819. Q&AF: Handling Test Days, Business Relationships Gone Wrong & When To Start Enjoying Life
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What is up guys? It's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society. Welcome to Motherfucking Reality. Guys, today we have Q and AF. That's where you submit the questions.

We give you the answers. Now, you can submit your questions to be answered on the show a few different ways. First way is, guys, you can email these questions into askandy at andyfrasella.com. Or you go on YouTube, drop your question in the comments on the Q&A episodes. We will answer some from there as well.

Throughout the week, we're going to have shows within the show. Tomorrow, we're going to have Cruise the Internet. We call that CTI. That's where we put topics on the screen. We speculate on what's true and what's not true, and then we talk about how we, the people, have to solve these problems going on in the world. Other times, we're going to have real talk. Real talk is just 5 to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk that I think everybody needs to hear. And then we're going to have 75 hard verses. 75 hard verses is where someone...

who has completed the 75 Hard program, comes on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the 75 Hard program to reclaim their life. If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the introductory phase of the Live Hard program. The Live Hard program is the world's most popular mental transformation program ever, and it's free. All right? You get it at episode 208 on the audio feed. That's 208 on the audio feed.

Give the entire Live Hard program for free. Now, if you want to know the ins and outs, if you want to know all the sauce, you can buy the book. There's a book available at andyfersella.com. It's not necessary. All right? If you want to do the program for free, you can get it at episode 208. But if you want to know all the details...

You get the book, all right? The book is called The Book on Mental Toughness. It's available at andyfercella.com. It goes through the entire Live Hard program. It goes through a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness, a whole bunch of case studies on people who have used mental toughness to transform their existence and how you can do the same. Now, something that we do different on the show real quick is we don't run ads on the show.

Okay, and the reason we don't run ads on the show is because I don't want advertisers telling me what I can and can't say. We keep it real here. So I finance the show out of my own pocket. We are definitely the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads, and I just simply make a deal with you. And the deal is this, all right? If the show is good, if it makes you laugh, it makes you think, if it gives you a new perspective, if it helps you, all right? And this one always does because we're going to get off track.

to an awesome week with some good knowledge i need you to share the show for us all right we're constantly dealing with shadow bans traffic throttling censorship issues still so i need you to help share the show all right so don't be a hoe share the show all right what's up dude what's gucci gang nothing man yeah so you look nice oh thanks man you look nice what me yeah this whole thing

What's going on, man? How was your weekend? Fucking cold. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I forgot that it was supposed to snow. I didn't think it was going to. I had no idea about it at all. Bro, I haven't been doing any outdoor cardio for probably, I don't know, a couple months. I went outside and I was like, this is cold. And then I was like, I got to start going outside again. Got to do it. Yeah, because I'm starting to get soft, bro. I can feel it.

Yeah, dude, it's different. It's fucking different. Yeah, I got it. Dude, I was like, I caught myself running from the garage to my house, and I'm like, fuck, dude. Doing the oh shit skirt? You're turning into a bitch. Yeah, so I got to get back on that outdoor. I'm going to start 75 hard on the first with everybody because I know there's always...

thousands and thousands and thousands of people that start on the first but uh i think i'm gonna get a good 30-day run going up so that way you know you're got some momentum yeah i live that way anyway for the most part i just haven't done the outdoor cardio in a while yeah it's been a minute man well i mean shit the win is definitely a good time to get hard yeah especially here man yeah um but yeah it's monday man it's not a good time to get what huh huh

Nothing. I was trying to keep the show G-rated. Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Guys, it's Monday. Let's get into these, man. I got three good ones for you. Guys, Andy, question number one. This is actually a great question going right off that convo. Hi, Andy.

I was curious if you've ever gone through a final test phase prior to reaching big milestones in your life, such as a giant windfall of money or a nice car, et cetera. I personally call this the final test as you're not being only tested in a few areas of life, like only money or health or personal life car issues. This test is all encompassing everything going wrong in your life at

at the same time, money problems, personal problems, health problems, people problems, car problems, life testing your patients to the absolute extreme while enduring the lack of money to pay bills and cars and repairs and all of that good stuff. I'm personally enduring this right now, all at the same time. And I'm aware that I can't give up in this phase. I'm running with the zero options mentality. You talk about all in or nothing. I was genuinely curious about,

If you've gone through this type of all-encompassing test and what you did to personally overcome it, I love the show. You and DJ Crush every day. Thanks for keeping it real as fuck out there. So big, big milestones with a massive test right before it.

Well, first of all, how do you know a big milestone's coming? You don't ever know. So you don't know if the test is right before it. But there is sayings that have been around for thousands of years, one of them being, it is always darkest before the dawn. Everybody knows that. Everybody's heard that. And I think most people have experienced it. So the chances of a big breakthrough or a big milestone happening

Are in the favor of when you are being tested most that you're going to come through now I don't know if that's because the universe lines it up that way or if it just feels that way because you're going through so much hard stuff that when something goes right it feels really good right you know I'm saying so.

To answer your question, dude, yes, everybody goes through this. It is not just you. These hard times, these times where you're struggling, these times when you're angry, these times when you're frustrated, these are not exclusive to you. People who think they're exclusive to them suffer from a massive arrogance problem. They believe that they are the

only person that suffers, the only person that has hardship, the only person that has to push through when in reality, every single achiever that's ever existed, every single thing that's ever been built has been built by somebody who's gone through this process of everything going wrong at some point. And we can look through history at all

at all the amazing people who have done the most amazing things. And right before they did this amazing thing that you know them for, they went through some really hard shit. Okay? So the first thing we got to understand is that you are not the center of the universe. You will go through these tests. These tests will not just come at one point in your life. They will come over and over and over and over again.

and after you've matured and been through them enough, you don't panic anymore. Okay. And what you can do is to train yourself to become someone who relishes being in the hard shit, because you understand that everybody else quits when things get hard, when things get hard, it is simply this one foot in front of another,

In front of another. In front of another. Okay? That is the only way to keep moving forward. It's the only way to continue to progress when things are hard. And it's very simple. But people don't like simple. People like extreme and fun and exciting and these instant gratification, you know, situations. And dude, life is just not like that. Okay? Life is hard.

Success is hard. Business is hard. Being married is hard. Having a family is hard. Doing anything that anybody would admire is hard. Okay? And when things get the hardest, that is the most important time where you have to continue to move forward putting one foot down in front of another. This is why it's so important to make investments in your mental toughness, in your grit, in your fortitude, in your ability

ability to persevere and your ability to stay disciplined because conditions will never be perfect. Okay. When we talk about it being freezing cold outside, and I'm talking about how I know that I need to go get acclimated to that because I can feel myself getting soft. That is me recognizing that my mental fortitude is getting rounded off when it needs to be very sharp.

Okay, so we have to become aware of where we are mentally and we have to make investments to harden ourselves mentally so that we can prepare for these hard times that come over and over and over and over again. One phase that you are experiencing right now would normally crush everything.

a human being. Okay. You're going through this process. Things get hard. Everything in your life seems fucked. Most people quit the first time that happens. Most people look themselves in the mirror and say, oh, well, I guess it's not for me. I'm going to go just do what everybody else does. And then, and then they quit. Okay. And what you have to realize is that if you could build yourself into someone who can work through these things as they come,

there's really nothing that can stop you. And the longer you go through them and the more you go through them, the less and less competition there is to the thing that you do. So work on your mental, focus on keeping your mentality and your mental toughness sharp, recognize when it gets soft and recognize the importance and the reality of the path that you are on. If you were on a mediocre path,

and you just wanted to be a regular human, these tests are going to come anyway. They're just going to come disguised as other things, okay? They're going to look different. They're going to feel different. You're not going to be able to pay your electric bill. You're not going to be able to eat at the places you want. Your ability to attract a mate is going to be incredibly diminished, okay? You're going to end up with someone you don't really want to be with. You're going to drive something you don't really want to drive. You're going to be embarrassed of what you did in your life. Those are fucking hard things to deal with.

Okay, but if you're gonna be an achiever you're gonna deal with different shit You're gonna deal with people laughing at you. You're gonna deal with people not believing in you You're gonna deal with people trying to tear you down. You're gonna deal with people who you know There are situations that are just uncomfortable in different ways. All right, so

We all go through this. It looks different for everybody. But the bottom line is, if we prepare ourselves to go through these things and we expect these things to happen and we know what to do as they come, you end up winning because everybody else can't make it through. Okay? That's what this comes down to. It's very simple. I love it, man. Let me ask you this because I feel like this is something I've done personally where, and I just want to get your opinion on it. Like, is this a healthy way, I guess, to manage that stuff?

is that I've always just told myself, you know what, it could be worse. It could be worse. And maybe, like, I don't know, like, does that diminish the, like, all of the benefits that you can get from going through the hard shit if you try to diminish how hard it is? No. When things are very hard, there is a very real...

Truth to the fact that they could be way fucking harder Okay, and most of people in our country the United States, you know those people listen all over the world Most of the people here have never really been through anything hard. Okay, they've been through the normal life shit of hard, right? Someone dies someone gets sick these kind of things lose a job But their day-to-day hard is fucking luxurious compared to someone who comes from you know some third world place and

So lacking the perspective of understanding what is truly hard actually makes your life feel much harder.

All right. So when we can have the proper perspective about what's actually hard and we can remind ourselves that things could be way worse. And the fact is, most people have them way worse. That can get us in a place of gratitude. And when we get into a place of gratitude, it makes it easier. And we can think more clearly about what we need to move forward, because most people, when they get in that situation of being frustrated, they're they panic.

And they get frazzled and they can't focus and they don't know what to do. So they do nothing. And that just makes the situation worse. So I definitely think there's a lot of value to reminding yourself that no matter how dark shit is, it could be a lot fucking darker. 100% man. Love it, man. Guys, Andy, question number two. Andy, I just got bent over with no lube in business.

Okay. It happens. I like that he put the collar. There's a comment that you got to have. That's very, very important. He says, I had a business relationship that I've been working on for the last year and a half. I depend on this company as part of my supply chain for my business. Well, they just cut themselves out without warning, without consideration. And I feel completely lost and out of control.

How have you handled being bent over with no lube in the past versus how you handle that stuff now? I feel like I might go to jail if I go with my first mind. Yeah, you might. I don't know what that, I know what that feels like, bro. You know, when someone really fucks with your livelihood, that's serious shit. And,

You know, I think people forget that. I think people forget because of the Internet when they fuck with people's livelihood, what they're really doing to people and where they're really putting them. OK, so I can understand that feeling because I've had a lot of people fuck with me along the way. So I get that. Don't do that, though. The best way to win is to keep moving forward and smile in everybody's face and be like, fuck you. You know, you ain't stopping me. So back to the question.

How do we handle these situations when things happen that are out of our control? Well, you have to understand that when you are a little fish in a big pond, you're not going to get the respect from the bigger companies that other people get. Okay. If that company that you're doing business with had seven other customers and they're all as big as you and they're all growing. And then that company doesn't have the capacity to do more business, uh,

for those people, they're going to cut ties with the little ones so that they can expand their ability to service the ones that are bigger. And that sounds like that's where you're at. I can't imagine someone pulling their business from you or a vendor pulling their business from you unless either A, went out of business or B, had to expand their ability to service someone bigger than you. And that's normal when you're small.

You ask what happens whenever you get bigger? That doesn't happen when you get bigger because you become such a big part of these vendors' business that they bend over backwards, okay? So they don't have the ability to really fuck you. You hold all the cards the bigger you get. And your job is to go from where you are to where...

that place is, right? You want to go from the guy who's not getting the respect to the person that's getting all the respect and your business is secured. How do you do that? Well, you got to get creative. You're not facing anything that anybody else who's ever built anything hasn't had to face. Okay. So how can you succeed without these people? What are the alternatives? Who can I work with besides that? Is there an opportunity for me to bring that in house so this can never happen again? How can I ensure that

That my business is never compromised by someone else's decisions ever again. And this is why in the companies that I'm involved in, we're constantly working towards vertical integration. We are constantly working towards bringing everything within our control simply for that reason that you mentioned.

I don't want to have anybody else be in charge of the destiny or the outcome of our business. Okay. But when you're a little guy and you don't have the capital, that's just the reality. So what you have to do is you've got to go out, build relationships, find companies that may be in the same position that you're in. Maybe they're a little smaller. Maybe they're a little hungrier. Maybe they'll do more for you because they are hungrier. In fact, I know they will because that's how it works.

and start working there. Okay. But this is, this is normal. This is reality. When you're little, you get no respect. When you're big, you hold all the cards. Um,

And that that really never ends. Yeah, I want to say this because I want to preface this question with this You know, I've been been Grateful enough to be around you for the last five years and I think what I would probably my most admirable piece of you Andy is that you're very you're an ethical businessman, right and I've been able to see see that like very very clearly right and all your companies is very ethical and

And it's something that I've always, like, it's always been kind of puzzling to me because, you know, you have an entrepreneurship in business. There's a saying, well, that's just business, right? And so it's like, how do you kind of like...

Guess differentiate something that that's just business versus somebody truly being unethical Well, I think listen, I think when we're younger and we're smaller It's easy for us to like if you were like if I was in that position, which by the way, I've been in that position I've been in a position before where I was working with a company who decided that they were going to work with someone else And then I was left holding the bag. Okay, that's happened many times. I

Lot of times in fact every time that it's happened. I took it personally because it is personal to me This is my livelihood. This is our people's livelihood. Okay, but it's actually not a personal thing Okay, so you have to know and you have to be able to really truly separate What's personal and what's business? Okay

Business is business and that means it's not going to always go the way you want. You're not going to always get what you want. Some people are going to have different goals. But to all of this, I would say to your ethical question, the reason that it's important to always do the right thing and have respect for people regardless of what happens is

is because this game is so fucking long you never know who you're gonna have to work with in the future if you burn a bridge now that same guy might come back in three years and fucking stomp on your throat okay because that business is always evolving people are always moving their chess pieces and sometimes that guy who you got pissed off at um maybe he's in a crunch and he cut you out because he was in a crunch and then maybe he gets his moot pieces moved in the right way and he calls you back and he says

DJ, I got a great opportunity, bro. I know it didn't work out here, but like, what about this? Okay, so we can't burn bridges because the game is so long, we don't know what bridge we're going to have to cross. And doing things ethically also important because...

When you do good things and you do them with the proper intent, the universe and God rewards that back to you. So if you're doing things with the wrong intent or you're doing things with bad intent or you're being manipulative or you're lying or you're cheating or you're stealing or you're doing whatever, you're going to get that back a hundredfold eventually somewhere along the line. So.

it's very important that you understand that what you put out is what you're going to get this is why all you hater never win okay you cannot control your own ego to understand that there's plenty plenty of room for everybody to win and you see someone win you see them grow their business you see them drive a car bro i see this every day i post my life people are like oh you don't want to see that well you know what there's lots of young kids

that are inspired by my lifestyle that I've created for fucking 25 years, that I have a duty to show them so that they can understand that there is a prize on the other end of that fucking struggle. Okay? But you are so fucking stupid, you can't understand that when you hate on that, you're telling the universe, I don't like winning.

I don't like winning because every time I see someone else win, I don't like it. Okay. And what do you think the universe gives you? It gives you exactly what you're asking for, which is not winning.

Alright, so all you hater dumbasses out there, you need to understand this because, dude, you're the one stomping on your own dick. You don't realize that. So when you see someone win, you should be happy. If you're not happy, you should figure out how to be happy. You should stop yourself when you feel that little jealous tingle on the inside and be like,

"Oh no, that ain't right, dude. Good, if he did it, I can do it. And I can do it better." Right? That's how the attitude should be. - That's good, that's healthy. - Yes. - Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking about the ethical, you know, is this just business part because like it just made me click, like the guy that left him,

Maybe he's just looking out for his people. His company has to grow. I feel like that's a perspective people lack. I think that's highly likely. I think that's highly likely. I don't think it's a personal thing, bro. If it was personal, you know it. You know when people don't like you personally. Most of you guys, you guys think you really got haters. You don't fucking have any haters, bro. You never had the internet come after you. You've never been on fucking MSM or news stations across the country. I've been on that shit plenty of times.

Okay, there's a big difference between hate and you imagining hate. Yeah, right Okay, you know and what most people do is they set themselves up in this mind frame of If I do this then so-and-so is gonna think this and then somebody else is gonna think this and then somebody else is gonna think that and What we do is we imagine all these worst-case scenarios, but we can't put a name on who's going to think what and

And what does that mean? It actually means that we are our own biggest haters. So we're the ones hating on ourselves and keeping ourselves from taking action because of the things that we think may happen, which likely never do happen. So get out of your own fucking way. I love it, man. I love it, guys. Andy, our third and final question. Andy, how do you balance delayed gratification

and enjoying life more now. I am 26 years old. I am working a full-time job on the nights and weekends. I am collaborating with a longtime friend with his growing small business. I'm also working with my brother on his small business. The point is I'm doing well. I live in a small apartment and drive an 11-year-old compact car. I could upgrade my lifestyle, but I am too driven and want to spend that extra money on some business ideas.

How do you convince yourself to let go of the instant pleasures to achieve something far greater in the future? My advice to anybody is to live below your means for as long as you possibly can until you can invest the proper amount of money to where the return that you're looking for long term is going to be reflective of the lifestyle that you're looking to build. So

You have to not be influenced by the culture and you have to look at yourself and say, okay, what am I trying to achieve here? I'm trying to achieve this lifestyle. I am here currently.

I can afford a new BMW and I can afford a condo. Should I get the condo and the BMW or should I take the money and put it into the business? Well, the answer is what do you want on the other end of it? Okay, because the longer that you can maintain living small and invest your cash back into your business is

the bigger the back end reward is going to be. Now we talk in here about my story a lot. We talk about how the first 10 years I made $58,380 for 10 years. Not a year. That's cumulative for 10 years.

But what people don't realize is that by the year 2006, we were making money and we were investing it in our business. And we were taking all the money, even though we could have afforded to pay ourselves for the next four or five years and pouring it directly into the business so that we could get

the end result where we wanted it to be. And once that engine was built by that investment and we had it running, now we were able to, you know, take a little bit of here, take a little bit there. We're also along the way to...

along the way, we were able to figure out ways to make personal income that didn't affect the business. Okay. So it all depends on where do you want to be in 20 years? Do you want to be the guy who is 26 years old driving a fucking, uh,

an S class thinking you're the shit or an old fucking Bentley or a fucking old Lamborghini? Or do you want to be the guy when you're 40 that is flying on a jet and going on a yacht and buying whatever fucking Bugatti he decides he wants to buy? You know what I'm saying? What do you want? Okay. Because I could tell you this.

That 26-year-old guy, by the time you're 40, that guy's going to be broke and no one's going to remember. And what they are going to remember is how douchebag he was trying to pretend like he was the shit when he wasn't the shit. And look at him now. Exactly. And the last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself with that kind of shit. So let's be real about it.

Yes, you can reward yourself. You sure can but it is going to cost you and what's that cost worth? All right, and that's how I would that's how I would how I would evaluate that now What I also think is that it's important to taste success. Sometimes I think it's important to Reward yourself and show yourself that you're doing things along the right way but most people do that way too much and uh It ends up costing them. You know what I mean? So like, you know

It's it's there's nuance there. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. My dad told me one time I asked him I was going to I was going to get a 750 BMW. This was back like when I thought we were sweet. Oh, fuck. Yeah. The big body beamers. I always liked them. Yeah. And this is back. I don't know. I don't even know when this was. I mean, fucking 15 years ago at least. And I said, how do you I asked him a similar question. So how do you know when when you and his answer was, you'll know.

You'll know you know which I don't know what the fuck that man. Yeah, you know I feel like my answer is better. You know now yeah, you know I think I think I think it just comes down and then also you know like bro You know we only have limited time so we have to run that balance very carefully You know what I mean like look like Kobe situation for sure you know Kobe works his balls off for fucking 40 years and

decides he's going to start spending time with his family and dies. And it doesn't always work out the way we want. So like when you pour yourself into this,

An ambitious lifestyle into big dreams big goals. You have to understand that it's very possible. You could run out of time Okay, it's very possible. It's a bet we make it's a gamble we make but it's it's the gamble required if you're gonna do anything relevant So there's no way around that that's a bet you're gonna have to make fuck dude You could get run over walking across the street today. Who knows?

But if you want to be successful and you want to build big shit and you want to do something that's going to take care of you financially and take care of your family financially and give you ultimate freedom to do whatever you want at any time, you need to delay gratification for as long as possible.

That's the truth. The richest motherfucker in the world. Well, not the richest, but one of the richest. Dude, Elon Musk doesn't fucking own a whole bunch of shit. No. He flies around in a plane, stays in hotels and shit. Okay. Who else is known for that? Oh, Warren Buffett.

He lives in the same house he's lived in for fucking 60 years, dude. You see what I'm saying? Like... Worth billions. Yes. Bro, these people just... It becomes... It doesn't become a game of accumulation of shit. It becomes winning. Who's the winner? And that's what's going to come for you, too. So, like, you know, you may have a passion, dude. Maybe your passion, you know, is watches or cars or whatever. I like watches and I like cars. Those are two things I like. You know, I...

I like winning better than that though. You know what I'm saying? Like I've gone through those phases. Young Dolph has a lyric in one of his songs. He goes, I got tired of watches. I started buying cars. I got tired of cars. I started buying property. All right. So what he's talking about there is the natural progression of a entrepreneur and these little fucking trinkets and collection and toys. Eventually they lose their, their coolness. Now I am deeply passionate about cars, right?

But I haven't bought a watch in fucking five, six years. I don't give a fuck. In fact, I really don't ever wear one anymore. I don't even wear one unless I wear a suit. So, and I got a nice watch collection, okay? And worth millions of dollars. But like...

I don't care. You know what I'm saying? It's not cool to me anymore. And the cars, I mean, fuck dude, I got some cars coming, but I haven't bought a new car in a couple years. You know, I drive the cool shit I got. You know what fucking, you know what I like? I like winning. I like reinvesting my money. I like knowing that I come in here every day and I don't even take a paycheck and I help these motherfuckers grow this shit so we can win. I fucking love that. It makes me happy. So, but I'm in a different position. I've been doing this 25 years. I've been doing it since I was a young kid.

So every single person that I have ever heard of ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,

that has built something amazing delay gratification for as long as possible and also was very tired okay we have people talking about how tired they are i told i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired no that's a prerequisite to success every single thing that has ever been built every single accomplishment that's ever been accomplished every single thing that is worth mentioning in the history of earth was built by people who were tired

Every single thing. Okay, so you getting on the internet and crying about how fucking tired you are or saying I'm tired good You're supposed to be tired. Can you execute when you're tired? That's the question that you need to be answering so, you know

Delay gratification, discipline over motivation 100% of the time. Those two things will get you very far. Falling into the trap of instant gratification because you watch all these dorks on the internet who don't have shit talk about how much money they have when they're all clearly lying. That's going to get you right where everybody else is, which is here today, gone tomorrow. You want to build something great?

Take all the money you make, pour it back in. Do that over and over and over again until you got the engine built. When the engine starts building, if you want to continue to pour money in, you can. But you don't have to. I love it, man. I love it, guys. It's a hell of a way to start a Monday, man. Let's get to it. All right, guys. We'll see you for CTI tomorrow.

We'll see you next time.