NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS?! | EP 353 | ShxtsNGigs Podcast
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Guys, it's a happy new year! Happy flippin' new year, guys. Guys, it's 2024. Indeed. And, right, before we get started with anything today, I teased it before. We're gonna do a challenge, right? Yes. Yes. We're gonna do an S&G challenge, so I'm gonna tell you guys what it is right now. Everyone at home can join in, whatever. So, I was racking my brain of what to do.

for context i've been doing it for a couple weeks racking my brain thinking what's the best thing to do because some of us are trying to get bigger some of us trying to get smaller some of us prefer cardio some of us like i just there's not very many things i wanted to do like measurements and weight loss and all these other things that doesn't really apply to everyone it wouldn't be a fair a fair ting so i found something that is going to be a fair thing okay right cool so

What we are going to do is for the months of January and February, we're going to do it for eight weeks. So depending on... I need to order you guys some stuff. So depending on when it arrives, we'll start... Then. It'll be eight weeks from then. Okay. So...

I've ordered some... Well, I've ordered myself a whoop watch or a whoop band, whatever they call it. I'm annoyed because I'm giving them daylight and they ain't paid us nothing. But I'm not saying it's going to be good. It could be shit. But anyway, I've ordered these bands here. And what you can do, I'm going to order them for everyone. It's a subscription thing, so I'm going to sort out subscription for everyone. And then for the eight weeks...

What they use is a measurement of strain. So how much strain you're putting on your body in a day. Okay. Sleep and recovery. So you can create a leaderboard that measures, it will be a separate leaderboard for how much strain, how much sleep, how much recovery. Okay. So at the end of the eight weeks, whoever has like the mean top,

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Of Coastal 3, we'll win the thousand pound prize, okay? - Okay, yeah, that's interesting. - So yeah, it's equal for everyone. - Okay, yeah. - So some of us might be better at sleeping, some of us might get better at recovery than others, some of us might do more exercise than others. So yeah, it could be a case where I'm doing way more exercise, but I'm lacking on my sleep, whereas,

Ellis is getting way more sleep and he's lacking his exercise. And then we've got the same amount of points. Okay. So it's going to be, okay. It should get us into a nice swing where we're taking our sleep seriously. We're taking our fitness seriously. Our recovery seriously. Makes sense. And it should benefit us overall very, very well. As opposed to because of the recovery aspect as well.

it will disincentivize us. 'Cause some of the things I was doing, we would be incentivized to be waking up at three in the morning and go for like a 10 mile run to get those points up. Do you know what I mean? Well, you would have. I'm competitive. - I wouldn't do that. - If I woke up and saw that you man were like 4,000 steps ahead of me, I'm getting up whatever time I get up, I'm going. I'm doing stuff. I'm not losing. - So you can see it live. You can see everyone's been live. - We'll be able to see all of our shit live. - Oh, I swear. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the whole eight weeks, we'll be able to see our shit live. - That's gonna get toxic.

It's gonna get messy, you man. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - We're gonna see the whole thing live. - You have to keep it on permanently. - Yeah, you keep it on, it's waterproof, everything. You keep it on all times. - Okay, cool. - And yeah, we'll see you at the end of the eight weeks.

Who's the most elite human? Cool. Sounds like a good idea. All right. Physical S and G 100. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. So yeah, guys place your bets at home. And we'll check in week by week about where the leaderboard is and how everyone's doing and stuff like that. And because it's on the app, we should be able to post it on the episodes. Yeah. We should be able to get the stuff on the episodes of where everyone's. Yeah. So I'm excited because I need excuses to make my sleep count.

Yeah, my sleep needs to go up. And the strain thing as well, like if I'm in there, it gives you a strain rating of your day and stuff like that. It could be a day where you're in the gym and then one of us' strain rating is up. One of us has been working, the other one's just been chilling in there. Yeah. We're about to see it all. We're about to see it all. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, I'm excited. Gang. I'm really excited. Okay, guys, so on top of that, before we get into it, does anyone have any resolutions or no? Um...

I'm trying to see if I had any last year and if I lived up to them. I probably did, 'cause we do it every year. - Yeah. - If I lived up to them, who knows? Do I have any this year? Come back to me. Come back to me. - Do I have any resolutions this year? You know what? Not to sound all high and mighty, I think the year just passed has been probably the best year of my life. - I can agree. I can attest to that.

There's been a lot of up and downs, definitely with like fitness and health. But for the last two months-ish, I think I said the other day, apart from last week, which was super busy, just like Christmassy shit. Apart from last week, I've trained, for the last two months, I've trained at least four times a week, every week, sometimes five and six. So where I'm at right now, if I can keep that going into this new year, I'm going to be

So yeah, like 2023 went to America twice. We did some cool friendship stuff. Obviously the, like when I did the,

the guest of the year i was going through all of the um obviously the old clips and stuff and just like the quality of the clips from the taser episode yeah up until like michael's episode for example which was the last one of the year night and day you'd never guess it was the same year it looked completely different fair and i was like damn we've done stuff we've done stuff okay um so i don't have any resolutions just

try and have at least as good a 2024 as i did in 2023 i think the same yeah i can i can attest that i agree with that as well um 2023 was probably the best year of my life so far um i'm just happy to keep on coming in and doing the same shit man that's it's juicy now that's that's the juiciest thing i could ask for man um and yeah i'm gonna cut that i'm gonna try and keep my fitness up

As well as I can this year the last week or so, obviously, you know, I've been ill as hell But yeah, just trying to keep that up and that should be okay. Gang Menace so Just one one one big one. So it's always been on the back burner and It's never like I've basically it's always been in the back burner. I've never gave it full focus Right. I'm gonna start making my own content. I

- Let's go. - I knew you were gonna say that. - Because the thing is, I posted that video and then it was like, I just put it off and I was like, I just want to focus on like this, this show and all this stuff. I was just focusing on that and then like getting better at editing and focusing on stuff like that. And then, yeah, I said to myself like the other week, I was like, look, cool.

Let's just fucking execute now. Because I've got like loads of notes on videos, like a shit ton of notes of stuff I want to do. There's so many ideas. It's like, just fucking execute it then. Just do it. So yeah, that is the main thing. Like literally just start creating my own content and stop overthinking stuff. Stop overthinking it. Like, oh, this is going to be good. This is going to be, oh, this is a bit shit. Oh, this needs, just do it. Just post it. Nice, bro. Well played. That's my plan for the year. Jim, get back on it.

Routine again, food wise as well. Both needed to be just as disciplined as well. Not as disciplined as when I was competing, but like, you know, just get back on it properly. It's been up and down recently. Continue practicing bass, bass guitar. Nice. Yeah, I've been on that. And network with more creative minds and also content as well. Let's get onto my own content, man. Like it's right there. I have ideas that...

On my way here to the studio, I'm sat on the underground in my notes, writing stuff out. Nice. Planning stuff, writing skits that just come to my mind that just...

I have them there, so execute them. Just do it. - Gang. - I'm on it. - Nice man. That's a nice little wholesome start to the show. - It is. - I'm gassed, I'm gassed. Right guys, so again, we teased, we've got some new segments for everyone today. It's gonna be juicy.

I'm going to be participating a little bit more now moving forward with the questions of the week. Make it a little bit more interesting. We're going to do some, go back to our roots with the character play and the role play and the immersiveness. We're an immersive show now, guys. I'm inside your living rooms. Brains. Brains. I'm inside your brains. You saw my face, didn't you? Yeah. Not your guts, man.

Not on the New Year's Day. Not on the New Year's Day. Right. So the flipping, let me find my ting. You got it. I'm out of touch, bro. I don't do this kind of stuff. I usually just sit and wait. Right. So, right. So what was the question of the week? So the question of the week, the first question of the year actually is-

New Year's resolutions, wrong answers only. - Wrong answers only. So right, what we'll do is I'm gonna play a character. I'm gonna say what my resolutions are and I wanna embody it. You play a character and we'll go a little pinga ponga. - Okay. So New Year's resolution guys, wrong answers only. - Right. Daddy, what's your New Year's resolution? - To manipulate this bitch even more in the new year.

That is my New Year's resolution. Fair. Yeah. Fair. Okay. What about yours? I'm going to leave my baby daddy alone. I'm not going there again. You sure? I'm leaving his ass alone, bro. I'm leaving him alone. All right. Cool. Back to mine. I'm going to make her cry more. You're really... Yeah. Yeah. You're the same person twice over. Making her cry more. Yeah. Yeah. Swear. Are you sure this is the right thing to do? Positive. All right. Cool. I know what I'm going to do this year.

I'm going to pick up the phone knowing toxic lives on the other end. I'm going to pick up that phone anyway. I'm going to pick it up anyway because I know only good can come from that. That's what I want. Say less. What I'm going to do is I'm making it my mission to disappoint my family by having a child out of wedlock. That's exactly what I'm going to do in the new year. That's exactly what I'm going to do in the new year. Swear. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. - Say less, my guy. All right, all right, all right. You know what I'm gonna do? You know Fuhad from, what's it called? Shits and Gigs? - Yeah. - I'm gonna make him admit he loves cock. - Cool. - He's gonna admit it once and for all. - To piggyback off that, you know what I'm finna do? - What are you trying to do? - I'm trying to touch more mandems with deenies and say it was an accident. - With what? - Deenies. - With deenies.

and say it was an accident. - All right, say less, say less, say less, say less, say less. - Do you know what I'm trying to, do you know what I, no, okay, all seriousness, you know what actually I'm trying to do next year? - Hit me. - This year, sorry. - Get less bitches, man. - It's tough. - Bro, it's just jarring. - Yeah, it's long, innit? I hear you. - I just wanna get less bitches. - I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. You might know I don't really like my cardio bag, but what I'm trying to do this year, get more cardio in by continuing to run away from love. - Mm. - Yeah. It's not for you. Just keep running away, stay healthy.

- Yeah, man. - Two birds, one stone kind of situation. - There you go. - All right. All right, cool, cool, cool. Do you know what I'm actually really desperately trying to do this year? - Tell me. - Not get pregnant by Nick Cannon. - I mean, the odds of that are slim. - Yes, fam! - The odds of that are slim. - Resolutions just, yeah, I'm saying stuff. - They fold and they unfold, so. - I reckon I'll make it through Q1.

And then he's bursting through Q2. He's running me up. He's running me up. In Q2. It's long. He loves a Ute. He's put like him. Whack. He loves a Ute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of Utes, I'm finally going to come around to putting sand in my baby daddy's gas tank. That's what I'm going to do. You've been putting it off. I've been putting it off. Because you're a good person. I'm a good person. I was a good person. 2024? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 180. All right. Bet, bet, bet, bet, bet, bet.

You know what I'm thinking? I'm actually going to finally start doing this year as well. Because I'm just bored of the natural ways. I'm going to start paying for pom-pom. Is it? Okay. I've got fam. I'm already on the train of getting less bitches. So I'm already going to... That's going to be easier to facilitate. And I'm making money. So, ergo facto. There we go. Pay for the puss. There we go. All right, come on. I hear it. What I'm actually going to do is...

Try a lot less on this internet beef. I'm going to try and pick fewer internet fights. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I think that's the role I need to adopt. All right. Say less. All right. I am actually going to let my ex ruin my life one more time. Just one. One more time. Yeah. One more time. And then I'm charging it. I'm going to double down. I'm going to sleep with all of my exes one last time.

Just one last time. - Yeah? - Just so they know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny. 'Cause you know what I'm gonna do? - Oh, what? - I'm gonna get slutted out all of 2024. - Oh. - Slut me out. - Caveat, I'm gonna rob every nigga that invites me back to their yard on the first link. That's what I'm doing. Invite me back to your yard on the first link. - You're getting robbed. - You're getting robbed. You're getting robbed. That's exactly what I'm doing. - All right. Okay. I think that's all I've got.

- How many you got? Two more? - I've got a couple more. - All right. Oh wait, no, no, no. I got one more. I just realized, just remembered. Just remember I got one more that I actually need to do. I need to successfully break up with my girlfriend without her telling me she's gonna end her life. - I think that piggybacks off what I'm gonna do next year or this year as well is I'm gonna try and take people's mans more effectively.

You're gonna take their man more effectively. - More effectively. - You've not been effective in your mans stealing. - Yeah, I've not been stealing it effectively this year. - Sloppy, yeah. - I'm doubling down. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, clean cut. You're mine. I rate it. I rate it. - That's me. - All right, cool. - Jesus Christ. - You got one more? - Nah, that's it. - All right, say less, say less, say less, say less, say less. - Oh, wrong answers only, yeah, man. - Oh, God. - Just the one. - Right, so guys, APAZ, Fwagz has got a new game for us this year. Top five obviously ended.

- If you watch the Christmas special, you know what happened there. It was a bloodbath. - Yeah. - It was a bloodbath. - Yeah. - So new year, new rules, new game. - What's the new game? - So the new game is called Back to School. - Okay. - And this is for everyone. It's wholesome, it's fun, it's interactive. You know, everyone can learn some. So what I'm gonna do, obviously you still gotta need your pads or your whiteboards rather and your pens. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ask

five Key Stage 3 questions. For those that don't know, that aren't from the UK, what Key Stage 3 is, that's the ages between 11 and 14. It could be different subjects, math, English, science, geography, history, whatever. I'll repeat the question twice. Some are multiple choice, some aren't, to help you guys out. But even some of the multiple choice ones are a bit techy.

- Wow. - A bit techie. And I'll reveal the answers after all five questions have been asked. - Key stage three. - Key stage three. - We've literally all been there, so there's no excuse. - So what age did you say it was again, sorry? - 11 to 14. - 11 to 14. Year seven to year nine. That's not that easy. All right, cool, I'm ready. - Back to school. - Back to school. - Everyone got their stuff? - That's when I was messing about as well. - Bro, I wasn't listening. I was not listening. - Start paying attention today, boys.

We're actually heading back to school. Everyone got their pads? Yeah. Cool. Question number one. Select the adjectives in the following sentence. It's tough already. I don't know what adjective is. I forgot what it is. I've forgotten. The road comprised of large houses and a tiny shop. This is a good game. This is a good game. Question two.

Is everyone locked, by the way? Yeah. Question two. Oh, caveat. If there is a draw, I will obviously ask bonus questions. All right. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Which of the following pH numbers indicates a neutral substance? 1, 5, 7, 14. Locked? Yeah. Cool. Which of these is not a factor of 60? 10, 15, 20, 21.

25. - This is terrifying. - Yeah. - This is terrifying. - This is embarrassing. - Number four, spell amphibian. Are you all locked? - I think so. - Yep. - Number five, what is the capital of Scotland? Are you locked? - Yeah, I'm locked. - Oh God. I don't think I know that one. - You're locked? - Yeah. - Cool, those five questions done. Cool. - Okay. - Select the adjectives in the following sentence.

The road comprised of large houses and a tiny shop. Rem, what did you write? Large and tiny. Large and tiny would be correct. Ellis, what did you write? I wrote comprised. James, what did you write? Large and tiny. Cool. Fuck me. And there we go. We're off to the races. Adjectives are descriptive words. Yeah, I know now. Question number two.

Which of the following pH numbers indicates a neutral substance? Ellis, what did you put? - I've got five. - Rem, what did you put? - One. - James, what did you put? - Seven. - Seven. Question number three. Which of these is not a factor of 60? 10, 15, 20, 25. James, what did you put? - 25. - Ellis? - 25. - Rem? - 25. - 25. Question number four.

- Spell amphibian. Rem, go first. - A-M-P-H-I-B-I-A-N. Amphibian. - Ellis. - Show me your boards, please. - It would be hard to see it, but. - You love to write small. - Yeah, I know. - It baffles me. - Yep. - Yep. - He wrote that. - I can't see yours. - Sorry. - Cool. - Yes. - Amphibian. - Fair. - Amphibian. - Correct. - Thank God. - I don't think I'd get that. I'm not gonna lie. - Same, bro. I don't think I've got this last one right though.

Capital cities. What is the capital of Scotland? Just to let you know, there are options but I didn't want to give them because I wanted you man to think. But the multiple choice was either Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, Glasgow. Aberdeen. There's four options of the country. No, no, no. It's a multiple choice. It was a multiple choice but I didn't give them multiple choice. Sorry, yeah, yeah. So, Rem, sorry, what capital city did you put?

I've put Aberdeen, but now you've just said those four. - Aberdeen? - I've put Edinburgh. - I've put Glasgow. - Edinburgh. - I knew it was Edinburgh! - Yeah. - Well played. Well fucking played. - Scores are 4-3-3. So James, you won the first round. So it's 1-0.

Gang. - Picking up where we left off. - Gang, exactly man. We start as we mean to go on. - So that is the first edition of Back to School and James is in the lead. - That was terrifying, bro. I really didn't like that. No, but I loved it, but it was really stressful. - Tune in for next week. - You know what I like about that? Is obviously with top five, there's certain ones where I'm like, I don't care if I win or lose. I secretly care, but like, if I don't know what Scarlett Johansson's height is, I'm not gonna like kill myself, you know?

But yeah. Whereas this mocks you. Yeah, this is a mockery. Yeah. That's the whole point. That's literally the whole point. Okay, gang. Right. That was fun. Gang. Right. So next up.

- I'll tell you actually let's do trash news now. And then I don't wanna overwhelm everyone with the new segments. I've got a new segment after trash news. - All right, cool. - Cool. - A Chinese company is making its workers run two miles every day if they want to get a better bonus. - Mad, incentive. - Facts. - If I read this incorrectly, if I butcher this, I'm sorry. Guangdong Dongpo paper in China is offering a unique business based on employees running distances.

Chairman Ling Ziyong announced that running 62 miles monthly earns a bonus of 130% of the salary. Wow. While 31 miles secures a month's salary bonus, those managing 19 miles get a 30% annual bonus. Lim emphasizes the link between employee health and business success, but the initiative faced criticism on why.

with concerns about potential injuries and skepticism about the company's future. The company's future? Yeah, I don't know about the company's future, but I've often heard about, I'm sure it was China, and their policies for health in the workplace. They don't play at all, do they? They don't mess around. I've heard they...

Some companies do yoga on the skyscrapers. - Yeah, they do Tai Chi and shit. - Yeah, they do that before they start the day. Can you imagine that? Like, we don't have, I don't even know if they have the weather for it, but say if we have indoor complex, skyscrapers, whatever, central London. Even then, I don't imagine British people, English people doing anything like that. - We don't have the, it's not even tolerance saying even a word. We don't have the time, I guess.

- Time and... - But even, you say time, but I think if a company was that invested in the health of the employees, say it was a nine to five, you would still come in at nine, but your workday would just start at 10. So it's not even about having time. The company takes time out of your nine to five to implement this. - When I say time, I don't mean necessarily saying like it's taking time out of my day. I'm just saying I mentally don't have the time for it.

Do you see what I'm saying? Not me personally, but I'm just saying I feel like the general UK public won't have the mental time for it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Because that involves, if it's something like running, for example, that then involves bringing a change of clothes to work, doing this. You have to think about so many other things. 30%? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that it's not going to, it's a massive incentive. It's crazy. But I'm saying some people still won't do it.

I think it's a very good idea. I think it's a very, very good idea. I would definitely do it. Yeah. I reckon people will start doing it certain times a year. Certain shit that they want going on in their life, that month, they're doing the run. There you go. That month, you're doing the run. Christmas season, December? Yeah. Everyone's turning up at 8. Everyone's running, bro. Everyone's turning up at 8, running for an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a bit peak, though. They need to do it a little bit more fairly, obviously, because, yeah, people...

- Couple man can't run two miles. So it needs to be sat in like burn X amount of calories. Something like that where like for certain people, if you're morbidly obese,

burning this many calories could literally be the equivalent of you walking up a flight of stairs. Whereas if you're really in really good shape, burning the same amount of calories would require you to do a lot more. But effort levels, exertion would end up being the same. I think that would be a lot more appropriate than run two miles. You're making these bags because two miles for a couple of men. If you're, bro, if I'm 60, you can't,

You need to offer me much more than 30% to get me two miles down the road. Yeah, fair. Unless you've been doing it for a couple of years and then you're just agile about it. But yeah, I hear you completely. I hear you completely. Interesting though. But also, China's a communist country. So all this, I'm overweight, disabled, old. They don't care. They don't hear that. Then you're just not getting the P. Are you? No. That's the end of it. True. Yeah, because everyone in the comments, what if you can't do it? You got health and this and that. China don't care about that noise. No, they don't. They don't care about fair. Yeah.

Run or don't run. It's not my problem. Good work should get a, should baguette. Who says baguette in a normal sentence? Good work should baguette a bonus. Not this horse shit. Baguette is nuts. That's biblical. US, Darlene bought cupcakes, everyone. China, run if you still want to have a job. Damn. Okay, fair play. Did you also know in, I've seen the comment about TikTok. Did you know in China, they don't play with TikTok?

If you're under a certain age, you only see educational TikToks. I think I did know that. And it cuts off after like 9 p.m. or something like that as well. It's a Chinese app, right? Yeah, it's a Chinese own app. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chinese based. I've seen conspiracies saying that like, bro, China sent TikTok here to destroy us. Because people in the West...

The TikToks that blow up are not the TikToks that blow up in China. Lab experiments blow up in China. Double entendre. Yeah.

Here, just titties. - And dances. - Titties and dancing and idiots like me and Fuad. Blow up on TikTok. Fools blow up on TikTok over here. Incentivized for foolishness. Them man are incentivized to be smart. - Trump tried to remove it, didn't he? When Trump tried to remove it. - Yeah, he was like, "I'm not on this at all." - Yeah, get rid.

- Yeah, man. And all the moms were like, "Brother, I'm not taking the iPad off him. I'm not doing it, bro. You're not getting rid of TikTok, I tell you that now." - The iPad equals peace and quiet in the yard. - Facts, bro. Yeah. These men can never tell me they're taking TikTok off me. I need it. - What would you do? - Hmm? - What would you actually do though? - Obviously nothing. What can I do? I'd moan. I'd come in here and I'd moan. - Yeah, you'd come to work and moan. - Yeah. And 8 million less people would hear me.

- Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair, fair. - Oh wow, okay, cool. Right, I've got a segment guys. It's a fun one. So the segment that I'm gonna do is called, "Who Am I?" So I'm gonna pick someone

This could be a celebrity. It could be someone we know. It could be a fictional character. It could be a historical figure. Could be anyone. I like that. I like the range. Yeah, it could be literally anyone. So I'm going to describe myself and my story in a way that James would normally talk about.

And it's up to you guys to figure out who am I. Is it a case of we just shout the person out? No, because I don't want to ruin the game. Okay. So I'm not going to put it in a situation where 10 seconds in, you manage to shout and stuff. Okay. We're going to have checkpoints. I'm going to go through the story. At the end, I'm going to ask you to guess who am I. And then if you ain't got it, I will continue. Okay, cool. Yeah. To make it...

better actually to make it more of a team sport we'll use the whiteboards okay okay to write down who you think as opposed to one person shouting out and then everyone being like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah cool ready yeah ready yeah man okay well gone you man well gone um i thought i'd come in here and tell you man a little something about me in it this is a paid advertisement for better help bro talk to me real quick ask me what my self-care non-negotiables are what grounding

Wim Hof breath work. Yeah. Eight hour sleep. Non-negotiables. Those are three perfect non-negotiables and I'm proud of you. Thank you very much. I'm very, very proud of you. It's like when people say never skip leg day, but it's never skip therapy day. We all know how easy it is for our schedules to become overwhelmed with social gatherings and other obligations that leave us struggling to make time for the things that fill our own cups. 100%. It's like when your schedule is packed with big work projects and more.

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Betterhelp.com slash gigs pod today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash gigs pod. So I grew up in England. Okay. Small little town. And to be fair, life was a bit buzz to start off with. Obviously, just normal life. Grew up with my parents. Well, not my parents, like...

my mum's siblings. So like my aunt and uncle grew up with them and their youth as well. And yeah, man, obviously went to school, didn't really have any friends, family wasn't really tight with them. And I felt, bro, to be fair, when I was growing up, I felt a little bit lost. Didn't really feel like I fit in. And then when I was like 12, 13, I went to boarding school and boarding school was good. Boarding school was very, very good.

I made friends quickly, like on day one. And it was like a trio thing. There's three of us. And we were just gang, bro. When I say the three of us used to run this school, I don't like to obviously gas myself up, but you'd say I was pretty much the ringleader of this trio. Bro, we were just on stuff. And you know what's mad as well, yeah? Every time we would fuck around in school and do some foolishness,

The teachers, the head teachers, all this kind of stuff. They'll try and move Vex, but they'll low-key be gassing it. They'll be gassing us and then reward us. So it was live. It was live. It was live. So basically, every day looked like lesson, lesson, lesson. This teacher's a waste man. This teacher likes me. We'll get into some fuckery, learn some cool shit. And then, yeah, man, at the end of the day, I'm thinking I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. Mm-hmm.

Big, big head teacher would turn around and be like, my Don? Yeah, you're him still. Okay. So it went on like that for a little while, but I realized early on one or two brothers hated me. Hated me. So there was one brer, hated my guts. Don't know why. He's just a dickhead. And he had all his little fucking minions, whatever you want to call them, that hated me as well. So while I'm just trying to live my school life, the whole time,

I'm trying to educate myself, chill with my brethrens, learn some shit. And every now and again, I'm bumping into this dickhead and we're going to have to go toe to toe and scrap. First checkpoint. Any guesses? No, nothing man. Gang. Gang. Gang. I feel like Rem's got something. KSI? No. Interesting. None. Cool? Yeah. Cool? All right. I'll continue. Cool.

So bearing in mind, what I'm going to do, guys, is I'm intentionally making it incredibly cryptic in the first chapter. And then the more chapters we go on, they'll get easier and easier and easier and easier. Okay? Yeah. Cool. Right. So as I said, I'm bumping into this guy from time to time. He's a dickhead. He's making my life difficult. And then I'm realizing that this guy's renowned for being a dickhead. This guy's renowned for causing trouble, bro. Mm-hmm.

This guy pisses people so much. Every time you bring him up, they don't want to chat about him. They don't even want to say his name. So I'm learning that like, bro, this guy's been beefing me for a minute and he's been beefing everyone for a minute. So moving on, again, it's just me and my two brethrens in this school. And then I'm learning that I'm actually him. The bread that the main guy that's ops that no one wants to chat about

I'm learning I'm just as famous as him. Okay. And this beef we've been having, we've been having this beef since I was born. And then I found out that the reason I live with my fucking mom's sister, her husband, and this dickhead you is because this brer killed bro, my mom and dad. And he tried to kill me. So now I know it's just beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef.

So this guy's powerful as fuck. So now it's my mission. Now it's my life goal to take this beef to the end and I need to kill him before he kills me. That's checkpoint two. - I don't know who it is, but I'm leaning towards fictional character. - Okay. - Yeah. - Leaning towards fictional character. - I'm thinking like superhero-esque. - I was thinking Batman at first, but then I remember growing up in England. - I thought of Batman. - Right.

Cool. So moving into chapter three, if anyone wants to make a guess now, you can stop me at any time. Just write it down. Show me. And then I'll say yes or no. And then we'll go from there. Okay. Cool. Cool. So like I said, it's my life's mission now to take down this prayer that no one wants to say his name. We've had this beef since the day I was born. He killed my parents. It's me and my friends against the world essentially.

- I'm learning more. - Let me just DM you. - Rem would like to make a guess. Rem's correct. - What the fuck? - Rem is correct. - Okay. - Right. - Go back over, yeah, like what you've, in your, you know, phase one, phase two. - Cool, so yeah, the story's over. - Jesus. - Phase one, we spoke about, well done, Rem. - Thank you. - I'm actually so gassed 'cause my biggest fear was that you man were just gonna guess it like that and I'm like, this whole segment's charged. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right. - I like the phases. - Cool, so phase one, what did we learn?

We learned that, so Rem's got the point regardless. So if you guys, you guys can shout out now. So phase one, we learned that I grew up in England. I grew up with my aunt and uncle and my cousin, who's a bellend. I didn't fit in. I always knew I was different. And I only realized where I belonged when I moved to boarding school. Whilst at boarding school, I met my two best friends and the three of us

we're roaming around causing trouble. And every time we get in trouble, we'd be rewarded by our head teacher. As I'm living my life in this new school, I realized- - I know who it is. - Who? - Can I say? - Yeah. - Harry Potter. - Yes, Harry Potter! - Fair play, fair play, fair play. - I knew it was fictional as soon as I, ah yeah, Harry Potter, well played. It was good. - Gang. - Really good, really good. - Yeah? All right, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right, so I'm gonna do one of them every week. - Cool.

- It's a good game. - Yeah, very good, very good game. - It's a thinker. - Yeah, I guess you're more than good. - All right, that's one point for Ram. I'm gonna keep a tally. Cool, right. - Fuga's got a question for the team. - I do have a question for the team and you have to answer. - All right, cool. - Okay. - In our friendship group, Ellis included, as well as like your extended friendship group too, if you had to pick, would you rather die first or die last?

First. Why? Oh, you have to obviously say why. I, to this point, have not experienced loss. Like serious loss. And every year that goes on, I'm not going to lie to you, man. In here, I get more and more scared that someone close to me is going to pass away. Because it's going to happen. And for some reason...

God's left all of it until like this, like second half of my life. Well, I'm still in the first half technically, but yeah, I hope so. But yeah, I'm 32 and I've not experienced any of it. So all of it's gonna come. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. So for me personally, I've always thought, I think I'd rather it just be me first. I don't have to deal with any of it. I don't have to deal with any of it because I was watching First Dates

A few weeks ago, some woman was saying that like she was going on a date and she was saying in the space of a year, she lost like her husband, her mum, and like one of her nephews or something like that. That's a year. Bro, she spun out of control. No.

She was depressed, bro, for a good couple of years. And I was like, I'm just not on that kind of stuff, to be honest. I'd rather just go out. So first, 100%, I couldn't see you, man, pass before my eyes. I'm telling you now, I'm not going to more than one of your funerals. I'm just not on it at all. Okay. Yeah.

- Yeah. - Ellis? - Yeah, man, it's terrifying. - Yeah, the thought of like, I'd rather go first. I don't want to go through that pain. But then I feel bad for- - Everyone else. - I also feel bad for everyone else. - You're gonna cry. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You would know though. - I know, yeah. - You would never know. - Virgins. - That's tough, man. That's tough.

Rem? No one got the virgins right? No matter. I can't even clock. To the mile. 72 virgins. First, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Dealing with the pain of just carrying that pain of, you know, your closest ones, just losing them and losing them, losing them. What kind of life is that? You are each and every time that happens, realising that you're becoming more lonely and lonely and lonely.

from those who you've spent so much of your life with. And that's just, yeah, that is depressive. Scary, man. It's super scary. Yeah, so first, I think. Fair. Yeah, I think it's a unanimous decision. I would say first as well. I can't, I wouldn't be able to go to

four, five funerals. Like it would be the last one would murder. I'd jump in the same car. - I was thinking, yeah. Just put the soil on top of me. - Like that's, that would be too much for me. But it's also one of those ones where if I was to pick last, who's coming to my funeral?

Like who, which friends of mine are coming to my funeral? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, facts. - But yeah, definitely first. Definitely, definitely first. Even I wouldn't want to go first. Do you know what I mean? I mean, living. - Okay, let's flip it. Let's say, let's say we're all lined up. 'Cause this is what I know. I know you and I know how your brain works. We're all lined up. Terrorist is there. - Yeah. - Oh God. - And he was like, who wants to go first?

- And you still have to go to the funeral of every person. - Okay. - And you're saying like, it could, I'm taking you all out. - Regardless. - Regardless. - Yeah. - The first one's going today. - Yeah. - And then you're gonna go to the funeral and then the last one could be in 50 years, who knows? But at some point I'm taking you all out. So I'm saying on that day, he's, who's first? Are you saying you? - No. - Yeah. - The fuck? 'Cause that's murder.

- That's different. I don't wanna get killed. I might wanna die first, I don't wanna get killed. - All right, so who's first then? - That's not up to me. - Yeah, it is now. - Why is it up to me? - Yeah, 'cause he said, he said, "I like those lips." Who's first? Tell us. - That's not me. - Yeah, he's saying not me. - That's a dealer's choice. - Nah, you're the dealer, bro. - Dealer's you. - Not me. - It's either you or pick someone. - I wouldn't be able to pick someone. The guilt, 'cause I wouldn't be able to say,

I'll be pointing like, okay, him first. And then I actually see the murder. I wouldn't be able to live with that. All of us look at you like, oh. Exactly. Well, I wouldn't be looking at you. Why? Because I'm thinking. I wouldn't be able to take that, man. I just couldn't.

I couldn't live with that guilt. - No, of course not. - I would never be able to live with that guilt. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - Ever in my entire life. It would, oh, it would murk me every day. Every single day. - Oh, that's jokes. - That's so funny. - I like the look of those lips. - Yeah. - Who's going first? The fuck? - Sorry, but it's the first thing I can see. It's just the first thing I can see. - Oh God. - Okay, cool. You've got a dilemma for us, right? - I do. So let me give you a little background. Me and my boyfriend have been together for eight years.

and are 22 at present. - Huh? Okay. - So they've been together since 14, 14? - Like the marriage tree at school. - Yeah. He's the complete love of my life and we are each other's first everything, including first and only sexual partner. Unfortunately, growing up, I was completely controlling and I limited everything for him. I would be very jealous over every little thing. Ridiculous, I know, but I was young and dumb and thought this was, I thought this is how I would keep a man.

Then I ended up cheating, kissing one of my guy friends at the time. Needless to say, we had a break at about 17 and then ended up coming back to each other. We now live together in our own home and have a very happy, healthy relationship where I don't struggle with jealousy. And actually, I'm kind of the other way in terms of mentioning open relationships to him, ETC.

He's very turbulent as an individual and swings through emotions. For example, being completely in love for one minute and the next minute saying he doesn't care about me and I'm not what he wants because he feels trapped because we bought a house together. This usually contrasts with him telling me he's sorry the next morning and I'm the only person he's talking to or talking to about it. He literally has no friends and doesn't do anything to get friends either.

I am his complete emotional support system and he refuses to get help, i.e. therapy or start a club to make new friends. He always says he will. I know you're still the one and I'd be empty without you. But this has included at points accusing me of cheating and being cold with me all night then profusely apologizing in the morning. I fully believe and trust this man is not cheating on me. He's not the type of person."

Anyway, recently he's been down and has expressed he doesn't really find me attractive anymore. Admittedly, I put on weight since we started dating, but when I was 14 when we started dating, but I still get guys chatting me up, etc at work. So I hope I'm not fully ugly. And actually he said to me yesterday night that he feels like I ruined his upbringing slash adolescent life and he's still angry for that.

I accept this and listen to him for hours about basically how shit I used to be. He does say I am completely a different and more laid back girlfriend now and he finds that a head fuck. I've offered to leave, told him I'll be fine on my own and told him he has to do what's best for him and I support him, whatever and every time he says what he wants in our relationship. We literally haven't had sex in months and he told me he finds himself flirting with other girls too.

She wrote, I really don't mind about flirting because I'm a flirty person as well. And I love my life with the thought that ignorance is bliss. Fair. Fair. That was a 180. Yeah, complete 180. Fair. I spoke to him about this and said, we need to improve this because I swear I'm not even looking at my colleagues any different.

He was like, my head just isn't in it. I can't give you what you want. She also wrote in brackets. I do like everything. I do everything including calling him daddy, getting him choked, ETC. So I guess it's not. Getting him what?

- And getting choked, I said getting him choked. - Oh yeah. - Getting choked. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Getting choked. - I do everything including calling him daddy and getting choked. - So I guess it's not like he can just stick it in and be done. But even a quick session would be an improvement at this point. I just want it. What do I do? I'm exhausted of sitting through hours of basically being told I'm shit, but equally it's my mess from when I was younger. How can I move forward with him because I don't want anyone else, but I'm struggling with everything.

I've never considered cheating as much as I do currently and can't get this out of my head, probably because I'm deprived. And I know that won't help things, but it's tempting me when home life is just as shit as it is. Just craving some kind of stability or like just someone to love me for who I am. Please help me. Jesus Christ. So long story short, been together for eight years. They're currently 22.

They both agreed that they each other's love of their lives, first sexual interaction, things like that. Unfortunately, she was very controlling when she was younger in their relationship days because she thought that's how she could keep a man. She ended up kissing one of her guy friends when they were 17. They broke up, needed to stay to go back together. And she tried to talk about open relationships and try not to be as jealous as she used to be. He's very turbulent through his emotions. One day he says he loves her. The next day he says he's not sure, he's not really on it.

He finds himself flirting with other people. She doesn't mind because she flirts too, but it's nothing too deep because it's an ignorance is bliss situation. She's clearly wants to be more physical in the sack where he's not really on it. And she's putting out all the stops, calling him daddy, getting choked. And yeah, she just, she's even asking for a quick sesh.

That would do it for her, basically, long story short. And she's now asking, what should she do? Because, yeah, it's a mindfuck for her. I would say bloody Nora, mate. Right. Honestly, every fiber of my being is saying charge it and move on. But it's 2024. I'm trying not to just be Mr. Charge It. But also, like, you can't be with someone who resents you.

In my opinion, you have to charge it because the brother literally resents you. He can't escape that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Childhood. That childhood trauma, whatever you want to call it. Yeah. He's traumatized by the relationship, but this relationship is all he knows. And now he's...

Billy big bollocks. And he wants to get off his chest. He's told her to her face. I don't find you attractive anymore. That for one, by the way, is just done. Yeah. Before we get into all this childhood trauma stuff. Trauma, sorry. Don't find you attractive? Charged. If you don't find me attractive, we're done here. There's literally... That's it. And...

Yeah. And then she sat down with him for hours and hours, multiple times talking about like, you were so shit then and you were so shit this. Obviously he's just getting best off of his chest. He needs to go see a professor. She needs to stand up and be like, cool, you've got it off your chest. Clearly it's still burning you. You need to go speak to someone professionally because I'm not a punching bag.

Like, I'm sorry, but I'm not a punching bag. But yeah, I personally, I'm not professional. I don't see how this relationship works. He resents you, doesn't find you attractive and you're his entire emotional support system. Just red flag after red flag, after red flag, after red flag. And you man haven't banged in months. He openly tells you that he's been looking at things at work or whatever. You said you've been flirting with people at work. This thing is a shit show. What are we doing?

Yeah, I agree. And within the same breath, you're 22. It may seem as if

This is the be all and end all, considering you've been in an eight-year relationship. But you will both find someone else. Young love, young love, everything I need, I found in my young love. Yeah, young love will take a soul. It will take a soul. God, it took my soul multiple times. But yeah, man, you man will find someone else. And it's tough because you think once you do break up, like your world is going to end. But...

By the time you hit like 25, you probably might not even remember so much of why you were in that situation. Oh bro, 100% you won't. And my girl's 22 years old, hasn't been banged in months. What kind of crazy chat is that? 22, you stay naked, bro. Yeah, so for both of your benefits, you guys are clearly comfortable enough to express your thoughts freely.

in its entirety to each other, which I can commend, but also you both now have to do the right thing and go your separate ways because it's clearly not working regardless of the fact that you guys are emotionally available towards one another in terms of the communication. But that's just not enough. - Yeah, facts. - That's far from enough. So yeah, like James said, either seek professional help and see where that can go or unfortunately, Mr. 2024 is gonna have to charge it, unfortunately.

Calm. Right. Rapidly rap? Rapidly rap. That was an interesting episode. I enjoyed it. Some dark points. Some high points and some dark points. Dark points? Yeah, I don't know. When you asked about the killing thing, it just made me sad. Yeah. Not killing, the death thing. The death, yeah. I was watching a show that made me ask it. There's a show I'm watching on Netflix called...

where you're running from is actually Turkish. It's pretty decent. Good cinematography, good plot. So it made me ask the question. That's why I wrote it down. Fair. Forgot to mention, Leave the World Behind, watched it. Thoughts? Exactly as you said. Intriguing for the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could have literally watched another hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It literally...

like the like head writer was like balls deep in it. And it was like, who can be bothered? Or like, or like, it sounds like he was like going, going, going, going, going. And then a ting just walked in and was like, take me. And he said the end. He just wrote the end and then charged it. Yeah. I like the director went home as well.

Yeah, the direct, I could see where you're going, especially with like the music score and like the camera work. It was different. It was different. It was different. It was good. The daughter, the black daughter. Yes. What a bitch. What an absolute bitch. Yeah.

Mahashala Ali, whatever. How do you pronounce his name? Actor. Actor, yeah. He acts his tits off. He does act. He really does. I loved Ethan Hawke's character as well. When he said about the, I could tell when they first arrived because he tried to get the whiskey cabinet before. But as soon as he was diggling keys, I was thinking, he's going to make him a whiskey. He's going to make him a whiskey. He made him that cocktail and I was like, rawr!

That's a cocktail. Godfather or something. Yeah, man. It was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I enjoyed it, man. It was good. Good movie. Glad. But yeah. Anyway, guys. Until next week. Oh, we didn't even do an introduction. It's fine. No, do it now. Yeah, do an intro. Do an intro now.

Right guys, welcome back in the new year of 2024. Thank you for joining us today. I am your co-host James. I'm your co-host Philo Fwaggs. If you enjoy our content and would like to enjoy some more of it, please head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. It's going to only cost you £3 a month. 10p a day. Please run the P to S&G and indoctrinate yourself into this culture, man. Into this club, into this cult. Be a top boy, a top girl. And yeah, man, it's a vibe and it's popping off. Facts.

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But yeah, without any further ado, love, love, love. The most powerful designer drugs are the digital ones we use daily. And we get high off them when touch, tap, like, scroll at a time. You know, just like tech creators want us to. Use digital without digital using you. Learn more at sync.ithra.com.

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