NOEL MILLER! | EP 421
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch whenever you're ready. For

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. I can't see this. Hedwig, help me! Send a message to the people in the back. Get this fucking bird off the bus! He's flapping all over the place. Guys. Girls. Welcome back. I say welcome back. We're in a dodgy studio that we're uncomfortable with today. Dodgy studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been there before. We're somewhat familiar.

We're somewhat familiar. We're somewhat familiar, but it's not home. It's fine. It's nice though. I'm with you. It makes me feel like I'm at home. Come on, bro. Come on, bro. It's how we do. So guys, we've got a special one. So we're in, as you guys know, we're on tour in America right now. We're in LA right now, which has been cool. It's been fun. This is the, I'm not going to lie. This is the Penga City weather-wise. Oh, I was saying this yesterday. It's kind of nasty too. Bro. I'm loving it. Yeah, bro. Weather-wise here,

New York was sweaty as fuck. Yeah. Dallas and Houston. Dallas and Houston were a joke. Humidity was off the rickshaw. They're going to come. They're going to come. Bro, it's just hot in here. It's fine. North Carolina. Charlotte? Yeah, yeah. Charlotte was a piss take. I was sweating every second. Humans aren't built for that kind of stuff. Every second. That was vile. Yeah, it was vile. Banging city. Lovely city. Lovely people. The heat. Unbearable. The air feels like you can go like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, if you need to breathe, you need to go like that, bro. It's fucked.

But yeah, anyway, we've got a very, very, very special guest. As you may have heard already. In the building today. And what I usually do when we have a special guest is I do this long-winded introduction. But I've never met this bro before. We haven't. We haven't. We've seen him. Yeah.

Just seeing him on socials. Seeing him about. Being famous. Yeah. Failing on stage. Failing on stage and making people laugh. What we're going to do, bro, we're going to do it awkwardly and we're going to ask you to introduce yourself. Sure. Let's go. What's up, everybody? It's me, the one and only Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You've seen me in Inception. You've seen me in various productions. You might have seen me in Don John, the one where he's addicted to jerking off. That's one of my most famous roles. Scarlet. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Bro! That made me spit my fucking water. I'm pissed off. Well played. Well played, G. Hey, everybody. I'm Noel Miller and I'm the most ethnically ambiguous comedian on the circuit right now. So whoever want to pony up and draft me to their racial contract, let me know. You are ethnically ambiguous. You keep that very like clear.

close to your chest as well with it people know I'll tell you off camera but okay yeah the eyes are sending me as well yeah it's a whole I got a lot of a little bit of everything yeah let's go it's like a fun game yeah yeah how racist can you be hmm how far have you taken have you dropped an n-bomb before me yeah no ah so we're not leaning that way yeah we're not leaning that way yeah yeah or have I yeah

Fair play. Yeah, depending on the room. Yeah, I see. The crowd. The crowd that takes the material. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, say less. What permission I have. What passes I've been granted. Fair play, bro. Grab one of them. Yeah. Oh, did you want one of the alkaline waters? Yeah, this one, pH water, bro. I'm not going to lie to you. It's 9.5 plus. And it's got perfect hydration with electrolytes. Plus electrolytes, bro. Zero calories. And it's not too warm and it's not too cold. Room temp. That's how we like it. Yeah.

Thank you WTF for providing us with the Alkaline War. You were just in Charlotte. I was just in Charlotte. For real? Yeah, yeah. How did you find it? You just wrapped up there, no? Yeah, yeah. A couple weeks ago. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, you could part the humanity. Yeah. Bro, the people in the South, God bless the taint.

they must be seasoned there. They must be fucking mucked. But they must be used to it though. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I think they build up layers and layers of denim out there. Yeah. I couldn't believe it. No, that was bold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Denim? I barely wear denim in London, bro. I don't wear denim unless it's jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Above the waist? There's no denim touching me. I've seen denim batty shorts and I was like, damn, that's a sweet. I wonder how much head they give down there. Well,

You gotta know. It's more like... I'm being serious. I know, I know. He just called me a god. You gotta know that the head provided, it's like probably on a different level. Because they're used to the musk. Mmm.

They play in the dirt. Yeah, yeah. Bro, we're not fussed about the smell down there. That means there's bubbles below. It's nasty. Like anyone, any lover who's providing head after work, they do a lot of construction in that state. So any lover that's going, come here, daddy. I'm going to take care of you post-work.

Real soldier. Jesus Christ. That's love. That's why they get married so fast there. Damn! Let's go back to Charlotte. Let's go back to Charlotte. Find a wife. So bro, again, thank you for coming on. Thank you guys, man. We don't have the pleasure of too many American guests, which is, this is always nice. Oh yeah. Or Canadian, whatever. Depends what immigration's looking.

We all kicked up. So yeah, you just wrapped up your tour. Yeah. How long was the tour? This leg was about six months. I got my last date actually this Friday in Tampa. Oh, okay, cool. I got some theater dates coming up. So I'm doing a little bit in like September, October. So, but yeah, this leg was about six months long. Jesus, bro. It was like every other weekend. How much was it again?

So when I do a weekend, I'll do like five. So I'll do one Thursday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just running through the clubs. Yeah. Okay. Working a new hour, man. So would you do like a matinee twice in the same club or like different clubs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do like a seven and a nine. Nice. Yeah, nice. That's animalistic behavior, bro. You know. Gotta get a job done though. Yeah, stand-ups. Sick people, man. Yeah. They love it. They love the pain. Bro, I was going to ask you about that. So,

When are you guys doing it? Never. This is what my question was going to be. This is also why we're never going to do it. Okay. So like, obviously...

They're going to do it, by the way. They got a tour coming up. They're both working on a joint hour right now. It's so well scripted. I've heard it already. They actually tested it out on me. It's fucking amazing. Well, I promise you the comments are going to go mad. I'm going to be livid by it. When is it dropping? You guys should. Fuck whatever you want to say next. You should do it. Well, this is what I was going to ask, right?

We physically can't be bothered to perform in front of people who may not like it. Like, obviously, the people we do perform in front of now. That is so English, man. They may not like it, but yeah, it's just, what's the point? I don't see the point, yeah. That's just a hassle, man. But you got people that will want to see it.

granted. There will be some people who want to see it. Just do it on the loo. Just a little here and there. Yeah, yeah. Just do like little pop-up shows and just work it out. Bro, no, because if I bomb, I'll never come on stage regardless again, whether it's comedy, podcasting, I'm not coming on stage again, bro, because it's just pointless. So like, with like, what...

what is it about comedy for you? Knowing that you have, obviously with like your YouTube success and everything like that, you have the ability to only play in front of crowds that are happy to see you. Like what gives you the desire to keep going? Like butcher yourself like that. Well, I started in standup. Like standup's the whole reason I did anything on the internet. So it's always like been my first love. I think there's just some really...

painfully gratifying if you get a room full of strangers and whatever you think is funny. It's the same old thing, but every comic speaks about it. But when you get people that maybe look like they would fucking hate you or maybe you make them hate you and then by the end they're like, you know what? I kind of fuck with that. It's just kind of like a game almost. And so I think that part of it is just...

you know, I'm, I'm a bit of a nerd. So just that, that challenge every time, I don't know. I love it. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good. When you eat shit, like it feels bad, but it is fun, man. Did you always think or know you were going to be a comic? Cause I believe you started from like Vine and stuff, right? So, right. Yeah. So I started doing Vine. I started making Vines like,

while I was getting into stand-up. Okay. So I always wanted to do stand-up, but I never honestly imagined. I hoped. I thought maybe one day I could accomplish that. But my perspective on that was maybe I'll get to that when I'm like 40 or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And in my head, I kind of looked at Hollywood as super traditional. I was like...

I don't have a dad in this shit, so it's going to be harder for me, so I got to get a job. So, yeah, I think with how everything's panned out, obviously it's awesome, but now I'm just taking the opportunity to just go hard up on stand-up, man. I love it. What made you want to do it in the first place? I think I just watched a lot of stand-up as a kid. But I watched, it wasn't like specific comics. I would just...

stay up from like, I don't know, 10 till one in the morning, like every weekend, just in grade school, just, uh, watching comic view, uh, and, uh, like random comedy central sets. So it's funny cause I never identify with specific comedians, but I'd watch a lot of standup. Okay. Crazy story from that is there was a set out of all the sets I watched as a kid. There was one that like always really stuck with me as this comic is really animated with his face. Um,

And anytime a set would come on, I would just, I would sit and I'd be glued to the TV. Fast forward to like my first year in comedy, the guy who broke me into standup, his name's Andre Paradise. He introduces me to this other comic named Eric Blake. And I'm talking to Eric Blake and Eric Blake is like, I got a show coming up. Let me put you on the first five minutes. And I'm looking at Eric and I go, hey man, did you have a set on Comic View where you were like, kind of like, and he goes, swallowing drugs? And I go, yeah. Yeah.

And he's like, yeah. And he makes this twist to the face. He goes, yeah. He's like, how old are you? I'm like, I'm 24. And he turns to my OG and he goes, we some old motherfuckers. And it was like a set that he had done literally like 20 years prior or whatever. Yeah. And it was like this really dope. Oh, full circle moment. That's amazing. That is amazing. Do you remember what your, the first time you did one of your first sets, do you remember what your set was like? Oh yeah. What the crowd was like? Yeah, 100%. Where was this at? It was, uh,

Not super close to here, but it was in North Hollywood. Okay. So like the guy got me into standup, Andre, we actually worked together and he, you know, by working together, oh, is this, sorry, this is for me.

Oh, this is a Monster Energy drink. Sugar-free. Or low-calorie. Low-calorie, yeah. Got it, got it, got it. Sorry, bro. No, you're good, you're good. I was hoping that you were just ignoring Karen's talking. No, no, no. We always got to call it out, especially when you're sipping on the perfect hydration of Alkaline 9.5+. I see what they did with the pH as well. Yeah, yeah. Double up on it. All right. Now, we...

So Andre and I used to work together randomly as programmers. Like we were writing code for like web apps and stuff. Okay. And so I'm always like chirping at work. And he says to me, he says, hey man, you got the chat. Have you ever thought about standup? I said, yeah, I've always thought about it. Never, you know, never been strong enough to do it. So he goes, all right. A couple of days later, he goes, hey man, I'm doing a show next week. You want to come check me out? And I go, yeah, for sure. That'd be cool.

We get to the show and it's an open mic. - I'd vomit. - Yeah. - He calls you out. - I'd vomit. - Yeah, yeah. - I would vomit. - A mic ran by another dude, Jackson McQueen. Shout out Jackson, he may see this. And unbeknownst to me, this is a mic that a lot of people, a lot of big names now would always pull up there. And this was like very early or kind of middle of their careers too. And so I was getting put at the front in front of like a bunch of killers really.

And I got, I think I got one chuckle, but yeah, bombed my way through it. And I was just kind of like, yeah, you get the bug. And from there, rest is history. Yeah. So after that showing, you said you pretty much bombed the majority of it. You still wanted to chase this dream? Yeah, of course. Yeah. But I kind of, yeah, I always looked at standup as a,

it's just a grind. Yeah. And I was kind of fully accepting that because of standup, you can grind 10, 15 years and shit won't happen. Yeah. And then that's when you have to look in the mirror and be like, do I really have it? You know? And yeah,

Yeah. Do I really have it? I would break me, bro. I like to think I'm self-aware. Yeah. I'm not suffering for 10 years. Bro, do I really have it? You'll see a tear run down my fucking cheek. Fuck. I would break me. Now we really got to get you on stage. Yeah, bro. I promise you, I couldn't do it. That's vile. But you're confident doing this? Confident doing this because our thing with this is, is I feel like, uh,

Well, for me anyway, when we talk about it, like I only care about making him laugh. So like if I don't make anyone else laugh, it doesn't really bother me. Luckily, we seem to sometimes make other people laugh too. But as long as he laughs, then I'm cool. That's sick. So like it would fuck me up trying to be funny and people just like... What are you talking about? Shut up! Yeah, because hecklers as well, they get crazy and I have to like...

I can't... Because we have a comedian friend who opens for us a lot called Axel. And his crowd work is like insane. Yeah. Insane. Really good. And that gift I definitely don't have. Okay. So on top of like trying to get like a clean set and going through, I also wouldn't be able to deal with hecklers very well. Yeah. And then I'm just like...

concaving in on myself alright fair if I had quick wit and I thought if someone pipes up I can just like slaughter this guy slaughter that guy I would probably feel a lot more confident that's fair is your crowd well good? I'm comfortable with the crowd yeah definitely speaking of hecklers where's the worst city that you've had hecklers in? oh man they don't give a fuck in St. Louis really? fuck dude why? why is that?

I think, you know, in St. Louis, man, I've beat the brakes off you guys. You know, just know it's from a place of love and respectfully never coming back. No, no, no, no. St. Louis is great. No, I think they, St. Louis, parts of it is tough city. So honestly, no, I take it back. They'll heckle in St. Louis, but where they really don't give a fuck, I would say is Ireland. Ireland.

Dublin is one of the most that's one of the most like scared moments for me I've ever been before. Yeah. Because Irish people are funny, man. Yeah. And they chirp. Yeah. And they know they're funnier than you. So, you know, yeah. Yeah.

But weirdly, Dublin, they didn't chirp me because I had to kind of reel them in. But yeah, St. Louis, they don't care. They'll just let you have it. Yeah. Was there ever a moment where a heckler, not necessarily you won the heckler over, but the heckler like took, like stole. Stole the show, you mean? Not even stole the show, stole that moment. You couldn't say there was no backhand return. No, I've not had that yet. Yeah.

You can come for the king, but... Hey, say less. I'm joking, I'm joking. You're in here first. But I've had moments where the person themselves scared me off of...

The moment. So I'm kind of fucking with them and they're like kind of intense. So I've like kind of shoulder rolled out of it. Okay. So I've had that. I've had that. So I think that's why I've never had that moment because you gauge it. I'm like, I'm looking at him like this guy may rip me. Yeah. One guy almost bested me this weekend. I'll say that. Um, he, I was kind of fucking with him and he goes, move on. Move on.

I promise you I'd forget my set. From that moment on, I would forget my set. Yeah, that would startle me. Move on. Bro, this is, all I'm hearing is, nah, nah, nah, nah. Give us the highs, bro. This is the most terrifying conversation I've been in. Move on. Yeah, move on. Yeah, yeah, it was great.

Damn. Yeah. No, I kind of dug my heels and I pried him a little bit. And then I moved on. I kind of did it on my own terms. But then he stood up and I thought I walked him. And he was in the front. So I thought I walked him. So he stands in the middle of my joke and I go, oh, I just say that. He turns to me and he like glares. And he goes, I'm going to the bathroom.

And I said, all right, do your thing. And I said, what are you drinking? He goes, just keep going. I'm like, all right, man. I was like, I was just going to get you a drink. So I think he got me there. But then this was really funny. So I jumped. He left the room. It was a long walk. And I go, this is very softly. I go, I don't think he's coming back. And the room, we kind of chuckle about it.

about 15 minutes later he walks back in the fucking room and then I go he came back I made everybody clap 15 minutes is yeah he's shot yeah he's shot he's living maybe that's why he said move on yeah fuck fuck

All right. Fair play. Cool. So what we usually do is like a little bit, we've kind of like touched it a little bit to be fair. Pause. You can touch it a lot. My brother. Comfortable. Yeah. My brother. In the hot seat. Yeah. Touch on it, man. Caress on it. I'm just trying to throw you off. Yeah, bro. You are throwing me off.

we liked it what the fuck am I saying origin story I was thinking dick yeah yeah two hands um

What brings you into the villa? Your origin story. So basically, obviously we've learned about your starting to comedy and stuff like that, but obviously there's like a, your career is massive. Thanks man. You're welcome. Thank you. You're very welcome. So like, how does it all kind of like blend together for you in terms of like starting, wanting to start comedy, starting a little bit of Vine, you've done some standup, you've done some open mics, that's going on. Then YouTube's going on. Yeah. Podcasting's going on. Like, how does it all come together? Yeah.

Meaning like... Open ask question, I am aware. I'm aware that was a very open-ended question. I mean, I guess... In your own words, I'd say, how would you describe your career up until now? Oh, man, it's... I feel like super lucky. It's very, very surreal. Honestly, I still have a lot of the like imposter... Syndrome. Syndrome feels... Oh, for real? Yeah, definitely. Because I think the internet...

I think with comics, when they blow up, they've had a lot of hard moments. So when they blow up, I think it's kind of this... They can embrace it. They've had a lot of those moments where they go, I may fucking kill myself right here on this stage. And so with the internet...

I've had tough moments online, but I don't know. It just feels different. And then you guys know when shit blows up online, it's just numbers. So you're just looking at it and you're like, all right, I guess this is worth 5 million eyeballs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's never...

Sometimes it just feels like a bit intangible. So doing shows, I've just had moments where it just kind of freaks me out. I'm like, damn, there's a lot of fucking people here. But then I just got to lock in and do your thing. So I definitely feel super fortunate. And honestly, I just kind of treat it like a job. Yeah. Just try to keep crafting at it. Have you had any much backlash from quote unquote traditional comedians who have blown up there?

the natural way? No, man. Honestly, when I run into any other comic, they're super welcoming and maybe I've been lucky with that. But I think that's also because I started with stand-up. Yeah, valid. So when I bring comics on to open for me, they pick up right away. It's like, oh, this isn't because your agent told you go be a stand-up. You actually like doing this. And

Yeah, I'm willing to eat shit. And that's actually one of my favorite things to do, especially in Houston, because some of my guys are from Houston. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love performing at the Houston Improv. Okay. And I love going straight to another club called The Secret Group. And I love going to their midnight open mic. I've done it twice now, and it's probably the greatest feeling to go up there in front of a bunch of drunk people and just eat that humble pie immediately after. So I think like...

I don't know. I think I've built friendships that way too in comedy where they just see like, oh, you love this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not trying to glorify it. It's just, it is fun. It's just fun. You're an animal. Barely, man. Barely. Can I tell you guys a story? Yeah. Of course, bro. So I was, we're talking about Humble Pie, right? I was going to save this because we're going to record another episode. Did you eat one in Charlotte? I ate one last night, bro. I ate...

The biggest humble pie last night. I'm intrigued. And I, how can I explain this? You know, I make jokes about killing myself like a lot. Yeah. Stairs. Yeah. If I promise you now, we have a lot more in common than you put. Yeah. Fair play bro. Sorry. I make jokes about, yeah. If there was a flight of stairs next to me. Yeah. Hand on heart, I would throw myself down them. Say your story bro. For context. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck, I can't believe I'm telling this story, right? This happened to me last night, yeah? So I went to, I was on my way to the gas station to get like some water. And I was supposed to pick up one of these drones. Didn't happen, right? So for context, you know NLE Chopper? Yeah. So a little while ago, his manager was DMing us to have him on the show, right? And he was like, oh, cool, cool. He's a big fan of the show, yada, yada, yada. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So-

That hasn't happened or whatever, but we're still in discussion. All good. I remember he commented on one of our TikToks one time and all this kind of shit. I was like, all right, bet. Walking, walking, walking, minding my business. I'm walking to this gas station. I see a few SUVs, some lights, some pictures. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. I look. And then he shoppers right there. No way. Right there doing like a photo shoot, right? I was like, oh, cool. So I went, bro. Look at me like this.

But daddy has had his hat on. Like say it's a fucking disguise. So I was like, oh bro, it's just not. - He can't recognize the hat. - Yeah, he's not recognizing me. 'Cause obviously everyone knows me. So he has to recognize me. - You took the hat off, bro. - Oh my God. I tipped the hat off and I was like. - It's me, bro. - Reveal. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chops. Chops. Chops. You're missing the point. Brother, when I say,

His security stepped up. His security stepped up, bro. And any normal human being would turn around and be like, charge. I'm charging. Not me. Bearing in mind, because I don't talk to people. I don't talk to people in general, bro. I do not talk to people in general. So in my mind, I'm like, well, it's more embarrassing if I turn around now. So daddy doubled down. And I was like,

"Brother, swear down your boys in my DMs now." So he was like, "What's all this happening, bro?"

Long story short, we got there in the end, didn't we? But bro, even when he accepted that he, even when he had acknowledged remotely, like, oh yeah, that is my manager. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, okay. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Who gives a fuck about you? Like, I'm busy, bro. You're around though. Go away.

Bro, when I say I was looking up to the sky thinking, I swear down meteors. Yeah. Bring them on, bro. Hit me. The walk around and he's at the gas station. I still had to go in there. I still had to go in there, bro. You committed? I committed. Because I'm thinking, they're all watching me thinking, why did he even come here? So I'm making up stories in my head like, oh, he only came here to beg it and say hello. So now I'm like, I need to prove that I was going to the gas station. I was watching the gas station and was like...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hat was like down here and I was like, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me. Kill me, bro. And then just so I didn't have to walk past him on the way out, I literally went out, went down, went all the way around the block and then all the, it was like I added 10 minutes to my journey. Yeah. Just so I didn't have to walk past him again. Yeah. Bro. Bro.

the biggest slice of humble pie I've ever had. Yo, Chops, come on the show, man. You're pulling over. The head off is hysterical. Chops! And bro, the feeling of bro accepting him like, oh yeah, yeah, cool. Anyway, fuck off. You're like, I don't give a fuck about you, bro. Go away. I wanted to die, you man. I wanted to die, bro. I was this close to calling you. You don't know what just happened to me.

- Charge it. - That would have, charge it indeed. Let's go. - Let's go. - Charge it, but just in future, I don't think he can come on. I don't think I can look him in the eye, bro. I'm just gonna fire out of there. I don't think we should be having him on. I don't think I can face him, bro. - How bad would you feel if he came in here and he just put a hat on you? He's like, "I like it that way." - On the Backstreet Boys thing.

brother I wouldn't be surprised if he came in here and was like that's why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker bro I felt violated bro's like 22 as well yeah I wanted to kill myself sorry bro

is what it is sometimes you need it damn sometimes you do though I like that you said chops man yeah thank you bro it's so good bro I saw this it's us yeah if I was a bad bitch bro yeah I wanna fuck me too G come on man let's get into it

I thought you got away with that too because of the accent. Bro. Because an American doing that would sound awful. Yo, chops. Brother. Literally, I didn't get away with shit. I've never felt so... I've never felt so small, but I think I needed it because clearly I'm rolling around with the confidence of everyone knows who I am. Yeah.

It's been too long. Yeah. Since you've been humbled. Since I've been humbled like that. And now I won't be speaking or taking hats off or looking at people ever again. Yeah. It was horrible. Damn. So the fact that you can say that happens when you go on stage multiple times. Yeah. And then you just get off and get back on. Right there. Yeah. Right before. Yeah. Because I throw myself off stage every single time it happens. Oh, bro. I mean, stand-up is hilarious that way because you could be killing with these people and there could be someone there that's, man, I had a...

I had a whole family, like, I think it was in Nashville. I think they probably came, like, after church, like Saturday service. And the whole family, the mom had her head on her fist, leaning on the table. It was like that. Yeah. For an hour, bro. I didn't move her once. Damn. I was good enough to keep her. I was bad enough to not make her laugh. Yeah, not make her smile, not laugh, anything. She just needed a seat. Yeah. Why also do people put themselves through that?

I think it's because they paid. A fair. Valid. Valid. That's a very obvious. I paid 40 for this shitty ass movie. I'm staying till the end. Facts. Facts. Right. Game? One random question before we go into the game. Of course. What's Daniel Ricciardo like? He is very, very media trained. Okay. In a like, in such a charismatic way. Okay. Because you'll be, and you notice this like with Lewis and, you know,

The guys, they're very good at, you can be asking something and they're like, yeah. And they hear the whole question and someone goes, oh my God, Daniel.

And then they answer the question perfect. And you're like, damn, the split in attention. Very impressive. Fuck. Yeah. So he carries himself real solid. Just like someone that's been in front of a lot of people for a long time. Yeah. Like he just feels very put together. I mean, honestly, he's just very, very lax. Very cool. When we put him like in the desk or when we walked up to it, I thought he was going to have more questions. But he was just kind of like, cool, what is this? And he just sat in. He's like, let's go. Sick. Now, the fun part is...

This is, you didn't ask, but when we were ripping up in that desk, there was a moment where I think he was like, maybe we slow down. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he wasn't driving. Okay. Okay. There was a moment where he's like, Hey man, I like you. Yeah. Yeah. Chill out. Just a little bit.

So, but yeah, he's really, really, really great dude. Sick, man. Do you ever like, in terms of obviously, that's actually a good segue. Like obviously you do with standup, there is no like, it's all at your own temperament. Like you're driving always and like you can push it as much. You're the only one that has to deal with the repercussions. In terms of like dealing with guests and stuff like that, like, do you struggle with that like dichotomy of like, I think this is the funniest thing to do, but I don't want to do it.

I don't want to fuck this massively. How do you tackle that? I think you just get good at kind of recognizing, and it's something that I'm getting better at too, because with Hot Laps, we just had Felipe Esparza on, super funny comic. I mean, he's hilarious and he's lived just such a different life. And in ways I would say he's like bolder than me, but what's bold to me is very normal to him. And so I think in situations like that, like,

It's fine to just accept like this person is hilarious. Let them like do their thing. I think it's when you start trying to force it. Yeah. That's when it gets weird. Yeah. And so I think you just got to be open like to how people are and kind of, yeah, just kind of like ride the wave with them. It really, it's like a person by person thing. But yeah, sometimes you do realize like what's funniest and then,

the guest doesn't want to go that way. Sometimes they just want to go something more mellow or whatever and you just gotta, alright, that's them. That's the bit. That's the game. Yeah. Damn. Fair play, G. I always worry this stuff's really boring. Yeah. Why? No, no, no. No, no, no. I get what you're saying. I find it fascinating. I'm interested. That's why I asked. Yeah, bro. I find it fascinating. I could talk

the most boring shit about like guest interviews, business ethics, accounting, all this kind of shit I would talk about for like four hours. Okay, all right. So yeah, so don't even worry about it. We should probably play the game. Let's play some games. Let's play the game. Right, cool. So for context, our researcher, Anna, is apparently your biggest fan. So...

She's not in the room. Yeah. She'll be gassed about that. Okay. Just that little, yeah, she'll be gassed about that. That Ricardo moment. So...

She's your biggest fan, so yeah, she's curated our whole episode today. She came up with some games and some shit to do that she thought you would flourish in. Okay. We specifically asked her to do stuff that we would flourish in. She didn't do that. She shined the spotlight on you. She only shined the spotlight on you, which for today is fine. Yeah, we'll take that out. Humble pies. You've had one already. This is a trip of humble pies. It's all good. So what's the first one? So the first game is...

We are going to play a game called Therapy Escape Room. Oh, wow. All right. Yeah, bro. Okay. Right. So give us the rules. So all these pieces of paper here, right? And there'll be random scenarios, topics, sentences on these pieces of paper. We will select three pieces each and there'll be scenario and we have to...

We have to use those words to explain the therapy session in that scenario. Got it. If that makes sense. Yeah. So we'll run an example, for example. For example. For example. All right, cool. Scenario. You're having a date with your partner's family for the first time. You feel a hand under the table squeezing your thigh. Your partner's dad winks at you. It's him. And you've picked three cards. So the three cards you've picked are fast acting laxatives,

sexy fireman calendar and an old sock. So the potential idea is I would pour the laxatives in the dad's drink sneakily so that he runs off. So you've used the fast acting laxative. Instead of telling my partner about my dad's hidden sexuality, I would put on a sexy fireman calendar and an old sock and some lotion on the bedside table to escape the problem.

And that's it. So that's what your response would be with those three examples. Okay. Are you feeling about this? Yeah, I like this. So it's all about quick wit, which you are obviously very good at. I think you'll kill this one. Thank you. I'm a little bit slightly confident myself. I'm a little bit nervous. I think I'll feed off you two's energy and then I'll just, yeah, I'll take it home. You're...

I'll take it home. You're about to see Nigerian logic in its finest, bro. You got to educate me on Nigerian logic. It has to be black and white. I root for grey with this guy, bro. It has to be...

Yeah. If we're talking shoelaces, what's the thread count? Like, I need to understand exactly what's happening. Imagination won't come into it. You're about to see some logic. We'll see. We'll see. Let's just play. All right, cool. So three each. I'll just spread them out. Just grab any three. Pause. You got your three? I'm going to grab mine, yeah? It's funny that you say you'd kill yourself down a set of stairs. Yeah? In my special, I said, I think,

The funniest way would be... Throwing yourself downstairs? Yeah. I think so. Yeah. We don't have to put this in, but I was saying... No, it's fine. We can talk about it. I talk about throwing myself downstairs all the time. So it's... Yeah, it's not news to anyone. I think it would be... I think that would actually save me if Chops was like, bro, fuck off. And then...

And then there happened to be a flight of stairs there and I was like, yeah. And then just threw myself down the stairs and brutally just like, and he was like, oh, I think that guy's dead.

He's like, yeah, bro. Don't embarrass me like that. That would have been fucking hilarious. I mean, now I'm just picturing me like, oh yeah. And he threw himself down the stairs. He's like, cool. And he's going back to the photo. Before I even hit the first set, I watched him just like turn away. I was like, you fucking freak.

This guy doesn't care about me. It'll be slow, baby. Wow, what an attention-seeking little bitch I am. Jesus Christ. Right. I'm going to give the first scenario and you are going to... Well, first of all, what three cards do you have? I almost want to surprise you, but I have an angry beaver. Okay. An old sock.

And a KFC bargain bucket. Okay. Angry beaver, old sock. Old sock. Angry beaver can be, you can play. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it could be either or. Yeah. Cool. Scenario number one. You've just gone on a first date. It's gone really well and you've gone back to hers ready for some action. You pop to the toilet and do a toxic monster shit. It won't flush and she's waiting outside to use the toilet. Oh my God. Go. Oh my God. Oh my God.

What did you say? Angry beaver a what? An old sock and a KFC bargain bucket. Jesus. Okay. Um, fucking hell. I'm shouting from, uh, maybe from the room. Oh, fuck. All right. Hey, babe. Hey. You got a plunger? Um, maybe. I don't know. Why? Why indeed?

Well, depending on how you feel, I mean, I've got a KFC bargain bucket here that you can look at. But if it's okay with you, I think I'm going to just send it down the drain. You've got a KFC bargain bucket in the bathroom? Yeah, I left a lot of nuggets here. That's the way I could put it. Okay. I'm confused as to what you need from me right now. Well, I just, I need a plunger because I got to get these nuggets down the toilet. You pick up what I'm saying?

These must be big nuggets. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of them. Okay. It's like, if you could imagine, listen, they don't call it a bargain. They don't call it a bargain bucket for nothing. All right. Jesus. That smells like an old sock in here. Oh God. I don't know if that's my lower intestine or the bargain bucket. Jesus Christ. Why would it be your lower intestine? Where is this a first date?

Well, I've just completely undone myself. That's the way I could put it. Fair play. Now give me that plunger so I can get after that angry beaver. Well played. Jesus Christ. Okay. That was some Nigerian logic right there. Brother, that was funny. My scenario, yeah? No, you gifted me the laugh, dude. I was fucking laughing. Okay, alright. Change your scenario.

Yes. You're in a solo Arctic trek and you've slipped outside your tent for a pee in the freezing conditions. However, as you pee, the urine freezes mid-flow and cements the floor with your penis.

That's it? That's it. I'm on an Arctic trek. I've gone out for a piss and it's frozen my dick to the floor. Correct, sir. Okay. And all I've got with me to help me out of this scenario is my girlfriend's bra, your mum. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Your mum. Yeah. My girlfriend's bra and an extendable back scratcher. Back scratcher. Back scratcher. Um...

Right. How do these three things get me out of this situation? Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Talk to me. Right. For starters, with all due respect in this situation, I'm putting your mom to work. That's the only...

I can do. It's on the card. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the only thing I'm going to do. Okay. I'm not going to bother. What do you mean? Put her to work. We're going to find out, bro. So, all I'm saying is... You ever lick the pee like a popsicle? We've got a stream of frozen piss and a hot mouth. No sexual innuendos necessary, bro. This is all we have. This is all... Unless she needs to piss as well. Okay. This is all we have. Okay. And my girlfriend's bra. Okay. So, I think I would...

break the ice and I'm just gonna walk I'm just gonna be like mum mum mum auntie auntie please what's up what's up and I'm just wearing the bra why are you wearing the bra cause it's fucking cold okay and then shoot and then she's gonna be like okay you're the mummy address what you're seeing right now my dick's frozen to the floor

Yeah. That's all I do. It looks like a mom. It looks like a mom. That's a mom. That's a mom. All right, cool. Yeah. So I'm wearing the bra for no reason other than to break the ice. Yeah. You're shocked. Flabbergasted. And I've got an accident. And so I pull out the bag scratcher and I say, auntie. Help. Scratch my back. I'll scratch yours. And then I'm two words, piss or spit. How are we doing this? Do you need to go or no? Damn. Damn.

I'm asking you on your mom's behalf, which one is she going to pick? Otherwise, I'm going to die. Piss. Piss? Yeah. She's going to piss on my piss? Yeah. To like... It's a little bit warm. Yeah. She's going to piss on my piss. It's not the throat. She's going to piss on the piss and then hopefully use the back scratcher to like... But girls can't A&P. Yeah, they actually can't. She'd have to stand over the stream.

That'd be crazy. That would. I think she'd have to stand over the stream and I'd have to scratch her back. Wow. To just relax her to get this over with. And God forbid she gets in the same predicament. Yeah. Well, no, because then, you know, when girls pee, it's like a truck falling over. So to just kind of, just a little hot pee. Valid. Yeah, yeah, no stream. Just break the base. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you got a unicorn spiral in your wiener. But...

You walk out of there with your hiking stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get back into the tent and then maybe... I figure the rest out myself. Yeah. You could put your body in the tent and leave the unicorn halfway out the tent. Depending on how tall you are, long stream, short stream. Interesting. Do you reckon she'd go for it or she'd just let you die? I don't think she'd let you die. She won't let you die.

She loves you, bro. Yeah, my bad. I acted that whole thing out. I realized I just needed an answer. No, no, no. Yours was perfect. Yours was sick. I physically couldn't act it out. All right. You read my one. All right. Number three. For context, I have Pornstar Stilettos, a tampon, and Harry Potter's owl, Hedwig. Oh. Stilettos. And what's the second one, sorry? Tampon. And Hedwig. And Hedwig, yeah. That's a good name, bro. Yeah, Hedwig is a good name. Hedwig. Right. Okay.

You're driving a bus full of people when you get an anonymous text. The text says, crash this bus. Wait, is this, this is the plot to fucking, what's it called? Speed? Speed. You're driving a bus full of people when you get anonymous sex. The text says, if you drop below 60, it blows. Yeah. Is that it? That is it. That literally is the plot. Speed one. Yeah. To be exact. Fuck. Fuck.

And you've got stilettos as a tampon and Harry Potter's owl head wig. Can that owl do anything? It just delivers messages now, that's it. And that's all it does. What message are you sending, bro? Help. Need gas. Right. Right, right, right, right. Lock in, bro. Right, pretend you guys are on the bus with me. Okay. Right. Ah! Ah! What? Okay. Ah! Ah!

- Why are you screaming? Are you on your period? - No, I thought- - No, we haven't dropped below 60 in three hours, bro. - It sounds like someone needs to go to the hospital. That's why I'm through. I'm going. I'm going. - Some guy on the bus told me we can't go below 60 and I just can't go like this. I can't go like this, man. I can't go like this. - There was a rumor. Some kid was spreading rumors that you got a text, bro. Speak up. - The text is not what you think it is. - What does it say?

I'll have to refer to my owl, Hedwig. Hedwig can't speak, bro. What the fuck does the text say? Hedwig delivers stuff for me. I need you to tell me what's going on. We haven't dropped below 60. You've ran three red lights, bro. To be honest, I fucked a bad bitch yesterday and she left a porn star stilettos. Look at the road, motherfucker! We're gonna die! Man's talking about fucking baddies. She left her stilettos in my house. What's that gonna do with this trip?

- Oh my God! - I need to save my life first. My wife can't see this. - There's another red light, you motherfucker! - My wife can't see this. Hedwig, help me! Send the message to the people in the back. - Get this fucking bird off the bus! - He's flapping all over the place. - And the tampon, Trevor? What relevance does the tampon have in this scenario? I feel like it's relevant, but you haven't explained why. - You're kind of relaxed for someone who needs to keep us alive.

Explain the text, bro. Oh my God. The tampon is for, I don't know. Fucking speak up. I can't. You guys, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm doing this to you guys. They're

- There's a bomb on the bus. - Jesus Christ. - There's a bomb on the bus and I can't go below 60. - Give me the tampon. - The tampon, if you need to squeeze on something, put it in your mouth, bite hard. - Give me the tampon. - Just bite hard. I need you guys to all shut up. Tampon each, tampon each, tampon each. Shut the fuck up. - Nah, bro. - Let me get through this peacefully. 'Cause you man are screaming. - How are you getting through this? How are you gonna save our lives? - I'm gonna keep driving till I get to my house and get those porn star stilettos. - You're gonna, you will die, bro. What are you talking about? - I've exited.

Right, I'm writing a note for Hedwig on the tampon. There you go. Hedwig, go save us because you're fucking useless. Because you're fucking useless. I know for a fact you would save yourself as well. If I was a driver? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what I would do. I'm not going to lie to you. I personally don't think if there was a bus full of people and you were the driver and you got a text saying, drop a life 60 and you die, I promise you, I truly believe you'd get that stiletto, lock that gas down and die if you wouldn't think about us once. Oh.

I refuse to believe that, but I also wouldn't put it past myself.

So I'm like a Yeah I'm split You know You know what I'm thinking about Speed As a movie Yeah That concept Like as a premise That shit would not work In the UK Never Ever Oh of course not bro Ever No no no It's impossible Yeah Too many lights Too much traffic Five minutes 100% We wouldn't make it anywhere I mean most roads Are 20s these days Yeah Yeah we wouldn't make it Anywhere bro There's not enough highways You guys You guys got some roads Yeah

I like it. Yeah. You can't really go fast until you're like deep out. Yeah, bro. It's tough in London. Is it true that the fucking M1, if you speed on that, you like get, isn't it like a fat charge if you go over the speed limit or something like that? You get fined, you get points. Yeah. Yeah. Why? What happens here? I just randomly thought of that because I remember our driver, when we were touring in the UK, he was mashing it. Yeah. And I was like, hey man, are you comfortable with this? He's like, yeah, fuck it.

Give it to me. Damn. Damn, for real. Shit. What's the process in America if you speed? Nothing? Well, it depends. Okay. You know, if you're attractive. Hmm. Hmm.

then it means nothing. Fuck, I didn't know a fast one was going. It just depends on where you're at. Oh, okay, cool. What type of car you're dealing with. The state is very different. You guys don't have speed cameras? Sometimes, but people get out of those. Damn, what the fuck? There's no getting out of a speed camera in the UK. You get caught, you get caught, and it's done. It's done. Don't you guys have the thing if you're like on your phone while you're driving? Yeah, that's a law now. Yeah, that's done. You guys don't have that here? Six points. We do. It's like, you can't be on it in motion, but if you're at a stoplight. Oh,

Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure our law is engine on. Yeah. You can just be stationary. Engine on. Wow. Texting. Done. Six points. Thousand pound fine. Crazy. Yeah, it's tough. Anyway. Next game? Next game. Yeah.

Fucking hell. That was funny. It's a little dramatic. It did get dramatic, but it was necessary. Right. We know how you handle pressure now. Yeah, I sweat. Put tampons in your mouth for sure. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Do you normally sweat? Easily. Okay, all right, all right. Easily, yeah. It wasn't because of the salon. I wasn't locked in. You're a fucking actor. I was not locked in. Just crying on command, sweating on command. Sweating on command is a different beast. You gotta get this guy Fouhad, man. He's so good at being nervous.

- He's a magician. Cast him for something nervous. Watch this, watch this. - Oh my God. - Oh shit. - Fuck sake. - Right. Next segment. We have a segment called wacky five pound therapist. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, dude. Told you. - Cool. Here's the scenario. I found out my boyfriend- - What's the premise of the segment?

You do a second, you obviously do a second. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The $5 therapist. - So we, where you give us unsolicited advice. So we are going to give you scenarios to discuss or we're going to discuss scenarios and you're going to give us a $5 therapy session. - Sure, yeah. - Cool, scenario number one. Caption or heading, found out my boyfriend is into hentai ASMR. Cool, context. - Nice. - I, 25 female, currently just started long distance with my boyfriend of five years.

that doesn't make sense. I currently just started long distance with my boyfriend of five years, 25 mil. I have a great relationship with him. I mean, I have plans on getting married once I finish my studies here and return to him. I would just like to say that I have a lot of trust in him and I appreciate his privacy. When I was looking through his emails for something, the words "Wei Fu ASMR" caught my eye.

Accompanied by the title, New Audio Thick Ass Tease. I clicked on the email and saw that he was subscribed to a knockoff Patreon that provides monthly ASMR porn.

I feel bad for seeing this email since it's still his personal thing, even though unintentionally, even though unintentional, sorry. I'm honestly fine with him watching porn or whatever, but I don't know why. Him being subscribed to some hentai ASMR porn bothers me, even a little self-conscious. Should I be feeling this way or am I overreacting? Listen, I think, I think you should get, put him to the test. Okay. Text him the audio and say,

oh, so it's a problem when I moan in English and see what he says. That would spin me. Yeah. Because not only has she found out my deep, dark secrets, but she's, I don't know whether she's willing to entertain it. So I'm hard, but I'm not at the same time. Do you see what I'm saying? I'm confused. Right. But continue. Yeah. And just see how he responds. And, you know, if he kind of is a little bit,

He's like, no, I love it when you moan in English. Then start an argument. Okay. Do you want me to moan like a waifu? Is that what you want? You like it better when I moan like a waifu? Is that what you need? Because I can do that. That's what you need is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then tell him, because I can do that. Take Japanese classes.

Wow. And just practice in the bedroom. Okay. Trying to moan like the waifu audio and make him sit through this really awkward period where you're not very good at Japanese. And if he's willing to sit through it, that's how you know it's real. Yeah. That's love. Shit. If he'll sit there and watch you grind it out on top of him, I'm not going to do, but-

you know, because that's for her to learn how to do. Yeah. Some great advice. That is pretty good advice actually. God, sitting through that...

When she shits a Japanese, that's torture. I'd close my eyes. Yeah, bro. I'd close my eyes and turn away. I think I'd have to end the relationship. Yeah, I was just like that. Because now I need my real fix after. So now I'm doubling my subscription. Doubling down, yeah, yeah, yeah. No ads. Yeah, yeah. Fuck the ads now. No ads. All right, bet, right. Let me read the second. Oh, you got it? I read the second one. That was good advice.

Right. Title of this next one is, I saw my best friend's dad on Grindr. Lovely. Crazy. So I was just going through Grindr like I pretty regularly do. And I got a message from someone and clicked on their profile. I soon noticed the background of the picture was taken in my childhood best friend's home. Also in the picture was a portion of my friend's dad.

Portion. Portion. To my knowledge, he's straight and he's married to a woman. I'm so shocked and I have no idea what to do. Part of me is also shocked because I'm 21, the same age as his son, and he's over 50. My face picture isn't visible, but my age is. Do I tell my friend? Go on a date with the dad. Okay, interesting. Interesting. Suss it out. Test the waters. Yeah.

I'd be like, listen, man. I don't tell you. You don't tell. Oh, God. How deep do these pockets go? Extortion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Get a light payday. Extortion is a big word. You know?

A hundred bucks here and there? Is that extortion? Just wetting the beak. Yeah. That's not crazy. That's how it starts though. That's how it starts. A hundred. Yeah. The difficult part is going to be not going full extortion. You know, you're just doing a little...

a little EXT, you know, just like a little diet, you know, Hey pal, I need, I need a hundred for the weekend. Yeah. And then hook me up with, you know, I need a new PlayStation, you know, milk that this is, you know, it's hard to get work in your twenties. This is an opportunity to bridge the gap. So I would say, I would look at this cause you know, people grow older. How long is this guy going to be your best friend? True. Fair. Yeah. We're going to grow apart at some point at 21. It may not last. And what's going to last more.

sugar daddies yeah fine yeah they lost yeah cool is it extortion if you end up getting married I mean come on okay cool alright cool this is $5 advice this ain't good advice little pay pig situation up until we marry alright bet say less one more one more you know by the way for all like the videos that I did with this premise these are like not

far off like these were actually kind of light compared to some of the other stories I've gotten yeah I've gotten I had to stop doing it bro because my email started looking like I was just knowing things about people's lives where I'm like alright I didn't need to know you hit a cat when you were 10 yeah we've had some submissions that oh yeah I'm sure you that wild yeah yeah yeah turned my head wow alright one more caption

My dad is forcing me to give my kidney to my grandma. Jesus. Okay. So me, 23, grandma, 29. Grandma, 29? Sorry, 73. What am I saying? 29 is crazy. Should we start again? Yeah. Me, my 23, grandma, 73. Wait,

Where did you get the twin line from? I don't know, brother. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't know. I said it and I saw 73 but I said 29. My brain and mouth weren't working. Pause. Yeah. Pause indeed. Yeah, cool, cool. So my grandma, 73, needs a kidney transplant. She just started dialysis maybe two weeks ago. I'm not sure. My dad got checked if he was a match, but he wasn't. A couple of days ago, he said I should get checked if mine could be suitable.

I immediately said no because I don't want to. I never liked my grandma. She always treated my mom like shit. Abused her when she was younger, so I kind of hate her. Also, she's a smoker.

What's that got to do with her kidney? Also, she's a smoker. I'm reading what's here. My dad got super offended. My dad got super offended and upset. People around me are saying I should do it for my dad, but I don't want to. I don't know. Also, how can I tell my dad no in the nicest way possible without sounding like I don't care? First of all, your kidneys are kidney. Valid.

Okay. You were born with it. You don't have to give your kid... You don't have to do anything. What I would tell your dad, without sounding like an asshole, but you want to let him down in the most gentle way possible. Dad? Son? She's not my favorite grandma. Why is that? She fucking stinks. My mother stinks? And if I'm just being honest, if maybe...

Listen, dad, she smokes a ton. It's not like she cares about her body. She's stressed. She does make, she's stressed. I know, but if she's stressed enough to do that, why am I giving my kidney to someone who's just going to, we know she drinks. Does she? I've never seen her drink. Dad. He's like, come on. You're in denial. You're in denial, bro. Back in. I'm back in.

If I give her the kidney, she's just going to feel emboldened to get behind that wheel. This is the American way, dad. New kidney, new life. New kidney, new me. I'm drinking again. What's to stop grandma from being, I'm back on it, baby. Because she's my mom. I don't want her to go, bro. But she's going to find a way. To go? To go. She's 73, dad. Why are we giving a fresh kidney to a 73-year-old? She's washed, bro.

And she smokes. Fair. Fair. I've locked out a character. Fair. Well played. Well played indeed. Good arguments. Very good arguments. Good arguments. She's going to get behind the wheel. That's hilarious. Jesus. Right. Questions to finish? We have some questions for you. So earlier I sent you an airdrop on your notes. And yeah, so it's questions you can read out and you answer yourself. Cool. I'd say, how many is on there?

Maybe like 10 pick your top like three or four. Hmm. I can just read them off and go. All right, bro It's up to you. All right question number one. Why are your feet so sexy? That's not this is number one Question number two, when are you starting your foot only fans? Well, that's why I'm here. Okay question number one

What's your favorite piece of British slang? Now, this is tough because, you know, I have the slang I've learned from Top Boy. Nice. Okay. Right. And then I have the natural slang that I've just learned from being over there. This isn't really slang, but I like the expression, I can't be helped.

You guys throw that shit like I just or I can't be bothered. Oh, okay. Yeah. You're just I love how you guys can throw that and really like the British way of you guys just being like no, I just won't. Yeah.

You embody that, by the way. Yeah. Just nah. Yeah, yeah. Just bro, nah. I just can't be arsed. I'm surprised you guys have a military. In times of crisis, I think hundreds of people could be dying in front of you and you'd be like, can't be bothered. I just can't. I would say since...

be we can't even be bothered to say you're welcome yes I'm pretty sure we got someone picked us up or something the other day and was like thank you and he's like you're welcome I was like who can be bothered to say that yeah yeah like yeah yeah nah and you know what I love you guys don't do the how's your day not at all yeah don't care it's like fucking offensive yeah do not care how are you doing

Yeah, fuck you. Like, don't ever ask me that question. Yeah. Do not make me speak right now. Yeah. I get offended if I say, ask someone if, so obviously we say you're right. Yeah. If someone's like, I love that too. Yeah. I love that too. If you're like, oh, you're right. You're right just means hi. Yeah. So if they don't say you're right back and they're like,

yeah I'm okay I'm sorry shut up who cares bro it was just autonomous yeah I'm being polite don't say anything yeah I think the only answer is yeah yeah you're right yeah cool yeah move on literally move on so yeah how's your day going is like

they really stretch that shit out like in the north of the UK yeah right yeah yeah yeah they do bro and swear down is just swear down there's just no there's no way I could use that but fuck all if I don't want yeah yeah yeah swear down bro when's the last time I said swear down you just said it did I yeah oh fuck yeah you said it earlier I swear you did I probably did bro yeah I swear oh it was probably when I was talking about fucking chops yeah

Sorry, bro. That's your boy right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull my bridge in. They know each other. All right. Second question. What is the key difference between American and British stand-up audiences? Well, I said this a little bit earlier, but yeah, I think the... Because I feel like British people get characterized as like really crass. You're actually really like reserved. Not like in a...

Yeah, it's just like I think you guys like train yourselves to kind of at first to really like close it in. Yeah. And I think you could be saying something fucking horrible on stage, like something really funny or whatever it is. And I feel like you guys are very like, yes, fuck. Yes. Yeah. That's like it just takes so much to draw you out. Yeah. I think you guys warm up. Yeah, definitely, bro. We definitely do warm up and then...

But those first five minutes on stage, every time I've gone. Yeah. Because when I went there, I didn't have an opener. So I went fucking cold. Yeah. And just that British stoic like... They're just waiting. Yeah. Make me laugh. Own it. Own it, bro. What's all this? Yeah. I like saying shit that's wild. So you guys go, nah. Nice. Yeah. Yeah.

And then American audiences, depending where you go, I feel like Americans will give you a lot of pity laughs. You can just say something like, I'm ugly. And people in the crowd would be like, oh my God. No, you're not. Stop it. That's true. Depending where you're at. Yeah. So that's cool. Yeah.

You know, I did think about this one. This is actually the only bit of research I did last night. If you could have free front row tickets to see a British comic, who would it be and why? I don't know if, you know, Rowan Atkinson's, I don't know if his standup is amazing, but if I could have, Atkinson, damn. If I could have live action Mr. Bean for an hour,

I'd be locked the fuck in. Yeah. God, that guy's got an interesting career. Yeah. Yeah. How dope is that? Yeah. He doesn't have to speak. He just has to go. Yeah. Literally. Do you remember The Bee? The what? The Bee on Netflix. What was it called? The Bee? What's that? It was Rowan Atkinson. It was like a series on Netflix. Oh. Where there was a bee like following him around. Yeah. Yeah.

that was alright he did the whole Mr Bean did you guys grow up in Mr Bean or was it like yeah we grew up in Mr Bean did you think it was funny I thought it was boring as fuck I didn't think it was funny I just I'd never seen anything like it yeah I don't think I've ever seen anything like it till now so yeah my mum used to put that on I used to find it so boring bro it's pretty like slapstick yeah literally damn do you think he could've

Had that career still if he was handsome? Respect to Rowan. I love you, bro. No, obviously not. Yeah. Never in a million years. Just like good looking. Yeah. Just a hot guy just not talking. Yeah. Yeah. Different career. Yeah. I mean, bro. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Number four. This is crazy. Your ethnic ambiguity has broken the internet. I don't think it's broken the internet, but what is a culture you love slash would be a part of?

that's the thing with ethnic ambiguity man you can get adopted for like an evening into anything anyone literally anyone I'm fucking head scratching about it bro I'm so intrigued about it I could sit around with like some fucking Scandinavians and be like for tonight you're us yeah not me boy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's fine yeah um

A culture I'd love to be a part of? That's tough. Just want to like kind of slip in for a bit. I think I'd choose something that felt like super exclusive. Okay. I could be like Korean for a day. That would be sick. Yeah. That would be sick. That actually is what I would want to do. That would be sick. Oh, fuck. Koreans are too cool, man. Yeah, just slip in for a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chill. Chill. I think the Mormons call that soaking. Do you know about that? I do not. Do you have a lot of Mormons in the UK? No.

We have zero. Zero. Yeah. Do we have Mormons? We have Mormons, right? We're soaking, bro. No Diet Coke. No Mormons. Soaking is like... Wait, what? We've got plenty of Diet Coke. No Diet Coke. I couldn't find any Diet Coke. There's only Coke Zero over there. There is a lot of Coke Zero, but there's Diet Coke, bro. You got to go find it, though.

I didn't realize this. But maybe we're just not paying attention. Maybe. Last time I was there, anywhere I went, fucking Tesco or wherever, no Diet Coke. It was only Coke Zero. Interesting. Yeah. Our manager's addicted to Diet Coke, so yeah, she's got a problem with what you just said. Yeah. Facts. There's Diet Cokes and... Sorry, bro. Swear down. Sorry, G.

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they saw me coming and they're like, no, I don't know. Or maybe I was just like pinned to the fucking American section. Potentially. Potentially. That shit is so funny every time. It's still just Lucky Charms and Cheetos. Oh yeah, it's Lucky Charms. It used to be Reese's before we got Reese's. What else is over there? Couple Twinkies. Not even that many Cheetos.

It's like one flavor. Yeah. It's really small. Yeah. Yeah. When we're here, we have to, we come home with like a suitcase of American snacks. That's so funny. Yeah. It's amazing. It is amazing. Sorry, I'm getting off on a tangent. Yeah, I'd be Korean. Okay. Nice. Fair play.

alright decent nice this was fun this was fun man bro thank you very much thank you for having me man this was awesome man yeah this was like a sexy change of pace it was very different I'm really happy I got a story off my chest as well he's eating away at me yeah chops yeah but anyway bro chops you're next on the show man it's like it's waiting for you it can't happen pull up man it physically can't happen but

bro if there's anything you want to plug or do or whatever this is your yeah you know I got dates noelmillerlive.com come see me yeah I'm gonna be I'm gonna be going back to I think South Carolina sick I'm gonna be I'm gonna be all over just come check me out other than that company lot on YouTube see me in my dark dystopian whatever and yeah that's it you guys are you're done with dates nah nah we got like we got five weeks to go how many more

16. 16 more days? Yeah. Let's go. Yeah, we got a bit to do. Yeah, man. All right. Yeah, it's going to be sick. Go see them on tour if it's not sold out already. It is, but that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Noah Miller, guys. Yay! Good episode!

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