SLEPT WITH HIS BROTHERS... EP 419
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Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up during inflation, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing. Mint Mobile Unlimited Premium Wireless. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

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Guys, we are back in our favorite Atlanta studio. And as you can see, it's a different vibe today. It is a different vibe today. And it's a different vibe today also because I realized that through the five years of doing this, we have never had to record episodes while spending every minute of every day together. Valid. So this morning I was racking my brain.

trying to figure out what I was going to say to you in this episode. And I was thinking, I have fuck all to say to you. - Yeah. - And everything that I was even gonna say to you, I've already said to you. - In like real life. - In the moment that happened. - In 3D. - Yeah, yeah. Which is an interesting perspective for what our friendship could look like moving forward. - Explain.

If I want to thrive in business, I have to sacrifice my relationship with you. Yeah. To make sure there's enough distance between us so that we actually have shit to talk about. If we want this show to have longevity. Yeah. No more holidays. Yeah. No more tours. Just, and even when we're on tour. Just separate. Just don't chat to me in it. Separate. But I also don't want that. Yeah. This has been the first time in a long time we've spent this amount of time together. Outside of like uni. I would say.

yeah which is it's good but it's also surreal it makes us makes me feel like one we obviously don't do this often enough and obviously not just us two obviously the boys have joined us as well so it's like it does feel like we're in uni again

He does a little bit. We had like a nice, juicy, wholesome dinner last night. We did. That was a good cooking session. It was a good like family meal and everything slapped. And yeah, man, it just felt really nice. Pause. It just felt really good. It did, bro. It did, bro. The sausage is slapped. Whoa. I'm going to say it again. Chill out. I'm going to say it again. The sausage is slapped. Chill out. Chill out. Chill out. You're doing too much. All the protein was good, man. Yeah, fuck.

The meal hit. Yeah, it has been nice. It actually has been nice and it's been a nice change. But yeah, I'm ill. I know, Gene. As everyone can tell. Yeah. As I said to you earlier, I'm actually, I can't stand being ill. But for the first time, I'm actually kind of gassed. Because you've been anticipating it. Because I've been anticipating it since the day we got here. Yeah. Different. So in the last three weeks, I've had probably nine different types of weather every day. Yeah.

I've been on more planes than I've been on probably in my life combined. Yeah.

We don't fuck with air con that much at home. So every room I've been in for the last three weeks is air con, which is fucking my sinuses. Sleep has been all over the place. Different beds every day. That is the killer. I knew at some point food has been, last night was the first home cooked meal we've had in three weeks. Yeah. Which is surreal. Which is surreal. So the fact that I've even made it this long before getting ill is. Yeah. Fair play, man. Is a shout to upstairs. Fair play, man. I said this to you off camera.

You need to have a ginger shot today, bro. I know you hate it. I know you hate like the raw nutrients, but you need it, brother. Enough from you now. You need it, bro. Ginger shots, good for sinuses, good for like phlegm and stuff like that. It's just perfect. All right. So what if I take it and nothing happens? Well, it's not going to happen. It's not going to take effect straight away. And it's one of those ones where

is something you should take in the morning just to like flush out your system but i still think it will make a little bit of a difference once you take it regardless of the time you take especially if you get a good one with high concentration of ginger because there's a load there's loads of ones where there's a lot more apple juice than a raw ginger if you are taking one from air one that would have shaken you that one will shake you to your core all right so obviously i don't think they've got air one here anyway do they no even still you can find like a good whole foods one would pattern you up

I mean, I'll try it. The thing is, I've had ginger shots before. I've had like 10. In your lifespan? Yeah. But have you had them for the sole purpose of what you're feeling right now? No, I haven't. I've just had them to try them. It's not really going to be the same. Right. I know you're not a doctor and I know you're not even claiming to be one. Go on. But here's when I get upset. You, which I, this is something I like about you and dislike about you at the same time. Well, not even, dislike's too strong. I like this about you.

CBA for it at the same time. There's an opposite side. Because you have... This is my favorite character trait

that I try and embody for myself. You truly embody it naturally, but you embody it so purely, it becomes a hindrance to our friendship because you have very strong opinions, very loosely held. Okay. Because I don't back out with evidence. Not that you don't back out with evidence, but just in terms of like, we can have this ginger shot conversation. You know I don't want to have one because I don't like it. I know. And you're running home with this ginger shot thing. Yeah. And I know...

that if I was like, you know what? Fair enough. Find me the strongest ginger shot. Let's do this. And I had it exactly, exactly how you said I should have it. I got the highest concentration. I had it first thing in the morning. And then if I turned to you and was like, it didn't flush out nothing. It didn't do nothing. You'd be like, okay. Yeah. And I'd be like, so why'd you make me do it? Because for one, it works for me. So I don't know. At the end of the day,

I want the best for you. The same way you want the best for me. All these times you've been talking to me about like, I want you to try this drip. I want you to try this. I'm happy to try them all because you want the best for me. And I'm not, I'm never against it.

And I feel like the ginger shot is the one thing you're always against. That and tea. Fuck tea. Tea's a joke. Exactly. Tea's a joke. Tea's actually a joke. But it's not because when I was on the green tea, before we went to Mykonos, you saw the results. That wasn't solely attributed to green tea. I'm not saying it was solely attributed to green tea, but green tea helps because I was back in it every day. I think, but also we live in a country where every single human drinks tea and everyone looks like shit. So green tea's never going to be one

Where people can convince me to have it. But not everyone drinks green tea every day for a certain amount of time. People drink tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not everyone drinks green tea. Green tea tea is just tea, bro. It's not the same thing. It's just hot water and leaf juice. It's not the same thing, bro. I understand you want this scientific evidence. This is why you talk about with the drips and this and that and that. And I rate it and I respect it. But for the love of God, I've given you two suggestions for like 15 years. You've never had it. First of all, when I was, just for context, when I used to diet for bodybuilding shows, I would have green tea every day.

first of all. Okay. And then I would diet without it and get the exact same results without the green tea. See? What was that face? What actually was that face? Let me land. Go on. The point I'm trying to make is, for one, I don't know. Obviously, you know it's your body. I didn't see or know that you were taking it for an X amount of time and then stopped taking it and got the exact same results. Maybe... Okay, question. Were you taking the green tea first, then stopped, then wasn't taking it afterwards? No, it would be...

One year, I'm bodybuilding. I'm doing 16 week diet. I would have green tea every day. I want to gag and die every day. Next year, I'm like, you can't pay me to have this fucking green tea. I would not have the green tea. Everything else would be the same. I would not have the green tea. And nothing changes. I expect that though. It's not like green tea isn't going to make you 10 times more leaner.

it might just make you leaner faster. - Yeah, but based on what, this is what I'm talking about, but I struggle with the scientific backup, 'cause you're just saying stuff right now. - I hear where you're coming from, but at the same time, it worked. Because you took it, you told me you took it, and you were lean, no? - And then I told you I didn't take it, because in that exact same scenario, I could have been taking physical dog shit, and I still would have been lean. Do you understand?

All right, man. So it's hard for me to attribute this to green tea. Fair enough. Like I said, I'm not saying green tea is going to make a world of a difference, but it will attribute to, you know, the slimming. Same with the ginger. Yeah, but that's when I turn around and say, what makes you say that?

because I say Mykonos because I've had it I'm not sitting there looking at the research if I know it works for me I'm not doing the scientific research so I don't have the evidence to back up whereas you you're the type of person and Rem as well you are the type of people to find stuff research stuff do stuff and then like okay cool this has worked because of

this, this, this, this, this. I know my body. So when I start to take stuff and I feel the effects, I attribute it to that. I don't have to do the research because I feel the effects. Yeah, of course. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, of course. And I think that's, that is the definition of anecdotal evidence. That's the point of it. Yeah. But, but that only goes as far as you. I understand. So if I turn around and be like, I can't stand this ginger thing. And then tomorrow I have it.

It better work. And I'm hoping it does for your sake, because I would like for you to get to a stage where you're not

anti ginger shots or like you just snuff your nose up it purely because you don't like the shot or purely because there is no scientific evidence to back this up do you see what i'm saying so that's that's just the point i'm getting at i understand i understand that was seven minutes of debate i will have the ginger shot tomorrow cool i'm gonna book you an ivy for probably new york cool i want to know how it makes you feel um i'm

You still need to get your methylation test done. So I'll send that link. I need to send that link to everyone as well. Also, here's another, and I'm not even trying to nitpick. What, go on. Because you've said that to set the premise. Yeah. I'm not trying to nitpick. Okay. And also, I don't know what your answer is, so I definitely can't be nitpicking. Okay, cool. So obviously we got massages yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What typically is it that you look for in a massage? Relaxation and to like loosen up my muscles. Cause I'm, my lower back is generally just always feels compressed. So like what pressure, what pressure do they go for? Medium to hard. Pause. All right. There's no other way. And how do you find, how do you find it benefits you? Like, do you,

visibly or like do you physically feel benefits like the next day? And do you feel like... Like for example, do you get a massage and then be like, gang, I'm 100% and then slowly find yourself creeping back down to 90? Yes. Or down to like... Down to wherever it was, yeah. And then another massage gets you there? So...

I feel like it's just my body. Like this is the same thing with acupuncture, same thing with chiropracticians and same thing with massages. Like I would, a lot of people, let me not say a lot of people. I have known people that have gone to a chiropractor, for example, gotten maybe three sessions and felt better. I'd never had to go back. I've, there was a period of time I was in Manchester. I went to a chiropractor every week for about two months and probably two days after every session, I felt like shit again.

So I had to keep going. I would say the best pain relief for longevity for me was I was an acupuncturist. The first time I got that needle in that tailbone area on the right side, I was squatting differently. Damn. Differently. Pause. Pause indeed. But that was the best form of pain relief I've ever had. Massages, they vary because I don't go to the same masseuse every single time. So...

Like I said, the one I had yesterday in comparison to one I had in LA was night and day. The one in LA was sensational. I woke up the day after literally feeling like I was a new person. Okay. And if it wasn't for like my eye fucked up thing, I would have felt like 10, 10. Okay, I bet. I woke up and felt like, literally felt like I had a new body. Whereas the one I had yesterday was just okay. Because I guess it was just, I don't know. She just was okay. I can't really explain it. So with the massage is very different because it's not the same person every single time.

With an acupuncturist and a chiropractor, typically you see the same person every single time. But the way my bones are with the chiropractor, it just didn't... The relief was there. The relief was great at the time, but I would always feel the same thing days after. And I think that's obviously attributed to the job I was doing. I was always on my feet. I was walking around for 10, 12 hours a day. When I got home, I would just sit like... So I wasn't as...

Not necessarily wasn't as mobile as I should be, but I think because of my constant staying on my feet and not wearing comfortable shoes at the same time, that would obviously fuck up my back. But again, acupuncture, I would say everyone, obviously I know you would never do it because research this, that, and the other. That's not, to be fair, that's like also with these arguments that I make, I'm very aware that I can just do the research myself if I want to. Valid. But I don't care about it enough. Yeah, valid. And the thing with me, I...

I don't necessarily have to do research for me to like seek out any form of like therapy or help or whatever. I more so go for it due to other people's recommendations. So this NAD thing, everything that every time you do something new on the pod in terms of like health and you say what it does for you, if you recommend it to me, I'll do it. I don't need to read research.

The same way I did acupuncture was because Bella recommended it to me. And she told me about the relief that she got from her sciatica. Once I started doing it, I felt the relief on my back. So I was like, that's all I need. I don't need to do read up the scientific evidence and blah, blah, blah. So if it works for one person that I know can vouch for it, I'm there. Fair play. That's it. And I feel like that's where the ginger shots come into play as well. Little things like that, the greens, all of that. I just need the recommendation. That's literally how heroin addicts are born.

Just so you know. That is such a stretch. Find yourself in a young... That's such a reach, bro. A young trap house. That's such a reach. And you're just there for weed. That's such a reach. And then brother says, have you ever tried that dark? Pause. And you're like, nah. And then some guy who's high on life says, brother, just try it. It's amazing. But I'm not going to. Exactly. Because you're not that way inclined yet. Yeah.

Yet. But that's what I'm saying. All it takes is recommendation. Yeah, but for certain things in life. Hop, skip and jump. Yeah, but you're doing this on purpose, I feel like. You're doing this on purpose. All I'm saying is, if you read the research on heroin, you would have been like, there's no way. Yeah, but I don't need to read this research on heroin. I see the effects it does to people. So why would I even venture that way? Facts. Whereas we're talking about health benefits.

potentially I agree with most things apart from chiropractors that's why I would never see one and that's fair like with that one it's literally to each their own some people are against it some people are for it only because the way I see the way I see like I don't like practices whereas like one chiropractor because especially like these men just yank shit so it's like you can have a chiropractor that's a 70 year old woman who only has X amount of strength then you get a chiropractor who's like a jacked 6'5 220 pounds yeah

who's yanking at, they're both yanking at full strength. - Yeah. - With a towel around my neck. - Yeah. Understandable. That's very like, obviously the stuff we've been seeing on TikTok and socials now, wild. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. They are wild. But like I said, for me personally, I've been to a chiropractor and two days after I feel the same. So I'm not advocating for chiropractors. I'm just saying I felt relief from chiropractors. I would advocate 100% an acupuncturist.

without a shadow of a doubt. That one I'm more inclined to believe. And the reason why I did go to or started going to chiropractors because I can crack every joint in my body. So it's one of those ones where sometimes there are certain points especially in my back I can't do properly. So that's the reason why I go to see if I can get that relief. But

I still fall back into that same cycle. So I don't really bother. That's the argument I'm making with chiropractors. Fair. But acupuncturists, 100% I'll advocate to everyone. How come you've not been doing it recently or just forgot? It's not about forgetting. It's more about one. I've said this before on an episode time ago. I hate life admin. So for me to even sit there and start to do the research to find one is that's my blocked wall. Once I get through that stage,

I'll be there. But it's just more of a bother thing. Yeah. So the reason I brought up all this shit in general is because Homegirl yesterday, Mama Seuss did the cupping thing. Yes. Sorry. Yeah. I forgot we were even talking about that. Yeah. Go on. I so far can't advocate or not advocate. Okay. All I know. Yeah. All I know is my back looks like

I've just come out of the matrix. Yeah. And you know, yeah, the shoes go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like that. And it's stinging. Damn. I'm not pleased. Yeah. Um, but we'll see how it goes. Mm hmm.

What was the sensation out of 10? Like pain? Is it painful or was it like... Right. So here's what I'll go on for the whole massage as a whole. It was single-handedly the most painful massage I've ever had. I needed it to... But I was certain I needed it to be. Okay. Because I've had... The reason that's why I asked you about how do you like your massages. Okay, okay. Because like usually...

They do nothing for me. Okay. So that's why like more time we've been on this trip, more time I've like, there's no point. Okay. Because there's just a stranger in my room touching me with their bare hands and it's uncomfortable and I'm not getting anything from it. Okay. This one, brother, she went for it.

Did she ask you prior slash mid massage? Would you like cupping or did she just draw for the cups? She said, I bought my cups. Okay. What are you saying? Okay. And I was like... Was it peer pressure ting? It wasn't peer pressure ting. It's like one of them things I've seen a million times. So I was like... I'm here. Went in Rome, innit? Yeah. So I was like, yeah, draw for the cups. And then it didn't really feel like nothing when she's doing it.

Before you continue, if there was a dinner shot right there, would you back it? Yeah. Okay. Why? Because you said when in Rome, so I'm just asking. Yeah, if there was a dinner shot right there and you were like, bro, try it right now. Yeah, facts. I'll do it. Cool. I'll do it. But...

Yeah. Did the cup ting and she was like, damn, you really... And this is my problem as well. This is where I struggle. Again, I can't hear anecdotal evidence. So even when she's doing the cup ting and then she sucked off the first thing because you put it there and you suck that bitch off and then you move it to a different point. Oh, I thought it was like bear. No, she only had two. So she went suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. I see, I see, I see. So...

As she's moved it and she's seen the bruise and she was like, yeah, you really needed this. And I had to like bite my tongue off and be like, how do you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're making me regret the whole thing. Based on what? Yeah. I'm sure she maybe she does know some shit. But yeah, I was very much like based on what? And she was going elbows, elbows like all the way down my back. But

I'm not going to lie. I do feel looser today. Pause. But I, I, um, the looser is just nuts. Um, my whole shit is sore, bro. Yeah. Sore. Okay. Sore. So now even when I get back to normal, I don't know if I feel like better than them. Cause it can take me days to get rid of this. It hurts. So by the time I don't, it doesn't hurt anymore. I don't know if I'm feeling like, Oh wow. The company was really good. Or maybe the pain has just gone from the company. Is it?

Where's the first two start? Here. You're not backing off any tour. Bam! That's the first thing I thought! That's the first thing I thought! I feel like I'm going to be gassed because I'm not taking any t-shirts off for the rest of the tour. I'm pissed off, bro. You think that wasn't the first thing I fucking thought? Daddy's no longer home. Daddy is no longer home. Bro, I took a picture. Do you want to see? Yes, I want to see. Brother, this is what my back looks like right now. Oh, God. You're going to laugh. It looks like a disease for you, man.

Ready? Yeah. They look tired. Let me see. Let me see that again. No. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's red raw. It is red raw. Sorry, bro. Broski. Sorry, bro. I can't take any gums off. Yeah, you can't. That's fucked. And this was, when did we get the massage? Yesterday. Yesterday. When's our next show? In two days. It's not happening.

Did she say times of relief or like when that goes? She just did it. Yeah, she did it. Asked for a selfie and bounced. Fuck. She did ask for a selfie and fucking dipped, bro. Sorry, dude. Yeah, it was rough. Damn, that is rough. But we'll see how it goes, innit? You never know. It might come out and I'll be like, fucking hell. So would you, if you felt like 10 times better, like more flexible, more loose pause, then would you advocate and would you do it again?

Or would you be like, eh, this is one time thing, it's all good. If I genuinely thought, wow, I can see...

like a quantifiable difference in all these things that were causing me issues before, then 100% I'll be like, yeah, run it up. You hit the gym and you're rowing like you've never rowed before. Yeah, I'll do it every week. Cool. I'll do it every week. Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I would also fall in the same trap as what we're talking about now. Because then I'd be like, cup. Say it. This is what I'm saying. But also, that's what I'm saying. I also, again, don't know if it was the cupping or it was just the hard-ass massage she gave me. Valid. Because it was... Valid. I nearly tapped out like three times. Damn.

She went for it. Right. Back into normal kind of shit. I have a little thread that I saw on TikTok the other day. And it's kind of shit that we haven't done in like forever. Okay. So this thing...

It's like, you remember we used to do Drake's type of guy too. I saw this TikTok, this little carousel thing, right? Okay. And it was just like, basically answering as if you're Drake. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right, cool. So first one, cop, do you have anything in your pockets that will hurt me? Drake gives them his old girlfriend's number. Yeah. These girls will hurt you. Oh my God. First one. Oh my God. 911. Hello. Hello.

The caller. She stole it. 9-1-1. What? The caller. My heart. 9-1-1. Drake, is this you again? Caller hangs up. Is this you again? Oh, they knew. Yeah, thanks, bro. They knew. That's hilarious. That is funny. Right. Oh, God. Same 9-1-1 call, yeah? Fucking hell, this one made me laugh. Hang on, hang on. Same 9-1-1 call. Yeah.

Drake calls in. Yeah. I'd like to report a clown. A clown? Yeah. No one says, okay, go on. Drake says, it's me. No one. Drake, you're not a clown. Drake, then why does she take my love as a joke? Oh my God. Oh, okay. He gets it, boy. Pause. Oh, okay.

It's 2pm at a local gas station. Drake gently runs his hand across the hood of his car and fills his tank. And he says to himself, now only one of us is empty. Oh my God. It's too much. 4pm, Drake sits watching pickup basketball. Someone asks, you down to play? He sighs. No, I've already been played. Wow. Typical. You can see that one coming from a mile off, innit? I was expecting that one. As Drake runs...

Go on, go on, go on. As Drake rinses his hair, he stares at the bottle of Johnson & Johnson. No more tears, it reads. He sighs. Maybe one day...

Fucking hell. Oh my God. Maybe one of these jokes. Oh, bro. All right. I've got some. All right, go, go, go. So this is, this is a thread. It's not, it's more of a story. Okay. I saw this on Twitter. So just like lock in. There's a few paragraphs. Just lock in. Yeah. All right. Cool. Say less. Open in title. I'm in love with my late brother's wife.

This is given, what's that fucking Tobey Maguire movie I watched? Can't remember. But anyway, sorry, carry on. Minor. I'm in love with my late brother's wife. My brother got married to this beautiful lady in August 2020. They had two kids before he passed away. Throughout their marriage, I was in the UK and only came back last year when I lost my brother. After the burial, my family gave her two choices. Since she's still young, she can decide to go back to her parents and remarry whenever she's ready.

Secondly, she can still stay in the husband's house. Sorry. Secondly, she can still stay in the husband's house and whenever she finds a man, she can get married and move on with her life. She's just 25 years old. So she chose to stay and mourn her husband. I normally paid for her. I normally paid her and the kids visits regularly just to check on her and the kids. Buy them stuff her husband could have bought if he was still alive.

I tried to make her happy and not to really fill the gap in her husband's absence. I won't lie, as I was doing all of this, caring for my brother-in-laws with no intentions, I knew my brother would take care of my kids and my wife if I was the one that passed away. It was last weekend I promised to take my late brother's wife and kids for an outing.

We went out and had fun. And then I dropped them home upon leaving the daughter who was just one years old. She started to cry, begging me not to leave. I stayed back and played a bit until they fell asleep. As days passed, I realized I have feelings for my late brother's wife. I tried to fight the feelings by not going there as often, but she would call whenever the kids asked of me or if they wanted something.

Even if I stayed away, I couldn't get her out of my head. This was just six months after my brother's death. I struggled for two months to kill the feeling, but it wasn't easy. One afternoon, she called me and asked if I was avoiding her and the kids or if there's anything she did wrong. I felt guilty, but I couldn't open up to her that I'd fallen in love with her already. Mind you, I'm not married and I don't have any kids yet.

After my brother's wife complained, I started visiting and behaved normal as usual. And one day I mustered up the courage to tell her my feelings towards her. That's mental. I would die with that. Yes, she felt uncomfortable, but I told her I would respect her decision. And if she wants to, and if she wants, I can stay away from her. She cried and asked me what people would say. Yes, she feels uncomfortable. Yes, she feels comfortable around me, but she doesn't want to feel, she doesn't want anything that would bring problems to the family.

I felt relieved after airing out my feelings for her. I can tell you now we have been secretly having sex. That's a jump. I just can't get over her. I dearly love and care about her. And I don't want to keep doing things in secret anymore. We celebrated my brother's one year memorial two months ago. And I think I want to open up to my family and to hers. I want to marry her. I'm deeply in love with her. And I know she loves me too.

In fact, as we speak, she's pregnant. Ah! Nobody will treat my brother's children better than I can. They call me daddy. No! They are still very young. They are still very young. Yeah. My worry is how do I break the news to my family?

Am I wrong by falling in love with her? I thought of secretly marrying her and moving with her and the kids to the UK so we can peacefully continue our lives before the pregnancy is obvious. What country is this, Brethren, do you think? Please someone advise me. I don't need to answer that question because we know where he's from. Please someone advise me. Yeah. Thoughts on that? Thoughts on that is the obvious thoughts. Like, just like,

Just suffer for God's sake. Yeah, you have to. You have to suffer. Like...

I don't care if you love her or whatever. Just suffer. Secretly have a sex ting? Yeah. And there's been nothing in there. She's pregnant? Yeah. That's insane. That's fucking crazy. Your brother's wife. It's too much. God forbid, bro. It is too much. Question though. Let's say you made a deal with a genie for three wishes, right? He backstabbed you.

You didn't get any wishes. Okay. And it was all a ploy. Okay. And one of the punishments is that you can't bang a ting again. Okay. One of the punishments for like getting duped by the genie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For believing anecdotal evidence. Yeah. Someone recommended a lamp to you. Yeah. Someone recommended a lamp. Yeah. And then when you rubbed it, the genie came out and said, for being so, so gullible. Yeah. You're never fucking a ting again. Yeah. And...

I hear about this and I'm so murked by the news that I die. Okay. I have a heart attack and I die. Okay. That's not what I thought this was going to happen. Yeah. I'm so heartbroken that you can't get in any guts again for the rest of your life because I already know what I will do to you. Yeah. I just die on the spot. Okay. And in this scenario, I'm married. Okay. And I'm married to a fucking badass. Yeah. Like, disgracefully badass. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, let's say like Sofia Vergara in like a prime, like disgustingly. Um, and you need to now look after my kids and my wife. Mm.

And then six months after, you haven't beat a ting in over a year now. No, in like six months, you haven't beat a ting. You're dying. And same scenario, you're going over, you're playing, you're looking after her. You can tell she's bad. Yeah. Banner is 10, 10. Everything's fine. The kids love you. Obviously everything is blessed. How, and then, oh, the genie pops out one more time and he's like, oh, FYI, didn't tell you. She's the only thing you can clap.

how long realistically because you're not gonna not so so how long look me in my eye and tell me how long until you betray my my memory your memory before you betray my memory and bang my wife how long can i fap or no no so you're just backed up wow categorically she's the only person you can fap but only of imagination

- Yeah, you can't watch porn. Only off imagination. - I might as well not do it. I might as well not do it. Only off images. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Nah. - Mental imagery. She's the only John you're seeing on a regular basis. - She's the only physical person that can make me hard. - Yeah. - I don't think I can give a number as to how long, but I'll hold out as long as I can. Because if I'm being like jokes aside, I generally don't think I'll be able to stomach doing that.

- Yeah, I just, it's- - You'll be surprised considering people have eaten people when they've been on dessert islands, you'll be- - Valid! - Yeah, yeah. You'll be surprised what the human brain would justify. - Yeah. - That's so valid, but I will have constant reminders of you in your kids and like the home and like, that would ruin me. I don't think, let's, I'll play devil's advocate for a second. Let's say I did bang her.

Let's just say I did bang her. Devil's advocate. Yeah. It's a post-snot clarity that will run through my bones, James. You'll be looking for nooses immediately. I'd want to jump from the highest cliff. Yeah. Especially as soon as you're done, you open the door and my youngest is sitting there with a teddy bear. I heard the thunder. Yeah. I'm scared.

No, my youngest is outside. No, never. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like I said, I can't give a timeframe because I would just have to hold out pause as long as I can. Cause that's, I couldn't do it, bro. Fair. I couldn't. You won't make it a lifetime. I mean, I would try my best to. No, I'm saying, what do you truly believe? I don't, James, I don't know. I really don't know. Cause I wouldn't want to do it. Fair. What about you? What would you do?

I've heard this, obviously I've told you this before. The longest I've gone without nothing since I've knitted the first time is 10 days. - Yeah. - So 10 days and I thought I was going to die. - Yeah, cool. - I was certain in that moment, if I cut myself, lava will come out. My brother was hot, bro. So 10 days is the most I've ever made. So if the genie's telling me after six months,

Yeah, to be fair, I've already made it six months. I've already made it six months. So I feel like, I feel like I would have been pretty much accustomed. Even though, no, it's annoying because considering the fact that she's the only person that can get me hard, I wouldn't have, I would have forgotten what that feels like. No, exactly. So once it happens, oh my God. I think I'll just have wet dreams. Yeah.

With a flaccid dick. I'll have wet dreams with a flaccid dick. Because I wouldn't be able to do it. I just wouldn't be able to do it. Fair play. I honestly wouldn't be able to do it. I think I'm... What about you? I think I'd rather just abandon you, man. Really? Yeah. I'll send checks. Okay. Yeah. I'll just abandon you. Would you explain? Yeah. Makes sense as well. I'll be open. I'll tell exactly what happened with the genie. Exactly. I wouldn't tell her that's the reason you're dead.

Oh yeah, of course. Because I also can't deal with that kind of resentment. Of course, of course, of course. I would say, look, Genie, he's got a bad sense of humor. He cut off my libido apart from with you. You know you're bad. Yeah. Let's not play games. Yeah. He pulled up last week. I've already gone six months. Yeah. Said you're the only thing I can clap. It's too much to bear. I can't clap it. So...

I'm just going to put a little direct debit situation. I'm going to add an extra 10% for the lack of presence. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I physically can't do this. That's amicable. I rate that. I rate that. Right, I've got a question for you. This is completely off topic, off tangent. Let's say we make it to like Kevin Hart status level, not necessarily fame, but like cash money, young money, cash money. Would you still do UbiEat slash Deliveroo?

as opposed to having a chef in my house when it was over as opposed to anything else just in general because the reason why i asked is because um i was thinking about this morning i don't see how the re okay i'll give you context i ordered food this morning i gave you one of the um the burritos sports and the lady that came up was like i saw the name and i was like i watched it thinking but it can't be him so when she pulled up to the thing she's like it's you and i was like

yeah it's me kind of and I was like okay cool that's okay but like she now knows where I stay do you know what I mean so I'm thinking to myself if you reach that level of fame like you're Kevin Hart the rock whatever oh yeah imagine pulling up to Kevin Hart's house you see what I'm saying obviously you don't know it's Kevin Hart's house you just think oh fuck this is a nice massive house yeah yeah and you you pull up the delivery comes and you're the one that opens up the door like oh my god

This is X. So my question, would you still do them type of things? - Very, very good question. Damn, I didn't think about it like that. Good question.

And I've had that before when I told you I used to have a postman who was banging down my door. Even for shit that you just put through the letterbox, all of a sudden he's knocking the door to give me letters. Because he wants to see you. Because he wants to chat. And I'm like, fuck this. So Uber Eats guy, I would. I know you love your delivery and you love your Uber Eats, bro. Bro, I hate having McDonald's delivered. And I still, after I stream some nights, I still find myself on that bitch doing it.

So regardless of the potential awkwardness, I know for a fact I would still do it. I think if I've got that much money, I would just have staff in my house to deal with that. Okay, valid. But then again, why am I even ordering Uber Eats if I've got staff in my house to collect it? This is ridiculous. Fuck, this is a good question. This is actually a very good question.

I'm not going to say categorically I would never do it again. But once in a while when I'm starving and eventually, yeah, staff are going to go home. Once in a while, I would just hoarder it and just deal with it. Fair. What about you? I would hopefully be in a position where

there'll be someone else in the yard that can just answer it for me. I just can't be bothered to deal with that. Because I was watching... Yeah, damn, man. Answering the door. Knocking on the door and Kevin Hart opens the door will be fucking crazy. You'll be flabbergasted. I'll tell all of you, man. This is what I'm saying. We'll be sat outside that house. This is what I'm saying, bro. Yeah. This is what I'm saying. Yeah, damn. This brought me back to, I was watching The Receiver on Netflix, the sports documentary. Oh, yeah, nice.

And there was an episode where one of the receivers, I think he plays for Las Vegas Raiders and his wife was throwing. - Is it a birthday party for the daughter? - Yeah, for the daughter. You've seen this episode. - I've not seen the episode. I've seen a 10 second clip on TikTok. - Okay, cool. So for context, I can't remember his name. I think it's like Devonte, Devonte Son. He was throwing a birthday party for his daughter.

And he never does the school drop-offs for the kids. The wife always does it. So when the wife organized the party for the kids, she invited the whole class and obviously the parents too. So when they were all coming to the yard, everyone was looking like, oh my goodness, this is a fucking incredible yard. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Then Devante comes home from practice. Everyone's like,

hand on their mouth type of thing. Like, is this your husband? Is this his yard? Do you see what I'm saying? So it's one of those ones where you don't know until you know. And you can see how, even like the 15 seconds where they showed some of these clips, you can see the tone change and the facial change of just the parents alone. And it's like that,

Having that kind of change is like, you know they're probably going to want to come back more often. Or they're going to want their child to befriend that child. Do you see what I'm saying? So it's that awkwardness. I get you. I think I can only assume for one in that instance, it's like mitigated slightly by like private school and shit. Yeah. If you're going to like a super expensive one. Yeah. You're hopefully dealing with people who, even though they're probably not celebrities themselves, can deal with like celebrities. Yeah.

I think as well in this regard, there are certain things where you just eventually, because I think I told you a little while ago, I went through like a mini little stint a few months ago where I just wasn't leaving the yard. Yeah. Because like anything where it's like social. Yeah. It's like if,

if my friends want to go out to eat, I'm like, no, I'm not dealing with that. And if, if it's, if it's to go to a bar or something like that, I'm like, I'm definitely not dealing with that. Um, and then everything just like a little, just like, um, especially in the summer, like you've got fairs and all this kind of shit. And like, uh, I remember at the time it was like fireworks night and all this kind of shit. And then you've got like friends and family that want to go out and do this shit. And I got to a little stage where I was just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Um,

And then I was like, at what point is it just better to just deal with it? Yeah. Because you're running away from the inevitable. Yeah, exactly. Because it's not going to change. So it's like... It's only going to get worse. Yeah, it's only going to get worse. So you can either become just like a hermit who never leaves the house or you just deal with it now and again. And I think probably similar to him, he's probably in a position where just like that, he just...

You just have to, if it comes to your daughter's birthday party, you're just going to have to deal with it. And hopefully you can like teach your kids, like once they're old enough to understand, just like there's going to be people that want to be your friend when they really probably shouldn't be your friend. Yeah. So just deal with that a little bit. But that is butters. It is. That is actually very fucking butters. I've got some tweets to wrap up. Okay, go. Oh, speaking of, actually, actually, actually. Go on. Exactly, exactly, exactly.

I actually have a story that exactly is similar to this thing. Okay, hit me, hit me before the tweets. So when I was going through my little fucking want to stay indoors all the time, I actually, that point, because obviously I think we've had this discussion before, was when we did the McGilligan show.

The episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Not our episode. So yeah, here's one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was talking about my little hat and glasses disguise. Yeah. And it makes me feel like a waste man because I never wear hats and I never wear glasses. So to put it on, as soon as I see myself in the mirror, I'm like, who do you think you are? Yeah. Who do you actually think you are? Yeah. So...

in preparation for this trip, I had to go shopping. So I went to Flannels and I put on my little disguise. I felt like such a waste, man. I didn't blow up at this guy. I vented at this guy, right? So I had the situation. I'm getting ready. I put my hat on, my glasses on. I see myself in the mirror. I kissed my teeth. Yeah, I know you did. I kissed my teeth. I was like, who do you actually think you are? No one cares, man. And I went into Flannels.

And as soon as I walked through the door, one of the guys at work there was like, oh, nice. Like, I love your shit. And I literally went to him and I was like, bro, you know what's a fucking piss take, big man? Do you know what's actually a fucking piss take? I hate wearing hat and glasses, my guy. I hate it. I put on my little Marvel disguise just to come shopping. As soon as I walked through the door, you clocked me. And I was like, bro, like, what the fuck? Yeah. And he was like, big man, you're wearing your merch. He's like, that's the only reason I deeped it. Because you're wearing your merch. Yeah.

I was silent through that. Why would you wear your mask? Bro, I wasn't thinking about it. That's hilarious. I felt like a twat. I would have gone home and changed. I promise you. I was this close to you. I promise you I would have gone home and changed. Yeah, I felt like a dickhead. That happened to me, I think on the way back from recording one day, I was wearing the blue hoodie, but I had to walk, after I parked my car, I had to walk through, I had to go get something from Tesco. That would be so bait as well.

Yeah. Right. Right. And I walked through, I was thinking, Oh my God, why did I wait? Why did I just go? Cause I thought to myself, let me go home and change before I step out again. I was like, that's double the effort. Yeah. When I stepped out, got in my car, stepped out, that bitch was packed. My heart was beating, bro. My heart was beating. Stop.

I was like, what have I done to myself? What have I done to myself? Yeah, that hoodie's bait, bro. Yeah, I hate you completely. Damn, damn. Yeah, I felt like a twat. That's hilarious. Right, tweets. Let me do some tweets. Inshallah, the next girl you have sex with gets pregnant. Every man on the timeline. Every man. Reply. What the fuck, nigga? Outshallah to that shit.

Wow. Outshallah to that shit. All right, next one. This is just a WhatsApp conversation. Am I the only girl you're talking to? Reply. Yes, dear. The others are asleep. All right, bet. Cool. Maybe if you suck dick the way you suck the fun out of shit, you still have a man. Your brain is computed. You can't say that to another human being. Your brain is computed. I'm pretty sure I'd lose my life if I said that to someone. You'd still have a man. You'd still have a man.

right next you suck the fun out of shit that's one of the worst things you can say to people facts because some people actually do just suck the fun out of the room bro they do so when you I can't I don't think I could ever ever tell someone you know what you actually just suck all the fun out of shit do you know that that would make them want to crawl into a hole 100 fuck um whatsapp conversation

It's over. Reply. But you said only death could part us. Response. We did not specify whose death would part us. Anyway, I just lost my granny. It's over. Say less. All right, cool. Next one. Tweet and a reply. My pussy gets mad wet for a guy who can speak Spanish. Reply. Bonjour.

That one fucked me up. Bonjour. Oh God. Oh God. Okay. Mum said, alcohol is your enemy. Jesus said, love your enemy. Case closed. Cheers. Fuck. Oh my God. Speaking of, I know I've said it before. Yeah. I'm charging alcohol.

But I have been, no one's charging alcohol forever. Okay, I'm listening. But, and I have for this whole trip, my quantity of sweating. Brother, I know. Yeah. It's the laughs. The laughs smirk me. The laughs smirk me. Hold on. Oh God. Talk to me. Obviously, over the last three weeks, obviously I never drink. Yeah. So over the last few, I always have a drink before the show. Yeah. So that I feel better.

especially for the meet and greets I feel more like sprightly sprightly so they can have a better experience yeah yeah so overall I've drank way more in the space of three weeks than I would in probably six months facts I agree but until we went to that rum punch thing the other day I've not been drunk once and I was like because I never drink to drink I only get drink to get drunk so like

Whenever I drink, it's just hangover central. So it's been really, really, really, really nice to actually be able to have a drink and then have it serve the purpose that I wanted it to and then just hit the water and then feel fine the next day. That's been amazing for me. That rum punch thing the other day had me so fucked up that I can tell it's still in my blood now. The way I'm waking up this morning is still in my blood. And

I don't ever want to feel drunkenness like that again in my life. For me, it's crazy because you might know what I'm like in terms of like hangovers and drunkenness and stuff like that. And my body just disagrees with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But funnily enough, I feel like for some reason, even though I drank a lot that night. You did. I drank a lot that night. I was twisted that night. Yeah, you were.

When I woke up the next day, yes, I was tired. Yes, I was feeling low. Yes, I didn't have energy. But I didn't internally feel like shit. I could tell. And I was surprised. I'm surprised. I could tell. And you also tapered down very well that evening. Yeah. Like once I watched you sober up throughout the evening and shit, and you did well. I was...

Brother, I had one of them. Yeah. That's how strong, I had one of them and came home and threw up. Yeah. It was the worst thing ever. It tasted banging. Didn't it just? But bro, I never, I never, ever want to feel drunk like that again as long as I live. It was, it was a lot. It was a lot. It was a lot. Is that all the tweets? Yeah. Cool. Right guys. So as we said, we are in Atlanta right now. We're cracking on with the rest of the tour. We appreciate you, um,

Being okay. I don't know if you're okay with it, but whatever. Let's pretend that you are. We appreciate you being okay with a slightly shorter episode. As we said, me and Fyodor spent every minute of every day together for the last three weeks. So we literally don't have that much to talk about. I'm surprised we made it this far. We did. We did very well. We did okay. We did okay. And we appreciate the new aesthetic. Yeah, man. I know people bug out when they see... Differences. Just any change. Any change. One thing I will say is,

Us being out here has woken up UK fans in a way that I appreciate. Yeah. The amount of DMs I've been getting, just shut up and come home already. What the fuck is this? Megan. Someone DMed Megan on one of her TikTok things saying, I'm filing a complaint. Why is it that Americans get these daddies, but the UK gets this PG version?

They were livid. What PG version? Oh, because of the... That's fair. But we only did the O2. I'm not doing that there. They're probably talking about log cabin as well. Fair, but you have to develop. Exactly. You have to develop. So when we go back to the UK... They're going to be hungry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to stuff a cucumber in my trousers for the whole thing.

Yeah. But yeah, I'm liking the energy. Same. I'm liking the energy. So yeah, we will be back home soon, guys. And yeah, it's been making me laugh. Facts. Yeah, bitter. They are bitter. Bitter. We'll see. They ain't going to say shit when we get home anyway. Facts. But anyway, guys, thank you very much for today. Love, love, love. To everyone else, this is a desk. But to you, it's a launch pad. You're starting blood.

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