MOST EMBARRASSING STORIES! | EP 439
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- How'd you even learn massive? - Spell massive then. - Spell massive. - If you know how to use it. - Can we do something like brain activity wise to wake me up? - Brain activity. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Sure. - Yeah. I feel like I'm low on energy. - Do you want to go bar for bar? - Cool, let's go. - What song? Oh, you actually, I wasn't even spitting. I was just thinking about a song. Like she says she wants some.

While you are asleep. She says she wants some. She says she wants some. Oh, Marvin Gaye. Some.

- I don't know what the song is. - ♪ You're the Vandross ♪ - Yeah, yeah, of course, of course! - I'm awake now, I'm awake now, thank you, thank you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, cool. - Yeah. - I genuinely thought you meant bar for bar for bar. - We can go bar for bar for bar. - I mean, we can try. - What's the, you wanna go like ZS and B-Luke? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can try. - I didn't even know how we would begin that. - We need a beat, but then we'd have to do a cappella 'cause it's YouTube. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you even do that? - I don't know, just pick a,

Pick a word, random word generated thing. Yeah. Pick a random. I'm going to drink my pre-workout. I'm so nervous. Ellis, you getting involved? Yeah. So what are we doing? We're going to run bars on a random word thing. Okay. So I guess what? Someone has to start with a word and we're just doing rhymes? So rhyme time basically. Timetable. Don't belittle it to rhyme time, please. I'm just clarifying in terms of rules. Concentrate. Oh my God.

- Okay, run it again, 'cause concentrate is hard. - It's the coincidental, 'cause I'm trying to concentrate. - Argument. - Argument. - Argument. - I don't even know how this game goes. - Yeah, obviously. - Okay. - Just freestyle it. - Oh yeah, go, go. - All right, do you want me to start? - Go, go, go, I'm watching. - Right. Argument. Right, argument. I said argument. Sitting here trying to figure out what you meant. I'm trying to be harder in a game, just like cement. Cement, hard as rock.

- I can't not think of cock. - I can't not think cock. - And it still rhymes. - Yeah, yeah. - And it still rhymes. - Oh God. - We have to charge this game. It was a terrible start, it's not gonna go anywhere. - We need, it has to have a beat. - A beat, it has to have a little beat. Argument, argument. - Yeah. - I hear what you meant. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I hear you.

- I can't not think of cock. - Can't not think of cock bro. Sorry, there's a rock. - Are you awake? - I'm awake. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm awake for embarrassment. - Yeah. - My body bust is shut down. I'm awake for embarrassment.

- Shame. - That's hilarious. - Right. - Guys, girls, welcome back to the best show on YouTube ever. Question of the week this week is, what's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of somebody else? And the responses were very, very, very palatable. What you got for me? - Palatable? All right, so first of all, straight, so,

Bare people that I saw was like, I got pants. I got pants. I got pants. Typical. This person said, pull my trousers down and underwear and held them down with their foot. It's the most traumatic thing I can possibly imagine. Held it down with their foot. You get pants and someone holds it down with their foot. So you have to bend over and fight their foot. Cheeks out. Cheeks tanning.

- Arsehole spread, you man. - That has to be a bloodbath of a fight. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't even like run away and then throw yourself out. You're pinned. I'll be throwing elbows, bro. - Everything. - Yeah. - Everything. - Dick's just sick. - Yeah, everything. I'll be throwing everything at that motherfucker. That's not okay. - No, you won't recover from that. - You can't recover from that. It's unfortunate. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else?

My dad talking about my mum's affair in front of my boss who was buying my car. Just airing out the family, family truths. - Digging up that family dirt bro. Just shut up. - Why are we selling the car? Your mum used to do a ting in there with next man. So it has to go. It reminds me of him and her. - Yeah, she left and she took half to spend on him. That's why we're selling this car.

- Have your wife ever cheated on you? - Oh, stop it. - Yeah. - That's how they get that combo going. - So jarring bro. - Jesus Christ. - Right. Most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else. My mom backhanded me in front of my girlfriend at the time because my girlfriend didn't greet her when she came in the house. - That's so African. - Yes. Swear. - She, the mom backhanded the son because the girlfriend didn't greet the mom. - The mom, yeah.

- Yeah. - Backhanded? - Yeah. - Your girlfriend's fucking rude. - Yeah, you should've. - Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

I went to school, bought some sweets, blah, blah, blah. But my mum was missing money, so my pops came to school. Mid-school, you know, not post-natal, mid-school. I was in year five, I think. Yeah, he came and he was like, oh, who had your dad's here? I was like, all right. Went to see him. He's like, show me your bag. I was like, okay. He ran through, he saw some sweets, said, cool, I'm gonna pick you up after school. I said, say less.

So going to the car and obviously I already knew I'd gone. Went to the shop, asked the owner, "Oh, did this boy come in here to buy some sweets?" He said, "Yes, he bought." Before he finished the sentence, bah, down the aisle, up the aisle, yeah. Down the aisle, I was scattering sweet corn tins, I was scattering chew, I was scattering everything. The guy didn't do nothing. - I'm surprised you had energy to be embarrassed.

- I was embarrassed in the moment. I was embarrassed after the fact, 'cause I was trying to see straight. See what I'm saying? - Yeah, 100%. - And the peak thing is my aunt was begging my dad to stop the punishment. But ironically, I stole money from my aunt, not my mom. That weekend I stole money from my aunt, not my mom. - Oh, bro. - Just for sweets. Yeah, it was long. - Teething for sweets was... - It was long. - Yeah, I think...

I can't even think of the most embarrassing thing. Obviously, the NLE chopper thing is one of the most. That's one of the top three most embarrassing things that's ever happened in my life. I'll never live it down. Central Sea? Central Sea didn't happen to anyone but me. Okay. No one saw what was happening. Okay, okay, okay. I was the only one who clocked it. Okay. NLE was in public and his whole crew saw what happened. Entourage was there, yeah. I think the only other thing I can think of is my...

Two things. One, my bike got stolen by year 11 when I was in year seven. And my mum drove me around, drove me around the ends for time asking strangers where he lives with me in the passenger. Nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah. Yeah, I won't even out his name. But yeah, she drove me around.

my area stopping anyone that was our age or above or below and just said, "Do you know where such and such lives?" And they'll be like, "No." And she'll be like, "Cool." And then she'll be like, "Because he stole my son's bike." And I'll be sat there like, "Mom, please stop." Charge the bike, mom. The bike's gone. We're over it. Person after person after person after person after person. - Damn. What would you do if you were in your mom's position? You were the dad. - I would charge the bike, bro. My son comes home and says, "A big boy stole my bike."

I said, do you know where he lives? No. What am I supposed to do? What if he knows where he lives?

- Would you actually go there? - Yeah, facts. A year 11. - Fair play. - When I'm what, 40? - Fair, good on you. - 100%. I'll kick that door down. Are you fucking mad? So my son's bike, bro, you fucking mental. Get your dad out here. Get your fucking dad out here. Yeah, I would smack him up. But yeah, if we don't know where he lives. - What can we do? - What can we do? It's hey, serves you right. Yeah, but I remember my boys told me, don't give him the bike. 'Cause he obviously came up and said, let me borrow your bike.

And they were like, don't let him borrow your bike. And I was like, what am I supposed to say? He's in year 11. - He's in year 11. - He's grown. - He towers over me. - He's great. He's gonna push me off it. I'd rather just give it to him. And they were like, you ain't seen that bike again. And I thought they were joking. But luckily, well, not even luckily, GDPR needed to be a thing back then because my stepdad, I think I've told you, I've told this story here before. I came home and the bike was there. And my stepdad was like, I got your bike.

He said he went to my school, asked the school receptionist for Donny's address because he stole my bike and then went to his address and got the bike. - That's illegal. - They just freed up a child's address to a random guy. - Yeah, that's insanity. - That's illegal. Bro, illegal is the word. - Insanity. Wow. - Yeah, mental. - Wow. - Mental. - Anyway, what's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to, what's the most embarrassing thing that someone has done to you that's happened in front of someone else?

She said, you like my tongue all up on your ass, don't you? In front of the homies. And she never even ate my ass. She never even ate my ass. She never even ate my ass. She's just saying shit. That's embarrassing, man. Brother, it is embarrassing. And what was that Kevin Hart skit? Well, man, it was not even a skit, but a bit, um,

when you said when you beefing with your girl and when you're on like a double date thing, you're beefing with your girl. And then she was like, oh, and she freed him up about, oh, what did she say? - I know. - Like. - Yeah. It sounded like, well, you was eating my ass last night. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't saying that when I was eating your ass or some shit like that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, when you was eating my ass. Yeah, he wasn't saying that shit when you was eating my ass last night. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. I remember. - It was just there like, oh. - I'm not hearing that. - Yeah. - You what? I'm not hearing that. - You weren't saying that when you were eating my ass last night.

- That's nuts. - She wants to get chosen by me again. - Yo, what's wrong with us? - We're too sympatic. - Yeah, what's wrong with us? That's not allowed to turn us on. - Yeah, bah! - It's not allowed. We're talking about an argument. We're talking about embarrassment and argument. - And my dick's twitching, why? - Better help, man. Better help.

- That's hilarious. - For God's sake. She didn't even eat my heart. If you're gonna say shit like that, you're better off eating it. Yeah, at least I can come back and say you got the shit tongue. - Yeah. - You got doo doo tonsils, but you didn't even eat it. That's fucking jarring, bro. - Oh my God. - Right.

- Right, I got up to get off the bus and it jerked as I was walking down the aisle. I went to grab the seat and ended up grabbing this woman's head. - That would ensue violence because they don't, the person doesn't know what you were on. - They're throwing hands. They're throwing hands, get the fuck off my head. - Head? - And you'll grab it with, you don't wanna fall. - You're dreading it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's dread that the human body doesn't allow you to just fall. - You have to. - Yeah, you have to grab shit and anyone's head can get it, pause.

- Yeah, it's mad. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? Was on a day at a park and my older brother ran past shouting, she Googled how to kiss. - No. - That's embarrassing. - Stop. She Googled how to kiss. - That's embarrassing. - Yeah, bro. - You can't forgive your sibling for that. - No, no, no, no. - You can never forgive your sibling for that. - That's what's keeping Taekwondo lessons in business.

- Sibling wars. - He ran, fan fact, he ran through saying she Googled how to kiss and died off. - That's the most embarrassing thing I can possibly imagine. - Oh my God. - I would die. - Yeah, so would I. So would I. - Oh, I'm so glad me and my brother never had that rapport. This embarrassed for embarrassed. - Yeah, me and my sister never had that at all to be honest. - I'll never forget my brother when he was a youth. Speaking of embarrassment, it wasn't for me when my brother was a youth.

He was a little chatterbox Okay You you Like I'm talking like five Okay Little chatterbox He We were With my mum And like some of her friends one day And we were chilling And then my brother came downstairs And screamed at the top of his lungs

My dad's name is such and such. He's got a massive willy. - I think you've said this before. - Yeah. - What the fuck? Yeah, I think you've said this before. - Gob smacked. - Yeah, I fucking imagine. - My mum was mortified. - I bet. - Yeah. - I bet. - Mortified and . - Yeah! - You know what I do. - Come on, man. Yeah, that's, my dad could have never been there. He would've like, "Shush, you're so silly." - And he'd look at all the young women, "Shush, shush!" - "Are you freeing up business?"

- How'd you even learn massive? - Spell massive then. - Spell massive. - If you know how to use it. - You. - Oh, that's hilarious. - Oh yes, my one. A homeless boy spat on my face unprovoked. I was just walking with my friend after school. I wouldn't know what to do. I honestly wouldn't know what to do. I'm not taking anyone's spit, let alone homeless spit. - I wouldn't know what to do, James. - I know you wouldn't. I know it would be stuck in your beard for time.

That would break me down to my core. Of course it would. Spit. He's got stuff in his mouth as well. I know that spit stinks as well. Stinks. Oh, man. I know that spit stinks. That would ruin my day. Yeah, that would ruin my week. Fuck. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? Someone introduced me to a group and completely forgot my name. I would want the world to swallow me whole.

- That is embarrassing. That's embarrassing. You just have to be like, oh yeah, FooHad, FooHad, FooHad, FooHad. - This is... - Fuck. - Fuck. - Fafah. - Yeah! - Fafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafafaf

Oh, for fuck's sake. - Fee fie for hard is crazy. - Fee fie for fun. No, that's fucking embarrassing, man. - That's a piss time. - I remember when there was one time I went to my ex's, she was my girlfriend at the time's house when I was like 19, something like that. Her mom was there. I'd met her like a hundred times. - The Marge or? - I've met the mom. - Oh, so yeah, the Marge obviously. - I've met the mom a hundred times, but my,

My girlfriend at the time had some friends over. So I came round, all of them were there. The mum was in the kitchen, all the girls were in the kitchen. I walked in and the mum said, "You're right, Jason. We've been together a year." - What did you say? - You don't reply. I said, "You're right." I said, "You're right." I didn't want to cause a scene. The girls were sweeted. You're right, Jason. - Plot twist. There is a Jason. - No, there was.

Because I asked, who the fuck is Jason? And then she was like, she was laughing, innit? And then she was like, bear in mind, same ex that gave me the ex's boxes, by the way. She was laughing. She was like, I have a friend called Jason. My mom's met him a hundred times. He's mixed race as well. Like you literally nothing alike, but like she's older than that, innit? That was her bar. All the girls in there were laughing, bro. Sorry, bro. Do you know how little of a man you have to be and to feel?

that the marge that you've met a hundred times is like you're right jason sorry bro i'm supposed to do what you can't even get a fuss yeah i can't give a fuss i can't say who the fuck is jason yo facts i can't say nothing oh

- Sorry bro. - 'Cause also you're fighting such an uphill battle. - You are. - So even if I was to step up and be like, "Who the fuck is Jason?" She'd be like, "I thought it was you." "That's not even you, so who are you?" - Why are you in my house? Why are you in my house? - 'Cause I'm greeting Jason. Who the fuck are you? - So who the fuck are you? - I'd scream! - Who the fuck are you? - Oh for fuck's sake man.

- That would, I'd have to laugh along because this all has to be a joke. This all has to be a joke. Oh my God. - Oh God. - I wouldn't be able to wait to tell you, man. It'd be the funniest thing. I'm so angry inside. - Yeah bro, who the fuck are you? - Fuck sake. - Too funny, man. Fuck sake. - All right, you go. - Right.

I took my brother's iPhone 12 back in 2022 to get a girl's number and everything was going fine and she was typing in her number and he shouted from across the street, hurry up and bring me back my phone. Across the street is wild. That's intentional. Yeah, facts. He's a hater, bro. Intentional hater, man. Hurry up and bring me back my fucking phone. Oh.

Why do siblings find it funny to embarrass siblings in front of the opposite sex? Because they're just assholes, bro. Why? They're just assholes, man. Why, man? It's just... It is what it is, man. It is what it is, man. Don't get a dub, man. Don't get a dub. What's the most embarrassing thing someone else has done to you in front of someone else? We were at dinner and I accidentally called my girl's mum, babe. Yeah, I would hate that. Babe, can you pass the broccoli?

- Babe. - Who the fuck is babe? - Babe. And the girlfriend's like, babe. - Mom would be like, babe. And the girlfriend's like, babe? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're a fumble. And you're like, no, no, no, like babe. But like, obviously Mrs. Babe. - Mrs. Babe. - Mrs. Babe. No, no, babe, like not babe, babe. Like. - You'll be talking yourself into trouble. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah. - I'd be like, I fucked up. - Yeah, charge. - Charge, charge, charge. It was a mistake. - Charge, charge. - Yeah. Typical vernacular, I'm sorry. It was typical vernacular. - Oh my God. Right.

I was told to empty my bag in front of the whole class. As the process was going on, a condom fell out. I wanted the ground to open that day. - Open that day, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Depending on the year you're in. - Yeah. It's also crazy that it's embarrassing. - Sexual health is embarrassing? - Sexual health is embarrassing. - Yeah, facts. - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, facts. - Like, Donny's actively banging.

- Or Izzy. That's the peak thing. I'm bringing myself back to year 10, James. If I'm seeing a Johnny in someone's bag, I'm a hater. 'Cause I'm a virgin, obviously. I'm a hater. So I've seen a Johnny in there and I'm the first one to be like, "You don't even need that. Why are you trying to flex carrying a condom everywhere? You don't need that shit." I'm a hater. And I would be thinking Donnie's actively banging and I'm upset.

Ass jar. Yeah. Sexual health is embarrassing for no reason. It doesn't make sense. For no reason. Especially if the girl has a condom. Sexy. When you're, yeah. When you're in year 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's already strapped. Yeah. Yeah. It's a negative connotation as well.

- Yeah. - Especially in them secondary school days. - Yeah, I remember. Oh, of course bro. 100% negative connotation. I remember there was a girl who got bullied one time because she slept around her boyfriend's house the day before. I remember I was in year 10, she was in year 11 and she'd left her, this is horrible. She'd left her bag in the science class. I've told you before innit? And the girls ransacked that bag. They were like, whose bag is this? And they pulled one book out, saw whose it was.

ransacked that bag and she had her underwear from the day before because she slept at a man's house they you know when you watch game of thrones and they they they hang people's heads in front of the thing for everyone to see that's how their man were treating underwear yeah they put it they pinned it on like a notice board with like her her name on it and they said um i can't remember the guy's name i wouldn't be it anyway but it said such and such stinky panty

I don't know why that makes it funny. Such and such stinky panty in Patois. It was dread, bro. This is why.

- She's just trying to change her underwear, bro. - Yeah. - And see her man. - Yeah, this is why people lose their minds in school sometimes. Like she could have come back to school ready. - Oh, bro. - Ready. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, ready for anything. - Anything. - Yeah, shards of glass in her knuckles. - Yeah, you wanna embarrass me? I'm gonna take the whole school down. You feel what I'm saying? - Yeah. - No, it's board. - Ha. - Stinky panty. - Impatwa. - Impatwa. Nah, bro, it's arms.

- Fuck. - Take my name off the board now. - Oh, if I take your life. - Yeah. - Yeah, man. You can't play with people like that, man. - You can't bro, it's not fair. - It's just not fair. - Fuck sake. Oh my God. - All right, my last one I'm gonna do. What's the most embarrassing thing someone has done to you in front of someone else? I had a one night stand hiss at me in front of my new girlfriend. - What, you? - Hiss. - Oh, hiss at me.

- Like you're a fucking snake type. - No, no, no, shut up. - Hiss at me. That's insane. That's insane. - Right, last one. Most embarrassing thing someone has done in front of someone else. My mother gave birth to me in a room full of men. What a tramp. - The bar tramp back in the day? It would take you so far. - It's too funny bro. - You tramp.

- Wow, like hit home. - Yeah. - What, tramp? - You could call the tramp like here. - Yeah, bro, you tramp. Bro, tramp back in the day was the bar, bro. Look at you fucking tramp. - For fuck's sake. - Bro, it means bad things, bro. - It does. - It means you're a little tart and it also means you stink.

- Homeless motherfucker. - Bro, I remember after rugby one day, I wore my PE trainers home with my school uniform on. No, it was the opposite way around. I had my PE kit, but my school shoes on. - You're an idiot. You're an idiot for that. - Bro, I couldn't be bothered to get changed. PE was the last subject. We played rugby, I was covered in mud and I couldn't be bothered because I only had my rugby boots. So that's why I didn't wear my trainers. I only had my rugby boots. So I put my Wall-E bees back on.

I made it two steps outside. So I was like, look at you fucking tramp. I would have frozen. I love it, man. With my high socks. Look at you fucking tramp. School shoes with PE kit. Anyone can get it. Thanks, bro. Unless I didn't make it two steps. Fuck, man. I remember. So I don't know if you remember the converses, them leather converses that were like ankle high.

- I do remember. - Yeah. - Yeah, I do remember. - I owned two pairs of those shorts, the white ones and the black ones. This was like post-uni. I remember I was leaving wireless. I think this maybe was in Hyde Park. So we're probably talking about 2015, 2016 type. I remember leaving, someone from across the road shouted at me, said, "Look at his fucking long shoes, the fucking clown." - Sorry.

- I was mortified. I never wore them again. - Oh, you were saying? - Both of them got dashed. - The fucking clown. - Brother. - Are you joking me? - I didn't know what was so unprovoked. - Yeah, was you? - But I clearly provoked him 'cause I wore the crepes. I provoked him 'cause I wore the clown crepes. - Look at his long shoes, a fucking clown.

- Across the road, brother. He was in a car as well. He said it sped off. - No, of course he was in a car. You ain't got confidence to say that on street like that. - Fuck, man. - I played Kirby with your head, bro. What do you mean? That's my weight. - Fuck, bro. - The fucking clown. - Yeah. I just had to firm it. I keep going. I look down at my shoes and I said, "Fair. Fair, I can't wear these again." - That's dread, bro. - I can't wear these again. - That's fucking dread. I remember one time, this is completely unrelated. I'm just thinking about embarrassing moments. There was one time I was in basketball practice.

And you know where like you start basketball practice and then you get all the balls out the cage and everyone's shooting about and then it's time to start. And coach is like, put the balls away. It was my year and the year above we were training together. One of the bullies in the year above, everyone put their ball away. I was the last one to put the ball in the cage. One of them dashed, one of them called me and dashed the ball and it smacked me clean in my nose.

- When I say everyone was howling, smacked me clean on my face and because it hit my sinus just right, my eyes were streaming and he goes, "Look, he's fucking crying." - It hit my sinus just right. - It lit my sinuses and the tears were streaming and he's a fucking bully. And he was like, "Look, he's fucking crying." And everyone was like,

- And the teacher was there. - The teacher was there. Bro, and they were like, "Come on guys, stop. Stop messing around. He's not crying." And I'm like, "No, I'm not crying, bro." - For fuck's sake, man. I was embarrassed. - Secondary school is a jungle. It's a jungle, no matter the decade. It's a jungle. - Yeah, it's not nice in there. - Bro, and I was like,

I was calm, all things considered. I was fine in terms of my social standing and I still got it. Ellis, what would you say to your school? - In terms of what? - Like where, in the pecking order. - Popularity. - I was, I was in the nerdy group, right? But I was sound with the popular guys. - Fair. - Okay. - So like people knew me and stuff, but it wasn't like close, close, but it was like, yeah, sound. So it was all right, man. - Did you do anyone's homework?

- Nah, 'cause I was like gamer smart. I wasn't like- - Okay, 'cause you said you were nerd. I didn't know what road you were going down. - I was more like gamer sort of nerd rather. Everyone would come to me if they wanted to complete a campaign.

- Fair, fair. - You know? - Fair. - We wanted a certain, you know, Black Ops 1 days and stuff like that. Oh, how do you beat this mission? Cool. - All right, fair play. That's a good end. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was all right, man. - We weren't asking that kind of questions then. - We weren't. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We didn't have it then. - We didn't have it then, bro. Yeah, we didn't have the consoles to be asking the nerds while going for this and that. - Yeah, I had a nice middle ground. It was nice, yeah. - Sounds fair play. - School was cool. - I found out one of my boys was secretly playing Yu-Gi-Oh! with the nerds one time. - I bet that didn't go down well. - It didn't.

It didn't. He tried to confide in man as well. That's how I found out. He tried to confide in man. He was like, oh, bruv, you know, you know, you, I was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been looking into it and I was like, okay, what does that mean? And he was like, yeah, like, you know, there was a group of, there was a guy called Sean, a guy called Chris, a guy called, uh,

and a guy called Lee. He was like, "You know that man there?" I was like, "Yeah." He's like, "They play it." And I was like, "Yeah, I know." I see them at lunchtime casting all kinds of spells. He was like, "Yeah, I went round Donny's house the other day and we ran it for a bit." I was like, "What?" - Pardon? - Yeah, he was like, "No, my deck's not where it needs to be, but it was all right still, you should pull up." I was like, "Shut the fuck up, man. Shut the fuck up."

- They don't invite me to play Yu-Gi-Oh! with your little boyfriends. - With your little boyfriends. - This time me and my brother were locked in on Yu-Gi-Oh! - I know! - We were locked in on Yu-Gi-Oh! - You just can't let the streets know. - I can't let the streets know that. I thought it was a trap. - Oh, facts! - I thought he was trying to trick me. Me and my brother were balls deep in Yu-Gi-Oh! at home. Now stayed under one roof. - Yeah, see what I'm saying? Second school's a jungle, man. - It is. - It's a jungle. - Yeah.

Fuck's sake. I went to his yard and ran a couple games with them. Yeah. He said they were helping me out on my deck. I was like, man, get your dick out of your fucking mouth, bro. Stand up. You and your little boyfriends.

- Fuck. That's too funny. - Guys. - Factual girls, man. - Happy Monday, man. - Fun day. - Welcome back. - Indeed. - If you're here and you enjoy the good vibes, please, please, please head on over to patreon.com/shitsandgeeks. We have amazing content over there. All the things that we'd like to talk about, that we like to do, or that we would like to do, or learn, or get better at, we do it over there on our infamous one of a kind show called The Log Cabin.

- Fuad and I recently competed in our second part of a cooking challenge on there. - We did. - So if you wanna catch the first part, head on over there right now. It's patreon.com if you didn't hear me, forward slash shits and gigs. I recently nearly lost a finger on part two. It has recovered, thanks for asking. - You're welcome.

- Yeah, it's good vibes. On top of the Locked Cabinet Show, we have extra content every Thursday where we are not obligated to stick to the rules of YouTube and Spotify where you're not allowed to play music or listen to or watch other people's videos or do whatever. You can do what you want on Patreon and that's what we do. So head on over there. One more time from the top, patreon.com/shitsandgigs. Contribute a humble three pound a month, run the P and your daddies will take it from there. - Factual.

Without any further ado, can I start the episode today by saying something semi, semi erotica slash fan fiction? Okay. You mind as well? Yeah, me and Phil went to the gym the other day. Yesterday, actually. Fan fiction is... Okay, go on. Go on. Because you started this with reality. And you're saying fan fiction erotica. I don't know where this is going. We went to the gym yesterday. Yeah. And basically, I'm sure that... Long story short...

I'm sure, I haven't seen few of those DMs, but I'm sure sometimes they're flooded with girls just offering throat. Now and again, I'm sure that's what happens. - Where have you come to this conclusion? - Well, let me nod. - All right, sorry. - I'm premising something here. - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. - So now and again, I'm sure the DMs are like, yeah, yeah, throat this, like tongue that, cheeks this, like whatever that, you know? Which I think is great, but I don't get invested in it.

So we went to the gym yesterday and I was really excited. Well, not excited, but basically, you know how funny I find Fruit has reactions to things. And we'd never been in a sauna together before. And we were like, oh, we're gonna go in the sauna. Sauna's obviously hot. And I sat there giggling to myself thinking we're gonna get in there and he's gonna last about 30 seconds before he kisses his teeth and storms out. And I'm gonna laugh and laugh and laugh. And then I'm gonna follow him like a little pussy. 'Cause I'm assuming by myself.

I'm obviously not gonna sit there by myself. And when he did leave, I did follow him like a pussy. So we got in there now and I'm waiting for this kiss of the teeth. It's been about seven minutes and we're sitting there and I look over to gaze at Fuhad and he looked like a lion about to take down a gazelle. He was sat like this with a towel on and the light just cut off.

Just cut off where, yeah, where the goods would be, right? I gazed over and he was looking, he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at something. - I was looking at the tiles on the floor. - Yeah, but it looked like he was staring at prey. And he was hunched forward and there was a luscious V of sweat that went from his collarbone straight down to his abdominals and pubic bone. And I was like, that's a drink of chocolate. That just is.

I'm objective enough to understand what I'm looking at from fresh eyes. That's a drink of chocolate if anyone's ever seen one. And I'm not going to lie to you, bro. Jesus. It made me fix my posture.

'Cause before I was sat like this. I was sat like the Greek dons in there, man. Just sat there. Just taking the heat, bro. God, doing whatever I wanted. As soon as I saw that, I sat straight and I pinned my shoulders back. I pinned my shoulders back like that and let the breast do the talking. So I was like, wow, we're not the same today. We're not the same today. He's got bloodlust in his eyes. - Drink of chocolate, James, man.

But yeah, anyway, that's all I wanted to say. That's hilarious. You look like After Eight yesterday. Well played. Thank you, G. It was a very, very, very, very, very good session. It was sick. Yeah, haven't been to the Sword in a while. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Enjoyed it, man. Good times. Fair play, gang. Good times, good times. Right, you've got a thread for us today, no? I do. So this thread is...

this is a tweet that says, what's the best way to calm down a woman? And KevOnStage is reacting to this tweet. - God, I love KevOnStage. - But I didn't even list, so do I, he's heavy, he's jokes. But I looked at the comments of this. So the thread is the comments. So what's the best way to calm down a woman? First comment, "Retitle this as the quickest way to meet Jesus." Next comment, "Instructions unclear, I'm in the ICU."

- Bro, that's fucking jokes. - Next one, funeral homes rubbing their hands like Birdman. - Nah, don't sue me. - The next one, Kevon divorce. Fuck. - Fuck, fuck, that's funny.

- Oh, brother. - I saw the video. 'Cause his commentary was sweet to me. - Okay. - Have you seen the actual video? - No, I've not. - Bro, he's on about talking about, yeah, this is what you need to do. Saint John's like, "Calm down. Calm down. You're doing too much. Why are you so upset? Relax, man." - Oh, it's the funniest, funniest, funniest thing. Another one said, "This advice is population control." - Facts.

- Bro, telling someone to relax or telling a girl you need to calm down is triggering. It's triggering, but no one's willing to warn young men what they're getting into, into manhood. 'Cause I didn't, it's trial and error. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I found out this the hard way, like I'm sure everyone does. I just found out like, don't say calm down to your girlfriend. - To be fair, I don't think I ever found out through like,

face-to-face experience. I think it was more sort of a case of when you see a lot of like socials or like shows or whatever, and you say to a woman, calm down, their reaction is like, oh, rah. So this is how they react to that word. So I don't think I've ever said it. Oh, I've said it, bro. But I feel like it's one of them ones where I've said it in jest, not in like a serious ting. So I've never been any repercussion. I've said it like, the first time I said it was when one of my, this is her fault. But...

I had, I think I've told this before. This is again when I was younger, like 18, 19. I was on a night out with my girlfriend at the time, with my friends, but she was out as well. And she was dancing and I saw a br'er, I saw a br'er pull up on her and she had had a couple of drinks. And I'm pretty sure she span around and gave him one of them. Two fingers in his head and I was like, oh. That's too much. Way too much. Yeah, okay.

And then he was like, the fuck? So they're beefing, beefing, beefing. And I'm thinking, I have a feeling she's done this intentionally because she knows I'm here. And I'm just going to swoop in and do some shit. When I say I literally walked over there dragging my feet, like, let's go get punched in the face. So obviously pulled it up, pulled up. She was going off. And then I remember he was like, bro, tell your fucking girl to relax. Stop, stop, stop.

And then she was going off, off, off. And I remember saying, fucking relax, man. Calm down. Why are you doing all this? And she was like, calm down. As soon as I heard that, I was like, ah. Fucked up. Yeah, I fucked up. That's why I learned it, bro. Calm down. Calm down. Yeah, nah, never. Damn. Nah, never. Damn, damn, damn. Yeah, it didn't work. It never does. It literally never does. It literally never does. No one's ever told their girl, calm down, man. And then be like, okay.

- It just doesn't work. - It just doesn't work like that. - Yeah, they double down. - Yeah, damn. And the more you plead, the worse it gets. - The plead is crazy. - Yeah, it's nuts. - Yeah, that's nuts. - Right. You had something you wanted to talk about, right? - I do have something I want to talk about. Guys, girls, I have watched three and four. - Oh, of Star Wars? - Star Wars, yes. - Put us on, bro. - I have watched three and four. So I've watched...

- The Return of the Jedi. And I have watched, what's the Anakin backstory one? - Oh, the episode one? - Episode one. - Oh, no, no, no, no. Episode one is called, oh, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me. Star Wars episode one is called,

- "Phantom Menace"? - "Phantom Menace". - "Phantom Menace". - It is with Darth Maul. Yeah, it is. - Movie! - I have notes. You man, I have notes. - Go on, go on, go on, go on. - So. - Oh, okay, cool. So. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have notes, I have notes, I have notes. - Princess Leia, go on. - So, I retract my statement about calling Princess Leia a slag. I retract my statement. So, obviously,

As I'm late to the party, we now all know that Leia and Luke are siblings. Twins. Twins. I didn't know that. Oh, sorry. Yeah, they're twins. Okay, I didn't know that. So I was, I can only imagine, when I saw that scene, even I was like, fucking hell, what a plot twist. But I can only imagine what it was like in 19-whatever when they made it. Like, that's a plot twist.

twist. Yeah, fam. I can't imagine what the theatre would have been like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I would say, I'm in love with Darth Vader's character. I'm so invested in his story that he's just an...

on job villain. And I love it. Obviously, yes, he dies in episode three or the third movie, episode six or whatever it is, or seven. But I'm so, so, so invested in his shit, man. Like, I remember there was a scene, this is one of the earliest scenes in the movie, in the third movie. He's pulling up to one of the dons in the ship and he's like, you might, obviously I'm paraphrasing,

you might have been up recently so i'm gonna get the emperor to come through so you might really know what it's on and then the music just starts and he's just walking off i'm thinking yeah i i sat up thinking yeah he's on smoke oh yeah definitely on small classic villain bro and by white don't like is the fact that they use james l jones joins his voice but it's not him playing

Darth Vader. You see what I'm saying? But it obviously makes sense because Luke is white. He has to be white, whatever. But the voice is clean. The voice acting is fucking clean. - James Earl Jones is also overweight. - Oh, so, or was. - Or was. - But I don't know how, was he overweight then? Like then? - He's always been overweight. - Yeah, I think he's always been. - Oh, fair play, I didn't know. What I didn't like in Return of the Jedi

the regeneration of Han Solo that special effects. Oh, awful. Yeah. Just some beam of red light and he just fell down. Yeah, awful. Also, remember when like at the time where he got regenerated, he like lost his vision for like five minutes or whatever.

I don't know if you remember. - I don't remember. - Yeah, so you couldn't see properly or whatever. So then they were trying to dash him somewhere. But two minutes before that, he clocked that it was Leah that like was helping him out. He kissed Leah and said, "Oh my God, Leah, whatever, whatever." And then five minutes later, he was like, "Oh." Someone was talking to him, he was like, "I can't see, I can't see." He was like, "Where's, where's?" It's not adding up. - Yeah. - It's not adding up, you know? - Cool. - It's not adding up.

Yeah, even though Darth Vader had minimal, not minimal scenes, but like his scenes were a lot shorter than the story and the journey of Luke, Leia, Han and all of them. But I was so invested in Darth Vader, bro. He is such a good, like you just listen when he's talking and I rate it. I fucking rate it. Now, Phantom Menace.

- In my opinion, okay, also in my opinion, "Return of the Jedi" is the best out of the first three, in my opinion. I checked on IMDB and I was disappointed at where it was at. It's the lowest out of the three. They think, I said they, the people that voted think the first one is the best one, which is like, I think it's top 20. I was like, ugh.

Not really for me. That's just my opinion. "Phantom Menace," I think they owe, 'cause this one came out in what, 1999? They overkilled it with the CGI. Obviously, it's different, it's a newer time, there's more money now, but it's so CGI heavy.

because I'm watching it so quick, I can see how different it is. - Fair. - Even though it's obviously getting better, it's just like, "Fucking hell, this is a lot. This is a lot." But I also thought this movie was just okay, but I really, really, really enjoyed the fight between Obi-Wan and Darth Maul. That was a choreographed scene. - When the things between them? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What's his name? Quo? - Qui-Gon Jinn. - Qui-Gon Jinn, he's just waiting, he's just sat there.

- Yeah. - And then it comes, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, that's choreography. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was locked into that. - Yeah, they took the choreography fucking seriously. - Did Darth Maul talk in that movie at all or nah? - Nah, bro, he don't speak. - Intriguing. I also liked the birth of Anakin, obviously his backstory. You realize C-3PO was built to help his mom, all these type of things. So yeah, man, I'm gauging and liking the story so far. In my opinion, I think I'm gonna like

The sixth one release order, not chronological order. I don't know what it's called. Revenge of the Sith? Maybe. The third of the new ones? The third of the new ones. Cause now I'm on number four, but he's number one. Yep. Because obviously Anakin is Darth, right? Yeah. Yeah. So as he gets older, I want to see the transition from,

- Dude, I'm hoping they show the transition. - Oh, yes they do. - Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. 'Cause I'm so invested in Darth Vader. It's unreal. - Bro. - He is a villain. - You'll love it in the third one then. - Okay, that's why I know it's gonna be the best one. - You'll love it. - I know it's gonna be the best one. - You are the chosen one, bro! - Yeah, yeah.

- Oh! - So I'm locked in. I'm locked in. I'm locked in. Yeah, man, that's my synopsis of "Star Wars" so far. So I've watched four movies. I still think number three is the best one so far, "Return of the Jedi." But yeah, locked in still. - Fair, bro. - Locked in still, man. - I need to watch, what's it called? "Phantom Menace" again. 'Cause I...

I loved that movie when I was a kid. - Makes sense. - My dad took us to see it in the cinema. - '99. - Yeah, we went to watch it in the cinema when me and my brother got good grades in our school reports. It's the same day.

I remember he asked us, if we get good reports, what do we want? I asked for a night ticket in my head. The barber fucked it. - Oh, pique. - And then he asked to go watch "Phantom Menace." I got my night ticket and went straight to watch "Phantom Menace." I was locked. - I bet. - I was locked. What was I, eight years old? - Yeah, you would have been eight. - Oh my God, what a time. - Yeah. - That fight, couldn't believe it. Amazing, bro.

You're really gonna like, the second one's actually really good as well. - Okay. - Is that the Clone Wars or Attack of the Clones? - I'm not sure. - What's it called? - Go back, Greg. - Phantom Menace, the first one. Yeah, Attack of the Clones. - Attack of the Clones. - Yeah, it's good. - Okay. - Oh, that's where you see Yoda fight.

ah okay yoda's on fucking stuff bro okay yeah bro okay yeah attack of the clones bro movie and then revenge of the sith huh you're in for a time bro all right emotional roller coaster yeah i'm looking forward to um episode three for sure because i just know anakin slash darth are gonna do stuff yeah the guy who plays anakin in the last two i can't remember the guy's name now

What's the name of the actor that plays Anakin Skywalker? Hayden Christensen. Hayden Christensen. Ha, bro. Yeah. Ha, bro. Damn, he's aged. I'm not surprised, bro. Yeah, to be fair. 43. Yeah. He acts his tits off. Fair. In those last two, in the next two that you're going to watch, acts his tits off. Okay. When you see that turn. Okay. Fuck, man. Okay. You'll take, I'm so, I'm enjoying this.

like your journey through this way more than like you can possibly imagine. - Okay. - 'Cause we're talking about my entire childhood. - Yeah, yeah, fair, fair. - And you're actually living it with like for the first time. - Yeah. - It's so exciting bro. - Yeah. - Wow. - 'Cause like I said, I've only ever seen the John Boyega one and I've seen Han Solo or Solo Story rather with Donald Glover. And I've seen maybe one more.

Obviously that I would just watch them as movies. I was watching them contextually. So I had no idea. - Oh my God. You're in for such a treat bro. It's literally the same as like someone coming in here and sitting with us and being like, oh yeah, like I just got to the part where I think he's met this guy called like Jiraiya or something like that.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Say less, say less, say less. - Yeah, bro. - Say less. - That's exactly how I feel right now. Every time you come in and give the updates, I'm like, oh my God. - Say less. - The next bit you're not ready for. - The Jariah, you know. God. - Yeah, fucking hell. Right, to finish off, I've got a dilemma. - Okay, go. - Jesus, I remember this now. I'd forgotten what it was, but I knew I'd added it to my notes for a reason. Listen to this. So, starts off, this is like a three-part tweet.

Starts off. Imagine this dot, dot, dot being eight months pregnant at the night before your doctor's appointment. Your, um, your husband takes you out on a nice date, real fancy restaurant, got your favorite flowers and necklace and a new charm bracelet, comfy new slippers, perfume, um, et cetera, all to end up leaving you the very next morning, 30 minutes before your appointment time.

Backstory. I met this man a few years ago and off the jump, he treated me like a queen. Our very first day was a night out in front of the lake. He was everything I ever wanted my ex to be. I've always acknowledged, bro. What a thing to say. I've always acknowledged my appreciation for him and everything he's done. He's never cheated. He rubs my feet. He rubs my feet and belly faithfully.

- Legit Kate is to me and my every want and need. Fast forward, whilst we were on our date, I snapped pictures and videos of everything and I sent them to my ex. I shared how I wished it was him who did these things for me, how it was him I should have been pregnant for and how I wished he loved me, how I still love him. - Still. - And maybe one day we can come back from this. My husband saw these messages.

Now, I know it was wrong, but I love my husband and don't want to lose him over stupid texts and hormones. I didn't mean those things. I'm just pregnant and emotional. Shut the fuck up. How can I get my husband back? Shut the fuck up. He's packed all his things and some of mine and he's gone. Facts. Facts. Shut the fuck up. Bro. How dare you?

You text your ex saying this could have been us. - Yeah, but you're playing. - I wish you loved me like I loved you. - This baby should be yours.

- Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Why can't you treat me like this? - Why is my husband leaving over emotional texts? I'm hormonal. - Yeah, I'm pregnant and I'm hormonal. - Shut the fuck up. I would lose my fucking mind, you man. - Bro, bro, bro. - That's not a dilemma. - Eight months pregnant. This is us.

Wife, family, house. I love you. I dote on you. I give you everything. And you're about to give me my first child. I can't wait. And I'm seeing on your phone, you're sending your ex thing saying this should be yours, you know? You should be giving me all this shit. I love you and I hope we can come back from this. Where, what does she expect, bro? Like, I really, really wish some people can look at their scenario from a third person's perspective and say,

why people act the way they do. Of course, bro. Because what does she expect from her now ex-husband? Like, what does she expect him to do? You have to leave. Yeah, of course. You have to be gone.

- You have to leave 'cause she's been thinking and wishing you're the ex. - Your own sanity, you have to go. - For years and you never knew. - It's mad to me that you could actually also disassociate from that person in terms of like, yeah, you're getting everything you want. And instead of thinking, wow, this is the one you're thinking, fuck it. If it was only him instead of him, but all this stuff is the same,

- My life will be perfect. - Also, it's also quick how you can switch off as the husband or ex-husband. Now he's like, you saw those messages. - You're charged. - Gone. - Yeah, back to shit and left. - Gone, it's been two, three years. You got you and you're gonna give birth next month. - Yeah, there's nothing to talk about. There is nothing to talk about. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The human brain is crazy. Crazy. Wow, that's not a dilemma. - It's not a dilemma. - Yeah, that's judgment day talk.

Right, guys, that's the episode for today. It is. Thank you so, so much. That was a lot of fun. We appreciate you. Always. We love you. Always. Love of love. Robinhood is introducing forecast contracts so you can trade the presidential election. Through Robinhood, you can now trade financial derivatives contracts on who will win the US presidential election, Harris or Trump, and watch as contract prices react to real-time market sentiment.

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