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Crapopolis, and so many more. - That's right guys. If you're looking for your favorite animated shows, there's only one destination you need to remember. - Hulu Anim Mayhem, your animation destination now streaming on Hulu. - He's shouting Josephine! Josephine! Where are you? Josephine! That's what I'm hearing too! Bro, he wasn't at, she wasn't at Yard.
She wasn't like, yo. She's like, where's my wife? No, no, no, no, no. Where's my wife? And we are back. With the second best podcast in the world. Second best podcast in the world. And guys, I just want to have a quick public service announcement, okay? Who does PSAs all the time? I want to have PSAs all the time. You know what, yeah? I feel like we've been saying that we're the second best in the world. But we had the discussion the other day and we're not feeling like the second best in the world right now. We've been a bit...
complacent yeah like the the lion climbing the mountain is always hungrier than the lion at the top 100% yeah when you're doing stuff like what we do yeah
It's easy to get complacent. It's a triple plaques room at the moment. Bro, there's plaques everywhere in here. There's echo in the room. It's so big. Yeah. There's sets you ain't seen. Yeah. I'm wearing boxes that you man ain't seen material like this before. Facts. So when your balls are as comfy as mine, it's easy to take your foot off the gas and just let it ride. Yeah. Cruise control. Yeah. Cruise control thing. And I feel like we've like...
We've lost the speed in our jab. Do you know what I mean? We've lost the speed in our jab. We need to pick up weights now. Yeah, man. I feel like we're getting a bit loose, a bit comfortable. And Manor's bringing out a new podcast every other Wednesday. And I'm seeing stuff and I'm thinking, bro, are we actually the boys we think we are? Are we actually the dons we think we are? Or are we just saying stuff? So we decided...
We're gonna finish out the year on a high like we always do. - As per. - Come January, we've got like three new segments for you, man. - Yeah. - It's gonna be exciting. - Plot and scheming plan. - Plot and scheming. And we're gonna do a big re, no, we're gonna do a big rebrand. We're not. This is another thing. Everyone thinks that 'cause they can change. I'm not throwing any shade. - Yeah. - Couple man think 'cause they can change the studio, it's a rebrand.
- Couple of my fingers they changed the backdrop. It's a rebrand. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Watch the content, you man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Watch the content. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's gonna change a little bit. Not much. - Just starting to spice it up, you know. - Just spicing it up a little bit. - Yeah, man, better seasoning. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Better seasoning. - None of this.
panties to the side and stick it in raw stuff in there. We're wetting it up now. January, it's wet wet. - It's moist moist. - January, it's wet wet. - Yeah, come on man. - Anyway, let me allow Fuha to do his top five, his question of the week. And let's hope it's funny. This can't be offered to fake laugh. Joking, I don't ever fake laugh. - He doesn't fake laugh. - The thing is, people think I fake laugh. I have a terrible fake laugh. If you hear me fake laugh, I go,
Okay, cool. Noted. Noted. Sorry, I was useless. That was useless content. I'm off to a bad start. I was useless content. Say what you want to say. I'm sorry. This question of the week was... Because you know what's actually... I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I
Can I take a guess of the most popular? Go on. As long as you're happy. Yep, that's why I didn't add that. Gang! Alright, cool. First one. Who added broski? Nah! Who added broski? Listen to me! Listen to me, bro! If I put it in the group chat...
My ting. And one of you man had the balls to say who added broski. Who added broski? I'm swinging jaws off. Yeah, you're just, you're messing with the feng shui of the chat. Who added broski? All right. You just sent one to the chat. Yeah. Send a painting to the, well, to you. To me. Yeah. She's a language. Yeah. Beauty and I. Yep. Anyways, you don't want to grab some food. Yeah. It's tough. It's tough. Next. At least you don't have to worry about her cheating.
- Are these friendships? Are these actual friendships? - They're group chats, so they must be. - Question, would you man lie to me or would you just tell it how it is? You'd lie to me, innit? - It depends. I don't think I would lie to you. I genuinely don't think I would. - You're telling me she's butters? - I wouldn't tell you she's butters, but I wouldn't lie to you. - You wouldn't like co-sign it? - Mm. - Mm, you'd just, what would you just ignore it? - No. - You'd give me it anyways, let's go food. - No, no, no, I would say some. - Yeah. - But it's annoying because you already know
that you're probably not confident about what you're about to put in the chat anyway. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So your tone would set the tone for the rest of us. - Yeah, 'cause when I'm screenshotting a picture from 37 weeks ago, it's tough. - We already know that she's not up to scratch and that's your business. Do you know what I mean? That's just your business. I'll just be like, "Cool." - Cool. - Cool. - I'll be upset.
- Cool. - I'd have to lock it off from there. - Just cool bro. - Cool. - Cool. As long as you're happy, yeah. That's the usual chat, as long as you're happy. - How would you feel if I said that to you? - Oh, devastated bro. - Really? - Devastated. I'd really feel like I don't have sauce. - How would you want me to respond if I thought she was buzz? Just cool as well? - Nah, I would want you to tell me I could have the world and then I don't understand why you're settling for less. - Knowing me, knowing me, I would say like,
I don't know what I'd say. I wouldn't say it because I was going to make a joke and just be like, so we're just doing charity. So we're just doing charity. But I don't know what I would... To actually say, I think I would screenshot your own Instagram. I think, yeah, I would screenshot your own thing. You know those animations on Instagram that do like the circle and they just like animate.
Like that, like a little picture that you can add to you. If I did a thing on my story and you can have like something like that, I would do that on your blue tick. - Make it make sense. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Long story short, make it make sense. - I would see your thing, screenshot your own front page, circle the blue tick and then add a gif. - Just leave it there. You step out, step out. Let the rest of the fandom do what they need to do. Say less. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say as long as you're happy, but define happiness.
- Facts. - Define, how are we defining happiness? - Facts, facts, facts. Damn! I'd have to lock it. - Yeah, yeah, of course. - I couldn't bring around. I couldn't bring around to the group. Anyway, worst response from the group chat after you've shown them who you're talking to. He looks like he'll give you salmonella. - Salmonella. He looks like raw chicken. - He looks like, he just looks raw. He just looks unhealthy. - Wow, okay. - They removed me from the group chat.
That couldn't happen. Like I could, you could never be admin and I put a sweet one that I've been talking to for like three weeks in the chat. Yeah, you man, I'm gonna soft launch in this one. And then all I see is FooHardware has been removed. - Soft launching this one. I think I would take the piss. If you did that, I would love to be like, Rem check your message. In the group chat I'll say, Rem check your chat.
You know back in MSN days, I'd be pinging, ping, ping, ping. I want all your phones to vibrate. - Bro, check your chat, check your chat, check your chat. - Nah, don't violate me like that. You might have a separate chats outside and I'm just there. - You know we could add the reactions to the message. I'll give you one of them. - I'll have to delete. He'll be like, this message has been deleted. - Soft launch. - Yeah. - Wow. - Damn, damn. All right. Someone said, "Bro, the aim is to settle down, not to settle for less."
- That's rough. - That is rough. That's straight to the point though. - Are you trying to show us you have no standards? Next, they just blue ticked me. Fair. - Oh, I just got blue. - Yeah. - Yeah. Just two blue ticks. The whole group seen it. See that also, nah. - Yeah. Entertain me. Even if she's dead, entertain me. You have to. - Air. - That's not, we're not friends. We're just not friends. - We're not boys. And you man have a really good, actually no, Rem's not as good as you. Me and Rem are probably the loudest when we get aired.
- Oh yeah, oh yeah. - In our group chat, we're very vocal about being Ed. - I charge you when I get Ed. - You don't ever say anything. - I charge, I can't be bothered with you man when I get Ed. - I'm not charging. - I can't be bothered with anyone once I get Ed. - The worst part is getting Ed and then you man an hour later carry on. - Convo, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a fucking piss take. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes me realize I'm...
- The least favorite. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not all equal in this group. - Yeah, I'm clearly the least favorite and it's clearly fine. It is what it is. That's how I feel. - Wow. - Yeah, it's jarring. It's jarring. I know all of you man have been there before. - Yeah, facts. I know half the time Toby just replies to be polite.
- Toby's got about 17 different group chats. - Facts. - And we're at the bottom of the barreling group chats. - Yeah, yeah. Oh, 100%. - He's got 16 of them pinned and ours is like chat 32. - Pinned? - Yeah. Ours is chat 32. - 100. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He always just does laughing faces. He doesn't do anything else. - Laugh and dip. - Laugh and dip, bro. Or the crying faces. - Yeah. - That's all he does. Three cries and bounces. - Let me make this money elsewhere. - Yeah, bro. You might try rubbish. - Follow me when there's an invite to sign. - Yeah. - Follow me when we're grabbing food or something.
I'm not down for this chit chat. Right, all right. Worst response once you've put a ting in a group chat. Oh, not that cocksucker again. Not that cocksucker again. Yeah. Next one. Ah, yeah. I remember passing her around. Oh, no, no, no. Nah, nah, nah. I'll strip my top off. Fucking fight me. I remember passing her around.
Are you a pimp? What do you mean? Nah. On some Christmas cracker. She's subhuman. I remember passing her around. Wow. That's crazy. Wow. Yeah, that's crazy. Wow. That's crazy. Straight to the next one. You love ugly things, innit? You love ugly things, innit? That's actually something I can imagine in our group chat. You love ugly things, innit? That's nuts!
- All right, next one. That's the dude who gave me chlamydia. See that's tough. - Yeah, that is tough. - This one. - Why'd you look at Rem like that? - No, I'm just, it's just, I'm just looking at you. - All right, all right, all right, all right. - I just looked up, bro. - All right. - Next one. Do you want my honest opinion? And that's it. And that's just it. - No, I don't. - Fam, that's just it. - No, I don't. - That's how you know charged, everything charged. - Do you want my honest opinion? - Obviously not.
My friend called him bird chest boy. Bird chest boy. That's a piss take. This one. They said she looked like an improper fraction and then removed me. Man says she's top heavy. An improper fraction. 21 over three. An improper fraction. Improper fraction. That's two. And it's annoying because it would take a minute for it to land on me. Digest. Yeah. What's he talking about? And then I removed you.
That's a violation, man. They would give me an opportunity to just respond or something. Batty was flat. Oh, it was the worst. Flat batting. Flat. And just top half. And just tigs. Way too. I'm glad to see you're staying in your league. Don't show too many people. Your enemies will laugh.
- Oh, that sounded like a South African group chat. - Your enemies will laugh. - When people use the word enemies, it cracks me up every single time. Your enemies will laugh. - All right, I got a few more. - All right, bet. - He looks like the type of person that makes you hold your breath when he walks past. Damn, damn. - That's a fucking piss take. - That is. Last two, sorry. Is that not one of your students? It's a court case.
Go on. Last one. You're 30 and still entertaining donkeys. Go make your mistakes count. Make your mistakes count. Yeah. Damn. Brutal. I do feel like women are a lot more honest about that kind of stuff. You think? Yeah. In a group chat or face to face or in general? In general. Based on conversations I've had with women about how they talk about
Someone like If they If they bring in If their friend brings in a bray Yeah That they're not checking for They're very vocal about Who the fuck is this guy Do you think Okay let's say for us for example I'm
I brought a man into the group chat or man into our circle say, oh, this is my new man. I'm the girl, right? This is my new man. You're the brethren. You were lost. I'm sorry. Lost me first. No, no, no, no. I'm just, I'm trying to explain. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm the girl. Yeah. Bringing a new man in. You have an issue or you say your truth. Do you think,
me as the girl would think, oh, she's just jealous. - 125%. - 'Cause that's where my first thought went. - This is where the cycle goes. You bring him in, I say, yuck, you can do better. He looks like an asshole. You say, wow, you clearly fancy him, which makes me fancy him more, and you're jealous, and you're excommunicado now. - I clearly fancy him more. - Then, yeah, he was gonna give you chlamydia. - Excommunicado.
Then it's going to give you chlamydia twice, try and separate you from your family and loved ones. Mentally torment you. And then six months later, you're going to come back to me, apologize. I'll forgive you. And then we'll be stronger than ever until it happens again. Facts. That's exactly how those things go. Same old cycle. It's long. It is long. And also it's long because like if I, as brethrens as well,
- I can't ever see myself telling you about a girl that I don't like because what if you marry her? Then what? - Okay, but would you tell me how you feel about her in terms of when you say you don't like her, is it like the appearance or like personality wise? - It depends. So prime example, Hickey girl. - Hickey, yeah. - When you told me about the Hickey situation, I was very vocal. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So if you'd married her, I would charge it
But you already know. Deep down, yeah. I don't have an issue with her looks or how she's a person. But she's fucking with you. And if you want to accept that abuse, that's on you. That's on you. And I can learn to love her. Yeah. But yeah, that situation would be more to do with that. Unless she would have to. But because we're such close friends, I wouldn't have to tell you. For example, if it was her personality. Mm-hmm.
you would see my reaction as it's happening. Because I'm only ever going to see her with you. So when I'm seeing this personality that I'm not liking, you will see that I don't like it. So I will never have to tell you like, the fuck. Yeah, I would see it. You would see it. I would sink. Because it's jarring because I would already know what the personality is like. And I'm just...
One eye shut, one eye open, you know, ignoring red flags and sun, I'm betting at the moment. - Colorblind. - Yeah, exactly. - Colorblind. - Exactly. I'm literally acting like a dog, literally acting like a dog. - Yeah, until you see it from that- - That third person. - That third person when she's chatting to me and I'm like,
I was like, yeah, my whole world comes crumbling. It's jarring. But fair, fair play. Fair. All right. Anyway, guys, welcome. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back, guys. So let me put my water down, man. Let me speak properly. Guys, welcome back to the show. Obviously, I get the PSA. We're on fire right now. We're going for it right now. We want to bring the enjoyment today. And we've got a long, juicy episode for you. Pause. Pause.
So guys, if you want more long juicy stuff, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. It's going to cost you a very, very, very minimal donation of three pound a month. 10p a day. All you do is run the P to SNG and you get long juicy stuff. Facts. All the time. Facts. So four years worth of content on there to binge. You get first dibs on...
Tickets like the O2 Arena. Tickets are flying off the shelf. We have a few tickets left. And when I say a few, you know what's juicy about these kind of venues, yeah?
We can sit here and be like, guys, they're flying off the shelves. You have to get them now. People are shut up. You're a liar. You're just trying to sell stuff. You can actually go on the O2 website and it will show you exactly how many seats are left. Yeah. So hurry up. And there's not many, bro. Hurry up. There's not many, bro. And that's on you. That's on you, bro. So did we sell out the O2 Arena? Nearly. We have nearly. Do we also need your help to finish it off? Yeah. Yeah.
Unfortunately. So guys. So run it up because your boys will be embarrassed. If we have to go there, if we have to go there on the day and say, couldn't sell it out, but we tried our best. Embarrassed. I need to see every single bum on every single seat. Yeah. Obviously, you know what your boys are on. Egotistical, immature,
sometimes well-mannered, but high egos, bro. - Yeah, man. - We just won't show up. - Yeah, man. Yeah, man. - How about that? - Yeah, man. - How about that? - Yeah. - And show us to take care of it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And show us to take care of it. - How about we just won't show up? - We just won't show up. - Yeah. You got so much fucking confidence not to come. - Facts. - How about we just don't come then? - Buy your ticket, man. - Anyway, buy the ticket, please, guys.
If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe to the channel. If you're listening on any audio platform, please, please, please leave us a nice review. It actually does mean a lot. And I'm going to say this. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Like when you guys leave reviews, it tells the platform...
Okay guys, these men are serious. It's like an Uber ting. You get an Uber driver who's got three stars, he's never gonna work again. - Facts. - No one's ever picking up that Uber driver. That's bars, no one wants that. - Meedy. - Meedy driver. So we need five star reviews so the platforms could be like, you know what? They've got a weird name and they're also fucking black. - But the streets love them clearly. - The streets say they're all right. And if they're all right with the streets, they're all right with me.
- That's facts. - But anyway guys, so without any further ado, we're gonna get into the game, which is also an improper fraction, 'cause your boy's on top. - Top five is here and yeah man, let's get down to it. - According to world data, can you guys name me the top five countries
with the largest average penis size. - The largest average penis size. - It gives it to me in centimeters, but I'll take it in inches as well. Pause. - Hey, yo! - I caught myself a tie!
- Pause! - Come on! - Come on, man. - You said the worst one last week to be fair. - What did I say? - I don't know, on Reacts. You said, "Sign on Reacts." You said, "Talk about man's back or something." I remember. - I do remember that. I can't remember what I said. - Yeah, I edited it yesterday. It was the girls. - Short chick, tall guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. When she was in the boot and then you were like- - He said, "My man's cheeks, son." - Yeah, yeah. - "My man's cheeks, son." I said, "Yeah?" If that's what you want, that's what you want. - That was funny. - Yeah, that's not worse than what you just said. - That's not worse than what you just said.
- I'll take it in inches. - Not worse, but it's up there. - That's crazy. - Whatever man. - Right, top five average penis size by country. - Okay, I'm locked. - Locked. - Rem? Locked? Oh shit, okay, everyone's locked, cool. Ellis, you locked first, so hit me. - This is just random. - So, USA. - Fair. - Russia. - Far too cold.
- Sorry, I'm trying to just try. - There's always comments when I read my answers. - No, no, no, no, no, no, don't say that. - No, there is. - No, no, don't say that. - Every time I do answers, there's always- - No, you know what? Sorry, bro. You know what? Nah, nah, nah. - That's all I hear when I fucking read them out. - Nah, you know what? That's made me feel like shit. - Yeah, well. - I'm genuinely sorry. That had nothing to do with the answers that you chose. - Yeah, it's fine. - I fucking apologize, bro. - Number three, Iceland.
Sweden. Yeah. This has nothing to do with Fjord. Nigeria. It's not nothing to do with Fjord. How would we know if it had anything to do with Fjord? I don't... Why would I know if it had anything to do with me anyway? Rotted. Am I? Jimmy, next. The Congo. All right. Ethiopia. Let's go. Sierra Leone. Mm-hmm.
This has everything to do if you had. Nigeria. And then little props to myself, Grenada as well. Cool. Remski. Ghana. Yeah. Uganda. Yeah. Uganda. Yeah, boy. I got that. Yeah. Trinidad.
My brother Yeah Scorpion Should have had scorpion Should have had scorpion Yeah yeah Nigeria Yeah And obviously Jamaica Obviously Obviously innit Bet So Jimmy went to Congo Ethiopia
Sierra Leone, Nigeria, Grenada. Remski went Ghana, Uganda, Trini, Nigeria, Jamaica. Ellis, you went USA, Russia, Iceland, Sweden, Nigeria. - I just picked names out of a hat, I'm not gonna lie. - Pardon? - I just picked some names out of a hat. I'm not gonna lie. - Fair, it's fine. - Very blonde names. I like where your head's at. - Mm-hmm, obviously. - Shameless plug. - Right, 10, 15.69 centimeters.
Egypt. Swear. According to world data. Come on, Egypt. Number nine, 15.71. Canada. Also fair. What's going on? Number eight, 15.74 centimeters. France. Interesting. Was that eight? Yeah. Seven, 15.86. Eight, seven, sorry. Netherlands. Ellis might be onto something here. This is...
This is not shining a great light. Number six, 15.87, tied with Netherlands, Cuba. Fair, I can see that. Can you? Cuba. Yeah. There's men that come out of Cuba. True, true, true, true. Like? I'm sure they've got, can you check this for me? I'm sure they've got an outrageous, is it Cuba or Colombia? I might be getting mixed up. It might be the two. Wrestling team?
- Yeah. - I've been Cuba wrestling. - Yeah, look at that dick right there, bro. Look at that print, third pick in. - Same. - Look at that. Come on, my guy. Case closed, man. - Say less. - Say less, man. - Say less. - I didn't disagree, but yeah. - Say less, yeah. Number five, 15.89 centimeters equivalent to 6.25 inches, Senegal. - Damn it, man.
I was trying my best to get these, these type of countries. - Number four, 16.01 equivalent to 6.3 inches, Haiti. - Fuck sake. - Number three, 16.51 equivalent to 6.5 inches, Bolivia. - Damn man. - Number two, 16.67 centimeters equivalent to 6.6 inches,
- See what I'm saying? - Cameroon. And number one, 17.61 equivalent to 6.9 inches, Ecuador. - Useless. - What a useless little game. - Right, have you got any more so that we can find a winner? - No one got anything, right? - Yeah, no one got anything. So the closest person- - Thank God for that by the way. - Interesting. So number 10 was what? Did I say Egypt? - Yeah. - 11, Georgia.
12 Italy 13 Brazil 14 Sweden well played yes that was way off
- This whole, yeah. - Why are mine all weird? - I'm pretty sure I found cock and porn. - Why are mine all fucking weird, man? - Yeah, it's all good, G. - Let's get the weird ones. - So what's that? - Someone has to. - 15, 10, five? - 15, 10, five. - Yeah, come on, man. You like the multiplication? - However we get there, we get there, man. - Facts. - Okay, Mabroski, apparently you've got a confession to read us. - I do have a confession. This is from Reddit. Found it juicy.
So here we go. My roommate matched with a girl last week. She came over to hang out with us. Long story short, I fingered her. That's the title. Damn. As the title says, he matched with her on Bumble. And after a day of talking, she came over. We have a very little house. So we have a very small house with cats. And my room is basically the cat's room. He sometimes goes straight to his room with the girls. But sometimes I play wingman.
He has at least two to three girls over a week. Who is this guy? A legend, apparently. Some Haitian, isn't it? Some long dick Haitian. Me and his new girl clicked like crazy. We do the same paraphernalia, i.e. Yeah. Yeah. We do the same paraphernalia, have similar fucked up thoughts, and she's more or less the female version of me. The sexual tension was immediate as... Sorry, the sexual tension was immediate, and she sat by me the first night.
That night we climbed a big silo. It's like a tall tower, like an underground chamber type of thing. And at the top, my roommate was behind us. And me and her had the moment where we almost kissed. I've only known my roommate for three months, but I feel really bad because we're pretty close. Spoken about past traumas. And most importantly, we're writing partners hoping to make a film together. So in short, he's a great guy and I'm just a scumbag.
Wow. Wow.
And this time she flat out said, I think you're hot. My roommate picked up a vibe and I could tell he was in a bad mood. We ended up drinking and she didn't want to drive. So her brother picked her up and they went and got and then went to go to Waffle House. I was at this time. I used the number I stole two days ago. She said she wouldn't. She said she wouldn't tell him. The text would get a fly, but nothing over until she said she was coming back to get her car.
And I said, I can come say hi. My roommate was asleep. She said, you're really trying to commit some immorality here, huh? And to which I said, fingers crossed. And that's exactly what happened. Oh dear. Made out and fingered for about 20 minutes and almost went all the way. Now she's coming back in two days to see me since he'll be gone. Damn, that is a scumbag move. That is a scumbag confession move. He better marry her.
- He'd be both no he won't. - Of course he won't. But damn, I'm not gonna lie. That's forbidden and sexy. - It is. - But that's disgusting. - It is. - I would be the not okay. One trying to grips her number would be if I somehow found my way lost in this situation, me trying to grips the number would be the first like punching my stomach. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What am I doing bro? - What the fuck am I doing? - Yeah, yeah, facts.
if that didn't work and i still went for it her saying rah you're really trying to commit some immorality would be the i'm not doing this fingers crossed fingers crossed is crazy yeah you're basically saying wow you're really trying to fuck up your boy in it i'm not being like gang yeah obviously yeah that would be the second one where i'm like what am i actually doing this is especially when it's like he's asleep and all this stuff yeah it's like crazy she would have to
In order to break me like that, she would have to take 110% of the control. 100%. I would have to be an innocent bystander. 100%, yeah. Stick it on me and I've got no way out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm horny at this point. Facts, facts. But I'd have to be drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk. Yeah. Also, yeah, this whole, oh, we've only known each other three months. Excuse. That's their writing partner's excuse. Yeah, that's crazy. But sexy? Yeah.
But I mean, it could happen though. I can see it happening in terms of not necessarily personally with me, but like,
New environment, you stay with some random person, you end up being writing buddies or partners or whatever. You have something in common and you want to try and work together. And he's, bearing in mind, he's always bringing things back. And he's, and me, I'm not nine times out of 10, maybe like six times out of 10, I'm wingmanning for you as well. So I'm part of your plan anyway. Do you know what I mean? I'm part of this plan. So sometimes...
I might get a little something on the side. - I'll just tell you though facts. Like if you're bringing three things around a week, this one I'm like, bro, no offense, you might have to slide me this one. We're laughing together. - Yeah, I might be getting some. - Yeah, I understand you've put on the groundwork as a bit fucked up. I think you actually might have to slide me this one. - Fam, she's on it and it's nothing to do with me. I'm just here. - Yeah, I'm just chilling bro, she's down. - She's down, man. - And you heard it, she said I'm hot. - That's not my fault. - So what we doing about this?
- Yeah, and then if I said that to you, obviously we're boy boys, so it's a bit different. But if I'd known you for months, I'd say, bro, I'm not gonna let you slide with this one. I think she's moving a bit mad. If you were like, no,
That's just agreed. Because if I'm bringing two chicks a week, two chicks a week, every week, I can slide one. Yeah, facts, bro. You don't even care. Yeah, I can slide one. But then, yeah, you'd have to because I'd be like, that's what you're really on, you know? That's what I'd have to say. That's what you're really, really on. For when the cats live in my room, my bro. They live in my room, my bro.
Look what I'm doing for you, bro. Facts, bro. You're getting pussy and I'm getting kitty. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way, yeah. You're getting the metaphors. I'm getting the actual litter. Facts. Facts. Bro, slide me the ting. She's down. Greed is the word. You're a little glutton, innit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess in that light, it can happen. All right. Say less, say less. Okay, cool. Right. Remski, Trash News, please. Yeah, boy.
You might have seen this. Ruby Rose shares desperate texts from number one OnlyFans spender. I have not seen this. The word desperate is, they should have loud man. Yeah, who put that word in there? Why? Why? Wait, you'll see why. Okay, say less. So there's a few texts and whatnot from him to her. All right, let's get into this. Random weird OnlyFans fan. That's right.
Come on man! Friday 6:44. What are you doing tonight? Then. Why aren't you answering me? Why aren't you answering me? I thought we had a genuine connection. Ruby, why aren't you answering me? I have invested so much money into our relationship. I am in love with you. Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me is nuts. Leaked messages from her OnlyFans top subscriber where he offered to pay 400k for a response.
Lost
I will empty my bank account just to be with you. I will travel across the country just to randomly run into you again. I will never be over you. You are the love of my life. I'm assuming that picture was prior to all these messages. Like the picture of them together in the first slide.
Oh, of course. Yeah. Prior to that, him said, that's why he's saying again. Yeah. This must have been the first link up. And then ever since then, it's gone crazy. He was hooked. Surprise. What do you think? It took almost three hours. Oh, no. I will send you 10 Bitcoin right now. If you answer me, that is worth almost $400,000. All you have to do is respond to me with one word, Ruby.
Please, I need your attention. I need to make sure that my kitten is safe. That's enough. Right there. That's enough. But carry on. My kitten. Oh, my God. Bitcoin is one of those investments I was talking with you about on OnlyFans when you were asking me what I did to make so much money. I promise you it will be the best investment of your life, of our life.
All you have to do is just react to one message of mine. Please, I beg you. I cannot think to live without you. Oh my. Who's that, by the way? That's meant to be Ruby. That's meant to be Ruby. The tat that he got from two slides ago. Oh, that looks nothing like her. That looks nothing like her. Let's give him more like Christina Milian. Yes, it is. I might put number one spender on the ting. Yeah.
My first instinct was that it's actually just all some kind of marketing scheme kind of thing for her. Like I genuinely don't think I sleep better at night.
under the pretense that there is not one human being down this catastrophically. - You'll be surprised bro. - You'll be surprised bro. - I think I would be surprised, but I said I sleep better knowing. - Yeah, fair. - So yeah, I sleep good thinking that there's not Brares out there that go to these lengths to get a response to a message, bro. - He needs the fantasy to continue. That's why he's saying just react. Give me some, just react. - Just acknowledge I'm alive.
Yeah, because I need something, bro. Lucid Rob. Man said, bro, go in the bathroom, rub one out and rethink your decisions. That's...
Facts bro. PNC will knock you out of this immediately. 400 bags. - And the fact that she didn't reply as well is peaked. - Yeah, she's got balls. Would you reply? - If I was Ruby? - Yeah. - Probably not now. - If he said, "I've got 400 for you right now." Just react, do something. - I will double tap that 400. - Yeah, facts! - That 400 bags message. - We all. - Heart. - Yeah, facts bro, all of us are. - As soon as that transaction's done, I'm blocking you.
- Ruby please. - You're going to hell bro. - Why? - 400K and then that's it. - That's on him. - He said 400K for a reaction on Reacting and am I not? - That's on him bro. You shouldn't have been that bad. - Don't do bro. Don't come in the kitchen if you can't cook my bro. - I mean, I get it. I'm just saying like, wow. - No, don't get me wrong. He's down. He's down catastrophically and it's actually,
It's that he needs to see someone. He does. But yeah, man dropped 90 bags in a month. Something like that, yeah. In that second slide, yeah, yeah. He's caked, boy. Like I said, I think it's more, it makes more sense to me that they actually are cool. He's rich. They're cool. As a marketing ploy to get a viral story. Kind of like, what was it? Jason Love.
Oh yeah yeah yeah Like they've continued now Like they've got other people In their mix and whatnot During his podcast Like my man blew up after that I just Who did? Didn't they break with the Adam 22? Yeah Nah he's been Oh nah nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah nah Yeah he didn't blow up For shit after that He's been blown Their podcast has been like
Making like a mill a month Way before this Jason Love thing Has it got bigger since then? I don't think so Well it might have But That's the point I'm making I thought it reached more people That video Yeah Made bags Yeah So On her OF That kind of Ploy that they just put together Obviously like That's wild Yeah Doing something That out there
Like that's what I thought this was kind of like on the same. - Yeah, I hear it on the market in front of me. - I hear it on the market front. I think he would have had to, I think if it was a marketing thing, there would have been more, there would have been more like talk about her content. So in the text, it would have been like, I've never seen stuff like this before. Like you made me feel like this way. I'm fucking in love with you. I'm about to destroy my account. As opposed to just like, I met you one time and I can't, I'm getting a tattoo, all this stuff. But I'm not gonna lie, it has made me think like, what's going on this O.F though?
What does this OF look like? You feeling to sign up? I've never signed up. I feel like if I was ever to sign up out of interest, it would have to be in this public space with all of you, man.
- Okay. - Do you know what I mean? I mean, it has to be for pure research purposes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And we're signing up now. - Now. - On the business card. - Okay, okay. - On OBS for all to see. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It can't be something I do at home. - Okay, okay, okay. - I need to see with all you, man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So we're all in it together basically. - Yeah, we're all equally liable, bro. - Yeah, I hear it. - Yeah, yeah, but that's nuts. You know what I heard? I heard apparently, I don't know if it's
if it's chatting shit. I saw an article that said Iggy Azalea is doing nuts on OM. Iggy and...
There was a top two, it was Iggy and someone else. I saw it too. Maybe Nicki Minaj. - Nicki? - I think it was Iggy and Nicki. I think so. - Nicki's O F. Just from like teenage James. - Maybe Cardi, one of them. - Cardi. - One of them. - It's definitely Cardi. - Maybe Cardi. - Yeah, I haven't seen Nicki up there. I've seen Cardi up there a few times. - Maybe Cardi, yeah. - Yeah. Iggy's doing stuff on her. - She's got a figurino on her. - Yeah, Iggy is banging. - Yeah, Iggy's buff. - She's nine foot tall, but she is a star.
Bang it. If I wasn't an OF slob, I'd be all in that Iggy one, boy. Iggy.
- Wow. - It's good. To be fair, she needed a bag 'cause the rap career wasn't- - Her career's plummeted. - Yeah, it wasn't the one. - She's so bang. - It didn't help with the Aussie accent when she was trying to rap. It just didn't help. - Yeah. - She had some bangers though. - She did have a couple back in the day. I can't remember. - I can't remember what they were. - For the life of me. - Hold up, please. What was her like first, first like actual bang? 'Cause she had some bangers. - I'm sure she had one with Tyga. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She definitely had one with Tyga. - Fancy. - Fancy? - Fancy. - Fancy. - That was a massive- - How does that go?
I'm so fancy. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, fancy is the one. Nine years ago, 1.1 billion views. Damn. Yeah, that's the one there. Bounce, standard, trouble. I don't know any of these. I don't remember any of these. I do remember that bounce one, actually. Fair play, man. Ruby, she did a stream with that homeboy the other day, didn't it?
Neon? What does she do, Ruby? Apart from OF, what does Ruby do? She does music. Does she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got, I can't name you one of her songs. She does music. Yeah, she's done a thing with Kai. Yeah, she did that stream with Neon. Okay, guys, today's episode of Shits and Gigs is brought to you by the National Lottery. It is. Today, they've asked a simple question. Bro? What?
What would you do if you won the jackpot of the national lottery? I would first of all lose my mind. And I obviously wouldn't believe it's real as well. You know that slight doubt you get? Facts, 100%. And it's also one of them ones where I just wouldn't know what to do with my day. Because I feel like everything is sorted now. The day's charged. The day's charged. Whatever problems or issues or plans I had is charged. Because I'm not in your league anymore. Facts!
I'm not in your league anymore. First of all, facts. And that's on God. Whoever's here in this room, leave. I'm not in your league anymore. I'm gone clear. Okay, cool, cool, cool. I'm gone clear. Right, all right. So let's peel it back. Let's peel it back. So you've just won the National Lottery jackpot. Yeah. It's fat. We're talking like a fat, fat, fat one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not one of these like,
four days since the last winner. Yeah, it's a fat one. It's been building. Initial reaction, you just found out right this second. What's the reaction? Dropping my phone. Dropping my phone because I would nine times out of ten probably check it on my phone. Dropping my phone and letting out one of them screams that only dogs can hear.
Because I wouldn't believe it, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a life-changing amount of money. Facts. And I'm just not in your league anymore. Yeah, to reiterate, yeah. We're not peers anymore. We're not peers anymore. What about you? What would you do? Yeah, I would check out my phone. Yeah. And I just wouldn't, I think, I'd obviously think it's a prank at first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would check out my phone, see the ting, and I'd look up like that. I'd look up at the sky. At the heavens. And then I'd look at, say if we were in here. Yeah. I'd look at my ting. Mm-hmm.
I wouldn't let the page close. I would be scared for my any finger to touch the thing. So I gently place my phone face down. I'd look at you and see if you're looking at me. I'd look at these men over here, see if anyone's looking at me. And I'd be like... And I'd take a second look and then you'd see me shake. As I look to see my phone again, I'd be shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking. Screenshot everything I need to screenshot. Refresh the page to make sure it's real. And then I probably would dash it in your face like that. And then...
I would dash it in your face. And then when you, when you like strike anger, I would say, shut up. Shut up. You don't even know who I am anymore. Shut up. I'm not your age mate. I'm not your peer. All right, cool. So let's run through a few questions. All right, hit me. And see what we'll do. Okay, cool. So first one. Yeah. How are you using the funds to stunt on your enemies, bro?
First and facts. To stunt on my enemies. Wow. Wow. What am I going to do to stunt on my enemies? First of all, I don't think I've got enemies. If I do. You're going to make some. Yeah, I'm 100% going to make some after this. After this reveal, I'm definitely going to make some enemies. I think it's going to be one of them ones where I'm just going to fly everyone out. Everyone that's close to me, I'm going to fly them out. You, man, aren't going to see. All my enemies aren't going to have enough of the socials.
It's all going to be posted. Teasers. No, not even teasers. You can see the full ting everywhere. Oh. Because you can't match up to me. Oh, okay. You can't match up and you can't catch up. This is Turks we're talking about. Yeah, Turks and K. Yeah, I'm gone. All right, bet. Me and the man, them, the fam, everyone, we're gone. Bet, bet, bet. That's why I'm starting on everyone. Okay. What about you? Starting on my enemies. Yeah. I'll probably just start like,
- Ah, to be fair, I really, really don't know. It would just be more my, I'll just be more vocal about stuff. - Okay. - I'll just be more vocal about it. I just, I just, the worst son of my enemies is just wear pinstripe suits every day. - Yeah. - And like really expensive ones. And if it's hot, I'm just cutting them into shorts.
People are like, why are you wearing suits? I just wear suits now. - Yeah, I just wear suits now. - I just wear suits now. - And that's just what I'm on. - That's just what I'm on. - And it's hard, I can understand, it's hard for you to understand. - Yeah, facts. - Because some things you have to learn along the way. And that's all right. You're not, you're just not there yet. - Why is your patting their shoulder? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Just patting them on their shoulder. - Some things you just have to learn along the way and that's fine. - Yeah. - And then I'll skip off.
Have a good day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tip my hat to you. Have a good day. I'll tip my hat and just be like, you just have to learn along the way. There's certain things I can't teach you. There's certain things only money can teach you. And that's on God. And that's on God. And then I'll skip off. So, New Year's is around the corner. Yeah, yeah. How are you using the funds to stick to whatever New Year's resolution you have? Yeah. How are the funds helping you stick to it? I'm building a...
gym, sauna, all them things, rehab center, not rehab center, rehabilitation center, all them things I need in my yard. I'm getting a PT and a nutritionist to live in like a second quarters. They're all staying there in the West Wing. They're all there. And I'm just going to make sure my body, at the end of the year, my body's going to be the best I've ever seen it.
- Facts. - The best I've ever seen. And just for fun, I'm gonna hire something like a boxing coach, a football coach. - Ooh, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. - So by 2026, I'm gonna be active. - Yeah. - And I'm gonna be doing what I want. Also a golf coach as well. So I can stunt when I'm older. - Facts. So you're learning young. - I'm learning, yeah. - So when it's time to actually play golf. - When it's like 55-ish. - You just ram it in for no reason. - I'm just so good. - All right, sick. Fair play. - What about you? - Same G. I'm having a chef live at the yard.
- A chef live at the yard, but he has to also, he has to come with me. He has to come with me everywhere I go. So like days like today when we're in the studio and I'm thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just there. He's got something sorted because I can't have things put in my mouth pause that like didn't come from him. - Makes sense. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause you trust him now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're taking care of all of my nutritional needs. That's the one thing I would do and it would be boring.
But that's the one thing I'll do. 100%. So just like any of us, when it comes to the national lottery, it could be you. If you were to play tonight, where would you keep your ticket whilst you wait to find out the numbers come up? Do you have a... This is a paid advertisement for BetterHelp. Bro. Talk to me. Real quick, ask me what my self-care non-negotiables are. What? Grounding. Grounding.
Wim Hof breath work. Yeah. Eight hour sleep. Non-negotiables. Those are three perfect non-negotiables. And I'm proud of you. Thank you very much. I'm very, very proud of you. It's like when people say never skip leg day, but it's never skip therapy day. We all know how easy it is for our schedules to become overwhelmed with social gatherings and other obligations that leave us struggling to make time for the things that fill our own cups. 100%. It's like when your schedule is packed with big work projects and more.
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Betterhelp.com slash gigs pod today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash gigs pod. Safe keeping spot. If they were to come out tonight, I would probably, I've got a safe at yard, so I'd have to just keep it in there. You got a safe? Yeah, bro. I've got a safe, just keep it in there, innit? Ah!
You got saved. Slide it in there. All right. Come on, come on. What about you? I have no idea. I'll probably keep it in my first aid kit or something. Something random. No one's going in there. No one's going in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First aid kit. Smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll keep it in the first aid kit or something, yeah. And I'll check it every hour of every day. Someone's going to know it's in there because I'll be checking it every hour of every day. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Well, anyway, guys, thanks to the National Lottery for allowing us to live out a life full of joy.
newfound riches. I know my next move is to get a ticket in store via the app. Punch in my lucky numbers and make all of this a reality. So remember, the National Lottery, it's where your numbers make amazing happen. The National Lottery, it's where your numbers make amazing happen. Whether that's a big jackpot win or helping the National Lottery good causes across the country continue with the amazing work they do. Anyway...
Okay, cool. So you've got a thread for us G. I do. What's the funniest inconvenient curse to put on someone? I was actually gonna do this thread and it's funny because actually this was gonna be this is so convenient because this is gonna be the first thread why I actually haven't read it first. Okay. I read the first two slides and I was like, oh juice. Yeah. And then just saved it and I was gonna do it on this episode. So well played. I've taken some of the comments. Well, the comments are better than the actual comments. Oh, really? Yeah. The comments are better than the slides. Gang!
Fuck it. Have you got it ready? I'm not going to do it. You do the slides. I'll do the comments. All right, bet. What's the funniest inconvenient curse to put on someone? Every time you put on a sock, there's loose thread that gets caught in between your toes. You know what's actually crazy? I haven't had that happen to me since I was a kid. And I'd forgot it was even a thing until you just said that. School socks? They used to happen to me all the fucking time. Jarring. Oh my God. Jarring.
- Jarring, what a curse. - Wow, what a curse. Every single time. - Every time you sit down to watch TV, the remote will be on the kitchen counter. - I'll scream. I would scream and scream and scream. - You get comfy and everything. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's so annoying. - I don't even like when there's two cushions away. - Oh, I used to, ah! - If you have to take the furthest arm to-- - Yeah, I just want it here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, put it here. All right.
The audio will be slightly off sync for every video they watch. That's impossible. That would piss me. You wouldn't watch a thing. I'm turning off. You wouldn't watch a thing, bro. That is actually the single most frustrating thing in the world. I can't stand that, bro. Sync it up, man. Every time you wash your hands, the water runs down to your arm under your sleeve. Do you know how annoying that is?
Wow! Yeah. These lot have nailed it. Yeah, they have. The comments, they slapped. Oh, you can't stay in the bathroom for more than five minutes. Yeah, yeah. Your morning? Yeah. You couldn't. You couldn't. I would have to...
- You know when you literally let shit pile up? - Yeah! - I would literally have to let the shit pile up and then speed in there and just. - I can imagine staying at your house, hearing you go in there in the morning and hear the five minute alarm ring and you scream. - I'm still toe heading off the five. - Oh my days. - Oh, that's so funny. - That's jokes, how you go? - Okay. Oh, every 50th breath you take is a hiccup. - That would jar me.
I haven't had hiccups in years whenever I do. Wow, I can't stand it. That's the last time I had a hiccup, to be fair. My brother does this weird thing that every time he hiccups, he burps as well. That happens to me. That happens to me if I hiccup straight after drinking something. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not on a general basis. Yeah. I can't think of anything more butters.
- To see you drink, hiccup and burp, if I'm your ting. - That's a trifecta. - Yeah, that has to get blocked. - Yeah, that's bad. - Wow. - Always feel like there's hair on your face. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - All the time. - Or like, you know, the cobweb ting. - Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. - Nah, bro. In my yard, this is the only thing I'm happy about for winter. In my yard, obviously you see the drive. - Yes.
I'm gonna say in the trees, in the bushes, spiders live in that bitch. - I bet, bro. - And if overnight, they're hard workers. These men are hard workers. - They're spiders? - Yeah. - Okay. - So during the summertime, every night where I'd park my car, they would attach webs to my car. So every morning I'm going to the driver's side, face.
I had to start like doing karate chops to get to my door, bro. It was infuriating. No way. It was infuriating. I didn't know what to do. Okay, cool. Feeling the need to go to the bathroom on random moments, but then never actually been able to go. That would also piss me off highly. I have a weird thing, right? So if I bust a nut, I can't piss. I can, right? It's weird, right?
For some reason, my body knows the difference between when I bash and when I have sex. Okay. If I have sex, I can piss straight after and everybody's good. Okay. If I fap and then piss immediately after...
I will feel like I need a piss for the next three hours. - Okay. Yeah, I kind of see what you're saying. I kind of see what you're saying. 'Cause you feel like you've not emptied the tank. - Yeah, I feel like I need to piss and then I'll be laying in bed trying to sleep and I need to piss. Especially if I've been drinking, it makes it a million times worse. Oh my good grief. It's torture. - I hear you on that. I hear you on that. Both sides of your pillow are warm, both sides.
- No. - No. - I know how you like to sleep as well. - I need a chill side. - Yeah, yeah. That's Aaron's dream. That's Rem's dream. - Nah. - Both hot sides. - Nah. - Yeah, nah, nah, nah. - That's crazy talk. - You fart when you lie. - I think I'll be okay with that, you know? - Really? - Yeah, I don't lie that often. I don't lie that often at all. - I don't actually lie that often. But imagine like you're actually- - To be fair, baby white like Aaron. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little sign, a little sign. And I'm like, "Swear!"
- Swear. - Nah, you actually, you literally chat shit. - Literally. - You literally chat shit. You stinky little bastard. - Must have swear, accuse me straight away. That's jokes. - Wow, that's funny. - That's jokes. The urge to sneeze anytime you start a face-to-face conversation with someone. That would really, really, really piss me off. Do you know what piss me off more? Is this one.
This one, our friendship wouldn't last. - Yeah. - Especially if this happened to you, our friendship wouldn't last. - Okay. - Things randomly disappear from the calendar. - Yeah, yeah. - I live off the calendar. - Facts. - Oh my God. - Our calendar is everything. - Oh my God. - If things are disappearing for one of us and not the other, I couldn't vote you twice in the same week and say, "Where are you?" - Oh no. - "Where are you?" - My whole big games.
- I'm at yard. - Yeah. - What? - You're wet? - The shoot starts at 15. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's taking a fucking piss. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That couldn't happen more than once in the same span of three months. - Oh, it couldn't. - Oh, oh. - I'm so living and so guilty. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, facts. - Jesus Christ. - And then you'll try and explain to her, "Bro, it's not in the car, shut up!"
- Remember. - Yeah, fucking remember. - Write it down. - Do better. - Oh my days. - Oh my God. - All right, I got a couple more. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, next one. Whenever you wanna take a picture, your phone says storage full. - This one perfectly coincides with this one. Every time you charge your phone, it has to be so precise you can't move it an inch. - I've actually been there, bro. - I've been there. - I think everyone's been there with a charger before. - When the wires start to fray. - Yeah.
- Oh my God. - There was a time where I'm sure it was probably like three iPhones ago. Charge it and I had to wrap it and then lay it flat. So it just, it was perfect. - I used to have to charge it, put my phone on something higher and then put like a book or something here. - Or to bend the tape. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - And in them times, we're not just buying a new charger. You're just not buying a new charger. You're making it work. You're gonna figure that shit out.
- Facts bro. I ain't got no charge of money. - Facts bro, charge so expensive. - Oh my God. - All right, last one for me. All the floor towels in your house are not aligned. - That's annoying. - That would jar me. Just seeing that would jar me. - That's annoying. That's annoying.
Just want to finish kind of minor. A sharp pebble appears in their shoe every time they put it on. That's not minor. That'll piss me off. Every single time. No, it's not minor. It's just not very like thought provoking. Okay, okay, okay. It's a very easy one to say because it is just so frustrating. Oh, yeah. That's me. Especially if obviously you get in the habit and especially if you're doing this before because you know, and you put it on and it still happens. I'd break my knuckles. I'd break my knuckles every day.
- Oh, I really hate, I've always said like big, big, big, big, big major issues never really bother me. It's my new little inconveniences send me crazy. - Yes, little things like I've forgotten where I put some and I can't find any and I'm in a rush to leave the yard. I'm angry at everyone even though it's my fault. - I'll take it out on literally everyone. I'll take it out on everyone. - That is the most jarring thing. The most jarring thing.
Cool. Right. I know you want to speak about Napoleon, so I'm going to let you do that in a sec. Question. Okay. Have you finished MasterChef? No. I am up to the last...
six I'm gonna say. So they're cooking for, they're each cooking like starters and main desserts for the main, like 90 people in a restaurant. - Ooh. - That's what I'm up to. So I don't, but I've not finished that episode. - Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. I won't spoil it then. - Lauren's out and I'm pissed about that. - Yeah, Lauren's out. - Lauren's out, obviously I saw Philippe was out. So it's Tommy, Kasei. - Charlie? - Not Ginger, yeah. That's Tom in it. - The vegan guy. - Oh, yes. Charlie 22 head chef. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Boss man. - To Ailey. - Hold on.
to be...
- He hasn't clocked, so what he's done is fine. But also, I was gonna say- - I know what I just did, but I just didn't think that you was preying the screen still, before you was just chatting to James, obviously. - Oh God. - You saw it. You saw it. Okay, that means I can speak now. - I was gonna say anyway, I had a feeling he was gonna win because he's not flopped. He's not flopped. All season, he's not flopped. - He hasn't had a misstep, I think.
- When he won, so if you're for audio listeners, Tom won. 24, Ginger Tom won and it like, he didn't miss a beat the whole competition. He had one thing that only I'm pretty sure the only critique he had all season was when he made these little like scallop cannoli looking things with the cream. It was like mixed with like a- - Was that scallop three ways or something? - Yeah, he did scallop three ways on one of them. It was only Greg that was like, I can't really taste the scallop in that.
That was his only critique the whole thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And he actually even brings it up at the end. - Okay. - And he was so stressed about that one thing he said he thought he was going home that day. But Tom, unbelievable talent. - Yeah, 100%. - 100%. And you man, I'm actually gassed. So obviously, loved this season. I was riding for Lauren and Philippe the most. And then, so I got a DM from both of them, gassed. - Obviously.
Philippe hit me up yesterday and was like, yo, gang, thanks for the support. Let's partner ting. I'll cook for you. And I was like, gang, I'm down.
So yeah, we're gonna pattern that up. We're gonna try and pattern something next month. - And he's an experimenter. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna have to tell him like, give me the best, but work it through. - I don't want coffee jus. I don't want coffee jus with scallops. - I trust you, but hey, this is my one shot one opportunity. I don't wanna leave literally with a bad taste tomorrow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Gas, obviously you're coming, right?
- Yes. - I was thinking, I really want to be there but I don't want to ask. - Yeah. - So gang. - Yes, I'm coming. - Yeah man, yeah man, I'm excited. - Yeah, yeah, gang, gang, gang. - I'm excited. - Yeah, gang, gang, gang. - Yeah, I'm stoked. So yeah. - Good, good. - Lauren, if you're listening, if you want to tag team this bitch, hit up your boy. - Oh, Lauren, you can cook, man. - Hit up your boy, unless.
Let's make an extravaganza. Facts. Facts. I'm down for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gang, gang, gang, gang, gang. Right. Napoleon. Napoleon. I watched Napoleon yesterday. And when the trailer came out, I think I watched the trailer when I went to watch the creator. And when I watched the trailer, I was thinking, wow, this motherfucker is going to be amazing. Gang. Like the war scenes, just the way it was depicted, the cinematography directed by Ridley Scott. You know, you just feel like,
this is going to be an a1 movie movie's like two and a half hours long and obviously it shows the life somewhat of napoleon bonaparte things he loves war his wife josephine things like that but what i didn't like about first actually first and foremost what i did love about the movie the um the different wars or all the battles that he had that they showed was sick
Oh, okay. The cinematography of it was sick. Sick. The planning was sick. Just the arms house of it was sick. The way Napoleon doesn't take shit was sick. And yeah, I enjoyed it. What I didn't enjoy, first of all, he loved Josephine. He loved Josephine. She looks Leng from here. Absolutely loved Josephine, but
She obviously isn't a spoiler because this part of his life, this is a Wikipedia, whatever. He wanted a you so bad. He needed an heir to continue this dynasty. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She couldn't bear anything. - So he loves her too much to like try and eat her. - Yeah, he tried it. - Oh, okay, okay, okay. - What's the word I'm looking for? You know, one of, you know, like thinking of like Game of Thrones,
the like matrons that live in the castle or whatever that's like, oh, you can try this girl, you can try that girl. One of those hollered him saying, there's an 18 year old brunette fresh in your bed. Nah, bro. We're going to see whether it's her eggs or your sperm. Bang him and let's find out.
Nia is pregnant. - Swear! - Nia is pregnant. - In one? - He charged her. After 15 years, he charged Josephine. But his heart couldn't take it. He knew what his mind wanted, but his heart couldn't take it. So they exiled her to some, she still lived in that fancy castle, whatever. He was ranting to her all the time. All the time. But bearing in mind, by the time, when they got married, they got married early.
but he was still doing up wars. So he was going away for time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He was writing her, writing her saying, "Oh, I love you, I miss you. I can't wait to come and see you, blah, blah, blah. The reason why I'm fighting these wars is because of you." She wasn't replying to one of them. - Of course not. - She was getting banged by next man. She was getting daggered. - Oh no. - By next man she saw at their wedding day. Absolutely railed, bro. And man came back, he heard the talk of the town. One of these boys in the war council. - Wait, whose wedding day?
Napoleon and Josephine's wedding day, Josephine clocked one breader whilst walking down the aisle. Oh, and that's the bread she brought through to the new castle. No, no, no. They didn't bang in the castle. They banged in their yard whilst Napoleon was out fighting for France. Yeah. That's what happened. Obviously,
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Man heard that overseas. - Ops, ops. - Yeah, man was in Egypt hearing it overseas. And one of these boys was like, "Oh, I'm hearing your ting's a slut." And he's like, "Not my ting. You're lying. Where'd you hear this information from?" Blah, blah, blah. He said, "All right, that's what the streets are saying." - It's just bait. He's not even hiding it. - It's just bait. It's what the streets are saying. He's like, "Bet, on a low down ting,
Grab me a ship, I'm going back home. Grab me a ship, I'm going back home. Don't let anyone know I'm coming home. That's the scariest thing I can think of. I'm coming back home. So man pulled up back to yard now. And he's like, yeah? He's shouting, Josephine! Josephine! Where are you? Josephine! That's what I'm hearing too! Bro, she wasn't at yard.
- She wasn't at yard. She's like, where's my wife? Where's my wife? Wasn't at yard. - These times he's got you by next thing. - No, no, no, this is pre. - Oh bro. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. - She wasn't at yard. So she's scurrying back home. Now the horses are running. - Oh my days. - She gets back, it's a rainy day. She sees all of her suitcases outside. She breaks down my bro. She said, please. She said, please.
"Low me, you are gone, low me." - That's a bar I'm not hearing. - You are gone. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no one's gone, no one's doing nothing. - "Low me." And she asked him, "Were you not banging things out there as well?" He's like, "Of course I was." - But I'm Napoleon. - But I'm Napoleon, I didn't love them. This was just a means to an end. - This is just to keep my mind straight on the bow. - Straight on the bow. I'm writing to you every day, my John. And you're not replying to me?
The not replying is a fucking piss tank. Long story short, they stayed together for 15 years. No, you, he wanted it. He was banging her every which way under the sun, under the tables, doggy, everything. He was banging her, banging her, banging her, nothing. And bearing in mind, she had to you, it's in a previous relationship. Oh, raw. From a previous relationship. Damn. So yeah, my girl was like, yo, there's an 18 year old in your bed. Let's see what goes on. Is it her or is it you? Straight away pregnant. How do you?
exiled her, went to, she went to some castle, but he still obviously still loves her, still loving everything. Yeah. And was going for war, going to war, going to war, going to war. But every time he'd come back, he'd go visit her in the castle. But she obviously resented him, but understood at the same time. Do you know what I mean? And man brought the baby for the first time saying, look at my heir.
- That's crazy. - Look at my hair. - That's crazy. - Just leave you a hundred percent. - She turned away and then turned back and said, "I know you're Napoleon, so I gotta look." - There's only so much rudeness I can present to you. - Yeah, there's only so much before you get beheaded. 'Cause that's the, on the first scene of the movie, one, yeah, got beheaded, bro. Guillotine shot. - One of his things? - Nah, just a thing. - Just a thing. - Just to let you know what we're on. - Wow. - Yeah, what France was on back in 1761 or whatever it was. But yeah. - Okay, I need to see this movie. - Don't get me wrong, there are some good qualities of this movie, but what I didn't like was
There wasn't a lot of continuity in the sense of something would happen like October 1761 and then it will be a five minute scene that will jump to like May, October, May 1762. Do you know what I mean? There was no. I wonder if that's because I told you the Apple TV version is four hours. Yes. So I wonder if that's why. I might rewatch it on Apple because they jumped a lot.
throughout the whole movie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They did that. And it's hard to really keep up with the dates because I don't remember what the first date was. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That bit annoyed me, but I was locked into the war and the strategies. Locked in. Napoleon didn't play. - I heard. - Napoleon didn't play. - I'm excited to see it because Napoleon is one like massive part of like history that they teach that like,
I don't even know anything about him. In my history school, history school, in my history lessons, we didn't learn about Napoleon whatsoever. - Yeah, we just knew of him. - Yeah, and my thing was just World War II and like some other boring shit. But Napoleon is one that sounds interesting. I also wanted to learn about like Alexander the Great and them thing there. - That would be good. - That would be good. - I wanna- - There's an Alexander movie, I'm sure. - I wanna know. I wanna see a Genghis Khan movie. - There's a Genghis Khan movie called
I've seen it a few times. It's called... It's a movie called Mongol and it's about Genghis Khan 2007. Yeah, it's a good movie, bro. But it doesn't... I can't remember that much, but I'm sure I've seen it like twice as well. It's a very like... They humanize him a lot. Okay. And...
And yeah, it's about Temujin, who later becomes Genghis Khan. Yeah, so it's all about him as a kid, growing up, becoming Genghis Khan. But it doesn't because like, bro, Genghis Khan, like...
I'm sure they said there's a percentage of the human race that are all directly, direct lineage to like Genghis Khan. Like this bread took over the world at one point. They don't show that in this movie to that degree. It's more like early life, how he became who he is and all these kinds of things and like warring tribes and what he had to do to like just become who he is basically. But it doesn't show like him in the height of his power. Okay. But there's a series called...
The film is intended to be the first part of a trilogy about- Oh, first part of a trilogy makes sense. If it was the first part of a trilogy that just never got fucking done, that would make perfect sense because this one, this one's all early stuff. Wow, that makes perfect sense. Okay. Because it just doesn't show the nitty gritty. Okay. Maybe they didn't just do two and three. Yeah, I don't think they did two and three. Unless if they did, I didn't see it. But there is, Netflix has a show about Genghis Khan.
It's about, it's not about him. It is about him, but it's about Marco Polo. Yeah, it's Marco Polo. Okay. Marco Polo is about Genghis Khan. Yeah. So Marco Polo is about like a tradesman who gets captured by Genghis Khan and has to like work for him because he speaks English or speaks languages or something like that. Okay. I've seen the first season. I got a bit bored. Didn't really watch the second season, but I would very much, there's a podcast called like,
- Oh, it's not called this, but it's like horrible histories-esque type thing where there's a guy who's like a massive history buff. Dan Carlin, I think is his name. - Okay. - Who has like a three or four part series about
"The Rise of Genghis Khan." I've seen, I've listened to the first two episodes of it. It's good. It's long. And because it's obviously audio only, it's long. So I was into it, but he gets into like molecular detail about stuff. But bro, like when I say this guy was on stuff, they would have like mountains of bodies
When they run through somewhere and leave like mountains of bodies. Jesus. Mountains of bodies to the point where people thought it was like actual mountains. Yeah. From the distance that they're walking, they're thinking it's a mountain, they pull up and it's just bodies. Jesus. He was on a different ting. Jesus, man. Right. One last thing, yeah? Okay. Before we wrap up the episode, this is old news, but I don't think people put enough respect on...
gordon ramsay's old shows okay from like um you know like kitchen nightmares yeah so not hell's kitchen hell's kitchen could do one i find it so boring kitchen nightmares where donnie would run up in the is that way he changes up the yeah he runs up in there and there's a shit restaurant and um it's just not patting him yeah yeah brother that's obviously decent he had one little side quest show for a little bit called hotel hell or whatever rings a
He basically did the same thing for hotels as he did for the kitchens. You man? - Yeah. - 'Cause obviously I spend a lot of time in hotels now, innit? So I just watch terrestrial TV a lot of the time when I'm bored. When we get home from an event and as I'm falling asleep, I'll put it on. It's one in the morning, hotel hell is on. Brother, when I say these people in America with these dodgy ass hotels are tapped, they're tapped bro. I was watching one the other day, yeah? Some woman.
This woman is crazy. Okay. So he'd pull up in there and he had this weird little like, like dirt check. It was like the place was dirty. Okay. And he did something on the carpet and it like showed a reading of like the level of dirt in this thing. Yeah. So he was there with the owner of the, of the hotel who was just like lady in like her fifties who was just tapped. And then, um,
the rest of the staff were there. How about he pulls up and he says like the average rate in like an acceptable rating of dirt is between like 35 and 70 units on this measurement thing. He'd measured the carpet. It was 800. He said, and you know how he reacts to things as well. He was like, what's going on? Like what's going on? 800, are you taking a piss?
And the lady's like, oh, you know what? To be fair, I think people bring their dirty shoes in here and their bikes. He's like, that's not an excuse. Why is it 800? One of the... And then the owner was like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I think it's bikes and shoes and stuff. And then one of the staff was like, don't even lie to him. And then...
She was like, one of the staff was like, don't even lie to him. You know damn well on my first shift here when I was shadowing you, you had diarrhea all up in this bitch. You shat all over the carpet. And she was like, fam, when I say the owner didn't even take a breath, she was like, bro,
"Yeah, I have diarrhea now and again, but I don't think he's talking about that right now. Like, why are you bringing that up?" - What? - Fam, the lady was tapped. And then this is the first time I've seen Gordon actually have enough. He'd had enough, bro. He went downstairs and she lives in the hotel. Her office is her room. So he pulled up into her office. He's like, "Take me to the office. I don't wanna talk about this anymore. Take me to your office." Opened up the office, he sees a bed in there. He's like, "Why is there a bed in there?" And she gets in it. She got in the bed fully clothed. She was like, "This is just where I sleep." And he was like,
He knows like, darling, darling, darling, darling, what are you talking about? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, come on. And then she was like, it's nice. He goes, she's like, it's nice, bro. Like, I love it here. I get to finish my work, tuck into bed. I wake up, there's a beautiful view. And he's like, darling, you don't have any windows. You don't have any windows. She's crazy. Oh my God. So that one was the single funniest thing I've seen. I watched another one the other day and he's got this, um,
there's hotel hell and he also had like 24 hours in hell or satin like that okay and it's where it's like kitchen nightmares we pull up to a restaurant restaurant's failing he's got this truck that pulls up outside it's got like a portable kitchen and he teaches them how to fix up and he it's basically kitchen nightmares on steroids okay so he has to like instead of having like the two weeks with him that he had before he's got 24 hours oh okay so he goes up in there disguised
Okay, fam. When I say this motherfucker is so extra. Also, going back to the Hotel Hell. There's something in this contract where he signed a channel for where this bread gets naked every episode. Gordon. Gordon. This guy's impulsive, bro. Like every episode of Hotel Hell, he'll be in there like, this is disgusting. This is disgusting. And he'll be like, oh, I'm so disgusting. I'm gonna have to have a bath. This brother, every time when I say he's ass out.
Every episode, my guy. It doesn't make sense. At some point. It must be contract. Bro, it's so frequent. It has to be contracted. What the fuck? This flat white ass. Every episode, bro. He needs to wash himself. Draws off. Just cheeks. I'm not having a bath in a 800 plus unit hotel. Facts. Never. Never.
- I wouldn't want to put my bare foot in a shower. - Thanks bro. - So there's no chance of getting naked sitting in a bathtub. - Bro, I'm saying this contractual bro. Every time he's cheeks out. - That's crazy. - So anyway, the 24 hours in hell thing, whatever. Bro, I watched one the other day. Yeah, they were in New Orleans. You wouldn't have stood for this for one second. - Okay. - When I say he pulls up in disguise to this place, yeah.
On a lupin ting. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got some fake goatee on. Yeah. And some like, yeah, little hat ting. And glasses. Yeah. And what's jokes is, what the funny thing is, is they never signed up for Gordon to come to their ting. Oh. Basically, the production company approaches them or they've applied for like a refurb show. Ah, but they don't know. They don't know it's Gordon. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. They've applied for a refurb show. He pulls up in disguise. Yeah. He pulls up to this New Orleans ting. When I say,
The servers are three like women in their 70s. So three black women in their 70s, they could give a fuck about this job. Okay. Fam? At one point, they were just twerking on the restaurant floor. They were just twerking. Two of them clapping and the one in the middle just like, yeah, bro. Hands on your, let the coochie breathe. Oh my. Bro, it was despicable. What the fuck? Gordon's like, serve me. Oh my God. Serve me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one, there's one bit they cut to where Bray was just like, oh, can I have like,
Can I have my, he ordered some drinks. He's like, can I have my drinks? And she was like, yeah, like I just offered you water. And he was like, oh, okay, yeah, I have some water. She's like, you can't hear good, can you? I just offered you water. Do you not, you can't hear very well, can you? He was like, bro, Gordon was like, swear. What's going on here? Obviously ordered the food.
Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty. Him and his boys eating, eating, eating. One of it, he cut the chicken. Chicken's raw. Obviously Gordon, stop eating. You man, stop eating. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Spit it out. You man, spit it out. Spit it out. Fam, so extra. Stood up, disguise off. Everybody, everybody. This restaurant's closed. Owner comes out. What the fuck? Owner comes out. What the fuck? Restaurant's closed, everyone. Don't take another bite. This restaurant's closed.
Everyone's standing there like, "What's going on?" - What's going on? - Yeah. - All of a sudden, 'cause it's Gordon Ramsay, no one says, "Shut the fuck up." - Yeah, yeah. - You know what I'm... "What do you mean the restaurant's closed, bro?" I'll tell everyone, "Keep eating." - Eating fat. - Yeah. - "Keep eating. If you think this is free, you're crazy." - Yeah. - "Keep eating." - You're paying me with God. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Keep eating, bro. Put your disguise back on." - Yeah. - But anyone else, "Oh, it's Chef Ramsay. Chef Ramsay." He said, "This bitch is closed. You, man, we've been recording you for the last two weeks."
Get outside, I'm gonna show you what I've got. So in the whole street, they put this cinema level screen on. When I say they would record all the behind the scenes stuff, they put secret cameras in the restaurant. When they said, oh, it's a makeover show or whatever, they put secret cameras everywhere for two weeks. So they bopped in there, said, oh, you've made it. We're doing the refurb show. We just want to scope out the place and then we'll be back in two weeks to actually start the show. So then what they do is put all the secret cameras in
Fuck off. - They've exposed the whole thing. - Bruh, when I say, when I say there were rats and roaches in this bitch, Donny bopped in there, the owner walked into the kitchen and there was a family of rats on the floor. - That's violations. - When I say he didn't even blink. - Oh, he's useless. - He looked at them, kissed his teeth and carried on serving. He didn't fam, carried on serving food bro.
And then one lady walks in and she's like, "Oh, you've disturbed the family. You've disturbed the family. Bare making jokes about these rats, bro." - No. - One of the managers, she's a dirty bitch by the way. One of the managers, bro, she hasn't got experience. She can't crack an egg, by the way. I'll get to that bit in a minute. She couldn't crack an egg. One of the managers, they're just heating stuff in the microwave. She looked at the plate and said, "I think there's a roach leg in this." Van picked out the roach leg and as she's gone like that, it spilled over the plate. She went, "Ah!"
She licked it and then said, service, please. This is all on the camera. The owner couldn't believe his eyes. The level of exposure, he was like, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. The manager turned to him and she said, I'm so sorry. I'm so... The manager said to Gordon. No, turned to her boss. Oh, okay. Even though he didn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She turned to him and said, I'm so sorry. I've embarrassed you. He's a sharp man. Sharp, sharp, sharp, sharp, sharp.
All the customers that were just in there are watching this whole screen thing as well. They are screaming. Oh my God. And Gordon's like, this is fucking disgusting. This is fucking, I've never seen anything as putrid as this in my 257 years in the restaurant business. Oh my God. Bro.
So he's like, we've got 24 hours to fix this bitch up. He makes them work all night. - Facts. - He makes them work all night. So he brings them and is like, these are three top star chefs. They're gonna teach you, this is the menu. They're gonna teach you in the next 24 hours. So then the manager's up there. She couldn't do shit. - This is why I can't crack an egg. - Yeah, they were trying to make a hollandaise with some poached eggs. She couldn't crack the egg. Every time she's trying to crack it, splitting. Crack, split, crack, split.
makes it in the water, fucks it. Every time, fucks it, fucks it, fucks it. Gordon pulled Donny to the side and said, fam, I'm not gonna lie to you. Why is she working here? Facts, bro. And he was like, what do you mean, what do you mean? He said, tell me the truth. Do you just feel fucking sorry for her? He was gunning this woman. Do you just feel fucking sorry for her? And the man was like, to be fair, yeah, yeah, yeah. Slightly, slightly, slightly. He said, fam, I'm not gonna tell you how to run your restaurant. Do something about it. I thought he was gonna wait for the next day. Man pulled him to the side now and said, we need to chat.
And he pulled aside and said, "We need to have a chat." She was like, "What's going on, what's going on, what's going on?" And he said, "Go home." "Fam?" He said, "Go home." Straight face, "I need you to go home." She broke down. You know how she shits at her job? She said, "Permanently." - Permanently. - She said, "Permanently." And he was like, "Permanently." "Barlen, is there anything I can do? I'm so sorry. Like, I'm trying my best." He said, "Fam, you just don't have the skillset. We can't use you." - Go home is crazy. - Yeah, go home.
I'm gonna need you to go home. Thing is with me, if my boss said that, I'd be like, gang, I'm going. Because I think I'm coming back tomorrow. Yeah, facts, bro. The fact that she asked, do you mean permanently, means she knows just how bad she is. Oh, she never thought the day would come. Fam, she said, I've got no money. What am I going to do? You can't crack an egg, my bro. Fam, that's the conversation that you have to have with these people.
You can't crack an egg and you work. You're the manager of my restaurant. - That's crazy talk. - I need you to go. - That's crazy talk. Yeah, she had to go. - Well. - Damn. - When I say it's hands, Hotel Hell and there's 24 hours to hell and back, whatever it's called. Two of the single funniest shows I've ever seen in my life. - Say less. - Two of the, and I know Hotel Hell is charged.
I'm gonna put his feelers out there. Channel four. If you're looking for replacement hosts for Hotel Hell or 24 Hours to Hell and Back, whatever you might call it, your boys, your boys. Because when I say this thing is too funny. - Oh, we'd run a Microsoft. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I wouldn't tolerate staff. Not the hotel, the restaurant one, I wouldn't tolerate staff. - Fam, when the pensions were twerking in the thing, you would have stood up. - Oh, that is crazy.
I can't even think of the additives. - Yeah, bro. It was nuts. And when I say these man need to retire, yeah? The only people that weren't working all night were these three servers. - Yeah. - One of the ladies came back, obviously, you know, when they come back, he's redone the menu, they're all doing the taste test. One of the ladies came back, did the taste test, like, fuck, fuck, that's nice, that's nice, that's nice. 10 minutes later, she was kipping.
She was on the table, keeping bro. And Gordon used it as the narrative of like, we're all trying so hard, but some of the staff members are showing fatigue. Bro, she just got to work. She literally bumped in, tasted two cake and then gripped on the thing.
The restaurant needs to get shut down. - Yeah, that whole establishment ain't serious. - Wow. - Bro, two of the funniest shows. I can't wait. 'Cause I'm staying in a hotel tonight. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's me tonight. - Say less. - I'ma stay out just long enough to get home. I think it's five past one in the morning. They put this bitch on. I'm watching it, bro. - Say less. - It's too funny. - All right, man. All right. - Anyway, bro, these shows are the singular most funny thing I've seen. - Jesus Christ. - I have to get involved.
I don't know what I need to do. I have to get involved. But I'd also be terrible because I'm not eating the things they put there. - Oh yeah, I'll be scared. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You already know what you're in for. You're trying to turn bullshit into greatness. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way, obviously he goes in there, tastes it and then sees all this cockroach stuff. I'll choke someone. - Yeah. - The production team will drag me off him. - Send me. - Where's the cockroach legs, she flung it off and licked it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Service please. As we're all watching that bitch and I'm drinking it.
That would send me. - Bro, it's fucking out of order, man. - You know in Red Light Green Light, in Squid Games where she clocks all the faces. I need to clock every single face and I need all their details. Every single one of their details. They can't find a job in this industry again. - When I was watching it, yeah, I was thinking, fuck this rebrand, this nigga needs to go to jail. - 100%. - Put this nigga in jail, bro. - 100%, bro. - He's got us eating cockroach legs and his manager spit.
Put this bitch in jail. Rats in the kitchen and say, oh, you're disturbing the family. Let's walk around them. Bro, I promise you now, yeah? Funniest ting. Oh my God. I can't see stuff like that. Oh my God. Homegirl says she had diarrhea and it's not to be spoken about. It's got nothing to do with the dirt on the floor. It's got everything to do with the dirt on the floor. It's only got to do with it. Bro, funniest ting, man. So I'm a, yeah, that's my new fix. When I'm stuck in a hotel, bored, that's my new fix, bro. Say less, say less. Anyway.
Guys, that's today's episode. Next week's episode, gents, mental note now, next week's episode is Christmas special. It is. So I want to see Christmas jumpers, Christmas segments, something, something, Christmas IG question,
Also, actually fuck it before we leave 75 hard update. I get messages on a daily basis. Okay. We haven't had an update in like three months. Yeah, basically obviously I restarted like twice. I'm on like my third one. My third try. But yeah, I'm on day like fucking 39 I think. Nice. Well played. So I'll be done like mid Jan. So it's not long. Sick. It's going sick. This is the best attempt I've done as well. Like I've
I compared a picture like the other day from right at the beginning. So I'm not really had a break till like yesterday. - Swear. - I said. - Swear. - Yeah. - My brother. - Let's go. - All right, man. - It's going well. - I'm gassed, well played bro. - All right, fucking make it. You have to make it this time. - Oh, I will. I will. Like I said, this has been the best attempt in terms of like momentum and stuff. Like 100%. - Very nice. I ordered a whoop.
- I've heard they're sick. - I've heard they're good to get one of them. - They're clever little bastards as well. So you can't actually just order the item. It's a subscription model. - Oh. - So you don't have to pay, there's no upfront cost. You just pay the subscription, which is like 15 pound a month. - Okay. - But it's clever because I'm assuming as soon as you cancel the subscription, the ting don't work no more. - 'Cause it connects to your phone, I'm assuming. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's supposed to measure like your sleep, your recovery rate, like your everything bro. So obviously I've been on my gym ting.
Food has been shit this month only because of the time I've spent in this fucking city away from home. My prep is all over the place, but again, no excuses, accountability. By the time this thing drops, it's probably gonna be new year when I start again and I've got the whoop and stuff like that. We're gonna do a ting ting. - Say less. - You man, we're gonna do a ting ting ting. Your boys titties are gonna be tight.
I'm not even playing. It makes a huge difference, man. Like I got the Apple Watch the other day, the other week or whatever.
It makes a huge difference. I've been tracking my steps. Like sleep is a big thing as well. Honestly, it makes a ton of a difference. - I think we should do a challenge, you know, in Jan. - Okay, yeah. - I'm done. - Yeah, I trained with Rem the other day. We went hard. - Yeah, I remember you saying. - My back was killing me the next day, by the way. - Fam, worked. - Bro, my lats were sore to the touch. To the touch. I don't know what the challenge needs to be. We'll have a think, we'll figure it out. But I think there should be some kind of challenge reward
either for like two months, eight week challenge. - Maybe a step challenge or something. - I'm down, whatever it is, I'm down. - Yeah? - Yeah. - That'd be cool. - Prize as well. - Yeah, standard. - Wholesome prize. - Standard. - Like a bag. - Standard. - Yeah? - Yeah. - I'm down. - Yeah, like a bag. - I'm down. - Yeah? - I'm down. - Say less! - Less go. - All right guys, see you next week, Christmas special, blah, blah, blah.
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