WEIRDEST ENCOUNTER WITH A STRANGER?! | EP 363 | ShxtsNGigs Podcast
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- So what's he gonna do to it? - It must be juicy. - Yeah, what's he gonna do to it? - Oh, he's gonna breed it. - Yeah, he's gonna, yeah, he's gonna breed it. - He's gonna breed it, that's exactly what he's gonna do. - Yeah, he's gonna chat to man like you or us. He's gonna put kids at me. He's gonna find a way to put you some here. Guys. - Girls. - It's happened. - Tell 'em, just tell 'em. Tell 'em. - Thanks to our audience.

- Our mass audience. - Our mass audience. - Yeah, man. - That allow us to have a seat at a table. - Facts. - A seat at a table, bro. - Facts. - We said it was gonna happen, bro. No free brand deals. - No free brand deals. - But do stuff like that. - Yeah, man. - So it's been floopity this, scoopity that. - Yeah. - Scoop da whoop, cluck loop. - Yeah.

- Our boys at Whoop finally recognized. - Yeah. - They dropped the bag, you guys. - They dropped the bag. - They came in and said, "SNG, take what you want." - Take what you want and just say Whoop, please. - Just call it Whoop. - Just call it Whoop. - 'Cause that's what it's called. - Facts. - And we said, "Ah." - If we must. - If we must, bro. But one thing I will say, guys, is obviously we've been downplaying Whoop a little bit. It doesn't sound like we have because we've given them minutes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But we've been downplaying the capabilities of the software. I'm not gonna lie to you, man.

- It is up. - It is up. - My brain is locked in. My brain is locked in. If I see a yellow recovery day, you man, I'm struggling. - It's so jarring. - Bro, I'm struggling if I see yellow recovery day. My brain knows I'm just not there. - Yeah, yeah. - So guys, obviously, Whoop came in, they dropped the bag. It's Whoop now. - It is now Whoop, guys. - Whoop daddies here. - Yeah, we are now classed as Whoop daddies. - Yeah, now we're your Whoop daddies. So guys, what's gonna happen is very, very exciting news.

they've set up a whole scenario for us where once we finish our Whoop challenge, the SNG Super 8, once that is finished and I wear the crown, what's going to happen is, is the entire community. That's us, man. That's you, man. That's you, man. That's us, man. That's all everyone is going to jump on Whoop together. So once this is finished, we're going to do a 12 week challenge.

S&G Family Challenge. I hope you guys are ready. Where you guys at home can obviously grab a whoop, join us in the community, and put 2024 really to the test. Facts. Facts, bro. Because I'm not going to lie to you, man. I've been in the mirror. I've been in the mirror recently. Yeah. My titties? Yeah. Full. Yeah. My waist? Slim. Ski? Ski. Ski.

Your boy's tapering. You're tapering. Yeah. So if you want to taper with me, then all you need to do, guys, is go to, listen close. Listen. Join.whoop.com forward slash S&G. Sierra November Golf. So grab a whoop from there. Get it all set up. Get familiar because in a few weeks time, we're going to kick off this 12 week challenge. It's going to be sick. Yep.

Anyone who looks in shape in 2024 is gonna be part of this collective. - Factual. - And I'm intrigued. I'm very, very intrigued to be opening up the community tab, 'cause obviously I go into the community tab every day and there's a chat function in there and I see where I'm placed in this community. If I'm bumping in this community and I'm opening up the tab on a random Tuesday and seeing I'm 964th. - Yeah.

Best believe. I'm livid. Yeah, best believe that's going to happen. I'm stepping it up. So I'm intrigued to actually see out of hopefully the hundreds or thousands or however many people want to join this challenge, we can actually see some trends. Yeah. I'm going to do some call-outs. Yeah. If I see a random Adam or a random Sally just chilling at number one, 100% recovery every day. Woo!

- A 23 strain on a daily? - I'll be like, tell me your secret. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What's your secret? - We might have to call him up. - Yeah, facts. - What's the fucking secret? - On show, live. - Yeah, yeah. - Live, yeah. - So guys, very, very exciting. So obviously go to join.woop.com/sng right now, grab a whoop, get familiar 'cause in a few weeks time, we're doing this as a collective. - We are. - It's gonna be fascinating. Also guys,

You get to try a WHOOP for 30 days, risk-free, zero commitment. So if you're on the fence and you're like, "I'm not so sure, I'm not so sure," grab it, you got 30 days. If you don't like it, send it back. - Trial it out. - And they'll run it back for you. Okay? Cool. So if you already didn't know, this is what a WHOOP is.

This little joint is what a WHOOP is. We've had it on our wrist. If you're new here, we've had it on our wrist for the last, what? Three, four weeks now? - Best part, three and a half weeks now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. For our Super 8 Challenge. So it was a wearable health and fitness coach. And what we've been doing for this SNG Super 8 Challenge is measuring our strain levels. So that's how hard we're working in our workouts and throughout the day. Our recovery levels, that's the quality of our sleep, our little sauna trips, our little ice baths, wherever we take a little massage.

Getting our full recovery As well as our sleep So I think We should Go to the scores No Yeah let's add out some scores See how this week has gone While you're While you're doing that I'll say

I've been doing very, very well on sleep and recovery for the last couple of weeks. This week just gone has not been good. - Yeah. - My strain has not been too bad though. I'm in the habit every single time now, 15 minutes cardio at the start, a hard weight session, 15 minutes at the end. Your boy's been on the stair master. I haven't sweat like this in years. I haven't sweat 15 minutes on stair master every day will fail.

Fuck you. Yeah, it will fuck you. I've been on the spin bike as well. Yeah, it's good. I've been doing well. I'm happy. Fair play. My strain, for some reason, is always up. So I'm happy with that. My recovery has not been the best this week. So I think I had one...

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damn why can't i stay like this all the time this is what i'm saying recovery should be the minimum requirement daily facts like why can't i stay like that minimum requirement is that you go sleep and wake up recovered and these guys i'm gassed if i get a green recovery if i get a green i'm i stay in yellow yeah i stay in that 45s it doesn't make sense to me so i'm livid about that um sleep i just need to get better on naturally but um yeah i don't know what it is but i

My cardio was up on the bike. No free promos. And when I say I didn't do an advanced beginning this time, I did just a standard 30 minute workout. - Oh, okay. - You man. - Swear. - The sweat that was coming off me.

I've never sweat like that in my entire life. - Obviously without plug in there, was it what a smell-a-ton? - It's a flele-ton. - It's a flele-ton. - Flele-ton? - Flele-ton. - Flele-ton, yeah. - And you got the, is that the one with the baddies on the screen that, that take to do these things? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's different, so many different instructors. - Do you use a man or a woman? - I used, I've used three women, one man. The guy, I used the guy for the time I broke sweat. I broke sweat, yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause the music, the music choices was up. - They solely employ,

Banging humans in it They know what they're doing Tactical They know what they're doing Alright fair play Um Okay Oh yeah you man go

- Not too bad. Yeah, I don't know. My week's been shit. I'm not gonna lie. - Really? Why? - My week has been shit. Just, I don't know, man. I don't know what happened. It's just gonna be- - I told you, this man didn't wanna hear it. - No, no, no, no. - So you finished 75 hard and you wasn't built for it anymore. - It's not like that. - That's okay, bro. - What happened? - It doesn't, if you're not, I promise you, bro, if you're not built for it anymore, now that you've finished your silly little 75 hard- - No, I need this. I need this. - You've got your 500 pound in your bank. - Yeah, I need this. - And you've taken your foot off the gas. - Yeah, I need this. All right, cool. - Let's go, Ellis. - And it's all fuel.

- Man ordered Nando's today. Where's your prep kitchen? - Oh, that was shit. - Yeah, here we go. Last week you said it was good. - Nah, I didn't like it. It was getting too repetitive. - See, that's what I'm talking about. - It was getting repetitive. - Repetitive didn't matter last week, though. - Facts, facts. Taste buds didn't matter when you do a 755. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's okay, Ellis, man. We know who's really built for it. - Yeah, whatever, man. - All right, cool. Rem?

Pretty good week for me. I've been taking pride in my resting heart rate. I can see that it's actually dropping. From my knowledge, it's always been just above 60 since doing the Whoop Challenge.

It's down to like 56 now. - Damn. - Crazy. - I just wanna see that keep dropping down. - Yeah, you want that two beats per minute. - I wanna hear it. - Just pump your butt. - I want that crazy zone. What's that swimmer's? - Michael Phelps? - Yeah, my man's resting heart rate was so stupid, like 30. - That's insane. - Something dumb like that. And I remember seeing that- - One beat every two seconds. - That's crazy. - That's too much strength. - That's efficiency. - You feel it, I mean.

Every two seconds you're like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah,

Two plus two. Eight. Eight. Have to be averaging eights and nines. I'm averaging eights every week. That's calm, bro. It's calm, but it's annoying because it's the same. It's always 4-2-2. Give me a three, bro. Fair. And the other ones. Remski. Three plus four. Seven plus one. Four. Eight, sorry. James. Two plus three plus four. Nine. Ellis. One.

- Plus one, this is your lowest week Ellis, plus three. Damn, so yeah, one, one, three, which is five. - Damn, all right, so we're four weeks in, the score, can you get a calculator? - Yeah, yeah. - No, because last week. - Oh yeah, actually, actually. - Yeah, you nearly shafted me a couple points last week. - No, no, that was on me reading this wrong. - Yeah, yeah, all right, cool, cool, cool. - Not my mental maths. - So, Ellis, eight plus nine. - Eight plus nine, yeah. - Seven.

Yeah, five. Yeah, 29 29 REM 7 plus 6 mm-hmm plus 7 mm-hmm plus 8 28 28 who had mm-hmm 7 plus 7 mm-hmm plus 8 mm-hmm plus 8 day 30 James 8 mm-hmm plus 8 mm-hmm plus 8 mm-hmm plus 9 33 yeah

- Leaders lead. Anyway, guys, thanks for tuning in. - So what is it, 33, 30, 28, 29? Oh, 28, 29. I need, so I know I need to work on recovery and sleep. Recovery more so than sleep. - I need to keep my recovery going. My sleep's doing good. I need to keep up with my sleep, get my recovery back up. And this week is my, considering I trained yesterday, this week's my opportunity to hit strain. This is my opportunity. - It's also a good way to bridge the gap as well, considering you're three points ahead.

What do you feel like you need to work on?

- My life mate. - Hell this man. - By the sounds of it. Nah, just, yeah, I need to, yeah, my recovery was awful. I've only just corrected it. The last two days have been in green, in recovery. So I've only just corrected it. I don't know what went wrong. - Okay, cool. - Cool. - Right, we've got the question of the week. And this week, daddy, the question is what? - Weirdest encounter with a stranger. - Weirdest encounter with a stranger. Okay.

I'll let you go first. You're gonna let me go? Right. Weirdest encounter with a stranger. This older woman came up to me randomly in the street, grabbed my jacket and said, you smell like my husband. He's now dead. And walked away. I spent the rest of the day fearing for my life. Jesus. You smell like my husband. He's dead. I haven't got time for that kind of interaction.

- I'm also trying to do it playing devil's ad and like she's been lonely. She smelled sign, she ain't smelt in a minute. - You smell like my husband, he's dead. - Where is that coming from? I need to smell it again. - Bro, when I was younger, there was a girl I used to date when I was much younger, like 16. She had this perfume. And when I say I was walking down the street one day through a busy street and people were walking past me, walking by and I smelt it. And her name literally left my lips.

- Siobhan! - Siobhan? Let's call this Siobhan. Literally, I was like, 'cause I was on my phone. I looked up and I was like, "Shif? Shif?" - Is that you? - Yeah, and it was annoying. It didn't make me remember the bad times. I only remembered the good shit. I was so pissed off. - Oh, dude. - Wow. - Oh, that's hilarious. - Wow. - Man said, "Shif?"

Jesus. All right. Weirdest encounter with a stranger. I blew her back out and she interviewed me for a job two days later. There was race play involved. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. HR for the here some. Damn. Jesus. There was race play involved. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Race play is crazy. That's terrible.

That's a no-no. Oh, fuck. That's a no-no. A no-no. Oh, God. A customer at work walks up to me and says, come on, let's go. You ain't about shit. I prepared for a fight as he set all his... I prepared for a fight as he set all of his things down. He then readied his hands for a game of rock, paper, scissors. Oh, my God. I beat him. He told me I'm valid, apologized, then left. No.

- That's a long encounter but also jokes at the outcome. - Bro. - Rock, paper, scissors. - Rock, paper, scissors. Let's go, you ain't about shit. - You ain't about shit. - A man said, "Sweat." And he was like, "And he said, "Sweat." - Bat, bat, bat. - He said, "Say less, say less. "You're valid, you're valid, you're valid, you're valid. "Let me get my shit going." - That's jokes. Man, apologize. - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. You're strong, you're strong, you're strong. - That's jokes. I was asleep on a flight. Woke up. The woman next to me had her feet on my lap. No shoes.

- Can you imagine bro, a stranger's feet on your lap as you awake from a sleep? - That's a piss take. I remember when I was like young, my dad took us to America. And I think we were on a coach from like Washington DC to like New York. - How long was that coach? - It was long. - Sounds long. - Maybe I'm making it up. All I remember is in that trip, we were in Washington and we were in New York. So maybe we were on a coach, we were on a coach somewhere. - Okay.

He sat me down and I was just old enough to understand Peng. - Okay. - Him and my brother was sat on this side of the coach. I was sat on this side next to one baddie. - So baddie on the window seat and you're on the aisle? - Baddie's on the window, I'm on the aisle. - Okay. - And obviously, daddy was a little boy.

So after a few bumps, my head was swinging. - Yeah, were you kipping? - Yeah, I was snoozing. I tried to keep my cool 'cause obviously Zalenga's next to me, even though she's like 10 years older than me. Try to keep my cool, bro. Back then, back of a car, any vehicle, I'm snoozing. - Neck is gone. - Bro, when I say I woke up laying on her lap and I woke up with this one and I looked up and she was looked down smiling and was like, "It's all right."

And I was freaking, how long was I there? And my dad was laughing. And I was like, someone crashed the coach. If someone doesn't find a destination in this coach in a second, I'm going to lose my head. Damn. Yeah. It was embarrassing. Sorry, G. Yeah, it was embarrassing. That's peak, man. Walked out of a theater watching Black Panther two weeks after it's been released. Yeah. And someone's white grandpa came up to me and said, great job with that movie. I really enjoyed it.

It said you blacks achieve something and you deserve recognition. Great job with that movie. I really enjoyed it. I didn't know what I was walking into, but yeah, you man really did the damn thing. Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I must say. I was taking money out of the ATM when a guy stole my glasses off my face. No.

People play too much. Bro, imagine you're casually taking money and you fear for your life thinking someone's about to steal the cash from your hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they steal the only way you can see. Yeah. Do you know how inconvenient that is? Yeah, bro. To be fair, because I don't need glasses, I don't actually understand how bad that is, but I'm sure it's just the worst. If my vision was like 10 times worse, oh my bro. 10 times excessive. Oh, to be fair, that is excessive. I remember there's... You'd be blind. There's someone...

that we know, know. I feel like a friend adjacent that wears thick glasses. She said her prescription was like minus six point something. Do you remember? - I don't know who that is. - I can't remember her name. - Oh, okay. - I think it was like one of your gaming circles partners maybe.

- Oh, maybe, I don't remember. - She said it was like minus six. The ting was wedge, bro. - Yes, sir. - Wedge. - She just can't see. - She just can't see, bro. Damn. I was thinking, how are you operating on a day to day? - Both my parents wear glasses. I'm dreading the day. My dad is long sighted. - Yeah. - So he can't see shit that's here. Pass this bastard a phone and you'll see,

You're not looking at a man anymore. - Oh, it's like. - Fam, pass his bro a phone and look at his picture. A man says, a man does this. - Yeah. - And he's like this. And you're like, are you the protector of this family? 'Cause all the time when a brother throws a fist in your face. - Yeah. - Yeah. Start from over there. - Slow down. - Yeah, run at me. Nah, man. - Are you the protector of this family? - Yeah, this is the man I look up to. - Oh. - A man said.

It looks like it hurts him. Yeah. It's bothersome. And then you see him, like, just reaching for glasses. Really? I'm like, Dad, man. Do you know what his thing is? What minus description? Bro, it's because I probably do, but every... I'm not gonna...

I don't know what it means. Every time you ask a prescription or someone tells you a prescription, every time I'm around you and you're like, oh, what's your thing? And someone says minus this, plus this. I don't know what any of it means. The thing is, I don't know like in depth what it means. I just know the higher your minus number is, the worse your vision is. Oh, okay. That's all I can say. Oh, okay. Because I think mine is like minus 0.75. Oh, what's the limit? I have no idea what the limit is. But I'm telling you that chick was like minus six something. Damn. And yours is minus point seven? Point seven. And you still need a glass? I don't need it, but I occasionally use it. All right, go down a bit. How bad is your eyesight?

Suppose your numbers are closer to zero between 0.750, negative positive in the case of your almost good eyesight with no need for wearing glasses regularly. That's because you're closer to three, both positive and negative means you have mild eyesight defect. Okay, more than three falls under high prescription power. Power is crazy. Power is crazy. You'll be advised to wear your glasses constantly.

- You get very blurry vision without your glasses. Damn. All right. - I'm telling you she was minus six, bro. That's what she was saying. - Damn. - Them joints were thick. - Anything above three is you need that shit constantly. - Yeah, that joint was thick, bro. - She's at a minus six. - Yeah, bro. - That's double the constant prescription. - It's not a game, mate.

Just take my eyes, bro. Bro, it's so unfair how some people have 20-20 and some man just don't. Facts. Some man just don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not fair. When we're talking about how we see the world in front of us, it's actually not fair. Bro, it's not fair.

Because why? Am I not a human too? Yeah. God, don't give me the same eyes. Bro, it's mental. Wow. It's mental. The man I was on a first date with spent approximately 15 minutes explaining to me how he wanted to do a sexy maternity role play scene. Sorry, a sexy maternity role play scene where I was meant to pretend to give birth. Say that all again. So basically, he wanted to do role play.

First date. - First date. - He spent 15 minutes explaining that he wanted to do role play. And she said, "What role play?" And he was like, "Picture this." - Maternity. - "Maternity, I want you to grab my hand and we're gonna go." - I wanna say- - "The sexy, the sexy. Make sure you keep it sexy." She said, "What the fuck is sexy?" He's like, "When I say push, I wanna see- - Yeah, I wanna see a push. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh my, and when you're screaming, I want you to heave. Yeah, heave. Heave but sultry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moan into it. Yeah. Yeah. Give me those dilation numbers. Oh my goodness, man. Yeah, let me check that dilation. That's, um... People are actually crazy. Yeah, bro. People are actually crazy. All right. I got called a young mum by a stranger. I explained I'm a nanny. He called me a nilf and asked for my number. Oh my God.

I said no, and he called me a dumb ugly skit. You and your baby. - Oh shit! You're not calling my baby a skit. - It's not even a baby. - Oh, my baby's baby? Nah. Oh, a nanny as in work? - Yes. - Yeah, sorry, my bad. I thought you meant nanny as in just like I'm a grandmother. - No, no, no, no, no, no. Nanny as in work. - You're a nilf. - Yeah. - You and your baby are skits. - You dumb ugly skit. - You and your baby. What's wrong with guys, bro?

They can't say rejection in it. Rejection is rock bottom for Amanda. It's rock bottom. Yeah, if I put my confidence on the line here, you're a nil. Let me get that number. Wow, right. One time in year nine, I was on the bus with my friend. And when we were coming off, I felt her tug my braid. So I turned around and instead, it was this old white lady still holding my braid. She didn't say a word. That's scary.

That's terrifying. That's scary. About to get off the bus and yanks. He's like, hi, man. And there's an old lady just there staring at you.

- Because obviously instinct you want to be like, "Get off me." - Facts. - But you don't know how hard she's holding it. So if you wrench and she drags, what's gonna ensue? - Yeah, yeah. - That's terrifying. - She's an old lady, like what's actually, who's gonna be in your favor, in your defense? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - A random lady on the bus stopped me and tried to take a bite out of my pizza slice and said, "Don't be stingy."

Wow. - Don't be stingy. - Don't be stingy. You got a whole pizza. That's a whole pie. - Let me get a fucking slice. - I just want one slice. - Let me get a little bite, man. - Yuck. Don't be stingy. Right. When I had cornrows, I looked a bit too good that some grown man thought I was a female. He whistled and looked at me and said, "I can show you the time of your life." I ran home and locked the door.

- Thought I was a thief. How good are these brains? - Yeah, how fresh are you looking? - What's the curvature on your body? - Man whistled and said, "I'll show you the time of your life." - He ran home and locked the door. - Yeah, yeah. That's fear. That's serious fear. I don't think I've ever run home and locked the door in my life, in my entire life. - The only time I did was that road man story I told you about.

When he finally let us free? Yeah, yeah. When he gave us us free? Yeah. You had to. Oh, I skidded my bike home and I locked the door. A guy tried to sell me his belt for my trousers.

Get the fuck out of my face. Make it make sense. Get the fuck out of my face. Make it make sense. That's one of them guys who thinks they're funny. Spend too much time on roads selling charity and I think they're funny now. Right. Ran into an old sheep shearer in the night in the middle of butt fuck nowhere. To this day, I can't tell you why, but he insisted on buying me a shot of tequila, but only if I stapled his nipple. Where were they?

He just said in the middle of buttfuck nowhere in the middle of the night. And he knows this guy is a sheep shearer. What's a shearer, bro? Someone who shears sheep. Oh, Jesus. Only if he staples my nipple. Yeah, broski, I'll buy a shot of tequila if you staple my nipple. To what? Just to himself. Yeah, just put the staple in it. Oh my goodness. People are. Yeah. Why would I do that for a shot of tequila? Brother. Where are we even?

There's so many unanswered. So many unanswered questions. A guy told me his wife's lesbian lover moved into their home with her kids. And now he lives in the basement. Having nowhere to go is just the longest. That is the bar. Having nowhere to go. Because he clearly has nowhere to go. Why are you putting up with that? You have nowhere to go.

He just has to literally pop with it. Jarring. I'll take up taekwondo just to get the angle out. Yeah, you need sign. You would need sign. Right. Whilst walking my dog, a man pulls over and asks, can I walk with you? I said no. Kept it cute and started pushing only to hear this man scream. Are you really saying no to me? I want to walk with you. Come here.

That's fair. Bro. That's fair. Some men are scary, bro. I want to walk with you. Can't you hear me? Come here. Come here. Nah, man. What is this? It's terrifying out there. We said it obviously on the Patreon episode. What is this, man? £3 a month. Yeah, £3 a month. £10 a day. Being a female in a world full of men is hard. Mm-hmm.

because I don't experience that fear. But obviously I said, I went to that gym in Bethnal yesterday, Bethnal G. - Yeah. - Muscle works gym. And then I knew about it, knew about it. I was scared man. - You were the fear of God in you. - Yeah, knew about it, knew about it, knew about it.

- Come here. - Yeah, come here. - What was the thing we reacted to? If anybody touches that batty, they're gonna die or something. What did you say? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. The inmate. - Yeah, if anyone touches that ass before me, they're dead.

- What? - You man? - What? - You man? If anyone touches that ass before me, they're dead. - My ass couldn't be the ass you're talking about. - He said he's willing to take a life for this ass. - It must be juicy. - So what's he gonna do to it? - What's he gonna do to it? - He's gonna breed it. - Yeah, he's gonna breed it. - He's gonna breed it, that's exactly what he's gonna do. - He's gonna chat to man like you or us. He's gonna put kids in me. He's gonna find a way to put youse in me. Yeah, man.

- He's gonna breathe it. He's gonna breathe it. He's gonna have to. And he's gonna be living that you're not pregnant. - Yeah, he's gonna keep trying. - Oh my God. - Yeah, he's got nothing but time on his hands. - Literally. - Time and testosterone. - Oh God. - Wow. - I'm gonna do one more. - We say some stuff. - We do say some stuff. We do say some stuff. - I'm gonna breathe it. - I'm gonna do one more.

I gave a homeless man a pair of gloves. He didn't like them, so he smacked the food out my hands. Piss off. Right, last one. I once came across a homeless stranger who offered to give a blowjob for an energy drink. Wow. Slow.

If you're willing to give a bludgeon for an energy drink, you're willing to give a bludgeon for anything. Anything. Yeah. Because as soon as I give you the energy drink, you're going to want fish fingers. So you're going to suck him off again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just going to keep sucking until you get what you need to make it through the day. Because on the priority list, bro, priority list is fucking low. Very low.

- Fuck man. - Fish fingers is jokes. - So guys, welcome back. - Indeed. - Thank you for joining us today. - Indeed. - And this is another beautiful Monday and we are recording the second best podcast on the planet. - Facts. - S and G. - Facts. - So if you enjoy the second best podcast on the planet, I thought, oh, it'd be really, really cool if they just did like a little bit more. - Yeah. - Because like Monday's done when it's done. And I want a little bit more to wet my beak. I've built up a tolerance and it's not getting me through the week.

Say less Head on over To patreon.com Forward slash Shits and gigs Contribute £3 a month Run the Peter S&G And you can binge Episodes Four years worth Four years worth of episodes Over there And that's where all the good good is Facts Yours also become part of the culture You will Okay Your daddies will take care of you Will make you feel nice Pretty Safe Safe Warm Warm Held Come on man

Just for three pound a month. Just for three pound a month. That's a bargain. Cheaper than chips, bro. Facts. So heading over there. If you're staying here with us today, please subscribe to the channel if you're watching on YouTube. Make sure. If you're staying here with us today, please leave us a nice review if you're listening on any of our audio platforms. And yeah, before we get into the back to school, we have a new monster flavor for you to try. Right. Crack open the fridge. So in here. The pink thing. Yeah, the pink thing.

That's an ultra Rosa on your hands there. I just brought this in for you Rosa. So this is like again, it's light-hearted It's zippy like the white and the blue but it's got floral notes. Okay, we're bringing in floral notes now. Okay I can't think of the flavor equivalent flavor Okay in other drinks because obviously wants to keep it unique. I

But I think this one's got a little bit more fruity. We're not at pipeline punch level fruity. And we're going to build our way up there. It's just floral. It's just floral notes. Okay. So yeah, give that a go and let me know what you think. All right. So get that snap. It's spilling out the top. You see it drip? It's spilling out the top. That's what you see. Yeah. Slurp that. You're right. Just hidden notes of floral. I can't smell it. Not really. It's nice. It's all right, right? It's all right. I would say...

For me personally, I would add a tinch more of that rose up. Just a tinch more. Because you get... When you actually... When the... All right. Yes, bro! Let me break it down for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When the... When that liquid sits in your tongue, pause, you get that floral...

on that floral taste. - It circulates. - It does circulate. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It makes you salivate. - Yeah. - But once you swallow, pause, it's gone. It's neutral again. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So it's not enough. - Yeah, it's not enough. You have to keep drinking it. - Exactly. - That's the test. - It's one of them ones. - Yeah, it's one of them ones. - But what I would say, there's not even a caveat, to follow one from this, I will no longer be drinking this anymore.

- Not because of like any, I like the, don't get me wrong, I've liked the flavours I've tried. But when I say caffeine doesn't agree with me, you man. The day I had, I can't remember, it was either the white or the blue. I had probably almost the whole can. When I say to you man, my stomach was bubbling that day.

My stomach was bubbling that day. I said, never again. I'm happy to try if you wanna waste cans on me. I'm happy to try flavors. - It's fine, I'll wipe it and drink it myself. - Yeah, but yeah, that's all I'm having.

- I was bubble guts that day. - Yeah, I knew caffeine doesn't agree with you. 'Cause every time we've given you something, you've shat. - Yeah, it just doesn't make sense. - I've given you pre-workout, shat. - I'm telling you, I said to you a few episodes ago, I'm sure there's like five things I'm intolerant to. Caffeine is one of them. - Alcohol. - Alcohol's one of them. - Yeah. - Shellfish is one of them. Dairy is one of them. - Oh, dairy is my Everest. - Everest is the word. And probably sugar. - Bro.

like quantities of sugar. Not like your everyday. - Dairy, yeah. Ice cream? - Yeah, that's my top five right there. - Yeah, ice cream is number one.

- Like, takes my kneecaps. - Yeah. - Yeah, oh, when I say I wake up with the ache. - Yeah, it's so uncomfortable. - I wake up with the ache. - It's so uncomfortable. But the ice cream the night before was so banging. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't make sense how it can come in my mouth so cold, come out so hot. - So hot. - Yeah, my skin temperature rises, you man.

- That is scary. - Have you man ever finished a pot of Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream? - I don't like salted caramel, but yeah. - More fair. - I'd start with plain vanilla with that. - I'm a cookies and cream kind of baby. - I'm saying. - Oh, the salted caramel Haagen Dazs. Once you pop, you can't stop. - Haagen Dazs is top tier ice cream. - It is. They know what they're doing. - So is Baskin Robbins. - I've never, I say never, that's a lie. I rarely, rarely, rarely. - Bro, you get me in a similar world. Scoop of cookies and cream, another scoop of mint chocolate chip.

- I'm not sleeping tonight. - Say less. - 'Cause I'm shitting and it's worth it. - Say less. - Bro, my guts are murked. - Say less. - And the blow? I'm bloated for days, you man. - Yeah, it's the blow. - God forbid I had gluten as well. - God forbid! God forbid I had gluten. - Yeah, it's long. - Bro, my eyes are puffy, my tummy's puffy, and I'm shitting. - It's so long. You're just walking around like, ugh, sluggish. - Murked. - Sluggish. - I hate it, man, I hate it. - Oh my days, those jokes.

- All right, we're back to school. - We have got back to school guys. If you don't know back to school key stage three questions for the team, as well as for you guys aged between 11 to 14, I'll be asking the squad five questions. I need five answers. We'll rotate the whiteboards and we'll get to marking. It could be a plethora of different subjects. Let's see what you guys get at home in the comments. Back to school, we ready? Question number one. What is 86% of 200?

What is 86% of 200? Locked, yeah? Cool. Next question. Which of these might you use to bind together moist or slippery ingredients? Breadcrumbs, eggs, milk, or tomato puree. Which of these might you use to bind together moist or slippery ingredients?

Breadcrumbs, eggs, milk, or tomato puree. Let me know when everyone is locked. Who is right? I don't understand the context. Because, like, I mean, surely it's dependent upon what you're making. No? Ellis seems locked.

- Yeah, I know what you mean. It should depend on what it actually is. - It's a bit of a ski-with question, but I think I have an answer, but yeah, I think I've got it. I think. - I feel like I've got this one wrong. I have such an argument as to why it's not wrong, but whatever. - Here we go. - I'll shut up and take the L. - Right, are we all up? - Yeah. - Question number three. In a periodic table, what is a period? A horizontal row, a vertical line,

the left hand side or the middle block In a periodic table, what is a period? A horizontal row, a vertical line, the left hand side or the middle block Which expression means doesn't fit in? A kettle of fish, fish out of water, other fish to fry, swim like a fish I'll say it again

Which expression means doesn't fit in? A, a kettle of fish. B, fish out of water. C, other fish to fry. D, swim like a fish. Last but not least, spell isosceles. Oh, fuck. God. I ain't got it. I ain't got it. God damn it. I ain't got that. Well, you said that about synagogue, so. Isosceles. Isosceles.

- The funny thing is I wrote this down and I knew it would spin all your brains. - Yeah, bro. - I saw some of these. - Yeah, 'cause as soon as I wrote, I was thinking, "Fuck. Fuck, I would've struggled with this, Jordan." - Blocked. - I'm leaving it there. - I'm leaving it there. - I'm gonna have to leave it. - I'm just putting extra letters in. - All right. - I'm doing mad things. - Switch your rooms, please. - I'll be here all day. - Question one was, "What is 86% of 200?" And the answer is 172. Question two.

Which of these might you use to bind together moist or slippery ingredients? The answer is A, breadcrumbs. I thought it was. So. Yeah, what's your argument? Yeah. So I wrote tomato puree. Now, if you're cheffing it up like me, sometimes I can't remember, what's the French word for it? Four. Onions, garlic, celery, carrots. I don't want to embarrass myself. Is that mille-poix? Yeah.

Is that what it is? - I think so, yeah. - Anyway, when you're doing like a nice, a stock base, that bitch gets slippery when you're sauteing that, John. You guys know. - Saute is what I thought you were gonna say. - No, yeah, when you're sauteing it, bitch gets slippy. You put some tomato puree in there, it binds it. And then if you wanna unbind it, chicken stock, but that's for another day. So that's why I wrote tomato puree. - Cool, fair. - Red Cons is my second answer. - In a periodic table,

What is a period? The answer is a horizontal row. Question number four. Which expression means does... This is a paid advertisement for BetterHelp. Bro. Talk to me. Real quick, ask me what my self-care non-negotiables are. What? Grounding.

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Betterhelp.com slash gigs pod today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash gigs pod. Doesn't fit in. The answer was B, fish out of water. Last but not least. Yeah, let's hear this. Spell isosceles. I-S-O-S-C-E-L-E-S. So that's I-S-O-S-C-E-L-E-S.

O S C E L E S I'm vexed. Yeah, no one's getting that though. I wrote it three times and that was one of the ones I wrote. Swear. Oh shit. Yeah. How do I spell it, Ellis? So you spell it I S C O S S O L E S E Yeah, I was way off.

Wait, what? Don't worry, mine is fucking worse, don't worry. That sounds like "escalosis" or something. Escalosis?! I don't know what you spell. I knew one of them was gonna be an "sc". I knew one of them was gonna be an "sc". Escalosis. That's what it sounded like, bro.

- 'Cause you said SC, I was like, "Bah." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You had Ellis, so what did Ellis get? No, is that Ellis or Rem? - Rem got one. - Rem got one. Ellis, how much did James get? - Two out of five. - And Rem, how much did Ellis get?

- Three. - Let's go, man! - Let's fucking go. - Well played. - And then we got bread crumbs in it, waste man. - Bread crumbs. - Let's go. - Horizontal row. - Yeah. - Fish out of water. - Okay. - Let's go. - Let's go. - Let's go. - Well played. - Well played, man. - Good shit, man. - GG as well. - I saw your answer for the first maths question, so I knew you were right. How did you do your calculation? - For the first maths question? - So 86% of 200. - Oh, for 172? - Yeah. What was your calculation? Or what was your method rather? - Oh, so I did,

86% so I did I worked out what 10% was times about eight worked out what 1% was times by six put together I didn't I didn't say anything I worked out what 50% was worked out what 20% was works out what 1% was put that together it was wrong yeah

86% of 200 is double 86% of 100. And what 86% of 100 is 86. So 86 times two is 86. Oh, fair play. Fair play. So fuck me. That's so much easier than what I did. Yeah, fair play. Fair play, fair play, fair play. Fair play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair. But that one, I think, that's the thing is what I struggle with maths is I can do a method. So like my method would, the way I did it would work for, um,

- No matter what. - Yeah, I know what you're saying. - That method would only work for something I can work out that like 200 is a whole, is a double of 100. So I would be able to use that method, but only that one time. So my brain would never tell me to use that method. Whereas like the method I use, I could use it for whatever it was. 86% of anything. - Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. - And you got that one right? - Yeah. - Fair. - So scores are Ellis for back to school so far. - Cool.

James 3, Rem 1, Ellis 1. - Nice. - Let's go. - Very nice. - Let's go. Let me know what you guys got in the comments below. - Okay, gang. So I have been watching something people have been telling me to watch. - Okay.

which is the new season of the Love on the Spectrum US. Bro. - On Netty, right? - On Netflix. - Yeah. - My God. When I said, so every time I've spoken about before, it's all about how these like murk me off. - Yeah. - Right, so these two. - Yeah. - David and Abby. - Yeah. - David's a boyfriend. - Yeah. - So Abby loves animals, innit? - Mm-hmm. - They've been dating for a minute now. - Mm-hmm. - Abby loves animals, especially lions.

Bro, her one dream is to go to Africa and see like going safari and see lions. Broski, man pulled up to a yard one time and the mom, her mom, Abby's mom was crying. She was like, David is just so good to her. When I said David's autistic, David's autistic, bro. But still, he puts us all to shame. Pulled up, I thought he was going to propose to her. She was like, I never thought, the mom was like, I never thought Abby was ever going to get this. I never thought he was going to get this in her life. Um,

And like David's actually doing it for her. So like, I'm so happy. So I was like, damn, he's going to propose. This is crazy. Bro, he pulled up there, said, I'm taking you, your mom and my sisters to Africa. I don't know where he found the P, but yeah, he said, I'm taking all you man to Africa. We're going on a safari. We're going to see some lions. And then Abby bless her. She was like, oh, that's so cute. When we can afford it, we're going to go to Africa. Like that's such a nice gesture. The mom was like, we're going now, bro.

She screamed you man. Nah. She couldn't believe it. Nah, that's crazy. So David was the best boyfriend ever. And they lipsed. Buzz. Yeah, closed mouth, but they lipsed. You're such an arsehole. You're such an arsehole. Bro, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good. It's closed mouth, but they lipsed. James, bro, he starts off this season, he struggled last season. He's way into medieval shit. What?

- Is it the same cast from this? - From last season, yeah. - Why? - There's new people, but a lot, 'cause they haven't found love. - Oh, so they just re-up. - They run it back until they find it. - Oh! - Yeah. - I thought they just switched cast. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - If you haven't found it, it's your business. - Oh! - I don't watch the show, bro, I'm asking. So I'm thinking, why is he still on season two? - Bro, if you haven't found it, it's your business. - It's your business. Why are you reading it up? Why are you wasting production money? - Yeah, okay, okay, I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you. - Bro. - So James loves medieval shit. - Yeah, okay.

When I say this guy is honest through and through, bro, he fucking pulls up and was just like, this is what I want from a relationship. Yeah. He went on 30, this is the dread thing. He went on 30 speed dating sessions. And I don't mean 30 people. I mean, 30 events, not one match. That. Yeah. That would shatter me. Yeah.

yeah how he keeps his chin up yeah i do not know the smile on his face with a smile on his face fair fucking play man how he does it i do not know um 30 different events and 30 events of speed dating not a single match that would i would look in the mirror differently yeah yeah he has he can't find love um he linked one thing that he was down for a couple he said since come the first season came out he's had

Tings in his DMs Okay Yeah his D's have been up Okay So he went and linked One ting that he met Yeah And was like Man it's perfect But he's adamant He doesn't want kids So she was like I can't wait to settle down And have kids He said Charged He said I want this But I have to charge it I have to charge it bro It's a deal breaker man

Kids don't know kids Is a deal breaker He really is And he Bro he stood on business And she was like Thank you for being honest with me And I was thinking Played Fucking facts bro I know a couple of men That were played that out Yeah bro That emotional maturity Yeah bro They would have played out And then just Lied to her face Facts Especially if the nut's good I'm keeping it up Right so who I've got here Connor Oh Connor

- Connor, yeah, he's like 23, lives with his mom and dad still. No, yeah, he does live with his mom and dad. And pro, he went on a speed dating thing and was just like, nope, nope, nope. But the dread thing is, he didn't realize, obviously he's got a list of the names of the people you're gonna meet. And then you tick if you wanna link them and you cross if you don't wanna link them. And if they tick you, then it's a match. If one of them crosses, you get it. - I get the gist. - So Donnie didn't understand that you have to wait till they dip before you give them a cross.

So he'll be like, called like, I like to hike. Do you like to hike? And she'd be like, nah, I don't really like to hike. And then my mom cross would be like, doesn't like to hike. - My God. - And he was carrying on conversation with the fat cross there. - Oh my God. - Fam? - So. - That's him. - He went, another autistic ting was there that he, that used to go to his work. - Okay. - So he was like, yo, right? What are you doing here? - What time is it? - Yeah, she's like, I'm looking for love. What are you doing here? And he was like, ah, same, same. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So they were chatting, chatting, chatting.

And then he went to ticket and he was like, oh, bruv, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Like, I don't want to ruin the friendship. I don't want to, I don't want to do. When I say he went off on a spiral, he said, you man, I need a break. I need a break. Get me outside, any fresh air. And he said, bruv, bruv, bruv, bruv, bruv, bruv. Like, and he was like, Connor, he was shaking, fam. He was like, it's not love, bro. It's just a crush.

- Sorry to cut you off. - You're good. - Do you know what that reminded me of when you said he's fresh air? Do you remember that meme, that video that went around for time? Some white guy being held by police outside is like, "I can't breathe, I need air!" - The pedophile. - Was it a pedo? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. - Yeah, I think so. - They caught him, they caught him. - He said, "I can't breathe, I need air."

- Sweetened me. - Oh God. And they told him in like, you're outside. - Yeah bro, relax bro, you're outside. But yeah, sorry. - Yeah, get me outside. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And he was like, Connor, come on, compose yourself. It's not love. It's just a crush, bro. It's not love.

Screaming at her. - I forget they're looking for love, not crush. - He said, "It's just a crush, bro. Chill." He had to bell his mom, like, "Mom, help. Help, I don't know what to do." She was like, "Bro, chill, it's calm. You got this." So he was like, "All right, cool, cool." Gave her a tick. The lady from the ting belled him the next day, said, "Homegirl, ticked you. It's a match." He fucking panicked. Haven't seen the whole thing, he panicked. He was like, "No, no, no, I'm not on it. I'm not on it." And the mom was like, "You're on it? Calm down."

- It was cold, bro. Next up, this is the last one I'm gonna talk about this time. Maybe I'll come back next week and talk about the rest. - Say it, say it. - Tanner? - Yeah. - You knew I was gonna throw Tanner in it. Tanner? - Is that male or female? - Male. - Okay. - Hmm. If you ever have a daughter, you'd want her to marry Tanner. - I swear. - Gentlemen. - Swear. - Bro. - Yeah. - Tanner! Bro, first scene, he pops in. Donny doesn't know what to do with his eyebrows.

- What? With his eyebrows? - Bro, so say you're interviewing me. - Yeah. - He's like this. And they're like, "Cool, cool, cool. So like, what do you like? What do you don't like?" And he's like this. And he's like, "Sorry, am I doing my eyebrows all right?" And he's like, "Yeah, they're calm." He's like, "I just want to make sure my eyebrows are all right." He's like, "This or this? Or like, how should I do my eyebrows?" And he's like, "Just do your eyebrows however you want to do your eyebrows." He's like, "I just want to make sure my eyebrows are all right." And then like,

You're like, that's dread. And then they're asking him like, have you ever been in love? And he's like, no, sir. He always says, sir or madam. Oh, it marks you. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. American? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Hulting's American. So they're like, oh, have you ever... Wait, you said US, didn't it? You did say US. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, have you ever been in a relationship? He's like, what's that? And they're like, a relationship, like you're with someone. He's like, what do you mean? I don't know what you mean. And he's like, oh, like been in...

been in love with someone and together with them he's like no sir no sir is that have you ever kissed anyone no sir no sir would you like to he's like yes sir i'd love to it's heartbreaking heartbreaking oh my god and then like they have to send over a coach to teach him how to date and he's like if you taught me to if you took me to the zoo like how should we walk together and he's like well i'm the boyfriend so i should walk in front of you and i should lead you

And then she's like, but that might not make me feel good because you're walking in front of me and I can't talk to you. I want to talk to you. And he was like, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. I wouldn't want you to feel bad. Like, I want you to feel good. Oh my God. Broski. Oh my God. It's, it's, I haven't, like I said, I haven't seen the season. If any, he got a date with a Down syndrome ting. If she hurts him, if she fucking hurts him, bro. Like I said, it works in a production company. Bro. Bro.

I can't handle it. - How many episodes in the season? - I'm not sure. - I wanna say eight, nine, some flyer. - Oh, quick and easy. - It's quick. - It's not a lot. - But it has to be quick 'cause it's so heavy. It's really hard. It's really hard. And like, yeah, I don't know what's gonna happen, but I really hope Tana finds Loveboy. Oh, bro, he's so nice. - Damn. - And all of them are so nice, bro. I need Connor to hold it down. James is, I love James through and through, but like,

The other one who I will talk about, I can't remember. Do you remember her name? Home Golded does the animation.

Danny? It might be Danny or something like that. Danny, yeah. She was in season one. She was in season one as well. She's jokes. Her and James belong together because they're not willing to tolerate riffraff. Okay. When they ask her, what do you want? I love. She basically describes herself. Okay. She's like, I want him to have a successful animation business. That's what she has. I want him this. I want that and that. So she went on a date with a guy who was perfect for her. He loves to go to Comic-Con.

He loves this, he loves that. And she was like, gang, gang, gang, he's handsome, he's everything. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, perfect. And then, but he works at, where did he work? Can't remember, he worked somewhere. And she was like, so how is that gonna work with like the animation business? This is the first date. And he's like, animation business? Like what are you talking about? She's like, bro, if you're not on an animation thing, you're just blocking me and you're wasting my time. Yeah.

So yeah, so she's just not on it. And then she went, fam, I say, she wants to fuck. I swear. She's not shy about saying it. She wants to get dick. Is she a virgin? I think. So I'm not sure. Okay. I'm not sure. She's mad pretty. So I wouldn't be surprised if she's not. But she wants dick.

- Yeah. - Fair. - Yeah. - Fair. - Yeah. - Fair. - And something that happened with her auntie was like, oh, someone said, oh, are you, have you asked him this kind of question or something like that? And she was like, like what? Like the size of his banana? - Yeah, that was, yeah. - Yeah. It was crazy. I was like, rawr. - Yeah, she wants some. - Yeah, rawr, rawr, rawr. So, I mean, she had a crush on one brer or she'd been boys with one guy who she really likes. And the last episode of the course, she bailed him out and said, let's go on a date.

But yeah, yeah, they fall deep in love immediately. It's really hard to watch. They fall deep immediately, every time. - Fuck. - There's no like slow stages. There's either like, I'm not on it or this is the love of my life. They fall deep. Yes, it's tough, bro. - I wonder what like,

like the production company has to go through. - To be able to- - To be able to do- - Borderline exploit these people. - Yeah, do you see what I'm saying? - Yeah, I get you, I get you. - Because surely like the amount of consent needed for this show is bonkers to me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Mad. - It is really mad. It's really interesting, but it's, God, it's a good show. And I really do struggle with it because they fuck my heart up, man.

No one deserves them. They're so pure. No one deserves them. Damn. That's heart wrenching. Yeah, it is. It is a lot. Damn. It is really. I might give it a spin. Yeah. I might give it a spin. Fuck. Say less. Cool. Right. So I've got a dilemma. Okay. Right. Again, from the ghost writing crew. Yeah. Mm hmm.

So this one again came from Six Brown Chicks. I've been binging their page recently. So juicy. This one is beyond hilarious. Okay. Cool. So I'm a grown man and I did the right thing. That's an opening statement. Okay. I'm a grown man and I did the right thing. That sounds like a mistake already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like a mistake already. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Texted! I texted my wife that I wanted a divorce.

the house and that she can take the kids I want the house yeah I want a divorce I want the house take the kids it's a good trade yeah yeah yeah yeah permanently that's what he said afterwards she could take the kids full stop permanently full stop I want a new life I deserve a do-over I deserve a do-over with a woman who's on my level

My soon-to-be ex-wife launched a hate campaign against me at work. She emailed my boss about my affair. She posted a fake LinkedIn page that ruined my character. My work love has distanced herself because she's afraid she'll get fired or attacked. My boss mentioned, if your wife can't trust you, how can I? My career is pretty much over at this company. How do I earn my boss's trust and keep my work love? Advice.

P.S. Women say they want honesty, but when I give it to you, I'm the bad guy. What was the title of this? I'm a grown man and I did the right thing. That's the start of some trouble. Wow. A man said, yes, you invested in me. You looked after our children. You worked two jobs and you invested all that so I could get a good job. I've got a salary now. I'm up now.

I'm going to need you to leave. You're just not on my level now. You're not on my level. I need you to leave. Take the kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take all kids permanently. I deserve a do-over. With my work wife. Man said I want a divorce over text. Yeah. Take the kids permanently. Yeah, permanently. I don't want to see you anymore. Do you know how rattled we would be if we received that text whilst we're in our own yards from the love of our life? That's like me sending... It's literally like me sending...

my love to Dr. Miami and she says, "Babe, my confidence is low. I'm just gonna have to go out there. My confidence is low. I want new lips, new teeth, new nose, pits. - Pits. - Yeah, I want a tummy. - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't want a BBL. - Yeah, I want a fatty. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want all of this. I know you can't afford it right now, but if you just pick up an extra job,

I think you can afford it. And I'm like, you know what babe? - For you? - I got it. - And for us? - Yeah. - I got it. - Yeah. - So I grind and grind and grind and grind and grind. She comes back from Dr. Miami, cheeked up. - Looks nasty. - And looks . - Yeah, step over. Yeah, I can't wait. - Yeah. - And she walks up to my yard with Dwayne Wade and just says, "I deserve this. I deserve this." - Keep the kids. - Yeah, keep the kids and get out. You're not on my level anymore, I'm sorry.

You're just not on my level. You can see you're not on my level and I deserve a do-over. I've suffered long enough. Thank you for investing in me, but let me prosper. Please. Hellfire. Yeah, of course. Hellfire, bro. I'll take the silicone out with my bare hands. Bro, I'm saying tings are getting popped. Tings are getting popped. The lips, hips, and the dips getting popped. Facts. What the fuck, bro? Yeah, nah. Nah.

- That's crazy, man. - Bro. - Man said I'm an honest man and what, and I did the right thing? - Yeah, I did the right thing. - Ah, you're a delusional man, my bro. - Facts. - You did a terrible thing. - The worst thing. - Jesus, that's hilarious. - Okay, Trash News, Ram? - Yeah, yeah. Rent a center is now renting out Jordan shoes for $19.99 a week with a $525 option to buy. - Pardon? - Mm-hmm. - For family, yeah. - You can rent Jordans from the store.

These Air Jordan 5 Eraser Blues sell for about $300 on the secondary sneaker sites. The offer is $375 to buy after passing $375 in rental. There's an offer to then buy the shoes for $525. If you rent them for a year...

You get to keep them, but you would have paid $1,050. What? I've never heard anything like this before in my entire life. What if someone rents and runs away? Will there be any prosecution? Asking for a friend. Obviously, it's going to be a direct debiting, but it just doesn't make sense, bro. It doesn't make sense. It really doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense, bro. The only thing I can fathom is...

Like I have an event or a date and I need her to see me in these off-white J's. I need to exude money and wealth. And they're going to cost me too much, but I can wear them for today and have them the whole week for 20 quid. Other than that, it doesn't make any fucking sense. Someone said, imagine you're at the mall and they come repo your shit straight off your feet. Imagine. Imagine.

Straight off your feet, bro. Who's doing this? Yeah, the business model is...

it's questionable it doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense i think they thought they found a gold mine with renting jordan's yeah and it's just clear it's a stupid idea bro man said dudes are going to be leaving their dates when the clock strikes 12. wow like they're cinderella or something wow that's facts ain't that on god oh wow but people rent clothing though people rent seats

Suits, yeah. Suits, I would say, yeah. Suits is, I think it's very different. I guess, no contact with the floor. It's for actual events, bro. Some things you don't need an actual, to own a tuxedo, you just rent a tuxedo. Yeah, some people only ever wear a tuxedo once in their life. Exactly. It just doesn't make sense to buy it. To buy five bills on a tux, I mean, you can rent it for a bill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, kicks, that's tough. It doesn't make sense. That's tough.

- Wow, interesting though. - The game is the game. They found a gap in the market. Clearly someone's buying it for its good use. - Someone's buying it. I reckon they're doing all right. - They probably are, bro. And the man that are having to do this are down bad. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Their market is down horrifically. - Do you know how many Jordans I just don't wear? - Yeah. - I am intrigued to know what their weekly stock count looks like because I'm sure they're losing money. - And what we're doing about the creases?

Who's thinking about the creases? I didn't even think about that. First thing I thought about was how much the trainers are degrading each time they get worn by whoever wears them out. How do we even know the person before me wore socks all week? In fact, you don't know nothing, bro. It's like a bowling shoe situation. Yeah. They just spray it and put it back on the shelf. Bonkers. The restoration technique that they're using has to be absolutely flawless because the pair that you rent obviously needs to look fire. Fresh, yeah. So I don't know how they're doing this, but

That's tough, man. They're doing it. What is... I'm trying to think of something that I would consider renting. That's the way to do it. It's whatever works for you in your life. Yeah, because I was thinking if there was a system, I wouldn't do it. But I can imagine a time in my life where there's things that I perceive as like... Like, for example, if there's an option to rent a Rolex... Mm-hmm.

That's something I would consider. Or rent an AP or something crazy like that and I had an event. - That makes sense, I hear you. - I'd be thinking, "No, that's not a bad shout. "That's not a bad shout. "Jay's is crazy."

To me. Yeah, to you because you both have numerous pairs that you don't wear. Exactly. It's not even the fact. I think it's the fact that it's a crepe. It could be any crepe. It doesn't matter. It could be Adidas. It could be Nike. It could be whatever. Renting crepes just doesn't make sense to me. It's very true. Yeah. I would never rent it because there's kicks that I want that I'm never going to buy. There's the LV Air Force. Yeah, I was thinking about the Air Force. The all-whites. Yeah.

They go, resale for now is about 30K. Bags, bro. I'm never going to own that shoe. And it is a delicious shoe. But yeah, I'm not renting it. I'm not renting it. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't. Right. You had a question for the team. The question for the team was, or is rather, obviously a few weeks ago, I asked you guys what you think your

New Year's resolutions will be or is going to be. My question is, have you been following up with said New Year's resolutions from a few weeks ago and beginning of January? I want to read up.

That's not fair, is it? Accountability. Fair. What was mine again? Therapy. It was yours. You said therapy. You said continuation on your fitness because of the stuff. Yeah. And I, that's all I can remember. I think yours was confidence. Yours was continuing to like play bass stream, content creation, content grades, stuff like that. So yeah, I remember like bits and bobs. Okay. I can say for myself, 1 million percent. Okay. Yeah. My training at the minute is more,

Like in the last, this month, I promise you, man, this might sound crazy. I've done more cardio this month than I've done probably in the last two years combined, which is saying something. In the last two years combined, bro. So like really, really happy with my training. Okay.

And obviously therapy I've been going. So yeah, I'm doing what I said I was gonna do. - Good. - Ellis, confidence? - Yeah, man. I had like content creation in there as well. Already on that. - You did? - On a pod next week. - Let's go. - Looking forward to it. - Let's go. - Let's go. - It's gonna be good. I'm looking forward to it. - GG's. - So yeah, I'm already on that.

I want to start filming stuff on my own channel as well in the next couple of weeks. I've got some ideas, so I'm going to chuck some videos together. Yeah, confidence. That's just going to be a long journey, bro. It ain't going to be something I'm going to fix in two weeks, you know what I mean? But yeah, like getting there. I've been reading. I've had a few people send me some books and stuff.

So I've been reading a couple of them, trying a few different stuff. Like I've tried this spray. It's called like rescue remedy. - It's like an anti-anxiety? - Yeah. It's okay. - Okay. - I've got it here actually. - Oh, I'm intrigued. - It's just like a little spray. - Is it oral? - It's just like a, yeah. - Oral spray. - Can I try it? - If you want. It mainly, I'm not gonna lie, it's a shit ton of alcohol in it. - Oh, it's just a lot of alcohol? - No, it's not actual alcohol.

- Do I have to describe it? - Anti-anxiety, swear. - It's got a lot of like grape. - Is it grape alcohol? Something like that? It tastes very alcoholy when you have it. - Okay. Grape alcohol. 27%? - Yeah, it's quite high. - Honestly, just wanna get you drunk. - Yeah, I lied. You just took a shot of tequila, it's the same thing. - It's not getting you drunk, but. - Comfort and reassure.

- I have heard this before. Do you mind if I try? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's pretty much a placebo, but I guess it works. - I'll cover my mouth, 'cause I, you have to. - Daddy. - Oh, it's alcoholic. - Yeah, it doesn't taste the best. - It tastes like hand sanitizer. - No, it tastes like fucking tequila. - That's what I said. - So they're just trying to lower your heart rate. - It literally tastes like tequila.

But like I said, I think it's pretty sure it's a placebo. But I've used it in a couple of times. If I'm out and about and stuff, I'll use it. It seems to be doing all right. Let's not play down the power of placebos, though.

- Placebos are important, man. - Yeah, true. - People look at placebo as a failure, but like, placebo realistically is the best case scenario. - Facts. - The best case scenario. - It actually is. - It actually fucking is. - So yeah. - But yeah, I've been, I used to do CBD and stuff. - Okay. - So I might start doing that again. - Okay. - So CBD oil. - Mm-hmm.

Apparently that's got a lot of benefits and stuff. So I might try doing stuff like that. But yeah, it's just going to take a while. Cool, man. It's good, man. Yeah, let's make a progress. Cool. Remeski? Yeah, all good for me. Content creation has been up. Streaming every Sunday, every Wednesday. Been on that consistent. Doing really well. Followings going up. Subs going up. Biz, man. Just gassed, man. Yeah, you're killing it, man. I said on the... Obviously, I said on the reacts the other day about...

how well you've been doing. Let's put Rem's Twitch on the screen. Everyone go follow Rem on Twitch. Yeah, man, you've been fucking killing it, bro. As I said just now, I'll say it again. Never been prouder, never been happier. Like so impressive, fucking killing it. And I am so overwhelmed.

with emotion about this subject. Like I really, really am. Because yeah, like I'm actually gonna get emotional. I feel at the minute that, I feel at the minute it's always been a case of like, since me and Phil started this thing, there's always gonna be like, once you get a few years, because like when you start something, no one really cares. They're happy you're doing it, but it doesn't really mean anything. And then once you gain traction from it and gain success from it, you're already,

too many years ahead of anyone who's now been inspired. Anyone in your circle anyway, if anyone like you actually speak to and they're like, oh man, like I'd love to do something like that. You're already three years ahead of them. So they're gonna already disassociate themselves and be like, oh, I always wanted to do this, but it's too late now. And like, not that Rem's ever done that, I'm just saying in general, that's usually the thing. And like in the last, like to actually watch one of my closest friends

Wake up and just be like This year I'm actually going to take it seriously And in the space of four weeks 10x to his sub count And it's remained consistent Obviously we've got that special shoot tomorrow I heard Ellis ask him earlier Is that mean you can't stream? I said I'll just do it later Like he's working bro And he's paying insane dividends And it's just like

Like absolute fuck. Like my boy's actually doing it. My boy's making pee online. That's what means you're a professional. When we got our first Patreon, I messaged him and I was like, it turns out we're professionals now. We're professionals. We get paid to do what we love. And Rem's a professional streamer, bro. That's fucking insane. That's so fucking cool. That's cool.

- Let's go. - You've been consistent. - Let's go. - GGs. - Fucking sick, my man. - Thank you so much. - Yourself? - Myself. So mine was, what was mine? - A lot of- - Less gluttony, which I've done. - Wow. - Yeah.

Less procrastination, you said. Less procrastination, which I have been doing, bar probably one or two things. Things I do forget or don't have time to do at the time, I have been writing down and getting to them later. I am finding myself more prepared, especially for work days, especially Tuesdays, more than Mondays, because I don't have to use my brain as much on a Monday. More so for Tuesdays, I'm more prepared.

I am still continuing therapy. I've also obviously, you might know, dived into ADHD world and like tried to figure that stuff out as well. So I feel like my

self-care has been up this past few weeks. Bar last week, training has been good. I mean, continuously going on with the Woot Challenge as well. So yeah, I feel like this past month or this January has been a very good January for my resolutions, man. So yeah, I'm going to keep up for February as well and see what goes on. I'm going to be asking every month to see and make sure everyone's

- On it. - I'm down for that. - Yeah. - I'm down for that. - Yeah. - Down. - Cool. - Sick. Right, I've got Who Am I, okay? - Yes. - Yes. - Let's go. - Yes. I get excited when I get to play. - Pause, bro. - If I can recall correctly,

Last week you said this week's one isn't gonna be from a film. Okay, cool TV. I should have said that That's not what I thought you were gonna say. What did you think you were gonna say the scores? Yes Apparently there's no apparently allegedly. Oh, I thought my scores up. Yeah, I did I fucking realized that last night I rewatched the episode like for fuck's sake and I knew the comments were gonna go nuts as well Yeah, I fucked it up. So I think it's two two. Oh

- I need to recalculate. I gave you a point rather than for the Hercules. I gave you a point. - Oh yeah, he did say Hercules. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what is the actual scores? What are the scores? - I'm pretty sure it's two, two. - Two, two, zero. - 'Cause you got Hercules and did you get Harry Potter? - I got Harry Potter first ever game. - And you got Neo and- - You got Neo and- - Goku. - Goku. - Goku, yeah. So it's two, two. - Right, so this one's a little bit different. I am gonna have to,

So the end of this, because you know how I usually do chapters? Give you an opportunity. The end of this, I'm just going to go, this one is a little bit different. I'm just going to go throughout the whole thing. Okay. At the end, you will know I'm done when I say, who am I? Okay. That is your guys' opportunity to say. Okay. I'm going to give you one shot. Otherwise, it's just, if everyone has a chance and obviously doesn't get it,

Then we can go again if you feel like you know, does that make sense?

- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So you don't have chapters, you have one paragraph. - I've got one thing. - Who am I? And then we go one, one, one, whatever order. And if the whole circle doesn't get, we go again, one, one, one. - So no, we're not doing one, one, one. As soon as I say, who am I? If you know and you know, first one to say it, gets it. But if you man have both spoken and Elsa hasn't said anything, once you man have done that, I will wait for Ellis if he wants to say something. - I see, I see.

- Can I interject whilst you're saying the paragraph? - No. - Oh. - So that's when you listen to that, who am I? - Mm-hmm. - Okay. - But just remember, once you've burned it, so if you don't know, be careful because if you're just gonna say it for the sake of saying it, you fucked it for yourself in case it lands, okay? Who am I? I'm him. I wanna be him because I'm him. I need to be him because I promise you I am him. I have friends who love me

but I don't think they know that I'm him. My mom truly loves me. She's helped me realize that I'm him. I know where I need to go and I know what I need to do. I had mentors around me. They helped me train to be him. I took the lessons I needed and continued my path to be him. I used what they taught me to outgrow them and they hated me for it. They hate me because I'm him. After years of hard work and using my gifts,

My peers are finally starting to see. I impress them. I fascinate them. I shock and surprise them, but they won't let me become him. It's time for me to stop waiting and take action into my own hands. If they won't give me the title, I'll take it for myself. Today, I heard someone refer to me as him. The day has arrived. I'm him. I heard it again. I'm him. They know who I am. I'm him.

They see who I am and in case they just missed it, I'll remind them again I'm him. I told them again I'm him. I showed them again I'm him. The more I remind them I'm him, the quicker they forget that I'm him. They say if I was who I think I am, I wouldn't be screaming I'm him. They push me away now, but I'm him. They say I'm insane now, but I'm him. I did all that because I'm him.

Why can't they remember I'm him? Who am I? That's a tough one. It is very different. Very well written, by the way. Very well written. Very fucking well written. Very well written. Thank you. It's fucking awesome. I don't want to be the first one to guess, and that's my child's brain. I don't know my fucking idea. Is it me? Is it you? Not me. Like, is it like a... I was wondering if it's like a trick one where... It's not... Oh, oh, oh, oh. It's like... What? Not me personally. I was thinking live. I'm...

We're live and you're asking if him is you. So, full disclosure, it's not a trick. Okay, okay, cool. And take Ellis' clue from earlier. It's not a fictional character. Okay, cool. Can you repeat the thingy? You want me to go through it again? Yeah. I feel like I have a clue who it is, but that's my ting bird if I say it.

- We can, but if these, if you, what I can do is if you want to answer and then I can ask these men right now before I go through it again, if they don't have something for me, 'cause we're gonna be here all day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What was your guess? - So you wanna say? - You had a guess? - My guess was based on- - It was a trick question. - A trick one where it's actually each an individual one of us. So the story is you, you're him or this is him. - No, no, no, it's not a trick. It's an actual person. - Okay, no. - Is it Jesus Christ?

No, it's not. Damn. No, it's not. Good guess. But keep that mentality. Okay. It's so funny that you said that. Okay. It's actually fucking funny that you said that. Any more guesses? No. No? All right. I'm going to go through it one more time and I'll try and slightly emphasize the bits that will potentially help. I'm him. I want to be him because I'm him. I need to be him because I promise you I am him.

I have friends who love me, but I don't think that they, I don't think they know that I'm him. My mom truly loves me. She's helped me realize I'm him. I know where I need to go and I know what I need to do. I had mentors around me. They helped me train to be him. I took the lessons I needed and continued my path to be him. I used what they taught me to outgrow them and they hated me for it. They hate me because I'm him.

After years of hard work and using my gifts, my peers are finally starting to see. I impress them. I fascinate them. I shock and surprise them. But they won't let me become him. It's time for me to stop waiting and take action into my own hands. If they won't give me the title, I'll take it for myself. Today, I heard someone refer to me as him. The day has arrived. I am him. I heard it again. I'm him.

They know who I am, I'm him. They see who I am and in case they've just missed it, I'll remind them again that I'm him. I told them again, I'm him. I showed them again, I'm him. The more I remind them I'm him, the quicker they forget that I'm him. They say, if I was who I think I am, I wouldn't be screaming that I'm him. They push me away now, but I'm him. They say I'm insane now, but I'm him.

I did all that because I'm him. Why can't they remember I'm him? Who am I? Kanye West. Yes! It's Kanye-wacking-Dom Fouhad! Well done!

- Well done. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's gas me. That's gas me. Well done, bro. Well done. - Yes. - What got you there? - I think the last few bars. After the last few bars and then it reminded me of saying, oh, I'm insane right now, but I'm him. My mother's something, I'm him. Then I started thinking, oh, my gifts, this, that. He's the only person on this planet that has that mentality. - Yeah, literally. - That we know of like in that way. So I was like, when you said keep that mentality,

- Jesus. - Jesus. - Bro, when you said Jesus and I was like, you actually, it's scary how close you actually are. - You are, but you're not. - Yeah, you're far off, but like, as far as if I'm embodying him, Jesus is the right answer. Jesus would be the only one I'd be willing to accept. - 'Cause I think it has to be Jesus. Yeah, but yeah, Kanye West.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You actually got it. That's fucking cool, man. - That was very well written. - Thank you, bro. - Did you write that? - Of course I wrote it. - Did you actually write it? - Who the fuck else has been writing that? - I don't know, bro. I'm just asking. - I was here writing it. - I'm just asking, bro. Very well written. - Very well. - Very well written. Thank you. - Yeah, man. - All right, gang. Right, guys. Let us know if you got Kanye West. Again, as always, this has been a really, really good episode. - It has been a really good episode. - I've really enjoyed this one. - Yeah, man. - Thank you, guys.

And yeah, head on over to Patreon. Join us on the Whoop gang. And yeah, love of love.

What I love most about this show is everybody's vulnerability. Whether it's dating, relationships, family issues, or what's going viral right now, we talk about any and everything. We also like to talk about celebs and keep you up to date on what's going down in Hollywood with the entertainment buzz. Listen and subscribe to The Burt Show podcast free wherever you get your favorite podcast. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.