#101 - Edy Modica and Clare O'Kane
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Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Right now, obviously you recognize who we have on the couch. They're part of what's now sweeping the nation. Let's start a cult. By now, we've been in theaters for a couple weeks.

We've probably beaten My Big Fat Greek Wedding as the number one independent comedy of all time. Or maybe she was romantic comedy. That's really my idol. No joke. Not even kidding. My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the number one grossing. Shout out to Nia. Windex. Shout out to Windex. Great, great bit.

A lot of good stuff in that movie. But I remember being a little kid and being like, Joey Fatone, he's not even fucking Greek. It pissed me off that he was in it. But since then, I've realized there's not that many working Greek actors. Nia was doing her best, and I don't hold it against her for casting Joey Fatone. Nia, please come do Stavi's world. She's actually the dream guest.

But yes, obviously, from our original cult, you guys know Edie and Claire. Yeah, how's it going, gang? Thanks for coming out. Chill. Chilling. We're chilling, yeah. Remember our magical cast BWW dinner, Buffalo Wild Wings? I do. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. The entire experience was actually quite fun. It was fun. Yeah, well, you guys came for the first part where it was like, we're making a move.

Yeah. It felt like that. This is so awesome. And then as soon as you guys left, it was like, okay, this is pretty fun. And then like two days later, it's like, all right, hey,

We wanted to do this. We said we wanted to make a movie. And it was like, by the end, it was like, I'm going to fucking, if we don't get this fucking shot, I'm going to fucking kill myself. And, but we got a movie made and that's what's important. I saw some red flags popping up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. There were some moments. Yeah. There were plenty of bagels though. And just so you know, remember how good the food was? It only got much, much better. Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, I'm sure. There,

There was a fire. Yo, that's right. There was a fire. At the barn, remember? At the barn. There was a fire at the barn. Wow, that really actually... You know what's funny? That caused a lot... Because we had to... That ended up being the shot we couldn't get because of the fire...

had to be the last shot of the whole movie and we were about to get it and then a thunderstorm happened and they were like legally we cannot shoot right now they made us stop or it was first it was raining and then it was like because of lightning everyone has to go inside and then we just had to wait

We were about to wrap. It was the last shot. And then we had to, I, we waited for till like four or 5am to the point where we just, we got the shot with like just a cameraman and me. And, uh, and then we just hit Denny's afterwards. It was like 6am me, Wes, our boy Saxon, the

The camera operator, Ben Kittnick, of course, our director. It was pretty nice. It was the most triumphant. The Denny's was good. So just to kind of pump this movie, we ate at both Buffalo Wild Wings and Denny's. And that's kind of the most important thing you guys need to know about. It started at Buffalo Wild Wings. It started at Buffalo Wild Wings. It ended at Denny's. How beautiful. That's beautiful American art right there. I think you brought together a nice little cast too. Yes. All complicated.

It's true. We did have a great cast to the point where it's so funny.

how like people are going to be mad at how little funny people, like there's so many funny people and they're in the movie for like two and a half minutes. It was shocked you even are having a song. Or even when I saw like my parents saw the poster and they were like, oh my God, she's on the poster. And I was like, I'm not even in it. I'm not in it. Yeah. I know that. And all your dumb fuck fans are like, yeah, you're on the fucking poster. Yeah.

With my boy. Yeah, I guess I am. Congrats. That's going to be awesome for you, actually. Yeah, thank you. No worries. Your fans actually rock. Thank you. I think they're going to love this.

movie because they will it is actually funny i don't know i know that we we don't have to suck our own dicks here for making a good movie too much but i just wanted to make i don't know nobody just makes a stupid ass comedy like no one makes something stupid yeah it's dumb as shit it's not like a good movie it's like a funny old comedy or like the way that like the jokes are like ugly yeah

Gay guy. Gay guy. Genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need classic stuff. We need classic stuff. Yeah. Remember the fake balls? Yeah. I could not forget that.

That was so funny. No, that's one of my big talking points in promoting the movie. Okay, good. Because you got to give them a little something, you know? So I've let everybody know my only, my biggest artistic gripe with the movie is that they didn't let me use my real balls. I really wanted to use my real balls. Those are long, long silvers, huh? They were.

They were long and small. I don't have... They were hard. Yeah, they were hard. Yeah, they were really hard. They looked a lot like the ones you hang off a... A car. A truck. Yeah, truck nuts. Absolutely. It would have taken a beating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were... So that is my biggest... And I still was lobbying. I was like, can we get a close-up of my real nuts in there? Can I send you something to take a look at? Yeah, we'll talk about it. Talk about it.

I just kept emailing the production company more and more high def pictures of my balls. Subject line, balls. Can you overlay these? We've got to be close to being able to. Why couldn't you show your own balls? They were just scared of the nudity aspect, I guess. Everybody's so fucking scared. It's disgusting. Isn't it hard when you're an artist?

And these big corporations try and, you know, neuter you. They literally... It would be good for the world for us to see your real ass balls. That would have been funny, though. I guess you're right. Now I'm thinking of what I'm lobbying for, and it's for...

Like at the premiere, like my mother seeing my balls, I guess. And a bunch of actors in a room and your balls are out. Hey, hey, we would have cleared the room. You wouldn't have had to look at my real balls. We could have used the fake one for the scene and then, you know, got the intimacy. Intimacy. Yeah. Insert of my balls. Sorry to get so Hollywood guys. I'm a fucking actor now. So you can forget this podcast has maybe, you know, two months left. What do you think? We're going to do it.

We're going to do eight episodes where it's all ads to contractually finish our obligations. Where it's like just twisted tea ad, tushy ad after gambling ad, just to finish that out. And then I'm buying a place in Malibu. We're going to start surfing, Eldis. Whoa. You're coming, dude. You guys in Jonah Hill. Yep. Jonah's coming, you know. You're following his footsteps.

Oh, yeah. Every way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I can't wait. Eldest isn't going to be allowed to surf without his shirt on anymore. I'm going to be like, you better fucking put that, those fucking tits away, Eldest. Those are just for me, dude. Yeah. Good stuff. You guys ever had to show nudity in a movie? I have. Yeah, we both showed our bush. I know that's why. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. In high maintenance. High maintenance.

Oh, you showed Bush in that. Amazon, right? Amazon pilot that didn't get picked up.

Because the bush was too... Too thick. Good. They said we should rename this Bush Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your strategy in terms of how much... What the bush was going to look like? Did you just kind of whatever was going on? That wasn't in my purview. I didn't even think about it. Didn't think about it. I was like, it's perfect as it is. Was anybody like trimming like... Really? I had a guy, a makeup guy who was like... Because it was a period piece. Yeah.

And they didn't know if they should make it bigger. Oh, wow. It was already pretty big. The pussy? Yeah. The pussy was big enough. And so there's this guy looking at my mound. They were like, let's flick that thing. Get it bigger. Can we engorge that? Somebody get the vacuum out. Let's just fucking hit this with the Hoover for a couple seconds. It's like a hoover.

We got those pneumatic tubes they fucking used to do bank notes in. Let's put it in that for a second. But this guy, he was so grossed. He was like grossed out by it. Gay guy don't want to like, yeah. And he didn't want to touch it. By your slimy clam. By my slimy, hairy clam.

A brutal thing for a gay guy to have to deal with. He was like, I want to be in the pictures. I don't want to see pussy ever. Tacoma aroma. I'm at work. But he was so grossed out, and then I found out he did the makeup on the movie The Fly. And he was grossed out by mine. That was the grossest thing he's ever seen. Crusty pussy, I guess.

You were dripping all over Jeff Goldblum. Yeah, weird ass half-fly Jeff Goldblum. Not a problem for him. That was gnarly. That was fucked up. You know, folks, I haven't always been this...

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And there was like one, just this is like nudity related. Okay. There was this one teacher who like, acting school is such like you look back and you're like. Yeah, it seems so stupid. It's ridiculous. And it's all, the teachers are like people who wish that they were actors. So then they use their power against you. Yeah. Mean as fuck to you.

It's their one moment because they know statistically they're going to come across a handful of people that will be successful. Yes. And for those moments, they get to be, it's like, you know how time doesn't matter? They get to exert their power over somebody who will be more successful later on. But there's a time in the universe where they're, yeah. There was one teacher who was like, is there something wrong with your eyes?

In front of the class. That's awesome. No, bitch, there's nothing wrong with my eyes. What was going on? Just the way you look? She just wanted to hurt me. But there was this other teacher who, like, it was known that he loved, he respected you more if you did nudity in his class. Awesome. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. And I was in a scene with this guy, and, like, I played a nun, but the guy...

Had to be naked and he was like so excited to be naked Oh really had to stand behind this like partition before we came out and we're like standing this close to each other He's completely naked he was going like this on his dick with two fingers like a cigarette to get it like He was laughing laughing like this

Well, you gotta respect, you gotta respect he could have jacked it. He was doing a professional, he was doing a professional reverse flick. I've never thought about that. And he told me in a rehearsal, we did like, he was like, can you like take your clothes off too? Okay. You play a nun? I play a nun who doesn't take her clothes off. What was the scene? I don't remember. I don't remember.

remember. God, that's so fucking funny. It was like we were in a cave. It was some like ancient play. Sounds good. And you took and you got naked to rehearse? I was in my bra and underwear and then he said, I have a crush on you. Oh my god. Awesome. It was crazy. And this was in the building. In the building. Wow. It's sick there. So wait, he rehearsed with his dick out?

Yeah, he got naked because he wanted to feel comfortable. And I was like, that sounds right. Oh, boy, I love acting. Whatever it takes for the craft. I have to look at your dick. That's so funny. Yeah, you know how people who do like fucking Wicked, they paint themselves green head to toe every fucking rehearsal. Really made sense. His whole cock had to be. He couldn't just be in underwear. Yeah.

Well, he was like, if I'm going to do it in front of the class, I want to make sure that I can at least do it in front of one person. Fuck off. Good thing he was a coward, I guess. What school is that? American Academy of Dramatic Arts. It's a two-year exam school. Sounds real. I used to work for a company called American Government Mortgage that the whole thing was calling old people thinking the government was calling them so that they would refinance. And you kind of went to the acting school version of that. Yeah.

I was very bad at it, by the way. Don't judge me. I never turned a single old person. I was a telemarketer at American Government Mortgage. Did you ever go to acting school? No. I went to a sixth grade, the Baltimore School for the Arts Twigs program. Last year. Yeah, last year. They put you based on ability. So I got into sixth grade.

Yeah, I was that was my that was honestly the last time because there was sixth grade was a big crossroads in my life where I was like, I love acting. I love being like what, you know, whatever. And then going to that program actually made me be like scared. And like, I was never around. It was cool because it's like it was me and like.

a bunch of girls and like one gay kid. And so I was like, this is awesome, dude. This is just me and these like, you know, these, and then I was like, oh, actresses are out of their minds. Like even as a little kid, I was like, what the fuck is going on here? They scared me. It was like, they were committing. They were like, I remember there was one time where this hot girl was like crawling on the floor in a fucked up way. And we have to do all this weird body work. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking dance and shit. I want to be funny. And I literally, at

At the same time I was going for like I was auditioning for the school play and that was that was going to Twigs and then the school Twigs It was called Twigs you know and then and then the and then the school play I don't remember what it was but I was that's when I made the decision where I was like nah I'm fucking I play sports Whoa

I actually don't do... I actually don't think acting's cool. But that's the coolest thing you could do is have done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then do another thing, too. Right, right, right. Go back. Like, oh, I used to do, like... Yeah, I used to do that. And literally, I auditioned for... Later on, like, when it was time to go to high school, because Baltimore's, like, there's two good schools, there's three okay schools, and everything else is, like, scary to be at. And so...

And one of the good And like one of them was So I got into the two good schools And Baltimore School for the Arts But I literally didn't go Because I toured the school And it was just like Everyone's like dancing And I was like Wait I was like Where's the football team? And they're like We obviously don't have A football team It's the fuck And I was like Pfff

See ya. I got to fucking go play sports, which, you know, I fucking quit those too. You could have been a dancing bisexual. I could have, yeah. Twig. That would have been nice, yeah. I know. I wonder if I would have gotten slurped off by any dudes in high school because I wasn't, no girls would fuck. I wonder if I could have fucked more girls in art school. I think if you stayed. Yeah. For sure. Just by being straight in art school. Yes. Fuck.

Oh, man. I made a mistake. The most sexual things were happening. You're so right. Theater camp. You're so right. Sounds like, no, I'm going to compete with jocks. Yeah. Oh, that's why you fucking pop in, Elvis. You're over there fucking typing all fucking episodes, not saying shit. Then you hear a nice time to slam me. You're fucking 6'4". You couldn't make the basketball team at your fucking school that just opened. Fuck you. I never tried. I had no interest. Fuck you.

They tried. No, they tried to get him, and that's how bad he was. He was like, no, please. I know I'm going to embarrass myself. They begged him to join the basketball team. I know this story, you motherfucker. Don't even try and pretend it didn't happen. But yeah, no, you're absolutely right. I was like, yeah, I'm not going to try and be the most masculine man at art school. I'm going to try and be the fucking strongest guy on the football team. What?

with kids that literally played in the nfl like kids in my school were so jacked and fucking they were crazy yeah they were so literally three of the kids i played football with played in the nfl and one of them at the time i won't say his name but he was awesome he uh he was fully he was 17 or 18 fully was dating a 29 year old single mother she would like pick him up and shit she was hot as shit that's awesome he's the man he

He did something really cool in an NFL game, but I won't say it because then people will be able to like... You don't want to expose him. I don't want to expose him and then I don't want, you know, that lady to go to jail. I'll tell you. Yeah, bleep it out. Well, you won't actually care that much. I might, no. No, no, he bleeped it out, which is cool. You don't care about it. See? See what I'm saying? That's why... That is crazy. Wow!

Sorry, he fucking, I don't know, his friends with Henry Rollins or something you care about. I don't know if I get it. You don't know shit about me. I really don't. I don't even know a band. I was like trying to come up with something. A guy who's a poet now. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That seems like it's up your alley or something or...

I dated a football player when I was a freshman in high school. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. It was only because I was a part of a group of three girlfriends, and I was just the last one left. Sure. And so he had his boys. Right. And then he had his pick. Of course. It was dodgeball rules. Yeah. You were the last one picked. Yeah. He was the first Josh I ever dated, and then I ended up dating him.

Two more. All athletes? No. Absolutely not. Is that the last athlete you dated? Yeah. Or like jockey type guy? Totally. He was a football player. Nice. How about you? Any football players, Edie? No. Really? No. No athletes whatsoever. Skateboarders don't count. Skateboarders don't count. Skinny artists. Right. In high school it was more like...

Yeah, I was in Phantom of the Opera. That kind of like that changed the trajectory of my entire life because I was Lily. And I wish I was Christine. And I feel like I almost wish that never happened. I was like, oh, I'm a star. What do you think you'd be doing? No, no Phantom of the Opera. Where are you at right now?

If it didn't happen. If the phantom doesn't happen. You say you don't, you wish it hadn't happened. I don't know, maybe a therapist or something. I feel that way too. I'm thinking about doing that soon. I'm thinking about it now as a matter of fact. Wow. I know some people whose lives aren't going good that actually are recently going into therapy as well.

Something's going around. Yeah. We'll see what happens with this movie in the two minutes that we're in it. Well, it's already, I mean, obviously, you know, it's November something. We'll put the date in right here. Yeah. Or, or 11th. I don't remember. It's either November 4th or 11th. And by now you guys, your phones have been ringing off the hook. The prequel starting there already. I honestly do think that would be a legit great idea. Yeah.

Because you guys are so, the first cult is so fucking funny and we just barely, you know. It was fun. It was really fun.

I'm excited to see the cold sore. Yeah, it didn't... Oh, yeah, I forgot you had a cold sore. It doesn't come across. It's another part of... We need to work a little bit on effects a little bit. We didn't have much of a budget on this movie. Yeah. But what are you going to do? I sent a picture when that was put on to three of my closest girlfriends, and I was like, dude, I'm so upset. I woke up this morning, and I had this cold sore. It's so bad. And all three of them were like...

I was like fuck all of you do you think it's really like noticeable it looks insane it looked really rude it looked gnarly we just fucked it up some way it was better than the balls that's for sure definitely better than the balls for sure

So what were you, were you like as, how old were you when you did Phantom of the Opera? What age was that? Sophomore year. Sophomore year. So before that, what are your main interests as a kid? I was into, I did like musical theater camp too. Okay. Wow. Musical theater was like my life. Really? Yeah. In New York too. Yeah. Oh, you grew up here? Well, in Nyack. Nyack. Still, but yeah. Oh yeah. Wow. That mall must have been a huge source of pride. It really came in. It still is. Yeah. It's incredible. It's a great mall. How do you know about the mall?

They got a comedy club. Levity Live. Levity Live. Yeah, I don't want to brag, but one time I had buffalo chicken bites with Steve Ranazzisi at the Yard House across from Levity Live. So, yeah, shit was going good for me, you know. We're trying to make it back. We're big Yard House guys, me and Eldis. I love the Yard House. The Yard House is not bad. The Yard House is not a bad place to grab a bite.

Give it what it deserves, Eldest. We legit might go to Levity Live because I want to work on the hour around here. But beautiful Nyack, New York. It's gorgeous. It's interesting. So as a little kid, you were like always about musicals and shit. Yeah, I was like, no, I'm an actor. That's incredible. Did you put on your own little plays and make everybody watch? Yeah. Yeah, classic. For sure. Singing. Nice. Oh, you were a triple threat?

Yeah. I used to... It's so fucking pathetic now to be... Because nobody wants to think they were destined for podcasting, but I used to... I had one of those tape recorder things when it had a mic. I legit would...

kind of do podcasts where my grandfather would send over tapes from Greece and I would just fucking listen to his shitty old Greek music and be like, oh, this kind of sucks. I'm just going to talk. I was like doing a show. I was doing a show. And then my dad was like so pissed because I taped over all the music with me talking. I was like six years old and I was like, okay, we're just going to clear that up, folks. Here's what I think is the best part of Peter Pan. It was just like...

Literally podcasting. You felt moved to share your opinions forever. Forever. And it's like, wow, we really maybe just were...

who we were when you were a little-ass kid. I really think so. I wrote in my journal when I was like 14 a list of things I wanted to do, and one was be a stand-up comedian, meet Conan O'Brien, be in an IFC movie, which technically is just an independent production.

independent film yeah and i ended up doing most of the show bush on amazon yeah amazon unpicked up pilot make gay guy gag with pussy hair yeah that's like even my friend um me and a good friend of ours are an old roommate had a kid recently and i've been around it's like the first kid that i've

You know, he's like the first one of your actual contemporaries having a kid. Like, it's not like a family, like some older cousin or it's like, this kid is really like a kid I've been around for as an adult. I'm best friends with his mom. Like, I've been observing this kid since he was born. It's like, I bet I know what he's going to be like. He's kind of been behaving the same way since he was...

The second you could kind of like make a person out, he's kind of been behaving that way. And you're like, oh, wow. People have felt, it's just like we're like this from when we're so little. I'm pumped to see what that little guy's up to. Yeah, unless something really bad happens. Yeah, which it will. Yeah, something could really shit all of us. Yeah.

Nature versus nurture. That's really true, yeah. Hopefully no hugely traumatic event happens. And he's a shell of his former baby self as a teen. That light in his eyes goes out a little bit. What do you think he's going to be?

He's just kind of a, he's a little, he's a bit of a show off already. Like I'm like, oh no. He's gonna be on CNN. I see it. And he's literally like, he's like a bit of a nerd in that when he was a little, when he was super little, he would have those like baby flashcards and he would just be like, Apple. And like put it down and be like. He's not a nerd. He's a nerd.

learning no he's a fucking dork he loved it apple is no no he would like that they were seeing him know what and he also like you get it too yeah it was both right he liked learning and then he saw the the like and then he would point it and then he would do ones that he knew and he would like watch you watch him and be like and he would smile so he learned he would and then and he didn't even wait for you to see him he would just flip it over and be like apple

Didn't even wait for people to be like yay He's a bit of a ham Remember when you learned an adult word Or an adult thing Saddam Hussein or something And then you're little And then your parents are talking And then you go well I heard about Saddam Hussein And then you're like You want to seem smart Who taught you about that I just am reading the news Yeah oh yeah Felt so cool

See, that's part of why I'm like he is because he just I'm like, fuck, that's 100 percent what I was like. I was totally like a precocious little annoying kid who just said things he knew he shouldn't know for attention. And I'm like, I'm just seeing that life unfold for him and I don't want it. I'm like, don't don't be this guy, man. You've got you've got everything going for you. What happened to you? Huh? What?

What happened to you? You're looking at it. This is my life. I'm in a golden cage for the rest of my life.

And that's the best case scenario. You know what I mean? It could be way worse than this. That's surreal. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. Get a regular job, little guy. Don't want other people's attention. Does he have siblings? He's... I think they might want to get... He was the first one. So I think they're thinking about having kids. Another kid. But we'll see. Yeah. Who knows? It is very interesting just to watch. And then you just think back at like...

You're like, well, there's just no. And then you also look at a kid and you're like, damn, dude, life is horrible. Like, you're going to have a bad time. And you're one of the luckiest. You're born in America in the 2020s. Your parents are, you know, they're not rich, but they're well off. And, like, even for you, life is going to be so bad. Yeah, wait until you learn what it's really like. It's crazy. I still feel like I'm learning. Yeah.

I'm like, what? Yeah, I know. When will the lessons end? When will everything stop being a lesson? I'm a fucking adult, and I don't know shit. You know what really chaps my ass, folks? Having to wait in line on Black Friday, having to refresh your browser on Cyber Monday for the best deals, especially for headphones. Well, I got news for you, you idiots. Check out Raycon.com.

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Truly, I feel like I've just started being baseline and adult. Like I just have enough knowledge where I could actually teach certain... Like I actually have enough to teach people about a couple things, but then I have huge gaps in other stuff. It's really pathetic. There's only like four things you can master. I think you're right. I don't think you can do it all. I think you're right. And the rest you have to just not...

completely fuck up and be like well I'm good at this so yeah and I chose fucking stand up comedy stand up and podcasting is two of my four things none of that is like you know you know I think what's worse though is when someone's just like went to school for eight years and is just only knows how to be a doctor and that's all they know how to be not even doctor like something like an academic yeah you can't talk to them no you're right

Yeah, you're so right about that. You're reading Portnoy's Complaint. He's literally like my red little dick. That's academia. That's academia. No, I'm 32 and I'm reading something like that for the first time. Okay. I do feel like intellectual. Like a book without pictures in it? Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah, I start... I read just like detective. I just read like

Easy shit. Just like a mystery novel. Who did it? Yeah, exactly. And it's like, oh, I wonder if it's one of the five characters from the beginning. I wonder which one it's going to be. Or a ghost. You know, it's probably the one, it seems like it is in chapter two. That's probably definitely the one. And then it's like, what?

He's innocent? Aw, man. And then I go to sleep. I literally read because I... It helps me go to sleep because I don't want to read. Because it's like I'd rather do anything but read. Yeah, the second you start doing it, it's like... Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. You were... So... But I was a big reader as a little kid. I don't know. But that was just me being a fucking dork that wanted, like, approval from parents, I guess. Were you guys... Yeah, but you're smart. I'm not that smart. Yeah.

No, come on guys. Guys, I'm not. You're literally smart. Nah, for real? You're smart in the good way. Yeah, you're cool. You know how to talk to people. Wait a second, what? It's got qualifications on it now? I thought I was just smart. You're smart. What are we working with grade-wise? Bad.

Bad grades? Bad grades? Yeah. No, I was like good grades. Good grades, but I was cheating the entire, like it was so easy. Yeah, yeah. I was like, how is anyone not doing well? Yeah, yeah. I got twos on all the APs though. Oh, interesting. I wasn't even fucking with APs. No APs for you. They wouldn't let me in. They wouldn't let you in? No. Damn, dude. Did you go to college? I went to art school for a year. Okay. Ah.

I have an associate's degree in acting. Did you go to college? Oh, fuck. I went to college and I dropped out with six credits left. And I just needed my language credits. But I was like, I've told this story before on the pod. They let me walk.

Because they're like, well, obviously you're going to get your language credits like you have. I graduated with honors. I got a 3.9 GPA or some shit. And I just didn't do it because I was like, well, I was doing this so my mom would get a picture of me

like shaking hands with the president with a little cap. That's the whole reason I went to college. So now that I have that, I'm not going to fucking summer school. And then I was like, and then I never, and I just lied about having a degree. And I was a paralegal for a couple years. That's crazy. And they didn't really check. Damn, that's crazy. And then I just like, you know, did comedy and never had to fucking do it. Which I like. It's a nice... Oh, you like doing comedy? No, I like not having my degree. It feels cool.

Cool to be like I could have had it but I just didn't want to I could have just taken a Spanish one class or what I was actually planning on doing was take a test because I could have passed it because I speak Greek like I'm fluent in a different language and I just I went on the website to schedule it and it wasn't like a time that worked and I was like, man.

I was kind of like that too. I feel like I was smart, but I was always told that I wasn't working hard enough. It's like if I put any sort of effort into it, then I could have been really good. But what? For what? School. Who cares? Fuck school. Being good at school. Yeah. I'm still thinking about your point to me saying I had bad grades. Yeah. Like you knew? What's wrong with your eyes? I just felt like, well, you got two in AP. Yeah.

You did get two in all the APs, so I feel like I'm onto something. The whole world? AP world. I'm going to be getting a two. Yeah, no worries. I just got fours and fives on all my shit, but it's all good. I got a four in psychology. Oh, hell yeah. That again makes sense. So...

I just care about people. I just felt like you wouldn't care. I guess my point was I would have guessed you wouldn't give that much of a fuck about school. That your grades would have been... I didn't, but somehow I was doing pretty good. You're smart. Okay. I think it was easy. It probably was easy, yeah. It was not challenging. No. It wasn't challenging. Rewording people's shit. Sure. Socially, it was challenging. It was so much energy. Yeah. I just felt like you would have been fucking, you know, practicing singing or whatever the fuck. And I was. You would have...

What was your first, was that, was fandom the first like breakout where you were like, hell yeah? Well, freshman year we did Titanic, the musical, and I got like a kind of big role and that's like not normal for freshmen. So, that was awesome. Here comes the iceberg, here comes the iceberg.

Hey, is anybody having sex in that car over there? Looks like steam. They're having sex in the car. Where's Billy Zane? You're getting cucked, my friend. That was beautiful. Thank you. We were in a musical in elementary school. Clowns. Yeah, clowns. No, that was a play.

Or was it a music? It was a musical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was the big wheel. Who would you play? Ralph the Clown. Ralph the Clown, yeah. And you were a wheel. I was the big wheel. We need to round this child in the school. You're the wheel. Who fits into this? Oh, believe me, I was pretty pissed off about it. You got the perfect person for the wheel. Yeah.

Ah, but we do need someone for the fat pig, too. Ah, he really would be great at either one of these. They wrote that part. They're like, good news, you got two parts. For the first time ever.

Yeah, I was pissed because it was like, he was, now look, the big wheel, I know it's kind of disrespectful, but as long as I can remember, if I'm correct, he was sort of a Wizard of Oz character who was behind like, he was a wise man behind something. At least this is what our gay teacher who put on elaborate musicals in elementary school. And he would also, a lot of our field trips,

Every year he would just make everybody go see his plays, which was kind of awesome. I respect him for that. Who the fuck is calling me? Sorry. Anyway, remember that? We had to fucking go. Who is it? Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. No, no, I don't want to take it. He just really ruined my momentum.

With about this. Remember how he would. You were the wise old wheel. And a gay guy told you that. Yeah. I guess in hindsight, I'm just remembering what my teacher said.

to just sort of quell me as a child and I've taken it at face value literally my entire life. And I'm just now realizing like, oh no, he was just outsmarting a nine-year-old. Like a fucking annoying... He knew I was annoying and I would have a tantrum if I didn't feel important and it fully worked on me and Eldest got the good part of Ralph the Clown and I was behind a sheet where they couldn't see how fucking...

They couldn't see how grotesque I was. I probably just got Ralph because I was tall. Yeah, exactly. Another advantage for the tall man. Yeah, that was an important lesson to learn early on, I suppose. I had to play a gay guy in a play in high school. Wow, look at that. A closeted gay guy. In what?

It was a play called Red Scare on Sunset by this gay playwright. Nice. And I had to play a closeted gay guy who kills himself at the end. Wait, how old were you? 16, 17. Wow, that's kind of heavy, huh? And my teacher was like, be like camp. It was a campy sort of comedy. A comedy where a gay guy kills himself? Yeah. They're like, this is the good old days. Right.

See you later. And I like did the voice and the mannerisms. You're like, I'm going to kill myself. I was too young to really know what that was about. Oh my God, I'm going to kill myself. Truly, I think I said something like that. It was in the play. It was in the play. I remember a gay couple in the audience after the show were like glaring at me. Glaring? Yeah.

What's up? Like it's your fault? Okay, hold on one second. Okay, and we're back. Huh? Okay, what the fuck? You just jumped in the second I hit it. Yeah, that's when it starts fucking recording. Leave all this in. Alright. The first word or two you said might be cut off. Making your job easier. Fuck you, Elders.

I will give you credit. We've been recording. We've been doing this podcast for two years, and this is the first time you've done that. I would have thought this would have happened every fourth episode. The true fans know this is the second time it's happened. It happened with Shane Smith one time. Oh, and we addressed it? We just stopped recording and started recording again. Okay, cool, man. Well, that's awesome. That's a good point of clarification.

I was giving you props, but thank you for telling me you didn't deserve them. Claire was telling a story about how she played you in a school play. Very glam, boy.

Tall gay. Tall gay. And we found that after the mics went off, you were playing a gay guy because it was an all-girls school. Yes. And they were like, the same way I was the wheel, they're like, who's the gay guy in this all-girls school? What was your hair looking like back then? I had it pulled back really tight and like gelled. Oh, nice. So I just looked cute.

Hell yeah. But I have long hair like you. When was the first buzz cut of your life? When I was 18. Okay, cool. I just wanted to get rid of it. You've been a short hair gal. I'm short hair Claire. Short hair Claire. It looks fantastic. It does look good. You know why I do it? Why? Because I'm so OCD that the less I have to think about, including having hair, the better my life is. I feel that way about long hair.

I'm like, it's long. There's nothing to do with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I miss the low maintenance of being bald. But ever since I've grown my hair out, it's all been...

It's been tough, you know, getting the right oils and gels. Are you on hymns? No, no, no. For what? Hair? What? Don't they have hymns for hair? What are you talking about? It's an S-stride. Who would need, I mean, what kind of, I don't need that. I got long hair. I got a nice head of hair. I love the natural look is confidence. Thank you. And it's hot.

I appreciate that. It's awesome. Yeah, I don't act... Like, if I got plugs, I would get beard plugs, not hair plugs. I would want, like, a big, thick-ass beard. I understand that. Because I have rosy-ass cheeks. But no, nothing is touching. In fact, anyone who does anything is a coward. I feel superior. I agree. I feel superior to everyone with any kind of hair thing going on. It's awesome. It's happening a lot now. It's awesome.

It is. Well, people are just talking about getting plugs in a weird way where it's kind of become tits for men. Plugs, it's like bleeding when they get it. They'll do videos on it. They'll be like, come with me as I go to Turkey. And it's like, come on, man. This is pathetic. It's cheaper in Turkey. They're really good at it. Obviously, they have good plugs. Mateo's talked about it.

I think that's the way in is gay guys will talk about it because it's a plastic surgery. So gay guys are down to talk about getting those. And then that's kind of like a way in for everyone. I've had friends like Dan Soders talked about it on this pod. He got plugged up. And those are there for life. Yeah. And the technology is so good that definitely famous people, like we wouldn't even know about it. It is good enough.

But not me, baby. I'm sticking to it. If gay guys weren't afraid of my pussy hair, they could take some and put it on their head. They would be like, that's too coarse for a man's head. This is too thick. This isn't natural. It would stand out. Like, wait, this looks too luscious. You could floss your teeth with it. Is it okay that I'm wearing the same glasses as you? I like it. You got them after me, right? I did because I saw you with them and I go, where did you get them? I've had, that's,

Yeah, yeah. Believe that out. We're trying to get a sponsorship. No free ads. Hey, the website Claire just said, come on, drop a little coin. You could have some of the best advertising ever. Money, money, money. Absolutely. But yes, they are good glasses. I got these because they're cheap as hell. I got them in college and I got other glasses and I got these almost as a joke. And then I put them on people like those are good. Yeah, they're cool. And I've had these glasses since college.

Yeah. Damn, I've been wearing these glasses. This is when you're like, damn, I'm going to die soon. I've been wearing these glasses for 16 years. 15, 14 years. Something like that. That's crazy. It's fucking insane, right? They used to be $6.95. Now they're like $3.20. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Bidenflation. He's getting us. Thank God he's on the way out. RFK Jr. company. Yeah.

Write him in. I mean, it's already happened. He's already president. Let's start a call to swept the nation. Robert Kennedy is the first ever write-in president winner. He may become president by tonight. By tonight. You're out.

Yeah, you might be checking the returns. This would be an awesome, an awesome fucking election. Lord is looking close. Lord is looking close. I think it's actually the week after. Oh,

Oh, so everything could be really fucked up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, everything could be... That's so funny. That is true. It probably is. Yeah. In ways we can't even imagine. Well, except that we are in a hit indie comedy that is sweeping the nation. That's all that's... I think the biggest news in early November, which it is now, by the way, as we all know, will be Let's Start a Cult. It's a great time to launch a movie in hindsight. No one's thinking of anything but entertainment. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

God damn. Maybe it'll be escapism. Yep. Maybe they'll come crawling to the theater going, I need a laugh. Because either way, whoever wins, it'll be good. Yes! They will do something good for the world. We can all agree. And I'm sorry to all the people who have passed away in the past.

Since this has been recorded, the amount of genocides that have happened that we're powerless to stop. We're sorry about that. Sorry. I'm talking about it on American soil. Oh, yeah. I was kind of thinking foreign policy, but yeah. Yeah, we have nothing to do with that. No, no, no. I'm talking civil war.

Okay, okay, okay. Well, either way, that's good. Keep us, because it's not, we're not opening international. So keep it national. Let's start a cult. Although maybe, you know, you might be able to get it in select English-speaking countries. We'll see. You know what? Don't take me up on that. Check if you're in Europe or, you know, wherever the fuck else. I think the Chabs in London would like it. The Chabs would love it. The guys who wear joggers. Oh, yeah. They'd love it. Absolutely. The girls with the thick, you know, what's that called?

Fucking foundation. That dark-ass foundation. And the fucking lovey. That's so gnarly. Folks, I'm a feline lover. All right? I myself don't have a cat full-time. I am a cat uncle to multiple. My brother Nick, butter and toast. My brother George, Ralph and Ozzy. I have purchased those beautiful cats. My favorite.

kitty litter that's right it's pretty litter and don't just take it from me as just a guy who buys it for his family eldest has a cat the beautiful sumaya you love pretty litter for her don't you eldest i love pretty litter uh you know you need pretty litter for a pretty kitty and that's so true that's so well put this stuff is awesome they sent it right to my door um

It's like odor-free, doesn't clump. I mean, you know, she's a picky girl. My little Sumi's a princess. Yes, she is. You know that stuff. I do know that. She's very particular. We used to live together. She was, some might say, a bitch. Not me. Others might.

Uh, she's a very particular girl, but she loves this stuff. No complaints. And, uh, I liked it. It changes color to indicate early signs of illness in your cat. Luckily, we haven't seen any of that for your, for Sumaya. I haven't seen that for my brother's cats either. Uh,

Then, like Elda says, they ship right to your door. You never have to run out. It's incredible. Pretty Litter's amazing. You have to try it. Go to prettylitter.com slash stavi to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylitter.com slash stavi to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. prettylitter.com slash stavi. Terms and conditions apply. Seaside for details.

Alright, well look, that's enough current events, obviously. I think it's time for us to help the people out, you know? I'd like to apologize for my comments, if they're striking too true a chord. Yeah, hopefully there hasn't been any political violence today. I liked what you said. Hit us with something nice, Elders.

Hey, Stav. Hey, guests. Hey, Eldest. Long-time listener, first-time caller. I'm hoping to get your help.

Oh, guys. Plural.

So, thankfully, they were going to break up because we had, you know, just really never liked her but supported him, you know, and put up with her for a couple of years. That's fucking crazy. And he's in his late 30s, so we're like, thank God you broke up now before you had a kid with her or, you know, anything like that. Period. But the problem is that he keeps showing up to our family events with her kid months and months later. Yeah.

Her friend's kid?! What the fuck?! She went to a kid activity?!

Hey, I'm going to go to the bumper cars. No way my child's going to enjoy this. Can you bring her to your fucking family potluck? All right, let's finish this. That's fucking crazy. When she was at a county fair with her friend and her friend's kid, but she just didn't want to deal with her own kid. Insanity. I'm hoping for your advice and guest advice and eldest advice. Anyone that can help me figure out how to make him finally stand up for himself and stop playing nanny so that he can move on with his life.

Or if I just need to chill out and act like it's normal. What do you think? Wow. That's rough stuff. God damn! Yeah. Because two things are true here. This woman is a huge piece of shit. Like, the pawn off...

your own, like, she's clearly a bad person, you know, just from the limited information we have, seems that way. Does he have love for this kid, though? Well, that's what I was going to say. There's two, one thing can be true, her mom's a dumb bitch, and the other thing is, this is a kid who doesn't, clearly doesn't have stability in her life, doesn't have any, like, if her mom wants to go to the fair with someone else's kid, and

And your brother sounds like absolutely simp of the year with no question. Like a Mal Rushmore level simp. However...

That means he's got the kind of heart that can care for somebody else's biological kid. Like, he clearly cares for this kid, and the kid clearly needs someone. And, look, what you want to happen is never going to happen. Your brother is not going to stand up for himself fully. You don't know, though. Do you consider looking after a kid he cares about not standing up for himself? Is he still dating this woman? Like, is this affecting him dating? Like...

Would you be happy if he had a different girlfriend but still kept this, you know, kept the relationship? Granted, that's very difficult, right? That'd be so weird to be like, oh, I can't hang out. I have to look after my ex-girlfriend's kid. But I feel like sometimes maybe that's an attractive quality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you really care about that kid. Yeah, that's true. It's like a big brother situation or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Is that what they're called? Big brother, yeah, like a mentorship thing. Although, yeah, but...

I also think it is... That requires drawing some really specific boundaries. Yes. It's going to be difficult to find the right girl. It's going to be difficult to find the right girl. And it's going to be difficult for her brother too, right? Because what if you do... And then that also just allows this...

This woman to continue to manipulate him in weird ways. Just keeping her around is really a big issue. I think she needs to have a conversation with her brother about all of this if she hasn't already. Yeah. I mean, she probably has. It seems like the woman is out of the picture completely. Well, that's the thing. It's like you're almost better off adopting this girl kid and being like, this is my adopted... This is my daughter. And like not... Like, which...

If your brother's late 30s, shit ain't going good for him. Is he going to start a family? Like, it's like he might want to have a family and this kid might be like the closest thing he's felt to that. This is just way more complicated. No. It's way more complicated than break up with some, you know, shitty woman that was cheating on you, right? Like this relationship. Who takes low budget, thotty pictures. Yeah.

Who isn't a cringe? Her greatest crimes. I really want to see those pics. Being bad at posting. Yeah.

I wonder if he's doing it partly as a way to just hang around this woman's life. That's the hard thing. He's like, I'll just lay in the cut. She'll come to her senses and realize we're meant to be or something. She'll get double stuffed in a basement a couple more times. Get that out of her system. I don't like that. She'll see me. Well, if he's hanging out with the kid who she doesn't like, you know. Where does it say she doesn't like the kid? She's...

Let a nerd do what they want with someone else's kid. Well, her kid has special needs. Maybe it would have been really difficult. Sure, it would have been harder, but that's so shitty for a mom. If your own mother's like, ah, I'm going to Disney World, but I don't want to fucking push you up a ramp so you can chill. Like, it's like, I think... Yeah, go with my ex. This man needs to, like...

Yeah. What is it? His bootstraps? Yeah, yeah. Up by his own bootstraps. Get out of that. And I think that's a good point, Elle. This is what's hard about this question is the true solution is you have to look into your brother's soul for real. And is this actually a pure, almost like really nice thing that's happening here? Is this a silver lining in a horrific relationship, his relationship to this kid? Yeah.

If that's true, then yeah. And he's willing to literally make sacrifices for somebody who is not his biological kid, is even like the biological kid of somebody who treated him poorly. If that's the level of selfless he's at, that's one thing. That's very difficult. I tend to be a little...

you know, skeptical of that level of like being a saint. It doesn't sound like that's what's happening. It doesn't sound real, right? She's like pissed at him. But like his, but then also his sister is not a reasonable like narrator here, right? Like, because, because it's, I think there is a small percentage that's true and his sister would never accept that. To his sister looking after this kid is,

Is his ex making him do stuff, right? She can't fathom that he actually might want to do this because he is that kind of, to his sister, loser. To him, nice guy. You know what I mean? Now, if that's true, that's one thing. But...

If there's even a hint of what Eldest is saying, if there's even a hint of this will help me get back in with this girl's mom, he owes it to himself and the kid. Because if he's using the kid as a pawn in a really shitty game, he's kind of close to being as shitty as her in a weird way. So it's just like...

the quicker your brother's honest with himself and maybe you have to go in there and you can, you need to go in there accepting that he might actually care about this kid more than he's, you know, like than himself. Even if you have that on the table and you really think he's doing that, then, then you got to take steps to make this maybe a permanent thing or have him in this girl's life. But if not, he's got to get out of here as soon as possible. And again,

He seems like a reasonable person. Appeal to, like, the kid. Be like, look, you don't... If you're trying to be with her mom, you got to get the fuck out of there. And that's hard, though. That's a hard... Because this is a really fucked up, intertwined situation. And he's, you know, late 30s. He's probably, you know, his biological clock might be ticking here. And it might actually have, like, you know... Who knows? But that's what I would say. Is unless he is, like, a...

You know top level simp he's got to get out of there immediately That's tough. That's fucking good luck Good luck. Yeah, good luck that kid. Hope you're not all the elders. Hey, Jeff. Oh, yes Thank you. My last call went on too long. So I'll keep it pretty brief. I was pretty overweight growing up affected my body and those issues

Anyway, so I didn't start getting laid until my early 20s kind of like the golden age of tinder But I was stories still talk about red pill shit to get laid a lot of just being who I wasn't and Peacocking, you know, I guess it worked because I just got laid a lot, but it was really just trying to fill a hole Very nice

I was trying to fill a void. And now that I'm in my early 30s, you know, I'm going back to school. I'm getting my bachelor's in psychology. I see all these beautiful women, but that red pill bullshit is just not who I am. Okay. It's kind of the only way that I learned to, like, meet women. Hold on. Pause this. The only way you learn how to meet women is by fucking... What is red pill?

Like, what does that mean? It's kind of like... Like, negging? Negging Andrew Tate level. Like, not valuing women, treating them badly. Manipulating them. Manipulation. Love bombing. And they're like, I guess I should go with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. If he's talking about the golden age of Tinder, we call it, like, red pill now. But I feel like he's probably talking about, like, more pickup artistry. For sure. For that era. But it's also, like... Okay. What it...

I really think all that shit really boils down to is, like, pretending there's a, like, system so that you just power through with numbers. Like, that era in particular was just, like, a guy being kind of shitty to so many women that, like, if you do it to 100...

four of them might fuck you. You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of my guess here. I don't know. Let's finish up this thing. It's just so funny to be like, it's the only way I know how to meet women. It's like, what, being rude to them? You can't just be like, hi, I'm fucking Eric. And it's not who I am. That's not who I am. It's not who I am, but I have these incredible powers to make these whores want to fuck me, but I don't want to use them. I know, I would love to know what he's like, keeping at bay. He's like, ugh.

I got a scholar of dumb bitch. All right. Okay. I find it really hard to meet people organically and be myself and feel confident because when I'm on campus, I...

kind of feel old and gross and it's just kind of tough so I don't use dating apps anymore because I feel like they're kind of bullshit but you know I was just hoping you could help me out with some confidence issues I'm having and kind of being more authentic with meeting people and yeah that's it thanks so much

Be true to yourself. Yeah, I know. I mean, look, the biggest issue here is you're going, you're in your 30s getting a psychology degree. Is somebody paying for it? What the fuck? That's a waste of fucking time and money. What are you doing? I mean, yeah, just learn psychology on YouTube like you did at Pick Up Women.

Yeah, and you're going into psychology and this is what you're asking? Yeah. Just apply that to yourself. It's also very interesting to even preface this with the Red Bill stuff because it's completely useless information. It's just like he feels down on himself and he just has to let us know, like, I used to get pussy, by the way. Like, now I don't believe in myself and I'm 30, but I used to fuck. Pussy, no.

And so that doesn't matter. Like, you just have to, exactly, be true to yourself. He's talking about, I just feel old and gross. It's like, well, you shouldn't be trying to, like, date freshmen in fucking college. Like, yeah, what the fuck? These are not, you shouldn't be dating, you're in psych.

Like, that's, you just like shouldn't, that's not who you're gonna date. The people in your fucking Psych 101 classes maybe date some grad students or some shit, but they won't respect you intellectually. I'm kind of scared about this guy's life, though, because if he's good at psychology. He's not, number one. Well, he used the red pill tactics in such a way that his body count was off the charts. Yeah, yeah.

And now he wants to be a psychologist and sort of use that on strangers. Yeah. I think, yeah, what does he want to even do with psychology? What the fuck? Why are you back in school for this?

I also think if you're feeling gross and old, then that is what you're putting out. And that's why people are treating you maybe that way. And then you feel like... He also said body image. Sorry to cut you off. Go ahead. Finish your thought. Because what you were saying... Like, that's why you feel like you need to overcompensate with being an asshole. Like, it's like incels.

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Like, well, I feel disgusting, and, like, the only way I know how is the bad way. But he, did he even, see, we're making fun of him for this, but he never even was like, I'm gonna go back to the old me. You know what I mean? He just said it. So it's like, basically, I don't even understand why he told us that. Because, like, if he's just like, here's what this call boils down to. I used to get pussy 10 years ago. Ha ha ha!

And I used to be fat. And maybe he's put on a couple LBs since when he was in his 20s and working out all the time. And, like, it's like we don't need to know about red pill stuff. It's just it boils down to I just feel old. And, like, imagine how old you feel. I would feel 100 years old if I had to be around freshmen. They're, like, they're kids. Yeah, he's getting his bachelor's. His bachelor's.

Oh, brother, what's the plan? Let's talk about that. But in just in general, yeah, like, I think you're right. You're kind of pretty, if that's how you feel, that's how you're projecting. But it's also like, it's like, you're not somewhere you should be worried about your sexual, like, you know, uh,

your worth. Like, you shouldn't be like, none of these children I'm in school with want to fuck me. You know what I mean? But this is commendable for wanting to feel better about himself before he sort of opens himself up to other people. I agree, I agree. To 21-year-old girls. And so, yeah, he's like, how do I feel better about myself to get 20, to buy some 20-year-olds some twisted tea and then get them back to my place? Yeah.

Confidence is hard to have. Keep it twisted. Fuck, dude. They should pay. Yeah, that was too good. That one's for free, Twisted T. Actually, they probably don't want to be associated with... Do not buy anyone Twisted T underage. Um...

But yeah, I so so I guess after we waited, he just gave us so many red herrings. What it really boils down to, number one, don't worry about campus. You're there to go to fucking school. You know what I mean? Like it's like just go to school. That's not where you're going to meet anybody. And then generally, I would just say, you know, it's the same. It's the same kind of advice we give to everyone, which is like.

You're clearly, you know, I'm shitting on you for being a psych major, but you're, you hopefully have some plan, right? You're there for, to improve yourself, to get maybe, to help you get a job, whatever. And anytime you're executing some kind of plan, that feels good. Just do what you're doing well. And then,

If you want to do some personal stuff, like, you know, we talk about going to the gym. We're a very body positive podcast here, but it feels good to go to the gym, even if you're not looking that much better, just to feel stronger. You feel healthier, all this kind of stuff. You're in your body. You're in your body. Absolutely. All that kind of stuff. So it's obviously, and you also, by the way, how about you go surround yourself with people your fucking age where you won't feel old and gross. Yeah.

You probably, you know what I mean? Like be around 30 year olds. You're fucking 30, dude. Don't be like, oh, I'm at, you know, I'm playing, I'm trying to play pickup basketball with 17 year olds and they're way more athletic than me. It's like, yeah, it's over. You're fucking, the reaper comes for us all. So yeah, get out of there. Don't feel bad about yourself. Go to a Wilco concert or something. Yeah, go do some, yeah, start, start, make friends with a divorce attorney.

Let him fucking send you the promising prospects that way. That's where you should be looking for your next girlfriend there, not at fucking Psych 102. I think that's pretty much it, though, dude. It's interesting to talk about your red pill days.

Yeah, that's fine. We all acted weird when we're 20. You know what I mean? We all did weird shit when we were 20 that we're not proud of. So yeah, keep it pushing. And stay off the apps. I think that's a good move. Yeah. Yeah. Try and meet people like through friends or something or just start feeling better about yourself and then, you know, venture out into dating from there. Yeah, easy as that.

Easy as that. Yeah, feel good about yourself. Feel good about yourself. And then it will come. Yeah, do you dress like shit? Like, just make little improvements. Make little improvements around the edges. I also feel like the red pill shit, it's like, he's like, oh, I could only fuck when I was using red pill stuff. But if you, like, boil it down, that shit is just like, don't be afraid to speak to women. Yeah.

It's like, you know, just apply that now. Right. And don't feel like you need to like neg chicks or something when you talk to them. Right. To like trick their psychology into like fucking you. It's like, just talk to women and you will like, you know, just fuck eventually. Yeah. Yeah. Get to know them and be a good guy and that's it. Yeah. Don't go, don't go to the dark side of negging.

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Stavi. All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Stavi to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Stavi. Hi, Stavi baby. Hi, Elvis. Hello, Dad. I'm calling in for the usual relationship advice. For starters, I'm 27. My boyfriend is 39. So there's a name gap.

And we've been together for about a year. I see him about, I see him every weekend. We live an hour apart. But like the last month, he just has not been wanting to have sex. And I get it, kind of. Like he's said it, like it's come up before, he's just like older. He also can't go to the car all the time. He's kind of anti like sexism.

What? This man is anti-science? Oh, I guess he doesn't drink pasteurized milk either. I guess he doesn't believe in antibacterial soap. Anyway, go ahead, Eldis. Oh, it's an interesting methodology. Yeah.

I mean, I've like approached it, but I don't always want to be the one that's approaching first. Like he's like, you can just grab it if you want to have sex. And I'm like, that's so romantic. Just yank my cock like it's a lawnmower chain and start it. He also has a history of, in the past, he's watched Camgirls. And I don't know if maybe that's what's going on. If maybe he's just watching a bunch of that.

And then I get there and he doesn't want to fuck a hot 26-year-old in the bed. Interesting. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm overthinking it. I'm obviously going to confront him and talk to him about it. Good. Bottom line, do you think that there is...

That's crazy. Thanks.

It's insane to be in one of those relationships where you only see each other once a week and not fuck. Every time you see each other. She must be feeling fucking crazy. Leaving after not having sex? Yeah, that's fucking... That hour drive home is a tough one. This is some good red pill psychology right here. Get in her mind. Make her dependent on you. And deny her sex.

The last dollar should take more than a week. And then drain yourself on cam girls for the week. Is that psychologically though, is that a thing that can happen? I'm sure it is, obviously, but like where you're just jerking off too much and then when something real is in front of you, you just don't know how to deal with it? I don't know. I think what, not how to deal with, but it's like,

They've been dating a while. Any kind of, like, novelty is gone. This guy has taken her for granted. He's maybe... He also, like, they live... They don't see each other, you know. They see each other once a week. If they live far apart, this also, to me, has a little bit of, like... Yeah, it's either... To me, it's either...

He really doesn't... He's just settled into almost being married, essentially. She's basically a sitcom husband complaining that her wife doesn't fuck him. Either he's settled into that or, yes, he's either beating off too much or has some weird... Or even cheating, although I guess sometimes cheaters overdo it and try and get you off the scent by fucking you more. So I think it's very possible that...

This guy's just like, the novelty's worn off. They don't have, she says he's older. Did she say how much older? He's 39. She's 27. He's 39. 39. I feel like that's kind of the time when your dick starts getting weird, though, right? Yeah. He needs to take pills, too. Yeah. It's fine. Who cares? What is he talking about? Yeah, I mean, please. Who do we got now? Listen, we had a couple of sponsors dabble.

Bleep that out, Elvis. Bleep all calls. But yeah, we really need that. We need a presenting sponsor that's erectile dysfunction medicine. I'm the biggest free agent in the game, guys. What are you doing? You're losing money here. But yeah.

There is... Okay, here's something that a hot 27-year-old who's dating somebody who's 13 years older doesn't really want to hear. It's like, he probably doesn't just value you that much, is the other thing. Like, to him, it's like... She's going to him every time. He's not going there. She's visiting and not getting dicked down. It's probably a little bit of like... And also, just... Let's just say I'm familiar with the psychology of individuals like this. And...

And, like, he probably doesn't... He might just want to leave the relationship. He's immature, right? And he might just be too much of a coward to want to break up with you. Because not fucking every... Like, it's okay. It's one thing if...

he skips one week of the month or something. But, like, to not fuck, like, a bunch of times in a row and to make you come to him, to drive to him, it's like he's sending you coward... It's a possibility that he's sending you coward signals to want to break up here, right? And it sounds like there's no communication happening between you. Because he can say to you, like, I haven't been feeling sexual lately and that's something you can go off of. But, like, to not say anything feels...

And I don't know if they've even talked about it yet. I don't think so. That's why she's probably going crazy. She's going crazy. Crazy. You're normal for going crazy. That's even why she's come up with this theory of the cam girl thing. Yeah. It ain't that. It's not like he's not beating off at 40. He's not beating off so much he can't fuck you. And even him being like he's anti-dick pills is like, is that even true? You know what I mean? Like, I just...

I would, you know, I would just, my guess here, my read of the situation is, you need, like, something's off. You should talk to him about it. I don't think you're going to like what you find. If he's, and I also, I wouldn't hold my breath that he was even going to be that fucking honest. He's putting it all on her. Every decision that is going to be made from, like, taking his dick to insert it. Well, I don't want to take your dick.

How about you make me feel hot? Yeah, yeah. No, this call to me is like the ghost of Christmas future. It's like, change your ways, Stavros, or this will be you. You know, like this is the kind of shit where I'm like, I am truly trying to change my commitment issues, but it's like,

I could see the fucked up, like, a way of thinking I used to have mutating in a decade into this, where it's like, you're just such a coward, you won't say shit, you won't even break up with her, but you also are, like, kind of checked out. Mm.

And just be like, maybe if I make her drive to my fucking house ten times in a row and don't even pull out my half-limp dick, she'll break up with me. Like, that's kind of my read. Maybe I'm wrong. Hopefully I'm wrong. But definitely communicate. See what happens. And don't hold your breath, toots. Start fucking looking elsewhere is my real thing. But we'll see.

I feel like a lot of these calls, it's like, talk to them. Oh, yeah. Almost every single one starts with just have a conversation. But it is so hard. It's hard. It's super hard. And I think just saying it, we were talking about it off mic, but sometimes just putting your shit into words does, as like a, as an exercise calling in, because we're not going to get to

almost any of these calls statistically. And the ones we do get to, the episode goes out like four months after they called in. So it's like the amount of people we're actually helping is probably small, but hopefully people in similar situations get some solace out of it.

Hi, Bobby baby. So recently my sister received in the mail anonymously a letter from a woman claiming to have been on a date with my sister's husband. The Jersey Shore letter. The Jersey Shore Ron. Ron was kissing a waitress or whatever letter. Keep playing it, Eldest. My sister's husband does not know that I actually went into the trash and picked out the letters

Whoa! Oh my God. That's awesome. This girl's awesome. Wow. Wow.

My sister received the mail claiming to have been on a date with my sister's husband. And you, I'm a little curious. What do you mean you, do you just in general go through the trash? Yeah. I'm a little fuzzy on the details here. No, she didn't. Wait, wait. I don't understand why she looked through the trash. Yeah. It sounds like she heard about this from her sister. Yeah. I think the sister told her.

Yeah. Oh, so now she wants to know what she should do about it. The sister already knows about it. Oh, the sister knows. He doesn't know that this woman knows. I thought...

I see, I see, I see. She's like, should I tell him that I know? Oh, so I thought you had... Yeah, yeah. That's weird for you to do. I mean, obviously these guys... I like that, though. I like the instinct. Sure, sure. The instinct I get, the knee-jerk reaction to want to protect your sister and tell her husband he's a piece of shit. I fully understand that, but...

It's an interesting move, and will it really help anything? I want her to do something more manipulative and nefarious. I'm with you. Like, secretly, somehow, like... Set him up on... Catfish him with a different person. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then be in the window. Yes. Like...

Right. Be like, I'm going to go. Her friend, her friend. It's like, it's a, how about this? It's a Halloween party, let's say, right? Yeah. You know, we just, Halloween just ended. We all know that it's November 4th or 11th. It's really cold in here. But let's just say next year you go to a Halloween party and you get your hot friend to catfish this guy and you're wearing, she's wearing maybe a Phantom of the Opera mask, right? Or something. Something like that, right? Yeah.

And then you send your hot friends, like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And then you put on the costume, put on the phantom mask. And then you go back and you're like, hey, what's up, Eric? Oh, it's me, you fucking asshole. I know you're just. She's out in the corner on the ceiling. I know you're just.

Yes. Perfect. Perfect. Do that. That's good. That's good. And I want it to be like the sister doesn't even have to worry about it. Like she just wants, or it seems like she just wants to like, like stick a little pin in the husband. It's your own little game. Yeah. I like it. The problem is here, ultimately...

Ultimately, this is your sister has to figure this out and you have to help your sister out. The thing that sucks is that sometimes our loved ones don't behave the way we'd like, right? Like your sister might be like, this sucks. We're going to deal with it. And that like some people are even like let their significant others get away with crazy shit, right? And you can't really stop them. So I just would caution everyone.

Is this going to be counterproductive? Unless you do some fun sitcom-level hijinks like we're suggesting.

I don't know. You gotta talk... First of all, what does your sister want? How does she want you to behave? And that can be really hard because I get the impulse to be like, fuck this piece of shit. Let's slash his tires. Let's kick him out of the house. And him not knowing that she knows must be driving her fucking crazy. Yeah. But he's gotta be... I mean, I guess he's...

Yeah, he probably doesn't know. He's probably pretty dumb. And she's deciding to stay with him. Unless, yeah, if her sister is, you know, has a hard time saying goodbye to this guy, maybe she does need some sort of extra support. Right. Like, I guess that's... To push her to do that.

do that. And also some people take a longer time, right? So it's like maybe you just have to be there, be supportive. And then maybe after a couple months, your sister will be like, you know what? I can't live like this. Now it's time to really go crazy, right? Yeah. But don't over, don't, because the other thing, what you risk doing here is making him a sympathetic figure in her eyes. Mm-hmm.

Like if you act in a fucked up way, you can kind of bring them closer together again. Absolutely. If you hit him with your car. Right, right, right, right. It's going to be everybody's problem. Yeah.

Absolutely. So, yeah. Just, I say, lay in the cut. Support your sister. Talk to her about it. And, you know, and then I think there will be a time to act at some point. A time to strike. Absolutely. And you should be in it for the long haul. Long haul. Because past Christmas into New Year. This could be better the longer it goes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Right.

And like, I think what would really cheer your sister up is maybe like a nice comedy. You know, she's laughing about lightly being cucked. She forgets her problems for 91 minutes. Something like that. And maybe get her buzzed on a twisted TV. Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted.

Oh man, doing this podcast is kind of boring. I wish there was something that turned up any occasion. Keep it twisted. Oh, like a fucking twisted tea? That's right. Nothing turns up any occasion like a twisted tea. Man, is this shit delicious. Okay? Refreshing, smooth, 5% alcohol by volume, brewed with real tea. Nothing pairs better with watching your team than a nice twisted tea.

All right, whether you're outside, it's been unseasonably warm here in New York City. You could be having a refreshing twisted tea on your balcony right now, even though it's November. Kind of insane. You're inside watching, you know, in my case, the Ravens.

I have a case of these bad boys. Whenever I'm entertaining, people can't get enough of them. I have pals just sucking them down when it's game day. And boy, are they having a great time. It's a wonderful product. It's delicious. I've currently, I'm not, I'm taking a little break from drinking. And you know what really tempts me? I might even have to...

God, no, I can't even crack it because I'll suck it down right now. That's how delicious it is. So listen, folks, whatever you're up to, whatever activity, wherever you are, you want something delicious, brewed with real tea, that goes down smooth, there's only one thing you can do. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today and keep it twisted. Bobby, eldest, and guest or guests, so I'm going to cut right to the chase. So I found myself in a sugar baby...

relationship, I guess, last September. Nice. And I've made quite a bit of money. And I'm a law student and I'm not going to work for a corporation or like some big law firm. So I'm really just doing this shit for the people. So the extra money is really nice.

So I've only seen this, so I'm 24, this guy's 64, I believe. I've only seen him three times. We've only ever kissed. And, you know, I send him, like, pictures of my tits or whatever. Nice. But I haven't seen him since last year. And at the beginning of this year...

He had his second heart attack of his lifetime. Mind you, this man is also a two-time cancer survivor. But this time he had to get a triple bypass. He was out of commission for a bit. Too juicy. Now, of course, he's kind of running dry, right? He wants to see me again. My issue is that if I were to see him again...

I did go to school with his son. I tutored his son's girlfriend. His daughter is younger than me. By the way, I did not meet him through his son at all. So that's not an issue. But my worry is that if I were to go away for the weekend with him and there is some health emergency, which it's probable that something like that could happen, who the fuck do I call and how do I explain that I'm there?

I'm not calling his ex-wife. I'm not calling his son. So, like, how do I go about that? And I thought about, you know, just talking to him about it and being like, hey, like, if something happens, like, what should we do? But

But there's also this very real fear of like insulting him kind of. And I feel like older men in that position, you know, trying to go out with younger women want to feel like they're younger. And I don't want to like fuck this situation up because it is very advantageous for me. Yeah.

So basically, I'm just wondering how I go about this because I really don't want this old man to die on me. Literally or metaphorically. So yeah, would love any advice y'all have. Thank you. She needs to get into speaking. She's a beautiful speaker. She's a lawyer. She's going to be great in the courtroom. Going to give dynamite closing arguments. This is interesting because...

If you weren't, if you didn't know his son, would you want to like, I mean, it's just not, it's just not something you want to deal with in any way. I can't tell if she has like feelings for the guy at all or if he's just, it's very, it's so transactional. She just wants to make sure her insurance policy is fine.

I think it's... I do think for her it's really transactional. I also am, like, curious about... She's seen him three times, so it's just, like, a mostly phone relationship is what it seems like. They've, like, made out, she said. And so it's just...

And you want to just keep it going, but you're worried. So now you want to meet in person, or I guess he wants to meet in person because the clock's ticking and he's like, all right, time for a little ROI. Time to cash in some of these dividends. And I don't know. You were saying don't? You were saying you just wouldn't do it? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't do it unless... What's the downside of in an emergency calling...

Having his emergency con or like wouldn't you just knowing his cover? It's not your revealing to his kids that he also wouldn't you just call the fuck an ambulance? Yeah I was I thought he was like already in the hospital and she had to like she wanted to get in the hospital to see no No

Keep talking.

Doctors, I've never seen it. This man is going to die the second you take your mouth off his cock. Okay, so this makes more sense. She's actively fucking or sucking and he's having an issue. That's the question, yes. Is she going away with him? Is that what she's saying for a weekend? That's an interesting ratcheting up of things. That's why I'm saying she's clearly like...

You know, she, I don't think she has feelings for him, but she doesn't, she'll go out with him. You know what I mean? So she's saying, all right, he's been in the hospital. We've been texting each other. We're probably going to go away. He wants to go away for the weekend. If this fucking guy has a heart attack, who do I call? And it seems like things are so bad that she really thinks that something might happen. Yeah, I guess part of me is like, you know, I don't know. I mean, I guess, yeah. I mean, don't.

It could happen. Call an ambulance. Isn't that the answer? Yeah, I don't think she needs to worry. She doesn't have to be the one to call. Like, he doesn't want you calling his family. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, this is not... It's just an interesting worry to have. Because, like, yes, maybe I'm more of a gambler than this woman, but I would just be like, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't worry about it that much. Also, I guess more than that, she's worried...

She's worried about her cover being blown with his son who she knows, but it's also like... Who cares? Who fucking cares? Unless this... Is this guy like... Is her son... Is his son like some kind of... How can that hurt you? Dating an older man is not...

It's not like, oh, what, you're afraid his son isn't going to like you? Who gives a fuck? No, I feel like she's probably just like, nobody knows that I'm doing this with this old man. Yeah, yeah, I'd like to keep it that way. And now someone my age and the daughter's younger is going to know that I've been doing, sending pictures of my tits to their dad. I think if you're doing it, it's like, just do it. Who cares? I really think, like, A, yeah.

In what world do you call his family and not an ambulance? And B, why... Who really gives a fuck? I know all things being equal, you'd like to... I guess you would just like to keep it private, which I understand. But if push really comes to shove, basically, it really comes down to...

Is the percentage chance that your cover gets blown, is the small percentage that your cover gets blown to his family worse to you than the money you're making from this guy? That's really the cost-benefit analysis here. And to me, it feels like if this guy's been that generous over a little making out and some titty pics...

It's worth rolling the dice on him not fucking having his fourth heart attack while you're jerking him off. You might not even have to fuck this guy. Just keep kissing. Keep kissing. If he's also this frail that you're scared he might keel over when you're sucking his cock or whatever, it's time for a new long-term plan. Yeah.

You got to diversify the clientele a little bit. Absolutely. Double cancer survivor. Or get in the will. Yeah, there you go. Get in the will and then who cares who knows. That's what I think the long con is. Yeah. Yeah, hopefully. Marry him. Marry him.

Pushy is a commodity. You need to fucking cash in as much as you can. Eldest is a red pill corner. All right. Good stuff here. What do you think, Eldest? A couple more?

How are we looking? We're about 50. Oh, you got to do math. An hour and a half. Okay, we could do, yeah, let's do one or two more. Yay. Hi, Steve. Hi, Stompy Baby. I'm sorry. Hi, Elvis.

Hey, Savvy. Hey, Elvis. Hello, beautiful guest. So my question is, well, I haven't seen this guy for a while. He's amazing, beautiful, wonderful. Nice. Handsome. Bomb dick. Nice. It's great. I fucking, I love it. Every single time we do it. Good for you. I definitely come and sometimes I don't. Sometimes he makes me squirt. Wow. Can we get the cheering button, Elvis? He doesn't.

Believe me, even with like physical evidence sometimes, he doesn't believe that the dick is bombed. He does not have confidence in his little man. Like, not even a little man, decent-sized man, good-sized man for a good-sized dude, you know? So how do I get through his head? Like, dick is bombed, he's bombed, shit's bombed.

You know what I mean? If you could help me out with that, that would be amazing. Oh, yeah, let me help this guy out. This guy who fucks so good that a woman calls another man for advice on proving to him that he fucks good. Fuck your boyfriend. Play him this. Yeah.

This is amazing. Fuck you and your nice, awesome dick and the woman who loves you. Yeah, what do you want? I mean, I don't know. I guess this is the curse of...

of having really low self-esteem will just rob you of everything. It's like, this guy's got it all. This woman is speaking of him so glowingly. You can hear her batting her eyelashes and looking gazingly, longingly out the window thinking about his dick. And he still, it doesn't get through his skull. Yeah, this is me and my husband with my stand-up comedy. He goes, you're so funny.

Funny. No, shit. Shit. No. Shit. It's exactly the same as that. It's just the same. And how do you guys get through it? I feel good for a little bit, but then the negative words, the negative voice in my head takes over. Sure, sure. Every time. But it's getting better. Well, what's interesting about this is that's more psychologically complex, whereas this is like...

This guy just busted a nut. A hot woman who loves him tells him how good it was and it's still not getting through to him? Maybe people have lied to him in the past or something. Something about he doesn't trust what she's saying. He needs to believe it for himself in order to believe it. So I guess you gotta let him fuck a bunch more girls. Yeah. You know, watch him sit in the chair in the corner and go, see? Right?

Look at her, what she's doing. She's painting the walls. We're going to have to reupholster this couch. Yeah, I don't know. There's no way to really... How long? Did she say how long they've been together? No? No. I wonder, I mean, this might just be a thing that is going to take some time to get through his skull. I've definitely... I definitely did not have sexual confidence before.

early in relationships to the point where it just took me getting comfortable with somebody. So it's like, are you guys relatively early in dating? Because he just might not... He might just be uncomfortable in general. Mm-hmm.

And that seeps into even fucking, you know what I mean? When you feel a little uncomfortable in a relationship or you don't feel secure in the relationship for other reasons, he might just not, he just might not believe that anything's going good. I feel that way where it's like, if anything's going good, I'm like, well, it'll be over tomorrow. Oh, yeah. And so this might be an extension of that, you know what I mean? Well, I wonder if she's putting so much...

on that and he's like well what about my personality yeah yeah yeah how about the painting I made you and she's like oh I burned it for warmth I burned it drying off my blanket all this pussy juice you made me squirt all over it um

So, yeah, it might maybe you're overplaying your hand, too. It might be to the point where it's like you're talking about how good he is and fucking so much that it feels like you're patronizing him. Like that was so great. You know, he might think it's that. But, you know, you just this isn't a fucking problem. Fuck you. Fuck him. Good for you. I'm glad he's knocking the, you know.

knocking the shit off your pussy. Not just completely knocking it out the park, but he'll be fine. Keep squirting that twisted. Keep squirting that twisted. Keep it twisted. Uh, fuck. All right, this is going to take us home, Elvis. What do you say? Hey, Stav. My name's Kaylee, and I'm in Detroit, Michigan, and I'm here with my boyfriend, Justin. Oh, the whole couple's here. And...

Let's just say that I just have a really huge tits. Like a really big wrap. Good for you. And I want to get a boob reduction because my back hurts all the time. It's crazy in the clothes that I wear. Thank you, Elders. That's when we had a little mind meld. I could feel it happening. Big wrap.

And I want to get a boob reduction because my back hurts all the time. I look crazy in the clothes that I wear. And I just think it would enhance my overall appearance. I disagree. I don't...

What do you think? Tell me what you think. Tell me what you got going on. Hopefully you have a woman on. You probably don't, but maybe. Hey, whoa, what is that? Wow. Just for that, keep those big tits. Just for that, good luck getting a fucking... Do whatever you want, Kaylee! Do all this and do it! And change your pronouns while you're at it.

Cut your hair, dye it blue, chop your tits off. This is the world Kamala Harris wants.

Pins do make the back hurt so bad. No, I know. Look, philosophically, this is like how the president of the United States can never apologize just for like on philosophical terms. Philosophically, I can never... I can never... It's exactly like that. I can never, on the record, support...

A breast reduction. I just can't philosophically. I can't do it. However, you know, I guess do whatever you want, do whatever makes you feel better. What if you do a little sexy photo shoot pre-surgery with the giant titties? Um,

really showing them off and showing them love. Sure, sure. What is his name? Justin? Yeah, well, I mean, look, who fucking cares about Justin? Justin doesn't fucking matter here. Unfortunately, you must, you gotta do what's best for you. And they're not gonna be small, I guarantee you. Hell no. They're gonna be huge. They're gonna be huge still. They're still gonna be huge. If they're as big as you're talking about. All right. And they can be huge.

They can do a lot of cool stuff. You can fit in the bathing suits better. They can do a lot of really cool stuff. Girl, you're going to feel so much better. Oh, your back. Think about it. Yeah. Whatever. I guess do whatever the fuck you want. That's the episode. Watch the movie. I don't even... You know what? All of a sudden, I don't even feel like a desire to live anymore. Just watch the first five minutes of the movie. Thank you so much for coming, guys. Thank you. It was so fun. We'll see you guys later. Bye-bye. Bye.