WHAT'S YOUR WEIRD FLEX?! | EP 447
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch whenever you're ready. For

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. I don't understand. No! He asked me a same space question. I answered and he burst out laughing. Sorry, no, no, no, no. Guys. Girls. Welcome back in. Welcome back indeed.

- It's a nice one. - It's a Monday fun day. - It's a Monday fun day. - Yes sir. - I'm gassed to be here. - Yes sir. - Thank you for being here. - Thank you for being here. And thank you for being here. And thank you for being here. He's absent. - Yeah, Ellis has gone toilet or something. - Yeah. - So yeah, we'll thank him later. - Yeah. - But yeah, welcome in guys. Before we get started today, I have a question for you and I want you to be- - What? - What? - I don't know 'cause I never have questions. So I'm intrigued and gassed at the same time. - Fair, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Now I want you to think about it or not. And that you might know off the top. Okay. Oh, so this is not like imagination. It's not imagination. I have a question for you and I want you to be open and honest about it.

I'm not asking you to use your imagination. - All right, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. - What do you think? - Yeah. - Okay, 'cause this might not be relevant now. - Okay. - So you can either give me what it is now, what it's ever been for your whole life, but what is your biggest insecurity? - My biggest insecurity probably has always been not having abs. That's facts. Why is that funny? - Sorry.

- I don't understand. - No, he's like no. - This is a safe space. He asked me a safe space question. I answered and he burst out laughing. - Sorry, no, no, no, no, please. - Chat, am I wrong? - No, no, no, no. - Chat, am I in the wrong? - Chat is insane. - Am I in the wrong?

- Bro, okay, hear me the fuck out. First of all, he laughed first. - No, I didn't laugh first. - Yeah, he did. - Don't you point that finger down. - I heard it before I felt it. - You laughed first. - Take accountability, bro. - You laughed first. - We laughed at the same time. - You laughed first. - No, you laughed first. - We laughed at the same time. - You laughed first. - Okay. - Continue. - First of all, I laughed through shock and shock alone. Because you said it with such confidence and it's so specific.

- You asked me a specific question. - You did everything right. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing just through surprise. - Okay. - Because it's like, I don't know. It's just not a typical, because I know you. - Yeah. - And I've never heard you say that. - Because it's an, why would I say it? - I tell you about my insecurities all the time. - Valid. - Yeah. So it just surprised me. - Fair. - It's not funny. And I think you have a beautiful stomach.

- But I was just surprised. - Fair. - I was just surprised. - So it was a two fold, you said, what's my insecurities now? - What is it and what has it ever been? But anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry. Pretend I didn't laugh. - Okay. - Start again, what's your biggest insecurities? - My biggest insecurities is not having abs. Help me, help me out, please. - Shut the fuck up, Jase. - And I would say, I would say that's probably been like a longstanding thing, but in terms of

Now? I don't know. That's fine if that's just the one. No, because I think it's probably because of being arsed doesn't jog my memory. Yeah, fair. It's when it happens. It's when you feel it. It's when I feel it or think about it at a random moment. I'm like, oh shit, this is an insecurity. Being arsed, sometimes I can't really put my finger on it. What made you arsed though?

- What did make me ask? What made me ask was when you were asking me yesterday about my, what was it?

- Oh, my inferior, was it inferiority complex I called it? - Inadequacy? - Inadequacy. - Inadequacy. - Nah, not inadequacy. - What was it? - It was inferiority, no, not inferiority. It was inferiority, that's what it was. Inferiority complex. It was inferiority complex. - It was inferiority complex. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was inferiority complex. Inferiority complex. - Okay. - So it just got me wondering what everyone else's insecurities were. - I'm trying to think like,

- Honestly, you don't have to keep saying things that you're insecure about. You touched base on the abs and I think that's fair. - Yeah, fair but again, I don't care. - Yeah, no, you shouldn't. Like I said, you have a beautiful stomach. - No, I'm talking about insecurities in general, I don't care. - Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So I'm trying to think if there are some that I can't think of right now that I'm be like, oh, let me actually talk about it because honestly, like I said, I genuinely don't care. - Fair. - It's a safe space here, so.

And yeah, you man, your gang, so. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna say, since we started the show as well, I also have far less insecurities. And that's another reason why I wanted to ask it. - Fair, fair, fair. - I probably used to have bare. - Yes, yes, agreed, agreed. I feel like by doing this show, people can honestly judge and see for themselves who we are as people. And I feel like over the time, obviously I don't watch our stuff back as much as I used to like two, three years ago, but I could see,

like the stages of, how can I put this? I could probably see my insecurities as I'm watching the show and see, okay, these are the things I probably need to change for myself to make myself, to make me feel better about myself when I watch myself back on TV. And I think that's helped also because

you do obviously get the odd people here and there. Like once in a blue moon DM you about a specific insecurity and you're like, damn these got me. - Yeah, there was one time. - These got me. - There was one time, yeah. So a lot of people don't know this. I notice it every day. So I'd say one of my biggest insecurities is my lazy eye. I have a lazy eye, right? - Okay. - This one, right? This bitch right here, right? - Okay. - Slightly lazy. - Okay. - Since the day I was born, it's been like that. There's like baby pictures where I can see it. - Okay. - And I don't think about it. And then I remember I was on Twitch one time

I was on Twitch one time and one random breast said, "N***a's got one eye smaller than the other." And I was gaming and I read it like this. I read it like that and I was like, "N***a's got..." And someone tried to jump to my defense, "He's got a lazy eye, he said it before." I was murked. I shut up and I just played my game like that. And it rocked me. It rocked me. So yeah, it's a tough one. The ousting murked me. The ousting murked me.

- That was, yeah, I feel like, I feel like because we've been doing this show for so long, it's like, it's given me thick skin. So. - It's given me thick skin and it's also like, I like I said, I'm a chatty Cathy. If something troubles me, I have to say it. So whenever I'm insecure about something, I have to say it. - Yeah, we talk about it. - Everyone already knows what my insecurities are anyway. So, fuck, Ellis?

What's your biggest insecurity? Oh God, here we go. That's just the confidence thing, isn't it? Got better. You're insecure about your confidence? Yeah, like just, yeah. Is that an insecurity? I don't know. Confidence in what aspect though? It's mainly in like my career. Okay, explain. I don't know. I just, I want to, it's a good thing because I want to get better, but.

I feel like I'm like miles behind. It's a me issue, it's comparison. Comparison is a FIFA joke. All it is, is me comparing. - Isn't it just? - That is literally all it is. It's just me comparing myself to other editors or whatever. - Fair play. Rem? - Sorry, that got deep, man. I didn't mean for that to get. - I'm not gonna lie, I wanted to laugh again and I was now depressed. - Yeah, I'm sorry. - Why did you wanna laugh again?

- I just wanna laugh. We're here to laugh, are we not? I didn't laugh at you. But I was just, I was laughing at. - I'm not here, I don't need you to defend yourself. I'm just saying you said you wanted to laugh again. - I did wanna laugh again. It's fun to laugh. - Yeah. - I agree. - Yeah. - Not at people's insecurity. - No, I didn't laugh at your insecurity, bro. - Remski, insecurity please, sir. We're not gonna laugh.

I can recall having insecurities growing up. I'm not laughing. I'm just laughing at the situation. Go on. I thought you were. I can recall having insecurities growing up. Yeah. But I don't, like you said, right now, top of my head, I can't really think of any right now. But I guess there were some for me with body image, training. I had insecurities back then when I was starting out and through my training journey. And I felt like I needed to look a certain way

I was always the shortest in my class. I'm a shorty now. And yeah, so that to me went hand in hand with, well, okay, if I can't be tall, then I'll just get wide. So I was training, training, training, training. So yeah, growing up for me, that was a thing. But now, no, I just can't think of any off the top of my head right now, any security that I have. I also feel like because...

- Because of what we do and because the camera's on our faces every week, we've allowed ourselves to be a lot more comfortable with our insecurities. Like people, we can't lie about anything we're saying, 'cause people will see us. Do you see what I'm saying? So there's no running away from it. - No. - There's no running away from it. So I feel like the initial,

of people seeing us for the first time, whether it be they deemed us one way or the other or vice versa, they'll get over it as soon as they seen us the first time. Do you see what I'm saying? So there's just no running away from it. So yeah, good question though. - Yeah, you got way deeper than I wanted to. I'm not gonna lie to you, man.

- Now I'm just sad. - It wasn't gonna be a- - That wasn't gonna be a surface level thing. I thought we were all gonna laugh at my eye. I thought we were gonna laugh at your tummy. - I thought we were gonna laugh at my tummy. - I wasn't expecting to laugh at your tummy, but that's what happened. - If you want my, here's my joke answer then. My face is very unsymmetrical. It fucking is, mate. - That's the joke answer. - My face is so unsymmetrical, it's fucking ridiculous. It's crazy, mate.

So there you go, cut the other one, this is the actual one. This is the actual one. - You're the editor, aren't you Ethan? - Stop! - Oh wow. I notice it every fucking day. - It is.

- Oh it is mate. It's crazy. - I'll tell you now, I've never noticed that ever. - It is. It's so unsymmetrical. - I've never looked to you and thought that. - It's awful. - Oh, fuck. - Fucking hell. - Wow. - Fuck. - There you go. - Oh man. Shit man. I'm also more grubber than Showa.

- I feel like, well, I can't speak for myself. - I feel like most people are like, "I don't know, I don't know." - You feel like what? - I'm also a crow, I'm not a shower. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I can only obviously speak for myself. - I wanna be more shower, man. - What can you do? - Yeah. - There's nothing you can do. - You have to pop something. - Yeah. - That's long. - I find the perfect penis is when you come out the back. - Whoa. - That's when it's like the right size. - Whoa.

- Wow, I'm light headed. The perfect penis. - Like for yourself. - Nah bro. - For yourself. - Nah bro. - We all love that, don't lie. - Oh my fuck. - Just when you get out of the pool. - That made me light headed. - Oh no bro. - Yeah. - Fuck off. - We all have that. - Fam? - We all know. - I remember last time I had a bath. - We all know when our best, when our dicks are in the best situation.

- Fucking hell. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. - Fuck sake. - Jesus. - Yeah, I don't bathe. - Yeah. - I shower daddy. - I shower you. - You all know when it's in the best situation, bro. - Yeah.

- Mine's post-nut. - Yeah, I was gonna say, as soon as I pull out after a nut, it's a steak. - It's a steak or a snake? - It's a steak. - Oh, steak. - It's a steak. - Yeah, it's a ribeye, just hang.

- Yeah, that's the perfect one. - Jesus Christ. - Fuck off, man. That's made my head hurt. - Penis. - Yeah. Damn. - That's hilarious. - My face is unsymmetrical. You don't understand what that did to me. Bro, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, it's crazy. My lazy eye won't murk me the other day 'cause I asked, I need to renew my passport.

And then remember Megan took pictures of us for our visas. Our American visas. I'll just use the same one. I haven't ever looked at that picture. I've seen it in my passport, but I just keep it stepping. So I messaged her the other day and said, oh, can you send me? And also daddy's not been sleeping. So my under, my under eyes been black and my other eyes been black, bro. And my face was puffy, bro. So I want a message. Send me that thing, please. So I can use the passport. She sent me. I said, Jesus Christ. I was like, delete it.

You've had that in your arsenal the whole time. Fucking delete it, bro. My eye looks like this. - Damn. - It looks like I got punched. - Damn, sorry bro. - I was like, damn, this is what my face looks like. - And you said it's since birth? Or just since you were young? - I've had it since, well, birth baby. I've got a picture of me as like a six month old with it. - Does your brother have one? Do you know? - I don't fucking know. I don't think so. - I've never really noticed. I don't think I've noticed it. - I've never noticed to be fair. - Thanks guys. Yeah, right. Questions of the week? - Questions of the week.

- So this week's question of the week was, what's your weird flex? Right. - I saw some weird ones. - I saw some weird ones too. So what's your weird flex? Guys, girls, in the comments below, make sure you write what your weird flex is. I know where the pressure point is to make a guy fall asleep and leave me alone. - Yeah. - What? - Yeah. - Leave me alone is nuts. - That is nuts. That last bit is nuts. - Yeah, leave me alone is crazy. - To make a guy fall asleep is crazy. - We used to have a kid at my school who did that. Like he knew pressure points.

not to put you to sleep, but he would just do it. He knew what would like disable certain parts of your body. So you'd just be sitting in like that and you'd be like fuck and then like your arm would go like limp. Like he just knew like, so I don't know how he knew this. He just knew certain points. - Damn son. - Crazy. - Damn indeed. - That's some Dr. Strange shit. - Right, what's your weird flex? Flicking garments I've left on the floor over my head, catching them behind my back, casually walking off like I've achieved something.

- That's something I would do. - Fair. - That's definitely something I would do. - Fair, fair, fair. What's your weird flex? I had my mom help my now girlfriend break up with her ex so I can sweep in and have her. - How does she do that? - I don't know. - That's his flex. - That's his flex, I don't know. - Damn. All right. Weird flex. My ass claps and I'm a man. My ass claps and I'm a man. The and I'm a man is insane. - Weird flex. My dick can bend to the right and to the left.

- Whoa. - Whoa indeed. - What? - Whoa indeed. - That's disgusting. - That is disgusting. You need to see someone. - Where does your lots go? - Straight down the line, bro. - Is it straight? - Yeah. - They all have a bit of a bend. - Nah, bro. Straight, my brother. - Nevermind. - It is! - All right, this should have been the... Where's it been, bro? - A little bit to the right. - Slightly to the right? - Just a little.

- A little bit to the right. I know people who goes like that. - Sorry? - You know people. - I've not seen it, but like they've said, oh, curves. - All the way to the right? - Like down and then up. - Yeah, slight little curve. - Really? - Every, yeah, they all got a little bend. - Mine's not, okay, let's not get crazy. Mine's not straight like an arrow like that. That's disgusting. - Yeah, so it goes a little bit to one way. - No, no, no, it doesn't, no, I mean it's like that. - It rises. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a slight,

- Slant. - Yeah, very slight, but that's not the shaft that's sharp. Like, stuff like that. It's from the base. How do I? You know what I'm saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - The pressure. - It's like a coat hanger underneath. It just keeps it rigid.

It just keeps it rigid like that, which causes it to slightly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not. - It doesn't fit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It doesn't fit. - East or west. - A little bit to the right. - Interesting. Girls like that stuff though. - Do they? - Yeah, 'cause it scratches the side. - Oh, fair. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls like that shit. Right, next one. Fucking hell again. What's your reflex? Bro said, "I can click my cock." - What? - "I can click my cock." I'm not gonna lie to you, man.

I've clicked my cock twice, but on accident. I thought I was gonna be hospitalized. - I'm assuming this is like penetration. It slides out, then slides back in, but doesn't go back in. - So mine, no, no, no. So mine, so it sounds like a knuckle and it's at the base, right? Hear me out. It's not fun. So it's happened twice. First time was reverse cowgirl. We know how it goes. You get an inexperienced rider on there.

Yeah. You get an experienced rider on there, you're in for some serious trouble. Yeah, yeah. So both times it's from a downward push. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, yeah, yeah. She was bouncing on that joint. I heard her go, and I was like, ah! Scared. Second time, my own fault. I was trying to get acrobatic with it. Collapsed doggy. Daddy was on his feet.

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he, yeah, and he sunk into it. He sunk into it. I braced the hips. Yeah, and I was, I was all up in there, bro. - Yeah, yeah. - And then yeah. - I was on my feet. - Yeah, I was all over, yeah. - Oh, you're gonna, deep! - Deep. - Oh, yeah. - Deep, bro. Deep, bro. Wow. And I was going full stroke. Bro, oh, bro, my quads were burning. But I was in the zone.

Anyway, again, yeah. I allowed my pelvis to rise too high. - Oh, it made- - And it pushed my tool down. - Oh, gooch. - Clicked like a knuckle again. - Damn, son. - Yeah, it clicked like a knuckle, bro. I thought I was gonna go to hospital, but nothing happened. - That's never happened. Was there, post the sex, was there any like after effects? - No, it was fine. But I was imagining that there was because I was so scared that there would be. I was just waiting for the agony to kick in. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. But Brodsky saying he can just click it.

- As and when? - Yeah. - That's scary. - That is scary, but that something must have happened 'cause that's like double jointed. - Yeah, I think it's trauma. - Yeah. - Yeah, I think it's trauma and then he can do it. - Fair play. What's your weird flex? I can say the alphabet backwards. - I saw that one as well, that's crazy. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - That is crazy. - My exes have all downgraded. - That is a weird flex indeed.

- Damn. - Yeah, my exes have all downgraded. - What's your weird flex? My ability to repeat my mistakes and still be surprised by the results. - Yeah, bro. If I knew the Arabic word for that. Bro. - Wow. - Yeah. - Wow, yeah. Damn. - Weird flex. I can deep throat 10 inches. - Weird flex. I dislocated my jaw once and now it slips and slides like butter.

I couldn't have that. I couldn't have that. I saw a clip from one OF ting one time. She said she's had her tonsils and her uvula removed. So it's just a hole back there and it's completely eliminated her gag reflex. So she said, yeah, for as long as she can hold her breath, she can get plunged in the throat.

- She did that for the purpose of deep thought? - I don't think she did it for the purpose of that. I think she said she probably had some tons of light issues, but yeah, she says she got all three of them drones taken out and it's just a whole. - Damn. - Yeah. - Fair play. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, facts. I can remember every embarrassing thing I've ever done since childhood, facts, but I'll forget why I walked into a room in two seconds flat.

- Yeah, bro, my short term memory is God awful. - Fair, fair, fair, same. I hate it when that happens. Wow, the brain is crazy sometimes. Got two more, Weirdflex. The town slut only wants a relationship with me. - You man, that's my teenage years to a T. - Only wants a relationship with me. - To a T. You man don't understand how many girls I was chatting to on MySpace that,

was getting out of their hoe phase. It was exhausting. It must've been three on the trot. - Yeah, you peaked too late. - Bro, it must've been three gal on the trot that as soon as I started talking to them, they're like, "Oh yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I've been having a lot of fun the last couple of years, yada yada, but now I'm looking for something more serious." I'm like, "Why wasn't I there in the fun?" - It's jarring. - The town slut wants to be in a relationship with me. Wow, that's poetry. - Yeah, man, it's peak. - Right, last one for me.

- This is also me as well. I think this is just a secret diary of me. I damn near win every argument because I've consulted myself beforehand. I will know every possible answer or rebuttal you will have, but some people aren't aware enough to know that they've lost. - Damn. - Bro, that's sociopathic. But that's me, if I have enough time, if I know, when I used to work, bro, if I had enough lead up time and I knew I was gonna be in trouble with one of the big bosses when I got into work,

the whole drive in i'm running every scenario bro i know every robot i know every clap back i know everything fair play fair play uh last one for me what's your weird flex i can't be seduced i can't be seduced interesting very interesting i don't believe that i don't believe that was that guy remember what's the guy can't be seduced can't be seduced every man can unfortunately it takes it takes the right ting that's all it takes it literally does

- Right guys, welcome back. - Welcome back dude. - So if you are interested in watching any more of our content, if you are interested in finding a bigger purpose for yourselves, thinking there's more I want for my life and I wanna be part of something. Well, stop right now 'cause you found it. - Yeah. - Was it? - Hey you. - Slow down baby. - Gotta slow down baby, gonna have some fun. - Is that Spice Girls? - Is it Spice Girls? - Yeah.

Fair. Fair. Anyway, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs right now. Indoctrinate yourself into this cult. Become a baby. Let your daddies take care of you and be part of something for once in your fucking life. Be part of something. That's all we ask. That's literally all we ask. You don't ask for much. Well, we only ask for one more thing. It's three pound a month. Run the P. It's S and G. And then you're in the cult and you're sorted. Facts.

And you can watch an extra episode every Thursday. And then if you want to get even deeper. If you want to be a leader. If you want to be a leader. If you're not a follower and you fancy yourself a leader, then you can watch The Log Cabin. And you're wondering, what is The Log Cabin? The Log Cabin is a nice, cozy area, which every Saturday, Fu Hadanai will either be in a super awesome log cabin set and talk about very specific shit that is designed for the babies, by the babies. And then other...

other occasions we'll be out on road we will we'll be jumping out of planes we'll be cooking up a storm we will we'll be doing pilates we will yeah we'll be getting pampered we shall we'll be learning how to skateboard we did we're doing ninja warrior we have lots of fun shit goes on in the log cabin so again guys patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs right talk to me i have a game i want to play let's get it

And we've played it before. - We've played it before. - Me and you have played it before. - Okay. - And I wanted to run it back and I want to involve everyone, right? - Okay. - So the aim of the game, right? Is that you guys are applying for a job. - Oh my God. - You're applying for a job. - Yeah. - And I will give each of you an issue that you have individually.

and you still have to convince me that you should get this job regardless of the situation that you're in. Okay? I'm gonna be the interviewee and I'm gonna speak to you separately and then I will pick, I'll pick per role who's got the job, okay? - Interviewer. - I'm the interviewer, so you guys are the interviewee.

Right? So this is your chance to be articulate, a good communicator, a good debater. Because I will have issues with what you're bringing to the table. Okay. All right. Say less. We're going to start off nice and easy. Fuhad. Talk to me. You are applying. So the first job is bus driver. Okay. Okay. Right. I'm going to start with Fuhad on this one. Fuhad. Hello. Welcome to the interview. Thank you, sir. How are you doing? I'm very well. Now...

- You wanna be a bus driver? - I would love to be a bus driver. - Yeah? - I would love to be, sorry, I've just got a little cold. I'm not nervous or anything. - That's fine. Yeah, yeah. It's okay if you are nervous. This is important. - I don't necessarily get too nervous for anything, but just to let you know, it's just the cold, but I'm good to go. Talk to me. - Okay, cool. So why are you applying to be a bus driver? - I'm applying to be a bus driver because for one, I feel like it's important to help the community. Like I'm born and bred in London. TFL is my bag. And I feel like,

it's very, very important for the younger generation to see that the middle to older generation are still here to help out the community. Oh, okay. Fair play. So you consider yourself middle to older generation? I do. Okay. I would say middle. Okay. Fantastic. It says that you're blind. Unfortunately. So let me tell you about what happened. Right. I was cooking one day. What do you, do you need? I don't need the context. I need to understand. So yes, legally, legally I am blind. Okay. But,

I've been to an optician in Sweden, right? Right. And they are known for the best enhancements to not necessarily eradicate blindness, but to help the blind see. Do you see what I'm saying? I'm hearing you. Because you're wearing tan right now and apparently I'm blind, but I can see that. Do you see what I'm saying? This is green. Is it green though? It's tan, sir. It's tan. So, okay. Okay.

Can you, are you blind or not? - Legally, legally I'm blind on paper. - On paper. - On paper I have a disabled badge, but I can see. I wear glasses of course, because I have to get from A to B, but with those glasses, my vision is good. So being a, I drive anyway, I have a license anyway. - Do you have a license, a legal license? - Of course I've got a legal license. - That doesn't make sense. - How does that make sense? - 'Cause sir, you've told me you're legally blind.

- Of course. - And I've been in this business a long time. I'm well aware that if you are legally blind, you cannot legally have a driver's license in this country. - But I've been to Sweden. I've been to Sweden and they prescribed me a new thing. - So you have a Swedish driver's license? - No, no, no. I've been to Sweden to sort my eyes out. - You said you're legally blind. So to have the courts overruled your blindness legally in order for you to have a legal UK driver's license,

- Repeat your question, sir. Repeat your question. - So, right. I'm gonna ask this one more time and I'm gonna have to move on because it's getting ridiculous. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. - Legally in the UK, do they deem you to have vision or no? - Partially. - Legally in the UK, do they deem you to have vision or no? Are you blind or not legally in the UK? - Legally in the UK, I'm blind. - So did they legally prescribe you a pink driver's license with the knowledge that you are legally blind? - Post-surgery, yes.

- 'Cause I have to- - This is not true. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Okay, okay, I'm gonna- - Sir, sir, sir? - I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to move on because I don't believe you. I don't believe they prescribed you a license. - You don't know my life. - I don't believe they gave you a license whilst knowing that you're legally blind. - No, but they, okay. So I had a license, went blind, revoked my license. Went to Sweden. - Yeah. - Bish bash bosh, repairment, came back, renewed my license. - So on the new license says you're no longer legally blind. - No, but I was blind. - Sir.

- Okay. - But you have the information that I'm blind. - Yeah. - 'Cause you've done your research. - Yeah. - As you have to do. - Yeah. - But I'm here to tell you, I can see, I drove here. - Do you have a valid license or not? - Yes, sir. Hire me. I'm trying to give back to the community. - All right, thank you very much. I appreciate that. - Thank you. - And I love your passion. - Thank you. - Um, Elis. Am I saying that correctly? - Oh, that's Ellis, sir. - Ellis, sorry, sorry, seriously. - It's okay, it happens, it happens. - Yeah, my bad. - It's all good.

So you've also applied to be a bus driver. Yes. It says here you suffer from narcolepsy. Tell us about that. Okay. So I've managed to, I'm on pills. I'm on pills now. So I did have it when I was younger. I was seeing a running theme. When I was a kid, when I was in school, I had it. I had a special room and everything. I had to go in there.

And I had to sleep for a bit after class and stuff. It happened, eh? It's fine. Okay. Yeah. As I got older, you know, it was affecting stuff. I wanted to get a job and there was times I was falling asleep in the interview. Right. And it was embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. I decided enough is enough. I need to find a cure for this. This needs to be better. So I went to a doctor in London. Fucking expensive. But...

He put me on these pills. - That's just a lot of good shit today. - Yeah, special room is insane. Yeah, sorry. - Yeah, so he's put me on these pills. I've been on them for around three months now and been a lot better. - And no episodes?

No episodes so far. For the first couple of weeks, yeah, I was still, it wasn't as bad, but I was falling asleep, but it wasn't for as long before it'd be for hours. Whereas this was like a quick, you know, 10 minutes and stuff for the first couple of weeks. I was still falling asleep for the first couple of weeks, but I noticed it was a lot shorter. I was waking up quicker.

Now I've got to the point where I don't actually fall asleep now. It's actually like a month clear now of no episodes whatsoever. - Amazing. - So I am qualified for this job. - Congratulations. Do you also have a legal license to drive in the UK? - Yeah. - With this condition? - Yeah, yeah. - Interesting. - Yeah, I managed to do my license when I was 17. - So just if I was to employ you today,

Can you say confidently that we are at zero risk of you falling asleep at the wheel and injuring or maybe killing innocent British civilians? Zero risk. I've been driving since 17, so I'm now 23. I'm okay. Fair. Does anything trigger an episode? Only bright lights. Bright lights.

- Bright lights trigger an episode of narcolepsy and you fall asleep. - Yeah, well usually if there's a police siren or something. - Jesus Christ. - Yeah. - This is, your route will be specifically in South London. There is a slight chance that we might see some police sirens. - Yeah, this is a day, I applied for the morning roll though. It's okay in the day. It balances it out. - Right.

Okay, cool. I've applied for the morning. So that won't be a problem. All right. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Fair enough. Thank you very much. Two interesting candidates. Well played, Ellis. Fucking well played, Ellis. You're on a roll today. Well played, Ellis. Right. Last but not least, we have Aaron. Yes, it's Aaron. Aaron. Sorry. It's spelled like Aaron, but whatever. It's not. It's not. So...

You've also applied for the bus driver role. I have. Now explain this to me. I don't understand what it really means. It just says here, you have a crash kink and it says in brackets, sexually attracted to motor accidents. So. So yeah, explain that to me. That deep breath. Yeah.

Explain that to me. I've never heard of anything like that. So what does that mean? So firstly, I don't know how such personal details arrived on your desk. This is the TFL, sir. We do our due diligence. Clearly you do. So in my own time outside, this is my personal time, not in my professional role. Yeah. I do from time to time enjoy a crash dummy here or there. Right. And it's more for experimentation.

It is purely for science also, for science really. How fast would I need to be going for somebody to orgasm? And really what it needs to be is a study of that versus where I'm going in London. And I will really all the way back round to it being professional. That's not where it happens. It's all personal.

So again, how you obtain this information is unbeknownst to myself. So would you, okay, what I really want to get down to is are we at risk at any point that you can foresee causing a motor accident?

for sexual gratification. That's what we need to understand in this moment in time. I understand that's your personal desires and all this kind of stuff. - It is. - But I think it's fair for me to assume that you don't have any control of when these sensations arise and you will be behind the wheel and you will be in control of a very, very heavy vehicle. And I wanna make sure that there's nothing in your, I'm not kink shaming per se. - It feels it. - No, no, no, no. Again, whatever's in your personal time, I just understand.

that this could be an issue. I do have control over this kink. I don't know how exactly I would prove that to you without you giving me the job and doing exactly that. Proving to you that this is something that takes place only in my personal time and that there's no need for me to feel as kink-shamed as I do right now. I'll let you know. And that, yeah, whilst I'm on the shift, morning, evening, daytime, night shifts, whatever it may be,

There would be no crashes Due to my kink Fair play Thank you very much I think on this occasion I'm gonna give the job To Aaron

you're a liar i'm just going to say this you're alive sorry we've passed i don't have to explain myself to you you didn't get the job um the bright light situation it we live in the uk it's going to be dark early in the morning and you're going to kill someone so i appreciate this what you're doing sirens bro yeah i appreciate the efforts you're making to to mitigate your illness but the job specified day the interview's over

In the UK, 6:00 AM is daytime. It's dark at that time. - It's fine, I've tested it. - Moving on. I need you to wear thick underwear and thick trousers. 'Cause if any visible arousal is aware, you lose it on the spot, okay? - Understood. - Right, next job. Fuhad. - Hello. - You are applying for the role of surgeon. Very profession. - Okay. - Very good job there. High pay grade.

It says... Right. It says here you are a convicted organ harvester. Could you explain that to us, please? So, if I'm being completely honest, sir. Right. Two things. Right. I need this job. First and foremost. First and foremost. First and foremost, I need this job. Right. I have steady hands. Okay. I...

I'm very equipped to working very long hours. It's been proven in my past. And I have an affinity for taking care of people. Right. So if we revert back to your previous statement slash question, convicted is a strong word. Let me just say that. Convicted is a strong word. And to be honest, okay, here's the truth. I've never really told the courts this, but here's the actual truth. Here's the actual truth. So...

So, let me land. Yeah, I'm gonna let you land. There was this little girl. Okay. Let me land. Let me land. There was this little girl, right? And unfortunately, she neither had the funds or wasn't high enough on the transport list for this heart. And a few years ago, so this happened a few years ago, by the way. Hold on, this is actually bringing back...

Some some deep memories. I'm gonna need you to get to the point. Just this is this is a serious topic Sir I'm aware how serious this is. Okay, so this little girl open heart surgery and Her long story short. Her heart was failing also It's sad because on the other end there was another kid I was trying to save and

Unfortunately, he passed away, but he wasn't on the donor list and the parents didn't sign off on anything. So I know this is very unprofessional, very unethical. I just couldn't witness another child die in my surgery. So what I did was I had to take his heart out

in order for her to survive. And like I said, this was a few years ago, she's thriving, she's 10 years old now. And I don't feel bad about it. I just feel annoyed that this is the premise that's been put on my name. Do you see what I'm saying? - I understand what you're saying. So what you're telling me is without consent of the child or their legal guardians, you stole the child.

I stole a heart. You stole a heart from a deceased child. I took a heart to save another. Placed it in the chest cavity of a dying child. I did. Why does it say here that happened at the back of an Asda? Pardon? It says you did this round the back of an Asda in Loughborough. Did what specifically? The surgery. The removal or the... Both. I don't know why you're acting surprised you went to prison. So...

I'm going to say this quickly before I move on. I don't want to hear any more stories. I want answers. What's the question? Why did you perform these surgeries round the back of a NASDAQ? Because I had to prove myself that I could do it. And I did it. Yes, agreed, I was in the wrong. Yes, it was in the back of a NASDAQ. Yes, it was unsanitary. But I had to take one life to save another. And I'm not...

- Not, but you, you, I'm gonna move on. We're gonna move on. - Take was the wrong word. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - Take was the wrong, take, take was the wrong. - Sir, sir, sir. - Stop, the authorities will be called. - It was doing so well. - Oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God. - Take is the wrong word. - No, no, no, okay, okay, we're done here. We're really done here. - All right, all right. I hope you consider my position. - Yeah, yeah, I've got some real considerations to make.

Ellis, welcome back. Nice to meet you. Nice to see you again. Right. We have a... Okay. We have another issue here, Ellis. Okay. It says you have a phobia of blood in your application. Now, I need to understand how that will affect you professionally. As a surgeon, there is a fair amount of blood. Yes. So...

What do we do about this? So this is another thing. It's all in the past. So I've, yeah, I was afraid of blood very badly. Like really bad. I was vegetarian for ages. I couldn't see any meat or anything. There's quite a lot of red in this room as well.

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, there is. Which, yeah, don't get me wrong. It's making me feel a bit uneasy, but I'm all right. Okay. I've got steady hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm confident. I've been training for this for years. And I'm not going to let that get in the way of my dream job. You know what, sir? I appreciate you. I'm not going to let it get in the way. I appreciate you. Fucking hell, it's red. But it's fine.

- Well played. - But yeah, I'm not gonna let it get in the way. I've been working on it for years. I've been in therapy. She just, yeah, she's been, I've been painting with red colors to conquer it a bit more. I've been going through red therapy. - All right, red therapy. - So I'm going through it. - I have to give the job to Ellis. I just have to. You sir, deserve to be in the darkest hole

Why? Known to man. Why? You took a child's life to save another child's life. Take was the wrong word. It's the word you used. And it was a mistake. And you were convicted of a crime. I was convicted because it was the back of an Asda. All right. On this case, Ellis gets the job. You do have one further opportunity. Okay. Now. Oh, hi. Sorry. Hello. Hello. It does say here, if you're not a home director, you haven't been successful as of yet.

- No. - I really do hope this is the one that we get for you. - I hope so. - It does say here that you have a, this is quite random, an addiction to quote, "That's what she said," end quote. Now I don't understand what that means. Can you give me an example of, what is an addiction to that's what she said? - So this is just, I guess, part of my immature humor.

This has nothing to do with how I operate in a working space or professional space. So for example, I could overhear a conversation, a lady could be on the phone and she might be talking on the phone and saying, "Fuck, it didn't fit." And I would say,

that's what she said but like i said this has nothing to do with my professionalism in any field i am in so i don't really know for one how and where you got that information and two how it pertains to me applying to this role well it says here that it's an addiction a compulsion um i just want

I just want to- From where? It doesn't matter where, from where. I get my information where I get my information. I just want to clear the air here. Okay. So let's say I am a potential client of yours. Okay. You sat me down. I have just lost a loved one and my mother has passed. Okay. And you ask me, okay, let's do a little bit of role play just to make sure. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Ask me how my mother passed. Sir? Hmm.

I know you're going through a tough time, but I have to ask this question unfortunately. How did your mother pass? - She, unfortunately, you okay? - I'm fine. - Is everything okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm good. - She, are we okay? Is everything okay? - Yeah, my nose is just itching, sorry, sorry. Give me a second, sir. Give me a second. Yeah, I'm okay. Go on, sorry, she unfortunately, I'm listening. - So the way my mother passed, are you looking at me or do you not care? - Oh, I care. - Okay.

She unfortunately was impaled by a very thick object and she just couldn't take that level of penetration. I'm so sorry to hear that, sir. If there's anything I can do as of this moment, I know it was tough for you to say that. So if there's anything I can do for you at this moment, just please let me know. Would you like some water or anything? It's getting me from behind. What is exactly? Those were our last words. To you? That's just what I heard she said.

It's stretching me out from behind. It's getting me from behind. Those were the last words that they said that she was screaming as she left us. Understood. Should we talk caskets? So it's not an addiction. You did well. I said it's not an addiction. Okay, fair play. I am impressed. Thank you. Now, there was a lot of laughing and distraction, but I think finally we have the job for you. I think we found the job for you.

The base salary is 17K a year. I hope that's okay. And yeah, I'm happy to have you on board. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, gents. Very nice.

- That was good. - It was good. - That was tough man. - When you froze and your lips were covering. - Bro, fucking hell. - Improv's not easy. - It's really not. - It's really not. - Ellis, you have a hidden talent. - You do. - You have a hidden talent for improv. - That was difficult. - There's red in here. - There's red everywhere. - There's red in here. - That was good. - That was jokes. - Well played. Right, you've got a rec for us. - Yes, I do. - Okay. - Remski, can you please type in disclaimer?

So disclaimer is on Apple TV. I've never heard of this. Yeah, I got put on. Click cast for me, please, sir, and zoom the fuck in. Thank you. So disclaimer is about this three different stories happening at once and they all intersect. Right. So Catherine and Robert are husband and wife. Right.

And these, Catherine is a well, she's a author, highly decorated author, wins awards, things like that. And Robert is a loving, doting husband. He cares for her so much. And they have a son called Nicholas and the relationship between Nicholas and Robert, the dad, locked, but the relationship between Nicholas and the mum

Very wishy, very wishy-washy. That's one timeline. Another timeline. We have Sasha and Jonathan in love. Young love. The show opens up, scene one, episode one. They're on a train to somewhere in Italy. I think it's Rome. They're banging on the train.

banging on the train. - Okay, I bet. - Ticket inspector walks in, obviously they're flustered, naked, blah, blah, blah. He's like, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." They grab it, they find it, they give it to him. They start giggling about it, start banging again. - Damn! - They're running around Italy just in love and it's just so cute to see. It's so cute to see. There's a third timeline now. Steven, the old guy, he's lost the love of his life. There is a scene where

people come to his house to collect his wife's things. And one great thing, I'll come back to Steven. One great thing about this show is that they narrate as the show is going on. So there's different narrators in the show. So Catherine will be narrating parts of her life while her scene is going. Same with Steven and same with either Robert, Sasha or whatever. So that's how it goes. But there is a scene where Steven is...

watching them take the remaining remaining things of his wife's stuff because she's passed away and he says something along the lines of oh that's it this is nancy's life reduced to a certain amount of items and he finds his wife's favorite cardigan and he wears it throughout the rest of that episode and it's just like fucking i was so jesus christ right um but then

as he's going through her things, he remembers that there was a, his, there's a death in the family. So he's now lost two people, his wife and someone else.

and he's basically all alone. So he now remembers that he goes into the room, he goes into a room where his wife never wanted him to go into because she was in there by herself all the time, just dealing with this loss. She goes into the room, he goes into the room, sorry, and opens up a drawer and finds a book. As he's reading this book, he realizes how

This timeline, Kate and Robert's timeline, and Jonathan and Sasha's timeline all align. And he's made it his life mission to make Catherine's life hell. - Oh shit. Okay, cool. - Hell. - Bet. - This so far, I've only seen two episodes. I'm locked in. I can't say much 'cause I don't want to spoil it all. - The whole season's out? - Yes, the whole season's out. It's only seven episodes. - Okay, gang, I'm done. - It's titled as a thriller.

you're just so locked in and it's based on a book. And I don't know if it's based on a true either, but it's definitely based on a book. - Okay, sick. - Damn, it's good. - It's good, man. Good. - Bath. - Yeah. - Okay, I'm locked. - Disclaimer, seven episodes, make sure you catch that. - All right, I'm gonna jump on that tonight. Right, tweets of the week? - Tweets of the week. Right, tweet and a quote tweet. "I'll kiss the parts you're insecure about." Quote tweet. "Oh my God, I hate my pussy so much." - Fair, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Next one, conversation. My fingers still smell like you. Reply, heart face, heart face, heart face. Is that a good thing? Reply, no, you stink. You stink. Ah! Okay, cool. This is a Facebook post and then reply. You're allowed to spray a man with Raid if he's under 5'11".

- They can't keep getting away with this stuff. - They did it. - Yeah. - Does this mean we can use elephant rifles on girls with more than 200 pounds? - Okay. - Someone replied to that, here we go. - Damn. - Here we go. - Raid on guys under 5'11".

- That's dread. - Get away from here. - You man are upset, innit? That's actually horrible. - Here we go. - What? - Here we go. - What? - Here we go, next one. - No, no, no, no, what? - I'm not entertaining you. - No, no, no, no, what? - But I'm not going to entertain you. - No, I'm upset for you man as well, that's dread. - I'm not entertaining this to enhance your ego. So let's move on to the next one. - Fair, okay, I take it back. I'm actually convinced I'm like five, 10.8 anyway. - Who is that for? - So we're all getting rated. No, actually I'm convinced I'm like five, 10.8 or nine.

Guys, I'm one of the gang. - The raid gang? - The raid gang, yeah. I'm an insect like you, man. - That's what she said. - Sorry, let's just move on. Let's just move on, man. - Cool, next tweet. A bum on the train asking for change, but skipped me. - Are we fucking humiliated? - How do you take that? - You don't. You don't, you can't take that. You actually can't take that. - But skipped me.

- Damn. - Yeah. - Your life must look, to him, your life must look in disarray. - Yeah, you man appears. - Below peers. - Yeah. - Yeah, cool. - All right, children don't understand the concept of cash anymore. I gave this you a two pound coin and she put in the McDonald's swirly thing. - Oh my God. That's fucking jokes. Wow. McDonald's swirly.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I gave you a two pound coin and she put it in a McDonald's swirly thing. I tried to call customer service to reobtain the funds, but they said it's out of their jurisdiction. Does the bread go to charity? A two pound coin in that swirly joint is crazy. That's for two peas. - Facts. - A 10p max. - Yeah, damn. - That is crazy. - Fuck. My heart would skip.

- There you go, get yourself a double cheese. - She put it in the McDonald's swirly. - I used to love that McDonald's swirly, Tim, by the way. - Same, same. I used to like bang, so make sure it goes round and round. I used to just follow it like a Ute, Jesus Christ. Anyway, next tweet. Bitches be sucking balls hard as hell. Bitches be sucking balls hard as hell. Slow down, baby. These ain't no oxtails. - Oh my God.

- Fuck. - That's fucking murky. That's fucking murky, bro. That's fucking murky to me. Oh God. - Too funny. - Oxtails are too funny. - You're gone. - That's the funniest one you've read like this year. I suck Oxtail, you man. I suck it. Wow. Fuck. Fuck.

- Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry, yeah, cool. - Fuck. - Tweet, reply, reply. No Nut November is top tier stupidity. Reply. Looks like someone failed. Reply. Someone had to keep your girl happy. - Damn. I saw a clip. You know who's actually the OG funny ass goat? Bryan Cranston, bro. - Swear.

Bro, I like media shit. He's fucking funny. And like, I saw a clip the other day of when he was filming Breaking Bad. And obviously that's in like somewhere in like, where is that? New Mexico, some shit like that. Yeah. Some desert ass place. One of the fans was there and it was like, bro, I just have to ask like,

"What was it like filming there? Like it's my hometown." Like, did you like it? Did you like it? And he was like, "Yeah, I liked it. It was cool." He was like, "What did you do?" And he was like, he goes, "What did you do when you were there? It's my hometown. Like I know everything about it." And my dad said, "I used to visit your mom now and again." - I think I've seen that. - Bro. - Yeah. Damn, I think I've seen that. Was it on the- - You watched it on Reacts. - Or was it on the Reacts? - You both watched it on Reacts. - Yeah, I remember. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fuck.

Do you know how funny that is? - Damn, off the cuff as well. - Off the cuff. - I don't know you. - There's another one where he was on about like acting or shit like that. And I can't remember who it was with, maybe Kevin Hart or something like that. I think it was like on the Kevin Hart's podcasting. And he was like talking about like,

I can't even remember. He was talking about being a good actor and all this kind of shit. And then he was talking about like, I didn't like Kevin Hart at first and all this kind of shit, like joking, joking. And then he said something like really profound and nice. And then Kevin Hart was like, wow, like, thank you. And he was like, now that's acting. Fair. Yeah, bro. Bryan Cranston's funny. Fair play. Okay, fair play. Fucking funny. Fair play. Okay, cool. Oh, so I've got one more. Is it one more tweet? I've got one more tweet. Right. Oh, something sent me. My abs are killing me.

- Okay, cool. - Sorry I'm late. I was measuring my areolas. What have I missed? - Areolas really do come in all shapes and sizes. - They do. - They're interesting. - They are interesting. - Yeah. - I've got tiny ones. - Same. - Yeah. - Tiny areolas, tiny nipples. - Yeah, same. Yeah, I couldn't pierce my shit. You couldn't pierce my shit, bro. - It would bleed out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got tiny nipples. - Like, and I...

Obviously this is dependent on who you are and how you feel, but like, I don't have any sensitivity there. So I know for some, oh my days, you man, you have, you man, you man must have seen this. - Where's this going? - One higher up, like prime minister of, I can't remember the country, Google it for me please Rem. He's banging women. - Really? - Bang, he's got, they've taken him to jail. He's banging women. Wait, he's kink, when he's banging, he's doing this. - Again! - He's doing this. They've not made it into a dance in their country. They dance like this.

- What country is this? - I think it's Guinea-Bissau or something like that. Yeah, bro, there's probably there's leads. He's banging people's wives, he's banging like the house girl, he's banging prime minister's wives. He's banging so many people. - No way, bro. - He's just been slanging dick. - Had you heard of the development after this brother? - No. - His wife was doing the same thing.

- His wife was just getting clapped by bros? - Apparently. - Oh, it's just an open date? - I heard about this brother first and then what I heard seen online was his wife was doing the exact same thing, bro. - Damn, dude. - He's been slanging dick all over that country. - He just flicks his nipples while he bangs? - Yeah, bro, he's banging and he's like this. There's so many videos of him, videos, there's so many stills of him holding his nipples and then they turn it into a trend. - That's nuts, bro.

People just dancing Rubbing their nipples It's crazy Damn But yeah Speaking of small nips Yeah that's That's what Took my brain to this Oh yeah My nips have no sensitivity Zero If I touch it Zero sensitivity But if someone plays with that shit On accident Or just to wind me up It's just erect No it's not erect No Then what It just tickles Oh

- Oh, mine doesn't tickle at all. I don't feel anything. - If someone went to suck that, John, I'll be giggling. - Really? - Yeah, it's not nice. But that's more of like a... - It's not nice. - It's more of a trusting. So because it's just like a rogue area for me, you can't just pull up and suck my nipple.

- So I'm giggling, it tickles because it's uncomfortable. Same way if I touch the bottom of my own foot, it's not ticklish. If someone went in there, I'm a child. - That's the aura of it. - Yeah, but yeah, playing with nipples is nuts. - That's mad. - Anyway, that's enough of that. Guys, thank you so much for today. This was an amazing episode. As always, please come back. Love, love, love.

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Hi, this is Christopher Kimball from Milk Street Radio. I often shop at Whole Foods markets since they sell the kind of food I like. Organic vegetables, a great meat counter, and of course a great staff.

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