. Exactly, and that's a little bit... I'd love to get a little more... We're just taking her word for it, but the fact that he asked her to come with him is kind of proof enough, at least for us to go off of. And all you're risking is...

You relocated, but it's not like she's, this isn't even the traditional situation where she's like, my support system's here. I love it here, but I'm risking it for this guy. You're in a city you don't like that much.

And it's like, I know you have medical bills, whatever, and you say you have loose ends, but are those loose ends worth not taking a risk on maybe the person you end up with for the rest of your life? To me, it's a no-brainer that the risk is worth the reward. Maybe because he introduced her to your show, she...

She got kind of a weak invitation, and she's hoping he hears this. Right, right, right. And goes like, no, no, I love you. I desperately want you to come. You're right. I'm a pawn in your game, aren't I? You fucking bitch. Yeah, yeah. I hope you're both listening to this, and it's like, buddy, if you really want, you know what? To you, not to the guy. Right.

Listen, she's hearing wedding bells. If you want out, now is the time. So either fucking double down or tell this bitch to hit the bricks, brother. So anyway, we think it's good. Don't listen to that last part. But truly, it seems like it's worth the risk from where we're standing for sure. But I get the insecurity. I fucked up.

I still regret a couple relationships where I'm like, why did I not try at this? She was great. And also, relationships are balanced. My wife is also an independent woman. And I've had very successful television shows. When I'm making a killing on a television show, I'm not the lord of the manor. And then when I'm out of work...

You know, and she has a job. You're not scum. I'm not scum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, you know, polishing the silver. You know, there's a fucking balance there. Right. That's the nice thing about a relationship is like it kind of should ground you and you guys have your dynamic and that everything else kind of comes and goes. And it's like that's the thing that is steady in your life. That's what it should be.

But good luck. Honestly, I'm feeling good about it. I'm hoping we're getting a Stavis World wedding. That's what I want. I can't wait till those start happening. Yes, a lot of butt plugs. A lot of plugs, a lot of butt play. Straight butt play at a Stavis World wedding. Keep them rolling, Big Eldo. What do you think, a few more? I think so. I'm having a good time.

Yeah, if we didn't have to go, we'd have to go pick up furniture. This could be an extra long one. Hey, Stav, Eldis. Thanks for the podcast. So my question today is my wife and I have been together for a while. She had another kid beforehand before we were together. And we had another kid about two years ago and she,

Um, we have another one coming up in May. Uh, when we had our first kid together, um, the problem was, is that, uh, she knew that it was going to be a C-section. So, uh, watched, well, uh,

What happened was, is I was supposed to go and watch the C-section, but when push came to shove, I dropped the ball on it. And so I didn't want to happen. And my wife got really pissed off about me about it. And I guess we had a long conversation about it. And what it came down to is like, I got scared because of it. Um,

and I just didn't watch it. And it really spooked me out and I guess I didn't do much of the prep work for it than to like watching a YouTube video of it. And then it came on to this next kid that's gonna happen in May and I don't know what it is but I cannot just pull myself together and then think about doing, watching the C-section.

Like when I think about it, it just kind of spooks me out and it makes me uncomfortable. And, uh,

Just beyond that is like, but at the same time of that, I want to go. Watching that happen or having someone cut a baby out of your stomach. Here's what I want to say. My wife has had a C-section and a VBAC, which is a vaginal birth after C-section, which doctors don't really like to do. First of all, C-sections are much easier for doctors.

because they're scheduled. They know exactly when it's happened. There's no waiting around. And so when you have a natural birth in a hospital, you're in labor, you go in, your doctor's now there and waiting for you to give birth. It could be 10 hours and the doctor's got to hang there. So they like to schedule C-sections.

When, as the father in a C-section, they put a fucking curtain up. You're not sitting there hovering over a surgery. You have no idea what's going on beyond that curtain. There's a curtain and you're there with your wife's head and part of her torso and her arms. And something's happening on the other side of the curtain and you're not watching it. You're not like, if you watch a C-section on YouTube, you're

I'm sure it's from the angle of the surgery. You don't experience that at all as a father in a C-section. That's good context. Yeah, when he's saying he dropped the ball, I hope he was in the hospital. I know, what does he mean? Like, yeah, I was getting a Kit Kat at the vending machine. The hospital is one of those, the pretty good cafeteria, actually. I know a lot of people would say,

Kind of people say the food's bad, but this place had like made to order cheesesteaks. And I was kind of I was waiting for my onions to get caramelized. So I didn't really make it to what's supposed to be the most magical moment in my life. Let's let's see. Let's finish. Let's finish him just so we get his whole case here.

up to her and try and do it this time but man it's just the fact of watching someone being cut up even in a surgery I know it's all safe and everything like that but I just feel like I'm being a little pussy so if you can give me some advice or if you have a guest on there that has kids that would be great just watching someone get a surgery done just seems very very uncomfortable to me so if you guys have any advice on it that would be great

Nut up, dude. Let me just say this. First of all, regular birth is no fucking party. First of all, they give birth, the baby comes out, then there's the fucking afterbirth. It looks like your wife's guts are pouring out of her vagina. It's not a picnic. A lot's happening. The baby comes out, it's covered in fucking shit and white goo.

But you gotta go do that. And for the C-section, there's a fucking curtain. It's practically like they're doing the surgery in another room. So I don't know what doctor told you you'd be participating in the surgery. I know. What do you think? You're holding the fucking scalpel? They hand you the baby...

They bring the baby around to the other side and they've dusted it off a little bit. So it's not like covered in blood and guts. Yeah. And they hand you the baby. Like, you don't want to be there for that? I know. I mean, it's like, and again, obviously I haven't had kids or whatever, but from a just human perspective of, I'm not even saying that what you're saying, it's not that what he's saying is not valid, right? It's like, I get that it might be

slightly uncomfortable. But again, you had this baby with your wife. This is your child. And then when you start thinking of like, this is going to suck, but what she has to go through is so much worse. And if this is your partner and this is someone who you want to comfort and be there for, it's like, yeah, dude, that's part of life is doing shit that's kind of uncomfortable. And so what

To me, the thought is like, yes, that I'm not even saying you're wrong or whatever, but you're to feel a little squeamish, whatever. But you have to think about it in the totality of what you and your wife together are going through. Yeah. It's a fraction of what she's going through. And for you, like for you to put like your squeamishness over the fact that supporting your wife in, uh,

Not watching a surgery, being the person having the surgery done to her. If that's how you feel, imagine how she feels. And you just have to think of it that way, where it's like, I need to do my part in my marriage. Like, I need to do my part for my wife, be there for her. And again, you should, yeah, you should want to be there for it, right? Hold her hand and fucking take care of her. I,

You're not watching the surgery. You're really not. And if anything, this might be like a psychological hang-up for you. So it's like, I don't know, man. The way like when somebody... Like when athletes just have...

like that have a mental block and they just can't throw it a first base for whatever reason like you know how they talk to a sports psychologist you might need to just go talk to someone because you might have like a very specific mental block and now and that's only exacerbated by the fact that you didn't do the first one now there's all this pressure on it but like you got to be there you got to do whatever it takes to be there and yeah just nut up man and this is also a good example this is this is a also a larger lesson for people which is like

A lot of life is really boils down to a couple important moments. And I hate to say it. I don't want to make you feel worse. You really blew it on an important moment. You dropped the ball in the most major way possible. I know how you said drop the ball. It's like you didn't miss a meeting at a sales conference yesterday.

You betrayed your wife's trust and showed yourself to be a coward for your child's first moments of life. Like you set a really weird bad precedent from the moment this kid was existing. But you get a do-over. And you get a do-over and obviously you get a do-over in like the rest of this kid's life. We're just busting your balls a little bit. This is your chance at redemption. And for everybody else, it's like, yeah.

The uncomfortable moment, you would have... How much better do you think this guy would have felt if he had just been there? Yeah. This, like... And it's like, whether it's an uncomfortable conversation, whether it's standing up for yourself, whether it's showing some bravery or whatever, sometimes the things you want to do the least, if you just do them, it's the best thing you've ever done in your life. Yeah, I totally agree. And I also think, like, don't make it about yourself. I think it's easy if we're in our heads thinking about what we're going to experience...

that we can like not participate but think about what your wife is going to experience and how you can be of service to her and take it all off your shoulders of what you're going to experience right that's a great point all you're there for is to be her support system you don't fucking matter alright I'll just take us home brother take us home with a nice one fucking dumbass god you're dumb

Okay, I'm going to try not to look at the Cliff Notes. This is amazing because we're looking at like a Google translation and it's all like, hey, Storb and Eldest. Yeah, Tom Rose, Eldest. Steve and... It's never correct. Hey, stop. Hey, stop. Hey, stubby. Hey, Bobby. Hey, man. Hey, stop. Bobby, baby. Oh, there's one. One way down there where it actually translated into Stobby, baby. No, it's Savvy, baby. Savvy, baby. Savvy, baby.

Savvy baby. Hey, stop you, baby. Hey, stop you, baby. All right, Eldest. We're done vamping because you can't do your job. Eldest, very esteemed and sexy guest. I guess I don't have a question. I really just wanted to thank you. You had a caller a few months ago, and I can't remember who was the guest on the episode. It was a man who was in a relationship where...

He never got his dick sucked by his wife. And you made some comments like, you know, 20, 30 seconds is good enough. I was listening to that episode in the car with my wife and she heard that and she had, I guess, an epiphany. Like, she didn't realize, like, you could suck a man's dick for just 20 seconds and it'd be okay.

Like, he doesn't have to finish. Just a little background. I've been married 15 years. I'm an old man. And her hearing that, I guess just, you know, and she asked me, like, you know, does it actually count if it's only like 20, 30 seconds? I'm like, yeah, it counts. Because I had the same type of wife who was like, I never, she never wanted to suck my dick.

And I've been married so long, I just made peace with it so long ago. But both of us hearing that episode, it's like, man. Like, after that, it's like, every time, brother. Hell yes, dude. Not a time goes by, like, when we have sex.

that she doesn't suck my dick now for just even like half a minute and it's great. It's awesome. You know, even if you don't play this on the podcast, I hope Eldest still plays this for you because...

It's awesome. And I want to thank you, brother. Thank you. You are changing lives. I'm not kidding. You are changing lives. This is what makes the podcast worth it. I'm not even joking. You turned this guy's life around. This makes me feel so good. And yes, man, suck a little dick. Yeah, I can count. I have almost never. I mean, I have, but like.

In the grand scheme of things, the busting from head compared to just busting from sex, it's like it's all part of the experience. It's all just like part of the fun of it. It's essentially foreplay. And to know that some fucking old guy just out of the blue started getting his dick sucked. You've utterly rearranged his sex life.

You just enhanced his sex life. He made peace with it years ago. It was done. It was dead. Dead and gone. It was a headless marriage. He was going to live the rest of his life headless. He was a sleepy hollow. Maybe he tries butt plugs and you really fucking extend his horizons. Fucking put a finger up the poop chute, pal.

That's awesome. And that's crazy that his wife didn't even consider that. That like whatever fucked up relationship she had to blow jobs was like, you have to suck to completion. If she was doing it selfishly too, she was like, no, I want to get fucked. If I suck your dick, I'm not getting fucked. What's the point now? So like, you just have to tell her. You've got to communicate more. This is beautiful, man. I really, this actually makes me feel so good for real.

So salute to you, my friend. Salute to everyone getting their dick sucked out there. Yep. Ethan, thank you so much, bro. Thank you for having me. I'm so happy to have you. We definitely got to have you. There's so much more shit we could talk about for sure, but I'm glad we could have it now that you're, you know, that you were in the city and right before, you caught us right before our

longest sabbatical yet off the show. So I'm absconding off the Baltimore folks. But the show's... A house sojourn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm spending my winter in Baltimore. I'm spending the early spring in Baltimore.

But obviously we have episodes where you won't even notice. We'll be back. We got them going. And yeah, listen to American Glutton. Watch Ethan on whatever he's on. And leave us a nice review. If you don't subscribe on the YouTube, subscribe on the YouTube. If you don't subscribe on audio, go subscribe on audio. It helps us out. And we will see you guys next time. Bye-bye.