Shownotes Transcript
Welcome everybody to Stobby's World. What a show we've got for you today, bud.
Before we really get going with our beautiful guests, I want to let you know that the Fat Rascal Tour is kicking off. The final leg of the Fat Rascal Tour is kicking off. We're starting in Ohio. We're coming to Cincinnati. We're coming to Columbus. We're coming to Cleveland. Then Baltimore. Six shows of the lyric, five are sold out already. There are tickets still to the late show Thursday.
biggest homecoming shows, then Detroit, Grand Rapids, Philly, Orlando, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale, Milwaukee, Kansas City, St. Louis, and we're ending the whole tour. The final shows will be at the Beacon Theater in New York City. I'm so pumped for that. And I'm also pumped to let you know about our sponsors on this episode,
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Sale ends September 11th, okay? It's always Labor Day for your butt. And that's why Tushy's making it nice and easy for you. 40% off. That's hellotushy.com slash stavi for 40% off. And now, Eldest, play the song again, my G.
Welcome everybody to Stavi's World 904-800-STOP. We're back once again. We're very happy to have Jeremy and Rajat in the mix. What the fuck are your last names?
Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Mine's Suresh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Levek. Yeah, Rajon Levek. That's actually good. You guys should swap last names. We should. That would be fun. Jeremy Suresh is a fucked up guy. That's cool. You know what I mean? Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's either like... That's like a guy who's like parents met...
Like his mom was like backpacking through India and met like some fucking sexy like guy fucking on the top of a mountain. You know what I mean? Like some hot lady. You're not, unfortunately you're not sexy enough to be Jeremy Suresh. I think it could work. You gotta be a piece of ass. No, no, no, no, no. I think people will find it could work. No, no. You gotta be like a beige piece of ass. You know what I mean? Like you gotta look awesome. Rajat Suresh kind of like craters immediately. Yeah, yeah. Or Rajat Levik, sorry.
sorry kind of like that sucks that is weird to have like jewish parents that just decide like yeah yeah fully what that is is like two like two like hippie jews that are like trying way too hard right to be excited like be like no we're good we're like like imagine how much they like
Like, imagine the signage on the people's homes who named their son Rajat Levik. It's like, you know they got a in this house we believe in science sign. That's no debate. They've got, they probably have... Immigrants welcome. Immigrants welcome for sure. I'm trying to decide if they're like...
Kamala Harris supporters? Like, they still have Kamala for president stuff? Yeah, they learned. You know what I mean? Like, they were like top donors to Kamala? They learned the name Rajat because they love Kamala Harris. Ironically, Kamala supporters hate Rajat. Yeah. The most vitriol I've ever gotten from a Rajat guy. Really?
really nasty. That's such a funny person to be. It's like, who is inspired by Kamala Harris? Who's like, hell yeah. Yeah, I know. That's who I fuck. That's who's awesome. She has no, I mean, she's hilarious. Like, she's crossed over now to the point where it's like, is she on pills? Yeah, totally. She feels like
it's so funny to, like, it almost feels hacked to be like, oh, it's Veep in real life. I swear to God, I just watched Veep, like, for the first time, and I was like, wow, this actually, it's accurate. She's almost, she's literally not sharp enough to be, like, that's the problem. She doesn't feel as sharp as that character. Even though that character was a piece of shit, it's like, Kamala just feels like she is, like, Joe is on some kind of...
You know, Stavi's world, we have a long-held belief he's on some kind of super Adderall. That he's, like, in a chamber, like, 23 hours a day, and when he has to, like, be in the public eye, they just, like...
You know, like, inject some kind of, like, awesome Adderall into the middle of his heart. He just sprung to life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they just tried a new, like, mask in the chamber. He's upside down in green fluid with bubbles. You know what I mean? He's floating. He's in full stasis. Activate Joe. Activate Joe. There's, like, four of them.
And it's like, and Kamala, like, clearly they just picked her because it was like, whatever. We want, you know, we want some like, oh, diversity, girl power. But it's like, and I'm all for that, but it's like, she's one of the worst candidates. Like, she had no swag. She lost, she had to drop out of the election before voting started. How did that happen? Right. How did that happen?
How were you losing so bad? No one had voted yet. And she was losing, like, Amy Klobuchar, that weird bitch. That was a hilarious... She's awesome. That was such a hilarious thing of candidates, like, you know, group of candidates. But yeah, Kamala, something. Definitely, to come back, Rajat Levik...
his parents love Kamala Harris. Yeah. And they talk about what a strong woman she is and how it was good she was a prosecutor. Yes. Totally. It was good. They do it and then they like look at me as if they're like trying to get my approval. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kamala's awesome. Yeah, yeah.
Actually, she's a depressor, mom and dad. Yeah, Rajat Levik outwokes his parents. Or he becomes QAnon. Or he goes so... Or he becomes like a Trump supporter. I'm definitely rebelling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can you pull that mic arm down just a little? Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, Eldest, don't embarrass my guests like this. Pass them a post-it note next time. Are you fucking kidding me?
You're done. Stop getting this guy out. You're done. Out. Now, this is great. This actually is good because we like to ask our guests, do you guys have any past history with Albanians? Because he is an Albanian, so we just want to know, like, Greeks versus Albanians in your personal life? Yeah. Have you had any interaction? Me not included, right? We talk about this a lot. Thank you for being here.
- Thank you for bringing this up. - I know that's one of your big things. That's your next viral video that you're planning. It's Greeks versus Albanians. You're gonna get Dua Lipa involved. - I will say you and I are off to on the wrong foot. So I think it's not...
I have to be on the side of the Greeks at the moment. Well, that's easy. I mean, we all know that. It would have to be like an Albanian saved you from a burning building for you to even consider. Then I would still be almost the two outweigh each other. That's good. You boys are right. You're calibrated correctly for this show. Are there a lot of famous movies with Albanian characters?
Taken, right? Taken? It's taken. Taken. Yeah, the kidnappers were Albanian. Yeah, the sex traffickers were Albanian and taken. How did you feel about that? I think it's pretty funny. Also, the Albanian in that was pretty bad, like if you know how to speak it. Yeah, he had an issue with the Albanian verisimilitude. I was like, well, this is an inaccurate representation of my people. You didn't care about the kidnapping stuff.
No, that felt right. It was the pronunciation. It's like Albanian sex traffickers. My biggest problem with this section is the girl was too hot for Albanians to be sex trafficking her. If Albanians are sex trafficking, they are not getting the top-notch stuff. You're not going to Albanians for the good stuff. That was my biggest issue. Totally. What the hell is this? Oh.
Okay, nice. So no Albanian for you boys. No, you've never really met any. How about Greeks? Not really. We've always been big supporters of the Greeks. Speak freely. Speak freely, fellas. It's okay. Come on, George Severus. Yeah, former guest. Stop.
That tops out. Those are the two most notable. Socrates. Oh, my God. You love Socrates. When you go to the Athens airport, there's a statue of me, George, and Socrates. Our big ones. I am angling to be, because Stamos has had the crown. Oh, yeah.
As like most notable, famous. I feel like you could take Stamos. If you really break down what Stamos has done. And look, no disrespect, John. Please come on the show. You're the dream guest for the show. Giannis Papas, who we have to get on the show too. He has been hogging you.
Giannis is inexplicably friends with John Stamos, which is actually awesome. But look, if we break down Stamos' career, it's full house, great, loved it. Gave me a lot of clout because there was a cousin Stavros in one of the things. And what was he like? Even though he was kind of a duplicitous character, he was like, it was John Stamos with a fake big ass nose and like a mustache. And he was like,
Because it was a kid's show, he wasn't a sex pest. But it was like kind of the vibe was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You let Cousin Stavros roam for two or three more episodes. That's because Kimmy has some issues. Like, Uncle Cousin Stavros tried to show me a wrestling move and that's happening for sure. And Mom's like, Kimmy, get the fuck out of here.
out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or actually what would happen because Kimmy was pretty clearly like from a broken home. She'd be like, I love Cousin Stavros. We're going to get married. That's probably what it would be. He would like have a, he would have like a 16 year old girlfriend. And this is the fictional Cousin Stavros on full house. Nobody cut this up to make it look like I. That can be taken out of context. That is very easily. Like you just, you just served it up on a platter. That's,
I'm sorry. You were asking. I was sloppy on that one. I was definitely sloppy. That can also be taken out of context. Yeah.
But yeah, Stamos, it's Full House, and it's the Beach Boys, right? Isn't he like... He was like weirdly like a guitarist for the Beach Boys. Yeah, they had the Beach Boys on Full House for a couple episodes. Really? For Greek reasons? Because the Beach Boys are Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be awesome. If only. Well, speaking of Hollywood pieces of ass...
You guys, the video you did with Thoreau was so funny, that Justin Thoreau video. And by the way, guys, if you don't know these motherfuckers, go check out their videos. They're so good. But that was like that Hollywood roundtable thing. And it is so wild that you got Justin Thoreau to be in a fucking movie. Because he's like a legitimate, like, that was smart because it's like he's a great actor and he's legitimately famous and like,
But it's like you did, that is, it also feels right that he would do it. You know what I mean? Totally, yeah. Like he clearly had a sense of humor about it. It was so awesome. He was so funny. He's the funniest guy. Yeah. It's pretty crazy. Yeah. I was like, I feel like we talked to him like once before we did that and we were not sure whether he would be like funny and he's hilarious. I know. No, no, never mind. Cut that out. Cut that out. Cut that out.
I knew. Power struggle for who's going to be better friends with Thoreau. I knew. I knew more. I knew first. Yeah, that's fucking awesome, dude. You guys just kind of hit him up and we're like, we have an idea? Pretty much. That's awesome. We knew someone in common. I think we've already said this in public. Nice, dude.
A director, Dave McCary, he had worked on something with Justin before. He was like, this guy will get it. Yeah. It is funny when you're like, oh yeah, these motherfuckers really do just like making stuff. They got into this to do this, and it's like, so you could just ask, right?
what happens the guy says no who cares totally but yeah that shit was so good you guys are so good about picking up on the like the rhythms of certain you know what I mean like the just feeling like the rhythm feels exactly the same as the like you know those you know those videos where it's like the actors round table so it's like every Oscars it'll be like you know
like fucking Joaquin Phoenix and like, you know, whoever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. Like last year was probably... I saw one with like Nick Cage and like Dirt Nasty was in it because he did Bottle Rocket. That was fucking awesome. It was him. That was a good... And those are always... The thing is they are interesting. Yeah. It's cool. We don't hate them. No, no. It's cool to see those but it's like they have such... And it's not... It's so interesting because what you guys do, it's not even...
exactly making fun of something. It's just being like, isn't this funny how we can nail this? You're doing an impression. It's like you're doing it. It really is a sort of an impression. But it's like a weird impression, right? Because it's like, it really is, it actually is the same thing as an impression, but it's rhythm. And it's so good. You guys, you nailed the one about, you know, the other one's like the Jordan Peterson, the like, the little mouse. What the fuck, the hungry little mouse or whatever.
What the fuck was that shit? It was awesome, dude. That was so... That's really nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. All the stuff that you guys have done, it's like, oh, yeah, this is the, like... You guys just get the rhythms of it, and that's so... It's something that no one has thought about, and it's just like... And then... So you got... You actually got a real actor, like a fucking... You know, I don't know if he's been Oscar nominated or what, but, like...
been in a ton of shit. And then you just did it for like an hour, which was awesome. Yeah. I cannot believe, cause I, you see the clips on Twitter and you're just like, Oh nice. That's funny. That's a funny two minute video. And then you go and it's like, there's one hour of this. Yeah. I think that's why we did it. It was like, it'd be such a waste of our time. Yeah. And money. Yeah. And money. Yeah. They were like, that's, it's funny.
in a meta way. Yeah. No, no. It has to be an hour. No, no. You guys are so right. You're so right. It had to be an hour. But go watch that shit if you haven't seen it. It was originally even. Really? It put a lot out.
The actual videos are an hour, though. You guys are like, we're going to do it longer than the thing. We're just going to make that awesome. What if it was just really, really? It was like mind-numbing. Yeah, that's so fucking funny. Now, Thoreau, compare him to Stamos. How far would you go?
would you still try and get the little kiss? Well, now, now it'd be like, I don't want to like jeopardize my friend. That would be an easier out. Like, whereas with Stamos, it's like, I just met you and like, he'd be like, you led me on. Yeah. Right, right. There's gonna be peace about it.
Yeah, yeah. Love bombing. Yeah, you love bombing Stamos. Stamos should, celebrities should try to like reverse cancel regular dates. That's awesome. For not having sex with her. Love bombing. She told me I was great. Yeah. How much of a fan. She really admired me. She watched me growing up and she's like putting all these things in my head. Yeah.
Just some like 22 year old receptionist. Like the hostess at a sushi restaurant that he had lunch at. And she wouldn't fuck me in the bathroom? I mean, what is this? There's like a Ronan Farrow piece with the receptionist's face and it's got the hair through it. Ronan's turning on her. It would be cool if Ronan like
Yeah, punching down. We're due for a little punching down. Yeah, why not? You know, your arm gets tired if you're just doing this. Absolutely. It's bad for your shoulder. It's really bad. You've got to go down there every once in a while. Definitely. Now, when you were like, Thoreau, very interesting guy, didn't he have to follow Brad Pitt in
in terms of Jennifer Aniston, that's a tough follow. You know? I'm sure there were some, she dated people in between, but... Yeah. In a weird way, it's like, because he, you know, somebody leaves someone... You're married to Brad Pitt, right? That's like...
Or Angelina Jolie, for that matter. At that moment, it must feel like you're hanging on to the top of a bus. You know what I mean? Where it's like, how long can this work? You know what I mean? This is the fucking hottest person in the universe. Totally. By a pinky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, fuck, slow down. So it's like, I feel like in a weird way, it must have been kind of nice to be the guy after. Because it's like, you know,
You're a better hand. You're still a sex... You're still, again, peace of ass. Totally. We don't want to disparage your good friend. You guys hang out all the time. Yeah, we... Yeah. Thank you. Thanks. But yeah, I wonder about like... That must be nice to like... After someone has completely fucked somebody over... Yeah. It's got to be nice to be the guy after. Absolutely. Because you just... All you got to do is be like a good guy. Yeah, right. Put someone at ease. Right. And he's still like...
A hot celebrity. Yeah, exactly. It's not Eldis. I'm a piece of ass. What? You think you can fuck Jennifer Aniston? Yeah, probably. What context? I'm off the market now, so I'm not going to speculate. You're right. You're recently engaged. Congratulations. Yeah.
But yeah, in other circumstances, definitely. Now, is this like before she's not famous yet? This is like 1997, 98. Oh, in the height of it. When people, when half the women in America have her haircut, you could fuck her. Yeah, yeah. Now, what is it? You currently go back in time into 1997 or you in 1997 when you were eight years old? Which one?
You make her a pedophile? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so charming, you turn the most famous... I would go back in time to when I was like, I don't know, maybe 27, 26. Oh, so you would pick your ideal... Okay, that's fair, that's fair. I'd make two stops in the time machine. No, no, that's fine. You have to bring a smaller time machine into the time machine with you.
A T1, you're 27. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then what happens to you now? Do you have to die or do you have to go into 27-year-old Yu's life? I don't know. I think you just figure that out with a time machine when you got to get back. You just got to start the mission backwards. Oh, that's really interesting. Because now it's two of you. You understand this, right? Basically, you're saying you would coach 27-year-old Yu to fuck Jennifer Aniston.
Your current dick wouldn't be feeling it. Well, no. I still want to feel it. Okay, I guess I'll go back as mean now then. It is smart to have two of you if you feel like you're not good enough. I want to double team her with 27-year-old me. That would be sick. I just started making out with myself.
She's feeling ignored. That's awesome. I knew 27-year-old you. That is hilarious that you think that guy could fuck Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. That was, dude, hold on a second. Now let's do some math. How old are you? 37-year-old you. 34. Oh, gosh.
Oh, dude, you're out of your mind. That was when you were in the, oh, dude, let's not forget what those Tinder. But how about, you probably deleted Tinder, but let's just say if we saw 27-year-old Elvis' Tinder matches, it ain't too many Jennifer Aniston's in the mix. I could do it, man. With all the knowledge I have now, coaching my younger self, we get in there. All right, all right, that's fair. We can get in there. Maybe you could have a little helmet.
That you could control his body with. Oh, yeah. That would be cool. I'm pretty married to this double team idea, though. That's kind of my first pick. It sounds easier than inventing a helmet, too. On top of a time machine. Don't worry about the tech. We got the tech figured out. Shit.
Okay, listen. Now let's go through this. So it's 1997. Where do you approach Jennifer Aniston, who, again, is one of the most famous people in the world at this moment. So you show up. Okay, let's just say you catch her at a restaurant. Let's just say that. Okay. And you're like...
And she's like, hmm, this fucking fat idiot and his brother, who looks exactly like him, I guess, are trying to talk to him. It's like me and me 40 pounds lighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His slightly less fat, slightly less young brother. These two 6'6 guys. Now, if she's a height queen, maybe you have an outside chance. You know, that's a lot of men. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
Yeah. The haters will say 6'5", but don't listen to the bullshit. I just gave you 6'6". I'm trying to get you to double-team Jennifer Aniston. Anyway, whatever, dude. Have you seen the movie Birth? No. Jonathan Glazer. He's the guy that made Under the Skin. Oh, nice. Yeah. What's Birth about? Nicole Kidman, like, she...
She like kisses a little kid. Oh, damn. It's kind of crazy. Yeah. It's really good. It's about Nicole Kidman's like a widow. Mm-hmm.
there is this like nine year old that goes up to her and claims to be the ghost of her dead husband. It's right here on the Wikipedia. The film follows Anna who becomes convinced that her dead husband Sean is reincarnated as a ten year old boy. I mean what kind of pedophile? I mean this is what QAnon people think Hollywood is up to. If this came out today it would be over. I'm like
It's really good, though. She does kiss a little boy. She kisses a little boy. Like, for real. And then I think it gives him a kind of sensual bath. It's kind of crazy. This is literally the opposite of big.
Yeah. Making a guy smile. This is girl big. Yeah, because you know what? It is true because the way men work, it's like, wouldn't it be awesome as a little kid to fuck a grown lady? Yeah. And then women are just like, I just miss the soul of my husband. Yeah.
I would love to speak with the soul of my husband again. It's not about getting fucked at all. I would become a pedophile to get the soul of my husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, she's just having maybe a sensual bath here and there until he turns 18. And then it's suck off city. Yes. Yeah, shout out to Big. Big, and it also came up a different recent episode. We were talking about...
Fuck. Blank check. Another classic where a little boy gets to... Could probably fuck a grown woman. She kisses him. They don't fuck, but it's like, if he played his cards right, he probably could have. When was that? I feel like, was there like a...
Like, when did Big and Blank Check come out? Were they also near 2004? No, no, no. Big is like... Big was the, like, 80s or something. Big is 80s, and Blank Check was 90s for sure. Okay, okay. So we're working our way up. Yeah, I remember seeing it when I was, like, probably eight. Okay. And thinking about getting pussy and being like, that'd be awesome. Yeah.
Thinking about being rich and also a grown-up trying to find a grown woman fucking you. I've never. Who's in Blank Check? I don't think she's famous. Look it up, Elders. Do a little fucking, do a little producing. Is this what the podcast is? Yeah, don't worry about it. Don't fucking worry about it. Oh, she looks good. Karen Duffy. Damn, she's still hot. Who cares? What the fuck? We're trying to look at some fucking pussy. Boy.
Yeah. Yeah. She's still looking good at 62, honestly. Wow. She was one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People. She was diagnosed with a rare form of sarcoidosis called neurosarcoidosis. Interesting. So that fucked her up.
It's depressing when you look at an old celeb they haven't heard of in like 30 years and it's like, oh, they have some crazy ass health shit they've been going through the rest of their lives. Some tragedy. Her entire family was burned and she never bounced back. Shut up. Yeah, was she ever keep going down? Was she anything else? Oh, she was. Wait, wait, wait. She was in Dumb and Dumber. Holy shit. Oh, no. Small roles.
Who was she in Dumb and Dumber? She was the goon, I think. No. Yeah, that looks like her. Oh, fuck. I think that's her. I can't tell. Karen Duff. Yeah, come on. There it is.
Oh, yes, it was. Damn. Yeah, dude, imagine you're a little-ass kid. You go down the water slide you just bought. You have some funnel cake, and then this lady sucks your dick. That's an awesome day. That's one of the sickest days of all time. Yeah, and then you bust, and you're like, I'm going to go play GameCube. And you don't even hug her or anything. You're like, thanks. Yeah.
And we do not condone that kind of stuff on Stavi's World. It's only for a little kid to want to do it and not get to do it. Yes. Okay? But that is also a thing in Animal House where at the end there's like the...
A girl in like a Playboy bunny suit like drops into like a 12-year-old boy's bedroom and he's like, thank you, Lord. And the kid's literally like praying and then a hot girl just pops in. But anyway, shout out to Karen Duffy. And listen, blank check. I remember getting that from the library. We were a big library movie family. Oh, yeah.
That was this little trick if you're poor. You could have movies basically for free, if I'm not mistaken. And then you can order the movies to the library. Could you do that? I don't think we ever got that far into it. But you could just have sick movies. You had to return them pretty fast, I think. There was a two-day rule. But my mom crushed the library movie game. Were you guys ever library movie guys? Where did you guys grow up? Where are you from? I grew up in the library.
Which section? Which part of the Dewey Decimal System? Oh, good section. Fiction right in there. Nice, dude. I grew up outside Philadelphia, and Rashad grew up outside Dallas. Oh, shit. Dallas. Dallas sucks dick, dude. Dallas is a horrible town. It's all like malls. It's all highways and malls. Yeah, and parking lots.
A lot of parking lots. Book depositories. There is a lot of book depositories. Book depositories. A lot of knolls. A lot of grassy knolls. Yes, yes.
Yeah, that's our conspiracy theory. A lot of people are like second shooter, but we're like second grass. Second Noel. No one talks about the Noel. And you guys met in college, I guess? Yeah. NYU boys? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just to edit that out. The fucking liberal elite over here, Elders. Well, yeah, we met in like feminist class. You met in letting my wife cheat on me class? Yeah.
And thanking her for it. Yeah. We bonded over our love of taking the woman's last name. Yes.
Yeah, that's awesome, dude. Eldest, you're thinking about doing that, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're going to take your girl's last name? Yeah, yeah. That would be cool. We're not going to dox her. What's your girl's last name? No, we can't. Presley? Yeah. Oh, Eldest. Give me that shit. That would be sick. If your girl was named Presley, you would have to change your name to Eldest Presley. Yeah.
Wait, is your name Eldis? Yeah. Oh, I this whole time thought it was Elvis. That's all right, buddy. Happens all the time. Don't sweat it. Yeah. Don't sweat it too much. What were you doing over there in Dallas, bro? What was it? I'm still stuck up on you calling him Eldis.
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You need a minute, dude? You need a second? Yes. Hey, if you need a minute, no worries, dude. Oh, fuck. Get it all out. Yeah, apologizing to other men. That was another class at NYU, right? Yes. Profusely apologizing to stronger men than you. Yes.
Also, like, mispronouncing someone. Ethnic names. Apologizing to a different ethnicity. Ethnicity apologizing class. That was Rajat's major.
Hell yeah, dude. But what were the, so in Dallas, that must have been, I mean, you know, just a horrible, just so annoying to grow up there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, everyone's playing football. I'm guessing you weren't on the team. Why would you guess that? I was doing all the shit. Yeah, it's all like white guys, you know. But there is a ton of like, it is like there is a, who the fuck did we know who's in Dallas?
Our video guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? I'm blanking on his name. Dawood. Dawood. Yeah, yeah. He's, there's like a huge Muslim, not, I know that you're not Muslim. No, no, no. So you think I'm not? Hey, buddy, I didn't go to NYU, all right? It ain't gonna work on me.
He's not apologizing. What's going on? I've never dealt with this before. But there are certain cities that are weirdly, like, have one, like, pocket, like, pockets of shit, or, like, there's a big community of shit like that. Like, was that it? Did you grow up, like, what were the vibes like? There is, like, a very Indian pocket, but my parents didn't want to live in an Indian pocket. Respect the racists.
Yeah, they're self-hating. They're big fans of the British. Yes. That's why I hate Kamala Harris. Yeah. Yeah. So we like lived in the town right next to that. Okay, cool. What did they do? What did your parents do? What kind of jobs and shit? Uh,
My mom, well, growing up, my mom didn't work. Nice. And then she became a teacher when I left. And my dad is a professor. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. And what? So nerds, you grew up in, yeah, yeah. Accounting. You're a second generation nerd. He's a professor of accounting? Yeah. That's like double being a nerd. I know. He's wearing like five glasses. Oh, hell yeah. Do you have any siblings? Yeah, older brother. Oh, nice. What's he up to?
My older brother passed away. Oh, damn. Nice one. Yeah, great job. Damn. Did you kill him? Yeah. How about you? Any dead relatives that I shouldn't ask about? My brother also. No, shut the fuck up. Come on, dude. Throw me a lifeline here, you fucking prick. No.
Good news, good news. I never had any siblings. Because they died. I actually have two younger half-siblings that are 15. Okay. From my dad's second marriage. I was going to guess dad. It's always dad. Dad's love to have another family. Dad's love to take a mulligan. Okay.
And almost like, and you being the only reminder of their past life. Right. That's a classic dad move. Yeah, absolutely. Was he a piece of shit or just, they just, you know? No, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. Okay. Yeah.
But he just didn't like me very much. You have no self-esteem? You're like, no, my dad's cool. No, I'm the fucked up one. I was the problem. I was a really annoying seven-year-old. What were you up to over there outside of Philly? Just hanging out. Just rooting for the Eagles. That's a lot of dumb trash.
I wasn't like an Eagles. Did you get bullied by those guys? Actually, no. Well, I also grew up in the suburbs where everyone is... No one is a bully.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they are fucking... I mean, I grew up in Baltimore where it was like... Baltimore and Philly are like white trash. Our white trash is like cousins. And it's just like those fucking idiots. Like, I do those videos of like the... Just the Baltimore voice where the guy's like, Oh, you ain't fucking... It's sure for the Ravens.
And the Eagles are pretty close. The voice is very similar. It's pretty close. Eagles, it's like a little. Yeah. So I get those. Corson Wentz or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Corson. Yeah, but those guys would absolutely. Not a lot of like art and literature and shit. Were you doing like drama shit? What were you doing as a kid? I was a music kid. Oh, hell yeah. I played in bands and stuff. Played in bands. Probably had like a Led Zeppelin shirt. No? I wish. Yeah.
That's the style of, like, nerd. Like, trying to be cool. Yeah. I was, like, in Baltimore, and it was, like, you know, no one was really...
I was like, yeah, I'm into classic rock. I'm different than you guys. That's cool. I'm different. I'm not listening to... Oh, two weeks ago, I loved 50 Cent. Not anymore. Fuck 50 Cent. I don't listen to Black Sabbath now. And it was almost like I was almost kind of doing like... Because it's also, you know, Baltimore, my school was 85% black. And I was on the football team. And it kind of felt like I was almost like doing like white...
face where I was like, I wanted them to think I was like a classic white guy. You know what I mean? Like, I wanted to play the role of like... I played defensive tackle. I was just like, you know, I didn't want them to know I was smart. I wanted to be like a cool jock who got puss... Which I was none of those things, right? Like, I was okay at football. But yeah, I was just like, yeah, dude, I just...
This was the moment I knew the wheels. I was like, I'm not even this guy. We were playing our biggest game of the season and I'm just like, yeah, dude, I freaking love Black Sabbath. They're all listening to the Jay-Z's Black album had just come out and I was like,
I kind of want to listen to this. I'd rather listen to the Black Album. And they're like, what do you listen to, Stav? Black Sabbath, Metallica? And I was like, yeah, you know me, man. Black Sabbath just gets me pumped before the game. And I just had to listen to it and pretend I was getting pumped up. And I was like, damn, I really would rather be listening to the Black Album right now. That's so interesting. You're trying to fit in by liking a different... But you also don't like that.
like that either. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was, I think it was me and one other guy, we were the only white kids on the team and I don't know, there was some, I was just like a weird, I was like, they did, I was just caught in a weird identity thing of like, because I also wanted to like classic rock and metal and shit because my cousin in Greece was like a metalhead so there was like this weird thing where I'm like,
this is who I am. And look, I still like that stuff, but I definitely, there's also like Friday Night Lights was out. I wanted to be like Tim Riggins. You know what I mean? Like I wanted to be like a cool, you know, like a strong white boy that got, you know what I mean? That everyone respected because he was like,
tough and listen to guitar solos. That's a type of different guy that other people admire. Exactly. They're not that, but they're... That's a whole archetype. I just wanted to be that archetype where it's like, what I was was like, before that, it's not like anybody didn't like me on the team, but I was just like, I want to be cooler and I want to be more respected. That's cool. I think the worst thing
you could have been in that situation is the white guy who likes black music. Well, that was the other thing. That was the other thing. We had plenty of friends who overdid it. Yeah. You know what I mean? You could have been like Seth Green in that one movie or whatever. Can't hardly wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it? Yeah. We had a friend who in college...
It was the most of... After I had been like, who the fuck am I kidding? Like, I do... I'll just listen when I want to listen to Metallica. And I'll listen to Jay-Z's... You know, we thought he was retiring at the time. We're like, this is the big... You know, this is fucking whatever. But so in college, we definitely... We had a friend who would... This is the most embarrassing shit of all time.
When we were in elevators with black people, he would sing Wu-Tang-Klang songs too loud. He would rap to himself Wu-Tang-Klang to try and get black people to notice him rapping.
And we were like, are you doing that? And he's like, oh, I didn't even realize. Like, we call him out, and he'd be like, I didn't even realize I was doing that. It's like, you didn't realize you were doing that. You were silent. You were silent before a black person came on the elevator. And then you just start, like, to yourself, like, intense, too, like, fucking, you know. What do you imagine is going to happen? Like, the black person could be like, that's really cool, man. Wait, you know Wu-Tang? Yeah.
holy shit, like, I gotta talk to you. That guy also, it turns out, had been stealing me and Eldis' mannerisms. He was like pretending to be us to impress his new college friends. Damn. That's cool. He didn't let us like hang out with his, he didn't let us meet his college friends for like two years. And that's why. Wow. And then when we met him, I was like, why are they, why are they talking like us? Why?
Why are they saying the same shit? And you know, it's not like we weren't doing anything groundbreaking. We were making dick jokes and calling each other gay. Like we're like saying like, I'm going to suck your dick. You know, like just like being overly vulgar and overly familiar and shit like that. But it was like, I don't even remember anymore. Were there any specific phrases you remember?
I don't remember phrases. Fuck your wife. Remember, we were big on fucking your wife. We kept threatening to fuck you. We were just threatening to fuck each other's wives. I don't think we'd even had sex. We were 19. One of us had gotten jacked off. I'm going to fuck your wife. Then I get there and it's like they're all threatening to fuck each other's wives. That's our thing. Wait, so this was freshman year of college?
college we were still in high school okay and so he was a year ahead of us and he's like trying to act like high schoolers yeah like i'm acting like these cool high schoolers yeah i wonder what this guy was like in high school where he's like i have to reinvent he was a huge no no he was he was like
Exactly who we were talking... Yeah, he's the elevator Wu-Tang guy. That was even worse in city schools. He was wearing giant throwback jerseys. It was so sad. And he's not... He was like... I don't know. He wasn't good and athletic enough to be... Not that I'm a super athlete, but he was like... He couldn't even walk. He had some kind of weird gait. He couldn't really walk. Okay, he's disabled. Yeah, yeah. I'm talking about a mentally disabled guy in a wheelchair.
Yeah, dude, he's in this fucking wheelchair and he was like... He was a fucking loser, dude. He was colorblind. He couldn't be on the football team. He was eating through a tube. And it's like, all right, dude, we get it. Stop milking it, you fucking pussy. He had to talk with a little Stephen Hawking. He had one of those little fucked up arms. You know, those kind of losers. Yeah, anyway. What's he up to now? I don't know.
I don't know what he's up to now. I don't know exactly. He had... I won't... We've already said a little too much. It's funny. I could give you an answer that is so pathetic, but that would completely make it clear who we're talking about. You know what I mean? But he actually... He's actually had two very funny jobs. But...
We might even have to cut this. Actually, fuck him. Look, a couple people will deduce who we're talking about here, but whatever. Fuck that guy. You guys know any disabled losers? Fuck.
Who are your least favorite disabled people? We were just raving then. Hey, I'm sitting next to one. I'll tell you what. What? Stop. You're going stomp disabled. Oh, come on, dude.
ED is not a disability. It should be, though. We should have the ribbon. We should have a soft dick ribbon. A ribbon, man. A limp ribbon. A flesh-colored ribbon that's kind of like... It's unraveled. It's unraveled and really small. It's like...
Oh, fuck. Fellas, well, look, we didn't really get too much into your kind of backgrounds here, but that's all right. You'll come back. We'll get into it. You guys are really...
What's the word? Confessional type artists, you know? Yeah. You really pour out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you watch, like, any of our videos. Yeah, yeah. You know all your trauma. Yes. You're very vulnerable, guys. We will, next time, we'll get into all of that. But we, you know, a big part of Stavi's world is we gotta, the people need guidance. Mm.
And, you know, you guys can bring your, like, you know, your hoity-toity New York City elite education to some of the mongoloids that call into my show. We've been looking for an opportunity to teach some of these. Jeremy and Rajat, you little rascals. Oh, remember that thing you wanted me to remind you about? The best way to sports bet?
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Oh, yeah. I got to take a bad shit right now. Don't you need to take a really fat crap? Well, in the old days, in the stone ages, I might have to go take a big fat dump and then my ass is ravaged. My hole is absolutely plundered with toilet paper. Even the softest toilet paper can leave a real tough...
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So Elders, why don't you fire us up with the first question here, pal? What's up, Stabby Baby? Big fan of yours. A few years ago, my mom forced me to start going to therapy. What's up, Stabby Baby? Big fan of yours. A few years ago, my mom forced me to start going to therapy. Now, I don't yuck people's yum. If you want to go to therapy, good for you. Anyways...
I started going to therapy and on my first day, my therapist ended up being a complete smoke show. So then I thought, you know, maybe I'll just give therapy a shot. And then over the past few years, I've grown a physical and emotional attachment to this therapist. Now my parents say they don't want to pay for therapy anymore because I have my own insurance. Now I have to find a new therapist. But the issue is, do I tell my therapist or ex-therapist that I like her?
Oh my God, dude. Yeah, my parents forced me to come here because I kept setting fire to the garage. And I only stuck around because you were a piece of ass. But now that we're free of this professional relationship, finally we can fuck. You really think your therapist wants to fuck you, dude? It's like the one thing now.
That was holding her back. Just the chemistry. Like the conversation. I can tell. I can tell just from like kind of the timbre of his voice. She's not. No, dude. Come on. That's not. That's awesome, though. That's all. Damn, you really got a lot out of therapy. I was just thinking about fucking this lady. I wonder if he like three years to like talk about like how like how to cope with like having a big dick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, it's so painful. My girlfriend keeps busting so much. I'm too generous a lover. Yeah, it's really... I don't know how to deal with this orgasm gap in my relationship. She's crushing me 100 to 2. Yeah, dude, I mean, this is one of the easiest questions we've ever gotten in the world. No, you don't tell her. No, you don't tell her. You're going to save her...
You're going to save her like an awkward conversation. Some of the look, the truth is therapists a lot. There's a nice percentage of therapists that are just women that like, you know, have are like it's the people drawn to therapy also kind of maybe deal with some some like shit and you'll get like a
A girl who had her own... Who had, like, a bunch of problems that, like, I want to give back. And she's probably a piece of ass. That's a percentage of therapists. And you happen to get one of those. But it's... They don't want to fuck you. You're their client. You're their patient. Like, okay, how about this? Let's say you went to a dentist that was sexy. Yeah.
And then you changed your insurance and now you go to a different dentist. Would you try and fuck that dentist? No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. There's no chance you would. But you think because you've talked to this woman that you've gone on like a hundred dates and you haven't. You've just been to the doctor that many times. She's a doctor. She's not going to fuck you. I'm sorry. And I know this stuff. I've had a therapist who was hot. Like I've had a therapist who in Baltimore, there was one who...
Yeah, she was like... I allowed myself to think these thoughts, obviously, but I wasn't dumb enough to be like, should I try and fuck her? She was engaged, so there was never even like a... Yeah. As if that was... Again, as if that was the problem. Right. But I remember... And like, I...
I was having a thought where I was like, damn, I was having that eldest with Jennifer Aniston thought where it's like, you know, if I caught her at the right time, I could have fucked her, you know? But it ended up having like this... She ended up being almost like a cool friend. Like, I think she...
Didn't want to fuck me, obviously, but I did think she liked me as a person. And that put an idea in my head where I was like, oh yeah, dude, in a different situation, I probably could fuck this lady. But I was wrong. I was fully wrong at the time. I was just stupid. And that's what happens when you talk to a hot girl enough. You assume you can fuck them. That's not how it goes, ever. Have you guys ever had a sexy therapist? I've really only had... I've had two therapists in my life.
The first one, not attractive. My current one, I'll just abstain in case she ever sees this. My man's taking the fifth. We all know what that means. She's gay. Again, the way mine was engaged. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we're on the Kinsey scale, is she? You know what I mean? Could she slip up? You know what I'm saying? What is that? What's the Kinsey scale? It's like you won, it's one to five and it's like either one or five is straight as hell and one or five is gay as hell. And it's based on the actress from The Office and Kinsey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, she would, yeah, she'll fuck everyone and then she rates them. I mean,
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she fucks women and men. Then she's like, that guy's fully gay. That lady's straight. Depending on how they do fucking her. So she kind of rates you. She goes around and fucks everyone and gives you a number. So if a guy's bad at fucking, she's like, fucking gay.
Year one. I don't know who... Kinsey was some fucking doctor in the 50s who just literally was like, some people are gayer than... Like, it's not just... Because in the 50s, they were like, oh...
If you're gay, you're like, you know, that's, you're mentally ill and you should be in a sanatorium or whatever. Right, right. And there was no gray area. And this guy's like, you know, being like, some people are only sort of mentally ill. You know what I mean? It's like, some people are only sort of mentally ill. He'll send you to, like, the more humane sanatorium. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get, like, a long shock. Low security. Yeah, you can play tennis. You can go outside. There's only half rubber. Yeah, yeah. Um...
So anyway, dude, you do not tell your therapist and you just move on. This is not someone who wants to fuck you. It's a professional thing. And look, I'm not even going to tell you that
There's not people you could possibly meet at like a place of business that maybe a professional relationship you could ask someone out. But a therapist is not one of these things. It's not like a barista that you have chemistry with. Like this is someone who is a doctor who is supposed to make you feel like you can trust her. And the fact that you think you want to fuck her is something you should tell your new therapist about. Yes.
That's what I was going to say. I was going to say, I think you should ask your new therapist if you can fuck your old therapist. Oh, yeah. Oh, true. It's kind of like your wife. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, now that you're my therapist, can I get pussy from the old one? Yeah, dude. No, sorry. We've talked about this one too long already. Get us another one, Elvis. I also really don't like the phrase yuck your yarmus. It's horrible. It's pretty bad. It's really bad. Stop saying that to your buddy. That's another thing. Don't say that and don't try and fuck your therapist. And honestly, maybe just go
Go on some dates with some nice girls. It sounds like maybe you're not fucking enough and that's why you think you can fuck your therapist. Like, all the times where I thought... Like, I thought I could fuck my, like, English professor my, like, sophomore year of college because no woman...
my age was paying any attention to me. Right. When you're starving. It's like going for a Hail Mary. It's like, oh, maybe this is what, like, I just should have done this the whole time. This woman looked at me and smiled warmly. Just go on a normal date. She probably is in love with me. Yeah, try going on normal dates. Don't try and fuck any of your medical doctors.
Although I will say very quickly, I do remember one time I was getting my teeth cleaned and I hadn't gone to the dentist in like 15 years. And it was somewhere here in Queens. And my dentist was just hot. She was just like young. She was like had and not just hot, but like it was like eyelash extensions, lip filler. Like I was like, oh, God damn, this would be awesome. The big ass titties. Like I was like, honestly, truly awesome.
It was just so hot and didn't feel like a dentist to me. It just felt like a hot girl I would see at a bar that I would try and fuck. And I was getting my teeth cleaned and I have very sensitive gums and shit. She was doing a deep cleaning and she didn't put enough...
or whatever the fuck they inject into your shit. And it hurts so bad. But I was like, nah, don't ask for more. And then, which, if you break it down, what I was thinking was, if I ask for more Novocaine, she won't, she'll think I'm a pussy and won't want to fuck me. Like, that's what I was thinking. So I'm not, I know what you're going through. I'm stupid too. But I was, I had excruciating pain for an hour because I didn't want. You're trying to be brave.
I didn't want her to think I was a fucking bitch. And then one time I was like, and then she was like, I saw her be like, like kind of think I was a fucking, like react like, and she was probably just surprised. Like I thought I did enough. And she was like, but she didn't, she wasn't very warm. She was, she did think,
She registered it as I am being a bitch. I saw her do it, right? So after that, I was like, can't even make a noise. I was just like getting low-grade tortured for an hour thinking like, well, this girl with lip filler. That makes me think that she would have fucked you if you didn't make the noise. Oh, fuck, dude. You messed up. She's on a podcast right now. I had this patient I was trying to smash. I'm like...
At the last second, he let out the most pathetic little groan. I, like, didn't give him that much Novocaine. He's, like, super tough. He was very tough. Very impressive. Very tough until that little moan. Up to a point. That's fucked, dude. Damn, that sucks. I'm going to go back to that dentist's office four years later. All right, I'll just hit us. Hey, Stoddy. Love the show. Love what you do. I got a question.
Over the past couple of years, I have been more and more suspecting I might be autistic. - Hell yeah. - Now, the reason I say this, 'cause I remember when I was a kid, I mean, I'd do the excited hand slapping thing and all that. And I know my two brothers, they're older brothers, I think they have Asperger's or something, they're kinda screwy. But what I wanna know, as a 23 years old, I'm a full grown adult, I got a wife, two kids,
What? Okay.
Here's my... The fact that you don't pick up on how emotionally fucked up that is means you're autistic. The fact that you just took that thing from your mom at face value. Oh, that makes sense. No problem, Mom. I'm going to go alphabetize my Lego sets. So...
I mean, is it worth finding out? That's the thing. It's like, yeah, this guy is who he is, right? Like, whatever. Actually, just now, fuck, who was it? Tony Snell, an NBA player. Sorry, guys. Sorry. Oh, basketball guy. All right. Thank God. There we go.
Okay. Yeah, Snell just got, his son was born and they put, the son, they tested his son for autism and he had it and then they tested Tony Snell for autism and he had it. Oh my God. And he was like, I always. He got it from the son? Dude, his son was a carrier. His son, his son bit him on the neck. What did you do? They're like, Tony, no! Tony, no!
We really should still be masking. His wife's crying. Um, so, uh,
Yeah, dude. I mean, look, your mom... Maybe your mom is either a dumb bitch or also autistic. I don't know. Like, who says that kind of shit where it's like, I wanted at least one normal kid. So I'm not testing. Yeah, I'm not... That's the other thing. It doesn't make him not. Just because you don't know. Yeah. Schrodinger's autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now, you're both autistic and not autistic at the same time, pal. But look, you...
It's up to you, really. First, I would say, it doesn't matter what your mom wants. Let's start there. That's kind of a wild thing for her to do. I guess you're the youngest one, and the first two had Asperger's, and she was like, all right, well, he's all right. He's not. It's not totally obvious, so I'm just, I just don't want to know.
It's up to you. You want to know if you're autistic, take the test. I say just take it because it's information, you know, and it's whatever. But it's really if you feel like you want to know, great. But you got a kid, you got a job, you got a wife, all that stuff. You don't, you know.
You know, I'm going to say my guess is autistic just because he sounds like a guy who's settling the old west. Like he talks so proper and nice. Yeah, yeah. It does sound like he is. This voicemail may have come like 50 years ago. Well, I reckon. When he's talking about his brothers having Asperger's too, he's like, you know, they were kind of screwy. Rather screwy, fellas. A little touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.
So yeah, dude, I'm going to guess you got a little sprinkling of something. But it is ultimately who gives a fuck because everyone just is. We all have a bunch of shit wrong with us and it affects the way you behave. And it's just like that's what makes everybody a little bit different. So who cares? You're clearly functioning and all this kind of shit. And, you know, the occasional hand flap thing.
every once in a while. Who cares? But yeah, you're good. I don't, you know...
I'd like to know I'd like to test myself for a bunch like my therapist said I probably have some kind of learning disability and I just don't know I definitely don't have autism or because I didn't zero in on that and try and figure it out like doing the research I try I was like how to get test if you have a disability and I just got bored and never found out so that's probably part of the disability but I'd like to know but I just if anybody here knows how to test for that let us know but it ultimately doesn't fucking matter you know what I mean
I don't know. Eldest, you have anything wrong with you, man? I've, like, I've in the past been, like, I wonder if I'm, like, at least a little autistic, too. You're not. No, you're not. It is very, like, in right now. It is. It is. It's so in that it's bordering on hack. Like, I don't... I actually... In fact, it's almost...
I think I'm ready to put the hat stamp on it. Yeah. Because it's gotten to the point, you know, I like to go and I like to do comedy everywhere. And I've been, I was doing a lot of clubs when I was in L.A. And it's gotten to like, it's gotten to like, you know, tight shirt,
trucker hat guys are talking about being autistic and like bitches that were on like Chelsea Lately you know what I mean like they're talking about being autistic now it started as a thing where like on like the irony pilled like Twitter like people would be like oh I'm autistic or whatever and then now it's just like everyone is being like
I'm like, I'm a little autistic. Totally. You don't want to fuck these guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's fucking make them out. So yeah, you're a fucking hack, dude.
What we're getting at is your fucking hat. Like in a special ed class telling them. Everyone is like, blame me to be autistic. Get new shit. Just deeply autistic. Drama porn bullshit. You guys fucking suck. I know, it's also funny because what we think of as autistic is like just a guy who, you know,
is just doesn't make, we think of young Sheldon basically, like just some nerd. We think of a nerd who's kind of abrasive. But then there's like, there's a spectrum of autism where it's like these motherfuckers are very disabled. You know, it's like no one is pretending to be that. You know, so it's just this, it is, it's weird how it has
into the culture where it's almost, it's taking the same trajectory as woke in a weird way. Yeah. And it will never get to the height, like, you know, Republicans fucking picked up woke and took it to the next level. Yeah. But it was this thing that was just Twitter and then it got to like, and then it got to hacks. A word that just spiraled out of control. And now it's got like a political, you know, use, I guess, but autism, I don't see that happening.
I don't see Ron DeSantis being like, we gotta stop the woke, the autism. Everyone's being their turn and our kid's autistic. Hollywood's too autistic. Hollywood's too autistic these days. Barbie's an autistic movie. Autistic little movie.
I bet you, you know, I bet you there is like, there's probably an autistic, that's the other thing, all we think about is nerds. There's probably like a hot autistic lady who like loves to dress, like is very particular about her dresses and shit like that. Yeah. You know, let's get some hot autistic people out here. You know, I'm tired of these fucking nerds. Where are the autistic, where are the bitches autistic for sucking dick? You know what I'm saying? Who's autistic for that? Give her my email address. Yeah.
Maybe a girl that fixates on her body. It's like that one movie, that Jamie Foxx movie with the violin, but his skill is sucking dick. Robert Downey Jr. Some homeless guy just air sucking dick. And it's like, oh my God, his technique is unbelievable. He's sucking dick on a street corner. People are throwing dollar bills. They're like, oh my God, I've never seen anyone throat so effortlessly.
And then Robert Downey Jr. hires him to suck dick. I guess, I've never seen the movie, but I guess he puts him in the... He does a concert of sucking dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They rent out Carnegie Hall. And he's in a fucking tuxedo with tails. And he's got knee pads on. And he starts sucking dick. That'd be great. We got a really good idea there. Yeah.
Alright buddy good luck and maybe you're autistic maybe you're not but you got your life figured out so truly who gives a fuck and your mom sums off with your mom though just as a non-autistic person I'm gonna tell you that's a fucked up way for her to be relating to her children. Hit us with another one Elde.
Nice. Okay.
Okay, so he doesn't care about sports at all, and that's fine. Everyone obviously can have their own interests. That's totally, totally cool. But we live in Sacramento, and I am a massive Sacramento Kings fan. And obviously you know that Sacramento Kings are doing good for the first time in fucking years.
years, like, decades. It's like, it's insane. Like, I was like, this is the time to be a fucking Kings fan, being in Sacramento. Like, every fucking time they win, it's like, it's insane. People are pouring into the streets. I live in downtown. It's a fucking party every single time they win. Like, every win is like they won the playoffs.
but my boyfriend like doesn't give a shit like at all it was like i i like i i get if you're not into sports but like i like i feel like we're missing out on so much fun going on right now he just doesn't care to be like at a sports bar or like celebrating with king fans and everything and it's like man i fucking love the kings i want to talk about how great keegan murray's doing i want
Yeah, he is good.
that also inhibits us from doing all this awesome shit in Sacramento because he just doesn't want to be involved with it, like, at all, really. But, yeah, big stuff. I appreciate it. No worries, buddy. I guess, Elders, this is an old question. I guess you haven't really been keeping up. They broke up. Oh, no, this is from this week. Yeah, it's not old. Oh, I thought it was from this season. The Kings were in the playoffs. All right.
Don't go assuming shit. Chill out. Relax, motherfucker. Yeah, it felt old, too, the way he was talking about it. But yeah, this is, this is, that can be very annoying when it's like, but I will say, how about this, pal? This is when, now you're seeing what it's like to be a straight guy.
Now, someone's mad that their gay privilege is gone. Yeah, it used to be you and your boyfriend all liked the same shit. Everyone's having a good time when we're having, you know, drag race parties. But this is what it's like. Your partner doesn't give a fuck about the thing that you care about the most in the world. That's just what it's like, man. So he's probably never going to turn fully around and really give a fuck. But, you know...
You know, he's just going to have to... Every once in a while... I mean, try taking him to a game. Because that's the other thing. Live games are really fun. Yeah. It is like a... It's kind of a party atmosphere. You know, get him fucked up. You know, maybe get him some Kings... Get him some purple poppers, you know? Like, kind of meet him halfway. You know what I mean? Let him do shit he likes at the thing. At the stadium. And so...
Just make it more of a party atmosphere. You're right in terms of... I can't imagine how sick it was. Like, the Kings, they sucked dick for, like, what, 20 years? It was the first time they'd been in the playoffs. And they were good. They almost beat the Warriors. You know, they took the Warriors to a... They really pushed them in that series. It's an exciting time to be a Kings fan. So my advice is just kind of back into the actual basketball with, like, if a big... If in the playoffs, or there's just a big game or, like, a fun party, like...
Take him out, you know, go drinking and feel that energy of like how everyone's pumped about the Kings. Go to a game, do some shit like that. But also ultimately, he's probably just not going to ever give that much of a fuck. The closest you can get is like just get him fucked up at a game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But I will also ask, did you pick the gay guy because we're NYU grads? Yeah. You, like, sort of assumed, like, oh, these guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you guys are dating, right? Rajat submitted this about me. I didn't find myself... This is you guys. Yeah.
Anyway, thank you for your advice. I do feel like this guy's boyfriend when I watch basketball with Stomp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just rattling off some stats and shit. You know, that's a good point. I actually really enjoy... Now, you have to want... Your friend has to at least be semi-open to it. But you get to also do the fun thing of mansplaining...
Like it's so fun to tell a girl about everything. You feel so smart about basketball. - And then they pretend they give a shit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fun thing. It's like, it's a fun thing. It's pretending. Relationships like you're never gonna be into the same shit. - Yeah. - Now it's a real red flag if he's just like, fuck you don't ever speak to me about basketball. But also you might be a little, coming on a little too strong. So pick your spots.
It's probably every month or so, every two weeks, try and get them to, you know, watch a game with you or something like that. Don't overdo it. The playoffs can be a little much because it's like so, you know. Save up for like if they make like a big run or something. Yeah, yeah.
But it's just never going to happen. Sometimes it's just never going to happen. But I love it. I love watching. I've watched basketball with girls I've dated and been like, yeah, this guy does this. And I just pretend like I'm just repeating stuff I heard on podcasts. But I feel so smart. So just don't overdo it. Try and kind of back into it with non-fans.
the actual sports stuff, go to a game, especially because if you go to a game and the vibes are so awesome, it's hard not to get caught up in it. I've had friends who moved to Portland, was a complete non-sports guy at all, and it's a similar town where all they have is the Blazers, so everybody loves them, and he went to a couple games. They had Dame at the time. Dame was playing so cool, and he just became kind of a basketball fan, so you might just want to try that way. Take him to a game,
Maybe don't go out to like a sports bar, sports bar, but like if it's a big win and the vibes are all... You live downtown already. You just go out and like have a good time, get fucked up, you know? That's how you're going to want to do it. But also he's just probably never going to care that much. And there's probably shit he loves that you don't give a fuck about either. So you could... The other thing is you could kind of do the trade-off of like...
I'll do whatever fucking bullshit you like, and then you kind of owe me one. There is a little bit of that in a long-term relationship, where it's like, you just kind of do stuff for your partner, but...
Yeah, good luck, man. And thank you for calling in. The answer is no, we didn't. We actually, that, a gay guy who likes sports counts as a straight guy. So that's not, we didn't do that for you guys in NYU. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. We have some other questions later on. We're going to end with even gayer questions than this.
Hey, Scott, Eldis, and whoever the special guest is, thanks for taking this call. No problem. Here's the situation. I need your expertise and guidance for a friend of mine who has been died or in need. The background is my buddy is the nicest dude ever. He's just moved to the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, South Carolina, thousands of miles away from his friends, his family, for this girl.
Her family is from the town and she has a ton of family there and it's, I think, objectively a garbage place to live. He knows nobody there. It sucks. He has to drive like two hours to get to the closest airport. He's literally getting paid less than one percentile for this job, which has an incredibly high ceiling.
Most importantly, what I hate about the situation is she's not fun. She's always negative. She doesn't drink. She doesn't do any drugs. And I'm pretty sure they know you fuck. And she's super controlling. That's probably the worst part. I don't know. It's like a religious thing. But all of our friends, you know, we don't really like her. But we respect it as movies. Like, how do you tell someone not to fuck you?
Oh, no, no!
She has a job, all her family in town. This is crazy to me. So when I asked him when the lease was ending, he was like, you know what? It's just, you know what? It's going to be fine. It ends in a month. But she wants me to look for a new place and she wants to keep not paying rent. And she kind of wants a bigger room. And I'm like, what? This is crazy. How are you going to live with your ex-girlfriend? He has no prospects of continuing this relationship. He's just so nice that he's been manipulated in this situation. Damn.
Here's where I need your help. My gut instinct is to tell this guy, hey, man, get the fuck out of there. This is a terrible situation. Move back closer to your friends and family. Move anywhere. You are in nowhere. Get a better job. You can get a job anywhere and get way more money and just be happier. And my group of friends think that that may be too harsh and he has to figure out this lesson for himself. And he may be too nice and it may break his little heart. And I think this is crazy. So my question for you three is,
am i crazy for telling my boy bluntly that he's getting taken advantage of i mean it all of our friends it sounds like i'm the minority to say we gotta approach this very bluntly tell them and i'm not doing that because everyone's like this is crazy secondly uh what should what should i do in this situation how could i be a better friend and what should he do anyways you guys the best appreciate your insights thanks so much bye wow it's crazy that
I'm somehow on this guy's side.
You know what I mean? Like this started and I was like, shut the fuck up. He was so crazy. Shut the fuck up, dude. Your friend moves. He got a girlfriend. Who cares? Right? That's most of it. And all the detail about what a dumb bitch she was. I'm like, Jesus Christ, you're dumb as shit. And then he's like, oh, and by the way, this girl who I said was horrible. Uh, she's been forcing my friend to pay her rent, even though they're not dating anymore. Yeah. I mean, your friend is in a horrible situation. Sounds like a bad dynamic. And I,
actually i cannot believe because of your vibes that i am fully agreeing with you but i sort of am like i think and i kind of like if this was hap for example i always whatever it's a friend i'm always like if this was happening to eldest what would i do i think i would literally drive to wherever you were and just kidnap you dude like i'm not even kidding i would litter if this was happening where you're like paying someone's rent
And it's probably like, look, it's the middle of nowhere, South Carolina. Rent's probably $400 a month, right? It's two hours away from an airport in South Carolina. It's probably pretty affordable. But at the same time, this is...
So insane. Yeah. To be paying somebody's rent after they broke up with you is kind of... I mean, I can't even... I actually am having a hard time even wrapping my head around how fucking weird that is. That is weird. Unless it's the kind of thing where it's like they still kind of fuck sometimes. That's the other thing. Is this a fool getting taken advantage of situation? Right. Or is there like a weird...
I had a friend who did live, but he didn't pay her rent. That is weird. He just kept living with her so his rent could be cheaper. Yeah. And they occasionally would just kind of hook up because that's what happens when two people that have fucked before and are both single. It's like every once in a while, they're like, all right, we'll cohabitate. And it's like, yeah, you would kind of get that as a bonus for living there, even though it's keeping you in some weird emotional limbo. Right.
yeah, this is, uh, not even living together. I think. Yeah. That's the next part. Like it's one thing to be like, all right, whatever. I had this budgeted. I'll just, you're, it's still weird. But now when he's talking about moving out and she wants a bigger room, what the fuck is going on here? I don't even get, is it possible that this is true? Like, it's like, are you, are you lying about how fucked, how fucked your friend is? I,
I can't even, like, this is insane, dude. Yeah, so, and is your whole group of friends gaslighting you? Yeah, what's going on with the group of friends? They're fucking with you. They're literally fucking with you, bro. Yeah, I don't know. This kind of has me a little flabbergasted. Yeah. I mean, okay, in terms of what to do in this situation, like, it also sounds like he's talking a lot of, like,
people are saying or people are finding this out, no one's directly talking to him. Like, it doesn't sound like he's talking to his friend at all, really. It's a...
They found out that in the last six months they broke up. It's like, why are you not? How do you not know them? Yeah. I think you should just call them. Call them. You should definitely be talking to your friend more. The fact that you didn't know they broke up for six months means either you're not being a good friend or he's hiding it from you. Or here's the other thing that might be possible. He doesn't consider you that good a friend. What?
Right? He's just like, shut the fuck up, dude. I'm imagining this is like the seventh closest friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm really worried about you, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm good, man. I don't care. My friend who's wound up all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Screaming at me. Yeah.
I mean, I'm going to assume you're his good friend, but, you know, but it would be so funny if you're just kind of we work together for like six months and you're this invested. But, yeah, you got to talk to your friend more. I mean, and I mean, the problem is you can't you don't control your friends. They want to do something that makes no fucking sense and is stupid as fuck.
You can't really stop them. Again, if this is my best friend, I probably would legitimately. But see, that's also my problem where it's like I'm pretty with my friends when I think they're making a mistake. I will say that in a way that's
Almost useless because it's so blunt. Right. That it's like, oh, well, there's no chance they're going to listen to me. But if this was going on, I literally would try and like fucking kidnap Eldis. I would literally just be like, you're not paying for this fucking bitch's house. You're out of your fucking mind, dude. It's hard to navigate when someone who you're very close with is doing something you know is like self-destructive. And you're like, don't do that. But you're not sure like if you should tell them what to do. This is a case where I'm like...
You should step in. This is really close to being like an emergency. He's already paid her rent and they're about to move out. Like you can't. And how about this? Go visit him. Go get it. Like actually show up. Like be like, what's going on? Like make him feel. He says people can be in these weird insular circumstances where if it's just him and her,
That's the dynamic. She's kind of, if we're taking what he's saying at face value, and this isn't a, he's not completely miss, you know, it's like some kind of weird fucked up situation. He's sex trafficking this girl. He's like, his friend has been like, no, you don't leave the house. Yeah.
We are not together anymore. I pay for everything and you don't fucking leave. You know, like as long as what he's saying is true and this ex that he hates is some kind of like, you know, Rasputin that's got his friend in a fucking trance paying her rent.
Go and make him see people that he doesn't know. People from his regular life. When you go into a fucked up dynamic, it can kind of help to break the spell where it's like, you live like this? I would visit my brother in college and I would just be like,
this is what your life is like? Like, dude, you should... Or people would visit us when there was like five of us here and they'd be like, Jesus Christ. What the fuck is going on? How do you people live like this? And that's a good thing sometimes to kind of shake you from your... Right, because weird shit becomes normal to you when you're all isolated. Yes, when that's all you do. You might think sex trafficking is normal. Yeah. Like, remember, like, when we were growing up, sex trafficking was not what we were up to. It was not.
Or his friend is getting trafficked by her. That would be awesome. She's his pimp. That would be a girl boss win. If she lured him to a remote part of America away from his family and friends and let whoever was around use his boy pussy for 25 bucks a pop, I wouldn't be happy, but that would be a girl boss win. That's what me and Rajal learned it.
Yeah. Yeah. Girlboss wins. Yeah. You had to write a seminar on that. So, yeah, dude, talk to him. Be a little more engaged in his life. And if you have the time to actually visit...
You know, that might... Look, there's parts of South Carolina that are pretty nice to be around if you can get past all the slavery. That is the crazy thing about Charleston. It's a beautiful city. And then you just, like, think for one second. You're, like, in this awesome old building. It's on the water. You're like, wow, this is awesome. And then you're like, wait, what do you think this old building was used for? And it's like, ah. And you just automatically... I don't think they built this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Probably, you know, construction workers. It's a real bummer when you start doing the math about some of the most beautiful buildings you were in. But yeah, dude, go make a little... Take a little... Go to Charleston. They got beaches. Make a little trip and then pop over to your friend and just kind of feel it out if you're feeling that extreme about it. But just talk to him about it and...
Unless I'm missing something, your other friends seem to be slightly gaslighting you or don't care enough. We're missing something. Yeah, if you're not. I would like to know more about this situation. There is definitely something we're missing from here. I think if you're not a close friend, don't go visit. Because then that's just another thing this guy has to deal with. That's true. I got to deal with my ex, and now this weird guy from college is down. Yeah.
Show them around, I guess. Have you guys ever been under the trance of anyone? Have you ever had a weird, fucked up relationship where you're like, damn, how did I let this get this far? Has that ever happened to you guys? No. A couple of alphas. My lady knows not to step to me. That's sort of Rajat's catchphrase. He says that a lot.
You've dated some insane women elders. Yeah, I can sympathize with a friend here a little. Especially like where he said in the last six months thing where they're kind of like hearing this update through the grapevine. It's like, you know,
You could see like just being stuck out there and like, you know, it's really bad, bad enough to be a super clandestine. You're embarrassed. Yeah. He's probably embarrassed. You're embarrassed, but also you're like, so in it, you're just rationalizing it to yourself. You're letting her spin up a nice little narrative. Maybe she's playing some, Oh, maybe we could get back together again in the future type shit, some shit like that. So, you know, yeah. Have, have your buddy call the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have him call in on a live call-in show, too. We're starting to do those. And sign up for the Patreon, because those are Patreon-only. I think that could help a lot. Well, the live call-ins are Patreon-only, and we want to help the guy, but we can't do it if he's not calling in. Listen, if he's paying for this lady's rent. Yeah, he's got five bucks. If he's got $1,500 to spare for this bitch, he's got five for Elders and Stav.
So good luck, pal. And also, like, maybe take some anger management classes. You're a little wound tight. You're kind of pretty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little meditate a little bit. All right, I'll hit us with another one, Big LD. I have to piss. Take a little piss. Take a little fucking piss. Should we just break cut this? No, I mean, we're pretty close, right? We don't need this guy. We don't fucking need this guy. It's 126. Okay, cool.
No, let's just fucking play it. Fuck Rajat. Fuck Rajat.
You know what I'm saying, bro? What's up, Stav? I know, but you've been waiting, dude. Jeremy, stop. It's time, dude. All right. Go ahead, man. What's up, Stav? What's up, Eldis? Just calling in. Got a question about some Greek and Albanian stuff. Oh, perfect. Stav, I'm a Greek kid from Brooklyn, much like you, Greek parents. I'm in Greece right now with my girl, and I've been here a bunch of times.
But this is the first time that I'm having a real difficult time with the language. I'm in my own head about it. I speak the language. But I'm over here, and I'm having the biggest problem just understanding people for the first time. Like, I drove my car into the ferry. No problem. Got my ticket. No problem. But then the guy told me to make sure that my car alarm was off. And I realized, I don't know what the fuck the Greek word for car alarm is. So...
Super weird. I'm in my head a little bit too much. Wanted to ask you if you have any advice on how to get over it. I'll definitely be back in Brooklyn by the time you answer this, if you do. But I'd appreciate it anyway because I'm going to come back again, of course.
That's awful.
And I just want to shout you out, Elvis, because I think you're doing more for the Albanian people than anyone else. This call is a guy being like, hey, Stav, I don't know Greek as well as I want to. Any advice? Anyway, here's fucking 10 minutes on how cool Albanians are.
What the fuck am I going to tell this guy? Do Duolingo? And then he's sucking off Albanians. He's like, isn't it cool an Albanian can own property in Greece? It's not that. They're not fucking second-class citizens. We're doing some fun, ironic racism. We know Albanians are not actually incapable of owning property and tending to an Airbnb.
Finish. Go ahead. Finish. Let's see what else he has to say. In the world. And within next year, you're probably going to be an Albanian diplomat or something. Maybe become Mr. Lipa. No, he's spoken for. So anyway, love you guys. Love the podcast. Thanks for everything. Fuck you, Elvis. Love you guys. Say what you will about the Greek people. They're not all bad apples. Shout out to this guy. He sounds like a great guy.
He's got his head in the right place. Shut the fuck up. Mute your own mic. Okay, I don't know what you wanted me to tell you, buddy. Spend more time in Greece. What's his question? His question is, what's the word for car alarm? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. That's fan. Fuck. What is a car alarm in Greek? How about that? Look that up. Car alarm in Greek. That'll be us helping him.
Now, you know, if you subscribe to the $5 Patreon. Yeah, it's full Greek. The Patreon's all in Greek. Come on, be faster with this motherfucker. Two A's. Oh my God.
Okay, there you go, buddy. It's in a get most of the key need to happy you would have gotten a real answer if you didn't praise Albanians for that long You can give them one quick compliment, but you're not I don't want you to double down and be that pleased that you're a Airbnb Why are you happy your Airbnb owner is Albanian? That's weird. You shouldn't care what I
It's not. There's no ethnicity that would make me excited. Yeah, that's a great question. I'm trying to think. It would probably be something rare. Yeah. Like if one of those guys... Vatican City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy with the Vatican City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least a big cardinal. Some guy decked out all in red. Or if it was like one of those like...
like a guy from the Amazon, like a little ass, those little ass jungle dudes. It's like if that guy was like, you know what, fuck the jungle, I'm gonna put on a little suit, I'm gonna own property. He starts watching like fucking videos about passive income.
That would be fucking awesome. If just like some three and a half foot guy with like a bowl cut came out and had that. So a couple rules about the place. That actually would be, that would make me kind of excited. But those are the two. It's Vatican City and it's, you know, Amazonian pygmy guy. I did have an experience with an older Greek guy once that me and Stav both knew that. When I met him, he like, we were just making some small talk and he was like,
I told him I'm Albanian. He's like...
hey, you know, I came to this country back in like 1970, whatever, like before any of that stuff over there. So I've never had any problems with Albanians. I think they're great people. I've never had any issues with them. He said it like, he was like, look, I have no, it was like a guy in the South in the 50s being like, I have no problem with black people. That's how he said it though. And it's like, it was hilarious. It was so weird that he felt. As long as you work hard. Yeah.
You're an American. It was fucking awesome. Let's do one more for the fellas before we let these fellas go.
Something good, something nice. Anything you want to plug, boys, while Aldis shuffles and struggles to do his job? Rashad? I'm ready. Don't interrupt. We were plugging something. I don't know. Twitter? Yeah. Check out Twitter.com. Check out Twitter. It's a cool website. It's really cool.
Yeah, I feel like it's on the upswing these days. Yeah. It's getting really good. Twitter's coming back in a big way. My phone just logged me out of it, and I just have not logged back in. You just haven't gone back in? It's been kind of sick. Not worth it. I haven't checked Twitter in like a week. Honestly, it's fine. Yeah, go watch all the stuff the fellas do, and, you know, fuck them. Who cares? They don't want to plug, they don't get to plug. That's how stop me.
Look, we give you a shot, but you fuck it up. It's over. Check out the Patreon. There you go. They're back. Check out the Stobbies World Patreon. All right. I'll just play. Let's do a play a song with a nice question here.
I'm gonna keep details about myself kind of limited. It'll make sense later. But basically, during COVID, I kind of went off the rails a little bit and, you know, started buying, like, a craft of, like, guns and ammo and stuff like that. I'm cool now, but basically, I met this girl recently and things are getting kind of serious. I still have, like, you know, a bunch of guns, like, laying around my apartment and stuff.
And, you know, they're all secured and things like that. But I also kind of, like, carry a lot, too. I'm licensed and everything, so it's good. You know, I do training with a bunch of people. But I just don't want to scare the shit out of her with all this stuff, you know? I still kind of believe in, like, a lot of that sort of prepping attitude. So it's not like, you know, I want to get rid of that, you know, that stuff. But, yeah, it's kind of a...
This is so awesome. Hey, Stav, I lost my mind during the pandemic and bought 100 guns, and
And I'm afraid it might fuck up my relationship. How do I tell her? By the way, I still have the guns. He's like, I'm good now. He was like, I lost my mind in the pandemic and I bought enough guns for a little militia. I'm good now. Still have the guns. I'm not...
I didn't change anything. I'm good. I'm not going to do a shooting anymore. Don't you think, buddy, that the fact that you met a nice woman and one of your... And look, let's leave my position on guns out of it. You picked up a hobby during the pandemic and you're afraid it's going to scare the hoes, right? If you think your hobby is going to scare a nice woman...
Maybe you shouldn't do that hobby. That's all I'm saying. Or dial it back, right? Guns, whatever it is. Guns, you're like, you know, I don't know if you became a Twitch streamer during the pandemic. Like, whatever it is, if you're this worried about it. Now, look, I'm not a gun guy. I think probably somebody like you, you said you went crazy during the pandemic. A guy who's, you know, reliable to go crazy, I don't know that I want him to have a hobby.
thousands of bullets in his home. That's kind of my thing, right? I also know I'm mentally ill. I have friends who are more mentally ill than me. I don't think they should have guns because you never know when things get kooky what might happen when you have a fucking gun in the house, right? But that's fine. That's what you want to do. I would say...
And you guys are big gun guys. Yeah, yeah. Look. I actually have some advice as to how he can show her, try to fire a bullet at her and get as close as possible to her. Be like, babe, I have a surprise for you. Put an apple on her head. And I think if she will appreciate how cool that is. Yeah.
Yeah, she'll be like, now I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have her stand straight in front of you and then bend the bullet around her like that Angelina Jolie movie. I would say sit down with her, watch Wanted. Watch Wanted. She'll be singing a different tune. Okay, you know what? Actually, we're having a good time. We're joking around. We're a couple of jokesters here. But legitimately, the moment I'm the most pro-guns is right after I've watched John Wick.
So I would say sit her down, let her watch at least one and four, minimum, back to back. You could probably skip three. I love the whole franchise, but maybe the beginning and the end, big fight scenes in three, you could keep. I love the knife where he's fighting those Japanese dudes in the beginning in an old-fashioned weapons armory, and he's fucking them up with a knife.
That's cool in the very end at the Continental when the guys, it's like glow in the dark and he's fighting a bunch of guys with riot gear. That's cool in the third one. So you'll watch those two scenes, watch one, two, those two scenes in three, and then all of four. It's a masterpiece. And then after we're talking about probably...
that's about seven hours of John wick. Then show her all your guns. She's going to be fucking pumped. She's going to be like, these are sick. I just watched Keanu. Who's an awesome guy. Use these. Yeah. People love him. He's got an age appropriate girlfriend. Oh my God. It's so appropriate. That's like inappropriate in the other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He just has gray hair. Uh,
And he's a good guy. If the guns are good enough for Keanu, they're good enough for her. I think if you go the John Wick route, how you should reveal the guns is keep them under your garage and then take the sledgehammer. Sledgehammer. Somebody wrongs you when she pisses you off. Make her watch you sledgehammer into concrete and be like... Yeah, that's a great idea. My favorite part of the third John Wick movie is...
They, like, they shoot the dog. Like, one of the villains shoots the dog. And it's, like, really upsetting. And then the dog slowly turns over and reveals he's wearing a bulletproof vest. Yeah.
Yeah, that's fucking awesome. This is like sick dog. You know, that dog fucking rules. What a badass. I was so sad for the moment I thought the dog was dead. Anyway. Anyway, great. Just check out John Wick, man. Check it out. Yeah, dude. Okay, so maybe, maybe you want to, what do you think the ideal, what do you think the ideal amount of guns your girlfriend would want you to have is?
Is it zero? Is it one? Is it two? And how many do you have? It sounds like...
40, 50. So, at the very least, can we get rid of some of the guns? Do you really need this many fucking guns? Try... Think about it that way. And you're talking about the prepping thing. I got news for you, pal. The world goes belly up. You're fucked. You're not gonna protect anyone with all your fucking guns. You are... You might kill a couple people, but you're probably, you know... The food's over. There's no water. It's...
This prepping shit, I don't mean to be, you know... You probably think you have it figured out, but just try and live in this world we live in today. And look, I'm not telling you not to have a couple fucking cans of tuna laying around or some fucking Vienna sausages and one or two guns and maybe a lot of ammo for those guns. If you're worried about prepping, you want a couple reliable guns and a bunch of fucking ammo, right? What the fuck are you doing with this many guns? So I would say just...
Treat it like cleaning your apartment. It's like, are you going to get it completely clean when a girl comes over? No. Just get it...
Make it clear that you've done an effort. I've made an effort. It's acceptable. Yes. Get rid of some guns and make it acceptable. You don't want her fucking walking into an armory. You don't want her walking in and there's fucking guns on the wall and all this kind of shit. Because she'll be like, this is an insane person. Or if you love the guns so much, find some dumb bitch that likes shit like that.
Those are your two options. If you're afraid this is gonna like, you know, if you're afraid it's gonna like turn her off, then...
you know, maybe take that as an opportunity to maybe scale back. And you seem to have, it's usually because he has some context on how he overdid it. Yeah. But he has, he's kept the guns. Yeah. Which is the interesting thing. He seems to think because he's like mentally cool now. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, well, now I'm not going to do anything with the guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's bad. I was before, but now I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, dude, that's all I would say. And how you bring it up is just like... Look, I am partial to the argument. I don't agree with it. But it's like I'm trying to... You're licensed. You do training. You do all that stuff. So I understand the argument of like, hey, look, man, we're never getting rid of guns. And I just want one to protect my family. That's not my stance. I think, like I said...
I don't want to gun around because I've, you know, I've... I almost cut... I cut myself on, like, with, like, fucking, like, you know... I had a very deep cut because I was trying to make a water... I was trying to make a gravity bong and...
and it went and I was holding the bottle and I was like, I wanted to puncture one side of it and I didn't think that maybe it would go through the other side and I just completely stabbed myself through this right here. And with a gun you would try to shoot it. And I would have held it and I would have shot it and I would have no use of my left hand. So I don't want a gun around my house and also statistically people with guns, you're more likely to get shot if you have a gun in the house, who knew? But...
I understand the argument of like, look, I do training. I'm serious about this stuff. So if you really are, you do training, you're licensed, you have a cup, it's okay to have some guns for, you know, protection, whatever. But if you're worried that you look insane because you have too many guns, you probably look insane because you have too many guns. And you could just be like, hey, I have these for, I have a certain amount for, you know, protection and all that stuff, but nothing crazy. So I feel like at the very least, like he says he has guns laying all
over the apartment. It sounds like fucking taxi driving. I think he doesn't even need to get rid of any guns necessarily. Just get a nice big cabinet to store them all. One of those bookshelves that turns around on a button. Get one of those. That would be sick. It does seem like he implies that they're jutting out of his mattress. Yeah.
Like there's no way around looking at the guns. I don't know what to do. My floor is littered with guns. They're all under a rug. So stop. That's a great point, Aldous. Don't have them lay around. At least organize your guns. You know, you see a nice big gun cabinet with a light on the different shelves or something. Make it look like decorations are classy. That does soften the blow instead of like conspiracy theorists who's worried about doxing himself on Stavi's world. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And take, yeah, take all your Nancy Pelosi literature down as well. Hide that. Replace it with a hammer. Yeah. Hell yeah, brother. All
All right, dude. So yeah, good luck with all your fucking guns and shit. And, you know, it sounds like you're doing better, but, you know, if you have to maybe talk to a therapist or maybe just go straight to a psychiatrist. Because this sounds a little more chemical than like I need to get some stings off my chest. But that's our advice, pal. Good luck. And, you know, get a nice little gun rack for yourself. Hopefully you don't shoot your dick off.
I think that's going to do it for us, fellas. Thank you so much for coming on the pod. Very funny. You've got to come back. Thanks for having us. We'll interrogate your personal lives way more. We'll make you way more uncomfortable. And check out the boys. Check out what they've made. Like Dave said, lend their plugs. Check out the Patreon for Stobbies World. Very important. And we will be back very soon. Bye, guys.
