#45 - Sal Vulcano
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Welcome everybody to Stave's World, 904-800-STAVE. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We got my boy in the studio, Sal Volcano. Thanks for coming, Sal. I love you, baby. How's it going, dude? Take me a minute. I've been trying to get on for a while. It's exclusive. We're like, sorry, Sal, we got to smoke weed and do news stories about...

Walrus is fucking each other in the ass. We do do a once a month Cush Brothers episode. So if you ever want to come back and get high and read the news. Are you insane? Can we do that today? What do you mean? I don't even want to do this one. Sorry, I have stuff to do. We can't do Cush Brothers right now. I have to do stuff after this podcast. Oh, man. We will absolutely keep you in mind. Sorry, I did Cush Brothers all day. Yeah.

No, yeah. The schedule's funny. This is Queens, bro. I know, yeah. This is Queens. This is authentic Queens, man. Yes, yes. It is funny. I do like, I mean, you make people go to Staten Island to do your podcast. Well, not anymore. Okay. Now I'm downtown. Downtown. Wow, nice, dude. Downtown. Wow, that's big. Petula Park, you know who that is? No. It's an old song. Okay. I know the song. I didn't know if Petula sang it. It's before my time, but I still kind of know.

I do know the song. I was not familiar with Petula. Yeah, you came to Staten for me. I did. Yeah. Yeah, you and Chris. That was a good time. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, yeah. Oh, downtown. I'll come downtown. Wow, you're moving on. How does it feel like you're a trader finally? Because you hung on to Staten Island so hysterically long. It's like a place to do business out of. Not just live there.

And commute. It's one thing to subject yourself to living in Staten Island. But you made everyone, you know, I was happy to go. But everyone, I mean, I make people come to Queens, but. It was like, we started during the pandemic. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And so we weren't going to go nowhere really. So we weren't really having guests at first either.

So I was like, look, and I was doing two and we started with the exact same time, Taste Buds and Hey Babe. So I was like, guys, if you can come to my house, I'll gladly film here. But it's going to be hard for me to be running out because my schedule is crazy. It was at the time crazier than theirs. So we started there. But then after like a couple of years and a half, two years, it was like, we need a space. And I just, it's just my office. It was already my office. So I just converted to that. Because you really are Staten Island's favorite son. Yeah.

You know what I mean? There's a few of us now. It's debatable, but I'll take it. Well, you know, sure, Pete Davidson, of course, but come on. You came through. You clung through. You came through with True TV. Yeah. With bloody knuckles. Yeah, man. You know what I mean? Making your friends do quasi-racist stuff in a grocery store while you laughed. You know what I mean? What's this quasi bullshit? Yeah.

We don't do quasi. I'm very surprised. Season 10 is in the middle of airing now. It's been on December 15, 2011 was the first show. So it's going on 12 years on the air. That's crazy. And it's like, yeah, I'm surprised people aren't like, well, what about this one in season two? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it would be so funny to, the impractical jokers are problematic. Now it's like, what are we doing, guys? Yeah.

It's a prank show. They're having a good time. But it might swing back around. Not this one. If there's like a swing and then we go really crazy. Yeah, yeah. Maybe in like 20 years. Swing back. Gen Z's kids might uncover Impractical Jokers. My syndication is going to be demolished. It's over, dude. It's over. Why is Murr in Kabuki makeup? What?

They have the deleted scenes. The loser has to work in a happy ending parlor for you guys just watching him give sexual favors against his will. Do you want to be a writer on the show? I'm actually trying to. That's what this is about. The cameras aren't on. I just need to get out of podcasting and into writing. We don't really try to curb anything in the moment, but in the edit we're like...

Do you ever think What about the like Cause you've had I like that you guys Have started doing The You know you'll have Like guests on Where it's like Like Eric Andre's fun Like you just have Like prank People that are good at pranks I think you guys There's gotta be like The gritty

Impractical Jokers reboot where you guys go like full like times jackass. It's like you times jackass. And it's like you guys got to start drinking horse cum. Things got to start going in your asses. I mean for sweeps week. For sweeps week. Horse cum for sweeps week. I'll do it. You know, sweeps. Yeah. We're sex trafficked. Loser has to get sex trafficked. Oh my God.

All right, series finale. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the end. Tune in for a very special. Yeah, that's what I'm saying about Staten Island. Because you stayed and you're just like, you got the nice house, the nice apartment. You legit like it. You love it. Well, the thing is, so I went to college in...

I didn't go away. And so then I started working in the workforce downtown in Manhattan when I first started. You know, out of college, I have a degree in finance. Oh, really? Hilarious. Yeah. And then I started working like at Prudential Securities and like the mutual fund trading systems. Oh, wow. I was a business system analyst. I didn't want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's how I got that job. Yeah. I didn't know what to do in college. And so when they arrived and they make you pick a major, I was like, I

I don't know what to do. Literally, I don't know what to do. I want to make money. Finance means that. So I took finance. No interest, didn't know anything about it. Somehow graduated with it. Then I didn't know where to apply for finance. Which school did you go to? St. John's. So we got Queens and St. John's. So then my best friend's dad worked at Prudential Securities for like 30 years. So I went on one interview.

And they hired me in the back, though, like operations, which is like an entry-level job. Yeah. And it had nothing to do with the finance degree. I see. And I worked there for like a year, and then there was another... They ever haze you? Do you ever get... They have to put a gimp suit on or do anything for... You know, finance. Wolf of Wall Street stuff. Oh. I'm not making the connection. I did walk around jerking off. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it was so not that. It was like literally this. It was like everyone got hired right away in the back office. It was actually crazy. It was like not professional. As a matter of fact, I think

back on it right now if it was in this day and age that whole place would be wiped out not me but like I what of course but um and then like there was another we had a huge floor and there was another department on the floor that was a business systems analyst and they basically helped build the trading systems and they worked with the brokers they're the middleman boring as fuck and I don't know anything about it I just know how to explain it there's the programmers

And then there's the brokers. And then they don't talk the same language. So I had to have knowledge of both. And I was the middleman. So I would take what they want, tell the programmers, and we'd build it out. And when I say that as well, it sounds like more than I did. I kind of tiptoed around. Of course. But I kept failing up. And then they gave me a... I was an assistant vice president. What? Dude, I was there four years.

Maybe they were grooming you to be a fall guy. I don't know what they were doing. They hacked in your emails. You have enough experience to be a vice president. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just sign here. You, the guy who literally in the cafeteria to save money would take a Dixie cup and instead of filling it with Diet Coke, I'd take the chicken figure tray, dump it in there, throw out the tray, cap it, put a straw in, and then pay $1 for a Diet Coke that was $6.

chicken fingers sweating my balls off because if I was cold out there I don't know what really would happen let me say something right now they thought I loved soda yeah I knew all the tricks I'd be late and before I would go to my desk late I would just go into the bathroom drop all my stuff in a stall

And then at like, I was supposed to be at like say nine or whatever. I was at like 9.20 when I got in late. I dropped all my stuff in the stall. Then I'd walk back into my desk with a paper and just be like, I was in the bathroom. Nice. And then like a little bit later, I'd run back and go. Anyway, so they promoted me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved fail. It is very fun to find the bullshit, like how to just not do shit. I mean, I was a paralegal for a mortgage company.

um and this was during the like you know when they were just taking people's houses like it was right after the crisis yeah and the the more it was like a mortgage law firm but it was like so you got anyone it was good yeah i mean it was literally i was a telemarketer for something called american government mortgage

before the crisis that was directly leading to it right and then i worked as a paralegal literally no i worked paralegal and and my firm's like yeah come work at this law firm it's pretty chill whatever they were evicting people and i was like i can't be a part of it like morally i don't want to be a part of this so i was just like i'm just gonna stop working and you know maybe i'll get a couple paychecks out of it and they didn't fire me for like nine months dude

It's like all you have to... In these corporate environments, you just kind of have to be like a fun person. Yeah, yeah. Like people have to like you. They have to like... The work does not matter. Dude. You can go years with the work not matter. It's so awesome. I was the guy who was a comic, right? Yeah. Because I was doing comedy and like I was writing comedy and doing sketch and stuff. And I had shows so people would come. So I was the guy. So they were having a hiring...

Bonanza. That's an official word. Yeah. The other thing that pulled me away from my entry job, that business is in Dallas. They hired like 140 people in one summer or something like that. So I jumped on there, but then I was the comedic relief and they would do cool stuff once in a while, like have like,

you know, a day that was a potluck or something, whatever it was for whatever reason. And they play games or have raffles, some stupid shit. So we would do like, who wants to be a millionaire? And they'd be like, oh, Sal will host it for the whole floor. And then I remember one time we did the one where you're supposed to be mean to people. The weakest link. Yes, the weakest link. That British bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, I wonder how many people develop like,

sub fantasies as a result of that. Oh yeah. There probably had to be so many subs watching that show. Yeah. Because it didn't it never made me horny but I was like there's something I

I don't hate this that much. I was like, this is piquing my interest. Maybe if she had bigger tits, I'd be in. But it was the first... This will put you over the edge. She was like, name the capital of New York. And they're like, Rochester. She's like, no, you piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was that famous... There was a great Will Ferrell... He played her on SNL. And there was a great SNL sketch. At least, I thought it was great when I was in seventh grade when it was going on. But I do remember that lady's energy being like, yeah, this...

Plenty of people would pay for her to call their cocks pathetic while they jack off. That's how she is. She exists. Yeah. There is that version of them out there. Like a British, older British. For sure. I surfed, you know. Yeah. No, but. You're doing the weakest link. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, I mean, that means I've been to a degree. Right.

And I did. And they liked it. But I went in hard on the person that everyone hated. They were like a big boss. Oh, shit. And she didn't like it. And then, like, everyone's laughing. We had the music. Like all that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she was like, all right, well, he's the comedian of the group. Like, I was like, oh, God. You know what I'm saying? Okay.

But I just, again, I just was likable and I did, you know, stayed under the radar. And I was like, I can't do this. Of course. So they were having layoffs with severance. So I was like, I'll save someone's job here. You just, could you, you can save me? Yeah, at that point. Because as fast as they hired, like two years later, they were like, oh, we don't have the budget.

Right, right, right. And then they fired, they were laying off people. Then I chose to be laid off, got a severance. And then like a couple of weeks later, they called me and said, do I want to come back as a consultant? And it paid, literally paid severance.

65% more than I was making. I was making like, I just had gotten that promotion. And they did it formally with like a letter and everything. And then I got like, I was making like around like 60, low 60s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. To call someone an assistant vice president and pay them $60,000. Yeah, well this was 2000 and...

What are we talking about? 2000. 2000. Oh, okay. So for me, I was 24 or whatever. But I was like, no. And so I left and then they were like, and then they came calling back and consult. We want to do consulting work for a hundred thousand.

And I What a beautiful system And you know they got that money Like some old lady Like bought stocks Trying to retire And they sold her bullshit And they were like Oh yeah Oh we have extra money To have Sal come in And tell us What would you even consult on I don't even know

What my I think it was like my exact job you had no sense you had the I mean yeah, I mean that's exactly I didn't know shit I had a book about mutual funds under my desk I'm not shitting you like a textbook like one on one and like sometimes they would say shit and I'd be like yeah I'll get right back to you and I would literally go look it up and I had to say like buzzwords and stuff but we had to give presentations and shit I just

There's so many little nooks to hide. You had the opposite of what happened to Eldis. Eldis, remember that shit, dude? You basically... Eldis has worked somewhere...

Again, we lived together at the time, so I remember him being like, can't wait for... They're laying people off and he's crossing his fingers. Remember, you didn't get the first round of layoffs, right? Yeah. And then he was so pissed he didn't get laid off. And then you get laid off, best day of his fucking life, you know? And then later he has to come back. What was it? You had to come back and then you were applying for jobs again.

He works for the fucking company that did a hostile takeover of his company. Had slashed salaries. So Eldest went back to a shittier, less paying, harder version of his old job with his fucking tail between his legs. That is brutal. He was out here. We were living together. He was out here. And it was like...

The company that hired him, their whole strategy was like, you know, oh, we got to get clicks. Like, you know, people have to read our stuff. It was this most... No one is reading the news on the internet. And no one's going to this bootleg-ass website. Right, right. It was like... And Eldest would have to fucking... Extra, extra.com. Dude, it was so fucking... I don't want to say it, just whatever. But it was...

Truly no one on earth would ever be like, what's going on today? Let me go on this website to fucking... And so Elders, we would all be like hanging out in the fucking room. Everyone's in the living room watching TV. And I was just like, hey guys, I need the TV. I have to make a slideshow or like a carousel post about the CMAs.

He would have to cover every fucking... I do, like, galleries about award shows. Like, a live winner's list and, like, a red carpet fashion. I would just, like, download things off Getty Images and, like, add it to this, like, gallery. Yeah. Talk about... It's hilarious. One time, Saav was, like... I was working on one of these, and he was, like, this is hilarious. If your guy's, like, website completely went under tomorrow, no one would notice. Yeah.

And since I started working with Stav, like, that literally happened to that place. Like, they're like, we're not going to do any more content. We're just going to focus on other shit. And, like, the content completely did go away. Yeah. And no one gave a fuck whatsoever. They're like, oh, he's an employee of the month. He got four clicks. No, literally, how many clicks would these galleries get? It depends, but, you know.

On average, you're probably looking at like a couple thousand clicks or something. If we had something get like... His full-time job was... Could you imagine that? Yeah, yeah. And he worked so hard on it. How did that go on to day two? Yeah. It was such a house of cards. Like on a good day, we'd get like, you know, if we got like 30,000, 40,000 views on an article, that was a good day. Oh, you'd walk around being Nick Swing. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm taking an extra 10 minutes for lunch. My favorite was the funniest thing that happened was that like, what was the Michael Jackson thing? Where it was like, because it was like local affiliates too. Or was it R. Kelly? It was like...

there was like something about like people in jail or in trouble, like artists with like, you know, dark something. Yeah, something salacious. This is my chance to shine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, it was like a local affiliate of it would refuse, like the Atlanta station was like, we will not badmouth R. Kelly. They were like...

They're like, we will not put this on our fucking website. It was like, really? You guys are still holding it down for R. Kelly? Sometimes I... The only thing that's going to get you clicked. Yeah. Sometimes I would cover the presidential debate.

Well, this was like the red carpet and the fucking, and the politics correspondent for literally a website no one read. Yeah. Like, I don't even know how those, how the people would even get those quotes. And it was hilarious because any political shit, we had to like soft shoot Trump so hard because like our readers are like very conservative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to be like, I had to just write the most bullshit shit about like Trump and stuff. So,

So then you even had to report it skewed. At least it has something to do with the world. I hate it. I had nothing. No connection. Didn't want to be there. Didn't like it. Don't know why I got with it. Don't know why. It goes back to choosing finance. I didn't want to do any of that. I've never applied it ever. You had a nice little amount of money. I left that job after four years.

And then that's it. I said I want to focus on comedy, so I became a bartender. And that was the end of that. I didn't take the $100,000. My parents were like, you've got to be kidding me. You've got to take that. And you were living, were you taking the ferry in? What were you doing? Were you living in Staten Island? Every day, bro. Wow. Taking the ferry in. Well, here's how I lucked out. My building was one New York Plaza. It is the very first building off of the ferry. That's awesome. So, you know. Yeah. Nice.

It was real easy. But my boy used to come. It was fun working there. It was like the Wild West. Of course. You know what I'm saying? And my boy who worked in the cubicle with me was from Staten Island too. We had three guys in the cubicle. And he smoked. I didn't really start smoking weed until late in life, like 2018. Sure. Right? But this dude, I'm talking 23 years ago, he smoked BF.

Blunts, chain smoke blunts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I didn't really smoke. That was definitely a type of guy in the 2000s. Yeah. Because it was like, it was. Not a joint. No, no, no. Like blunts. And these are guys that can't get their lives together at all, right? They're. I love the kid. But.

But, like, they have nothing. You know, you ask them, like, hey, my mother will die if you don't mail this letter in in two weeks. Yeah. Can I trust you to do that? They will not. No. But at a time when it was hard to get weed, these guys had, like...

They were never out of weed. That was the one thing they were... And it's not like you would go to a store, you'd have to track down a guy. These guys would have like four different dealers. They were professionals at that and just that. It was insane. Insane stuff. They would have like a humidor. They would keep their weed in like a humidor. And it was just like, it was crazy. But then even our first supervisor, like the first level up from us, our supervisor, he would go at lunch, just smoke, come back, bloodshot eyes. I love that. He was like...

30 years old in this. And then he would come back with bloodshot eyes. I can't say his name. And then he'd just walk around the floor literally roasting everybody and saying inappropriate shit for the rest of the day from 1 to 5. And I mean inappropriate shit. He turned around one time and went, anybody got a big dick? I mean, there's 200 people on the floor. He goes, anything over 6 inches, I'm sucking.

That's awesome. He used to call me and the other two guys, and he was our supervisor. Yeah. He used to be a cab driver, and he worked down there, and he was like 20-something years in. And he just... Me and the three guys, he would be like, whenever he wanted us, he'd be like, ladies! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like, you couldn't get away with that shit. Of course, of course. At one point, he pissed me off so bad because I was trying... He's the person that had to train me. So I got zero training. Of course. No, zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had to like...

then like act like I knew what the hell was going on. It was all his fault. And I got started to get mad because he smoked every single, I don't even know what you do, but he couldn't even answer my questions. Right, right, right. And then I looked like an asshole. So then I started to get mad and he would come in and be inappropriate. So I started taking a log of everything he said and I would write down the date and the time. I would never do anything. Of course. But he pissed me off and if he ever crossed me, Right, you had it. Maybe I'd have this arson. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People are like, why the fuck didn't you come to us sooner? What are you, just keeping this for revenge? You're letting this guy ask women if he can smell the seat after they get up? He did that. Yeah, I believe that. He did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all in life. It's a very traditional, yeah. Get up, I...

That shit, he used to say that shit. That's a classic move. Not everyone was like that, but also everyone was just like, ah. Yeah. It was crazy. But my boy. So what's Bachelor Sal doing? You're in one New York plaza. You got this 60K a year. What's it like, bro? Fresh out of St. John's. What are we looking like? I mean, what are we doing with our hair? Facial hair? What are we doing? Yeah, so in college, I had the Eddie Vedder thing going on.

I was in the heart of grunge. No joke, I had hair down to here. I could pull up a photo. That's awesome. I have it on my phone. That's fucking sick. And then when I got out of college, I had to go into the workforce, so I cut it. And then I became a little bit more of like... I was never like a Guido guy, like Staten Island guy. I liked... Oh, so my nickname is Sally Retro, but that dates back to high school because...

I, my first girlfriend was like into like vintage stuff. Yeah, my first girlfriend was 65 years old. They called you Sally Retro. She was into vintage stuff. You know, the stuff she owns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would let me borrow her blouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, but we used to go like to the Salvation Army or to like these places in the city that sell like used, like vintage shit. And so I would dress like that, but not a lot of people in Staten Island all the time did. Of course, of course. But I would go in hot. You were a trailblazer, yeah. I would sometimes wear bell bottoms. I would wear those old leather jackets that like, like, like,

like Reverend Jim Warren taxi. Yeah. Like that. Or sometimes I'd wear like the big collar polyester shit, dude. I'm not kidding. I used to wear literal like leisure suits. Yeah. I worked in the school with a, like literally a light, like a seafoam green leisure shoe. That's awesome. It's a tough one to get. Yeah. Leisure, leisure suit. Yeah.

And so my buddies sort of called me retro, and then that just stuck. So that's what I look like. Interesting. I didn't fit in at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was friends with her, but I didn't fit in at all. What do you think that was about? Why did you have to be so different, retro Sally? I don't think I had to. I just think, like, I gravitated toward it. I liked it. I liked it. I didn't, you know. So I just kind of, that really was what I liked. Because, I mean, I say it because, like,

I had a little bit of that because I grew up in Greektown where it wasn't Staten Island, but it was like definitely the predominant thing was Guido, like Guido Light, right? Like Greek people have, Greek American people have a lot in common with like how Italian Americans present themselves. That was definitely, we had a lot of frosted tips, a lot of like Caesars, you know what I mean? Like a lot of that shit was going on. And I definitely, I wasn't quite...

I didn't have the access to, you know, like the, but I did, we were definitely kind of getting into thrift. Like we, we wanted to be, cause this is like, and this is like, you know, Jen, not to date you, but this is a, you know, a couple of years later, but it's the same thing. Like we're talking about the mid two thousands for me. And then not, you know, the, the, the nine, probably like 10 years later, whatever. But it was the same thing of like, cause for me, it was like,

I need people to know I'm better than these people. Like, that's what I'm saying. It's like, there was part of me that's like, I am not one of these animals. You know? So it's like, I'm wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt. You know what I mean? Like, it started there. Like, I definitely had this. And then there's also, I guess there's another thing of like,

I went to Baltimore City Schools. You're one of, you know, it's 85% black. So you cut people, the way like white people expect a certain thing from black people, black people expect a certain thing from their white people. So I was kind of playing the part a little bit too, where I'm like, like on the football team, I'm talking about how much I love blacks. They're like, yeah, we have a white boy that loses the black Sabbath on our team. You know, and they think it's like satanic.

Right, right. You know, they're all religious. They all have like grandmas that make them go to church for four hours. They're like, damn, we got a crazy ass white boy with long hair that listens to the devil's music. Meanwhile, they were all into that beans, greens, potatoes, bananas, grams, bananas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. Meanwhile, I was lying. Like it was like, I,

I mean, I still like that music a little bit, but I was really just on one level. I was like, I need these fucking Greek animals to know I'm better than them. Right. I need them to understand I'm going to, I'm not running my dad's, I'm not selling cheese steaks, low grade cheese steaks to in the, in the hood and my dad's carry out. I have loftier goals. One day I'll be talking about my penis from sea to shining sea. Yeah.

One day I'll be talking about not getting hard in every major city in America to thousands of people. I need them to know I was born for more. And then it was also like, I also just want to, you know, I was just performing a little bit for my black friends. Performing, like getting into classic rock and stuff like that. Even though I was big, it was like, I went to Greece one summer and listened to my, you know, cousin's,

And then I was like, this is my personality for two years. I don't listen to 50 cent anymore, which I did. And then I was, and then in college, I was like, what am I doing? I was like, I was like, I am this, I am sort of this guy. I am a little more like my, you know, Guido. I am better than them. Let me be very clear. If we grew up together and you're running your father's carry out, I am better than you. I was at the time. I still am. That's facts. Yeah. That's just pure facts. Right. Right. But,

But there was just like a little... I just felt like for me... So that's why I don't want to like project onto you. No, no. Because it was all about like where you're fitting in. Was there a little bit of that? Like did you feel like you're not... Because you're also, you know, South Volcano, very Italian name, but you're half... What is it? What are we talking about? Cuban. Cuban. Puerto Rican. Cuban, Puerto Rican, Italian, right? Yeah. And then also a little bit of actual Spanish, but Cuban, Puerto Rican, Portuguese. Yeah. So like is there like a little bit of that too where you're just like, I just...

you know, is everyone just a, is everyone like that one guy who got mad at Robert De Niro for saying fuck Donald Trump? Right. That's what I think of of Staten Island, right? Like, so was there a little bit of you being like, I have to differentiate myself here? Well, nothing was political ever. Like, I don't think I had a political conversation until about three years ago. Yeah.

My parents weren't political. No one I talked to was political. I didn't even really get the big division between parties. I didn't grow up in politics. It was just, you're a dicker or not. I didn't hang out with dicks, I'll tell you that much. It just wasn't me, but

I did feel, I think in high school, there was more of, oh, what's like, what am I supposed to wear to match everybody? But like in college, it just kind of, once I like, you know, once I got a, like, I guess like a girlfriend and once I kind of like started to be able to have some freedom and go out and shit, I don't know. I just would find myself going to the city, going to the Lower East Side and stuff. And I actually used to get like, it wasn't like you where it's like, oh, we got a guy, Black Sabbath, they would make fun of me. But anyway, I was the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you didn't, you weren't into like a, there was not like a scene of those people. They were, you were in St. John's and it's like, what the fuck's going on with this guy? Yeah, pretty much. That was the vibe. You and my closest friends were like, oh, you don't want to write poetry? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I used to write poetry. I used to get drunk and write like. Drunk and do poems? Yeah. I used to get drunk

I was doing acting. I was taking writing classes. I was doing a little stand-up. I was doing, you know, I was writing short films. I made a bunch of short films. Yeah, yeah. I was like into that. I was going to fucking museums and shit. I really was. And I like jazz. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Like, old school hip hop. Like, I like a lot of music. Sure. Like, I'm really into it. But, like, I used to go to, like, jazz clubs sometimes. Right, right, right. They would have a field day with it. Of course. That is a little... If you're doing that stuff in college, it is a little bit...

For people to see you as the guy who does that. I wouldn't even tell them. You know who I wasn't like? Did you ever see If You Need to Leave? Yes, yes. I think you should leave. I think you should leave. Yeah, yeah. You've seen it? Yes, yes. I think I know who they're talking about. Roy Donk? Yes, the sketch with...

Tim Heidecker. Heidecker, yes. Yes, where he's just being the guy dropping shit that he knows. Not that at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just would be like, I just would go and not even tell them. But like, I got into it. I would make friends there. Like, there was this place, Smalls Jazz Club. It was down on Grove, like right off 7th Avenue right there. And it was legendary, famous. And it would open up at like 10, and it would stay open until daylight, like in the morning. And...

There were nights they had like open playing. And so musicians from good to bad would go and you would just hang and it was BYOB. It was cool, man. Yeah, that's fun. So I once saw Max Roach, who was like the most legendary jazz drummer of all time. You're doing it right now, by the way. Dead now. You're doing the Roy Dong thing right now. I said Max Roach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same amount of syllables, but it's a different guy. That's cool, though. Your music tastes very meat and potato style.

Wow, Max Roach. Get the fuck out of here, Sal, really. It's like saying Michael Jordan out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's the only thing. That's the only time that ever happened. So I was always like, oh my fucking God. That is fucking sick. It's like being next to everyone else or whatever. But I used to go and people stayed through the goddamn night. So I'd get like a six pack of Heineken. Sometimes I would go alone. Sometimes I would go on a date or whatever. And then I'd just drink and watch it. And then I realized it was $5 to get in unless you were playing.

So I used to tell them. But then they never followed up once you got in. As long as you walked in with an instrument. Yeah, you come in with a case that's just full of butt lights. You have like an oboe case. It wasn't even that. It was pathetic, but they allowed it. I brought spoons.

I swear to Christ, man. I said, I'll give it a flyer. Worst case scenario, they mock me and I pay $5. And I said, I'm going to play tonight. He goes, what do you got? And I was like, I play spoons. That's incredible. It wasn't two spoons. It was like... The whole set. No, no. It was like these spoons that were connected. I don't know if it's like...

I don't know if that's the proper instrument or I just bought something that was old. But it was these spoons that like almost were connected already. Like clackers? Yeah, like that, right? So... Did you ever give him a whirl? He left. I did. I'll tell you right now. I didn't do it there. I told him he left. I was like... And he's like, go ahead, get in there. And then after that, they knew me and I didn't really... Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my boys are in this band called the Budos Band. The Budos Band. Yeah, Budos Bearded. The bearded ones. They started it 20 years ago. They went to public school in Staten Island. They're all about my age, maybe a little older. And they're like,

it's Afrofunk. They were inspired by this band called Antibolus, like these really good bands, right? And they became fucking an amazing band. They now have 10 albums. Wow. They're still doing it. They toured the globe. That's awesome. And they were on this, now it's going to sound like I am doing it. I'm like, they're on a Daptone label out of Brooklyn. They're like,

You know, like Amy Winehouse. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. A lot of them played in her band. That's awesome. I don't know if you know Sharon Jones or Charles Bradley. Yes, I actually do. But that was their label, and they're on that label. Cool. And they ripped. That's awesome. It's so goddamn good. And so one time I was like, can I come on stage and play The Spoons? And then my friends were like, yeah. They set up a mic at thigh level.

And I went up there in the middle of a sold-out concert. At that time, they were playing something like Bowery. It was still like 600 people. And I just went up and played the spoon. That's awesome. But were you on TV at the time, or were you just their boy? When I did that... Either way, it's funny. It's funny either way. Yeah, yeah. Especially if you were just starting with Impractical Jokers and you weren't known in your own right as a stand-up. If people were like, I came to this show, and a guy I've seen...

Doing some in my dentist's office. It's like, he's playing the spoons. It's like, what the fuck is going on? That must have been like, that's beautiful. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I'm trying to get them to play on the cruise. We're doing a cruise this year. Did I even talk to you about the cruise? No, no. We would love to have you, but I don't know if you've ever been on a cruise. Cruises are a tough sell for me, my friend. I've never been on one outside of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is our fifth cruise. We used to do them every year until COVID hit. I thought we wouldn't do them again. But we curate the whole thing. Nice.

Like it's just 100% Alice. The boat is Alice. We commandeer the boat and we book, I basically made it a comedy festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I book like 15 comics every time. That's sick. Like three, four bands, three, four DJs. It's a,

insane party it's just being on it and i don't want to you're here partly to plug this and i don't want to be like yeah cruises seem like fucking bullshit to me fundamentally okay so yeah andre's co-hosting that's awesome yeah and uh i don't have like there's big names i can't announce them yet though it just seems by the time this comes out it'll be out cool cool yeah i just like to me fundamentally a cruise is one of the worst possible things you could describe to me

I would think so. It's like, you know, where it's like, now your cruise is one I would consider. Yeah. I also think like on a cruise like that, it's a double-edged sword of like, it's kind of like you're trapped. It's like, there's no going away from the fans. You're kind of trapped there. It's a commitment. But I learned how to do it. We learned, you know. First of all, I make myself accessible immediately. Yeah. Not like flood me, but like I,

You're around. As we leave, we get on stage and we address everybody. And it's just like, look, this is four nights, five days. We're going to be around. I'm doing 16 shows on this thing between podcasts and this. That right there, I jump off the boat. No, you don't have to do that. I do that just because I want to be. I don't have to. Of course, you want to do it. You're the host. Yeah. So I give everything. I always lose my voice and get sick by the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just like, you'll see us. Don't go. You know, like...

I trust me like just be chill we want to set the tone here and like we're all here we're all not going nowhere we don't want to make you walk the plank for asking for too many selfies and then we do it and it's cool I end up walking around some people go every year like I see them you know

They book their vacation around us. So I want to show up for them. But it's fun. I do also have a floor of my own. That's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have our own pool up there. We can eat up there. But you need that respite. But also they have security guards with us. So we also go to the back channels. So it's very, for me, it's doable. Own floor is huge. Own pool is huge. A boat with nothing but your fans, you could probably get your dick sucked.

maybe five times a day. Easy. Yeah, I would say probably more. Yeah, yeah. I'd say if your dick is out and you keep it out... You could be like, I'm going to this corner with my dick out. Well, there'll be a screening process. But...

I'll have, if it was me, Eldest will be checking. I will let him know. He will be on FaceTime. You won't be able to see me. He'll put the camera onto you. I will give him a nod or I will give him a thumbs down. If you get the nod, come over, suck me off. You sure you don't want to go on? Yeah. You got a plus one. Yeah.

No, I actually never even got it. Even when I got on television, I'm so neurotic. Are you a girlfriend guy? You feel like you might be. Yeah. Like a serial monogamous guy? I wouldn't say serial, but I've been in like, if it's there, I've been in three pretty long-term relationships. Okay. And they've been pretty long, like six, seven.

Damn, bro. And there's years in between. And when I'm not doing it with a girlfriend, it's like Caligula. Yeah, okay, nice. I don't know if you know that reference. We do. I don't, but I've heard it said. Oh, yeah. Well, let me tell you this. Caligula, I believe Dame Helen Mirren's breasts are in that movie. Really? As a young woman. Well, that's what I mean. Like, when I don't have a girlfriend, I'm always sucking on her breasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've been hung. Yeah, you're on again and off again with Dame Helen Mirren is what you're saying. But you ain't seen some of the movie. That's what I mean. No. But no, no. Yeah, I mean, you know. There must have been a sick moment. Because like, I also envy the, like, there was definitely a moment for you where it was like, oh, I am now famous. Right? Yeah. Because it was like, and you got to like, you got to be on TV. You got to make your own show with your friends. Because like, I envy that. And there must have been like a thing of like,

I'm going to have the sickest year of my life right after that. You know what I mean? Where you were Caligula. You know what I mean? No, no, because I was in long-term relationships. Oh, oh, oh, I see, I see. And I didn't, you know, I don't really. It never popped. No, I don't really, I don't really, you know, I stayed loyal. Of course. Yeah, you don't seem like a cheater to me at all. No, I try to stay. Which is interesting to do a podcast with DeRosa and DeStefano. Yeah.

It's like your pure energy cancels them out barely. You're like, oh, you're to the max. You're like, between us, we don't cheat, but only because of how faithful I am. I'm keeping us together. I don't even look at other people in my eyes.

But also, like, I was weary of meeting someone brand new that knew me for that. And I'm telling you, it's a real thing. I mean, you know it. You're famous now. I mean, you really are. But that's the funny thing is, like, it was cool for you because it's like, you made this show. You worked hard on it. You and your friends were in this group forever. Like, it must have felt like this accomplishment where it's like, literally, it was like, we just started posting on TikTok. Yeah.

And like, don't get me wrong. I definitely had people come up because of Comptown and stuff like that. But it was a year of posting on TikTok. And it was just like one day people started coming up to me. And I was like, huh, this is weird. Like it literally happened in Vegas where I was like, and I was like, oh, it's Vegas. People, you know, a lot of people are coming. And then I was like working on some short film and people were just like coming up to me. I was like, this is strange. And then I was just like,

I've just had to make... Like, it's a very strange thing to be like... Because, you know, you're supposed to have a TV show. You're supposed to have, like, a movie or, like... And I guess my special did well. But it wasn't like, you know, my special was everywhere. It still was, like, a niche thing. But it was just, like, this weird thing. I mean, it's millions and millions and millions of views. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? It was like...

It's just a weird thing of like your brain is just like, yeah, I guess I just do it from posting. From posting I'm famous. Like that fucked with my head. And yes, now it's a little different though because yeah, I do think

In a weird way, it helps you where it's like people kind of know you from the internet. They don't fully, you know, like you guys, they have like, they really are in there. Because they watch me be me for that long. Yeah. And with their friends, like laughing. And it's such a fun thing. You guys really distill what people love about podcasts on that show in a weird way. Yeah. Like I think that's, I mean, that's part of the success, I think, is that like it is just having a good ass time with your boys. Yeah.

And they do feel like they know you, I would assume, the same way a podcast... And then you go on... The familiarity. Yeah. And those are like me and my friends or I want to hang out with those guys. Yeah. And so, you know, people are...

it's amazing. Like they love you. Yeah. And I'm so appreciative of it, but it is crazy too because there's the, you know, double edge, you know, because there's no filter. Yeah. Like there's no, like it's just whatever they want, whenever they want. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, where I am. Yeah. Like I'll get punched and I'll turn around and some guy I have a smartphone and I'll be like, he already has it out. I get punched, I turn, I see a guy who goes, talk to my wife. Oh man.

Oh, my God, yeah. The statin, I don't think, doesn't help either. I don't know about on statin, because that will happen on stats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's just like, you know, I'm, you know... But elsewhere, it's, you know, it is what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I remember the first time, it was...

It was less than two weeks. It was two weeks after the show began to air. So only two episodes had aired. Oh, cool. And I flew to San Francisco with my dad to visit family. And we were walking down by the wharf down there, by the prison or whatever it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're walking. It was like five or six. We were walking one way. And I hear someone behind me, a girl, go, Sal? Yeah.

And I just was like, I can't be. And I just kept walking. I heard Sal. I turn around. It's like a young girl and like two other guys, I think. And like, oh, my God, it is you. And they came up. Wow. And I go, do we go to school? Do you recognize me from the show? She goes, no, I know. I heard your voice.

I recognized your voice. That happens to me in a movie theater if I laugh. Yeah. That's my, like, I get, people won't know I'm there and then they'll hear me, you know, we'll go get fucking high, watch the dumbest movie of all time. Right, right. And I'll just have, and people will just be like, like, echolocation afterwards being like, dude, you know, you're here to see the Meg 2 as well? You know, like. I won't see it. Why? Because I saw the Meg 1 and I thought it was horrible.

horrible. Meg 2's good. I thought it was horrible. Well, it's not... I would say it's better than the Meg, the first Meg, for sure. In fact, I did not see the first Meg. I just saw the trailer for the Meg 2 and I was like, yes. That's why I went to the Meg 1. But then I watched it and I was like, this felt like literally like AI wrote it. It just was so bad. You're not wrong. They made a sequel, so they're good. Now there's

I don't know if you know this, they actually got into a deeper trench with even more large sharks. I didn't think it would go that way. Yeah, it's just much... But here's the sick thing, Jason Statham fights sharks with a sword.

So I will see it. Yeah, yeah. That was what hooked me in the trailer was he just got a sword out. And he's about to fight a giant shark. And it's like, how? How is this what you're trying to do? I got some new weed. And like last night, it was a pretty strong weed. And last night, I smoked it. And I never really have any time to myself except for late at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So usually my girl goes to bed like sometime between like 10 and 12. And I'm always like used to be 12.

But now I'm in the window of 10 to 12. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes... So she went to bed last night. I wasn't tired. And I was like, this is the only time... This is my hour. This is the only time I feel like this has some connective tissue to my life before. To retro Sal. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I got high. And then I was like, I'm going to watch...

I made this wish list on Apple TV of all these old movies I never saw starting from like the 50s. I love it. But through the 80s, 90s. Send me that list. I will. But then it's also like ones I want to rewatch. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's that thing where it's too much to choose from and I was high. Yeah. And so, no joke, last night I watched, no joke, I watched like 30 trailers. Yeah.

At first to be like, let me see if I want to do this. And then I was like, Oh, that was fun. And I always, I have a rule that I have to, it has to be at least three options. Okay. So if I'm like, I'll keep that as an option and I'll go until I get it. But I was high and then I kept, and I was like, I'm enjoying the trails. Like,

I feel like I'm doing Cliff Notes. I remember that. I get that. I watch Robocop, Commando, Lethal Weapon. I watch a ton of them. And then I was just like, I'm just going to keep watching trailers. And I just watched 25 trailers and then I just went to bed. Really accomplished nothing. That's like making a meal of just the free samples at Costco.

You know, just being like, just putting them in a big bowl and being like, here's a chicken bake. Here's a little piece of lemon meringue pie. Here's a fucking tortilla chip. Costco is amazing. The best. I love Costco. Big Costco guys around here. Me too. Yeah. They, they, because they get it right. The,

First of all, the rotisserie is great. But also their pizza, the hot dog, the chicken bake. Don't get me started on the chicken bake. As a fat child, there was nothing I looked forward to more than my parents. The chicken bake thing? Yeah, getting to go to Costco and having a 750 calorie chicken bake snack. You know what I mean? This thing that was the length of my arm. I was like, I need that. Don't even get me started on that. I remember when it came out.

Oh, yeah. Bakery's top notch. Bakery's good. And don't sleep on the liquor either. Did you know that they actually buy name brand liquor and license it under their name? Pour it into their own bottles. Yeah. So you're drinking like kettle when you buy those or whatever. It's the reverse of being in a frat where it's like you would pop off into a Grey Goose bottle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Kirkland. Kirkland takes Grey Goose, puts it in their bottle. I once worked at this bar that had me do that and I refused to do it. Oh, my God.

Because I felt bad because I had the patrons coming in and knew me. I didn't want to do that. And I was like, this is fucked up. A man of honor. I was fucked up. A man of honor working at fucking Merrill Lynch or wherever for five years. No qualms there. Letting his boss sexually harass everyone on the floor. I would look up celebrities' addresses. I swear to God. Oh, really? I had accounts and stuff. But I am not. The game I would play all day long was we would find the biggest celebrity's personal information. And.

We didn't do anything for them. Of course, of course. Or who could find the funniest name of an employee? And I got you right now. My two golden gooses were Hilda Cockram. Hilda Cockram, great name. Which you think is a great name? Yeah. Step aside. Here comes Luba Cunts.

L-U-B-A-K-U-N-T-Z. Luba cunts. Beautiful. I mean, I found that name 23 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You should have a, you should have, you should put it in a locket with a heart and just like open it up. It just says Luba cunts. Like someone, if you know Luba cunts. Yeah. She used to work with Sal 20 years ago. Yeah. She didn't work. I went like company wide. It was like the database. Oh, company wide. Oh, anyone that ever worked for the company. Damn. We have to look up Luba cunts, Eldis. Yeah. Uh,

that's so sad. I'd love to, I have many more questions. You got to come back. Yes, babe. But we have to get to, you know, both of us are on a tight schedule here. You know, we have to get to, uh, we have to get to, uh,

We need your expertise with our callers here. Okay. I would be remiss not to have the true king of Staten Island. That's right. Take that, Pete Davidson. There's also Colin Jost and the Wu-Tang Clan. Wu-Tang... And Melissa Milano and Christina Aguilera lived there at times. Doesn't count at all, and you know that. You cannot even begin to claim Melissa Milano. They won't say that. Yeah. Jost, look, I just...

You can't give Staten Island to a guy that looks like that. Yeah, he went to Harvard. You know what I mean? He actually worked for the Staten Island newspaper for years. Yeah. So he's legit Staten Island. You know, it's funny. Wasps are a lot what people...

they're like when people say Jews control the media, it's a lot of guys that look like Colin Jost. Actually, that's actually who controls the media. That's like whose uncle really owns it. That's the right. The writers might be Jewish, but you know, the editors, but yeah, the guy who owns, you know, a paper looks like Colin Jost. And then, yeah, exactly. Listen, he's,

So his family is, I've known them since before any of this. Oh, wow. So his brother is one of my best friends. Cool. And actually, he started out as a PA on my show. Whoa. I knew that he could do more, but I couldn't just shoehorn him in. I had to make him prove himself. Of course. So he came on for a season, let everybody meet him as a PA. The next year, he was a writer. Nice. Within three years, he was the head writer, and now he's the director. That's so sick. Casey Jost. That's awesome. And then they're just good people. I mean,

I would think that about Colin. No, no, of course. I would think that about Colin too, but he's just a really...

good guy who's really freaking smart. Oh, yeah. Well, the thing is, rich people with every advantage are usually pretty nice. Yeah. Because their lives are so easy. You know what I mean? Oh, now. Now, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, come on. He went to Harvard. Again, I'm sorry. I'm not. He's your friend. He might have gotten a scholarship. I don't know. All right. I'll look into the books. Rescinded if he got a scholarship. I have no idea. I have no idea. But I'm just trying to crown you the king of Staten Island. I'll take it. I'll take it. Pete Davis has had too much celebrity pussy. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And I think he eliminated himself, I think is my point. He's in another stratosphere now. So it's like you're really holding it down. You know what I mean? Exactly. That's part of being the true king of Staten Island. It's not a prestigious position. No, I'm down here. Yeah.

I'm the bowels of the ship, bro. Exactly, exactly. I got scars. For better or worse. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I would say it all the time. When we first started, I would pound that drum of Staten Island because we get a bad rap and I'm like, maybe I could change people's opinion a little bit. So that was my goal, really. Yeah. No, a little bit, honestly. I...

I legitimately think of it 5% more fondly thanks only to you Sal you know I appreciate that 5% is a lot but you don't know it you know you come to it and I know but I'll say I accidentally went to put these on and I was wearing my fucking shades in the inside yeah I was like what's going on I was like what are we doing next

I was like, is this guy fucking tripping? Let's play. Let's get the king answering some questions to some of his lowly peons.

So how does this work? Do they, this is not streaming. No, this is not live. These are voicemails. We do. These are voicemails. We will hear them and they're also transcribed, but we like to list, you know, listen and we kind of review the tape if we need to. Yo, I'll just cut right to the chase. I recently started a new job and it's a warehouse job. I like it. It's pretty easy to be honest. Um,

Wow, man, this is getting peeled.

What an awesome drop of having autism right there. It's like this guy doesn't understand, like, basic hellos. And these guys are barking at each other. This guy can't read the most straightforward social cues. And what the fuck is he supposed to do when grown men are fucking acting like Rottweilers? This poor autistic guy, dude. Is this one on me or you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's tough. All right, we're going to try and help our friend here. Let's go. Hey.

I have autism. And I don't know how to fucking react to shit like that. Like, one of my managers, he just, like, started barking at me. And I was like, okay. And I think he got a feeling for her. Because I didn't, like, I don't know if I'm supposed to bark back or, like,

I'd be like, "Fuck yeah!" or whatever, but it made me uncomfortable. And there's like a lot of other shit that's like this, like the type of jokes that they tell and the shit that they talk about. It's just like, it's what, it's like the Joe Rogan podcast, like every single one of their conversations is no offense to Joe Rogan, but it's like, they're always talking about weird shit, like,

They had a dead-ass conversation about polar bears for about five minutes. The verdict of the conversation is that that would fuck you up. Anyway, I'm just trying to find a way to fit in a little bit better because it seems like the people who fit in usually go higher, like, in the company. Yeah. So, like...

Yeah, I'm trying to get promotions and shit, so I want people to like me. Yep. And I don't really know how to react to this shit. So, yeah. Thanks, Dov. That's tough. I would do like a reboot, like a rebranding like the wrestlers do. I'd walk in like the fucking junkyard dog. Yeah. Just a chain around your neck. Yeah, you need to come up with, use your own powers and come up with an algorithm to...

for how often to bark. And when your phone goes off, you let off a couple barks. It's tough to be... I mean, yeah, this is tough for anyone, let alone, again, a non-autistic, like someone with autism in a place where these social cues are inscrutable. But I feel like he has a pretty good handle on the situation, and it seems like... Yes. And I don't know if he's above this, but it seems like all he has to do is bark a little bit.

And the problem is solved. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I mean, you know, you got a good job. I mean, yeah, it's annoying, but if you just throw in a couple of woofs. Yeah, but it's tough to, a woof is a hard, like. You're not going to come around on the type of people if those aren't your speed of people. Sure. So you just, you know, just bark a little bit. But I think the problem is a misplaced bark could do a lot of damage too. You know, it's like, for example, if you have an autistic friend, like,

who doesn't, it doesn't really matter to them about like asking how your day was, but they know to be like,

Hello. Hello, Gwen. How was your weekend? You can know how to do that, even though they don't give a fuck at all. But they're like, this is polite. I understand. Intellectually, I understand, even though it doesn't mean anything to me. It's hard to be like, depending on the pitch of the bark, you must bark back. Or you'll say, or call him a little dick homosexual if he barks a certain way. You know, it's a little, these are a little tough to navigate. Maybe fall into the pack.

Well, I would say this, right? If they're in the Rogan zone and they like talking about obscure shit, you got to have some kind of autistic... In the pocket. You got to have some... What's your autistic thing you zero in on? Right. Start doing a little bit about ancient... How the pyramids were built. Put some of the autism super focus on...

thing I'm not trying I'm not telling you get into bodybuilding or something like that but it's like don't try and become those guys try and kind of use what's awesome about you to kind of win over friends I think like get in the zone and be like they like talking about weird shit be the guy who has an interesting weird topic and yes them being like polar bears will fuck you up

These are not savants, right? Like, it's not going to be hard to impress them. Take the broader conversation and then add a very specific, unique element to it, right? So, like, you're talking there like a roguing guy, so you talk about hunting, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then tell them how you hunt hummingbirds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yes, learn something strange. My dog! Yeah, yeah. Learn something strange. Like, I think that's your better bet. And just, like...

You know, the barking, I really would like to be around these guys and see what's going on. Yeah, that's... Because I feel like... I do feel like I know these guys. I do know there's, like, you could just go in there, you know, kind of shit on them. Yeah. Bust balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, call somebody a bitch, that kind of thing. But that's not you. And I think it's not, like... That's not the way to kind of...

You don't want to be faking something that you don't have. So I would just say, try and get into some of these dumbass conversations with like fun facts. Or what are you into? Are you an elevator autistic guy? Are you a train autistic guy? Can you aim that to cars? Because I guarantee you, if you know about cars... Like the great equalizer for me in situations... Because I worked... I was in a machine shop, one of my first jobs. And like...

you know, where... Or any time I have to, like, I'm at some kind of barbecue or a friend's thing, it's like, some of the great equalizers for me has always been sports in a situation like this. You know? And it's like...

Do you have any interests that overlap with meatheads at all? And cars might be a good... Where's the Venn diagram? Is cars in there? It's kind of mechanical. You know what I mean? Like, you might... You know, like, is guns in there? Do you like fucking... You know, do you like the mechanism of a gun? Can you talk about that? You don't like the... You know, you don't like the stand your ground aspect of it. You don't want to turn it on an ethnic teenager like they might. Right.

in their fantasies. If, you know, his daughter, his daughter who he's estranged from calls and tells him a Puerto Rican was rough with her. This guy's got the fucking Magnum ready to go in his dreams. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You won't be able to stop him from barking if that happens. But yeah, I think that would be kind of my advice is try and find that Venn diagram where you can fit in because

And you're right. You're absolutely right about... It's kind of what we were talking about earlier with your job where being likable, being fun, being the funny guy, it's like that's always a sheet code. And that is a way that our society is kind of harsher to people that are either autistic or Asperger's or some shit like that where it's like, yeah, you don't... Just being like...

technical whatever doesn't get rewarded as much as like someone who sucks dick at their job but it's just a good time right right so i would say i would say don't try and fake it too much just see get him where you can fit in and see if you can get that venn diagram of like shit that you know you're into like i've i've had i have i have like a couple autistic friends who are like savants with every like football statistic every like and that's just that's just their thing right you know uh

Now, maybe you're not one of those guys. Maybe you're a Magic the Gathering style one. You know what I mean? I don't know. But I would just say... A Magic the Gathering style autistic? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you're one of those. I don't know what to tell you, one of those guys. But that would be my advice. And, you know, let us know. Does that work? Please call back. Let us know if that works for you and if you have any problems with that info.

I'll just, what else we got? Get us, let's get a couple of cute ones in here. Hey, Sabby, it's Jen. Um, first off, I just want to say you absolutely killed the gorge. I went down and saw you, um, for the fully loaded tour and I flashed you my juicy giant naturals at the end of your set and you fucking just left me. I think I said nice tits. Anyways, I wanted to call because, um,

I've been seeing a guy for the last month and a half. Things have been going really well. He checked a lot of boxes for me. Hold on. I just wanted to know. So you would have sucked me off and put this at jeopardy. Maybe I helped your life. Maybe I was too fucked up off drinking and doing mushrooms for four days and eating like shit. Did you do the festival? I did. I did a weekend with Bert there. Oh,

Oh, Burr. Okay, Burr, yeah. I played one of my worst experiences there. I played a rock festival. I was in the comedy tent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, there was five stages of rock music going on 100 feet to my right, left, and they were playing. Yeah. And then just people were high, laying on the grass. Yeah. Couldn't even hear me. One of the worst possible situations for comedy. You had to fly in this island, drive four hours into the building. Yeah. I mean, you guys probably had a blast. It was great. That was surreal because it was like,

What the fuck's going on here There's too many people here But anyway sorry Show me your tits again I won't squander the opportunity I was just too fucked up But anyway month and a half I've been seeing a guy for the last month and a half Things have been going really well He checked a lot of boxes for me

And I just wanted to know and get your advice on how to decipher between a guy that is potentially codependent, a little bit needy versus, and maybe even love bombing versus a guy that's genuine. You're probably wondering, well, what is he doing?

You know, things like always picking up the bill, always cooking meals for me, surprising me with flowers and gifts, planning, you know, the weekend, spa days. As much as that is so nice, I just don't want to get roped into a guy's

That, again, is needy and kind of buttering me up. I came out of a pretty nasty marriage, and the last few years I've been really working on myself, and I'm ready to find a guy that provides a lot of healthy love and respect. But I just don't know if I'm broken and I'm not seeing the signs. Yeah, so if you can help a sister out, that would be great. Love you. Bye.

Yeah, I do think. I mean, I think obviously your head is all fucked up from this bad divorce and you can't trust kindness. Yeah, my ex-husband barked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My ex-husband barked, gave the autistic kid swirlies. I think this is actually pretty simple here. And I think you...

You have to enjoy the ride here. Like, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. You're constantly worried. You're not to the point where this guy is...

In a scenario where this guy just really likes you and wants to put his best foot forward and really cares about you and sees a future with you and is treating you as such, you're not even in... Like, imagine if this is the one and then you've spent the first two months of this relationship being like, when's he going to prove that he's a piece of shit, you know? And here's the good news. You've gone through a bad divorce. You're not like a young, naive person anymore. You've lived some life. If someone starts being an asshole...

You probably have had you probably believe in yourself enough. You've gone through enough shit where you can just be like hey You're a piece of shit get it like right? Why are you behaving this way like that's the thing? It's it's like this quasi Buddhist shit of like don't worry I mean my my therapist tells me shit all the time about cuz I have anxiety too and I get ahead of myself all the time Right, so I get where you're coming from not being judgmental here, but I'm just saying enjoy well last and if this guy starts being a dickhead

Do you deal with him being a dickhead then? Yeah, I guess wait for the actual signs to come. If you can't decipher yet, there's no point in putting your brain there. Totally. Enjoy the spa, and if he starts being fucking weird, tell him to buzz off. I mean, that's really all there is to it. And I know it's like...

And maybe there's something because you know you're susceptible to like being guilted. And maybe that's what people did in the past to you where it's like they did something nice for you and then you wouldn't stand up for yourself because you felt like you owed it to him. Let me tell you, let's make that clear. You don't know this motherfucker's shit if he starts being a dick just because he bought a couple fucking fajitas. You know what I mean? Like that's not worth...

staying in a weird fucked up relationship for. No, not for Hedis. No, no, no, no. She's recalibrating right now. Yes. Right? So it's kind of just like, like, you know, but then again, if she's instinctually feeling that. Yeah. Then that's one thing. But if she's, but if she's,

Like just neurotically feeling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she can discern, if she sees actual, you know, it's something that's really making her feel that way, she might want to listen to that. But all she's described is the guy being nice. Yeah, I know. I'd be with you if she was like, you know, he picks up everything and he does this, but he's weird when I want to hang out with my friends. Right, or keeps saying, what are you thinking right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He texts, he keeps asking for my location. Yeah.

I do kind of think the one thing that makes me pause here is like, I feel like flowers and gifts is a little too much a month and a half in, but she might be a little older. So maybe it's just different. Maybe I just haven't dated. Flaming this bitch for no reason. She might be an old piece of shit. I'll just say as a general practice, I accept flowers and gifts immediately.

That's just a thought I had listening to this thing. Flowers and Gents does sound a little extra. Not everyone's the Bed-Stuy Lothario like you were at 27. You know, wouldn't even get these bitches a lollipop. All they're getting from Eldis is five and three quarters soft with a little yeast infection on it. Hopefully the fucking medicine worked, bitch, but you're sucking it either way. That's how Sula was back in the dating game. The medicine worked. I'm never pulling the yeast infection dick out again.

Yeah, this guy's just better than you, Eldest. But I know what you mean. It's possible, right? But also...

But what I'm saying is like, yes, she's been through a bad relationship, it sounds like. And I just think the... You're going to hold back. It's natural. It's new. Yeah. Have your reservation. Keep it in check. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Proceed with caution. But I would just say enjoy this right now. And you owe it to... Just when, if and when, any weird signs start happening, all you do is behave like an adult and be like, hey, like...

What's going on here? And if you see any of the like... If he even is like, well, what the fuck? Like, I got you all that stuff. If he tries to guilt you over any... The second he tries to guilt you or like gaslight you or any of that stuff, then I think you know your instincts might have been correct. But I would say...

Part of maturity is just like not giving in to the anxiety that you gave into when you were younger and letting it ruin this stuff. And just enjoy it for now. And if it turns bad, it turns bad. But from what I remember, you had a nice pair. And I think they'll get you another guy to buy you flowers. No strings attached one day. So good luck. And, you know, if...

If I'm wrong, send me. If you don't think I remember exactly what your tits look like, feel free to send them in the inbox, and I will take another look and let you know for sure. Yeah, that's how I'll know, actually. I need to see your tits again. I desperately want the next caller to be like, hey, I'm dating this girl a month and a half. I'm taking her everywhere. I'm cooking her dinner. I'm buying her stuff, and she's just flashing her tits everywhere we go. She will not stop. I went to get us beers at this concert. Came back, and her naturals were out.

I'm trying to bribe her with flowers to put her tits away. But she's not getting it. I'm taking her to meals and cooking. I feel she's using her hands that can't pull up the shirt. Yeah, it's positive. Every time you don't show your tits, he buys you flowers. He's trying to Pavlov's dog you into not pulling your tits out. All right, Big Eldo.

Actually, before that, let's get some plugs out of the way in the middle of the show here, Sal. What do you want the people to see? We got the cruise coming up. Yeah, the cruise, you get tickets at GetShipFacedCruise.com. It's like 80% sold, but I'm telling you, it's the party of the year, really. What's left over is, remember in Titanic where the Irish were dancing underneath? Not the better half. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Plenty of good rooms available. Yeah.

But no, the biggest thing is I'm on tour right now. It's everything's on sale, but I'm filming my special at the Vic theater in Chicago on Saturday, December 2nd. Those are on sale right now. And if it's doing well enough, cause we shooting us a little earlier, uh,

There might be. We might add. I don't know. But tickets are going to go fast. Great theater. SalvoCanoComedy.com. Speaking of which, we also, like the lower bottom, we just also made tickets very affordable. Cool. Because I want people to be able to come see that haven't seen before. So, yeah, that's on sale right now. That's awesome. And then...

Starting a YouTube, my own YouTube channel. I have the no pressure network where I do the podcast on. Yeah. Hey babe and taste buds, but starting that, see if I can get those numbers up to like a half a mil before I do the special in case I'm releasing it there. So the way I'm incentivizing everybody is if you subscribe, uh,

Starting like next week. I'm going to start giving away Prizes on there, but like of significance nice like a prop from the show You know autograph shit or like free tickets to see me or whatever it is a little bit set visit and I'm picking them from the subscribers on my only on the my YouTube channel Sal volcano official is the YouTube channel volcano official go and the Vic rules. That'll be great. Yeah, man I love that place. We had great shows there. Um

Yeah, you should do... When we recorded the special, we did the Paramount. And I ended up doing four shows. Paramount. In Austin. Yeah. And I ended up doing four shows. And I really liked that. Yeah, it was great. I've only done it at the Moon Tower and stuff. No, but the Vic is really good. It was amazing. The Vic is one of my... On the last tour, one of my favorite. Yeah, it's like... One of my favorite. I love it. Yeah. Because it's like, I want them right on top. I could just feel that. It definitely feels that way. Those were... I mean...

I mean, they're both great, but I love the Vic might have been my favorite on the tour other than other than where we when we did the special. I mean, it was fucking amazing. I love that. Well, give me that. Yeah. Go go see. Go see our boy, Sal. And let's take some fucking call. Let's do a couple more questions. We you know, we do have to go. Sorry, folks. I have to eat Italian food for a friend's birthday dinner.

You pull up that menu in the car, I'll tell you what. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait. Hit us with a question, Big Eldo. Hello, Mr. Stavi and whoever else is lucky to be on the pod. My name is... I guess. Please don't include my name because I'm not trying to dox my boyfriend. Dox your boyfriend? Where's your real name? Incredible. But yeah, or I'm sorry, bleep it twice.

Okay, so this nameless person, let's see what her... Oh, I really don't know who else to ask, and I feel like genuinely you can give me some solid fun advice, funny advice, and help me out. So...

I've been in a relationship for two years. My boyfriend moved me across the country. Like, we're, you know, we're in it together. But the one thing that I know bothers him is,

His body count? I have a higher body count than him. We're about the same, but he is younger than me. He's 24, I'm 28. Actually, today's his birthday. Happy birthday. I guess, shout out. Shout out to him. He's 24.

A lot of red flags here. Oh man.

And it's not because either of us are like... I'm really looking forward to how these narratives intertwine. This is like a Seinfeld episode. I was just going to say that. All right, we got the George B plot about body count and Elaine's doing comedy. All right, go ahead. And then Jerry moved his girlfriend across those... Let's see how this all comes together.

We're both attractive people. I just was a dumb broad from Florida who wanted to live my life, you know? And he was just a fun South Central LA guy who wanted to buy some Vakus here and there. And I'm all for that. Like, we'll still cut it up, go to the strip club, whatever. But he can't really handle the humor, so I'm not sure...

And it doesn't bug him. It does, but not in times of big arguments or something like that. This is starting to feel like an error on your part. He's unlearning, but I just want to know. I mean, I can't remind him. I don't know. You've got to get over this, but I know it bugs him. Is there anything I could be doing?

unconsciously to try to help him. My job, I work with all gay guys in West Hollywood, so it's not that threatening there, you know?

I don't know. Is there something I could be doing as a girlfriend to just help him get more comfortable? Because we talk about it. Do you have a time machine? What you're going to need is a DeLorean. And you fall out of the tree. I have some movies for you to watch. Fall out of the tree, slap cock out of your hand. Kiss your mother. All right, is there more to this than a movie? No, it's like...

silly things, but also like, hello, like, yeah, it is my fault. I mean, not my fault, but like my bad. I just didn't want to cheat on a boy. I didn't want to be in a relationship. You know, I just wanted to fuck around and have fun. But yes, love the pod. I'm actually currently rewatching a video episode right now. Big fans. Sorry to keep this long. Love you guys. Thank you. Well, let me just say first, what we need is more male stand-up comedians that are threatened by women that have sex. Exactly.

We need more men harboring misogynistic sentiments doing stand-up comedy and slut-shaming women. So this guy really has a future in the industry. I have a couple of thoughts, but go ahead. My first thing was like, wait.

They probably listen to this podcast. Probably. So how's she going to avoid that? You know, who knows? That's our problem. He's going to know her when he hears it. He probably will, but that's why she wants her name bleeped. So he'll know, which is interesting. Yeah, but then she says 700 other words. Yes, yes, yes. She talks about where in L.A. he grew up.

where she grew up, that they want to do comedy. Yeah, I mean, this is, but again, not my problem, Sal. Yeah, I think that if you're leading off like this, I don't think you, I really don't think you'd go any further without addressing this because it doesn't go away. And all you're doing then is you're investing more time. It's only getting harder if you guys can't get on the other side of that right now. Yeah.

And I think, first of all, it's like, just dude, what do you think is going to happen? If you end up with a hot woman...

She's gonna have fucked more than you. That's the way the world works. And by the way, what, you wanna date someone who can't suck a dick? Well, how do you think she gets the hour? How do you think she gets those Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours? You know what I mean? Like, you want someone that knows how to fuck, chief? And it's like, what the, just grow up. Who gives a fuck? Yeah.

Now, yeah, but yeah, I think you're right. There's no way. And by the way, here's something that's a little weird. He's 24, right? So now I get it, right? I can say this. I'm fucking 34. I've been through a lot of women have destroyed me. You know what I mean? Like I've a lot of, you know, I've definitely had those jealous thoughts, especially at his age. So there's a little, that's part of the problem, right? It's like you just kind of life just fucks your ass enough that,

We were like, yeah, my girlfriend fucked a hundred guys. I don't care. It's cool, in fact. I like, she knows, she picked up a couple cool tricks along the way. You know, but as at 24, you know, maybe you don't feel that way, right? Yeah. So there's nothing you can do. How did the comedy play into it? I don't know. She's just not, you know.

She's not really with it. You know what I mean? She's pretty, you know. I don't know. I really don't know how the comedy... Maybe she jokes about fucking a bunch more guys, but I don't know what she's talking about. She's a little all over the place, our friend here. I think that's part of it. Now, there's not much you can do. I'm a little dubious of a 24-year-old, this being...

I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to talk out of school. It seems like you're in a good situation here. I'm a little dubious about this relationship in the long term. Yeah. It sounds like... It's been a two-year one already? Is that what you said, Aldous? Did I catch that right? Yeah, two years. 22 and 26. That's interesting. It's nice to see the woman on the other side of that, actually. I like that. But...

She seems to be in. Our friend here seems to be in. Yeah. But I worry about a 24-year-old guy who will just let that jealousy fester. Yeah. Now... Also, I wonder if it's just like a problem with the body count or a problem if he had a higher body count. If he did? Yeah, would it be a problem? Probably not. The way she prompted it. Probably not. In a weird fucked up way, probably not. But there's nothing that will... I don't know that you can train him not to give a fuck about this. And so...

What can you do? I mean, I do think you could do some kind of multiplier math where it's like you could let him fuck someone and then it's like fucking someone in a relationship. That's like...

That's by four. One pussy undoes four dicks, I think. That's my little formula. If we want to get down to brass tacks. Just crunch the numbers. Yeah, crunch the numbers. How much have you out-fucked him? By 20? By 40? Well, he's got to fuck four. He's got to fuck five, ten women. You know, that kind of thing. Or honestly, just like, are you bi? Do you want to fuck girls with him? That might be... Because a guy like this...

Your girl fucks a girl that doesn't count to him. Right. You know what I mean? So this is a way for you to put up zero. Right, right. Because this is not a body count. It's a dick count. Right. It's not. So I think maybe that's a way you could go if you're interested. But also. A frank conversation. Yeah. I know you don't want to bring it up, but you're two years in. Right. Yeah. So you guys are there for a reason. Right. And maybe approach it in a way that it bothers you that he feels that way.

because you care for him and you wanted to bring it up because you don't want it to be the undercurrent of the relationship or whatever, be hanging over your heads and you'd love to do something. Like you, you just, you know, you can, you, you care for him and you want to move past that kind of thing. How do, how do we do it? Ask him. Right, right, right, right. Which would be kind of big of you because let's be honest,

what you did before you met someone is it's crazy for someone to judge you for that shit. Especially two years in. I mean, really the hard part here is like he's got to fucking grow up. Yeah. But I agree with you. If you really want to like if you're willing to meet him more than halfway, Sal's right where it's more a lot of the times

a lot of these questions boiled down, answers to these questions boiled down to have a conversation about the thing that's fucking you up. Number one thing, communication. Yeah, so good luck. Now, if they start doing comedy, this relationship is disintegrated. I promise you that. I'd like there to be a... Without question. A husband-wife act or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, this is Chris from any random place in the world. I heard you talk about the military before and, you know,

that a lot of people that join the military join because they don't have anything else they could really be doing with their lives. Yeah. And I'm about to hit 11 years here, you know, and that's nine years away from retirement. But I've just grown to like, I'm not going to say hate it, but it's just constant anxiety. I'm not excited to go to work anymore. So I would like someone that's impartial. I've never been in the military that, you know,

Let me know what they would think. Would you do the extra nine years to get that retirement? Or would you get out and be able to enjoy your life and do stuff? Thanks. Okay. Well, I will say yes. I mean, that is what I think of the military. I think they take advantage of a lot of people in this country and across the world. But you have joined up. It's been, you said it's about to be 11 years. You're probably relatively young. And the thing is,

Like, this is coming from... Not only am I... It's not that I'm impartial. I'm actually anti doing this. So the fact that I'm about to tell you, stick it out, because I know a lot of people, like, you know, there's comedians who did the exact same thing. They get into the armed forces early, right? And that is one of the big advantages. It's like...

a teen mom, it's like, yeah, it's a fucking nightmare when you're 16 and having you born. But when you're 32 and have a 16 year old, that's pretty fucking cool. It's pretty amazing. You know what I mean? Like you've had kids, like I haven't, I'm 34, I might not have kids, but there's people out there who's 34 and have a grown fucking kid. So as much as you fucking hate it, the world sucks dick. You know, the military does suck more probably than a lot of jobs. The devil you know. Exactly.

Exactly. But here's the thing. If you were to stick it out, and again, I'm assuming you're relatively young, then you really get to actually do shit you like

And I'm getting, you know, if I'm a, let's say you went into 20 and it's, it was 20 years, you're 40 years old. You know what I mean? Like you're a, you're a young person still in the grand scheme of things. And, and you're at, and you have a pension and then you can, you know, maybe work part time or only do shit you, you really want or, or really you, you get more of an opportunity to enjoy things. Whereas if you quit now, you're kind of in this fucked up no man's land where you didn't, you took 11 years that could have been going to something you like a little more. Yeah.

But those years are gone. Yeah. I would like, because it all depends, right? Like, is there anything redeeming about it to him being in the military still, right? Does it provide him structure? Or, like, whereas if he didn't have that kind of structure, he might be wayward or be lost, right? And so is it the lesser of two evils? I mean, like, if you're going in every day and you can't stand every single day,

I mean, I would also crunch some numbers. I mean, what kind of pension are you getting? You know, chart that over nine years and, you know,

do you have any other things that you like or any other opportunities where you could say, all right, you can compare something. Right. Cause I, I get what you're saying wholeheartedly. I, and I also don't disagree necessarily, but I, uh, I'm a little older than you now. And, uh, I have that switch has flipped for me where I feel like everything's going very fast. I'm having a midlife crisis. And so for me on my brain all the time now is holy shit. Like,

And we know this, but we don't know it until we... Like, time is our most valuable asset. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, life is short. So that's what I'm thinking. And, you know, we know it, we hear it and everything, but then it's still... It's not...

It doesn't go fast until it does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So even though you know it and you know it and you think you're experiencing that version of it, when you actually have that moment where you see your parents getting older, you getting older or whatever, your kids, and you're like, oh, shit. And you feel physically and then you feel like you're on a clock at that point. All perspective changes. Sure. And I think there is something to that. Now, if he's a little older, right, if he's starting to feel that, I think...

That's definitely valid. And if he's got, like you said, an opportunity, something set up right away, then, you know, if you think you have a way to go make a living immediately that you would enjoy, you have that all set up, you have that planned out and you can make the jump immediately. But if you get out, don't really have a plan, kind of fuss around for two years. And now you, now, if you had just stayed at seven years away, you know what I'm like? So that's what I'm saying is like,

A plan. If you happen to be, like, we don't know enough, but it's like, if he's a relatively young guy. Yeah. Because that's the thing. He would just be joining the workforce as a, like, you know, 30-year-old guy. Right.

It's not like it's good out there. No job is good, right? And one of the good things, one of the positives in the military is that you can retire after 20 years and people typically get into them so young, like sometimes 18 years old, that you retire as a 38-year-old. You know what I mean? That's amazing. So I would just caution our friend here to be like, unless you have a sick situation,

Or even not something sick, something where you might not make as much money, but let's say you want to run your family business. If you don't have something right away, then I personally think it makes sense to stick it out. And then the next nine years are going to be dog shit. But guess what? Most people's 30s are kind of dog. They're good years, but it's like...

Work wise are kind of dog shit Yeah, what percentage of people feel like they don't work a day in their lives because they love their job not right not many not many So is it you gonna be making a parallel move or you're gonna fix this problem, right? And also you might be at your you might not be at the point of no return yet But in a few years, I would say you would be at the point of no return. It's like come on It's you know, it's an arm's length. I mean you're yeah, you're over half. That's something you know what I mean? Like I

And so that's kind of my general, without knowing super specifics about our friend here, I think it's just like stick it out as long as they don't make you do any fucking war crimes, as long as you're in a fucking office somewhere. No comrades. If you don't wake up in the middle of the night and hear Kurdish children screaming in your dreams, if you don't have any of that going, if it's not clawing at your fucking...

you know conscience like then fucking every job sucks dick and

just stick it out and you'll be a relatively young guy who then can, you know, then you're afforded a nice degree of freedom after that, that a lot of people in their forties don't have a lot of people when they're going, like you'll be able to have your midlife crisis and potentially be retired during it. Just be having a good time, just spending time with your kids, whatever. I don't, you know, again, we don't know your exact situation, but you know, that's our general thing. If you're relatively young with no plan, uh,

just fit, stick it out. But if you're maybe a little older and you have something that you're, you can go into right away that you, you're pretty sure will be successful. Go ahead, take the leap, but otherwise stick it out. Fuck it. You've already done over half of it. Um, so anyway, look, we, I'd love, this is so fun. I'd love to do this for another hour. We have to go. I have to eat fucking, uh, linguine. Uh, and, uh, but we will talk soon. Go see Sal on the road. Go see the special, go to the cruise. Uh,

And then come see us on the road to Stavi.biz for tickets. Sal, thanks so much for coming, buddy. So fun. Yes. See you next time, guys. Bye-bye.