This Is A Safe Space! - Men Sharing Hilarious Heartbreak Stories | PATREON CLIPS
14:35 Share

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.

And this is a safe space. Tell us about a time you went out in public after a breakup and you had to fight back the tears the entire time. James, I was reading these tings and I was bending.

Some of them were atrocious. Okay, go, go, go. I think I only read like one or two. I read loads. Oh my goodness. All right, let's go. My ex broke up with me while I was grocery shopping and as I read the text, my legs gave out from under me. I was also high as fuck at the time and I sort of fell in gracefully. A shop assistant thought I had a stroke and called 911. Bitch, what kind of stroke leaves you on the floor crying? Yeah.

- Oh, imagine. To be fair, I've had my own experiences in grocery shopping and reading that text, from my drop my basket. - I would never forget it. I would never forget it, James. Sainsbury's. - Sainsbury's around the corner in Coventry. - I would never forget it. - Oh my God. I've never felt my blood pump through my chest like that. It literally like took me.

I didn't know what to do. Fuck. Four years ago, my ex was three months pregnant with my baby. During these three months, she was going out a lot and she wouldn't come home for whole weeks at a time.

Her iPad was... She's pregnant. Let me read it again, James. Because it baffled me too. Four years ago, my ex was three months pregnant with my baby. During those three months, she was going out a lot and she wouldn't come home for a whole week at times. Her iPad was linked to her phone and I was seeing sex tape after sex tape on her private videos again whilst pregnant. What? What? My only take on this is obviously it's disgusting, but...

If a chick is three months pregnant, depending on her body shape, you can't really necessarily see, I don't think, if she's pregnant. Three months in, you'll be able to start to show. So she would have been showing a little bit. Some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe if she was a thickums, it could have just looked like a stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe she didn't... What's the word I'm looking for? She didn't disclose that she was pregnant to these men. Or maybe they did and it's a kink. I don't know what way. Either way. That whole thing is fucked. Either way, yeah, it's fucked. Was going through pre-breakup phase with my ex...

I had paid for her nail set and the same day I, sorry, I had paid for her nail set and that same day she was laying on my chest saying, we need to take a break. And I feel like there's something missing. My young and dumb ass ain't know that them nails were wrapped around a new cock that same night.

So when she was laying up on man's chest, she had those fresh nails that he just paid for. He had just paid for her knowing she's going to see the next man that night. Getting these man to do her nails, knowing tonight I'm breaking up with him. Yep. And I'm going straight to the next man. Straight to hubby number two. Fuck her. Was going through pre-breakup phase with my ex. Oh, sorry. I didn't even swipe. Is this the same breath? Just bare contributions. My bad, guys. Sorry, sorry, sorry. He don't learn his lesson. Fuck.

Oh, go, go, go. Drove her to a spot at 7am sharp. She worked overnight at the time, but she wasn't there. Called her about 20 times and she texts back, let it go. Hold on. I was working at Panera. Hold on. I was working at Panera at the time. I don't know where that is. I'm assuming it's like a food shop or something. Fighting back the tears and lost. My boss sent me home because a tear dropped into the soup. Yes.

Let it go on a frozen ting. Let it go. Oh, I could call 20 times. You text back and let it go. I'd want to throw my phone in the air. There has to be more context to that. He can't have just gone to pick her up. Bellina, where are you? Fam, let it go. Let it go. I'm done with you. You should know. You should have known by my body language that I'm done with you. So let it go. What?

Oh, bro. I couldn't experience what these men are experiencing. Oh, bro. It's tough. I found out my ex was cheating on me with a few friends of mine. And that... Sorry. I found out my ex was cheating on me with a few friends of mine. And that my whole squad was gaslighting me about it. Made up a bunch of rumors about me being crazy. Even told people that... Even told people I stalked her car. I don't have a license. I live in a big city. All to cover it up. Wow. So, wait.

His boys were basically giving him the, you're doing too much. Chill. So that they could continue to just clap her. Yep. Yep. Wow. That's insanity. What? That's insanity on all parties.

That's insanity. Wow. Fucking hell. Took a girl out on a trip to Padre Island and she fucked the homie two days into the trip. I was at the baby concert, damn near about to cry. We had to stay there for five more days. Fam, my worst fear is having a horrible experience with a girlfriend on holiday and I haven't got the funds to just fly home. I have to see it out. See it out for the rest of the trip. Oh my God. It's a tough ordeal.

The chick I was seeing had been acting a little funny like a week before. Sorry, the chick I was seeing had been acting a little funny like a week until her birthday. So I'm buying all this shit, trying to make sure it's special. She invites me to her birthday dinner where she's hugged up on a new nigga and completely acted like I wasn't there. These women really, I've said it before, really could not physically care less. They couldn't.

They couldn't sometimes. They couldn't. They couldn't give any less of a fuck. When they're done with someone, they literally cannot care less. My ex broke up with me at the gym through text. She sent a paragraph, long text, and I'm sitting in a gym reading it. Passed out and came back to half the gym around me fanning me and my head soaking wet from somebody pouring water on me. I stumbled trying to walk out.

No. Oh my God. Bro, in the gym. In the gym. Fam, it's actually mad. When you were reading that out, I could imagine when he said it's a long, it was a long last take, I can imagine his chest. I can literally imagine reading it like just shaking like. You know when it was on WhatsApp and he said continue or read more or whatever. Read more. You have to press it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. The love of my life.

The love of my life. Yeah, I'm not surprised he passed out. I'm not surprised he passed out. That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. It is. Oh, wow. One of my exes I dated in college cheating on me with 11 guys.

We made a film together and I had to stand in front of everyone the next day with her. After I'd found out to present the film, the whole time I was trying to keep myself together. 11 guys. How do you find that out? I don't know. There was no context given, but that must have been a training or like, I don't even know. 11 guys. She's not your girl, bro. Bro, she's literally not your girl. She's not your girl. She's the streets. She belongs to all of us. She's the streets. She is the streets. She's literally fair game.

She's fair game. Yes. Dibs tonight. That's what it was. Dibs tonight. I was in a relationship for four years. Me and my ex would grocery shop together and we always sang each other. We always sang each other. Wait, hold on. Me, I was in a relationship for four years. Me and my ex would grocery shop together and we always sang to each other while shopping and we were just playing. I saw a couple one time in the store acting like we used to.

I said in the park, I sat in, oh, he meant to say I sat, he's broke, I said, I sat in the parking lot and sobbed for like 30 minutes. Man said it, I saw a couple ones I'm acting like we used to. Yo! Bro, honestly, like, I couldn't see one of you man go through that. I really, really couldn't. I've never, it makes me feel, have I ever loved anyone? Because I don't think I've, what these men are really experiencing, passing out. Yeah.

sobbing in the car for half an hour. I don't think I've never been, I've never been through that. I've obviously never passed that. I've been, I've been down bad though, but I've never. Have you cried? Nah, I can't remember the last time I cried, period. Neither do I. I have cried as an adult, but I don't remember. I generally can't remember the last time I cried, period. And that's, that's a concern for me. Yeah. I know you've been down bad. I've been down bad. I can't stand when you are. Yeah, yeah.

I can't stand it. That was a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell. I didn't know Head From Tails, bro. Yeah, true. I've been down bad, but it was all lies. Do you know what I mean? What do you mean? It wasn't real. Because when it was actually over, I didn't give a shit. Yeah, you were fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just the actual breakup that was doing you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, say less. It was all lies. Yeah.

It was like something like, I didn't want to lose her. Yeah. But then once it was 30 that I was losing her, I didn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. It was like putting it all on black and just being so nervous. But then when it's actually gone, you're like, oh, well, it's gone. There's nothing I can do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She talked me into the let's take a break. And I found out it was because she had a chance to smash this dude she wanted for a long time. I went to the Braves game that night and didn't watch a single pitch. Just stared into nothingness. Oh, my God.

I would never ever trust a woman if she said let's take a break. It's done. Women do the most on breaks. It's done. Guys try and do the most. And fail. And fail. And fail. And fucking fail. Guys try their best to pattern stuff on a break and they fail miserably. Women just. They've got the ting pattern. Yeah, they organize the break. Rags. Rags. They say I want this cock but I don't want to lose my man. Break ting.

Some guy put, me right now. My wife of 17 years next week. The only... My wife of 17 years next week. The only person I've ever been in a relationship with. Been together since we were 15. Told me she doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. It's been three weeks and she's already dating someone. When I say that, I'm lost. And he put the crying emoji. Oh, wow. That's...

Yeah, this isn't... Fam, when you said the me right now, I didn't really... No, no, no, it's not me right now, but he wrote this is me right now. No, no, no, that's what I'm saying. When he said me right now, I didn't understand what relevance that had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's saying, he's crying now. Now, yeah, now. It's been three weeks today. Yeah. She's with someone and he's crying right now. This thread just happened to appear. Yeah, yeah. His chance to just get off his chest. Sorry. I got broke up with and I still had to go to football practice.

I also had to pick up some teammates on the way. Well, my homie got in the car and I had been playing Jackson 5, I'll be there. Well, homie said, well, my homie said, damn, I ain't asked for the boat ride with your crying ass. I skipped practice that day. That's a song as well. He's just, he was just riding, just nodding, like feeling it, feeling it. That's when you know R&B is sometimes it hits the heart sometimes. Yeah, bro, it does.

Prom senior year. Chick said she can't go because her grandfather is dying. And his last dying wish was for her to go to a little Bow Wow concert, which was on the same day. Not only did Bow Wow not show up, but his grandfather lived another 15 years. I barely held it together. Yo! 15 years. Fucking hell. Not only did little Bow Wow not show up. Yo. That's fucking funny. Ugh.

I was married in the Marines and my ex and I got into a big fight. She wanted a divorce. Just happened to be at the rifle range that week. I was visibly upset and was crying because I knew I messed up a good thing. A range coach saw me, took me to the office and took my rifle and ammo straight away. Matt said you're a danger to yourself. You're a danger to yourself and society. Fucking hell. Run me the ammo. Run me the ammo.

ah jokes this one was at a strip club trying to recover stacks was rubbing my back telling me how she could help me forget about it in a vip but all i could think of man referenced her by first name basis alias or whatever oh that's funny let me run it back oh sorry run it back

Was at the strip club trying to recover. Stacks was rubbing my back telling me how she could help me forget in VIP. But all I could think about was my ex. Turned around and started crying in her bosoms. She had security escort me out and I cried in the car for an hour. Shame on her. She had a security escort me out. You brought me in here knowing what I was going through. I can help you forget about in VIP. And I was crying in her titty.

Thank you very much.

At Ashley, you'll find colorful furniture that brings your home to life. Ashley makes it easier than ever to express your personal style with an array of looks in fun trending hues to choose from, from earth tones to vibrant colors to calming blues and greens. Ashley has pieces for every room in the house in the season's most sought after shades. A more colorful life starts at Ashley. Shop in store online today. Ashley, for the love of home.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Are you ready for some hoops off? Are you ready for some hoops off? This is legitimately what you see people do right before they're going to fight. They take off their hoops, their earrings, because they don't want to get them ripped out of their ear. And they get ready for battle.

Hey, I'm Liz. And I'm Karen. And you're listening to Hoops Off from Luminary. On this show, we take our hoops off to bring you the spiciest, the saltiest takes on each week's games. We'll also be reading books by our favorite players, reviewing Shaq-sponsored products. And of course, we'll be bringing the tea. Should I, should I prepare the hot water? Oh, you better prepare the hot water. Please make sure to follow the show on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.