#41 - HBO's The Telemarketers
01:57:51 Share

Welcome everybody to Stop This World. We're back. 904-800-STOP. Call in. We will solve all your problems. We have a little bit of a special episode here, folks. We have from HBO's Telemarketers. It's a great limited series, like a limited documentary on HBO right now.

Fucking rules. I was lucky enough to go to the premiere. It was fucking sick. And I was like, we got to get some fellas from the doc on the pod to talk about this shit. So we have the creator, Sam Lipmanstern. And we got my boy, Chris Pasick.

That's it. Fuck yeah, dude. If I just said it with confidence, no one would have been the wiser. And then if I fucked it up, you know, I'd be like, oh, my bad. I was in no man's land there, folks. Let that be a lesson. If you're unsure of what to do with a name, go in with confidence.

And if you fucked it up, it doesn't, you know what I mean? You apologize, but you take your swings. So be bold in life. Don't be a bitch like me. Come at starting the podcast, but Chris and Sam, thanks for coming boys. Thank you so much for having us. Um, the, so for the, for the, for those of you who don't know, obviously the listeners of Stabby's World,

Telemarketers, it's on HBO right now. You can get it on Max whenever the fuck you want. Fire it up. It's a wild story. I don't know if you guys know, I was also a telemarketer. So Sam, the way this whole thing started was you were a telemarketer at a very shitty, like an insanely shitty telemarketing firm. Yeah.

like one of the most it's like it was like Fallujah over there I saw at the premiere you guys screened the first episode there's three total episodes and I was like it was fucking wild Eldis I assume you didn't watch it like I told you to is that correct? that is correct sorry great perfect Eldis it's not all good anytime

Fellas, please let me handle my employee as I wish, please. Don't get in the way when I'm disciplining Eldest for not preparing. God forbid you fucking turn it on. I know he has nothing to do. That's the thing. We're together so much time that I know when he's going home. What did you watch yesterday, Eldest? Let's start there. When you went home, what did you take in? What media? I watched a couple of Pawn Stars. You watched a couple of Pawn Stars?

Damn. That actually hurts. Instead of... He has Max. I know that he has the capacity to do it. I would have given him my password if he wanted to, but no. Our boy went home. For what it's worth, I am logged out of the Max login that I have at the moment.

What was the best piece of equipment? What was the best thing on Pawn Stars? What would you say? What piece of memorabilia made the most mark on you, Eldis, from yesterday? I don't know. I wasn't even paying that much attention. I was kind of scrolling on my phone while watching. Well, there you have it, folks. So Eldis will be able to weigh in quite a bit during this conversation. But Telmar, the doc is awesome. And so just kind of take us...

Like, you were young as fuck. That's the other thing. So you're, how old are you now, bud? 36. 36. And you were working at this place, how old were you? 14. You were 14? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're breaking law. You're not allowed to. I think, so in Jersey, I had to go to school with my mom to get my working papers. 14 still seems pretty young. 14 was, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's a very good point. But before this conversation really gets going and we talk about your great documentary, I'd like to thank our sponsors, starting with DraftKings. That's right, baby. Football's back. Sports are back. Get in on the NFL Week 2 action with DraftKings Sportsbook. Download the app now and use code STAVI to sign up. New customers can bet just $5 and take home $200 instantly immediately.

bonus bets only on DraftKings Sportsbook with code STAVI. Throw a little cash around, what you can afford with our friends at DraftKings. And I'd also like to thank, very near and dear to my heart, our new sponsors, Helix Sleep, an incredible mattress company. We are so happy to be working with them. And right now for you guys, you can take full advantage of

What were you guys saying?

That's wild. Could you do any kind of labor at 14 with that? Could they have you in a fucking meat packing plant? That's a really good question. Because that seems fucked up, right? Like, telemarketing is one thing, but yeah, manual labor seems fucking insane. You're right.

Yeah, and Chris, by the way, we should say you edited the whole thing. Yes, yes, yes. So you went through, I mean, how much footage did you have? From 14 to... Like over 100 hours. Over 100 hours, damn. And some of the footage starts when you're 14. So this is a really interesting doc because it kind of spans...

from when you're 14 to like a few years ago. Basically now. Basically now, yeah, yeah. Which is fucking crazy. So you had, you know, you're working with 20 years and hundreds of hours of fucking footage and shit, which is awesome. Yeah, there was a lot of like 14-year-olds. There was like hours and hours just of like 12-year-olds smoking bongs. Yeah, hell yeah.

That was about 96 hours. I got a little bit in the show. There's a clip of that. That's where I'm from. You getting high and watching Beastmaster. Beastmaster was fucking awesome. I remember that. That was Saturday mornings. It was part of the Xena and Hercules block. Those were great times. I was all over that. A lot of beating off to Xena early on in my life.

Shout out to Lucy Lawless. Gabrielle. Gabrielle. What's the lesbian version of a twink? Does anybody know what that is?

They've got to have a word for that. They were kind of progressive in a way when you think about it for the time. Clearly, I mean, I guess, but what was the age gap? Now let's really talk about it. There was a serious age gap. Is Xena a groomer? Is Xena the warrior princess a classic groomer? How old was Gabrielle? Let's fucking talk about it, dude. Oh, shit, yeah. And lesbians, you don't think, we'll really get progressive when we start talking about lesbian age gaps. We're not there yet. It's mostly about guys, but we will get there as a society. Yes.

One day we will, you know. But there's, whatever, Gabrielle, I don't know the parlance. Apologies to the lesbian listeners of Stavi's World. I have many, many dear lesbian friends. I fucked up. Text me, let me know what a lesbian, the equivalent of a lesbian twink is.

I mean, it's not lips. That's a different thing. Anyway, Beast... So you're getting high. You're watching Beastmaster. All day. Xena, Hercules, and you're also... And Pokemon. And Pokemon, of course. I remember smoking weed coming home from school and watching Pokemon. I was a little too old. I was like 12 or 13. Dude. But that shit was fire, dude. At that age...

That's so awesome that you're getting eye-watching Pokemon. That's the classic. Like, Dan Soder has a great joke. He talked about it on this podcast, too, where he was... He grew up white trash, and he started smoking so young that there was an overlap where he still played with action figures and smoked cigarettes. Yeah.

And that's not as extreme, but fucking rolling your own joint and watching Ash get his fucking water badge. Yes. While you're high. Oh, dude. Like, really good memories. And I gotta say, that sounds awesome. That sounds so fucking sick. I was too scared to smoke weed at 13, but I started smoking weed at...

But I remember there was one kid who was Jewish, I will say. I don't know what that's about. Jews smoking weed early. We have one here. Hippie Jew. Yeah, yeah. I guess that's what it was. There's that big contingent of hippie Jew parents that just like weed was around. That was my family. Okay. Hell yeah. Yeah, that was my family. Are we talking like commune style? Yes. Really? Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. I grew up like...

kind of like I guess like lower middle class and like apartment complexes in Jersey. Okay. Which I love because they're super diverse. Yeah. So you have like all

all kinds of people living in really tight space. You got, like, an African dude downstairs from, like, you know, that was fleeing the Civil War. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From China next door and Greek and Colombian and just kids, like, running around the apartment complex throwing up together. Yeah. But my family was hippie Jews. Interesting. Yeah, so my mom lived on a kibbutz in Israel. Really? I think that's kind of where she got some of these ideas. Damn. Where they, like... Yeah, that's, like, almost like...

distilled communism. Yeah. Where there's not even government. It's like, we are just all working to make this farm fucking, like, function. Yeah. And that's it. No one gets any wages. No. It's just pure survival. Yeah, dude. It's kind of... Interesting. And then, so, but we grew up in central Jersey. So we were, like, the only hippie family in that area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my parents were into, like, polyamory. Oh!

Oh my God. Which I can talk about now with no emotions thanks to therapy. I can talk about it. Dude, that's my favorite thing in the world is the children. It's one thing to mock the polyamorous, right? And by the way, shout out to some, there's some polyamorous ladies. Shout out to the polyamorous community. Shout out to them. It's awesome. I have a couple friends in open relationships who we hang out and they'll give me top. That's awesome. That's a cool setup. It is awesome. So shout out to them. Right? But,

Where I always have... And I can even kind of entertain the idea where it always is a problem, is when a child is in the mix. Yeah, yeah. I'm the result, dude. Hippie, polyamorous. I'll talk about it. You can ask me questions all day. Yeah, I would love... So that's why you want... It's like, why is he getting a job at 14? It's like, to stop listening to his parents gangbang his family friend. To stop hearing...

It's not that far off. Aunt Jenna getting her pussy eaten by my mom in the next room. I need to start working. I'm tired. You can only turn Pokemon up so loud. Get up.

It can only drown out. That is, yeah. Riot shoot. Not that far off, unfortunately. Squirtle. Blastoise's fucking attacks can only fucking. Fucking taking bong hits and trying to drown out the sorrow. That's awesome. That's what allowed me to fucking leave school and start telemarketing, dude.

Your parents were so horny. They allowed you to drop out of school. They're like, yeah, whatever, man. I'm trying to get this nut off. I'll sign whatever you need me to sign. That was basically it. And here I am today. Cheers. Cheers.

We will return to that without question. Any questions about that, I'm open. Here's a therapy now. I can just talk openly. No emotions. I'll fill you in any detail. Did they ever tell you to scram so they could host an orgy? No, they never asked me to scram. They never hosted. That's probably more because your apartment was so shitty. It was a small apartment. They wouldn't dare bring their friends over to fuck in it. Yeah, it was not good.

But there was a, we had a Puerto Rican shaman living on the couch. That's so sick. There was a psychic living in the attic. There was like a homeless dude living in the pantry and his feet would just stick out. My brother's throwing weed in the closet who you met.

My house is wild, man. Oh, did they fuck the Puerto Rican shaman or was it just the spiritual guidance? No, but the psychic did fuck this Puerto Rican shaman. The psychic fucked the shaman. That's another documentary, by the way. There was a cut where this was like the first 30 minutes of the movie. Oh, yeah. He put that all in there at the beginning. Oh, fuck yeah. Shout out to Chris.

And then it just wasn't, you know, no one knows this about my hippie background. I love that, dude. The psychic gave him the camera. Yes. Really? Wow. Was it a woman or a man? It was a woman. Got out to Phoenix. Do you think Phoenix knew, could she see the future? That handing you that camera brought us to this very couch right now? Honestly, I think so.

I think so. Phoenix could see Eldest watching Chumlee value a postcard with Captain America on it for $12 and the guy being like, nah, it's got to be more than that. And Chumlee being like, look, you could probably get $100 for it, but I got to get some when I move it.

You know, do you think Phoenix could see Eldest not logging on to HBO Max and not preparing for this podcast while she was sucking off the shaman? Dude, psychic and shaman together, that's pretty fucking sick. Those are powerful energies. Rest in peace to Raphael the shaman. Raphael.

Who was also a scam artist. Yeah. That's awesome. That's fucking sick. It was wild. Anybody in your family fuck a shaman or anybody in your house fuck a shaman, Chris? Not that I know of. No, no. But, you know. I was outside all the time. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he got to watch all the footage. That's fucking awesome. You got to cut something together. You got to cut like, you know how Anchorman, they did that alternate version where it's a completely different movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do that with all the fucked up shit from Sam's family. It's there. I hope people will mention that. You got to do that, dude. No, that's, you know, please, that needs to happen. Cool. So your house is such a mess.

that you're like, fuck it, I can't be inside. I'm going to go start telemarketing, basically. I mean, well, I was, back then it was normal, dude. I just felt like that was normalcy. Right, right, right. That was my normalcy.

But I was in ninth grade and I remember just not liking it. So I came home and I'm like, yeah, I don't want to go to school anymore. And my mom's like, yeah, all right. Yeah, cool. Whatever. You don't have to go to school anymore. That's awesome. So I remember she brought me into the high school and was like, sign me out of school. But they're like, if you leave, you got to get a job.

And so I went to Burger King, went to McDonald's trying to get a job. Right. They wouldn't hire me. Really? They're going to get you fucking young. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then my buddy who was 15 told me about this telemarketing spot. Interesting. And we rode our bikes over there and fucking read the script and then got hired that day. That's awesome. Like right on the spot. So all they did was see if you could actually read what they want you to say. Basically, yeah. And I think they kind of wanted kids because then you're, you know, you don't,

speak up. There's a lot of like ex-cons, kids. Yeah, yeah. That's what I love about this. Yeah, the mix was like guys, we're not talking about like ex-cons who are like, you know,

converted to Islam in jail and like speak about the Quran preach the Quran or like people that have gotten their lives together we're talking about guys that were unemployable were too like were could not get other jobs and were just like yeah fuck they'll hire anyone there was a mix you'd have like you'd have there was like maybe so you had kids like myself who had yeah dropped out of high school or whatever and

And then you'd have a lot of ex-cons. And so you'd have like a murderer sitting to your right. You'd have like a dude who was literally robbing banks on your left. They were selling like massive amounts of heroin out of the office.

And we're calling raising money for the cops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So explain what it was. So telemarketing, what was the telemarketing? You guys were raising money for the cops? I knew the voice. I don't know if you want to hear the voice. Please do. Give us the script. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the main script that you were calling for? Yeah, so it'd be like, hey, how's it going? Sam Lipman Stern. You want to sound like a cop in a 1950s cartoon of what a cop would sound like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fucking Bugs Bunny. So they teach you how to sound like a cop. So I was like 14. And I'd be like, yeah.

Hey, this is Sam Lipman-Stern calling on behalf of the New Jersey Fraternal Order of Police. Good evening to you. How you doing today? And we're calling all residents around Baltimore, calling for the new... Actually, we did Baltimore. Wow, look at that. We're doing the big summer fun drive. Donations help support anti-drunk driving and death benefits for the families of police officers unfortunately killed in the line of duty. We're going to send you out a new sticker.

It's going to be for the new year, the police sticker. You just slap that thing on the back of your car, and all the police out there will see your proud support. Wow. So something like that. So literally they had children and ex-cons raising money for the police, just...

And what was the police? So we would call on behalf of the PBA, the Fraternal Order of Police. So that's like the biggest police organization in the world. Yeah, every time they kill a teenager, some fat guy from the FOP comes out and is like, he was an aggressor. He reached for his gun. You could see it in his eyes. He was an animal. What do you want? Not to support the police? You want to live in anarchy? Then make him go to jail. That's always who comes out. So that's who we were calling for. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pull up the Fraternal Order of Police. This guy looks so fucking funny. Spokesman, look up his... Yeah, he looks fucking hilarious. I don't remember what... I think it was like some... Yeah, go to the Google Images. Maybe it's Joe Gamaldi. I know all these names, dude. I'm like so nerdy about this shit. Yeah, that guy. Look at that fucking guy. That's the president of the Philadelphia FOP.

John McNesby, dude. I mean, if that guy... How many times has that guy said the N-word in his life, do you think? Off the charts. Set the over-under at like 152,000, and I still might go over, honestly, depending on if he has a gambling habit also. That's the hell of a Philly FOP. Yeah.

I'm familiar with that dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so you're raising, so these telemarketing guys got together basically like kids, ex-cons, who, like, what are we talking about? You had some, like, people with substance abuse problems, right? So, yeah, so one of my, I became good friends with this dude named Pat Pespis. The man, this guy fucking rules. Yeah. In the documentary. And he was, you know, he was an addict at the time.

and he was in his mid-thirties and we just became good friends and we started

We started filming together and started filming this investigation into what we were involved in. Oh, interesting. So you're 14. You got the camera from Phoenix. Fucking camcorder, dude. You got the camcorder rolling. Yeah, shout out to Phoenix. And when it started, you were just like, let's get rolling because this place is funny? Or what was the idea? So first when I walked in there, I remember the first day I walked in, I'm 14, right? Yeah. And I didn't know what the job was at all. Yeah.

And there was all these built dudes doing push-ups next to the water fountains. What the fuck? That's so funny. And then I walked in and you're like, imagine an office and there's mug shots of the callers taped to the wall. Like fucking, like badges of honor basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they pointed, and there was this one dude, I remember a manager pointed to him and they're like, you see that guy over there? And I'm like a little kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, yo, you see that guy? That motherfucker, I swear one day is going to come in here with an AK-47 and shoot the whole place up. Yeah.

And that was Mr. Smythe who's in the documentary. Mr. Smythe. Yeah. That's your first day? That was my first day. And then they're like, okay, read this script. Like, hey, and you gotta sound like a cop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was the first day there, dude. Goddamn. It was wild. Sorry, you edited this whole thing, so who are some of your favorite characters from it? Because you heard these motherfuckers talk for hundreds of hours, basically. Well, clearly Pat Peskis is on a little... Yeah, that guy fucking rules. And yeah, you... Guys, when you... And please do watch this series. Like...

You know the fucking show. We just have whoever the fuck we want on here. It's usually my friends. But I saw this and I was like, I really wanted to plug this because I just... These fucking rules. And Pat is really the heart of this whole thing. Yeah, absolutely. And so it's almost like, yes, Pat for sure. Go watch it. But give it... Because I don't even want to spoil any of Pat for people. I want people to like...

get Pat's essence when they watch it. But so who are some of the like, because there's a lot of fun little, you know, little characters that I'm sure, I only, like I said, I saw the first episode and we get glimpses of certain people that you probably saw so much of. So do you have any favorites? I do. There's one guy named Larry Lazar. Larry Lazar. If you've seen the movie, he's the guy who says, you know, CDG does a public service by hiring the unemployed.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was called CDG. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's amazing. He's currently a life coach. Oh, hell yeah. He went from telemarketer for a scam to life coach. We wanted to try to bring him on, but he's working another telemarketing job. He's telemarketing currently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a life coach and telemarketer. They're still in the game, huh? Wow. Santino. Santino the God.

X-Tentino the God shout out to X-Tentino the God amazing with the little mermaid 95 yeah Pocahontas Pocahontas Burger King he tells us about like you know

He came out of the halfway house and he's got this job in five days. He's on ecstasy, calling for the police, like seven years out of prison. Oh, fuck yes, dude. Yeah, so. That fucking rules. Those are some faves. Mr. Smythe. Mr. Smythe. Shout out to Mr. Smythe. Mr. Smythe, yeah. The guy who didn't kill everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably might have. He was at the screening. I don't know if you remember. There was like an old man walking around. Oh, fuck yeah. Getting everyone's number on a flip phone. Yeah.

He didn't ask me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I hired a publicist to come to that premiere, right? Oh. And their only job at that premiere was, when it's time for pictures, make sure, like, Chris is getting his picture taken, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the moment he's supposed to start, like, the most unhinged telemarketer of them all, Mr. Smythe just corners him. No. Do you like nutrition? That's where you enjoy nutrition. And you're like, I... That's where I get all this. I gave him some deodorant.

Because he came through. And look, I love all these people. They're like family. It was a dysfunctional family. Yes, yes, yes. I love them all. And everyone came through. It was beautiful. Yeah. But Mr. Smythe wasn't smelling great. And when he came to my hotel room, and I gave him like a thing of Old Spice. I was like, dog. Because he hasn't left the house in probably a long time. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I sprayed him down with cologne, and he was... But my buddy told me, yo, who's that guy walking around with deodorant hanging out of his back pocket the whole night? That was Mr. Smythe. Mr. motherfucking Smythe. Good dude. Good dude. Never brought the AK into the office. I think he was misunderstood. He had... You'll see him maybe in the show, but he has like...

He's just a wild-looking motherfucker. He doesn't look any type of normal. He would walk around in these boots that looked like they saw Vietnam War. And he was just misunderstood. We became friends. He loved the job. Like, everyone in this footage, like this dude, he was obsessed with telemarketing. He loved it. And I think he was the best caller. Well, that's what's... So, I will say from watching it, there was... And I was a telemarketer, too, actually. Yeah, you're saying. When I was a...

I was a sophomore or a junior. I was either maybe a junior in high school. And I was... Mine was a scam too. Like, so CDG was... I mean, this was a scam of all scams. It was fucking crazy. And you guys... Like, I thought I worked for a scam and it was like, yeah, you know, they hired a lot of high school kids. But there was also like, you know, just some fucking...

middle-aged fucking Baltimore trash losers that also worked there. And there was one girl who was incredible at it. I mean, she was just like... I think she was in college or something. And she also had this really calming voice that I think there was a little bit of like...

what's the shit that people listen to? The, like... The ASMR. Yes, ASMR. She had a little bit of ASMR quality to her where she was like, you know, she was a good looking girl but her voice was like, like literally, sometimes it was like, it was bordering on like, like soft core porn, like phone sex. Really? She was saying, she was reading the script but she had like this sultry voice and she would like, you know, giggle over it. She knew what the fuck she was doing. This girl, you know,

filled out applications because I worked for a company called American Government Mortgage. Oh, shit. And their whole, like, plan... Did you work for the government? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I worked for American Government Mortgage. And so, exactly. Their whole plan was similar to yours because you would say we're calling on behalf of this. And so that way you could be like, so they think it's the actual police, but you're calling on behalf of... And our scam was we're calling from American Government Mortgage...

about better interest rates or whatever. And this was like, we would get people to refinance their fucking homes. This was like right, it was like precursor to the, yeah, like this is before the housing crisis. And it was when they were just like, you know,

everything you can get a loan for, you know, the interest rates were so low. It was fun. But yeah, that was, I never sold, literally not one. I never, never did anybody. I think maybe one guy started filling out an application once.

And you got like some kind of bonus you got like you know if your application closed you got like a pretty good bonus You got like 500 bucks or something so this girl was like getting she was like caked up off it But but and like you know there was a little camaraderie because we had like like you know our boss was some fucking piece of shit who did our boss 100% could have been a CDG yeah, he might have been he could totally could have been but this guy like he's like a you know an older dude who's like I'm not much older and

At the time he felt older. He was probably literally how old I am now. But at the time I was like, this guy's old as fuck. And he was one of those like trying to regain his youth kind of guys. So he would bust balls. He would like show us his nuts. He would do that move. He would like the brain, you know what I mean? He would be like, he would talk about cheating on his wife to us. Like that's a cool thing. Like, oh, nice, dude. Hell yeah. He would have fit in at CDG. He would have. Yeah.

He was looking for jobs. This person was taking his dick out all the time. This guy would walk around with his dick out, bro. I'm not going to name names, but I know. And he's still working in the industry. He's still doing telemarketing for cops as we're talking right now.

Dog would just be out there with his dick out. He would pull his dick out? Yeah. Shit that would... I mean, I guess it still flies in that industry to this day. Nothing's changed. It's a tough way to call it an industry. But you were... Dude, that's funny, man, because my buddy worked downstairs for me, like my best friend, and he was doing the mortgage shit.

And he was like 17 at the time. A similar story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so watching that, it's like there was, I definitely felt what you were saying about like the family, the dysfunctional family, the camaraderie. There was an, I was like, it made me nostalgic because we knew we were doing like, our shit was bullshit too. I just was bad at it and it stopped me from having any kind of moral issue because I was like, who cares? I'm just getting paid 10 bucks an hour to fucking be here. But,

But I definitely saw that like, oh, hell yeah. This is like, you guys look like you just were straight up having fun. Like it looked kind of fun to be there. Yeah, it was fun, man. And there's a camaraderie. I don't know if it's like...

working really shitty jobs with a bunch of people. I felt like a loser at the time. I was a loser. I was like a fucking high school dropout graffiti writer. And then everyone's like ex-cons. And everyone felt like a loser. But there's something like people don't judge you when you're at the bottom. No one's judging each other. No one's putting on airs. We just are what we are, dude. And I think there was something like that that

created this dysfunctional family. Yeah, it really felt like a shantytown that they put phones in. It's like if half the office is on MDMA, they're probably going to get along. That is true. Was everyone doing the ecstasy? Oh, yeah. There was a big ecstasy run over there, man. I remember the manager, you'd go behind his cubicle, bro, he would just have stacks of e-pills. E-pills. This was back in the day before Molly, like the young kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking e-pills, dude. Fuck, that's awesome. And everyone's just doing XTC, calling on the phone. Calling for cops, bro, raising money. We do police, firefighters, veterans, and then cancer. First it was just cops, and then it started doing... That's when we were like, yo, we gotta do a documentary to reveal this shit. It's like, yo, we're doing cancer. That's when it got kind of fucked up. Right, because basically what the scam was is...

You guys were keeping a huge percentage for like, you know, like the operating expenses. It was 90-10 on average. So you'd call someone and be like, what?

On average, that's awesome. So some were more. Some you were keeping more than 90%. No, no, no. I don't think I ever saw more than 90%. Okay, okay. I'd have to look online. But still. Usually it was 90% kept by the company. So you would call someone. You'd be like, hey, an officer was killed in the line of duty. We're raising money for his family. Can I get $1,000? And they'd be like, yes, anything for a fallen officer. And his family would get $100 out of it. You guys would.

Well, it's even more sinister. Yeah. It's much more sinister. It's worse. Yeah, because it would be like, all right, so we would call on behalf of an organization always saying it's going to go help the families of fallen officers. Right, right, right. And it would be like, all right, so they, let's say, you know, CDG raised $10 million, right? So they take $9 million and put it in their pocket. They give, you know, $1 million to the police organization. But what we found out through the investigation is that

very, very, very small amount. If any...

Got to the cause bro. They were spending we found like reports where they were spending money on the FOP Yeah, fishing trips. Yeah, like like limos like weird shit man, but also like lawyers like you said They just use that line for and it's got me going on for it cuz it's the one sorry to cut you off Chris It's the one even if you're even if you're like fuck cops. I

The one time you... Even someone who feels that way could be like...

Ah, but his fucking kids are orphans. You know what I mean? Like, they didn't do anything wrong. Like, you're even, like... It's the most sympathetic thing that you could possibly, like... People are at least listening to that. Thousand percent, man. Yeah. Plus, the wording of the scripts. It's like, they're not saying, like, I'm calling because this cop got shot. We're going to give the money to his family. What they say is, like, in New Jersey, in the past ten years, ten cops have been killed. Right. And, like...

They would say, this organization gives money to the families of dead cops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it five years ago that they did that? Was it six years ago that they did that? How much was it? Was it 500 bucks? It just did happen at some point. I actually, I didn't know it was a scam for years. I just thought...

Okay, this is how cops raise their money, right? I remember getting my house got raided for graffiti when I was like 18 years old. And I was like, yo, I fucking work for you guys. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? You know, like, we're not raising money for your families. Yeah. No, like,

Fuck you, man. And then I slowly discovered, oh shit. Your house got raided for graffiti? Yeah. How many of your parents' butt plugs did they have to shove aside to find spray paint spray cans? There was a couple butt plugs. How many sex oils? Yeah, a couple fucking... Pillows specifically designed for someone to get in doggy style. It wasn't that bad, for the record. For the record.

I tried to leave during the orgies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I left the... I was gone. I was asleep over at a friend's house. Did they ever... Did they ever go away together and you're like, you knew what was up? Or they were just like... My parents used to go to... They would have, I think, like polyamorous camps or meetups or something. Oh, man. That sucks. But...

To me, looking back on it, I wouldn't want to change anything. As a filmmaker, it was fucking interesting. Looking back. It is insanely interesting. Interesting for sure. Would I recommend parents out there...

If you live on a hippie commune in, like, Missouri... I have a cousin who lives on a hippie commune in Missouri. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went there when I was 16. It's fucking dope. Yeah, yeah. It's like 100 hippies in the woods. They, like, make peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they, like, stitch, like, Jesus sandals. That's how they make their money. Oh, nice. Yeah. But if you live on a hippie commune... Yo...

Do polyamory, man. Right. With your kids. Like, have kids. Right, right, right. You know, but if you live in central Jersey, I would say don't, stay away from polyamory. You're like the only family and all your friends are like, what the fuck's up with your parents, dude? But we're going to go over there and party and smoke weed and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's true. That is, they're not going to be in Stigler's all that. We were the cool house. Yeah, yeah. But I would say. If you could get past the smell. If you live in an apartment. Yeah.

Apartment complex in Central Jersey. Maybe stay away from the polyamory. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, sorry. It's just so funny to be the child of polyamorous parents. It's really interesting. But I did, I mean, I just, just back to CDG, it's like, so you're 14, you've got this camera out, because at first it's, because there's a lot of footage that was like,

funny stuff. It was just like you guys fucking around and being like, "Look at this shit." 'Cause it was also like they didn't care how you dressed, they didn't care that you were literally on drugs. It was literally just like,

On some level, it was kind of how officers should be. I mean, it shouldn't be that extreme, but it's like, just do your work. We don't give a fuck. But taken to the most possible extreme. I mean, there was footage where someone is about to get their dick sucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they would have, they had prostitutes. That's footage. That's not what happened. That's somebody taped that. Yeah, yeah.

And there's footage that didn't even make it into the documentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, basically, it was... I'm sorry, people would get prostitutes to come by or they worked there? So there was prostitutes that worked on the phones. That was their day shift. They would work the phones and then they would turn tricks and, like, park a lot in the bathroom. Yeah.

Now, I didn't even... I realized there was prostitutes there, but for me, it was just so normal. And then later, when we were doing... That's your first job. It's my first job. The way that you think your parents should get some pussy on the side. You're like, well, yeah, that's what parents are like. And at work, your co-worker sucks cock in a Toyota Tercel to supplement her wages. Duh. I thought that was normal. Isn't that what it's like? Yeah, I thought that was all normal, so...

But after when we were doing the interviews and people were like, hey, tell us about, oh yeah, well, remember the sex workers and the heroin dealers and the kingpins? And I was like, oh shit, I guess that is kind of crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at first we were just, it was like, okay, I thought, let's just film this shit for YouTube. Yeah. So you can look online and there's all these old videos on YouTube that still exist. And this is like right when YouTube started popping. It was like right when YouTube popped up. I think it was 2005. When you could put like someone on heroin...

like you know doing telemarketing on there like it was still kind of the wild west it was the total wild west and we so we just started putting out funny videos of the callers that was like the first thing yeah and then it kind of turned into an investigation because of pat he's like yo first i'm just filming pat yeah and then it was like who rocks by the way yeah shout out to pat so he was kind of like the guy who really you struck up a conversation or a real friendship with

and like a real connection to, and you were like, let's film him. And then he really got onto some like, what's going on here? Yeah, he stood out as the character. And there were so many great characters, like Chris was saying, but Pat stood out. And, you know, he was one of the most...

famous people there. Everyone loved him. You know, obviously he was struggling with addiction, but he was a great caller. Yeah, it is. Yeah, he literally, there's footage of him getting, like, being high as fuck and kind of, like, nodding off. And then the second someone, like, he's got his eyes closed on that classic heroin stupor. And then the second someone answers the phone, he, like, pops up and just crushes it. And then, like, he was, like, savant level. And even all the, like...

I remember the dude, Exantino, he got out of prison, you know, and he was selling, he's open about it, he was selling out of the office, like, he was selling weed and shit, but there were other, he was, like, CDG was so crazy, he's like, when I got out of state prison after seven years, I was like, damn, the outside is wild. Yeah, it's Mad Max. Imagine going to jail and that's your first, you're like, wow, society is crumbling. You're like, this is what offices are like? That's what he said.

You know, but that was the, you know. How big was the office? Like how many people were there at any time? It was such a, so they had half the office was Spanish. Oh, okay, damn. So you'd be calling in Spanish. Wow. Half the office was Spanish and half the office was English. Okay. And I don't know, there might have been 100 seats in the office maybe. Or 60 seats in the office. Yeah. Maybe 60, I can't remember exactly. So around 60 people each day. Yeah, yeah. And you would walk through in the morning and all these people.

dudes would be on rugs doing the Muslim prayers and then one guy set up like a bootleg stand in his cubicle where you just sell like bootleg DVDs and shit. That's fucking awesome, dude. One dude came in there selling pitbulls. I saw cops just fucking tear people out of there. FBI come in. Fights break out between the callers. It was... I remember, yeah, fights, like I remember one caller who just got out of prison just beat this manager up, dude, and everyone dropped their headsets and like jumped back and

I mean, it was... Goddamn. But it was fun. Like you said, it was fun. Yeah, yeah, no, I mean, it does sound awesome. And the best part about the whole thing was it gave people jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing. No, that's true. That's the one really, the silver lining in my opinion. Yeah, yeah. It's true. I mean, you're right. A lot of these motherfuckers could not get jobs. But that's also, they knew that too, right? That's kind of the hook. It's like, you get people who probably can't get a job anywhere else. Yeah. And you're doing some fucked up shit...

They can't really, you know, if you're sucking dick in the parking lot or you're selling fucking heroin out of the fucking cubicle, you can't be like, I don't

I don't think the, I don't think CDG is up to snuff on all their tax forms. You can't be like, you know what I mean? You just got, so it was, it was. It's kind of genius. Yeah. In a dark way. Yeah. And it's true. It's like, you know, that's not, it wasn't a bad, like at that time, that wage was not that bad. 10 bucks an hour, dude. 10 bucks an hour. Same thing you were making at the mortgage spot. 2004. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad. No.

Yeah, that's fucking hilarious, dude. That is... So basically, you're saying the cancer stuff happens, and that's when people are like, look, it's one... We all would like to steal from cops. We all are... We're happy that they don't get most of the money. Okay.

But once we're stealing from people with cancer, like, you guys were like, all right, man, what the fuck are we doing here? It was the veterans. There was one veterans charity that was on, like, the 10 o'clock news. Yeah. I think they were in Virginia. I can't remember exactly, but we were calling on behalf of them, and it turned out it was a total scam. It just didn't even exist. Yeah, it was just...

It was like a P.O. box in the middle of nowhere, like that kind of thing. Actually, that was one of the things, too. All the freaking organizations, a lot of them, you would sometimes read the address, and it was like a P.O. box in the middle of nowhere. Ooh.

But one veterans charity got shut down for like, it's like, oh, it's going to help out the veterans who are disabled. And it was just total bullshit. And this is 04, 05? This was like more, I think, 06, 07. So it's like, so people are kind of like, you know, there's the Iraq war is kind of in people's heads and shit like that. There's still a nice amount of patriotism before everyone realized what a scam. I was calling after 9-11. Yeah. Like 2001, bro. Yeah.

I'm shocked they didn't have you calling for first responders. No, we were. Yeah, we were. Bro, we totally were. I remember 9-11 being in the script when I was 14. They would bring out 9-11. That's funny.

It was crazy. It was fucking wild. That's funny. I didn't think it was a scam until we saw that veterans thing. It was like, yo, this veterans organization, it got shut. They, you know, they're total bullshit. Then this Cancer Fund of America, if you look that up, they were on American Greed. That was one of CDG's big clients. Mmm.

And they were, it was a whole family. I think they were out of Tennessee, but I can't, not sure. But they had all these cancer charities and it was bullshit, bro. Just total bullshit. Children's Wish. Yep. Children's Wish, but not Make-A-Wish. So they were literally trying to get you to think it was Make-A-Wish. Oh, that's a part of the industry. Oh my God. That's a part of it. I was researching this sound-alike and it's the dark, it's like the darkest, like...

Make Wish will have a celebrity come to the kid's bed. This was like, little Janie...

All she wanted was a trip to the mall. No! We did it for her. Oh my God. The kid just wanted like Xbox 360. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to meet Aladdin and it's just a guy in an Aladdin costume. It's just like, that sucks. Dude, it's dark, bro. So that's when Pat was like, yo, let's not just make these funny videos. Let's expose this thing because we're from the inside. We're the only ones that can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the news would always get it wrong. Right.

Right. They would always be like, get the very surface, the very top. Right, right, right. Like, you know, scam cops are calling around. If you got a call, call the police. And that was it. They never dove into the subject. Right. So that's when we started like the investigation element. Damn. But we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. But also it's like, you're a fucking 16-year-old pothead. He's a man currently on heroin. Yeah. So he's not exactly a crack team of investigators. No. No. No. Yeah. It's not Woodward and Bernstein. No.

We had no idea we were doing it at all. In any way. And we just fucking filmed it. Because then you got, it's like, at a certain point you're doing it from the inside, but at a certain point you even like, you don't work there anymore, right? I got fired for the YouTube videos.

Oh, wow. The regional manager who was like a high up person called me one day and he's like, yo, you got to take these fucking videos down, dude. Like the owners are calling me. Everyone's calling. Everyone knows it's you with the camera in the office. Take them down. And I was just like, what are you talking about? Yeah. You know, the videos had like 30 views. Right.

Damn. Got like three likes. Like nobody's watching this shit. But they fired me. They were like, you can never come back here. They called me back two weeks later and like, dude, what the fuck are you not doing on the phones? I'm like, you guys just fired me, man. They're like,

They're like, we need you. We got a campaign. That was a good caller. I was actually a good caller. I never went back in. They fired and banned you from the building. And then they're like, actually, can you come back? Yeah. And they got shut down not too long after that. By the government. Biggest consumer protection lawsuit in US history. That specific office. Well, it was actually, they had grown to be the biggest telemarketing fundraising company in the country. Oh, wow. They had 50 offices all over. They had one or two in Canada. Holy shit. And

I've been getting all these emails since the show came out and every office people were saying, yo, ours was crazier. Fucking, you know, you think yours was crazy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. So it was that, that's insane because it did, watching it, it's like, okay, they had a bunch of like, you know, satellite offices but this feels like

something that maybe not... I mean, maybe a lot of them were more like where I worked, where it's like, you know, no one's taking it seriously, but it's not as fucking insane. But you're saying this is like everywhere. I think it's the recipe. Because from all the letters we've been getting from people all over the country...

The recipe is hire ex-cons and teenagers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And let them do whatever they want as long as they hit their numbers, like 200 bucks an hour. Yeah, yeah. I'll give, like, I don't want to spoil it, but you'll watch it. We interview, from what I've heard, the best caller in New Jersey right now. Currently. Convicted murderer. Convicted murderer.

He did 30 years. It's dark, dude. He did some bad shit. Like, I'm all for redemption and doing your time. This guy should not be free. Straight up, dude. And he's the best caller. Bro, he murdered and raped a girl in the 80s. Oh, my God. He murdered, raped a girl, and threw her in a field, bro.

Oh my god. He should not be free this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He got freed somehow after 30 years and he's the best caller and I filmed him. Yeah. He's in episode two. Watching him. And I'll just say one more fucking little spoiler. Yeah, please. I'm just filming this dude. He lives in his parents' house.

And he's working remotely? Now it's turned to remote. Now it's remote. A lot of the offices. Interesting. So he's calling from his parents' house. His room hasn't changed since the 80s. Oh my God. So he's showing me like his cologne from the 80s and all this stuff. Dude, every time someone would hang up on him, he would start cursing at them and saying really crazy shit like, I hope you all fucking die. I hope your house gets burned down. Like,

like he's murdering someone on the phone oh my god but this is the best caller yeah yeah yeah that's the energy that's the extreme yeah but that's also that's the that's not the sorry that's not the exception that's the rule yeah yeah which is so ironic right because they're raising money for the cops of course yeah you know I don't know how ironic it is really yeah

Seems kind of exactly what you'd expect. Kind of the most... Kind of the... Yeah. I mean, because it's not like...

Why it makes so much sense is because they're not getting the money, right? It's like, it's just another way that not only do, especially like for-profit prisons, how fucked up for-profit prisons are, but now it's almost like you get away to kind of like, you know, 10 bucks an hour is 10 bucks. I don't know what it is now. Have they updated it? Yeah, maybe 14, 15, something like that. At this point, yeah. But...

In the grand scheme of things, it's a minuscule percentage. Like, their operating costs are a minuscule percentage of what they bring in. So these people are like... You know, they're making more than, like, you know, 30 cents an hour like they do in prison, but compared to the slice of the pie where...

Cops are getting... Even their little percentage for doing nothing is still something. And then you have whatever... I can't wait to see the end where I hopefully... I don't want to... I assume you guys get to like...

You even hint at it in the first episode, but it's like the whole idea is getting to the top of this pyramid. It seems to be from the first episode, it was like one family that was really kind of doing this thing. Christian rock bands. Yeah, they used their money. Yeah, these people used their money to fucking form a Christian rock band, which is... It's just like...

The people who scam the poor don't know what to do with money. It's always some corny bullshit. It's always just trying to be cool and authentic in a way that poor people are. It's the most fucked up thing in the world. It's really... It's so bizarre, but...

Yeah, I mean, these ex-cons and these kids basically are just... It's not quite slave labor, but it is exploitation. And they're the front lines in this scam that the cops and then some other scam artists are really making the money. So it does... To me, it kind of does make sense. Was there ever one like...

I'm sure there were like a couple people who were just trying to play it straight that also just randomly found themselves in those offices. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was... You'd find a couple guys that maybe they worked in the stock market in New York. And then they came... They had some kind of bad failure and they ended up at CDG. There was...

There was a doctor that was, what is it called when your license is revoked? Oh, yeah, yeah. Not disbarred. That's for lawyers. Yeah. The equivalent of that. A disgraced physician. There was a disgraced physician that worked there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were, yeah, the only person I ever saw that got, like, run out of that place was someone who was a kid toucher.

Oh, wow. They found out. It was like a prison in there. Yeah, yeah. That's literally prison rules. But shout out to everybody. Yeah, it was prison rules. Yeah, yeah. So there was some kid that came into the office. You know, he got ran the fuck out of. At least there's some. They did not let him work there. Other than that, obviously he shouldn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. But it's fucking insane. But it was prison rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, it was... You definitely had some, like, regular type of people there, too. Yeah, damn. That does sound like a fun-ass place to be. What was your best... Can you tell us your best day? Like, your most memorable day? Just... Not even anything to do with the documentary, just as an employee of CDG. Do you have, like, a day where you're like, you know what? That was fucking awesome. Do a little X to get your dick sucked, have a Subway, you know... I... Big media talent. One day...

Yeah, yeah. Well, so I used to, like I said, I grew up painting graffiti. I don't know if you know any graffiti artists or anything that you're friends with. Not really. Yeah, well, I grew up, that was like my passion before filmmaking. So all I did was basically paint graffiti as a teenager. And so I used to, it's in the doc, some of it, but I used to, there was a train yard right behind CDG, like right behind there. So I would drag Pat out during lunch breaks and we would just paint graffiti, like paint trains. Yeah.

So that was fun, man. That's pretty sick, yeah. I mean, I did ecstasy before and jumped on the phones. That was fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I don't recommend. Don't do drugs, kids. Smoking weed and getting on the phone. But I remember getting really high before and having a conversation with an old lady. Because it was mostly old people that we were talking to. Of course, yeah. It's another fucked up layer. We were like therapists in a way, right? Some of these people were just waiting at home to get the call.

And I remember talking to this old lady and she was just starting to tell me her story and it was kind of sad. And you could tell she hadn't talked to anyone for, and I was high as fuck. And I felt like we were like next to each other. She's like my grandmother and I'm just like trying to console her. And I think I spoke to her for like an hour, an hour and a half. And the managers got so pissed. I was like, you'd never do that again. But yeah, CDG was wild. I just loved the chaos. At least you didn't take any money off the old lady. No, no, no, no, no. I did not take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it was just total chaos there. I love it, dude. But one interesting thing that we found out, because we did three episodes. Episode three takes place in modern times. We started it in 2020. But that industry is bigger, crazier, more Wild West, less regulated, more money than it's ever been. Now you have like robocalls. You have artificial intelligence. Damn. One caller that passed away, and he's in episode one.

his robotic voice, his ghost, is calling people right now as we're doing this interview, bro. - From the grave, dude. - From the grave. - He's fucking, he's ripping off old ladies from the grave. - From the grave, dude. - Oh my God, that's so fucked. - Yeah, dude, Joe Mako, bro. Shout out to Joe Mako. And he was a friend. That's how it is now. They'll record your voice and they have AI doing it. - Wow.

It's gotten real... That's fucked, dude. Real crazy. Damn. Yeah, guys, go watch. Go watch Telemarketer. It's on Max right now. It's an HBO documentary. I mean, it's also... You guys have Rough House. You have the Safdies produced it. I mean, two of the best production companies. Yeah, man. Just most creative, awesome people working on it. We're blessed, dude. And it's so cool because it's like...

both those people have such, I mean, they're both very funny and like, I mean, Ruff House makes some of the funniest stuff and then the Safdies have that like, everyone knows the energy. Those guys just know how to like ratchet up into everything and it's such a beautiful blend of like, you have such good stuff and it's edited great, Chris. I truly like. Chris is the,

like I can't imagine this guy just got did drugs and took his camera out for 20 years you had to fucking sift through all the footage yeah this guy was escaping it wouldn't have been possible without him yeah yeah yeah Chris crushed it great storyteller yeah artist

So go, go watch that shit guys. Uh, we can't, we can't recommend it enough. And now I think we're going to take some of the lessons learned from CDG and the, and the wide variety of people that you came across and your, your, you know, backgrounds. And we're going to, we're going to solve some problems. How does that sound? Yeah. I'd love to do. You ready to take some. Thanks for having us, man. Of course. Yeah. We really appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I mean, truly I felt like I just, I didn't, I didn't know shit. My buddy, uh,

Brandon with Rough House was just like, hey, he was in town. He was like, you want to come see this? He described to me as like, it's a telemarketing scam that hired ex-cons was kind of like his elevator pitch. And I was like,

sounds awesome. I can't wait. And because I was literally, it's so funny to be like, I had some connection to it because I remember being a teenage telemarketer. So I was like, fuck it. What else am I doing? Let's go check it out. And I was floored by it. So go, go watch it guys. Shout out to Brandon James for clicking us up, man. We never wanted to demonize the callers because like, it's an American story. You worked at a call center. Of course.

I did. There were people at HBO that worked in the call center. Chris worked in a call center. You did? What kind of call center? I worked at an insurance call center. Hell yeah. And I worked with a bunch of halfway house dudes as a mover. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's like, it's kind of, it's an American story in a way. And we never wanted to demonize the callers. Exploiting people, exploiting people down on their luck. That is true. So other people can make millions off of their hard work. Yeah. It does not get more American than that. Totally, you're right. Pure exploitation. Like, exploiting poor people to steal from poor people to make cops and just...

Already rich people richer. And Christian rock bands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Produce Christian rock bands. Fucking bad Christian rock music. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. Thank you, man. Really appreciate it, brother. Go watch it. Go watch it, folks. Ooh, baby. Football is back in full swing with another week of incredible games. I'm enjoying it. I got the grill out. I'm eating lamb chops. I'm eating chicken thighs. And I'm watching football all day on Sunday. And what's making it even more interesting?

Putting a little skin in the game with our friends at DraftKings. I love the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Incredible stuff. I like in-game wagering, you know? Fucking around. Maybe my first bet... It's already a winner. Alright? So...

I'm so good at gambling, now I'm not even excited, so I need a little in-game juice. You know what I'm saying? I've already bet the Ravens to win the Super Bowl this year, put a little cash on that. A lot of different ways you can enjoy our friends over at DraftKings. You're scrolling a little too fast, Eldis.

DraftKings Sportsbook is an official sports betting partner of the NFL. New customers can bet $5 on football and get $200 instantly in bonus bets. Nobody's missing out on action this season. All DraftKings customers...

We'll be right back.

But right now, for you, however you want to do it, just do it with our friends over at DraftKings, the DraftKings Sportsbook. Get in on the NFL Week 2 action with DraftKings Sportsbook. Download the app now and use code STAVI to sign up. New customers can bet just $5 and take home $200 instantly in bonus bets only on DraftKings Sportsbook with code STAVI. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.sot.com.

1-800-GAMBLER.NET. I hope that's what it is. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY-467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-777 or visit ccpg.org.

Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort, KS, 21+, age varies by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. See sportsbook.draftkings.com slash football. Terms for eligibility, terms for responsible gaming resources. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuances. Eligibility and deposit restrictions apply. After a long, hard day of winning bets and watching NFL football, you know what I like? A nice...

a nice night's rest.

I'm a big sleep guy. Sue me. And my favorite way to get sleep is with our friends at Helix Sleep. We're pumped to have Helix Sleep on board. I have had, I'll be honest with you, I haven't had great mattresses a lot of my life. You know, you don't know to spend on the finer things. You think, oh, I can't afford a nice mattress. I got a weird shaped body. I got a messed up, I'm lanky. I'm too, you know, for me, lanky's not my problem. I'm a little short and stout. I'm a heavy little boy. Now,

Never have I had a mattress be super comfortable. I took the Helix Sleep Quiz. They have this incredible feature, the Helix Sleep Quiz. You answer a bunch of questions, your height, your weight, the way you like to sleep, are you a stomach sleeper, back sleeper, whatever. And what kind of firmness do you like?

They, I got, I did this thing. They had a mattress, the Helix Plus. That's right. They got us. The plus size community. Finally, someone is looking after us. No more back pain because you're, the mattress is kind of sinking a little in. You're a heavy little stone that most mattresses can't support. Not with Helix Sleep Plus. I love my new mattress from Helix Sleep. I've never slept better truly since.

This is not even, I would be doing this, this is just a real, this is my real experience. It's funny to say that as if I'm lying other times. I love Helix. I have gotten incredible sleep because no other mattress, I've never been able to like really personalize it and really, and you know, they sent, they have cooling technology. Not only do I, not only am I heavy, I run hot.

I've been sleeping nice and cool. It's incredible. I love my new Helix sleep mattress. They hooked Eldis up with one. He took the sleep quiz. He also got a Helix Plus.

It's really truly an incredible product. And, you know, they got its warranty. They're American-made, 10- to 15-year warranty, depending on the model. It's been awarded number one mattress pick by GQ and Wired Magazine. It's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. So if you don't want to take the words of a hot...

fat man who's been who's sweated and sank through his old mattresses you want to listen to chiropractors and doctors in GQ magazine be my guest alright

So don't just take my word for it. Go to Helix Sleep right now. Helix is offering a 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash stavi and use code helixpartner20. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. 20% off all your orders.

It's gonna be, it's sick. You are gonna love it. So visit our friends over at Helix Sleep and sleep as good as me and Eldis. You deserve it. And Eldis, let's take some fucking questions, buddy. Hey, Savvy Baby. Not coming through, dumbass. Hey, Savvy Baby. Love the show. Thanks for dispensing your advice. Listen, I'm a 42-year-old teacher in Portland. I got a relationship question.

I'm still kind of hot, kind of charming, pretty emotionally intelligent, and I guess I know what I'm doing in bed. But on the other hand, I'm broke as fuck and kind of a loser by all the conventional benchmarks. Okay.

But, like you, I've benefited immensely from the fat, hapless, and jovial fathers of insanely hot women. Let's relax. I'm doing a lot better than you in life. Okay? Let's fucking chill out with the comparisons to me when it comes to being a... You're like, I'm an absolute fucking loser, and you're in Portland, which, yes, that's what we have in common. You can get pussy in Portland by being a fat piece of shit. But...

So let's chill. Let's relax with the like use with talk about what a fucking loser piece of shit you are. So anyway, go ahead, Elders. She's a lawyer. She's 12 years younger than me. She's smart as fuck. She's funny. She's hornier than you. Loves it when I fuck other women. Loves when you fuck other women. Has 34 double Ds. Loves to have a good time. Most importantly, though, she's...

Absolutely in love with me. It's fucking crazy. I don't get it. This guy sucks. Stop bragging. Let's, okay, let's, okay. I'm sorry to jump the gun. Let's wait for the turn. There's got to be something bad. And by the way, if something is this awesome, there is something lurking. But anyway, I think he's going to ask us a question about himself first.

I have, anyway, let me stop getting ahead of myself. Let's just listen to it. Go ahead. Here's the thing. I know I've hit the jackpot. And by all indications, she's like 100% in.

Uh, we got future plans together, all that stuff. I haven't, she gives me no reason to doubt it, but I'm developing like an anxiety disorder over when the other shoe is going to drop and she's going to figure out how much better she could do. So like, how do I accept that she's into me and just like, let that shit go. Um,

By the way, she says she wants to suck your cock next time you're in Portland. Keep a lookout for her. You know what? I take back everything I said about this guy. This is a cool guy. I've been expecting that. You know, sometimes, what do they say? Don't judge a book by its cover. And he's explained, he's bragging to set up

How nervous he is. So, okay. And he offered to have this awesome woman suck me off. So, I'm back on his side. But I definitely see what this fucking guy is talking about. Like, he's doing the math. And it just doesn't... Why the fuck would this woman be with me is bouncing around in his head. Now...

It sounds like they're in an open relationship, so I don't know if this is taking you back. Yeah, it is. I don't know if this is... Was one of your parents hotter than the other? No, I think they were pretty good-looking Jews. Yeah, yeah, nice. Well, so... Never mind. I'll check swing on that one. I'll pull back. So he's broke as... What did he say? He's a teacher? Is that what he said? Teacher. Okay. So here's the thing.

You here's here's what's going on here, buddy. You're a good you're a good person. Right. Teaching people, you know, when someone's doing something selfless, particularly she's a lawyer. Right. So it's like she might have kind of sold out a little bit for money. I think she finds it attractive that you're doing something. You know, you are broke, but at least you're not broke fucking being a telemarketer. You know what I mean? Like you're broke helping. You're broke like helping kids. It's a completely respectable job.

You seem to, you know, you're probably like a charming, nice guy. You're probably emotionally available. You're clearly very grateful to be in that relationship. And all that stuff is a powerful energy, right? It's just like, and the other thing is women are just better people in general than men, specifically when it comes to relationships.

Yeah. Maybe when it comes to, you know, destroying each other's psyches as fat preteens, women are actually worse than men. But when it comes, you know, we'll just hate each other. But, you know, women will try and destroy each other when they're the most emotionally vulnerable. That's where they're worse. But when it comes to heterosexual standards, like, you've probably felt it before in your life. Like...

If you're a nice guy, if you're somebody who makes somebody feel comfortable, feel loved, is there for them emotionally, you know, all that stuff matters a lot more. And women tend to be able, you know, I'm not going to say all women. Obviously, there's some dumb bitches out there, like there's dumb guys, but like,

You seem to have found a nice, smart woman who happens to be hot and who clearly has some other problem. Here's the other thing. There's also some other problem working in this man's favor. It might be a fat loser father that she's trying to reconnect with through you, whatever. But it's like, no one who's that horny and hot and like, she's probably...

My guess is you're going to have to fucking buy a couple new sets of tires. You might get a couple slashes here or there. You might have to. I mean, there's going to be collateral damage for a hot, smart, horny lawyer with double D tits where everything's great right now. Soon you'll understand. There will be a time to pay the piper if I had to guess. But even if there isn't, this shit happens. And you just have to kind of recognize that and realize like she's with me now.

I'm not giving her any reason not to as long as you stay in a good, you know, and even like it seems like you guys are open, which that's maybe she gets to let a little air out of the tires that way. And if you're you're also if you're happy with that arrangement, you know, good for you. But this shit happens, dude. And you have to remind yourself of that. I get that. It's hard to get over these mental blocks in relationships, whether it's like feeling like you're not good enough or feeling like,

trapped in a relationship. Sometimes people have commitment issues. In the past, that's been a problem for me and I have to keep reminding myself, you're being a dumb asshole. Me too. This is great. You know what I mean? He's actually a better person. I have had this happen where I think, it's not that I think I'm too good, but I get too scared in a relationship where the woman is objectively better. So I'd rather have your not believing in myself thing than believing too much in yourself because then, you know...

Shit's not good either way. But the only times it's worked for me is when I just have to keep reminding myself, you're being irrational. This is fucking stupid. You love this person. Everything's good. And you can just... You just kind of keep have to reminding yourself that and...

You don't look for problems when they don't exist. I think you're good. Am I guaranteeing you that this, you guys will be together forever? No, but that's true of every single fucking relationship, right? So if it's a good thing, let it ride. And then, you know, if a problem arises, it'll fucking happen and you'll deal with it then. But for now, keep getting your little nuts sucked and I don't see a problem whatsoever. You're in a fucking awesome situation.

Why worry about it now? Just enjoy the ride. Enjoy the ride. Do a little meditation. That's some Buddhist shit. Do some yoga. Do some yoga. I got limber this morning. Hell yeah. I got limber. Me and Eldridge are doing the 30-day weight loss challenge yoga. You can find it on... Just inspire me. I want to try doing it. Yeah, really. We'll send you the link. Please. It's on Amazon Prime. Let's go. But yeah, you guys... You guys in relationships? What are you looking at, boys?

Ooh, married man. Nice. I'm single. Is your wife better than you? About equal? Yeah, no problem. Yeah. You seem like a nice guy, right? Yeah, but, you know. Yeah, no, definitely. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. And you're single? Single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, is there something about romantic relationships that feels strange and not comforting to you? No.

You know what? I was actually... I was in a relationship for 10 years. 20 to 30. Oh, wow. Which was dope. It was actually great. It gave me the stability I needed. Now I'm 36 and I'm kind of living more like I'm in my 20s than my 30s. Gotcha. Because I was in that relationship. Sure, sure, sure. I never had any freedom in my 20s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just with one woman. Yeah. But yeah, yeah. When it comes, it comes. Yeah. But I mean, from my experience...

Just don't, as someone who has an anxiety disorder and OCD, so I know all about obsessing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And anxiety, dude, this guy needs to just tell himself, just enjoy it and fucking relax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, don't get in, you've got to tell him to just talk, like you said, find that voice of reason. Totally. Just fucking, dude, enjoy that shit. Enjoy it, yeah, yeah.

Damn. So you ever had... What kind of... OCD is also strange, too, because it can take a lot of different forms, right? Like, everyone thinks about, like, you know, people counting shit or, like, you know, or, like, you know, not, like, stepping on... Or, like, superstitious shit. But what kind of... For me, it was... Man, it was...

I would have just like obsessive thoughts. And one of the positives, because you could look back, back when I was like a teenager in my 20s, I just thought I was fucked up. I just like felt alone. So I like to talk about it now so people out there can maybe feel like they're not alone. So all those fucking freaks out there who should be behind bars, who should be in a padlock.

Added room, no. Dude, in the 1920s, they just locked you up forever, bro. Yeah, it's so funny. Just a guy with OCD is just in there with just the most developmentally disabled guy you've ever met in your life. Yeah, back in the day. Oh, that shit. Yeah.

It was brutal. The snake pits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just throw you in the snake pit. Goddamn, dude. But yeah, for me, I used to think I was just fucked up. I'd have anxiety, social anxiety, all that stuff. Yeah. And then as I got older, when it got pretty bad, I was like, all right, I got to go to fucking therapy. Yeah, yeah. And I did therapy for it. And then I was like, oh, I have like...

a dictionary definition of this thing. Right, right, right. For me, it was just like obsessing over different things. Like, it could be something negative about yourself or, you know, like, the classic one that I think a lot of people experience is like, you gotta check the doors locked or check that the stove's off, but you go back and check over and over that kind of shit. But, you

Yo, you can use that shit for good once you learn about it. Like being a comedian or just obsessing over an art form. Sure. That's true. I mean, I do think a lot of mental disorders, it's like you can't like... People have talked about how ADD is like, yeah, usually you can't focus, but sometimes you lock the fuck in. And I definitely experienced that where it's like,

There's, like, I can't work for a week, and then I'm locked in for two days, and I've done two months' worth of work somehow in that, like, zone. So, yeah, you can definitely figure your shit out. That's, like, I feel like the...

When you're, you know, the goal is to work on these things and then try to use the good stuff. Like holding onto footage for 20 years because you're OCD. No, this will be something. This will be something. I'm telling you. You put it at your mom's house. You put it at your homie's house. And you put it... Because one of those fucking... There was a fire at my dad's house and one of those fucking hard drives burned. Wow. But I was OCD as fuck.

Yeah, dude. Thank God. Yeah, pros and cons. Shout out to all my mentally ill people out there. We love you. You're not alone. Shout out to this guy's girlfriend. Yeah. Without question. She's got something going on. Yeah, I think she's a little suspect. It does seem a little suspect. I didn't have any of this therapy you're talking about. I just think this guy's kind of fucked. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, there was a lot of like a little bit of bragging in there. It seemed a little like maybe his girlfriend's not as attractive as he's trying to say. Right, right, right, right. Maybe not. I hope he is. I hope she is. Toothpaste out of the tube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Either way, you know, one way or another, you're in the ride now, brother. Just hold on one way. Enjoy that shit, girl. Yeah, sounds good. Yeah, best case scenario, you end up with her. Things are great. Worst case scenario, you had a pretty sick year and a half relationship.

And then, like, maybe a bad month when it ends. But who knows? You're still in the money. You're still winning. Hit us with another one, brother. Stavi, baby, what's up? I got a non-sexual problem here. I know you guys appreciate those every once in a while. But long story short, I'm 25 and...

Oh no.

Like, she believes she was poisoned by the COVID vaccine. She believes Joe Biden is a lizard or whatever the fuck. And, you know, it kind of just makes it being around her, like, unbearable, pretty much. Yeah, I believe it. So...

I don't know. It's tough. Is that just part of growing up? Yes, it is. I know all of us know. Be a part of your parents' life as much as you hope? Or is there a way to circumvent that? Because really every time I just try to talk to her...

About anything, it was just morphed into how the water is making us gay. Oh, no. Hollywood forces people to cut their dicks off, so she, you know, yelled at me for watching a Netflix show. Netflix? I don't know. She was driving me crazy. Yeah, that sucks, dude.

Was hoping you have some you know Also, I am moving away, you know far so I don't want to like I Ideally, I like to spend as much time with my parents as possible, but they're really making it really really hard That's the tea thank you for spilling the tea sis I

Yeah, this sucks. I mean, it sounds like... I'm pretty lucky in that, like, you know, me and my mom are pretty on the same page. My dad's dumb, but he's not this fucking stupid. Like, he's just kind of apolitical. He'll just parrot anything. Like, I remember one time my dad was talking about, he was, like, complaining that they were allowing gay couples to adopt children. And I was like...

Would you rather a child be in an orphanage? And he was like, hmm, I guess not. I was like, yeah, you know your gay friend you grew up with that you think is a good person? Would you rather the child be in an orphanage or living with him and his husband? And my dad was like...

Oh, yeah. Like, he just doesn't think. He just hears a viewpoint and he'll just go along with it without even for one second considering the other side. So it's weird. Like, he usually, I think he's actually progressive but just doesn't ever challenge his dumb friends when they speak because every time we've had a conversation, he'll be like,

That's a pretty good point, you know? This sounds like that, but really extreme. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that sounds like that. This sounds like he's fucked. Like, his mom sounds so fucking crazy. Yeah, that's true. Like, classic, like, QAnon, like...

It sucks. I mean, it really has taken over a large percentage of, like, old people's minds. I'm guessing your poly parents aren't... They're hard the opposite way. They're like old school lefties. Like, old school. Yeah, yeah. Like, they might be anti-vaccine, but from the original... They were, like, anti... Don't put medicine... Anti-war, you know, like... Yeah. Kind of like the old school, like, freedom of speech. Of course, of course. Like, before things got...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know that is the funniest thing is that like freedom of speech has become... I don't know how the fuck it became like a right-wing thing. Where it just means let's say the N-word, by the way. Like they don't actually want freedom of speech. They do not want it. I don't know. That's the most fucked up thing about the left now is like that they're... Like I don't understand the language policing because yeah, that is a traditional...

Old school left. It's like, say whatever... Yeah, people are going to say some fucked up shit, but in a free society, anyone can say whatever the fuck they want, and that's a fundamental right. But, yeah, I don't know. How about you, Chris? You have weird Fox News brained parents? No, they passed before this could get to them. But they probably... It probably would have hit them? I had the same thing with the dad, where it was like...

Some interesting views about Obama. Yeah. But then he, like, sees a Michael Moore and he's like, hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. So, yeah. Now, I mean, I think people, this guy needs to not be afraid to take a break of a year or two years, three years. Well, that's what's interesting about him. So if he was just like, hey, I moved in with my parents while I'm figuring my shit out. This is driving me crazy. I would say you got to move out and you just got to see your parents again.

A little just enough to keep a relationship with them if they want to talk about politics just try and find common ground Sports has always been the great equalizer. That's the thing It's like you got like sports is so nice to talk about especially people who think this shit They tend tend to be pretty big on sports or the football as well So it's like, you know, I'm talk to your dad about whatever the football team is like

See if you can bond with your mom over any... I mean, it's tough because she won't even watch Netflix because she thinks... They're cutting off. Yeah, yeah. Wednesday or whatever the fuck that show is making kids trans. So that's tough. You can't even have movies to talk about or a show. Because with dads, it's always sports. With moms, it's always a show. You know what I mean? So honestly, dude, start watching Yellowstone. Yeah.

Like, this is really, it's pretty entertaining. Eldis has watched every episode and every spinoff. He was doing that instead of watching the documentary. He was catching up on what Kevin Costner's up to. But like, yeah, dude, the problem is he says he's moving away. He's moving out of the country. So you do kind of have to get all your family time in right now to

Do you think psychedelics could help her or maybe like smoking a joint with her? Or is that going to just make things way worse? Yeah, you might as well shake things up. You know what I mean? Like, I think, but they're probably the kind of, you know, although there is,

It doesn't feel like to me... There's definitely that kind of like almost libertarian conspiracy theorist that does drugs. But that doesn't feel like what these people... These people feel like straight down the line Fox Newsmax. Not even Fox News. Like Fox News Newsmax hardline brains have turned to mush because of Tucker Carlson before he took his fucking show to Twitter and disappeared. Really smart betting on Elon there, Tucker. No, I haven't seen that guy's face.

in a year since he started since his show went to twitter boy did he get fucked on that one um so yeah dude i think i would say if yeah i mean if this is the last six months you're gonna really be around these people it's just like you just kind of have to like swallow it and be like i want to spend time with them and then also have like a release valve you can't

Just because you moved back in with your parents doesn't mean you have to spend all your fucking time there, right? Like, take some fucking weekend trips. Like, go crash at a friend's house. Like, just... You're not living with them and you don't have a curfew anymore. You can go do some other shit. So that's really my advice is like...

Try and get some of the distance from them by just not being in the house constantly. And, you know, see if you can bond over some nonpolitical stuff. And just remind yourself, like, all right, in five years when I miss my mom, just this is my, like, moment. You know what I mean? This is, like, you're saving up for in the future. Yeah. Which is, I saw, like, a TikTok someone said of, like, every time you're mad at your, like, little kids.

Imagine yourself 30 years from now and how much you want to be with your toddler, even if he's being a cunt in the moment. And it's like, you kind of do the reverse of that, where it's like, imagine like, all right, my mom's being fucking crazy, but...

In eight years when I can't see her because I'm half the fucking world away. I mean, this guy might be moving to Toronto for all we know. He might be three hours away. I don't fucking know. Over the border. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, dude. That's kind of the best advice I can have. I'm very lucky to not have to...

to not have to deal with this specific thing. So I don't, it's tough. I don't know how people deal with it. It's very, very difficult. I've had some family members that are like into this kind of stuff. Yeah. I just try to never, and it's going to be really hard because it's not to this extreme, never talk politics ever. Yeah.

and never talk about reptilians. If you can avoid those subjects. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. I think in general, when it's somebody you care for who's just is so off the deep end, it's just trying not to get into politics too

and seeing if there's other stuff. But sometimes those people, all they give a fuck about it. They just go right back to it. They're just so into it. You were going to say something, Eldon? I wonder how new it is for his mom, too, because sometimes you might see that happen to a parent, and they're just hopping on a political fad or something, and then they just lose steam. That's kind of how my dad was a little bit. He's pretty apolitical, but...

He was like dabbling with Trump. Oh, that's awesome. But he was just like, he just didn't have the constitution to stick with it and really give a fuck. Your dad who spent a lot of his life an unemployed immigrant. Exactly who Trump would have hated. Yeah. He like never got too deep thinking. I wasn't able to take their jobs. Yeah.

But, you know, maybe it is just a passing fad. But it's scary, too, because, like, you can try to connect with them on, like, personal shit and just avoid politics while you live there. But it could go either way once you're out of there. I know. They could kind of lose interest in it or they could just go off the deep end. Get deeper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you, like, ban your parents from the Internet somehow? Well, I saw somebody – and, again, this might be completely fake, but –

Another internet thing where a guy just went on his grandpa's Facebook and unsubscribed him from all the Newsmax, Tucker Carlson shit and subscribed him to Bernie and all this. And the guy was like,

You know, maybe I was wrong, but that's the thing. It's kind of like what we were saying about my dad. Thank God my dad doesn't speak enough English to watch Fox News because it might get to him. He just doesn't. All he does is watch. He watches Greek satellite TV, and he doesn't watch American media, and he doesn't know how to use a fucking computer. But if he did, that's the thing. It's like sometimes people aren't even malicious. It's just...

What they see over and fucking over again. So yeah, I don't know see if you can change the your mom's algorithm somehow Log on to a tick tock and just fucking watch baking videos. Maybe you'll get a cake out of it. That would be great. I

But good luck. Yeah, sorry, dude. Sounds like you're pretty fucked. You really can't do shit, honestly. That's the hardest part. It is tough once you got someone who believes in, like, lizard people. That's like, okay, they're just out of the stratosphere. If you're convinced of that, that's a bit far gone. Once they sink their teeth into that shit.

And it's like, again, it is kind of the opposite of having a kid where it's like you can't control their thinking and where their mind's going to go. And you can just decide how much of them is good for you. Like, and that's, it's sad to say that, but...

That's the reality. I used to kind of like some of the conspiracy stuff, but then it always goes back to the Jews. Yeah. I was like... Like, even this reptilian shit, which I know about, like, it goes back to the Jews. It's always... That's the problem for me, man. It's the Rothschilds every time. I would fuck with it, but it always goes back to the Jews, bro.

Yeah. So they lost me. They lost my demographic. Yeah. But, you know, I think they did the math and they're like, not that many of them. That's true. There's not. We can win a lot more anti-Semites. We'll lose the Jews, but we'll get a lot of anti-Semites. We're good to go. Good luck, buddy. Let's get another one going, LD. Hey, Fabi, baby. I'm trying to keep it under a minute for you and Eldon. Thanks, bud. Yeah.

Least.

Even when we were dating like years ago. She's one of the least sexual people he's ever met. Are you going around engaging everyone you've met's sexuality? I wish she was as sexual as my friend Todd. I wish, like, just say she doesn't have a high libido. Anyway, sorry. Go ahead, Elders.

Never masturbated, never, like, touched herself. Like, it's just not a priority for her. And making her cum is, like, a fucking Herculean task. Damn, dude. So, any advice you could give me, man, it'd be greatly appreciated. Like, I want her to, like, love, like, sex and foreplay. And, you know, I go down on her plenty and all that good stuff. But she's just, like...

I think part of it has to do with birth control. She's been back on since we've had our son. So I don't know, man. I'm just looking for anything you can do to help me out. This is kind of tough. All right, man. Appreciate it. What's the problem? How am I going to make your wife hornier? I mean, yes. That's the problem here is like he didn't say –

Hey, like, you know, since we've had our kid, it's dipped. Or, like, recently something's happened and she's just kind of lost interest in sex. Like, she said...

What are you doing? Opening up the thing? Get a little fresh air? All right, buddy. This is hot, folks. What do we got? 15 more minutes left? It's hot in here. Dude, the Louis Black episode, we were going to die. I feel so bad for Louis. He was in here and we just thugged it out. Anyway, yeah, he didn't say like...

Because that's pretty natural, right? You have a kid. You're together for 10 years. People need to spice things up. Where I'm having trouble is that, like, by his own rubric of sexuality, which he has a lot of information on, she's one of the least sexual people he's ever met. She's not jacking off. She's not busting. Yeah.

That's like it's one thing to get back to a level or change things up. But it's like kind of tough to be like 10 years in. Hey, I'm going to need you to start, you know, busting more. Yeah. You know, that's that's that's the hard thing here. Are there any times where she's in? Like, do you remember specific things or specific instances where she seems really turned on or their thing? Like, you're just going to have to kind of like.

reverse engineer this I think a little bit and the tough news is like it does get harder when you have a kid when you have like a fucking newborn kid and you've been together for you know almost a decade now's not the time like you picked a very strange time to try and get your wife hornier is right after she had her first kid you know what I mean like I think you might be kind of

You kind of fucked here, pal, where it's like now's not the time to try and go on to some kind of like late in life, you know, libido exercise. And yeah, birth control might be something obviously. And is she on antidepressants? That's a huge one. That sounds like this sounds like kind of classic antidepressant med stuff. Maybe that's part of it. But I don't know what to tell you. It's that's a tough one, dude.

Yeah. I wonder if he's talked to her or if she's even aware that this is a thing for him. Right. That it's bothering him. Of course. That's always a classic thing when we get a question. It's like, have you had this conversation at all? Or is it just bouncing around in your head? That's a good point, yeah. I wonder that too, but I just think it's such a strange time for him to bring this up. Right after the first kid, like...

Now's when you're trying to get her fucking turned on? And the kids, yeah. I don't have any kids, but for my friends who do have kids, it seems like that is not the right time. Yeah, because you're... Especially a fucking infant, it's like...

You know, my one of my best friends just had a kid. It's like that motherfucker, that baby's like life is her whole mission. And it's like she's just exhausted from just keeping him alive. You know, it's just like it's that's what you're focused on. So I don't know. I don't know, dude. I would just say.

Think about what she's ever... What she's responded to in the past. And yeah, have a conversation. If this becomes a really tough problem for you, have a conversation. It seems like you guys have a good relationship. You're saying yourself you're going to be with her for the rest of your life. So it's not like you're coming at her like, hey, come on. You got to start sucking some dick or I'm out of here. You're just trying to get to... You're just trying to get to... You know, what... You're just trying to get to...

some kind of understanding where it's like, this is an issue for me. Obviously, it's not a big enough problem where I'm going to, you know, fucking leave you or anything. But it's like, can we figure this out? Is there something we can do? Is there something I can do for you to get you more in the zone? So, yeah, dude, it's kind of tough. But I think that might be the most straightforward way that, you know, the most straightforward way. And just see what she has to say about it. I don't know if you've had this conversation, but...

This would be a good live one, too, to do. But alas, alas, we don't have that capability. So good luck, buddy. Call in. Let us know if your wife starts fucking more. Good luck. Good luck. Hit me with another one, Eldonce.

Hey, Stav. Love the show. Big fan. I am a 25-year-old high school teacher. I'm a woman and love my job. Love the kids I teach. I'm struggling with 14, 15-year-old misogyny, which, you know, product of our society.

But I would just love your advice. I feel like you seem like an evolved man. Thank you. Someone who has arisen from maybe being a 14-year-old misogynist yourself. Who knows? I don't want to say anything or steal on you. You think we all would? Yeah. You know, they're high schoolers. They're kids.

But I guess I just want to have hope for them. And sometimes it's tough because they say horrible things and they love Angie Tate. And yeah, how do you, how did you, if you grew up with that, how did you evolve? What sort of turned your thinking? Anything you can share with love. Again, love your show. Thanks so much. Thanks for calling in.

Tough. Love Andrew Tate. I mean, it does make sense because he, I mean, that guy is just like,

what a dumbass little kid thinks a cool guy is. Like, that's why he's so successful amongst youth is like, no one, if you're a real fucking human being doesn't want 15 Bugattis and like, and like, you know, what are essentially prostitutes, high-end prostitutes that aren't allowed to speak to you, like, in your home at all times. Like, that's the thing. It's like, it's tough because that does exactly apply to little ass kids. Like,

It's so interesting, dude, because there's another guy like Dan Balzerian or something. Dan Balzerian, yep. That whole group, when you look on their Instagram, it's like 10 models. Yeah, clearly paid to be there. It's so fake. Yeah. And you're right. It's probably like 13-year-old boys that are consuming it. Fucking awesome, dude. Yeah.

That's what's always been there. That fantasy's always there. I know, yeah. These kids need a chance to evolve too. Yeah, yeah. They're fucking kids. I know that there's a little bit of that, right? Where it's like, they are kids. And I just don't... But it's like, you know, how... I guess, what exactly are you struggling with? Just the fact that they're fucking... That they're being really fucked... They're being little dickheads? Because look, some of them are just going to stay dickheads and some of them will grow out of it. Um...

It's just tough as a teacher for you. Because this is such learned cultural stuff, too, where it's like,

You know, what can you get them to do? You can't be like, that's... If you're like, Andrew Tate sucks, they'd be like, yeah, you fucking would say that, you low-value woman. You know what I mean? Like, they just... There's no, like, reasoning with these little assholes at this age, you know? There is, like... And yet, did we... Like, obviously, you grow up around... I mean, everyone grows up around misogyny, racism, all that stuff, and you just realize...

I mean, I think for me, part of what helped with at least like misogyny, honestly, was like not respecting my father, like thinking my mom was the one. My whole life, it was like my mom was the one who took care of everything. So I almost like I hated male bosses or like authority figures, and I respected female authority figures a lot more. I mean, don't get me wrong. A boss is a boss. So it's like I definitely had some like,

you know, like women bosses that I hated and treated as bad. But like for me, that was a big part of it where I was like, I don't know, my dad's a fucking idiot. But 14, 15 year old misogynists, how do you deal with it? And, you know, I don't know. I mean, like as a teacher, it's like you just kind of have to treat it like any other form of discipline, like what they say. And it's just like, but I don't know if, is it your job to expose them to other people

Other shit that is not like rooted in misogyny. I don't know. Or do they just have to kind of grow out of it? I mean, definitely you say a bunch of dumb shit because you're insecure as a kid. That's a big part of it. I was so insecure as a fucking teenager. I was a mess looking back on it. Yeah, absolutely. And it's like like I definitely had a teacher who I mean, dude, I remember specifically in middle school, not even high school.

I guess high school is funny because it's like they are closer to being a fucking adult. But I remember having a moment where I was like, in seventh grade, I was kind of like a teacher's pet for a specific... Like, I really liked...

I knew math was my shit. I loved... I really liked English and I liked history and all that stuff. And I was close to an English... I was really close to my English teacher who... You know, whatever. And then... And I was like... I would go after and I would do shit. And then...

There's like a new kid who like transferred or something and it fucked up the whole dynamics of our whole group. And everyone kind of like was friends with him and like whatever they were kind of... I remember I was getting like shit on and people were like kind of bullying me. And then I was just like, why am I standing for these guys? I'm not... They're going to bully me. So I just like... Like little did they know I would go on to become a comedian who roasts people for like...

half of my living is finding people's insecurities. And I'm being, I'm not being mean about it in my videos. And I would just zero in and I was, I was a fucking piece of shit in eighth grade. Like I would, like I would, I would beat, I was also big. I was like, I was this height.

I never grew I was the biggest in 8th grade I would fuck kids I would like you know I would hit kids in the nuts constantly in the nuts there was like a yeah and I would call I would fucking roast people I would call girls dumb bitch I would like I would really to the point where my English teacher kind of had a moment with her and was like she was she sat me down and she was like you were not the student I remember from and honestly like that did not work on me

like that I was like fuck this bitch I was like cause like I was like in one moment I was like like

It kind of gave me this moment of clarity where I was like, I'm acting out. Like, I was like... She was like, I can't even understand why you're... And it did make me reflect. I was like, why have I turned into this guy? Like, why am I being such a fucking piece of shit? And it was all good because it was like, whatever. We went to high school the next year and I kind of like... I was like, I'm not going to behave that way anymore. But like, I would literally like classic bully shit. Like, take people's... Take kids' like fucking pizzas and shit like that. Yeah. And like...

And so in that moment where she was like, you're not, you know, she was like dressing me down. She was like, you're a fuck, because I think I just fucking crushed some girl in our class and got a huge laugh. And she was like, and she kept me after. And in that moment, she yelled at me. She was like, you're not, like, why are you behaving this way? And I literally was like,

I was a very sensitive, like, in touch with my fucking feelings kid last year. And now I'm bullying people. You can't... You're the fucking adult. You can't do the math and think about what happened. Like, obviously, somebody fucking, like, made... Like, I'm acting out. I'm lashing out. Like, you think... I remember having that thought. It's like, why are you trying to talk to me, you dumb bitch? Instead of... And I just got worse for her. I was like, fuck her. And so...

I just do. I unfortunately I feel like you might have to let it kind of, you know, obviously check it. You don't let anybody say anything that crazy. But I also think like I guess she had made the mistake of like showing me how much I had affected her.

And trying to hurt my feelings. She was trying to bully me. And it's like, you're not going to be me. And it was like, there was a lot. I remember I was even biting my tongue. I even had too much tact to go after this woman. Because she was dealing with some shit in her own life. But I was like, lady, you're like, I could fuck you up. But I was just, so I just think like, if you see this, you're just going to kind of have to check it as much as you can. And just,

I don't know that you can do anything. Like, what happened for me that I grew out of it, I was like, this is pretty fucking stupid. It feels bad to fucking bully people, whatever. And I don't know what did it for me. Like, I just, I think I was lucky to have, you know, I had, like, a lot of, like, female mentors, like, in high school. And I don't know why. I mean, I can't tell you why I grew out of it. And it's tough to be like,

What I would assume is so hard as a teacher is to have all these kids kind of pass through your life and you can only do so much. And that's got to be so difficult for someone, especially seeing all this Andrew Tate shit. But I am hopeful too because I worry about this too. I'm hopeful there is a swing back with some of this stuff where it's like, you know...

Just kids realize that, but who knows? I mean, honestly, I am trying to make really stupid comedy that is not racist or misogynist, but that is offensive. But that's from a place of like, I love these people, but I'm going to shit on them and not a place of actual fucking hate, which back to like the free speech stuff is like a lot of people hide behind free speech and they just want to be hateful and not get yelled at for it.

And I don't know. I mean, hopefully, you know, those kids get turned on to that kind of media that is kind of like because kids love dumb bullshit. They love offensive shit. They love people, you know, roasting each other. But hopefully they just get it gets turned away from that Andrew Tate bullshit. Yeah. And all that weird misogyny. But I don't know. I'm rambling here because I don't have a great answer for you, unfortunately. I don't know. We eldest were you ever a teenage misogynist?

Probably. Very like, you know, inward. Yeah. I'm sure like kids. I mean, part of that is just the angst of like being a teenage boy. Yeah. I'm sure kids definitely feel like a lot more like they have the

the card to just, you know, be very outspoken about it now. Yeah. But it's hilarious. Imagine like a little dumb ass 14 year old talking about being a high value man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was just never lived life at all. Yeah. I know.

But that age man that 14 and 15 is is a tough one for a teacher Yeah, cuz I remember that's when I ended up leaving school. I was just like a piece of shit I don't want to fucking do this anymore. I remember people being so mean to teachers. Yeah, yeah in public Absolutely, just being fucking dicks and everyone's being dicks to each other. That's a tough time. I

But I think the good ones will grow out of it. Yeah. You know, the good ones will grow out of it. I don't even... So I'm, like, so out of touch. I haven't watched the news in, like, eight years, I think. For my own sanity. So I don't even know what kids are into, what they're watching. Yeah. But I agree. Like, hopefully young people are tuning in to, like, better media than dudes like that. Yeah. You know? I know. It's tough. But I don't know, dude. It's just...

Do what you can. I don't know what to tell you. I don't want to be dismissive. It's like, nah, don't worry about it, sweet cheeks. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. Nah, misogyny's not real. It's over. You get to vote. What are you even fucking complaining about?

Just talk to your husband. Did your husband let you call in on his phone? How did you even get into this? Good luck. You're a saint being a high school teacher. Yeah, what a great job, right? And I do think you have to kind of like just, I don't know. I'm just speculating, obviously, because I've never done it. I mean, I was a tutor and stuff, but there's only so much you can do, and you can't really beat yourself up over it and realize that there's just...

you know, hopefully these forces swing back the other way, but there is, it is tough to be like, damn, there is a lot of, there's just, there's just that everything is being so to the extreme and that you'd hope that with history, people would get more kind of like accepting and liberal and shit like that. But it really feels like there is a swing back, um,

Especially with all, like, the hom... Like, misogyny is absolutely... I mean, it all goes hand in hand, but, like, the misogyny, the homophobia is out of fucking control. The transphobia is out of control. And so...

I don't know. But a little, I hope that's not as connected to, you know, a 14-year-old calling a girl a bitch and being like, shut up, bitch. Come suck my dick. You know? And just trying that on and being like, I'm a cool guy and like not even believing himself when he's saying it. Hopefully that's all you're dealing with and it's not something, you know, bigger than that. But I don't know. I don't know. Good luck. Good luck out there. You got a nice quick one for us, Elders?

Something to take us off. I'm not 14 anymore, dude. It's a brutal age. Brutal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brutal fucking age. Being in my 30s, dude. I'm old. Yeah.

Happy birthday, by the way. Your birthday was yesterday. Yeah, happy birthday, dude. Happy birthday gift being here, man. Thank you. Come on. You guys are the best. Thanks for making the fucking show. Thanks for making it to the marketer. Really appreciate you, gentlemen. Thank you for fucking sifting through all that footage, Chris. Yeah. That's what I do. Genius. Genius. Have a birthday liquid death on us. And you know what? We have a birthday...

freeze pipe for you outside as well. Really? Yeah, actually, for real. Yeah, yeah, you can have one. Our beautiful sponsors have sent us a lot of free stuff that we'd love to share with our guests. Wow. Yeah. All right, take us home, Elders. Let's play one more. Hey, Stav and Elders. I got a different kind of question to ask you guys right now. Okay. So like everyone else, AI freaks me out, and I hate how...

It's just everywhere at this point. So I was wanting to ask you what you think about AI and its possible effect on the comedy world within the coming years. Also, I asked ChatGPT to tell me a joke that Stavros Halkias would tell, and it said, why did the Greek philosopher go to the bakery? He heard they have plenty of good donations.

That's right. That's so funny. That's such... I mean, is that even a joke?

Why did the Grief Lost go to the bakery? Here they have plenty of good donations for his philosophical endeavors. That's supposed to be like a dough-nations pun? I know, I don't understand. Yeah, I didn't get it. Am I stupid, bro? I don't get it. Yeah, I don't know, man. I mean, I fucking hate... I mean, all this AI shit, I hate it. I mean, I wonder...

Actually, I wonder, have you started using it for editing stuff? I feel like that... Yeah, there's small things that are the force of good for editing, but then, yeah, it's tough. Because so much of editing is drudgery that I feel like it's tough because you see stuff where you're like, oh, this could be useful for...

This could help the people who already work in this industry not replace them with a shittier version of it, but... I think, like, bad reality TV, like, someone like me will, like, you'll have a producer who's like, here's how our show goes every time. Yeah. And it won't finish the show, but it'll start it. But it'll get 80% there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think for stuff like that, it is much more dangerous. I mean, I do think with comedy, I tell myself anyway that it's just a little... There's too much nuance. Yeah.

In it to, like, really... For ChatGPT to really get it. I mean, like, you look at... Yeah, it's just like... I mean, I guess some... I guess in theory it might be able to get really, like, set up punchline jokes. Like, at some point. But what ChatGPT does is steal. I mean, that's... Let's be honest. That's what it does. So if it steals enough stuff and it just kind of, like, mixes and matches enough punchlines, I think it could...

Like, that's the thing you hear from a lot of industries is that, like, it can replace the really shitty version of our thing, right? Like, that's what it... And I, at this point...

I do think that so much of at least stand-up comedy, and the way comedy has gone in general is that, like, yeah, people like your material. You have to put on a good show. But you see it. I mean, the biggest comedians have a podcast. They have, you know, they make a TV. They write their own shows. They have movies. They're trying to do all this other stuff.

that's so personality-driven that I do think modern comedy has kind of gone... You're not really judged on your specials or your jokes for better or for worse. I don't think it's necessarily an unbalanced good thing as somebody who kind of really grew up loving comedy for comedy's sake. But where it is good, I think, is that it's harder for AI to...

take that, if what people like is they're a fan of you and it's your perspective and I think some of the best comedy is so personal and it comes from so, it's like reflecting on fucked up shit that's happened to you or just your background or whatever, that it might be able to replace certain forms of like set up punchline generic comedy. Bad comedy. Bad comedy. It's gonna replace bad comedy. But also, but it's also like for what, to what end? Like,

Who is going to tell that shitty stand-up joke that the computer wrote? You know what I mean? Someone who doesn't want to work on their shit. Yeah, but it's like, that guy sucks already. No good comic is going to use chat GPT for jokes. I hope not. I mean, that'd be fucking insane. I say that, I guess I should text my friends back. None of you are doing this right. Can you... Because I was thinking about it, and I haven't really paid too much attention to everyone talking about AI and stuff, for better or for worse, but...

Can you, like you're saying, can you replace originality? Because everything that I love about comedy, stand-up, and filmmaking, like you see it in this crazy documentary we're working on, it's that originality that you can only tell your story. Can they replace that? I don't think so, but I think like...

If it can replace shitty things, then it's kind of logical that over time it can slowly get better at stuff. And that, like, there will probably be a soullessness to some of this stuff. But that it will... It could possibly get to technically...

85% of the way there, but it'll be losing that final, like, there's something different about this. Especially with, like, movies, it's like, if, because you steal, because what it's doing is stealing, like, you know, it could just, fucking, AI could just generate, like,

Looking at shots that you know you could have an AI cinematographer and you'd be like I want my movie in the style of fucking this guy you know what I mean like you see the shitty Wes Anderson like AI which gets it wrong it sucks but it's like if it's starting here then it's like could it over 30 40 years whatever actually get not good but enough where if you're a fucking idiot who doesn't really give a fuck about art you're

I mean, look how many... I mean, thankfully, Marvel movies are starting to dip, but they were the most fucking... Which have now... AI could absolutely make a Marvel movie. Absolutely make a Marvel movie. And so it's like...

I don't know. The big problem is what about the people that learn by cutting their teeth on the shitty stuff? 20 years ago, I was fucking cutting Paula Deen. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know if a computer is cutting Paula Deen, I'm not fucking here. No, that's a great point. It completely fucks up the whole...

Like that's the other, for comedy at least, computers are not doing open mics at chicken restaurants. You know what I mean? Like they are doing Paula Deen, but they're not, they're not doing how you get good at comedy. So I have, I have some faith that it will, and even like acting, it's not like it's going to,

teach people how to act or, but it could take, what they're worried about is like taking, like your dead buddy who's still a telemarketer from beyond the grave. People are worried about like, oh, what if Tom Cruise just is in movies for eternity now? Because they just keep, you know, and then they bring back fucking, you know, Humphrey Bogart and shit like that. That's what they're worried about. So I think at least with standup,

Yeah, I mean, it might like some of the worst comedians might be like, give me some ideas for jokes and try and punch them up. And that's that would be crazy. You're a fucking beyond the hack. If you do that, I want that on the record. But I do think there is something because it's such a stupid art form that shouldn't exist.

Like stand-up comedy is so, it's so many like, it's such a mistake that it exists that I think, you know, it's just like a person talking with their own, you know, their own perspective and I just don't see a way that AI fucks that up.

All I can say is three years ago, I was like, I'm safe. And now I'm like, I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I feel like the, like... I can see it taking over podcasting, weirdly. I can see, like, AI, like, how they have, like, AI influencers. I can see if, again, if it's allowed to steal...

you just feed every podcast into it and you just take a voice like put I think it could you could probably make a shitty podcast with AI and the more you know it's bad now like everyone goofs on chat GPT now for the bad scripts and the bad jokes it's only bad now

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it three years. Yeah, no, you're right. And who's to say? I mean, I say, like, who, you know, they're not going to be doing stand-up, but it's like, what, I mean, you see, like, VTubers and shit like that where it's like, it is a human being, but they're behind, like, a weird anime avatar. And it's like, who's to say that's just not going to become, you know, comedians? Like, you feed that in. Like, I've talked about it before, but Dudezy, the podcast, uh,

They made an AI... It's a podcast run by AI, and they had a Tom Brady... They had Tom Brady AI stand-up. Oh, shit. And it was bizarre. It was like... Obviously, it didn't understand pausing. It didn't understand any of that stuff. But some of the jokes were okay. And it was interesting because it was Tom Brady, because it was somebody with a point of view...

It did kind of... You're like, oh, it's talking about his divorce and it's talking about playing football. And it was like, it had enough of where it's like, they can't just say, write me an hour of stand-up comedy. They probably couldn't do that. But if you give it enough context...

It kind of started to, so who knows? It's going to be interesting to see where that shit's at in like three years, man. Yeah, like maybe what it could do is if you feed every Dave Chappelle special into it, maybe it could do that where it's like, fuck it, we, you know, we can figure some, we'll just rehash some shit, but...

Who's to say? Anyway, hopefully by the time it's really around, I've retired from show business. I'm running a seafood restaurant in southeast Baltimore. Oh, hell yeah. That's the dream. So we'll see.

Fellas, thank you so much for coming on the pod. Dude, thank you, man. My guys. Thank you, guys. My man. We really appreciate it. Guys, go watch. Yeah, the fucking documentary rocks. Go watch Telemarketers, guys. By the time this comes out, all three episodes will be on Max. Go do it. Elders will have his login by then. He'll see it. He'll watch it, too. Dude, I'll throw you a login. I'll throw you a login. Thanks so much for coming. Thanks, man. And thanks for listening, guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.