#60 - Brandon Wardell and Patrick Doran
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Welcome everybody to Stavis Road. We have an incredible episode for you. My old pal Brandon Wardell is here. Our pal Patrick Doran. I think that's how you say his name. I've never actually said his last name out loud, but he's a cute kid. Great episode. Before we do that, I want to let you know we're finishing up the Fat Rascal Tour with the two guys.

tour dates that I couldn't make because of illness. Dallas, I had a bad case of psilocybin poisoning. And Detroit and Grand Rapids, I had COVID-19. But we're doing those this weekend in Dallas, next weekend in Michigan. Make sure to grab your tickets. And of course,

Get your Stavi Baby, Stavi Baby Official 2024 calendar. It's a beauty, folks. We're selling those right now. And that's not all, okay? What I want you to do also is get ready to change up your whole meal habits, okay?

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One breakfast item per box with subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com slash StaviFree, S-T-A-V-V-Y-F-R-E-E with code StaviFree. The best deal in town, folks. Hey, Elders, play that music again. Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World, 904-800-STARV.

Call in, we'll solve all your problems. What a freaking show we have today, folks. We've got little Brandon Wardell and tiny little Patrick Doran. I don't know about the adjectives. You guys are little guys. I'm not that little. You're a tiny little guy. 5'9", average. Are you 5'9"? 5'9", baby. It's so awesome that I'm so happy. It's the most offended height, I think.

I love how my brain works because I swear you guys are shorter than me. No, no, no, no, no. In my head, I'm just, you're shorter than me. You're what, 5'8"? Yeah. Yeah. But I feel taller than you. Yeah.

You know I went I like Eldest is 6'6 JP's 6'7 Yeah I have a couple tall friends And I Like Eldest in my head Is two inches taller than me Like that's in my head That's how I feel That's how I am with My roommate Alex Yeah Alex is like 6'2 or some shit And uh

Yeah, just never think about it. You have body dysmorphia? I have positive body dysmorphia. I really do. I really do. I think I look awesome. That's a good thing to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's only when my body starts physically shutting down organs and shit where I'm like, I should probably get a little healthier. Oh, you just get the pain? Yeah, I just start getting random pains. I go on a long walk and my foot hurts from walking. I didn't run fast at all. I was on the treadmill at 2.6 pounds.

And I got off and I'm like, ah! I'm like, damn, I'm fat as shit. But I just look in that mirror. I'm like, damn, this guy's fucking cute. I saw what you were doing. You were making yourself look tall. Yeah, no, did you see the posture? Get down, little Brandon. No, I'm getting my posture right. Get down, little Brandon. No, you've just ensured an hour of incredible posture.

Whatever, dude. So we got locked in. We got you guys. You're both your hosts of the Gay Sex University podcast. That's exactly what it is. You guys just started together. We just started that this morning. I don't host that podcast. You don't? No, I don't. Are you sure? I don't want to host that. Your publicist told me you're the host of the Gay Sex University podcast. No, I don't want to host the Gay Sex University podcast. You got that email, right, Elders? Yeah.

Do you have a degree? I'm a college dropout. Oh, we all drop out? Yeah. Oh, dope. Well, I have the most credits out of everyone for sure. I have everything, but I need six language credits. That's two classes. Oh, you could bang that out easily. And I know I'm fluent in Greek. Oh, yeah. We'll go find a school around here. But I just didn't feel like doing it. We'll find a school around here that's got Greek classes. Were you like two credits away?

Six credits. Two classes, six credits. I just said that. There was like a gravity bong in the dorm room incident or something. Yeah. It was like, it's time to take your test. But wait, we just figured out how to make this rip really hard.

You better take it before your test. And then I just fucking played GameCube for an hour. No, it was like you could take a test, but there was only certain places that did it, and one of them was like New York. And at first I was like, oh, that's cool. I'll go to New York and do some open mics. And then I was like, why don't I just... I literally did. I went and bombed at the creek. And then I was like...

I'll just do this. I actually don't want to take the test. So I like, I planned the trip for the test and then I like had to email a lady and that seemed annoying. So I was like, yeah, yeah. Fuck college, dude. I don't need college. I did, I did two years, two years at community college, no associates. Mm-hmm.

And then I dropped out of VCU. Yes, I remember you moving to VCU for like one month. Yeah, I was like, I got to drop out of a real school. This has to cost my parents $4,000. Yeah, me and VCU dropouts...

Me and the guy who created 4chan both dropped out of VCU. Wow, that's awesome. It's hard to say who's done worse for the internet. Who's been more embarrassing on the internet? It's tough to say.

Damn, 4chan. How old was he? He wasn't around at the same time. We didn't cross paths. No, he was definitely way older than you, right? Yeah. Christopher Poole, baby. Oh, 1988. No, he's like four years older than me. Also known as Moot, is an American internet entrepreneur and developer. He founded the anonymous English language board 4chan. Headed until 2015, so he got out...

He got out at a good time. That does look like the guy that made that. He looks like the guy who made 4chan for sure. You were a big 4chan head, weren't you, Eldest?

I wasn't. Our buddy was. We did have a friend that did, yeah. I never really like... I was scared of it. I was kind of scared. I was scared of it, too. I used it a little bit. Yeah, because you're a little kid. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 26. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a little guy. That's why you have wisdom teeth. Oh, yeah. I feel like we didn't address that up top. You look cute. No, I was going to let... I just want people to think you're a cute little chipmunk guy. You're a cute little chipmunk hybrid. Yeah, it's just a really, really big zing. That's what I want people to think.

Yeah, I'm just really addicted to nicotine. That's awesome, dude. I have to get an extra. You look awesome. Brandon's shit is blocking it, but I love the way your cheek looks to me. Oh, dude, it's probably so big right now. Did you just get, you got your cheek today? Like this morning. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Does it hurt to speak? A little bit.

We were saying earlier this is like through the wire for a very autistic man. Absolutely. This is just as impressive. You have to podcast through half of a wisdom tooth procedure. So you ever been with a squirter? No, that's crowd work, dumbass. Fucking idiot doesn't even know when to do squirter stuff. Or if you're on the Joe Rogan experience. Yeah.

Did you ask him that? Dude, we talked about squirting for like 20 minutes. It was awesome. It was actually fucking sick. Oh, yeah.

It felt right, dude. Because once I was in, I was like, oh yeah, this is what it feels like when that one British guy is talking about the pyramids. Yeah. That's how it feels for me to talk about squirting. It's like, this is what I'm passionate about. This is the science. No joke. We looked up a Japanese... The Japanese did a study where they hired a guy to finger pop and fuck women. Oh my God. And they put blue shit in their urethras to check if it was piss or not. I don't think it's piss. Anyway, check out the Joe Rogan experience, guys. Yeah.

Let's plug that. There's that one clip. That one clip's been popping off. The squirting one? I posted that one. Oh, not the squirting. The one where it seems like you're kind of biting your tongue. What are you talking about? They're giving every immigrant a phone.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was some kind of voting rights thing. It was just, I literally just read the article and I was like, oh, yeah, that's actually not true. Right. That was it. Yeah. People think he's a dickhead, but he's just like, you just have to be like, oh, I actually don't think that. He's like, oh, okay. He's just Mr. Too Damn Curious. He is. He's a curious man. Yeah, he's just, you know. And he's strong. Oh, yeah, he's big, dude. Dude. And he's got a fucking archery range in his podcast studio. Whoa.

That's what we got to get to. That's wild. Yeah. You can put one of those in here. I think you got room. Nah, dude. You just take the wall down or something? No, no, no. Then I have to do away with Eldis' chambers. A lot of people don't know this, but Eldis just has a Murphy bed in the living room and he sleeps out there and he cooks all my meals. He does my laundry. Yeah. But, you know, we'll get there. We'll

We'll get there someday. Archery, cold plunge, sauna. Oh, yeah, the cold plunge. I thought you were going to say cold stone. My own cold stone creamery? Or just the actual stone? The thing that they fucking scoop the ice cream on? I haven't been there in years. You know what I realized? I just realized the cold stone creamery means that there's a cold stone there. Yeah, I didn't know. Because they're not the cold stone. What the fuck?

Oh, shit. Because they don't really fuck with the stone. You know what I mean? Like, there's that one type of Chinese ice cream where they, like, roll it. Or Taiwanese. Mochi? No, not mochi. That's Japanese. Yeah, that's Japanese. I was going to say. I was going to say. You're the most Asian one here. I thought you were being racist. No. It's the scraping one. The scraping one. I think it's actually Taiwanese. I'm sorry.

What is it? Can we find this out? There's a lot of, as the youngest one here, there's a lot of videos of like family guy clips with little scraping videos underneath. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I know about that. Yeah. Yeah, I know about it from being fat. You can't leave the house until you've watched like 10 of those. No, I gotta watch two hours of this every day. Oh, Thai peanut ice cream roll. Maybe it's Thai. Maybe. Maybe.

Oh, I see. But I don't think Cold Stone has one of those. Yeah. Folks, for the listener at home, we're watching a guy just kind of move around milk until it becomes ice cream. Folks at home, look up ice cream on YouTube. Oh, that's rolled ice cream. No, no, that's what it is, dickhead. Goddamn. You stupid boy. Anyway, now go to Cold Stone Creamery.

No, I don't. No, you don't fucking call the shots. I'm glad that I didn't stay home resting. Healing this wound. Yeah, let's just look at a guy. Let's just watch a guy. I came all the way here from Ridgewood, Queens to watch ice cream scoop videos. So, okay. Do they use the cold stone? Let's find this out. I'm just seeing a guy scooping. Holy fuck.

You don't have to pick a fucking show off. He's locked in. Holy crap. This is some Benihana shit. There's the stone. Oh, okay. Oh, they do have a stone. Oh, yeah, then the toppings go in on the stone. Ah, okay. All right. Well, mystery solved. Cold Stone Creamery does have a cold stone.

Hell yeah, dude. You heard it here first. I'm curious, too. It's not just Rogan. I like to get to the bottom of stuff, too. And it turns out there is a Cold Stone.

If you could have one kind of, like, insane, like, specialty, like, kitchen item, like a Cold Stone or, like, some. Coca-Cola Freestyle Machine. Great answer. In my damn house. Great answer. Imagine somebody comes over and you've got the fucking. Great answer. You've got a goddamn soda computer in your fucking house. That's fucking awesome. Huge. The problem with the Freestyle Machine, though, is that the syrup is going to run out. You will have to replace the syrup a lot. A lot. And there's a lot of different types of syrup.

It's not like you're going to have to have a maintenance guy in there. If I'm in a position where I've got a Coca-Cola freestyle machine in my home. You're going to try them every single day. I've got a Coca-Cola freestyle man helping me. Right. Then you've got a guy coming in and out. You've got a soda tester.

I like that though That's a good That's It's not You're not gonna get The most use out of it Although are you A big soda guy I like Well the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine It's got It's got Like Usually like I can only have Diet soda at a restaurant I can only have Diet Coke I'm with you As a diet soda fan So There's a lot of different Yes You get a little ginger ale You get a little root beer Yeah

Cherry ginger ale. Orange ginger ale. Lemon ginger ale. Lemon ginger ale. Any kind of ginger ale you're kind of thinking of. No, I remember like in middle school, I was just, when I was, the first time I like had access to a Coca-Cola freestyle machine, I was doing shit that didn't even taste good. Right. Oh, yeah. Just because, just, you know, for the novelty of it all. Oh, I'm going to have vanilla Sprite. Vanilla Sprite's not that bad. It's not.

Although I guess lemon and vanilla. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you do? Is that your... Chill on it. Is that your drink of choice? I mean, chill on it. I've never heard anyone defend it. You're like a huge... You're like a big soda guy. Oh, yeah. No, that's... My teeth are all fucked up. Oh, wow. Respect. Yeah. I chipped, like, back

I cracked it in college eating candy. Respect. Not chicken-like to yours. Oh, yeah. I also got a fake. This one's all reformed or whatever it's called. Beautiful. What do you mean reformed? I don't know what the word is. Do you mean it's just a fake tooth? It's half fake. Oh, interesting. I tried to use Crest White Strips and it burned. Ha ha ha ha!

Very interesting. So what would now... You wouldn't also say Coke Freestyle Machine, or would you? I don't think I would do. I think maybe... No, you're not allowed to. I guess I'm not allowed to if it's already taken. I guess that's true. Maybe like a deep fryer or something. Like a full... My dad had like a deep fryer growing up, and like...

Hell yeah. Was he fat as shit? No, he's not like fat. He's like pretty big though. Big stocky guy. And he would just eat fried shit. He had his own deep fryer. Well, yeah, he got it so that he... Because he would like... He was like, I'm going to make the perfect... I'm going to make McDonald's fries to a T. That's awesome. I'm going to make them to a T. Your dad fucking rules. That was his goal was to just get the recipe right? Oh, yeah. He would just make copycat recipes all the time. That's so sick. But then he made the mistake of teaching me how to use it. So for like all of high school...

All I ate was frozen chicken nuggets in the deep fryer. Did you get fat as shit? Oh, yeah. I was a big boy. When I was in high school, I was on Adderall, so I was pretty thin. I was rail thin, but once I stopped taking it in college, I think I was 230 pounds or something like that. I can't even imagine being 230. I'm jealous. I'm 5'9". That's true. I'm taller than you. You're right. Oh, yeah. That's true.

You got me to believe it. You got me to fucking believe it. See, dude? I'm a giant. I'm a mental giant. Wait, are you? You're also 5'9". Yeah. Okay, cool. I did just remember in high school, there was that big Sean line where he's like, I'm on HBO with my entourage. I'm 5'9", fucking 9 to 5. Yeah. Hearing that, it's like a virgin and just being like, yeah. Yeah, that's me. That's me. That's actually me.

Damn, what's Big Sean up to these days? He's still rapping. Is he? Yeah. There was an era where he was a feature on every single song. He had huge posse cuts. Big Sean, he's better than people give him credit for. Eminem featuring Big Sean adrenaline. Just search Big Sean. The Eminem imagery now that he uses for all of his music videos is so sick.

He's always in like an episode of The Walking Dead. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Big Sean, cute guy. He is. Yeah. I want to. I want to. He's a cute guy. Let's get him. Let's get him to get a fucking comeback. So you see 5'9". He seems smaller than that. No, you can get him on the show. Should we? Yeah. Oh, he says he's listed at 5'8". It says 5'8 on here. He's listed at 5'8". Oh my God. Whoa.

Yeah. You could have him on just to test his height. That's a good idea. That's a really good idea. Well, thanks for coming on. See you later. I'll just, what about you? Let's finish this kitchen gadget conversation. Lately, I have been wanting a, like, nut milk maker. Yeah. What? Is that your plan? Come on now. Yeah, I bet you want one of those. Yeah, I bet you love it. Yeah, man. Hold on, let me actually say it seriously. I bet you love nut milk. Yeah.

Fucking pussy. This guy loves drinking milk right from nuts. Fuck you. What even is a milk maker? What does that mean? Is that just a food processor?

It is, but I think these also heat it. They fucking blend it really well, and they kind of heat it overnight or something. Why don't you just buy nut milk, man? I don't know. You can make your own crazy shit. You could. Throw some dates and cashews in there. I see the vision. Oh, that sounds nice. This is in a fantasy scenario.

Or you can have any gadget. Well, you also made the rule. How much is a nut milk maker? I would pick a Coke Freestyle machine. And then it's mine. And then you have to pick another one because it's my podcast.

Yeah, it's Savi's world. We're just living in it, huh? No, it comes as no surprise to anyone that I would like... Oh, maybe a soft serve machine, actually. That's awesome. That's nice. That's awesome. I'm not actually taking yours, though, so you get to keep the coke freestyle. No, but get twisty. Get twisty. A freestyle, that's a great... Yeah. Yeah. Even have it kind of like... Yeah, and have a little cone dispenser next to it. Ooh, yeah. Oh, man, now we're cooking with gas. This comes as no surprise to anyone. I would like...

a full Korean barbecue table. Oh, yeah. You know, like just in the middle of my kid, like there's their kitchen and then like there's the there's the kitchen where the cooking happens and there's like the dining area and in between. Yeah. There's a circular. Yes. Korean barbecue with the vent. Maybe a little Korean guy to just fucking chopping the meat up.

If you're house at all times. Yeah, that's what a robot would be nice for. Because you know how fuck robots look kind of like people? I would love a Korean barbecue robot. It's like a little Korean guy. A grown man. A grown little man. A little man in a closet, charging at all times. I want some Benihana shit. A guy throwing shrimp in my mouth. Yeah. I find that to be a little too...

The Japanese show off too much. The proud Korean, that's a nice humble barbecue. You cook your own meat. You don't have a Mexican that you're pretending is from southern Japan, and that's why he's tan. You don't pretend he's from Okinawa. Actually, Eldest, I do feel like a nut milk maker is kind of a mature answer. It is a very mature answer. I've been reflecting. It sounds stupid, but it's like you could mix several types of nuts in like a single milk. Yes.

Ultimate nut milk. Is that even a thing? Look up nut milk. There, there. Oh, you've looked it up. Somebody wants a Christmas present. Look it up, Eldest. Let's see how much they cost. Maybe we'll have two birds with one stone. We do this podcast and I get your Christmas bonus gift.

We'll knock it out in one. You're like, buy with your credit card and expense it. Oh, dude. Wait, that's what it looks like. This shit costs... I think there's like... Or do you want the $1,000 one? You want the pro milk maker? Oh, the pro... That's my dick. My dick is the pro milk maker. Your dick is the Vegapunk $63 nut milk maker. Stylish bang for the buck.

Interesting. Another obvious one that I think is actually pretty attainable that I might actually get at some point in my house, pizza oven. Oh, yeah. That's definitely doable. That's just like a ninja thing, right? Like ninja makes those now? They have those crazy ones that are like 300 bucks or something. They're pricier than you would... I want a fucking breakup. In my home. I'm not kidding. With fire? Yes. Oh, my God. Apparently, those little ones are really good.

Huh? Apparently those little ones are really good. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'll buy one of those right now. We'll get that for Christmas, dude. Yeah. Keep it on the patio. Not a bad idea. Can you pull up that video of Rick Ross talking about how he's scared of almond milk? I don't know this one. Yeah, me neither. Oh, yeah. Right there. A conspiracy? Rick Ross and DJ Khaled say almond milk is a conspiracy.

Still not up on the almond milk. Oh, no, no. Rose still frightening. No, no, no. Get the almond milk. I just got up on 2% milk a couple years ago. No, no, no. Get the almond milk. Now y'all trying to conspiracy. No, no, no. And it's the question. Is it from the almond of the walnut? I don't have that answer. I don't have every answer.

I don't have the answer. You know what's interesting? Why isn't there peanut milk? These are two men with nine figures. This is a very good... You know what, though? We can't... There's got to be peanut milk. Yeah. Yeah. I've never had it. It's just not really, like, taken off. It's mostly for, like, vegan cheese and stuff. Oh, that shit sucks my dick. Oh, yeah. Let's get you a milk maker, Axialdis. I want fresh milk. I'm going to suck on your udders every morning. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll buy you a milk maker, but you have to milk yourself. You have to pour the made milk into pink udders and then squeeze them out into a bottle and drink it that way. I go to those breastfeeding practice things where you put the doll up to you. Oh, great. You can suck it out from those. No.

It's another fucking morning in this house. God damn it. Oh, yeah. It's just another day at the office. Wait, what do they call those breastfeeding pods? I think they're called breastfeeding pods. At the airports. Oh, they have like a little name. Momova or some bullshit. Momova? Breastfeeding pods at the airport. Yeah, I've seen those. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. They should make those clear. Yeah. They should make those clear. Yeah. I'm always, I'm always like, uh, I'm always fucking milfs in there all the time. Yeah. Actually all the time. I'm actually, I don't think you've ever done that. I've actually always, yeah, I'm always doing, no, keep them how they are, but keep a window where the titties are. You should be able to pay for that. You should be able to be like, look,

Look, the lactation, whatever you're paying is on me. But I need to take it. I need to take it. No, I'm outside. And the glass, and then it goes zoom. And then you see your tits. I don't want to see the baby. Get the baby out of my fucking face. It's like a small window. She should be pumping into a bottle for the baby.

I don't want to see its greedy little mouth on the tits. But then you have to watch the baby, which is the problem. I don't have to watch the baby. The baby's on its own. That's not my fucking problem. Yeah, you can just let it go. No, she keeps the baby low. She keeps the baby low. Oh, okay. I was going to say. So it requires that she... So, like, she can't actually breastfeed the baby.

So you want to make a milking station, basically? Yeah. So you want this in your kitchen? Yeah. This is my answer. It's a Mamba lactation pod that I can make the titty section clear. You just have like an older woman over and it's like, no. Yeah, no, no, she's got to be hot. Oh, you think we should have her as like the best milk doula?

There's a lot of ideas, man. But yeah, we got the MAMAVA in there. Have you guys got targeted with breastfeeding on Instagram? No. I really like that you asked that question. Oh, wait, wait. You mean like on Reels?

Dude, like, yeah, like, breastfeeding influencers. Yes. It's fucking awesome. No, no, I have gotten... Is it an algorithm thing, though? Yes, because my algorithm will be... They'll show me anything with tits. So, like... Oh, got it, got it. So, it started... The first thing that was, like, non-explicitly, like, sexual, like, hot girls was, like...

There's like a couple girls who are like, they're all Australian for whatever reason. It's like, we're doing fashion for fuller busts. And it's like four bitches with big titties to be able to know what to wear. And she'll just put on, it's pretty supportive. And then I'm just like...

The camera on your phone is tracking your eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's watched it for like this long. I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, that's cool. I'm going to tell my friends with big taste to buy that bikini. But then it'll be breastfeeding. And then at first it's like legit breastfeeding. And then it's like...

some lady that just has like... It's like on some android. It's grainy. And it's like this kid is like sucking on her tit and her other tit is just hanging out. And she's got like a full face of makeup on. You're like, oh no. This is like... They're circumventing like...

The pornography rules by having a kid sucking on her tits. So it's allowed on Instagram? It is allowed on Instagram. And then she just has her other breasts. Her other tit is usually out. I feel like such a dork because all my stuff is like guitar stuff. I've never seen any of this stuff. Dude, you're a fucking loser. They show me every type of fat tit there is. I don't see them, dude. I'm seeing like old men with ponytails. Shredding. This year, FB.

Epiphone is releasing a new Les Paul.

I'm like, oh, whoa. That's fucking awesome. I wonder what it looks like. I wonder if it's purple or something. So you're getting breastfeeding ads? Not ads. I haven't in a while. Not ads, but you know, you're just like scrolling Discovery on fucking Instagram. And you'll see those are like the little suggested page sometimes. My Instagram is always like, usually the algorithm knows me really well. Guys kissing? No. Thank you, Patrick.

It's all a bunch of guys kissing. No, I do get... I do occasionally get ads, though, that are like, not guys kissing. How to turn your parents' basement into a livable area for a 30-year-old man. It's all like... I'll get like a...

I will get like, hey, were you like sexually molested at a church between the ages of da-da-da, da-da, you know? And I'm like, I don't think I was. You have the habits of a molested man. Yeah, I've been getting those ads enough that I'm like, I don't know. Was I?

Well, you grew up on like, when you were young, you guys were like, were you on bases? Were you on military bases? Yeah, I was on it. So it's like simulation towns. They do molest on bases. I did not get molested. We talked about this before. We talked about this. Well, you brought it up. To be fair, you're the one who brought up that everyone thinks you got molested. No, the algorithm thinks you got molested. I didn't get molested, guys. Okay.

Are you sure? Does it cry for help? It's okay.

Patrick, did you ever get molested? No. Really? No. Well, that changes today. When I first met you, that's what you were saying. You were saying, I'm going to be the first. Oh, yeah. Well, I was thinking, yes. Because when I first met you. You were saying you were going to molest me. Well, what I was thinking was, it's not enough to make, like, women need to feel safer in comedy. They get, you know, they get sexually harassed all the time. It's not enough to just stop doing that to women. We have to start doing it to young men.

So that way, the next generation of women, they have the leg up on them the way old generations of men. So the young men need to be the molested ones. And even though I'm straight... You said that you were going to pick me to be the first one. And I think it was you because you have a cute little chipmunk mouth. That's kind of what I was saying at the time. And to be clear, I don't want to molest anyone. I'm not attracted to you in any way, shape, or form. This is more because I am a feminist and I feel like...

If I make you jack my dick for a little bit on like when we're like on the road in Connecticut or something. Like I book a one nighter that's way beneath me just to like take you to a shitty hotel and make you suck my dick in the fucking at a double tree. Yeah. Like a pizza place. Yeah. Yeah. It's your big break kid. Come on. Get up there, Pat.

audience of like three people i'm just i'm like massage you i'm like give him hell kid yeah i really you have a lot why don't you come back to my room after this we'll go over some pointers on your act i don't even know if this is a comedy club it's like three guys in here and we just fucking you come in i'm in a robe my dick is out i'm like oh sorry but i'm looking at you the whole time i'm smiling you started you started young so like what's like

What's like the closest you got to getting molested in comedy? You started young and you looked like a child. Yeah. So you're the one, again, you keep saying, hey, we talked about this last time. You keep setting me up to point it back to you about getting molested. Yeah. So just tell me this, Brandon. Who was it that molested you in comedy? Oh, we got it. See? There's an answer. See? No, it wasn't me.

There was an attempt. There was like an attempt. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Well, no, it's like, look, there was, I do feel, I do feel as though I was pursued a couple times. You were groomed. I was like, there was an attempt at grooming. Yeah. But it's like, it's,

It's funny to be like a pedophile with no braids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a char... Totally. Not charming enough. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. Oh, never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I please? No, I wasn't... There was like an older comic who I remember when I was... I had just started. He, um... Like...

He found me in a vulnerable time. Yeah. Doug Benson. He smoked him up. He smoked him up. Brandon sucked his dick. I was greened out. I was greened out. He looked at you. He's like, you want to get some Doug? Yeah. Getting Doug'd by molested. Okay.

Getting dug by molested. Brandon was the first and only guest on that show. There wasn't a camera. We're rehearsing, Brandon. I thought this was for Josh. I thought I was going to be on Josh. Yeah, dude. That's a shame, dude. No, there was... I do remember when I...

I met... There was, like, an older comic when I was, like, 17. Oh, yeah. I remember this. Yeah, I think I told you this story. I remember this, actually. Like, I had just, like, bombed, like, a callback for Just for Laughs, and I was, like, really upset about it. And then this older comic, like, pops up, and he's like...

I loved it, personally. And then he's like... He's talking me up and he pulls out his phone, pulls up a video of himself on Johnny Carson. Oh, wow! Pulls up a video of himself on Johnny Carson. And he's like, hey, like...

Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Check this out while I'm gone. And then, like, comes back from the bathroom. He's like, so what were your favorite parts? Oh, my God. Yeah. And then I saw him, like, do material from that set. Holy shit. Like,

That's crazy. That next day after you spent the night in his hotel. At a brunch show that he took you to after you guys shared a fucking suite in Midtown. We talked about this. It is crazy. I really like... I skated. I got lucky. Yeah. I got lucky. There was an Andy Dick incident. Yeah, of course. An Andy Dick incident that was not... But I was like...

The thing, I was barely legal. Right, right, right, right, right. But there was, like... I do feel like Andy Dick did want to fuck. Totally. But, like, he just wants to fuck, you know? Sure, the man wants to fuck. That was actually the funniest... He had, like, the funniest response ever.

to a Me Too. He was just like, yeah, I probably did do that. He's like, yeah, look. Look, I'm lonely. I was drunk. I wanted to fuck. I'm a gay man. Gay guys get to do that. That's how we behave and 90% of gay guys are cool with it. Have you seen that video of him? He's calling into a podcast and he's just got his shit rocked.

Oh, wow, really? He's just, like, battered and bruised. And the lady's like, what happened to you? Oh, no, I did see that. That's a really depressing one. She's like, what do the guys look like? And he went, gangsters. Oh, no. Wait, he called into a podcast with his shit beat up? That's the most racist response he could have gotten. Gang. He really hit the N in gangsters. He was like, gangsters. Yeah.

If you catch my drift. Gangster's hard-on. Yeah, yeah. No, I never saw that one. Did you ever see that it was like Muppets in Space or whatever, and there's that puppet that's green with yellow hair? Do you remember this one? I don't remember him off the top of my head. I thought that was Andy Dick when I was a child. He's in one scene, he's like a doctor. Oh, interesting. And I thought that was him as a puppet. Dude, I don't remember Muppets in Space.

I was a big Muppets head, but I don't remember Muppets in space. Oh, I was gay. Bleep that out. I'm just really, really, really gay. I'm just really, really, really gay. Eldest, in the edit, let's make Patrick be saying, I'm really, really, really, and then gay. Okay, just put that in. Hold on. Give me a clean. Patrick, say gay. Gay.

Brandon, you too? Gay? Perfect. Thank you. We'll take it from here, guys. Can I do another take? Yeah, you can do one more. I felt like it was a gay question mark. Good point. Everybody quiet. Go ahead, Brandon. Look, I'm an actor. Yeah, I know, dude. Gay. Perfect. I thought you were going to take it in a different direction. I thought you were going to go like...

We just don't keep anything else.

I love it, man. We're really going to this year, because as we all know, it's 2024. This year on the podcast, we're really going to push the limits, Eldis. We're going to become a multimedia experience. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's when this comes out, 2024? Yeah, well, it is 2024, Patrick. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was 2024. This year's awesome. What a year it's been. The Palestine solved. It's a Tuesday solution. What else has happened? The Ravens have won or are about to win the Super Bowl. Yeah, everything's going good.

I'm still alive. I mean, those are both still alive. We weren't caught having gay sex and ritualistically murder-suicide at each other rather than fate. We think about that all the time. We're like, imagine it. Like, there'd be no way

Like, if Eldest's wife found out we were gay, there's no way to go around that. That's like the most... So you would murder-suicide? Yeah, I think so. I mean, we're not. You guys are. We covered that earlier. You two, right, Eldest? Remember when they said they were gay earlier? Yeah. But me and him are straight, but it would be interesting. You know, like, if you were gay with the other guys on your podcast, that would be weird. Huh? We already are. Yeah. Yeah.

Everybody's straight on the pod, though, right? I think so. I don't know. I don't know what Caleb's up to. Thank God.

Thank God. He could be on the DL. He's been taking me to the gym a lot. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Are you trying to get swole, dude? Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah, I don't know why I started, but I just started doing it. You going to get strong? Oh, I'm going to get fucking gigantic. That's awesome. Have you seen this guy, Sam Sulek? Yeah, he's gigantic. He's huge. Oh, yeah. I'm going to look like that. You going to do roids? Oh, absolutely. That's awesome. The 21-year-old that's gigantic. Is that the guy that's like...

He's got that crazy hair and shit. Yeah. Really long hair. Drinking milk? Yeah, I think so. He's like drinking a lot of milk. He's jacked. He's a piece of ass. Oh, yeah. He looks like an anime guy. Yeah, he's sick, dude. He is so sick. I don't know if I'm thinking of the wrong guy. Sam Sulek is this guy. Oh, I don't know him. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That's a fucking awesome body. Dude.

That's kind of how I would look if I did a couple push-ups. Yeah. Steve, we got to get you in the gym with us. Dude, me and Sam. No, I'm working out with Sam Sulek. Yeah. Dude, his titties look like real titties. I know. It's so amazing. And I do think he's on a wild amount of steroids. Oh, yeah. Well, if you're on steroids, you get those little fucking acne bumps. Yeah, I feel like he has crazy acne on this face. He's got steroid voice, too. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, good for him, though. Oh, yeah. Respect. Your dick probably doesn't even really work. No, that's the thing. It's, you know, you don't need it anymore. I can't get there, man. I can't get so jacked. The whole point of getting in better shape would be to, even though I don't need to get less fat to get pussy, but the whole point would be to just be a fuck machine. You only do cardio? Maybe. No, I want to get strong because that's, you know.

Throw these whores around a little bit, you know what I'm saying? But, yeah, I can't believe people get that big and their nuts don't work. Yeah. That's wild, man. Not for me. I would not trade my nuts for anything, to be honest with you.

I could trade it for something. Maybe some magic beans or something. Would you need a guarantee that the magic beans work? Oh, yeah. No, I got to go up the bean stock. You got to go up the bean stock first. Or you just know. I know it's magic. I know that it's going to work. It's an honorable witch or whoever sold you the beans for the nuts. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Would you trade it for a Coca-Cola free salad machine?

What about one nut for Coca-Cola? One nut for a Coca-Cola Freestyle machine is a really good deal. It really is. You're going to spend money on syrup for the rest of your life, but that's fine. I hate nuts.

Huh? I just like hate. You hate your nuts? No. Yep. Come on. Let's fucking go. Let's say it louder for the people in the back. Let's go. No, I just like hate hat. It's like we don't need them. You don't need nuts? We need them, but like I wish we would prefer they were inside your body. I wish we just. I would actually. Sounds like a man who's ashamed of his nuts. I wish it was just. I wish it was just all. I wish like none of us had nuts.

I wish it was just inside. Yeah, I do think it's a shame. And I don't like them touched. Are they too small? You're nuts touched. Even by a woman. I don't know about gargled, but a little play with them a little bit. Maybe, you know, just like cradled. Maybe a little. Not a suck. They don't need to. When girls like really suck, it's like, why do you think that would feel good? No, I know. But give me a little lick. Some people like that. I don't know, though.

I will say no. Trial and error. I just, I'm kind of where I'm at on it. You're in your 30s. You haven't learned not to suck nuts? Let's just leave them out of it. The nut pain is like such a specific thing. It's not like pinching your dick where you could like kind of, you know, kind of pinch your dick a little and it wouldn't hurt. But it would like hurt applying like even a little pressure. That's true. On your nuts. That is true. So how are women supposed to know that? That's all I'm saying.

If it's been this long... Because the thing is, it's happened to me where it's like somebody's really talked up their head-giving ability. And to me, it's like, well, you're a fraud if you're sucking nuts this hard. Or you've been with nothing but guys that like pain. And myself, I'm not a... Or they're trying to steal them. They might be trying to steal my nuts. Suck them out before I even realize. Run away.

Running out of your house. Pranked and gone sexual. But that's interesting, Brandon. You prefer the neatness of just a cock, no nuts. Or just like...

It is strange that an organ is outside your body. It is... Now that you say it, it is interesting. No, they're way too sensitive. They're way too fragile. I don't really... Yeah, I don't like getting them played with. You know why it is? Literally, I remember... This is one of the only things I remember from sixth grade biology. I'm not even kidding. Is that...

The optimal temperature for making sperm is 96 degrees or something. And our bodies run at like 97 point whatever, nine. And so somebody like freaks, I don't remember what it is, but there must have been like some freak monkey that had his nuts just outside and he got healthier jizz. Or just like somebody who was like born with a fucking deformed nuts. Maybe that's why you got to sun your like your taint.

To warm them up. Yeah. See, 93.2 degrees to make jizz. And our bodies run at 98.6.

Pretty interesting stuff, huh, guys? That's interesting. So what's the... Yeah, what's the... I don't know. Anyway, I like... What do we do with this information? Well, my point is I like the nuts. I think they're fun. I like, you know, I like having a little extra something there. I'm definitely proud of mine. I've said it before. I have large nuts. I have a little penis, large nuts. And I'm keeping that. It's the only way to be. Only way to be. Mm-hmm.

Only way to be a nice fat sack and a little ass prick. I don't like them getting fucked with when I'm fucking because it's like they're too ticklish or something. I don't like giggling while I'm fucking. I feel fucked up. Yeah, but a nice little fucking right on the edge of ticklish. A nice little reach back on your nuts. That feels good. But that's like full teeheehee. Yeah, there's no way.

There's no way to get your nuts touched without it being funny. There's a couple ways. Even when you get them sucked on, it's funny. Not sucked on, but... It's like you're sucking nutsack right now. Yeah, but cock...

Patrick can't get head without cracking up. You're sucking my cock right now. Whoa, you gay. Boys, we know you're gay.

That's really what you're doing with me. My gay doll's going off because now a gay guy's sucking me off. Yep, yep. No, I'll take the nuts. I disagree, Brandon. But that makes sense. I wish mine were too big.

You wish you had like a tumor? What are you saying? Bro, I wish I had a tumor on them things. You could probably get, you know that guy that put like, you got to inject saline. You could get saline in your nuts probably. Oh yeah, there's a dude who does that. Really? I've seen there's like a guy who puts saline in his nuts but also put them in a vacuum seal. Oh wow. So that they get like, it looks like a basketball. It's fucking crazy.

His name is BK Bulge. Shout out. What is it? BK Bulge? BK Bulge. Based in Brooklyn. Really? Oh, he's Brooklyn fat nuts. Gigantic nuts. Little dick. Oh, interesting. My mission is to get my balls as big as possible. This is just underwear. I think he's on X.

He's posting on X. Yeah, there it is. BK Bulge. Oh, yeah. I mean, this is going to be demagnetized for sure. Oh, yeah. I mean, just look at this. We're not going to show this, but yeah, that's crazy. So he's making his balls big or his dick big as well? I think both of them are getting very big with saline. Oh, interesting. But it's...

Too big. He hasn't posted in a little bit. Watching you boys grow got me hornied up for size, so I threw three liters, 5% in. Oh, wait. Oh, are these just as most popular? Oh, my God. Jesus, fuck. What the fuck?

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. The thing is, it's kind of like an optical illusion. You can't tell what the dick is. I see the dick, though. It's that little part in the top. Your eyes went straight to it, huh? Yeah, I guess so. He kind of made his dick a clit. Yeah. And his balls are like big fat pussy lips. Very interesting. BK Bulge, huh? Oh, yeah. Damn. Huh.

Well, good for him. Yeah. That's crazy. You know what it is? He set out, he had a goal, and he achieved it. Yeah. And he's still going. It's like... His balls in the under... It looks like... It's shaped like one of the characters on the PJs. Absolutely. It's like...

I love BK Bulge. Yeah. My thing is, my, my, my, my question is like, I'm glad I got you good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a great show. There it is. Doesn't get enough credit, honestly. Eddie Murphy. One season. Two seasons. I don't know how much it was. It was really fucking funny. It was a great show. Anyway, what the fuck were we talking about? When you have big ass nuts like that, can you get a nut off?

I don't even know if he gets an O. Probably not. Maybe not. Does he get fucked in his ass and the guy like... Maybe. Dribbles his nuts? Like bongos? Yeah. That could be his thing. I don't really know. I've only seen a couple photos and videos. You've never seen him getting his ass fucked? No. I think you've got to pay for it. I think you've got to pay to see that.

Money's a little tight around the house right now. Hey, I'm getting Elvis and not Milkmaker for Christmas. I know what I'm getting you for Christmas. A custom video. He's saying your name. He's got your name written on his balls. That would be awesome, actually. He just draws a little face on it and just runs around. Very, very interesting. You boys, you look a little hungry.

I bet what you'd like. You know what these guys would like, Eldest? They'd like some farm-fresh ingredients brought right to their door with easy recipes. Folks...

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but I'm also kind of, you know, we're podcasting, we're busy over here. I don't have time to go to the grocery store every day. So we're trying out HelloFresh. They signed on as a sponsor just as I was trying to cook my own meals. It was beautiful. It was kismet. And I love, I love their, I love the packages they send. Everyone's trying to change. I'm trying to eat a little healthier. We're all trying to eat a little healthier here at the beginning of the year. And, uh,

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It takes like less than a half hour, even if you're a slow cook like myself. And you decide exactly what you want on the website. You pick it. I was hankering for a little pasta. Okay, had a little. And they got healthier versions of it too. You get chicken sausage in there. It was truly delicious. Everything comes just right. Even the little shit, even the like, you know, the garnishes, the oils where you don't want to go buy a big ass thing.

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Well, why don't we get to some fucking questions? I mean, I'd love to talk about BK Bulge all day, but I'd love to get to some questions here, really solve some people's problems. You couldn't see this coming, man? We were looking at the PJs. We got to keep them on the screen for like a little bit longer. Just to let everyone know about the PJs. Of course. The PJs, the projects. All right.

Biggie.

And, you know, I heard him talking about, like, you know, you sprinkle a little... Sure. A little Coke in the blunt. And, you know, he didn't... Snorting feels evil when you're, like, you were just a teenager. You know what I mean? Snorting something, and I kind of want to try it. I was a big fucking stoner at the time.

And so, you know, like twice, put a little bit of coke in the J, smoking up burns weird, but like nice high, get the energy and the euphoria of weed. And I did that like twice. I've just been snoring it since. Whenever I bring this up to somebody...

You know, this happens every few, you know, six months or whatever. Why? Somebody in the fucking group is always like, "Oh dude, that's crack. Uh, you've been smoking crack. So Stavi, please help me. 'Cause I'm tired of this shit." What? Have I done crack? No, man. No. 'Cause I don't do it anymore. I did it a handful of times.

*laughs*

Yeah. No, I know. Exposition's like, yeah, buddy, you are fucking smoking crack. What the fuck? That sucks. What you should do is just tell everybody that you are. Also, why does it come up every six months? Yeah. No one asked you, hey, is anybody ever sprinkled weed on their blunts? No. You're bringing it up. I can tell that this guy's bringing this shit up unprompted. For sure. And he wants people to think he's cool.

Yeah. And it's not, I mean, whatever. It's not, I mean, it's just neutral. It's a neutral piece of, you know, of information. That's great. You guys ever smoke cocaine? No. I've never done that either. Oh, a cocaine-laced blunt? Yes.

I think I did this once. I don't think I... Have we ever, like, been laced with anything? That's completely different. Yeah, my lungs bled. I drank that smoothie from Earl Sweatshirt. One time we crushed a perk in a weed bowl. That was pretty fucking sick, yeah. Crushing pills in weed, that was awesome. I guess I've, like, smoked weed in the...

Hey, Stavi, what's up, man?

What? Pause this, man. You're trying to yada yada. Basically brothers. Basically brothers.

And I fucked his fiance, not his girlfriend, his fiance. Yeah. That's crazy. I had sex with the woman that he loves that he was about to marry. Blah, blah, blah. Get over it. Fuck.

That's crazy. I fucked my best friend's fiance, tomato, tomato. I don't know what it is. All right. To not just be like, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm a piece of shit. To be like, yeah, you know, the whole rigamarole. He said the whole rigamarole. What rigamarole, man? I don't know that rigamarole. That is crazy.

That is not rigmarole. That is a couple rungs above rigmarole. That's great. You cannot try and rigmarole that. All right, let's see what this man has to say for himself. Now, we had plans of making music together. Oh, my God. This is crazy. We had plans of making music together at some point in time. Way back in the day, we were coming up with a...

rap collective name. Oh my fucking God. I was throwing some dumb ones out there. I'm not going to try and be funny on your show. Most of them not. But we landed on one that was just fantastic. Just fire. I'm sure it was. When I say we, I mean he. He's going to make this short too. And

Present day, I'm still in that same... You know, I'm going to be doing my thing. It's music time, and I'm doing it with another guy. Pause. Oh, yeah. And I just don't know what you think... He got there before I could. ...about using that name still. Because, like, technically...

It doesn't belong to me, but, like, I was the only one who ever took it serious enough to try and push things with it. You know, I got, like, logos made, branding, like, you know, I got some stuff done. This is awesome. I made condoms designed at one point. But this is all me, man. But technically, I didn't come up with it, you know? I still want to use it, though. Do I need to, like, hit him up and be like, hey, man, I need your blessings, even though you fucking need it? What? Take it and run, or do I not use it at all? Like,

A little bit of input would be great. This is awesome. Thank you, Bobby. Thank you, Aldis, and thank you, guest. This is the punishment this guy has for like... I mean, look, let me just tell you something. You're never going to have a career in music. It's just not... Under no circumstances are you going to be successful. So this is going to be a novelty rap duo?

And it's now become a solo novelty rap. He's got a new, he's got a different partner. But this is the most, this is the behavior of the type of person that will, I have never heard more clear example of never going to make it behavior in my life. You had merch made before you had a single fucking song. Even if you were, by the way, even if you were the best rapper, whatever, you're like some fucking regular ass white guy in God knows where. I don't know what that area code is, but

Even if you took it seriously, you're probably not going to make it. I mean, look, man, you can never... The idea that you think this name might be what... It's fire. I'd love to hear the name. I would love to hear the logo, too. No, the fact that he won't say what the name is. Well, he doesn't want anyone to steal it. Exactly. Before he's been able to have a summit with the man who he betrayed for permission. Right.

Dude, imagine being this guy who's starting his life over. You're in a good relationship. You're like, and then you see this guy. And it's not like an insanely heartfelt apology. It's not like, I miss you, man. I'm a piece of shit. You're like, anything I can do for you, whatever. It's like, hey, man, I just, you know, we got a fresh. I know this is tough. I know this is hard for you to hear. But me and Mark are going to be the retard boys from now on.

And we've got a whole shipment of glow-in-the-dark butt plugs that say retard boys on them, and we're really going to need your blessing. I would just feel, you know me, I'm a moral guy. Right.

I couldn't even imagine betraying you in any way by stealing something that you held dear, like the name of our shitty rap group. One of the things that he mentioned is he was like, he's making con, so it's like, the guy, he fucks the guy's wife.

wife or future wife, his fiance. And he's like, hey, you know that idea you had? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna put that on a condom. I know, dude. That's crazy. This is all so bad. This is so fucking stupid. And I'm sorry if it feels like we're being harsh to you. It's just...

You know, you're a piece of shit for fucking your best friend's fiance. And this is such a hilarious worry to have. You need to call back and freestyle into the phone, though. Yeah. We need to hear. Listen, I might eat crow. I might eat crow. All I need to know. We need to hear what this sounds like. I just need to know the name of the thing, man. Just text us. You don't even have to call back. You're going to be like the guy who, the new additions manager to him. Yeah. I was stealing. I caught this. Yeah.

When he was talking about fucking his friend's fiance I thought where that question was gonna go How do I mend this relationship But it's just Oh I already made the merch I got all these boxes of merch I gotta sell this fucking shit Oh my god This is fucking awesome What a fucking idiot So yeah dude If I were you Right

I would absolutely not use the name he came up with just out of like really covering the... Like, you're a piece of shit. You know that, right? You fucked his fiancée.

I would never speak to him again, and I would steer clear of anything that I would even consider could possibly hurt his feelings, even by accident. Now, this guy, hopefully, I was going to say he's probably not as big an idiot as you, but he might be, let's be honest. So this might hurt his feelings. It's funny to think of that, somebody being that stupid, that it's like, all right, man, fucking my fiance was one thing, but you took the name, dude?

That was something we made together. Dude, we were the super meat squadron. We were Meatwad's holy order. And it's like... They're all wearing armor, but it's Meatwad's in armor. Um...

Okay, whatever, dude. Yeah, I could tell you I would not do the name, whatever, whatever. I would definitely not ask him permission. That's correct. Of all the things you should have run by him. Yeah. Maybe this isn't the one, buddy. Don't make contact with him. If I were you, I wouldn't use the name. I would use something else. And I've got good news for you. It's a bad name.

I know you think it's the difference between success and failure. It's not just pick something equally as stupid that you think is awesome. But yeah, whatever. Next question, Elders.

Hi, Sav. Big fan of yours. Just saw you at Beacon Theater and love the podcast. I have a situation with a guy that I met two years ago that kind of faded away. He kind of ghosted me, I guess. Just kind of disappeared. I felt really bad about it and deleted his number so I could just move on. And then two years later, a couple months ago, he contacted me

Saying he misses me. That's crazy. And I was so crazy about him back then that I agreed to kind of start seeing him again. What are you doing? And it's only been a couple of months. What are you doing? And he's hung out a few times and it's been great. But I am feeling very insecure about it. He hasn't responded to a text that I sent him four days ago about missing him and wanting to see him.

So I'm thinking this is still kind of how he operates, and I shouldn't be surprised that he hasn't changed in two years. I'm okay with that. I accept that he's definitely not right for me, but my question is, should I reach out again and try to address that he's ignored? No.

or should I just let it go like I did last time and delete his number and also block him I just don't know how to kind of close the book on this situation because it doesn't look good and it just makes me feel super sad and unwanted and I just want to get over him for good please help thanks yeah I mean this sucks and it's like yes you know what it is this guy's a fucking idiot and

I'm it's like it's the you're learning the hard way. Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Shit. But we've all been there. You get a nice piece of dick, nice piece of pussy pie. They hit you up out of the blue, even though they broke your heart. You're going to go in for another taste for old time's sake. And then you're right back where you were. Right. So it's fine. We've all everyone's guilty of it. I'm sure on the panel here. Yeah.

So you just have to, I don't know, maybe you are, maybe not. I don't know. You don't know? Yeah, you fuck like two girls, right? Yeah.

You're, like, engaged in your high school sweet. Right now you're married and you have a high school. I'm not married. I know, I know. I'm kidding. You got out of high school. I thought you were confusing us all together. No, no, no. No. Is one of the other motherfuckers married? Yeah, Caleb's married. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Brandon, how about you? It's funnier to think about you with a broken heart than Patrick. He's a good guy. Has anybody ever finessed your little bitch ass? Yeah, yeah. What'd they do? Did they ghost you and leave you? No, it was more like, you know, sort of, it's a lot of, I've never had a clean break. Mm.

There's a lot of syndication. Sure. Bring them back. Yeah. Bring them back. A lot of reboots in the past. But, yeah, no, I've had my heart broken. You got to just know not to engage. Yeah. You got to move on. This guy, like, completely, you know, he was just going through the old Rolodex. And he was like, hmm. Yeah.

Things are kind of dry. Who fucked me within the last presidential term? And then he's like, oh, yeah, this girl. Fuck, that was kind of cool. Why did we stop talking? And then he sees that he ghosted you, doesn't give a fuck. And then just is like, you're the best. Oh, man, sorry. I've been busy for two years. This guy sounds, yeah, very...

Callous and cruel and you don't want to get burned again. A bad guy. So don't touch the stove. Don't touch the stove, baby girl. Don't touch the stove, baby. Yeah. You know what you need to do, unfortunately. You were on the right path before. You only faltered and it's human nature. You faltered when he came crawling back.

Just don't. You got to block him. You got to let him. And yeah, it's okay if you feel a little preemptive, right? Like maybe he's still, you know, maybe he's not going full ghost yet. Just don't give him the opportunity. You should just be done with him and, you know, block him and stick to it. That's the hard part, right? I know what I need to do. I need to eat healthy, but hey, I'm going to do it.

There's fucking Ben and Jerry's right around the corner. Okay, I get high, I go on a little stroll. No, but there's pints of it. Well, I got excited. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that to you, man. My bad. So you just have to stick to it and, you know, that's really all there is to it. We all know unfortunate situations like this. And he will probably tempt you again. So it's just more about keeping your, you know,

Keeping your willpower strong, but it's a hard one, but we believe in you. Hi, Savi. Um,

So I have a coworker who I've known personally for about 10 years. He got me into this job in social work, which I am very grateful about. I've always wanted to break into the social work industry. It's always something I've been kind of good at despite not having a degree. And now that I've been here a couple months, it turns out I am pretty good at it. I'm good at mitigating clients. I'm good at finding solutions to problems.

weird, unruly issues that we have with clients. And the guy who got me this job, who I've known for 10 years, turns out he's not great at most things that are work-related. There's times where I'll have to lean on him for things because he is technically the senior employee. For example, I'll have to have him print out a bunch of paperwork or I'll be on the phone with a client. And because he is a dumbass...

Sometimes he'll sneak in little pranks. Like, he'll print out the pages that I need, but every other page will just say Deez nuts on it. Like, classic stuff. No way. Is this real? Objectively funny stuff. He'll also, like, sing, I don't know.

The Rick Hole song while I'm on the phone. That's not as good as Deez Nuts on every page, but... Sorry, man. I just love that song. The problem is I work in emergency client services for people who have HIV predominantly. Oh, my God. Clients are usually getting evicted. Oh, my God. All right, pause this. I've actually changed my mind. This guy rules. This guy's amazing. This guy fucking rocks.

Yeah, no, you have like the best co-worker in the world. You should get him a raise. You should get him like a promotion. He should be in charge of the company.

What are you complaining about? So I was like, please, the police are trying to kick me out. I'm just trying to finish my last course of chemo. And he's like, hey, what do you think of this? And he shows you his phone. It's his penis. And he's just like, it's a smiley face drawn on his penis. Oh, no. Like five years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look at this picture of my sister's niece. He's living back with the trillions of Rickrolling people. Yeah.

He's really into Rick Rowley? Oh, guys, have you seen this? Peanut butter jelly. What's this guy on about? Deez Nights is awesome. All right, so let's finish up the question here. Goatsy. Client services for people who have HIV predominantly. Clients are usually getting evicted. Their utilities are about to get shut off. So even though...

this dumb motherfucker is making pretty fucking dope jokes. Um, it's not the time or place most of the time. So how do I mediate and like confront my coworker about not, uh,

Going, uh? When I'm on a call with my client, I have to handle it. Or, you know, how do I tell him to not print out pages that say he's nuts when I'm about to hand a client a rental application form to, like, help them, like...

Anyway, yeah. So I work with a straight boy at an LGBTQ clinic, obviously. You know, it's HIV, LGBTQ care. And so how do I rope this straight boy into, like, reading the room? Anyway, that's all. Watching you for a couple years. Love you. Bye. Interesting. Yeah. One thing right off the top of my head, give him AIDS. There it is. He wants to laugh about it. Yeah.

Get this guy, get a fucking dirty needle. Yes. Prick this fucking guy and be like, oh, what? I thought it's a good laughing time. I thought we're all laughing. Oh,

I thought that would be the all. We're doing jokes. There's a fucking joke. And then put in the hobo blood right into him. And then that'll fucking teach him. It's crazy that your co-worker is like 16 years old and you're superior. I know, I know. Yeah, this is right. That's some shit that a 16-year-old would do. We are so fucked. This is social work. I know. These are the people that are helping the most vulnerable people. And it's like a dumbass like this.

That you know is so bad at his job He's probably got such a good heart though He could or he could just not be able to get a job anywhere else He's just trying to make them laugh you know Yeah yeah yeah He's patch at him He's doing yeah He's patch at us for homeless gay guys Yeah She does She's like sympathetic towards him No that's why she's cool Let me be clear He's fucking based Yeah yeah yeah It's like look The bits are good No one's got a problem with the bits Yeah

Yeah, she said pretty fucking dope jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see it being funny, right? She's cool. This person's cool. She's a member of Stavi's World. She's a part of the Stavi's World family. She's been listening for years. She's cool. I would just say...

Rick Roll song. Rick Roll in 2023. Very, very powerful move. 2024 Rick Roll. He's just singing it too. He's not even pulling it out. This guy's awesome. Who is he singing? You know how fun it would have been to watch Anchorman with this guy seven years ago? Watch Anchorman with this guy in college. His mind would be like, what the fuck? Shit.

Like the fuck, dude. I would love to share a vault soda with him. Yeah. So, I mean, look, you just got to talk. I mean, he's clearly a dumbass, but he probably is. He is like, at the end of the day, he's still in social work, even if he's just a fuck, he's stupid and bad at his job. He's got a good heart, whatever. And you could just be like,

This also seems like the kind of guy that's just like probably rolls with things pretty good. And you have to be like, hey, man, these and honestly telling him the jokes are good is going to go a long way. Right. Yeah. No, he wants to feel funny. He just wants to be funny. It's really like these are good jokes. It's hilarious. But yeah, can we keep it to the more or like can we keep it to lunch? Can we keep it to whatever? Like, yeah, this is pretty stressful. I'm really dealing with a lot like.

Let's keep that till after the fact. Because it also seems like she's pretty... She's friends with him, right? Didn't he get her the job? Like, it's your friend. You'd be like, hey, can we fuck around after work? Can you just send me text messages? Yeah, can you send... Yeah, exactly. It's like... That's fun. That's all I say. It's like, you're... Like, it's... This is like a classic... This is like a... Just say it, man. Yeah.

Brand down. Lower your mic. I'll just try to be clandestine about it. But you always pick funny times to do it, too. There's never a good time. There's talking all the way through. I don't know, man. Fuck you.

Whatever. You know when is the good time? The in-between. But I guess you're doing stuff in the in-between. He's like, he feels like, this feels like a guy who's sending the like COVID big penis guy. Oh, absolutely. Hey, look. Again, good stuff. The first time that happened to me, I was like, that's fucking awesome. The first time. That's good, man. But when somebody sent it to you 10 days after it went around, you're like, shut up. Enough of this already. Yeah.

I've seen it. It's funny. His penis is big. Stop. I'm salivating every time you send this to me. Try to get work done. I saved the image to my phone. Yes, it's my wallpaper. Yeah, but good luck. This literally is a classic just have a conversation with the person. You're already friends with him. He probably on some level knows you're better at your job than him. You know what I mean? And you're like, hey, man, funny stuff. Let's just make it. And don't.

Don't even, you don't even have to have like a judgment on him. Just be like, it's making it hard for me. You can even be like, these bitches are so good, it's making it hard for me to concentrate. I'm laughing too hard. I'm laughing too damn much. Because you're too funny. This is like very easy conflict resolution. Yeah, he doesn't, this guy seems like a bit of a, like, worst case scenario, you might hurt his feelings a little bit. Like he seems like sensitive, but he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would push back. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But, you know, we'll see. Hopefully it goes good. Let us know. This guy's in the comment section saying, I'm gay. Yeah, he probably is. That's a really good point. That's a really good point. That's what she called in. That's right. That's right. This girl's a genius, man. She's playing 4D chess, brother. She knows this guy's listening. All right.

Stoppy baby. Hope you, LD, and the guests are doing well. I think my last one went on a little long, so I'll try to be a little quicker. I apologize. I just want to get your opinion on the situation I'm currently in. I graduated with my bachelor's degree last May, and I finally got my ass into a master's program a couple weeks ago. It's been a little tough because I got my bachelor's

Through COVID, so I didn't make a lot of academic connections needed for master's degree applications and whatnot, but I finally got into one. Nice, man. So since I graduated, I had to start paying my student loans back. They were quite expensive monthly, so my dad would help me out. I was pitching about $300 a month. He said he'd cover the rest. Nice.

Came to find out a few days ago when I got an urgent call from Sally Mae that my dad has not paid it in about almost three months. And I've still been giving him the money for it the last few months. So I don't know what the fuck happened there, but I had to pay extra money towards it so my credit score wouldn't be hit as hard as it already fucking has.

I haven't checked my credit score since yesterday, before yesterday, earlier this year. Hey, look, getting help from your dad is one thing. He pays them for you. He logs on and pays it for you, and you give him money. What the fuck?

I mean, you're a fucking idiot. Like, that's something. It's embarrassing to be like, daddy takes care of my loans. It's one thing if you're like, look, he gives you a chunk of money, whatever, but it's like, you don't even log in and press the buttons, motherfucker. Like, he's sending the money to his dad. Yeah. The dad should be sending the money to you. Well, dude, you need to believe in your dad's parlays, okay? That's what I'm saying. That's true. That is true. Put some fucking faith in your dad. But that is really funny that he's basically... Anyway, let's finish it before I start making any more judgments.

there's like 680 something it was okay uh i'm in the 480s now so my got crushed i i don't know how to feel i'm kind of upset with my dad because like he was behind i mean i think money was just a little tough but like i don't know why he wouldn't tell me so i could try to help out now i'm in a shitty situation like i'm kind of upset with him but at the same time like he was trying his best so it's hard for me to be upset when the 910 wasn't there but

I don't know, man. What do you think? I don't know much about credit rebuilding, so am I fucked or what, man? No, you're fine. No. Let it all go to collections. Love the show. Hope to see you live soon. Have a good one. You don't talk to them for, like, months, and then you just say, like, oh, I can pay, like, a little bit, and then it's gone. Yep. Smart. It just sits there. Yeah, it just sits there. It just gets moved around until it's, like, a cent that you owe. Yeah.

I would say, here's what I would say. I would say set fire to your car. Yeah. Get a skeleton. Put your license and your cell phone. You're going to lose a little teeth if you do this. Yeah, yeah. And one of your, pick a couple teeth to put out there. One of the shitty ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just say, and then fake your own death. Move to the Caribbean. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

The dollar stretches a long way. Have your dad pay back the 900 bucks he finessed you for starting you life in Haiti. You're good, bro. You're going to have to shit outside, but you'll be the fucking... You'll be the king of the village. Yeah, I mean, look. You can absolutely be... There's a couple things going on here. Number one is, hey, man, like...

A guy whose parents pay... I just don't respect anyone whose parents pay for their loans, personally. What if the dad is, like, the guarantor or something, and he's just, like, as implicated as this kid is anyway? Well, I think what's... Yeah, probably what's going on here is that, like... Look, this is the... No... Like, parents don't pay for your shit necessarily, right? He was doing something nice. Now, having said that...

Having said that, he did say he was going to do something nice for you, and he didn't in a way that fucked you up. So,

So you're well within your rights to be like, what the fuck, dad? Why didn't you tell me? Like, look, I appreciate the help. If money was getting too tight and I'm on my own, that's fine. Just let me know so that my credit score doesn't get fucked up, right? Like, you're more than okay to be like, dad, you fucked me here. What the fuck was this? And if he's like, hey, I paid X amount a month, you'd be like, I know, but I could have handled this myself. You should have just told me. Now my credit score is fucked up. You're mad at him for that, right? That's what you're mad at him for.

So you're okay being mad at him, but it's like, yeah, now you just, you know, you kind of have to do it yourself. What day was this call placed? Is this recent? Yeah, it's pretty recent. Yeah, so, buddy, all I'm going to say is wait until Christmas.

Is that money you've been sending him? It's probably going towards a Coke freestyle machine or something really fucking cool. But definitely talk to your dad. I mean, it's crazy to say, I'm not going to talk to my dad about this. Like, this is insane. And he owes you, it sounds like, $900. Dude, $900. That's like a PS5, a couple games. Yep. Your Christmas is about to be amazing. That is true. That would be really funny if he's like, son, I'm spoiling you with his own money. Yeah.

But yeah, dude, look, I don't know what to tell you. You're kind of a dumbass for getting a master's right now and taking out loans. Unless it's for something where you automatically start making money. It's pretty funny to be a guy that's like, I'm going to take on college debt now. Like when everybody knows it's bullshit. But whatever, you're kind of dumb. Your dad's probably ashamed of not being able to cover it. It sounds like shame, but it's still...

That's the way a baby acts. You just hope no one notices. He just didn't make the payments and was hoping you weren't going to figure it out. Anyway, I don't know. You're kind of dumb. You're depending on your dumb dad too much. It's okay to be like, yeah, you fucked me, Pop, while still being grateful for the good stuff he did do. But yeah, you're fine. You're just going to start paying your shit back. It's okay. You could go to collections, whatever. Or you could play the game and suck...

Suck the financial master's dick and just you know go back to making regular payments your credit will bounce back Oh, yeah, that's not real. None of it's really it's not real none of it is real. You know it'll yeah, it'll all go away. So there yeah What happened with the the student debt? Oh, it's like 8.8 million dollars and like unpaid and then they were like never mind. Oh

I don't know what happened. I don't fucking know. Where, like, people's debt went away. I don't got in that debt, man. Came back. Shout out to the University of Maryland, Baltimore County Sondheim Scholars Program. Yeah, when they gave me a public affairs scholarship, this is probably what they thought their money would go towards. This is probably what they thought their money would go towards.

Goddamn, I'm probably literally the most successful alum, and it's like for fucking giving people bad advice and doing crowd work clips. All right. So, Stav, I've got a food-related question here for you. My fiancee isn't really that much of a foodie. She's just as happy with the fucking bologna sandwich and late-fated chips as she is with the perfectly...

cooked chicken breast with, like, all-rotten potatoes and some, I don't know, some crazy vegetable dish. In the transcript, it says all-rotten. And she does like, like, I love to cook intricate things and, you know, take my time on dishes that are worth the time. How do I get her to, or maybe she's just not interested, but I'm trying to, like, get her more into the

into the fine dining world. How do I, what's the way to do that? Do you think there's a way? She just doesn't like to, she thinks the idea of spending a lot of money on food is stupid when you could just be baloney and be fine. I like that this call is just, my wife like baloney too much. My wife can't stop

I can't stop eating bologna sandwiches, man. It smells in the house. It smells like bologna. Everything smells like fucking bologna. It must hurt, bro. It sucks so bad. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. I mean, look. What do you want? Some people are how they are, bro. Yeah. If she really doesn't like, you know. If you love her, that's fine that she eats bologna sandwich. Yeah. That sounds annoying. Women can eat bologna too. Eldest, you had a point? I think he could like try cooking with her or something. Oh, true.

Like Patrick Swayze ghost. Do it like that. Or like when you're teaching a beautiful woman to golf. Yeah. Exactly. And start basic. You know what I mean? Like, by the way, by the way, cooked chicken breast and potatoes are gratin.

You could get that at a fucking college dining hall. I do really like that. That was his example of fine dining. He was like, that's some kind of good vegetable dish. He said, chicken, potatoes, and the craziest vegetable you can imagine. It's so fucked up, I can't even think of it right now. I don't like the vegetables. An unfathomable vegetable. Fuck.

Yeah, that is crazy that he's like... I mean, dude, I would just start with a slightly better version of the shit she likes. Take her to go to a nice deli. Go even get a fried chicken, one of those kind of more high-end. Just start small. I remember the first time I tried sushi, I was scared of sushi, and I just had cooked rolls. The first time I...

Took my mom to get like sushi too. And I was like, you know, oh, this shit's cooked mom. And she just got used to the idea of like rice and fish and whatever. Yeah. And you just got to kind of like, you know, slowly be a little more adventurous. And also you have to make it clear this is something you're into. Right. You know, like.

You're not clearly you're never going to get her interested in this, but it sounds like it's important to you to go have nice meals and go out and whatever. And so this is going to be the first middle class sushi experience does feel so cosmopolitan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. It's in a strip mall. I'm some kind of jet setter city slicker. Dude, totally. Oh, my God. Sushi was crazy. I was like, what the fuck? They don't cook it at all? It's fucking raw. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding? Ew, dude. Ew.

I know. It's so funny to think about how trash I grew up. Well, I'm on fear factor. Yeah. Dude, like I really had never had any cuisine, any like different cuisine. I never had tacos until I was like 19. Like I didn't eat like I had like pizza, Chinese food and Greek food. That's like the same year you lost your virginity, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like everything changed for me like.

In my early 20s where I was like, we had ramen. I remember you took me to a ramen place actually. Oh, yeah. Like an actual ramen place. Oh, in D.C.? Yeah, yeah. Tokyo Underground. I was literally like, what the fuck is this? He was like, let's go get ramen. And I was like...

I was like, that's fucking weird. And I just thought it was like some weird like shit Brandon was into where they give you like, you know, top ramen. I thought it was like slightly elevated top ramen. And then we get there and I'm like, what the fuck? I was like, what the fuck is this? There's thousands of years of tradition behind this. Holy crap. This beautiful deep broth. It fucking, it lost, I lost my mind. I was like, this is fucking awesome. So,

Yeah, dude. Also, the thing you're going to have to realize is like, you're hoping, because you also in your mind is like,

You take a girl out to a nice meal and she owes you. You know what I mean? That's kind of like you scoring points. That's what you think. No, no, no. I don't think like that. She owes you sex. The second you spend over $11 on a woman, she owes you at least to touch your penis for a second. No, but he's trying... You know what I mean? It's like he thinks...

He thinks going out to a nice restaurant counts as scoring points with your significant other, right? Unfortunately, she's flipped the script on you. And that is not the case. And you were hoping a thing you like to do would also make your girlfriend really... It would also be a win-win. You're having a good time. She's having a good time. Now he's realizing if he wants to go out and have a nice meal, it's almost like...

doing something nice for him. Right. You know what I mean? Like, this is just not how your girl operates, bro. And so you're just gonna have to realize, like, she's gonna be gutting out of her comfort zone to go do something nice for you. Is this the only, like, incongruity in this relationship? Like, do they have, they, like, have shared values and they laugh at the same things? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, she likes bologna sandwiches. Yeah. And he likes fancy chicken and potatoes. Yeah.

I think you should love your wife and be grateful for what you have. I agree, man. Can I pee real quick? Yeah, sure. We'll do one more anyway. I didn't say you could take your phone. No, he's going in there to rubble down. He's going to jack off. Fuck Brandon. Keep going. He's looking up Kate Upton, giant boobs picture. Google image. That is good stuff. GIF. Clicking GIF and then waiting. She's bouncing up and down.

Hey Stav, eldest guest. I come to you in a time of need. Sounds like a night. So I have a girlfriend who I like a lot. I really enjoy dating her. There's a little bit of a tricky situation because we dated for a couple months like last year and then broke up and then got back together I think like six or seven months ago.

And it's been great since then. Recently, she saw that I had sent a few flirty text messages, or not text messages, Instagram DMs to a girl that I had had kind of a flirty thing with before we dated during the time that we were broken up. And she is really mad about it.

Which I kind of get I understand why But it's like every single conversation we have that's the only thing that she talks about and tries to like I guess belittle me for it and make me feel bad Um, and I want to be sensitive to how she feels but I feel like it's a little excessive because we weren't together at the time and also

Like, yeah, I don't know. I feel like that one's not really on me. But how do I smooth things over or make it so that she will kind of understand that it's not a big deal? So I'm not sure how to approach that. Any advice would be

Super welcome. Thanks, Gus. Well, if it's somebody that he's still talking to or hangs out with, I can get that. Yeah. But I don't think that's the case. No, to catch you up, Brandon, very quickly. Yes. This guy was dating a girl for a couple months. They break up. And six months later, they get back together. Everything's going good. And then she sees on his phone... She's snooping on his phone. She's playing on his phone. She's on his phone, which is weird, number one. But it's like...

What I'm guessing is, you know, a couple of DMs between a girl that he said, kind of a flirty thing before we dated during the time that we were broken up. So kind of a flirty thing. Did you even fuck this girl? Yeah. If you didn't fuck her, then it's like, I would not even be... I would be like, I don't want to hear this. I DMed someone while we weren't together. Like, for you to even take this bitch seriously right now is wrong. Like...

And this is crazy. Even if you had fucked a different girl, it's like we weren't together. You were on a break. He flirted on a break? Yeah, he had some flirty DMs on a break. Jail time for him. Buddy, you're going to fucking jail.

That's why you called in, so we could catch you. We're going to backtrace your number. We're going to take you to prison. Backtrace his number, Eldest. Put that in the computer right now. We're going to send him a letter bomb. It's going to blow up at his house. So, like, look, you have to... To even humor her about... Like, the fact that this keeps getting brought up is insane. Number one, why does she know that? Why did she see your old DMs? Provided they're old. If it's like...

You have notifications on for a girl that you were trying to fuck while you guys weren't together and you still text her. Yes, you're completely in the wrong. But it doesn't seem like what's going on here. No, these are DMs that were sent during an off period. Yes. So, look, I'm going to tell you like this. You got to sit it down. You got to be like, listen, you silly hoe. Yeah, that's good. Listen, you silly hoe. That's really good, Brandon. You better talk right now.

You better talk right to me or don't talk to me at all. That's so fucking true. Silly hoe. That's good. That's what you got to say, man. That's what you have to say. That's what you got to say. You took the words right out of him. I'm not going to say anything. And look, we're a very, we're not a red-pilled podcast here, but this is a textbook control-yo-bitch situation. Yeah.

This really is a textbook. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Like, I texted, I DM'd the girl a couple times while we weren't together for six months.

I'm not even having this. I don't, you know, we weren't together. Like, whatever. And I know this isn't a red pill kind of podcast, but what if we did one of those podcasts where it's just like, we get like 10 strippers. We get like 10 strippers that are like OnlyFans girls in or whatever, and we just like fucking destroy them with logic. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought we were going in the other direction, like the ones at Times Square guys. What's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love those guys. They're like, yeah, we're going to get hot girls and debate them. It's like, what a fucking loser. You have a bunch of hot girls, and you're not going to try and get sucked off? Oh, it's fresh. I'm thinking of, oh, it's...

The black one is Fresh and Fit. The white one is Whatever Podcast. Yeah, it's called Whatever Whatever. Yeah, it's called Whatever. Whoa. Yeah. Because they do whatever? Yeah, they mostly do one thing. The show could have been Whatever. They could have had anything on there. They were like, no, we got to make these OF bitches look dumb. We got to humiliate whores. Yeah. It's crazy. What's a nice off-sleuth triangle, you stupid slut? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's the whole fucking show. Oh, I mean, yeah, that one guy who's like, the one white guy who's like super smug and he's like, he has like a, I think like a trad wife, like a Catholic wife. Oh, I think you're talking about the little boy who did the Game Awards thing.

Oh, I don't know. Oh, there's videos of him. Oh, I know that kid. A little like 14-year-old. Yeah, a little three-year-old boy. The Bill Clinton thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? It's his thing now. He's debating these OF girls. He does? Wait, here's the little... What are we talking about? His name's like... I don't remember. It starts with an M. Red-pilled teenager. This is very crazy. This is what Eldis searched. Eldis, the base pedophile. I don't give a fuck this much, Eldis. Yeah.

Yeah, whatever, dude. This is crazy. And look, if it keeps coming up over and over again, then you can't date this girl. I've been in relationships where shit from the past just hadn't healed and it kind of fucked up. We were on again, off again, and we tried to have a good relationship. And it was pretty good for a while, but it became clear that both of us weren't over different aspects of old shit, right? And it just kind of doomed...

an otherwise good relationship and that can happen. Now I'll say the person, your current girlfriend has no leg to stand on. And if she keeps bringing it up and making you feel bad, you just have to be like, Hey, you have to stop talking about this. We weren't together. I shouldn't have to feel bad about this. I, this feels manipulative at this point. It's like a fucking, like she's bringing it up so that to, to like bring you like down a peg kind of. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

And so bring it up. Try and control your bitch. And if it doesn't work, this might not be the girl for you. You did nothing wrong. You did literally nothing wrong, provided we're reading the situation correctly. Yeah. And these are old texts. Yeah. So, yeah, that's it, dude. Good luck, little buddy. We believe in you. Mm-hmm. Anyway, folks, I mean, Brandon has to go. You know, we talked about his podcast, Gay Sex University. The Brandon Jamel Show is on my side. It's on my side.

There's actually a gay sex symposium he has to attend across town. And so he has a hard out one minute ago. But go listen to... We do have another friend, Jamel Johnson, who has a podcast called The Jamel Show, I think. The Jamel Show.

Check out the Brandon and Jamel show. And then check out Patrick's Little Adventures. Podcast about lists. Patrick's Little Adventures. That's not a bad idea. Little Patrick's Big Adventures. I go to a different city every single week. Oh, I love that. Next week I'm going to be in Trenton, New Jersey.

Just figuring out what goes on there. That's awesome. They're all just like the closest cities in Jersey. I don't know how to drive, so it's got to be off a train. It's got to be somewhere that costs like $3 round trip. That's awesome. Yeah.

Fuck. But yeah, podcasts about this. We just hit 10K on YouTube this morning. There we go. Congratulations, boys. Let's pump those numbers up, folks. Let's get those numbers up. Let's suck those numbers off. Thank you for listening, and we will see you guys next time. Bye-bye. Thank you for having me.