#66 - Are You Garbage?
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Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-STOV. That's right, boys. You think you're the only ones who can do a radio intro? This kid's got a hotline. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got the RU Garbage boys on the couch. How we doing, fellas? We're doing good, buddy. Thank you for having us. Yeah, man. Always a good time. Good to see you. Good to see you, boys. It's

almost a little more than a year. Are you less comfortable on the couch than you were? I thought you were on a Zen big. Have you gotten fatter? What's going on? Whoa, hey. I feel like you were more comfortable on the first one. I just feel like I'm not providing a comfortable couch for my guests. Talk about me being in my head for the next 90 minutes. First thing, you look very unwell. I didn't say unwell. I said uncomfortable. Did you get more bloated? No.

No, he's down and I'm down a handful too. Maybe it's a posture thing. I don't know what it is. It could be a posture. Jesus Christ, I thought I was setting myself up nice. Last time I was falling off this thing. All right.

I will say from where I'm at, I see more room on that couch. Maybe it's an angles thing. Maybe it's an angles thing. Maybe before there was the comfort of you guys basically hugging. What happened, you were using Foley as a chair. We were doing the Santa Claus. Rescinded. Strike it from the record. Tell the stenographer it's...

It's out. And making sure we forget it, we did Giannis' podcast right when I started Ozempic. And for some reason, I took this little chaise lounge in the middle of the thing. No, it's an ottoman. Not even one with supports in it, just all stuff with stuff in ottoman. He's like, I'll be okay on this, dude. And the fans, dude, they did a snapshot of the beginning and the end. Dude, at the end, it's literally this big.

It goes from 18 inches down to like two and a half inches. And it's all... Oh, great. Oh, dude, when I did... Have you guys done Soder's podcast? Not yet. When I did Soder's podcast, that couch is not for the fat.

That couch has no back support. I was literally like this. I was like this, and I was trying. Sitting like Biggie. I was like, yeah, no, I'm comfortable. Dude, it was so embarrassing. I spent 17 minutes just shifting and trying to be cool about it and not being like, good Christ, what is happening? I like a desk. I like a podium. Nice podium. Podiums. I mean, you'll notice there's a lot of support on this bad boy. That's a good chair. What is that, West Elm?

I wish. Well, I don't wish, actually. It's like the good folks at Ikea, they make a good product every once in a while. There you go. The good stuff's good. The good stuff is good. It's more expensive, but it's better than spending like, yeah, I got this chair for $14.99. You know you're a bozo when you have one of those Ikea fucking cabinets and the bottom falls out like your underwear drawer? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you.

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I know you need to do that, Hank. Or how shallow the IKEA furniture you used to get was. Yeah. And how thin the fucking drawers were. I mean, they really do make absolute trash stuff at the lowest levels. Sure. Dude, what's even worse, my wife will go, they have the as-is section. It's like shit that's been broken or returned. And she'll show it to me. Dude, it'll be like a fucking six-foot dresser. And she'll be like, how about this? It's already pre-made. I'm like, how are we going to get this?

How are we going to get that indoor apart? It's not fitting in my key. It's got a refrigerator door on the front of it. That sounds nice. It's such shit. It's such shit. This is interesting, not to turn the tables on you on your usual format. You already have. What are you talking about? But what's the most expensive furniture you guys have purchased? Probably my bed.

I think. We did well. We did. I bought a king-size mattress, king-size bed. Wow. Okay. I don't know what it was. Just the size. You're not even talking about quality. No. You're just saying for the first time in your life, you got a king-size. Well, the first one I had was through the good folks over at Helix. Shout out to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

I believe we all have Helix. The whole team has Helix mattresses. They're great. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, I would say bed, probably. Bed, okay. Come on. Do something better. Mine's our sectional that we got from... This was years ago that we got. We still have that we got from Wayfair. Okay. What? That's known dog shit. I love it.

The sex trafficking website, I believe, right? Weren't they saying that Hillary Clinton was putting women in filing cabinets for Wayfair? Or the armory came with two Filipino kids. I gotta feed this kid now? But we paid that off for years. You paid off a Wayfair couch? You were paying interest on a Wayfair couch? We called them $13,000. It was like a mortgage.

I think it was like three grand. He's just paying interest the first year. It's all big. There's no principal being paid down at all. Yeah. That's awesome. I think we got that paid off a couple of months ago. There you go, buddy. Congrats. I'm sure it's broken already. Congratulations. But the resale goes up on that. How about you? What's one big thing you splurged on? You know what I actually... Because it's not the couch we're sitting on. No, no, no.

We were just talking about how pathetic the studio is. I mean, the cover's disgusting. Sure. A lot of diet root beer has been spilled on that. We were probably one of the first people... You were. You got it fresh. You know what's funny? To go back to how...

We look at them. We were on a brand new couch. That's true. That's true. That's true. Dude, the ass has been shot out of the time. That's true. A lot of fat people have sat on that. It's like from a fraternity house. Yeah. Yes. Yes. It does have that. You know what? Who's the first we recorded? We only had a handful, I think. Was it them?

No, I don't think we were the absolute first. We were early. Because Sam was the first we published, but it wasn't the first. Because there's a chance you're the first people who sat on this cover and you will be the last because we're taking a break after this. And we will at the very least getting you covered, maybe even a new couch. Holy shit. Check out WaveFair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Financing terms. Foley, can I buy the debt on the thing off you? Give me a third of the sectional. You want to win on it with me? Take a timeshare? Yeah.

You're upside down in a sectional. You're underwater, brother. Why don't you flip it to me? I'll take on the toxic asset. I got to say, I know you're smart with your money and stuff like that, but with the things you're doing now, I would love to see

A monster purchase. Yeah, yeah, I know. I would love to see you pulling up somewhere in a Lamborghini. Many friends have been like, just buy a car. I literally was driving my mother. Well, actually, I used to drive Eldis. In 2011, Eldis purchased a Toyota Corolla that he had no business buying. He just went to go to a, literally, we were. Man, things are rough when you have no business. Oh, dude, he had no business. Back then, we were fresh out of college. Who do you think you are with that Hyundai?

We're fresh out of college. Me and Eldridge had talked, you know, we've been, obviously everybody knows, we've known each other forever. He was like, I think I might get it. He was driving his mother's Corolla, or Camry at the time, right? Maybe, yeah. It's a good car. Those are Corolla. They are good cars. They last. And then he just went, he bought a car, you know, he was like, I'm just going to go to the dealership. Gets hustled.

100%. Some fucking greasy cocksucker got it. I got a real good story about getting hustled. Saw a young, red-faced Sula over here, and he was like, I'm about to bang this little cocksucker for all he's worth. Hopefully he can still get a student loan and pay this car off that way. Do you have to go back to school to get a car? Yeah.

I was like, I graduated college. I got a job making $30,000 a year. $30,000 a year and I'm living at home. I'm ready to buy a brand new car. That's the dirtbag mentality. That is my mentality. So he does this, right? And he has it for like a year. How long? A year or two? Yeah, it was like a year and two. Then he's like, I'm moving to New York. Every fat bearded kid from the suburbs, every fat bearded white guy, Brooklyn is like...

When they turn 22, it's like they're... You have to go for the... That's Eat, Pray, Love for a fat... You know, for a fat only... I hear you can get shawarma 24-7. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Birthright, though. Yeah, he was on Birthright. He was on... Oh, yeah. He was on fucking all, you know, indie rock slash random music and flannel Birthright. And he sells me... Then I bang him. Like, I basically treat him worse than the fucking used car sales. But I'm like, look...

I know you're fucked here, pal. Sell me the car for less than market value. Stop squeezing an extra 500 out of me over a sushi lunch. I was like this cocksucker. I took him out to sushi like he was a client. You're in a full suit.

That's right. $30 all-you-can-eat sushi. That was a $470. I was up $470 on that fucking sushi lunch. You got to spend money to make money, baby. You gave him a Raven's helmet and called it a deal. So then I had it, and then I sold it to my brother when I moved to New York. Jesus. And then...

And then I got it back from him. And then I was driving it. Foreclosed on him? Yeah, literally. You put the note? Kind of repo it? No, my brother's also dumb, you know, European trash. He was like, I need a brand new SUV. He did the exact same thing Eldis did. Sure. I was trying to be like, don't be like Eldis. We're smarter than Albanians. Don't do this. And he immediately just gets a, you know, he makes the same thing, $30,000 job. Well, I think like dirtbags get like four grand in their checking account. Yes. They're like,

the world is mine my brother couldn't handle it brother yeah yeah yeah and so he i so i got then i buy it back for my brother and now my mother is driving it in baltimore but that was that's the that's the last car i purchased and it was from eldest and then from my brother

But I don't drive. I would love to take a look at that car. That thing's got a snake. Corlola, baby. She's still kicking. That thing got worn down. It was like seeing your ex with a shit bag. Some guys don't know how to treat a girl. And the fucking armrest was like dented in.

You love me for this guy? I loved you. Dude, I went to, I had a Kia for a long, when the pods started doing okay, I crashed. I had a 2005 Mercury Montego, crashed out into a taxi cab, had to get a new car. Love that. They gave me, I think like a bunch of- Was it your fault? Yeah. Yeah.

The Monty. They didn't even go through insurance or anything. I just smashed it up. Wow. Smashed mine, and I was just like, I got to get rid of this. It would get stuck in park, and I couldn't get it out of drive. I used to, like, if I had to pull up somewhere where there was valet, I would just, I had a note saying, like, hey, just keep working it. It'll loosen up.

And it was written on the back of an air freshener package. It gets stuck sometimes. Yeah, you just keep working it. Where on earth were you going in that car there? At Valet? Well, that's a loose story. I trumped it up. That's... Did they have Valet at CeCe's Pizza Buffet? There was a... Pulling up to the buffet at the Waldorf? Park it out front, will you? Uh,

Don't leave it running. Some, like, parking lots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if you go to in the city, you'd have to turn your car over to them. But, uh...

So then I crashed that, and the only car I could get was a Kia. It was a 2021 Kia Forte. They were the only people that would give me a new car. My credit was so bad. I had no money. They were the only people that would give me a new car. So I was like, all right, well, I've been driving this car that's fucking 15 years old or whatever. Awesome, brand new car. Never had one. This is amazing. So I get that, and then a year and a half later, that gets stolen by the Kia boys. Get it? That's gone. Oh, yeah, because...

Kia, in fact, Baltimore City, I believe, is suing Kia. Everybody. Because they're so easy to steal. They're like, you just kind of... It's crazy, dude. So, like, we ended up finding it. There was, like, dude smoking crack in it. It was crazy. Which I apologize for.

Foley from the past. He got a time machine. We were at Dawson's Creek. 24-year-old Foley with a time machine. Didn't think to see what stocks were doing good. Didn't think to get knowledge to bring back to the past. He was like, I know I could smoke some crack in this Kia. Is that Kippy's Kia? It's cool. He's my boy. Yeah.

He gave me permission. So I'm just fed up. I'm like, you know what? I've never had a really nice... I'm going to buy a fucking nice car. And I wanted, for whatever reason, I had a Lincoln...

stuck in my head. Lincoln Aviator. Yeah, the Navigator's too big for the city. It's too big. Aviator, I think you could already cook too big. It was a little big. So my wife was like, yeah, that's too bad. I was like sending her pictures. She was visiting family in Germany, so I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm just, I'm like, I'm getting a Lincoln Aviator. I'm getting a Lincoln Aviator. I'm a middle-class black father.

I'm a light-skinned guy with a fucking tan hat on who is driving to church. I had the Bluetooth immediately. A Lincoln aviator. That's fucking awesome. A pair of Stacey Adams on. Car was spotless.

Dude, so I go and this young, real fucking, this real ambitious kid, real smooth talk, quick talker, like talking over you and shit. And I was like, dude, you're like, I'm leaving with a car. I don't have a car. I'm leaving. I have to leave with a car. You can only fuck this up.

And I checked my credit before I went. It was like 715 or something. You had rehabilitated. I had rehabilitated. I got it when I first. But that knocks you right there when you check it. Yeah. So you were probably down to 550. It's not a 200 point swing, dude. So I go and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm

like you know I'm kind of fucking I'm big dick and I'm feeling good I'm like I'll take that like I take the one it was like a custom give me seat warmers everything I want the cameras I want and I've made four payments I've made four car payments on time in a row give me everything you know what I mean like you're not wrong my car payment for the key was like I think like

$213. Right, right, right. This one's like, this is a fucking payment. You know what I mean? So I'm like, I got it. He's like, what do you do? I'm like, I'm a big comedian. I'm like, really? You're just lying to make yourself feel better in the negotiation. These motherfuckers don't know me. I'm in a Lincoln dealership in North Jersey. Give me the fucking keys, cocksucker. He Googles you. He's like, you only have 2,000 followers. Yeah, he drops it.

He actually drops, he Googles you, he drops the price. He's like, I don't feel right. You can't do this. I don't feel right charging you this much, man. I've seen your digital footprint. So you're playing at the learning annex tonight?

What's the grizzly bear? So I go, all right, I want this one. He's like, all right, cool. So he's like calling up the credit people. And there's some kind of weird thing. Like I see the speed bumps start to happen. I've been turned down from enough purchases in my life that I can see this going south already. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, interesting. That's so funny. You've gotten turned down multiple times. Oh, yeah. When they get up from the desk and walk somewhere else, it's not looking good. I knew I was jammed up when he goes, let me just call them. I'm like, oh, this ain't good. Let me try the other computer. Yeah. So, like, they're on the case. There's, like, the lending officer. Now I know I'm jammed up because the main salesman, they pulled rank on him. He's got no sweat. He's like, come on, come on.

Like, he's trying. He wants the commission. He's begging. So I'm like, I'm fucked. Guy's got no shoes on. Can't sell him a car. But at this point...

I already picked the one from the show like I test drive one but then like the it had like a cool color package the seats the leather seats were like brown the outside was green it was like dark green I'm like that's the one I want and it was on the floor in the showroom so they open I'm like they're like get this ready this guy's buying this yeah they start doing the wheels they they have to open up the front of the dealership to pull the car out oh my god as he's pulling

They're pulling it out. And everybody, dude, now there's this. See, everybody's long. They got the big scissors out. The mayor's there. There was another guy getting it. I'm like, I'm getting this one. Like an older guy. I'm like, this one, I'm taking this. Yeah, yeah. Ah, shit, all right. So it's a to-do. Unless you want to go halfsies on it.

Every other weekend. He's like, can you be my cosigner? You ask the other guy buying the car to cosign for you? Dude, so they're pulling it out and somebody came and fucking, she was like, no, hold up, hold dude. And I am so embarrassed. I'm like, you bring me here, you embarrass me in front of these people. I'm like, I'm walking.

I'm gone. She's like, hold on, hold on. This guy has $4,000 in blockbuster credit card debt. He has a Walden Books credit card. Well, the thing they told me, they were like, nobody does this. Like, let's say the payment was like $700 or $600 or whatever it was. They were like, nobody...

goes from a $200 payment to a $700. Like, only drug dealers and rappers do that. Right, right, right. And they're like, so we can't approve you. Oh, because the Kia was too shitty. The Kia was too shitty. They're like, give me the Kia. I'm like, I'm not giving you the Kia. I'm not getting involved. Just give me the car. Right, right. And I ended up fucking no deal. I had to fucking walk out with my tail between my legs. Wow, that's embarrassing, dude. Bozo. Did you get anything? Did you end up getting a different car? I did. I bought a used Mercedes SUV off Carvana. Ha, ha, ha.

That's awesome. This for sure was in a flood. This thing is not great. Yeah, you still got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Was that the scam? Earlier you were talking about a time you got scammed. No, I said I had a bit. No, that was just the dealership story. No scam, just jammed up. I know you've gotten scammed many times. There's no way. Scammed? I mean, I guess other than prostitutes, maybe not. Told you about the couch. You already told me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking things are lemon.

Uh, nah, I've never really been scammed before. I don't think, I mean, yeah, I had a hooker one time. Um, I've been on the business and that just happens. That's a, you know, that's part of the cost of doing business. It's a numbers game. I was all strung out years and years and years ago when I was up here the first time I was living in Sunnyside. Um,

I was looking for a party girl. I believe you told this story, right? Wasn't this when the balloon popped? No, no, that was another time. Oh, okay. Believe it or not, he got more than one hooker, so...

Thanks for rubbing that in. You already told us you're a huge loser. I was like, yeah, party girl, party girl, whatever. And they're like, okay. And then there was a knock at the door and she's like, hey, you got to give me the money. I got to go get it. And she wasn't even dressed sexy. She was wearing like a flannel shirt. She had a UPS shirt on. She was like a middle-aged lady. She's like, I'll be right back. I'm like, all right. Handed her like 600 bucks. As soon as I closed the door, I was like, oh, fuck.

She ain't coming back. Yeah, yeah. But other than that, no. Oh, interesting. No. I've never had any money to get, like, that I would buy something big enough where a scam would be involved. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? It was like, yeah. Like, I remember a fake ID. I got kind of scammed, light scammed on a fake ID. Okay. Where it was like, you know, I just didn't look like the guy. Sure. But I'd already, there had been already so many steps. The Asian guy? That I was like, yeah, he just was like, and he was like eight years older than me. I was like, looked nothing like him. And I was like.

Well, I don't want this guy to think I'm not cool. It's like just such loser behavior where I'm like, I should just be like, ah, I'm good, man. How much was that? How much was the ID? Probably 80 bucks. That just brought that back. We did get scammed from an ice cream guy in our neighborhood. You saying a Choco Taco? Can't get me a screwball. He would buy us beer. We were young. I mean, we were like 14 maybe.

And we all had, you know, there was like seven of us. We all gathered the money we had. It was probably like a hundred bucks. And we're like, here, man, go. And he came back with half a six, like three beers. And we're like, here you go, guys. And that's just so awesome. But also, like, we didn't know how much beer costs, you know? So we're like, oh, thanks, man. And then everybody, he drove away. We're like, we just all got fucking ripped off. Yeah, yeah. Could be a lot, that story could be a lot worse, you know? That's,

kind of asking to get molested right there. He was a nice guy. I was just paying the bozo tax. Of course, of course. I never did. I always had like family members. Greek people will really buy you booze. Sure. No one ever really. I never really had to like ask a stranger. We never did that. Do you have booze in the house all the time too? Was there booze in your house? Not really. I have a sneaking suspicion. Well, my grandfather was an alcoholic. Okay. Big time. And I think my mom kind of

And then I have a sneaking suspicion that my father, if he drank more, would have been... Because the only members I have of my dad drunk, he is so insanely fucked up. Really? Like, there's videos of him at, like, my brother's baptism. And he's literally being carried out of a baptism. And he wasn't a drunk. Like, my dad, you know, he wasn't. And then one time, there's somebody...

I think it literally might have been another baptism. Maybe the boy just liked getting lit at baptism. Sure. It was at the same place. Shout out to Jimmy Seafood. A lot of baptisms happen there in Dundalk, Maryland. And I was like 15. I had just gotten my learner's permit. And I had been begging him. I was like, can you take me driving? Like, I really want to. And he was like, no, no. You're not ready yet. And then he was so shit-faced. He was like...

Time for your first lesson. And it was just get him home from Jimmy Sifu. I'll be sleeping in the back. I had never driven. He had a huge white work van. Hit McDonald's real quick. Yeah, it was crazy. And there was a big fucked up curve in that road. Like, I know it's not a long drive. It's mostly just you go down one street, but the street kind of curves. Tactical. You got to be on it. And I had never driven. How old were you? I was like 15. Okay. And so I just...

I'm straight up in the other lane. Like, I just, I'm not prepared for the curve, and I just, like, it's like the road goes this way, and the van is just going straight through, dude. And he literally just yanked it drunk as shit from me, and then I was like, oh, I'm scared, and then he's like, all right, I'll park it. He's sitting next to you eating coconut shrimp. Dude. Fucking fucked up.

He was like, good job. And then the next day he was like, I guess, play it off like it was all part of his plan. He's like, okay, time for your next lesson. Then he just tries to get me on the highway immediately. Really? And then he's like, ugh.

Pull over. Like, I failed him. You know what I mean? Just classic dad bullshit where he's like, you're just not ready. It's like, how about a parking lot in like a sedan before the highway in your white work van? That for sure wouldn't pass inspection. No chance. No chance.

Yeah, it was one of those with only the two seats in the front and everything was just, you know, loose and shit. Yeah, yeah, rattling around and shit in the back. I feel like you always had to have that moment with your dad when he was teaching. There always had to be a little fricasse, a little trouble, a little argument or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that was the only... He literally, those two times and one time in a parking lot and then he was like...

And it was like, whatever. Did you ever do lessons or anything? With driving school. Yeah. With the two-seater? With the guy on the other side? Guy on the other side. Oh, shit. It was a... There was a guy teaching and then there was like a Asian lady who I think I was just like... Who taught me how to parallel park and it was like... And I was in love with her for teaching me like basic information. And she was like...

You know what I mean? Sure. Maybe a five, but I'm a teenager. Sure. Who's like, any woman. You're in a car with a woman. Any woman I'm that close quarters with. And I was like, hey mom, you think maybe we could get up a little holiday basket for fucking, and my mom was like, you will never see that woman again. I will not waste my cookies on her. Jesus Christ. My mom was pissed that I even,

suggested we give her a gift. A holiday gift. I like you trying to close, though. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know what I thought was going to happen. I was like, yeah, I'm going to need some extra parking lessons. Some Anna said cookies ought to fucking put you over the top with her. Fuck, what was my... What was it called? It was such a... And my driving school was so funny. It was all... I mean, it's in like Dundalk, Maryland, right? I've talked about it quite a bit. It's our kind of... You know, the... What's the... Delco, I believe is the equivalent. And it was just like...

the fucking stupidest people you've ever met in your life. And there's people that had gotten like failed a bunch of times. And there was like one guy who was like had a DUI and had to go to class. And it was just like, and then a lot of them knew each other. But yeah, I just wanted to fuck this like

This just like lady who talks. How old is she? Probably 30? She's probably 30 at most, but you're 15. Of course. Anyone who's not. Anyone over 22, you're like, is she 40? Yeah, she's a woman. It's a woman to me, baby. We did do driving school, but we had to do insurance class. Insurance class? Yeah, like to get a better insurance rate. Yeah.

Because we were young drivers, we had to go... After we went and took our test, we had to go to the community college and take a class four Saturdays in a row. And then you were able to turn that into the insurance company and they give you a decent rate. Like a safety class. Like how to do this, how to do that. But it was all kids from different schools. There were no computers. This is a nice thing where you remember that Foley has a generation on everyone. There's probably no computers involved in your driving. Nothing. It was all... Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no taking the permit test on a computer. Slate and chalk. That was it. Yeah.

Shizzling on a rock. What was the first car? What was your first car? First car was a 1988 Chevy Spectrum. Ooh, older than me and Eldis. Yeah. A little stick shift that my dad bought for us. For like 500 bucks. Because it was technically my brother's car, but I got it when he went to college. But I remember it was such a fucking piece of shit of a kid. Like thinking, like Chevy, like I didn't know what it was. And you couldn't look it up back then.

I couldn't Google what it looked like. And it was this little shitty hatchback. And I remember when he pulled up with it. He went to work. He got his buddy to take him to work so he could pick the car up and drive it home. And he pulled in the driveway with it, and he got out of the car, and I walked out. I was like, that's it? Oh, what a little son. You're a little comfortable, dude. What a piece of shit. You've done nothing in your life. You probably have bad grades. You're probably a bad son. Nothing but trouble. Yeah.

Nothing but headache. He's like, are you fucking kidding me? Probably three months of his salary. You're like, fine, I'll drive this drunk. But I'm not going to like it. How am I going to score in this thing? Fucking dirtbag. Did you ever get your ungrateful penis touched in the Chevy? In the Chevy Spectrum? I don't think so.

On the weekends, I would take his truck. He had a cool Nissan truck that I would take. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. And then the Maxima once or twice. Okay. With my high school girlfriend. There you go. We hooked up in there. Nice. Not my scene, though. I'm not really that... You're not a... Not the car now. Well, you weren't fat back then. No. I was like a buck 70. Yeah. Yeah. Because that is certainly a limiting factor.

The fatter you get. If I had to have sex in a car right now, it would have to be like a U-Haul. And not even the smallest one they have. It would have to be the one up from the... In a box truck? It would have to be their smallest box truck. Couldn't be a cargo van. Yeah. But it's funny you mention that because yesterday... This might be a little too graphic. I apologize. Sure will be. I was pleasuring myself yesterday. Thank you for editing. You were about to say jerked off.

And you said you were pleasuring yourself. So there I am wailing on myself. And I was able to go down and do it like normal. Wow. I swear to God, I haven't been able to do that in years. Wait, wait, wait. You can't, like, you mean just... It'd be too uncomfortable to go like that. But now I can. Wow. That's a big milestone. Now let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this. How did you jack off then if that was true? He's got a very unique method. I'd love to learn about this. Funny you mention it. Yeah, this is great. It's so disturbing. I can't wait to hear it because I'm fatter than I've ever been. Still no problems regular jacking off. And I have a small penis. I don't think I have any long arms. So anyway. I would only tell you this. Thank you. Thank you.

This is fucked up. This is going to open up a whole new world of fat jerking off for me. This is the exclusive right here. So for some reason, ever since I was a little kid, I've been very aware of the Fremulon. The Fremulon? Do you know what I'm talking about? Is it the thing in the middle? Underneath the head where all the sensitivity is. Which is because a lot of times snip when we're affected. Right.

As a sniffed man. As a sniffed man myself, they snip me a little too much. Right, right, right. You can hit him with a blowtorch. Right, right, right. Hey, Doc, I said a trim. I see what you're saying. The little right under the head. The hook, yeah. The banjo string. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Let me tell you, I play like a Louisiana boy. He just does that. Where the devil went down to Georgia. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

He was looking for a soul to steal. Can I game a couple? Fully challenges the devil to a frenulum playing contest.

He's got a fucking... Like a fiddle bow. Yeah, yeah, the fiddle bow. So I just... Jacking off. Is that the answer for all you play? You play... You pull out my bow. I got it like a slide guitar. Yeah.

Jagging off with a theremin. Those glasses over your dick. Like Peter Frab to the big wah, wah, wah. Do you feel like I do? So I rub that. I rub that. Oh, rub. Yeah. That's it. That's it. Go like that. You literally jack off like a woman. He fingers himself. You literally finger your clit. Literally. You flick your own clit. And the fatter that I got...

The fatter I got, I wouldn't really be able to get hard, so I could do it when I'm soft. And no one's done the right thing. You figured out a way to soft jack off. Dude, no foreplay. What do you mean? He just starts fingering himself. Salute, dude. We need fat history month. Gentlemen. You're our George Washington Carver. We need you like, yeah, age fully, long after his penis ceased to be hard, figured out a way to pleasure himself. And then in the early 2000s,

When Foley got so heavy. Well, it started actually because of cocaine that his dick couldn't get hard. Yeah, there you go. But then it transferred nicely when he became morbidly obese. Also, I love the determination of he's like sitting there wailing on himself. He can't get hard. He's like, all right, fuck it. I'm going in for the sniper shot. Yeah. Just like, dude, imagine...

Just fucking wailing on yourself until it works. That's crazy. Well, I did used to do a very primitive method of this, I think. It was probably part of it. I was a rub my dick on my hand as a child. Sure. So it's similar clit style jerking off. Yes. But, you know, I have since mastered. You've learned better. I have since mastered the classic. Sure. The classic method of, you know. Now, would you have to walk women through this?

your clit or... No, I wouldn't have. That's just for you. Yeah, that's just for me. Oh, I don't know. Maybe. I wouldn't do that. Did I ever have anybody do that? You should start. I would. If that's your butt and let them press it. What are we doing here? I've never felt comfortable with anybody. Up, down, up, down. Let's go. You can get pegged and get your little dick rubbed, dude. Doesn't sound bad. Yeah.

He's speaking my language. I thought he was never going to leave the house. You're going to come with those Dr. Browns in me. You're going to find out, big boy. I'm never going to get him into the studio. Fully getting his tits sucked, his pussy rubbed, and his ass fucked.

He's got all makeup on and stuff. Walking around with a broken pair of high heels. That sounds fucking awesome, dude. Hey, boys. I might have showed somebody that once. Right. Yeah. Right. Didn't last. That's too powerful knowledge for her. Yeah. She wasn't prepared. What the fuck? You don't want me to get it hard? You just want me to pinch it? Like Ralph Ciparetto.

Yeah, I mean, listen, when you're not... I've definitely... You know, I have found in my scientific studies women really are troopers when your dick doesn't get hard. They really are. Very rarely. They really are. Maybe it's different for a skinny guy whose dick doesn't get hard, but I do think there's something when... If you've signed up to fuck either me or Foley, you got a sneaking suspicion...

There's a 30% chance you're getting hard dick. But you have to enter into an agreement with that. You know that you've laid all your cards on the table, and this is probably the last time you're going to see this person. There's no way she's going to do it and be cool and not make you feel like an asshole about it. Right. That's the trade-off. Once they're gone, that's it. I don't know. If they come back, you marry her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah.

I've definitely had people make a, you know, been like, all right, that's enough for me. But I don't think I've ever had that. I don't think I've ever had that problem. You've never not been hard. I don't think so. Maybe like after the second time or something. Second time. I misspoke ways. Second discreet meeting. No, like after, like if I've...

You know, I'm a premature ejaculation man myself. You bust fast. You have to be exact opposite. Too much excitement. See, that's the thing. Yeah, yeah. Dude, anyone can stay hard for 30 seconds. My dick is hard the first four minutes of sex. Four minutes? What are you, a porn star? Jesus Christ. When I know my dick's no good. That explains a lot of ladies out front. Fucking Caligula over here. It's just sometimes I just know I'm like...

I gotta get, we gotta get the penetration fast. I can feel that where I'm like, I'm wasting a lot of hard dick in my jeans right now. Sucking on titties on the couch. We gotta get this in a pussy fast. It's like, go, go, go. Sir, we don't know how much longer we can keep this up.

It's like in my balls, putting fucking shoveling coal into my balls to keep my dick hard. You're holding the line at Bastogne. It is going to slip, sir. His penis cannot stay out. They need reinforcement or they will all die. The dick pill he got from the gas station was just melatonin. It is not going to work. Those are great.

Gas station dick pills? No, not gas station. But the real guys. Yeah, they're all right, man. We are living in a pharmaceutical revolution. They are making it so easy to stay incredibly fat. They're making it so that you could just burn bright fat.

You know what I mean? Like, they're like, look, we'll keep your dick hard. Don't worry about what happens at 50, 60. You know what I mean? It's like, use it all up now. Sure. A lot of dick pills, a lot of Adderall, a lot of, like, you know, you can punish your body and make it functional against God's will. With pharmaceuticals, yes, absolutely. Keep you up, keep you in the race. Yeah, that's right, that's right. That's what it's all about. Well, congrats on being able to grip your hard cock. Thank you, man. Thank you.

That's what we like to hear around here. And it just happened naturally yesterday. It was crazy because I was going to do my move. Right. And you're like, what's this? Yeah. A hard cock. Yeah, it was hard. Four fingers on a hard D. And I'm like, oh, shit. And then I kind of did that. And I'm like, oh, my God. That should be the Ozempic commercial. Yeah.

Now I'm back to jerking off like a normal human being. Thanks, Osempics. I'm still at a barbecue flipping burgers. That's a good bit. That's Dirtbag Osempic. It's like, my dick gets hard.

Interesting. Yeah, dude, I've laid my plan out. I'm watching you like a hawk. I'm trying to get the charts from your doctor. I'm basically like, is he going to survive this? I'm looking at Foley. I'm like, let's see his bone density scans. You're measuring his skull and stuff?

You're going to do that 360 camera. Hey, Foley, stay in here. Let's get in there real quick. It's time for promo. It's promo. I got the bone density of a mockingbird right now. Are you kidding me? He's got hollow bones. I snap my fingers like a pencil. I'm like, yeah, put on this breathing apparatus and get on this treadmill. It's for a sketch, Foley. He's got nodes all over. Yeah.

I would say, unless it's the stuff that you don't know, which I guess that's what the worry is with it. Right, right, right. I'm sure that's the stuff you worry about. I don't really feel anything like that. It's just the immediate side effects is what sucks.

And I don't know how bad that is for you. Right, right, right. You were saying burping and shit? Yeah, the burping and all that stuff. It's slowing down your digestion. Obviously, I'm sure there's a concern what that does to the colon or the intestine, having that stuff sit there or whatever. I think it's coming out now. I've seen more and more stuff. Now, every week, there's more and more doctors or people being like, this is wrong. I just saw something...

So it's not even made in the U.S. It's made by a European company. Didn't you hear what the guy said about his hard cock? That's a win for fat guys everywhere. Start slapping you around. Well, there is the thing of like, yeah, it's probably not good for you, but like, is the way I live now good for me? You know what I mean? But it's also like, I think the thing is like,

all right, he's going to do this. The plan is to get off it at some point. I'm off it now. Oh, you are? Yeah. Oh, nice. I took my last one. It was like a week and a half ago. Wow, okay. Now what you need to do is measure how hard your cock is to see if you stay effective. It's not even body weight. It's like cock hardness is the number one metric. That blood flow, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. So you're off. Keep the little guy going. Yeah, I'm off. And it's weird because...

It's funny. Yesterday was like...

Where I felt like I had like a rush of like, not energy, but like I felt good. Because you really feel, you feel like you're sick most of the time. Really? Yeah. You feel like you have like a stomach bug. That's so fucking weird. Dude, the first time we took it, he's so stupid. The first time we took it, they were like, hey man, these side effects are going to be real bad in the first 48 hours or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's going to be rough. And we were like, we were getting ready to do like a fucking six day, six city run. Ah!

And he shows up to the airport. He's like, I took it last night. We're like, what? We're off the road next week for four months. Why would you do it and then get on 17 planes? This is insane. How horrible is that?

Why would you do this to yourself? So what was the first 48 like? That wasn't the first 48. That was when I... That was the first dose. I remember going, why wouldn't you wait until this is our last run? No, I think that was the first, if I'm not mistaken, that was the first full dose because my endocrinologist really...

like I didn't just start you ratcheted you up slowly yeah she really did it was when that really started kicking in I think no no it was the first time it was the first time you ever took the I vividly remember walking through I think like Indianapolis being like you are fucking stupid this is all self-inflicted we have a four month

break after Friday. Why would you do this? We have to cover seven states. Yeah. I don't think the burps and shit had started then, though. No, no, no, no. I just felt bad. That was after the... Yeah. You just felt horrible? It feels like you just had chemo or something like that. Oh, Jesus Christ. Brutal. Give me a ginger ale. But as a jumping off point, you know, like, again, I don't know what the, you know, the long-term side effects and all that kind of shit are, but I'm pretty good with, like, going to the doctor and, like, my blood work and, you know, all that kind of shit. Yeah.

I think the best way to use it would be like he got this huge thing, like this huge kickstart to be like, all right, this is the impetus I'm changing moving forward. My goal is I'm going to keep the Foley tab open another six months. Sure. See if he makes it. He buys on them. Yeah, he buys on them. I'm going to tag him in the back of my ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before you leave, we're...

Eldest tag him under the banjo string. Put a little tab, put a little stop. We're getting some interference. He must be jacking off again. Man, this kid goes to terrible. He shut down comms. Yeah, that's interesting because part of me was like, I'm going to try and lose weight

Like, just, you know, I have a lot of time off right now. And then I was thinking, like, it might be nice to get on it the next tour where it's, like, or maybe a little bit before you manage it. Yeah, so you learn the symptoms. Learn the symptoms and stuff. But, like, just to, that's always fucked my ass is when you get back on the road. To assist, to be like, okay, I'm not going to have five slices of pizza. Well, they say the Manjuro or whatever it's called. Manjuro, yeah. Yeah, is the symptoms are a lot, the side effects are a lot less.

And that is, I think if I'm not mistaken, that's a little more designer. That's a little more specifically refined. Wow. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Uh,

Big J told me about something. I can't remember the name, but it's some acronym like ICB or something like that. Was he just telling you about the insane clown posse? Was Big J just telling you about... You would love him. He did me a CD like, they're really good. He's losing a lot of weight because he has like lead paint on his face. His Juggalo lead paint on his face. He looks fucking great. We just saw him a couple days ago. He's fucking slimmed down.

But no, there's something that you can take. And I did start to take like probiotics and stuff like that and like digestive enzymes that alleviate that a little bit. I love it. Yeah. But I just saw something that it's a European company and they're not allowed to sell it in Europe. Hilarious. Wait, which one? Ball.

All Manjaro and fucking Ozempic are made by the biggest European pharmaceutical company. And Europe is obviously like, what are you, nuts? They literally just do their annual reportings or whatever. And it's like through the roof due to Ozempic. They've recorded their biggest profits ever. And they're not even selling to their market. Nobody's fat over there like that, though. That's the other thing. They don't have the level of pig we have over here.

They got one or two, you know what I mean? It's like, they might, like, my uncle is fat as shit, and even he is like...

He's like the fattest guy I know in Greece. It's like 90s fat. Yeah, exactly. It's like George Costanza. He is fatter than Costanza. Don't get me wrong. But they don't put the shit in the food over there like they put it over here. I do. I actually, I mean, that is a stupid thing to say and think, but I believe it too. You know what I mean? 100%. It's like, nah, the food's different. But then I see my fat-ass uncle who's had diabetes for 30 years get fatter, get a little fatter every year and survive. And I'm like, yeah, their food is bad. And he eats like a fucking animal. I mean, I think it's like...

very well documented that it's better. Our shit is... Well, our shit, there's a lot of poison in all our food. They just like to put a little poison in there. Which I don't mind. I genuinely don't. My wife's like, we need to use all natural cleaners. I'm like, that shit don't work. Get the Fabuloso, puss. Let's fucking go. What are we doing? You're saying your wife grew up in Germany? Grew up in Germany. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She moved here. She's German-German. She's German-German, moved here.

When we got married... You know Germany's the only country that you say that. She's like, German, German. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Little wink. Yeah, yeah. She's actually Jewish, German Jew. Oh, wow. There's about nine of them. That is rare, dude. Yeah. That is rare. Well, they were Czech. And they're like, yeah, get her out. Send her to America.

I was like, I remember she was like, I'm not sure if I want to move to New York. I'm like, you are behind enemy. Like, we love you here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so she's like very, like, you know, like, she like laughs that I eat peanut butter and stuff. Right, right, right. Because she's like, that's what they feed starving kids in Africa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, weight on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't wrap, Europeans can't wrap their head around it. That is a very interesting, like,

Philly trash and a European marriage is very funny. She doesn't under... Like, she genuinely... She sees my family and, like... We went out... We just went out with my mom to... We took her out to, like, a proper, like, European-Italian spot. Right, right, right. Not, like, chicken marsala and chicken... Sure, sure, sure. There's no chicken. It's, like, actual Italian... No cutlets. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Something Matteo would go to. Yes, very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like...

My mom was like, I don't like that. I don't know this. What is this? What is that? Where's the cream cheese? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we get more bread, please? Can we have some elbow noodles with cream cheese and fried chicken cutlets? Yeah. Oh, zucchini flowers are so good. And she's just like, she's like, you guys drink so much and you eat like, dude, if we go down to the Jersey Shore in the summer, it's like cheesesteaks, pizza, burgers. Like there's not a salad in sight. That's so funny. And she's like, this is crazy. Yeah.

She's like, do you need to start drinking on the beach at noon? I'm like, yeah, what are we doing here? That's fucking awesome. Love wins, dude. Yeah. I'm sorry, did you win World War II? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking make me call the bullies back. Yeah.

Fucking go over there and level the plate. That's awesome. Have you ever had... Has there ever been like a family, like some kind of like, you know, sitcom situation where both... Marwending was the one time that they... Everybody kind of together. And that was jarring for like...

You know, kind of everybody involved. Everyone involved. Like, what? It was like a junior high prom where, like, everybody was on the one side and then all my family was on the other. The Germans all had lab coats and safety goggles on and were writing down things on clipboards. They were in hazmat suits. Yeah, it was very... Don't touch them. It's definitely a culture clash. But, like, everybody got together. And also, it's so far that they don't mingle a whole bunch. Like, my mom and her mom are, you know, pretty cool together. They hang when, like, whatever. But, uh...

Yeah, it's like, I mean, but it's like, I thought it would be like, oh, yeah, we'll figure this out in like three months. But it's like every day. I'm like, no, I don't do stuff that way. Oreos are staying in the house. Stop throwing away the double stuffed Oreos. They're vegan. Yes, I need them and the Cakester Oreos. They're different. They scratch a different itch. One is a hard cookie. One is soft. Can I ask you that? Do you like the Cakester? I don't, but I was looking for something for the riff. No.

That's a lot. Fucking speed bumping a gear. It's okay. It's okay. I had one not that long ago. Pre-packaged cake is no good usually. Yeah, I didn't love it. You can really taste the preservatives in a way you can't with a cracker-based pre-packaged. Yeah, those aren't great. The funniest thing of this is there's a

Down by my mom's, there's this Italian gelato. It's not ice cream. It's Italian gelato. Yes, yes, yes. And my wife loves it, so we were all out to dinner. She's like, we're going there. I'm buying. She's telling the kids it's ice cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they show up. And what's it, fruit-based? Yeah, it's like rhubarb and fucking...

Like ginger routine. The kids all took a bite. We're like, this sucks. I'm like, yeah, just give Breyers up the middle. What are we doing here? Nice shallot ice cream. Yeah, just get a box of the fucking cardboard black and white cookies that don't melt, the ice cream sandwiches from our youth. The ones that you literally hold their shape. Have the yellow around it. I'm like, we're not fancy people and we're not.

Even trying to improve. Yeah. We found out who we are. That's what we're doing. Gelato is a really good example of it. It should be a middle ground, I think. Because gelato is so sweet. It's so rich. It's so good. But they give you a little thing of it. And I want the fucking mixing bowl of it. Of course. I believe there's less milk fat in real gelato as well. That's part of it. That's so good, though. It is good. What was the menu at the wedding, dude?

At my wedding? Yeah, yeah. Oh, we did something real small because we did a... Totino's. We did a... We rented out the basement of the Smith in the East Village. Oh, nice. Because it was a city hall wedding and there was like 40 of us. So we rented that out and it was just like, you know, steak. There was like a little bit of everything. Yeah. Kind of family style-esque. That's nice. Yeah, it was all right. Open bar, no big deal. You got to have open bar. You got to have open bar. That's what she said too. She's like, do we need... Because they were like, oh, it's 80 bucks a person. She's like, do you need an open bar? I'm like,

I mean, that right there. They won't show up. My family will not. We can cut it in half. No, it's true. Don't have a wedding if it's not open for us. Dude, especially in New York. If they were charging my uncles like $28 for an old-fashioned, they would burn the place down. They'd be sneaking in coolers. I was at one night. They handed us two drink tickets. I was like, what is this? Oh, my. At a wedding? Yeah. Fuck, man. Oh, that's brutal. Brutal.

Ooh, that hurt me. I wouldn't take them. I just went and paid full price. I'm not fucking using a drink thing. Out of principle, I can't. I called my way out of that shit. I'm fucking open mic'd. What can I get with this? You feel like a kid at an arcade. Can I get three spider rings and a shot of Jameson? I'm going to bet that marriage is not going to last.

What do you think? Yeah. No, they were both very frugal and stuff like that, and they were on a tight budget and stuff like that, which I get. Yeah, but will it last or not? I don't know. I think so. You think so? Okay. All right, we don't want to blow them up further. I just think any— If not, I'm making a move. Tell that guy how to grab my friend in line. Fuck.

Fuck it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right. I should remember. You're talking about Mark Norman's wedding. You were there? No, no. It was a great wedding. No drink tickets. It did. It was awesome. It was incredible. But I know in Mark's heart, he was like, hello?

of money. It's expensive. But it was a great wedding. I have to tip my, it's truly incredible. He came in to record, we recorded an episode with him like the week before, like Tuesday and Friday or something. And then on like Wednesday, he texted Foley, hey, if you and Kevin want to come to the wedding, come on down this weekend.

It's not an open house. He's the man, too, because he literally, like, tacked on a show to his wedding. Yeah. The night before. So it's all a write-off. Yeah, literally the night before they did a fucking show, and it was, like, every comedian who came in a day early just... That's a good time. Hilarious. Did he have, like, oysters on a half-shell floating around? Dude, it was incredible. No, no, no. I want to say, as...

as cheap as Mark is most of the time, it was the opposite for his wedding. You have to tip your hat. And that's honestly how it should be. That truly is how it should be. There's a couple things in your life that are a big deal. You should splurge. Go all out. You know what I mean? Like, fucking... Anyway. It's easy for you to say. Yeah. I'm in the middle of playing one right now. Oh, I love it. You got a guy getting...

bamboozled. I love it. Oh, here we go. Every Patreon episode has been the planning of his wedding and he is retarded. This year, he has been getting scammed. I got fucking doing a room block.

And I find out that if you don't hit the number, you got to pay for all those nights. I'm like, what the fuck? First of all, he comes, he goes, I got us a great deal on rooms. I go, all right, how much? He goes, $6.50 a night. I'm like, where the fuck are we staying? $6.50 a night? Where are you going to find that in Wilmington? Are you kidding me?

Also, tell them the day why we're on it. I'm getting married in Hawaii three days before Christmas. Oh, my God. Dude, flights are already. Are you fucking kidding, dude? Flights are already. You're so stupid. Already insane. Hey, you saved the date. You should be here in a couple of days, by the way. I'm looking for you to spread a little cash around. That's fucking insane, dude.

Oh, three days before fucking Christmas. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. It works out perfectly. Here's the thing. I'm an idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know. Not a busy travel time. Not expensive. No one's going to want to be with their families. That's all he said. He goes, baby, we're doing Christmas in Hawaii. And I'm like, you, I got to fly back on Christmas Eve to see my family.

family. Dude, we did the math. I have to leave the hotel at 8 a.m. the morning after the flight. I then land at JFK at like 3.30 a.m. I have to...

Get to my apartment, get my wife, my dog, and drive to meet Christmas in Philadelphia. That's so fucking funny. Take the year off. Spend it in the Bumby Islands. Nice over there. Now, we've got a lot of little kids in our family, so that was the easiest for my immediate family to do it. And most of my family stay in there through Christmas. That's great for his family. I'm aware it's a fucking huge jam up.

That is so horrible. Destination wedding on Christmas. 11 hours away. Truly one of the stupidest plans possible. I like to keep it on brand. What could you do that is worse? I don't. Have it in Times Square on New Year's Eve. Everybody's just standing there peeing themselves. We're all wearing diapers.

Have it at the Margaritaville in Times Square on January 1st. While they're cleaning everything up, you're like, look. But the bird's from Hawaii, so it's like, you know. That makes sense for sure. It's really the Christmas that's the problem here. But the whole thing is a fucking hustle. It's funny. I should have talked to Norman about it. I didn't think of it. Dude, Hawaii and holiday, you're fucked.

I know. There's no way this is not going to... He got that good deal on the hotel room. Yeah, he got a good deal on the hotel room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got the resort fees wave. What are you working on? Yeah. Hey,

Hey, bang out over there, Brad. Yeah, Eldest, maybe we just take, if you don't have enough rooms, me and Eldest are just going to come for the deal. We don't even go to the wedding. Yeah, we don't show up. We're like, we wave to you guys. You guys are out of the pool. We come in, we take our two drink tickets, guzzle them, and they're like, all right, see you guys. You two got all the bridesmaids that won't come. Get out of here. I'm going to hang with these guys. He's disgusting. Get off of him.

That's fucking awesome, Chloe. Yeah. That's great. But the whole thing is a fucking scam, man. Like, you know, you get the estimate from the caterer. It doesn't include like silverware and glassware and this and that. They sell you a fucking shaved ice cart. Then the cart, you got to pay for the cart, the umbrella, the fucking wheels. I heard him go and read an email. I was like, dude, there's no way this is going to go off without a hitch. Yeah.

brutal. What's the number you're trying to keep it under, brother? What, the number, the budget? Yeah. I wanted to keep it around 50. Right. Because I'm fucking 48. I can't ask my fucking mom...

to fucking help me fucking pay for the wedding. I mean, the fact that that's even in your head is crazy. The fact that you're like, I can't do that, hoping she will. You know what I mean? That's actually idiotic. I mean, I don't want to have to call her. I mean, God forbid that happened. I said, dude, you should treat this like a fifth marriage. You're 50. This isn't...

This isn't young love. Everybody wants to go to Hawaii and see you get married. You're 50. You're going to be a 50-year-old man. That's awesome. And I'm upside down in a wedding. And we just started making a little bit of cash. You just paid off the couch. You just paid off the couch. I'm dumb.

I'm double down. Yeah. That's hilarious. It's been, it's not going to be 50. No. Yeah. No, no. Plus all the other shit, the flights, the fucking, what are we going to do for Christmas? Yeah. That and the other thing, but most of my balls to take them to Pearl Harbor.

Pearl Harbor? His family is so gloomy. Who wants to watch their son get married then go to a massacre? That's crazy. That's all they want to do. We get to go to Pearl Harbor? That's fucking hilarious, dude. Christmas at Pearl Harbor. Goddamn. Dude, it's been fucking insane. I mean, to be fair though, the fact that

you should think of it as like, you actually probably should have, this should be a third marriage. That's what I'm saying. 100%. So, 50, 60, 60K, you know what I mean? It's like, over three marriages is not so bad. It's not so bad. If you take it over the aggregate, it's alright. If it was a true third marriage though, this would be it like the fuck

in Plymouth meeting Marriott. It would be at lunch. We'd be doing a lunch. It would be in your son's backyard. That's where it would be if it was rehearsed. My dad's second was Vegas.

We were all in it. My little brother was the ring bearer and stuff. It was rough. Dude, it was like a line, too. We had to wait for someone else to get married. Oh, my God. And then they moved with their family out. Then we moved in. It was rough. Oh, yeah, that's trash. That's real trash stuff. To take your children to Vegas for the wedding. Underage children. That was the richest I ever felt in my life. We were at the Bellagio when it just opened. Talking about new money. Where was this third?

I don't know if the third ever officially happened. Yeah, okay. They did get divorced, though. But you see how I asked that? And you and I was right about it? I think he's still playing the field a little bit. I love it. Well, this is great, boys. I love getting new embarrassing content out of Foley. He's always nice. Now let's take the wisdom you two have accrued over the years.

And apply it to our friends. And by the way, guys, listen to the podcast. You guys are on tour. Let's plug some stuff here in the middle. Yeah, we're on tour right now. We just launched a 2024 tour. We're coming all over doing fucking theaters in a lot of places, which is sick. We're doing Town Hall in New York, adding a second show to the Wilbur. We're doing the Tampa Theater, Atlanta, Houston, Dallas. I love the Tampa Theater, dude. It was great. Yeah, it's awesome. So we're stoked. Everything's available at RUGarbage.com. Yeah.

Go see the boys. Go see the boys. They put on a great show. Thank you. And leave us a fucking review. We're trying to get the podcast to be more successful this year. We're trying to make some efforts on it. So give us a five-star. Leave a nice review. We're starting a new couch. You know what I mean? Yeah, I need a fucking new couch. I need a nice... I need a car that'll impress my trash friends. Check out an aviator under the guy for you. Well, Kevin and Henry, that's a very good point, but...

Again, I really don't think you guys are protecting your data, your privacy online. You're really not, okay? You seem like to me the kind of guys that use the internet without a VPN.

you know what that's like that's like leaving your laptop out in a coffee shop hank that's like you henry getting up to buy a scone and then leaving your laptop for the world to see you'll probably be fine but what if somebody goes on there buys themselves a little shirt what if someone goes on there maybe downloads some stuff you don't want associated with your name well that's why you got to be using expressvpn.com baby

Every time you connect to an unencrypted network at a hotel, we're traveling all the time at an airport. I'm on Wi-Fi. I'm on go-go Wi-Fi, all that kind of shit. Any hacker on the same network can gain access to your data. We're talking passwords. We're talking credit card numbers. It doesn't take much knowledge to hack.

You watch a YouTube video, some fucking guy halfway across the world has taught you how to steal people's information. Anyone can do it. Your data is valuable. Hackers can make up to $1,000 per person selling personal info on the dark web. They can probably get you for other stuff too. I love ExpressVPN. Here's how it works. And it's kind of easy. Look, am I a technical genius? No. But as I understand it, it's sort of like a tunnel. Your shit's safe in a cocoon.

ExpressVPN shields it from motherfuckers taking your shit. Creates a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet. They can't steal shit with ExpressVPN.

It would take a hacker a supercomputer over a billion years my friend to get past Express VPNs encryption I like it personally. It's easy as fuck to use fire it up fire the app up click a button You're good to go. I have a ton of shit right? I got a phone. I got a couple phones I got a tablet. I got a tab. I got an iPad laptop I got a tablet. I got an Amazon tablet that I watch Reacher in the sauna

I have plenty of devices that are connected. It goes on all of them. You don't have to worry about them. And it's important to me personally to use ExpressVPN because, look, we do a nude calendar every year. I don't want somebody hacking in and seeing my little penis soft. All right? Plus, I guess all the other stuff, finances, privacy, all that. But...

mainly my little dick is out if you hack me you can find how little my penis is and i need to safeguard that so what i want you boys and the listeners to do secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com slash davi that's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n dot com slash davi and you can get an extra three months free expressvpn.com slash davi get to it now go ahead eldest

Oh. 16. Yeah.

So, yeah, did I fuck up and... Buddy, keep that shit to yourself. ...myself, or is she kind of being overreacting? Yep. All right. Thanks, y'all. Love you, y'all.

I mean, this is tough. That was made from the business center of a Hamptons Inn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he got thrown out of that. Yeah, he's at an extended stay America right now. He's got a couple fucking... He's got a couple lean cuisines in the little freezer that comes with his sad hotel room. She's freaking out. I don't know why. Yeah. I mean, look. 16, dude. Up until you said 16, like...

The fact that it's 16... Listen, it doesn't matter, obviously, but it's like, why are you telling her that? Like, that's all... There's no way she's going to take that and try to be like, okay, cool, and move forward. Like, she's just going to start thinking of who was she, when, how, when was it, how many times? Like, that's just stupid to me. But 16 is so, like... But there's no positive emotion. There's 30? There's 30?

Sure. And she gives a... I mean, I know you're right. It's not going to be positive. There's no positive. The only thing I could say...

I mean, the cat's out of the bag for this guy now, right? He did it, right? Yeah. He didn't call and say, should I say this? It's been eating me up inside. I also was like, what kind of cheating are we talking about here? 16. Did you fuck another 16-year-old? Were you guys officially, you know, were you officially dating? Did you just make out with someone? Like, I need a little more context here. But,

anything short of like I guess fucking someone completely behind her back I don't think is a huge deal I think even if they did they were 16 yeah of course who gives a fuck no I yes of course but it's also like this woman now 30 or whatever 14 years later is like well why the fuck do I want to know it's like when someone's like hey this guy was talking shit behind your back you're like that's not

for me I don't want to hear that what the fuck now I have to deal with it you tell me about it now I gotta deal with it what the fuck that's a good point that's a good point for sure because he's kind of if anything he's trying to absolve himself of the guilt yes it's self-motivated to me like I mean that doesn't just like slip out like oh yeah remember when I was fucking Shelly or whatever yeah yeah yeah but I mean yeah it sucks

So now he's done it, though, right? I'm sure he'll get past it, you know. Now that you have done it, I think the thing is, like, the thing to do here is just say. Is do it again. Yeah, fuck someone now and be like, see, isn't this way worse? You should have let it slide, and now we wouldn't be here. Or does he give her, I mean, not that she wants this, but does he give her a pass? No. No, a pass now? A pass is crazy. I would be thinking about that all the time.

What? If I did that, told her, I would be like, she's for sure going to fucking cheat on me. You think so? To get me back. Yeah. It's not equivalent. She gets to like... That's what I would do. She gets to give a...

Yeah, would you? She gets to finger Foley, and we'll call it even. There you go. Where you kids live at? I'll be dead in a couple of weeks. Yeah, I mean, look. I get both sides. You probably should have kept it to yourself, but now that you've said it, I think the only thing to do is kind of, which probably is what he was trying to do, is be like, I just want us to have complete honesty. Like, I've never kept anything else from you. This is the best relationship of my life. I want to be with you forever. And

It just bothered me that I had anything that was not truthful. Sure. There you go. And I think that's your only kind of thing to do here. It's also like you're going that far. You're like, there's nothing. It's that. That thing from 16, from 14 years ago has been eating me up. Yeah. There's nothing else. I had to get it off my plate. And wow her for a little bit. You know what I mean? Some, you know, really be fucking real sweet to her. Fucking dinners, all that kind of stuff. Make her feel like she's the one. You got to just accept the doghouse for like a couple months here. Just let her...

Get it all out on you. And use it as an opportunity to really not... I mean, if that was the only secret you had in your relationship, that's kind of good. Yeah, that's all you have. And keep the slate totally clean from here on out. Yeah, that's actually really good advice. Commit to it. But yeah, I don't know. You're fucking dumb for saying anything. Yeah, you just got to talk to her. But yeah, just get, you know... I'd love to know what he meant by cheating. I mean, that would be crazy. And also, like...

They've been together 14 years. They've been married 14 years, so they might have been dating even longer. Yeah, so there's so much stuff that goes into it. Also, it's like, has she ever fucked anyone else? Did he even fuck that girl? Like, that's also weird. Yeah, it's like, what happened? When in their relationship did it happen? You know, all that stuff. My interest is certainly peaked, but even...

But either way, none of that is useful for your predicament. I'm just kind of curious. But anyway, whatever. You fucked up. But now parlay it into being a really good, honest guy. Next question, Albie. Thanks, guys. I'm a fucking very wise man. So I got a question. I'm getting back into the dating life. My girlfriend is leaving me. I also have herpes. Those are barely related. Nice, dude. But...

I've been kind of wondering how I'm supposed to pitch this to ladies, how I'm supposed to even, you know, I'm probably never getting my dick sucked ever again. I reserve that for heaven whenever I'm dead. Really? You don't think you'll ever get hurt again? Assuming I'll get hurt. The real issue is that people keep saying to date people who also have herpes, but that just means I have to date somebody who's as irresponsible as I am and probably has their life as much of a mess as me. First of all, shut the fuck up.

First of all, you definitely are worse than a lot of people who have herpes. Let's start there. You are not. Stop looking down on these people. My guess is he got it in way worse ways than a lot of women. I mean, not a lot, but there's a sizable percentage of women that got it because of dickheads like him. Just catch it because some guy was a piece of shit. Like that has happened. So let's relax about this. Anyway, keep going, Elders.

But yeah, I already am like kind of autistic and like have like a personality disorder. So people also say to date people like that, but you see that the pie chart is getting real small here. But yeah, all right. Thanks, Javi. Well, he thinks he's better than that. If this is on Patreon, make it a clip, please, on YouTube. I'm poor. Fuck, this is a free one. See you, baby. Good luck. God.

I almost want to make it a Patreon just to spite this guy. We'll edit this out and put it into a random Patreon. On the back end of a Cush Bros. Yeah, I mean, your vibes are fucked, dude. You're already a fucked up, like being like, oh, I got a fucking bitch that's as bad as me. Or like statistically, the pie chart. I wonder how old he is. Did he say? No.

This seems like mid-20s problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're into like 34, you're like, who gives a fuck? Exactly. Just get through it. What's going on here is that he...

This is mid-20s problems or like mid to late because it's like his vision of what life was going to be like is being taken away from him. And he's struggling with that. I've waited for test results to come back where I've really come to terms with all this. So I know what he's going through, big guy. Yeah, I mean, look, you're like...

you're being way too judgmental about people with herpes. I'm not saying you have to go on some fucking herpes-only dating site or whatever. But try it. Who cares? But it's also like... And yeah, and then the personality disorder, it's like... First of all, I think herpes is way blown out of proportion. I don't have it, I must say. Anytime you come across as pro-herpes, you have to be like... It's, you know... But it's like...

Whatever. It doesn't really, you know, if people are on their fucking meds and you're fucking with a condom on, who cares? Yeah, I think there's a lot more information now, too, of like when it is transmittable. Do you get cold sores? No. I get cold sores. Just on my lip, you know, one or two a year or something like that. Not on that little dick of yours, though. Not on my little Fremulon, thank God. Pristine, pristine. So, yeah, dude, I mean...

I would say take a beat, take a breath, reanalyze. It seems like you're coming at it a little, you know, you're shameful about having it and just whatever, talk to people and be like, hey, this is the thing. If you find someone you like, be like, hey, this is the thing I'm dealing with. You're right. There is a lot of shame. Which I get. There's also a lot of like, I really wonder what happened in his relationship. I don't want to, like, I don't.

Like, maybe I am being, maybe I am judging this guy because maybe his personality disorder and I don't know if he actually is autistic or if he's just doing the thing everybody, everybody claims that they're autistic now if they're being dickheads. But, but like, I find him a little, oh dude, so much. It's become almost hack to say you're autistic now. Start leaning on that. Um,

You have no way anyone would believe you're autistic. You lack the attention to detail that the autistic have. Down syndrome, maybe. One-eighth downs, maybe. There's 145 words in that typewriter. Nice try, dude. He called it a typewriter. Is that what you said? Somebody give me some toothpicks, will you? God damn it. Bullshit. Um...

Yeah, dude, look, take a little fucking break. Yeah, figure it out with yours. Get okay with it with yourself of what life is going to be moving forward, where you're at. And there's no pitch to the ladies. There's go on a date, see if you like someone. And when you start getting into an intimate situation, just fucking be like, hey, just so you know, I'm herped up, but I'm on my meds. As long as you're taking your meds and shit, yeah, you should be good, dude. Don't be a fucking loser.

Don't be so down on yourself and don't be so down on the herpes community. Yeah, but I get it. Go get him, kid. That's a curveball when you're expecting something else. You know what I mean? It certainly is. You don't want one more stumbling block if you already don't believe in yourself and you have some kind of personality thing that doesn't let you get close to people or some shit. I don't know what his thing is, but I get it. But, you know, you just got to get over the breakup first and then just...

attack dating like anybody else. And yes, you have one more thing that some people, it'll be a complete red flag for some people, but for other people, maybe they have it or maybe they're just cooler. It's not a big deal. Yeah. What else we got, Eldis?

Yo, Stabby, what's good? Guess what the fuck is up? All this was good. Okay. Yo, Stabby, looking for some advice. Going on a little trip here with my friends, and they're bringing their girlfriends, and I'm the only single dude, which is fine. That is my trip. I invited them anyway. But my problem is this couple that I'm going with, the guy, my best friend, my homie,

His girlfriend, she's cool too. She's good. But together, man, they are so fucked. They drink way too much. Last time we went to Seattle with a boy, he just got way too drunk, way too stupid. I had to put him to bed. And when they're together, they tend to do this a bunch. So I'm just wondering, like, how do I deal with this? You know, we're crossing the border. We're going from Vancouver to Portland. I don't want to ruin this.

You don't want to make an international incident. I'm kind of worried about it. She's known to ruin trips. She's known to, you know, overreact. So what do I do? How do I make sure that the trip is going to be so fun? There's nothing you can do. What are you, nuts? Yeah, it's like, hey, I let two big cats. Two banshees into my hotel room. Yeah, I let two hyenas into my hotel room. And I have a really nice ribeye I'm trying to save.

How do I keep these wild animals from the ribeye? Yeah. You're fucked. You are fucked. There is nothing to be done here. This is, we're getting a lot of early 20s realization. I was just going to say, that's mid-20s shit where you're like, Steve is,

And you just pound in your head on him. I'll be like, don't ruin the trip, Steve. This is the lesson you need so in your third... You never do this again. Yes. Like, going on a trip with a couple you're even sort of iffy about. Dude. Because the dynamic's already not great. He's already down in the count. He's the only single. If they were the sweetest people on earth, it's still a fucking no. Separate your boys from their girlfriends. Yeah, I mean, it takes a while. Like, we went to fucking... I was...

I was actually in a semi-similar position where it was like me, Eldis, another friend of ours, we went to Greece. We met up in Greece. They're in relationships. But I had literally lived with both Eldis and his wife. I had lived with my boy. It's a tighter circle. And it was like, and we had enough. But it's like, you're literally up against, you have to be friends. Here's how it worked. We've been friends for 30 years.

And I've known his wife and been roommates with her, have a good relationship with her. My other buddy, I've known him for 15 years and I've been roommates for eight years. And it's like that's what it takes. You're learning the only way to be a third wheel or a fifth wheel is if it's your best friends. It's got to be like family shit. It's got to feel like family. These are like, hey, me and her can go grab coffee in a townhouse.

It's not weird. She's going to go for a walk. I'll go with them. Like, it's got to be... You know what? It's got to be like your brother. Like, you and Elvis, it's like, all right, this is my sister-in-law. And not be a nightmare. I assume his wife's not a nightmare when she gets drunk. I've heard stories. Yeah, yeah. Here's the... No, that's a really good test, is can you have a pleasant lunch and can you survive a whole day with these women? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Like, that's the...

two hours is it actually straight up fun? Could you, is there a scenario where you look forward to this? And then if it's a whole fucking day, could you guys survive it? I know. And that's a lot. That is not, that's a hard bar to cross. Also too, is it a situation where you and the girlfriends can check each other? Like this sounds like, with this lady, if she starts acting a fool and you're like, like Tammy, stop man, what are you doing? Like, eh.

Yeah. You can let him talk to me like that. Yeah. But if like, I would assume that you guys have the relationship where if you were acting up, his wife can be like, you know, stop, stop. For sure. Take a chill pill. Let's take care of each other. Let's step outside or whatever. And I punch the wall and I'm like, eldest control your bitch. She's talking to me. You tell me not to get fucked up.

Can I see you outside for a second? Your wife sucks, dude. Man, dude. I'm going to kill myself. This was my trip and you brought girls to it. There's nothing like a good I'll kill myself. That's disgusting.

I've been really leaning into that lately. I love it. This has to be the last one, dude. You're so fucked it's hilarious. Even if it's... It's got to be the last one with your boy, too. If he's just a constant fucking issue...

You're like, hey, Steve doesn't come anymore. Like, Steve, you proved you can't do it. Give Steve a year. Let him learn in a year. That's true. I've had friends who have lost their, like, trip privileges for acting up. For sure. But you're just like, all right. I've been on that list. As you get older. And I deserved it. But if these people are in their 20s, I can tell you're not going to be friends with these people in your 30s. No. You're not. You're not.

Right. That's the thing where you go like, oh, this isn't worth my time anymore. Like, you're still 20. You're like, this is endless or whatever. Like, there's days forever. This is great. Right, right. Once shit starts happening, you're like, ah, I have one free Saturday this month. I don't want to spend it getting thrown out of a hula hands. Holding your girlfriend's hair back as she fucking vomits out of an Uber. Yeah. While I get no pussy whatsoever. That's not how I want to spend it. There are a few things worse.

Yeah. And your buddy's out of control drunk girlfriend. Yeah, yes. There are few things on the planet. Because they have diplomatic immunity. You can't treat them the way you want to treat them. You can't treat them the way you can treat another dumb bitch that's too drunk. They'll be like, oh, you're protected under his consulate. I did do it once.

I did it once to my buddy's girlfriend. We were in college. Same shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like something and somebody spilled like, it was like walking by her like this and spilled like this much beer, another buddy. And she fucking threw a drink in his face. She's like, you fuck, I just spent fucking all day getting ready. I'm fucking fucking. Oh my God. And I snapped. I just like, she should have left you in that fucking Sitco parking lot where we found you, you dumb bitch.

You're fucking trying. They just lost it. You should have thrown a drink right back at her. But yeah, this guy, he's up against actually two mid-20s phenomenon, which is because when you're in college, it's like, yeah, bring it. You'll go to fucking Cancun with a guy you just met, right? You meet him at the airport. You don't give a fuck, right? Exactly. It doesn't matter. So he's up against realizing that. It's like your time gets more precious. You have to choose your travel companions.

And he's up against doing the math on hanging out with couples. And then the third thing he's up against is the out-of-control drinking where it's like, what's cute in your early 20s by 26 is pathetic. And he's just starting to realize he finds this behavior pathetic. He can't even fully bring himself to say it. I would love it if this guy's like 42. Then you're a loser. Your friends are losers. Yeah.

I'm in my mid-60s. Lose my number. Lose the hotline number. We don't want you listening if you're 40. I'm not kidding. Next question, Elvis. Goddamn, could you imagine? I mean, I guess that does exist.

Hey, Savi. First off, huge fan of the show. Thank you. I just watched your special and I thought it was great. What a gal. So I'm 22, almost 23. Young demo to Savi. I'm moving to a new city this year. I just graduated from college. And I really want to get back into like the dating world. I had one boyfriend almost three years ago. First and only boyfriend. And...

I am like a hopeless romantic. You know, I want to be in a relationship, but I'm honestly kind of scared of men. And I don't really see myself as...

a sexy woman, like someone that a man could be sexually attracted to. I think I'm talking about my little sister. I think I'm a cool person. I think I'm cute, but like, I don't really see myself in that way. And I get very uncomfortable in romantic and like sexual situations. And I feel a lot of fear and like, honestly, a little bit of shame in those situations. And so, um, I'm a little conflicted and I just,

don't know how to get over this fear and this anxiety and sort of get to a point where I can accept myself as

young woman who's sexually attractive. Why did you play this? Why was this? Are you garbage? This is above your pay grade. No, first of all, it's above yours. Okay. Me and a couple broads on the couch. We're crude. We're crushing this question, but I got to take point and I got, and I got to toss the ball to you.

On your fucking opinions on a 50-year-old man? You are over, this woman is less than half your age? I said you'd get married in Hawaii or a Christmas party. Find a guy who wants to do that. Finish off the, you know. I really feel for her. She sounds like a sweetheart. So if you have any advice, that would be great. Yeah, this is just Eldis' fault. This is more excellent producing by Eldis. For the rest of my life?

And we've had so many women on this batch, Eldest. Isn't there some guys like, hey, man, I got a burn on my penis from putting it in the Wawa nacho cheese dispenser? That's who we needed for these guys. Everyone knows Wawa doesn't have nacho cheese dispensers. See? I apologize. You bite your tongue. I'm sorry. Oh, there's no Royal Farms. We got nacho cheese, you fucking pieces of shit. Love the Royal Farms. Woo!

Best fried chicken. Best fried chicken. It's incredible. Okay. So...

I do feel for our friend here. This is tough. She sounds very sweet. Yeah, she sounds awesome. It sounds corny, but how brave to like, you're moving to a new city, you have all of this stuff. You seem like you have a very good head on your shoulders. 100%. And this is all the stuff that, you know, it's funny. I actually do really relate to her here because at 22, 23, I actually was going through, I mean, it's different when you're a woman. There's less...

She has all the finding yourself stuff and the fear of what scumbags and how dangerous statistically men are to young women particularly. But I definitely had the confidence issues and the trying to figure that shit out. And I will say...

The 24th year of my life was right around the same age, was awesome for me in terms of dating. I was actually, actually, I was a lot like her where I had one, I had one long-term relationship in college, my college girlfriend. And even that, it was like, I was kind of a coward because it was like,

I was her friend and we slowly got closer. Sure, just by proxy. And it just like, I just basically wore her, she was in a relationship, but I just wore her down kind of thing. And so I understand being like too scared and not feeling, I felt the same way. I didn't feel attractive to anyone. I didn't feel like I was desirable to girls. And so honestly, what I did was honestly just focus on myself for a while, where from the ages of like,

22, 23, 24. You know, me and this girl break up when I'm 21 or maybe early 22. Actually, probably 22, maybe even 23. Anyway, whatever. We break up and then I take a year, I take a year, a couple years of just...

Really working on the shit I wanted to, which happened to be stand-up comedy. I am not telling you to become an open mic stand-up comedian. That's the worst thing you could possibly do. But I worked really hard on my dreams, right? I was saving a lot of money, too. Like, I felt like... You figure more out about yourself that way as well. Exactly. And I was preparing for this same move that she's talking about. I was going from Baltimore to New York. But I spent a couple years working on comedy, saving up money, making a real plan, sticking to it. I felt like a much more confident...

I was confident in myself. I felt like I was the kind of person who had some other value. And that kind of boosted my overall confidence. And I didn't get to hook up with people because of who I was. I didn't get any DMs. I had no fans. I was a broke person.

I was literally a below the poverty line open miker. But that how I started dating girls that were, you know, that were not they weren't like comedy fans. We're just like people in Baltimore. I would go out. I would just like be social. I had I also invested in my friend group. I hung out with my friends more.

And when you're that young, you just meet people at bars, you do whatever. Well, I think, too, like, take, like, a bunch of the little wins to build up your... Like, it's not just gonna happen where you change, like, oh, all of a sudden I'm super confident and, you know, in control of my sexuality or whatever. It's like, you're moving to a new city at 23. Like, fucking get to a new city, get that new job, you'd be like... And fucking be proud that, like, you picked up and moved at 23, which is fucking crazy. You got an apartment, you got a roommate, you got a job, you found three new friends, like...

gain confidence in all those little battles and then you're like, okay, cool. You'll slowly fall into it. This is a very introspective thing for her to say and to have the courage to put it out there.

You know what I mean? To say this. I mean, I think you're a lot more... She's a lot more... She's awesome. And she gets herself credit for it. A lot of people, me in particular... Oh, 23 years old. You had no plan? No, I got to that same roadblock in life and I turned to fucking drugs. Right, right, right. And people that are out there... And rock and roll. People that are out there in her age group, they can't handle... Most people can't handle...

Yes. It's brutal. That's a good point. And she can. Yeah. And so, you know, highly commendable. If you're doing this math already, as you're way ahead of... I never talked to a 23-year-old when I even was 23 who was doing this kind of math. That's actually a great point. You're doing your thing, man. You're killing it already. You're in control of everything. And also, dudes want to fuck you. They do. Yeah.

Where's my camera? That's true. That is actually a very good point. Listen, I'm a pretty gross dude. I've always been. And girls ended up wanting to... It just happens. Yeah. You know, it's like... And you'll find, you know, you get a couple bodies on you. You get a little confidence. It's true. But she's also saying she's not really into that. She's hopeless romantic. You dictate what you want. You don't have to do all that other shit. I'm just saying she might...

being out with a girl that she works with, meet a guy, and it is the hopeless romantic thing, you know? You just gotta stay in the game, and you're in the game. You're fucking killing the game. I also think the move is such a huge, like, seismic shift. Huge. Where it's like, take some time. Like, I know you want to get into dating and everything, but, like, take some time to really feel like you have...

a little foothold in the new city that you're in. And like that you're in a, you're on like a longterm, like, you know, journey towards, um, you know, being who you're going to become moving to a new city is huge, all this kind of stuff. And so just take time to really feel comfortable. And I think, um,

Yeah, like what I was saying is, like, establish yourself for who you want to be over the next couple years. And that's not saying you have to be a fucking... Within that time frame, you have to be, you know, celibate, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, I do think you should be... I understand wanting to date. I understand that stuff. But I also think, like, if there's a little bit of time that you take to really focus on yourself, like, in a non-cliche way, but it's like, you know, you're finding that shit out. And...

Yeah. I mean, everyone is kind of, you know, insecurities are natural, right? Like that makes a lot of sense. But I think putting yourself out there to a reasonable amount with still having moving to the new city and improving yourself and working on yourself and doing stuff that makes you feel good. Like, I think all that stuff will improve your confidence and

And, you know, like Kevin said, there's definitely plenty of people who want to fuck you. Maybe, maybe... Who are very, I'm sure, very attracted to you physically and mentally and emotionally. Like, not just like, I'm at a bar and I want to fuck you. Like, they're actually people who want to be in a relationship. Seems like she has a really good head on her shoulders. Yeah, very. I'm very impressed. But so she's basically just saying she's uncomfortable...

the shame stuff. I mean, that's fear, anxiety, all this, all this stuff that you're talking about. Um, normal is so, uh, you know, it's so normal and that unfortunately it is kind of also like these, these roadblocks, these emotional roadblocks. Um, it's like the answer, it's kind of like losing weight. It's like,

Sometimes the answer is just like, for losing weight, it's like, yeah, I know I should just fucking watch what I eat and exercise more. And for this, it's really just putting yourself out there. And the more I see her question, the more I really relate to it when I was in my 20s. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, I had a lot of hang-ups sexually. Like I said, I didn't think I was... I definitely had shame. I definitely had, like, you know, just not thinking I belonged, all this kind of stuff. And the only thing to do is...

Put yourself out there. And it's, by the way, don't get me wrong. Your fear and your anxieties, they are going to come true. You will meet some dickheads. Shit will be bad. You'll have a weird situation. You'll have a couple weird experiences that make you feel bad. You'll have some really good ones that then somebody you think is going to be great disappears. But you'll also have a lot of people, you'll find people that, you know, that's the only way to find people.

eventually the kind of people, the kind of person you want to be with. And it's the act, it's the thing we hit on this show over and over again. You have to take L's to win. Of course. The only way you're going to learn and the only way you're going to grow.

And you're in that position right now. And exactly. The fact that you're aware of this stuff, you're young. It's like, go, go make some fucking, go put a foothold in a new city, go on some fucking like casual dates, see what you like, work through your stuff. And, and,

I think in a couple years, like the fact that you're this aware of it, and in a couple years of doing this and putting yourself out there and not just like cocooning and letting this anxiety take over you, just the fact that you know it's anxiety is helpful because that's bullshit. That's just your dumb brain trying to fuck your shit up. I didn't know what anxiety was until I was 29. Yeah, yeah. Go bust a couple nuts. Go have a nice time getting you apart. Get some roommates, whatever.

you know, getting you a job in a new city. You also focus on socially at the moment. Yes. Like, just like, hey, I got a group of friends and then, you know, get comfortable and see what happens and they might know somebody, you know, whatever. Put it on the back burner for the moment, but take it as it comes. I think the general advice is

Follow your life plan and take steps to become the person you want to be. That will feed your confidence in all areas. And then take the dating as it comes, and it will come. And just remember to put yourself out there and don't get into a little cocoon of anxiety. That's really the general advice. And I think you're going to do great. Come on, guys. Love it.

There's unlicensed therapy that you're getting here, folks. And I tell you what, that kid's going to be all right right now. She's going to do great. She's going to be all right. She's going to do great. What's up, Stav? Big fan. Been fine. He says, come down. Thank you, brother. So, Otis, you square-headed Slavic dog. That is true. Fuck you, buddy. So, I'm going to try to make it quick. This is a little messy. I need your help, though. Okay. Okay.

This guy's vibe is a lot more RU Garbage so far. Now back to our regularly scheduled program. Sounds like my Uncle Charlie. So, broke up with my ex-wife maybe three, four years ago. Been dating another girl. Lived with her about three years. Me and my ex, we've been hooking up the whole time. Mother of my kids.

Shit like that. She's the mother of the kids who your grandfathered into pussy from her. She's been dating this dude about two years. I fucking hate his guts. He's a fag. Drops an F on him. He won't even fucking meet me in person because he's afraid of me. Oh, really? You don't say. You know, we've been banging the whole time. I've been plowing his board.

That's so awesome. But, you know, recently he just kind of rebroke up with me. We were going out and getting food on lunch, banging once a week, talking every day, and she basically just told me she couldn't do it anymore. It was too much. You know, she couldn't keep doing the lie and then told me she don't know whether she loves me more than she loves him. And basically it was just

Essentially, completely cut me out. Cold turkey one day. Not really. You got divorced. And you had two years of extra pussy. I don't really know that you can call that cold turkey. Walk away from the table, bro. I love this guy. This guy's awesome. I was dealing with therapists. Got fired from my job on top of all that. Can't afford it anymore.

It's not out of the blue. You are divorced. Legally, dude.

The state intervened and was like, you guys are no longer together. I feel, I do feel for this guy. I do. I've been there. Everybody's been at this. I can hear it in his voice. I've been that guy. The problem is, buddy, you didn't, when it was time to, when you had the obvious, like, okay, I have to move on. I have to set up

Co-parenting. Because here's the other thing. The most important thing in a situation like this is your kids, right? And I get it. You still loved your ex. You didn't want to break up with her. But you did kind of, instead of prioritizing like, all right,

We got to get a good co-parenting situation here. We got to make sure, like, you know, I want to have some say in my ex's life so that if maybe she's bringing around somebody I don't want around my kids, we can have that conversation. Like, maybe if there's stuff I don't like in their upbringing, we can have that conversation. But instead, you continue to... By the way, while having a different girlfriend...

Who you live with. I mean, we're not even talking about that you're a piece of shit to this woman. Right? That's a whole other thing we don't even want to mention. There's like nine victims in this story. You're not one of them. He's claiming to be the victim. On the victim power rankings, number one, your kids. They're fucked. I mean, they are fucked. The poor woman you're cheating on. The woman you're cheating on. The guy. The guy that you hate as fucking guts. You've been cucking him for years. He's actually more of a victim than you.

And then I guess it's a tie between you and your wife. The state of whatever fucking bullshit, the court system that you're tying up with your bullshit. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Oh, it's Florida. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, dude, you had an opportunity. You guys broke up.

And instead of actually taking the time to set up your life and set up some co-parenting and have a healthy relationship, you decided you wanted to keep getting pussy from your ex-wife and you made a deal with the devil. And we do get it. But you were going crawling back. Everybody's been that guy. But you were sitting, you're sipping on the poisoned well. And it's like now it's like now, now three years of poison is about to come out of your system. Um,

You know, looking back, not forward, man. It's like, what do you mean you hate this guy's guts? You've been like,

You lose all your fucking credibility. Like, if this guy even is a bad guy, now you look like a jealous ex instead of the father of the kids who doesn't want this guy around. And also think about this. Why do you hate his guts? Is he actually a bad guy? Or are you just mad? He's fucking the girl you're fucking. He's fucking the woman that you, up until she cut you off, cold turkey, just gave you a nice three-year...

you know, opportunity to get used to it. Yeah. Three years of Cobra on the pussy. I mean, that's too bad. Um, that is a win. Yeah. That's a major win. That's what you, that's what he traded. That's what he traded. Being able to have your say, you know, it's like, yeah, you know, so sorry, bud, you fucked. I mean, truly you just did fuck up. I think you got to, you got to do what you should have done three years ago and fucking, you got to keep walking forward, dude. Oh,

100%. Walk out of the, walk out of the, just keep going. Like, put it all behind you. Focus on getting a new job. Focus on being there for your kids. For your kids. Kids first and foremost. Yes. This woman's gone, bro. You're not, and look, I'm not even necessarily saying, you guys seem like you're such white trash that you might actually get back together. 100%. But, I'm just, but you know what? Hanging,

there she's coming back but yeah that might happen you can't bank on it that's like you know he still has to see her and co-parent that if he shows that he's really getting his shit together she might turn her on she's coming back but that's what i mean the only way to truly get back together with this woman in a way that might be sustainable is to completely let go of her rebuild your life agree be a good guy and then you're in a position where you have to decide do i even want this right you have to

completely lose this. You might be a different person in six months where you're like, what was I doing? Now you get away from that fucking poison pussy. You're like, I got a little bit of clarity. Man, that was nuts. I had this other woman right in front of me who's great or not or whatever it is. Getting laid at lunch, man. That's a tough give up though. And also cheating. Like, when did you guys have time to parent your children? You're both cheating on other people all the time.

All your free time is going to sucking each other off. How many ballet recitals did you miss with your thumb up your ex-wife's ass? Who's watching the goddamn kids? Yeah, is this guy you hate taking your son to baseball practice while you fuck his mom? In a Chili's parking lot?

I love how he also squeezes in, my kids hate this fucking guy. Yeah, by the way, I don't really know. I'm not exactly taking your word on your kids hate him. That's like you drinking a fucking, an extra, a Mike's Hard and being like in the parking lot being like, yeah, Josh is a fucking piece of shit, right? Yeah. And your son's like,

I guess so, Dad. Yeah, Dad. He's bad. I'm going to fart. Can we please get to school? I'm already 45 minutes late. He's like, yeah, Dad, whatever you say, he's a fag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Call him a fag. Dunkin' Donuts is already, yeah, he's just like at the fucking drive-thru, like, they're giving away free donuts. I'm not missing it. Anyway.

Um, yeah, dude, I don't know what the fucking... So anyway, build your life anew. Say goodbye to this. You have to actually deal with the breakup. You didn't want to accept the divorce. And you plowed ahead thinking you could fuck your way out of...

of her not wanting to be with you. You couldn't. You should have realized it then and there and tried to rebuild then. And I get it. It's human what you did, but now you have to, you reaped and now it's time to sow. It's also like, how long did you think this was going to last? Like, you're playing with house money. No one's ever gone this long. No, he thought he was going to just... But that's what I'm saying. Like, there was no forethought of like, well, this has to stop at some point. In his mind, it stops when they move back in with each other.

I guarantee you he thought this was the way to weasel his way back in. But then he starts cheating on her. And then he starts cheating, yeah. Then it gets worse, though, because then the fun and the whatever of it is out of it. Yeah, the allure is out. You're back at this household unit again. He went about this in maybe the worst possible way. You've muddied your relationship with this. Anyway, whatever. We got it. Take the daytime fajitas out of that relationship. It really dries up.

So, uh, anyway, good luck, pal. Yeah, ma'am. Get a job, get a job, raise your kids. You take the L that's it. And just take, take some time to actually heal from this. Here's another one. Eldo. Hey, Stavi, eldest esteemed guest. Uh, thank you. Ran a question about feminine hygiene and how to bring it up to your lady. Starting to smell a little, a little funky these days. Um,

You know, I'm a fan of going down on her, but... And I'm trying to kind of show that it's a little funky by not doing it quite as much, but... It's still a little bit funky, so...

How should I approach that situation? Thank you. And if this could be on a free show, that'd be great. Thank you. Elders, you have to stop. First of all, stop giving us pussy questions with the all-male panel. And also, do not reward the people that beg for it to be on a free show. Okay? Put them on a Patreon the next time. Especially when it's a guy who's like, hey, my girl's pussy smells bad. Can this be free? Yeah.

Come on, man. Use your fucking producing instincts. How many times? I don't even want to, I mean, you know, what do you even say to a guy like this? Yeah, conversation. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Have you ever had to bring this up? No. No? I hope I never have to. It's been brought up to me. And I stand by that. And I think anything like that is, you know, direct, you know, loving communication. Yeah.

And probably an easy fix. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You never know. I agree. This does boil down to communication. Yeah, it's not going to be easy to be like, hey, wash your pussy up for me a little bit. You want to rinse that off, throw that in the sink for a second? Yeah, I got to throw a little deodorant down there, a little spray, a little something. You know what I mean? Spray your dick before you get sucked? That seems bad. I got to do the under thing. The under guns? Yeah, it gets bad. No good. No good.

I want to be fresh down there. Goddamn. I think, I believe I've never had any. Now, has somebody been like, hey, why don't you rinse your cock off so I can suck it? I'll gladly oblige. Yeah, she's going to go, if she's a fan, she's going to go,

Yeah, yeah, sure. Everybody's aware of the current state of affairs, the temperature down there. I went to the gym, the whatever, the something, something. Unless it's like chemical, then you got to fucking go get a pill or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chemical? Wait, you got Roundup or something? No, I'm saying if there's like something physically, biologically wrong where it's like causing some sort of something. But if it's just wear and tear from the day, I thought I'd hop in a shower. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Hey, let's hop in the shower.

Right, right, right. You start bathing three times a day. And if it's not, yeah, be more concerned. You know what I mean? Maybe a trip to the gyno, whatever you got to do. Right, right. Stop by my house. All right. Hey, take a look at it. Come here, you. Yeah, good. I don't think this guy deserves a full enthusiastic answer. Next question, Elders. What's up, Stomp? I love your show.

Hello, Des. Hey, buddy. I'm sure you're a legend. So I work a lot. I have my first little baby on the way. Congrats. Some days I only have one day a week off. And granted, I eat dinner with my lady every night. You know, I still see her a lot. But my one day off, I just really,

Don't want to hang out with her and I want to drink a thousand beers with my bud and go golfing and play pool. What? Because it makes me happy. She makes me happy, but I can't tell if I'm an asshole that on my one day off, I don't want to go to fucking HomeGoods. You know what I mean? I do. Let me know if I'm a prick. I might be. Thank you, guys. Bye-bye. Yeah, I mean, look, this is a reasonable thing to say, but...

If there's no baby on the way. Yeah. You're fucked. This is over. You're not going to fucking... Like, you're not going to get to go to golf every weekend. Like, if you guys were a young couple and you work constantly and you see her every day...

You could probably argue for every other. Sure. Like you got to argue, you carve out once a month. You got to pay the third set. Once a month is the best going out and babe, babe, the past three weeks we've done this, this, this, let me just go get fucked up. I worked, I worked fucking 80 hours a week. I'm at home goods the other days. Let me go get fucking twisted. I would even see, you say you can have it all. If, if, if you could lay off, you know, fucking drinking 50 beers on the course, go,

Say, hey, I'm going out and playing golfing with the boys in the morning. I'll be back at 1. When I come back, we'll head over to fucking Home Depot. We'll get something to eat. We'll do this. You got that the wrong way. Home goods in the morning. Get an afternoon tea time. Get fucking plots. Then go home and sleep it off. That's what you do. One booze bag to another. Hit up your boy. You never do shit after hanging with the boys. No, no, no, no, no. Fair enough.

You want to get your obligations out of the way. But it's also like, I mean, like, I travel a lot and, you know, we travel a lot and I have a wife and it's like, you do have to like, because you're like, I'm on the road and then you're like, when I'm done, I just want to fucking chill. Like, I don't want to be like, let's, she wants, my wife does want to go to HomeGoods a lot. Yeah.

And HomeGoods sucks. They don't have an inventory. It's just whatever's there. You don't know what you're looking for. If you don't got a toy section, I'm fucking out. I need something to occupy my time for a few minutes. I feel like I've done a very good job of being like, hey, babe, I need this day to either not do it. Like, I'm on the couch. I've been in seven different states. I'm just chilling on the couch today. Don't ask me to do shit. Or also, like...

Carve out time where you go... I mean, your wife's pregnant, but go to dinner and get drunk at dinner. You know what I mean? Like, hey, let's go out here. Let's go out to a nice restaurant. It's just you're not going to get to do that every day off. That's crazy. You're not... And honestly, if you didn't have a baby on the way, I actually would have a lot more... I think you'd have a lot more leeway to get a lot more of these days in. But like...

Dude, that's over, bro. Like, at least for the next couple years. Like, she's gonna... It's gonna be really tough on her. I've had a couple friends who recently had kids. The mom gets so fucked in every way. Where it's like, her body's... She has to carry this kid literally inside of her. And then the first, like...

six months, it literally just is an accessory to her. That's stealing all her nutrients through her tits. Like, you just have to be, and especially since you have the kid on the way, dude, you're going to have to just be there for your wife for a little while. And then, you know, I mean, for the rest of this kid's life, but the older... 18 years. The older a kid gets, the more you can kind of like...

The other thing is, six days a week? What the fuck are you doing, bro? Yeah, dog. Is that even legal? That's a lot of work, dude. Can we get you a better job? Can we get you better work experience?

A better work situation? Like, hey, see if you can, yes. She does have to appreciate that a little bit. Maybe he's got to work that many hours to bring home the bacon for everybody. And if that's the case, maybe you could be like, hey, maybe go back to the once a month thing. Yeah, once a month. But I think once the kid's out, bro. Oh, yeah, no, come on. The first six months, you just got to be there like that. Yeah, no, yeah, 100%. But yeah, start in the afternoons. Tell your buddies, get a later tea time. Hey, we'll meet at the course at fucking 3.30pm.

And then do, you know, wake up early, do that with your wife, and then fucking go get torched. I also think from a psychological perspective, this is kind of symbolic, too, of, like, what he wants to do with his days off is cling to his youth. Sure. This is a little bit of, like...

He's feeling the pressure of fatherhood. He's in a marriage. He's committed to this person. And even if he's into it... There's a lot staring down the barrel. There's a lot that you're like... And so being like, I need to be away from you for a fucking day. You can't have every day off. That's crazy, dude. That is crazy. But I understand the wanting to make this more important than it is because it's symbolic of your freedom and saying goodbye to this will be difficult, but...

That is kind of what you've chosen here for a little bit. And so just know that it's going to be few and far between. And, you know, see if you can sneak it in where you can. I'll tell you, I go and hang out with my friend and her kid a lot. We go and kind of just chill. Like my best friend had a kid and like,

You know, I'll just go to her house. We'll just fucking chill with the baby. You know, we've all hung out with the little guy. So if, like, do you have friends that'll just be around you? Like, you can play video games while you're little. Yeah, until your boys come over. While your friends, you know what I mean? And those are real boys, too. Yeah, exactly. Don't want to come over and hang out with a kid. Yeah, like, yo, I can't get out. Fucking grab a case of beer and come over. I've watched football with a little, with a baby, you know what I mean? With a baby upstairs or whatever. Yeah, it's fun.

And also this kid, you know, you're probably gonna have to be up with him. Like there's other ways for you to hang out. This might be a perfect like gaming late at night with your boy set up where it's like you're up with the baby. It's he's napping. You play a fucking couple, a couple of games of call of duty. Like Fortnite dude, little Fortnite. You can, you can sneak it all in. But yeah, I get, I fully understand the, the desire to do this, but like,

You don't want to look at escaping from your life. You don't want to see your life with your wife and child as something you need a vacation from every week. Because you're never going to get it. You're going to be chasing it once a week, once a month. And that's your life. Yeah, that's where it starts and ends. It's a negative way to look at it, too. You're never going to be fulfilled with like...

I'm happy of just getting blackout drunk one day with my, but one day a month with my buddies. You need to change your perspective and be like, embrace that shit. Yeah. Get fulfilled from what you have in front of you. Why you got married? Why you, why you got her pregnant in the first place? Yeah. Or also, you know, like fucking Savi said, look at a new job with some of you work five days a week or something. You know what I mean? Like you make the same amount of money or maybe you just need a change in your quality of life where you're like, all right, I work five days a week and,

Now I do have time for my wife and time for my social life. Get an OnlyFans, dude. Yeah, start putting your hole out. And I also say everyone does... I don't know how old our friend here is. I don't know what his setup is. But there are years of... Like, everyone who has... You know, who carves out any kind of success, any kind of, like, whatever, comfort. There's always... There are years that are harder than others. And there's years where you're going to have less...

social free time than others. And like, you might just have to put your nose to the grindstone the next few years to, you know, be more, you might not see your boys at all. You might not even hang out with your family leisurely that much. You might be working a lot to save up some money and to like feel comfortable with this kid. And that, that you'll get that back later on to life is long brother. It's, you know, you might have a couple of tough years with less hanging out with the fellows, but you know, those relationships are for life. So good luck.

Congratulations on the kid. Congrats, buddy. Elvis, you have something cute to take us out on, man. Wise man, this Stavros Halkins. I'm a fucking smart dude. Not just a pretty face, man. I've gotten by on my looks all my life. Stav, Elvis, guests, love the show, boys. I think it's an excellent show. Thanks, man. I got a question for you.

Me and my fiance recently got engaged and we're planning the wedding. I put a bunch of money towards this wedding every week, like over $1,000 a week. $1,000 a week? That's making cash. And we're starting to put together our registry for the wedding. Foley doesn't even do that. And to be honest with you, I really don't care about any of the stuff that my fiance's put on the registry. As a guy, I don't care about nice plates or dishes and knives and all this home good stuff that I really don't care about. That sucks. However...

I'd like a nice smoker. I just want to sit outside, drink a beer, smoke my meat for like six hours, and just be left alone and just chill on the weekends. However, my fiance is saying that the smoker that I want is costing too much money. I guess my question is,

is what do I put on this registry? Like, what do guys put on a wedding registry? Because I have no idea what I want. Help me be a person. I mean, yeah, cash is nice. I guess the honeymoon fund's nice. But other than that, I mean, I'm kind of... I feel this guy. I'm struggling to find anything on the registry. What's a $5,000 Traeger? I kind of get it. Yeah. I don't see a problem. Put the Traeger on the fucking registry. Throw it on there, man. Put it on. I think some registries you can don't... Not donate, but, like, you can gift...

Where, like, if you want something that's 1,000, it's like, I'll just give it up 200, you give it up 200, and it shows you, like, hey, you're 80% of the way to your goal. And maybe a couple of your boys get together and say, hey, we're going to fucking, you know, let's hook them up with this. Yes, do it that way. And by the way, this is actually really not, like, the guy we were talking to last time, it's like,

Fucking get a smoker, have the boys over. Have the smoking boys over, dude. Smoke meat while you watch the kids. That's kind of fun. But it's also like, listen, dude, if you're putting away $1,000 a week, you're making cash, you can afford the trip. So it's like, dude, just put on the fucking, would you get me the uni pizza oven?

Get that, throw that on there. It's a couple hundred bucks. Somebody can buy that thing. You like it? You can afford... I haven't used it yet. I'm doing no carbs. Okay. But, I mean, I'm doing carbs where I don't need to be making pizzas in my house. There's a big difference between not doing carbs and then fucking being a pizza maker. Yeah, yeah, sure. You can afford it. Being a pizza maker. You know, so, like, just fucking...

If she doesn't want to, you know, don't die on this hill, you know, fucking throw something on the floor and go buy yourself. I feel like the ethics of the wedding registry are like, you know, make sure you have a range of prices on there, like a range of price items. But, yeah, put on a couple of expensive things. And if someone wants to get it, someone wants to get it. And, you know, it's up to them. It's not like you're forcing anyone to buy you a smoker. Also, you're putting away a thousand. When is the wedding? Can you put away a hundred for a smoker?

Yeah. Can you make it $1,100? Make it $1,100 and treat yourself to a present. Yeah, exactly. I mean, this guy's got to be making cash. He's got to be walking with like... A thousand a week. He's got to be walking with like three grand a week. I know. To cover all your bills and be okay putting $1,000 a week away? Yeah. That's fucking... Hey, my hat's off to you, big guy. Buy your own fucking Traeger. Invite me over. I'll bring my pizza maker. And take the cash.

fuck the registry. Let her get her silverware and mixing bowls and all that stuff. I can't think of one fucking thing I would want on a registry. Except for a fucking smoker. If my wife was like, what would you want to put on? I'm like,

I would have no idea. I have no personality. I don't know what I would want. Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, I think a smoker would be awesome. A car and heaters? I don't know. A race car. I think, yeah, it would be cool. It would be over-the-top shit. It would be like a sauna. Like, I want a kegerator at the house. A kegerator, yeah, yeah. I just bought a sauna. Yeah, me too. Electric? Yeah. Would you get an infrared? Or a real deal big dick one? Big, big guy. Yeah.

You putting that inside or outside? Inside. Inside. It's for the time being. I'm going to redo the garage and put a sauna in there. Stop trying to one-up me. You're like, this is only a temporary sauna. It's only a temporary sauna. I got you beat on the sauna, all right? I bought a trip. Come over. It'll fit the three of us. If it's got room for the three of us, you definitely got me beat. It says two to three people. Oh, no. So one of us at a time? With the door open. One's a watcher. Doing a little peeking.

Yeah, I don't know. You didn't have a registry, did you? We actually did have an Amazon registry. But I felt the same thing. I was like, I don't know, a blanket. Yeah. Cups. Nice sheets. Expensive-ass sheets. Expensive sheets are nice. Think of some shit around the house that you could use. I mean...

Yeah, I really do feel like it's like, you know, go crazy, add whatever you really want to on that registry. I say put the fucking smoker on there. Yeah, put it on or also like do something that's in the world of the smoker. If you're like, I like sitting outside for six hours drinking beers, get some cool fucking kegger, like, refrigerate, like, outdoor, like, college boy fridge. Set up the hangout section for sure. And then just pull the, if you need to, pull the trigger on the fucking grill yourself. You got the cash. No offense. If he's putting a jihad away, I don't know what she's putting away a week, but if the

guy wants to put a fucking smoker on your I agree I fully agree honey I fully agree you got your shit on there I fully 100% agree that the fucking guy you guys have it he sounds like a good dude I know well here's what usually the other you do you could even say like buy me half the smoker

Like only put up what you're saying of the like, help me fund half of my smoker. Or like, you know, just even put a certain amount towards a smoker. Cap it at three grand, even if it's a $6,000 smoker. Yeah, what can you get a smoker for? Three grand, two grand, five grand? I have no idea. God, that's not that crazy. I need a fucking smoker, bro. Yeah, you do. I need a smoker for Baltimore. All right, man.

All right. Well, there you go, buddy. Good for you. Congratulations. Keep the smoker on there. Put your foot down. Don't let this fucking whore take over your life. Listen, if you set up the link, DM me. I'll put money towards the smoker. Actually, we literally will. Literally send us a...

If you will get at least $100 from Stabby Baby Enterprises towards the smoker. Yeah, if you can get it on, we'll double it. We'll get $100 from each of us. 100%. From Tootie LLC. And $5 from Eldis. And what am I made out of money? That's almost his whole weekly stipend here. Every mistake Eldis makes, we deduct $1,000 from his yearly pay.

And any mention of a non-sponsor brand name, we deduct. Eldest pays that way. Any brand name or if they're a podcast sponsor that don't sponsor you. So even though Helix used to be a sponsor, we mention them, that's coming out of Eldest's hand. Sure.

He's running his mouth about Amazon, too. If it makes... He was, you're right. If he doesn't bleep it, we'll see. If it makes it to air, he gets charged. Yeah, there you go. Well, thank you guys for coming on. It was so fun. We appreciate you. Always a blast. Go listen to the pod. See the boys live. And we will see you guys next week. Bye-bye. Thank you, buddy.