#57 - Yannis Pappas
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. We should have gotten some plates. Welcome everybody, 904-800-STAV-CALL-IN. A beautiful new year, a beautiful 2024 to you. And we had to bring in the new year of Stavi's World with the one and only Giannis Papas.

Thank you. You did an American pronunciation of the name. We're going to do the whole thing. We're going to do a riff and then I'm going to do it over in Greek. The whole podcast is going to be half English, half Greek. Hey, Yanni.

Bravo, Gianni!

Since we are in Astoria, I said, you know, when you sell this place, you won't have to remove this. They'll buy it for this. Yeah, yeah. I'll get to double my security deposit. Yeah, my land will come in here and start crying. Oh, my God, it's so beautiful.

No, unfortunately, we don't have a countryman against all odds, I believe. I'm still unsure of the ethnicity of my landlord. I think we've landed on Indian.

I think we've landed on that. Sometimes it can be hard to tell. Because especially in New York, it's like you get like a brown mishmash where everybody's just, if they're like two or three generations, it's all just kind of like anywhere from like beige to like kind of dark tan. You know what I mean? You're going to have to see his wife to determine his. That's true. That's true. That's true. If she's wrapped up. Yeah.

Pakistani. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's dotted up. We don't, he seems a little Americanized, whatever it is, so she might not even, you're right, we should figure this out. If she's wearing Air Max 95s, Dominican. Yeah. You gotta see the wife. I know. And if you haven't seen the wife, probably Pakistani.

Okay, oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not allowed. Yeah, she has to handle all the business. I don't know. That's not my feeling. I feel like she's kind of the... It feels like she's pulling the strings. Okay, then she's Greek. Yeah.

Because we pretend to be a patriarchy, but it's really the mother's neck. That is true. It's a culture that puts on a big on putting on appearances. Yes. You know, it's like the man is honestly the head of the Greek household. The man is the weakest member of the house. Yes. The father is by far. If somebody comes out and there's an intruder...

take the little kid over the dad. Yes. Take the little kid. Like, you know, because then the dad, you know, it's just, we've, everywhere. Like for this pod, you put on that beautiful, what is that? Sergio Ciccini. Sergio Ciccini, you got the thing. But if your mom came in and she, and then she'd,

Yeah, absolutely. And button you up and put a tie on you. Yeah. Yes. Very good point, my countryman. That is true. But before we really get going, Giannis, I think I would be remiss not to be able to offer our wonderful listeners the opportunity for a brand new calendar on this brand new first day of the year. That's right. The 2024 Stavi Baby Calendar is available now for purchase at stavi.biz.com.

Wow, you're gonna love it. And hey, maybe you have a calendar. Maybe you don't like to see my nude body every morning. Well, are you a fan of the Baltimore Ravens?

Because then you could buy this shirt. Are you not a fan of the Ravens? Maybe you just like the Ronnie character. One of the most nuanced, detailed characters I think we can all agree on the internet today. Hey, buy a shirt. Buy a calendar. Watch Fat Rascal, the special. Available right now on Netflix. It's a lazy New Year's Day. You're hungover. You're worried about what you did last night. Throw on the special. It'll be a great day. Isn't that right, Giannis?

What if the priest comes here? There's a version of this podcast where it happens where my mom is living next to the, you know, and maybe in 15 years things go a certain way for me and Eldis. You know, he's living next, we're back in Greek town. We have townhouses next to each other. My mom, and in between is my mom's house. Eldis is here. My mom's here. I'm here. We have the studio upstairs of my mom, so she can't go up the stairs anymore. Right, right, right. But then she gets like a wheelchair lift.

just to scold us for our language, for being too vulgar. Right. And she comes up with a big tray of fucking baklava for everybody. And maybe you're living on the street that is now named you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe they changed one name there. That's true. I think I'm angling for one block in Greektown, Maryland. That could be Stavros Halkis Way, you know? The 700 block of Ponca Street. I am...

I am angling for that. That's a good... You know what, Elders? Let's put that on the 24 vision board. We need to get the 700 block Stavros Halkis way. And it'll piss... Because we grew up across the street from... Our church had like a big like... You know, they have the festival there every year. Like kind of a... Almost like a courtyard. But like the church is two blocks that way. But they... I guess they got a big plot of land across the street from my family's house. So all the Greek... You know how fucking... You know how like...

combat every Greek mom is like talking about how much better and smarter their kid is all the like old Greek ladies that didn't fuck with me because I was smarter than their mongoloid children because I was the one who thought who could dream of outside of Baltimore like I was one of the few all of them that were pissed at me because I was smart and didn't really give that much about fuck about you know church stuff and everything

They'll have to go to the Greek festival on Stavros Halkis Way every year, baby. That's actually... We have to make this happen. We have to make this happen. And their kids and their grandkids and their great-grandkids because they'll never leave Greek town. No, no, no. They'll see it every day. Yeah, their great-grandkids will have to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm going to start... Yeah, we got to figure this out. We got to get a statue up there too. I bet it'd even be like hilariously affordable to do that street just Stavros Halkis Way. Yeah, we fill three potholes in Baltimore and we can do whatever the fuck we want.

It is awesome to be from a place where getting famous there is insanely attainable. Like, I'm not famous most places. I go to Baltimore and it's like, I'm like mobbed on the streets because I've done a couple Ravens videos. Like, I literally, I'm not even kidding, doing a total of maybe 14 Ravens videos over the course of two years made it so that I could sell out a theater five times in Baltimore. It's crazy. So shout out to Baltimore, baby. Do you have the Greeks coming out?

The Greeks are coming out more and more. You know how it is, man. You probably dealt with this because you had a great Greek character, but it was almost, I could assume, yeah, of course, we're talking about Mr. Panos here, of course. But I can assume that it was difficult for Greeks to, like, listen to anything but Mr. Panos. That's right. You know? So it's like, it was almost like I learned from you where I was like, fuck, I don't need these fucking, these Greek guidos that do exist. Yeah.

There's a big population of Greeks that are no better than the Italians, which we are very clear on this podcast, the lowest whites there are, without question, in the white hierarchy. Yeah.

Where I live now, they'll pull me and you over for paper. They'll ask for our papers. I live, let's say, Connecticut. We walk around, and we're Puerto Rican over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just became great, like three months ago. It's still like a question, are Greeks white? Which is kind of great for these times. It's fun. You're like, no, we're not white. Well, my contention on Fat Rascal, available now on Netflix...

is I think that we are Arabs. We're the lightest skinned Arabs. So that's kind of what I think. So you took a peek at 23andMe? No, no, no. Well, my brother did. Yeah, my brother. I took a peek, yeah. Did you? You got a little, you're from the Levant. Ha ha ha.

This is purely just what we're like. Look at all the jewelry. Look at all the... It's like everything about us is the... We're where Arabs begin, basically. That's like on the continuum, you know what I mean? Where it's like Europe. We're sort of like...

the buffer zone between Europe and Arabs, in my opinion. Yes. And we behave like Arabs. It's like the food, because the Turks fucked our asses for so long. And that's the other thing. We just have to accept what happened. They owned us. They fucked our asses for about a nice 500 years. We got them back 1821. We told the Ottomans to suck our dicks. Yeah.

And they did. And they sucked it with a smile on their face. And we got most of the islands. We got the good shit back. They took half of Cyprus. Yeah. They got to keep Cyprus. They took my dad's island and kept that. Oh, really? Yeah, they took that one. One of the few islands they got to keep. Yeah, they took a few. Yeah. Because we got a couple that are really close to Turkey. Yeah. You can see them. Yeah. But all the roads is like right there. Yeah. You know, heel, like all that stuff. We took a few back, but they took a few too. Damn. Damn.

Yeah. We did a good job for, you know, where we were at. They raped our asses and they raped a few vaginas and gave birth to a few Greeks that have some Turk in them. Oh, more than a few. And look, guys, we got to be honest. The best foods are kind of like thanks to Turks.

Middle Eastern food is... We got to... And we improved it. Don't get me wrong. Greek food is better than... You know, we get the salads. We get a little... It's fresher. You get a little more veggie stuff. Like, you know, hummus is fine. But tzatziki, taramosalata, all that shit's better. Oh, yeah.

But we did have to put a Greek spin on what the fucking emir told us to eat. Yeah. You know what I mean? We call it a Greek coffee, but it is a Turkish coffee. That's where I draw the line, actually. I won't give up on that one. You keep calling it Greek. That's my line. But hey, look, you're more of an extremist than me. I'm more of a moderate. Well, I'm just part Turkish. Yeah.

I found that out. I wish I didn't know that. What was the piece? So when did you 23? 33%. 33? Anatolian, yeah. Oh, wow. I'm hoping it's Anatolian Greek because, you know, there was a lot of Greeks living there. But no, the DNA, there's Turk. And there's, you know, in 23andMe, you can see some relatives. And it was a couple of Turkish guys that reached out because we were connected. Hey, man, I'm an actor. Yeah, and I was like, yeah.

Lose my number. You call the police. Baklava, that's theirs really. I think we kind of borrowed that. But we, I think we made a couple nice improvements on a lot of stuff. The creamier stuff. We are, it's just like a mix of like, you know, the bulk, like, I really do contend, and here's where Greek supremacy comes back. We,

We took everything from Balkans and these fucking, you know, Serb dogs and all that kind of shit. And everything from... Miscellaneous whites. Miscellaneous whites and everything from Turks and like, you know, and we're like, all right...

Girls can have their titties out, and we're going to add a couple little more dairy, a little more pork. You guys don't want to have pork? We're going to make the most... Using your methods, we're going to make a more delicious thing with fucking a gyro, you know, which is pork. The real gyro is pork. It's not fucking a beef lamb monstrosity. That's an Americanized thing. So...

We figured it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're still the best. We're a nice little melting pot. Yeah, they can't do pork, right? I think that's why, at least that's what my obese Uncle Dimitri told me, is that gyro started because, you know, the Turks would throw us

He said the pork scraps, but that doesn't make sense because they can't eat any pork. They were probably eating it on the sly. On the sneak? The way you're not supposed to fuck a little boy? Yeah. The way the fucking governor... The 9-11 hijacker supposedly went to a strip club the night before. Yeah. I think a lot of people do a lot of things. Yeah. I know a lot of Jews who eat bacon, egg, and cheese. Sure, sure. Yeah. I've had straight sex. I mean, we...

We don't all do what we're supposed to do. What our genes tell us to do. It doesn't feel right, but I do it. Yeah, we have to mute the choir of voices in our heads telling us, Have gay sex. That's fuck a man. Fuck a man. A nice little side note. I would love... I think a great pilot is... Or a great TV show is...

What if on the night before 9-11, the hijackers had such a good time at the strip club, they start getting their dick sucked, they're like, what are we doing? And then they just like, we follow these guys, just starting new life in Florida, and it's like, you know, Al-Qaeda's pissed at them, they have to evade them, you know, maybe finally the FBI is starting to get, and then they have to kind of like evade Al-Qaeda, they have to evade the FBI, maybe then they become like,

double agent. They get picked up by the FBI. Now they got to be double agents with Osama. SNL, you watching? You know, and they're getting, yeah, maybe. They might steal it. Listen, they open a vape store. Then they open a, yeah, Middle Eastern guys love to open a vape store in Florida. Oh, wow. I love it. 2001, what was, what's the equivalent of a vape store in 01? Right, because they weren't around there. We didn't have vapes yet. We didn't have, they were, I mean, I,

I am a hookah lounge. Oh, I mean, hookah lounge right there. He's staring us right in the face. Clearwater hookah lounge. Yeah, Clearwater hookah. Yeah, maybe they call it Twin Towers hookah just as a little, no one knows what they've done for us, what a solid they did us, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they should call it the Twin Towers. It's like, this is weird. Why do these guys love the Twin Towers so much? They're Arabs. They live in Florida. And they're like, if you knew, my friend, you would be buying more hookah. You would be tipping more than 10% if you knew what could have happened. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Salute to those guys. But, you know, the Freedom Tower is nicer. Yeah. You think it's worth it? Giannis' take, folks. Yeah.

Didn't need an upgrade. I mean, you know. It's the EV car of new buildings. It's the future. Yeah. I don't think I've ever... I so rarely go that far downtown. It's kind of...

i don't think i've even look like been that close to it to be honest with you yeah you know that it's just is there any around there i mean i guess the memorial they got the downtown's got the winter gardens there's all that uh there's good restaurants or stuff like yeah but there's bad juju down there it's yeah yeah yeah i would say if you believe in energy the sight of the one of the most tremendous of the terrorist attack that launched us into a state of constant surveillance

There's so much horrible energy, so many deaths, so many fucking... Yeah, you're right.

I was kind of thinking about moving into the city. Maybe I'll avoid Tribeca and, you know. I think there's a Greek church down there that. That survived. That survived. That's pretty cool. I mean, hey, you can't. The true God, you can't take. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Nice try, Muslims. Let me ask you this question. Yeah. What was it? Nine hijackers with box cutters or whatever it was? I believe so. Yeah. Were able to fly those jets, crash them into their targets. Yep. They weren't that good at flying. No. No.

Famously did good landing. Got to Pentagon, right? But no footage of it, just like a mystery ball. Because they were able to pull it off, does it make part of you go, maybe...

They're right. Maybe Allah is... I've been thinking about this actually just in general. Just this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like to pull that off, you have to have God on your side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost miraculous. It is impressive. Like this is not a plus minus value judgment. Right. But it is impressive. It's impressive. That they were able to do that. Not cool. Not cool at all. I'm going to say not cool at all. But maybe. But maybe. Maybe. I mean, but then again, it's like...

Yeah, I mean, what's Christianity's last big win? Man, we lost the... It was a nine-inning game. The Crusades, we lost. The Crusades, yeah. That's the thing. Even the Crusades... But extra innings are coming, probably. But I think it was nine battles. They won the majority of them. But even that was a fool's... That was fucking... The Crusades were funny. They're cool. They're funny. You think about all these fucking stinky Europeans marching down and just fucking people up and holding territory for like...

10 years. And also there's like with the Crusades, like they kind of timed it by accident well, where there was like a very, there was like a weak ruler of like the empire or whatever. And yeah, they just went down, they fucking take the Holy Land, just don't really do anything, just kind of chill there for like literally 20, 25 years, which in the span of history is like, you know, nothing. Yeah, they didn't have America giving them weapons, so it was hard to hold. Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. You see, we're looking at history and

If it's a fair fight, who wins? I mean, I love when you look at it on the map, but it's just like, it's just Arab, Arab, Arab, and then like tiny little, like Israel. Yeah, the kingdom of power, whatever they called it. What did they, what did they, I got, I got into the Crusades like this much because I got into medieval shit. Yeah. It's interesting. I don't know why that just, I don't know if it like feels like fake.

Like, it's crazy to me to think about, like, castles and knights and shit. And it's also fascinating to me to think about, like, how horrible the day-to-day life was. Oh, yeah. Like, because it's like, I think about when I get a hangnail and I'm, like, on the road and I can't get to a CVS. Yeah. So I have, like, it starts hurting and it's just, like, ballooning up. And then I'm like, oh, I can't wait to get to my home where I can have this...

minor medical ailment treated, but... And I'm in a clean hotel. Like, imagine you're on the road. Like, I think about how bad on the road as a comedian feels now. Imagine the road is like you and your boy... A hundred of your boys get on horses and just have to find...

after like five days and then you sleep in like a barn and it fucking smells like shit. There's no paved roads. You're just like pumping the whole way. You got gangrene, like your feet are sweating. How horrible your life is. I get athlete's foot from modern, I have modern shoes and socks on. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, my feet would be mangled if I was wearing some leather slip on my feet. And just somebody would die every like, yeah.

Like now it's like somebody dies. It's tragic. They get a disease. They can't be treated. But like one of your friends would just die. Just kind of, you don't even know why. Yeah. Like 20 days. Yeah. Yeah. It's what happens. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't even, yeah. Cause they didn't even know what the medical condition was. He's just dropped dead. He's definitely the dark ages.

for the West. Yeah, we were burning women on faggots. That's what they were called. You don't have to beep it. You don't have to beep it. The sticks were actually called faggots. Put the dictionary definition underneath. But yeah, I don't know. It seems like, I guess you can't unless you give Christianity America's wins, but I don't think you quite can do that. Yeah, you're right. What is the last great Christian victory?

The trans bathroom law in North Carolina. They got about six months of that. I don't know. Yeah, what's the... I guess you're right. There is a feeling of... There is a weird feeling of people getting back to religion that I personally don't appreciate as kind of like a...

Did you go? I mean, did you have to go to Orthodox Church? I was an altar boy. I was an altar boy, too. You ever pass out on Easter? I never... Elders, can you get that? That's a bagel I'm going to eat right after this podcast. That's so New York. I love it. I had to do... Yes, Easter was fucking... Well, you always thought...

Holy Week was better to be an altar boy because Holy Week services were so bullshit. They were kind of long. There's all this whatever.

If you're in the altar with your boys, sneaking a little fucking bread. No one knows this, but like the bread, you know, you get perfectly cubed things of bread. And then the corners, though, they're not serving crust. We were eating huge hunks of crust of holy bread. And those were the best. They were good, man. They had a little crunch to it. It was crunchy. Eldish, you were a fucking altar boy, too. I guess I should wait until you're near the mic. Go get to the mic, motherfucker. What?

Have I been in soft focus this whole time, you fucking asshole? All right. Was he Greek Orthodox too? Eldest, and thank you for addressing me before I give my Albanian permission to speak in the classic Greek way. That's the way it should be. All our other guests have been very rude to me addressing Eldest personally. Eldest went to, you went to like, he was in a Russian Orthodox church because he was

He was a little too good for them. We were sponsored by a Greek monastery. We were selected by the lottery from Albania to come to the U.S., and then in Baltimore we were sponsored by a Russian Orthodox church. Yeah, they were refugees. So I was an altar boy there. Yeah.

By the way, lucky draw. Luck of the draw to get an Albanian that is gentle and reads literature. With your frame in the regular Albanian mind, you should have been a menace. Yeah, like when he killed you. America won that lottery, not you. When you told me he was Albanian, I came in here and he wasn't stealing everything in the house. I was like, are you sure? It's okay. I've been broken over the years. I wouldn't dream of it now.

Yeah, I get real. My relatives are most proud of me of how I've been able to handle my personal Albanian. Like, wow, and he's big too and he listens. He doesn't get violent. I'm like, no, he knows better. He sounds strange. He knows better. He's out of here.

Yeah, dude, I would go to altar. And you did altar at the Russian Orthodox Church, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we kept trying to get Eldis over to St. Nick's. Shout out to St. Nicholas, Greek Orthodox Church. I was an altar boy there. I touched titties there for the first time. I got alcohol poisoning there for the first time. That's the thing about the Greek church. It's got it all. It's community. I played youth basketball there. They let you get fucked up there during the Greek festival. I don't know if...

Because you grew up in what part of Brooklyn? Park Slope. In Park Slope. So we were three high rocks, and then we were the cathedral in Manhattan when my parents wanted to, you know. Get classy. Get classy. They were, oh, they were too good for Brooklyn. Yeah. They were too good. They had to go to the city for Greek church. Father Stephanopoulos, George Stephanopoulos' father was the priest. Get the fuck out of here, really? Yeah.

And he was the nicest guy. That's hilarious. I think he's still alive. I think he's alive. Oh, wow. The greatest guy. Wow. Archbishop Yakov was. Do you remember Archbishop Yakov? I think. I mean. He might have been younger. He would come. All the big wigs would come down to Baltimore. I remember the big one was Bartholomew, but he was like. Yeah, I remember. International. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was our pope or whatever. Yeah. He came through the. From Constantinople. That's right. That's right. Constantinople. Not.

The other fake city that we won't even name. Yeah, when I was in, like, second grade, that motherfucker came through and they had us all, like, in the Greek, like, straight, so yeah, like, in the uniform, praying. Best behavior, yeah. Yeah, best behavior. They're, like, doing embarrassing in front of our pope. Yeah. But he was in and out. That motherfucker barely...

I remember being like, he's just some guy. Yeah. I was like, honestly expecting like a minor miracle. Yeah. Like I was expecting him to be able to just like, I don't know, do like one glass of water into wine. Like I really thought he would do some miracle to prove he was like, because I still, you know, I was a child. So I believed in God fully at the time. And I was like, this guy must have,

I didn't think he had Jesus level powers, but I thought he had like, he could do like a little, you know what I mean? Like a little, a little force lightning, you know, something. And I was like, he's just some old Greek guy. Yeah. Well, when you're an altar boy, you see kind of behind the curtain cause you're back there. Yes. Yes. And so I, I learned that it was a show. So yeah, we got to, we got the early show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You go backstage and like the archbishop would be all surly and he,

he would spread his arms and like all the deacons and altar boys would attend to his robes and stuff and he'd yell at somebody and then he'd go out and he'd be all holy and I'm like this is a show it was crazy no you're right it's a show yeah it's a lot I bet you it's a lot similar to what drag queens are like backstage

Because he had like three attendants. Every priest had his own attendant. Someone shining his jewelry. Someone like literally like looking at his, combing his beard and hair and shit. And he was like, we were a smaller, I mean, dude, you're in the big leagues. You're in all the big leagues. I'm in the sticks and balls. You're in the stadium. Like Manhattan, George Stephanopoulos' dad is the fucking priest. Wow, dude, I had no idea. Yeah, Yakuza used to come to our church for,

Oh, wow. That was like... That was Yankee Stadium. Holy shit. That's big, dude. That's the one he came to in America. He'd come, the Archbishop, you know, North and South America comes. Wow. Yeah. Everyone there, you know, had a little money. My parents would go, and it was all about, like, networking. They had their own law firm, so they'd network, network, and they'd drag me along. Wow. Yeah, this is so much different than, like, you could make, like, in my church, it was like, all right, you want to move some crab cakes? Yeah.

You're a wholesale crab cake distributor. These are the guys you want to talk to. You want to get in here and maybe get extra lamb from New Zealand coming in. These guys can move it. It was like carpenters with a low end, obviously. And it was like literally the leaders of our church were the most successful carry out restaurant owners. And then the richest guy we knew was a guy who just made bread. Yeah.

He made like, he supplied all the bread in Baltimore. He just got, he just had a shitty like little bread, he had a shitty bakery, his grandfather bakery like in the 20s and then he just right place, right time and just like, he like started making bread for McDonald's and then it was like, oh man, dude, he got the McDonald's contract and then it was like,

wow, these people are rich. That was the most impressive man I knew. The guy who made buns for McDonald's. Like the idea that there would be lawyers, like there were some lawyers, but it was like, we had literally like one lawyer in the thing. And it was like, hey, if you need to get into a better school in Baltimore, just this lawyer. Like we had like, we had one lawyer, we had one cop, you know, like we just had one of them. And then every, and all the rich people were,

purely restauranteurs. There was no other industry in Greek town in Baltimore at all. The Greek passport into America through the diner. Mug.

Yeah, we started at Three High Rocks, which was in Brooklyn, and it was more like that. And then, you know, you move up in the cathedral. And my uncle was still the choir director at Three High Rocks. So I think there was like a little jealousy that we started going to a different church, a little more ritzy. Yeah, keep it in the family. We'll take them on. We'll build up. And you know what's funny is like the way Park Slope went,

Because at the time... There was no Greeks in Park Slope. Oh, there was no Greeks. No Greeks. You just happened to live there. We just happened to live there. Oh, wow. All the Greeks were in Astoria. My cousins were in Astoria. We'd come for Easter to Astoria. Wow. Astoria at one point was all Greek. Yeah, I mean... Like 100% Greek. I remember when I was a fucking kid, I would come up here and they were like, that's... I've told the story before, but like...

Our church, this was what coming to New York was, was coming to Astoria. Are you going to Astoria? We would not go. We would go to Manhattan to see Greek statues. And then they're like, all right, back to Astoria. Go get a fucking socofretta. Go get an Ana VCCD. Oh, interesting. Why did your family live in Brooklyn, do you think?

Well, my dad was from Flatbush. His father had restaurants in Flatbush. At one point, my grandfather had the biggest diner in New York called the Normandy Diner on the West Side Highway. Before that, it was Red Hook. He had a diner where the docks were really active down there. And so they were Brooklyn people. Gotcha. And so my mother...

When she emigrated, they lived in Brooklyn. They were Brooklyn people. I see, I see. Yeah, but they didn't go to Astoria. Interesting. But they were trying to be upwardly mobile. They went to law school. They went to Brooklyn Law School. Yeah, yeah. They were trying to fit in. They looked down on those greasy Greeks slinging Gito. They were like, we're better than those diner monkeys. We're high class Greeks. We used to go to Astoria to my cousin Stratos' house. And they were mechanics. And their hands would just be like flippin'.

Full of dirt. You couldn't, like, they were, they worked where, like, even if you washed your hands, you couldn't. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. My father and all his friends' hands are, like, they use that coarse soap that's, like, literally little rocks in it. And even that, they have to tear their skin to get the dirt, you know, out of it and shit like that. Yeah, like, my grandfather didn't understand when my dad, my dad played football and he wanted to play football in college. And my grandfather just didn't understand it. Yeah. He was like...

Oh, dude. We're not going to work on the rest of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he didn't talk to him. He was mad at him about it. Wow. That's interesting. I mean, my parents literally didn't understand the rules of football. Like, my mom would come to my... I played football a couple years, and my mom would come to the games, and I played defensive. You know, I played nose tackle, but I also played soccer, so...

At JV football games, they're like, all right, well, you kick also and punt and, like, whatever. And so she would just cheer during the kickoff. And she thought I was, like, scoring a goal. Like, she thought kicking was scoring points. And everybody would just be, like, waiting. She'd be like, yeah, yeah, Gustavo!

She had no concept of the rules whatsoever. But she was supportive. Whereas my father never even considered going to a football game. He went to soccer games. But then he's like, oh, you're playing football now. I'm not going. Yeah, it's soccer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. So were they trying to groom you to be a lawyer, your family? What were they thinking? They just were, whenever I got a C-, they were happy. Oh, wow. Yeah, because my brother, like, went to college.

Georgetown Law, Oxford, Brown, Tufts. Wow. And I was like the class clown and the misfit. So if I got C-minuses, they were scared that I was slower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. Being a lawyer, they just knew it wasn't a tangent. Couldn't even consider that. They just wanted me to be like,

Oh, that's nice. Alive and, you know, like... That's good to have the cover of the smart sibling. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, again, to show you how different the expectations were, I was the smart one in my family. So I'm the one that my brothers had cover from because I just did, like, okay, it's standardized tests or whatever. Yeah. But they were, like...

To be the one that no one really gives a fuck about, that's beautiful, man. You were the second? I was the third. You were the third, okay. Out of three? Out of three, yeah. Third out of three, yeah? Yeah, yeah. You're the smart one. I was number one. I was the first born and I was the smart one. Yeah, for sure. Your other brother is a cool... You got an artist and you got a... Yeah, they're cool. Don't get me wrong. And a guy who does gym shit. Yeah, yeah. So we have a great... And you guys are close. I love that. We have a great setup where it was like,

everyone kind of figured their shit out a little, like we're, um, like, you know, I'm out, I'm doing whatever fine, but like Nick and Georgia, they're still, they're still, they're still, they're in Baltimore. Nick Georgia style. Yep.

Very Greeks. Dude, you're like, I'm Greek, you're Greek. Yeah. I mean, I got Nikos and Pandelis, but we're two Greek guys. Right, right, right. We're fucking inbred Greeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. No, we have, and so it's nice because my brothers are like, George is like, he lives right by my, the artist. Like he just, he sticks around. He's like, you know, doing shitty works. He does some editing for us. He's like, you know, do it, you know, but he's in Greektown. So it's like, he's just there,

Day to day helping out. If like my mom needs anything, she's had like her hip. She's had hip surgery. And then Nick is just, you know, that motherfucker. He's opening his own gym. Classic. He's taking like diner mentality to a gym. The first year he had it open, he was there just constantly. But it's also like if there's ever any big emergencies, like I can always trust my brothers to like.

handle it, which is fucking nice because you're, you know, even though New York is relative as far as America goes, it's close. I'm in the car. I can get there. But it's just nice to feel like we have it figured out. I'm excited to go back and see them. I got a place in Baltimore because even if you fucking, even if you have a ton of money, you can't buy a place in the city. It's insane. I wanted to buy a house. But I got a house there now, so I'll just like,

I'm excited to go chill and just fucking work out. It's not, it is nice to be an adult and be like, oh, nice. My family kind of figured it out. I don't know if you guys had the ups and downs. It seems like you had some... I had some downs. Yeah, you had some real downs with the family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it feels good to just kind of like, we definitely, it was definitely real up and down. And it feels like we're kind of, you know, obviously we have shit to figure out, but...

It feels like we're getting there. That's great because when the parents get older, it's a challenge. And having brothers is just so you guys are there for each other to help each other. That's great. And you guys will always get along as long as you don't get into the business at a restaurant together. Right, right, right, right. I mean, for some reason, when Greek brothers are at a restaurant, like one shoots the other one. Yeah.

It is funny. It's like they're either the closest people of all time. Like you've never seen a stronger bond or there is a blood feud. You see the beginnings of a blood feud that will take over for generations. Like that always happens in Greece where people, like if there's a grandfather and the two of the, you know, half of his siblings go to America, like,

Your cousins will stab you in the back for a plot of land that they can put a beachfront hotel on. They're like falsified documents. They're like, you cannot trust your Greek relatives usually. We're lucky we have good Greek relatives. My wives have Greek and they have a piece of land like they're Spartan in a village in Spartan and there was just a murder over it. In-family murder in the village. Wow.

over the house. Yeah, it's just what happened in the village. They're fighting over the house and someone got murdered. Someone got got. There's some diner in Connecticut where two brothers, one brother murdered the other one. If you think about it, when the Greeks won the Euro Cup, we needed a German coach to like get us together to stop infighting. Greeks love

In fighting Because we're dramatic people Dramatic We get We're emotional We take things We have vendettas We hold them We don't forget Hold grudges We hold grudges over stupid shit And I'm trying to be like Enlightened and let the grudge go But I treat myself to two grudges

Oh, that's nice. I have two that I'm just like, I'm never letting go for me. I'm going to be happy every time I hear something's going bad for this guy. I can't wait. I love when you're just on TikTok and, you know, one of them's a comedian. So it's like you see just their brutal content just bombing and you're like...

I should be a better person. I should let this go. But I'm Greek. I can't. But I'm Greek and it's like, I've let most of it go. But it's like, you know, this man from like way in my, we're talking like open mic days, not even like anything that affects my life at all. But I'm just like, no, I'm going to treat myself to one grudge and then

I'll keep a... You know, I've been better about letting shit go. I like that. That's sort of like you've funneled it all into... It's my cheek grudge. It's my little treat, you know? Because it's not healthy. It's not healthy to keep resentments from my current life. Last 10 years, let's say. Last 5, 10 years. I don't hold anything, but it's like... You know, if you go far enough back and it's like...

It's almost like, I don't know. My mother was like that. My mother was like a human rights lawyer and she worked for the UN. But if you brought up Turks or Germans. Really? Yeah. I mean, Mr. Panos is like, most of who he is is her. Yeah. She just couldn't let it go. She couldn't forgive. You've got to also think about the context of these people's lives.

Like, your mom was a little girl when this shit was happening. Yeah, she was there. Like, that's the thing. It's like, you kind of have to give those people a pass. Yeah. Anyone who was there, it's like, all right. I get it. You know, it's like, fine. But it's like, but also the next generation is like...

you kind of have to be able to read the, you know, just do look at the facts and be like, hey, we got to move forward, all this kind of shit. But your mom can. But we should be able to make jokes about Germans. Like whenever anyone gets salty about like a Nazi joke, you want to be like, you guys know what you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know what you did. The thing is Germans. I can't make a joke about it? I don't think Germans get salty. Germans get like, you all right? Yeah.

The most disgraceful thing that we've done. Like, they really get, like, they handle it the right way where they're like, we're not pretending it didn't happen. You know what I mean? You won't find, like, let's just say, like, there's no statues of Hitler because it was history. You know what I mean? Like, you go to South Carolina, you still got a couple interesting statues, you know? Like, Germany was like...

are bad you know what i mean which is if you're brutal yeah that's the way that's the way to handle that yeah geez we really up on that one what can i say i can't i know sorry doesn't change anything yeah it's like when a serial killer is being interviewed in the prison like what do you want me to say sorry yeah in the court when they make them say sorry like you want to release the statement like yeah i'm sorry for raping and murdering your daughter

I was like, is that okay? Did that make it better? Do you feel even slightly better? Does it even change things or does it probably make you feel worse now? He showed no remorse. Of course he showed no remorse. You want them to feel, I don't know, this is, I would assume you want them to show no remorse. Especially if you're, imagine if you're like religious and you're like,

This guy just confessed and prayed, and now he gets to go to heaven? He fucking killed my son. He raped my child, and then he just saw a priest, and the guy was like...

Nah, he feels bad. He's good. He gets to go to heaven now. Well, that's why I'm surprised Christianity caught on in Greece because the whole thing is turning the other cheek. It's like, what Greek do you know that turns the other cheek and forgives? No forgiveness whatsoever. But I will say Greeks don't really give a fuck about religion. Like, it's again...

On the holidays. Keeping up appearances. That's what it is. Big holidays, roast a nice lamb, you know. But that's why we're even doing this. Like, I don't know. Like, they don't even really give a fuck about Christmas. It's a New Year's culture. That's why we're doing protocronia with my boy Yanni here because Greek people love the

First of the year. You got to get that coin and go to the hospital and that's good luck. Yeah. You choke on the coin and break it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have good luck. Oh, fuck. We need to get a vacillopita, dude. Yeah, we need a vacillopita. We already got it.

Fuck, I wish we just bought one. I'll tell you what like when I was a kid like so I grew up in a block It was all Irish some Jews Italians and I remember when I was a little kid remember those bouncy balls. Yeah, right My friend Damien he was an Irish kid would they had the little handle? I was on the bouncy ball and I bounced into his parents bureau with a mirror on it and it broke and

And the parents made me feel so bad. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, what do you mean? This is good luck. I broke something. It was just, I couldn't believe they made me feel bad. If that happened at my house, we'd all be like, oh, bad. Yeah, yeah. How old were you? This must have been six, five, six. It's crazy to make a little kid feel bad, too. Yeah, the Irish, you know? It's like the Catholic, I know, like,

Everything's a tragedy. That's what I love about Greek culture. You break stuff, it's good luck. They don't make you feel bad. No. You know. It's all, I mean, it is the most laid back,

It's a hangout culture. I've said that many times. It's a culture. It's designed around hanging out, getting coffee for three hours, getting dinner for five hours, sitting on the beach. It's really, it's fucked up how much work we have to do. It's funny when you go to a Greek restaurant, it's like the other restaurants will be closed. A Greek restaurant is just open until six in the morning. Open is one old guy. He's both horrible and great at his job at the same time. Yeah.

I'd say one of the craziest things, I did a show for Icarians, the Icarian Brotherhood. They get together every year in different cities. So they hired me to do a comedy show. Greek comedy shows are the worst. Yeah, it's brutal. It's brutal. When I was starting, they asked me to do

They're like, do a show. And it's like, I had been doing comedy for like four years. It's like, if you think my ex dirty now, it's like, I'm like, what do you want me to go up there and talk about how like my dick's small? I can't get hard. I am too fat to wipe my ass. That was one of my big jokes at the time was I'm getting so fat. I'm having trouble wiping my ass. Like you want me to do that in front of everyone I've ever met in my life? All the people that have been at every church service, you know,

It's such a bad idea. And it's like to really make them, I mean, you're a trooper for making them work. I just, even now I turn them down because I'm just like, I can't do that shit at all. It's always through the church. Like you said, everything in the Greek community is through the church. So every show, there's just a priest right there. And I'm like, yeah, I got in kids. But I did this show and they, you know, they're one of the blue zones. So the

the Icarians live to like their centurions. They live to like 100. Right, right, right. And they were like, it's because we partied, like all the guys I was hanging out with. And then what I saw, I really, it was, I couldn't believe what I saw. So after the show, we went to like the ballroom. It was like midnight. Yeah.

And it was like kind of empty, a few people. And I was like, oh, it's over. They were like, no, no, no, we haven't. It hasn't started yet. Oh, my God. And then, dude, the partying, like the level of partying these people did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like 80-year-olds, 90-year-olds, drinking, children, like intergenerational. The music, then the traditional like... Yes, they come out. And they were all dancing. And it was just...

I got, they were drinking. I got so hammered. Like I was like throwing up and they were just like, I know they want to know. And like, dude, they, yeah. I mean, Greeks party, man. They do. We do know how to have a good time. Yeah. It's like their whole, like when you go and see Greeks on an island, it's like,

The day starts at like 4 p.m. and you just have your little fucking coffee. You might hit the beach for a little bit. Then you take another nap. And then you leave for shit at like 10 p.m. It's early. You might get dinner at 10 p.m. And then it's like midnight, whatever. Look at the Blue Zones. What are the characteristics of those? Because they sound so awesome. There's one in California. There's one, I think, in Costa Rica. There's one in Japan. Okinawa. Yeah, there's one in Greece.

And there's one in Italy. I think those are the five. Okinawa Prefecture, Nuro Province in Italy, the Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica, Igaria, and Loma Linda, California. Interesting. Click on that fucking... I want to see what the fuck it is. I'll just click on the thing. This guy did a documentary that's on Netflix about it where he went and researched all of them and then they created a blue zone in America and the people are healthier. Wow.

It's crazy. It's crazy. I think it's in Minnesota or something or Wisconsin where he tried to took a local community and started implementing a lot of the things he learned from the Blue Zones. Yeah. Community, intergenerational hanging out. No time urgency, likability. Yeah. Yeah. No, some don't have alcohol.

Culturally isolated. That's interesting. Yeah. Not social circle. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. It's like if you're not stressed out, you get a lot of sunshine. You eat like some fucking beans and plants and like grilled meats. That's and constant moderate physical activity. Everybody's always going for walks. Yeah. A lot of them are on. A lot of the areas are in hills. So people are walking up a lot. So it's like double the workout. That's brutal. So that's the I'm out.

Forget it. Take this off my screen, Elvis. I'm not going up a fucking hill. That sounds horrible. But being a little old man in a fucking on the beach, on a coastal thing, that's...

That's you. Oh, I can't wait. Yeah. That's you in your final form, right? Absolutely. Yeah. On some Greek island. Just grilling. Little villa in Paros. Yeah. No, that's really like, I can really see that happening. That's all I want. I think I want to go to, I think I'm going to go take a nice long vacation in Greece this summer. Where do you go when you go?

This year, we actually went... My cousin got married in Thassos, which is northern Greece. And it's nice because it doesn't have the blue... It's not the white... It's not this shit. It's an actual...

Well, they do that for the tourists, right? Yeah, exactly. They keep painting Mykonos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the fire on the cheese. They don't do that. Yeah, right, right. And it was nice, man. It was interesting. It was not touristy. And even if it was touristy, it was like, since it's northern Greece, it's like a lot of like, you know, Bulgarians, like just people. It's not like annoying Germans or like British people, Australians. Yeah. The worst. Oh, God. The fucking worst.

worst. They love to get naked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some reason they love that being naked. It's brutal. Yeah. They're all red as fuck. They have horrible like their skin sucks dick in the sun. You know and they're just like oh let's get let's get fucked

And you're just like, just throwing up everywhere, trying to put their thumbs in everyone's ass. Yeah. It's brutal stuff. There, you see them like in the Netherlands too, where they go to the red light district for their bachelor parties and they're just, they drink, they throw up, they vomit. It's just, they're just really like, they're just savages. Yeah, they really are. They're just barbarians. Fuck the British. Everything went downhill once Northern Europe like got all of our knowledge. Yeah.

They don't know what to do with it. You know? It's so fucked up. I still don't understand how England got to be an empire.

I guess, I don't know. Their navy. Yeah, the navy. They built up a good navy. Figured out the navy. But they had some monks that translated all the ancient Greek stuff. There's a great book called How the Irish Saved Civilization. Oh, really? So yeah, I had some freaking... The Romans got up there. That helped. That's true. The Romans got up there. And of course, the Romans were really just us. Yeah. They stole our whole shit. They stole our whole shit. They stole our whole shit. They stole our gods. Fuck Rome. Fuck Rome, for real. Yeah, they took our... Only because we couldn't unify.

The Greeks can't unify. That is true. We never had an empire because we were just fighting with each other. Yeah. We couldn't unify. You know what's fucked up? The Roman Empire never had a tomato once. No one in the Roman Empire ever ate a tomato. They had never... I didn't even know that. That's fucking crazy. Did a tomato come later, huh? A tomato came later from South America. Wow. No, Caesar never had a fucking tomato in his life. Wow, that's why. No Roman legionnaire. They were like eating like fucking, you know...

I don't know, barley and shit like that. Well, that's why they probably were able to conquer because they didn't have it before they had it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great meal. Maybe that's what it was. It's not the lead paint poisoning. It's that they finally got a fucking tomato. Yeah, it changed everything. And they're like, oh, let's fucking chill and have a nice fucking... Give them credit, though. When they got the tomato...

They figured out what to do with it. They worked that shit. Yeah, they worked that tomato. We just cut it up and put it in a peasant salad. They were like, let's mush it, throw some garlic. No, I will give them credit for their sauces. That's where the Italians grudgingly earned my respect, is their sauces, what they did with the tomato. Because Greek, like...

Greek, like, villager food, it's very tomato, like, sauce-based, but it sucks, dick. It sucks. It's not interesting sauces. No, we do lemon and olive oil. We crush it. We got the best tomatoes. We got the best potatoes, I think. I think Greek potatoes with the oregano and the lemon and olive oil and baked, it's just... If you bake it just right, it's fucking melty inside. Oh, my dick's getting hard. Yeah.

I love it, though, dude. We barely got into any personal shit because we were just talking about Greek shit. People are going to be like, this episode sucked. We don't know anything. Who cares about Greece? Ask him about his life. Every 10th comment, there'll just be a Greek going, Hellas! Hellas! Hellenica! We're courting the exact fan base. We talked about not wanting. We're doing just... We're literally doing just fucking... We're performing Greek face right now. Yeah.

Look, I tell you, if you're an aspiring Greek community and you see one of us, do not target the Greek community. It's a big mistake. There's like only one million of them. They all, they can't leave the house without their grandmothers and children. You will not be Aziz Ansari. No, no, no. Appeal to the Indian audience. That is not the path. There's a billion of them. Pretend to be Arab, in fact. Yeah, be Arab. There's a lot more of them. Convert to Islam. If you grew up Greek...

Convert to Islam, that's your ticket. And any Greeks that do come out, they are always disappointed. How come not more? I know, I know. About the evil eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did your mother make a bestial? They'll come out to a regular show, though, and it's like they have to figure it out. They have to understand how it goes. No, they've been supportive. They're great. I do love them, but yeah. And the older I get, the more... It's going to... Have you...

Like the older I get, the more like Greek I'm getting. How does that feel that way? It's just sort of, do we just become true? We just give up and be like, Oh, I just got to go back to my own tribe. This doesn't work. I think you, there's only so much. There's like, there's a time. Here's my general theory. There's like a time for like exploration and like learning new shit and figuring new shit out and understanding like,

you know, changing and growing. But then you realize like, okay, well, I'm not a mortal being. I can't continue to, to like gain knowledge and try different things. And at a certain point, you're like,

oh, the end of my life is starting. And so it's almost like I amassed whatever, you know, like my parents had no idea what Korean barbecue was. You know what I mean? Nobody in my bloodline has ever seen Latin American nipples. You know what I mean? Like I've gotten some knowledge that I've brought back into the, you know what I mean? Like, and it's like, now I'm like, fuck, I'm 30, you know, I'm 30, I'm about to turn 35. And it's like, it's still young. Don't get me wrong, obviously, but it's like,

There's no more like when I grow up. There's like you're a grown up. Right. And so it's like you could be a weird guy that just travels the world and never puts down roots. But if you ever do want to put down roots, you got to be like, well, it's almost kind of how I feel about therapy. It's like you're never going to fully fix yourself. You're never going to fully become a completely different person.

There's a nice 15-year chunk of your life that you don't know is happening. That's the other thing. You don't know it's happening when it's happening. And then it's like from like, I feel like 20 to 35, I was kind of figuring out who I was, how I wanted to modify the base model that is what my parents gave birth to and raised. And you can change it at the margins, and we've all changed ourselves at the margins, but then it's like,

all right, man, time to come back and figure out what to do from here. That's kind of what it feels like to me. It's time for some slippers and a cobaloy. Yeah. You married a Greek woman, you know what I mean? My mother-in-law is very Greek. And to have Greek to get the mother-in-law is big. Oh, it's huge. That's big. That's the one you want. A Greek dad, you could teach any type of guy to perform Greek dad duties. Just grunt. Hit the grill, grunt. Say something racist every once in a while.

You know, set the watch every, like, you know, maybe not every Thanksgiving, but every fifth Thanksgiving, something really racist that makes, that kind of ruins the whole vibe, you know? Like, that's kind of what you want. But the Greek mother-in-law, that's a lot of skills you can't teach. Although, to be fair, I guess ethnic, that's kind of true of all. It's probably true of all, but really with the cooking and the taking care of the grandkids, it's the family. It's nice. How did you and your wife meet?

We met at a Greek comedy show, actually. Wow. She's the only Greek girl I ever dated. Wow. Is my wife. Actually, that's true. I've never dated a Greek girl. I'm like you. And that's the thing. Now I'm like, we'll be kind of cool. When I'm in Greece, I'm looking around and I'm like, am I like 5% more attracted to the hot women here than I am anywhere else? Maybe. Who knows? We'll see.

The next few years, I'm like, you know. I never thought I would be with a Greek girl. I mean, she's American, right? Her mom and her family's very Greek. Right. But she's Greek. I mean, she's Greek. The mom, I mean, but that's also huge on the kids. If she wants to...

if she wants to make him Greek, you guys have the raw materials to create a Greek kid instead of just an American. Because you're a couple generations in, she's a generation or two in. They can get real white real fast. You're like, there's a lot of Greek kids from my...

from the richer churches that are like, you know. No, I'm going to have both of them go to Greek school. Love it. Like, I'm not fluent. They're going to be fluent. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. We're going to do that. And it's nice. There's something about it that's nice when your wife, like, you guys understand the holidays, Kalomina. Yep, yep. You know, it's just kind of, yeah, there is something nice to it. And I would like, I've thought about that. You can hit them, you know. It's like, they get it. She gets it. Who's she going to tell? Her mom? Yeah, yeah.

And her mom would be like, well, what did you do? Yeah, what'd you do? That's what happened. Did you disrespect him? He's the man of the house. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very comfortable. No, I'm interested. But I guess I also, maybe it really comes back down to, maybe it really comes back down to, like, immigrants more than anything for me. Because, like, I could also see ending up with somebody that, like,

is from a... has different culture, but it's like just that strong other culture from like... There's like a bland American-ness that's like... It's nothing. There's no culture. Like white American culture, not even just white necessarily, just like mainstream American culture, it's...

Unfortunately, it's so homogenized where it's like, what even is... Applebee's. Exactly. And maybe it's a little regional, right? There's definitely New York culture. There's definitely Southern culture. There's definitely regional culture. But I'm just like, I don't know. I feel like I need... I feel like I couldn't... I couldn't...

You need a little flavor. A little something. Yeah. And a little like, yes, a little mental illness that comes out in like constructive ways. Yes. Overcleaning. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like someone who's around and also like there's the immigrant thing of like caring about your family. Yeah. Which is...

Three, four generations into America, you kind of lose. Not everybody. Not everybody. That's the biggest component. Eldest married into a nice white American family. They're great people who have very strong bonds. Well, that should help with the Albanian brain. To calm him down. Yeah, well, I mean, it'll make the kid maybe normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like, yeah, they're cutting the Albanian with just pure white. Yeah, yeah. You kind of need that. You don't want to mix something that volatile. You don't want to mix jeans that volatile with anything...

That might be reacting. He wants just nice supportive white to just kind of soak up all the toxins. Ha ha ha.

You gotta cut it. You gotta cut it with some. You can't go pure, uncut Albanian. You're running around the Bronx, shaking people down. Can't do that. But we have some questions. Let's get your expertise on some questions. Eldis says this will tie into our conversation. Let's see what we got here, Eldis. Let's see if you've actually done some good producing for once. Yo, Stav. What up, Stav. What up, Eldis. What up, the prestigious guest.

Restart it. Yo, Stav. What up, Stavie? What up, Eldest? What up, prestigious guest?

I do have a serious question and I actually do need advice. It's probably been one of the most difficult things I've had to go through in my life. Long story short, I love this woman. We've been together for about two years. She just moved away recently and we decided to put things on hold and think a little bit. The problem is, so here you go. He's a good side.

Love her I could spend the rest of my life with her for sure this girl makes me laugh. I make her laugh I mean truly across the board I could spend the rest of my life with this woman. I know that we would never get divorced truly I truly believe that she's beautiful. She's awesome all that good stuff. There's one problem I Have a certain culture. I'm an Egyptian person and she is not I

And I'm a second generation. Arabic is my first language. My culture is so important to me that I know in the future, if I don't marry somebody of the same culture, my culture will fall away. It will begin to diminish and I'll be the first one and then...

say two generations later, I mean, there's four of my family. That is true. We really think about the pyramids, which is so long ago. Culture's kind of already fallen away. The language is gone. The tradition is gone. The culture is gone. All of it because I made this one decision.

So it feels like I'm choosing between what I want to do and what would make me happy versus something that's bigger than me, you know? And it's also instilled in me that I do want to marry somebody who's of my culture. I'm wondering if you feel anywhere remotely close to this. You're a second generation Greek guy. You speak the language. You eat the food. You cook the food. You get it. You got the holidays, the culture, the hang around, like everything.

The culture is everything. It's truly everything. So I do need some help on this. Also, the pussy's great, if you were wondering. That's big. That actually could tip the scales. But, yeah, I do need some help with this. Do I choose love, or do I choose something greater than that? Well, isn't love greater than you, too? That's right, yeah. No, I mean, this is... I mean, there's a couple things. I'm going to assume this woman's white.

Right? Like, that's kind of... Yeah, he didn't specify, but I'm kind of assuming that... Which, again, means just like the base... Means her parents aren't happy. Yeah. So it may not happen anyway. Yeah, it could cancel out. Her parents were relieved when she moved states away. Well, they moved her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's managing their bed and breakfast. So, I mean, look, there's a couple things...

First of all, two years moving away and being like, let's take a break. That is the first. That's an unrelated thing. But that's you're kind of in dicey territory here. Like, I guess he's he sounds very confident. He's got that Egyptian. He's got that Arabic. He's got that Arab like patriarchy confidence. Like, yeah, I mean, what's she going to fucking marry some black guy? Come on, bro. This is the good stuff. Yeah.

But I would be a little worried about two years and then not go like it's one thing if you're dating somebody casually and they move and then it's like, well, we weren't really in a relationship. Now we're going to do long distance. But he says he's been dating her for about two years and he decided to put things on hold because.

Does that mean you're not dating? Does that mean, like, technically you're single? That's... You broke up while you figure it out? That would give me a little pause, personally, because that could very well be a soft breakup. The two years and the, like...

Oftentimes when there's a break, one party is too much of a coward to begin the breakup, and they use it as like the foot in the door, and then it's the broken window theory of like a little crack on the window, and then next thing you know, that relationship is torched completely. There's hobos sucking each other off in there. Like, it's brutal, right? So that's one little minor aside, but that's not really the main thing we're talking about here. Yeah, I mean, this guy sounds a little...

He's sounding a little extreme to me. I'm reading the subtext here. She broke up with him. Okay. He's living in this reality. Yeah, yeah. That they're going to be together. In a couple, a year or two from now, he's going to write back in and say, Stav, I have a problem. I murdered that girl. Ha ha ha!

I don't understand why she had another family. I don't understand. We were in love. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think she's broken up with him. It's very possible. And maybe it could also be a commitment thing. Like, maybe she wanted a commitment and he wouldn't give it to her or whatever, whatever. And look, there could be... This also happens where it's a little sloppy and people get back together in that after. So just something to think about here.

But yes, he said a couple things like, this is bigger than me. You said a couple things like that, which is like... Sounds a little jihadi to me. Yeah, there is. It's a little fundamentalist, I do have to admit, yes. It's like, at the end of the day, you're a fucking human being, and it's like, you know...

How much happier... You're talking about this woman like you're certain that you won't get divorced. I love her. She's my best friend. I can spend all this time together. I've never felt even one quarter what this man is saying about a woman. Yeah. You know what I mean? I can feel that way about my wife. Yeah.

So like to me, to me, that's, that's a powerful thing, right? Like that's, that's something if you really feel this way and you don't think that maybe you're being a little naive and swept up in emotion, which also happens when you're young and in love. But if you really feel that way, that merits finding out if this is someone that you can really spend your time with, I think. And you also have to think like, what is important to me in terms of the culture? Like,

I thought about this too. It's like, look, if I find somebody that's not Greek, I don't give a fuck. Ultimately, it's like you want to find somebody you love, somebody that you think is a good match for you, somebody that you want to start a family with. But...

I will say, if I found somebody like that, and let's say they, I've also thought about, like, if somebody had a different culture and it was important to them, I would, I would want to, like, meet them halfway and, like, take some basic-ass language, you know what I mean? Take some classes, take some, like, you know, familiarize myself with the traditions, like, maybe do some of those holidays, like,

If you're thinking about this seriously, it merits the conversation with her of like, you don't know, dude. White women love not being white. White women love any excuse. It's their favorite thing right now. They love sneaking out of being white. You know how much this... If she's anything like a lot of the white girls I know, you know how much it would thrill her to say, my child is not white. I don't feel safe. The next time there's a fucking...

police riot to be like I fear for my brown child safety she dude she is she would be pumped to do that right there's a certain style of white woman that this is fucking you're getting them a get out of white free card and all they have to do is take a couple Arabic lessons you know what I mean like

Now, I don't know how traditional you are. I don't know, like, you know, I don't know if you wanted to convert fully to your, like, is your religion that important to me? I wouldn't give a fuck about Greek Orthodoxy. Yeah, I mean, how Egyptian are we talking? It would be just cultural. It would be, like, religion. It would be holidays. It would be that stuff. I wouldn't give a fuck about the church, right? So, like, you have to figure out what your, like...

Yes, in a perfect world when you're just not thinking about anyone, it's like somebody that shares all your traditions. But you have to think about like...

What's realistic? Where are you? Are you meeting to are you willing to meet her halfway? Are you, you know, have a conversation of like, hey, this is really important to me. Would you be interested in like putting our kid in? You know, like definitely I want my kid to go to Greek school if I had a kid. Right. Is there some equivalent of that that you do you want to raise your kids a certain way, even if she doesn't want to convert? And do you have a problem? You know what I mean? Like you have to figure out what's realistic here. And if you can kind of.

Because I think you can have your cake and eat it too if things go the right way. So I wouldn't – it's not black or white, right? It's like it is a little more – there's more gradations to that, I think. I also think like how many like Greek, Albanian, whatever people do we know that like emphasize like marrying another like Greek person but then their kids are really just like whitewashed, you know? Totally. You can like cook Greek food and –

Part of a big Greek community. But, like, how many, like, you know, through and through Greek people can we think of that, like, can't even really speak Greek or something? Yeah, totally. It's going to, like, happen to your kids, like, you know, especially if they're, like, second or third generations. Like, even if you're with an Egyptian person. No, that's a great point. You're not, like, your old school, like, parents or something. And, you know, he doesn't even really have, like, an accent or something. Yeah. I'm sure that shit is important to him, but...

how Egyptian are we talking? Like, you guys want to be buried in sarcophagus together? I mean, I'm sure you're many generations from that. Are you going to insist your maid be buried alive with you to keep the chambers tidy after you pass away? Yeah, she likes Egyptian moussaka, which is eggplant. She knows she can pronounce it. I mean, how Egyptian? Totally. She can say a couple words in Arabic, you know. And that's a good point, Eldest. Like,

even if you're with unless you marry somebody from like off the boat like unless you go to the motherland and find somebody bring her back no one's going to do the heavy lifting to keep your culture around for your kids that's like especially if you stay in america right it's you're going to have to be vigilant about it it's going to take a lot of effort and in some ways knowing that your partner doesn't have the like um they can't rest on their laurels they're

They might even work harder than some people from your background to make sure they have that, especially if it's a white woman that it makes her more interesting. You're really underestimating weaponizing how much white women don't like being plain at. How many girls trying out they them are there right now? How many girls are all of a sudden bi because they sucked one titty their whole life, but if they saw a pussy, they'd gag, right? Yeah.

You got a way she can avoid all that and be more interesting by raising your, you know, your Egyptian kids. So think about it, my friend. Ask her a few questions. Pop her the question. Are you comfortable being mummified? Yeah. That's it. Thousands of years from now, if somebody reads this incantation, are you prepared to haunt them slowly with your arms out? Those kinds of questions. Yeah.

Hit us with another one, big old. It's good, Stobby baby. I got a small problem. So I work an office job, like kind of a hybrid situation, and I have like this super fucking nice boss where he has this accommodation for me where we meet in the morning so I can kind of like, okay, this is the shit we're doing today. This is what I'm expecting from you. This is the thing, whatever. It's just really nice of him to do. He's super fucking busy all day. He takes time out of his day to make sure I'm on the right track. It's nice.

The problem is that the meeting is set up, I have IBS, and the meeting is set up at the exact moment every day where I nearly shit myself, and I just don't know how to tell this guy.

Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm just wondering if there's like a code word I should use or if there's like something I should say to kind of tell them that like, you know, nature's calling, you know, I'm kind of busy.

Thanks for any help you got. Love you. How about fucking changing your diet? I know. Eat breakfast a half hour earlier. You know, like, your boss, your high-powered boss, who's taking a personal interest in you, and presumably a field you're interested in, like, rising up through the ranks. The problem is you have to shit at the same time.

What's the one thing that's a little easier to move around? You shitting or his fucking completely packed schedule? Like, this is crazy that you're asking this. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what the? This didn't dawn on you? Dude, I shiver to think about what the rest of this guy's life is like. He can't figure out this dilemma. This guy can't go to the movies. He can't fucking do anything for more than 45 minutes at a time. Yeah.

I mean, dude, I mean, we're joking, but truly, what the fuck? Eat breakfast earlier or later or whatever is causing this. Don't have coffee. I know IBS is a real thing. I've known people, but like you can hold it together for fucking. You can, there needs to be, you need 10 minutes of your day to not shit.

and you can't pull that off? Using all your resources, you can't keep 10 minutes shit free? That's crazy. I will say, once you get on a regular schedule, it is hard. Today, I skipped my morning shit at home. I had to shit, like, the second I, like, got in here. But he's got to, like, I think he just needs to start, like, you know,

playing around with his shit schedule at home on the weekends. Absolutely. Experiment with different shits. And yes, yeah, God forbid you be ever late to something, Elvis, or not punctual. You do have a very high-powered boss, that's true, whose time is very valuable. Yeah, it's not like we can't have literal meetings while you're shitting in this off. Like, we literally can hear each other shitting in the same adjoining bathrooms. But,

But I know it's like hard, but it's like, yeah, that's difficult. But it's like, look, it's also difficult to get your boss's attention, presumably, at a place like this. So...

I mean, I'm kind of like, I don't think you're actually going to cut it in this job because if you're not, if you're too stupid to even consider that as a solution, maybe this guy has a, he's picking proteges poorly. If you're too dumb, if you're too dumb to problem solve this yourself, that's fucking crazy. But anyway, good luck. Get some more fiber in your diet. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking insane.

Oh, this is Bobby. This is Ian. I'm from Seattle. So I'm in a situation. I'm like, I just got out of prison like seven, eight months ago. I'm in the process of getting my daughter back. All right. Good for you. But she's been there for like four years. So she's grown and really attached to these people.

you know, so I'm trying to get her back. So when I call her, she's crying and says she doesn't want to live with me because she doesn't know me that well and everything. So it makes me feel like a bad guy, but I'm trying to do everything I can to make it feel like the situation easier. So I don't know if I should just like,

Okay, yeah, that's tough. Giannis has a take. Go ahead, Giannis.

Let her stay where she is. She's safer. So, yeah, where is she is kind of what I'm also wondering. Like, what are we talking about here? With somebody else? Like, in an orphanage? Like, what is it? Like, is she with her mom or her mom's parents? I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess her mom's maybe not. In prison. Yeah. Maybe her mom's not. Whatever. Like.

So it depends. I mean, it really depends here, right? Where it's like... It also depends what he did, right? Yeah. To go to prison. Like, if he did some tax fraud, maybe make her understand that I was just trying to give you a better life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you, you know...

If you tried to kill a guy or whatever. I mean, look. Maybe you go, hey, baby, I can understand why you don't want to come home. Yeah, yeah, totally. But he's like, she's been there four years. That's not, you know, he probably didn't. Nothing crazy. Nothing crazy. But it is good because he, the fact that you are even thinking about this actually shows some self-awareness and empathy for a situation where it's like,

And it would be very natural for you to be like, fuck that. That's my kid. I want my kid. So the fact that you're even considering like, is this like, should she stay there? Like whatever. And I think you also have to be honest with yourself, right? We don't really know the answer to this because the answer to me, I think is if you are,

you know, really ready to provide a stable situation for your daughter where, you know, whatever's in your past is behind you and you're really working on your shit and you trust yourself to not fuck up again. And I'm not even saying going to prison, but just like, you know, we're all irresponsible people here. Like, I know I'm not, you know. If I had had a kid, and believe me, I was eligible to have a kid a couple times and we dodged a couple bullets. And if I had had a kid...

I can't just my lifestyle would not have been conducive to having a kid like I know I'm not. And if somebody was like, do you want me to raise the kid or do you want to live with you? I would have been like, let it live with you. I'm fucking I don't have I don't live anywhere. I'm gone every weekend. I'm I have this is the only chance, you know, the Illuminati don't give you a chance at show business more than once. I have to take advantage of this. So it's like I'm not even being judgmental about your situation, but I'm saying, like, be honest about it.

you know, what you're able to provide for her right now. To me, not knowing the particulars of the situation, I would say you're probably better off kind of looking at this long term, right? I don't know how old your daughter is exactly. You said she's been there for four years. I don't know if she's like five, six, whatever, if she's literally four. So she's been, you know, she's probably a little older than that if she if you had some kind of relationship before that. But

Just off what I'm hearing right now, I think you're better off...

kind of earning back that relationship with her because you did. Ease into it. You know what I mean? Like, you did... We all make mistakes, but one of the, you know, probably worse than going to prison for you is, like, losing your daughter's trust. Like, that probably feels way worse than just fucking being in jail or whatever. So I think the answer here is, like, yeah, dude, ease into it. Earn back what you lost, you know, because you made a mistake, whatever the fuck. Get her to the point where it's like...

She's not crying. It doesn't make you feel like a bad guy. You have a real relationship with her. She knows you're somebody she can trust again and maybe move into visitation and visits and weekends and then a week here and there. I think it makes a lot more sense to...

You also want to feel secure so that you can really provide for her. And then it's like, figure out what makes sense. I think it's more of a transition thing than a like all or nothing thing here for her. And it's because it's probably not healthy for her to be kind of going back and forth. And let's say, God forbid, something happened. And you're just like, you have to, you know, whatever, just like.

Even if it's just like you have to work a ton, right? Because I'm sure like this country doesn't treat felons very well, right? It's not like you're going to get a job with a lot of PTO, right? Like right out of the gate. Like whatever it is, you want to feel fucking secure that you can provide something good for. And I think...

That's my that's my hunch is kind of ease into it. Get a real relationship with her. Be somebody that matters in her life. Somebody that can help provide for her. That's like there for her. Go to her fucking recitals, her games, all this shit. Earn that back to the point where you're somebody she wants to be around and you're somebody that can support her to the point where you're not even having if you're thinking, is she better off where she is?

She might be. You know what I mean? Like, if that's even something you're thinking about. So, like, make it undeniable that it's not, and then ease into it when you feel comfortable, when she feels comfortable, and I think it's probably going to be a lot healthier for her. But...

That is damn good advice. I just don't know the particulars. Yeah, like that's... Yeah. It sounds like, like you said, it sounds like a good guy. He wants her back. Totally. Thinking long-term? You got to think long-term because it's not about the next year. I'm sure it would feel nice for you to like snap your fingers and your daughter like...

just as stoked to see you right now. But you got to think about her at 20. You know what I mean? You're used to doing time. Just do some time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do some time. Put some time in. Yeah, because you want her dating nice guys like Giannis' father, not Giannis. That's right. You know what I mean? You don't want me. Girls like this end up hanging out with guys like me if her dad isn't chill. You don't want her hanging around the comedy show at 2 a.m.,

Some fat guy, you know, 10 years older than her is like, yeah, I guess you can come back to the hotel, whatever. Never going to talk to her again. You know what I mean? You want a better life for her. That's all I'm saying. This gets me in the feels, though, because I got a daughter, so I feel this guy. I actually think your advice was, like, docketing.

Dr. Feelgood. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was like, yeah, just ease into it. She doesn't really know you because she's obviously really young, right? Totally. So that's what he says. She doesn't really know him. So little by little, just, you know, tell her, hey, you could stay with you. I'm like, you know, I don't need to just want to come see you. Have a convo with her. Get slow. I'm your dad. You know what I mean? Yep. Yeah. Yeah. You'll get there, buddy. You'll get there. But it's good that you're even thinking about it and you're not being like a fucking dickhead. Like, I need my fucking daughter. I don't give a fuck. So you're on the right path.

Hopefully he called in pretty recently, Eldest. That's not like a call from four months ago. We see on the news a guy's broken into an orphanage, abducted his daughter. There's a manhunt on for right now. That actually was pretty recent. That was a week ago. Okay, great. So hold on another couple weeks, pal. Yeah, you know, people like that don't do anything drastic during the holidays when they're feeling lonely. Yeah.

Come on, buddy. Make it like 10 days. He was waiting last episode. It's in an air. He's like, fuck it. I was waiting for Stompy to tell me what to do. Give me the kid. Give me the kid. Nobody gets hurt.

Go ahead, Eld. What else we got? Dobby, baby. Fucking congrats on the special. Watched it three times already. Fucking, you killed, bro. Big ups. I called twice already, but I fucked it up both times. So let's get the story straight right now. Here's what happened. We have a group of friends, mixed gender. We have both females and males in this friend group, and we're all pretty tight. Close-knit, I'd say. But the problem is, I went ahead and fucked pretty much, like, the ugliest girl in the group. And...

What I really fucked up is I let her up. I'm assuming you're the ugliest guy in the group. We're a real tight-knit group. Anyway, I fucked this fucking slam pig that we let hang out. Anyway, go ahead, Fred. We're all really good friends. We all really like each other. But this wildebeest sucked my cock.

And I'm trying to fuck... I'm going to guess where this goes. And I'm trying to fuck the hotter looking whores in this group who I respect, again. Let me make that clear. Anyway, all right. Well, fucking within your friend group, I mean... I just think this is one of those cases where the dude has no self-awareness about how he looks. It's very possible. He's like, I fucked this pig, but like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love... Let's see what else we can glean because I'd love to... I just wanted to highlight that because my guess is there's a lot more to make fun of this guy about.

And what I really fucked up is I let her on a little too much. Like we fucked. Yeah, whatever. I mean, if it was a one night thing, that's whatever. But we spent three hours cuddling in bed the next day. I was talking about our dreams and aspirations. Yeah, you did that. Now, you know.

She caught feelings and I don't want to like... Dude, I don't know what happened. I took out a fishing rod. I put a worm on it. I put it in the water. And now this fucking fish is on my rod. And what do I got to do? Like you acted exactly how somebody who likes somebody acts.

You're the dickhead. Again. I think he's ashamed that he likes this girl and his friends may not think that she's hot. That happens a lot with young guys. Because that's another fatphobic issue in this country. Plenty of guys like big girls, but they're afraid. Or even girls who are cute, but aren't traditionally attractive. Young guys oftentimes...

are worried about what their stupid boys are going to say. So that's one possibility. I'll stop interrupting him. Let's just finish it. Sorry. Eat her on, and I don't want to be a huge asshole to her because then it'll reflect on the whole friend group. I might lose some friends over this. So my question is, how do you make a woman subtly hate you without making the whole friend group hate you? Yeah.

That's the big question because I don't want everyone to hate me. I don't want to just fucking blow her off and then I'm out of the friend group. I just want to be like, hey, this one person hates me, but that's okay because we're all still friends. So how do I subtly make one woman hate me without ruining the friendship of the whole group?

I love you, bro. Thank you. Bye. Yeah, I mean, this is textbook exactly how these friend groups get ruined. I mean, this is just pure early 20s. He works on television. Yeah, exactly. So much of Friends would not be possible. No. Didn't Joey fuck Rachel for a part of it? Yeah, and Chandler was doing drugs. Yeah, I know. Thank you.

I think you're thinking of Matthew Perry. That's the real story. One of them likes pills. So, look, dude, you're...

Again, I think, Giannis, I think you're completely spot on here where it's like he's a little in denial about his own feelings potentially. And now he's trying to flip this into a larger thing of like, well, I don't want to ruin the whole group. Like, you have to be, what do you feel? That's first and foremost. And what do you look like? I want to see this guy. Send a picture for another episode. Yeah, he should send us a picture of everyone involved. Because I want to see what this guy looks like. That's true. We need to start doing that in select cases. Yeah.

Um, that's what I love the lot. We started experimenting with live calls and some people started sending us like picture. It's not, it's fun to be able to get like, like more context here. Yeah. But I will say this is a class, but again, this is a classic way of how these like early twenties mixed group, like these always end because somebody fucks somebody and either one person catch feelings and one person does it or they ended love triangles or like

Almost never. The only time it ever works out is if two people start fucking and then they end up like actually being good together. And then that actually strengthens the group. When there's like a strong couple in the group, then they kind of act as the group mom and dad and they can kind of like adjudicate issues and all this kind of shit. You're not in that situation whatsoever. You need to understand. So you don't, if you're being honest with us and you really don't feel anything for this girl, then you just need to

You need to just say that. You need to be a good guy. And that's the closest thing. That's the only thing that could potentially save the group. You'll probably have to take a breather for a little bit. You'll probably have to like this, you know, chill a little bit. Just chill with the guys a little bit or like whoever you're closer to. Maybe you might have to skip out on a couple group hangs and then slowly or even just tell her like, hey, look.

I really like you as a person. I got caught up, you know, we had some chemistry, but I think like it's not right. I don't really want anything serious, but I value you as a friend. Is there anything I can do to like maintain that relationship? If you need me to go away for a little bit, I can do that.

But she might just be like, fuck you. Like, you led me on. You were being, you were saying sweet. You wrote me poems. You know what I mean? The cuddle got me. The cuddle, all right. Yeah, the three-hour cuddle. Jesus. The three-hour cuddle next day. Somebody's having a good time. Not just her. You were having a good time. You were having a good time. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. There's one ripcord emergency solution here. Okay. It's not scrupulous. Yeah, please. Yeah. No, no, we have to give them all their options. Yeah, here's an option. You say, I realize that I'm gay. Okay.

So then you gotta pretend to be gay for a little while. That's true. You kiss one guy. Until the feelings wear off. Right. And then you come back out and say, I've rethought it. I'm bi. Yeah, I'm bi. And then you ease back into straight. Yep, yep. Then you ease back into straight. By that time, she's forgotten it. Yep, yep. You know, you give her that talk and she, of course, is understanding. Right, right. I'm gay. I'm a gay guy. I'm gay as hell. I had a great time with you, but that's,

That was the cuddling was about. And that's what the cuddling was about and the emotional availability. The best time during that for me was the talking. And that's why. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Those are your two options. And because you cuddled for three hours, I suspect that it might be true anyway. Yeah.

It's certainly not off the board. It's certainly within the realm of possibilities. It's possible. So, yeah, dude. Either clear, open, honest communication or an even larger lie. A larger, completely, like, life-defining lie. Sometimes if you're already in, you got to go all the way. Yeah, yeah.

How much do you like watching football with these people? How much do you like hitting the bars with these six people? All right. Good luck, buddy. Good luck, little bud. Savvy, baby. How we doing? Elvis, what's up? Guest, what's going on? Question today. I am a dude, 32 years old. Been with my current partner for a little over four years now.

And she's the same age as me. And her best friend just gave birth a couple months back and just found out a few weeks ago her older sister is also pregnant. And she is getting that baby fever. We were just away with her family and told her dad about the pregnancy. And then her and I had a huge fight that night over it.

And I have always been staunchly against having kids. Uh-oh. My parents did a really good job of fucking me up. And I don't really want to pass any of that trauma along or anything. At the same time, I had both an aunt and an uncle who were wonderful to me and were essentially my second parents. And they don't have kids. And I was...

Really always looked at that as the role I would play in my family and my friends' kids' lives. I'm not sure what exactly to do. We've talked about it. She's not 100% convinced she wants kids, but definitely seems to be leading that way more and more. But with us getting up in age and all of her friends and family making that choice, my mind has not wavered in the slightest. I've never even had a small desire to have kids. Damn.

Maybe save this question for a guest who does have kids so they can get their input as well. Thanks a lot. Love the show. Well, I mean, I would say hold the line, my brother. This is tough. This is the toughest time. But then again, once they're born and they're cute as fuck, you can introduce her to this podcast and just have her listen to that, and then she'll be like...

If I want to have kids, you're not the guy. Yeah. Right. That's true. I mean, that is the... That's really what it fundamentally comes down to is like you clearly don't want kids. Clearly. And you know what? Good for you for being open and honest about it. And hopefully you were this open and honest at the beginning of the relationship as soon as it came up. Because if you've been honest about this...

And that person knew that this is how you felt, that it's like a red line for you. No kids. And it's like he's even like he's not even one of these weirdos. They're like, I hate kids. Those people freak me out. He's a guy who's got a reasonable look at it. He's like, look, for my own reasons, I don't want kids. I like being in kids lives. I want to be a very supportive uncle. And that's why I'm I'm also of the like 50 50 in my personally where it's like I could go either way because I'm

People might, you know, he'll have kids at some point. My brothers, or at least one of my brothers is going to have kids. My friends, my cousins, whatever. I love the idea of being the uncle. And if I were to be with a woman who's like, if I were the woman equivalent of this guy, I'd be great with that. I'd be like, cool. My life's going to be easier, I'll tell you that much. Everyone who has kids, it seems like a bit of a headache, right? But then again, if I were to be with somebody who was like,

I 100% want to have kids. It's like, you could probably talk me into it, right? But that's, he is the like, I'm having fucking kids. And your girl seems to be of the like, waffling person. But it also sounds like,

She might have even at some point been like, I definitely don't want kids. Because I've definitely had friends who are like, I don't want kids. And then they get a little up there and this exact same thing happens. And like, I've even softened my own stance seeing, you know, like you meet babies as you age. But seeing a baby you care about, seeing like your best friend's baby or your fucking nephew or something, you're like, oh, I get it. You want to care for this thing. So...

If you know you don't want... You have to suss out whether she's serious about this. And if she is, you guys got to get... Fucking break up. And the sooner the better. Yeah. If you're in your 30s, like...

She's on a clock and you're not. So it's like, don't do that to her. You're trying to run out the clock. And the more you fucking run it out, the older she gets, the harder it gets. It sucks for women, that part. It's brutal. Did you know you wanted to have kids your whole time? No, no. I never even thought that far. Wow. No, no. But you weren't anti, you just didn't think about it. I wasn't anti, I just didn't think about it, yeah. And...

Yeah. Having kids is great. Yeah. It's like nature takes over. It's not like a, so I think, I don't know what happened to this kid, right? So he said his parents messed him up. I don't know if they were in a cult or they molested him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe his parents fucked him a bunch. Right, right, right, right, right. That'll do it to you. That'll do it. You have three ways with your parents. You're probably not going to want to be a parent yourself. Yeah.

So in that case, I can understand. Yeah. Other than that, I mean, anyone who has kids, I think if your parents didn't fuck you a bunch, I think it's the greatest. You know what I compare it to? It's like starting comedy. Remember how brutal that was to climb up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you didn't really kind of notice because you loved it so much. And you were just in the zone and your whole life was about it. Right, right, right. Like you wouldn't do it again if you thought about it. Like, God, I got to do that again. Yeah, yeah. So it's like that with being a parent. Like it's hard, it's tough, but you love the kids so much that you barely notice how hard it is. Right. And then the challenges become different and they're less time consuming even though like, you know, and hopefully it pays off and you don't have a fucking piece of shit kid.

Yeah. How you doing? You think you're doing good? No piece of shit? I think I'm doing good. How many kids? Two, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The love you feel for your kids is a new thing. It changes you. It softens you. It...

Especially, I think, when you have daughters. It's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just all the asshole parts of you, you start rethinking. Yeah. You're like, whoa, a woman I respect? Yeah. You're like, this is strange. I care about... I think she's smart. Yeah, yeah. And I want her to do well, and I don't want to take advantage of her. Yeah. This is a new feeling for me. Totally. Yeah. Yeah.

Even with my wife, it's still like, fuck you, get out of here, fuck it. But anything for my daughter. So yeah, dude, good luck with this. I mean, but this is just like a... You have to... I think...

You have to deal with this head on and you have to be realistic about it. And she has to be realistic about it, too. Because to your credit, you've been staunchly anti this. And if it comes up again, you might have to really be like, hey, if you want kids, we can't beat. I'm not the guy for you. And that sucks because you probably it sounds like you have a great relationship. You've been together for a while. And that's really brutal for you. I can see I can see him feeling like.

crestfallen because he's like, hey, I told you I don't want kids. I was building my life with you and then all of a sudden you just like turned because you saw some... That's a good point actually. I feel bad for you too if she's flipped on you. Now, if you weren't ever this open about it and you kind of were like, oh yeah, we'll see. You're kind of a dickhead too but either way, this is something you guys have to... Because you know...

What your what your stance is you definitely don't want kids you need to figure this out sooner rather than later And that's really hard and they could be fucking very sad. You're also 32 You probably you probably thought you were done and now you got to get back out there. That's brutal man Yeah, that's really tough, but you know for a guy 32. It's can be nice. Yeah, can be nice You can unless you gave up unless you're in a husband mode yes, and then all of a sudden you're like oh no I'm fucking fat as shit. I'm bald

I know I haven't gotten pussy in eight years from a stranger. How am I gonna do this? Cost-benefit analysis Good luck little buddy. We're getting some good questions here all this very good job of producing my friends Just started listening to the podcast a couple weeks ago really enjoying it guys and

I just got a question. I wanted to kind of see how you guys feel about it. So, man, I fucking... Pause it for one second. Basically... Definitely a black guy that grew up around white guys. Just wanted to point that out. I'll keep my ear out for more hints of that. Like work on fucking water treatment equipment all day, water softeners, water purification systems, ice makers, shit like that.

Um, and you know, man, I, I really find that at the end of the day, I'm not a big drinker. Um, but I do like fucking sitting down with the joint at the end of the day, man. Um, got a daughter, been married for fucking, uh,

Forever. That's what it feels like. I've been married for five years with a thin girl from high school, and I'm super happy in the relationship and everything like that. I just, sometimes I feel like a piece of shit, and I don't know why, man. I mean, I enjoy smoking it. I don't really think there's anything wrong with it. My wife does it. It's not like I'm getting a bunch of pressure at home or anything, but...

Um, I don't know, man. I live in Indiana, so it's not legal here. I have to go to Michigan to get it. Um, and that's not really it either. I just find myself lately kind of just like feeling like a piece of shit for smoking, but also at the same time, like I don't want to stop. I enjoy it.

It helps me relax at the end of the night. I just... Wait a second. I don't know, man. I wanted to know if you ever kind of, like, looked at it like this. But again, I enjoyed the podcast. Keep it up, guys. Yeah. I'm starting to think black guys not only didn't grow up around white people, but, like, adopted by a white family. Yeah, yeah, probably. Like, adopted by, like, a white evangelical family. You have, like, such serious guilt issues here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your problem is I enjoy something and I feel bad about it. And it's like, no, dude, just enjoy it. His wife smokes weed. No one in your family is pressuring you. You're just... This feels like there is some...

uh, nebulous, like, you know, somebody punishing you, but you feel like you're not good enough. Like this does feel like guilt, religious guilt stuff going on here. It's not legal. Oh, okay. Now we got, now the criminal, the U S criminal justice system tells us what's right and what's wrong. Come on, dude. Fuck that. Weed is who gives a fuck about weed. Um,

It's not as bad as alcohol. You're, yeah. It's literally better than alcohol. You're better off having a joint, you know, smoking half a joint every night than you are fucking polishing off a six-pack every fucking night. That's not your problem, dude. Your problem is you live in Indiana. That's the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. That's what you want to change. Can you move? Can you move somewhere that's legal? But...

I'm more... So let's just very quickly say there's no problem here. You should feel good about this. You work hard. You've been in a relationship with the same woman. You're very happy. Like, you're a good dad. You have a good job. Like...

You more than deserve to smoke a little weed at the end of the day. And what I'm more curious about is like, I think you need to examine why you feel this way. Like, what is it that's making you feel guilty? Do you have a problem? Do you like not? Are you never able to feel pleasure? Like, are you a are you uptight in certain ways? Like,

There's something there that I think is a key to just kind of understanding yourself better and knowing things that are, you're probably robbing yourself of happiness. And a lot, this is probably not the only facet of his life where he's kind of like over intellectualizing his own happiness or like, or like not letting himself enjoy something. Cause I know, I know that feeling too. It's like,

I'm trying to work on that and I'm trying to be more present and enjoy the little things and stuff like that. It's okay to work hard as fuck and just be like, I cannot wait to go home, fucking smoke a joint and pass out. After a hard day's work, that's fucking nice, dude. And so it's like, why don't you let yourself feel good shit? Are you happy in every other aspect of your life?

Are you repressed in some other aspects of your life? Like, there's a little self-reflection I think you need to do here. Because every reason you're... You have given no reason other than it's not technically legal, which is bullshit. Come on, man. Let's be honest. Yeah. I will say, and as someone who, like, you know, smokes weed a pretty good amount, like, you know, it's crazy when you're an adult. You look back on your life, like, after high school, after college, whatever, and it's like, have I gone...

a week or more without like getting fucked up without getting really drunk or without like getting high or something right when you kind of look at it in the big picture like that there is something to like okay well is it like normal to just like go that that long or something like with without without any time like getting fucked up which i mean the the point is really what you were saying stuff which is like you know if you do have something that's like you know

nagging at you about like your weed use like yeah it is it is worth like looking at it maybe examine it maybe maybe even taking a step away for like a month or whatever you want to do just to like see how you feel and see if there's like a difference or something it's like worth it's worth like trying something like that or well yes i agree but i think the key thing here is like

He's it's not affecting his life. It's not affecting his family. It's not affecting his job. It's not affecting anything. He enjoys it. Right. Like I definitely currently feel like weed is partially ruining my life and I need to stop. I've been fucked up every day for I don't know how long. Right. Like I've smoked a little weed pretty much every day since.

shit got very stressful around here and I just used it as a pure coping mechanism. I'm just using it as drugs. It is not good. It has fucked my life up a little bit, but I just need to relax and I want to turn my brain off so I get fucked up every night, right? I need to stop that. I know that. But that's a different situation that this guy is up against, right? And there's definitely been times in my life where I feel like weed is really working for me in that way. It's like, oh, just chill out, smoke a joint, and watch a basketball game, go to bed, whatever.

So, you know, as long as it actually isn't fucking your life up, then yeah, dude, as long as this is the only thing you're worried about, there's no reason. But if you ever want to take a little break, that's healthy too. Like, you just need to know it's whatever makes you feel good here. As within, whatever makes you feel good and doesn't fuck your life up. The second it starts fucking your life up, then some of that guilt is warranted and maybe you should take a step back. But for now, you're good, bro. You ever have any kind of, you ever really get in there with anything?

No. And the substance really gets in you? Weed's no good for me because I need to think less. So weed somehow reacts on me. Yeah. You're not smoking. You got to break on through to smoke more. Yeah, that's what it is. You're thinking a lot. You got to break the sound barrier where you're like, there's a lot of like noise and then you're like, and then it's like, you don't even have a brain and you're like, oh.

Oh, I love when he's killing the guy that killed his wife. I hope he catches the guy who killed his wife and gets revenge. And then you get to watch the worst action movie you've ever seen, and it feels like you're watching, you know, Goodfellas for the first time. That's what you got to do, brother.

How are we doing on time, Al? There's one more. What do you think? We're at 140. Oh, it's flying by. What a fucking episode. Let's do one more. Yanni, you have anything you want to plug to the people before we do our ultimate question here? Come see me on the road if you like to. YannisPappasComedy.com for tickets. I'm in a bunch of cities and my podcast, The Yannis Pappas Hour. Check it out. I love it. Check it out.

Go see Giannis on the road. We're off the road, so go see. This is a perfect time. We don't have any. We're not plugging. Although I guess we should plug the fucking make updates. We had to make. I got COVID fucking embarrassingly. I got COVID like four weeks ago. So we have to make up. What is it? Detroit, Grand Rapids, and Dallas. We'll probably put ads at the beginning of the thing, too. We'll plug your shit at the beginning, too. But yeah. Thank you. Go see Giannis. Listen to the pod.

Oh, you can watch my special on YouTube, Mom Love. Yes, yeah, watch that. That's good shit, baby. All right, Eldest, let's see. Will Eldest blow? This is one of my favorite parts of the episode where it's like I tell, it's all right, man, end with a good one, and he blows it, I would say, 60% of the time. So let's see what we got here. Hey, Sov. I called earlier. That's true. I made it way too long, so I'm going to try to make this more concise. So long story short, I am 38, and I've been...

Seeing a girl who I was under the assumption was in my age group for about six months. Hey, man, work on that when you have to talk to the judge. That wasn't very... It didn't work.

You kind of breeze past it under the assumption. I would talk to a lawyer about the exact language. Absolutely, yeah. Didn't buy it for one second. For that amount of time? You didn't know? You didn't know when she picked up a cartoon coloring book? Did it tip you off when she couldn't order alcohol? All right, let's see what we got here, Elde.

What?

Not necessarily a huge deal-breaker, but the main problem is that I was very clear that I thought she was in my age group, and she never really thought to correct me. What do you mean by that? So I don't know if that's a deal-breaker or if I should keep hitting her. Did she though, or did he just use like... I was very clear. I referenced Gen X. I was talking to her about pavement and watching the Terminator in theaters. Like, what do you mean you were very clear? Like, that's the thing. Were you clear?

Did you ever say, you're 35, right? Also, like, damn, what the fuck does this bitch look like? Do you think she was the hottest 35-year-old ever? Yeah, because you have great skin. Yeah. Also, six months, and you never figured out your girlfriend's age? That's crazy. Like, you...

One month, max, where you don't figure it out. You're just not a very observant person or like a good boyfriend. You sound fucking stupid. You're a fucking dumbass, dude. You're a fucking idiot, dude. All right. Anyway, let's see what he's asking us here. Or if I should keep seeing her.

Just because I do like this girl, but that does seem like a weird thing to lie about for almost six months. Or I guess not necessarily lie, but, you know. I'm not going to lie. I have a mission when I mention several times that this conversation has come up before. So I would love your opinion on this. Thanks, man. I'm not clear on the facts here. Yeah, I'm not clear on what do you mean she just let you believe she was in her 30s? I don't get it.

Anyway, whatever. Let's say that's the case. This feels more like this guy is trying to completely absolve himself of the guilt of being in the age gap relationship. Yeah, maybe he's really dating a 16-year-old and he's just trying to get a feeler for how to word it. Yeah, yeah. Let's say she was 24. Yeah. Because if so, yeah.

Yeah, this is... How would you phrase that? This is dipping his toes in the water. Yeah, I'm a little confused, to be completely honest here, where I'm just like... Because he's... It's also... It's weird to be like, hey, the problem isn't that she's 14 years younger than me. The problem is she lied to me. Like, that's what's weird. It's like, he doesn't really seem to care about... Which, again, it's like, the thing about...

It's just like, it's not illegal or it just could be a little weird. 38 and 24 is kind of, you know, that's a bit... Once we're... You know what, though? Like, imagine...

You're 38, which we basically are for all intents and purposes. It's like... Yeah, I guess you're right. It's like... Would I date a 24-year-old? Yeah, I probably would. You would try to fuck or even date like a 24-year-old. For sure. And you wouldn't... 25... Academically, my cutoff would probably be 25. But then you hit it off with a 24-year-old. You're like, well...

Yeah. Basically, 20. The point is, like, you wouldn't give a fuck. I wouldn't give a fuck. Of course. But it's like there is something weird about, like, that being withheld from you that you're like, that's the part of this. Never get through. They're both clearly adults. There's not that issue. Right, right, right. The lying part. But I'm not clear. I'm not clear. And like, and how did she lie? And like, how did you not know for six months?

Like, unless she was trying to mislead you, and then why would she mislead you? Because it's like, here's the thing. When you date younger women, they love making fun of you for being old. Yeah. One of their favorite moves. I've experienced it many times, right? How did you not pick up on the fact she didn't know who Pearl Jam was? Yeah. Like, there should have been clues along the way. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know, man. Unless she's like the talented Mrs. Ripley and just like did homework. Yeah, is she a liar? Yeah, yeah. Is she like a... But why would she? I just don't understand. Are there any other warning signs about her that make you pause and like, is this like the beginning of like, oh, wait, she also did this like weird thing the other day. That's actually a great point. Yeah. That's actually a great point. You know, I feel like...

Think about, like, why she would want to withhold this for this long or something or, like, not be clear. Or think about why, like, you're a dumbass and, like... To piggyback off that, what you're basically saying, and that's a good point, is, like, because of this, did you think of other stuff and go, oh, she also... Is it a Kaiser Sozi type situation where it's, like, it all starts to come together? Yeah. Where it's like, wait...

wait, her name's not that and she does have a dick and I didn't know this. She doesn't have an apartment or a home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been to her place. She's a guy. Yeah. She's married. She's married. Like that, you know, that's true. That's definitely, I've had friends who like,

That kind of shit has happened to her. One innocuous lie is you pull up the thread and then it's like he has a second family. That's always a wild moment too when you're like, oh, wait. He's been living with his fiance and it's like, oh, he doesn't travel for work. He just can never take me to his house because he's married. So yeah, I mean, I just need a little... The problem with this one is we need a lot of context. Like, where'd you meet?

I'm guessing an app, but then apps actually list the age, so probably not. Did you meet with, like, friends, like, and nobody told, like, I just, I need a little bit. He's like, well, we met, I was actually her tutor eight years ago. I was actually her tutor 10 years ago, and we've kept in touch. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I don't know, dude. I need a little more context here, unfortunately. Now, Eldest didn't blow it because we did get a nice couple jokes off. So you did a good job, Eldest.

But I do... This is a guy that I'd love to talk to, actually, on a real... On like a call-in episode. Subscribe to the Patreon and join the live call-in episode on the Stoddy's World Discord channel. Subscribe to the Patreon. You're a 38-year-old man. We'll get to the bottom of this. You can afford it. You can afford five bucks a month, and we'll get to the bottom of this. Yeah, keep me posted on this one. I'm curious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a cliffhanger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a cliffhanger. Sorry to end the ep on a cliffhanger, folks, that will, let's be honest, probably never be resolved. Yeah.

But thank you. A beautiful new year to everyone. May this be a year of triumph for everyone in the Stavis World family. Thanks. Thank you for coming, my friend. Great episode. And we will see you guys next time. Bye-bye.