#31 - Paris Sashay
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. Call 904-800-STOP. Leave a message. We'll answer all your problems. I'm very happy to have in the studio today, Paris Sachet. Thanks for coming, bud. Hey, hey. Thank you for having me. Yeah. We've known each other since...

Like we were doing open mics in D.C. probably like literally 10 years ago, which is so fucked up. It's so fucked up. 10 whole years. And like maybe more, but let's just cut, let's not do the math. Let's just cut it off at 10. 10's a good number. 10's a nice round number. Yeah. I literally remember the first time, because I think the first, I remember because it was such a funny open mic. I remember where we like, I don't know if you even remember this, but it was,

Tabak. Remember Tabak? Oh, yeah, yeah. Remember Rallo's room? Yeah, Rallo was running it. And it was fucking hilarious. Because I used to love... I would do any room possible. And it was like a purely black stand-up room. And I remember just being there. And it was just like Rallo was... Rallo was just... Who's also hilarious. I should have asked Rallo to come. That would have been awesome. Rallo was just on. He was running the mic. And he was just talking for like 40 minutes. Yeah. Like it was like...

People were just smoking hookah. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, it was an Ethiopian bar. But all black people. Yeah, it was all black people. It was all black people and me. And then,

And I remember you because you were cool. Because I didn't know anyone there except Rallo a little bit. And I didn't know you were a comic. And I just thought you were like a cool audience member. Because you were fucked up too. The first time I saw you, you were so fucked up. Wasted. Like out of control. Wasted. Drunk. And I was like, this girl is pretty cool. She's laughing. She's got a good sense of humor. You know?

And then you went up and I was like, what the fuck? You were like drunk as shit. And I was like, this is fucking awesome. Because it was so fun and Rolla was, you know, it was a great, I just remember that. It was a fun one. It was a fun room. Two years ago. Great room. I would get drunk and have fun on stage. Oh, it was so fun. And it was like, and when you're like, you know, I was just, I was literally like a little fat white kid with my business casual attire coming straight from work. I was wearing like fucking khaki pants with elastic pants.

Waistbands. And I think people were shocked to see someone look like me and then be funny. People were just, people were like, I could tell every time I would go on stage, people were just ready for me to bomb. And I would just, the easiest thing to do if you're in a black room, make fun of the host. And then you would, you're in. You're on board.

Just make fun of Rollo for how dark he is. And then everyone's like, oh, I didn't even know he knew to make fun of... They trust you at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rollo always bailed me out because I would always make fun of him and Russ and it was always fun. But yeah, I just remember being like, you were just fucked up smoking hookah and then you were like, fuck it, let's go do stand-up. Yeah.

That's what comedy used to be. It used to be nice. How drunk can you get before? Before we had to make it our livelihood. Right. But yeah, that was also, it's also fun because we've also known each other when we were just like regular ass friends.

I feel like both of us have a pretty, you know, unique style now. But I remember this was before the cool glasses. Yeah. You know, no cool hair. Figuring out who you were. I had hair. You had hair. I had hair. You had hair. Maybe we're straight at the time. I don't remember. Yeah, I was straight. Definitely. Not gay one bit. Not gay. You definitely had, like, I just haven't met the right guy hair. You know what I mean? That's exactly what it was.

Every time you see me, it was a new one. It's like, still searching. But then, yeah. And then you were just gay and had the coolest glasses I've ever seen. It came with the gay package. It's like, you're gay, get your hair cut. Get some glasses. Let's replace things. Damn, that's so funny that stand-up has been in like, how many like life events stand-up has predated? It's so funny. You were doing stand-up before you were dating women is so funny. Yeah.

Crazy. To do that, to make that transition, you're like, all right, I just found myself. Now it's time to do an open mic. Yeah. Like you probably ate pussy and then had to go do a spot. You probably had to be like, well, that was really cool. That was huge for my life. Now I have to go fucking do a midnight spot at a bar in Adams Morgan. At one o'clock in the morning, right? I can't be fully gay yet, baby. Yeah.

Not successful enough. Oh, fuck. So fucking funny. So awesome.

Are you from D.C. originally? I'm from D.C. Okay, nice. I'm D.C. originally. Hell yeah. Uh-huh. So you were just, yeah, that's, and you just, yeah, so you grew up there and then you just started getting drunk and going to open mics. Yeah. Well, in the beginning, I was still nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like the drunker you get, the better you can be yourself. Yeah, absolutely. So whatever I was saying, I have no idea what I was talking about 10 years ago. Of course, no. But it was good. But it was fun. And the liquor was good, so I know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was fun times. Did you have any, like, very, like, did you have anybody who looked cool? Did you have any flamboyant style people in your, like, family or, like, who did you take after? My mom. My mom was really fly. Yeah? She always was, like, you can be broke, but you need to be fly. Yeah.

I'm like, okay, you got a point because you can trick people. That's awesome. No one knows how much money you have, but if you look flatly like, oh, she has some money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so she used to take me window shopping just to like, we're not going to buy anything. But just know. This is what you should do when you get money. It's like train and practice for fashion. That's an important lesson. Yeah, so my mom definitely. And my dad's Jamaican, so he's pretty flat too. Oh, nice. Hell yeah. Was he around? No.

No, he's in Jamaica. Wasn't even around. Jamaican dad doesn't feel... Jamaican dad. For the folks at home, I took a swing and it worked, but that could have ended bad. Perfect question. Was he around? No. Fist is description. Jamaican dad, not present. Okay. That's fucking hilarious. So he was popping in and out? Yeah. No, he was in jail. Oh, shit. But he was even flying in jail. Of course.

It's funny to watch those TikTok videos now where people are like making meals and makeup in jail. It's crazy. There's a lot you can do with a packet of ramen. But the craziest thing is it's been that way. It just was no cameras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I had him send me a list of like things they can buy because they really have things in there that you can spend a lot of money on. Why? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like they had watches. I'm like, who needs a Rolex in jail? You'd think you don't want to know what time it is. Three o'clock in the morning.

You think you'd want to like... Not coming home anytime soon. For what? What are you checking your watch for? They'll tell you when you need to be somewhere. You know when lunch is. There's no time in here. Yeah, no. So they have real things. But now TikTok does show like... Yeah.

Jail looks fun on TikTok. It really does. I saw a video where they're all doing backflips. They're all teaching each other gymnastics. And it looks like camp. It looks kind of fun. They're having TikTok challenges in jail? I don't want to go there. I know. There probably is a fun version of jail and then one that's just so bad. Up until one level of jail, it's probably not that bad. You think? I think.

I think like there's like low levels of jail and then there's the ones that are low levels of jail. You know what I mean? Where it's like, like you see them, they're all hanging out just like people. They don't, they like don't really have to be in their cells at all at the time. Cause like when you see like media about jail and shit, you just assume you're just locked in your cell forever. Yeah. And it's just you and some fucking guy. But there's other, like my brother's really into this like reality show about how they would send people who weren't criminals to

into jail to like, I don't even know for what purpose. I think to see if they were running the jails right. Like it was like a sting operation. It was like, you were snitching both on the cops and the prisoners. You were a double snitch. Which seems like an awful thing to do with your time. But hey, it was a very entertaining time.

It was a better entertaining show because you had people who were like, you know, hardos about like justice and like who thought like cops were good guys. And then who just wanted to help out and snitch on, you know, cops in jail, snitch on people in jail and then like found out, oh, wow, this is a really fucked up system. And you have people who and then you had people who'd like.

Like girls would go in there and like just cheat on their husbands. Like they would like get girlfriends. Yeah, they would just start dating people, which wasn't allowed and they would get kicked out. They would get seduced. It was awesome. But some of those jails, look, I don't want to go to jail.

I would not. I would think I could actually, I think I could be okay. You could find your vibe. I think I could figure it out, but I don't want to. I'm too used to, you know, having every streaming service and ordering Seamless, getting any kind of cuisine I want. But they didn't look as bad as what you like imagine. Right. You know what I mean? Like it's going to be. So I don't know. Were you about to say something, Elders? No.

Oh, I was going to say I like those TikTok jail recipe videos where they're making those ramen burritos. That looks like some shit you would just eat. Eldest has one of the worst palates of all time. Have you ever tried to make one? No, I haven't. They don't look that good to me, but I do still want to try one or make one. Just for the experience of making it. Seeing what it really tastes like. Some ramen. Some ramen and like Slim Jim casserole. Yeah.

Damn. Do you have any other siblings? I'm the youngest child. The youngest. So I have an older sister, older brother on my mom's side. Okay. And then 15. Yeah, you know. You know it. Five on the Jamaican side. Five that we know about. I'm sure. Yeah.

I run into people all the time. I'm like, you could be my brother. He's not going to tell the truth. Yeah. Damn. Did you ever go to Jamaica? Like, are you connected? I'm going this year. I have not. Oh, wow. That's fucking sick. I've never been. So I feel like that should be a fun time. That will be fun. Do you talk to anyone on that side of the family or no? Oh,

I used to talk to them, but they were just, they're Jamaican. And it's like, sometimes you have to just be like, you know what? This isn't for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, no. A couple of them got cut off, but I know them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who they are. You're aware of them. I mean, I feel the same way when I go to Greece and I'm just like, I don't need to put up with my family. I just want to go. It's the most, it's a beautiful place. I could have an awesome vacation. Why am I bringing one of the most stressful things in the world, my family, into the mix? So good for you. Thanks.

Get out there. Get out in Jamaica. Don't ask. Don't even let anyone know. Don't let anyone know. And thankfully in Greece, I don't think they know I'm successful yet.

So no one has asked me for anything. Okay. Because that's the problem. For years, I was not... I was just, you know... They were like... They would make fun of me for not... Why don't you go to school? Why don't you... You know, you're in America. You're wasting... You're American years. Aren't you supposed to go... Aren't immigrants supposed to go to America and get successful? Why don't you have a job? You know, they would just fucking do all that shit. And I don't think they know that shit's been going good the last couple years. And I plan on... But...

I plan on keeping it that way, but there are some sacrifices you have to make. Like, I couldn't stay in a hotel because that would be a clear indication. So I just sleep on my cousin's like floor. Literally, like he put his childhood mattress on the floor and was like, here you go, bro. And I was like, oh, and I had back pain for one month after that. So I don't know what I'm going to do this time. I'm going to have to make something up.

I have to just admit I have some money, but not as much as I do have. That is funny. Yeah. Yeah. So, um...

They were around all those siblings? Or you have good relationships with them or anything like that? So I met all the siblings on my dad's side when I turned 18. Wow. So we didn't know each other as kids. But I knew they existed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then 18 came and we started hanging out. And my older sister... Just as people. Yeah, we're super close. That's awesome. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah. To get siblings late in life to just kind of like... And good siblings? Yeah, yeah. Wow, not a piece of shit in the mix, huh? Not a piece of shit in the mix. Nope. Nope.

Not one bit. That's huge. Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Do any of them have the accent? They all do. Really? They actually all do. That's fucking awesome. They do. Now, when I go to Jamaica, I'm going to see what he can teach in two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I have to act broke, too. It's like I have nothing. Of course, of course. We're the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like in Jamaica, if you stay on a resort and you want to bring somebody that lives there, you have to pay for them to come on the resort. Wow.

They're just not allowed? Not allowed. It's literally like a separate country. It's like a little fake country. But I kind of like it because it's like, I can only pay for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't bring those other people. I have nothing. You have nothing. I have nothing. Oh, that's smart. It kind of works out. Maybe it was even people with Jamaican family that instituted that rule. They're like, I can't have all my fucking cousins here embarrassing me in front of my fellow Americans. Yeah.

I can't have my fucking third world cousins doing laundry in the shower. I'm here to enjoy some Mai Tai and some calamari fritters.

I've never been. I really want to go to Jamaica. I've never, I've never, because it's tough when you're, because I'm from Greece, so it's like, whenever you go on vacation, you feel like, just go there, because it's so awesome. Okay. But how far is Jamaica? It's not that far from the East Coast. It's not. I'm going to fly from New York. It's a couple hours. Not too many. That's pretty sick, because the problem with Greece is it's fucking fully 10 hours away.

Yeah, no. That's too much. Yeah, that's far. But if there's a little Caribbean... I do want to... Because I'm a beach guy, personally. Okay. I don't know about you. On vacations, I don't want a mountain. I don't want... I'll go on a hike, but I'm not camping. Absolutely not. I'm not trying to camp whatsoever. Yeah, not like the beach. The sun. Yeah. It's relaxing. Yeah. I got to get in there. Because, you know, even L.A.'s... L.A.'s beaches are kind of bullshit. I got to try some Caribbean shit. Yeah.

Have you ever been to the Caribbean, Elders? No, I haven't. I really want to go, though. No? Yeah. Damn. I was hoping. Oh, you know what? Wait, I take that back. I went on a weird senior trip.

To Jamaica, actually. But it was like a fucking weird resort and there was all these kids. Remember, do you guys have that where it's like senior week or whatever? And it would be like, usually you'd go to Ocean City or like some... You guys went to Jamaica? What school was this? I don't know. Well, yeah, it was this weird thing where it was like, well, I went to, it was called Baltimore Polytechnic Institute Poly. Okay. And it wasn't that many kids. It was like...

20 of us went. So it was like available to everyone, but most people were like, no, we're not going to fucking Jamaica. And...

I don't know why we didn't. It was fucking weird. We were just in a resort. Like, they wouldn't let us leave. You know, they were like, we can't trust, you know, children in Jamaica. But we brought them to Jamaica. We brought them to Jamaica. But we don't trust you. We bought some of the worst weed of all time from a guy who worked there who clearly was just ripping off, you know, tourists, teenagers. 100%. It was like the brownest. I don't even know that...

I don't even know that it was weed. But we spoke weed with a math teacher. And they had like a celebrity guest that was some guy who was on The Real World, but I had never heard of him. And this guy was just like trying to fuck underage high schoolers. It was one of the most fucking... It was one of the weirdest experiences I've ever had in my life. Who put this trip together? I really don't know. And then...

I was like, I didn't... I just forgot to put sunscreen on. And...

And I was kind of like, I was just like, oh, yeah, whatever. I don't need sunscreen. Like, I'm Greek. You know, I was trying to show off and prove that I was cooler than the other two white guys on the trip. You know what I mean? I tried to separate myself from the other white people because, you know, most of my class was black in Baltimore. And so I was like, I was always like, yeah, I mean, I'm better than you guys. I'm cooler than you motherfuckers. And I got sun poisoning so bad that my fucking back just like,

it was fucking horrible. It like, it like blistered and shit. I like passed out and like slept through, slept through like the best night ever. Everyone got pussy that night. The night that I passed out from sun poisoning. And not only do they all get pussy, but there's like one, like everyone kind of fucked someone that kind of matched

with them like there was like a tall kid fucked a tall girl there was like and then there was straight up there was like a chubby girl that no one fucked and I was like that was me that was supposed to be me laughing

It was being too cool. Yeah, I was showing off in the pool and then it cost me pussy. Oh, man. But yeah, so that's my only experience in Jamaica, but that could have been in like, you know, New Jersey for all, you know what I mean? Like I wasn't, you didn't feel like, it was, we were so like sheltered and closed off that it was like,

That's funny. It didn't feel like anything foreign at all, but... That's hilarious. Yeah. It was a pretty good time. They take you anywhere? You got any senior trips? Any... You do any dumb shit as a child? So, I did a lot of dumb shit. So, they put me out of school, so I went to a special ed school, so I didn't go on. I didn't... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had no field trips. We had...

You had nothing. You show up, that's it. Damn. You got put out for just acting up? I just was fighting a lot as a kid. Just disrupting the class, just making jokes about the teacher. Everything you were not supposed to do, I did. Nice. And they put you in special ed for that? They put me in special ed because they said,

I needed special attention. So I was like the kid. I did all my work. I had good grades. Yeah. Then I would disturb the rest of the class. Right, right, right. And it's like, no, they're slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to leave because you're causing disruption. So I put me in special ed. That's wild to be like, ah, just put her there. Who cares? They're like, we don't want to deal with her, so just put her with kids that can't even read. Yeah.

Like, were you, was everyone like mentally handicapped in your classes? That's the crazy thing. When I got there, I was like, this is not even seen. Everybody. It was a little potpourri. A little bit of everything.

Yeah, interesting. We got learning disabilities. We got Jamaican fathers. One of those two things. Yeah, it was a little mixed. It was fun. What was your most memorable high school fight? Was there someone who really deserved it? Were you really happy to fuck somebody up? It's been enough time, I feel like. Yeah, maybe. Maybe the one I got put out for. Okay. Maybe the one I got put out for public school for. What happened there? Uh.

I just think it came to a point where like you can ignore people but sometimes you can't especially in high school of course then you have people around you and they just exit on so it's like I have to handle this yes yes so it's like I wasn't gonna do it and then the teacher stopped us and remember back in the day when they had the carts with the TVs on it sure so the teacher rolled over my foot with the cart with the TV on oh the teacher did to stop me from beating up the girl so I'm like now I'm gonna have to whip your ass what my foot hurt laughing

So I pushed the cart, I pushed the teacher, and then I beat her up. I was like, that's a good reason to get kicked out. Yeah, I think you, at least you got your money's worth. I definitely got my money's worth. What was the argument about? Why was she fucking with you about? Just girls being girls. Girls are silly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when girls are growing up, I feel like once everybody start having sex, and everybody start feeling they self, it just be stupid shit. Sure. Time to run your mouth. Yeah, and I don't think she was smoking weed, and I was, which was why she was so bothered.

I was just like, let's just fight. Let's just see. Let's just get this over with. Let's just get this over with. If I win, you just never talk trash again. Yeah. And then I got kicked out. And then you did win, but what was the cost of that?

You had to ride the short bus. I rode the short bus. You literally rode the short bus. I rode three years. It was crazy. Because it was like, okay, you can ride the short bus if nobody knows it's fine. But if I didn't come outside, they would pull over, park it, and then call my mom. Let her know we're outside. I'm like, I hear the bus. Drive that off. My friends are outside. I can't get in this.

Not today. I'll catch you later. I can't get on it right now. Damn. That's so fucking wild. Yeah, like year two, I had them drop me off and like, this cut. So,

So it was like, everybody thought. Like you were cheating? Like, no, my wife will see us. Drop me off in the alley. I can't have people know I'm going to fucking special ed. I will walk up this hill. They'll be like, oh, you just got off the bus. I'm like, yeah, the metro. Just right there. Damn, what the fuck? So what was it? So was it like a smaller school? Was it like a special ed school? It was a private special ed school, which is crazy. You had to get accepted into it. Whoa. And the city had to pay for it. Huh.

Interesting. So they just sent kids that were like... They didn't send everybody. Either a problem or like... Or just... Yeah, that's... I'm sorry, that's a bizarre concept of... You had to apply to special ed? It's like, how... Like, how quickly... How quickly can you color code these Legos that you had to be...

How much information do you know about Yu-Gi-Oh? Right. Like, how much fucking about trains? If you didn't pass the test, you couldn't go there. Yeah. Can you tell us which train? What year this train was made? I think you deserve it.

It was a special ed dog. It was a crazy experience. Yeah, damn. So was it kids that were just had like, so it was all different types of learning disabilities. All different types of kids. So like the fullest special needs to just bad kids. That seems crazy to put those two together. I don't, who would do this? I'm here because I can't stop fighting. This kid is drooling. I can't help either one of us.

This is not good for the community. Yeah, absolutely. What? Yeah. You realize in special ed, those kids are actually stronger than normal people. Oh, wow. You try and fight them and you fucking... Even the teachers, they could beat the teachers. Like, they try to restrain them

on that four strokes you're like you was just drooling how'd you get this strong it's crazy so it's all you gotta do just Jedi mind tricks to keep them calm once they lose it that's it once they know their power it's over they can't they can't know that at all damn that's so that's fucking wild and everyone was like

In different classes, I'm assuming? Mm-hmm. Okay, gotcha. Well, they had different classes, but the school was like the size of an office building. Yeah, gotcha. It really wasn't big. So everybody was kind of like in the same areas. Yeah. Lunch, everyone was at the same place. Lunch, everybody in the same place. Just one little circle. Damn. Everybody's just in there. Were there any special ed romances popping up? I fell in love with special ed. You fell in love with special ed? What a beautiful sentence.

I fell in love. I was like, maybe I'm supposed to be here. He's supposed to be here.

It seems like it works for us. We need each other to get through this process. And we stayed together like two and a half years. It was... Wow, that's cute. It was cool. And then he dropped out. He dropped out. Yeah, I don't think he wants to do it anymore. Didn't want to stay in special... Too rigorous the curriculum. If you're dropping out of special ed, then yeah. Maybe go work construction. Maybe school ain't for you. It's so easy. Like, why don't you want to do it? Damn, that's fucking... Yeah, the coloring worksheets were too much for him. Yeah.

I'm tired of watching Bob the Builder episodes.

Fuck. That's so funny. Was he also there for like same bad kid shit? Yeah, he was there for bad kid shit. Nice. He was there for bad, like getting put out of school. Yeah. In and out of jail. Yeah. Yeah. So it really was a crazy mix. It was just one girl. She never talked. Ever. Wow. Just never. Didn't say a word the whole time. I sold her some weed like the second year. Her mom came to the school the next day and thanked me. She started talking. I'm like, weed is going to save the world. I'm

She was just too stressed. Oh my God. That's fucking awesome. Just fucking. Need some weed. That's all. So, uh, selling weed and specials seems like the place though. The place. That seems like, that seems like you get. You can make any price. They don't know. They just give you your money. Yeah.

This is a dime. Give me $50. Thank you. Oh, man. Yeah. Easily gullible. They already love snacks to begin with. That's right. You know what I mean? You'll never know they're high. Imagines, yeah. Yeah. Oh, he ate eight Reese's and drank a gallon of chocolate milk. That's just what he usually has.

The perfect cover. Oh, he couldn't figure out math today? Well, he never could anyway. Very smart. I sold a little weed at Polly. I sold a little weed there, but it was much more difficult. Everyone, you know, everyone was watching. Because that was like...

Baltimore Public Schools, I don't know how D.C. was, but it was like we had like two good schools and everything else was just fucking dog shit. It was like everyone's like, you know, you know, everyone's fucking everybody up and like, you know, the whole getting into fighting all the time. We had a little bit of that, but it wasn't the trick that I always used to pull, though, because we had a bunch of different types of kids was we had like hot topic kids. OK, you know, it was it was like mostly black kids and there was like, you know,

A lot of Greek kids, because from my neighborhood, went there too. And then you had a little bit of that Baltimore white trash. That was maybe like 5% of the population. And at that era, we're about the same age, I think. I'm 34. 31. So yeah, we're in there. I don't know if you caught... It was the... Of course, it was the jersey, the baggy jerseys and the jeans that were big as fuck. Yeah. So...

You could hide a nice amount of weed in your big jeans.

And then also, if you weren't like a throwback Jersey and big jeans kid, the Baltimore white trash kids, they were like Slipknot Hot Topic kids. And they had the even bigger pants with like huge pockets. And there was literally like a kid that I would just give some money to sneak like a scale and weed into the school because his pockets, he was fat as shit. And his jeans were gigantic.

So there's like, there's some fun, you know, it wasn't as good as special ed, but I made a nice little, I mean, my senior year I sold weed and it was, you know, it was, I don't know if you felt this way, but I, I thought going into college, I was like, I never kept track of it. Obviously I'm a bad businessman, but I was making a lot of money and it was like, you know,

But I would just, you're in high school and I'm just like, let me just get food. You know, you have your first little taste of independence. I had a car that year and like going and I like sold. He was making money, money. I sold weed for like a year thinking like, oh, I'm going to have like a few G's at least going into college. And I just like, I just never counted it. And I just like, so

Smoked some of my own weed. Bought whatever the fuck I wanted. And then, like, going into college, I had $400 left. I was like, what the fuck? I've been selling weed for a year, and I have $400 because I ate and smoked my way out of it. I was getting, like, Chinese. It wasn't anything good. I, like, yeah, I bought a couple, you know, a couple big jeans and a couple...

I had a Lamar Odom Clippers. You know, I had a couple jerseys, a couple throwbacks. But man, it was not enough. It wasn't enough for, you know, selling weed for a year. That's funny. Yeah. Weed wasn't that expensive back then, though, right? It was, you know. Compared to now? Sure. Back then it was like, what, like $35 for an eighth was felt like the standard going rate. Now I feel like it's at least $50, maybe $60. Some people, you know.

What's up, Elders? I think 40 is pretty standard. Do you remember when you sold Wheaton Heist when you tried to put me on? I do. You're on.

on the phone trying to talk me into fronting me like fucking half an ounce. I was looking out for you, man. I'd give you an ounce if you just paid me back $500 after you just sold me back the province. I was trying to put you on, dude. Getting into a weed debt with Tom doesn't seem like a good idea. I was being a good guy.

I was being a fucking good guy and you spit in my face. You would have been selling weed in the county, dude. You had nothing to worry about. I was the one taking the risks. I was the one getting it from my sketchiest fucking supplier. You were trying to build a team. I really was. Him, you abandoned me and then my friend, I won't say his name, but another one of my friends on the football team, he abandoned me.

It was supposed to be me and him together, and he just was like, I can't do it. But then I also became the bitch because, like, a couple, like, one of my friends, like, saw a kid I knew got into, like, either a car accident or he had some kind of, like, medical... What are you doing? You're just opening up for... Okay. He had some kind of, like, medical malpractice suit that he got, like, a ton of money off of, and his way of, like, like...

you know, growing his investment was like, oh great, I'm going to start selling cocaine. And he tried to get me to sell coke and I was like, if I go to this meeting, I'm getting robbed. I was like, I just could feel it in my bones. I was like, they know I have a ton of money.

They know I'm like a fun guy, but I know that this fucking guy is 100% going to rob me. You felt it. Oh, I could tell. Another time, I started selling it because one of my friends, his brother was like a, you know, he sold a lot. He was moving a lot of shit and I would get it straight from my friend. And then one time, and I didn't realize that he was giving me great prices because he didn't know what the fuck he was doing either. And then he was like, all right. I was like, dude, let me talk to your brother directly. And like,

That guy was like, what the fuck? He started charging me like real. I literally pulled up. I met this guy in a Models parking lot. No, not Models. Fuck, what was the... Foreman Mills. Remember Foreman Mills, Eldis? No? Anyway, whatever. I met him in a Foreman Mills parking lot. It was like, you know, just kind of like a shittier...

It was like a local Marshalls kind of thing. Like, just not, you know, like an off-brand kind of Marshalls situation. Yeah.

And I just pull up in my mother's gold minivan. And it's like... And my friend was like... My friend was like... You know, he was like a pretty boy football player. Like, you know, whatever. Like, nothing to be scared of. And I think his dad was maybe not Jamaican, but a similar guy. A similar guy to your dad. And so this was like... This was like his criminal older brother. And dude, I pulled up and...

And this guy, like, he was cool, but he came with a friend who was like, just fucking, this kid was jacked. He was just fucking, like, mean mugging me. Like, that guy, I could tell if I was not my friend's friend, 100% that guy wanted to rob me. He was like, why are we, why aren't we just taking his money? Like, I know they left that conversation and the guy was like, why did you even give him the weed? We could have taken $1,000 for free.

And the guy was probably like, I know, but I told my brother, I told my brother I would help his friend. That is funny. You should have just robbed him. No, he's a good guy. I would have done absolutely nothing. I would have been like, here you go, sir. I've never seen you guys. Would you like the keys to my mother's car? I'll walk home to East Baltimore from here, fully across town.

Yeah, selling weed in high school really was the way to go. It's a shame that most kids don't have that now because it's so easy to get weed. It's so easy. They took a form of young entrepreneurship...

from us by selling weed everywhere. Did you come out with a little profit or were you also like eating your profits and smoking your profits like I was? No, I had a little profit. I even like told my cousin because he was selling weed. I even used to tell him to come to the school. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, there's plenty around here, pal. Listen, we're going to get all the money. It was so much. I was selling dimes for $40. They had no idea. That's fucking awesome. That's awesome. They would trade me. It was one guy. He would bring me cameras. How did he get the cameras? He was stealing them. That's what I told you. Don't let the special kids fool you. He was stealing electric. I came to school next day. They was like, we're missing two cameras. I'm like, he stole them from the school. He stole them from the school.

And he gave it to me on the special air buster in the afternoon. I said, they are tricking us about special air. Damn.

I mean, we had a friend who worked as a teacher in special ed in high school. And this, I don't think it was your, I think it was just like special needs kids who were like very, very like, you know, we know what I'm trying. The ones that we think they're the ones. Let's just say classic. Let's just say, just right down the middle, exactly who you're thinking of. And he said those kids were so horny.

Horny? Horny, like, because in high school, and they would just catch, like, two of them going at it constantly. I couldn't imagine that. And they were just like, you know, like, if the hormones are going crazy, and you just have no, like, you don't catch socialization, you know what I mean? You're not big on, you know, societal etiquette. Woo-hoo!

He was talking about literally having like hose kids down and shit like that. They broke these kids up with a hose one time. Because they just couldn't stop. He had to restrain a kid who was beating off. He had to hold him while the kid's dick was hard.

He went on to have a storied career at Enterprise Rental Car after that. That is classic. That's classic special ed. Absolutely. Damn. But you graduated? You didn't drop out like your special ed boyfriend? No, I graduated. I'm like, this is kind of easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just got to come. I still had a good life. Yeah. I still talk to older guys and I would have them drop me off at school and I'd be like, I work here. It was an office building with a nice blouse on.

I get in the building and I put on a t-shirt. They have no idea. No one knows. It's a secret. That's fucking hilarious. That's so funny. Oh, man. Was that your thing? You were into older guys when you were in high school or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. It's like older guys, they knew more and they had more money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. I can't date you. We have the same amount of money. Where's your dad? I need help. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, probably had nothing to do with your absentee father. No. If I had to guess. Absolutely not. Not that guy. Older guys, dreadlocks. That's, yeah, that is, that always was, I remember being like, because that, I mean, half of the girls you grew up with just are out of the gate dating older guys. And you're just like, ah, come on. I remember being like a fat nerd and being like,

I can't even compete with the other kids my age. Now some guy with a fucking cool car. I fully understood. I was like, yeah, I get it. He's driving around. He's buying her booze. You're 17. I'm like, I have my mom's fucking minivan. Of course she's going to fuck that guy and not me. Absolutely. I was so pissed. I was so pissed off.

But, you know, what are you going to do? But then also it's like the guys that are, imagine being that guy because it's like, it's one thing to date like, you know, girls 10 years younger than you, but it's like a different thing to be like, yeah, I'm dating a 16-year-old in special ed. That's what they didn't know. That's what they didn't, let them tell that I was a grown businesswoman. A teacher's aide helping underprivileged handicapped children. Not selling them weed. Woo!

In exchange for some fucking Toshiba laptops they took from the fucking computer lab. He was good at it. He had a new camera every week, I swear. Like, you keep this coming in, I'll keep the weed coming in. Let's do it. That's awesome.

You never broke any real laws in high school, did you, Eldest? Uh... Fuck, no. No. I suck. Fucking nerd. I was a nerd. Fucking nerd. I'm like, damn, I wish I was in special ed. That's fucking awesome. I could have made some money and got some pussy. You definitely could have. You could have got... It holds a special ed, too. Don't let them fool you. They're everywhere.

Absolutely. These are great lessons, guys. For our younger listeners, if you're struggling, fight until they put you in special ed. If you don't make friends in regular school, be violent.

Be violent and then maybe you'll get lucky. Just maybe. Hilarious. Damn, that's so fucking funny. And then I'm guessing you didn't go to college after that. I went. I went. I went to school for two years. Okay, all right, all right. I went to college for two years and I was like, ah, this isn't for me. This isn't as fun as fucking high school? No, it wasn't.

What were you trying to do? What were you studying? Mass communications. Okay, so just kind of... Still in the same field. Yeah, doing some shit. Yeah, I did a little... I did... I had to like lie to myself because my parents wanted me to be like...

You know, it's that immigrant shit of, like, they wanted me to be, like, a lawyer or, like, you know, just have a real job. So I had to, like, I was a political science and I did, like, a media, like, minor. But, yeah, it was the same shit. The only shit I cared about was just, like, you know. I probably, if I had it all over, I probably would have went to, like, either film school or did some kind of writing program or just majored in that kind of shit. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, it's... Did you know, did you have any inkling of what you wanted to do or were you just kind of like floating through life? I did it. Fucking old guys. My mom wanted me to go to school, so I was just like, I'll go to school. I was like, eh. So when I left, I was like, okay, I have to figure something out. Yeah. Because let them tell it, I'm a failure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me tell it, I just didn't want to waste any more time. Of course. But I was always the class clown, so I felt like comedy is just kind of... Yeah. Got to that point. Sure. But...

Were your older siblings, from your mom's side specifically, were they doing good? Like, did you... Like, why did your mom want... Did they all go to school? No. No. So your mom was kind of like... I was the first one that went to school and the first one that dropped out. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I set the tone. Yeah, so your mom was basically... She was like...

It was like trying to sneak in being a good mom at the end. Like, she was procrastinating. She's like, all right, if I can get one in school. Just one. That was her thing. If I can do it one time, I did my job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went, made her happy, and then left. Yeah, I did. I mean, truly, that's the only reason I went to school, too, is like...

I didn't even technically graduate, but they let me walk. And once they let me walk, because I had like six credits left, I just wanted my mom to get that picture. I just needed to make my language credits up. I was like, I'm good. Fuck it.

So what were you doing? What were you up to when we met, when you're starting Open Mics? What were you up to? Because you were wearing some business attire. Yeah, I was doing temp agency jobs. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, just to bring the money in. And I was dating guys, and they actually were paying for things. That's awesome. Yeah, so it was like part-time, part-time. Now, let me ask you, that must have been a rude awakening when you switched teams. Oh, gosh. Because now it feels like you got to pay for shit, you know? Sometimes.

If I miss anything about men, it's not. I never paid for anything. When I became gay, I'm like, this shit.

I've never paid a bill. What is this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that's brutal. How do you... Yeah, has it been that way where it's like now you're paying or you're splitting? What's the move? In the beginning, I was paying. Gotcha. Then I had my girlfriend for four years. I was paying. Gotcha. Once I became single, I'm like, uh, no. Yeah. Women...

you're still going to pay. If you ask me, my thing is if you ask me, you pay. Sure. So then I just purposely don't ask because you should pay. Right. So we can have the whole conversation, but when it comes to the date, I'm not going to say it. Yeah. Because I want you to pay.

What kind of girls do you go for? Are you going for like more feminine? Is that part of the problem? Only feminine. So yeah, so I see. Yeah, only you have to be feminine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're kind of the lesbian version of a fuckboy then if you're not trying to pay. That's what I heard. That's what I heard. Felt it out this year. Yeah.

Just learned these things. I was like, you know what? That checks all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it is. Because, yeah, if you're dating like, you know, if you're dating like real feminine girls, yeah, I get why they're like, what the fuck? I want her to pay the bills or pay at least the restaurant shit. If I want to really pursue you, I'll pay the date. But it's like dating back then and dating now, I feel like social media has kind of ruined dating. Yeah. Everybody just wants to go to these places. They don't even eat the food.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just want to get it. And it's like, I took this one girl on a date. Uh-huh. And we went out to this very expensive restaurant by the water because this is what she wanted. She gets shrimp fried rice. Okay. And then she tells them to add double crab meat. Now... Not one. Not one, but shrimp fried rice already set a market price. So I'm like...

I don't know this market. I don't know how much that is. You can't do double ads to market price. She did double to market price. You cannot. So I'm like, if I'm paying for this, I need you to eat every bit of everything. Like, I'm a mom at this point. Eat your... She wasted it. She ate half. So are you going to take it home? Yeah. No. No. The crab meat? No.

What did we do the double for? You could have had single. That's the last bill I paid. No more. If I pay the bill, I need you to eat everything. I see. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just on them. Luckily, I'm making a little money and I'm also just like, I'm not making a girl pay personally, but I like where your head's at. You know, fuck it. If you're pursuing her. Yeah, sure. But if you're just trying to get sucked off here and there. No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's get this to go. Yeah, that's your first mistake is restaurant by the water. You fucked up. I could tell you're new to dating women. Yes.

I let her pick it. That's where I went wrong. I didn't check the menu. I said, you find it. You pick it. But I didn't think she would double up on market price. Of course. No, that's. We didn't even have sex. What are you doing this for? That's unheard of. That's pissing me off. I'm getting mad. They order drinks. It's like, okay, let's get drinks. Then they order shots. So it turns into a club. Too much. It's like, what? Yeah. I'm still single.

single why am I doing this yeah yeah yeah no you need to settle down with a sober woman it sounds like a couple ginger ales yeah woman on a diet I'm looking for a woman on a diet so you're trying to be single for a while because you were in a relationship for a while you just had what four years four years that's four gay years so like that's like 12 straight years yeah because lesbians like move in together after a month two days no two days

A month is marriage. Two days you move in. Because it's like, it's two women. So it's like a friendship. Right. And then lovers at the same time. And then all of a sudden you never want to be apart. And it's like, ugh. Right. It seems intense. And it seems like it's not a lot of, there's not a lot of like just random, you know, just random hooking up going on in the lesbian community. See, and that's where I come in. Yeah, yeah.

I'd like to change the narrative. Good for you. Breaking the glass ceiling. Absolutely. It's not just men that can treat women poorly. No. It's also women with nice glasses and a nice fade. You knew what you was getting into when you seen me, baby.

That is true. It is their fault. It's their fault. Come on now. You don't look, yeah, you look like you might just fucking go. It's true. You got enough rhinestones on your outfits. Listen, you know what you signed up for. Yeah. I do like, here's another thing I'd want to ask you about, because I also love, you know, we've been on so many shows. I feel like, you know, you know comics that you came up with bits. So I always want to ask, because you have that great bit about when you bought,

Your first dildo? My first dildo, yeah. Your first strap-on? And I want to, you know, what's the etiquette on buying on size, right? Because it's like, you know, everyone sure says, oh, if I had a dick, it'd be huge. But I think that's kind of laughable. You know, I think everyone kind of is like, that's not true. Some people would have a little dick. You know, it just feels like to me that's a little lesbian hubris to think that.

The thing that you automatically get a huge dick as someone who was assigned my dick and I can't really do much about it. Sure, I'd like it, but you know. So what do you go with dick size wise, do you think? That's why I feel like because men can't pick, I feel like if we're going to be able to pick, we should be able to pick in the large community. I see, I see, I see. Yeah, I don't want to get a little dick in my dick.

I was born with a little dick. They didn't pick that. They're not the happiest. Yeah. Why would I buy that with my money? They have to get really good at stand-up comedy. Yeah. You know. Figure out who you are as a person. Get a personality. Sure, sure. I see. It's kind of the similar thing with the crab fried rice. Yeah. If you're going to spend your money, you're going to get your money's worth. Hey, I want my money's worth. So I went large. I went over to the nine and a half size. Did it feel right?

It did. It did feel right. I'll tell you why. Because I later ended up buying a smaller dick. I met this girl and she was like, I'm not into big dicks. And I was like, okay, well then you picked this out. Did she buy it?

This woman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she was bi, actually. That checks out. And I ended up buying it. And when I bought it, I was like, this is just wrong. You felt demoralized buying a little dick? This is unnecessary. Welcome to my world, sister. I'm glad you felt it for at least one moment. What is the purpose?

That's fucking hilarious. And I used it and I'm like, it made my legs hurt. Yeah. Oh, it had to do a little too much work. It was too small. My legs were too long. I'm like, see, men go through a lot. I had to try to find an angle without hurting myself. That's right. Thank you. I'm stepping backwards on a step, on a chair, just for extra height. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I said, this is not for me. Yeah.

Yeah. Many can't, you know, walk a mile in my shoes. You know what though? But I like that. You have to do it at least once. Yes. I think that's, we should pass the law. Every lesbian, now you don't have to stay with a little dick, but you have to try it and just know what we go through. I think it makes you respect men more. Absolutely. I had me walking around looking at guys like, he probably has it hard.

Yeah, that's beautiful. The little dick community. That's big for the little dick community. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Do you have, like, a whole, is there, like, a, I talked to somebody at a show. She had, like, a, like, just an audience member. She said she carried around, like, a bunch of dildos and, like, a DeWalt tool kit. Oh, wow. Like, it was like she had, like, a, she had just, like, I don't know, like, 10 or whatever. I don't know. A major selection? Yeah, how does it work? Do you have, like, a, is it like an armory, like, at the Batcave where you just, you go in and you see all the weapons and shit he's had on the walls?

Well, when I buy them, I buy a new one for each girl. Oh, that's romantic. And I like to leave it with her. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, because I feel like if women could keep men dicks, they would be happier. That's a big problem because they don't know he's going and he has a dick. That's so much stress. That's a good thing. So I'm like, here, keep this dick. That's really nice. I'll just buy a new one. That's really nice of you. Yeah. That's true, too. That's true, too, because that must feel weird. Like, we actually...

We actually had this conversation with a friend who said he uses the same vibrator. He's used the same vibrator on multiple women. And to me, that seems off. Why would you? He has like a house vibrator that he uses with different girls he was dating. And he would put a condom on it, which is even weirder. That's so weird. Yeah, that's the weirdest part. To me, the only way you can get away with that is if you act like you won it in a raffle.

You know what I mean? If you're like, look, I don't usually have a vibrator around, but I was bingo. I was at an LGBTQ bingo, and the prize was a vibrator, so why don't we use it? You can't be like, all right, I'm a straight man who just has a vibrator that I use on every woman. It's got to be fresh for me personally. That's weird, right?

Yeah, I've never heard that. That's strange. That's like what a sex worker would do. Like he fucks the way like somebody paid to fuck. You know, like if he was a male prostitute, he would have a vibrator that he put a condom on and used on old ladies. That's while he fucked them. It's just bizarre. But he's got a little bit of that in him. He's got a little like freak in him that I think is dying to get out. I wouldn't talk to the women.

Yeah. Because I'm just trying to imagine a vibrator and a condom and it's just like they're not saying anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No questions. It sounds like no one ever did. But it's also the kind of thing where like once you're in there, like, it's like, this is kind of weird, but I'm in the moment. I'm in the moment. I gotta fuck. It probably would feel good to get

A vibrator on my clit. Maybe his foreplay is crazy. Yeah, it could be. Yeah, he'd probably get them already in the mood and it's like no questions. Sure. That's the only way you can really go about it. Or the opposite. Maybe you're doing such a bad job that they're like, yeah, just bring a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Put a condom on it. Fine. I just need the bust. Wrap it up. Yeah. I need, I must bust.

Let's see here. Okay. Well, what do you say we do some fucking questions here, LD? Why don't we... I think we've gotten... This is beautiful because I had no idea about the special ed thing and that was one of the funnest... We really dove into special ed in a fun way.

But we have, so we're going to, Paris, we're going to take some questions here from the audience. They've already called in and I think they could really use, it's nice to have a, you know, your perspective here. Let's do it. So folks, folks at home, 904-800-STAV. Call in if you have questions and we will answer them for you. Eldis, hit us with the first one, babe.

Hey, Saab. I had a quick question, maybe more of a piece of advice here. I have, up until this point in my life, maintained a near 100% perfect record for going down on every woman that I've had sex with. Except for one, obviously. You know, it was back to the car, so it just wasn't really conducive to pussy eating. Question is, should I go and attempt to see this woman again

for one more chance at sex as well as an opportunity to go down on her and maintain my record? Or do I follow my pride and just accept that you can't eat every pussy you meet? Anyways, appreciate it. Figured you'd be the man to ask for this one. So I will take whatever advice you have for me.

Thanks for calling in. Yeah, this is the kind of show this is, Paris. And I want to say thanks for calling in. It means a lot that you would trust me with something like this. First of all...

don't make excuses, okay? You could have eaten pussy in that car. You know you could have. You could have given it a couple swipes minimum to maintain the record. Cal Ripken had the most games played ever. He had a couple games where he played one inning and then they pulled him, and it still counted as a game played. You could have eaten just a little pussy to keep the record alive. So, you know, you fucked up there. But I think you owe it to yourself to give it a shot.

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to eat this woman's pussy. I mean, unless things have gone very bad with you guys. Like, is this years later? That'd be a little weird. But if this was somebody you kind of saw one time, you guys hooked up in a car, clearly there was some chemistry, you know, maybe she'd like to be fucked indoors for a change, you know? She might get something out of this, too. You get to eat her pussy, she gets to be fucked inside like a human being. Ha ha ha ha ha!

I mean, unless you're in like... Yeah, you don't sound like you're in high school or anything, but... Yeah, I don't know. I think he's got to keep the record. What's your perspective here, Paris? I think he absolutely should go back and do it again. Definitely. Yes. And look, if it doesn't work out, fine. If she says fuck off, but you at least gave it an honest try, and that's what's important here. I think...

He just needs to go in and eat her pussy and understand that every pussy is different. Yeah, sure. So you can't eat this pussy like the last pussy. Right, absolutely. Because maybe that's what interfered. Mm-hmm. Well, I think for him it was more, he gave more of a, because they were fucked in the backseat of a car, so it was more of a space issue, it sounds like. That's a better angle. Yeah, yeah. It's intimate, intimate, intense, and it's direct, actually. You're right. No, you're right. You hear that? You hear that? You're making excuses. Yeah.

That's coming from someone whose whole financial situation has been ruined because she started eating pussy. So if there's an expert, it's her. So you fucked up. You should have eaten pussy in that Camry. And now you owe it to this woman and yourself to make up for it. 100%. Hit us with another one, Big Eld. What do we got here?

Savi, Ellis, thanks for having me. I'm currently going through a friendship breakup, and I would love you guys' input. I went on a six-month backpacking trip with my girl, and the night before we left, my friend got real drunk and was being very rude and disrespectful. He was telling things to my girl like...

I'm so sick of you. You're taking my friend away. I wish you never came around. And then I got in his face. I was like, dude, you're being an asshole. Don't be so fucking rude. Fuck you. And I left. And we kind of left it on that note. Then while I was on the trip, he was texting me every day. Like, oh, bro, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What a fucking loser. I ended up breaking up with the chick. And then I decided, hey, fuck it. I'll...

I won't hold a grudge. I'm gonna forgive this guy. So I come home after a while and

I meet up with the guy and he sits me down and he says, "Oh, by the way, I was never even sorry." - What? - You know, I'm really proud of what I did. - I'm really proud. - And I think it's important that I speak my truth. And it blew me away because I realized, oh man, this guy was just giving me lip service the whole time. - That's insane. - And he's delusional, you know, I felt like he's delusional if he thinks that getting hammered drunk and bullying my girlfriend was like some therapy, this version of him standing up for himself.

So I got heated and I haven't spoken to him since and you know we got a lot of mutual friends and they all want me to squash the beef and and Move forward and you know he's been reaching out to me a bunch But I don't know if I should forgive him or not and I would love you guys as input. All right much love. Thanks guys crazy Insane truly fucking insane. I mean this guy. I mean he sounds young right so like

Here's my read on the situation. This guy, they're like fresh out of college, it sounds like. He says he's going on, what did he say, a backpacking trip? Mm-hmm.

So that's kind of like a young, that's like an early 20s move, I feel like. Backpacking across Europe type thing. That's not something you do like, you know, when you're really an adult. That's what you do. You know what I mean? Like you do that shit right before life starts. So this kid is, they're probably immature, right? And he's going through this like,

I think this also is a thing that does happen when people have like different levels of maturity where it's like, this kid is a little, his friend that like said yelling at this woman, at the guy, girl he's dating is like, that's so pathetic and lame to be like, like, look, we've all had those feelings of when like,

When you transition out of childhood, when you're like best friends, the most important people in your life are your same sex best friends. If you're a heterosexual, you know what I mean? Or whoever your best friends are. But like, like your boys matter to you so much from the age of like 14 to like 22. And then there's always the first person in the friend group that gets a girlfriend and like he makes the jump and to him, he's...

His partner is more important than his boys for the first, he's felt, you know, and the other guys haven't had that feeling yet. Right. And they don't understand that that's how life works. And they take it personal. Mm-hmm. Clearly, that's what this fucking guy did, right? He's taking the shit personally. And, but to react that way, to yell, to yell at the girl when you're drunk. Right.

In a way that, not to be stereotypical here, seems like you are a gay guy. Like, you know what I mean? No, really. Like, how dare you take my friend away? Like, this feels like that's something that a guy that's in love with you does. Now, I don't think that's really what's going on here. I think he's probably just a fucking idiot. But for them to be like... So, the first move is crazy. Right. It's so pathetic and weird to do that.

But then to be like, I was never sorry after all. That's where I'm confused then. That's like, that's actually the part that makes me feel like he's gay more than anything. That's like how a gay guy on a Bravo show, you know, like behaves. And by the way, I was faking it the whole time. Like, that's crazy. Why would you even say that? Even if you were lying. Right. Now that you're friends, now that you got what you want.

Now you also have to be like, oh, and by the way, I didn't... So this guy seems like he's fucking all over the place. Like he's out of control. Like, I don't know. And also, I have a bunch of friends that want me to squash the beef. All of this feels like right after college. It does. Because you know how many college friend groups...

There's a guy that you realize is a fucking idiot when you don't get... There's always the classic guys from college. The one guy who was the funnest guy in college, you're 25, he's actually... Oh, it turns out he's an alcoholic, actually. That's why he was so fun in college. It's because he just got fucked. He was always the guy getting fucked up. Like, I'm gonna hang out with Frank. Frank's always fucking drunk. Like...

And then it's like, dude, Frank keeps getting fired. He owes so much child support. Like, he just gets drunk all the time. What?

This feels a little like you have to, I think this feels a little bit like you shed people from college and you shed people at every point in your life. You grow, you become a different person. You realize like, oh yeah, guys that I really liked or people that I really liked in my life, I don't need them anymore or they're weird or they're like, they're,

Their issues don't come up until you have real life stresses. And even if it's not anything bad, you could just grow apart from someone. This guy just feels like kind of an asshole and it feels like...

You have to think, like, do I want this person in my life? Is this friend group that important to me? Do I want the... If they fuck with this guy this hard, do I want them in my life? And if the answer is yes, or you could be like, look, we can be friends, but we have to really talk this out. Like, what you said was unacceptable. And, like...

And then you claiming you weren't sorry is really fucking weird because take away whatever you did. Now you're just being disingenuous to me. You know what I mean? Like that in and of itself is a big issue. So I think if you wanted to, you could have one more conversation with this guy and give him the opportunity to actually truly apologize and give him one more shot. And then if he ever acts like this again, you could just be like, never mind. Fuck you.

You don't have to, though. You could certainly just cut this guy off. And my hunch is if you have this heart to heart with this guy, he's going to end up doing this kind of fuck shit anyway. It's just going to be six months later, a year later, whatever the fuck. So but that's, you know, that's my perspective. I don't know.

Oh, yeah. I think you have to set boundaries. And I feel like is he still with the girlfriend? No, he broke up with her. He broke up with the girlfriend. So the girl's not even really an issue anymore. The issue is just him behaving like this as a friend, right? I don't know. Have you had any big friend breakups? I think sometimes people just grow apart. I don't think it's like personal. It doesn't even have to get to this point. But if it gets to this point, I feel like...

You can give it time and if it comes back around, but I think the other friend saying they should squash it, he didn't do this to the other friend. Right, right, right, right. So it's like you can't tell me how to feel when he did this to me. Absolutely. But he seems repetitive. So I feel like even if you give it another chance, just set boundaries and know it may or may not happen again. Yeah. But don't be shocked if it does. Right. That's a good point. Yeah. If you want him back in your life, don't be shocked if he behaves this fucking stupid. Okay.

And then also if that's grounds for being like, all right, man, I gave you a shot. You keep acting like this. Get the fuck out. That's fine too. But yeah, that's, there's also a good middle ground of like, have him in your life, but understand who he is. Right. Which I have problems with. I'm a, I love cutting people off.

I love it. I don't want to understand. It's like either we just, can we please be on the same page? I don't want to have to deal with anything fucking annoying. I've definitely been the driving force in like Eldest and other friends where it's like people being annoying from college and I'm like, fuck that guy. Yeah. Don't speak to him. He sucks. That's definitely my thing. I don't know. Have you had any big ones, Eldest? Have you had any like big, anything, anyone you can think of or? Uh,

Not really. I've had like one big cutoff, but I kind of squashed it after a while too. Yeah. Because it's like, who cares? At a certain point, it really is who cares when you're like, it's 10 years after the thing that made you mad. It just feels weird to like not speak to someone at all who you're like so close with. But, you know.

I don't know. Yeah, at the end of the day, I feel like fuck them. But yeah, I get what you're saying. I feel like when you cut someone off and just cold ice them, no heads up, no nothing, it's not good to carry that around. Certainly. Especially if you have mutual friends. At the very least, it requires a conversation or something. So I don't know. Yeah, that's true. But in this situation, our friend is not...

He didn't cold cut him off. There's clearly multiple reasons here. Yeah, totally. So you're fine either way, buddy. We gave you a couple options here, and it's whatever feels right to you. We have like, it's kind of this beautiful, I'm the most extreme, Paris is kind of in the middle, and Eldis is nice.

Yeah. You know, it's like we have... I'm all for cutting people off, but it sounds like he cares about it. Yeah, that's true. So if you care, I feel like you have to accept the older you get, I feel like you have to accept people for who they are. Yeah. And with that, you have to set boundaries because clearly they're not similar. Right. No, that's a good point. And setting boundaries is something I fucking only...

Realized like three years ago Like I would just be pissed off You know what I mean It's so helpful and so nice to just be like This is acceptable You can just do this and you cannot do this And then if someone crosses that shit Then you know that you know They're being assholes Or they're being manipulative or whatever the fuck Here's with another one Big Eldest Starvy baby

So fun seeing you this past week in LA. Great show. Um, so my question today is I'm 30 now. I am wanting to explore and I'm a little curious as far as sexual experiences and I want to, you know, go to some play parties, like see what it's about. Maybe bring, bring some more people into the mix. Um,

It's been my experience before that waiting too long to ask a boyfriend or a partner to join me for this kind of thing, it can backfire. So now I'm bringing it up a little bit earlier when I'm dating. And my overwhelmingly response has been men that their egos can just crumble in front of me.

You know, when I like throw that idea out there and of course I do kind of get off on that. However, the goal is I do want to find a guy that I really just love watching another guy fuck me in front of him. And then, you know, has his wife with me too. So...

What should I do? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? What do you think, Stassi? Thanks so much. Bye-bye. Well, look, let's not get crazy here. You're asking a guy to watch... You're asking a guy you're dating to let you fuck a guy while he watches and him having a negative opinion. I wouldn't exactly categorize that as his ego crumbling.

I think he's got a pretty nice point being like, that sounds actually like it sucks. So let's just take a little bit of the judgment away from that. Call him crazy, but most guys don't really want to watch their wife get fucked by some guy.

But also, no judgment to them, but no judgment to you either. You know what you like. You want something. And I think what you're doing right is having these conversations earlier. Because here's the thing. There are people out there that are into this. I have friends who are like, who are...

Super open who are like, you know, they literally want this kind of thing and they want it as part of a... They want their partner to watch them fuck other people and they want to fuck people together and it's all, you know... People are out there. Is it a smaller percentage than... Are the guys that are not that pumped more of the people...

Yes, there are more guys that don't want to watch their wife get fucked than do. But they're still out there. So what you're doing right... You just got to bring this up early.

You're in LA, there's a bunch of fucking freaks out there. Isn't there a fucking... What's that, Field? We've talked about this. I haven't been on it, but I have friends who are... I gotta get on there. It seems like it's pretty easy to get pussy on that app. What is it? Field, it's like an app. It's kind of especially for this, like for open, for like... Like a kink app. Okay. A kink Tinder, basically. Yeah. Okay. So that exists. Yeah, so...

I think that's what you're doing right. And look, yeah, you don't want to... You definitely don't want to have someone who thinks he's in a completely different relationship and then two years in, he's like, hey...

His girlfriend's like, hey, how about I fuck some guy? And not only that, but you have to be there. You understand it's enough of an ask to be like, can I fuck another guy? But oh, by the way, would you mind watching? You're really kind of, that's a hard one. I can say for me, look, I'm no prude. I'm not interested in seeing my wife get fucked in front of me. What can I say? That's just the kind of guy I am.

What I think it's cool. I... And even, like, because I've dated people who are into, like, they want to go to sex parties, they want to do this shit. But it's like, look, that's not me. You know what I mean? It's like... And it's like, you know, I just... For me, I'm just, like, so, like...

I don't know, maybe it's also because as a performer, as somebody whose life you're being observed at all times, I'm like, can I have one thing that's mine? I have to worry about bombing while I fuck? I don't want that, right? I really don't want that. But you definitely can find those guys out there. Just be very forthright about it and like, you know,

Go to these play, maybe you meet people at this party. Go on that app. I know for a fact there's people into this kind of shit in LA big time. So yeah, this is just, you know, trying to Trojan horse someone into getting cucked is not the way to do it. Don't fucking be in a regular relationship and then be like, hey, would you mind if I cuck you afterwards? Find someone who's into that kind of thing straight up would be my advice. Yeah.

I agree. Yeah. Kind of wild. But yeah, that's not my... Eldest, would you ever... Would you ever not get cucked? Definitely you couldn't handle that. But would you go to like a sex party? No. Maybe to like to walk around. But just see it in person. Observe it. Because some of those, when you see them on shows or something, it is like, you know...

Some people are getting their cock sucked in the hot tub with a bunch of people hanging around. But some people are just eating finger sandwiches and having a nice glass of Prosecco by the pool. It does seem weirdly very open sexually, but also like, hey, you don't have to fuck. You can just chill out and talk about your job with some weird married couple. Yeah, that's true. Have you ever been to any of those? I haven't been. I think I want to start going. Not to have sex, just to...

just to observe. Yeah, just to observe. Just to do shrooms and look around. I'll be like the person that get people started on sex then I just walk off. That sounds pretty fun. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Yeah. Shrooms and an orgy is a hilarious move. You know what I mean? Who knows how those shits hit you. But that's true. I have a friend who she was talking about there's like a there's a

like a sex club in somewhere in Canada and she talks about she was telling me how like her and her friends go because it's cheaper for girls to go because every sex club shockingly needs more women laughing

But she was saying how they had a pool and that like it's actually the cheapest pool you have access to in her city. So they pay like either it's free for women to get in or it's some nominal...

charge and her and her friends just go sit by the pool topless don't fuck anyone just kind of have a nice time by the pool and it's like and they're and they're open like she this this friend of mine's in an open relationship so you know she's not a prude either but you can absolutely just go and just chill chill at the sex club but that's my advice to you my my uh freaky sultry voice friend

- Hi, Stavi. I'm a big fan of the show. I watch every single episode. - Oh, nice. Thank you. - I got out of a relationship five months ago after a year. It was a very toxic, crazy, insane relationship. The guy ended up going through psychosis because he was on drugs all the time and he would accuse me of things that I haven't done, besides everything else that he'd done.

Anyway, I broke up with him five months ago and it's been two months that I'm seeing this other guy. He's a very sweet, loving, caring guy. At least I think he is. But I have this fear that what if because my last relationship was so bad that I feel like he's good, he's nice. Because he's not that crazy or he's not like that.

Um, what it's like, I'm just settling for something that is just not crazy. I don't know. Um, I really have a good reference for what a good relationship is and I'm really scared. So help me tell me what would a good guy does that shows that he actually cares about someone. Thank you. Bye. Yeah. Dan.

you got your head all fucked up in that last relationship for sure. That's tough. I don't know. Have you had any real fucked up relationships that just kind of, just kind of like did a little damage? I think as far as trust, but never to the point where I'm like,

Well, the next relationship. Right. I don't put what problems I went through in one thing on another thing. Yeah. I feel like it's something... It comes from healing, though. Yeah, true. I think after a deep, bad, toxic relationship, you have to heal from it so you won't carry the baggage to the next relationship. Yeah. Yeah, that's key. And I think the number one thing I'm picking up from this call is that she hasn't healed, right? Right. Like, she's clearly got fucked up by this thing. And that it was two months ago. And...

Maybe the answer is you're just not ready to date anyone seriously because maybe a little bit of, yeah, you still need some time to recover. I mean, if it was that bad a relationship, I don't know if you're in therapy, but it sounds like therapy might be useful for you because you're talking about your baseline's all fucked up. You don't even know if someone, you can't trust. It's clear that you got so fucked up in that last relationship that you can't even trust anyone.

That someone being nice to you doesn't have ulterior motives or isn't doing it in a manipulative way, right? Like, that's what I'm getting here is that she's, A, worried that this could be another weird toxic relationship, or she's also worried that it's not good enough.

Which is a little weird on its own. Like, if you're happy and things are feeling good, then why always look for the thing? That's a big problem I have in a relationship is that I always kind of look for the problem. And that's something I'm, you know, tried to work on and just try to, like, when I'm happy in a relationship, don't think about potential issues. Just have a good time until a real issue happens and then deal with it when it shows up. So...

It sounds like you need a little bit of time to just kind of think about this stuff and reset a little bit. My advice would be if you were in something that feels like a good relationship and you don't just want to break up with this person because someone on a podcast said you need some time to heal, which is very valid, right? If you don't want to break up with them, then just go about things. Don't get ahead of yourself.

But the moment you feel a real problem, definitely act on it or break up or whatever you want to do. But until then, if this person is nice and it feels good, I wouldn't worry about settling or something just because your last relationship was so bad. Just feel how you feel. You're so worried about being manipulated emotionally.

By that last person that you're worried that he's continuing to manipulate you by giving you such a fucked up relationship that you'll end up in a worse one. So to me, it does sound like maybe you need to kind of...

Take some time for yourself. He'll go to therapy. Talk this through. It sounds like there's some major issues with you with your last relationship and maybe you're not ready. But if you don't feel like, you know, and I'm not saying you should end this relationship, but you could still work on those problems while you're in a different relationship. But to me, I'm a big, big therapy advocate here on the show.

And this feels like the kind of thing therapy can help with, in my opinion. I agree. Relationship stuff, it kind of helps, I think, the most with those and maybe family stuff, in my experience, anyway. I agree. And I think take it slow. Yeah. No expectations. Totally. Just coming in, just taking it slow, taking it for what it is. Spending time with someone, enjoying it. But yeah, that's good. Elders, what about you? You ever had a fucked up relationship? Nothing crazy. Just a little...

You know, early 20s dysfunctional a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Nothing wild. Nothing wild. Nobody fucking keyed your car? No. I'm not even kidding. Oh, this isn't being forthright, folks. Mr. Sula's not being honest with you. Not like your friend Stavros in Paris. But all right, we'll move on. We'll move on.

Hey Stav, hey Elvis, big fan of the show. I'm calling in because for the past two years I've been working for my two best friends doing music, audio, work stuff and some other creative design shit for them.

And I've been, it's been a really, like, comfortable job. I make a decent living, but it's extremely unfulfilling. As my friends sort of, like, dictate everything in a very autocratic way, I have very little creative input on what I do and feel like I've been burned and undermined in several ways during the job. So, and I even moved to a new city for this. And I've been miserable the whole time.

And I finally decided I'm gonna move back to LA, which they're pretty much cool with. I'm turning 31. This made me think about what I want to do long term with my life and thinking about going freelance for audio, music, audio, visual design stuff. And I look at you and be the successful independent artist

And I know how hard that is. My brother's an independent artist. But at least I could be in control of my own life instead of living someone else's dream. I've got $100K in the bank, equity from this company I've been working for. I feel like it makes sense to take the risk and do my own thing. But I could be making a mistake leaving a safe job and maybe pissing my friends off.

So, sorry if I'm giving Eldis any big ideas. I love you guys. All right, bye. Eldis, delete this right now. I called in with a voice modifier. Can I just say it's disgusting how disloyal you are to your friend working hard, giving you $100K in the bank, wanting to bite the hand that feeds you.

No, no. Eldest knows he's fucked. What is he going to do? What is he going to do? Cut clips for Matt Rife? I'd love to see you try, motherfucker. Go ahead, Eldest. Get some big ideas from this guy. Eldest just starts hitting up every fucking TikTok comedian. It's like, I have some experience with Stavis. I don't know if you've seen his page.

I'd love to do to create some crowd work content for you. My portfolio is clips of you talking to people about eating their wife's pussy. Here's my resume. With like typos in the captions and shit. Here's my resume. It's my fat friend accusing four guys in Atlanta of being gay with each other. Um...

No, but yeah, I mean, this is the classic, I think this is the classic dilemma of, like, safety and, like, you know, a good living or a risk and, like, not having any regrets. Now, look, clearly you called into this show and...

I squarely always am on the side of give it a shot. You can always find a regular ass job. You can always try. You can always go back to that. Maybe not with your friends, right? Maybe you burn that bridge at that company.

But also, I don't think you'd piss them off if you were like, hey, guys, I've been working here for a while and I want to do my own thing. If your friends get pissed off at that, they're not your friends to begin with. Absolutely. Now, it might be a little difficult. There might be some tension in the workplace. There might be, especially if you help them transition you out, I don't see any issue long term if they're really your friends. Yeah.

You know, me and the kinds of people I have on the show, for the most part, we're all people who did take that risk and who couldn't imagine having a regular ass job. Right. Which is, you know, definitely how I feel. And I think you owe it to yourself to give it a try. You have a little money saved up. Now, you need a plan. Don't get me wrong. Like, did he scroll down? Did he say what? He just wants to be freelance right now, basically? Yeah.

And think about going freelance for audio, music, audio, visual design stuff. Yeah. So, yeah, dude, look, you got to have a plan. You know the industry. You've been working in it for a while. You have to be realistic with yourself. It's one thing to be like, I can't stand taking orders and I can't stand having no artistic control.

um i'm just gonna fucking quit and i'm just gonna put you know i'm gonna make my money how how are you gonna do it where are you freelancing could you kind of start freelancing while you still have the job could you work what a lot of people do like we all had day jobs when we i had day jobs when i started stand up i worked nights and week i you know i did my passion nights and weekends could you do that um could you you know could you really you know

Could you start, could you just start the way everybody starts their side as a side hustle and then, you know, test the waters, grow it out, see if you can expand the business. But I'm always in favor of doing that. You know, my little brother, a good example is like my little brother was a, is a trainer at a gym and, you know, he was working at him. He was making good money in his industry, but he,

He wanted to start his own thing. And I was like, fuck it, let's do it. I went into business with him. And because there's nothing more exciting for me than seeing somebody get an opportunity to do that. And that's such a fucked up thing in America where it's like so few people have the expendable income to start their own thing or to start a new business. The proudest I've been in my career with anything I've done is helping my brother start his business because...

He was really talented, but because, you know, before I got lucky and made a little money in comedy, he wouldn't have had a way to do that. A rich guy would have just had him by the balls and he would have just had to fucking work for him forever.

Sounds like you've got the opportunity to kind of at least give it a shot. And here's the other thing. If you give it a shot and it doesn't work out, you will never wonder. The wonder will kill you. Being a fucking old guy and being like, what if I gave it a, you know, why didn't I ever do it? Could I have done it? That's what kills you. Knowing you failed, knowing you didn't have what it takes kills.

Honestly, it's not... That's not bad. You gave it a shot. That's a worthwhile pursuit. And you're like, yeah, I tried. I was pretty good, but not good enough. This is better for me, and I do my own shit on the weekends if I feel like it. It will always be the... What eats you away will be like wondering if it could have happened. So you go, you give it a shot. It doesn't work out. Not the end of the world, but staying where you're clearly unhappy, that's not helping you either. But, you know...

Do it slow. Make sure you have a plan. Start it as a side hustle and then see if it can grow into the, you know, your own thing. And also, I would also say make sure you're not unhappy about something else. Because a lot of people can blame their jobs about shit. But like, you know, maybe you're the rest of your life fucking sucks dick too. You know what I mean? Like, maybe, maybe like, you know, I mean, you said you didn't like the city you were in. Moving back to LA is big. Will that be okay?

Will that improve your happiness? Are you in a bad relationship? You know, like there's a lot of factors. Because look, the other thing is a lot of people are just kind of happy in a regular ass job. It's also very stressful to do your own thing. Like it's like sometimes you make you have a ton of money. Sometimes you have negative money. You don't know when the next thing's coming. Like as much as I value freedom, some people like I value freedom and I'm OK in high stress environments, right?

And some people just aren't. And sometimes it's like that's a lot of pressure to deliver, especially like, you know,

So especially if you have projects that are fully up to you or people, you know, Albanian mouths to feed. What happens if I don't sell tickets? There's fucking guys on the street. You know what I mean? Not everyone can deal with that kind of pressure. So there's pros and cons. There's pros and cons to everything. But you have to, I think, it sounds like you owe it to yourself to give it a little shot here.

It's kind of how I see the thing. Yeah, at least try. Yeah.

At least. That's the least you can do. Give it a shot for a year or two. Did you ever have like a... Were you ever like thinking like, all right, I'll see what happens. Did you have like a... If I don't make it by this or if I'm not doing it by this, did you have any kind of backups or anything like that? I didn't have backups, but I always was like the least I can do is try. Because when you try, then you can figure out where you went wrong, at least if you went wrong. But it's like you don't regret it later. At least you sit back on it. Went all lost and like...

At least I didn't. Of course, yeah. And I don't know if you feel this way, but I remember, I mean, I just kind of like, I was 19 doing open mics and then I blinked and I was 33. You know what I mean? Where it's like, well, I don't have any fucking choice now. Yeah, no, you can't turn back. I feel like once you get so comfortable with being independent, it's kind of hard to go back under someone's rules. Oh, yeah, for sure.

For sure. It would take a real big payday for us to fucking... And even then, would we really still be happy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the moment, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would have to be so much money that you would have to have an annoying few years and then could retire. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. But yeah. Just try. Just give it a shot. What do you think, Eldis? Yeah, do it. Especially if...

If he's doing what he's doing, like audio... What do you say? Audiovisual shit? Like, yeah. Move to LA and fucking do that shit. He'll fucking fall into so many jobs out there doing that shit. No problem, probably. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. It's scary, but... I mean, I feel like starting a company with your friends is also scary. True. I know when I quit my job and started working with you, the night before I quit, like... I was at, like, my girlfriend's parents' house. Yeah.

And I, like, couldn't sleep the night before. I was just nervous because I just had a job out of college. Yeah. And my, like, legs were literally wobbly. I was, like, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. And I was, like, what the fuck is going on? I know. I had to drag this motherfucker kicking and screaming.

I had to already be rich, successful. He took no risks ever. He just got lucky I didn't want to work with a stranger. And he was still sweating. See, Elvis could never handle it. You know what I mean? But yeah, fucking do it. Yeah, dude. If you're not happy what you're doing, like...

Just do it. It'll be fine with your friends. They'll understand unless they're dickheads. And if they don't, they're dickheads. Yeah. Let's do one more call. But before we do, let's get you to plug some stuff, Paris. You're going on tour. Going on tour. Toxic masculinity tour. Bringing the honesty that these women need. You knew what you was getting into, man. Look at the time.

That's fucking awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. Follow me. Yeah. Where can they find you? At Paris Sashay. P-A-R-I-S-S-A-S-H-A-Y. The tickets are on my website. Official Paris Sashay dot com. On my Instagram. Yeah. Hell yeah. Great. Go see Paris live.

Yeah, you're going to love it. She's coming all over the place. Nice big fall tour for her. We're also on tour, stavi.biz for tickets. You know that by now. But yeah, follow Paris, see her live, support everybody you see on the show. We only bring our friends here at Stavi's World, only people we vouch for. All right, I'll just play us off with one nice final call here. We might have just a call for you here, Paris. Oh, let's do it.

Hey, Savvy. You are one of my favorite people. I love your perspective. I love your vibe. I would love to know your perspective or advice on something that's been just like really weighing on me for the past month. And it's like, I don't know how to put this, but it's like,

I feel like it's very normal in American culture for men to just like really fixate on like really, really young women. Like the closer to 18, the better. You've heard of the problem with bears? I don't know. Lately I've been, it's hard for me to not see it all around me. And like, I just feel like I live in this culture where like low key men,

Like, my pedophilia and, like, pedophilic-type thoughts are really normal in it. And, I don't know, this has been, as a woman, just, like, watching men engage with me through these lines all the time has been very...

hard and uncomfortable and I'm like I'm not I'm like wanting to not hate men but sometimes it's hard um how do I not hate men in this world sure help a girl out you might be the only one for the job right now thank you love you thank you yes hey look I don't you know why don't you tell us as an 18 year old who's dating grown men why don't you provide that perspective Paris

And then I'll provide mine. Oh, first of all, she said, how does she not hate men in this world? As a lesbian, it's easy to not hate them and just not deal with them. It's not that hard.

So the problem is that she's upset that men are dating women closer to 18. Yeah, like young girls. Young women. But at least they're 18. At least they're 18, yes. At least they're 18. Yes. But I think that older men date younger women because they don't have to mature by dating younger women. Yes. When you date older women, you have to mature. Sure. So... Less steaks.

Right, they don't want to grow up. Then they just go to what's impressive. An 18-year-old is impressed by a lot. She doesn't know anything. Yeah, and look, your instincts to... Yeah, there's two things, right? Like you said, at least they're 18. And at a certain point, it's like, you just got to be like... If it's legal, at a certain point, you just got to make a cut off and be like, look...

That's not how I'd operate, but it's like, fine, do your own thing, right? Like the way people behave, people do a lot of shit that I don't approve of, right? But it's like, I'm not going to let it get all worked up about it. But what you just said is absolutely right, where it's like, yeah, it's easier to date somebody younger. And so...

For you to think like, you know, just to find that behavior annoying or, you know, not, you know, not approve of it.

Certainly that's very reasonable for you to feel that way, but it's also not to do hashtag not all men, but it's like don't deal with the ones that date 18, 20, whatever year olds. That's not your cup of tea? Fine, fuck those guys. There's plenty of other people that...

You know, unless I don't understand. Is she you're not around that age and are mad that old guys are hitting on you. Right. It's like I was thinking that at first, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to say that. I don't know. It doesn't it doesn't seem like that, really. I mean, I think she did mention something a little at the end about like she just looks at every interaction with men through this lens. Right. But I think she's just like this is a more abstract like.

She's just like frustrated with youth obsessed borderline pedophilic culture. Which I get the frustration, right? That's totally, that's absolutely, you know. But also it's like on the flip side of Paris is like, you know, sometimes people are adults, consenting adults, and some 18-year-olds want to date older men, right? Like you had Paris trying to pay her cricket wireless bill. That's right. Listen, heads held with those bills. Yeah.

couldn't date a 10th grader he doesn't have any money but his dad does and we needed his dad's help alright not 10th grade let's actually no I'm joking let's say senior year but it's special ed though you could be 18 in 10th grade they don't kick you out of special ed until you're 24 but yeah it's like so on some level it's like look

There's guys who are going to want to fuck these women, these women who are looking for an older guy, whatever. And I get feeling like it's unseemly, right? But at the end of the day, it's like, if both these people want that and no one's really hurting anyone...

Now, that's not to say that a lot of these, a nice chunk of these relationships aren't weird and there isn't some kind of, you know, quasi abusive situation going there, but some of them there aren't. And at a certain point, you just got to be like, that's fucking weird. I don't want any part of it. But it's like the way I look at burning, man. It's like, hey, that's fucked up. I want nothing to do with that.

I'm not hanging out with those fucking guys. No, thank you. But, you know, do whatever the fuck you want in the desert. I think you kind of have to look at it the same way. But I mean, you know, you're not wrong in the frustration. Just look for people that, you know, look for look for people that you don't. It's also like, what are you gaining out of fixating on this?

It's just like personal negativity that you're just mad about an abstract bad thing in the world. And look, the reality is there's a lot of abstract bad shit in the world. So much. So you can't just be thinking of one. Now, it'd be a different thing if like you or your little sister or someone was getting like, you know, you felt like somebody close to you was in one of these weird relationships that you didn't approve of. That's different. But to let something, anything in the abstract bother you this much...

I don't know. If we're picking abstract things to worry about, there's much shittier things. There's much... There's, you know, people getting really fucking... You know, there's genocides and shit that we don't even cover. You know, there's so much shit that, like, just treat it like it's something you fucking hate and just don't, you know, don't deal with it. And understand that in some cases, it's like both these people want this, and even though you don't approve...

Hey, whatever. You know, it's their lives and, you know, it's maybe some of these are sad, but what are you going to do? You know, you can't just be getting, can't be getting pissed off about everything that sucks in the world.

But, you know, your feelings are understandable, but just don't let it just bum you out in perpetuity. Yeah, and just don't date the guys that date them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of grown men that only date grown women. It's okay. Yeah, exactly. Find them. Date them. Find them. Those are your guys. Do we have like a short...

Fun one to go out on, or are we doing this one where this woman sounds really depressed? Do we want an update? Sure, let's do an update, and then we'll say goodbye to our friends here this week.

Hey, stop. Big fan, long-time listener, first-time caller. Greetings to you and Alyssa and this esteemed guest. I was just listening to the episode with Caitlin Palufo on your Patreon, and somebody called in and asked where to meet hot, chubby goth chicks, and you left out one crucial piece of advice.

burlesque shows I know so many hot chubby golf girls that either do or go to burlesque shows and I don't know man I think you need to throw that out there and give that little piece of advice to any of your fans that also want to bag themselves a hot chubby golf chick so what's the show can't wait to see in Philly in August and or wait November can't wait to see in Philly in November alright have a good one bye alright thank you for calling in

On Kaylin's episode last week, a caller asked where to find chubby goth. Not the transcription says golf, but goth chicks. And, you know, burlesque is a good route, actually. I never thought of that. You know, get in there. You do, you know, you can definitely find some. But I don't know if they're the exact type of goth girl he wants.

These feel like theater goth girls, not burlesque anyway, not like dangerous, you know what I mean?

I feel like burlesque is a little bit like roller derby girl-like territory. But there is a big overlap, though. Yeah, yeah. There is. Actually, the roller derby's not bad either, Elders. Did we say roller derby last time? We may have said it. So, yeah, burlesque works, but absolutely. It's certainly a type of... It's maybe a softer goth girl. Not as dangerous, not into as much, like, you know, Halloween shit. I think she is right there. There probably is, like, a lot of overlap. Plenty of overlap, and you're right. Thank you so much for calling in. Thank you for being a Patreon member, and thank you for buying tickets to...

to the Met in Philadelphia. We'll be there in November. Just out of the second show, folks. Go buy your fucking tics. But that's going to do it for us. Paris, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Such a fun episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go see Paris live and we'll be back soon with another episode, guys. I believe, yeah, I won't say who it is. We don't know the order yet, but we'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.