#63 - Paul Virzi
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Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOV. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We got our pal, my buddy, Paul Verzi in the studio. What's up, dude? Thanks for coming, Paul. Thank you for having me. Of course. Thanks for making the drive from the Burbs to beautiful Astoria, Queens. Yes, sir. Yep, yep. Yeah, we go back. You don't know. I mean, I think I was...

One time I hosted a show that you featured at. That's how far back we go, remember? Magoobies. Magoobies, I believe. Magoobies way back in the day. I believe I was... This was like 10 years ago. 10 years ago, I believe. Joe Matariz. I was featuring for Joe Matariz. Joe was like, watch this kid stop. Because the joke that we love, the joke that we talk about. And I've told every one of my friends...

Every one of my friends from every level of comic. And it's the joke you had when you were like, this chick was breaking up with me. And while she's breaking up with me, I'm just thinking to myself, you know what? Good for her. Good for her. Yeah, yeah. And that was when I was like, all right, dude. This kid gets it. Thanks, man. And then we went to... Then you were cool because you were like this young comic. And you were just like, yeah, I'll go smoke a cigar. Yeah, yeah. We went to a cigar bar. And we smoked cigars. And then we walked to that shoe mall. That was fun.

The owner was pissed because I'm the shitty local opener who needs to be there on time. And he's like, where the hell are you? He's like, we need to start the show. The feature and the headliner on here. I was like, yeah, I'm actually in a car. They're in my car. I'm the one who's late. I'm bringing the whole show. He hated me that weekend. I just come strolling in, do my 10 minutes of dick jokes poorly. And he's like, oh, what was he going to do? Dock my $50 a show that he was paying me?

It's really ridiculous. Have you been back or not? I've been back. I did a Halloween. This is the last time I was there. I did a Halloween show during the pandemic.

One of the worst shows I've ever done in my life. It wasn't Mugubi's fault. I don't know. In my head, I was like, well, no one's going to go out and party. Maybe they'll go to a comedy show. I don't know why the fuck I thought that. Because remember there was that weird time where we were sort of doing shows in 2020. It was like October 2020. Yeah, it was a little lull in the COVID. So you could go. Because you could go. Because everyone was doing outdoor shows. And then people started booking like weird. But yeah, dude, a weird COVID half-

filled room on Halloween is like... You had weirdos dressed up. Dude, if you could combine the worst scenario for a comedy show, that might literally be it. Sometimes... It was horrendous. And you know what's funny is... But I love the club. I want to go back when I'm going to spend some time in Baltimore. Ha ha ha!

You know, sorry, Andrew. You need a place to work when you're home. Andrew, I feel like an asshole. He keeps texting me. He's like, I was at the... I'm, like, doing a theater there. And he's like, dude, you should tack on Magoobies to the Lyric Theater. It's like, I'm not doing that. I'm not. I'm going... I'm not going to fucking do that. I will do... I'll come back. Because I do... Magoobies is a special place in my heart because I really started there. I won a, like...

You know, I won like New Comedian of the Year. That helped me. That got me a lot of spots. I met a lot of... I would go hang out. Like that's how we became friends. That's how I became friends with Bobby. So, you know, I will come to your club, Andrew. I'm sorry for saying the show was horrendous on Halloween 2020. But it is funny where you could even be like...

a comedian on the way up a name and just pick the wrong day. Like you could be like, no, I think it'll be Christmas. Dude, they love me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like, no, they're going to see you when it's not Christmas. Whoa, Paul, quiet down. It's me from the future in a different shirt here to murder your thirst. Oh, hell yeah. That's right. Thank you to our sponsor, Liquid Death.

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And I've had it work the other way where it was like, we did Easter Sunday in Atlanta and it was actually great. Really? It was great. Yeah. Because my fans aren't. They're heathens. And it's also Greek Easter. Yeah. It's not Greek Easter. Yeah. It's not Greek Easter. Yeah. And it's not, you know. How much of your fan base is Greek?

Would you say it's a big percentage or not really? We get a nice... I think there's like... Every city we go to, some Greeks will turn up. And I think it's kind of growing. Greeks are frontrunners. When they see you doing well, they're like, Oh, this guy's awesome. Greeks love Greeks. They love when they see a Greek out there because...

All they're looking for is, like, ammo when they're having a minor race war, like a verbal race war with their friends. Like, they just want to tick off the boxes. And if I get famous enough where I'm a bullet point, where it's like, you know, where they bring me up in a conversation against Italians. Yeah, like, name a Greek comic. You're like, dude, stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they want. Yeah. Because, like, my material isn't really... There's comics who do Greek shit, and I do some. Right. But I just do it in a way that comes up naturally, not in, like... There's people who literally would, like, tour Greek festivals. You're not a Greek comic. Yes, yes, yes. Like, you're not a touring Greek material. I say that during this photo. Yeah, I feel like I'm a fucking Santorini. I don't make it all about my ethnicity. It's a bit... I know what I'm doing, folks. Yeah, he's got statues and pillars and fucking...

Podcast theme, yes. My act, no. My act is much more about how little my penis is. You know what's funny, though, is the first time another comedian that I'm close with is Giannis Poppins, one of my closest friends. Yeah, he's the man. And Giannis and I, when we first started talking at a Christmas party at Caroline's,

and we were having this nice talk. When he found out my mother was 100% Greek, I saw in his eyes he instantly liked me better. Yes, absolutely. He instantly liked me better. Yes, yes, yes. All of a sudden, he goes, wait, wait. I go, my mother's 100% Greek. And he just like, all of a sudden, it was like, Greeks love it. They do love it, even though you're pretty Italian-coded.

You're pretty like, you know what I mean? It's like your dad was, and it's such a, we're similar like people. So if you really like one or the other, you could have gone either way. Well, you know what? You went Italian. I wanted to know why. Because honestly, everybody would be like, Paul, why did you go? So my father just embedded in me and my brother's head that Sicilians were the greatest people on earth. Yeah, yeah.

What did I say about Greeks? The same thing with Italians. Everything is a verbal race war. But see, here's the thing. My mother was the oldest daughter of two. And my Greek grandmother, my yaya, was very hard on her. Right. So my mother rebelled against it. Right, right. So when my Greek... Wow, all the way to Italy. She really... Yeah, and when my Sicilian grandparents went to my Greek grandparents for the first time, my Greek grandmother, my yaya, she went into a room and they couldn't find her. And my mother found her crying. Wow.

- Wow. - 'Cause she saw the Italian and she just was like, 'cause it was like a heartbreaking thing. - They've massacred my, my grandchildren are wops. She started crying. They should be eating tzatziki, not marinara sauce. - That's exactly right.

My mom was like, why are you crying? That's how racist Greek people are. Greeks are racist. That's how racist Greek people are. Italian was too foreign for your grandmother. Oh, my God. They went 20 miles by boat to Sicily. I mean, pull up a fucking map, Elders. Let's look at Sicily to Greece.

Yeah, you would have thought that it was a whole other culture. It's so clug. It is right there. Look up distance, you fucking dunce. Greek Sicily on map. What a great producer you are, Elders. What do we have?

It's, well, that's the middle of Greece. Whatever. You get it, folks. It's close. All right. Whatever. Fuck the bit. We get it. But it's right there. It is right there. Right there. Right there. You take a boat ride. It's on the same itinerary of a cruise. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. So it's like you could go on. It's a stop on the cruise. You go to Sicily and Greece on the same cruise within a day. You're there. Yeah. That's so funny. And my Greek grandparents were devastated. Yeah.

My mom was like, why are you in here crying? Like, they're in the living room. We're ready to eat. Just imagine what... I mean, look, we don't even have to say black guy. We know what would have happened. She would have hung herself. But just imagine if it was even like a Swedish... Or like, I don't even know, like a quarter Mexican guy, what she would have done. A fucking Italian was too foreign for her. Did just an ambulance come? Yeah.

She's taking out a stretcher. They love it. They're very dramatic people. I don't know if you experienced that, but it's like my grandparents would talk about dying all the time, talk about killing themselves. They would talk about how, well, one day when I'm not here, they love, my dad would do that shit too, where he would kind of allude to killing himself. And it's like, oh, nice. That's cool, dude. I'm nine.

But that's a lot to deal with right now. There's also a neuroticness. Greeks are neurotic. Yeah, very anxious. They worry. And anything that my grandmother, my Greek grandmother would see bad on the news, like a baby falling down the stairs getting killed, that's going to happen. You can't go outside. Yeah.

And it was just like the worst of the worst. And my mom starting to a little bit have that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It'll happen. It'll definitely happen. So wait. So you where were your parents? Where your parents from? They were the Bronx. Right outside the Bronx. Yes. Yeah. Right. Yeah. The Bronx and then Yonkers, which is basically the same neighborhood. They grew up in the same Bronx and Yonkers is like right there. Yeah. So that's that's where they went to Lincoln High School.

And, yeah, two years older, like, I guess high school sweethearts got married. Oh, wow. Did it back when it was like my mother had my brother when she was 22. Right. She had me when she was 27. Like, that's unheard of now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, totally. 27 for, yeah, absolutely. 27 now is like, I'm like, you're a baby. What are you getting married for? Yeah, I remember, dude, when I was young, I remember we went to my dad's, I mean, we went to my best friend's dad's 40th birthday. Yeah. And I was like, this fucker's old. Yeah.

This fucker's gonna die. I know, dude. You know what I mean? Now 40 is like, somebody says they're 40, you're like, oh, dude, you're still... Yeah, yeah. Even in comedy, you see some of the comics that are like, they're like, oh, yeah, 51, and you're going like, yeah, 30 years, man, and you're going, fuck. A little bit of that is we don't want to admit we're old. Yes. A little bit of that is that we're like, oh, dude, now you can be 60. You're basically a little kid. A little bit of that is that, right? But also I do feel like

There's a generational thing of like delay. Everything's delayed. No one can afford to buy a house. So it's like the idea that you would be in a stable relationship at 23 is unheard of because at 23, you've got student loans. Dude, in the 1950s, you could buy like a Cadillac and get a house and kind of afford it.

without question like kinda have a normal that's why they were dressed nice yeah yeah yeah actually everybody had a suit on yeah yeah you had money to burn like yeah the closets then were beautiful suits now it's like Dick's Sporting Good apparel yeah yeah all kinds of sweatpants there's a lot of track suits in that closet over there I'll tell you that much uh

That is a lot. That's, and that is my, those are my finest clothes. Yeah. But yeah, there's definitely a generational thing too of like, yeah, dude, it's just like nobody, like Eldest just got married, 34, like, you know. Oh yeah? Our friends. Yeah.

A lot of our friends who even were getting married, when Christina got married, she was your age, I think, too, a couple years ago. Like mid-30s. And look, all my friends are also, everybody moved to New York. Definitely you could go to where I grew up. It's like people stayed in there. But even they are delaying it a little bit. Like the people who would have gotten married

you know, had kids at 22, they're having it at 26, 27, you know, like everything is pushed back a little bit. It's tough. Sorry. No, no, no, no. I was just going to say, but I also think the way we're doing it is better. Like getting married at 34, you're kind of a little more wise and you're kind of like, you know, listen, don't get me wrong. Grandparents...

My grandparents dated like twice and just were together for 40 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is nuts. That's a great point. What the fuck did they know? They had no life experience. These are children that got together and then were like, well, these people have to listen to me. They won't realize I have no, no, I haven't lived that much life until they're 40. I didn't even think about that. You're right. What do these people know to tell you about who to end up with? They fucked, the first woman he fingered, he married. I got to listen to this guy? Yeah.

You just know what the fuck he's saying. I've lived. I do have wisdom. My grandma doesn't know shit.

Yeah, plus there were no TikTok whores. Yeah, never tempted by that. There was no technology to tempt them. Dude, I see women every day. I see four women a day that my grandfather would have killed his village to sniff her pussy. Types of women that his brain wouldn't know what to do with a ticked half-puss.

half Argentinian girl with double G breasts. Oh, dude. His head would explode. He would be like, is this an alien? He would literally be like, is this a demon that the Lord sent to tempt me? He would have, like, that is not even close to what a woman is to him. Grandfather's getting caught publicly jerking off. Yeah, dude.

they wouldn't know what to do with the women we see every day yeah and it's oh it's so schizophrenic dude cause I'll be like crying watching like a little kid with leukemia meet spider-man oh dude and then it's like I just see a woman's nipples right afterwards and I'm just like it's fucked up dude we are living in the

It'll fuck with your brain. Dude, you're so right. Our villager grandparents would have no idea what to do. Would have no idea what to do with this situation. They really wouldn't, dude. And you're right, because I watch the animal ones, I get sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Animal shit fucks me up. Like, I see a golden retriever run up and protect a baby, and I'm crying, and then the next thing you know, dude, there's just some chick with her ass up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're going like, and then there's an alien in the mall. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I said the other day on stage? I was like, I remember being a kid and having our parents go, listen to my parents go like, man, times are, the world's crazy. And I'm like, fuck you. I'm playing Nintendo. It's like, the world's not that crazy. Like now, we sound like- It wasn't crazy back then. It wasn't crazy back then. No. But like now when you go on, and I also think social media is part of why- We also know more. You know what? The world was crazy, but they were wrong about what was crazy about.

it. You know what I mean? Like, shit was, fucked up shit was going on in, you know, South America. Like, our government was fucking shit up, you know, but they didn't have, they weren't watching countries bomb hospitals back then. No, I'm talking about, do you think in the 60s and 50s...

people were masturbating to completion on the yell train i don't know about that maybe one guy maybe like one guy that was just outcast as a yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like now i just feel like it's just i feel like it's almost not anarchy but this is the wildest there were definitely more social codes i feel like like there was more like uh you know also rules is it safe to say a little bit is it more yeah i would i don't know i guess is it morality or is it like

stricter like rules and like almost unwritten manners almost. Like I feel like, I feel like

There was like a thing of like, oh, Jesus Christ. Like if you saw a guy doing that in the 50s, you'd be like, well, now what the hell are you doing there, chap? You know, like people would stop him. And then I think the 60s, there was like, that's why everybody, like we think of hippies and shit as like, who cares? It's long haired guys doing drugs. But like they came right at, there's a reason they came right after all that strict shit where no one was, I do think there was a, a, a,

a huge break culturally. And you, that, that makes me really think about it because you're right. Before that, no, you're right. In the fifties, no one was doing that kind of shit. In the fifties, if my grandfather's friend got caught jerking off on a train, my grandfather would say to my wife, like, I mean to his wife, like, dude, I can't believe what George did. Like,

They never see him again. We can never talk to George again. Yeah. If somebody's like, El Verzi, Stavi was jerking off on the L, I'd be like, well. Yeah, that would be awesome. I'd be like, he had a fucking long night in Baltimore. If Eldest's brain had a fucking mental breakdown and pulled his cock out in public, that would be one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

I would talk about it to him for the rest of his life. It would be awesome. I would buy him like a... I would go photograph the train he jerked off on and have a miniatures artist make an exact replica and put it on my mantle and be like, you see that, Eldest? Bobby Kelly snapped in a Starbucks and threw a coffee in someone's face and started beating somebody up. It would be the great... That would be awesome. Bobby had a little meltdown. Bobby gets mad sometimes. It would be great. Back then, it was...

You actually nailed it, Stob. It's manners. People had manners and there was a little bit more of a code and it was more like we're just going to behave like this and then it goes radical the other way. Yes, yes, yes. Then it goes now the drugs, now the sleeping outside, the long hair. Right, right, right. Fuck you, sleep in the mud. Woodstock. Yeah, literally Woodstock. Literally shit like that. And for, you know, there's obviously, there is good shit about that stuff, obviously, but there's obviously a ton of, it's so restrictive if you don't fall into that code.

you, you know, then you were fucked. Yeah. But, you know, I also don't want to, I don't want to live in the 50s. I definitely, I don't want to live in the 60s. That's looked...

I mean, I guess it was before AIDS, so they were raw dogging, and that's kind of fun. The worst thing that could happen is you get a little gonorrhea. You get a little pill. But I'm telling you, nobody's dick smelled good. What do you think Woodstock pussy smelled like? You think it smelled good? There's no way. I don't think a lot of people were wearing Aqua DiGio fucking Woodstock.

I love that you can tell this is an Italian from New York that that's your, that's your like symbol for what smells good. It's Acqua di Gio. Like the freshest scent I could come up with. Acqua di Gio Ralph Lauren. Yeah.

I'm a kid who likes to squirt here and there. Yeah, come on, man. But yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, that is a good point. You know, and that shit... But at the same time, though, the thing I try and remember is that every generation truly feels the world is about to end. Every generation felt that. So I do feel that way, right? But in the same way that I can realize, like,

Like, as you're getting older, you know, shit younger generations are doing seems a little weird to me sometimes. But I have to remember, that has happened every...

Every time and you don't want to be the old guy who's like these kids are fucked up You know like where we are history shows you that it you are you will become an old out-of-touch man If you don't just admit like this isn't for me. Yeah, but this is probably the way the world is going Yeah, and that's the same way. I try and remind myself like Existence the world humanity is bigger than me. Yep the next these kids that I don't quite understand they will think the world is ending yeah now

Climate change. Trump probably going to be president again. Israel's doing whatever the fuck they want in the Middle East. A little civil war going on. A little civil war. Maybe we do have a little bit of a better case than, at least in the 90s. The 90s were awesome. Those motherfuckers. Oh, Slavodan Milosevic. Who gives a fuck?

Some Serbs were killing each other. That was the biggest thing going on. That 10 years before 9-11, bro. Sweetest. Remember 92? Sweetest part of America. 92. Hip hop at the height. The dream team fucking shitting amounts of every fucking basketball team. Yeah, it's beautiful. By 70. Yeah. It was just, yeah, it was great. Nintendo was just. That's, you called the, that's nice. Yeah, dude, I,

I was just I'm a little younger than you and I was I was like a you know toddler I was four whatever that must have been nice I'm like 15 16 and Biggie comes out Nas' Illmatic comes out I'm in fucking ninth grade dude it was nuts man oh my god every car was just bumping with either Snoop Dogg think about this Snoop Dogg Biggie Tupac then you had like Onyx that's a nice time you had Wu-Tang so you had all the hip hop

Like was really starting to You know And then you had to hit Then it started to get A little weird With the west coast East coast In like the late 90s Sure sure sure All that stuff But that time was like Yeah there was really no That's awesome That's when I was Starting to be a teenager There was no conflicts Unless like You know like When Clinton didn't Want any heat on him He would be like Yeah let's go into Bosnia real quick Yeah yeah yeah Let's blow these Motherfuckers up a little bit

Yeah, but no, it was easier. Now I do worry that, you know, I'm really glad I'm in the woods. Yeah, yeah. I'm in the fucking country. Yeah, you are. And I really am glad that my kids are protected from some of the shit that they see online. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll see about that. We'll see about that, Paul. Oh, Yanni called me up. He goes, dude, man, I hope they don't come up here. I hope people aren't coming up because they were talking about, like, people moving up. And I'm going, listen, people are going to constantly move up. Yeah. But we're, like, away. Yeah, yeah. You know, like...

How old are your kids now? How old were you when you had kids? I was 30. I was 30. That's nice. That's good. Yeah, I was 30. My little girl, we were in a car yesterday, and I like some of my kids' rap music. I like some of it, but some of it I don't like. So wait, how old are your kids now? My little girl's 11. My little girl's 14. Damn, really? Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah, that shows you how long we've been friends because...

How long ago that was? You were doing bits about changing her diaper. Like that. No, I was doing a bit about wiping. Front to back. Front to back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, holy shit. The change in your relationship to a vagina. I said like, yes. I was like, now when a woman opens her legs on the bed, I'm going to grab a baby wipe and go...

Great memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, so yeah, now Lucas is, dude, Lucas is 14. I'm not even just joking. He got, he got like moved up from JV to varsity in ninth grade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His like, I was at his game last night. His kids dropped 17 points. Got one of the best. You were hitting Italian, like the checklist. Acqua di Gio. Now my kid's actually, I'm not even saying it. He's actually good. I know how it sounds. He's in fucking varsity. Like I'm delusional to the 10th grade.

to the point where I think he's gonna hit a corner J for the Knicks. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - In 10 years, and that's gonna be the Chad Beecham. - Your textbook right now, I love it, dude. - So we're in the car, my Sophia's in the car last night, and she goes, "Dad, let me plug my phone in, "and I'm gonna put my tunes on." I'm like, "All right." And she has some songs I like, but then this one song came on, and I go, I'll be honest with you, this is terrible, you gotta take it off. And she just goes, "You just don't know good music anymore." And I'm like, "Don't fuck that."

I just like the last five songs. This song is shit. I thought about like, I don't want to be that dude. I don't want to be the dude that's like out of touch, you know, with like what's good. But also. You will be though. That's the thing. It's natural. But hip hop did change like to the point where like people consider Drake like, like,

Like, Drake is... I'm not saying he's bad. Drake's got some good shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, hip-hop... It's pop. It's pop music. Hip-hop, to me, when you were coming up, had, like, the beat, and then, like, a mob deep beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, like, even a Nas. Then you could have some stuff like Biggie had singing in the background. Sure. But Drake, you could argue that some of Drake is, like, R&B shit. Well, I do think... And actually, there was a... I mean, this... We're recording this a little bit ahead of time, but there was just a...

Most Def's, there's a clip of Most Def kind of going around where he basically was like,

I think Drake makes pop music. Like, I don't consider it hip-hop. And I think that's how successful the era that you're talking about was so culturally successful that 20 years later, its influence just kind of filtered into the point that Drake takes a lot of that stuff and filters it into like a more accessible whatever. And he just makes mainstream music based out of hip-hop that has sort of become pop music. The same way rock kind of... Well, you just nailed it. It's hip-hop.

music the category is hip hop but it is more of like a pop culture just a good song that's mainstream and it goes under the hip hop umbrella but that's not hip hop to me like hip hop to me was like that grimy fucking like you know what I mean well how so what do you know any of the artists like that your kids are into or what kind of music are we talking about I'm curious because Elvis is one of these guys that likes to pretend he's young with his music and

Elders will listen to hilarious stuff and pretend he actually likes it. And really, he's trying to keep the Reaper off him. That's what he's trying to do. He's trying to convince himself he's still young. Well, my son likes J. Cole. Okay. That's classic stuff. That's, you know. Yeah, that's like, but when I listen to J. Cole, I'm like, oh, that seems more of hip-hop to me than a Drake. But they, you know, they listen to all pop, you know, like, now, you know, my daughter will listen. She's 11, so she's like SZA, Doja Cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, dude, that chick is not, you're never dressing like that. Yeah.

You know, cause like, dude, and that's the thing. Like, I see like, like 11 year old girls, man, they see that whole like Dua Lipa and they're like, and you know, me and Stacy gotta be like, uh, you know, Hey, those shorts, like, no, she kind of gets it.

But she's not looking at it to dress. She's looking at it like all the girls in school. Yeah, yeah, of course. What they sell in the stores. Yeah, it's not. It is completely innocent from her point of view. It's just what's cool. She's an 11-year-old girl, but she's seeing what is cool. But you did something. Stacey actually said, because I said, oh, I'm going to Stavs today in Astoria. And she goes, Lucas, do you remember him? How nice he was? Oh, yeah. He came here and brought us fucking toys. I did get him a toy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking. I was like, should I bring him something? I'm like, he's alone. No, no.

No, not in a bad way. No, his life is empty. He doesn't need it. I don't know, a bag of weed? Does he drink? Does he drink? I don't know what the fuck to get this. But then I don't want to be... You don't have to get me anything. Then I don't want to be, you know... No, no, no. That would have been fun if I just brought a toy and said, whatever you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someday. But that was class. Kassab is straight class. Don't, you know...

No, it was great. It's funny because your kids were little kids when I came over. I think that was probably because we met probably 10 years ago. So you probably came over to the house maybe eight years ago? Eight years ago sounds about right. I had the heater up on the deck. That's right. We smoked a cigar and drank a whiskey. I was doing some scotch back then. I was a big scotch and soda guy. Dude, we were talking about you. I'm so happy. When I found out you were doing multiple beacons, I was like, dude, that's the way to come to New York and get it done, man. Thanks, man. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah.

I still can't believe that. The Beacon's out of control. And those shows were incredible. Yeah, well, that's a great, like, I remember being there years ago and that place just, like, you could remember the places that the acoustics are just

You know, you could just remember when you talk into the mic and then you hear, you're like, out of the gate, you're like, this is going to be great. It was, dude. So we did Thursday and Friday. And Thursday was one show. And honestly, Thursday, it was a little weird because I'd never done a, you know, usually you do these big theater shows. It's like you pack the night before. There's a whole ritual to it. And you're kind of getting mentally prepared. Whereas like, this was like. You're home, so it's like doing a spot. I'm home. It felt like a spot. And like.

It was a good show, and the crowd was good, and I was good. And I was like, well... And I still walked away being like, that was fucking... That was cool. It was a little under the weather. The next day, that Friday, my head was in the game a little more. I felt better. And the crowd... Dude, the crowd was so electric on a Friday where I stepped out there, and it was just like, this is... Those shows might have been the best shows of the whole tour. And they were the last shows of the tour until the makeup shows, obviously. But I planned it so we would end in New York, and it felt incredible. And it's like, it was...

I mean,

I mean, just such a great day. When a crowd does that, man, like, it really does take something out of the comic. Like, when you're up there and they're just so with you and electric, it makes you better. It makes you ad-lib better. Oh, yeah, so fun. It makes you sharper. It makes you fucking add something that you wouldn't even thought because when that's not the case, you're just going, all right, let's go to the next thing or let's do this. But when it's just like that, you sit in your pocket and you're just fucking having fun, man. And that's the best, dude.

It's crazy, man. Shout out to fucking podcasting and YouTube shorts. I can't believe in TikTok. Although they're slowing us down. I don't know. Maybe we have to throw some ass, Eldest. Did you do? Oh, so you're a big TikTok? Yeah, I think a lot of people found me from TikTok when I was posting a couple years ago. But it's kind of slowed down a little bit. But whatever. Who gives a fuck?

I'm just, you know, I'm happy now to just be on the road. I'm going to take a little time, go back to Baltimore, chill a little bit. But yeah, it's cool. And you're about to, what do you want to play? You got your special coming up? I'm shooting my next special, yes, February 24th at the Den. Cool. And then, yeah, oh, and the make-up date. Yes. We have a make-up date. I'm doing the Gramercy Theater. Hell yeah.

June 8th is the makeup day. Oh, that'll be great. So that's a Saturday night. It's still not summer yet. Kids are still in school, so it's not, people aren't going to be away. Yeah, yeah. It's still like, it's still before the summer hits. So yes, that's a Saturday night.

June 8th, we made it up. Dude, my back, dude, I'm not going to lie. It's been a rough, like my, yeah, dude, I got really sick. I got an awful flu before Christmas. Then I re-herniated a disc around New Year's. I couldn't get out of bed. Dude, it was so bad. My wife, I tried to get out of bed to piss. I took two steps out, collapsed. My wife had to, I go, Stacy, I go, grab something for me to piss in. She comes out of the kitchen with a fucking plastic bag.

And I go, "Stace, what the fuck?" And she goes, "You're not using that new thermos I just bought you." 'Cause she got me-- - You're in excruciating pain. - I'm in excruciating pain, and she's holding like a fucking CVS double bagged bag, like a pocket. And she holds it under my dick, and I'm like, "This might be the lowest moment of my career and life."

that like my life. Yeah, yeah. So she's holding, yeah, so. Oh my God, dude. And I found out, yeah, re-herniated the disc. Brutal. And then just had food poisoning at Mohegan Sun. So now, dude, things are better. Yeah, yeah. I hope so. Knock on wood. And the make-up date, yeah, will be June 8th, New York City. Love it. And hopefully the special will either be

right out or right around that time. So, yeah, come out to New York. It's going to be great. And then all other dates, paulverzi.com. And Nocturnal Admissions, dude. Nocturnal Admissions is still streaming on Netflix. And I want to shout out and thank Joey Diaz, man, because Joey Diaz saw my special and called me.

and said some nice things and then went on and was like dude that's a great special that's awesome and then the special jumped up and the percentages jumped up so it's called nocturnal admissions it's still streaming on netflix right now you could check that out i'm working on the new one and bobby kelly and i got bone to pick versi effects so yeah man so all that that's awesome yeah that's awesome the shows in new york will be fun do you have like i mean i mean i'm sure this uh

I just love all the stories of like your New York upbringing. Your dad is a hilarious... We talked about your mom's side of the family a little bit. Your dad's a hilarious guy too. My dad is different, man. I don't even know. Like my dad like legitimately like... And I didn't realize it until like later. But like now thinking back when he was young. Like my father would like root for the bad guy in the movie legitimately. Yeah.

Like, I'm not even joking. Like, legitimately. And I'm talking about, like, the piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, a guy that was, and I'm going like, how? And he'd be like, yeah. And I was just like, he. That's awesome. Yeah, he's just one of those, like. But your parents didn't stay together. No. No. No. My mom and him, like, if you met them, like, you were like, oh, okay, that makes sense why you got divorced. My brother Christian was 10. I was 5. Bitter divorce. Brutal divorce. Yeah.

You know, my dad would just say my mom went crazy. Right, right. I lived with her, you know, and like all this shit. And yeah, judge people like he's very big on like materialistic things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like if a man doesn't have like a nice watch or nice shoes, he's like, what the fuck is this?

I'm not even joking. He'll go like, could you just let that be a lesson? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Look at the guy's car. And I'll be like, you know, my dad is just, he's just one of those guys, man. And I'm not going to change it. I can't change it. Of course. You know, so. What did he do when you were growing up? What was his, like, what did he do for work? He was in insurance. Okay. He sold insurance and real estate. Okay.

And yeah, just always, he was just one of those guys, we didn't know what money, just heard cash. Yeah. Everything was cash. Everything was kind of, don't tell anybody where I live. Don't tell anybody my address. Did he gamble? Do you have any vices? Was he a womanizer? The weirdest thing was...

he would say, stay away from criminals, stay away from street kids because they're just going to get you in trouble, stay away from drugs. But then he would be like, he'd have guns in the house and be like, don't tell anybody where I live. So I didn't know. It was very confusing because he would give wisdom, but then he would just be like, it would say some weird shit. So that's interesting because I do think there's a type of guy like that who...

could have been involved in some kind of organized crime thing or just really wanted people to think he was. You know what I mean? I know for a fact that he went to school and had friends that I don't know mob or what, but I know that not good. And I know that he would warn us to stay away from people like that. Yeah, maybe he got a little bit when he was younger. I think he saw things that were like, oh, these are like uneducated street kids. And if you become that...

the end road is not good. So we got wisdom that way, you know, but then he would just be like, marry a rich woman and you'll be set. Yeah. Is he still around? Your dad's still around? Yeah. Yeah. How's he doing? Yeah. He's, he's all right. You know, like I don't get to, I don't, we have a weird relationship, so I don't see him. I don't see him that, that much or talk to him as much as I would like to just because of, of whatever. But yeah, it's, it's funny. Cause like now that I'm older and I have a family, I see things different. Totally. Dude, just even the like,

Going back to the aging thing, it's like I look in the mirror sometimes, I'm like, I look like my...

I'm the age my dad was when I was a little kid. So I see that face in the mirror and I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm starting to look like my dad. Because you never think you look like your dad because he's always old as shit compared to you. And then you finally, the first time I'm an age, he was that I remember. And I'm like, oh, no, dude, I'm seeing that shit. He's so different, dude. Anything that is popular, that people like or do,

Like he saw one time there was like, I said this one time, another podcast, but I think you'll get a kick out of it. Like he saw everybody was like talking highly of Martin Luther King. And he goes, and he goes, and he goes, he goes, fuck that. I'm working that day. Right. Right. And I didn't know if it was a racist thing. And he goes, no, no. He goes, that kid's a pervert. He goes, that guy was a womanizing pervert. I'm going to work. He goes, I'm going to fucking work. I'm working that day. I don't take off. So I was like, wait a minute. Like, dude,

You don't want a day? You don't want to just chill for a day? Yeah, like, he literally was like, everybody, but he would do that with anything. Anything that's like built up, he'd find the bad, no, no, he's a guy's a womanizer. That's what nobody, that's what they don't want to tell you. That guy's fucking cheating on his,

And we'd be like and you know, yeah, but like any kind of yeah contrarian or like when everybody would the one thing that I didn't have I never even told my dad this but I didn't like this. Yeah, I was at my dad's house during the I'm a huge stuff. He knows this Yeah, I'm a huge and and my son is to my daughter But I'm a huge Knicks fan. Like I am a diehard Knicks fan Knicks are like I live and die with the news. Okay, and

Looking good this year. Yeah, very good. And the Brunson trade will probably go down as maybe one of the top. The Ananobi? No, no, Brunson. Signing? The signing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Signing Brunson is probably going to go down as one of the best signings the Knicks have done in 30 years. For sure. So anyway, I was at my dad's and it was the Bulls-Knicks.

And it was like John Paxton on the Bulls. And I remember it was like a big thing. And like he saw how the garden was going nuts and how much I wanted the Knicks. And I remember Jordan kicked it to Paxton in a huge moment. And Paxton hit a three. And my dad's like, that's what champions do. And I was like, what the fuck?

So now looking back, it was always there. I don't think to get me, but there was... He wasn't a troll, he was just a hater? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, definitely wouldn't troll his son or Woody, I don't know. Who knows? Well, you don't really talk to him, so I don't know, maybe. He's like, this divorce ain't over. Yeah.

Armstrong's opening the corner. No, yeah, I don't know. But yeah, no, definitely not a troll. I would just say like that. Yeah, interesting. Like hate not shit or just being like, nah, fuck that. And you would be like, all right. Yeah, yeah. My brother got more of the brunt of it. Of course. So I was kind of like five and I was, you know, I saw it a little bit. But my brother, you know, he would say some shit. So yeah, interesting shit. But it is funny how like you get habits from them. But I'm kind of more like my mother. Sure, sure, sure. You know what I mean? So she's around your kids way more?

Yeah, my mom had stage four cancer and was on her way out in the late 90s. Damn. Yeah, on her way out. Like, stage four, like, it came back, the fourth time it came back, they couldn't do surgery anymore to take it out, and it just started spreading all over, and she was on her way out, and then the Dana-Farber Institute in Boston...

Man, God bless them. They came out with a test drug for people with leukemia, which my mom didn't have. My mom had a completely different cancer. My mom had a gastrointestinal thing in her stomach, and they did a test on 26 people. I'm sorry, on 100 people, and it worked on 26. And my mother was one of the 26. Jesus Christ. And then out of the 26 people, it started coming back to the 26 people, and some of those people passed, rest their souls, and it only started working on 10, and my mother was in that. Wow. And now 30 years later, my mother's cancer is shrunken at bay.

Unfortunately, the medicine kind of takes a toll out of her. But she got to see weddings. She got to see grandkids. She got to be around everything. I see her. I take her out to lunch and stuff. So...

Yeah, so me and her have a, you know, and she's been there for me through my hard times. So we have a tight thing. I love that the cure would extend your life with some doctors being like, yeah, I don't fucking know. Give it a shot. Like, that's that. And that worked. Like, that's fucking awesome. And it was a Greek doctor. Yeah. You know what it wasn't? It wasn't an Albanian doctor. Was it, Eldis? Yeah.

Have you ever come into contact with any Albanians? Our friend Eldest here is Albanian. We like to ask every guest. I have some Albanians in our neighborhood. Oh. Yeah, you know, I didn't realize Albanians and Italians have similar, they have some similar stuff. I mean, it's all, look at that. Look what's in between. It really is like. Albania is literally between Italy and Greece. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, so it's all right there, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, but listen, I'm down for a non-doctor that looks like me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if I see, you know, Asian doctor walks in, Indian doctor walks in, you kind of, there's something that's like, and I'm not saying this to be racist, but they... To be positively racist. It's a positive racist, but like, I saw them study when I was in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was doing keg stands, and it was never, they weren't there. Yeah.

They weren't fucking there. By the same token, I would have been nervous a Greek doctor being like, yeah, I'm your one shot at your mom living. Just some fucking Greek guy, but he pulled it off. My stepfather was like searching because all you could do and there was like this thing and it happened. Boston's just been in our lives. My brother went to BU.

So we went out there and would visit. And this Dana, my mom tried Sloan Kettering down in New York. And this Dana Farber in Boston just had this test drug and it worked on my mom's cancer and it did something. It was able to, you have to have like certain cells for it to work. It was a miracle. It's a miracle. You know, I mean, it's a lot. She's got to take like six pills every day that beat her up. You know, she gets like, there's a lot of days she doesn't have good days, but like 30 years, dude. Yeah. People who have to take a bunch of pills,

I would die for sure, just out of forgetfulness. Whether it's cancer or like those AIDS guys had to take like fucking 12 pills. And I'm like, dude, I would have been dead so fast. I would have been dead as fuck having to remember pills, dude. And one day I would have taken four pills.

four days worth of one the drug would have killed me I'm like did I take them I forget pain pills when I'm in pain yeah I don't got a problem forgetting those anybody's got any laying around yeah yeah you got some for my ride home yeah

It is a bop. That is true. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious, dude. Are you dating anybody now? No, I'm single. Just out there crushing? Yeah, although I'm honestly just like... Oh, I thought you were going to say, I'm just tired of crushing. Puss. A little. I'm just like, dude, it's like at a certain point when you fuck on the road for a while, it's like it's fun. You meet some fun people. You have a good time. But it's like I literally... Like on this last tour...

I had gotten like, my habits were so bad and I was just like not, I just felt kind of disconnected from everything. A girl hit me up to come up, straight up just come over. And I had had too much, we were in Kansas City and I was like, I've had too much barbecue to have sex. And it was the, you want to talk about low, your wife holding a plastic bag for you to piss in? You want to talk about low moments? I was like.

what am I doing? Dude, telling a chick that you had too much brisket is fucking... I didn't even make up a different excuse because I was like, I need her to judge. I deserve to feel this. I deserve to feel a hot woman saying, I'm basically telling her I chose brisket over pussy and

And I need her, I need at least one woman out there to know I made that and I need to live with that shame. Maybe God was with you and the brisket was better than that pussy. Yeah, who knows? She looks pretty good. Hey, listen, man. If you're listening, I'm sorry. And if you're ever in New York, let me know. Well, you know what's crazy is like I talk, I don't really, actually not really. Like my Netflix special, I talked about my family for maybe four minutes in the special. Yeah, yeah. This new hour, I talk about a couple stories with my kids. So I'm not really...

big on talking so much about my family, but if you come up to me after a show as a woman, you're a whore. Because if you come up to me after seeing my act, you just have zero shame and don't give a fuck. And no, Dallas, I was in Dallas.

And I'm just doing a meet and greet. And there's, you know, it was Addison and it was great. And it was a line. Great club. And this chick comes up. And she's just like in front of everybody. And I'm just sitting there. And I'm like, this is recent. And I'm talking about my kids. I got two kids, you know, 14 and 11 and my wife. And she just goes, oh, man. She goes, if you didn't have to go back tomorrow, I would totally fuck you tonight. Right? And she said it like during the picture. And it was so awkward. I was just like, what? You know?

And then a woman comes after her with a boyfriend and she goes, I would take her up on that. And then that woman later hits me up and goes, hey, I know you must be exhausted after performance, but if you want to party, and I'm just going like, and I'm going like, I couldn't imagine with your podcast followers and with being single and being on the road, but you choosing barbecue or just not choosing barbecue, but just saying you can't because of it, I think it's incredible. Yeah.

Well, it helps to cut it down. Being fat as shit also cuts it down. It's a specific kind of woman, Paul. I don't got rife numbers in my DMs. Listen, sweetie, I got barbecue sauce on my fingernails right now. All it takes is one per city. That's what I say. It's not a ton of women, but there's a couple beautiful soldiers out there, and we salute you for being a part of our armed forces.

Which barbecue did you do? Did you do La Barbecue? La Barbecue. I don't remember where we went. We went, my buddy Caleb, a very funny comedian. Actually, he's from Kansas City. We're sworn enemies right now. But a very funny comic, Caleb Hernan. I always fuck his last name up. I think that's how you say it. No, you guys are going to win that game. Hopefully. Well, this goes on afterwards, so we're going to look dumb if we're both wrong. But he took us somewhere. I should know the place. It was great. He's a KC local. But

But I don't know. It was great. But it was good. Yeah, he said it was like a newer place. Like there was like some super popular, like the classic place. And he was like, no, that place is like done. This place has been open for two years, but it's awesome. Yeah. I will say this. People get a little nuts about barbecue. It's like...

Let's be honest, dude. It's ribs. It's brisket. It's the same shit. It's a lot of the same shit. Now, listen. The best that I ever had was Le Barbecue in Austin, Texas. I was with Dave Kimowitz, rest his soul. That will bother me forever.

But it was outside. It was for the festival, South by Southwest. Dude, they were like famous chefs. They're David Chang. There were people like Russell Simmons. Everyone was there. You waited 45 minutes online, outside. And then when you got up there, they gave you the wax paper and the tray. And just for waiting so long, they just gave you a hunk of brisket to taste while they put your order together. Dude, it was the most tender. So you can definitely get better. I mean, it's awesome. You can get better barbecue than this. But people...

But people get nuts where it's like, dude, if you have like good brisket, it's kind of similar. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? Ah, what the fuck, Paul? It's me again. This is so fucking good and quenches my fucking thirst so fucking awesomely. Liquid death. Have you guys ever seen a liquid? Have you ever seen someone drinking a liquid death and thought to yourself, what the fuck is going on? Is that a fucking beer?

Is that an energy drink? Why is a baby drinking a tall boy, a golden tall boy? Why is, you know, an old lady having a big ass energy drink? It's none of that shit. It's fucking iced teas. It's seltzers. It's water, dude. It's awesome. I fucking love it.

Even when they weren't a sponsor. Here's how much I love Liquid Death. I would buy it. They stopped sponsoring the show for a little while and I was buying it still. It's good as fuck. You understand that? You know about my money, but that's how good this product is. They could take their dollars away. I'm still going to be singing about how awesome it is. Scroll down, please, Elders. I love it. Tricking people into thinking...

I actually recently did crack open one of these while driving with my mother, and she freaked out. She thought I had an alcohol problem. That part's fun. The flavors are fun. I'm an iced tea guy. I like the Grimleaf for right now. I'm drinking the Armless Palmer. I like to just drink them when I would kick back. I'm trying to get a little whatever, you know, when I would just kick back and drink a little Bruce Carino. Now I'm sucking off liquid deaths. You

You can get free shipping of Liquid Death's Mountain Water flavored sparkling and iced tea 8-packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods, or on Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash stavi to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash stavi, liquiddeath.com slash S-T-A-V-V-Y.

A nice juicy brisket. Oh, God. Nice juicy brisket. This was good. It was good-ass brisket. It was good. It was fucking awesome. But...

I think we got, Paul's got a wealth of knowledge. We've got a father. We've got a family man. We've got a man who's chosen his Italian roots over his Greek roots. He's got a lot to offer here. He's made some mistakes. He's made some good choices. So we're ready to bring your wisdom, Paul, to our callers here. Let's do it. Why don't you place a couple calls? Hey, Stav. Hey, Stav. New father here.

Just had a daughter a couple months ago. Okay. She'll be a year coming up soon. And you seem like a guy that's, well, nice way to put it, just had sex with a lot of whores. I don't want my daughter to be, all due respect to you, I don't want my daughter to be the kind of girl that's just like you. Some of these women are wonderful people, thank you very much. Please let me know if you have any advice as to how I can keep that from happening. Please let me know.

This guy is one of the most disrespectful phone calls I've ever gotten on this show. Are they fucking around? I do think, okay, he's worried about his daughter growing up and becoming promiscuous, which, by the way, weird thing to think about a baby. Let's start right there. I was going to say, dude, I have

A couple months, you're already thinking about her sucking dick? What's wrong with you? That's number one. That's fucking atrocious that you're thinking this way. This is a troll to you, right? I mean, but at the same time,

He's right. At the same time, the percentage of women that I've had sex with that fully love their dad, it ain't that high, I guess. But you could have couched this in different terms is my point. His question is, how do I raise a woman that wouldn't fuck you? That's basically what he's asking. I don't know. Don't listen to podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you fat? Are you a fat, charming man? If not, you have almost nothing to worry about. The girls that I've hooked up with usually don't like their dad or their dad was a fat, charismatic man. And it's one of those two. So either lose weight or stick around. I

I would also say you nailed it at the beginning, dude. You can't worry when they're a couple months old. Like, they're not doing anything to make you concerned at fucking 24 months. That's crazy. That's fucking weird to even be thinking about your kid fucking at that age, man. Yeah, you gotta let her start to go to school and see how she dresses.

But even, I will say, you worrying about this is actually a bad sign because it's these weird hyper-focused dads that almost try and like, like the thing everybody has to realize, their kids, your kids are going to be human beings. Yes. And everything you did, they're going to do. Even the shit that scares you because you know you did dumb shit. Yes. You know you made mistakes. You know you had bad experiences as well as good experiences. I got news for you. That's going to happen. But you also don't want to be one of those weird uptight dads that's like,

when his son gets pussy and is like, no one can touch my daughter. Your daughter's a human being. She's going to have to, and maybe this is where me and Paul's opinions diverge because Paul's like, maybe we need, no, I think we should lock her in a room until she's 24 and then she can date. But like your daughter is like going to have the same desires any other human being has and you worrying about this heightens it to the fact where it's like,

she's going to be hyper aware of this being something that bothers you. And if it becomes a thing where you're almost, you know... Pushing her to it. Exactly. It's like, kids also rebel, dude. And this is one of the most... There is no more textbook rebellion than like...

trying to get your daughter not to date and making sure she like doesn't become promiscuous. And then if you would, whereas if you would just let her be a normal person who has like a solid little cute high school relationship, she has a normal, you know, her, her, the way she, uh, you know, relates to dating is healthier than if you try and forbid her. So she's sneaking out and sucking dick and,

I was going to just say... Right away. Do you think... There has to have been a Greek girl that sucked the dick of a culture her father didn't want her to suck. Yes. And she did just because. Yeah. Oh, 100%. 100%. And yeah, there's another... There's plenty of rebellion coming this way, too, where it's like...

A lot of girls like uptight parents, like to hook up with messes. When shit wasn't going good for me, it was like... What parents need to realize, and this is real advice, what parents need to realize is if their children see them...

trusting them. Like if the kid sees, oh, my parents trust me and know that's going to, that's going to push a kid in the right direction to go. My parents don't want to do the right thing. And in their head, they're going to do the right thing. Right. Or they're going to want to do the right thing because kids like that don't want to disappoint. And they realize that they were raised right. And their parents are like, no, my kid's going to, they, I have the trust of my parents. I'm gonna do the right thing. If you're all over them,

Then it's like, ah, they're annoying. I'm going to sneak. Those are the kids that sneak out. Totally, totally. You know, that's what I would say. 100%. Yeah. And it's like, so you're already off to a bad start, I would say. Just be cool, man. I don't know what weird sex hangups you have where you're worried about a baby fucking fat, fat comedians already.

First of all, there's a lot to break down here. Putting me in, it's weird. I was just reading. I don't want my daughter to be the kind of girl that would randomly have sex with someone like you. That's fucked up. What about date me, you fucking piece of shit? What if I treated her right? What if he took her to the movies? Nice dinner? I don't know what the fuck. Oh, yeah. Me and Paul went to Owings Mills.

Mall into the movies that one time we went to movies and I think we saw to Japan do we get shitty Asian food? We did. Yeah. Oh my god. What year this years ago? Damn that mall was just like it was really there for like it was decrepit at the end What do we even see do you remember? I wasn't fuck was around. It was so yeah, I don't remember at all No must not have been that good. It was probably what it was 2013. Oh

I don't remember, dude. I couldn't tell you. I might have been 13 or 14, so I'm going to look up movies and then I'll let you know. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, dude, you know, I don't know what's going on with your weird jealousy towards me and worry that your daughter who's an infant is going to fuck. Yeah, I don't want my 17-month-old to date someone like you. It's like, how about you just feed her and keep her alive for a little while, you fucking lunatic. Yeah.

Is she sleeping through the night? You fucking nut. Goddamn. All right, what else we got, Eld? Stavi, baby. Got a question for you. So my dad, who is an Italian immigrant, came here.

Middle of the century. You know, always spoke Italian as a first language, English as a second language, did the whole Italian thing. Listen, I know your stance, lowest of the whites, makes sense. But he did 23andMe, and lo and behold, the beautiful azure blue and white flag of the great

Hellenic Republic was waving. 70% Greek did. So now, of course, he's going to Greek restaurants and, you know, shooting his own stuff. But, wrinkle for you is that the specific ethnic group of Greeks, and I say Greeks, that he was categorized as are the Illyrians.

which I believe, if I'm not mistaken, is what young Elvis' people claim to be as their ethnic home. Yeah, they like to claim a bunch of shit. They ain't shit. Albanians are barely a race. I'd love for you to settle this for us. They're mongrels. They're the leftovers of every other Balkan nation. Can I ask you a question?

Can I ask you a question, though? And I'm serious about this. This is a serious fucking question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this 23andMe shit, do you think it's really accurate? I don't, actually. I don't either, dude. There's no way. Because they do it with dogs. They do this shit with dogs. They're like, oh, that dog. And they give all of these things that I'm going like, I don't know, man. Yeah. I just don't know if it's... I don't know if there's really an accurate... With dogs, I almost would...

Think it's more accurate does because all they're talking about is like the markers for each different breed Yeah, which you could but like Pete like they have a very different like even though even dogs you're right It's all DNA is all the same. They're all wool. You know, they're all company all the same DNA. We just bred them weird Yeah, this is like how the fuck can you even really know this is all such bullshit and it's like - and it's also like what are we doing here and

Your dad is Italian, bro. It doesn't matter what his fucking DNA is. He's who he is. He doesn't get a fucking weird test. And I was like, well, I'm a completely different person. Because everybody is somewhat associated to everybody. I know. This way of the admission is so stupid because you don't get a test back and start going, I'm this.

You're whoever the fuck you are. Yeah. Human beings are the same. That's the whole point. You know what I want to- We've gotten past this bullshit of like, what ethnic group? We like to make fun of it, obviously. And of course, Illyrians are, they're a type of Greek. Albanians did not achieve anything in the ancient world. They,

picked one that there's it's kind of murky about and they claim that's them that is not them they are they're a they're a stone age civilization that did nothing don't listen to them when they talk about Alexander the Great he was Greek he was

So, of course, your father, for all intents and purposes, is Greek. And even to break it down, the Illyrians is so stupid because it's like, that's a fucking ancient tribe. Like, you can say, like, we definitely don't know that. Like, we know, we always have the markers for certain parts of Greece. That's what I'm saying. Now they're saying, yeah, not only are they saying Greek, but they're saying a specific part. Yeah. Which is like, I don't know if they could narrow it down. Literally a tribal group from, that hasn't been around since what? The U.S.?

fucking zero? Like, what was the last Illyrian? I don't know. I think we looked it up when we were in Greece. It was like 800 or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah. It's like... A lost language. We don't know anything about their civilization. How the fuck are you going to claim he's part of that? We were talking... Back in the day, we were talking about how funny a sketch would be if they had all the Italians in, like, Bensonhurst, Brooklyn do one and find out the racist ones and they find out that they were black. Which they are. And they... I literally might be

Yeah, North African. With the Sicilian thing, right? Sicily, yeah. We've all seen True Romance. We've all seen Dennis Hopper's monologue. Have you seen that? Oh, with the Moors, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's true, isn't it? I think it is based in some truth. You know who wrote that? Who wrote that screenplay? Quentin Tarantino. Yes. That's how we get all those end bombs in there. That's actually his first screenplay. Yeah, it was the... What an amazing movie. He wrote that and he wrote Reservoir Dogs.

And they said, the studio was like,

you pick one of these to direct yourself. So he basically sold, and Tony Scott wanted True Romance, so he sold True Romance to use the money to make Reservoir Dogs. It's a great movie. I love that movie. One of my favorites. Yeah, that's funny. Whatever you're racist against, you should have a little bit in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit of what you're racist should be in just so you're fucking... That's the only time I support 23andMe is when Italians get them and realize they're North African.

That only because it's funny. But yeah, this is all fucking bullshit. I would love to be like a little African just because like, that's why I have a good jump shot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Um, all right. What else we got? Uh, yeah. Anyway, fuck your dad. He's Italian really. But if we're going to be, if we're going to be funny about it, he's Greek and he's definitely not Albanian. Hey, Stavi baby. Uh, my first time ever doing this. I really don't think this would ever make it on the podcast. Um,

You're wrong.

what should I do? Should I not be in the kid's life because his mom is a cheating whore? Or should I just be a 24-year-old single father? Or do I just sign over the right? I really don't know what to do. Stop, baby. I know you don't have no kids, and hopefully the guest also has kids. Yep. Please, I have my thoughts, but go ahead, Paul. You got to leave this dirty bitch now.

That shit, dude, the only thing worse than a chick cheating on you when she's pregnant is if she's cheating on you when your kid's young in school and doing that shit. Oh yeah, leave her for sure. This is never going to...

The best thing for this kid, the best thing for this kid is that the kid is not his and he never sees this evil bitch again. Yeah. Well, I agree with you. He's got a lever, no doubt about it. But you don't get to not raise a child because a lady sucked another guy's dick. No, you gotta raise it. Unfortunately, you don't get to be like, well, you see, Junior, the reason I wasn't around is because your mom's a dumb bitch. Yeah, yeah. Like...

Now, would it suck? Would it be more responsibility? Like, would you have to co-parent with someone you literally hate? Yes. And that, you would really get a really bum deal there. And I feel, I feel for you, especially you're 24, you're a young guy, but,

It's either if you feel you're ready to be a 24-year-old single father, that's one thing. But realistically, what I think if the kid is yours is like you just have to be a part of his life and you have to co-parent. And maybe you guys need to use an in-between. Maybe you need to go through your parents, like have the grandparents be the buffer. I don't know. But yeah, you're not absolved because you got cucked.

You can't go to fucking court and be like, your honor, another guy nutted in her a bunch. I shouldn't have to buy this kid food. Well, no, if it's his kid, then just be a single dad. You're going to find another woman that will sympathize with you, feel bad, and be great to you.

and you and that person will help with the kid when the kid's with you, and you have to deal with her. But seven months, dude. No, of course. You've got to leave her. There's no doubt about that. Cheating on seven months is like, that's not like I made a mistake, hammered at a fuck. That's like, you were like, that's malicious. Yeah, that's an ongoing thing. Absolutely. No, no, for sure. But yeah, you've got to get out of there for sure. And I think he knows that too. But man, we're really rooting for you. When did this come out? How old is this call?

It's pretty new. Yeah. Call in with any, listen, pal, let us know if we have updates here. Yeah. I'd love to know if this is your kid. We're slowly becoming Mari. I was going to say Mari. I was going to say, yeah. It would be the best case scenario for him would be that the kid is not his. Now she's caught dead handed. Oh, yeah. And that's it. And you go on and you know what? Bullet dodged. Huge.

Huge bullet dodged. Sucks, but you almost completely had a shared life with some fucking idiot. I'd love to know more details, though. I'd love to know how you caught her. Love to know what your life's looking like. In fact, let's try and get him on a live Patreon call-in show because I'd love to talk to him specifically. But good luck, pal.

I love that you think, what should I do? I love that you think, should I abandon a child as even an option? Because your feelings got hurt, but unfortunately that's not how it works. Do I sign it over to her? Yeah, it's not a fucking lawnmower. I was going to say, it's not a Honda Accord. Oh, fuck, dude. Damn.

That's brutal. Poor guy, that's rough. The pregnancy just makes it. Yeah. I mean, hopefully it's not his, but who knows? Who knows how bad his luck is? Hey, Stavi, I'm going to make it quick because I know the show and I don't want you to fucking curse at me or whatever. I met this chick at a bar and we hung out and got the pussy. Nice, man. Later on she tells me that she is amateur porn, but like, you know, low budget, but

Has the worst porn name ever. It's like one of these like cutesy, like punny names. Anyway, I like banging his broad, but I don't know, man. I don't want to get like a SPD or the Herps. If I'm in my 40s, I've been dodging the Herp bullet.

Okay. Yeah.

And I don't know, but I think if I use rubber, I could probably make it to threesomes. And, you know, she sucks dick like a porn star, I'll tell you that. But I don't know. What would you do? Would you ride this out for a little while? How is this a thing you need guidance on? Just, like, cut it off and, you know, just, you know, thank God that my dick is safe for another day.

I love you guys. Love you. Fuck you. I'll do this. Okay, good. This is the best podcast. I've been on a lot of podcasts.

I've never been on one where a guy's like, hey, man, I met this. She's just sucking, fucking, gangbanging, bukkake. What do you guys think? So, you know, me and you are different. I think so. Yeah, me and you are different. I think we have wildly different opinions here. Yeah, like, this is, like, I could already hear Stavi going, like, no, what's the problem? You know? Really? I hear, like, some chick getting cummed on and stuff. Like, I have that Italian clean. Like, dude, you gotta see the inside of my car.

No, first of all, time out. You literally have OCD, Paul. So don't try and blame it on being Italian. This is mental illness. You're right. You're right. You're having like a little fucking like Rain Man. I can see the twitches starting. Doesn't it gang bang though, dude?

A gang bang, dude. That's where the line for me... And that's fair. We all have our own lines. Dude, to picture a chick like in the middle of just a fucking... Yeah. For me, dude, that's where I'm like... I mean, I would have to have a long conversation at dinner if it was two guys at once. Yeah.

I would be like, were you friends with them through high school? Like, was this something you knew them? Did you know their families? I don't get it. Would that make it better or worse? For me, better.

Just because they know each other's families. You want the gangbang to have an emotional connection? Yeah, like one kid, you know, fucking had him live down the street. Todd's parents were friends with my dad. You know, we always fucking went to the movies together one thing and led to another. That's that I can do. I can't. This is tough, man. That's awesome. This is tough. Keep it in the community. I see what you're saying. Look, dude. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A roundabout way to ask if they were black. Yeah.

You know, did you know they're families? If you catch my drift. What part of Europe did they come from? Were they in the Union? Yeah.

Okay, so look, man. You're dating a girl who does porn. This is what comes with it, bro. I have... I've seen a couple girls who... You know, I've seen a couple sex workers. Sweet gals. Some of the nicest people you'll meet. I don't know if they were doing... Maybe they did... That's the other thing. If you date someone who does porn...

Don't look the videos up. You don't want to know. You just don't. If you like her, she's a good person. She's hot. You're having a good time with her. And it's casual. And by the way, you're in your 40s. And did he say she was a teenager? No, he said he's been dodging herpes since he was a teenager. Oh, okay, okay. He's been dodging herpes. He doesn't want to get it when he's 40. I see, I see, I see. You don't want to get it on the back nine. Dude, can I tell you what one of my porn searches used to be? Please. One of my porn searches used to be, porn star that was never molested. Ha ha ha!

I swear to God on my children. There's no way the algorithm is not that fine-tuned, Paul. So I would want an interview of a porn star where she was like, I just love to fuck. That was, like, that would be it. Like, back in the day, she was just like, no, nothing ever happened. My dad was great. This is my choice. I am not trafficked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Respect. You're a good guy. Yeah.

And I'm guessing you found two women that you dragged off to. Oh.

All right, so look, dude, this is what comes with it. Don't, I would say a good rule of thumb, don't look up the videos. Even if it wasn't gangbangs, you'd see a dick that dwarfed that would put your dick in a complete shadow under the sun. You wouldn't even come close to it. But does he make a good point about his health? Like, does he make a point that like, especially if it's amateur porn, because regular porn, real porn industry stuff is like the safest.

They know every partner. I think they have to be tested before every scene. Amateur shit is not the case. Well, yeah, I guess it does depend, right? What quality are we talking about? Especially the gangbang. It's like, is it in 1080p? Is it in 4K? If it's in 4K, they probably tested. If it's on an Android, you're probably maybe, you know, whatever. But also I would say a general rule of thumb is

Get tested yourself. Use condoms in general. Like, you know, you can talk to her about it. It seems like she's pretty open. And it's just a matter of your comfort. I don't know what to tell you. What constitutes a gangbang? What's the number? I would say it is over... I would say it's...

I think over two is a train. Well, three is a train. Two is a threesome. And then I think it's over three. Three or four. I think there are more because it's like you wouldn't call three guys and one girl a foursome. It's like that's gangbang territory. It's a small gangbang. Yeah. It's a mini. It's a petite gangbang. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's over. Two is a threesome. The devil's threesome, as it's called sometimes. And three and over. Even though it's not a really... Again, not an impressive gangbang, but it is a gangbang. I would say listen to Stav on this, not me, because I would walk. Yeah. I would walk. Yeah, and listen, it does... From what...

Everything in your voice is kind of judgmental where it's like you're a fucking dirtbag, too We can hear it in your voice You don't get you don't get pussy for money But you're still trying to fuck as many whores as you can you the only there's no different this woman is actually more admirable than you She's making a profit out of it. She's got clear skills. You're enjoying her you're you're benefiting from her professional experience with those a plus blowjobs, I'm

I don't like the judgment in your voice. If it's a true health concern, that's one thing. But like, have you ever raw dogs when you shouldn't have? I bet you have, right? You've dodged some bullets too. It's like, I'm never judgmental of a guy with a DUI because let's be honest, we all could have DUIs right now.

Everyone probably listening to this podcast, we've all been eligible for DUIs. I had one. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. 21 years old, I had one. Exactly. And that's exactly the age I'm thinking about where it's like, yeah, you did some stupid shit. And in the same way, we're...

We're all eligible for herpes. Maybe not OCD Paul over here. Maybe he's thinking he had to Lysol the pussy before he went into it. But I definitely have put my raw penis in some questionable places. And thank the Lord I've lived scot-free out of it. So it's like, don't be so judgmental. And you have no proof even that she does have disease. You're just being...

Like, you're actually kind of... It's almost like insulting this woman. You're like, she's bad at her job on some level. Because it's like, if she's responsible, she's probably getting tested, whatever. Now, like we said, if all these are very amateurish, maybe she seems irresponsible in general, maybe be a little wary. But like...

It's a very fundamental thing that it's like you're a guy in your 40s and you like continue to fuck someone that you just have such high contempt for. Right. Just to get like pussy and because you might be able to finagle a threesome one day. Yeah. Like try fucking someone that you don't hate deep inside of you. Exactly. You're a much more reprehensible person than her actually. Don't, don't, having sex with somebody that you're judging. Right. Is like, because me and I'm not, I'm not trying to be, when I hear gangbang bukkake, I'm out. Yeah.

So once I hear that. That is fair. I'm not trying to gaslight you, Paul. That is a very reasonable response. But yeah, I wouldn't do it anyway. Right, right, right. I wouldn't have the thoughts and do it anyway. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Where it's like, you know, dude, take, you know, you're still, by the way, a man in his 40s still trying to get pussy?

Kind of sad. I'm trying not to be... I'm trying not to be you, to be honest with you. I'm trying to get in a relationship by the time I'm 40. I don't want to be having the thoughts you're having right now. So you're no better than a sex worker. Let's remember that. And, you know, if...

Let's lose some of the judgment. And, you know, if you want to go on with this relationship because you have a good time with this person and you trust her enough to, you know, be safe, do it. But don't don't. Yeah, you're 40, dude. You can't be like hanging on for the chance of a threesome with somebody you don't like. That's kind of pathetic. Let's do a couple more here, Big Eldo.

Nice. Nice.

However, she requests I be clean-shaven for that. Now, I've got real sensitive skin, so I can't use a regular razor, and it seems like every time I try to use an electric razor or something like that, I just mar my shit. It's horrifying. So, I don't know. I'm not asking for, like, looking for a product or anything, but how can I, you know...

Get that all cleaned up so I can, you know, bust a nice eight roper. Anyway, have a good one. Dude, I've never heard anybody open up so elegantly.

Congratulations on a special, man. I hope you guys are doing well. Anyway, I like to get my nuts sucked. I mean, that's the greatest. And I have sensitive skin. That being the tag to it is awesome. Well, dude, I mean. That it's not really a nut. He's not really asking us a nut sucking question. He's asking us a hair removal question. The Manscaped Lawnmower 4.0? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? That's a really good one because it doesn't, like, catch anything.

But it might leave a little stubble. It sounds like she wants him totally clean. Oh, like shaving. I think... What about waxing? Your nuts sucked? What about waxing? I don't know, dude. How much do you want your nuts sucked? Yeah, but how do you even do that? You go to a place. They do that? They have to have a way to do it. Oh, yeah. Come on, dude. Get those nuts nice and... Yeah, but if you put your nuts...

If they get molded... I wonder if you dip them in wax. How can you... You probably... Look up how do you wax nuts, Elvis. I think... I think...

I think the last caller's girl knows. For some, the scrotum skin can be very thin and can be pulled taut without injury. Be mindful to apply as little pressure as possible on the testicles. Have them hold their shaft with a towel. Outstretch the skin. You got to stretch it out and apply the wax in long, narrow strips for the best control. You probably have to, like, handle the skin while letting, like, the balls rest underneath it so you're just, like, on the top surface of the skin, you know? Yeah, dude, I don't know. I like what you're saying about...

Go down. Wait, people also ask, what is etiquette for Brazilian waxing for a male? Let's see what that says. Proper etiquette means respecting your client's timidness while also being confident. Oh, this is for the professional. Answering any questions or concerns and laying step by step. Yeah, dude. I mean, look. Dude, I couldn't date her.

Who, the waxer? Yeah. Because she handles nuts? No, like guys' assholes all day? What about a doctor? Is it different? Now you're being classist. They're still handling balls and asses, but it's, you know, one has a degree, one's blue collar. I would just ask, how many assholes a day? So what about a proctologist? Yeah, that's, no, you know what, you're right, that's not fair. Yeah.

I guess if that's your job. If you're not getting anybody off. No one's getting anybody off. Right, right, right. Now, I have weirdly come across a type of porno where a lady waxes a guy's dick and jacks him off. I don't jack off to it, but I see it. It's there. Well, I've watched a couple seconds. How do you wax a dick or balls with it being soft? I think you can. How do you pull it off? That's rough. Look, all I'm saying is if this guy's very sensitive skinned,

I'm willing to bet a lot... Like, women who get waxed sometimes do because they have sensitive skin. Like, you know, I have... I don't know any men who have gotten their balls waxed. I know men who have gotten their ass waxed. Yeah. But that seems easier. Um...

I would say look into a waxing, my friend. I don't know. I got my back waxed once, and when they pull it off, it hurts. I'm sure it'll hurt. Look, I'm not saying it's not going to hurt. The question here is, if razors aren't doing it and you want them smooth... Now, if something like some kind of electric razor, some kind of trimmer works, if that's...

You know, not stubbly for her. But I'm guessing she wants them clean. Yeah, when I first heard this, I was obviously thinking, like, well, just, like, yeah, get a trimmer. And, you know, how clean does she really want them? What's the line for her? But waxing is actually, like, a good idea because, like, you just got to take it to a professional. Take it to a pro. You know, and your balls suck.

I just found that my skin's sensitive down there. I have trouble with shaving. Or one thing that he could try to do if he doesn't want to go to that extreme is there's a product, there's a new product we had as a sponsor called Balls. And they have a thing where it gets like incredibly low. But then he can use that all over and then put...

Then put shaving cream on and get one of the razors that doesn't... Like a protective razor. And then just try doing his balls like in little tiny centimeters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this is a fucking picky woman. There's options, yeah, yeah. That's a lot for her to be like, I want nothing on your nuts. I know. A trim is fine, but clean... I'm just saying wax might...

The thing about a waxing to me in theory, although I've never got my balls waxed, probably never will. It feels like at least somebody else is doing it. You go in there, you get it taken care of. You show your wife you're really making an effort too. Maybe that gives you a real spirited nut sucking. I don't know. But it seems like you're basically sacrificing convenience. Like somebody is doing everything for you. So it's going to hurt for like...

10 seconds really bad, but you put all the discomfort into that 10 seconds. Somebody else does everything else for you. I think it's worth trying. I'd have a full-on rager during it. Yeah, I would. You'd think so, but you might be scared. I think when something goes...

Nah, dude, I walked into a massage place that wasn't it. Yeah. It wasn't one of those. And I had a full on rager. And I had to, and I had to apologize. That's awesome too, because you're not that kind of guy at all. No, no. I walked in and like I rolled over. I had boxer briefs on. Yeah. And it was like a foot massage. It was like open. And I had a fucking rager. And she goes, oh, and I go, I'm so sorry. I can't, you know, I don't.

I'm sorry. I just really like getting my feet rubbed. I'm just really appreciative. I love my wife. I don't want to get jacked off. Damn. Yeah, dude, the wrong place. That'll get you jacked off, Paul. Yeah, you turn around with that heart of dick. That's getting you jacked off. Yeah. So, yeah, good luck, buddy. I say try waxing your nuts, you know, and let us know how it goes. Please update us. What do we got, Elders? We got some good stuff here, pal.

Oh, look at this guy. He's starting to take notes. Good for you, man. You're really growing as a producer. Hey, Stav. Hey, Elvis. This is sort of an etiquette question. A couple years ago, I started house-sitting and dog-sitting for my aunt and uncle. And I would stay there for like a week. And then, so I would like shower and take care of the dogs, walk them.

Um, but like, if you're staying somewhere a week, you start like treating it like your own house. Sure. Um, and you know, so that includes like walking around, uh, like fuck ass naked. Um, I mean, I think that's fair anyway. Um,

It wasn't until like the second or third time that I was dog sitting that I noticed that they had like a nest cam set up. It wasn't like pointed in a bedroom or anything, but it was pointed at like the front door and like the front sitting area. But I feel like if you're going to let someone like house sit or like watch the house,

You should like tell them if they're like on camera. I don't know. I just feel like I felt like weird after. I mean, I stopped walking around naked after that. But it was a little bit of a surprise. So what do you guys think? Do you think you should let someone know if they're on camera or if you're house sitting? Or is that like a like owner's rights thing? Anyway.

Have a nice episode. Bye, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I think that's fair for both. Yeah, I think it's fair. First of all,

You can walk around buck naked, but I also feel like somebody else's house, I might be one level less naked than usual. You know what I mean? A thousand percent. If I'm a fully naked guy in my house, which sometimes I will traipse around, you know, but usually I'm a boxers guy in my house. I'm a pretty, like, I hang out in my boxers constantly. Eldest will be over and I'll just be in my boxers. That's, you know, I'm real European with it. If I was in somebody else's home...

I might go shorts, no shirt. I might be one level less naked than my own house to where I'm still comfortable. So maybe you overdid it just a pinch. Yes. You want to be naked in the bedroom. If you sleep naked, that's one thing. But if you're like, you got your pussy on their couch, that's a little much. And I would say this too. If you have a nest or...

or you have a ring and and you're somebody's going to be in your house with your dogs for a week you should definitely say hey if you hear there's a way to do it like hey if you hear anything or see anything just so you know you if somebody bothers you there's a ring let the person know that there is some sort of device that's watching but walking around a house naked dude one time i walked from the bathroom in my hotel room yeah so like the window naked and i felt like what the

fuck am i doing you know what i mean like that's a weird so to be walking around somebody's house naked and have that happen multiple times a little weird i think especially especially if it's like your aunt and uncle's house too yeah yeah like i would yeah it's one thing if you're like hired by someone but just like even i i don't know i would actually argue anyway i would actually argue family member is more acceptable to potentially be nude than hired

I think walking around nude by... I think walking around nude by yourself in a house that you're house-sitting in any scenario, having zero clothes on is a little bit like... It's one thing if you're, like, taking a shower and the fucking...

You smell like your Totino's pizza roll is getting burnt. So you run out, tits flopping, take them out of the oven, go back, get dressed. The fire thing is going off. You have to do something. That's one thing. But to just be hanging, I would say you want to go one level less nude than usual, at least.

I'm with you. At least. And this is coming from somebody who walks around, not butt naked, but like I walk around in my fucking, in my boxers a lot. That's usually, that's my default mode. So, you know, I'm not trying to be a prude here. I just think I wouldn't have been totally naked. I probably would have been shorts and like a fucking very comfortable shirt and

Like, you know, probably. Even if you want to have your tits out, I probably would have put shorts on. If she would have walked around and just, let's say, like her panties and a t-shirt over or like bra and panties and do stuff, I think that's a lot for your aunt and uncle's house or any house. But that's at least something. You can at least hear the argument. But just like titties flying around and like just puss sitting on the couch like that is kind of wild. And also like, yeah, also like did you beat off on their couch?

Have you done shit like that? Like, you know, I, listen, on my own couch, maybe I'll jack off. Maybe I won't. Who's to say? I'm not jacking off on it. I'm not, that's the thing. You're not treating, even when your house is sitting a close person's house, it still ultimately is not your house. You can get comfortable. You can get, I would say you want to get somewhere between hotel room and your house comfortable.

It's not a hotel room. It's not some weird place where you're not, you don't trust it. You're guarded, whatever. But it's not your own house. It is somewhere where it's some in between. And the level of close you are to the person, like your house, I'm not putting my dick on your couch, but I'm in my boxers if I'm house sitting for you. You know what I mean? But if it's like a family friend that I don't know that well, I'm probably even wearing a t-shirt, which is unheard of for me hanging out. So yeah.

But also, I think, Paul, you're very right where it's like, you can let somebody know without being like, we're watching you. You can make it sound like, hey, just for safety, we have a nest. If you heard something, here are the four angles it's recording, and you can go check it to also kind of let you know, here's where you're recorded. Or sometimes the wind sets off...

Sometimes the wind or the trees make something happen with an alert on the camera just so you know. Just to let somebody know, like, we do have a ring for the doorbell and we can see the front yard and backyard and we have a nest in the kitchen which sees the living room. Like, something like that for the person's safety to make them not walk around fucking naked. And also so then you know where you're not covered by cameras so if you really need your tits out, that's your little, you know, bedroom is the new... Bathroom? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? We got a nest right above the bathroom. Ha, ha, ha.

We have a nest in the toilet. Yeah. So, yeah, there you go, buddy. I hope we can solve that. Elvis, why don't you take us home with a nice fun one here to close out the episode. And thanks again for coming, Paul. This was very fun. Dude, thanks for having me. This was a blast.

Hey, Stav. Hey, Aldous. Hey, guests. So I got myself in a bit of a situation. I'd love some advice. So I asked my girlfriend of two years to marry me probably like six months ago. And she didn't say no. She just said she wasn't quite ready for that kind of a commitment. And then she signed up for school in Spain and took off doing that. And then before she left, though...

Um, we had made some plans for me to go out coming up in a couple months and she asked if I would have any problem being proposed to rather than being the one proposing. Um, and I just don't know how I feel about it. It feels like on one side, it feels wonderful because, um, you know, I don't have to set that whole thing up again, but on the other side, it's kind of like a,

kicking the nuts, but I don't know. Just let me know what you think. What are your opinions? Thanks. That's weird. That took a weird turn. Yeah, because I thought for sure you were toast. I thought she was getting some Spaniard dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And then all of a sudden she's like, would you be opposed to being proposed to? Which means when he comes out to Spain, she's going to do that. That's a weird... Listen, pal. I think...

I think because of what we all were just thinking and the fact that she didn't say no and then she goes to Spain, the fact that she's not pulling back foreskin right now, if she wants to propose to you, let her propose. Because the other option is she's getting gangbanged in Madrid. Go find a ring in some paella, brother. Don't be a weird... What's the problem? That's a weird... That's really weird. I don't see an issue. I think that's kind of nice.

It seems stressful. You also had that bit about how botched your proposal was and how nervous you were. Oh, I was a master. What was it? Tell everybody again because I know the bit. I hate to make you do old bits, but just tell us the story because it's a funny story. I did it actually for the first time ever last year on the radio and everybody loved it. So I couldn't be more nervous.

More nervous than anything in my life. And you guys have been dating how long at that point? We were dating about four years. Okay, so you felt good. It wasn't like you didn't... Spent 11 and a half on the ring. Wow. As a, you know, I guess...

starting out as a feature. It's a lot of money, bro. You know, as a feature, started to like really start to feature in major clubs, but like, you know, that's a lot of money. And I'm nervous, man. And we're in the thing and I don't know how to do it, dude. And I'm looking around and I'm all, fuck, I'm, dude, I started looking around like, I said, I was gonna like rob the place. I don't know what I was doing. And then I'm like, and then I was like, oh, I'm gonna put it in the, I had it rolled up in my sock. Yeah.

And I'm like, what if I put it in a bread basket? But then I saw the guys taking the bread basket. Right? Like, you know? So I was like, dude, I don't want that to happen. So I just had to like regroup. So I go to the bathroom. I'm like, dude, she's going to say yes. You love this girl. Like, what are you doing? You're acting fucking weird. Right? So we're sitting there.

And I'm looking at her, and in the corner of the restaurant, there was a TV, and SportsCenter was on. And it was just little. I could see it, and I don't know what to do. And that night, one of the Dodgers, Sean Green, the Jewish kid, he...

He hit four home runs in one game, which if you know baseball, it's on. Yeah, right like four or five people crazy for every four at four home runs You know same game, so I'm just looking at my wife and just nervously I go oh I go that guy just hit four home runs in one game and Stacy goes oh That's awesome, and my brain just goes now do it now and I go not as awesome as this And she goes what?

And I just lean back. I lean back like I just hit a game winner. And she goes, what? No, you know you got to get on a knee. And I go, no, I know. Dude, it was fucked up.

Then I get up and I put it on a thing. And it was, it was, I will tell you something. I, you don't realize how nervous you are. That, that, that decision and action that a man has to make in his life, you would think it's this like, oh dude, I'm going to get the ring and give it. There is a panic. There is like, not even about the commitment, just like having it. It's just a scary, scary thing. Totally. The fact, what if, does she want to do it in Spain? Is that why she didn't commit? Was that like a plan? I doubt it.

Part of me, I hear that, and part of me is a little concerned. Her asking that is just a stalling tactic by a floundering person who's just too young to even know what to think or make of it or something. How old are they? And the fact that she said, I'm not ready. Oh, they're 21? Yeah, and she said, I'm not ready to commit now, which made sense, and then went to school. So that's the problem. The red flag for me is...

She just said she wasn't quite ready for that kind of commitment. And then she signed up for school in Spain, which means she's either trying to get something out of her system or feel something out there and then did and realized, oh, maybe I do want to be with this guy. I don't know, but it's a weird thing. But it also looked to give it a charitable view. I know what everybody's saying.

It also is kind of scary for anyone, right? Like we're used to men having commitment issues. Yeah. It's perfectly reasonable that a woman would feel that way. So it's like she's like she gets a little freaked out. She needs a little space. She takes it in a way where it's not a break. They're not broken up, but she still gets space. Like going abroad for school is sort of like, yeah, it feels dicey, but it's like

She gets a little space without breaking up, can think through it, and she asks him this. So it is possible. The two options are,

She's thought it through, took a little time, thought it through, and wants to now kind of... She might even feel bad that he went through this proposal. Doesn't want to make him do it again. Maybe she's being nice. Or the worst possible thing is that she's just setting him up for an even bigger gut punch where it's like, would you ever want to be proposed to? And he's like, yeah, that'd be fine. She's like, okay, cool. And then just never does. I think, you know what? That's crazy and fucked up. Dude, as you talked, you're right. This is what it is. This is what I think it is. This is my...

Sicilian fucking antennas going up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that she doesn't want him to go out to Spain and do it because she's not ready. So maybe she's... I think she may be doing that. I think she might be buying time. But I also... What's this kid's name? I don't think he told us. Oh, you don't have a name? I don't know.

I actually think she's doing him a big favor because he's young too. They're 21 years old or whatever. No, we don't have that. I actually don't know that. I always made that up. For some reason, I thought that. Oh, okay. But listen, dating a girl for two years, dating a girl for two years, dude, is honestly like it's just not enough time to commit the rest of your life. It's not. I probably agree. Two years, dude. And think about that.

Unless you go through some crazy shit together. But yeah, usually not. Two years. The first six months are barely. I was going to say first six months. So it's not like 24 months you guys were together all the time. It probably took almost half a year to meet families together.

So, like, this is not, this is jumping in, dude. If that, maybe a year. You know what I mean? Sometimes, you know. Sometimes a year to meet, oh, hey, you're going to come to my family's for Thanksgiving. That could be over a year. Yeah, totally. So, yeah, I think she's actually being the one with the foresight here to say, like, no, let's kind of chill. And she's not ready, which I think she did him a favor. Two years is... So, you know, we can't read this girl's mind. We don't know if she's going to propose to him. But ultimately what he asks is, like...

Basically, what do we think about the proposal thing, right? So let's... You know, we've done our little analysis, but when it comes to the question of do you have a problem being proposed to by a woman, like, I don't see that being an issue at all, really. My mother did it to my dad. Oh, really? Yeah, she was like, dude, what the fuck? She was like, then I'll do it. And he was like, all right.

Wow, a contrarian even in the way he gets engaged. Yeah. Fuck, I guess so. Yeah, whatever. I'm not getting on a knee. You do it. If a chick asked me, though, what would really be hard, though, is if a man had to say no. Because if you're not ready, and she's ready, and she goes, hey, and then all of a sudden you're in a park, and she goes, I know this isn't traditional, but would you marry me? And you're not ready, dude. I would imagine it would be so incredibly difficult to break a woman's heart like that.

I mean, I'm sure the other way too, but... I think that's why it's the way it is. Because throughout history, it's always been the man who has the problem committing. So it's like...

In theory, it's always been like the woman waiting for the man to say it. Guys just say yes and get divorced. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you don't want to break her heart? I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is my thing. It's not a yes or a no. I just, I'll do it, you know? But yeah, I assume it would be hard. But that's not what we're dealing with here. Because he seems to have some weird almost like... He said it would be wonderful. But he said on one level it would be wonderful, but on the other one he says it'd be...

But I don't know why that would be a kick in the nuts. I don't know. I think, like, just her sequence of events is, like, a little suspicious. And it doesn't sound like, you know, this relationship is, like, for sure doomed necessarily. But I think it's just like, hey, man, now's not the right time necessarily. Let, you know, go out to Spain, but tell her, like, uh...

I don't really have a problem with that in theory, but I want to be the one to propose and, you know, maybe not. Dude, saying no and then skipping the country? Yeah. I'm sorry. She didn't quite say no, though. She wanted the continuance. I don't know what, but I don't see the issue. I think you're both bringing up good points, but you're also being a little, like, conspiracy theory slash negative. I'm taking the rare positive stance here where it feels like, to me, she took her time.

She thought it through. She does want to be with him. And she might even want to be doing him a solid about what he's saying of like, he doesn't have to, he, she already kind of made him go through the process. And I think if she has, if she is ready to commit now, she might even feel bad. And she's like, I don't want him to have to do this again. I,

I almost owe it to him or it would be a nice gesture as long as he doesn't feel emasculated. It would be a nice gesture for me to do it. You know what it is though? Like people think of proposals and it's a complete surprise, blah, blah, blah. It's like, it's okay to like, you know, put it on, put an actual proposal on nice and just like take some time to think it through. And also like, you know, couples can and should talk about like marriage and

If they want to get married before, like, a proposal even happens. It's not supposed to be... It doesn't have to be, like, a completely isolated, like, spontaneous, like, event or milestone. Like, maybe they just need to have, like, a conversation about it. Yeah, yeah. Coming from the guy whose fiance... His wife wanted to be engaged probably three years before you did it. Yeah, that's how you feel, Eldest. I don't know if everybody feels that way. But he makes a good point in one sense that my wife, like, I... You also, like, know. Like, dude, my wife...

I knew there was 0% chance. She would say no. Zero. It was almost to the point where she was like letting me know like, hey, can we do this? So I feel... And I feel like both parties would feel that and know that where... I guess that's a good point. That's a good point. And I think this is where the two years is the problem, like I said before. Well, I think you're probably right actually that...

Before anyone proposes in a situation like this, these two people should probably have a conversation about marriage as a, like, what do you want? What would you even want your married life to look like? Like, have they even had that, like, any compatibility discussions? Have they made plans for the future? Like, they might, it feels a little young. Now, if they have had those talks, right? Yeah.

And especially, you know, while she's in school, they've talked about it, whatever. But, you know, to play devil's advocate against that, though, too, is like, she knows he wants to be married. That's the other thing. They don't really need to have that conversation because she was the sticking point the last time they had it. So now she can be confident that he's going to say yes. So, you know...

I think if basically it comes down to if you are a buddy who called in, if you feel confident and you feel like you don't really need to have that conversation because you feel like she might be on the same page, if you if you really, truly feel ready to be engaged to this woman, then say, you know, and you don't because you haven't you haven't cited anything specific either. He just says, I don't know, would just be a little weird. Right. Isn't that all he said?

what did the end of the question say? Yeah, he didn't have like a specific like reason that he wouldn't want her to propose to him. So if you don't, if, you know, barring something like that, and it's okay if you do feel that way, by the way, this is a very personal thing, however you feel is the way you feel, but if you don't feel that way and you feel ready for marriage and be like, yeah, I don't have a problem with it. Yeah. You know, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I mean, I guess in theory, I'd want to, I guess, you know, sounds good to me though. I kind of feel like a bitch though if...

if I didn't do it because I was like either scared or I was like kind of dragging my feet nervous and then all of a sudden now the woman in my life is going like let's fuck like not not even in a has nothing to do with like a men power higher over women it's not even that it's just I would almost feel like oh man like dude I was a bitch totally I would feel like I'm the bitch and she did it but I will tell you this gun to my head if you put a gun to my fucking head right now yeah yeah it ain't good for him

Yeah. In my opinion, because I just feel like her going, hey, is it okay? This man proposed to her and she essentially said no. Let's be clear. Well, she didn't. No, no. I'm with Paul here. It's a no. It's a no because it's a very nice no. No is we stop dating though.

No is we don't get... You know what I mean? Like, no is... I think she's a very nice... This is what I think. I think she's a very nice person that had plans to do other things in her life and loves this kid and was with the kid for two years. And then when he made it really real, she was like, I'm just not ready for that. I love him. My family loves him. I'm not ready to fucking live and be with this guy constantly. And then she goes to Spain and then she goes, would you be opposed to me doing it? Buys her a lot of time and makes him back off of it. I think...

Am I nuts? I think you're both being a little... I think you're both looking for the worst, and I'm weirdly looking for the best in the situation. And I also... You're both in committed relationships, and...

And I think what's going on here is you empathize with the guy and I'm actually empathizing with a girl. As the person who has always dodged a commitment, I can see myself freaking out when I, because I've done this before, where I have fucked up relationships where somebody wanted to date me. I got freaked out. We broke up. We tried to make it work later. And that I have fucked up relationships because too much went down in that like weird break period. Right.

But I, because I empathize with her where it's like, I could see myself being in her shoes, especially if, as a guy, you usually are the one driving the commitment thing. If you're the woman who like, somebody drops this on you in a time where you're not ready, I could see freaking out, needing a little time to think it through on my own. Yes. And,

And then coming to the realization that I fucked up, I almost fucked up this good relationship. Yeah, no, that could be. And so I want to make it up to him by not making him go through the whole... So, you know, whichever one you... Because we also have a very limited set of facts here, right? All we have is this voicemail. There's a lot of context we're missing. I wish we knew if they lived together.

Because that would be, that's a huge thing for me. For sure. And their ages, right? It is such a different question if you're in your early 20s versus late 20s or older. Like if you're 22, then I'm a little more on the, like your guy side. But if you're even in your mid to late 20s and you have a little life experience, then I'm, so anyway, we don't know enough, buddy, to our callers. So whichever one of our reads feels more real to you, go with it. But I think the ultimate question of do you have a problem with,

With a woman proposing to you, I don't think it's a big deal. I think that sounds kind of nice. One less thing you have to fucking worry about. But, you know, you have to just think... I think it's more about what you feel about the relationship. But honestly, I would love to know more. Please update... When did you call it? Scroll up a little bit. Oh, so this one's really pretty new too. Oh, Eldest is really cherry-picking the good ones. We're about to have some dog shit from the... These are all pretty recent. But anyway...

Please update us if this has happened. Listen to it. Yeah, in fact, update us after. I mean, what I'm saying, update us after you listen. Of course, that's when he's going to do it.

God, I'm fucking stupid. Update us, pal. Let us know how this goes. We're missing a little context. We'd love to talk to you. Either give us another voicemail or maybe call in during a live Patreon episode. Can I say one last thing? Sure. I want to say something to all the listeners here, and this is a serious thing. If you're dating somebody, man, I think you have to wait. If you're dating somebody and you love them and you're with them, I think two things need to happen. It made my relationship, you know, me and Stacey...

This November will be 17 years. Wow, congrats to you. Okay, and we went, you know, ups and downs, sometimes brutal. You know, after four years, it got rough. Then all of a sudden, great. You have to live with the person, I think. I think.

I think living with the person for like a year and knowing what that's like. Not, oh, we lived together for a few months. It was great. No, no, no. Yeah. Live in a small fucking apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was, when I first started to like, I didn't have a manager. I first started to feature. We lived in a 600 square foot. It was like the bathroom. I think it was like tiny. It was like tiny. And we lived there and it was fucking tough and we got through it. And we also dated for four years. Doing it sooner than that, man.

It's a fucking recipe for disaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it really, really is, man. I agree. Know the person. Be in it for years. And the last thing I'll say, know their fucking family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the one true thing is when they say you don't just date the person, the family, dude, you got to know what's coming. Yeah. You got to know what's sitting at the fucking Thanksgiving table. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I agree with that. Serious, man. I think that's true. There's a lot of shit. There's a lot of opinions in their ear. So that's all I'll say. Yeah. That's good general advice. I think that's good advice for our pal here in this predicament.

I think that's going to do it for us, though. Paul, thanks so much for being on the show. Dude, I had such a great time, man. Yeah, check out paulverzi.com for my dates. Yep, check out Paul. And leave us, we're going to actually try and make this podcast successful this year, I think. So leave us a nice review. Give us some five stars on iTunes. If you want, this is a free episode. If you want to check it out, we do a bonus episode every week on Patreon, five bucks a month. And we have, we do Kush Brothers on there where we get high and do the news once a month.

We do live calls, so people actually call in. We talk to them. We do that once a month. And we have two bonus regular episodes. And we're trying to get a little more creative. We'll probably have other interesting stuff. My brothers come on every once in a while on the Patreon. Fun stuff like that. So thanks, guys. Thanks for listening. And we'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye.