4/20 Bonus - Best of Kush Brothers
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, a special bonus Stavi's World. We love you so much.

Look, I'm not smoking marijuana this year, but that doesn't mean you guys aren't. And we decided, me and my pal Eldis here, as a little gift to our friends, we're dropping a bonus episode from... We do once a month, we celebrate the Mother Gaya's Medicine, Ganja. And we smoke weed and we do news stories. And that's called Kush Brothers on our Patreon. And so we decided, let's cut together...

our favorite most fun moments from almost over a year of doing Kush Brothers at this point. So you got the best bits of Kush Brothers. Over a year, we started this pretty early on in the podcast. We thought it'd be fun to do it. J.P. McDade's always on that. He's our co-pilot on Kush Brothers. And we get stoned and a different friend of the show comes on. We smoke weed and we go over some very important news stories.

They usually, there's usually an Albanian news story every, every week. We talk about how literacy rates are up to almost 13% in the capital city of Albania, stuff like that. Um, eldest finds decades old videos from the internet and passes them off as news because he didn't prepare at all for the fucking thing. He knows we do it once a month. Uh,

But anyway, it's a fun, it's a very fun show that we do once a month here. And it's just a little taste of the Patreon. If you're a free listener, hey, we love you. Thanks for listening. Maybe throw us a like, a subscribe, a positive review. But if you can't get enough Stobbies World, we do two episodes a week. One is free on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, wherever you get your shit. And one we do for five bucks a month.

on Patreon. So here's a little taste of that. Happy 420. Legalize it. Don't criticize it. Hey, enjoy the high holidays, brother. God damn. I remember being 19 and being like having 420 circled on my calendar.

Being like, dude, this is going to be the most epic 420. And just being so high. I just would fall asleep at 1 p.m. and sleep on a couch for like five hours.

With homemade edibles. They say, kids, back in my day, we had to make our own edibles. God damn, we're old as fuck, dude. Like, 20-year-olds, that's like our grandpa describing, like, the phonograph. It's us saying we had to bake our own edibles, which you literally couldn't get edibles when we were teenagers. We didn't have CDs back in my day. Yeah.

Anyway, so yeah, fun episode, fun little bonus episode here. So enjoy it. Let us know if you like it. And if you enjoy it, check out the Patreon. We love you. Have a good 420. All right. Well, I can see this. I can see Eldis has already kind of tipped his hand here. And it looks like our first news story is a YouTube video. Who's that?

whose title is, Did This Guy Come in Jeans During Twerk Contest? Thank you for starting. This is great. I like a caption that welcomes debate. Yeah, let's find out. Yeah, this kind of like is a Bruder film situation. I was going to say that.

It's not a traditional news story. It's more engagement-based. This is interesting because half of the people will listen to this, you understand, Elvis. But okay, let's start the podcast, start the news podcast with a video. There's Maddie Smith on the side. Shout out to her. Oh, best of Maddie. I think this is the start of the moment in question. So let's just go watch and see here.

Okay. He's lying supine on the ground. Okay, she's twerking on his head. Lips to lips. That is lips to lips. You can probably smell her pussy from there. Absolutely. Okay. She's lowering herself down with a twerk, a couple of grazes. I think there's a few dancers in, too. She's not the first one. Okay. Contact has been minimal so far. He's pointing one finger up.

I don't see any jizz on his jeans. There is some jizz on his jeans. Yeah, absolutely. Everyone's pointing and laughing at him. It looks like there is cum on it. Oh, so that was more of like a chill out to her.

And everyone is laughing at him coming. This is actually, okay, this is pretty good. He's like, chill, chill. Everyone's chill out, chill out. He has a humiliation fetish. He looks, I can't tell. And their laughing is only making him come harder. That actually, I don't know how I would feel busting in front of this many people with a bunch of hot girls laughing at you. There's a lot of hot black women laughing. And there's so many

They zoomed in. They put his jizz on the jumbo shot. They put his cock. They put his jizz on the jumbo shot. They put it on the kiss cam. Oh, my God. All right, let's start smoking weed. Yeah, now I need it. Yeah, that's true. Let's start smoking weed. I can't believe you just showed us that sober. Should I play this back at .5 speed so we can really... Well, I would like to see... Break out the telestrator. Actually, yes. Yes.

I would like to see if you could, the moment he comes in his pants. By the way, this is from 2014. So thank you, Elvis. This guy fully thought. You know what happened? You know what happened? Someone in Discord shared this like a week ago. I wasn't even asking for Kush Bro stories. And I was like, it was a Twitter, random Twitter video. And I was like, this might be good for Kush Brothers right here. How brutal. Dude, you're always doing your job, man.

This guy... Let's look at this video from over 10... Not quite 10 years. No, no. The compilation is from 2014. This was uploaded in 2015. Almost 10 years ago. Yeah, why did we watch this? Let's watch it. Did this guy from a decade ago cream his pants? This isn't news at all. This is...

You really are the best producer in the game, Elders. All right, now let's run it back and see if we can watch him come. But here's the thing, though. It went viral this week. This was making the rounds. This guy fully thought he got away with this and had lived it down for years. And, dude, they have his Facebook out. You can tell. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I don't think he's... I think he's come, but it hasn't seen... Oh, there it is. All right, we're never... He's doing the wait a minute, I can explain. Yes, yes, yes. I don't know.

I sat on something weird. Dude, I would honestly, I would love to have this many women laughing at me while I'm coming. I don't know why. I'd love to like, to be humiliating my little fucking penis. I've never thought that'd be attractive before, but seeing all these like gorgeous women laugh at him. This also looks like such a good party vibe, fun time. Yeah. I think like it is possible to come in this context without getting embarrassed. Yeah.

Get back on the mic for that point, Eldest. Any attention is good attention. That's a classic Eldest point, folks. What Eldest just said off mic is the vibes are so good, he could see a scenario. Go ahead. You tell people. I mean, look, it's like a big party. Everyone's having a great time. The guy didn't even seem embarrassed. He wasn't covering his face. He seemed pretty embarrassed. So you wouldn't be embarrassed if you came in your jeans?

We're way off the rails.

Oh, my God. Eldest, get back on your station. But if you're in a... The point stands. If you're in a twerk contest and the guy busts, that's like catching the golden snitch in Quidditch. That's right. It's over. That's right. You win. You win. So this guy's basically a ref. No other points count. Go ahead, Eldest. Go ahead. Finish your point. There's a lot of specifics, a lot of variables to this. What was he? Was he like the...

What was his role in this contest? I don't know, and I don't really need to know. I think I just know. You asked the question. What do you mean? You asked the question, and then he said, I don't know. I don't really need to know. Then why would you bring it up? No one else asked.

That's what his role was. Because I am curious about it. You do want to know. But then I'm like, you know, it doesn't really matter. And it's just awesome seeing a guy jizz himself in a bunch of people. It's just an honor. In a big ass room. So that's pretty cool. Great, man. Well, that's an excellent first story.

What do we got next? Albania. Italy pays bill for tourists dying in the ash. How good are you, Aldous?

What a cheap fucking fake country. Of course, they took it all the way to the international courts. A couple of fucking dumb wops walked out on a bill and fucking Albania is trying to get the UN involved. Someone ran out on a deep fried full trout.

And it's being tried at the Hague. Oh, my God. Okay. In a unique act of diplomacy, Italy's government has settled the restaurant bill of four Italian tourists in Albania who left without paying. It's four? I thought... I thought...

I thought private room. Yeah, dude. 5K bill. I thought it was some kind of government thing where it's like a banquet. It's, you know, hundreds of maybe tens of thousands of dollars. It's four people that your fucking cheap-ass country couldn't swallow the fucking bill on. They split a catfish four ways. And it's an international incident. They're like, that'll tank the economy. I'll kill you.

Giuseppe Michelangelo, Giuseppe again. The bill was like $110 on the high end. I shared it.

Let's get some specifics here. The Dine and Dash in the city of Beret made headlines in both countries. How? How did this happen? The chatter prompted Albania's Prime Minister, Iri Rama, to raise it with his Italian counterpart, Giorgia Maloney, while she was visiting. She was visiting? It's like, hey, thanks for coming by. By the way, your cousins kind of fucked us the other day. What kind of hospital? It's one thing if you're over there and you're like, hey, well, you know. Yeah.

She responded by telling her ambassador to go and pay the bill for these idiots. Oh, wait. It was confirmed in a statement that it had paid the bill reportedly around 80 euros on behalf of its citizens. 80 euros. Are you fucking kidding? That's not even $100, dude. That's such a cheap bill.

He had to be like, we were on the cusp of Wi-Fi. We were about to get it. Yeah. We could have been more... Holy fuck. Four guys in low-rise bootcut jeans. Yeah.

Just came in and created chaos. I'm like, that's like a lunch bill. Yeah, that's not. This was a lunch. Dude, 20 bucks a person? We just ordered Chipotle and it was more. We got chips in extra guac. You got queso and that put it over the limit. That's what...

That would have sunk the Albanian government. Oh, my. Yeah, dude. Absolutely. They can't get it. Yeah. If they had not paid this, they would have lost out on their polio vaccine shit. They're just getting over that in Albania. They're still they didn't get COVID. They still got the 1918 influenza going around. Oh, my God. It is unclear when the incident happened, but security video of the group walking out of the restaurant and wandering into the night has gone viral on social media. We got to get that.

The restaurant owner told Albania's Report TV, first of all, incredible name for your used channel is Report TV. Goddamn, Albania is so awesome.

It's so incredibly fake. What a fake country. It's newswebsite.com. Go check out newswebsite.com. It's like they struggle saying their own language. Report TV. Report TV. It is not on television. It is on Meerkat, an app from a few years ago. Yeah, Report TV is projected onto the broad side of a very large cow. On the back.

They found a cow with almost no black spots, a nice white canvas. Everybody gathers around. Hold him still. It is time for news. Yes, I haven't seen this yet. Lauren Boebert kicked out of Beetlejuice show in Denver footage shows.

Bobert, Bobert, Bobert. Say it three times and she appears in a security video from a weekend performance at Beetlejuice. She's looking kind of good. The DCPA says she was vaping. Bobert's team denied that. Oh, she's hitting the vape. She tried that.

Oh, she's chugging clouds. Before the lights went down, she was hitting clouds. The pregnant woman sitting behind Bobert told the Denver Post she asked her to stop vaping, and Bobert refused. Awesome. Her one-woman show continued, taking flash photos. With the flash? Raising her hands and dancing, often the only one clapping or standing up in the crowd. Fuck yes. Bobert occasionally took a break from being disruptive to enjoy the company of her male companion.

He briefly had a grasp on the situation before ushers returned and told Bovert she had to leave. Wait. The theater's incident report says Bovert pulled the don't you know who I am card on the way out. No, dude. She's appearing in the theater. Dang it, though. You see some girls? She didn't use titties? Her body looks bang. Wait, wait. You see some girls? Wait, Eldridge, isn't there a... I heard that she was jacking him off.

Do we have better visuals of that? I think this is an unabridged version of the video. Great. Wonderful. Yeah, we need the raw footage here. This is some stuff we would have done at age of 13 and 14 to scour for some team material. Can you zoom in, please? Yeah. Eldest, enhance. Enhance. Okay, there she is chucking clouds. Apparently this was a first date, too. That's awesome.

I need to see her jacking this guy off a little bit. Touching his cock a little bit. What's her method? Is he fingering her? Okay, no, she's got two hands around the arm. They're holding hands. Okay, they're holding hands. He's got his leg up like he's hiding a boner. Yeah, it does look like his hand is on his hard cock. Okay, yeah, look where the spike is, Eldest. That's where she's jacking him off. Come on, I got to tell you how to produce. See the spike? That's got to be it. Most replayed moment. Hit it, motherfucker.

That's the tit grab. Oh, he grabs her tits. Awesome. Respect. See, right there, he goes in for the tit grab. That's going to start things off. Damn, he's really getting in there. Holy shit. Oh, she's grabbing his cock. Yeah, there's a feminine wrist. Oh, dude, she's stroking his shit. Oh, dude, that's crazy. That's fire.

She's probably doing a little one of these. Dude, that's fucking awesome. Here's the thing. And look, we're taking politics out of it here, folks. Okay? We don't agree. What did she do? I don't even know who she is. She's a congressperson. She's like a Trump congressperson. And before she was in Congress, she owned a machine gun themed burger restaurant that gave a bunch of people like E. coli. Yeah, it got shut down by the health. She's wild. She's a wild one. Yeah, yeah.

So anyway, I got to say here, I've never been a fan of Lauren Boebert, but this looks pretty cool.

If I were going to see Beetlejuice, I would like to grab tits and have my dick massaged a little bit. And this is the play? This is at the play Beetlejuice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In Denver. Yeah, this is good. This is good. She just hit the vape again. That's awesome. Oh, dude. She's horny. Bro, I've never been to a play, though. She just gave it a doink. Dude, I bet you this guy. Let's watch them walking out again, Elders.

The tit grab and the cock rub, pretty fucking awesome. You know who had the biggest field day with this is whoever plays Beetlejuice in that production. Like the next show after this news story broke, he got to be like...

Keep your hands to yourselves. Some self-aware joke standing up. The theater's incident report says Boebert pulled the don't you know who I am card on the way out, appearing to be a theater employee. Oh, give him the finger on the way out. Damn, dude. Honestly, if you're some dumb white trash bitch, you did about as good a life as you can as being her. You open up a machine gun thing, give everyone diarrhea. Yeah.

You get fucking divorced. Who gives a fuck? And then you're jacking guys off. And honestly, even people who have your exact opposite politics have to give you respect for being an awesome date. You make a career. You just recite a bunch of anti-woke tweets and you just ride that all the way to the halls of Congress. And I will say, because she was pissed off,

She probably gave some real nice pussy that evening. Hell yeah. They might have fucked immediately in the car. In the car, yeah, absolutely. She's definitely sucking his cock a little bit in the car. Minimum.

Okay, so that's our take on the Lord Bober. That's our three weeks ago. That's pretty awesome. In conclusion. A new story from two weeks ago that won't air for another few days. Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens reminisce on 12-hour 17-woman orgy. Damn, that's actually fucking awesome. Two guys, odd number.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had the big girl, Owens, replied in a clip captured by... Okay, during the live stream conversation, Johnson begins by asking Owens if he remembers the time he was in the DR with them women. We had a little orgy. Oh, yeah. I had the big girl, Owens, replied. Man.

You remember when we had that time we was in the DR with women? With women. Do you remember when we were in the DR with women? This really sounds like two closeted gay men being like, dude, remember all the pussy we fucked? Yeah, remember when there was no one else around but me and you in the DR and there were all those women, too?

Remember when we got a house together and people were suspicious? Yeah, we actually fucked 100 women and not each other. Remember when we, two guys who are well-known for their choreographed dances, went on vacation together with all that pussy? Yeah, we're histrionic showboats.

Johnson recalls, we continue to recall leaving shirt. We went through about 17 women in what, 12 hours? Was it 17, Owen's question? Yeah, this sounds so fake. My mind ain't good, though. We went through like 200 women. Was it 200 women? My mind ain't good, dog. 17? Man, I thought it was about 12, Owen's question before adding. I was done after about two or three. I had to recuperate. I had to recover, dog. Very, very interesting stuff.

That also... I like Owen's clip here, too, about, I had to take one for the team. Big girls need love, too. Yeah. I know. It's like, did you? These are clearly prostitutes in the Dominican Republic. It's also like, black guys don't love fat women. I had to take one for the team. There he is. How fat was he? Snagalo. Just keep it.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-

the Penn State community. It's not since we have another Penn State sex pervert. Penn State professor accused of bestiality begged to be killed. Court documents show. So let's get a little, why don't we scroll down here. An award-winning Penn State professor has been arrested in a sickening bestiality case involving his pet colleague. That's editorializing. Yeah, you know what? Click the original. Let's get just the facts. I don't know.

I don't need the New York Post. I want to see what really happened. Stop putting your slant on this. Yeah. They posted it earlier. Yeah, yeah. Let's read the first one. Let's read the first one. Let's see.

Oh, what's his name? Yeah, here's the problem. Uh-oh. Here's the problem. Before we reveal his name, let's just say what it is first. Family tradition. Let's just say what it is first. Let's just fact by fact. Scroll down, elders. Let's read the people what happened here.

Okay, so he was charged after he was originally caught earlier this year naked from the waist down except for socks and shoes, committing the perverted sex act with his colleague near bathrooms at Rothrock State Forest in Pennsylvania. He's on leave from the university. He was identified through a North Face backpack he was carrying. Wow. After, according to a criminal complaint, so someone snitched on this guy, you know, reported him in April and May.

He also tried to record himself performing the lewd acts with an electronic tablet. So what were the acts exactly? That's what I want to know. Was he fucking the dog? Was he sucking the dog's dick? I mean, I'm sure, you know, let's see what Fox 43 reports. Let's see if they're real ones and we'll give us some juice. Okay. PA man accused of performing lewd acts with dog in Rothrock State Park. They just say what he was doing.

What acts? They just say he was, you know. Well. Go down, go down, go down. He was fucking. The alleged acts included indecent exposure, masturbation, and sexual contact with a dog. So he could just have been getting his balls licked by the dog. But my favorite part, I read somewhere that he was getting his ass eaten by the dog. I read somewhere that he was getting his.

I mean, that's an easy one. And beating off, which honestly, okay. If you're just getting your ass licked by a dog and beating off, is that really that big a deal? This is an open-minded ask. Yes, this man's name is Themis Matsoukas. Let's go. He does happen to be a Greek man. Put some tzatziki on that name and you say it. What is he a professor of? Look him up. Themis Matsoukas. Ethics. Yeah.

Dude, you witness something like that in the woods? That's how creatures of legend get born. That's how the tale starts. You're not quite sure what you're seeing. He's a chemical engineering professor. Wow. What a sick fuck. Working on a love potion, apparently. Let's go to him saying he wanted to kill himself or whatever. Go back to the New York Post. Did he try to Manchester by the sea himself and just grab the cops gone?

Dude, that must feel so bad. You get cocky in here. That's got to be your move. I'm done. I'm dead. You don't understand. I do it to blow off steam. Matsukas, a well-regarded chemistry engineering professor, was quoted as telling the Rangers, dude, imagine being a park ranger and seeing this guy. He then reportedly begged the DCNR officials executing the search to kill him. What do I have to do to get you to shoot me? I need to die. What?

They doxxed him too. Look at him. That's a selfie in his office. Damn, it looks like he could get pussy too, but he just likes that dog pussy. No. He just likes getting his ass eaten by dogs and beating them up. No, that was among the acts. It included sexual intercourse with the dogs. Did he fuck his dog? They did. And the electronic tablet thing was him trying to record himself fucking his dog.

That's the Ludo. On his iPad. Great work by Apple to get the word iPad expunged from the record. Keep going down. Is there more to this with Femi? Yeah, look at the place where he fucked this dog. Look, if you're going to get your ass fucked, if you're going to get your ass licked by a dog, Rothrock State Forest seems pretty good. Why not just fuck your dog in your house? I know. Why go into the woods? It's awesome to be into bestiality and then also public sex. Like he's a fucking...

He's a voyeur. No, not a voyeur. He just likes to be seen. Matsukas was arraigned Tuesday on charges of open lewdness, indecent exposure, sexual intercourse with an animal. An animal cruelty. Well, we don't know. He was laying it down nice or not. Ski mask, boots, and socks. He was wearing a ski mask? That's it.

Yeah, showed the professor wearing nothing but a ski mask, boots, socks, and a wristwatch. A wristwatch. This man was masked up getting his ass eaten by a dog. Masked up, ass naked, though. So he literally was getting off on being in public. Yeah, it had to be. But he was also hiding his face, but his dick was out. See, I thought he just had roommates. What?

I could go to the woods. It's like, hey, we like her. It's just she's here all the time. This is the last thing the dog saw before those lights were flaring on the road. That man does not look innocent, but if you had matched up a bunch of pictures with a bunch of crimes on one side and the other, I would not match up his picture to dog fucking. To dog fucking. No, you're right. It would probably be a different crime.

Hold on. Matsukas reportedly could be seen masturbating near a woman's public restroom before engaging in a sexual act with the dog. The man also allegedly tried to record his antics with a collie using a silver iPad. Wow, thanks for the color. DCNR. Eldest, you fuck. Just wanted to see what kind of dog a collie is. It's Lassie, dude. Oh my god. He was getting his ass eaten by Lassie. Oh my god.

Those acts are beneath the dignity of a colleague. That is too elegant to prove. Last month, Rangers spotted the familiar visitor with the North Face backpack, so he got caught with his backpack on one of the trail cameras and tracked him back to his vehicle, a green Subaru. The investigators then obtained his license plate number and were able to match his DMV photos to the other images of the nude man in the woods. The probe culminated in the search of Matsuka's home, during which Rangers reportedly seized several items that were seen. Oh, my God. Wait, what happened in No Face, No Case?

This guy just didn't keep his mask on. The Penn State professor's colleague, which was in the house, also reportedly matched the dog in the revolting trail camera footage.

Matsukawa has taught a prestigious Penn State University. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, dude. If he was at a more liberal college, he might have been able to rally the troops a little bit in the liberal arts department and say, listen, this is just another thing. You know what I'm saying? We need to be accepting of this. I need you guys in my corner. Add a stripe to the flag. It's not a stripe. It's not a stripe.

Nah, ain't enough stripes on that door. Put a new one. Add a fucking furry stripe. Dalmatian spots. Dalmatian spots. That's the one. Oh my God.

Damn, dude. Poor Sammy, dude. Another Greek man railroaded by the criminal justice system. Mother wins court case to evict two sons in their 40s. I smell a miscarriage of justice already. A mother's love does have its limits, it seems, at least for a 75-year-old woman in the northern Italian city of Pavia. In Italy! Who won a court... Wow. Wow. What did these men do? How could you...

Oh my gosh. I'm staying. Where's the sauce? I'm serving you a fucking summons. That's it. You see another guy? Dad's body is barely cold. It's only been 40 years. And you're going to kiss another man. You fucking whore. He's barely in the ground. You call this al dente? I'll see you in fucking court.

Both men are employed, the court documents state. Judge Simona, a woman judge, is that fair? Judge Simona Katerby sided with the retired mother who was separated from the men's father and whose pension went entirely on food and maintenance of the home. They never even chipped in. Rolling the tattoo, bombocione. Bombocione. Or big babies. The judge called them big babies. You two are some bombocione.

Wow. Wow.

I am a bumbaccione. I got a fucking bumbaccione for you right here, baby. Hey, a boss bumbaccione. They argued that Italian parents are required by law to take care of their children as long as necessary. Absolutely. They're 40 years old. So funny. The letter of the law is quite clear. I don't know how to cook.

I'll die out there. Oh, my God. Okay. No longer is period justifiable. The two defendants are subjects over 40. Okay, okay. Anything else? Anything nice, juicy here? A lawyer for the men told local media that the men had not decided if they would appeal the court decision. This is not the first time mamoni, an Italian term used to describe adult men who are too dependent on their mothers. I love that. So is that not every Italian man? Yeah.

In 2020, Italy's Supreme Court ruled against a 35-year-old man who works as a part-time music teacher who still expected financial support from his parents after he argued that he could not support himself on an annual salary of 20,000 euros. Yeah, you're a part-time music teacher.

Mama, come on. Come on, I teach you the skills. Give me a couple of dollars. He's trying to teach these kids Giuseppe Verdi and nobody is rewarding him properly. He needs to be supplemented. Play the recorder. Listen to this. On average, Italians leave their parental home at the average age of 30. That's fucking wild, bro. Croatia is the highest in the European Union with an average age of 33.4. Uh-oh.

Offspring in Finland, Sweden, and Denmark start life on their own at the average age of 21. Oh, that's young. That is young. That's almost American. I stand with the Mamoni. With the Bombaccione? The Bombaccione. When did you move out, man? Well, right after college, I guess I was 22. But I used to live in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. And there's a lot of Italian dudes in that neighborhood who are in their 20s, maybe even their 30s.

And they clearly still live with their parents, but they spend what they would spend on rent on like a car note. So they're just driving around in like Porsches. Dude, that's what Greektown is too. Where I grew up, it's like you'll see a fucking 30-year-old guy washing a BMW, like a 6 Series. Not saving a dime towards the home of his own. Not saving a fucking dime. Not at all. Going out, taking their fucking girlfriend who lives with their parents.

her parents out to fucking dinner. And then eventually they might buy a shitty house in Greek town. It's fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, this is fucking wild. I mean, Greek people, don't get me wrong. My cousin in Greece who is, how old am I? I'm 34. He's 30. I guess he's 38, 39. He moved out. And by moved out, I mean...

My... We have a family building, which is like, the first floor is my aunt's, the second floor is my father's, but it was our grandparents, and they recently died, you know, whatever. No one lives there now. And the third floor is my aunt's, and the fourth floor is my dad's, but it's completely undone. So there's two unusable apartments, and then my family has two other ones. With a vacant apartment...

He moved out to the other... And he didn't even move out. My aunt and uncle moved to the vacant one and let him keep the apartment he grew up in. So that's when he left home. So he didn't load one box. He didn't load one box. He just got his parents out. His parents actually moved down. And he just kind of fucking chills up there. I guess it's better to have an apartment in the building than live with...

Definitely. And he still goes, he's still like, they'll still be like, it's time for dinner. And they'll be like, oh, what did you make? Literally, he behaves that way towards his parents. It's so funny. He's just like, shut up. He's

I'm busy. They'll be like, where were you last night? Wherever the fuck I want. Literally. He'll just sit down and eat his fucking food real fast and then go back upstairs. It's fucking awesome. The handing over of the plate. I'm trying to run a multi-level marketing scheme in my apartment right now. I don't have time for this. Him and Eldis, we hung out in Greece. Him and Eldis hit it off, dude. He was awesome. He was like Henry David Thoreau when he wrote

He's just like, nerd. Fucking nerd. Yeah, Henry David. Why don't you, Henry David, thoroughly suck my dick, JP? You fucking pussy.

Listen, Matt. Maddie and I are over here on this couch calling out toxic men, all right? Yeah. We've covered this on the podcast, but he was a pedophile, wasn't he? Probably, yeah. No, that was Walt Whitman. I never vouched for him. Thorough was a pedophile? No, no, Walt Whitman was. I'm sorry. Oh, okay, okay. I still might want to work for him one day. I'm friendly with that guy. Yeah.

My scale for an artist, whether I call them out or not for being a pedophile, is if they have ever done one nice thing for me. Okay? Yeah, do I have a picture I took with them when I did a guest spot 12 years ago that I can post? Was I on an episode of their TV show six years ago? That will make a big difference. Do I want to do roast battle someday? Oh, hold on.

As an example. As a hypothetical. As a theoretical example. As a theoretical example. Now this is a story. Female plane passenger fined for forcibly, first of all, forcibly performing oral sex on man sitting extra. The key here is fined. This woman, the woman was fined. She was going to Russia. Here's how cool Russia is.

They give you a ticket for raping someone by sucking his dick. Sucking a man's dick against his will is the same as fucking going 70 in a 50. Do you think she had her hand on the fucking emergency exit door and just be like, get that hard ticket out of my fucking dick. We're all going down. I'm popping the door off this thing at 30,000 feet in the air.

The woman was on a five-hour flight to Moscow where she allegedly bribed the plane crew with $100 and threw hot water on the floor. Oh, that's genius. Wow, okay. A woman was detained at... This I want to read every single word of. That's just... Finally some good news. I swear to God, it takes you a while, but you finally get a nice one. A woman was detained and fined for allegedly performing oral sex on a man who tried to push her away on a plane to Russia. Valeria, 29, was an economy class... Very sexy name.

Aboard a five-hour flight from Antalya, Turkey to Moscow when she allegedly sexually assaulted her seat neighbor.

She pulled down his trousers and committed violent acts of a sexual nature. Later, the neighbors stopped resisting. All this happened in front of the flight attendants and other passengers. I mean, look, I don't think what she did was good, but would it kill more women to have this kind of dick-sucking fervor? Like, this lady was like, I don't care who sees, I don't give a fuck, I'm sucking some dick.

Wow. Video from the altercation shows her rummaging a pile of trash spilled in the galley for a $100 bill, which she then allegedly used to bribe the stewardess. Great. That ought to do it. Keep going down. That's just normal doing business in Russia. Look, yeah. That's how things get done. That's what I need to do to get a Sprite on Delta. That's what I'm writing.

Shot media reported, surprising the flight attendants waited until the end of the action, and then... All right. This guy's getting raped. He's been through enough. Let him bust a nut. We're not going to blue ball him, too.

Wait till the end of the action. Wait till the end of my action. Oh, I'm watching this. Oh my God. This is like if life operated in 80s comedy movie rules. Getting your dick sucked is sacred. It's like everyone has sanctuary until the guy nuts. She lands. She's in a tribunal in Russia. And they're like, listen, we have heard your case.

But because you finished the job, we have allowed to give you a slap on wrist. You suck our dicks, everything okay. In this movie, she force finishes him and then just someone from the back of the plane...

Cascades throughout the whole thing. That's when you should clap on a plane. No, it's like there was severe turbulence. Okay, hold on. Go up again. The woman fought back. So until the end of the action, it only then moved Valeria further away. The woman fought back and did not want to leave her newly made companion. I mean, this is...

Anyway, let's finish reading it. Turkey is a Muslim country, so I hope she waited until they left Turkish airspace before she started talking to us. Don't want to do anything haram. She was also accused of smoking an e-cigarette and pouring hot water on the floor. Passengers are reported to have cheered and clapped when police finally came on board the detainer at the end of the flight. I mean, this is insane. Is this it? Is there anything more? Uh.

What? I mean, okay, keep going. Why is there so much trash on the floor? I won't go anywhere with a... She told the cop, I won't go anywhere with a sucker like you. Bad bitch of the year. Oh, my God. So she later told Baza Media, everything was fine. I had a good time on the plane. Well, that's a little more than that. She claimed to have been fined 500 rubles or $5.64.

Russia is the fucking... You know what, man? Stop. You're looking for flights from Istanbul to Moscow. You're Googling that right now. Like, okay. I... I mean, this is confusing. All the pro-Ukraine war people on Twitter should see this article and be like, wait a minute. The Russians are human after all. I mean, this is incredible. So...

Imagine you're on a flight. Like, I mean, what if this guy had, like, a wife? Like, what if this guy was married? What if this woman did that? I love the idea.

like what do you mean oh man he's like no stop yeah he was like oh i hated it yeah that's he's actually claiming that it was just ceremonial pushing away but dude also she was just like yeah whatever everyone can watch me suck this guy's like that it wasn't secret she pulled his pants down hot water and was like what's that over there yeah what was the purpose of the water yeah she was creating a diversion i mean yeah

Bad bitch of the year. Valeria, she didn't give her last name, but, you know, salute to her. Let's see a picture of her. I wouldn't mind getting my dick. She gives Valeria a good head. Yeah. If I'm on a five, also it's a five-hour flight, you know, it's not the longest flight in the world, but, you know, if this woman tries to suck my dick, I'm probably letting her.

But that's just me. What can I say? If I'm on a plane... Flights are boring. Flights are boring, you know. I'm nodding off watching the Marvels. All right, very good, Valeria. Well, Dan, we did a lot of... We covered a lot of really important news stories this week. More than most. We were actually able to cover them, too. That was another good thing. That's a point of view. Yeah.

Damn, dude, I might have gotten too stoned for this one. I did too. I was like whispering into the mic a little bit before. Because I didn't want to in-guzz, but I had a little joke.

That's awesome. That's so much worse. That's so awesome. Just going straight to the deep listeners. This is just for you guys at home because my friends are talking and I don't want to interrupt them. This is the JP frequency. None of the others in the room can hear me. This is only for you. Oh.

Let's do some fucking questions. Are you guys ready to give some advice? Oh, yeah. Please make some really heavy, depressing ones. Like you have a knack for doing. Should we get hired before we give advice? Yeah, we probably honestly should. Even though I'm barely hanging on right now. Hey, Todd. Hey, Eldridge. Hi, guys. Okay, so I am a 25-year-old woman. Yeah, go ahead. Should we wait? Yeah. Y'all can do it. That'll be a boring way.

Let's just wait. To the left. I'm fucking stoneder than my dick. I feel really high. Me too. This is crazy. Me too. Oh, my God. God, and my dick is so hard, by the way. Fuck. I'm so stoned. It's fucked up. The order pizza demon is shouting in my head. Oh, no, no. Hold him back. Yes, pizza. Hold him back.

I'm kind of okay. That's awesome. Time for you to smoke more weed? I guess. You gotta smoke more weed. I have to be on the wavelength. If you smoke a little more, what am I gonna not smoke a little more? There you go. There he is.

James Patrick. Yeah, leave all this in, Elders. This is good stuff. This is good stuff. You want me to? Yeah. All right. This is where we draw. Consider it done. Oh, fuck. Okay. Oh, shit, we're doing it again. Would you like to smoke a little more? Before we regroup, anyone want another water? I'm going to grab one. You know what, man?

Yes, and let me get an A&W Zero Sugar. Yeah, they're flowing like wine tonight, baby. The A&W's are flowing like wine. A truly, completely not sponsored product. The only thing I've actually, truly endorsed wholeheartedly is the A&W Zero Sugar Root Beer. There's probably like one hit left. Eldis? If I must, I must. You must finish it. Worth the little waters?

Oh, they're in the fridge back right corner. They should be right behind the A&Ws. I'm sorry. Just in that zone. I can come out and look. I guess we cut this part. There he is. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, I'm good, actually. Did I ask for water? Yeah. I'm sorry, bro.

I literally have a water bottle right here. I actually forgot I had this. Elite mindset reached. I've been thirsty for the last half hour. That's incredible. Because I finished my NW. And I've had a water bottle right here. Oh, fuck.

Oh, that rocks so much. Yeah. I can do another 12 hours. Yeah. Let's go. Let's do it. It's like in the Hustler when Minnesota Fats goes into the bathroom and he just freshens up a little bit and then he can go the rest of the night. That's all it takes. That was so awesome. Didn't make any sense. He threw some water on his neck and he could just go off 36 straight hours. Alright.

All right, here we go. Let's give some advice. What up, Davi, you beautiful Greek baby? Thanks, man. I've got a different one for you guys, but I don't think I've heard this on here before. I was born through sperm bank. Never knew who my dad was. My sister was born through the same sperm donor.

So she's a year or two older than me. I'm 29. And we found out a year or two ago that we have 28 other siblings. And we're all about the same age. And I found out about my dad as well. I'm trying to figure out whether should I reach out to him? Should I?

I try to just meet him once. Like, he's got three kids of his own. I'll pause this, Elvis. He doesn't really... You think this motherfucker wants 28...

30-year-olds knocking on his door. Be like, hey, remember that summer you were so broke and the sperm bank didn't turn you down? They just let you keep giving jizz over and over again? Remember when you ran out of fake names at 28? And you jerked off a bunch of times? And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. You think you're going to have a moment? It's like...

yeah it's like this guy just donated sperm and it'd be like one thing if he had a couple but that man has 28 you know about with three of his own Yankees World Series Championships

28's too many, dude. Now look, if you're the first one, he might actually connect with you and then he'll start getting mad. Like right around like nine, imagine how pissed you'd be. Like, okay, this must be wrapping up soon. Nine motherfuckers came and told me I'm their dad and you still got 17 to go. I'm sorry, 19 to go? I'm fucking stupid. But you know...

How badly were all these guys like in the early 90s sold a bill of goods? Yeah, yeah. Trust me, if you donate sperm, they'll never be able to contact you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before the internet? Not predicting the internet at all. These guys couldn't even fathom the internet. Oh my God, I didn't even think about that. This guy was donating jizz before. How is anyone going to find out? They're going to write me a letter.

Oh, my God, dude. Unbelievable. Tough break for these guys. Oh, what am I going to get a fax one day that says that I'm the father? It's like...

Meanwhile, there's subreddits like, find this man. Oh my God. Based on the hedges in the background, it looks like he's in a suburb of Cincinnati. His name is Don. Oh my God. This guy had a true crime podcast. Poor guy. I'm so on the guy, the dad. I feel so bad for the fucking guy who was just beating off. He was trying to make 60 bucks a pop. He's like, damn, 60 bucks? That's awesome.

He definitely scheduled one of these appointments with a pay phone. Yes, dude. All right. Once I get the cash for that, I'm going to swing by Blockbuster and have myself a night. This guy's dad had never sent a text message when he beat off to make him. He was not familiar with the concept. He conceived you in a world that no longer exists, and now you're just going to come at him. This is rude as fuck. You're essentially coming through a different multiverse right now and just entering this man's life. Knock it on some trailer door. God damn.

I switched to donating plasma around that time. That was the last straw. Wait, that's a good question. How the fuck did this guy find out 30 other siblings that... Well, now all the records are there. You could find that shit. Ancestry.com. Do they give it to you? I think there's ways to figure it out.

Like, you can't get it through the agency, right? Probably not, but it probably depends on... I bet you... That could be subpoenaed, I imagine, but not like you can't just ask. I also bet you certain people have certain... Some people, like, never under any circumstances give anyone my contact info. Some people might be like...

Don't make it publicly available, but if they ask... I bet you the donor gets to choose. That's just a hunch. I'm high. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. But it could be how it works. There's a terms of service agreement. Yeah, you can opt into. What if it's like a pay-to-play game? Where it's like, look, if you want them to know your... We'll pay you $100, but they're going to know your address. Or we'll pay you $50 and they can never find you. LAUGHTER

You can switch it to that option if you watch 2,000 ads. Yeah, it's Hulu with ads. It's beating off with ads. This one might be categorized as hate speech. Oh, okay. Let's listen. Now we're talking.

What's up, Stob? What's up, Elvis? And hello to whoever you guys have as a guest today. I'm calling because I know you guys are very anti-circumcision podcasts. Yeah. I was very anti-circumcision, too. That wasn't until I actually started listening to this podcast and heard you guys talking about your dicks and how many issues... Shut up, bitch. ...you had with yeast infections and ETIs... Elvis is a fucked-up bitch. ...and Stob talking about sex being painful... Yeah, my force is a little too tight. ...because you're working too tight.

Fuck you. Boo. You're a fucking loser. And your son's a fucking loser too. Yeah.

We don't give a fuck. Why are you calling into a gloat about your mutilated cock? This one's pissing me off. Me too. I know it's fucked up, but I've never had a woman that I slept with or had a woman not sleep with me because I was circumcised. Shut up, dude. Fuck you. This guy's a fucking piece of shit. I'm not fucking with you.

Who the fuck are you that I have to tell you anything? I don't have to prove shit to you, man.

This guy's a fucking piece of shit. Dude, fuck this guy just because, like, you already mutilated your son's cock. Don't ask me about benefits. You made your fucking grave, you fucking loser-ass father. You took a knife to your infant son's cock. You ripped a piece of his cock off. You ripped a fucking piece of his cock off, and now you're coming to us for absolution? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit. And you're with your fucking snipped-up little scarred cock. Fuck.

Motherfuckers dig looking like Benny Hanna. I'm an ally of the uncircumcised community, and I'm here to not center myself and hold space for my uncircumcised brothers. Thank you, JP. Thank you, JP. Pavone? I was just in the bathroom taking a piss. Looking at your unclipped cock. Every time you guys made a point, I was like, fuck you.

I've never been so pumped to get back into a conversation. Yeah, this guy's a fucking piece of shit. Asking us for benefits. Our cocks look the way they're supposed to look. What the goal? The fucking goal of this man to even email this? Like it wasn't going to be offensive. He's a piece of shit. At least two. He knew two. He's a piece of shit. And then you throw in, you know,

This is ridiculous. And I'm an Uncle Tom to the uncircumcised community. I'm with you guys 100%. That's right. You're a guest of honor. As God made them. We can't blame you for what your father did, JP. So true. You're faultless.

I heard half of it. But I was done. I pissed at the right time. Here's the benefit. Fuck you. That's the benefit, you fucking person. You guys don't need to explain shit to this guy. I don't owe you shit. I'm not here to educate you. I'm not here to educate you. Do some fucking research.

Here's the thing about circumcision. I have a beautiful natural cock. It's that thing about circumcision. If you're going to do something that painful to a newborn baby, there better be a damn good medical reason for it. I know. And science has concluded that there is not. Thank you, JP. Thank you. So don't go deli slicing people's hogs.

By the way, I had a UTI. I had a fucking fucked up nut. I've had yeast infections. I don't have them now, you cocksucker. Those aren't big deals. Not a big deal. So fuck you. And yeah, my foreskin is too tight. That's true. That means you got a girth. And sometimes my dick hurts. Yeah. And sometimes my dick hurts, but I'll say this. It makes it so that I don't cum fast. Yeah? You know, every time I'm about to bust, I got a little...

And then I reset the... And it resets the nut count. You got the back 15 seconds button. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's a DVD. So I very rarely bust fast. And the pussy has to be very warm and tight for me to bust fast. And I cannot be wearing a condom. So shut the fuck up. That just tightens it. Fuck you. Your son's a piece of shit too now. He really is.

He really is. Suck my fucking unclipped cock, you piece of shit. Next question, Elders. God, I hate that guy. Take that home. I don't understand the point of that, that fucking prick. Fucking piece of shit.

How do you know your foreskin's too tight before the next one? I can feel it. Yeah, okay. I can feel it. It doesn't go back all the way. Oh, that's tough. I stop it right... I have a bit about it. I don't want to do my bit, but it stops right here, kind of. It's like wearing joggers. Like, you got to pull them over your feet real tight. Oh, yeah. That's fucking tight as one can be. Yeah, yeah. Christ almighty. You got a nice hanger. Yeah. You can just pull your dick back. Yeah, I got one of those. Nice. Nice.

Eldest Kentucky's nuts into his shit. That's how loose his foreskin is. Loosey-goosey? Yeah, I always say it hangs off like a loose, dirty sock. Oh, dear lord! What?

Don't make me think my apologist position for you guys. I'm on your side now. Don't lose me as an ally. We only have a few allies here. We can't lose them. My cock is beautiful, dude. No. Next question. Hi, Stabby. I'm a woman, and I need some advice. I have two different sized titties. Whoa. Like, two.

Wow. That's kind of bugged out. Oh, man. Interesting.

I need to know the lifelong problems.

Thank you for the help. They do got personality. Yeah, it's fun. But I will say three cup sizes is crazy. Three cup sizes is a lot. But the night sky needs Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. There are two sides to this. If she had slightly different... Yeah, slightly I've seen. Slightly is almost everyone. Almost everyone's a little. Also, yeah, there is not a woman alive who has naturally symmetrical tits. They don't happen.

But they don't have three cup size. Three cups is big, yeah. That's all over the alphabet right there. That's fucking crazy. How do you even fucking... A to D. A to D? You just fucking put a little cantaloupe in your small titties? Like, how do you even use bras? I don't get it. Do you wrap the one titty in a sling? Like you're injured? Putting your...

phone and wallet and shit in the other cup. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. I'm sorry to make fun of you. You're asymmetrical. Rocko's Modern Life titties are beautiful. That's crazy. So if it's something you've struggled with your whole life, and here's the thing, titty technology is one of the best technologies we have. Yeah. If you got to get a surgery...

They got, they're nice these days. Right? And I think it's augmentations that result in less scarring. That's just my medical opinion. The reductions, they'll lead to some heavy scarring. That is true. So you maybe don't want to take some meat off of the bigger one. You want to supplement the small one. And I think that's fair. Level up the small one. I think, absolutely. I think you deserve to be in the middle of where you are.

you shouldn't have to go as little as you, and you shouldn't put one implant to match the big one. I say, make something new, a nice, a nice medium, a nice meet in the middle. And by the way, when a head coach brings in a new offensive coordinator, like the whole system comes in. We got it. Absolutely. Start fresh. Install a whole new office. Okay. Because the other thing is, this has been a problem for her, right? Like,

So she's kind of paid the piper in terms of having to deal having titty problems. You've done your time. And so now you deserve a breast. Now you deserve awesome titties. Like, you know, I don't know. I don't know if you're young. I don't know how old you are, but it's like, you know, I'm sure everybody's like in a perfect world. I would get my, you know, I bet you not everyone. I bet you some women are like, ah, it'd be cool to get my titties done, but it seems a little much.

Not the case for our friend here. Yeah. You deserved it. That's who it was made for. Anyone who wants to do it deserves it. We're pro titties.

What'd you say, Jeffrey? That's who it was made for. Yeah, absolutely. Titty Jobs was made for lopsided titties. If titties, if getting fake tits was the way you get a kidney and there's a list, she's at the top of the list. Top of the list. Well, I guess breast cancer top. She's second. And then it's like, you know, flat bitches with awesome asses. You know those dudes?

They skip the rest. Anyway, go ahead. The people that have the one leg longer than the other ones that have to wear the shoe with the fucking long shit. Those guys. They can't even get a new leg. This girl and those people are walking in circles together. Dude.

They have common claws. I wonder if one of her knees is taking more of a beating. There's got to be spine issues. That's got to fuck your shit up. This is going to result in a herniated disc. You've got to do something. And listen, we said go somewhere in the middle. If you've got to have huge titties, you've got to have huge titties. If you've got to go anime mode. We're not going to fight you on it.

We're not going to fight you. Oh, my God. Slightly serious note. Aren't breast enhancements less dangerous than breast reductions? I actually don't know. I don't know for sure. But let's start saying that. Let's start saying that. Because I'm...

I'm tired of all this reduction. Let's get some propaganda out there. Right, right, right. It's one future riskier than the other, according to auroraclinics.co.uk. Okay. Next question, Big Eldons. Hey, Stavi, Eldest, and Guest. This is Will. So basically, in the last two, two and a half years,

I've been to 12 funerals. My roommate, my brother, and then my best friend have all died. And I'm in therapy. That's not what I'm calling about. Just freshly high? I don't know. Maybe stop having your loved ones die. Find the gypsy that cursed your family and return her talisman to her.

Return the talisman your great-grandfather, your great-grandmother stole from her, and all will be all right. You must carry your great-grandmother over a mountain. Okay, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Just move out of the town that Michael Myers is talking. Please.

Let me guess, it's Jamie Lee Curtis again! Oh, fuck. "My dear friend Stavros Eldis, probably JP, and other possible guests. My name is Blake, and you can keep that in, and I am a fully post-op transgender woman. I'm 39 years old, I'm married to a cool-ass woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and hilarious.

I've been transitioning for like the last six years. I did the hormones, I recently had all the surgeries, and I still have what I consider to be this most excellent dude voice. And under the parasocial discipleship of Stavros, I do my best to radically accept myself and the weirdness that is inherent in the juxtaposition of my girly-ass face, titties, and hands combined with my righteous dude bro voice. And I just wanted to ask...

If you were in my position, how would you go about living this particular life to the fullest? Please respond knowing that I enjoy being a funny person myself, and I want your personal opinions as comedic people yourselves. Much love. Thank you. Well, I will say it's an awesome bit the first time. Yeah. The first time you see like a hot lady, and then it's like...

Pussy. That would be... Or if you really want a really good one, fake put on a really girly over-the-top voice that sounds ridiculous, and they'll be like, nah, I'm fucking around. You're at dinner, you're on a first... Well, not on a first date because you're already married, but you're at dinner with a new person, and you're like, hi, doing the hi little girl voice, and the waiter comes over, it's like, that's too much pepper! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you stub your toe, and you're like...

Four! Yeah. That's a really good one. That's a really good one. I love getting an advice question from someone who's clearly lived more life than us. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Has been through more. So much more. Way more in touch with yourself than either of us are with ourselves.

But I love... Yeah, the advice isn't even like, how do I change my vote? What should I do? It's like, how do I have more fun? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I've reached the top of how happy I can be. Yeah. I would say that's a great... You have the opportunity for a great, just like, quick bit. Find a barbershop quartet that needs a bass, and then you just come in like, huh.

Order a lot from takeout with like fast food windows and then they'll be like confused. Yeah. You know, and like... Stay quiet while they're like, um, was it you? Yeah, yeah. The McChicken? And then, mm-hmm. And then drive back around, they're like, where the fuck is my McChicken? Can you give it to that hot bitch? What are you trying to fuck her? You think she's hot, right? And then see what the guy thinks of you.

A lot of opportunities for a lot of different stuff. She said she likes being funny. Yeah, I mean, as bits, that's kind of a good one. Hidden voice, you know, prank calls. Prank calls, actually. Yeah. I mean, every call this person makes is a prank call. Yeah. If they meet up with them. Yeah. Learn how to do some impressions.

Yeah, you could get away with... Dude. You could get away with a lot of dude impressions. Like, if you can be a transgender woman on YouTube, I mean, you don't have to monetize it, but whatever. Yeah, yeah. This content saggle over here. Yeah, I'm like, start a reality show. But if you could, like, learn some, like, cool impressions, you'd be the talk of the party. That would be funny. See that chick over there? She does a...

really good Christopher Walken. Get over here. This is my son and partner H.W. I've abandoned my boy.

These are all great. Blake was her name? So there you go, Blake. Hope those are enough bits. I think we gave you a couple nice ones. Would you please kindly massage my breasts? Is this skirt a little bit too scandalous?

Look at my pussy. I want you to look inside of my pussy. It is very brand new. Did they do a good job? Get to the pussy. Get to my pussy. Thank you for demanding for my bottom surgery. Yeah, learn these. Yeah, dude. These will be good. These are complete. Yeah, so you get the voices down. I mean, we gave you a whole cheat code.

Oh, man. Pause this. Pause this. What did he do the second he was on? He bombed with, people always call you Elvis, always pisses me off.

Not funny. It proved my point exactly. That was the most trivia host sort of a joke, shape of a joke, but wasn't saying anything. So anyway, go ahead, Elders.

So I did four years of radio. I was a DJ on the air for four years. Now I do some trivia hosting as my side hustle, you know? I didn't know side hustles could have their own side hustles. I don't know the part-time radio DJ. Oh, that's your main hustle, huh? No.

Sorry, but... My main thing is donating plasma. But I threw a couple of things on the side. These guys are getting shot up with the Uzi right now because I'm so hungry. Because I'm just thinking about fucking grilling. But you can't throw me a fucking DJ when I'm in this state. Anyway, keep going, Elders. It made me sad to hear you talk so bad about Trivia World, dude. Like, it cuts deep.

I mean, I'm doing pretty well as a trivia host. You know, you said call in if you're a trivia host and you got some pussy.

I mean, I wouldn't say I got pussy from it, but... He said that! He's exactly proving my point! You can't brag about something unless you... Now, I wouldn't say I did that. You said, Colin, if you got pussy from it. Well, that didn't happen, but I have a girlfriend. You, my friend, you work at it. You do a thing at a bar.

at a bar where girls can walk up to your table with slips of paper where they could conceivably write their numbers on it and hand it to you and you're still not getting pussy as a trivia host. I mean, so this was your idea of how I was going to respect trivia DJs more? Was complaining that I made fun of you? Finish. I'd love to hear about it.

She hosts the trivia nights at her company. That's something we had in common when we were talking. So, I mean, technically, I got pussy from that. No, you didn't. I'm being real. No, you didn't. I just found another dork to fuck you. There's a big ocean out there. You know, the comedians. You guys are the sharks. Sharks in the water to be hosts.

No, dude, that's the thing where I'm telling you, we're the bottom. We are the lowest form. The fact that you're below us is sad, dude. We're like a skate or something that's like real flat, like cruising along the bottom of the water. Yeah, dude, we're just in the bottom, minding our own fault. We're the absolute bottom of the show business. We're fighting over the same kelp, my friends. Yeah.

Yeah, like you were the hagfish that consumed the corpses of whales flying miles beneath the surface of the ocean. You're an angler fish down in the dark depths. It's going to take James Cameron to see you getting pussy from being a serial DJ. Yeah, exactly, dude. He's going to need a camera that hasn't been invented yet. God damn. Anyway, this is... Keep going. Eel.

waiting in the reefs for the opportunity to snag a Wednesday night. You sharks are out there eating up all the fries. First of all, we are not even... Now look, I don't mean to come off as...

You're not an artist. You're not a performer. Soon, very soon, you have the one job AI should replace. In fact, when you go to Buffalo Wild Wings and they're doing trivia on the board and you don't have to talk to anyone, you can just play that little game, much better experience than having to put up with a guy with sideburns and a fedora asking me how many times fucking... How many times fucking...

Paul Rudd was on Friends. How many episodes did Paul Rudd appear on? Who cares? Shut the fuck up. You're closer to a barback than you are. No, I respect barbacks. They do hard work. You're below barbacks. You're doing the job that the host of the bar didn't want to do. Anyway, dude, this was awesome. Keep going.

Let's see what else he's got. You know, for me, I'm a part of the ecosystem, man. You're not. You know, I'm an Italian man. My full name is Marcello. And, you know, it hurts me to see a fellow swarthy man with a weird-ass name shitting on me. Well, stop being funny. We're not the same. We don't have to stick together at all.

You are much worse than me. You are lower than me. Name your top five trivia hosts of all time. What's your favorite hour from a trivia host? Yeah, dude, I just remember being a little kid and when I just wanted to be inspired, my mom would just go to TGI Fridays Tuesday when they couldn't sell a fucking buffalo chicken egg roll.

And she would sit me in front of there and some fucking guy with a soul patch. Marty Collins. Yeah, there he was. A guy trying to get into magic but was still trying to get the tricks down. So in the meantime, he was doing trivia. We don't deserve a lot of respect, but you got to give us this little demarcation here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is ridiculous.

There's plenty of other professions for you guys to shit on. No. Yeah. I respect that. Leave the trivia host alone. I will not. I will not. Love the podcast. Love you, Elvis. You're a great producer, whatever. People say about you is untrue. You're a great producer. He's worked up. He's by himself in his house leaving a voicemail. He's fucking pissed right now. Have yourselves a good night.

Have yourself a good night. I'm getting a lot of love from the trivia host here. As the podcast producer, I stand with the trivia host. Right. You know what? That's actually what you're closer to. And by the way, podcast producer, much better than trivia host. But you're at least getting warmer.

Oh, man. What a fucking loser. What if this guy puts us to shame and he sends in a tape of him like,

reading off the hilarious team names of the teams. I stand corrected. This guy's got the sauce. These puns are fucking awesome, dude. Listening to that call, listening to that guy come at you for shitting on trivia hosts reminded me of the scene in Miller's Crossing where they come to assassinate Albert Finney and then he just riddles them all with bullets. He shoots the guy with a Tommy gun for like 30 seconds. Oh,

That was rough. Let's play the last one. Hi, Stobby. I love the show. Can't wait to see you when you come to Seattle again. I'm calling about my twin brother for some context. We grew up in Mississippi, but in May of 2021, I and my girlfriend, we moved to Seattle to be with her dad. And I got my real estate license. I started making lots of money.

money, you know. And my brother has just constantly been very jealous of my life. You know, he's living around with our parents and going around. So in February of 2022, I was making a little money. I flew him up here. And he was... It was a great couple of days. All we did was smoke weed and cigars and party. But then it turned into...

a complete jealous fit. He even told my girlfriend's dad that his jealous life I have up here. It was horrible. Then he went back to Mississippi and we didn't talk for a few months. And, you know, it's very, you know, off and on. I always tried to make contact with him, try to reach out to him. But then about a month ago, we got into a huge blowout fight about some things that happened in our past.

And ever since then, I've been trying to reach out to him and call him and

and text him, and it's all been no reply, no reply. So I'm hoping I can get your advice on if I should keep doing what I'm doing and try to maintain a relationship, or if I could cut out my brother. Oh, this is exactly what I said was going to happen. This man's like, should I cut my brother out of my life forever? I just, this is so awesome. I was like, yeah, I'm pretty high. I'm tired of talking. Let's do one more to get to...

Just plump it out. And Elvis drops it.

Well, I'll tell you what he should. Should I cut my brother out of my life? He's jealous of me, which is such a weird thing. It's such a weird thing to be complaining this much about. My brother is so jealous of me. Do I have to cut him out of my life? Because that can't be what it actually is. I have to have vicious conflict, but it can't be. You're just jealous of me.

You're jealous of my brains. In the percentage, the 1% chance that he is right and his brother is literally so jealous of him, it's causing a problem. You also understand that 99% of the time, that is what an insane person would say about anyone they're in a confrontation with. He's just fucking jealous, dude. No matter what they're fighting about,

A moron would say, just fucking haters being jealous, man. You could be stealing an old man's medicine. Yeah. And be like, he's just fucking jealous. He's jealous. I get it how I live. He's jealous I know how to fucking make money anywhere I am. You're jealous I'm making 82K with permission. He can't stand how I close. Yeah, dude.

No, I'm just letting you know that. I would say don't, even if you take the word jealous out of this word,

like description you're like my brother's just been really weird he's been you know complaining about my success it makes me really uncomfortable like I want to share this with him but he's just like if you just take the word jealous out of it he sounds so much more reasonable he's a much more sympathetic character even though he's probably there's it's I could see this happening if like you're doing even shorter well and like you know

Like town... You know, like your townie brother. And in all seriousness... Do you think you're better than me, bro? Yeah. In all seriousness, like if you're getting the silent treatment from somebody or they're not replying, that does truly suck. And like especially if it's a family member. So this is definitely like... Because you're trying... To your credit, you're trying to make this shit fucking... You know, you're trying to work this out. You got in a fight. You're trying to fix it, whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, I said cut him out. Let him know how much you beat business going forward. You fired. I think this is a straw. Let him know how you play, man. I'm calling your bluff, playboy. They don't call me deal-closing Danny for nothing.

I didn't move 2.8 last month in Seattle in Tacoma alone. Oh, fuck, dude. So, yeah, you know what? I guess Anthony's right. Fuck it. Cut him out. Whatever, man. You got to see if, you know, if he's being a dickhead, fuck him. And then, you know.

Let him know the rules of the game, dude. You are built different. A lion does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

Holy shit. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm trying, but it just keeps getting away from me, dude. They're just getting you too good. So go talk to a therapist or something, man. It's not going to happen today, man. This is Elvis' fault.

What you need is a t-shirt. A t-shirt that says, I am an inside sales representative who makes 82K and has a complex relationship with his brother. But if you ever cross him, so help me God, they will never find your body. Yeah, you need one of those, man. Yeah.

Oh, fuck.