The Funniest Twitter Hall Of Fame EVER! | Patreon Clips
19:54 Share

Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot, we charge you a little. So naturally, when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you.

That's right. We're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. $45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. Excite.

Twitter Hall of Fame. You seem to think this is the best one yet. Yeah, it's that time again, guys. And I said to James pre-recording, I genuinely feel like this round might be the or one of the best Twitter Hall of Fames I'm about to do. I was laughing when I was reading them. Okay, say less, say less, say less, say less, say less. I'm ready. Let's go. Who is scared of Robin? That nigga runs around Gotham in booty shorts. Robin is a pussy, yo.

an absolute pussyhole facts he's such an irrelevant psychic they gave up on him in the batman movies yeah yeah yeah we can't we can't take this any further darken this we can't take this he's so camp which was he in uh dark knight or the second um dark knight rises i can't remember which one he was robin yeah i'm sure he was at the end you know don't you remember oh at the end

I'm sure he revealed his name was Robin. Do you remember? It was fucking, what's his face? I know the bread, the 50-50 breader. Yeah, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Yeah, him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was Robin. Yeah, he was Robin. I can't remember which movie though. Yeah, I can't remember. Might be Rises. It was Rises, yeah. Because I think Batman had died. Yeah, fucking hell. I forgot about that. Yeah, but I just realised there's nothing we can do with this. There's literally nothing we can do with this. Because he's literally just wearing Batty Riders.

Bat riders in skin tights. In a cape and a fucking... In a cape and some little mask thing, some masquerade thing. Oh my goodness. And he's literally a trapeze artist, no? That's his origin story. Don't even remember. He's a trapeze artist. Oh my goodness. Him and his whole family are just circus freaks. Fuck it up. Yeah. It's been years. It's been years. And Curtis from Live Island saying he doesn't want to cuddle because he wants to get up and make coffee for everyone in the morning.

You don't watch Love Island That goes straight over my head The man that watched Love Island would know Give me context For context There's a brother called Curtis And I think her name was Amy I could be wrong In my opinion she wasn't good looking

Oh, okay. But she loved him. Oh, sweet. She loved him. So they were together from the jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Curtis was one of them flamboyant salsa dancers. He loved to please people. Christ, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was, at the beginning, it looked as if he was infatuated with her. So they were just a couple. You thought, rags, these men are going to win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These men are going to fucking win. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, bear.

I think things start to unfold. People leave, new galley come, obviously new dates, blah, blah, blah. His head is turning. Of course. His head is fucking turning. Of course. So that man sit down like me and you were sitting down right now. He was like, she's like, babes, you don't even, you don't even call me in the morning before, before we do anything. And he's like, I hear you, but I'm the kind of guy that wants to get up out of bed and make coffee for everyone. Raw. Fam. Man said he just doesn't want to be in her space. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear that. Fam, I've always thought like,

I don't care how Leng the ting is. There's nothing sexy about any dating show being the first couple to pair up. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough. You're risking it all. I know. You're risking it all. I know you are. I know you are. But you have to put faith in the producers that they know what they're doing. There's got to be a baddie that walks in here. I know there is. I'm just hopeful, bro. I hope you don't get voted out before that time. Oh, God, imagine. I couldn't imagine.

And you had a ting that was down for the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, nah, I'm awake. I'm awake, my turn. I know there's a linting waiting for me around the corner. I'm awake. And I said, this guy's just here to fuck. Get him out. Get him out, my fucking show. We need to vote him out, bro. He's toxic. This one. I just realized how risky typing bigger is for white people. Fam, I ran to my keyboard. Oh, does it? B and N are next to each other. Oh, swear. Right next to each other. Oh, swear. Yeah.

Yeah, bro. It's not worth it. On a queer eating, it's not worth it. Larger. Heftier. Son. The sorest the bitch out of that. Wham. Whatever. Imagine after sex, I pull my notepad out and cross your name out. I wouldn't. That's a simulation thing. That's one of the moments where you think, like, what's going on? What is actually going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been baiting me out. Yeah. Wow. I feel like I've had times like that in my life where girls have actually, like...

I don't know. I feel like they've used me for like, to just tick me off. Do you know what I mean? In what sense though? For sex or in other stuff? Okay. Yeah. For sex. Like, I feel like I've, I've like had like a weird thing with like a girl and we have sex and then they're just like, their mentality just like softens and they seem a bit more business minded. Do you know what I mean?

No. Oh, you probably don't. Yeah, maybe just me then. I'm sure there's definitely, it was back in uni when I was just on this like rampant rampage. Yeah, there was just certain girls that like, they were so, so, so down and would bang and regardless of whether it was good or not so good, they'd just be like, gang, cool.

Like, yeah, I like it just seemed like not even like, oh, I thought it would be better than it was or whatever. They just seemed like it was like a cool exchange. Yeah. OK, but like I came out to get dick tonight. I picked you from early. I fucked you. I'm going home. Cool. Say for that. Yeah. Yeah. A couple of times. It hasn't happened. There's been a couple of times where I felt a bit just like, yeah, yeah. I feel naked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Please wear cologne that matches your face. Making me turn around for foolishness. That's dread. It is, brother. So many people sent me that. So many people sent me that. I'll send a risky text, then start being productive for no reason. Risky text? I promise you now. I'm deleting the whole combo and I'm launching my phone. And then, fam, the yard needs hoovering. The wall needs painting. The matting is...

Oh my God. It's all about the breaking point. Yeah. You sent the text. You've launched your phone. Yeah. You get on with it. Seven minutes goes by. And you quickly like check your phone. Yeah. And she still hasn't replied. Yeah. You fall to your knees. It's been seven minutes. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. Especially if she's seen it. It's over. She couldn't have seen it. She couldn't have seen it. It's fucking over. She couldn't have seen it. Oh my God. You're just screaming like, what have I done? Exactly. Exactly.

Risky texts are the best, but the worst. And then when 15 minutes goes by, she reciprocates. You're jumping, fam. The productivity is gone, bro. Fuck whatever I was doing. The hoover's just on the floor. Chilling. I'm texting. My feet are dangling. My feet are dangling. We're going back and forth. Oh, bro. That's hilarious. A girl would join a PS4 party and dude's voice would go from Lil Uzi to Batman in seconds.

Fam, this one sweetened me. Go on. I got arrested at a DaBaby concert. They searched my bag and found 20 tomatoes. Bro, that took half a second to sink in. And when it did, fuck me. Oh, that's jokes. Can you imagine? I couldn't. I couldn't, James. I promise you now, I couldn't. Can you imagine being a security guard? Can you fucking imagine? You'd be so gassed with that cap. You fucking prick. 20 tomatoes.

The baby will never believe you. If I'm this cute and I tell him, he will never believe me. Oh, 100%. He would never believe me. I saved the day for you. You don't even get it. He'd be like, what? Shut up. You think man paid fucking 60 quid to come and see me to throw tomatoes at me? You're a liar, bro. You're a liar, bro. Shut up. He would never believe you. I went through his phone. I'm not even his type. Oh.

Oh dear. I bet bare women have that. That fear. Of course. I think both sexes. Both sexes. Both genders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is a two-part. It's a tweet and a quote tweet. You'll ever get your ass beat before. Can you guys even fight? First fight. Reply this, by the way. This is a reply. First fight I was in, nigga hit me in the throat. I didn't even know that was an option. It's not. It's not an option. I promise you I couldn't get hit there.

Fam, I want to wax pussies for a living, but I'm scared I'm going to eat one and get fired. Bro, that's jokes. That's actually jokes. Imagine your boyfriend's tried to start a football chant and nobody joined in. Oh, ick. Fucking hell. I'm pretty sure someone's had that as an ick. I'm a sucker for deep conversations. I want to know why your hairline is that far back. Imagine if someone said that to you. I couldn't. James, I promise you now I couldn't. You know, I can't really explain this too properly, man.

You haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, have you? No, I haven't. No. Right. Maybe I have. Maybe I think I have, but I've only seen it once a long time ago. Keith Ledger and... Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal, yeah. Bro, listen. The first time they fuck... Yeah. Yeah.

Jake Gyllenhaal grabs Heath Ledger by the scruff of his shirt. And Heath Ledger's pouring him off, but he wants it. But he's never done this before. It's a push-pull thing. It's a push-pull thing. But Jake Gyllenhaal has seemingly grabbed him out of nowhere. And Jake Gyllenhaal also isn't sure what he wants. So he's just holding him for dear life. He's just fucking holding him for dear life. And Heath Ledger's fighting him off, but Jake doesn't know why he's holding him or what he's going to do. The main crux of it, he doesn't know what he's going to do. Okay.

And they're almost fighting, but they want to fuck. Yeah. Take off the fuck team. Yeah. If a girl out of my... Hang on. If a girl said to me, I'm a sucker for deep conversations. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, I want to know how that... Whatever she said. Why are you in the headline so far back?

I'll just grab I'll be emotionless I'll just grab her here and I'll be holding her here not knowing what I'm going to do next because you haven't processed it yet I've not processed a single thing I'm just holding her by the scruff of her neck so she can't get away I need to decide what I'm going to do I need to understand what's going on I'm waiting for the punchline I'm waiting for the fucking punchline

And my mind needs to process what the fuck. Because I'm thinking, there's no way you said that. There is no way. There's just no way. You said, you let me in. I'm a sucker for deep conversations. You sat up. I was about to bring in the historian in. Yeah, yeah. And then I want to know why that hairline's so far back. I said that. My face was straight and I'll just grab her. My heart is just racing. For fuck's sake, man.

That's funny. That's funny. This is a DM conversation on Twitter. Cool. This is the girl. Does it curve? My man. To the left, yeah. Well, I got to hide it. I have to hide it. I have to hook it under my thigh. No cap. She sends him her number straight away. Now, his reply. Isn't that your baby daddy in your media? Her reply. Focus. Fucking focus. I lie. I lie.

focus i couldn't be spoken to like that i'm fucking you now that's a turn on focus fuck jesus christ does it curve these yaps love a curved dick scraping the sides they love it i'm my dick's just straight out mine's just bang straight bro my shit don't curve whatsoever that's hilarious

Bro, these man... PlayStation chat is toxic. Facts. Because he said he loved you. Just jokes. One thing about a nigger, they know how to hide a baby. Yeah.

Yo! Yo! Man, that's jokes. My back hurts. That's actually fucking funny. And bro, when they come clean, they'll just say, bro, I'm going to London. What for? I need to visit my son. What? I need to visit my son. And now you're the enemy. You're either with me or against me. I need to see my fucking son. I haven't seen him in months. Oh, it's fucking funny. Jesus Christ, bro. They know how to hide babies.

Bro, that's jokes. That took me. Fuck. He thought he lost his phone. Whole time I'm going through it with my case on it. I saw that fucking tweet. Family deception.

Imagine. I could never imagine. Where's my phone? Is she just on her phone like, fam, I don't know. I don't know. Just scrolling. I don't fucking know. I'm sorry. What? I don't know. I don't know where it is. Just bang. This one, you've probably seen it got sent to us. Bear. The cold, the food thing. Read it, read it, read it. Read it, please. I need to hear it out loud. This girl...

Bitch. This girl says she enjoyed the date, but she's not interested in a second one because I blew my food to cool it down. What's wrong with you, girl? What's wrong with you lot? Fam, imagine. What's actually wrong with you lot? Imagine giving the girl an ick because you roll up some fucking tagliatelle and give it a... Just before you... You're about to much. You want to enjoy... You don't want to... Yeah. I don't want to burn my tongue. And that's a dread thing as well. So we're not allowed to blow it. Yeah. But we're also not allowed to eat it hot and go... We just have to firm the burn. Yeah.

Let it burn your fucking tongue. On some Usher tickets. Oh my God. These men are crazy. This one triggered me. Did anyone else's parents make them go to sleep two weeks early before to prepare for school?

Two weeks early? Yeah, so go to sleep early for two weeks before prep Oh, you need to prepare for school Femme? Towards the tail end of summer Oh my god Towards the tail end of summer, always 9pm times, I'm in bed and the sun is up Femme, the sun's up and there's youths on the street playing Bikes, everything, rollerblades I was livid Well, my dad, yeah, fun story My dad used to send us to bed at half This is such a black dad thing to do

He didn't give a fuck, right? So this is so embarrassing. I had to get into a full-fledged argument with my dad. Yeah. To get rid of a bedtime, fam. Ooh. My dad sent us to bed at half 10.30. Yeah. From when we were born...

To when I was literally like 16. Okay. We were born, you know. Bro, I remember when we were youths, our bedtime was half 10 and I used to feel lavish. I'd be in school like year three, year four. I'd be like, listen fam, when I go to my dad's on the weekend, it's a 10.30 team. No one can tell me nothing. I'm brushing my teeth at 10.30, not a minute sooner. Yeah.

I'm basically up whenever I want. Yeah, yeah, practically. My dad's sick. Yeah, same, same, same. Fam, I got older and older and older. The ting never changed. I used to say, Fam, Dad, please, what's going on with this bedtime? And my dad said, you need to learn to have a routine. Now, bro, I sleep here once a week. Bro, I sleep here once a week. Bro! Bro!

And I remember I was literally like year nine, year nine. And when it was bedtime, my dad used to say, like I said, brush my teeth at 10.30, not a minute sooner. My dad would say, teeth time. I'm telling you, I was like 15. I had a bedroom staying at my yard for the weekend. We went downstairs to pick a DVD. My dad said, teeth time.

My boy said, what did he say? What the fuck did he say? I said, fam? Nothing, nothing, nothing. I was like, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. And he was like, what? Did he just say teeth time? We were in year 10. He said, did your dad just say teeth time? I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just reminding me to brush my teeth before I fall asleep because he knows it's going to be a late night. We're going to be watching movies and fucking bitches. I've never been so mortified. We were on holiday. I said, dad, please.

I'm fucking 15. You can't be sending a man to bed. A man needs a routine, son. A man needs a routine. A man said, bro, I sleep by your yard once a week. I don't think you understand how funny that is, James. I was living. It took, I had to literally just like drill it into him. Like, please, this is embarrassing at this point. At mum's, I'm out till 1am.

I'll come to you. I'll just send a man to bed at 10.30. I've got company. You're shouting teeth time. Don't embarrass me like that. Fuck. When my boy, I remember his name was Lewis, Lewis Jones. He looked at me and said, what did he say? Did he just say teeth time? The way he pronounced the T-H in the teeth, I wanted to rock his jaw. I didn't want my dad's jaw after it. I fucking hate it here. Teeth time. Bro.

What's up guys? Thank you very much for listening. That was a short clip from our most recent Patreon episode. If you enjoyed it and you want to get the full episode, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. Link is in the description. And once you're there, it's going to cost you a light, humble three pound a month. 10p a day. Run the P, you know the drill. Head on over today guys and enjoy. Thank you very much. Gang gang.

At Ashley, you'll find colorful furniture that brings your home to life. Ashley makes it easier than ever to express your personal style with an array of looks in fun trending hues to choose from, from earth tones to vibrant colors to calming blues and greens. Ashley has pieces for every room in the house in the season's most sought after shades. A more colorful life starts at Ashley. Shop in store online today. Ashley, for the love of home.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Kristen. And I'm Jen from the I Mom So Hard podcast. Now listen, we don't want to brag, but yes, we are moms. We're average moms. Below average sometimes. But we're not just moms. Yeah, we don't want you to think that we're just moms. And we're not just supermodels either. We're not just pieces of meat. That's right. We're not even close. But we are comedians and we're also best friends. We're also best-selling authors. And television writers. We created a viral web series.

With over 300 million views. What's up? Who's bragging? And we were in our swimsuits. Again, not supermodels. We're also podcasters. Are we podcasting right now? Not right now, but we have been podcasting for three years. We're bringing laughs every Tuesday to women and moms everywhere. And one dude who's a sophomore in college. His name's Greg. Whatever he messaged us, it made me feel cool. So nice. Amazing. Please listen to the Am Mom So Hard podcast on Acast. Woo!

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.